272 Who Is Lewis Howes? with Mark Shapiro

“I think why I’m here right now is to be a symbol of possibilities for people.” - Lewis Howes If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at http://lewishowes.com/272 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 272. And who is Lewis Howes?

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. And we flip the script around a little bit. My buddy Mark Shapiro has a podcast and he interviewed me for that just came out today at the same time. It's called The One and Only. And I'll have it linked up to how you can check out his podcast as well. It's all about authenticity. Make sure to check it out. He interviewed me and he asked me a lot of incredible questions that I haven't answered on any other interview or any other podcast. And I realized that it told a lot about my story and story about things that people didn't know about my story. So I thought that I would release this on my podcast as well. So you guys could get to know a little bit more about who I am. And some of the things that we talk about

• 1:16Lewis Howes?

  are the prices I've paid or seen others pay for greatness, what my biggest fears are, what failure and success means to me, what I do to ensure my constant growth as a leader, insights into my next book, and much, much more. Again, Mark's a buddy of mine that we've, we've known each other for a few years now. We've been through a lot together, learned a lot, experienced many things, overcome a lot of pain in our, in our lives together through some experiences we went through. And he did an incredible job. So I wanted to share this with you guys and just give you some more insight. For some of you, you might find this extremely interesting. Some others of you, you might find this very boring

• 1:59Lewis Howes?

  to learn more about me. So whatever excites you or interests you, hopefully you find something valuable, some lessons that you can pull from this to apply to your life, your business, your relationships, your health.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Because I share it all. I'm unfiltered. I'm authentic. I share everything here from what Mark asked. And we have a lot happening this year. I'm so excited for this year. Some big plans ahead. Big guests ahead in the next couple of weeks. But for those that are just getting on board, if you missed out, last week I put out a podcast all about how to be a New York Times bestseller. I did a recap of the entire book launch that happened, all the marketing and strategies. So if you're interested in writing a book, make sure to check that out. We'll have it linked up with the show notes at lewishouse.com/272. All right, guys, this is the interview that Mark Shapiro does with me. Make sure to check it out.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  I hope you guys enjoy it, and this is all about who I am. Enjoy.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I'm sitting here with the one and only Lewis Howes. Lewis, how you doing? Okay, man. Thanks for coming over. It's an absolute pleasure to come over. I love hanging out with you. I always get the chance to connect. And we go back a couple of years and, you know, as I get into it, Lewis, I would not be sitting where I am today without you. And I just have so much gratitude for who you are and the difference that you've made in my life. And for everybody who's listening out there, there would be no The One and Only Podcast if it weren't for Lewis Howes. And I'm not just saying that because Lewis is, we did some emotional intelligence workshops a couple of years together.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  And Lewis cared enough about me to tell me that I was playing small, that I wasn't living up to my potential. You told me that I was coming across as a little baby. The exact words that you said was that I was a scared little girl.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  And

• 4:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  You told me that I was inauthentic.

• 4:04Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  And that I was scripted.

• 4:05Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  And I didn't believe it at the time. It took me a day or two to actually set in.

• 4:11Lewis Howes?

  Was this outside at the Radisson? Or where was this?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, at the La Quinta.

• 4:15Lewis Howes?

  La Quinta, okay.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  La Quinta LAX, beautiful, La Quinta LAX. And you challenged me to practice authenticity and then later challenged me to create a workshop on authenticity, which spawned the one and only podcast. And I just wouldn't be where I am today. I probably wouldn't have left Showtime, the six-figure gig, to do what I'm doing if it weren't for you. So

• 4:37Lewis Howes?

  I'm a pop man.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

• 4:39Lewis Howes?

  You're so welcome.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  And Louis, just everything you do, you're just so impressive. You are the biggest dreamer of anyone I know. And it's one thing to have a dream. It's another thing to make a dream a reality.

• 4:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  And you embody that.

• 4:55Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  And on top of that, it's your commitment to others and the difference that you've made in hundreds of thousands of people's lives. Whether they've read your new book, The School of Greatness, whether they've heard your podcast, which is consistently a top-five show on iTunes, whether they've done one of your thousands of webinars, it seems like you're doing those every single day.

• 5:15Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Read your articles, seen you speak, or have had the privilege to meet you in the flesh. You, my friend, you're the real deal.

• 5:24Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're larger than life, passionate, present, curious, caring, and fun.

• 5:34Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  So.

• 5:37Lewis Howes?

  You gotta always remember to have fun. I appreciate it. It means a lot to me.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

• 5:41Lewis Howes?

  Sometimes we go through our own shit that we forget, you know, how we do show up to a lot of people and what we have created. You know, I think a lot of times when I talk to people, they're so stuck in their head and they're concerned and they're afraid about what they're gonna do with their life moving forward or decisions to make. And they continue to beat themselves up about what they're not doing, but I always have them pause and say, look at like everything you just you've created in your life so far. Look at what you created in the last year, last couple of years. You've done some great things. And even me, you know, I get into a place where I'm like, you know, sometimes I don't feel like I'm giving enough or I'm not doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing. Or maybe I'm not being as real or authentic as I should be, or I'm hiding things, or I feel scared.

• 6:24Lewis Howes?

  And I get in my own head sometimes, or like some things will hold me back. And then I have to remind myself, like that reminder was great. Like, wow, actually, yeah, I have done some good things and I've helped people. And I do do these things and it's a good reminder to tell ourselves that even it doesn't matter where we're at or how negative we may feel about ourselves. We're frustrated or uncertain or unclear. Like we always, we've still done a lot of great things leading up to this time, wherever we are in life. And so it's a great reminder. Thank you.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  My pleasure. And it's interesting, the way that you responded right there, because I'm sure people reach out to you every single day to let you know the impact that you've made in their life. So is there something in particular that's on your mind right now that made you have that revelation in the moment?

• 7:07Lewis Howes?

  I think it's just been a lot of, uh, you know, I just got done with this book tour and I like in the last three days, I just got back from Ohio visiting family. And I felt like I finally had a break to just reflect and relax and recover. And I was like, I had like the flu for a few weeks. And, you know, five, five months ago, I'd gone through a breakup and I wasn't, I wasn't sure if I made the right decision. And, and the book tour, I was like, well, am I giving everything I could? And my goal was to be number one New York Times, but I got number two. So am I a failure? You know, it's just like emotional, emotional challenges, like, and I'm like, well, this is what I visualized for eight years and it didn't come true. So now what?

• 7:45Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's just like, so just the different, like, you know, the travel, the frustrations, just like all the stuff that was happening, the ups, the downs at the same time. This was like, oh, it was just a lot.

• 7:57Lewis Howes?

  And it was hard to like, take a reflection and step back and be like, oh crap, I actually have done a lot of great things. And to like, reflect on it. And I'm finally recovering from it. In the last three days, I've just been so fired up for 2016 that I've just been like constantly on the phone, emailing, taking action on what I'm creating. Because for the last three months, I didn't know what 2016 was gonna be. I had no clue what I was gonna do. Like, I just like, to be honest, I can't even think clearly because I'm so focused on what's happening right now. Yeah. Watching the book. And everyone was always asking me, during the book tour, everyone was like, so what's next? No pressure. And I'm like, to be honest, I'm so focused on what's now that I can't even think about 2016.

• 8:38Lewis Howes?

  In the last three days, it's like, I'm getting clarity on what I want to create next year that I'm like, excited. Because I have a direction now as opposed to just like, I don't know. And I think I never like, I don't like feeling like, I don't know. And I don't like being in this like uncertain space of like the direction I'm heading at least. Sometimes I don't always need what, I don't always need to know like what I'm gonna actually be doing, but I just wanna know a direction of where I'm going. And it was about three months ago, I took a four day trip to Hawaii. Yeah, I remember when you went there. And I, and I didn't take my cell phone. I left my cell phone here and my computer here. So I had no electronics on me, no way to connect with anyone. Did that cause anxiety?

• 9:21Lewis Howes?

  Uh, the, the idea of it caused a lot of anxiety of like not doing it, but my team is like, you should do this. If you're actually gonna do detox, leave your phone. And that stressed me out. Since nineteen, no, since 2000. When I got my cell phone, I, I've had my cell phone on me every single day for 15 years in some capacity, you know, it's like been there. Um, I've had access to it every single day. So to not have access to it for four or five days, I was like, what? This is just so foreign. Did you have a computer or something that you could still? Nothing. There you go. No electronics, no computer. You did it right. No work at all. I was like, I remember, because I, it was so funny. I had a, you know, my assistant Sarah like printed off like MapQuest stuff for me to like, noted directions to where the hotel was.

• 10:06Lewis Howes?

  Seriously, old school. Old school, man. And I got to the airport when I landed and I remember thinking like, I didn't write down my.

• 10:13Lewis Howes?

  Rental car information of like where the car was and there was like 20 rental car places. And I was like crap, this would be so easily fixed if I had my phone and just check like trip it and just see like where my rental car was.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  So what'd you do?

• 10:26Lewis Howes?

  So I asked a few different rental car places. I'm like, do you have Lewis Howes in the the name thing or whatever? A few of them were closed and I remember having like, it was like one of three options I remember. Cause I was like, I think we did it with Thrifty. And so.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  It was National, right?

• 10:40Lewis Howes?

  There's something like, yeah, I can't remember. Yeah. But um, one of the people was able to check on the computer and see like where it was and another one. He was like, well, it's not in this one, this one, this one. So it ruled out and it was like down to two. And I was like, okay, I went to the one I thought it was. Um, but it was just like a different experience. I was driving around the island. I got lost a couple of times and I had to pull over in a gas station and ask for directions. It was like, I haven't done this in, you know, however many 10 years since GPS on phones or whatever. So it was just a cool way to like fully let go and be free of distractions. And I remember just laying in the ocean every single day, feeling like, wow, this is something I've been wanting to do for a long time and I haven't done it. And I'm committing to do this every single year moving forward. I like to do it every six months because it was just so freeing

• 11:23Lewis Howes?

  and relaxing and connecting me to the earth and to myself being present as opposed to just constantly reacting and feeling like I needed to do something. So, um, it was nice to be in Ohio this last week to connect with family. I was still on my phone, but I was more just like laying with my nephew and nieces and like just watching movies with them and just hanging out and vegging with like puppy dogs in my lap. And it was great to reflect and recover. And now I'm like so fired up. I'm like, I'm like more excited about this year than I was about 2015. I don't know. I'm like so pumped up.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Watch out world.

• 12:01Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Cause the momentum now that I have, I'm like, I want to capitalize on this. I'm like build and just create an empire now. So I'm like, I'm pumped, man.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  Awesome. I can't wait to ask deeper questions to hear what is coming next. Now I've had some time to think about it. But I want to take a moment, Lewis, before we get any further and let you know my approach to this conversation because you have done countless other interviews on other podcasts, shared so much about yourself on the School of Greatness. We've had so many heart-to-hearts, you know, getting extremely vulnerable with each other.

• 12:34Lewis Howes?

  There's not many people I open up to like, like you. Like, you know, whenever we connect, I always like share like everything.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  I know you do.

• 12:40Lewis Howes?

  I feel like you, I feel like I can just let my guard down in every way and share like I just did earlier and just be like, here's everything that's on my mind. There's not many people I do that with, so I appreciate our connection, you know, whenever we connect.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  I, I so appreciate you, Lewis, and feel the exact same way. So, we've had many hearts-to-hearts, is what I'm saying here. But I know so much about you. I've listened to so many of your podcasts and your sharing. And honestly, I want to get to know you better.

• 13:10Lewis Howes?

  Let's do it.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  So I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions that I'm personally curious to know the answers to.

• 13:15Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited, man.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  So that is, that's the context for everybody out there in terms of this episode. It's, it's like a Lewis Howes, like 301. A School of Greatness 301 episode. Does that work?

• 13:27Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  You're gonna have to go back and listen to like the first 250 episodes of School of Greatness.

• 13:33Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  So Lewis, as we get into it, I want to ask you the first question, since this show is all about authenticity. Who is Lewis Howes?

• 13:42Lewis Howes?

  That's a great question that we should all ask ourselves. Lewis Howes is the son of Ralph and Diana Howes. He was born in Delaware, Ohio. A small, he was actually born in Columbus, Ohio, but moved a month later to Delaware, Ohio, a small town in the middle of Ohio. Grew up afraid, afraid of a lot of things, afraid of being very lonely, afraid and insecure of his, of my intelligence and my wisdom and my understanding of.

• 14:19Lewis Howes?

  Schoolwork and of the world. I felt very ignorant to the world and to school. It was the biggest challenge every day. I was the youngest of four and I always felt left out. I always felt like no one wanted to give me the attention and so I was always seeking for attention. And I struggled with the schoolwork early on and throughout high school until college where I started to finally pick up. But for me, I was a insecure kid who didn't feel like he knew what he wanted to do in the world and didn't know what his purpose was. And now Lewis Howes is a wise individual

• 15:04Lewis Howes?

  who cares deeply for the world and humanity and wants to serve the world in a huge way. And it's clear that my purpose for being here, there is a purpose for me. And the purpose in this moment is to maximize my gifts and talents to impact the most amount of people that I possibly can and have a blast achieving my dreams along the way. So that's who I am.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Wow. Beautifully said, Lewis. And what a transformation from the insecure kid to the wise, inspirational leader and man that you are here in front of me today.

• 15:42Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. You've had several pivotal moments in your life that you've shared in your podcast and your book. As you just mentioned, feeling you weren't smart enough as a kid and just choosing to put all of your time, energy and effort into sports, your brother going to prison, being sexually abused when you were five, breaking football records to a career-ending injury that led you to living on your sister's couch broke. Fast forward to building an online empire, having a top podcast, and now you are a New York Times bestselling author. So I'll say that's quite the story so far.

• 16:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's been fun.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  And I wanted to ask you, how have these events and milestones impacted who you are? Or were they simply circumstances that helped you see who you are?

• 16:30Lewis Howes?

  I would say they helped and they helped me learn about who I've become through the process of achieving these accomplishments. And when I would achieve in my teens and early twenties, I would feel very, I would like be so driven to achieve these things and they would happen and then I wasn't happy and I wasn't satisfied. And I would just be like more frustrated. I was like, why am I not fully happy and satisfied? So I think through the process of achieving and the commitment and the drive to the daily acts that it took to achieve something, I learned that who I am is not reflected on the accomplishments I have, but more, I guess, the energy that I feel

• 17:14Lewis Howes?

  on a daily basis and how I feel about myself, and the confidence I have in myself. And it doesn't matter if I'm achieving these things, you know, to have the, those feelings and those confident, that confidence and that worth. And I think before I was so driven to achieve because I didn't feel that worthy. And so I wanted to have other people see me. And that's why growing up, I felt very insecure and, you know, I wanted attention because I didn't feel like anyone cared about me. So I was driven to make something myself so that people would care about me. And now I, this may sound like, you know, don't think it's the wrong way, whoever's listening, but I love myself so much more. And there are moments where I don't love myself, but I love

• 17:58Lewis Howes?

  myself when I'm so confident with my worth. Being alone or, you know, being by myself or being around people, I'm just confident with my worth. That I don't need to back it up with accomplishments, you know, to make me happy. I just feel happier in general.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Do you think you need those results in order to believe that, to have that confidence?

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's, it's interesting because I guess results also build, you know,

• 18:29Lewis Howes?

  Influence in the business world, if you're getting results in business. So I could still be worthy of something. I can still fully love myself, but I may not be able to get more results if I'm not getting results right now. You know, maybe not be able to get results in the future if I'm not producing certain results. No one's gonna hire me or bring me on board or buy my products if I haven't created specific results to this moment. So I can still fully love myself and accept myself, but I just may not make more money or may not do other things that I want to do in the future without creating results. You can't just show up every single day and expect to get results and expect someone to give you a hundred thousand dollars if you can't produce something for them.

• 19:09Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 19:10Lewis Howes?

  So, but it, but I can also say I fully accept and love myself where I'm at in my life and I'm whole and complete with who I am. I'm just so excited to use my body and my energy and my wisdom to create results for the world. For myself, but through helping the world.

• 19:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Lewis Howes?

  And I, I, I think I just have to like, you know, growing up, I just didn't think I had a purpose. I didn't, I didn't know why I was here. And now I believe, I have a belief that I'm here to

• 19:43Lewis Howes?

  make the most of my body and my wisdom, my talents and my gifts, whatever that may be. And so every day I'm excited to see what I can create from my, my talents that I have today. And I'm constantly learning and growing and developing new skills so that I can have more to create in the future.

• 20:01Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Just increasing the size of that toolbox.

• 20:03Lewis Howes?

  That's it. So for me, I just get excited about my purpose, which is to serve people and, and I also have a game with it by creating big goals and big dreams for myself. Cause it's like, okay, well, who knows why I'm really here, but this is what I'm believing I'm here. And so let me just at least have fun with it along the way and cause I don't really know, why are we here? Who knows why we're here? I have no clue, but I believe that I'm here for a reason. And I'm going to stick to that. I'm going to have fun along the way, create big dreams. Cause I think that one of the things I believe, which you kind of spoke into is that I'm here to be a, a symbol for the people around me, at least my close friends and family and people that listen to me on my podcast, to be a symbol

• 20:49Lewis Howes?

  of possibilities. And that if I can create a specific result with the situation I'm in, or have been in the past or whatever.

• 20:57Lewis Howes?

  Then and I can inspire someone else in a similar situation to get off their own couch or whatever it may be, or get out of a relationship, or get out of something, a job, and do what they want. That's what I think I'm here to do right now is to be a symbol of possibilities for people. And I feel like that's, and so I gotta continue to step up to show people what's possible in my own life.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely, Lewis. And you've said before that being real and having the courage to be vulnerable and go after what you want is when you feel most alive.

• 21:29Lewis Howes?

  I am.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  And I feel like that, like really, I feel like sums up everything that you just said, that you're just committed to being the greatest possible version of yourself and following your heart. And going back to what you said before about looking at results, what I have personally found in practicing authenticity is that when I tune in and I ask myself the questions, what do I want most? And I have the courage to express myself, whether it's saying what's ever on my mind, is someone I love, is difficult or is easy as it is, or to follow a dream that I have, that that is when I build the confidence in myself. And that is when I feel like truly liberated. That's probably the greatest lesson that I've learned so far in my journey.

• 22:13Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's cool.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  So, yeah. So Lewis, I want to talk about your book, because you're a New York Times bestselling author now, absolutely huge achievement. So I wanted to ask you, what did you learn about yourself in this experience? And how did the dream differ from reality and what actually unfolded?

• 22:31Lewis Howes?

  So what I learned about myself is that I can produce great results at 50%. And what I mean by that is, I was, you know, I went through a breakup with someone I'd care about deeply, right before, you know, my book launch essentially happened. And during the book launch, I remember feeling like this sense of, man, I just, I just felt like I was running at 50% energy, 50% emotional capacity, 50%.

• 22:59Lewis Howes?

  Clarity and focus and I just felt like I wasn't fully energized the way I wish I could have been. And for a lot of different reasons, you know, a lot of things happening in my team, family, you know, this, this, this breakup that I'd gone through was still affecting me in emotional ways. And I was just on this tour and I was doing so many interviews on podcasts and press and TV and, and everything. And I was just like, man, I'm running at 50% right now. And I knew it and I was like, frick, I feel like I'm, you know, I'm blowing a huge opportunity. I'm like blowing the Super Bowl, right? And what I learned about myself is that I have the capacity, I didn't, I didn't have

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  this a year or two ago, I didn't have this capacity, but I have the capacity now, no matter how bad something is happening in my life, to the moment before I do an interview or a speech or something, I can switch it off and show up enough to create great results. Even if the enough is 50% showing up, I'm able to focus enough where I can connect and be present and deliver a message in a, in a semi-understandable way so that people still take action and get results. And so that's what I learned about myself is that I can create results even when I don't feel a hundred percent, even when I don't feel like doing something and even when I feel like I'm not at my best. I think a lot of people won't take action unless they feel great about themselves or they don't want to do it.

• 24:27Lewis Howes?

  Um, and I think it's important because we're never going to feel a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time. Yep. So we gotta start training ourselves and if, you know, again, if this would have happened like a couple of years ago, I would have been like, I'm canceling the book tour. Yep. I don't want to do this interview, like my ego would have gotten in the way and I'd been like, I don't want to, I can't do it. I just couldn't handle it. Mm-hmm. So that's what I learned about myself is I can still. You know, reach a goal I have um under that type of circumstance.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it sounds like as well that that is because of these muscles that you've built all the growth that you've had over the last couple of years as well.

• 25:02Lewis Howes?

  Growth has helped.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  By putting in that growth has just like really elevated your ceiling exponentially.

• 25:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I mean, we've been, you know, training our hearts and minds for a couple of years extensively, like to the max. So it's uh that was I don't think I'd have been able to do it without that training.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. So what does a hundred percent look like?

• 25:20Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man, just get ready, man. It's about to blow up when I'm at a hundred percent. I'm excited to see that. And there may only be moments of it. I don't know. It may only be moments because there's so much in our minds and so much in my mind, I should say, in my heart that I feel so deeply when I connect with people that it does affect me. And I feel like it almost takes something away from me, but I just feel it and I take it in and allows me to connect and understand that person. And I think, again, it doesn't take like my energy away, but it's just like, it's not me like with this clear mind and heart where I'm like unstoppable because I'm I'm just connecting with someone with that pain or that frustration and I empathize with it. So um, I don't know. I don't think I'd have

• 26:05Lewis Howes?

  a heart if I was a hundred percent all the time. And I don't know if I want that. So maybe some moments I'd be like close to a hundred percent.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, you wouldn't be real, I guess.

• 26:13Lewis Howes?

  I want to be real. I'd be like this robot who's just like, I don't care about the world. I'm just like one track mind. So.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:20Lewis Howes?

  Um, but I still think I can be a hundred percent in every moment with what I where I'm at. Even if it's fifty percent, I can still give my hundred percent there. Um, what was the second question?

• 26:29Speaker 01

  That was that was the second question, I think.

• 26:31Lewis Howes?

  I thought you asked, uh, what did you learn about yourself?

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah. Second question. I so the first part is I asked what you learned about yourself. And then the second part was how the dream differed from the reality.

• 26:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Here's what's interesting. For eight years, I had this dream of having a book that said New York Times Bestseller on it. Yeah. And I remember, um, you know, I would go into Barnes and Noble and I could, I could barely read eight years ago. And I still struggle with dyslexia reading. And it's interesting, I did the audio book for this and I read the whole thing and it was hard to read out loud. The, the stuff, cause I'd never read out loud and it brought me back to being in like middle school. Oh, wow. Feeling insecure because I couldn't read out loud and never wanted to get called on. So it was like this whole interesting moment where I was like talking about greatness, but I was like insecure about reading my own book. It was so funny to just to the audio guy.

• 27:20Lewis Howes?

  So for eight years I would walk into Barnes and Noble and I would literally walk to the front and I'd visualize, you know, a book with my cover on it, my name on it. And I would sit there and act like I'm holding the book and seeing it and I would get excited about it as if it was already happened. So I'd feel the feeling of it happening as if it already happened eight years prior. Especially in the last two years, I would do this more and more and visualize it as it got closer and closer. So when I actually went into Barnes and Noble, the day it came out and I saw it. It was awesome, but it wasn't like, it was just like, I expected it. I just done it so many times that I was like, yeah, it was the same feeling. But it wasn't like, oh my gosh, my book, like this is unbelievable.

• 28:02Lewis Howes?

  It was like, I'm supposed to be here because I've been dreaming of it every single day for eight years, essentially. And I've done the work to get here. It's like, you know, when someone catches a touchdown pass and they didn't think they were to catch it and they celebrate like crazy versus Barry Sanders, who just runs in and, and scores and he's like, yeah, I'm supposed to do this. Like this is what I dream about. This is what I practice for. It happens. So it was cool. It was a great feeling to know that what I can dream, uh, I can create. And I like bringing things full circle. I've been talking about that a lot lately. Like I like to be able to dream something, execute for years and then see it happen. Because that builds confidence and momentum that anything is possible, even when I thought it might be impossible.

• 28:46Lewis Howes?

  So that's what I learned from that moment. Did anything differ though, from the dream? I mean, I wanted to be a number one New York Times Bestseller and that didn't happen. So, um, I remember when I got the call from my publisher and they said that we got number three on the New York Times list the first week. And I was like, I was really grateful. I remember like a week or two prior, I was like, let go of the attachment of if I didn't get number one, I kind of let that attachment go. I didn't let go of the attachment of like not hitting the New York Times list. I was like, I really want, I'm gonna be so pissed if I don't hit the list, but I left the attachment of hitting number one. And when they told me I was fine, I was like, okay, this is fine. Number three, they were like, the two ahead of you sold like a hundred thousand copies each. And so there was

• 29:31Lewis Howes?

  like no chance based on my results compared to theirs that I, I didn't beat them out. So there's like nothing I could complain about. But hitting number three, it was funny because I'm a huge Ohio State fan and Urban Meyer, you know, is three, has won three national championships in the last 10 years. He had a book come out the same week and he was number four on the list. So it was cool to just like, you know, beat out some people and Elizabeth Gilbert was like number five or six. So it was just like, it was cool to be ahead of a lot of these powerhouse names and be like, wow, okay. You know, I, we did it. And, and then over the whole month, it hit number two on the whole business New York Times list. So it was just a cool experience to, to, to make it happen, you know, and it's the thing, like I had, you know, I had this on my

• 30:14Lewis Howes?

  board the whole year and I'm holding up the certificate of achievement that I created and I started doing this over a decade ago where I'd frame my goals and hang it up on the wall. So I had this on the, on the board and I'd written down the date, November 1st, number one New York Times bestseller. So I'd always looked at this and I didn't hit it, but I've done this many times with other things with getting like a $5,000 speech to getting a book deal to all these things. And sometimes I hit it and sometimes I don't hit it. But it's usually like really close to it if I don't hit it. So I'm not mad.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:45Lewis Howes?

  Because you gotta dream big and you're not always gonna hit everything you want. You're not always gonna like get the exact goal. But I got exactly what I needed to and what I was ready for. And I feel like I was ready for the results that I got. So I'm happy.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  What an extraordinary achievement, Louis.

• 31:02Lewis Howes?

  Thanks.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  And I know you didn't hit the goal of number one, but still incredible. And I wanted to ask you, since it still was such an incredible success, how do you define success?

• 31:13Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. I don't know if I've ever defined success. I define greatness. But success.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  That's why I'm not gonna ask you that.

• 31:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Let me see what I think success is. I think success is being happy with our results.

• 31:30Lewis Howes?

  Being grateful and satisfied and happy with our results. And also, success is living a life of authenticity, integrity, and giving our best in every moment.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 31:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  I like it. I mean, that's, that's what you can do. If you're, you know, true to your own code, then that's a life worth living in my book. And it's not always easy. And for a lot of years of my life, I didn't have a code.

• 32:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  I didn't know what my core values are. And that's such an important thing.

• 32:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  To be able to check in with myself, because then I know when I'm out of integrity.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  And I'm being inauthentic.

• 32:12Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  So, yeah. Authenticity, integrity, and supporting others, those are my three core values.

• 32:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, thanks.

• 32:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Thanks, they're working. So Louis, you talked earlier about feelings of insecurity and fear. And I know that you'd mentioned like in the past, like you had fears about your success in business when you're on your sister's couch because you didn't have a college degree. So I wanted to ask you, do some of those stories that you used to tell yourself, do those still come up for you?

• 32:44Lewis Howes?

  They don't really anymore.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  I feel very confident with the results I've created with my skills now. With, I feel confident in knowing that I don't know that much. Like, I know a lot in some areas, but then I'm like so confident that I don't need to know everything. And I don't have all the answers, but that's why I build relationships with people who do, in specific areas.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:08Lewis Howes?

  And so I put my trust in building those relationships and being able to reach out to those individuals when I need to answer a question or need support in a specific area of business or life or health, I reach out to the experts. And so I've kind of like taken the responsibility off me that I need to be smart, smarter than I am or something.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:29Lewis Howes?

  And I put more faith in, you know, my intuition, my, my values, my results, and the tools that I do have.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  Everything that you do comes across as smart to me.

• 33:40Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  I don't care about books or anything like that, but you don't become a New York Times bestseller. You don't generate the results. You don't make the impact on people's lives if you're not smart. So.

• 33:50Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, my pleasure.

• 33:52Lewis Howes?

  Or you could just be ignorant and taking action, you know? Who knows? Getting results.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  You can. I mean, you can, but I mean, that would go back to like someone who's like maybe operating at like 20, 25%. That just like gets results even though.

• 34:06Lewis Howes?

  Well, yeah, I think.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  They're naive.

• 34:08Lewis Howes?

  I think what I mean by that is like, no, a lot of the results I think I got early on was that I wasn't aware of what I didn't know. Like I didn't have the fears that other people did have of like, I don't know. I was just like, I'm going to figure it out. Or other people might have analyzed and been like, well, I need to get a college degree first. I need to go get a master's in this first before I can take action. I was just like, no, I'm just going to figure it out because I don't know any better. So I think kind of like that naivety or naivety or whatever you call it.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:36Lewis Howes?

  Of like, well, who cares? I'm just going to do it and figure it out along the way. And if I fail, then I fail. But I was just committed to figuring it out and learning along the way as opposed to being analytical in my approach.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Right. My experience of another thing that really works with a conversation that at least you don't show to me is that you do your best and you're not comparing yourself to other people. You're going to do the best you. And while there's thousands of other people with podcasts, inspirational podcasts, like that doesn't bother you. You don't care. Like you're going to do your thing and your message is going to resonate with some people.

• 35:12Lewis Howes?

  With a certain audience.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  There's going to be a few people that don't, or maybe even more than a few, but you're okay with that. And like that genuinely, like I feel that from you. And that's something that for me, like that's, that's something that I personally have fear about. Like I wonder why would someone want to listen to my podcast? When there's your podcast out there. So that's something that I'm personally working through.

• 35:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, a lot of people have that. And I would say that I don't necessarily compare myself as much, but I'm very competitive. I get very competitive and I'm like, oh, this person's ranking higher than me and I want to, you know, be that, that person or whatever. So. But yeah, I try not to compare as much as possible because that's a recipe for disaster. And more insecurity and all that's judgment and anxiety. So.

• 35:56Speaker 01

  So you don't have those fears or those conversations, but what other fears or circumstances sometimes get in the way for you?

• 36:03Lewis Howes?

  Uh, in general, or just in life, you mean?

• 36:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:07Lewis Howes?

  I mean.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Make that open and answer that however you'd like.

• 36:10Lewis Howes?

  Uh, a fear of mine, I would say a fear of mine is not, is not going after my dreams and then regretting that I didn't go after it. I remember five or six years ago, I moved, no, 2010, I moved to New York City. Cause I had a dream to go to the Olympics. I had a dream to go play with the USA National Handball Team. And I was just like, I'm gonna regret this if I don't go and do it. I'm gonna always wonder what if. So I went and I did it, you know, for four years I was training. I made the USA National Team after nine months. And um, this, this year, we didn't qualify for the Olympics. And I'm like, I have to wait another four years to see if I wanna, if that's a possibility, because I didn't qualify

• 36:51Lewis Howes?

  this year. And I spent, I could look at it saying, I spent five years of my life for something that didn't happen and I failed at it. And I spent all this money traveling and training and so many injuries and draining fluid out of my elbow, number of times, spraining ankles and groins and having my throat punctured with an elbow where I was bleeding internally and like, the ice baths, the physical therapy that I did twice a week for three years. Like, I can look at it and say this all for nothing, and I failed. Or I can look at it and say, I gave it everything I had. And now I know that I gave it all I got, and it didn't work out. And that's fine. And everything that I've learned in the last five years are so valuable, the lessons I learned, the tools that I gained from

• 37:34Lewis Howes?

  those experiences, like the relationships, um, what I learned about myself, my competitive nature. And so I just look at it as like, I'm grateful that I did it, even though I didn't get the result of the Olympics. Like, I'm so grateful. And so I just, my fear is that, you know, what if I have a dream and I don't go after it? And I'm always, it's always haunting me for the rest of my life. And it's not necessarily that I need to achieve the dream.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 38:02Lewis Howes?

  Pursue, the pursuit to see what would be possible if I gave it all I had.

• 38:07Lewis Howes?

  So I think that's my fear of like, if I ever talk about a dream and I don't go for it, you need to tell me to go for it. Otherwise, I'm gonna be like this miserable old man that's like beating myself up. Like, that's the fear that I'll be beating myself up if I don't go for it.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, you always, when you set a goal, you do whatever it takes to make it happen. So is that part of your fear, knowing how much work you're gonna need to put into something?

• 38:31Lewis Howes?

  Maybe. I think the fear, the fear is just regretting that I wouldn't see what was possible. That's it. Like, seeing that I let go of my, I feel like I've always created extraordinary results on average talent. You know, I was never the best athlete and the biggest, the strongest, the fastest. I felt like I had good talent, but I created extraordinary results from like my, my hard work and my ethic and putting that into practice. So I think the fear is just, I don't know, that I would just, would always wonder what would have happened. I think another fear is that like, you know, being alone when I die, like so, no one's gonna be there for me. That's like a big fear. It's like, you know, are people gonna show up if I'm like sick on my deathbed

• 39:13Lewis Howes?

  for like weeks? Like, who's gonna show up? And am I gonna have people that care to be there? Or I'm gonna die lonely and feel like my life didn't matter? Maybe it mattered, maybe I was able to reach lots of people around the world and impact a lot of people, but when the time comes, who's actually gonna be there for me in like the darkest moments, like when it matters? And like, like, that's a fear.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  That's definitely a fear. I've had that fear for sure. Yeah, like, my biggest fear was that I was gonna have my family's Alzheimer's gene.

• 39:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  And fortunately, when, you know, I was

• 39:51Lewis Howes?

  Took the test.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Took the test. I found out I don't have it. So I, I was spared that poor fortune. I'm very fortunate that I don't have that. But then my next biggest fear was dying alone. And the reality is, we're gonna die alone.

• 40:04Lewis Howes?

  We're gonna die alone, yeah, right?

• 40:07Lewis Howes?

  I don't know why it is. We're afraid of something that could happen in like 70 years or whatever. You know, it's like 50 years or something. Who knows when?

• 40:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. And at that point in time, we'll both have families and the game will be

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  Great grandchildren.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Game will be different, but you know, the way that you approach your relationships like

• 40:22Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it funny?

• 40:23Speaker 01

  There's going to be people there.

• 40:24Lewis Howes?

  Who are afraid of something like that could be 50 years down the road?

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. The human experience.

• 40:28Lewis Howes?

  What's wrong with us?

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:30Lewis Howes?

  It's like, just be present.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  Yep. So Louis, I wanted to ask you some questions on leadership because you're a tremendous leader. And Ganesh Kalyanaraman had some questions for you, our good friend Ganesh. So what are the most important decisions you make as a leader, either daily or annually?

• 40:49Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Uh, number one is health, emotional, mental, physical health. Because I believe we are setting an example for people around us. If we want to lead other people, then we need to be an example for those people that we're leading, whether it's our families, our partner, a team, whatever it may be. And in my opinion, our emotional, mental and physical health is the best example. When people see you, if you are physically out of integrity, I feel like it's hard to trust that person fully if they can't take care of their own health. They may be great at what they do. They may be, you know, amazing, skilled in specific things. But if you can't take your health, it's a challenge to fully put a hundred percent of

• 41:34Lewis Howes?

  my trust in everything that you're doing. Maybe that's just me. And so I come from a place of like, okay, I gotta take care of my physical health. Uh, mental and emotional health, if I'm stressed and anxious as a leader and not calm in specific situations, then I'm creating stress and anxiety with the people around me. And that's not a great way to lead in my mind. And for years I, you know, have been stressed and still moments where I am that way. And I get to constantly be responsible for the position I'm in with my specific team, with my family, with my community and whoever it is I'm leading in those moments to lead

• 42:14Lewis Howes?

  with calm and love and clarity as opposed to anxious frustration. Cause that's what's going to cause in other people. So I would say that's something I focus on on a daily basis.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Got you. How you're showing up, integrity, values.

• 42:33Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 42:33Speaker 01

  Being respected.

• 42:34Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  And then what is one behavior or trait that could derail you as a leader from your vision, intention, or greatness?

• 42:42Lewis Howes?

  I would say fear. Fear would be the biggest thing because if I'm fearful, I'm going to create that, you know, if I'm the one leading everyone, I'm in front, I'm scared, then why would it, why would I set the, I'm not setting the example for anyone else to have confidence moving with me. So I'd say having confidence, even if it's uncertain.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Nice. And what are you doing to ensure your growth as a leader?

• 43:11Lewis Howes?

  I think I just put myself in scary, challenging situations on a daily basis. You know, I set big dreams for myself that are challenging. And anytime we go after something that's a dream of ours, there's going to be challenges and obstacles. And anytime you have an obstacle in front of you, you have an opportunity for growth. So I think it's, I don't have to go look for challenges. They're going to happen.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  Is that chapter two of the book?

• 43:39Lewis Howes?

  Uh, yeah. Is adversity an advantage, right? Is that chapter two? Yeah, turn adversity into advantage. It's going to happen when you have a vision. You're going to have adversity and challenges. And how you react and grow during those obstacles is, you know, those opportunities for me. So I'm always going to, if I stop dreaming and setting dream, uh, goals, big goals, then then I'll stop growing.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  I hear you.

• 44:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  What are the prices you've paid or that you've seen other people pay for greatness?

• 44:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, prices I've paid, I'll speak about myself, I've lost a lot of friends, lost a lot of friends, man. It's been, and sometimes heartbreaking, especially after college. Uh, there's just so, I have like maybe two or three friends from college. And these are people that I like played sports with, put my heart on the field with, like essentially died for, you know, every single day in practices and school, like going out together. And there's really only a handful of people that still have my back.

• 44:44Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, you know, it's like I, after college, I went off and like started pursuing my dreams passionately. I went to go play arena football. I was like just driven to go achieve. And I started to get this like, I would reach out to friends, certain friends, and I would stop getting them picking up my calls and they wouldn't call me back. And I remember just like going back to school, like the next couple of years to like see, see some friends and just feeling like everyone was talking negative about me. And a couple of people who were close to me would be like, you know, they were all just talking me this and that. They think this. What were they saying? You know what? I don't even know. It's just like, I never understood it. I was like, why is everyone, I felt like everyone's against me.

• 45:24Lewis Howes?

  And the more, you know, I've grown, this was 10 years ago or whatever, but it's just like, and I, there's, I feel like they're still saying negative stuff about me. Like I just went to a buddy's wedding and, uh, you know, bachelor party from, from my old college roommate. There was a bunch of people there that I was just like, I could sense it. I could like sense the way they look at me, the way they talk at me. That they just still talk crap about me. And I'm just like, dude, I've never had anything bad to say about these people. I was always like close with them, never like wanted anything bad for them. But I just feel like, you know, the friends that I do know who are in those conversations are like, you know, they're just really, they're jealous and insecure because they're not doing what they want to do. Of course.

• 46:03Lewis Howes?

  And I get that. So it's just like, but I've had to lose a lot of friends and every level, it's like every time I reach a new level of achievement or whatever. Or mark in my life or a bigger audience, I feel like I lose more and more friends who are afraid of that or who, or who don't get it. Who feel like I'm branching away from the circle or feel like I'm le- leaving the pack or whatever it is. And I think, um, I've come to accept that. It's been a decade since, you know, I started feeling it and I've come to accept it. To realize that there's always going to be people in my life that. Are always gonna have my back and I may not talk to them for years, but I could pick it up and like I know they've got my back and they believe in me.

• 46:46Lewis Howes?

  And there's gonna be people every year that I become friends with, new people, and then people that drop off that like can't hang with that. I don't know. The level of commitment that I have to achieving my dreams. Like it's too much, it, it, there's like a certain mark where it becomes too much for them and they're like, okay. I can't trust him anymore because he's gonna like leave me or something. I don't know what it is. No idea, but that's the price I've paid is like losing a lot of friends. Being judged a lot, getting a lot of criticism, a lot of negative feedback, like someone wrote an article. Like I get people saying negative stuff about me all the time. And someone wrote an article about me recently that I like posted on my Facebook page and I thought it was hilarious. It was like, I wrote an inspiring post about you.

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  And it was just like all these negative like lies about me and I was just like. This is hilarious. Yeah, I just used to get, I used to get so much negative feedback from people. And then I would look into it and these are people that just weren't doing anything in their lives. I was like, well, this is gonna happen more and more. Like anytime I reach any milestone, I'm gonna get more critics, haters, whatever, like. The Amazon reviews about my book, like people just say stupid things that aren't even related to the book. That just like are negative and I'm just like, okay, it's just gonna happen. That's the price.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  How long does something like that affect you?

• 48:05Lewis Howes?

  Uh, I think it depends. Like over the last couple of years, I'd say three years, I've really grown where it doesn't really affect me at all. Like I don't even like care. Unless it's from someone I know or someone like I care about. Then I'm like, oh man, I go back into the place where I'm like, I feel like I need to please them or something. I feel like I wanna like please that person or like. Show them why I'm a good person or like convince them.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  It's pretty natural.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And so, yeah, but I really don't even see it anymore. Like personally, I don't even see that stuff. I'm sure people are saying stuff. All the time, but I don't even see it. And I know people are probably talking about me behind my back all the time and I don't even. Care to like know anymore. I'm just like, well, if you wanna be around me, cool. If not, then talk about me behind my back and. Don't act like you care about me in my face. You know what I mean? It's like, just don't give me that energy then. You can hold on to that negative energy while I'm creating and achieving my dreams.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  I hear that and you have limited time as well. So to be able to maintain so many of these relationships, especially ones that you, you know, used to spend a lot of time with someone.

• 49:06Lewis Howes?

  If they're gonna, they don't wanna, you know, add the value and if they don't wanna connect the way that I want to, then, then we're just gonna, you know, fall, fall apart and we're not gonna be connected as much. And so we're just not gonna be spending as much time communicating and that's fine. But that's a price that some people that don't chase their dreams, they don't have to face. They are, they stay, uh, you know, in their community. They don't leave their city. They have the same friends from high school and college. They have their, their family, friends, their colleagues, and they stay in the same, you know, circle, community for a long time. And they don't have that price to pay. I'm not saying that's right or wrong, good or bad.

• 49:46Lewis Howes?

  It's just they don't have that price to pay where I'm constantly evolving and trying to grow and become, you know, bigger, better, faster, stronger in every area of my life. And that's just, uh, you know, other people aren't playing that game in life, I guess. So, and it scares them.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  You're here.

• 50:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. That's a price. Another price would be, um, I don't get to have, you know, I don't get to do a lot of the things that other people do. Like in college, I was so committed to training every single day to achieve my dream of in sports, that I never had a spring break. I never got to go to Cancun and like just party and just have fun and like go hit on girls. Like I was so committed to my vision and my dream. Now, when everyone else was off like playing and goofing off, I felt like I was alone training. And there's moments where the book was like, I was committed to writing and, and doing the writing and editing where my friends are like, come and play, let's go out, let's go to a movie, let's do this. Like,

• 50:49Lewis Howes?

  so those are some of the prices you pay when you've, you're committed to something that's challenging. You've got to put in the work and that means you can't do certain things that everyone else is doing all the time. And I've always been kind of like that outsider that didn't go drinking and partying and doing those things. Cause I was like in watching game tape, you know, by myself, committed to the weekend game. So.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Louis, I want to ask you about vulnerability because I know you love getting vulnerable. What particular instances is it toughest for you to be vulnerable?

• 51:23Lewis Howes?

  You know, I feel like I've shared so much over the last few years that I don't feel like anything is really that challenging to talk about because I've just talked about it so much.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:34Lewis Howes?

  You know, a few years ago would have been like the childhood rape.

• 51:38Lewis Howes?

  And it would also been, I was very vulnerable talking about how insecure I was as a kid, like not able to talk or read and write and things like that.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Those are the things that are like, I mean, definitely the sexual abuse one, I mean, that was something like that was so real as you were, you know, coming to terms with it over the course of your life, that talking about insecurities as a child and stuff like that's really like was in the past. So it's easier to get vulnerable and share something in the past versus something that is, that you're currently living.

• 52:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So current vulnerabilities, maybe, um.

• 52:10Lewis Howes?

  You know, I've come to a place of like acceptance that I don't have all the answers. And I think if I put the pressure on me that I needed to have all the answers and I, I felt vulnerable, like if I didn't know the answer to something.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:22Lewis Howes?

  But I've like let that go. I've like let that, I don't know, attachment go or like needing to know it all. I think maybe I'm vulnerable when I, I'm vulnerable when I feel like I don't have, I don't know, like the direction of my life or I'm like uncertain in a specific situation. And I'm like, frick, what am I supposed to do? Maybe I'm like vulnerable in those moments. But I'm also coming to the conclusion of like, we don't have to know everything about the direction of our life in every moment. And if we were like certain that we knew, if we, if I could tell, if I could see like my, a life, my, a movie of my life, and I could watch it and see every moment that's going to happen for the rest of my life, and I knew exactly when I was going to die, like life wouldn't be interesting.

• 53:03Lewis Howes?

  And I wouldn't be able to grow. So it's like those uncertain moments, those vulnerable moments, like I appreciate. Because they allow me to like reflect and, I don't know, just learn and grow and just be a human being. I don't know.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 53:17Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if that answered anything, but.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  So Louis, I'm all about authenticity. That's, you know, that's the key thing here on the podcast and about being real with the new website, Are You Being Real? So I had, I have to ask you, what is one area in your life where you know you can be more real with yourself?

• 53:36Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. I'd say relationships for sure. I mean, we were talking about this before, is, uh, you know, just getting real. And what I want in relationships, you know, intimate relationships with, you know, a partner moving forward.

• 53:53Lewis Howes?

  I would say that's probably the main thing. I mean, but relationships in general, because I feel like there's other relationships that I'm like,

• 54:00Lewis Howes?

  even business relationships that I have, I'm like, is this really

• 54:04Lewis Howes?

  a relationship that's something that's strong and powerful? Or is it something that I'm scared to let go of because I feel like it's going to make me money or it's going to add value in like in the future? But is this person really someone I want to be spending my time with or like associating with? And sometimes I like do things, I'm like, maybe that's out of integrity of what I, who I'd be spending time with. But it's may add value later in the future. So I like stay in that relationship. You know what I mean? And so I look at those moments and I'm like, and I try to justify them or whatever and be like, well, it's not that big a deal. And I'm not perfect and who am I to judge? And, you know, I've got issues and I'm messed up and I'm

• 54:45Lewis Howes?

  got my own things that I'm probably bad at or whatever. So

• 54:49Lewis Howes?

  relationships would be the main thing.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  For me, it'd be my health and my physical strength. I've transformed a lot over the last couple of years and I started working out a couple of years ago, but I'd like to have a stronger physique. So I'm going to come train with you.

• 55:04Lewis Howes?

  All right.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  All right, Louis, this is going to be the rapid fire round and I just actually added this into the podcast. So for this rapid fire round, Louis, just answer these questions in as few words as possible. We're going to just run through them. Favorite snack food?

• 55:21Lewis Howes?

  Brownies.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  What does your happy dance look like?

• 55:26Lewis Howes?

  Carlton.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  Last song you played on the guitar?

• 55:32Lewis Howes?

  Oh, probably, uh, Blackbird.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Have you ever been catfished?

• 55:37Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  Favorite and least favorite interview you've done?

• 55:43Lewis Howes?

  Favorite, um, I really like Scooter Braun. There's a bunch of favorite, I mean, a lot of them are favorite, but I really like Scooter Braun. Least favorite that I've been interviewed by, or anyone? Uh, I'm gonna pass on that one, because I don't want to offend anyone.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  What are three things you collect?

• 56:01Lewis Howes?

  Friendships, ideas, and dreams.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Funniest movie?

• 56:08Lewis Howes?

  Kings of Comedy.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  Your best and worst sports?

• 56:14Lewis Howes?

  Best sport?

• 56:17Lewis Howes?

  I would say, football and basketball are my best and worst sports. Oh, man. That's a good question. Um, I don't even know. I don't do a sport unless I've been at, let me think. I don't know. Probably a sport I've never played.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  What would your name have been if you were a girl?

• 56:43Lewis Howes?

  Joy.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Best social media platform?

• 56:47Lewis Howes?

  Instagram.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  Three dream guests you'll interview on the School of Greatness in 2016?

• 56:52Lewis Howes?

  The Rock, Jim Carrey, Will Smith.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Love it. Thank you, Louis. Blackbird, I can see you jamming out on that. And you got catfished.

• 57:01Lewis Howes?

  I did, in college. Yeah, she was a hottie.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  That was like before catfish.

• 57:08Lewis Howes?

  It was, man. Yeah, it was like AIM, catfish. Yeah.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  That's pretty scary.

• 57:14Lewis Howes?

  It was. It was, it was like some teenage girl or something.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  All right, Louis, it is time for the truth challenge.

• 57:21Lewis Howes?

  Oh, crap.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  You ready for it?

• 57:22Lewis Howes?

  Let's do it.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna ask you five questions. You have 30 seconds to answer each, and your job is to answer them honestly and authentically. Do you accept the challenge?

• 57:30Lewis Howes?

  I accept.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  All right, the truth challenge with the one and only Louis.

• 57:36Lewis Howes?

  Give me the power, Crystal.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Question number one. If you had nothing but the clothes on your back and $500 in cash, what would your plan be to achieve greatness and success?

• 57:51Lewis Howes?

  Um, in my current state of my life, I would, I would, uh, hire a mentor.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Question number two. How would you describe your ego and your relationship with it?

• 58:05Lewis Howes?

  My ego is, uh, sometimes extremely powerful and can hold me back and get me very frustrated and angry and resentful and possessive and jealous. Uh, and other times it is a graceful bird that soars through the air and has zero control over me.

• 58:28Speaker 01

  Question number three. As a bestselling author and the author of your life, how would you edit your current story and why?

• 58:37Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's a good one. I wouldn't edit it all because every lesson I've learned has gotten me to the opportunity I've been to now in my life. And I feel like my life has been a beautiful song that I've been constantly playing.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Question number four. Do you ever feel socially uncomfortable and if so, in what situations?

• 59:02Lewis Howes?

  Around, maybe around, uh, a girlfriend's parents that, you know, I'm just unsure of what they want or expect or, you know, are looking for in, you know, in me.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  And question number five. As the chief professor at the School of Greatness, what is your greatest achievement to date?

• 59:26Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, I'd say being there for my family when they need me and really stepping up as, you know, a son and a brother to my siblings and my parents and. And even though I wish I could, you know, I wish I was better in a lot of instances. I feel like I've stepped up in a big way and made them proud and also supported them along the way.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  The true challenge with the one and only Louis House. Louis, nice job on those.

• 59:52Lewis Howes?

  It's tense, man.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, going, going back over them. I'll give you the opportunity to expand a little bit if you want some of these questions. But the first question I asked you is if you had nothing but the clothes on your back and $500 in cash, what would your plan be to achieve greatness and success? And now that like I asked you the question, like you already did that.

• 1:00:10Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Yeah, that's what I did. I found a mentor.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Question number two, I asked you, how would you describe your ego and your relationship with it? And I liked how like you answered it on both sides of the spectrum.

• 1:00:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, I am not a perfect human being. I'm not, I don't know, I'm not the most, I'm not like, I'm not God. So I have an ego and it gets me into trouble sometimes, you know, I have, I get very jealous sometimes still, like very possessive, frustrated, angry, resentful. All those things still come up for me, but what I will say is that like every time it happens, I feel like I'm able to be aware of it much quicker than when I was younger and it controlled me and consumed me like for months or years. I'm aware of it much quicker. I'm able to be calmer, more loving towards myself and other people in those situations.

• 1:01:05Lewis Howes?

  And I also surround myself with people who I trust, who are like, can call me out on it a lot faster. So that I can just move forward and be like, all right, I'm sorry. Yeah. You know, I made a mistake. I'm gonna do my best the next time that now that this affect me or, you know, piss you off or whatever. So.

• 1:01:22Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Yeah. How's your awareness, would you say, of your ego?

• 1:01:26Lewis Howes?

  I think it's very, I feel like I'm very aware now.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Lewis Howes?

  But I just don't always listen to my awareness. It's like whatever, I'm like raging or something or frustrated. There are some times, and this all depends on how my habits are going. Like when I'm meditating every day, like I feel very calm in situations. Like I won't get upset from some other drivers or whatever, like none of that ever really upsets me. I'm very calm in situations because I'm so present and aware of my emotions. Other times when I'm on autopilot is when I react and get frustrated. And then I'm aware of it after it happens, but I'm like, whatever, I just feel good in this moment, you know, being frustrated or something. And at the same time, it's also, I feel like it's healthy to be frustrated sometimes and angry. And you don't always have to be perfect and calm.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's interesting though, you said that it comes up when you're on autopilot. Because when you're on autopilot, there's an attachment. You're like, you're expecting some certain result because you've experienced it before. So when that doesn't happen.

• 1:02:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  That makes sense to me.

• 1:02:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  And then the next question that I asked you as the bestselling author and author of your life, how would you edit your current story and why? And you said you wouldn't.

• 1:02:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, one thing that came to my mind is like, it would have been cool to play in the NFL. And it would have been cool to play at Ohio State University, play football. Like, I just feel like that would have been a cool experience.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Lewis Howes?

  But then I wanted to have been a two-sport All-American. I wouldn't have broken a world record. I wouldn't have like gotten injured. I wouldn't have started this podcast. Like, the rest of my life wouldn't have happened. So I'm just grateful for everything that has happened and where I'm at. Even if there's a moment, like even the struggles and the stress I was feeling in the middle of 2015. And really 2015, there was a lot of uncertainty and struggle emotionally, internally from, you know, relationships. And even like, I wouldn't go back and change it. Like, I wouldn't because I know there's a reason it happened. And every, I've been in a lot of like crazy relationships. And every time I've gotten a little smarter, a little wiser, I've grown a lot. That allows me to develop and connect with people and understand and relate to people in a different way.

• 1:03:33Lewis Howes?

  So I feel like there's gotta be a reason why I struggle emotionally at times or I'm frustrated at times. And I can only, you know, the belief and my hope is that like, it's because it's setting me up for something way bigger than this moment. Way bigger. And so I'm just grateful for all the growth and the lessons and the struggle. You can't have success without struggle.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  I hear you and it's just part of life. It's a natural part of life. Are you able to like be at peace with that when you're in the struggle?

• 1:04:06Lewis Howes?

  Uh, it's challenging.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  No, it's challenging. After, once you get out of it to look back and say, yeah, I'm glad I had this struggle.

• 1:04:12Lewis Howes?

  It's challenging, man. Uh, am I able to be at peace at it sometimes? I went to see a counselor, actually, a few times, Catherine Woodward Thomas, who was actually on the podcast, my podcast, and I went to go talk with her because I was just feeling this emotional pain. And I just didn't know how to get like move on. I just didn't know how to like get past the pain. And she was like, you know, you should be able to like, feel at peace with this pain. It may never fully go away right now, but you should be able to have some like relief. And she gave me some tools that I could use in those moments. But again, for me, and I don't know.

• 1:04:54Lewis Howes?

  Maybe other people feel the same way, but I feel like for me, I just feel very deeply and I sometimes hold on to pain too much and hold on to it too long and it affects me a lot. And um, so I don't know. I, I, I just know that all the pain that I've gone through has just made me who I am. And it makes me more aware. And I feel like it makes me more intelligent. I feel like it does for some reason. And it sucks to think that because it means I have to go through a lot more pain to be, to grow intellectually. But every time I experience the pain, it's less and less painful. Yeah. It's like, I remember a few years ago when I met you, you know, I was, I was like miserable for months from a relationship I'd gone through.

• 1:05:37Lewis Howes?

  And um, I was like laying in bed for two weeks, just watching every episodes of Weeds because I was just like, I didn't want to leave. And I was like in that much pain. And in college, my freshman year of college, I broke it up with my high school sweetheart that I was with for a couple of years. And for the whole year, I was like in the fetal position, like every night I was in the fetal position, literally in my bed with my roommate there. Like in tears and like just couldn't, I was just in so much pain.

• 1:06:05Lewis Howes?

  And then I, you know, every like time it's like gotten easier and easier. And I've learned and grown from it and I've been able to like, understand it and like, I don't know, appreciate what I am gaining from it as opposed to what I'm losing from the situation. So.

• 1:06:20Speaker 01

  It's good perspective and it's, pain's always a good guide. You don't want to get burned again.

• 1:06:24Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Not that I was burned or whatever. Yeah. So.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  And then a question number four, I asked you, do you ever feel socially uncomfortable? And if so, in what situations?

• 1:06:34Lewis Howes?

  I think I brought that up because like, uh, I feel pretty confident in almost every situation, um, around people. And specifically, I feel really confident in like people that I don't know or just new situations. I feel like I can be myself and connect with and relate to people and ask the right questions. Uh, but it's like, if someone has an expectation that I want to make sure that I, you know, leave a good impression. That's why I said like girlfriends, parents.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. Yeah.

• 1:07:01Lewis Howes?

  Making sure that, uh, I leave a good impression.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  I used to fear and hate networking events. I felt so socially uncomfortable. I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to say to anyone. And as I've redirected my path and have started the podcast and coaching, now I, I love networking events. Because it's a chance to connect with awesome people. Uh, but I used to feel so socially uncomfortable in those situations. And whenever I walk into an environment, like there's always usually for me a moment of social discomfort until I like, you know, find my homeostasis within.

• 1:07:39Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. Exactly. Yeah.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then question number five, I asked you, as the chief professor at the school of greatness, what is your greatest achievement to date? And you said your, your family, your relationship with your family.

• 1:07:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And I say that because, you know, my family's the one that created me, you know, they're the ones that created and raised me. And they're there for me when I needed them. And they're not perfect and they have lots of flaws and we're extremely, uh, you know, messed up in many ways, but we're also extremely loving and supportive and there for each other as well. And so I, I think like just being there for my family, even though I feel, maybe I haven't been there fully that I could, but I think being in the way that I have been, uh, with emotional support, physical support, financial support, you know, some of my family members work with me now. And it's like we've bringing them all in the family. So I feel like.

• 1:08:32Lewis Howes?

  When I was in need, they stepped up for me and gave me what I needed. And you know, when they've been in need, I've been able to step up for them in lots of ways. Again, maybe it's not the best way, the perfect way or whatever, but I feel like I've been a good brother and son to my family. So.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Our family is clearly very important to you and it's not always easy to build a relationship with the family. And I, I look at your journey and who you were as a kid, as you described earlier in this episode and the man you are today. Uh, huge transformation and usually it's with our families that it's the hardest to change our familial roles.

• 1:09:11Lewis Howes?

  Of course, yeah.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  Maybe that's one of your next books.

• 1:09:14Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  So Louis, as we wrap this up, I got a few final questions for you. What can we do to support you?

• 1:09:23Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. You can buy my book and you can buy two books, one for yourself, one for a friend. Um, that's like you support me. I want to get that book and the message out there. And you can listen to the podcast. That's, that's another way to support me. My podcast is something I'm really passionate about. And I believe it helps a lot of people. And so by listening to it or sharing it, I believe you're not only helping me, but you're helping other people.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  I can totally vouch for both. By the way, I've been listening to the School of Greatness since you launched it. I mean, there are so many incredible episodes. I gotta say, my favorite episode is the one you did with Chris Lee on listening. That's my favorite. And then your book is exceptional as well. I mean, I had many great takeaways from the book. And I love that in the book that you not only share personal examples, but you also share examples of other people who've been successful with each of the eight distinctions that you presence and share and teach.

• 1:10:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  And there's lots of great exercises as well.

• 1:10:21Lewis Howes?

  Thanks. Appreciate it.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. And Louis, what can we expect from you next? Earlier in the episode as well, you said that you're super fired up about what's the store for this year.

• 1:10:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I'm, I'm doing a big conference next year in Columbus, Ohio. I want to give back to the community that really supported me as well, Columbus. And I'm doing the Summit of Greatness, which I am still haven't fully figured out the, the curriculum and the experience. But essentially I want to bring the most inspiring speakers in the world to Columbus and create a journey for the 750 people that attend to unlock their inner greatness. That's one thing I'm excited about and making that an annual thing that people get excited for every year for my community. I would say I'm also excited for, there's other things in my business I'm excited for, but I'm also excited for

• 1:11:07Lewis Howes?

  uh, my podcast and getting a lot of great, interesting guests on over this next year and seeing what we create as a community with the podcast. And then I would say I'm also excited for uh, writing a proposal for my next book. Hmm, about family? No, I think, I think I want to write a proposal about it. I don't know how it's actually going to be resonated or, you know, if it's going to connect with publishers or not, but I think it's either going to be a monumental, phenomenal hit, or kind of like a wah wah type of like book. And it kind of depends on timing and positioning and a lot of different things.

• 1:11:49Lewis Howes?

  And it's going to be, the proposal I'm going to write about is about masculine vulnerability and masculine authenticity and what it looks like to be a real man and what that means. And I think, uh, there's not many men, there's a lot of women that talk about vulnerability. There's not many men that talk about it. And if they are men talking about it, they're usually like spiritual leaders and gurus that like, they're supposed to talk about it because they are that way. And there's not really any six-four former football jocks who are speaking about it. That, that type of audience can really relate to and connect to. The audience that actually needs it the most, in my opinion, are the jocks of the world that

• 1:12:35Lewis Howes?

  are guarded and angry and frustrated, you know, at times and never actually show who they really are and never open up in a loving, vulnerable way because they're afraid and they have these insecurities and they have these walls. So for me, I want to write a book about how men can drop the mask of masculinity that they've been wearing and it's going to have to deal with healing a lot of things emotionally for them to let it go. To even get their attention. Exactly. And then also speaking to women who are masculine as well and who are guarded and

• 1:13:13Lewis Howes?

  Feel like they need to be perfect in every area of their life. They need to like, look a perfect way, physically, dress a perfect way. They need to always be on. They need to have everything put together. They need to be independent and they never let anyone in. So I want to speak to the power of vulnerability and dropping the masculine mask that holds both men and women back from living the most authentic, real, incredible life. I'll have you back on the show when you release the book. Perfect. Louis, what final words of wisdom and advice do you have for listeners to live a beautiful, authentic dream life? Well, you said the magic word and that's dream. And I believe that the most important

• 1:13:54Lewis Howes?

  thing we can do is follow our dreams. If we're not following our dreams, then what are we doing? And I believe that we were here to create and figure out what those dreams are and then follow them. And if you're not finding or following them, then you're always going to be left feeling like, what's the point? I just don't understand if you can't find your dreams or be in the pursuit of them. Not saying you have to achieve them, but be in the pursuit of them. I just don't understand what the point of life is if you're living an average life of no meaning or purpose. And the dream could be to have a family. Like, that's fine. It doesn't have to be like cure cancer, but like figure out what your dreams are and pursue them with your passion. In my mind,

• 1:14:38Lewis Howes?

  that's a great life lived. The one and only Lewis Howes. Louis, thank you for your honesty, your vulnerability, and sharing. I appreciate you. Thanks for having me on. Appreciate it.

• 1:14:52Lewis Howes?

  And there you have it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thanks again for listening and hearing more about who I am and my thoughts and fears and lessons. And I hope you gain some valuable insights on my point of view. Make sure to check out also my buddy Mark Shapiro's podcast, the one and only podcast. There are over seven billion people, but only one of each of us. The one and only podcast celebrates authenticity and talks about how we can be more authentic in our lives and what this does for our lives when we are that way. Make sure to check out Mark's new website, makeyourmarktoday.com. And all of this will be linked up at lewishouse.com/272. It's a beautiful time of year.

• 1:15:35Lewis Howes?

  It's a time to get started fresh. It's a time to get clear on what we want. It's a time to take massive action. And I hope all of you guys are stepping up in your lives and doing that right now. I'm so fired up for this year, you have no idea. It's going to be incredible time. Make sure to subscribe to my newsletter. It's absolutely free. Where we give tips, information, resources, videos that you can't get anywhere else. Go to lewishouse.com and subscribe right there on the top. There'll be a place to put your name and email. You're going to want to make sure to go on that list. Because each week, we're going to be sending out some great free stuff. And letting you know about all the things we're doing. The events I'm speaking at, the workshops, the books, the products, everything you're going to want to make sure you get access to along the way. Thank you guys so much for being here.

• 1:16:20Lewis Howes?

  LewisHowes.com/272. Share this with a friend online. And you guys know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.