Fraud Friday: The Best Basic Olympian w/ Sara Levine and Danny Murphy

In this week's Fraud Friday, Laci is joined by Sara Levine & Danny Murphy (Not Another True Crime Podcast) to discuss Elizabeth Swaney, who proudly made it to the 2018 PyeongChang Winter Games, without doing a single trick in her sport. Plus, the FDA demanded Alex Jones stop advertising questionable dietary supplements as coronavirus treatments, threatening legal action if he didn't stop. Stay Schemin’! (Originally Released 06/06/2022) CON-gregation, catch Laci's TV Show, Scam Goddess, now on Freeform and Hulu! Did you miss out on a custom signed Scam Goddess: Lessons from a Life of Cons, Grifts and Schemes book? Look no more, nab your copy here on PODSWAG Follow on Instagram: Scam Goddess Pod: @scamgoddesspod Laci Mosley: @divalaci Sara Levine: @saralememe Danny Murphy: @kashmeredanny Research by Kaelyn Brandt SOURCES: https://everything-everywhere.com/elizabeth-swaney-and-the-power-of-just-showing-up/ https://olympics.com/en/news/elizabeth-swaney-unlikely-halfpipe-hero https://resumes.actorsaccess.com/elizabeth https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/apr/21/elizabeth-swaney-olympics-skiing-american-ninja-warrior https://www.cbssports.com/olympics/news/mikaela-shiffrin-doesnt-have-anything-to-prove-to-anyone-at-the-beijing-olympics/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:28Speaker 01

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• 1:11Speaker 01

  Common cold, sinus infection, inflammation in the nose, flu or fluke-like symptoms, joint pain or sore throat may occur. Carry on with fewer attacks and ask your doctor about Extenture. Learn more at extenture.com or call 1-833-393-3678.

• 1:28Speaker 02

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• 2:07Laci Mosley?

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. Welcome to an episode of Fraud Fridays, where we release older episodes from the Scam Goddess Vault. That's right, Fraud Fridays is where we bring back your favorite episodes from behind the paywall. Enjoy this episode from behind the paywall, and as always, stay schemin'.

• 2:48Laci Mosley?

  What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess, and we're back with another installment of the show, Scam Goddess, the show all about robbery, cons, frauds, criminals, and all those who perform acts of crime. We love to see it, for the most part. Today, we have two, not one, but two. Come on, we getting a bargain here. I scam two people at once. Onto the show, they are writers and they are podcasters. One is a hilarious comedian, and the other is an editor in chief in the online publication, Bitches. I know you've seen something from Bitches, because they are constantly going viral, and I love Bitches. Together, they host their show, Not Another True Crime Podcast.

• 3:29Laci Mosley?

  Congregation, please welcome Danny Murphy and Sarah Levine to the show. Yes, Sarah, any relation to Adam, go.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  That is my scam, is I tell people who don't know a lot of Jews that Adam is my cousin.

• 3:45Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  Sometimes it works.

• 3:47Laci Mosley?

  Cousin is far enough away that really people can't check. No one can find all my cousins. I don't have cousins.

• 3:52Speaker 05

  No one knows Adam Levine's life either. Like, I could, you could tell me anything about him, I'd be like, I'm probably believe it.

• 3:57Laci Mosley?

  Right, I would too. That's actually very true. Adam Levine is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Is he a criminal? Adam, let us know. Marine five, what y'all doing over there?

• 4:10Laci Mosley?

  If anybody could be a celebrity criminal, it's definitely Adam Levine, because we're never checking for his personal business.

• 4:15Speaker 05

  No, I'm not even looking for his music, so I'm not looking for the things he does incorrectly in the world.

• 4:19Laci Mosley?

  True, but this is what I will say, because we can do the Maroon 5 shade, but I would say Maroon 5 is the Nickelback of our generation. Where we're all like, this is so ghetto, like, we should not be listening to them, but then we're also like, "Look at this photograph, trying to match my life." "I feel like it, my eyes get so red." Why do I know the whole song?

• 4:44Speaker 05

  No, I've seen Maroon 5 twice, so I really can't even throw anything at them.

• 4:48Laci Mosley?

  How does it try to act all bougie, like you hadn't seen Maroon 5 when you were out there?

• 4:52Speaker 05

  Wake up call. I mean, it really got me. The old stuff. I cry every time. I cry at everything, though, so it's not saying nothing.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  We all have cried to Sunday morning at some point, if you, if you say you have in your life.

• 5:02Laci Mosley?

  Shout out to Maroon 5 for having the monopoly on rom-com music. Like, you weren't, listen, you weren't having a rom-com if you didn't have a Maroon 5 moment, especially for a party montage. Come on now.

• 5:16Laci Mosley?

  They were the best, so I have to ask you both individually. We'll start, well, actually, I'll let you guys volunteer, whoever would like to start, but we always ask on this podcast, our guests, like, "What is your relationship with scams? Do you like them? Do you hate them? Have you ever run any? Have you had some run on you? It could be anything. This is a judgment-free space, except for when the congregation decides to judge me, but that's okay."

• 5:37Speaker 05

  Okay, as long as they're just judging you, that's okay.

• 5:39Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, they judge him.

• 5:42Speaker 05

  I respect and support scams when nobody gets hurt with them.

• 5:46Laci Mosley?

  Same.

• 5:46Speaker 05

  And I consider that if a rich person loses some of their money, but they're still rich, they're fine. So I think that is completely okay. And that was the scam I pulled. I pulled a scam where everybody kind of won.

• 5:58Laci Mosley?

  Okay, redistribution of wealth.

• 6:01Speaker 05

  Well, distribution of nice concert tickets. Cause I went to see JoJo, uh, who is kind of my room. I love her.

• 6:09Laci Mosley?

  I love her. I love that she was singing songs like a grown woman. Like, get out. She's in a high school. So like, get out, get out, get out of where, sis? Your locker? Where's he gonna leave from? Y'all don't live together? But I was just singing it.

• 6:22Speaker 05

  She wrote songs about divorce in second grade. She really made me learn a lot about the world. Yeah. And, uh, cause, but it was a standing room only venue. I think like grammar C something in New York. And I was like, me and my friend, we maybe like pregame a little too hard. And we were like, we're not gonna stand in the back. We, we know JoJo more than everybody else. We're the only people there. No clue if we know they're not. I did lie to security and said I worked for E News. And that I was covering the event and I needed a better seat and I needed to be upstairs in the VIP. So they were like, can we, do we have credentials? And I was like, I don't have time to show you credentials. I came here from LA just to film this. Can you help me get up?

• 7:04Speaker 05

  And they let me in and we did also get drunk enough to record people, um, giving shout outs to E News and JoJo that are still on my phone to just, uh, prove the time.

• 7:12Laci Mosley?

  My God, can you please send those? I would love to post those on the podcast. Like whatever you feel like is safe. If I feel like it isn't, because that is amazing. And I love this Danny because one, you do look like you should be hosting E News. Like it's giving E and you gave them like a part of scams is some, I told y'all. If you ever feel like you don't belong in a place, just walk in and treat it like it's the most ghetto shit you've ever seen in your life. Like if you just treat things like, ew, I can't even believe I'm in here. Like, wow, this is so hood. Please don't touch me. If you're just like, please get out of my way. I'm very busy. I flew all the way over here on an airplane move. And they were like, yes, Mr. Important, who doesn't have time to.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  That I could have said I'm Cat Sadler. They don't know who Cat Sadler is as a security. So I could have just said that. It was perfect. And it was a time of my life and I still love JoJo and E to this day.

• 8:03Laci Mosley?

  Yes. A lot of scams are just confidence. Scammers are very confident people. And sometimes we all have to scam, especially in entertainment to get where we're going because that confidence. I didn't start booking commercials until I didn't need to book commercials anymore in my career. Like I got, I remember I went to my last commercial audition and I was so fucking tired of that shit. They treat you like you're a piece of meat and they, they arrange you by looks and race and I'd be like, okay, this is the black family. You get over there, you with the black family and y'all the Latina family. And I would always see my friend Kimia at commercial auditions for black people and she's Persian. And so we always say that she's black and, and she gets so mad about it. But then when I saw her at the audition, they put her

• 8:43Laci Mosley?

  with the black family. I was like, look at you and here being black again. But the last one I went to, I was like, okay, this is so ghetto. Look, I only have 15 minutes on my meter. So can y'all see me right now? Because I have to go. And they were like, oh, her. She's the one. We love her. She hates it here and we need her. Like it's naked.

• 9:03Speaker 05

  It, it really is naked. Yes. Cause you have to just be like, you're welcome for being here. And then people just bow to you. Cause that's how every cult starts. People are like, you should be happy that I'm talking to you. And they're like, oh my God, thank you so much.

• 9:14Laci Mosley?

  But Connie is a wild dude, but my presence is a present. Kiss my ass. That energy. Take it everywhere you go. I, I've scammed my way into some parties. The first time I held Emmys, I was, um, at an Emmy party and I walked in and I was like, I just need to go back and use the bathroom. And the guy just let us and we was dressed cute, but I was wearing a plastic white dress. If I can find that photo, I'll post it too. I'm like, an Emmy party in a plastic white dress? They let me in? Very ghetto. And then somebody gave me their Emmys and I have photos of me holding two Emmys like, I was not supposed to be there at all. This is when I first moved to LA.

• 9:49Speaker 05

  That's amazing. Oh my, but I feel like that's what you have to do. I, that's what all I know about LA is that you just have to break into parties and have a fun time.

• 9:55Laci Mosley?

  Yep. And act like it's very ghetto there. Just like. Cudatray, uh, Cudatray. See, I can't even say it. Crudate. Crudatray, ew. Pedestrian, pedantic. So, Sarah, same question.

• 10:10Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. I mean, I wish I had this confidence. I think I'm gonna like do some deep thinking when we're done with the podcast because I'm always suspicious of scams because I'm very gullible. And when I graduated college, I thought I wanted to like write for TV or just, I don't know, work in film production. So I started just applying to like random LA internships. And I got this email from some guy like purporting to be some famous director, but like, of course, it was from a burner email. It was

• 10:39Laci Mosley?

  Cause you know, famous directors send out a direct hi- like they hire directly. Like, Dutt Apple Towns definitely emailing people like, "Do you wanna be my assistant?"

• 10:47Speaker 04

  Right. He uses It's spelled wrong.

• 10:50Laci Mosley?

  "You wanna work with me and Leslie Mann?" That's on Indeed.com.

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Okay, exactly. So I sent this to my parents being like, "Oh, my God, look at this." And they were like, "This is a check-kiting scam. Like, do not, do not get involved with this."

• 11:04Laci Mosley?

  What did it say in the message that you received?

• 11:06Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't, I don't remember, but it was like, "Oh, we need someone to handle some like confidential business or transactions or something." And my dad is like, "So what they're gonna do is they're gonna send you a check for like a thousand dollars. And then they're gonna say, "Oh, we sent you too much money. You have to send us back like $200." And then the check will clear at first, but then you're gonna be out that money once it bounces. And I'll say, "Oh."

• 11:30Laci Mosley?

  Okay. Wait, what's your daddy's name?

• 11:32Speaker 04

  Ira.

• 11:33Laci Mosley?

  Ira. I fucks with Ira. I so love that name.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  He knows. And he's a lawyer, right? So he knows everything. Yeah. Yes, he, he knows.

• 11:39Laci Mosley?

  Ira, Ira ain't knew to this. He true to this. He knew the whole scheme. Yes. I love that for you. And I love that you were smart enough when something felt wrong to ask a friend or your father or someone that you trust, because that's part of the reason that people get scammed is one, your desperation level is higher. You, you need a job, right? You, you're trying to get in this industry, right? And, and that goes for every single scam. And so sometimes we act quickly and we don't consult anyone. And if we had, we probably would have known. Like, if more people talked about the fact that they've had online relationships with somebody that they've never seen their face or had a phone call with, and all of a sudden they're in the hospital and they need money for the surgery,

• 12:21Laci Mosley?

  and the doctor won't do the surgery until they get the cash. If you said that to someone else out loud.

• 12:28Laci Mosley?

  They will tell you that sounds crazy.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  That's what, because I feel like that happens so much because my mom and all of her friends, they're kind of like golden girlsing and like so many of them are trying to date and do the online dating and they'll be like, no, my man is so nice. He has like a farm somewhere. He just needs to give him $2,000 to like restore the wifi so we can have a FaceTime. And I was like, that is not going to happen, mom.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  What kind of amazing wifi is that? Like I, I need to get that network, the speeds.

• 12:55Laci Mosley?

  Your shit running at the speed of light. You got your face on.

• 12:57Speaker 05

  Facebook is dating now. Yeah. It's Facebook dating. Let's bring it all down. Yes.

• 13:01Laci Mosley?

  And let's, and if you don't have anyone that, if maybe if you don't have time or if you're in a moment where you don't want to share something, I would even recommend reading stuff out loud. If you read something out loud, you can hear it back to yourself and hear how crazy it sounds.

• 13:18Speaker 05

  That is a good lesson, but also sometimes a hard lesson to do because if you reread a text message or something like that, you're like, who am I?

• 13:24Laci Mosley?

  I don't, I don't send, if I'm in a spicy conversation or if I'm feel some type of way and you know, maybe it's late at night or maybe I don't want to call anybody or disturb them or whatever. If I'm typing something and I know I'm coming from an emotional place, I read it out loud. And then I'm like, this is a lot. Okay.

• 13:44Laci Mosley?

  I will kill everything you love. No, I should definitely not say that. That's a crime implicated. And like I always tell y'all, don't say nothing that you don't want repeated in a text message. You got to call people. Call them. Plausible deniability. I never said that. Who said that?

• 14:02Speaker 05

  I just use emojis. I don't text.

• 14:03Laci Mosley?

  Right. Don't, don't put your mess in writing. Ever. Okay?

• 14:10Speaker 00

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• 14:39Speaker 01

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• 14:46Speaker 01

  It may be time to try something else. Extenture is an ultra-long-acting prescription-maintenance treatment for severe asthma, eosinophilic type, ages 12 and older. It isn't for sudden breathing problems. Extenture is the first and only add-on treatment that can help deliver protection from asthma attacks with two doses a year. Just one dose every six months. That's a lot of time for everything in between. Serious allergic reactions can occur. Get help right away for swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or trouble breathing. Don't change or stop medicines, including steroids, unless told by your doctor. Report if you have a parasitic infection. Common cold, sinus infection, inflammation in the nose, flu or flulike symptoms, joint pain, or sore throat may occur.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Carry on with fewer attacks and ask your doctor about Extenture. Learn more at extenture.com or call 1-833-393-3678.

• 15:41Laci Mosley?

  So let's get into our first segment here. What's hot in fraud? This is where we warn our listeners about popping scams and the zeitgeist. And more often than not, we get a letter from you all. And I've been loving the letters, guys. It's always, snitch on your friends and family at [email protected]. Just make sure your scam is retired because we don't want to what? Yes, fuck up your bag. Amen. Now, I need a fake name for this person. We don't care about gender here. It's made up.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  Katrina is popping into my head.

• 16:19Laci Mosley?

  Katrina. Okay, I like Katrina. Why Katrina?

• 16:24Speaker 05

  Um, because that was a girl I went to middle school with who did a lot of scams. And I just feel like I don't talk to her anymore. But a good way to pay homage to her.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  She's like, I'm charging you for the candy that they sell.

• 16:34Speaker 05

  Well, she was like a peer leader and just stole stuff. So I mean, like, good for her.

• 16:37Laci Mosley?

  Oh, honestly, that's how you knew somebody had a future in crime. Whoever was the kid at the school who stole candy out of their backpack and hot chips and whatever else, like, how can you be an entrepreneur at school? Think about that. Because school is a place. And this is why I'm a heavy advocate for lunches should be free for all children at school because school is basically like a towing scam. Like, as a kid, it is illegal for you not to go to school. So how, when I go to school, I gotta pay for anything? We all holding me hostage and my mama gonna go to jail if I don't go to school? And so this scammer was like, oh, hey, everybody's locked in here all day, can't leave, otherwise they might go to jail.

• 17:17Laci Mosley?

  Food is limited, options are few, I'm gonna sell this, you know, dollar store food at a

• 17:24Speaker 05

  Upcharge.

• 17:24Laci Mosley?

  Upcharge. Like, that's how you know you have a potential criminal on your hands.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  Oh, without a doubt.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 17:31Laci Mosley?

  People can't go nowhere, they can't leave.

• 17:37Laci Mosley?

  And I love this. All right, so Katrina. Katrina says, I'm actually gonna read the top of this Katrina, cuz you're getting sassy with me, and I love it. Katrina says, hey, Lacey, blah, blah, blah, love the show, etc. I know you won't read it, but I'm a red shirt wearing member of the congregation from the start, and I love the show so much. Okay, you better be an original, you better be a deacon, better have your white gloves on, counting the money off the surface, don't steal too much. So, okay, here's what happened to me. I just found out about two days ago, and actually said to myself, among the stress, I need to write Lacey about this, the way that y'all.

• 18:17Speaker 05

  You're there in time of need.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, the therapist, like, she needs to know.

• 18:22Laci Mosley?

  But sometimes people will write to me as this happened, and they're like, I'm in the closet right now, and they're like, type of this.

• 18:30Laci Mosley?

  They're the problembers.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  I hope they're not voice memoing, they're like, I'm held captive, yeah.

• 18:36Laci Mosley?

  Girl, I'm being kidnapped. Let me tell you.

• 18:40Speaker 05

  Blah, blah, blah.

• 18:41Laci Mosley?

  Blah, blah, blah, I'm gonna call the police after this, but let me tell you. Few years ago, a friend of mine started working at a local plumbing HVAC company, and I, of course, started using them for my needs.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Plumbing needs?

• 18:56Laci Mosley?

  In a then rented house. I called them out for many issues over three years, and they always did top notch work, and my invoices were really reasonable. My friend said he helped me out with his friends and family discount, and I paid the balance on his credit card for his rewards.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  Okay. That's a question mark.

• 19:16Speaker 05

  Katrina's losing me now, she's scaring me.

• 19:19Laci Mosley?

  But reciprocity though, Katrina, I love that. It was like, I scam with them, they scam with me. We were doing great. I told him that it was totally fine and would spend some of his reward points on restaurant cards and would take me out to dinner every now and then in return for me always inviting him over for dinner, but he'd always cancel at the last minute. Now, I'm confused, Katrina. What is this? What did you just say to me? Because that don't make no sense.

• 19:43Speaker 04

  She's dating the plumber? Like, that's it? Is that what's happening?

• 19:47Laci Mosley?

  So, my friend said he helped me out with his friends and family discount and paid the balance on his credit card for his rewards. I told him that was totally fine and he would spend some of the reward points on restaurant cards and would take me out to dinner every now and then. And in return for me always inviting him over for dinner, oh, in return for me always inviting him over for dinner, but he would cancel at the last minute. So, I got it. I got it, guys. Woo, the way you wrote this, Katrina.

• 20:14Speaker 05

  There's a lot of back and forth. There's like two exchanges going on, I feel like.

• 20:16Laci Mosley?

  So, what's going on is Katrina got this plumbing service that she fucked with. Her friend worked at the plumbing HVAC service. Every time she hit him up, he gives her a discount, but he tells the service, oh, she paying full price. Then he scams off the top that coin and he pays off his credit card bill so he could get some rewards. And he was like, I'mma help you out since you calling the company. Like, I'mma get you some rewards as well by giving you dinner, is what I'm saying.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. It's like, did she just scam her way into a relationship? Because I support that.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  I do feel like there is a part of Katrina who's mad for a lot of reasons. I don't even know how this ends, but that she brought up to tell you. He kept on canceling at the last minute, her home cooking. So, she needs to, I hope she's addressing that. I don't know.

• 21:04Laci Mosley?

  Curious. Every time you want to go to Outback, we eat shrimp on the barbie. But when I'm saying, let's get intimate, he was like, who? Hello? New phone?

• 21:14Speaker 05

  Like Katrina used her air fryer.

• 21:16Laci Mosley?

  Right. I have an air fryer in the box that I should have stole.

• 21:20Speaker 05

  They're so right.

• 21:21Laci Mosley?

  Because I was, I did self-checkout and...

• 21:26Laci Mosley?

  So I put it in my cart and self-checkout, like an air fryer is expensive, so they have the little, Target has the little thing around it, like the little thing that goes off like an alarm if you try to cut it or something. And so I put it in my cart, I paid for the bitch, I walked out the store, nothing happened, right? I got home, I cut that thing off, cause I was like, why is this here? And it started beeping, I had to like stomp on it in my stilettos, and I was like, bitch, I could've just stole this. Like, why did I even buy it? Regrets. So I would just send him the money via PayPal to cover the invoices, so I would have receipts on receipts. Plus, I had the invoices printed out and saved in my home maintenance folder. I sent my friend this money in good faith that he had taken care of my invoices for the business that he worked for.

• 22:09Laci Mosley?

  So he was like, send me the invoices for the spot, and I'm gonna take that money, and I'm gonna use my friends and family discount, and then I'm gonna keep the other coins to pay down what sounds like absorbing in credit card debt. Katrina, were you dating this man? What's going on?

• 22:26Speaker 05

  I think we're not, I think she needs, I feel like there is something like that going on.

• 22:29Laci Mosley?

  I feel like you're not getting enough out of this scam, I feel like you should be getting more.

• 22:33Speaker 05

  Well, also, cause how frequently does she need the plumbing service too?

• 22:37Laci Mosley?

  Katrina, what are you eating? Why is the toilet all fucked up all the time?

• 22:41Speaker 05

  Maybe that's why everyone cancels on her dinner plans, cause they're like, Katrina, I don't know what you're putting in me.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  You're like, out for forty-eight hours.

• 22:47Speaker 05

  A lot of ways, yeah.

• 22:48Laci Mosley?

  Katrina, do you have IBS? You could be honest. That's okay. Okay, I stand with you, I know people with IBS, okay? No, it might have just been shitty plumbing. Look, Katrina, you a OG congregation member, you know these are just jokes, okay? Don't, don't hurt me.

• 23:02Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, and also Katrina, I have a, my stomach is very sensitive and my plumbing is shitty too, and I don't get a discount with any plumbing. So she's better than me right now.

• 23:11Laci Mosley?

  So, Katrina says, he was let go recently for reasons unknown to me, I haven't asked him out of respect, and he hasn't offered the info. Just, well, I mean-

• 23:20Speaker 04

  But is it unknown? Cause we know he's scamming the HVAC.

• 23:24Laci Mosley?

  Yeah.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  I feel like that's why.

• 23:25Laci Mosley?

  I'm pretty sure the HVAC company doesn't want its, like, workers going out and getting paid directly. Like- Imagine if you had somebody like come do your cable or something and you're like, okay, well, uh, I need to pay. I'll do it online. And they're like, oh, no, no, no. Actually, you can just cash out me. And then I'm gonna send it to AT and T and them. Yeah, no, that's how we do it. Like, what? Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  It's COVID protocol. Yeah. And how it works out now. Yeah.

• 23:51Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, it's just too dangerous for y'all to be paying on the website right now. So the website's actually down. Don't check.

• 24:01Laci Mosley?

  Just a few days ago, I had a major service scheduled. Katrina, what?

• 24:06Speaker 04

  She's out again.

• 24:09Laci Mosley?

  You need to move.

• 24:12Speaker 05

  She needs to get rent back. Talk about who scamming her landlord is.

• 24:16Laci Mosley?

  Wait, I'm like, oh, pay. Well, does she own the building? I gotta go back up Katrina and understand how the hell we got here. Yeah, it says local plumbing. And of course, I started using them for my needs in my then rented house. So is she renting a house or is someone, or she renting it to someone?

• 24:35Speaker 04

  Oh, that would make sense.

• 24:36Speaker 05

  That would make sense. That would be in like, cause then also if it's like an Airbnb thing, maybe a lot of people just go there and.

• 24:41Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, maybe people are just flushing like hella tampons and cocaine down her toilet all the time. And she's like, cause this just seems like too much maintenance. And I know houses are a lot of maintenance. I know a lot of homeowners are gonna clap back and be like, I'm like, I'm a millennial, sweetie. I've never heard of a home.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  I wish I could know. Yeah, I would like to know.

• 25:01Laci Mosley?

  A mortgage? What?

• 25:02Speaker 05

  I'm in the studio looking at my toilet and kitchen and bathroom and bedroom right now. So I don't even know anything. Yeah.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  So you really don't want a plumbing issue then? It'll be everywhere at once.

• 25:12Speaker 05

  I can't eat Katrina's food. I can't. No, I'm sorry, girl. We can microwave lean cuisines together. Yeah, I don't know.

• 25:19Laci Mosley?

  But we don't need the toilet in, in the, in the bedroom. We don't need that. Okay. I don't understand. It's not so bad in the housing market for millennials that people are starting to lobby for rent to be written off just like mortgages. Cause they're like, well, bitch, if you're not gonna give us a house, then we should at least be able to write off our rent like a mortgage. And we should. It's a scam. How you gonna punish me for not owning property? Ghetto.

• 25:44Laci Mosley?

  Just a few days ago, she had the major service scheduled, a major service. Oh, okay, explosion is happening. I got a call an hour after they were going to arrive saying I actually owe an outstanding balance of six hundred seventy seven dollars and they had an emergency call and will have to reschedule me after I settle the outstanding debt. So they said, we have another phone call and they actually be paying their bills, so we're gonna have to service them first because you don't be paying your bills. I was flabbergasted.

• 26:13Speaker 05

  Okay, Katrina, give us some, some diction.

• 26:16Laci Mosley?

  After investigating for a whole day, I found out my friend had faked the invoices and pocketed six hundred seventy seven dollars from me and the business he worked for. Then he had the audacity to ask me for money to help after he was fired and I sent this man thirty dollars for groceries that I didn't have to help out a friend in good faith, not knowing he had scammed me for years. The business had worked with me and they agreed to honor the payments when I provided the fake invoices and my payment receipts. Now, I'm honestly not sure what to do or how to feel. Do I take him to court for the money or do I just accept that I got played, but the work was done anyway and the business can deal with it? I feel betrayed and hurt, but also really do deeply care about my friend and even though he did this, I'm so torn with this.

• 26:59Laci Mosley?

  Oh, he said, please call me Horatio if you end up talking about this. Uh, Horatio, you put that at the wrong part of the letter.

• 27:06Speaker 05

  Aw, man.

• 27:06Laci Mosley?

  It should have been at the top. Your name is Katrina. I'll acknowledge it though, so you know it's you, but it's, you know, it's, Horatio, when you structure your next scam letter, put that at the top.

• 27:17Speaker 05

  Put that with the blah blahs.

• 27:19Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, blah, blah, blah, call me Horatio. Come on now, you know I do not read this stuff beforehand. Have you not figured that out yet? I go all vibes and I like your vibes, Katrina slash Horatio. Um, that's your last name, Katrina Horatio. We'll give you a full name.

• 27:33Speaker 05

  Love that.

• 27:34Laci Mosley?

  So, what are your thoughts here? Like, should Katrina Horatio deal with this friend?

• 27:42Speaker 05

  My feeling is that Katrina Horatio had some more feelings with this friend and with everything being settled, the work being done, taking them to court would almost in a way just be like bringing up feelings and a way to see them. And I think like you're not gonna get anything from it because expecting them to be like, you're not gonna get an apology, you're already getting your money back, your plumbing will be good for until you need your plumbing again. I don't think it's worth it.

• 28:09Speaker 06

  Sarah, what do you think? Cause I have thoughts, but I want you to go first.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  I'm just, I can't, this seems like such a bad scam. You're scamming your friend out of a couple hundred dollars over many years. I just feel like there are other ways to get six hundred dollars over the course of a few years.

• 28:25Speaker 06

  I feel like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go into scam land here. Katrina Horatio, baby, listen close. Put your earphone deeper in your ear. Lean next to your radio, uh, however you listen to this. Bring that JBL speaker right up to your face.

• 28:48Speaker 06

  Baby, this man was never your friend.

• 28:54Speaker 06

  Every time you made plans, he would cancel. He never wanted to come to dinner. He was taking money from you, and so you didn't get suspicious. He gave you a few things like some fancy dinners on his car for rewards points. But I would argue that this man has made fake friendships with a lot of people and used the service to steal their money.

• 29:20Laci Mosley?

  I hope you heard that.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  This is feeling like a class action lawsuit now. I'm like, let's get everybody together.

• 29:25Speaker 05

  That was loud and clear, and I also think you need to have Patreon bonus episodes where you just give like, when someone calls you drunk, like, should I go over to their apartment right now? Not even a scam? And you have to ASMR reality to them. ASMR R.

• 29:40Speaker 06

  This person only texts you very late at night, and they never hold the conversation and always answer your texts. They don't like you. They ask you for money and they never offer to pay it back. The sex is bad and you know that, but you just like the attention and the roller coaster of the relationship. They're hot and cold because when they're busy with other people that they care about, they forget about you.

• 30:06Speaker 05

  Okay, you looked right at me with that.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  I needed to hear this a couple of years ago.

• 30:12Laci Mosley?

  I be having to whisper this shit to myself. I have a tweet that's like low key going viral right now where I was like, oh yeah, I quit dating. I was like, oh my god, dating, I was like, you have to work to look for love and it's unpaid? The absolute ghetto, zero out of ten, would not recommend.

• 30:32Speaker 05

  There's no tax refund for it, no.

• 30:34Laci Mosley?

  Nothing. My time is expensive and so are y'all's time and I was like, even my free time, I could just be alone. I was like, this is so ghetto. You tell me I gotta just go out on last of dates. Shout out to all the people in relationships because a lot of times when people have weddings, I think there's a cynicism that kind of develops, maybe in millennial culture, maybe not, but I'm millennial, so I'm not punching down on this. I'm just saying like, we were all kind of like, marriage is a scam. It's like, we're in love, let's get the government involved. What's going on? Why? But, you know, when people have a wedding, people get a little crazy. It's their big moment. It's their big day. For people who don't work in entertainment and stuff, it's like the moment that every eye is on them. They're the star.

• 31:15Laci Mosley?

  You know, it's a big party celebrating their love. And I feel like sometimes people are like, this is so weird. Like, okay, you marry somebody, like, that's not an achievement. Fuck that. I used to think back in the day, I was like, getting married, like getting an MRS out of college, like, that's not winning. Like, I'm trying to like, move mountains and accomplish shit in business. Oh no, honey, if you can find somebody, eh, if you can find somebody, y'all both agree, to get the government involved in your love. That's hard work. That means you went on hella dates. You probably dated some people, found out that they were married. You probably dated some people, found out that they were weird. You know, maybe you had to run from somebody who looks sketchy, like they might chop you up and put you in their freezer.

• 31:56Laci Mosley?

  Like, you have been through it to find love because it is work, especially now. Bitch, you want me to download an app for love? Then the app be like, well, for $4.99, you could probably find a little faster, bitch, what?

• 32:06Speaker 05

  I'm like, why is there Fastpass? This isn't Disney. And I don't even like Disney. And I don't like dating, so I'm just gonna be here alone.

• 32:13Laci Mosley?

  That's the Fastpass for love.

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Wait, okay, the Lifetime movie, the Lifetime movie.

• 32:19Laci Mosley?

  Fastpass for love. That's really what it is. I would watch it. That's a, that's a Lifetime title right there. Danny, write the movie.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  Okay, I mean, I'm on it.

• 32:27Laci Mosley?

  Lifetime, they buy anything. They say, you got content, girl, come on. What are you calling it? We suggest murdering mom. We like to get to the point at Lifetime.

• 32:35Speaker 05

  And it's just her jogging with a bottle of wine. And they're like, no, she's every woman.

• 32:40Laci Mosley?

  Like Lifetime is not creative with their titles. Like I just saw everything everywhere all at once. And honestly, I'm gonna sue because that movie destroyed me. I came in thinking, I was like, oh, it's Kill Bill. Oh, it's Joy Love Club. Oh, it's Seception. Oh, it's killing me. And like, it was beautiful. Michelle Yeoh, run, run her things because goddamn, so good, so good. But that title, you don't know what you're walking into, but Lifetime's like a daughter's demise. It's like, I know the daughter gonna get demise.

• 33:11Laci Mosley?

  I know what's gonna happen.

• 33:12Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, there is not, the spoiler alert, it's a spoiler alert network where they're like, yeah, like, like undergraduate dead. I'm like, okay, got it. We'll see what happens. Oh, this girl's going to school. What will happen next?

• 33:21Laci Mosley?

  Right, but they're like, don't you wanna see how she going down? I'm like, I do. I actually do. And it's time for Historic Hoodwink. This is where I will regale Sarah and Danny with a famous con caper group of criminals. We don't know yet. Y'all know I be along for the ride. And some people think that's irresponsible. But like I say, and I haven't said in a while, I'm not a journalist.

• 33:45Laci Mosley?

  The show is a scam.

• 33:48Laci Mosley?

  The only negative reviews that I get, which guys, Apple Podcasts, please leave us a five star review. I will count that as your black activism for the day.

• 33:56Laci Mosley?

  But people will be like, she talks, they go on tangent so much and they're always laughing at their own jokes and I hate it. Where's the story? And I'm like, I try to do an equal balance of mess and story.

• 34:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, this is like the White House Correspondents Dinner. Like if they want, like, what is going on here?

• 34:11Laci Mosley?

  But you know, the true crime girlies, they're used to like Sarah Koenig talking in a very affable way.

• 34:16Speaker 05

  That's true.

• 34:17Laci Mosley?

  You know, so here we go.

• 34:19Speaker 04

  I feel like our, the scam of our podcast is that it actually just is another true crime podcast. But we put the not in front of it to be like, we're original.

• 34:27Laci Mosley?

  Sarah, see, that's the scam that you're running. That's another true crime podcast. Come over here for something different. And then you get in and you're like, it's the same, but it's still really good. Cause we're the hosts. That's how you gotta get them. That was really smart.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  And we have Jorge at the end, which is great.

• 34:43Laci Mosley?

  Yes. I created this podcast because I had shopped around a comedy podcast about current events. And they were like, we have too many of those and girl, you're not famous at the time. And I was like, okay, what about scams? But also it's a comedy podcast. And I'm just breaking the fourth wall, but that's my scam to you all.

• 34:59Speaker 05

  But God bless. And now you're both, now you have this podcast is amazing and you're famous and everyone who turned you down, I hope they're listening.

• 35:06Laci Mosley?

  Oh, I was about to drop a name. I'm not gonna do that.

• 35:10Speaker 05

  That'll be on your ASMR Patreon.

• 35:13Laci Mosley?

  So today, we're talking about the multi-talented athlete Elizabeth Swaney proudly made it to the Olympics in 2018. Um, the Winter Games, but in order to get there, she didn't do a single trick. How you did that?

• 35:29Speaker 04

  That's, that's a goal of mine. Wow.

• 35:31Laci Mosley?

  This white woman is giving winter, though.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  She does look very REI, like she looks like all the, yes, like very much of that.

• 35:37Laci Mosley?

  She looks very North Face if North Face was a person.

• 35:41Speaker 05

  What are those boots or like, like what is, she's wearing Uggs too, which is what I would wear if I went to the Olympics, I feel like. They're almost Uggs. They're North Face Uggs. I don't even know.

• 35:50Laci Mosley?

  Are they? Oh, they're North Face. Like, it's like, oh, girl, you want to wear leggings and Ugg boots, but it's called North Face Uggs.

• 35:58Speaker 05

  She's got a Amash jersey. God bless.

• 36:01Laci Mosley?

  Yes, I'm into it. I don't know. She's giving winter Olympics. She's giving the fashion of winter Olympics. I know I would go like Montclair, like something a little like cuter. Uh, the only reason I ever want to ski is so I can just like buy a whole Montclair ski suit and like take pictures in the snow and then go into the cabin and have hot cocoa and never ski.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  That is my dream.

• 36:20Laci Mosley?

  Actually, I would ski a little bit. Maybe I'd do a bunny slope. I'm just not trying to die by tree. Like, I just don't want to.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  And I know I would be the person who would die doing any of that. So that's why I don't do it. Cause they'd be like, oh, he tried. And I'll be like a lesson of people not being adventurous. So.

• 36:32Laci Mosley?

  Sarah, do you do winter sports? Have you ever?

• 36:34Speaker 04

  Oh, no, there's way too many celebrities who've died in skiing accidents and they know what they're doing, I assume. So I just want to dress up like a Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and just do the up prey ski, but not the ski.

• 36:46Laci Mosley?

  Just a Genshin moment. That's it.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Yes, that's my scam. Cause you guys think I could ski.

• 36:51Laci Mosley?

  Sarah's like in a full ski outfit with the skis, like doing a whoosh pose on the slopes. And she's like, all right, let's pack it up. We got the shot. All right.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  I'm like, I'll blur the background so it looks like I'm moving.

• 37:04Laci Mosley?

  Y'all get the fan out. Get that wind blower. That leaf blower. Blow that in my face.

• 37:09Speaker 05

  Fabulous. All set.

• 37:10Laci Mosley?

  We did it, Joe. Love it.

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• 38:50Laci Mosley?

  So Elizabeth, I'm just gonna call her Elizabeth Swaney. I don't want to mess up her last name. We put some respect on your name, it's a scammer. But Elizabeth Swaney was born in 1984 in Oakland, California. Her journey to the Olympics first became when she was seven. And she was inspired by Christie Yamaguchi, gold-winning performance at the 1992 game. So she saw Christie Yamaguchi, which Christie Yamaguchi... Isn't she a figure skater? Yes. And I knew her. She was very famous.

• 39:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, she was a celebrity. Like, yes, she was out of... Because I'm not a big sport Olympic person, and I knew her name.

• 39:24Laci Mosley?

  Same. I'm not watching the girls on the ice dance, you know? Even though it's very impressive because when I get on skates, I'm like, oh, I'm upright. How long can I do this for? It's very embarrassing to be adult and go ice skating. Cause if you fall as an adult, it's just very.

• 39:38Speaker 05

  It's so sad. And I feel like that's why I don't watch it. Cause I usually, whenever I watch something, I tell myself, cause I'm delusional and a narcissist. I'm like, I could do that. The Olympics is something I can't do that with. So I can't, I let them just have their moments.

• 39:50Laci Mosley?

  I feel like maybe I could do curling.

• 39:52Speaker 05

  Ooh, or is that the one that's a?

• 39:54Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, with the like little scoop.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've given hand jobs. I could do that.

• 40:01Laci Mosley?

  So a few years later, Elizabeth's mother took her to a lunch that was hosted by Christie Yamaguchi. A chance for her to meet her in person. I don't know. That's right. Elizabeth said it was there that Christie told her she'd need to devote many, many hours of practice to skating. If she hoped to become an Olympian and she tried.

• 40:22Laci Mosley?

  Cause she was like, you better get off your ass and work. So many people don't wanna work. So. Christie Yamaguchi gave her the speech and she was like, okay, bet. As she grew older, she fell in love with other winter sports, including ice hockey and skeleton. A sliding sport in which a person rides a small sled known as a skeleton bob sled down a frozen track while lying face down head first. I thought that was like illusion.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, that sounds terrifying.

• 40:48Speaker 05

  Wait, that is truly, that's just college when you have lunch plates. Like what?

• 40:52Speaker 04

  This is like me doing like this trivasa on yoga. Like what's happening?

• 40:56Laci Mosley?

  This just looks intentionally dangerous. I don't think people need to compete at this.

• 41:00Speaker 05

  No, cause there's, what is this? I'm sure whoever, if anybody listening, they know, I don't know what it seems more of a game of chance than a game of skill almost. And I know I'm wrong, just cause it scares me. It scares me.

• 41:10Laci Mosley?

  You have to be more aerodynamic. So I can see that she's squeezing her thighs together and giving us like a yoga pose.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  Like converse wedges, just not seeing regulation.

• 41:21Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. Are you going to a Fergie music video after this? I'm confused. Why? And this is see, I don't wanna careen into anything like this head first. Oh my god. And if you fly off of it, oh wow, we'll put the picture up, cuz y'all need to see this, like, she's, and she's not even on the snow, this is like in the living room and carpet, she just like posing on this board, okay.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  Olivia Jade's rowing pictures, like, she's just on a skateboard, like, what?

• 41:49Laci Mosley?

  But when her middle school teacher suggested she try rowing, she fell in love with it. So I think that our, our girl Elizabeth was like, I'm gonna be an athlete of some sort, I'm going to the Olympics, hell or high water. What, what, shot put, what, what, what else y'all got?

• 42:02Speaker 05

  Oh, it's competitive walking, that's one of them, which I always think is so impressive.

• 42:06Laci Mosley?

  Ribbon twirling, what can I do? Let me in. In college, she went on to become the Cox Wayne, the steerman of the boat for a highly ranked University of California men's crew team. Okay. Being the only girl on a boys' team was not new to Elizabeth, who had played little league and all-boys soccer as a child. She also went on to train in archery, gymnastics, piano flute, and cheerleading. Okay, so she was like, look, I'm an athlete, I don't know which, what's gonna work, but I'm gonna be athletic.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  She's throwing everything to the wall.

• 42:40Laci Mosley?

  I feel like in entertainment, we kinda do that, we're like, okay, I'll try this, I'll audition for that. You know, I used to host an in-app game show that was like, um, what was that show that was hosted out of New York? That was a quiz.

• 42:52Speaker 05

  HQ trivia?

• 42:53Laci Mosley?

  Yes, so I was on the bootleg scam version of that from China called Beat the Q.

• 43:02Laci Mosley?

  And I came into the studio, and it was live, and I was on the teleprompter reading these questions, and one time I had choked, I was on air. And I was choking, and it was live, so I couldn't stop, and so the comments are flying up, like, get her some milk, get her some milk.

• 43:19Laci Mosley?

  They're like, oh, she's gonna die in front of us, haha, I was like, yo, I hate the internet.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  People are like doing just fire emojis, they're like, no, this is my downfall.

• 43:28Laci Mosley?

  That's how bootleg we were, we couldn't even get a technical difficulty moment, they were like, bitch, you need to unchoke yourself, like, handle yourself, we need to get through this.

• 43:37Speaker 05

  That was your archery moment of this girl, yes.

• 43:41Speaker 05

  You're like, you just follow, which one is gonna pay me? That's just, let me do whatever pays me, please.

• 43:45Laci Mosley?

  Exactly. She was like, oh, the girls don't get famous for my tree? Okay, never mind. What do the girls get famous? Okay, they like skating, dancing. Okay, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool. So over many years, she auditioned unsuccessfully to be a cheerleader for the Utah Jazz, Oakland Raiders, and LA Clippers. Okay, you were traveling for these auditions. These were all in California, but you are definitely in your car racking up mileage.

• 44:06Speaker 05

  Yes. And also cheerleading just came out of nowhere. She just jumped into that. All right.

• 44:10Laci Mosley?

  It's a very athletic sport and it's an extremely dangerous sport. So, okay, girl, you was out here trying to get it. Although when you're a cheerleader on a professional team, you're basically just a dancer. They're not really doing like, here we go, Clippers.

• 44:25Speaker 05

  No, watch, oh my god, the halftime is the best. They're like doing like in air, like ten feet off the ground stuff. And I'm like, how, how do bodies work? It, yeah.

• 44:34Laci Mosley?

  You have to start that when you're so young because you get to a certain point with tumbling. Cause I actually tried, I went to a tumbling facility in high school, but I was already old enough that my brain had kicked in on like, bitch, you gonna die. And once your brain says, bitch, you gonna die, you can't do no flips. Like, you have to be so relaxed and so comfortable of like, I can do this, it's ground over there. And then you just throw your body back. I was already in mode of like, bitch, you gonna die.

• 45:03Laci Mosley?

  And I was like, it's not gonna work for me.

• 45:04Speaker 05

  No, skiing and cheerleading, nope, nope, nope.

• 45:06Laci Mosley?

  And like the twisties, like, you know, um, what, what's our baddest bitch in gymnastics? Simone Biles. She has stepped away for a minute because she said she started getting the twisties. And when you get that, like where you're like flipping the shit and you're like, oh, bitch, I'm gonna die. Like, you can't tumble, you will get injured.

• 45:23Speaker 05

  Cause that's the worst. You can't, when your head is upside down, you can't be like, am I gonna land? You can't be when you're like, huh? That's what I think every pilot is doing, cause I'm afraid of flying when they're like.

• 45:33Laci Mosley?

  You're in my head, Danny. Are we the same person? I was about to say, if you're a pilot and you in the sky and you're like, how we gonna get down?

• 45:40Speaker 05

  We're above clouds. Where's the grass? I'm just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 45:44Laci Mosley?

  No, if you're at thirty-five thousand feet, you're like, bitch, we can't leave. Like, that's, you gotta stop flying planes.

• 45:51Laci Mosley?

  It's exactly that. So Elizabeth said, if I'm going to do something, I want to learn how to do it well. I might not become the best in the world at it, but I'll learn how people who are doing it are getting good. Okay, girl, I like that.

• 46:04Speaker 05

  I support that.

• 46:05Laci Mosley?

  At nineteen, she mounted a campaign for a governor of California race, ultimately won by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  She ran for governor? She was like, okay, sports isn't panning out. Let me do a quick pivot into politics.

• 46:21Laci Mosley?

  Oh, my gosh, she did it. When you see that the Terminator is running for president, anything does seem possible. I would be like, well, bitch, me too then, god damn. You telling me the I'll be back, you telling me the I'll be back man is running? Me too.

• 46:37Speaker 04

  Like, you're not even gonna start with city council. You're just going straight for the whole head of the state.

• 46:42Speaker 05

  Kind of like, she looks political. I would vote for her over Arnold Schwarzenegger, I think.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  I would vote for her for, like, student government.

• 46:49Laci Mosley?

  This article says nineteen-year-old Berkeley student joins race for governor. I don't know. Elizabeth, she's tenacious. And in politics, politics is, it's a ripe industry for scams. Like, every election is bought. If you don't have enough coins, you can't win. It's just a fact. So to get the signatures that she needed to get her name on the ballot, she stood in front of a gym with the logic that people would be in a better mood and more likely to engage with her after a workout. That's true. You do be on a high.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, okay, Elwood's.

• 47:19Speaker 05

  Truly.

• 47:19Speaker 04

  She knows endorphins make you happy.

• 47:22Laci Mosley?

  Sarah, that's exactly who she is. She's Elwood. She even received her grad degree from Harvard studying real estate. This person is just a genius and doesn't know where to throw the energy. She's like, I'm not gonna do this. I do that.

• 47:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, she could have just had a life coach and, like, who knows where she'd be today.

• 47:37Laci Mosley?

  I think life coaching is a scam, but in her case, I'm like, somebody really needs to coach her life. She needs to be like an XO playboard. Go left, go right.

• 47:44Speaker 05

  This is a lesson. Like, parents should tell their kids no sometimes, where it's like, I want to be like a governor and a real estate agent and a skier and a chil- But you gotta pick one, and you gotta say no.

• 47:54Laci Mosley?

  I don't know if you have to pick one.

• 47:57Speaker 05

  That's true. I mean, I guess she is. She's been thriving doing all this.

• 48:00Laci Mosley?

  You could be a multi hyphenate. I don't know if she's thrived yet. She hasn't quite won anything.

• 48:07Laci Mosley?

  Didn't get that. And she went all across the state. So she like tried everybody.

• 48:13Speaker 05

  And she went to Boston now. She's over in Cambridge trying to have a new life.

• 48:15Laci Mosley?

  She tried to go to the Olympics. They were like, no, girl. No, thank you. Like, she tried to be the governor and they were like, what? So I don't know. I think if we had social media, I think if TikTok existed at the time that she ran for governor, she might have won.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Oh, without a doubt.

• 48:32Laci Mosley?

  If she got on there, started doing some little dances and the young girls pulled up and grassroots her, I don't know. You were ahead of your time, Elizabeth. But during it all, she was driven by the singular goal of making it to the Olympics, no matter what. Now.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Can the governor compete at the Olympics? That seems like not like I'm like somewhere along the way you got lost in your goal. Eye on the prize.

• 48:52Laci Mosley?

  She was like, if I'm the governor, I can put myself into the Olympics.

• 48:58Laci Mosley?

  Gotta play a long game.

• 48:59Speaker 05

  She's thinking smarter. Yeah, she's going it.

• 49:03Laci Mosley?

  Elizabeth first intended to qualify for the Olympics under Venezuela, her mother's country, at age thirty-three. Instead of special thirty-three, that's too old for the Olympics, baby.

• 49:12Speaker 05

  I was gonna say.

• 49:13Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, yeah.

• 49:16Speaker 04

  Like, you had to knock off like twenty years.

• 49:18Laci Mosley?

  It's the truth. You do have to give up at a certain age because your knees have given up on you. Like, that's not even ages. It's just like.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  Your knees don't match your needs and you have to move on with that. No, exactly.

• 49:30Laci Mosley?

  That's a beautiful phrase. Your knees don't match your needs. Okay?

• 49:34Speaker 05

  My second lifetime movie.

• 49:35Speaker 04

  That's my new live, laugh, love poster.

• 49:39Laci Mosley?

  That's the live, laugh, love poster, for sure. That's the one that's in like, uh, what's the store? Cray and Barrett? What's the store for like, women who have decided that they are gonna furnish their homes?

• 49:53Speaker 05

  Of home goods?

• 49:54Laci Mosley?

  Yes, that's the store I was thinking of. That's a home goods store. That's, oh my, you're in my head, Danny.

• 50:01Speaker 05

  I feel you when I see you, yes. And I also see home goods too much. Cause I am that woman.

• 50:06Laci Mosley?

  Right, I am too. I mean, like, look at this bowl. Twenty-six dollars and I'll take that and I'll put lemons in it. Cause that's classy.

• 50:15Speaker 05

  And it will solve all my problems.

• 50:17Laci Mosley?

  It'll solve all my problems.

• 50:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm fine now.

• 50:19Laci Mosley?

  Oh, yeah, no, things were bad before. I was definitely depressed, but now I got a bowl of lemons, so I don't know what y'all talking about. I'm classy.

• 50:27Laci Mosley?

  So instead of specializing in one sport, she threw herself into training for different Olympic sports. She isn't even fucking Olympic training like she at the goddamn casino. She's like, put, put it on red, put it on black. Give me twenty-four, twenty-nine, twelve, three and four. What? You have to focus on one sport? Do you not listen to Christie or Amaguchi? Well, you know what, Christie, your advice was vague. You told her to work really hard. You didn't say work at one thing.

• 50:51Speaker 05

  That's actually, okay, you know what? That's fair. Be more specific when you give goals to seven-year-olds.

• 50:56Laci Mosley?

  Thank you.

• 50:58Laci Mosley?

  So she threw herself training for all these Olympic sports with the goal of making it to the 2014 Soke Games in Russia. According to Elizabeth, I live my life by Olympic cycles. Okay, so you only living every four years, baby?

• 51:13Speaker 05

  Yeah. She's like a cicada, yeah.

• 51:15Laci Mosley?

  Also, we, we all know. And we're getting to the scam here, but I think that it's very smart that you were trying to scam the Winter Olympics because those are definitely the ugly stepchild of the Olympics. Like, we're not watching all that shit. You know, we're not watching luge and curling. We're not watching skiing. We like, the Winter Olympics are just like.

• 51:39Speaker 05

  I like, I like beach volleyball.

• 51:41Laci Mosley?

  It's like if one of your siblings is really, really famous. And then like, okay, so one of your siblings is Alec Baldwin. We're not going to discuss who he is as a person. But then one of your other siblings is one of the other Baldwin brothers that we're like, don't know their names. We're like the other Baldwin brothers. We're like, y'all the Winter Olympics.

• 51:59Speaker 05

  That is very, yeah. And you're like, no, you both are great. We both know you exist, but one is getting talked about.

• 52:06Laci Mosley?

  You both do the same thing athletically. But what is better to look at?

• 52:15Laci Mosley?

  Oh, that's so sad. So in 2016, she changed flags and pledged allegiance to her grandparents' country of Hungary, hoping to make it as the first ever freestyle skier to represent it in the Olympics. So then she was like, okay. I'm not good enough for America. There's too many athletes over here, eh eh, too much talent. She was like, I gotta go to a smaller market. I gotta be a big fish in a, in a kiddie pool. Hungry.

• 52:45Speaker 05

  I do love, her entire brand is not having allegiance to anything but herself, and that I do commend. When she was gonna be a cheerleader, she's like, I don't care who I'm rooting for, cuz I'm rooting for me. And just for this, she's like, I don't care what flag I'm waving, so long as I am waving it.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  She doesn't even care what sport she does. She's like, as long as I get to wear the cute snow pants and the boots, just, yeah, sure, I can ski now.

• 53:07Speaker 05

  She runs a North Face.

• 53:08Laci Mosley?

  Sarah, I feel like she's just as committed to you to the vibe. She was like, oh no, we'll get the photos off, we're gonna pick it up.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  I'll do the Opry Ski with her.

• 53:19Laci Mosley?

  Determined to move forward, Elizabeth began plotting to get into the 2018 Beijing Winter Olympics. She stood a particular good chance of making it in half-pipe skiing because it was known for its danger and lack of female participants. So now she's even taking it up a notch. She was like, half-pipe skiing, I have no experience. It's also very dangerous and women do not do it. That means there's an opening.

• 53:45Speaker 05

  She would do Squid Game if it meant she could compete in something.

• 53:49Laci Mosley?

  Elizabeth would definitely do Squid Game. She's like, sign me up. How much, how much won is it in USD? I don't even care.

• 53:58Speaker 05

  She's like, she's like, keep the money, I'm in it for the love of the game.

• 54:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's like, there's uniforms, there's a photo op, we're doing it.

• 54:04Laci Mosley?

  Red light, green light, bet. I can stop with the best of them, bitch.

• 54:07Speaker 05

  She's a cheerleader, yeah, she got it, yeah.

• 54:10Laci Mosley?

  The four-time winner, X Games gold medalist Sarah Burke, had died after a crash on the same half-pipe course Elizabeth began to train on in Park City, Utah. And I said that earlier when we were looking at that. Loochy lay down thing. I'm like, this just seems dangerous for the sake of danger. And as much as I like to see people do amazing feats in sports, sometimes I am like, why? This just seems like bad.

• 54:40Speaker 05

  Yeah. And then it always brings you down when like the ends up what happens at a major game when they have to get taken out on a stretcher or walked out. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah.

• 54:48Laci Mosley?

  But some people live for that. It's very brutish. It gives like old school Rome.

• 54:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:55Laci Mosley?

  Like fistfights to the death energy. Like people do like to see violence and they also like to see carnage. You know, that's why NASCAR, when them cars crash, everybody be like, it's lit. Or hockey, when they start beating each other up, they be like, have a fun, like.

• 55:10Speaker 05

  Okay, the hockey one is fun also because it's air conditioned inside there. So that's a sport I do go see.

• 55:16Laci Mosley?

  It's just there for the amenities. Oh, I love hockey. They have the best root beer. What? Like, what is there?

• 55:24Speaker 05

  I'm like, who, what team are you rooting for? Me and Elizabeth, we don't know. We're here just to chill.

• 55:28Laci Mosley?

  Just vibes.

• 55:31Laci Mosley?

  The, to see the Zamboni, shout out to Jamie Loftus, who loves Zambonis and has a Zamboni tattoo.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 55:38Laci Mosley?

  Honestly, if you've never listened to Jamie Loftus podcast, and this is a free plug, I just love her. If you like funny and elevated humor, that's not as ration as mine, you will love her. And also you'll learn a fuck song. She's got into Mensa, did a whole podcast about it. She's a fucking genius. Um, I love her.

• 55:56Speaker 05

  Oh, I love that.

• 55:57Laci Mosley?

  So look up Jamie Loftus and get into her shit and figure out why she got a Zamboni tattoo because it is hilarious.

• 56:02Speaker 05

  That's what I need in so long.

• 56:04Laci Mosley?

  I love it. She loves Zambonis. It's that simple.

• 56:09Speaker 05

  Okay. I mean, good to know.

• 56:10Speaker 04

  It's not simple, but it's so complex.

• 56:11Laci Mosley?

  Sometimes people invite her places to ride the Zamboni.

• 56:17Laci Mosley?

  You know what she did? She's the Elizabeth of Zambonis. Cause nobody else was as passionate about Zambonis and she cornered the market. And Elizabeth was like, oh, somebody died on this ski slope. Nobody want to do it? I'm a corner of the market.

• 56:30Speaker 05

  Uh, it can all be so simple, but Elizabeth rather make it hard. Yeah.

• 56:34Laci Mosley?

  I have a, but I, okay, Laura here. Ooh, I don't even think she own them songs no more. Lord Jesus.

• 56:41Laci Mosley?

  I think about that all the time when I pay my taxes. I be hurting paying my taxes, but I was like, I don't want to go to Lauryn Hill jail. I gotta just pay my taxes.

• 56:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:49Laci Mosley?

  Y'all don't want to see me doing Scam Goddess live showing up five hours late.

• 56:54Laci Mosley?

  Trying to make money back for the government. We don't want that.

• 56:57Speaker 05

  Three hours in, the carpet goes down that you'll be standing on, and then two hours later you'll come out.

• 57:02Speaker 05

  I got scammed by her to see that. And it was great, but still, five hours late.

• 57:05Laci Mosley?

  Bro, she just be living on vibes. I was late to this podcast today, and I apologize to y'all. I was like, I'm so sorry I'm showing up late to my own office. But I was, I was actually doing shit. I feel like Lauren was just like, I really don't want to go. My chakras don't want to arrive. And I love that for her.

• 57:23Speaker 04

  When you're holding out with your friend to play that game of chicken of like, who's going to cancel the plans first? And she just hoped that everybody in the audience would walk away. She's like, oh, you guys are still here, fine.

• 57:33Laci Mosley?

  Right. She's like, we don't have to do refunds if they just don't wait long enough for me to come, right? Like, just like if the last person leaves, I'll come out and be like, it could all be so simple. Hello? The thing, the thing. Hello? You had to make it. Nobody's here? Alright, pack it up. Put some drums in. Next venue.

• 57:55Speaker 05

  Uber's outside.

• 57:59Laci Mosley?

  She was like, when it hurts so bad to work. Like, and it do be hurting so bad. It do be hurting so bad to be employed. I won't lie. Even when you do what you love. Someday, I, some days I wake up and I do, all my job is doing everything that I love. And some days I wake up and I'm like, what am I doing this for? What is the point? Well, just placating my time till I die. Like, what?

• 58:21Speaker 05

  Cause I'm sure sleeping is also something you love, and you don't get to do that with all the other stuff.

• 58:25Laci Mosley?

  I fucks with sleep, man. And people are like, sleep when you're dead. And I'm like, I'm a sleepy too.

• 58:33Speaker 04

  It's not either or.

• 58:34Speaker 05

  I need to practice for that.

• 58:35Laci Mosley?

  Sleep is fun. I don't, I don't know.

• 58:39Laci Mosley?

  I'm depressed. It was a good time.

• 58:42Speaker 05

  Wait, I love that all three of us just kind of disassociated and looked to the side like, oh, it's sad that we're all just happy to.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Yup.

• 58:51Speaker 05

  The best part of my day is when it's not existing anymore.

• 58:55Laci Mosley?

  Have you ever drawn your blackout curtains and watched the same Netflix or Hulu animated show that you've seen all the seasons of? And then, Bob, oh, okay, so I used to be a Family Guy girl when I was 21 and I was depressed.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  We all, yes. At 21, we all were Family Guy girls.

• 59:15Speaker 05

  That was your Adele album.

• 59:17Laci Mosley?

  Family Guy was hitting me with the one-two punches a little bit too much of like doing crash jokes that were also very dark. And so then when Bob's Burgers happened, I was like,

• 59:31Laci Mosley?

  I was like, oh, bitch, the band got a new phrase every time. Oh, the sign next door got a new phrase every time. What's on the burger board? I'll be living.

• 59:40Speaker 05

  It's something to live for.

• 59:42Speaker 04

  It's a great show.

• 59:43Laci Mosley?

  Bob is a queer icon who kicks it with the trans girls and is not embarrassed to bring them to his daughter's birthday party.

• 59:53Laci Mosley?

  You got me. Love that show. So though only 24 female half-pipers would be eligible for the 2018 Olympic Games, I just wanted to do a quick recharge because we were on a tangent. Half-pipers, like the half-pipe is a very dangerous thing. Someone had just recently passed away from attempting this at a Olympics. So just we're on the same page. Only 24 people were going to be eligible for the 2018 Games. There were few courses available to train on and a relatively few number of competitors. So one, this is something that's hard to construct. So you can't just go train on it in your hometown. It's not like you can have a gym in Russia. You can have a gym in America where you can practice gymnastics. This is like, you have to be in a special climate.

• 1:00:38Laci Mosley?

  You have to have the infrastructure to practice. So that kind of closes the market a bit accessibility wise.

• 1:00:45Speaker 05

  It's, it makes it like an Equinox, yeah.

• 1:00:47Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. That's exactly what it does. Cause I used to be an Equinox member and honey, those gyms are small. I'm from Texas. We have Lifetime Fitness. It's a, it's a water slide. It's a pool. It's several pools. It's a spa. You know, it's, you know.

• 1:01:02Speaker 05

  I want that.

• 1:01:03Laci Mosley?

  And Equinox, I was going there and I was like, y'all only have a wet sauna? Like I don't have a dry sauna. It's my hair. This is very racist. So, still Elizabeth was faced with a problem. Now, the market's smaller, but she's still got a problem. Though she was an accomplished athlete who had trained in many sports, she, I don't know if she was accomplished. I feel like, Kayla.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  The jury's out. Where are the accomplishments?

• 1:01:27Laci Mosley?

  Kayla's my researcher. Shout out to Kayla Brand, but maybe I think you gassed it. Cause I, I haven't heard an accomplishment yet. Several attempts.

• 1:01:36Speaker 05

  The times.

• 1:01:37Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  And a real estate degree, which is great, but you're not, and that's not an Olympic sport.

• 1:01:41Laci Mosley?

  And listen, real estate is what you do when you realize that waiting tables is not gonna get you the bag that you want and you want more freedom. Like if you watch Sally Sunset, all them bitches got a story. All them bitches got a neck tattoo or a lower back tattoo. And if you got that tattoo, I know you got a story. If you got tattoos behind your ears, I know you a hustler. Like, and I love it. And they're like, let's get in the house hustling. We just show up cute and then we show the house and then we get money for a reason.

• 1:02:13Laci Mosley?

  Though she was an accomplished athlete who did all these sports, Kayla, I'm gonna let you have a compass right now cause I like Elizabeth. She did not commit herself to a singular sport with the dedication of the fellow Olympians. That's what Sarah is waving her hair right now.

• 1:02:27Speaker 04

  Yes, we knew this was her problem from the get-go. Just.

• 1:02:30Laci Mosley?

  Sounds like we peeped it. Yeah.

• 1:02:34Laci Mosley?

  She embraced the true meaning of a jack of all trades, master of none. And the full quote of a jack of all trades is, a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.

• 1:02:48Laci Mosley?

  Oh.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  Okay, so Elizabeth is on to something.

• 1:02:51Speaker 05

  Does that apply for the Olympics?

• 1:02:53Laci Mosley?

  No. It doesn't. It doesn't. In the Olympics, where you're trying to win against the whole world, I feel like you really do need to like

• 1:03:03Speaker 05

  Strapped in.

• 1:03:04Laci Mosley?

  Narrow it down.

• 1:03:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:06Laci Mosley?

  But I will say in life in general, being a jack of all trades, depending on what you decide to do with your life, can be extremely beneficial because you know a lot of things. And maybe you only know a surface amount of things about a lot of things, but depending on what you're doing, all I know is a surface amount of things about a lot of things. Except for scams, which I've recently realized, like I've spent the better part of four years knowing a lot about.

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  It's also, I feel like how every single person now has their career and business. It's just like being able to have multiple sources of ways to make money or do things, and you don't get like bored or burnt out when you can switch around.

• 1:03:40Laci Mosley?

  Exactly. But in this case, I think you're absolutely right, Dani, that our good sister Elizabeth should not have embraced this phrase, a master of nut, like, sweetie.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  Too many slashes, like skier slash cheerleader slash.

• 1:03:56Laci Mosley?

  Sarah was like, the Olympics. I don't think you should do that in the Olympics.

• 1:03:59Speaker 05

  Oh, her LinkedIn must have been two pages long, or like at the minimum.

• 1:04:05Laci Mosley?

  She had worked everywhere. She had more jobs than the Jamaican. She had more jobs than me. I've had a lot of jobs, a lot of jobs, a lot of random jobs. So she's out here employed, employed. Also, Elizabeth, I need to pull over for one quick second. Elizabeth, while you were making all these attempts at success, who was paying your bills?

• 1:04:26Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:04:27Speaker 04

  This is what I was thinking when she ran for governor. I'm like, so her parents just had too much money because they just kept throwing her into hobby after hobby.

• 1:04:34Laci Mosley?

  And you said that before, Sarah.

• 1:04:36Speaker 04

  Expensive.

• 1:04:37Laci Mosley?

  Sarah, you said that before. You said that her parents were encouraging her too much that she could do everything.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Yes, they're like, we just have too much money to burn, so here you go.

• 1:04:49Laci Mosley?

  And winter sports are expensive. So Elizabeth, our queen, who has no special set of skills, she's no Liam Neeson, she can't chop anybody's neck.

• 1:05:00Speaker 05

  She is not taken.

• 1:05:01Speaker 04

  She's probably tried that too.

• 1:05:04Laci Mosley?

  She said, I have a mediocre amount of skills. They're all very average. Got a lot of them. She got a plan. So how did she get into the damn Olympics? Please tell us, because I've been curious this whole damn episode. The world rankings were based on points that skiers had accumulated in a series of qualifying events in the years leading up to the Olympics. These events occurred all over the world, ranging from California to Colorado to New Zealand and China. Her plan was to travel the world, attend every single qualifying event with fewer than thirty athletes as one of the qualifications included in finishing in the top thirty. So she was like, I'm gonna be top thirty, because I'm only gonna go to places where

• 1:05:48Laci Mosley?

  they got sixteen people.

• 1:05:51Speaker 05

  She's doing like the American Idol, if you'd fly somewhere where nobody's auditioning. Because you can't audition for Idol in New York, you're fucked.

• 1:05:58Laci Mosley?

  No, there's so many singers there.

• 1:06:00Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  My friend did this for the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.

• 1:06:05Speaker 05

  I didn't know. I did not know you were gonna go.

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

  They like, they flew to like North Carolina or some, some qualifier, she only had to eat like four hot dogs or something.

• 1:06:15Laci Mosley?

  And then she had to compete against the Japanese guy?

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, the people who were just like shoveling it in there on Fourth of July, like, all right, I'm gonna have my one hot dog and not throw up later.

• 1:06:25Laci Mosley?

  They're dipping it in water to get them down, and she's like, I'm just, I'm gonna put a little ketchup and mustard on mine.

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  A little some relish.

• 1:06:35Laci Mosley?

  Here, make sure it's hot. Y'all got a chili dog?

• 1:06:39Laci Mosley?

  She's just eating for the enjoyment. She's like, I'm still on TV.

• 1:06:44Speaker 04

  It's a scam. I'm like, I'm, I'm gonna do that.

• 1:06:46Laci Mosley?

  I love this for her. I love it. So fun fact, the, all these facts have been very fun, but okay. Fun fact, this rule came from the nineteen eighty-eight Calgary Olympics, at which the top ski jumper from the UK, Eddie the Eagle, competed and came in dead last in only ski jumping events. Wow, the International Olympics Committee ruled that you couldn't just be the best in your country, and that you had to be competitive on an international level. So he was popping in the UK, like, oh, we love Eddie, he's the eagle, he flies so high, he soars, he soars through the sky. And then he competed against everybody else, and they was like, Eddie. This is very embarrassing.

• 1:07:31Speaker 05

  I want to see how little he soared, like it's just a little hop. He's just doing hopscotch.

• 1:07:38Laci Mosley?

  Soaring is relative, Danny. Soaring is relative.

• 1:07:42Speaker 05

  High School Musical taught me that. You're soaring flying, just in Albuquerque. It's possible.

• 1:07:47Laci Mosley?

  Okay, I could jump off one step on my Porsche and technically I'm soaring for a second.

• 1:07:53Speaker 05

  But that works because it's a Porsche. I don't know if you can take a hop off a Toyota Camry and it's soaring. I'm not soaring out of my lifts.

• 1:08:01Laci Mosley?

  No, I think you are. You're soaring. You know, that's all I can see. Disney at the door, who owns High School Musical? They're like, shut that shit up.

• 1:08:09Speaker 05

  Ashley Tisdale's coming for us.

• 1:08:12Laci Mosley?

  She takes it personal. She shows up at everyone's house to collect.

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  She's like soaring is defined as.

• 1:08:18Laci Mosley?

  Right. So if she skied a technically flawless routine and didn't fall, she could gain points each time, even if she only did it a few times. With that, she'd outscored more ambitious athletes who attempted more complicated runs but couldn't land their tricks. So she was like, oh, y'all over here flipping and stuff. And I'm just like, woo.

• 1:08:38Speaker 04

  She's playing on easy mode. I love that.

• 1:08:42Laci Mosley?

  That's exactly it.

• 1:08:43Speaker 04

  She's like, I'm gonna win.

• 1:08:44Laci Mosley?

  She's on easy mode. And why, a lot of us should really get on easy mode. Like, why, like, people take so much pride in like working yourself and exhausting yourself. And I can't lie, I'm people and I do too much and I work too hard. And it's like, why not just do it on easy mode? We all want to go to the same place, dug around. So why? By the time the teams were being confirmed, Elizabeth was only a few points away from qualification because she didn't fall. So technically, because she stood upright the whole time and she made it. So everybody else doing the zigzag, they're doing the flips, they're doing the jumps. And she was like.

• 1:09:23Speaker 04

  She's like us on the bunny hill, like.

• 1:09:27Speaker 05

  I just imagine like her having headphones on like, I'm walking on sunshine.

• 1:09:32Laci Mosley?

  And I feel like she isn't even skiing, like, you know how when you ski, you like push the skis down and like that propels the skis forward? I feel like she's walking in the skis like, using the little poles, the sticks to like round herself. We're still waiting for Elizabeth to finish the race. She's been stabbing at the snow for hours, just walking. Like she's hiking.

• 1:09:57Laci Mosley?

  Y'all skiing, she hiking.

• 1:10:01Speaker 05

  And they all got from A to B, so.

• 1:10:03Laci Mosley?

  Right, we all got to the same place. And I'll give y'all a metaphor real quick so y'all can understand. I know everybody's been in traffic at some point. And there's a car driving slow as hell. And then you're like, get the fuck out in front of me, like, we in the left lane, why you driving so slow? So you swerve out and you go to another lane. And then y'all arrive at the same red light. And you got there faster, but then they drive up all slow, like, I conserve my gas and we at the same place. And I'm like, think this about a bitch.

• 1:10:34Speaker 05

  The anger I feel when that happens, oh yeah.

• 1:10:37Laci Mosley?

  Those people are the Elizabeths of the world. They're like, I don't conserve my gas mileage. We're not on the freeway, honey, I'm driving thirty miles an hour, I don't care what the speed limit is. And then, and, and that's the most embarrassing thing, when you do an aggressive traffic move, because you're like, man, fuck out of here, you drop slow as hell. And then they just pull up next to you like,

• 1:10:57Laci Mosley?

  and they look at you.

• 1:10:58Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 1:10:59Laci Mosley?

  That's Elizabeth, hi, oh, we in the same place, you just worked harder.

• 1:11:04Laci Mosley?

  That hurts. So, at the Pyongyang Olympics, Elizabeth completed her runs exactly as she always had. She skied down one side of the pipe, gracefully turned and skied back down the other side, until she reached the end, and we got a video of her run, I need to see it. She attempted absolutely no tricks. She said, I'm giving dryness, I'm giving tumbleweed, I'm giving so, Sahara, okay? Okay, I'm so excited to see this, okay? So Lizzie's made it to the Olympics, I know that's right. She's, okay, she stopped a little bit, like, you're not supposed to stop. She's, um, okay, she.

• 1:11:45Speaker 05

  Wait. This is impressive to me.

• 1:11:48Laci Mosley?

  Wait, is this Elizabeth? I'm sorry, this is actually very good. So she's just going up and down like,

• 1:11:59Laci Mosley?

  This looks fun. I can't do this.

• 1:12:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's relaxing.

• 1:12:02Laci Mosley?

  All right, cut the cameras. You know, good for her. Uh uh, you're not gonna call Elizabeth a scammer. This bitch is a savant. She said I can be basic in everything. I can't be a winner in everything, but I can be basic. I thought that she was gonna go down a bunny slope and just be like, whee, she's still going up a little half pike and coming down. She's just doing it slow and chill, but that still tastes skill.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  Exactly. It's like when there's all the cupcakes that are way overdone with like five flavors. She just gave the original traditional one and still tastes delicious, and I enjoyed it.

• 1:12:32Laci Mosley?

  Elizabeth is giving vanilla, and don't play with vanilla. Uh uh. Elizabeth, I'm so sorry to put dirt on your name, sis, because...

• 1:12:43Laci Mosley?

  That's like if you're in a singing competition with Whitney Houston and she's singing, "I have nothing," and you're like, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, I wonder where you are." It worked. Your sound don't keep to me. She can still sing. Y'all, uh, y'all disrespecting Elizabeth. You, Elizabeth, you're going in the Hall of Fame with other Elizabeths, like Elizabeth Holmes, Lizzie Holmes, who is my turtleneck queen. I, I love you, Liz. I love you. They're wrong. They're wrong about you. So, she attempted no tricks. They were like, "You're not gonna give us any flair," but she, she did her vanilla. Her final score was thirty and thirty-one point four, the worst in Olympic history. Now, okay, I will

• 1:13:28Laci Mosley?

  say you are competing against the world's best athletes and... But she, but she didn't fall.

• 1:13:33Speaker 05

  She got there. That's more than I could say. And you know who's more memorable last than seventh?

• 1:13:39Laci Mosley?

  That's true.

• 1:13:40Speaker 05

  We're not talking about the seventh best. We're talking about the worst, so you know. She won some kind of award, yeah. She made history.

• 1:13:46Laci Mosley?

  Ricky Bobby, if you're not first, you're last. But we always remember who first and last are, but nobody remembers ninth.

• 1:13:53Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:13:54Laci Mosley?

  That's true. I, Liz, I don't know. I feel like you win it. The next competitor above her was from Denmark who wiped out but still earned sixteen points more because they were like, "We're gonna give you more points 'cause, sis, at least you tried." Like, our, our best sis Lizzie gave us nothing.

• 1:14:09Speaker 05

  Because Elizabeth couldn't wipe out if she tried, because she wasn't doing anything that could lead to a wipeout.

• 1:14:14Laci Mosley?

  She was like, whee.

• 1:14:16Speaker 05

  It looked so relaxing.

• 1:14:17Laci Mosley?

  It did. I kinda wanna do it. I was like into it. A commentator for CBS said that she was able to achieve the real American dream. Scamming the system to achieve your life goals while doing the absolute bare minimum to get there.

• 1:14:33Laci Mosley?

  Now, y'all could say bare minimum to get there, but she tried a lot of sports before she found the right one. And then she strategized. Honestly, Elizabeth, I hope that you're like a public speaker. I hope that you put Caitlyn Jenner out of the game because you are the number one scammer. Like, and Caitlyn wasn't scamming when she was Bruce Jenner at the time. Even though I, I say when you're trans, you're, you're always the person that you have transitioned to. So I would say Caitlyn Jenner, at the time that she was competing in male Olympic sports, you know, she was eating up the girls, right? So, but Caitlyn's politics and her whole fucking vibe, I hate it. So I'm like, I don't know, Lizzie, you could be the next Olympian speaker because you could tell the girls how to really do it.

• 1:15:18Laci Mosley?

  How to do it no matter what. That's what kind of speaker I want. I want people who are like, I was insanely talented and then I did these things like Caitlyn. I want people who are like, I ain't had nothing going on. Let me tell you how you can still have everything.

• 1:15:30Speaker 05

  Cause that's also, cause she took the advice that she got, just work hard and was like, what do I do with that? Cause it's like, when like really pretty people tell you, oh my God, just be casual on a first date. I'm like, that doesn't work for me. Elizabeth is gonna tell you what you really do to have to get the job done.

• 1:15:43Laci Mosley?

  I agree with you, Danny. That's like when diet companies use very naturally thin people to tell us like, oh, this is what you should be eating. Or like, if you go ve- if you do this, it's gonna, uh, what? Like, we all have different bodies and we're born with different body types. And not all of us are gonna look the same or be the same size. And instead of trying to punish people, that's how diet culture is, is like, people don't give a fuck about if you're skinny or fat. Especially if you fucking, like, you can't, people wanna have sex, they don't give a fuck about your BMI. But that whole industry is created off of the image that people care about that. So they're like, you should feel bad if you got fat on your body. And it's like, should I?

• 1:16:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, cause it gives you to the thing where they're like, that's healthy. When it's like, actually, take that really too thin person that's on your diet to a doctor and they'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah.

• 1:16:31Laci Mosley?

  Yeah. And like, if you're naturally thin, I don't wanna shame people who are naturally thin. But I will say that I've learned a lot as an actress and people, certain people in modeling careers, like, honey, they be sipping on them, uh, shit teas that taste like Sprite and then have you on the toilet all day right before the fashion show. You know, you see the girls posting at expensive places with food all over the table like they gonna put it in their mouth. You know, it's a, it's a lie.

• 1:16:59Speaker 05

  Oh, that's why like every like, like, um, feature in a magazine when they're like, I got the cheeseburger for the like, there's two paragraphs on the food and it's like, why are we talking about this?

• 1:17:09Laci Mosley?

  I always just get suspicious when people take too many pictures of eating food. I'm like, what you trying to prove? What you trying to tell the truth?

• 1:17:14Speaker 05

  Exactly. Like, cause also like, people love cheeseburger. You don't love cheeseburger because if you're like, oh my God, I love a cheeseburger right now. It's like, you just get one. I'm not, I'm not proclaiming food I want. I'm on Uber Eats, getting my burrito bowl coming to my door.

• 1:17:27Laci Mosley?

  And also everyone out there, you deserve food. Sometimes, and I do this myself, like, I'll be like, oh, I haven't earned it today. I didn't work out. Earned it? I, that's a scam. You can eat whatever you want if you have the privilege to be ax, you know, have access to food. Like, you don't have to work hard to eat. Capitalism is fucking us.

• 1:17:47Laci Mosley?

  You got food in your house. You're like, have I worked hard enough to deserve my food that I bought? What?

• 1:17:51Speaker 05

  That you're just staring at starving and you're like, are you gonna go to bed sad? You can, but after you eat. Just be sad for other things.

• 1:17:58Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, I think everyone should work out and exercise. And that's also a myth that plus size people or full figure people do not work out. It's like, baby, yes, they do. I know a lot of healthy plus size people. Y'all are, and also the average size, I believe in America is a 14. So what are we doing? Like, who are we lying to? Ourselves? Like, y'all just not gonna make clothes for most of the country because you want them to starve themselves so that they can fit into the clothes that you have? Very ghetto. It's such a scam. So the media vilified Elizabeth, calling her the worst Olympian ever. Okay, that sounds like infamy to me. Elizabeth got what she needed. She said coverage. She was like, I'm last. She comes out.

• 1:18:40Laci Mosley?

  She's like, I know I can't stand on the podium for, uh, silver, gold and bronze, but can I stand over here for last? Like, what if I just stand way down here and y'all get a picture of me? At last. That's an achievement.

• 1:18:52Speaker 05

  It is.

• 1:18:54Laci Mosley?

  She worked real hard to be last. I love her. But many of her fellow Olympians supported her. Of course they did. Cassie Sharp won the halfpipe gold and she said, if you're going to put the time and the effort into be here, then you deserve to be here as much as I do. I know that's right.

• 1:19:08Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:19:09Laci Mosley?

  She just did the mental work, maybe not the physical work, but it still worked. It's exhausting. Mental work is very tiring.

• 1:19:16Speaker 05

  Also, I couldn't do what she did.

• 1:19:17Laci Mosley?

  Mm-mm. I couldn't even ski like on a bunny slope. She was at least going up and down and didn't fall.

• 1:19:24Speaker 05

  I can barely book a flight correctly. She did that so many times during all this. So really, she's going to be on.

• 1:19:30Laci Mosley?

  Right. Points for style. And style can also be no style. The men's gold medalist half-piper David Wise said that he was inspired by her. David was probably like, why am I working so hard? This guy here, she just was chilling. A few weeks after the games, Elizabeth's newest goal was training for the American Ninja Warrior. And we have a video of her audition. This is wrapping up the story.

• 1:19:51Speaker 05

  With the Harvard shirt.

• 1:19:54Laci Mosley?

  Giving energy. Lizzie, you did the damn thing. She competed in American Ninja Warrior Los Angeles 2018 and wiped out on the first obstacle. Today, she claims many titles, including stand-up comedian, actress, and Olympian. Honestly, Elizabeth, I would come see your stand-up show because you are hilarious.

• 1:20:13Speaker 05

  She could just tell stories about her life and I'm on the floor.

• 1:20:16Laci Mosley?

  What if I just live my life as a comedian? Like, what if everything I did was a joke?

• 1:20:23Speaker 05

  She gets game.

• 1:20:25Laci Mosley?

  And when you're an Olympian, they go put you on TV, even if you're bad.

• 1:20:29Speaker 05

  She has credits.

• 1:20:30Laci Mosley?

  Lizzie, you achieved what you wanted. You said, I'm going to the Olympics, whether I'm going to be Christie Amaguchi.

• 1:20:37Laci Mosley?

  She told no lies. Like, we have to respect. She said, I'm going to be the most basic. That's an achievement. To be the most basic? Elizabeth, you're the queen of the basics. And it's time for the end of the show. This is a long one, y'all. You're welcome. Scammer of the week. This is where we highlight a Charleston that we either love or hate. We don't know yet. Today, we're talking about the FDA because the FDA is demanding that Alex Jones stop advertising questionable dietary supplements as coronavirus treatments and is threatening legal action if he doesn't comply. Alex, I don't agree with this. This is a global pandemic that ruined a lot of people's lives and took a lot of people's lives. Why are you trying to tell them that they need to eat shit tea to get rid of Corona?

• 1:21:20Speaker 05

  We have CVSs and Walgreens where you can go and get what you need for them.

• 1:21:26Laci Mosley?

  Jones has been telling viewers of his internet broadcast, The Alex Jones Show, that they can use colonial silver products sold on websites to keep COVID away. You know what's wild is Jim Baker also was doing this scam. And I tasted colonial silver as a experience, a spirit. If you drink too much of it, your skin turns blue.

• 1:21:51Speaker 05

  Okay, so that's.

• 1:21:53Laci Mosley?

  Fun.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  And that's the first takeaway, not even the fine print.

• 1:21:56Laci Mosley?

  No.

• 1:21:57Speaker 04

  Then you have to quarantine from COVID because you can't go out.

• 1:22:00Laci Mosley?

  Right, you're a Smurf now. You're part of the Blue Man Group forever. And what's so funny about this is that he probably is a leech on Jim Baker's scam because Jim Baker had a TV show telling people on TV, Christians that followed him, to buy the silver solution. And now this person's capitalizing on YouTube. Those videos, the FDA wrote, are misleading and they represent them as safe and/or effective for the treatment and prevention of COVID-19, which obviously it's not. In one video he posted, he claimed the Pentagon has come out and documented and Homeland Security has said stuff like this kills the whole SARS and Corona family at point blank range.

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  Silver's got these little guns in your body like

• 1:22:49Laci Mosley?

  Right, he's going after the two A NRA community.

• 1:22:55Laci Mosley?

  He's like, you ever drink a gun and it shits all the viruses out of your body? Y'all need to sip gun.

• 1:23:03Laci Mosley?

  Drink AK forty seven to get rid of your COVID.

• 1:23:07Speaker 05

  Someone has tried.

• 1:23:09Laci Mosley?

  Colonial silver is nothing more than a solution that contains tiny particles of silver. There is no scientific basis for Jones or Colonial Silver's enthusiast claims. Jones pushed to sell supplements and merch, followed his filing for bankruptcy after losing defamation lawsuits against his website, Infowars. Lawyers for the family of Sandy Hook victims sued Jones for falsely claiming the tragedy was a false flag operation. So this man has a conspiracy theories. Alex Jones, I don't fuck with you. Please jump in the ocean with my son your feet.

• 1:23:44Speaker 05

  The only AJ I like is from Alan AJ, and that is just that.

• 1:23:47Laci Mosley?

  My, my AJ is AJ Gibson, because that's your best podcast. Love you, love you, Emile. But this AJ, no, it's a rap for you. After losing the cases, there are now questions about the validity of the purpose for the bankruptcy. So when he was like, I got no money, like bankruptcy, although it is accessible to everyone, it hurts people who don't have money the most. Because a lot of rich people file for bankruptcy and like, I ain't got it.

• 1:24:14Speaker 05

  They're fine. Yeah, truly.

• 1:24:15Laci Mosley?

  Because when you're rich, you don't need credit. But with the made up credit in the eighties, when you are broke, you need it. So seven years is bad. Lawyers are now saying he's attempting to force families into settlements rather than proceeding with trials that will determine the amount of damages they are owed by Jones. He was like, I'll give you fifty dollars if you shut up.

• 1:24:40Laci Mosley?

  You're not gonna win a court. I got all the lawyers. I'm on internet TV.

• 1:24:46Laci Mosley?

  Take the money.

• 1:24:47Speaker 05

  I love that it's called internet TV and not just YouTube.

• 1:24:51Laci Mosley?

  He gotta make it sound bigger than it is. Can't just call it YouTube. Anybody can be on YouTube. We gotta be like, I'm on internet TV. I got a channel.

• 1:24:58Speaker 05

  He's like, when does it, when does your show go on? Um, it's at ninety eight percent right now. Almost uploaded.

• 1:25:03Laci Mosley?

  I got a channel, okay? An internet channel.

• 1:25:10Laci Mosley?

  I'm like Netflix, but not, but also on the internet. You can find Netflix on the internet. You can also find me.

• 1:25:16Speaker 05

  That's true. You but you need wifi to look at both. So, yeah.

• 1:25:18Laci Mosley?

  So it's the same.

• 1:25:20Speaker 05

  It's 5G, yeah.

• 1:25:22Laci Mosley?

  Alex, we don't fuck with you for this.

• 1:25:25Laci Mosley?

  Not at all.

• 1:25:25Speaker 05

  Not at all. No.

• 1:25:27Laci Mosley?

  You're a bad man, Alex.

• 1:25:29Speaker 05

  Bad in so many ways, too.

• 1:25:31Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, honestly, I'm minis to society.

• 1:25:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. Elizabeth was just trying to help hurt herself. He's trying to hurt everybody around him and beyond, so.

• 1:25:40Laci Mosley?

  And Elizabeth was following the rules. She said, okay, these are the rules.

• 1:25:44Speaker 05

  That's, yes.

• 1:25:45Speaker 04

  She exploited the rules. We love that.

• 1:25:47Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:25:47Laci Mosley?

  Did I not follow them? Was I not in a funeral procession of the rules?

• 1:25:52Laci Mosley?

  Cause I believe I was.

• 1:25:55Laci Mosley?

  I love it. Guys, that brings us to the end of, oh, truly a remarkable episode, an hour and thirty minutes. Woo, woo, it went long. And I told them, I was like, oh, we'll be out in an hour. It'll be quick. Nope, it wasn't. Um, but very productive. Uh, Sarah, Danny, we always ask, where do you want to be found? And so anything you want people to find online, your address, your PIN number, whatever you want people to find, just share that.

• 1:26:20Speaker 04

  My Venmo.

• 1:26:21Laci Mosley?

  Yeah, so listen.

• 1:26:24Speaker 04

  Oh, you could follow me on Instagram at Sarah Lamim and also follow our podcast Instagram. It's just at Not Another True Crime.

• 1:26:32Laci Mosley?

  Yes.

• 1:26:33Speaker 05

  You could follow me on Instagram and TikTok, cause that's where things happen now. At Kasmir Danny, Kasmir with a K. And of course, our podcast, Not Another True Crime Podcast, every Monday. And we have the live show June 5th in Brooklyn. Would love to see you if anybody, I mean, we just have a party every time. It's a great time.

• 1:26:47Laci Mosley?

  Brooklyn, stand up. I've done the Not Another True Crime Podcast. It was so much fun that I was like, y'all gotta come to mine. Like, come over here, come over here. I had to scam them and get them over here.

• 1:26:57Speaker 04

  Oh, no, that, see, we reverse scammed you because we were like, we're gonna just get lazy on talking about iCarly, but actually scams and it's gonna be a whole thing, so.

• 1:27:06Laci Mosley?

  Damn, y'all got me because I was on a press tour for iCarly and they were like, "Okay, we're gonna, yeah, we're gonna talk about iCarly. Yeah, yeah, Harper. Yeah, thanks." Um, but anyway.

• 1:27:14Speaker 05

  We talked about iCarly, so we talked about Real Houses of New York. So TV shows at times.

• 1:27:19Laci Mosley?

  Fantastic podcast. Y'all are so entertaining. Really, truly. This is amazing. Guys, as always, snitch on your friends and family at [email protected]. Just make sure the scams retire because we don't want to what? Yes, fuck up your bag. If you want to see all the pictures and videos, and I'll try to find the picture of me in a plastic white dress, holding Emmys. I know where it is. I'll bring it to you.

• 1:27:38Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:27:39Laci Mosley?

  D I B A L A C I, Diva Lacy on all platforms. If you want to hear, see my weird tweets or uh, look at me doing things. And then guys, season two of iCarly is streaming now on Paramount Plus. Episodes are coming out weekly on Fridays. And seasons one is on there too, so you can do a little B and G, you know, uh, if you're an adult, get stoned. I don't know. It's fun for me, stoned. Uh, and season two of Black Lives Matter show, that is also out. Other things aren't out now, but I will tell you when they are. Congregation, stay Schemin. Scam Goddess. This has been an Earwolf production in association with Team Coco. Scam Goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacey Mosley, AKA Scam Goddess. It's produced by Judith Cargbo, engineered by

• 1:28:22Laci Mosley?

  Marina Faiz, and researched by Kaelyn Brandt. Stay Schemin.

• 1:28:28Speaker 08

  This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.

• 1:28:38Speaker 07

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