More Rosebud - Gyles's Diaries episode 47

It's another action-packed episode of Gyles's 1978 diaries, including: fun chat from G & H about seagulls and sumo wrestlers; Gyles taking a trip to NYC to publicise his joke book; the death of Pope John Paul I; a holiday to Barbados; a disastrous after-dinner speech and perjury. Yes, this is an episode you won't want to miss. Plus an Edinburgh update, and a shout-out to some of the brilliant listeners we've met at the first couple of shows. Thank you to EVERYONE who has supported us in our show this year - either by coming along, emailing, wishing us luck or by following our journey on the podcast. We really appreciate your encouragement! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

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• 1:48Speaker 02

  This is Gyles Brandreth, welcoming you to more Rosebud. I'm in my room at the W Hotel in Edinburgh, and I'm not alone because I've been joined this morning by my producer and friend, Harriet Jane. We've now been in Edinburgh for a week, haven't we? How has the week been for you, Harriet Jane?

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Uh, well, I've loved it, but I am quite tired, I would say.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  We are exhausted.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Totally drained. And I did warn you, because I've done Edinburgh quite a few times over the years, that week one, you can't do anything but concentrate on the show. Week two, you're trying to get into the show, bedding yourself down. But family, friends turn up expecting, oh, yeah. Uh, you know, have you got some comps? Can we arrange the tickets for them? Then afterwards, they want a drink, then they want to go out for dinner, then they want to go out to a late night show. And all you want to do is go to bed.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Are you physically exhausted?

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Yes, I'm very tired. But I did something brilliant, which is I joined a gym and spa right across the road from where I'm staying. So I just go in there and have a sauna and a swim in the pool every now and then. I've already been in this morning, Giles. And that really refreshes you.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  I've never had a sauna in my entire life. I've been into the funny room where they are with sort of wooden slats. Because I think we once bought a house or had a house where there was a sauna already fixed. And I didn't really know what it was. And it was a kind of outhouse with wooden slats.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  Because I think because we bought the house or acquired the house from Swedish people.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, they love them.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Love all that. And they would sit in there and I didn't know what to do. I sat in there and it got all sort of hot and sticky. And I thought, this is not very nice. So I left.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  Oh, well.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  What's the idea of a sauna?

• 3:37Speaker 03

  Well, I don't really know the technical details because I'm not Scandinavian. But you don't get sticky, it's dry. The heat is dry.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  I think we must have got it wrong then.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  A steam room is, you get sweaty in a steam room. Yeah, that's a lot of moisture. A sauna is dry and you sit and it, but it is hot. Yeah. Uh, and you sit still, I do, because it's really hot. And you do deep breaths and you, it really relaxes your muscles. And I think maybe, I mean, some people say things like, oh, that'll get rid of a lot of toxins. I don't know.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  I've heard that phrase.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  Really getting rid of toxins. But you feel relaxed, you feel calm. And it does do something really good to your body if you do that and then go straight away into cold water. You've got to get into the cold water.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  I've heard about, this is why I can't do these things. Are you alone doing this or are there strangers in the room as well?

• 4:32Speaker 03

  No, this one that I've been going to in Edinburgh is absolutely deserted.

• 4:35Speaker 02

  That's nice.

• 4:36Speaker 03

  So I'm just, it was just me and an old bloke this morning. But he was sitting by the pool. He wasn't in the sauna. We were being respectful of each other. So I'd go in, he'd sit outside, then I'd go out. Because no one really wants to be in the sauna with a stranger.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Because it's not a very big room, the one that we had.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  No, I mean, you sit there quietly. So you can be in there with, I think you can be in there with a group, a whole load of you.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  And what are you wearing?

• 4:58Speaker 03

  A swimming costume.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  Oh, so it's just before going into the pool?

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. But if you were in Scandinavia, I think you'd probably be naked.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  I know.

• 5:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. Or Germany, they, and they actually frown upon people that aren't naked. Yeah.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  This is not for me.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  I think it's, I mean, it's not for me, but I really do think it's probably better to be like that. You know, in Germany, they are all fine with being unclothed.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  I know.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  It's cool.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  It's not cool. I've seen some of them. It's not cool. I know, the aesthetic, as far as I'm concerned, is not cool. But then I'm looking in the wrong way. I appreciate that. I've had bad back problems.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Oh, you need a sauna then, Giles. Because it's about relaxing.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  I've been doing 10 minutes a day with Fanola, my physiotherapist, who, as you know, is based in Switzerland with her little baby boy, Oscar.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  And so she's been giving me 10 minutes a day, often with Oscar participating. And Oscar's now recognizing me. He comes running towards the camera and waving at me, which is rather lovely.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  How sweet.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  He totters towards the camera and I wave back. And I'm doing basically, I suppose, stretches of different kinds to get my back settled. And I'm doing breathing as well. And she says, don't concentrate on what's worrying you, just concentrate on the breathing.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Think about the breathing.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Focus on the breath.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  And that has been very good. I've done it every day, but I couldn't do it today for complicated reasons. I couldn't do it yesterday for complicated reasons because I had to be up at seven in the morning doing publicity. Because I'm still doing.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  You are good, Giles.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  I am quite good about that. And somebody said to me, I did BBC Breakfast, I was there at 7:00 AM with sumo wrestlers.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  And a Frank Sinatra sound alike. And somebody said to me, Giles, do you need this?

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  How's your show doing? I said, well, we sold out yesterday. And I said, we've sold out today. He said, well, I don't think your show needs this. I said, yes, maybe we sold out yesterday and today because I am doing this. So it's a very difficult thing to judge, you know? And I'm still handing out leaflets in the street and saying to you, where are our flyers, Harriet? And you're saying, oh, they're in the bag. Do we need to bother? And I'm saying, yes, we do need to bother.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think you might be overdoing it. But I'm grateful to you for doing the sumo wrestlers. And that was fun, Giles. It looked fun, the sumo wrestlers.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  They were great fun guys.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Did they wrestle you?

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Well, they were naked, funnily enough, and it didn't matter at all.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  No, they have, um, what do you call those sort of?

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Nappies, huge, like huge nappies.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  They don't have their.

• 7:29Speaker 02

  No, they don't have their watsits.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  Sumo sausages dangling down, do they? Their sumo salamis.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  But it's quite funny because they were making noises like, because they invited me to smack their tummies.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Which was, which was quite an interesting experience.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Gosh, were they firm, their tummies?

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  I don't know. I didn't raise this with them because obviously I wanted to be respectful. And then we were fellow artists and they are really skillful at what they do. And they were fun. I was worried about how healthy it is. Because two of them were, you know, big guys. But one of them was a really huge guy with a huge gut.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  And the way he was throwing people around.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  And I sort of bounced up against him for fun. But my gosh, it's like hitting an enormous wall. And I thought, you're quite young, is this good for you to be? But I don't know what the story of sumo wrestling is.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  No, it'd be interesting to look into. I don't know what the average life expectancy of a sumo wrestler is.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  But what I can tell you is the average life expectancy of a seagull in Edinburgh.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Oh, this is fascinating. What a segue, Giles, can I just say? I love that.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  It's Jonathan Livingston segue.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  Jonathan Livingston segue. And I think I'm going to really find this fact that you're about to tell me fascinating. The average life expectancy of a seagull.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  I would like people to think about this. Because I've been writing an article for The Spectator for this week. Sort of my diary, Edinburgh diary. And I began it by saying, greetings from Edinburgh, where the air is full of love and seagulls. Because there are seagulls everywhere, aren't there? Haven't you noticed?

• 9:16Speaker 03

  I have noticed seagulls because we are near the sea, aren't we?

• 9:19Speaker 02

  We're very near the sea. I mean, it is a port, there are bits of Edinburgh, like Leith, that are actually on the dock side.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. In fact, I walked past a restaurant the other day. It was called something like the Muscle Bay Seafood Restaurant. And I walked past it and the name sort of printed out clearly. And above it was this really wily looking seagull, looking beadily down on these people eating their fish and chips. And I took a picture of it because I thought this seagull knows exactly what this restaurant is. And then further down the road, there was another seafood restaurant and another seagull. They are not stupid, these seagulls.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  They're not stupid, they're quite greedy.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  I think they can read.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Well, they're certainly looking down on the world.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  You pass any statue in Edinburgh and perched on top is a seagull.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  Surveying the scene.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  And you would think if you were in Edinburgh that the seagull population is exploding because they are there and they're so bold. They strut about on the pavement. You come along, they don't, they make you walk around them.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  They walk across the road and the cars stop for them.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  I was in a rickshaw yesterday, I'll explain about that later. I was in a rickshaw yesterday, careering through Edinburgh, and we had to keep repeatedly stopping for seagulls.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  Why don't they, I thought they flew.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  Of course, they can fly, but they can't be bothered. They can't be buggered because they don't need to, because it's, they feel it's their territory. Now, we are being deceived by these seagulls in Edinburgh. There is a seagull shortage.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  What do you mean a seagull shortage?

• 10:53Speaker 02

  There are at least, I think, a million fewer seagulls in the UK this year than there were five years ago.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  The seagull population is plummeting.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  I think people might be quite relieved to hear that because they can be a bit of a menace.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Well, there was a councillor in, because I've been investigating this, a councillor in Edinburgh who wanted a seagull cull.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Oh, no, that's not good.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  And the R S B B and the other, you know, charities that look after birds said, no, no, no, no, no, no.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  You shouldn't be culling them.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  You shouldn't be culling them.

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Uh, you know, they've got a right to live here too. They're lovely. They are fascinating creatures to look at.

• 11:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Also, they said, there is a crisis on. Yes, there are lots of seagulls in Edinburgh because there is food here.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  They're scavengers.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Um, and, and, you know, it's fantastic for them.

• 11:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, seafood restaurants, ice cream.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  But elsewhere, and they come, are they, you're sitting there with your bag of chips.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  No, no, no, you watch out.

• 11:44Speaker 02

  You watch out.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  In case they miss the bag of chips and land in the what's its.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  Uh, in your sumo sausage.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Anyway, the point is, there's a national seagull shortage crisis. How long do you think a seagull lives?

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Um, well, I, I.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  You know the answer, don't you?

• 12:01Speaker 03

  Well, because I, I guessed this, didn't I?

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Yesterday, you asked me this and I said, I, I had a feeling it was quite a long time because they are old, ancient creatures, you know, these birds, they're descended from dinosaurs, you know, they've been around longer than us. They're also big and strong seagulls and they've got a look about them. I, you know, when you look them in the eye, you think, you've seen, you've seen some action. I mean, they're not born yesterday, these seagulls.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Do they feel like you?

• 12:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. So I said to you, I think the average lifespan of a seagull is thirty years. You looked a bit disappointed that I.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  I was very disappointed.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  That I'd got.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Because.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  I was actually not far off.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Harriet Jane knows it all. She is a clever cock. Everybody else I've asked her to has varied between sort of nine months, thinking it's just a bird, three years, uh, somebody said, oh, maybe six years.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  No.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Nobody got it right, which you did. Bingo.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  Cause you see the baby seagull, that, I mean, the baby seagull lasts a while. It's a whole season, the grey baby seagull.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  And it's this, the reason it seems so crowded in Edinburgh now is that August is peak seagull month.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Seagulls are being born.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 02

  Seagulls are growing older and they can live. There is a seagull, reported seagull, who has lived longer than you've been alive. Forty-nine years of age is the longest known living seagull and they can live anything. Of course, it can be more dangerous for them living in a place like Edinburgh because they do occasionally get run over, things happen to them.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  But thirty is, is about par for the course.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  But they can live well into their forties.

• 13:40Speaker 03

  Like a horse.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  A horse lives that long.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Does a horse live that long?

• 13:43Speaker 03

  A horse, thirty, forty years.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Not in the case of Tonka, the pony we bought for our son Bennett, who's going to feature in my diaries. Are we going to do some diaries in a moment?

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Did he have a premature death as well as everything else?

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Well, we're going to hear about that.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  Gosh.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Are you keeping an Edinburgh diary?

• 14:01Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  I'm keeping an Edinburgh diary because I find, and I think even you are finding, the process of performance interesting.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Because we've come here to do twenty-six shows in a row. It is your first appearance on a professional stage. We have been very blessed in we've had sell-out shows so far. That may not last. It depends entirely on the word of mouth. But it's very interesting. The first preview, the anxiety, the second show, maybe not as good as the thirst, the third show, somewhere everything comes together, and how we feel differently.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Registering the audience.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Learning not to tread on our own laughs.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Knowing when to slow things down.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Learning when to listen to the silence. All of that is interesting.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  And also, surprisingly, physically exhausting.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  I came back from the first show, we made a mistake after the first show, I realised when I got back to my flat, which was we immediately left on a real high. It was a real buzz doing the first show because it happened and the audience in Edinburgh is so big and up for it.

• 15:11Speaker 02

  And we had a great stage crew.

• 15:13Speaker 03

  We had a great stage crew.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  We felt really confident, well, didn't at the beginning, but at the end of the show, every cue had worked. The music came at the right times, the lights were correct.

• 15:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Everything worked. So we came off high, didn't we?

• 15:25Speaker 03

  Shout out to our stage crew, all of them. Oh my goodness. Greta, Malachi, Miro, Jade, Amber, Jacob, they're all brilliant. And we have so much confidence in them. They're so professional, they're so friendly. So that's great. Anyway, we came off on a real high. We, it had gone really well. The audience seemed to enjoy it. We were relieved, we were happy. We said we did a meet and greet. That was fun. Then we went straight to Starbucks and I had a huge coffee. What a mad thing to do at something like six o'clock at night after a huge adrenaline rush. So I had this big coffee, went back to my flat, walked

• 16:09Speaker 03

  through the front door and literally thought I was going to add the shakes. And so I had to, yeah, drink two massive glasses of water, eat some bread, sit down and try and get rid of some of this energy that I had. So that is really tiring on your body. Yeah.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  We had some lovely visitors though. We've had Rosebud listeners coming to see us.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Yes, we want to do a shout out for some people who've come.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Because what we're doing at the end of every show, if you are coming to see us in Edinburgh, we're here till the end of the month, immediately after the show, we were standing by the theatre, but I'm pleased to say the management felt there are too many people coming to say hello. So will you please go to stand by your poster?

• 16:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:46Speaker 02

  Out in the street. So we're standing by a big poster picture. You'll recognise us because we look like slightly older versions of the people in the poster.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  Um, so that's where you'll find us. And we're, we're really enjoying meeting in people.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, come and get a selfie.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Taking selfies.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  And this is quite fun. So who, who, who do you want to shout out to?

• 17:03Speaker 03

  Well, just a few people that we've met who've made a special journey to come and see us. And it's been so lovely to meet people. I mean, sure, there are lots of others that I'm not going to mention, but it's been so nice to meet listeners and to hear that you've enjoyed yourselves and we, it gives us a lot of pleasure and we're really, really grateful to you. So first of all, want to say hello again to Dougie and Aileen Allsop. And Aileen was the person whose eightieth birthday it was in our first show and we gave her a shout out.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  We did and she sat in the very front row.

• 17:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  It was lovely to see her.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  Lovely, yeah. And Dougie, I think, was really pleased that we could do that. And he put a lovely post all about it on Rosebud Reflections, which by the way, you should join, if you're a Facebook member, join Rosebud Reflections, the group, because there's lots of updates. I did a big update on it about our first day and I'll carry on trying to update everyone with how it's going. And there's just some lovely things on there from other Rosebud listeners. I also wanted to say hi to Laura Jinks and Evie, who came to see the first show. And Evie gave us some guest recommendations. She said to us, why don't we have the cast of Ghosts on Rosebud? Or some of the people from Ghosts? Because she was a big fan of Ghosts. She was a teenager and that's a really popular show. And my

• 18:20Speaker 03

  kids loved that show. So I thought that was a good suggestion. It was really nice to meet them. We met someone called Val, I think, who used to live in Totnes in Devon. So we had a connection. And she had this amazing document in her pocket, which she showed us. It was about six or seven pieces of A5 note paper upon which she had written in hand, all of the episodes of Rosebud so far. She'd written them all out, all the names in chronological.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Elegant hand.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  With blue ink. And though she knew that she could actually go to our website, rosebudpodcast.co.uk, where everything is listed with a description by you of each show, she wanted to have it in her handbag so that she could be on the bus.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  And think, oh, what am I in the mood for?

• 19:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 02

  And then in her own handwriting, just look through these pages and think, oh yeah, I want to meet Alison Hammond. She'll make me laugh.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, such a good idea.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Very good idea.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Because a few people email in and say, oh, it's rather difficult to search for old episodes because there are so many. And I think it can be a bit bamboozling when you look on your phone and you're scrolling down, there's all these episodes. So if you've got the time, you could do what Val did, which is to write them out.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Now, do you remember the Danish family we met?

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Oh, they were so stylish.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  Well, they were so stylish. It turns out they are family members of the Rosebud family. If you want to belong to the Rosebud family, this is a thing where we do a, we do an extra show on a Sunday and, uh, it's ad-free, extra show on a Sunday. And you simply go to, is it patreon.com?

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Forward slash Rosebud.

• 20:01Speaker 02

  Patreon, P A T R E O N dot com.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  Dot com.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Forward slash Rosebud and you can become a family member. This really unique family, and they did look unique. They were a mum and a dad and two children.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  They looked so stylish and so different to everyone else. And as soon as they said, we're from Denmark, I thought, of course you are. They were just so well dressed, all had wonderful spectacles on and they looked fabulous.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  They did, they looked fabulous, they did look fabulous anyway, but wasn't that nice? Danish people.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  So they're Rosebud family members.

• 20:33Speaker 02

  They explained, we are part of your family.

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Oh, wonderful.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  It's so impressive the way people from Nordic countries speak English that's almost more beautiful than ours.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Oh, they really do. I tell you what, I'm just impressed by how all the members of the Rosebud family are sort of top notch people, Giles. I mean, it's not surprising, but they really are. It's like a sort of elite club of some of the best people out there.

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Now, one of the things, speaking of elite clubs, one of the advantages of being here on the fringe as a performer is that we have been given access to a variety of bars, haven't we?

• 21:08Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Well, yes.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  I've only been to one.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  Well, I've only been to one with you, but I've been to the others in the past and I'm looking forward to taking you to.

• 21:15Speaker 03

  You don't drink, Giles.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  No, though, I've had my first ever non-zero-zero beer. It was, I think, a Heineken.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  I really liked it.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Oh, beer, so refreshing.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  It was so refreshing. And then last night, I had another one last night and then you hurried me away. I was still drinking it.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  Did I?

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you said, come on, come on, I'm having, I need to eat, I need to eat, I need to eat. Uh, come on, come on. And I clearly had a half a glass.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  I'm cutting this bit then.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  No, we're not cutting this bit. Honestly, I want to explain to listeners.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  I'm cutting anything right there.

• 21:42Speaker 02

  Let me just explain to our listeners, and you can decide when you hear this back, whether you want to cut it or not, that Harriet is the editor, she is the producer of the show, and I trust her. And I trust her to get the balance right. And I want her to live, leave enough flavour of what really goes on, because that interests people. The reality of what really goes on. Anyway, what's really going on in Edinburgh is we are exhausted, but we're having a wonderful time. Because it's also nice going to these clubs afterwards that offer the artists. And there's a fellow feeling, isn't there?

• 22:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  You meet other people who also are still giving out the flowers, are still exhausted, you know, all, all that's going on. And there is a real, I think it's a really democratic world, the world of entertainment.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  People of all ages, you know, very young people, very old people, people with, you know, who are sumo wrestlers and people who are, well, we met up with Rosie Jones, a comedian I've worked with on QI the other night at one of these bars. All, all, all human life is there.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:45Speaker 02

  And we're all hugging each other, um, saying, well, we're here and we're doing it. So that's why the air, as well as being full of seagulls, is full of love.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  Oh, that is nice. I've got one last shout out to some people who emailed in to say that they're flying up to see the show just for the purpose of seeing the show, they're flying up for a day from East Sussex.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Oh, Rio.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  No, but I thought that was impressive.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  To fly, well, have they got an airplane?

• 23:17Speaker 03

  No, they're, they're going from Croydon, I think they go to Stansted. They stay the night at Stansted, they fly up to Edinburgh, they see our show, they go back home. I mean.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  But that is amazing.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  Dedication, Giles.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  The people from Denmark flew in just to see our show.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  They did not.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Yes, they said we are family members, that is why we have come to see your show.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  People are flying. So humbling.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  It is humbling, particularly when you've seen the show.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  We better do a good job, Giles.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  We're gonna, we're gonna do a great show.

• 23:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Again today.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Also, I'm loving it because we are the only show on the fringe that doesn't take a day off. I didn't let.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Are we the only show?

• 23:51Speaker 02

  Yes, I didn't let Harriet know this before, when I do the book, yes, no, we always do, which we do, I always do. Every day of the fringe, but every other show takes a day off a week.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  A day off a week?

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, they all take one day off a week.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  That's four days off.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Yes, they all take a day off a week, but we don't.

• 24:10Speaker 03

  I really want a day off.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  You don't need it, you need your public.

• 24:14Speaker 03

  I do, I haven't had a day off for about three weeks.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Or three years, because you've been doing Rosebud.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  I'm so tired.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  I know you are. On stage, you don't look it. Can I say the years fall away, the bags under the eyes disappear? We've got very good lighting, I have to tell you.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  Oh, my goodness.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Do you want to do an email or should we go straight into the dowries?

• 24:31Speaker 03

  I think we should go straight in because we've been going on for quite a long time.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  But I love chatting, it's fun.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  No, you surprise me.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  I'm trying to learn to be quiet too. I'm trying to have quiet moments.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Do you, when you're asleep?

• 24:45Speaker 02

  The other night, now this, we did, we went out for supper one, one evening to a lovely vegetarian restaurant that's still good called David Ban here in Edinburgh.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  Hmm, lovely.

• 24:55Speaker 02

  And I was challenged by my granddaughter and her friend Annie, who is here, uh, they're both nineteen, and, um, by Harriet to shut up for a minute.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  To do a sponsored, we thought you should do a sponsored silence.

• 25:10Speaker 02

  Yes, so I thought I will do an hour. They didn't realise that because they mentioned I was going to do an hour. And I couldn't tell them I'm now doing an hour because I'd gone silent.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  I wondered why it lasted so long.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  It lasted an hour.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  I didn't speak for an hour.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Hmm, how did it, how did you find it?

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Um, okay.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  I could certainly do it.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  I certainly did, but it's a shame if you've got things to contribute, also possibly things to correct. Because I heard other people saying things that weren't quite right or telling a story that didn't have quite the payoff I hoped for.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  But it would be a fun item for this morning or something, Gyles Brandreth is quiet. I think that'd be fun.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's only for a few minutes.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Something sponsored, you want to go for hours, like my longest ever afternoon speech.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Twenty-four hours?

• 25:52Speaker 02

  Twelve and a half hours.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  Oh, twelve and a half hours.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Okay, should we go to the dowries now?

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  And we're back in nineteen seventy-eight.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Not quite fifty years ago, Monday, the twenty-fourth of July, nineteen seventy-eight. On Start the Week on Radio Four, who did I meet? Desmond Wilcox, Sheridan Morley, Kenneth Robinson, Barry Norman, Diana Quick and me. Then a driving lesson, we're getting there. Then the bodily head proofs, I've done them. Then Mrs. Parr, my secretary, useful session. Family, all's well. Bennett, back from his weekend away with my parents in Broadstairs and happy. Nina, the nanny, enveloping Scythrid in love. Afra, our newborn, is lovely and the nights are fine, but it's early days.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  But the news of the hour is this, Mrs. Windler is going to agree to sell us the house next door. Numbers one and two, Camden Hill Gardens, will then make one huge detached whole house and we will no longer have noisy neighbours. But can we afford it? Or must we move to a detached house elsewhere? At least now we have an option. Hooray. Sunday, the twenty-seventh of August, nineteen seventy-eight. Today, we took Bennett by Underground to Tooting to ride Tonka, his pony. It was Bennett's first Underground trip. He took it entirely in his stride. I love the London Underground.

• 27:30Speaker 02

  It is, I suppose, where I have spent much of my life. I remember revising for A levels, spending days going round and round on the circle line, reading and rereading my notes and getting off at Paddington every time I reached it to reward myself with a cup of tea.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Tonka is looking well, and according to Sister Hester, Bennett is a natural rider with a good seat.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  The sun is shining. I love London in August when everyone is away, just as I love working when everyone is on holiday. But Michelle says, why aren't we in Italy? That's where the sensible people are. Certainly today, that's where the action is. In Turin, the shroud displaying Christ's features has just gone on display for the first time in forty-five years. In Rome, they have elected a new pope, John Paul the First. Apparently, he was swiftly chosen. God was in the mood to be decisive. There's plenty about it in today's paper, but nothing about the ritual that intrigues me.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  As I understand it, since the unfortunate election of Pope Joan around the year eight fifty, to ensure that no further female impostor slips through the net, every newly elected pope is required to sit on a raised ringed stool, robed but sans underwear, while cardinals pass beneath him, gazing upwards, each one declaring, testicularis habit et bene pendentes. I do hope it's true.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Is that true?

• 29:06Speaker 02

  I believe it is true. It's a great story, isn't it? Because there was this pope called Pope Joan, who was a girl, who managed to become pope because they were very young popes once upon a time, and she, you know, looked like a boy.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Became elected pope. And then they discovered she was a girl.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Crumb.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  And yeah, crumbs indeed, you can't cope with a girl pope.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:25Speaker 02

  Uh, though I've always had a bit of a girl pope fantasy, but that's neither here nor there. Uh, and so this ritual was started where, you know the thing they carry them on? I forget what it's called.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  The, the, where they, there are four sort of Swiss guards who carry the pope on a kind of catapult. And it just had a sort of see-through bottom to the chair and they would peer up and they would repeat, well, testicularis habit et bene pendentes.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  I don't need to translate that.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Is this a scene in that film Conclave? I haven't seen the film with Ralph Fiennes.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  No, hey, you see more than you bargained for.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, but is it?

• 29:57Speaker 02

  I don't know, I've not seen the film either.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Is that what the film's about?

• 30:00Speaker 02

  I don't think it is necessarily, but it will be quite fun.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  No wonder it was such a hit.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Do we want to have, um, him as a, as a guest? What's he called?

• 30:11Speaker 03

  The Pope.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  No, no, we do want the Pope as a guest. I very much want the Pope, the present Pope as a guest, and he is American, so.

• 30:19Speaker 03

  He'd be brilliant.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  He'd be brilliant.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  I will drop a line to the Vatican. You know, I did once interview the Pope's exorcist.

• 30:26Speaker 03

  Yes, you mentioned that, that's very interesting.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  It is very interesting, and one of the things I hope we can do next year is I've got a lot of these conversations on tape. We might re-edit them so that we can actually, because he did exorcism with me. And by the end of it, I was convinced.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  What, he exorcised you?

• 30:44Speaker 02

  He showed me the ritual of exorcism, what it is involved.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Which was very intriguing. And he spoke Latin too, he said, oh yes, the, it's the vernacular.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:54Speaker 02

  There, you know, the devil speaks very good Latin.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Oh, the devil speaks Latin, does he?

• 30:59Speaker 02

  So if you want to chat to the devil, brush up your Latin, start. Anyway, on we go, Thursday, the twenty-first of September, nineteen seventy-eight. I'm in bed with grass, I was going to do a joke here.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  This is the joke I was gonna do. I'm in bed with gastroenteritis. I love a Greek girl.

• 31:23Speaker 03

  I was gonna say something like that. Yeah, but I couldn't quite think of the fail. But it was a girl's, yeah, a joke about girls.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  Ridiculous. Aren't I ridiculous?

• 31:30Speaker 03

  Did you like?

• 31:31Speaker 02

  This is us being on the fringe.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  Just as a side, aside, aside. Did you used to like Asterix?

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  That's the sort of name they would give one of their female characters. I bet there is a character in Asterix called gastroenteritis. Yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 02

  I'm in bed with gastroenteritis. I'm never ill, but today I am. It struck at 2:00 AM. I feel like death and I fly to New York on Saturday. I've been getting up at 5:00 AM to finish the words book. I've been having daily driving lessons. We had the excitement of Bennett's first full day at school. He looked so grown up in his slightly too large school uniform. I took a photo of him on the doorstep, looking very serious, holding his satchel and his lunchbox. Yesterday was too much. Up at 5:00, finishing the words book, lunch with Gail Reebuck, jabber jabber jabber, interview with Nursery World, jabber

• 32:25Speaker 02

  jabber jabber, photograph for over 21, grin grin grin, then collapse. I will be fine, but I feel grim. I'm reading The Last Chronicle of Barset for comfort. Novel by Trollope. I love it. You like Trollope novels, don't you?

• 32:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Friday, the 22nd of September, 1978. This afternoon, packing my case for the flight to America tomorrow, I dug out my passport and, to my horror, discovered that it had expired.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  By underground and on foot, running all the way, I reached St. James's Park Station at 4:27 PM and the passport office at Petit France at 4:29. As I reached the doors, they were being closed. Sorry, sir, we're closed now until Monday, but I need my passport renewed. Sorry, sir, but I must have my passport renewed. I must. Sorry, sir, we're closed. Suddenly, exhausted and overwhelmed, I burst into tears. I, I need my passport. I must go to New York tomorrow. My mother has died. Within 40 minutes, I had the new passport in my hand. I perjured myself. On the form they gave me, I declared my mother's

• 33:42Speaker 02

  date and place of death as 21st of September, 1978, Brooklyn, New York. To secure my American visa, at 6:00 PM, I repeated the whole exercise, tears and all, at the United States Embassy in Grosvenor Square. May God and my mother forgive me. If she dies tonight, I shall feel guilty indeed.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Giles. Well, sometimes you've just got to get that passport, haven't you?

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Sometimes you have, but I do realise I did actually perjure myself because it's an official document. You know, I lied about the death of my mother. My mother happened. He didn't die for many, many years. She lived to be 96 years of age. But there you go. I got to New York.

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• 35:31Speaker 01

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• 35:59Speaker 04

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• 36:57Speaker 02

  Saturday, 30th September, 1978. I'm writing this at JFK Airport, waiting to board BA Flight 176, scheduled to depart at 2200 hours. When I get home, I shall speak of the trip as a triumph, but in truth, it's been pretty much a disaster. Why did I come? To promote The Great Big Funny Book, my first children's book to be published in the US. What did I expect? To be the star guest on the Dick Cavett Show and wow the nation, I suppose. In fact, the highlights of my tour were as follows. One, guesting on the Joey Adams radio show. Mr. Adams is very old and very famous and apparently very funny. Certainly

• 37:40Speaker 02

  he thought so. My book of jokes was a splendid opportunity for him to retell many of his. In the 10 minutes I was on air, I reckon he spoke for eight. At least, I was broadcasting from 1500 Broadway. Two, the Harry Schnebaum Hour. I made the pilgrimage to I know not where. I got into a cab and gave the driver the address. Forty minutes later, I arrived somewhere north of Central Park. I found where I was going. A dilapidated apartment block. A decrepit hall porter directed me to the 18th floor. I found the apartment. On the front door, which was ajar, was a piece of paper bearing the words, "The Harry Schnebaum Hour, come

• 38:24Speaker 02

  right in." I entered a cavernous, dimly lit room. There was very little furniture, but in the far corner, an elderly man wearing earphones was seated at a table, fiddling with spools of tape and an antiquated tape recorder. "I'm Harry Schnebaum," he called out croakily. "Welcome to the show." It turns out, he makes a bimonthly tape of interviews with authors and sends them personally by post to three radio stations in the Midwest who transmit them in the middle of the night. Three, and today, my one and only TV show. Okay, it was a morning show on a channel

• 39:07Speaker 02

  no one appears to have heard of, but at least it was television, if a long way out of town. The taxi took an hour and the welcome was disappointing. At reception, they had no idea who I was or why I'd come. Eventually, someone emerged from the back and said, "Oh, sorry, you're here, but we cancelled you. We called your publicist. You're cancelled. Haven't you heard? The Pope has died." Suddenly, I heard myself saying, "I know. That's why I've come. I was in Rome recently and I met him." The guy went berserk. "You met the Pope?" Within the hour, I was on air with a nun, an academic, and the Cardinal Archbishop of New York. They did all the

• 39:51Speaker 02

  talking. I was just brought in at the end. I told my story, ridiculous, absurd, every word of it a fabrication. And as the host leant towards me, clearly urging me to finish, I rounded off my hysterical spiel with this. Pope John Paul was a lovely man, a happy man. He had laughter in his soul. The world saw that. And I have a feeling that when he gets to heaven, he will be going straight to the celestial bookstore and ordering this. And here, I held my tome up to the camera. The Great Big Funny Book by Gyles Brandreth.

• 40:29Speaker 03

  Crumbs.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Crumbs.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  Shameless, Giles.

• 40:32Speaker 02

  Shameless, shameless. The hysteria. I was very young. I think maybe there was a kind of manic element to me at that stage. Do you think so?

• 40:41Speaker 03

  Maybe.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  Anyway.

• 40:42Speaker 03

  Well, you did some good PR for your book. Did it sell well in America?

• 40:47Speaker 02

  The joy of this book is that it's still in print somewhere.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  It's gone on and on and on. It was brilliantly illustrated. It was a great big funny book. There were jokes of every kind, beautifully illustrated, and I was very proud of it. And it stood the test of time. Even the jokes are acceptable today.

• 41:02Speaker 03

  Oh, great. Well done, Giles.

• 41:04Speaker 02

  It was a happy experience and I hope it, if there is a library in heaven, it's certainly a good book to have.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  And that Pope who died.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  Pope John Paul I?

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. And he, his papacy only lasted 33 days. I mean, he was famous for the delight he took in, in, on his election and he was immediately nicknamed Il Papa del Sorrio, the smiling Pope. Anyway.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  So why did it last? He died?

• 41:29Speaker 02

  He died. And there's still controversy surrounding the cause of his death, given officially at the time as a heart attack. But there are people who think maybe there was more to it than met the eye. I think there have been novels written about it since. But that's why I felt able to do the thing about him getting the book out in heaven, because he was known as the smiling Pope.

• 41:46Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 41:46Speaker 02

  So I'd seen, which was true. Michelle and I had been in Rome and we had seen him.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  So I hadn't actually met him, but I felt I'd met him.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  Poor him.

• 41:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, poor him.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Well, I saw Pope Francis just before he died. Yeah.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  It's not the Rosebud effect, is it?

• 42:00Speaker 03

  I hope not. No, I went to Rome last... January and I went to the square and saw him appear at his balcony. Yeah, and it was very exciting.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  I was lovely, isn't it?

• 42:11Speaker 03

  And he died about four or five weeks later.

• 42:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  Yeah. Gosh, Giles.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Do you know, we've got quite a lot in common.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  I think we should make sure we don't go to Rome too often.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Well, we want to meet this Pope.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  We don't want to kill him.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  What?

• 42:26Speaker 02

  It might go viral. If it was the last interview he gave. Il Papa, rather, he's American. He might be, he might be a Rosebud person.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  Yes, we don't want to kill you. We just want to chat to you about your life and your first memories.

• 42:37Speaker 02

  That's exactly, I'm going to take this seriously. I'm actually going to do the emails about that later today.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  Shall I go on?

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Yes, please.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Friday, the twentieth of October, nineteen seventy eight. Horrible experience. I spoke at a lunch at the Savoy and I misjudged it.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  The event, a celebration of fifty years of women's suffrage, sponsored by the Publicity Club of London and Cosmopolitan magazine. I tried to be funny. I was funny. I talked about the emancipation of women and then teased Cosmopolitan, Cosmo, for its obsession with sex, men and the way we look now. The audience across the room laughed heartily. The ladies at the top table did not. Una McDonald, Labour MP, scowled. Deirdre McSharry, Cosmo editor in chief, wept. Anna Rayburn, advice columnist, spoke after me and tore me to shreds. As I left, no one said goodbye.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  I tried to apologize to Deirdre McSharry, but she turned her head away. Rayburn snarled. I've just been walking around Holland Park with Michelle to try to get over it, but my stomach is still churning. Michelle says there's a lesson here. They are paying you, so don't try to be clever. Just give them what they want. She's right, and I will. I know it is the secret. Listen carefully to your audience and then play them back to themselves.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Tomorrow, I go to Birmingham to do one of my stints for West Midlands Gas, rather more my cup of tea.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Oh, Giles.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Sunday, the fifth of November, nineteen seventy eight. We have to make a decision. We know we need a detached house. We cannot live with neighbours ever again. Even if they're quiet, there's now always a sense of apprehension. When will the noise start? We have a choice. We can either buy the house next door, joining up the gardens and knocking through on some of the floors, or we can buy a detached house. We've now seen several. Eleven, St Mary Abbott's Place, a country house in Kensington. Thirteen, Dawson Place, my favourite, I think. Eighty, Addison Road, but it's a sixty one year lease, et cetera. We're just in from viewing something in Abbotsbury Road,

• 45:02Speaker 02

  priced at three hundred and ninety five thousand pounds, but worth a hundred and ninety five thousand max. That's the horror of it, the prices. The world is going to rack and ruin inflation, strikes, national collapse, but the housing market doesn't seem to have got the message. What do we do? We can't sit put. Later. Happy lunch at McDonald's, followed by unhappy troll through the whole of central, west and south London in search of frigging fireworks. None to be found, not one. Well, a wretched Catherine wheel, two Roman fountains and a packet of sparklers. Michelle said, I did ask you to get the fireworks a week ago.

• 45:46Speaker 02

  Do I have to do everything?

• 45:57Speaker 05

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• 46:30Speaker 00

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone eighteen Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series twelve or iPad on them.

• 46:43Speaker 05

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• 48:01Speaker 02

  Seventeenth of December, nineteen seventy eight. St James, Barbados, West Indies. I should report that it is perfect here. Others may prefer sandy lane, but we are very content with the Miramar Beach Hotel. This is our kind of luxury, intense but not excessive. And they make the children very welcome. I'm sitting in the shade on the quiet side of the bar by the pool with a preprandial rum punch at my side. It does grow on you. I've just finished the Sunday Advocate news. It seems the island has been threatened with invasion by international bandits. We hadn't noticed. We've not emerged from the hotel compound.

• 48:45Speaker 02

  And the Prime Minister, Mr Tom Adams, assures us that he will not bend to blackmail and is ready to repel borders. So that's all right then. I have to say, everything here is very much all right. The brilliant sunshine, the dazzling sea, the friendly staff, the fabulous food. Some of our fellow guests leave a touch to be desired, but I suppose East London jewel thieves do have to go somewhere for their holidays. Seriously, some of the folk here do look pretty sinister and the vulgarity quotient is pretty high. There's a lady in the pool at this moment who keeps telling anyone who will listen that she's a close personal friend of the governor of St Lucia. And the governess, of course.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  However, Mr Defan Baker, lately Prime Minister of Canada, is also a fellow guest and very amiable. I sent Bennett and Seithred past his deck chair to trip over his feet to effect an introduction. I can now say that I've shaken the hand that shook the hand that wrote the thirty nine steps. Is that right? Oh, it is right. Because John Defan Baker, he was Canada's, I think, thirteenth Prime Minister. And John Bucken, who became Baron Tweedsmuir, who was the author of Thirty Nine Steps, was Governor General of Canada and will have met John Defan Baker.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  So by shaking hands with John Defan Baker at one remove, I've shaken hands with John Bucken, who wrote the Thirty Nine Steps.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Hey, I know I'm ridiculous. Do you think we get on well on holiday, you and me? We only ever work together. We've never been on holiday.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  I can't imagine you on holiday, Giles. You won't even let me have a day off from the Edinburgh show.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  Now, that is true, but this is because it's like being on holiday, being in Edinburgh, doing a show just once a day. We are on holiday. But do you think we'd cope well?

• 50:38Speaker 03

  I don't know. Yeah, maybe.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, we might give it a try one year.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  Let's do it.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Not, it won't be a year because I want us to do five good full years first.

• 50:45Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  And then we might take a holiday.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 50:48Speaker 02

  Five days off.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  A day a year of your service to Rosebud will give you a holiday. Okay?

• 50:55Speaker 03

  Right.

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Because that's fun. So this means we're getting carried on working now. There'll be another episode this Friday. Have you got a good guest coming on Friday? I think we have.

• 51:03Speaker 03

  We've got Maggie Adarren. I have to say, I cried watching it. Yeah, it's so.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Because you watch it because we're not on YouTube as well.

• 51:13Speaker 03

  I watched, I watched the edit of it.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  It's a brilliant episode.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  Dame Maggie Adair.

• 51:20Speaker 03

  What a brilliant, interesting, inspiring person she is.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Gosh, and we don't have enough scientists.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  No, we need to have more, but yeah, so interesting.

• 51:31Speaker 02

  And actually, we're going to record one or two episodes while we're up here. I'm trying to persuade the great violinist Nicola Benedetti, who is also the artistic director of the international festival here in Edinburgh, to be a Rosebud guest.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Woo hoo.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  Which would be quite exciting.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Because she was a bit of an infant prodigy.

• 51:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, my daughter Belle would like that.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Oh, fantastic.

• 51:52Speaker 03

  Because she plays violin.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  And you know, Nicola Benedetti once played The Lark Ascending for me on a hillside in Worcestershire.

• 52:00Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  But that's by the by.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  So we've got some exciting episodes coming up. If you want to join us on a Sunday ever, all you need to do is join the Rosebud family.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  To do that, you go to patreon.com forward slash Rosebud. You can follow us, well, on YouTube, wherever you get your podcasts. You can find our own website by simply going online to rosebudpodcast.co.uk. So anyway, from Harriet and me at the W Hotel in Edinburgh, thank you very much for being with us.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Shout out to the W Hotel.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?

• 52:34Speaker 03

  Giles, that's where you're staying, isn't it?

• 52:35Speaker 02

  It is. It's where I'm staying.

• 52:36Speaker 03

  It's a Marriott Hotel, is it?

• 52:38Speaker 02

  It's a sister hotel of Grosvenor House in London, where, which is the natural home of Rosebud.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  It's an extraordinary building. It looks like a peeled orange.

• 52:49Speaker 02

  It's a controversial building.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  Some people adore it. It's won prizes. Other people don't. Because it does look a little bit like a peeled orange. What they say it is, is a festival, it's a festival floodish going up in the air. It's like a festival flag going up there.

• 53:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's pretty amazing.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  You can see it from all over Edinburgh.

• 53:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Anyway, we're enjoying life here. We're loving being in Edinburgh. If you're anywhere nearby, we're here till the end of the month, every day at four o'clock. And happily, we are selling out most days, but there's still lots of tickets for, you know, coming weeks.

• 53:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, please come.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  Do, please come.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  And say hi to us.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  Afterwards, we're there outside the theatre by our poster. You will recognize us. We look vaguely like slightly older versions of the people on the poster.

• 53:33Speaker 03

  Speak for yourself.

• 53:34Speaker 02

  I do speak entirely for myself. Harriet at all times looks younger than springtime. Wearing a lot of mascara today. You don't normally wear this much makeup. Gosh, face is a bit caked, actually. I really like the natural look. Okay, that's it. Bye for now.

• 53:51Speaker 03

  Cue the music.

• 54:49Speaker 05

  Hi, it's Danny Pellegrino from Everything Iconic. Twelve celebrities, one Don, and cold, hard cash. From the producers of The Traitors comes The Mob, a new Hulu original series. The iconic Parker Posey hosts this unique reality competition show where 12 celebrity contestants shake down in an Italian villa to win a share of up to $250,000. Watch the new Hulu original series, The Mob, premiering October 26th on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

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