993. Q&AF: Building A New Identity, Work Vs "Me Time" & Progress Paralysis

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to keep winning while managing your past identity, what's the best way to create some personal time when everyone depends on you, and how to overcome the paralysis of taking a step towards building your dream life.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:16Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realists to say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to another fucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and A F, that's where you submit questions and we give you the answers. DJ is going to tell you how you can submit those questions.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Hello children, guys, email these questions into [email protected] or you guys can click the link in the description below and submit your questions for a chance to be pulled from there. Or comment on the Q and A F videos on the new Andy Frisella motivation YouTube page.

• 0:52Andy Frisella?

  Now, if you're listening to the show on audio, we're going to ask you to please go to the new Andy Frisella YouTube channel, Andy Frisella motivation and click subscribe. As you guys know, we have separated CTIs and Q and A F and personal development on YouTube. So go over there and hit that subscribe for us. If this is your first time listening, we have many different shows. We have Q and A F, which is what you're about to hear. We have CTI, which you can catch tonight at 7:00 PM Central, live on Twitter, X, whatever you want to call it, and YouTube. Soon to be coming to all streaming platforms. Then we have what's called Real Talk.

• 1:33Andy Frisella?

  Real Talk is just me giving you five to 20 minutes of some real talk. And then we have 75 Hard Verses. 75 Hard Verses, where somebody who's completed the 75 Hard Program comes on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use 75 Hard to transform their lives. If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it's the initial phase of the Live Hard Program, which is the world's most famous mental transformation program in history and it's free. You can get that entire program at episode 208 on the audio feed. Again, that's 208 on the audio feed only. There's also a book at andyfrisella.com called The Book on Mental Toughness. A great book.

• 2:17Andy Frisella?

  We sell a lot of them. If you like the ins and outs and all the nuts and bolts and you know the why behind everything's a great book. Huge group of people starting 75 hard today, actually, which I just found out about, but uh, so if you haven't done it, do it. And then what do we have? Oh, we have a fee. The fee is very simple. Do us a favor and share the show. I think we're the only podcast in the world doesn't run ads. Nobody's paying me. Uh, you're gonna get the real shit here. And, uh, we just ask very simply, help us share it out. Help us grow the show. So don't be a hoe. Share the show. What's going on over there?

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Hopefully we're live tonight on Monday. We all don't get snowed into oblivion.

• 2:59Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Listen, we, we're like the mail.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:03Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. It just, it's, it's happening no matter what.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  It just don't stop. That's right. That's right.

• 3:08Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Big group of, uh, I just found this out, but a really big group of, of people starting 75 hard on Monday. So I'm excited about that.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  It'd be sick. It'd be sick. Hell yeah, man. Um, well, yeah, let's, uh, let's make some people better today, shall we?

• 3:24Andy Frisella?

  Yes. One of you guys put out a cold water for me. Thank you. Who did that?

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Joe.

• 3:30Andy Frisella?

  Joe Gilman?

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:31Andy Frisella?

  Ice cream Joe? Alright. Thank you, brother.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Joe. Yeah. Joe.

• 3:36Andy Frisella?

  No, that's just called being, that's just called being courteous, bro. Yeah.

• 3:44Andy Frisella?

  Listen, Joe's the guy. Hey, I come in here and shit is ready to go. It's appreciated. I'll take it for granted. So.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  These questions are hot, too.

• 3:53Andy Frisella?

  Are they?

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:54Andy Frisella?

  Alright, good.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Like that?

• 3:57Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, fuck.

• 4:00Andy Frisella?

  What are you drinking over there?

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Huh? Oh, you know, little Paradise Punch.

• 4:05Andy Frisella?

  What do you think of that one?

• 4:06Speaker 01

  It's not an ad, but if it were one, uh, this is the best fucking flavor that ever existed, dude. Ever existed.

• 4:12Andy Frisella?

  Man, it's right up there with Screaming Freedom for me.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Dude, it's like, you know, I keep thinking like, okay, like, you know, dude, the, the OG lineup came out, right? And I'm like, there's no fucking chance. Like, anything could be better. And then it got better.

• 4:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  And then I'm like, okay, well, like the new OG flavor, like there's nothing that could be possible. And then this fucking thing comes out.

• 4:29Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 4:30Andy Frisella?

  That thing's awesome.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  You know, dude, I'm, I'm ready.

• 4:34Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I'm ready.

• 4:35Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  You know what's crazy?

• 4:36Andy Frisella?

  We need to get rid of that blue blitz. The blue blitz is not my vibe. We need to replace it with that full time. That's my time.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, I know this dude. I let that orange shit the other day on accident and I wasn't drinking it fast enough. And so like the carbonation loss.

• 4:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:52Speaker 01

  It was still fucking delicious.

• 4:54Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  Like it tasted like fucking OJ. You know what I'm saying? Like some nice juice, like some tang.

• 4:58Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  It's a tang. Yeah, bro.

• 5:00Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  I know a little some some.

• 5:01Andy Frisella?

  That's some poor people shit right there, buddy.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  It tasted like orange drink.

• 5:06Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Orange drink.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. Well, guys, let's make some people better today. Guys, you guys know how this goes. I got three. We're ready to roll.

• 5:16Andy Frisella?

  You got three what?

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Three good ones for you, bro.

• 5:18Andy Frisella?

  Alright.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  With all the meat.

• 5:19Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  And potatoes.

• 5:22Andy Frisella?

  Open up.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Guys, Andy, question number one.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Andy, I'm doing things now that the old version of me wouldn't even attempt. Better habits, harder conversations, bigger goals, but internally I still feel like the same person. How long does it take before your identity actually catches up to the life you're building? And is there anything you can do to speed it up?

• 5:53Andy Frisella?

  Alright, look, first of all,

• 5:57Andy Frisella?

  why, okay.

• 6:00Andy Frisella?

  Consider this. The reason you're moving so good is because you remember what it's like to be the old you. That's not a bad thing. Okay? When people fail in life, whether it's a business or whether it's their personal development or whether it's their fitness, they fail because they forget what life was like before. Alright, we see this all the time in business. People make money, they get. In a comfortable spot and then all of a sudden they're broke. All right. So the reason this happens is because their identity changes from someone who is being a hard worker, who is thinking,

• 6:42Andy Frisella?

  who is solving problems, who is innovating, who's pushing themselves down the path to this place where they start to take it for granted and they assume that it's always going to be there, which it will not. And the most common types of people that lose are not actually people that just never try. It's actually people who've won once and they win once and they attach their identity to that win. And then they lose all of the habits and all of the work and all of the discipline and everything over the course of time because they identify with that win. People who win long-term, people who win over the course of their life, over and over and over

• 7:26Andy Frisella?

  and over again, they never forget who the fuck they actually are. Okay. So it's this nuance that you have to learn to master, which is being grateful for where you're at, being grateful that things are going good, but also remembering that things are not going good because you're you or you're gifted. Things are going good because the old you was willing to do things that produce the current reality that you live in. And when you lose sight of this and you lose the perspective that the current reality that you live in was built by someone who used to exist,

• 8:07Andy Frisella?

  you want to keep the motherfucker that created all this shit moving. Okay. Does this make sense? Yeah, it does. All right. So a lot of people completely fuck their entire lives up by thinking that their success is the result of them, when in reality, it's not the result of them. It's the result of the actions that the previous version of them have taken, which have produced this reality. Okay. So now you're in a reality of comfort. You've got some money in the bank. You're, you're pretty fit. Things are going well.

• 8:46Andy Frisella?

  And then you stop. You stop doing the things that hungry person did. You stop doing the things that fat person did to get in shape. You stop doing the things that broke person did to fix that problem. And then what happens? The problems start to happen again. Okay. And slowly and surely you go back down to who you used to be in reality, not just in your mind. So when we think about this, what is this problem, right? This is actually an ego problem. Okay. And when we talk about being humble, this is where humility is applicable. We have to understand and detach our results

• 9:26Andy Frisella?

  from our identity and understand that our results come from the actions. So what most people do is they go through this situation of life where like if you imagine a bell curve, for those of you who are listening on audio, and you start on the left hand side of the curve, and you don't know shit. You don't know anything. You are very willing to learn. You are hungry. You are a sponge. You're willing to do things that other people won't do. You are willing to work harder. You're willing to work smarter. You're willing to pour into yourself because dude, you're a blank slate, and you know you're a blank slate. So what happens is you start to move up the curve, and things are going good. And, and you're continuing these habits because they're still

• 10:11Andy Frisella?

  fresh for you. And you're, you're like, fuck, yeah, this is working. This is going good. And what happens is you get to the, to the top, which you perceive as a top, which is not actually the top. You get to the top of this curve. And what happens for most people is they start to believe that the reason that they are at that curve is because they are great. No, you're, you're not great. None of us are actually great. We're the result of great actions over the course of time. And so when your identity actually switches from

• 10:42Andy Frisella?

  You know, you're this hungry individual who does no shit to, I'm great because I breathe the air and I walk, you know, I'm, I'm the fucking man. What happens is you start losing the perspective of what it took to get where you are. And you stop doing those things and then you slide down the backside of the curve. Okay. And you don't notice it at first. At first it's just a cut corner. At first it's just a, you know, uh,

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Missed workout.

• 11:07Andy Frisella?

  A missed workout or you know, a missed meeting or something like that. Right? And then before you know it, your life's falling apart and you can't figure out why. And then you find yourself back at ground zero, which people at this, now what people call this part is it's no longer ground zero. It's rock bottom.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 11:24Andy Frisella?

  Okay. So now you're back, you're at quote unquote, rock bottom and you have to start again. So you get, you get hammered so hard that you humble yourself. And then you're like, okay, well, fuck, I gotta, I gotta get back to this. And then what happens? The process repeats and you start to go up the curve. And for most people, they make the same mistake again, when things start getting good, they get comfortable. And then they go down the curve. So most people live in this, in this series of curves. Okay. Up, down, up, down. And the goal is for you, when you get to the top of that first curve, when everything's going good, you're making some money, you're fit, you're kicking ass, you are the fucking man.

• 12:05Andy Frisella?

  But you have to remember that the reason that you're there is because of the actions that you took. And if you continue to take those actions, when you're at the top, that's where you continue to escalate. And the, the, the mountain actually never ends. You just keep going up and up and up and up and up. And so this is the difference between people who win consistently and continue to level up and people who kind of like, live this up and down, you know, lifestyle, whether, and this, this can apply to any area of your life. And it should apply to all areas of your life. Right? Because success isn't just money. Money's very important. But it's a bunch of different shit. So, um,

• 12:40Speaker 01

  It's such an interesting thing, man. And I guess fun like now hindsight, I've, you've, I've heard you say this many times and I never really understood it. But you're like, dude, I'm still a lazy dude. I'm still a fucking,

• 12:51Andy Frisella?

  Exactly.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  But like, that makes it, but I think the thing too is like, dude, I can understand why a lot of people get in that because for a lot of people, they're probably afraid of that old version of them. They want to get so fucking far away from it.

• 13:05Andy Frisella?

  You should be afraid of it. That's what should push you down the road.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  They forgive you.

• 13:09Andy Frisella?

  That's right. You should, like I, dude, I know, like I know that 350 pound fat lazy motherfucker that I used to be is still in there. He's still in there, man. He's just fucking waiting. He's waiting for his time. He's waiting for his opportunity to come out. I'm aware of that because I'm old enough to have gone up and down that curve. Okay? So at 36 years old, I decided, hey, I'm fucking not doing this shit no more and I'm just going to stay on the gas. And you know what's happened? Everything I just told you, I continue to go up, up, up, up, up, up. And even, you know, my buddies who are successful, they're like, fuck dude, all you do is win. Yeah. Because I behave like a broke person all the fucking time.

• 13:52Andy Frisella?

  And you know, people get around me and they're like, why is he so urgent? Why does he get so fucking intense? What is his deal? Why doesn't he do this or that? Why doesn't he just relax? Because, bro, I know what fucking happens when you do, because I know who the fuck I am on the inside. And I know my propensity, just like most people, is to be lazy as fuck, to, to, to waste my time, to not be productive, to not train. And I don't want that. So I keep it very, very close and I let my identity be nuanced. Okay? Like if, if we're having a real conversation and they say, okay, you know, like, how do you feel about things? Fuck dude, I feel good. I'm pretty much the fucking dude. Okay?

• 14:37Andy Frisella?

  Uh, I've done a lot of shit, built a lot of companies, built a bunch of podcasts, two number one podcasts. Fucking biggest mental transformation program. I've done a lot of shit. Okay?

• 14:50Andy Frisella?

  But when I show up every day, I act like it's day one. Like, like all my goal is, is to win the fucking day. Okay, so, you know, I know what I am and I'm okay with that. And I'm aware of that and I don't try to hide that. And I let that drive me down the path. And so when you say like, when this person says, well, when does my identity catch up? You really don't want it to, if that makes sense. Okay, you want to get to a point where you understand that the actions produce the result. And you are, you are feeling good and proud and confident.

• 15:32Andy Frisella?

  And you developed, you know, the grit and the fortitude and the mental toughness to push through. But you also understand that those things have to be applied every single day to maintain or escalate from that point.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, because that old you is still there.

• 15:48Andy Frisella?

  It always is.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 15:49Andy Frisella?

  It always is. Yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Oh dude, I love it, man. I love it.

• 15:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  I love it. Let's get to, uh, let's get to question number two.

• 15:57Andy Frisella?

  This is why people that gain weight and lose weight go back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth. Because they're not solving the real problem, bro. This is why 75 hard and live hard is such a big deal. Everybody tries to make it about your, your weight and your body fat percentage and your training and all this shit. When in reality, dude, it's training your brain. It's getting your brain conditioned to be highly disciplined, to be able to adhere to a plan all the time, not just when you feel good.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:27Andy Frisella?

  Right? And when you switch that, when you switch your understanding that everything comes from your mental toughness, your ability to succeed in life, every fucking area. And it becomes a mental game, that, that, it, it's just, it's just, it changes your life. And anybody who's done 75 hard knows this. This is why people who do 75 hard and live the live hard lifestyle continue to escalate up if they're doing it correctly.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  100% dude. I love it, man. Uh, guys, Andy, uh, question number two. All right, Andy. Andy, I'm the person everyone counts on at work, at home, and my family. If something needs to get handled, it usually falls on me. I chose this life and I'm proud of that. But some days, I'm exhausted and I feel like there's no space left for what I want. How do you keep pushing to win without resenting the very life you worked so hard to build? I don't want to be selfish, but it's like, okay, guys, you guys are good. Yes. Okay, it's my turn now. How do you balance the, I guess, getting to that point of, you talk about it in selfishness and selflessness, right?

• 17:35Andy Frisella?

  Yep.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Where does that, where does that cross?

• 17:38Andy Frisella?

  Well, you know, look dude,

• 17:45Andy Frisella?

  success comes with real responsibility. Okay? And when you start to win and you start to do things, other people around you become dependent on you and you become responsible for their outcomes in certain situations. And you have to understand that there's no world where anybody's built anything significant, especially significant wealth, where the responsibility isn't much greater when they have it than it was before. So this is a reality of becoming successful. Like this is just part of it. Other people are going to depend on you. You are going to be responsible for other people. And if you're not, you won't be able to get where you want to go. It's impossible.

• 18:26Andy Frisella?

  Because it takes more than just you. So you have to understand that the reason you are in the life that you have is because you've handled shit so well for so long. Now, I can understand what you're saying because I've struggled with this as well and I still struggle with this. Okay, there's a reason that I don't travel all over the place. There's a reason that I'm not at every fucking, you know, big event. And yes, I like to work and I like to create and I like to build and I prefer that over doing all that other shit. But yeah, it'd be cool to be able to do some other stuff and I could do those other things.

• 19:03Andy Frisella?

  And the reality of doing those things is as simple as you understanding that having time for yourself is a matter of being effective or ineffective. And if you have a company and you're making money and things are going well, and you still don't have time for yourself and you still don't have the ability to Live a life, you're not running your shit right. You're running your shit inefficiently.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:34Andy Frisella?

  Okay. And this is why the, when I talk about the 24 hour game and the powerless is so important.

• 19:42Andy Frisella?

  Because when, and by the way, you can get the powerless podcast for free. It's called win the day. Episode 16 on real AF. You want to go listen to that.

• 19:53Andy Frisella?

  It'll give you the, the, the play to run.

• 19:57Andy Frisella?

  But the whole thing is, is like, dude, you can only do so much in a day. So if, once you do your five, five critical tasks in a day.

• 20:07Andy Frisella?

  You, the rest of your day is free for you to live your life. That's the whole idea of the powerless system, which by the way, all these other motherfuckers are trying to steal now and pretend like it's their core five or whatever the fuck they call it. Look dude, I've been running this system for damn near 30 years. Okay. It fucking works. And the reason I created this system was because I understood very simply that I needed to enjoy the process along the way. So the whole point, and by the way, um, if you're in operator standard, if you're in the operator standard app, you understand, you're starting to understand this very well. We're, we're playing a 24 hour game. And there's only so many things that you can get done in a day. And as an entrepreneur, there's going to be a list a mile long.

• 20:52Andy Frisella?

  Whenever you choose to address it, it's going to be there. Tomorrow it's going to be there. The next day, the list never gets shorter. So you have to decide what a win is. For me, a win is very simple. Five critical tasks a day. Those do not include my to do's. These are critical tasks that move my business forward, my goals forward. Once those things are done, the rest of the day is mine to, to do with whatever I want. Now I choose usually to like, continue to work.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. Reinvest that time back.

• 21:21Andy Frisella?

  But when I, when I, yeah, because, because dude, I like being here and I like being around the guys and I like doing the, the, the things, right? But when I was younger, you know, um, you know, I, this is even when we were building the business, like I, I would do the five critical tasks. If I got done by noon, bro, I'd fucking leave. I'd go fucking do whatever I want. Drive my car or, you know, fucking whatever.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:45Andy Frisella?

  So. You have to come up with a way for you to enjoy your life as you go down the process. Because here's the thing, dude, this, this place that you're trying to get to where you're like, when is it going to be my time? If you don't adjust how you see your day, it'll never be your time. There will always be a list. There will always be shit to do. There's always going to be problems. There's always going to be people. And you have to understand that true happiness is not this destination that you're trying to get to. Enjoying your life is not this destination. Enjoying your life is something that you do on a daily basis. Right?

• 22:24Andy Frisella?

  So this idea, and a lot of people have this, especially when it comes to winning and making money and shit or running a business. You know, once I get here, everything will be great. But dude, you're never going to get there. And I'm not saying you won't get to your goals, but when you get to your goals, you're going to have new goals. Because that's what fucking winners do. So if you're constantly stacking new shit on new shit on new shit on new shit, you tell me when you're going to live your life. The answer is fucking never. And by the way, your business should be built in a way where you enjoy it. I was about to say. You like the people. Yeah, you like the people you work with. You like, dude, I love coming here every day.

• 23:05Andy Frisella?

  Honestly, dude, like, I could be in the worst mood ever in the morning. And once I walk in here, I fucking love being here. This is, this is, you should build your business, understanding that you are going to spend a lot, most of your time there. So you want to work with people that you like. You want to do things that you think are cool. You want to build things that you enjoy building. You want to create things that you're proud of. These are important things to being happy long-term. And because money's not going to be the only thing that does it. Now, I can promise you this, you're never going to be happy with no money. Like all your friends are going to say stupid shit like, oh, you gotta live your life. Well, how are they living their life?

• 23:47Andy Frisella?

  Oh, they're living it in the fucking basement playing Call of Duty or they're living it in a bar stool. That's not living a life, bro. So. You know, you've got to reframe how you think about it and you've got to reorganize your effectiveness and make sure that you're looking at your life on a 24 hour basis. And just stacking wins, win, win, win, win, win. And part of those wins every day is being effective enough to have a fucking life. Okay, like dude, really? Um, if you're in a place right now where you're like, oh, this is consuming me and I'm working 17 hours a day. Like dude, yeah, that sometimes you have to do that stuff. Sometimes it lasts for a couple of years when it's two, three years, especially when you're starting.

• 24:32Andy Frisella?

  But the reality is, is that you have to build a life and a business that you enjoy. Because that does become your life, right?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely, dude. I love it.

• 24:45Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  I love it, dude. I thought it was a tough thing.

• 24:48Andy Frisella?

  It is, it's a nuanced thing.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:50Andy Frisella?

  It is, it's a, it's a fucking, there's nuance to everything in business and life and performance. Um, but it's, you know,

• 24:59Andy Frisella?

  if you're a driven person, okay, here, here's the thing. If you're a driven person, like I said, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna get 90% to where you want to go. And then you're going to be, have a new set of goals. It's going to be grow the business bigger. It's going to be do this thing. And that's the only way to win long-term is to continue to reset the bar. Okay, because if you become one of these people that just gets to the point and they say, oh, I got it. Now you're like we talked about in the first question. Okay, because here's what you don't understand and a lot of people fail to understand this.

• 25:35Andy Frisella?

  Everybody else is continuously moving forward. They're innovating, they're pushing, they're working, they're trying. So the market is always shifting forward. Okay, advancements are always happening.

• 25:48Andy Frisella?

  The minute you say, oh, I'm good, man. I got, I got my, you know, $500,000 house at the lake and I got a BMW and you know, I got a bass boat or whatever the fuck you're into. That, listen, you're gonna get killed because you're gonna stop right where you are and everybody else is gonna pass you by. And this is how the game works. So the only way to win long-term is to be like the first guy who's always stacking on top, expanding, new, innovative, pushing harder, getting bigger, scaling out, which means more responsibility, which means the place you're trying to get to is mythical. It doesn't actually exist. It exists every single day and you have to be aware of that. And once you're aware of that,

• 26:33Andy Frisella?

  your life perspective changes and it becomes, you know, like, cause people are always asking me, they're like, well, dude, how do you balance work and life? It is my life. Like it's just my life, you know, like it's, that doesn't mean that work is my life or life is my life. It means it's all one thing.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:50Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean?

• 26:50Speaker 01

  It's also a day-to-day thing. Like you said, man, like it's gonna be some days where, yeah, I did, I did, I had great balance today.

• 26:56Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  There'll be some days where like that fucking scales tip to the other side. It just is what it is.

• 27:00Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Let's try again tomorrow.

• 27:02Andy Frisella?

  Listen, dude, the balance is a macro balance. It's not, it's not micro balance. You know, people, people misunderstand like, they, they think they gotta have a certain amount of time every day, like, you know, uh, at four o'clock, I gotta walk out the door because that's this time. Well, if that's the life you want, you shouldn't be an entrepreneur. That's not reality. That's never gonna happen and you're never gonna win in that, in that situation. It's not gonna work. You should be an employee that gets a job and comes in and goes home and is happy with staying exactly where you are.

• 27:37Andy Frisella?

  Okay. Because there's three kinds of people. There's the people who come in and, you know, they, they do their job and they get paid and then they go home.

• 27:50Andy Frisella?

  Then there's the people that come in and they progress, they improve their skillset, they do more than's asked, they anticipate needs, they contribute to the winning. Those people move up. And then there's the people who create from the ground, the ground zero, which is an entrepreneur. Okay? All three are needed. All three of those things are needed and valued. You have to decide what you want, one you want to be, but you don't get the benefits of being an employee and the winnings of being an entrepreneur. It doesn't fucking work like that. So you gotta understand dude, what you're signing up for. You know, you're signing up for a different kind of life. You're signing up to play a different game. And all this shit that you see online and all these posts and all this fucking nonsense,

• 28:33Andy Frisella?

  that's for other people dude. That's not for you. You know?

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Not applicable.

• 28:37Andy Frisella?

  It's not?

• 28:38Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 28:39Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  That's real man. That's real. We got one more question for you Andy. Guys, Andy, question number three. Uh, Andy, my question to you is, I've been a general manager for a restaurant for three and a half years now. I started in the restaurant industry eight years ago and I've worked my way from a line cook to the position I'm in now. I'm only 25 years old and I have turned the restaurant I'm running now from a 1.3 million operation to a $2.3 million operation in three and a half years. Uh, I mean this with respect to the owner, but he is more of an investor. I am the day in, day out, running the operation, no exaggerations. I know I'm young, but I have this calling of being great. I mean that with 100% confidence.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  I know I can run a restaurant and make it successful. My goal is to start my own restaurant due to the fact that my boss does not believe in raises. I've not received one in three and a half years, even with the growth of the company we're in. Uh, we are about to open up our second location. There's still no talks of more compensation. I'm in the position where I know I could be successful in doing my own thing, but I have paralysis that's keeping me from doing it. I'm not scared to fail. I'm sure there will be some failures in my future, but one thing is I won't quit. What advice would you give to a 25 year old who has a wife and a newborn baby to get out of that paralysis and kick open the door and start their own thing and become one of the great business entrepreneurs in this country?

• 30:08Andy Frisella?

  It's very simple. What's your life gonna look like if you don't do it? If you stay right where you are and this dude pays you right what he pays you, which you clearly said he was going to, and you stay five more years there, what's your life gonna look like? Very simple. You already know the answer. Okay? And by the way,

• 30:28Andy Frisella?

  If you are who you say you are, and you are one of these people that's called to be great, and you are one of these people that has always known, like, I'm meant for something more. I'm supposed to be winning. I'm supposed to be doing this. And you feel that on the inside, because no one's gonna come tell you that, like, that's a calling.

• 30:49Andy Frisella?

  How much money would it have for him to pay you? How much money would he have to pay you for you to give up on that? He couldn't even fucking afford it, bro. Okay, like, if he came and said, hey, if it was a million bucks a year, and you truly have what you say you have, it wouldn't be enough.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Not enough.

• 31:05Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so, you're not, this isn't even about the money. This is about what the fuck you're gonna do with your life. And yeah, clearly you do know how to run a restaurant, but running a restaurant isn't the end-all be-all. Can you create a brand out of the restaurant? Can you, can you create a place where it provides the financial outcome that you actually want to provide? Or, like, managing something and starting something from scratch are two different fucking things. Okay? You have a great perspective because you've grown up. You went through the line cook, you went, you learned all the jobs, now you're managing.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:41Andy Frisella?

  Huge deal.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:42Andy Frisella?

  Still not the same thing.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 31:44Andy Frisella?

  Still not the same thing as putting your balls on the line and fucking writing checks, not knowing if you're gonna be able to pay them. Okay, it's not the same thing, dude. At the end of the day, that guy who you say is an investor, his ass is on the line, yours isn't. All right? And that's why those people get, make the most money. Because they can handle the uncertainty, and most people can't. What most people don't understand is that they're living in a situation of uncertainty anyway. Because what if the restaurant fucking tanks?

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:14Andy Frisella?

  What if it, what if something happens? What if someone finds a mouse head in the fucking steak? And it makes the news?

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 32:21Andy Frisella?

  Okay, like, you're like, one fucking thing away from being unemployed. You just don't understand that. So, how I would look at this, if I were you, is, what's my life gonna look like if I don't do this? Okay? Because if you were truly called to become what you say you want to become, which is one of the greatest entrepreneurs, and I'm assuming restaurateurs.

• 32:47Andy Frisella?

  You can't do that where you're at.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:49Andy Frisella?

  And every day that you fucking stay there is a day that you're not going to get to live that out. So you gotta be real about what you're trying to trade. And I understand. Yeah, it's fucking scary, but you know what the game is? You know what the game is? The game is fucking jump and figure it the fuck out. That's the entrepreneur game. Okay? And not everybody's built for it, dude. There's a lot of great managers. There's a lot of great managers that cannot do that part of it. They cannot fucking do it. It is a different, I was actually just getting my haircut. And I was thinking about this.

• 33:28Andy Frisella?

  And dude, I was thinking like.

• 33:32Andy Frisella?

  Like I'll just be honest, exactly what I thought. Exactly what I thought was if people actually knew what goes on in my head. And a daily basis, they would never be an entrepreneur.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  No, no, they'd be in therapy somewhere.

• 33:44Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, yeah, for real. Because like legit, I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about. The new arcane tech, then I'm thinking about first form, then I'm thinking about. S2, then I'm thinking about cannabis, then I'm thinking about tequila, then I'm thinking about fucking. Uh, the show, then I'm thinking, and his thoughts are all fucking like trying to organize themselves in my brain. And my fucking head is hurting like legit. I'm sitting in the chair. I'm like, I got a fucking headache. And then I thought, well, fuck, I think everybody's head would fucking ache if they had all this shit going on at one time.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:18Andy Frisella?

  Okay, and.

• 34:21Andy Frisella?

  It's just not.

• 34:24Andy Frisella?

  For most people, it's just not. Because it consumes you, dude. And then like on top of it, try to have a normal relationship. It's almost fucking impossible because here's the thing, dude. I'm always there. I'm always there. I'm always there. I'm all, my brain is always, it's so hyper vigilant to solving problems that when there aren't problems, guess what?

• 34:49Speaker 01

  That's a problem.

• 34:49Andy Frisella?

  I try to find a fucking problem.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 34:51Andy Frisella?

  Okay, so my, so your mind becomes so conditioned to, to executing and solving problems that it's almost impossible to be at peace. Because even when you're, everything is calm and everything is going okay, you're still in this place of like, alright, something's gonna happen. I gotta fuck it. What, what's gonna happen? I'm gonna anticipate that. Because true entrepreneurs are anticipating needs. They're not reacting, they're anticipating. So, when I'm sitting on the beach somewhere, doing normal, rich guy shit, you know what's going through my head? Alright, this could happen. Here's how we protect against this. This could happen. Here's how we do this. And I'm doing that for fucking, all these

• 35:35Andy Frisella?

  different things, at once.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  And dude, it sounds, it sounds insane to people like, hey, guys are about to start planning on, that's not a problem.

• 35:42Andy Frisella?

  Oh yeah, you guys know, you guys fucking know, these dudes will get, these dudes will get texts in the middle of fucking night. They have nothing to do with fucking anything that we talked about. And it'll be like, hey, we gotta do this, and this, and this. And you, and you, you guys here, the podcast team will be like, I know you're thinking it, you don't say it, but like, what the fuck? You know, like?

• 36:01Speaker 01

  It sounds insane to the average person.

• 36:03Andy Frisella?

  It sounds insane to my own fucking team. But like, bro, I'm looking way down the pipe. I'm looking way down the pipe. I'm looking, alright, here's where, where things are going. Here's where we gotta be positioned. This is what needs to happen. And when that's going on, on multiple projects, bro, your brain doesn't have the capacity to process other kinds of information. And luckily, God blessed me with a pretty good fucking brain. You know what I'm saying? Like, so I think, you know, for most people, like, dude, that's a miserable life. It's miserable. But for the people who are built for it, that's all they fucking want. That's all they want. Okay, like, when I, when I sit down and, you know, Dana and I talk, right? Or, I talk with fucking Hermosy, or any of my buddies

• 36:44Andy Frisella?

  who are hyper successful, Ed Milet. We're, we're all, we're all like that. We're, like, dude, when you sit down, like, you sit down and have a cigar with Ed, you might sit there in fucking silence. And that's the cool, that is a cool thing. Like when you're other around, around other high achieving people, you could sit there and like super fucking silence for an hour just thinking. And then, you know, Alex will say something like, have you ever thought of this? Or what about that? Right? And like, it's just, it's, it's a, it's just a different kind of dude, bro, or, or, or woman. It's just a different person. And for most people, they can't fucking handle that, dude. And that's not me saying, beating my chest, saying, oh, I have this. No, that's just what I'm built to do.

• 37:29Andy Frisella?

  Not everybody's built for it, bro. And that's one of the biggest problems with entrepreneurship. And I don't want to discourage people by saying this. But you have, you have to be built for fucking war, bro. You have to be built for it. You, you know, and I hate to use the example because like, I don't want to disrespect like war, actual warriors. But your mindset's the same. Okay. I'm thinking of all my people. And I'm thinking of like, cause at this point, dude, it's really not about me anymore. Okay. It's about my fucking people.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:59Andy Frisella?

  I'm thinking of all the things. And I'm like, okay, I gotta protect. It's just like being, it being.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Battlefield, bro.

• 38:06Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. You know, I've never been on one, but I imagine this is what it's like.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:10Andy Frisella?

  Okay. Here's what could happen. This is what could, all right, I need you guys to move over here because they're going to fucking here. And if you don't move, you're going to get fucking killed. And that's the same concept in business. You're moving chess pieces to win this game. And, uh, you know, most people look at that and they say, well, that's no way to live your life. But like, dude, you know, and you've been there when I've been talking to Dana, you know what fucking Dana said? I fucking love it.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 38:36Andy Frisella?

  I fucking love this shit.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  With a smile.

• 38:38Andy Frisella?

  Right. And, and dude, they do love it and I love it.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:41Andy Frisella?

  But like I, most of you would be fucking miserable. And I don't mean that out of disrespect. I just mean that as a fact. Like you just, it's not for you. Pick one thing, be good at it, make some money, keep moving down the pipe. Don't do 500 things, do the, you know, like there's levels to entrepreneurs, bro. Like there's, there's like. Inside, okay, so it's, it's basically 8% of the population is actual entrepreneurs and less than 1% are actually successful. And inside that less than 1%, there's like levels in that 1%, okay? And like the true fucking killers,

• 39:24Andy Frisella?

  like these mother, all they wanna do is fucking hunt, bro. That's all they fucking wanna do. They, they're built for it. They're built for conquering. They're built for building. Like, bro, if I was, if I was in the fucking, you know, uh, the, the, the 1200 year, you know, if I was living in the year 1200, bro, I'd be conquering fucking world. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'd be, I'd be riding in on horses and we'd be killing motherfuckers and it would be straight up, uh, conquering, cuz that's what I'm fucking built to do. I get to do it in business, which is great.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  And safe.

• 39:58Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, yeah, not always, not always.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  People may die, you know?

• 40:03Andy Frisella?

  Not always. Not always, bro. You get, you get in there and you get into big money shit and you start fucking with people. They, they, they don't, they don't, uh, like, this is another thing, like, when you get into big money and there's big money on the line, people do all kinds of fucked up shit, bro. They'll hire people to go get a job at your company and try to corporate espionage. They'll try to sabotage you. They'll try to fuck with you. They'll threaten you. Like, these are, like, it's a different world, bro. It's like fucking old school gangster shit and you gotta be a real fucking gangster to deal with it.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  That's real.

• 40:38Andy Frisella?

  So, and you know, you know that.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, bro, I listen.

• 40:41Andy Frisella?

  So.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  I did it.

• 40:42Andy Frisella?

  You know, uh, and I don't say that to discourage people because you can condition yourself. But it's all about what the fuck you actually want. Like, what the fuck do you want? Right? Do you, do you, do you, like, you have to be real about what you want and nobody really ever asks themselves, what do I really want? They see the car, they see the house, they see the, they see the fucking garage, they see the, the private travel, they see the hobnobbing with other people and they say, fuck, I want that. But they want that. They don't want the fucking shit that comes with it. Right? Because there's 20 years of backstory for these dudes, all of them, 20, 30 years of just eating fucking shit to get to that point. And like, dude, that's not for everybody, man.

• 41:26Andy Frisella?

  It's just not. And, uh, but, but it's achievable for everybody. That's the thing. You can do it. Do you want to do it? Is the, is the question. So like to this guy who's saying, I want to be one of the greatest ever, bro. You're going to trade a lot for that. There's a lot.

• 41:47Andy Frisella?

  The greatest restaurateurs in the world, they're, they're no different than Dana White in their world. Right? They run their fucking world. Dana said something to me, dude. He, when we were talking about Trump one time. He's like, you know how you run, you run your world, right? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, I run my world. He goes, Donald Trump runs the world. So, but there's levels. Okay. So like, like, you can criticize Trump all you want. And that's why like I get a good read on what's going on with the dude. Because I understand the level of where the fuck he is. He, that dude's a straight up fucking warrior, bro. You can't get where he got without being that way.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  You're quiet.

• 42:26Andy Frisella?

  It, it's dude, it's a different kind of dude. And it's just not something that most people can fucking do.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:34Andy Frisella?

  Because, and not because they can't do it. They can't survive the process of doing it. They'll fucking go crazy. So, I believe that you could become who you want to become. And I believe that you think you want to be great. But you have to ask yourself, are you willing to pay the price of greatness? Because that is the most important question.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  I, I want to do one little final follow-up on this for you. Uh, I know, I know we're running out of time, but I want to ask you this. Because the money aspect, the not getting the raise aspect he mentioned, right? Okay, cool. Like, and again, what if you don't do it, you stay there? How realistic do we need to be? Like, he's not about to start this entrepreneur path.

• 43:17Andy Frisella?

  Okay, it's very simple.

• 43:17Speaker 01

  And make some money either.

• 43:18Andy Frisella?

  Very simple.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying?

• 43:20Andy Frisella?

  Very simple.

• 43:22Andy Frisella?

  You work in, okay, I worked two, three other jobs the first 10 years I was in business. I worked those jobs to support myself so the business could stay open.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:35Andy Frisella?

  This is the part nobody talks about. So if you're going through an adjustment of working for someone else, but then starting your own thing, you gotta minimize your life. You gotta get rid of that nice car. You gotta get a piece of shit. You gotta get rid of that nice condo or that nice house and go live in a shithole. Okay, you gotta downsize your life to where you can just function. Then when you're to that place, you're working towards the thing. And then when the thing starts to pay a little bit of money and you can survive over there, like you start a restaurant, things start going well, you're able to start making a little bit of money. When you're able to replace the income that comes from, that you are doing the other jobs of support, that's when you make the full jump.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:17Andy Frisella?

  Okay?

• 44:18Speaker 01

  Not a moment before.

• 44:19Andy Frisella?

  No, no, but most people aren't willing to take that step backwards because it's a little embarrassing.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:24Andy Frisella?

  Right? So that's where the hangup is for most people. Most people don't want to go from driving a, you know, a fucking Tahoe or a Denali to driving a fucking 1987 Beater.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, Ford Ranger.

• 44:37Andy Frisella?

  Right, exactly. People don't want to do that. And, uh, and that ends up costing them their entire lives. Like, that's fucking crazy.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  That's part of that process.

• 44:46Andy Frisella?

  For sure. That's fucking crazy. And by the way, I just want to hit on this too. And this goes for everybody who's an intrapreneur or an employee. No one's giving you a fucking raise. Like, that doesn't, that's not what happens, bro. Like, very few companies will proactively come and say, hey, here's the fucking raise. Your job is, you understand, like, you work for you. Okay? Now, you might be part of a team, but you're bringing something unique to the team. What's that worth? You have to start thinking of it as like the operator thinks of it. What is my value here? And if your value's not really strong, you gotta build value. If your value is strong and you're not getting the recognition, then you have to be very tactful and say, okay, here's what I do. This is what I believe it's worth.

• 45:31Andy Frisella?

  And you have to go have a conversation and say, with the fucking facts, by the way, not bullshit. Here's the facts. I do this, I do this, I do this, I do this. I think it's worth this. I'm currently getting paid that. I would like to have a talk with you about this. That's where the conversation starts and a lot of people ride away in what would otherwise be great careers. Because they're afraid to have a conversation like that. You're, you, you, you know how many people quit their fucking jobs because they're like, oh, I'm not getting paid enough. Well, did you fucking ask to get paid more?

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Maybe we had a meeting.

• 46:05Andy Frisella?

  Did, did, did you, did you display your value?

• 46:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:08Andy Frisella?

  Are you being honest with yourself about your value? Right? Like dude, and then what happens is these people quit and they go somewhere else and they have the same habit. They, they think that everybody's gonna just reward them. And part of being successful is like everybody likes to say, oh, I fucking know my worth. The motherfuckers that say that don't have no worth. They just don't. Your job should be to be so fucking good, so good. So good. That the company couldn't operate without you. And when you can get to that point, you could write your own fucking check. And that's the way you should think about it as an entrepreneur or as an employee.

• 46:51Andy Frisella?

  If you just consistently get frustrated because you're not making enough money and go from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing. You're no different than the entrepreneur that quits over after two years. And they end up wasting their whole lives in seven different fucking businesses that never work. Alright, so part of maturity and part of like, and by the way, a lot of people are full of shit. Okay, a lot of people will come in and they'll say, I'm so worth this and that doesn't mean anything dude. That doesn't, just because you feel like you're supposed to make more money, doesn't mean you're worth more money. Okay, you have to come with the facts. You have to show your worth. And it's your job, not the employer's job, to compile that and display that worth.

• 47:37Andy Frisella?

  And in an ideal situation, you work for a good ethical company, they will recognize your value beforehand.

• 47:43Speaker 01

  Right.

• 47:44Andy Frisella?

  But that's not most places.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  No.

• 47:46Andy Frisella?

  Most places you're gonna have to go and you're gonna have to say, hey boss. Here's what I do. This is what I've done. These are the things that I handle. This is how good it gets done. Do you agree that it gets done well? Yes, I agree. Well, here's what I'd like to be paid. And that's a normal conversation that a lot of young people just fucking won't ever have.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  That's a grown up adult.

• 48:07Andy Frisella?

  That's it, dude. You should never be embarrassed to talk about money. You should never be embarrassed to talk about money. That is a fucking real thing. Okay. And so many young people will ruin their lives because they cannot have a conversation about fucking money. It's a normal thing, but it's on you. And if you aren't willing to put those things together and display it in a way that makes sense, or actually be valuable, you're gonna fucking rot. That's the reality, dude. So you have, you, you have to be undeniably great. You have to display that you're undeniably great. If a good company, you work for a good company, they're gonna say, fuck, I love that guy. We gotta fucking keep him. But not every place is like that. So it's on you to market

• 48:51Andy Frisella?

  yourself. You see what I'm saying?

• 48:53Speaker 01

  Absolutely. This guy's situation, you got something scratching on the inside of you.

• 48:56Andy Frisella?

  Oh, it doesn't matter. For that guy, if, for, for this dude in particular, I was just addressing everybody.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 49:03Andy Frisella?

  For this guy in particular, if that's true what you say, and it's true, you, you need to leave that fucking job and figure it the fuck out. Because you will fucking ruin your life.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  I love it, man. I love it, dude. Well, guys, Andy, that was three.

• 49:19Andy Frisella?

  All right, guys.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  Way to start a Monday.

• 49:20Andy Frisella?

  We'll see you tonight. 7 PM Central. Don't be a hoe. Share the show.