835. Q&AF: How To Have Direct Conversations, Reigniting Your Passion & Reshaping Business Culture

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on what’s the best way to learn how to have direct conversations at work to be effective, how to reignite your personal passion when you feel you have spent too much time at your job, and how to reshape the culture at your business when it feels like there’s nothing you can do about it.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:16Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys? It's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realist. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and A F. All right. That's where you send us the questions and we give you the answers. Now you could submit your questions to be answered on the show a few different ways. The first way is guys, email these questions in to ask Andy at Andy Frisella.com. Or you go on YouTube in the comments section of the Q and A F episodes, drop your question in the comments and we'll choose some from there as well. Now throughout the week, we have shows within the show. This is not just an entrepreneur show. It's an entrepreneur show. It's a culture show and it's a comedy

• 0:56Andy Frisella?

  show. All wrapped into one. So tomorrow, we're going to have what we call C T I. That stands for Cruise the Internet. That's where we take headlines of the day. We break them down. We speculate on what's true, what's not true. We make fun of everybody and we kind of bring you up to speed on current events. Then we talk about how we, the people that solve these problems going on in society. Other times throughout the week, we have what's called real talk. We don't do that all the time, but just once in a while, it's just five to 20 minutes of me giving you a message, usually around personal development or how to be better. And then we have what's called 75 hard verses. That's where people who have completed the 75 hard program, come on the show, talk about how their life was before, how their life is now, and how they use the 75 hard program to transform their existence.

• 1:41Andy Frisella?

  Now, if you're unfamiliar with 75 hard, it is the world's most famous mental transformation program in history and it's free. You can get it at episode 208. It also happens to be the initial phase of the live hard program, which is a program that is designed to be repeated year after year after year to keep your discipline, your grit, your fortitude, your mental game on point. Remember.

• 2:08Andy Frisella?

  Our mental is a perishable skill. If we don't practice building it, it goes away, no different than a muscle. Okay. So you can get that whole program for free at episode 208. Now, there is a book. It's called the book on mental toughness. It is a very, very, very popular book, so much so that we run out of it all the time. You can get that at andyfrisella.com. It goes through the entire live hard program A to Z, and it also has a whole bunch of chapters on mental toughness, why it's important, case studies, and how you should use it to transform your lives. Again, you can get that at andyfrisella.com, the book on mental toughness. All right. Uh, we don't run ads on the show. We're the biggest show in the world that doesn't run ads.

• 2:48Andy Frisella?

  I'm an entrepreneur. I finance the show myself. Uh, and I ask very simply for one thing, that you help us grow the show by sharing it. All right. The show makes you think, if it makes you laugh, it gives you a new perspective. Uh, if it entertains you, teaches you something, makes your life better in any way, please do us a favor and share that episode when you listen to it. All right. We don't run ads for the show. We don't run ads on the show. Uh, I don't fill your ears full of 30 minutes of bullshit that I'm getting paid to say. All right. I keep it real. This is called real AF. Um, so that's the fee. Uh, don't be a hoe.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Show the show.

• 3:26Andy Frisella?

  All right.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  What's going on, man?

• 3:27Andy Frisella?

  Nothing, dude. What's up?

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Long week.

• 3:29Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Been a long week.

• 3:30Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, bro. We, uh, just got done with the first form S2 annual awards dinner last night. It was fucking awesome.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  People always look good, man.

• 3:39Andy Frisella?

  Bro, it is good seeing everybody look good.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  It is.

• 3:42Andy Frisella?

  You know what I'm saying?

• 3:43Speaker 01

  I think we should mandate tuxedos in the office.

• 3:45Andy Frisella?

  Once a month.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  At least once a month.

• 3:47Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. But dude, you know, what's cool is, is like you can see on everybody's face how much better they feel when they're dressed up nice, man. It's cool. Like that culture's gonna make a comeback. Men dressing like men, women dressing like ladies. You know what I'm saying?

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 4:02Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Well, dude, it is. I mean, I can already see it. Um, but that was cool. Uh, we just got back from Austin. That was cool. Austin's a great city. I really enjoyed it. Uh, down there to see, you know, uh, my Ferrari dealer. Those guys were cool. JP and the guys down there. And then, uh, And then we went to Jesse James.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  A legend.

• 4:25Andy Frisella?

  That was fucking awesome.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Got to hang out with a legend.

• 4:27Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, that was cool, dude. Uh, got to go see the, one of the most famous, you know, bike builders, welders, craftsmen, entrepreneurs of really our era.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:38Andy Frisella?

  Um, and it was just really cool to, to see his shop and, you know, meet his friends and his, his, his, the guys and the girls in the shop.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Boy, yeah, man.

• 4:47Andy Frisella?

  Meet his wife, you know, it was fucking cool, dude.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  That was cool.

• 4:50Andy Frisella?

  Um, Jesse's got a lot of cool stuff coming up too, guys. Like, we got to hear all about it. He's got some new shows launching. Uh, if you've never watched Jesse James's stuff, I'd highly recommend you go watch it. I really, you know, like, you could tell just being around him how much he cares about the art. Like, he's really an artist.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  The trade.

• 5:10Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, dude. And like, we watched one of his shows on his new network, um, that he's launching on his app. And, and we watched, we got to watch the one where they went deep sea welding.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:20Andy Frisella?

  And, um, dude, seeing him teach those kids how to weld was just so fucking cool, man.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:29Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? Like, teaching the youth how to have actual trade and actual skill and take pride in their work. Um, it was just cool.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Dude, that dude's built some shit, man. He's built some shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, like seeing like that trade being taught to those kids by a dude who's like taking that skill.

• 5:46Andy Frisella?

  Made a massive career out of it.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Fuck, man.

• 5:48Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Tremendous amounts of success out of something that most people think is like, you know, something that people do that can't do other things, right? It's just not true.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:58Andy Frisella?

  And, uh, I just really appreciate, you know, the, the, how, how dedicated he is to bringing the, that trade and that craft to other people. And then, and then seeing like how he appreciates other people's crafts.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:13Andy Frisella?

  You know, it's just, it was fucking cool. And then he's got the awesome dogs.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, he does.

• 6:18Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And then we went to eat. Where we go, we went to, uh, the Switch.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 6:22Andy Frisella?

  Some of the best barbecue. Apparently, some of the guys down there listen to the show.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, a few of them.

• 6:26Andy Frisella?

  Shout out to the Switch.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  You guys stop taking it so easy on people.

• 6:29Andy Frisella?

  That's right. Yeah. I was told I was too easy on people. So, we're gonna have some savage shows this week.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  No mercy, baby.

• 6:36Andy Frisella?

  No mercy. Straight into the wood chipper.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Let's do it.

• 6:38Andy Frisella?

  Fucking everybody.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Well, I got three good ones for you.

• 6:42Andy Frisella?

  All right, let's get it going.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Uh, guys, any question? Number one. Andy, I grew up avoiding conflict and difficult conversations because they made me uncomfortable. Now, as a team leader, I realize this habit is holding me back from addressing problems directly. How can I build the fortitude to tackle through conversations without fear or avoidance? What we got on this?

• 7:09Andy Frisella?

  Well, first of all, you have to realize that unless you can have conversations direct, you're gonna have tremendous limits on how far you can go with your career and your life. You know, a lot of people hide from the difficult conversations, which really aren't difficult. They're just conversations because they label them as difficult upfront. So it keeps them from wanting to have the conversation. It keeps them, you know, procrastinating. And then what ends up happening is they end up living in a situation that they are very unhappy with and unfulfilled with and frustrated with. All because, you know, for whatever reason, they've been conditioned to believe that these kinds of conversations are,

• 7:56Andy Frisella?

  I don't know, not worth having. And the reality is, is we all know the conversations that need to be had. We all know where we want to go and what we're trying to do. And that takes being a clear communicator and direct. And if you would stop labeling these things as quote unquote, hard or difficult conversations and just see them as conversations that need to be had to progress, where you are trying to take your life, it removes a lot of the resistance that you would normally have to that. Now, how do you get good at that? First of all, you need to reframe, like we're talking about here, where you say, instead of having, I need to have a difficult conversation. You see, say, hey, man, I gotta have a conversation with you. Okay, that's the first thing you have to recognize.

• 8:39Andy Frisella?

  And there's a trade off on the back end of having that conversation, which maybe, you know, the conversation does cause some anxiety, or maybe it is a little bit uncomfortable, but there's a, there's a flip side to that that comes down the pipe where you get to be way more comfortable. So it's, it's no different than any other hurdle in life. It's no different than, you know, working through any sort of obstacle or difficulty. Once you get past it, there is a better existence. On the other side of that, so you have to understand that. Uh, and secondly, it's practice, dude. You know, when you first do anything, it's not comfortable. Um, you know, the first time I ever gave a talk in front of people, I was scared shitless.

• 9:22Andy Frisella?

  The first time I ever did anything, I wasn't very good at it. So if you've been avoiding having these conversations, avoiding having these, uh, you know, discussions that need to be had, it's going to be uncomfortable in the beginning, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. So you have to muster up that courage in the beginning to make sure that you actually follow through and have these conversations. And if you don't, dude, your relationship's going to suffer. You're gonna, you're gonna be with someone that you really don't want to be with. You're not going to make as much money as you want to make. Uh, you know, think your life may be okay, but it's never going to be great. And I think honestly, this question and this difficulty

• 10:06Andy Frisella?

  is one of the things that, uh, you know, really holds people back the most.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  A lot of people have it.

• 10:11Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, for sure, dude. Um, I think most people have it, you know, they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. They don't want to be seen a certain way. And at some point in time, you gotta be a little selfish. You gotta say, hey, man, this is my life. Uh, I have to say the things that are gonna get me to where I want to go. And you have to quit putting them off for the sake of how other people are going to react. And you have to let them react the way they're going to react. And you have to go and do what you think is right for you. And so these are, these are difficult things to do, uh, when you haven't done them. And, you know, it just comes with practice. It comes with time and, you know, I had struggled with this when I was younger, when I was, you know, early in my, early in my business life, early in my life, these things were very hard.

• 10:56Andy Frisella?

  And, and, you know, as you move through life and you have more situations that you have to address, it becomes easier and easier and easier.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure. I think a lot of it is, is like you said, they, they put too much pressure on like what the other person's going to think.

• 11:09Andy Frisella?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  And I, I've been in those situations, like you bring it up like, fuck, man, this ain't, you bring it up, it's like, oh. It wasn't a bad.

• 11:15Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  It wasn't a bad.

• 11:16Andy Frisella?

  Well, and also dude, a lot of times we're dealing with people that don't know how to react or are highly emotional or very selfish people who, you know, only care about themselves. You have to remember that. Like, most people are fucking selfish, dude. So like, they don't give a shit whether or not it's hurting you or as long as they're getting what they want. And um, you know, that's, that's a whole different story. That's, that's a story of not having that person in your vicinity, in your network, in your life. Because when you're surrounded by people who don't care how much you suffer uh for the sake of their, you know, homeostasis in their life. Uh, you know, that's a problem.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  I've also heard you too say this, and I mean, I don't know if it applies to this, but I've seen you do this in action where you focus on just the intent. Right? Like, are we trying to fix the problem? Like, what's the, what's the actual problem?

• 12:13Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  And that's what you put at the fore for any time you have to have any. I've seen you do this thousands of times.

• 12:17Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Is this, is this pretty much?

• 12:19Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, I mean, that's a part of it, right, dude? Like, you know, you're gonna hurt less feelings when you are trying to get the proper outcome for everybody involved.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 12:27Andy Frisella?

  You know, um, a lot of people, like I just said, are very selfish, dude. And they want what is best for them, no matter what it means to the people around them. And those people don't belong in your life. But if you have the right people in your life, and you're able to deliver a message with the proper intent of, you know, creating a better circumstance for you and the other party. Now we're in a situation of just having an adult conversation. It doesn't need to be painful. It doesn't need to be emotional. It doesn't need to be this big argument. It's just, hey, look, dude, this isn't working, or this needs to be changed. And the outcome on the other side of that is going to be better for everybody.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  A hundred percent, man. I think the other cool, like, I mean, we talk about reasons why people have problems with this, this situation too. And. You know, we gotta put some onus on the person trying to have this conversation. If you ain't got your shit together, it's kinda hard to have a difficult conversation about somebody else that ain't got their shit together.

• 13:21Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Right? Like I think you you said before, like you gotta hold yourself accountable to hold anybody else accountable.

• 13:26Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  And so, I mean, I think that I feel like that might be another reason where like, you know, the reason you don't wanna have the conversation, cuz you know your shit ain't right.

• 13:32Andy Frisella?

  Well, it's definitely a reason in the in the realm of leadership, okay? A lot of people suck at leading because they know that they're not even leading themselves. And if you can't lead yourself, you can't lead other people. And if you try to lead other people when you're not leading yourselves, they're gonna see right through it. They're not gonna respect you, and you're gonna have a very difficult time. And that doesn't matter if it's a leadership situation on a team or in business or in your household. You can't hold other people accountable to things that you're not holding yourself accountable to. So this is a big, you know, you're you're pointing out something that is a big problem for a lot of people. Uh, it causes them to hesitate to lead, and it should, you know?

• 14:11Andy Frisella?

  So to be a good leader, you know, in all situations, you've gotta have your shit together as much as you're asking other people to have theirs.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  100%, man. Well, I hope that helps. Let's get to question number two. Andy, I'm a 45-year-old teacher who loves my work. But after two decades, I'm realizing I've neglected my personal aspirations outside the classroom. I used to dream of writing a novel, but now it feels like too much time has passed, and I don't know if I still have it in me. How do I reignite that passion and give myself permission to dream again?

• 14:48Andy Frisella?

  Start. The reason you still have this vision and this dream in the back of your mind is because you never started it. You never went out and chased it. What you're experiencing is what most people will experience at the end of their life about their entire life, all right? It's a sense of regret. It's a sense of missed opportunity. It's a sense of, oh, I should have or I could have, but I didn't. And there's going to be nothing worse than that at the end of your life. And I would say that you experiencing it now is a good thing, rather than you figuring that out when you're 80. Now, to the point of not having enough time, we have 80 years. Basically on this earth. So you're not even barely halfway through your time.

• 15:33Andy Frisella?

  So what are you talking about? You don't have time. You don't have time to write a fucking novel, bro. Like you could probably write 50 novels between now and the time that you're gonna have. And you could be known as one of the greatest writers that ever lived. But you're too busy second guessing yourself, thinking you don't have time, telling yourself all these bullshit excuses that aren't real. And because you're doing that, it's gonna ultimately create a situation where you're frustrated, upset, and regretful about your entire existence. So my advice to you would be to start. Most people can't do that. Most people can't start. So sit down, pull out your computer, open up fucking Microsoft Word,

• 16:16Andy Frisella?

  and dance your fingers across the keyboard and get whatever it is in your heart and your head down on paper. And who knows what you're gonna create? You might create the best, one of the best literary pieces of all time. You might, like I said, you might be known. You might have a whole different career. But you're never gonna know that unless you go. And that goes for anybody out there that has things they wanna do. Most people don't go and they don't chase their dreams because the people around them tell them shit that just isn't true. Hey, be realistic. What do you think you're gonna do? Become J.K. Rowling? You had a great career. You need to, you know, you need to be thankful. Don't forget where you came from, right? We hear all this shit every day from a bunch of losers.

• 16:59Andy Frisella?

  And it gets in our heart and our mind and it causes us to hesitate. So your goal here is to realize that we only have one existence. We only have one opportunity. And you need to ask yourself, what are you gonna value at the end of your life? Are you gonna value the work that you did? Are you gonna value the things that you created? Or are you gonna value doing what everybody else expected of you? Which isn't gonna be that, okay? I'm just gonna give you a Cliff Notes. It's not gonna be the second thing. It's gonna be the first thing. All of our value as human beings come from what we contribute and what we create, not just in the world, but also of ourselves, right? What do we build ourselves into? What do we, what do we fix in ourselves?

• 17:43Andy Frisella?

  What do we overcome? You see, we live in this victim society where everybody has a sad story about what they couldn't do because of this circumstance. But that's not the shit that's gonna fulfill us or make us proud or really make our lives matter at all. What's gonna matter is what do we overcome? What dream do we accomplish? What dream do we chase and not accomplish? And what do we learn? These are the things that are going to be important as we go. Who do we help with that? Who do we teach from our failures? How do we help them avoid the same mistakes we've had? Like, these things are the things that ultimately matter, dude. And, uh, at the end of the day, you have to look yourself in the mirror and say, what am I proud of, dude? What am I, what am I thankful that I actually did?

• 18:28Andy Frisella?

  And, you know, you're a teacher, that's great. You're probably helping people, you're probably helping people, you know, overcome and, and do all these things. But what about you, dude? You know what I'm saying? Like, what is it that, and, and there's no reason that you can't be a teacher and a writer. Some of the greatest writers that ever wrote anything were teachers. They were professors, you know? Consequently, some of the worst, too. But, uh, you know?

• 18:51Speaker 01

  You can make you be different.

• 18:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 18:53Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, bro.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. I, I wanna ask you this, man, and I don't know if you wanna go into the story, uh, but I'm, I'm gonna say this and, and you, you, you, you make the decision here, right? But like, you, you had an experience where you, you came to this realization, man, that you were swimming against the, the river.

• 19:10Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying?

• 19:11Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  And like you said, I mean, most people don't get that.

• 19:13Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Ever.

• 19:14Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  But like, you gotta, you gotta like, live in that purpose, right?

• 19:18Andy Frisella?

  So, so, uh, so I ate a whole bunch of mushrooms.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  I didn't wanna say it.

• 19:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Like, an obscene amount, alright? And I'm not recommending that you young guys do that. Uh, I never did that until I was well into my 40s.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:31Andy Frisella?

  And, but here's the story, okay? Uh, at the time, I was really struggling with some, some depression and some, some hard mental struggles. I was exhausted all the time. Um, at the time, I was trying to...

• 19:48Andy Frisella?

  Sort of fly under the radar like I had become pretty well known, especially in the speaking world and entrepreneur world and I didn't like it. I didn't like people knowing everything about me. I was very uncomfortable with it. I started to withdraw from people and instead of feeling refreshed, instead of feeling like, oh, this feels good. It was the opposite. I felt exhausted. I felt like I was drained all the time. And some of my buddies, you know, who have gone through depressive episodes or struggle with depression or PTSD.

• 20:28Andy Frisella?

  Long story short, you know, they, they sort of convinced me to try mushrooms because they had had good success with it in terms of helping with that situation. And I accidentally took like way too many, like, like way, way too many. All right. Because I didn't know how to, how to dose it out right. And guys, I'm not saying go do drugs. Okay. I know there's a lot of young people that listen here. And I'm not advocating for that. It's just something I was trying to see if it would help me. And I ended up having this like, super crazy, life altering, reflective vision, actually like five or six of these

• 21:07Andy Frisella?

  visions. But the first one that I saw was me in a river. And when you're having these, these situations or these visions on psychedelics, like, it's like, it's not like you have to be convinced. It's not like you have to, like, what you're seeing is sort of being downloaded into you. And so you understand what the vision means. It's not up for, it's not like when you're looking at a painting and you're like, what's that mean to you? What's that mean to you? Like, it's like getting downloaded into you. And Like, this is what Yes. I knew exactly what it was telling me. And so it showed me in a river.

• 21:50Andy Frisella?

  And I was swimming upstream, okay? And, and, and like dude, I'm like exhausted, like I'm barely able to do it, right? And then it showed me swimming down the river and in the river, there was all these rocks. Okay. And when it showed me swimming up the river, the, the current was pushing me into the rocks. All right. But when I started swimming down the river, it showed that I could swim around the rocks. And what it was telling me was, hey, bro, you're here for a reason. You're here to inspire people. You're here to help people. You could guide yourself around the parts that you don't like, but you need to embrace your role in this world as someone that other people learn from.

• 22:30Andy Frisella?

  Uh, you know, basically I'm a teacher is what it was saying. And like, bro, and I'm going to be well known for it. And I can't fight that aspect of it because it's inevitable. And if I stop fighting it, I will feel better. And dude, I stopped fighting it and guess what? I felt better. So, and, and I say all that to say this, dude, like, we have a purpose here. We have a reason here. I believe that. And I believe that when we fight that, we feel bad. And when we go with it, we feel good. And that's what that vision was showing me. Um, and I know, I want to say this again, dude, like, if you're 20 years old or 25 years old or even 30, this is not something that you should fuck around with.

• 23:13Andy Frisella?

  Because you don't even have the right perspective to understand where you are in life to, to develop a understanding of what you need to do. So you have to have past perspective to understand these things, right? Otherwise it's just going to be some hallucinating and you're going to be like, holy shit. And you gotta shit. Yeah, right. Yeah. No, but, but dude, like I, I just don't want to come across as like, you know, because I know there's so many young people, like dude, this is something that I was looking at as an alternative to, you know, antidepressants and things like that. And, um,

• 23:51Andy Frisella?

  And, and you know, that's what it's sauce. Sometimes we gotta fucking just go with what it is we're supposed to do. And I believe that we understand who we're supposed to be. And we know who we're supposed to be, but most of us are afraid to let that out. Most of us are afraid to become that badass version of ourselves. That lives in our heart that nobody knows about, and we're too afraid to express because we think we're gonna get laughed at. And that version of ourselves is actually what we're here to do. And everybody runs and hides and is afraid of it. When in reality, dude, once you go for that, your everything changes, your entire life changes. The way you see yourself changes, the way other people see you changes.

• 24:36Andy Frisella?

  And your success in all areas of life becomes more fulfilling. You know, and, and you become proud of yourself in a completely different way. So, yeah, I mean, it's just, you know, sometimes you know what you need to do. You're just afraid to do it and you gotta fucking go.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it, man. I love it. Guys, Andy, let's do our third and final question. Uh, question number three. Um, Happy New Year.

• 25:03Andy Frisella?

  Happy New Year.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Uh, Andy, I'm taking major action this year on changing the culture of our company as it is currently toxic. Um, I have constant turnover in my CSR position. Um, and I know it's because of the culture. My questions are two parts. One, how do you transform the culture of a company when bad habits are in place? I'm not tolerating the behavior I've been accepting for so long now. By standing firm and putting action behind my words, by writing employees up, letting people go if they don't adopt new behaviors to work as a team. But is there anything specific that you would suggest? And then, uh, the second question, second part is, what's the best advice? Uh, you can give on how to replicate myself.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Um, I am drowning in the weeds and can't seem to find the person with a work ethic to fit the standards I need for the job. I know the interview process is everything, so I've been developing my interviewing skills. But do you have any advice on that topic? Uh, this show has been on repeat as I've learned so much. Thank you. God bless.

• 26:04Andy Frisella?

  Well, look, man, um.

• 26:08Andy Frisella?

  First off, teaching culture in your company, that's like something that you would hire me to consult on, okay? And, and just so you guys know, the MFCEO project is launching, we're gonna tackle that in depth on that show many different times. I could do it, I could do a week-long podcast, 24 hours a day on how to do this. So it's not something I can answer in a 10-minute answer. But I will tell you this, you need to get rid of all the cancer, okay? When you get cancer in your body, what do they do? They cut it the fuck out. And I'm gonna tell you this, most of the people that you have that are expressing bad behavior, bad attitude, they're not gonna change and they're not gonna go anywhere because they don't have any options to go anywhere. They're really, they

• 26:51Andy Frisella?

  just don't have the skills, they don't have the attitude, they're gonna stick with you as long as possible because it's gonna be hard for them to go somewhere else. They don't have the options. Great employees have lots of options. Shitty, bad culture employees don't. So that's one thing you have to understand. They're not gonna go away without you getting rid of them. Secondly, those people are very likely not going to change, no matter what. So you have to understand, you're not gonna take someone with a cancerous attitude, poor work ethic, low skill, and transform them into a superstar. I know you think that that's what happens, but it very rarely happens. What most of the time happens is that these people go from place to place to place to place to place,

• 27:36Andy Frisella?

  wrecking everybody's shit, and then blaming the world for why they can't get anywhere. And they can't see that it's them, all right? And that's why the same situation, or similar situation, happens to them over and over and over and over again, in every job, in every relationship. And, you know, it's a victim entitlement mentality, right? It's not me, it's the world, okay? It's a hard thing to change. You can't change it. It's a, it's a, it's a character flaw in the human that very rarely changes. So just understand that you will beat your head against the wall and like dude, the worst part is, is some of these people are highly likeable. Some of these people are fun to be around, but when they get any sort of pressure or any sort of stress or any sort of,

• 28:21Andy Frisella?

  they're assigned any sort of project or task or responsibility or duty that they don't like, or they don't agree with the way it's done, they fuck your whole system up. Okay. So you have to get rid of these people a hundred percent. There's no other option because I'm promise you, bro, you're not good enough to turn them around. So understand that.

• 28:42Andy Frisella?

  Uh, secondly, you have to stop accepting poor, poor performance and poor behavior instantly. I would highly recommend you having an all hands meeting where you lay down what's going to happen and what's not going to happen and you have to mean it. And when people violate it, you have to fire them or remove them. Writing up one of these people isn't going to, you know, change the situation. But what will change the situation is, is if you call everybody in, you say, hey, these are the rules. This is what we're doing. This is what we're going to stand by. Here's the value system we're going to operate on. And when one of your best people who sells the most shit for your company violates that,

• 29:25Andy Frisella?

  you fire them in front of everybody and everybody knows you ain't fucking around. Oh shit. Yeah, that's right. They fired one of our top performers because they were fucking cultural bad fit. What's that tell everybody else? That tells everybody else that we better have our fucking, uh, you know, our I's dotted and our T's crossed. And we better come to work and, and you know, contribute, have a good attitude, develop high skill and, and be a contributing member of the company or I'm not going to be here. All right. So that's a, you gotta set a standard and stand on it. Uh, which most people have a problem doing. You're already having a problem doing. I'm writing them up. Writing them up ain't gonna do shit, bro. Like, do you stop speeding? High school, man. Listen, man, do you stop speeding because you got a fucking ticket? Right. Nobody does. Right. All right. So, um,

• 30:10Andy Frisella?

  We have to understand there's going to be some casualties in this cultural realignment. And then, you know, you have to be clear about what is expected and what is going to be tolerated and how it's going to be enforced and, you know, what's going to happen when we do the things we're supposed to do. Uh, but dude, ultimately, man, it's about consciously setting what your company stands for with a, with a clear message, clear value system and holding that line. And that's what the culture is going to be. And after you do that for so many years, and by the way, it's going to take years, but after you do that for so many years, the culture will start living and breathing on its own, meaning you won't have to enforce it because it will be enforced

• 30:55Andy Frisella?

  by the peers of these people, right? When, when your good employees, your good team members see what's going on with someone who's, who's a bad cultural fit, they will just remove that person automatically. So, uh, but dude, it's a lifetime commitment. And, you know, the next thing is you gotta live that system yourself. Like if you don't live it, it won't be absorbed, right? People don't do what you tell them to do. They do what you do. And that's a hard concept for people to understand because just like there's entitlement in the employees, there's entitlement in the operators and the owners and, and the decision makers. A lot of, a lot of guys who, you know, they start their own business, they get a couple of employees and they start thinking,

• 31:40Andy Frisella?

  well, fuck, I'm the owner. I can do this and I can do that and I can do this. Uh, and, you know, these are, those things are things that you wouldn't allow your employees to do. And if that's something that you're doing, you're going to halt the progress of your company right there. This is why so many companies, they make a little bit of progress. They get to a certain level. The owner's making a decent salary. Everybody else is eating shit. And then the company goes backwards and they can't understand, right? And the reason that it goes backwards is because you're Nobody wants to, nobody wants to fucking carry all the water while you're out fucking off dude.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Right.

• 32:17Andy Frisella?

  They want you to be there with them. They want you to build the team. And the truth of the matter is, is most operators of small businesses and most, uh, you know, quote unquote CEOs, um, they won't do the work.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 32:29Andy Frisella?

  You know, they, they want to hire people and dude, you see this with these fucking idiots on the internet saying, oh, you're the owner, you don't, like these guys coaching these other entrepreneurs who have never built a business. You could tell because of the way they say shit. Oh, you're the owner. You shouldn't do that. You should just hire people to do that. You know, you, you should let them do all the work. You don't have to do shit. And it's like, oh, well, I could see why you're a fake entrepreneur coach because you're a fucking idiot.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  I want to clarify this too. What you're saying is you can, you can set all the standards you want. You can, you can make them look nice in the lobby and all of that. And you can fire as many people that don't hold themselves to that, but none of that shit will matter if you as the owner operator is not, are not holding this.

• 33:07Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And eventually, yes, a hundred percent. That's what I'm saying. But eventually, you know, when you've done it for 20 years and you've, you know, like for me, I'm the chairman of our board. I'm not the fucking CEO anymore. Do I still come in here every day and bust ass? Yeah, I do. Because I want everybody to understand that we're all a part of the team. We all got to shovel and we all got to fucking dig. And that's what the game is. I like digging. I like building. I like creating. I love coming to work and doing things with awesome people. I'm very blessed and fortunate to go to war with some of the best motherfuckers on the planet. And I want to be a part of that, but I don't have to. And if I didn't show up here, I don't think they would fucking stop because they understand that I've put 26 years into this. And quite honestly, a lot of our people are like, bro, why don't you just fucking?

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, please go.

• 33:53Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Like, why don't you just go do some shit, man? Like, but see, they don't understand that I like doing this. I love this because I love the people I do it with and I love the mission that we're on. And if you want to create an amazing culture, you have to love the people that you're doing it with. And you have to take pride in their development and you have to want them to win. And you have to want to accomplish the mission with them. And, um, you know,

• 34:18Andy Frisella?

  Most people aren't willing to do that. They have the wrong intent about their business. This is like when you ask these people like, I can always tell when someone has the wrong intent, because I ask them very simply, what is the purpose of a business? And they will say, to make money. That's not the purpose of the business. The purpose of a business is to solve problems and you get money for solving those problems. And so when you understand that and you could operate inside that intent and that mentality, here's what we exist for, these are the problems we're trying to solve. Here's our bigger mission. And then you can come in and do that with your team. The culture is going to follow you. But if you, if you say, hey, we're going to change the world and we're going to do all this shit. And then you fucking disappear and go on your bass boat.

• 35:04Andy Frisella?

  You know, like, bro, you're not going to do shit. And not only that, your company is going to fail. All the great people that have potential are going to leave. Okay. Which brings me to the second question. How do you replicate yourself? Well, are you sure you even want to replicate yourself?

• 35:20Andy Frisella?

  Hmm. Are you what you want to replicate? That's right. Oh shit. That's right. So first off, you got to build yourself into that. What happens if you replicated someone who, you know, gave good lip service, but didn't do the real work? Who sounded good in front of people, but actually didn't execute? Who says, we're going to do these things, but then, you know, hides in the corner and lets everybody else? Dude, you don't think that everybody fucking sees that? Everybody sees that. Bro, have you ever been doing a job outside? And you got three or four people around and you could tell the motherfucker that's, you know, kind of skating out of the work, pretending to be busy, carrying the trash away instead of digging the fucking hole? Like, you know, we all see it, dude, and, and they see it too. And just because you're the owner of the business, doesn't mean they're fucking blind and stupid.

• 36:05Andy Frisella?

  All right. They see you coasting. So are you sure that you want to replicate that? Because the truth of the matter is, is if you replicate that, your company is going to go out of business. Okay. So the first thing is you need to make sure that you're worth replicating. You're doing all the things, like we just said for 10 minutes, that you expect other people to do at a high level. And if you are that, and you do want to replicate that, the best way to replicate that is to look around, see who has the potential, see who has the hunger, see who has the drive, who believes in the big vision. And then spend as much time with them as possible. I'm talking about inside of work and outside of work.

• 36:48Andy Frisella?

  Okay, because creating and replicating yourself is not a nine to 430 job. All right, it's a total cultural immersion. And again, most owners don't want to do this. They want to clock out and go the fuck home. But dude, I can tell you this, all of my best people in every single company I've ever owned, I've spent massive amounts of time with inside and outside the work. And I consider those people some of my best friends in the world, which creates a better bond, which creates a better culture anyway. So you have to convert yourself in the mind from I own this company to I'm responsible for these people's success.

• 37:32Andy Frisella?

  Okay, and it's not, I'm here to make money for me. It's, I'm here to make sure that these guys make a great living and that these guys can provide for their families and these guys can hit their goals. Because when you take your intent and you switch it on to them, guess what happens? They reciprocate and they help build your dreams as well. So it's about putting the other people in front of you and then making sure that you follow through on those, on those promises and they will follow through on their obligation as well. It's the law of reciprocity. Uh, but ultimately dude, you know, you gotta become a coach. You can't just be a quote unquote boss at work.

• 38:15Andy Frisella?

  It's, and I would, I would highly recommend that you guys stop calling yourselves the boss and shit like, bro, you're just a member of the team and your, your, your responsibilities are, are no more important than, than these guys' responsibilities. It takes everybody rowing the same direction and it takes humility, right? Like. Yeah, you might be the CEO, but what's the CEO's role? The CEO's role is to make sure that we don't drive the ship into a fucking iceberg and we actually get where we're trying to go. And then everybody else behind us is all rowing and they've got enough food and they've got enough water and they've got enough, they understand where they gotta go. And by the way, when one of them gets sick and can't row the right way, guess who gets to row? You, okay?

• 38:59Andy Frisella?

  So like, it's just a, it's just a different kind of thinking than most people don't have because they're so engulfed in their own ego and their own importance that they can't understand, like, bro, you're just a part of the team. You're, you're, you're the fucking, you're the coach calling the play to the quarterback and everybody's got an equal responsibility to execute. You know what I'm saying? Business is a team sport, bro. It really is. And, uh, just because you happen to be, you know, the owner of the team, doesn't mean that you don't have a responsibility to be a very important part of the team on a day by day basis if you want a great team. I love it, man. Yeah, so it's, it's dude, it's, you know, to answer the second part of the question is very simple.

• 39:42Andy Frisella?

  Make sure that you're worth replicating, spend a lot of time with them, mentor them, teach them, be their, you know, their, their uncle, right? Or their big brother that helps them understand not just how to execute in the office, but also in life, right? And a lot of people just won't do that. I love it, man. Love it. Guys, Andy, that's a hell of a way to start a Monday, man. Yeah, guys. All right, look, we got a CTI tomorrow. I'll see you guys tomorrow.