1020. Q&AF: Pushing Through Hard Times, Being "Too Nice" & Leadership Struggles

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on what to do when you're working hard but not seeing progress, how to stop being too nice to others at your own expense, and how to overcome insecurities and handle tough situations when leading a team.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:16Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realist, saying goodbye to the lies, to fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and AF, that's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now you can submit your questions and it can be about anything, typically about personal development, how to win, how to make money, how to kick ass, how to be a bad motherfucker, alright? You could submit them many different ways, DJ's gonna tell you how. Yeah guys, email your questions into [email protected], you can also click the link in the description below and submit them there, or just drop them in the comment section of the Q and AF videos on the tube. Now, if this is your first time listening, we have shows within the show, tomorrow you're gonna hear CTI,

• 0:57Andy Frisella?

  that is Cruise the Internet, that's where we put topics on the screen of the goings-ons of the day. Uh, we speculate on what the truth is and we talk about how we, the people, have to solve these problems going on in the world. We also make fun of everybody, so, there's that. Then we have Real AF, Real AF is just 5:20 minutes of me giving you some real talk, whoops, real talk, not Real AF, this is Real AF. Anyway, and then we have 75 Hard Versus, that's where somebody who's completed the 75 Hard Program comes on the show, they talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they used 75 Hard to become the person that they are now. If you're unfamiliar with 75 Hard, it is the initial phase of the Live Hard Program, we like to call it the Boot Camp,

• 1:39Andy Frisella?

  which is the world's most popular mental transformation program ever, and you can get that at episode 208 on the audio feed for free. There's also a book at andyfrisella.com called The Book on Mental Toughness, which includes the entire Live Hard Program, plus a whole bunch of other information, in-depth, uh, a bunch of chapters on mental toughness, how to use it, how to cultivate, why it's important, some case studies, and, uh, basically, if you're like me and you're somebody who has to know all the details, uh, that's the resource for you, so you can go on andyfrisella.com and grab that. Now, one thing we do different here is we are the biggest show in the world that does not run advertisements, alright? I don't get paid to do this show.

• 2:24Andy Frisella?

  We pay to do this show, alright? We're here to bring value to you. We're here to help you be better. We're here to help you see what's going on in the world and navigate everything effectively. So we have a simple ask. And the ask is this. Share the show, okay? When you find it valuable.

• 2:41Andy Frisella?

  If it gives you some, uh, knowledge. If it makes you better, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh, if it's entertaining. Do us a favor and share that out, man. It helps us a lot. We'd like to say it, uh, like, don't be a hoe.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Share the show.

• 2:53Andy Frisella?

  Alright. What's up, man?

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Buenos dias. Senor.

• 2:59Andy Frisella?

  Alright. What's that?

• 3:00Speaker 01

  What?

• 3:00Andy Frisella?

  You making fun of me or something?

• 3:01Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:02Andy Frisella?

  My tan?

• 3:03Speaker 01

  You are getting tanned. You are getting tanned, dog, yeah.

• 3:05Andy Frisella?

  About time for me to pass you. About this time of year where I pass you up in tanniness.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Usually it's like June. June is when it really sets in.

• 3:12Andy Frisella?

  It's kind of fun, cause like half the year, you're the black guy. And then the other half, I am. So it works.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, you start hiding your wild and I start hiding mine. Yeah, it just goes back and forth.

• 3:23Andy Frisella?

  You stole my bike, I steal it back.

• 3:28Andy Frisella?

  Oh, man.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Must be July, Andy got me. What's going on though?

• 3:32Andy Frisella?

  I'm just glad I get the bikes in the summertime.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  That's right, that's right, yeah.

• 3:35Andy Frisella?

  Another man, just doing a thing, man.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  Things are doing, being done.

• 3:39Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 3:39Speaker 01

  That's right, man. Hell, yeah, dude. Um, yeah, everything's

• 3:42Andy Frisella?

  So are you.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, things are good on this end, bro.

• 3:44Andy Frisella?

  You're looking good, man.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  269 this morning.

• 3:47Andy Frisella?

  Really?

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, really.

• 3:48Andy Frisella?

  Like you're, like a real 269 or you're 269?

• 3:50Speaker 01

  No, no, like on the scale, 269.

• 3:52Andy Frisella?

  Is there any witnesses?

• 3:55Speaker 01

  God?

• 3:55Andy Frisella?

  No, that doesn't count.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'll take a picture in the morning. I'll show you. I'm there, dog. I'm, listen, I'm right there, bro.

• 4:01Andy Frisella?

  Well.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  I'm right there.

• 4:02Andy Frisella?

  I know you're doing good.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're, we're cruising, bro. We're cruising. It feels, it feels good.

• 4:06Andy Frisella?

  You're finally lifting now.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  That's what it is.

• 4:08Andy Frisella?

  It's gonna make a big difference.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Big difference. I do gotta incorporate some more hit, though. Cause dude, like that-

• 4:13Andy Frisella?

  You just got more time, bro. It's just gonna take, I mean, look, it just takes time.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Dude, I was fucking gassed on Tuesday, bro, when we had to do this shit. Gassed.

• 4:22Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Bro, I gotta get some more hit cards.

• 4:24Andy Frisella?

  Well, that's hard stuff, man.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  It is.

• 4:26Andy Frisella?

  Wrestling and, and all that, that's, that's one of the hardest things you can do.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 4:30Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, you gotta get in shape for that.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Got you, bro. It's a different thing, but.

• 4:33Andy Frisella?

  You can't just shoot everybody.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  I mean, you, you can.

• 4:36Andy Frisella?

  I let, well, you can.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  I can't.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Three times in the face. Yeah, no, uh, no, that's good though, man. Things are good, bro. I'm happy to be here. It's a beautiful Monday. Um, and we're here to make people better.

• 4:47Andy Frisella?

  Cool.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Let's dive into it. I got three good ones for you. Guys, Andy, question number one. Andy, 32 years old. I manage a real estate flips. I'm coordinating investors and contractors. I'm working 12 hour days fixing mistakes. But I'm still broke and struggling to pay bills. How did you push through this stage and keep going when your bank account and your goals were so far away from each other?

• 5:14Andy Frisella?

  What other option do you have? What are you gonna do? You gonna go work at McDonald's? Okay, I didn't have any other options. That's what made me push through. This is why we talk about this concept of zero option mentality. All right? When you're in the beginning of your business, it's very easy to keep pushing through. And to be honest, where you're at right now is the easiest it's gonna be to stay focused and push through because you don't have anything else you can go to. Maybe you do. Maybe you have a rich family. Maybe you have an inheritance coming. I don't know what it is. I didn't have that.

• 5:51Andy Frisella?

  The thing that kept me going was very simply that I had had experiences doing manual labor, growing up. Uh, pretty much my whole life growing up. I wasn't qualified to do anything else. I didn't have a college degree. Back then, you had to have a degree to even get an interview. Um. And so I didn't have any other options and that made it very easy for me to continue going down the path because every time I felt like how you're feeling right now, I just thought, well, this is better than digging ditches. All right. And that's what kept me going. And I would love to say, oh, you know, it was this big vision for all these things and I wanted to do all these

• 6:33Andy Frisella?

  great things and this and that. But in the beginning, man, it was very simply, I just didn't have anything else to do. Now, that changes as you start to make money and it changes a lot when you start to make good money and it changes a lot more when you make great money. And you have to remember what you're feeling like right now, because what's ultimately going to make you successful over the course of your life is being able to manipulate your own mind into believing that you have no other option but to continue down the path. This path that you were on is very difficult. It would be much easier for you in the short term to just get a job, get paid,

• 7:17Andy Frisella?

  go home, live everybody else's life. But that is going to hurt you in the long term. All right? So, the honest truth is this, dude. What else are you gonna do? What else are you gonna do? Okay? And, and by the way, from a tactical standpoint, when you're first getting going and you're trying to do things, you have to figure out ways to bring in the money that may not be in the avenue that you're in. Now, you're 32 years old, you're working 12 hours a day, you're doing all these things. I'm a little confused on why you would still be broke. Okay? So you have to ask yourself, are you doing the right things that are going to pay off?

• 8:01Andy Frisella?

  Have you made a good decision in the path that you're on? What levers do you need to pull? What knobs do you need to adjust to make this a profitable endeavor for you? All right? Because there's so much entrepreneur information out here and a lot of people just say, follow your passion, follow what you want to do. But sometimes those things, they don't have the payoff that you're actually looking for. So you have to understand, what am I doing in five, 10 years? Does this have the potential?

• 8:34Andy Frisella?

  To pay me and provide the life that I'm going to want then if I continue down the path. If the answer is no, then you have to do what you have to do right now and find a way to get there. But if the answer is yes, you have to double down and get more effective. Time put in is not the same as effective time. All right, we have two different ideas and most people believe that the more time they put in, that that's going to equate to more money. Or the more effort they put in, that's going to equate to more money. I know a lot of people that have worked very hard their whole lives, very long hours and never really gotten paid.

• 9:17Andy Frisella?

  So effort and time put in doesn't necessarily equal pay. You have to be on the right path. You have to be on the path that's going to provide you with the outcome that you're looking for. So there's a lot of things here that you need to evaluate because dude, unless you just started this, like it didn't give how long he's been doing, I don't think. Unless you just started this, then by this time you should be making some money. Now I'm going to assume that you probably just started this. All right, so what I want you to do is I want you to sit down. I want you to look out five years, look out 10 years. I want you to look around at peers, people that you may know that are doing the same thing.

• 9:58Andy Frisella?

  Are they living the kind of life that you want to live out there in the in the future? Or are they still struggling? Are they still broke? All right. Because if other people could do it, you could do it and you could do it better. All right, but if if these other people have put 10 years in and they're still struggling, it's probably a time for you to readjust your path. But you have to understand this fundamental reality, dude, is that effort put in and time put in is not what it is. It's effectiveness. It's the skill set that you have. It's how good you are at what you do. And if you're great at what you do and it takes you half the time, you're you're going to get paid more than the guy who's putting in double time. That's not great at what he does. So what's your skill set like? Are you good at what you do? Dude, are you effective?

• 10:43Andy Frisella?

  It sounds like, right now, maybe you're not effective. So you're gonna have to, if you're putting in the time and you're putting in the effort, you say you are, then it's a skill problem. Or it's a time problem. Okay?

• 10:54Speaker 01

  But you gotta be honest with yourself.

• 10:56Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, that's right. You gotta assess it. Everybody thinks that they can just work hard and everybody thinks that they can just put time in. Um, and then there's this other group of people who think, oh, it's not about working hard, it's about working smart. You're wrong about that. It's actually both. Okay, you have to work hard, you have to work enough time, and you have to work effectively. It's not one or the other, it's all of them. And that's a fundamental problem, especially with you young bucks out there who are trying to build shit. You guys say, you guys hear these people say these things, these cliches, like, the average millionaire has seven sources of income. Yeah, maybe when they're 50, maybe when they're 40, not when they're 20 or 21 or 22,

• 11:40Andy Frisella?

  you have to become great at that one thing that produces income, then you leverage that income into other things that bring in more cash flow and more, uh, you know, uh, enterprise value to your portfolio, which is what you're building right now. So, the reality of that is this, there's a lot I'm saying here, but at the end of the day, um, it's not work hard, it's not work smart, it's not be great, it's all of those things, and that's how you win. Okay, so, don't listen to these people who say this shit on the internet, most of them are broke, most of them are trying to make money, just trying to sell you how to make money, and they've never really built anything. But I'm gonna tell you, as someone who's built many things of a sizable nature, eight, nine figures, worth 10 figures, it's all of those things, and it's for a long time.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  How important to, man, like, I mean, let's go back, bro, you were 22, 23 years old, or even, you know, not from the age standpoint, but just simply early in business, young in business, right?

• 12:36Andy Frisella?

  Entrepreneur age.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  How important is it during that time to be skinny with your spending?

• 12:41Andy Frisella?

  Oh, it's, you know what I'm saying? Huge, huge deal.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:44Andy Frisella?

  Okay?

• 12:47Andy Frisella?

  You have to understand that there is going to be a time in your entrepreneur journey where you are going to starve. That is reality if you want to make it. Now, if you don't want to make it long-term, which is what a lot of these younger kids are doing, because the examples that they look to are these internet hustlers, alright? What they do is they make a little cash, they go out and spend a bunch of money to look more successful, and then they try to like, use that to get more business. It doesn't work like that, man. It doesn't work like that. You have to understand, you gotta live way below your means, and it's okay to be embarrassed about it. Dude, do you think I wasn't embarrassed when I was

• 13:30Andy Frisella?

  living in the back of my store? You think I wasn't embarrassed when I had to move back in with my dad at 27 years old? That's embarrassing, dude.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  27.

• 13:40Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, at 27 years old, seven years into my business, I had to move, eight years into my business, I had to move back in with my dad. You know how embarrassing that was? Bro. But if I hadn't have done that, I wouldn't be here. So you have to be willing to eat a little shit along the way, knowing that the end result is gonna pay off, alright? And all those people that were making fun of me, you know, telling me things like, "Man, Andy, you know, you've been at this for a long time, and now you're having to move back with your dad," like, "You alright, bro?" Yeah, like, "When are you gonna get serious about your life?" You know, now all those same people are saying, "Oh, Andy, I'm so proud of you. I can't believe, you know, I remember back when..." And it's like, dude, you were the guy telling me to quit. You know, so all those people that are laughing

• 14:24Andy Frisella?

  at you, all those people that are making little remarks, and that's fuel, dude. You should be grateful for that. Because I never forgot it. I still remember it. I remember every single person, all of them. And for any of you listening that ever says shit to me, I remember you too, okay? I remember all of it. I'm like an elephant. I have like this permanent memory, especially when it comes to the negative energy that I receive from people, because I've become very good at taking that negative energy and then transforming it into productive action. And a lot of people talk about, "Oh, well, that's not the right way to do it," you know, "You should be doing it for the right reasons." Well, what the fuck is the right reason if the result happens? Okay, does it matter? Does it matter what drives me? Does it matter what drives you?

• 15:09Andy Frisella?

  All right? It doesn't matter because you're trying to get to this place and you have to use the right kind of fuel to get to this place. This is like saying, hey, I'm trying to drive to California and you know, I ran out of gas and I could get ethanol, but I don't want to put ethanol in there because that's not the right kind of fuel. So you just sit there?

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:28Andy Frisella?

  All right, you gotta use all the fuel and you gotta, you gotta be grateful for it. So when these people do these things to you guys, especially when you're younger, just remember there's gonna come a time where they have to eat their motherfucking words and you're gonna have the last laugh. All right? So don't be afraid to downsize. Don't be afraid to, to get your spending in order. Don't be afraid to, you know, maybe get a little bit smaller place or drive a shittier car or, or minimize your bills in a way or eat ramen or whatever you gotta do. There was a long time, man, in the beginning days of business where, you know, the way that we ate was because we were bartenders. You know, there's the bartender code where you go to other bars and they give you the hookup. We go, we go eat, right? And we get free food because we knew these guys and we took care of them. We did what we had to do.

• 16:14Andy Frisella?

  And you have to too. That's the name of the game. The good thing I will say for all of you guys out there trying to do it is that you live in an age where there's more opportunity for speed and velocity of what you're trying to create than there ever was for people that are my age. Okay, we didn't have social media. We didn't have digital ad spend. We didn't have any of this shit. We, we had radio, TV, newspaper and hopefully word of mouth if we did a good job, which I'm thankful for because it gave us the fundamentals to understand what business is really all about. But that's a very slow process. So even though you might be feeling frustrated right now, you have to understand. You're in a much better position than I was ever in. And if I'm being completely honest and this is real truth, I swear this is real shit.

• 16:58Andy Frisella?

  If I could trade places with any of you guys that were 20 right now, I fucking would. I'd give up everything I have and I'd start over at 20 because of the technology that's available to go at velocity.

• 17:09Andy Frisella?

  So. Yeah.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  I love that dude. I love it.

• 17:13Andy Frisella?

  If we had what y'all have, I would have created this entire thing in like seven years. I'd been 27 years old.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 17:22Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 17:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:22Andy Frisella?

  And it's proof. There's other guys out there doing big business now that are 30 years old. Okay. Because of the technology that's available.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  You should be the anomaly, like the Zuckerberg.

• 17:31Andy Frisella?

  Correct. Correct. No, I mean, even in CPG, bro, there's guys out here who are doing shit at 25, 30, you know, 35. They're doing big things that wasn't possible for people that grew up in my era because the technology didn't exist. But the cool thing is, is, and I'm grateful for this, is that I built businesses before technology. So I understand the fundamental psychology of people much better than what they do. You see what I'm saying? So there's advantages to both. That, you know, you're not going to get that experience because it doesn't exist anymore. But take it from me, you guys are in a really good spot.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  I love it, dude. I love it. I love it, man. Guys, Andy, question number two.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Andy, I struggle with being too nice sometimes. I always try to bring others in or share in things I've worked hard for. Any tips on how to actually be more selfish? Um, or how to, uh, or, or keeping my hard work and effort for myself? I feel like I'm limiting my outcomes by being too nice in this way.

• 18:32Andy Frisella?

  You are. Um, I struggle with that same problem. Believe it or not, what you guys see on the internet. Um, I always want to give more than, than, than I probably should.

• 18:46Andy Frisella?

  I think it's served me well in the long term. I've gotten screwed over a lot. I've had a lot of people take advantage of me.

• 18:53Andy Frisella?

  And my advice to you would be to try and keep that good heart of giving. Try to keep that, that good part of you, uh, that selfless part of you there. But learn where the boundaries are and learn what your responsibilities are and what they aren't. You know, if you are re- there can be such a, a thing as like toxic responsibility. All right. The amount, like when you start to feel, and this is, this hap- this happens to me. This has happened to me a lot.

• 19:21Andy Frisella?

  You know, I take it very serious when someone decides to bet on me. All right, like for example, like an employee or any of you guys or anybody that's relying on me to pay their bills. I take that very seriously, very, very, very seriously. And because I always want to help people win. Sometimes I've been too generous to where it becomes a thing where they become entitled. And once they become entitled, they're no longer an asset to your, to your mission. Then they become a drag. So this is just a boundary question. You have to, you have to decide where your boundaries are going to be.

• 20:06Andy Frisella?

  And you have to make decisions about, you know, what you think they should be and, and stop. A lot of this comes from a fundamental need to please people. All right.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  You can't make everybody happy.

• 20:18Andy Frisella?

  No, and dude, like when I grew up, you know, when I grew up, I didn't get a lot of praise. I wasn't ever like, I didn't ever feel like I was appreciated. Right? And it created this thing in me where I felt like I needed to

• 20:36Andy Frisella?

  make everybody happy and then take care of everybody. And sometimes dude, when you try to take care of people, they don't want to take care of themselves. Right? And you can't want it more than them. And that's something that took me a very long time to understand. And it burned me a lot. And a few years ago, I would say five, six years ago, I learned, okay, well, there's boundaries to this. All right, if they show me, I can come towards them, but they gotta meet me halfway. Right? So I don't think there's anything wrong fundamentally with wanting to be a good person, wanting to help other people be successful. But remember this, man, you're going to be able to help a lot more people. When you are in a financial place to give.

• 21:20Andy Frisella?

  And by you doing what you're doing, you're trying to give before you even have, you're preventing yourself from actually getting, which prevents you from actually giving at scale. So. You gotta be selfish to be selfless and that's, that's something that we talk about a lot.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:38Andy Frisella?

  You've got to take care of yourself first and then when you take care of yourself, you're able to take care of people much better. So my advice to you would be very simply to understand you don't owe anybody anything. And whatever you decide to help them with is your good heart. And if people try to leverage you and make you feel guilty, they're, they're the last people you should help. All right. So learn to say no, learn where the line is, stick to it even when it's hard because it will be hard. You're gonna have to say no to people and you're, they're gonna walk out of the room, they're gonna be upset with you and, and you're gonna think, man, did I do that wrong? Or, you know, and then they're gonna guilt trip you and manipulate you and gaslight you. And, and honestly, you start to realize who's really on your team and who's really not, right?

• 22:23Andy Frisella?

  You start to see it a little more clearly.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:25Andy Frisella?

  Um, and when you're a good person, and this is a lot what's going on in society right now. When you're a good person and you don't want to hurt people and you want to help people, it's really hard to see the bad in other people. Right? Like, all you know is that you have a good heart. All you know is how you feel. All you know is I want to help people, so everybody must be like me, but the truth is they're not. Most people aren't that way and that's why most people are most people. And you're working to not become most people and you have to become that before you can actually help at scale.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  Kevin O'Leary has a really good, uh, I was, I remember seeing this clip of him on this topic. And his rule of thumb is I will help anybody once. And like I heard, I'm like, damn, okay. What, what do you mean by that? He got goes into, he's like, you know, I don't care if it's family, if it's friends, whoever, like I will help you. Like you come to me, you need, you need 200 grand. Yeah, I got you. I don't want it back. I'm not.

• 23:21Andy Frisella?

  Well, that's another thing.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  I don't need it on a loan.

• 23:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  But don't ever, and he tells like, don't ever ask.

• 23:25Andy Frisella?

  That's another thing. Okay. One of my rules is absolutely, I do not loan money. I give money.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:35Andy Frisella?

  Okay. So if I ever give someone some help, I don't make it a loan. I make it a give. And the reason is, is because 99% of the time, you're not gonna get the money back.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 23:49Andy Frisella?

  You're, you're not, and it's gonna ruin relationships with people that you love and care about and friends.

• 23:57Andy Frisella?

  And you've got to be able to do it once and say no next time. And the other thing to realize here dude is that every time you save someone, you're preventing them from learning the lesson that's going to make them better anyway. Okay, so, so when you, when you, when you, when someone gets themselves in a bad position, let's say,

• 24:17Andy Frisella?

  you know, uh, I don't know, they, they got a drug problem or, or they got behind on their bills or whatever. And you get in there and save them. They're just going to go do that same thing again because you didn't allow them to learn the lesson. And when you think about like the damage you're doing to someone long-term by saying yes like that, it becomes easier to say no. Right?

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:39Andy Frisella?

  So, and, and when you're young, when you're 20, you don't understand this. You don't understand that people have to learn their own lessons. And you're not the karma police, bro. You're not the protector of the bad karma.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:54Andy Frisella?

  And one thing that will happen, man, and this is true.

• 24:59Andy Frisella?

  If you step in the way of someone else's karma, you're the one that takes the punch of it. And that's not good for you. So you've got to learn where you can help and where you can't. And I would highly suggest that if you do get in a position to help, don't make it loans, don't make it conditional, get, make it a gift. And I think O'Leary's advice is really good, just one time.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  One time. I hope you want.

• 25:19Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And, and if they, if they turn that into something, then maybe you can help them a little more, you know, like maybe, maybe, like there's been guys I've helped,

• 25:29Andy Frisella?

  who have taken it and ran with it and become, built really good things with it. And then they come back and they say, hey, we need a little cash flow or we need an investment. And I'm like, well, fuck, okay, you've proven that you're that kind of person. Let's go.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:42Andy Frisella?

  Right?

• 25:43Speaker 01

  Absolutely, dude.

• 25:43Andy Frisella?

  So.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  I want to hit on this too, on, on the same point because I feel like this could also get missed. Being selfish, to be selfless, this also doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.

• 25:54Andy Frisella?

  No.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? Like, how do you, how do you?

• 25:57Andy Frisella?

  That means you gotta take care of number one, bro.

• 25:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:00Andy Frisella?

  Number one is you.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  And that's okay.

• 26:02Andy Frisella?

  That is okay.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:03Andy Frisella?

  And people will guilt you and they'll make you feel bad and they're, you know, they'll humility signal and the gaslight and they'll, they'll do all this shit to make it feel like you're a bad person, bro. Every single human on this planet takes care of themselves first. Every, every single person on this planet that makes a big difference, takes care of themselves first, gets them to a point where they can help, then they help. All right? And you can help along the way. All right? When I didn't have much, when I didn't have, you know, like, dude, I can remember giving, look, man, people won't believe when I say this, but I know it's true. And I've got people that can validate it. Like, there's times in my life where, you know, I might've had a thousand dollars total,

• 26:45Andy Frisella?

  cash, and I saw someone really struggle. I gave them a hundred bucks. That's a fucking tenth of my, of the money I have.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:54Andy Frisella?

  Right? But I also believe that when you do good, you get good. And I've always believed that, and it's shown to be true in my life. And, um,

• 27:04Andy Frisella?

  so I always gave what I could, man. And I think, I think that's a big reason why, you know, opportunities have happened for me. There's not a, there's not a logical reason for it. I can't explain it.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:16Andy Frisella?

  But God and the universe and everything that's, you know, that we can't see rewards that.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:24Andy Frisella?

  But you can't do it to a point where it's damaging you or holding you back of your own life.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's so real, bro. That's real. Uh, let's get to our third and final question, man. Um, we got a leadership question, I guess. Uh, guys, Andy question, number three. Andy, as I grow in my career. I find myself leading people who I previously had either had negative experiences with or wrong impressions of. Most of the time, it was the way I handled myself and the way that I led. I've changed the way I not only lead myself, but the people I'm around. Now, I have this burning desire to have one-on-one conversations and air things out, for lack of a better phrase. Is this my insecurities?

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Or do you feel it's necessary for me to do to have a new relationship with these individuals? I'm also aware that talk is cheap and my actions will have to back these conversations up. Uh, but that's why I question if the chat is even necessary.

• 28:21Andy Frisella?

  It's not.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  I just share with my actions.

• 28:23Andy Frisella?

  It's not. Just make the change, start doing it. They'll notice. Okay? And here's the problem with explaining everything like what like you want to do. And by the way, I did, I've done that. So I'm not just like, I understand where you're coming from because here's what happens. You handle something poorly, you do something wrong and you're like, fuck, I feel bad about that. And while it might be okay to go back up to them and say, hey, man, you know, I could have handled that a little better, but you understand what I'm getting at, right? We gotta do this, we gotta do that. That's okay. But when you start to over explain it and you start to show too much vulnerability in that situation, it comes off as insecurity, which by the way, weakens your ability and your respect to lead these people and also shows them where your vulnerability is.

• 29:08Andy Frisella?

  And if they're not the right kind of person, they'll press that over and over and over again to get you to like, even feel worse. Okay. Because they feel like it benefits them. It doesn't, but they feel like it does. So my advice is that if you've been a poor leader and you recognize that you've been a poor leader, then just change the way that you're leading and the rest of the team will follow suit. They will talk amongst themselves. They will say, man, you know what? And he's like really changed, you know, he's doing things a lot different and that will earn the respect as opposed to trying to sell them on having respect through a conversation.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:49Andy Frisella?

  Now, like I said, if you do handle something poorly, there is a proper way to handle that, but it's not some long drawn out discussion.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:59Andy Frisella?

  It's you walk up to him, you say, hey, Steve, look dude, sorry I got a little upset there. Here's the deal. I got upset because of this. It's nothing personal, but you understand why, right? I definitely could have handled it better, but you understand where I'm getting at, right? Yeah. All right, man. So I love you. I appreciate you. I lost my cool a little bit there, but it doesn't change the message that I was delivering.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 30:22Andy Frisella?

  And that's, those are the kind of ways that you, that you kind of do that.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. From this, it sounds like this might've been like years ago and now you're in like an actual, I don't know. And like now he's trying to address shit that happened years ago. It's a bro, they probably forgot that shit.

• 30:34Andy Frisella?

  No, they probably didn't, but the longer that you go behaving the right way, they will, right? They will forget that. Um, and by the way, they, you, you shouldn't care if they forget it or not, man. Because if they forget it, then they don't recognize the progress you're making as a leader. Right? So.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  That's a them problem.

• 30:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. But I'm saying like you, you, don't you want them to recognize that you're making progress?

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:57Andy Frisella?

  Okay. Well, if they forgot about how you were before, then how can they recognize that you're doing a better job?

• 31:01Speaker 01

  I see what you're saying. Right. That's real.

• 31:03Andy Frisella?

  So, so it's, it's irrelevant what they think before. What's relevant now is how you behave now and moving forward. And it sounds like you've already figured out what the problem is and all you have to do is adjust your behavior. Okay. And one of the most important things that you can do as a leader is to understand this. Leadership is a lifelong journey. You are going, there is no finish line for becoming a great leader. The leader that you are at 20, the leader you are at 30, the leader you are at 40, at 50, at 60 is always going to be a better version, all the way up until you stop leading or die. All right. So it's a lifelong process and all of us develop at different rates.

• 31:43Andy Frisella?

  And we're all make mistakes. So it's not like all these leaders that you look up to who you see that you want to be like Haven't made these same mistakes. They all do it. You just don't see it. All right. So it doesn't mean that you're not a good leader. It means you're going through the process. In fact, I would argue the fact that you feel bad says that you really care about being a great leader. The worst kind of leaders are the ones that lead and don't give a fuck if they feel bad. All right. So I think the struggle and the question that you're that you're asking Is actually a sign of the awareness that you're going to become a great leader, dude. All right. So you just have to understand, change your behavior, start working forward. Don't worry about it. Forgive yourself for what you did in the past. Realize that is a part of the process.

• 32:26Andy Frisella?

  Just like when you start to learn how to ride a bike, dude, guess what? You're gonna fall over a whole bunch of times. You know, you don't, you don't fall over a whole bunch of times and learn how to ride the bike and then say, man, I was so stupid. I fell over, you know?

• 32:38Speaker 01

  I sure never fell.

• 32:38Andy Frisella?

  That's what everybody does. It's just the great leaders that you recognize as great leaders. You don't see them becoming great. Because they don't get recognized until they're great. So like you don't see, uh, you know, John Wooden, you didn't see John Wooden, The greatest NCAA basketball coach ever. You didn't see him when he sucked as a leader. All right. Great leader right now on social media is, uh, Echelon Front, Jaco. Okay. Jaco and Leif. You didn't see them learning how to lead. You see them now. All right. You, you don't see these people When they're learning. All right. So you're learning and you're moving and you keep moving forward and you're gonna get better and better and better. And, and I think you're on the right track, dude.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, hell yeah, bro. It made me think too, like dude, we're in, we're in Missouri, bro. This is show me state. Yeah, just show them. Yeah, just fucking show them.

• 33:23Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, bro. I mean, he said it. Talk is cheap. No one cares about your talk. Especially if you already have a negative reputation. Like if, if you're, if your team doesn't like you right now because they think you're a bad leader And you go up and try to say like, oh, I'm gonna be a better leader. It's no different than when they come to you And they've been fucking off for the last two years and they say, Andy, I swear this time I'm really gonna change. And I'm like, okay, dude. Right? It's so different than your overweight friend who says, Oh dude, I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna lose weight. I'm gonna lose weight. And he says it for 10 years. And then he gets pissed off that nobody believes him. All right, like.

• 34:02Andy Frisella?

  You gotta follow through, man. If you want respect as a leader, it's the same thing if you want respect in any area. It's your actions. It's not your words. So don't worry about these conversations that you feel like you need to have. Maybe that's something you need to have with yourself and forgive yourself, or in your prayer, or whatever it is that you do. But let it go, dude, and see it as a part of your journey. This is what you are trying to become, and the fact that you are struggling is the evidence that you are working to become it. So dude, just change. Get better. It's okay. Everybody fucks up. Everybody struggles. Leadership is hard. Management is hard. I think it's the hardest job that you could ever have, and it takes a long time to become great. This is why you don't

• 34:43Andy Frisella?

  see a lot of great coaches that are under 50 years old, man. Yeah, they exist, but they're anomalies. All right? It takes time. But you can do it, dude. And it doesn't matter if you were a leader before. Bro, I was never a leader. I was never a leader. I wasn't the captains of my teams. I was always one of the best players. I was never a leader, dude. I was, I was, I was never a captain. I was never voted. I never even couldn't, I didn't even understand why. I'm like, I'm like, shit, dude. I'm, I'm, I'm beating everybody's ass out here. But I wasn't leading. I was worried about myself. I wasn't worried about them. My intent was on me, not them. My intent was on me, not the team. When I was playing football, I wanted to know how many yards I got, how many tackles I got. I didn't

• 35:25Andy Frisella?

  care what the score was on the scoreboard. All right? That's not leadership. That's selfish in a negative way. You see what I'm saying?

• 35:33Speaker 01

  Absolutely, dude.

• 35:34Andy Frisella?

  So, bro, it's the process, man. And if you find yourself working to become anything, and it's very hard, that's a sign that you're on the right path. That's not a negative thing. Anything worthwhile is hard.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Don't run from that.

• 35:49Andy Frisella?

  No, it's a sign that you're on the right path.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  I love it, dude. Fuck, man, that was a quick hitter, bro.

• 35:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  I'm with it, dog. I'm fired up.

• 35:58Andy Frisella?

  Hey, man, you know, it is what it is. Let's get out there and beat some ass today, all right?

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Let's do it.

• 36:03Andy Frisella?

  We will see you tomorrow on CTI. Don't be a hoe. Share the show.