1003. Q&AF: Attached To Old Identities, Potential Vs. Success & Struggles Of A Growing Business

On today's episode, Andy answers your questions on how to become a better version of yourself by dropping old identities, how to unlock your potential without fear holding you back, and what are the best ways to handle the struggles of a growing business.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:16Andy Frisella?

  What is up guys, it's Andy Frisella and this is the show for the realists to say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society and welcome to motherfucking reality. Guys, today we have Q and A F. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. DJ is going to tell you how you can submit your questions. Guys, we want your questions. Please submit them at [email protected]. Click the link in the description right now. Submit your questions for a chance to be answered, or if you want to just pop them in the comments section of this video right here. We'll check them out there as well. All right. So if this is your first time listening, we have multiple different formats on this channel, on this podcast.

• 0:56Andy Frisella?

  Today you're going to hear Q and A F. Tonight at 7 central, you're going to see CTI live. Okay. And that's where we talk about what's going on in the world. It's called cruise the internet. All right. We speculate, we talk about it, we try to figure it out, and then we talk about what we need to do as citizens to make the country better. Other times we're going to have real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes and me giving you some real talk. And then other times we will have 75 hard verses.

• 1:24Andy Frisella?

  That's where people who have completed the 75 hard program come on the show. They talk about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the 75 hard program to change their lives. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard is the initial phase of the live hard program, which is the world's most famous mental transformation program ever, and it's free. You can get it episode 208 on the audio feed. Again, that's 208 on the audio feed. There's also a book on andyfrisella.com called the book on mental toughness, which gives you the entire program plus a whole bunch of other stuff on a discipline mindset and how to apply it to your life. Okay. One thing about this show that is different from all the other shows out there is we are an outcome based show, meaning we are giving you this information.

• 2:10Andy Frisella?

  Both in personal development and society for us to create a better outcome. Uh, I don't take ads for that. I do this because I feel obligated to do it. And in exchange, I ask very simply that you help us grow the show and share the show. All right. So we got this little thing that we say around here. It goes like this. Don't be a hoe.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Share the show.

• 2:30Andy Frisella?

  All right.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Maybe got threatened of a little.

• 2:32Andy Frisella?

  What was that? Yeah. That was a little aggressive.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:34Andy Frisella?

  You know, I got a problem over here with my chair.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  I didn't touch it.

• 2:39Andy Frisella?

  What are you motherfuckers, dude?

• 2:42Speaker 01

  No, I think the air cylinders, like they go out after a minute, bro. You got a thousand episodes in that chair, bro.

• 2:47Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying?

• 2:49Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. This is my most comfortable place to sit.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Really?

• 2:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Like that's why, that's why yesterday when we, when you were in here, I said, I'm gonna have my meeting in here. It's like the only place I can focus.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:00Andy Frisella?

  You know, I don't know what that is, but from now on, meetings are in here.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. I like it. Yeah, I'm down with it. I like it.

• 3:07Andy Frisella?

  You guys, that goes for you guys too. You need to talk to me, we come here.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Meet me in the studio.

• 3:11Andy Frisella?

  That's right.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  That's right. It's so crazy to think too, man, like, uh, I mean, I know my first episodes, but I mean, your first episodes, uh, MFCO project was in a conference room, bro.

• 3:22Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  It's so crazy. And like now it's like.

• 3:25Andy Frisella?

  Well, you know, people think they gotta have all the stuff. You don't have to have all the stuff, dude.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:31Andy Frisella?

  Like, you know, this, people, they think about this in business too, right? They think like, let me get the business card and let me get the nice sign and let me get the name on my door and let me get the nice office and like, none of that shit matters, dude. You know, and when it comes to podcast creation, you just gotta go. And, and by the way, creating a podcast isn't for everyone. It's a lot of work. Uh, it's a skill that you have to develop over time. And like most skills, you know, people quit before they actually develop it, you know? When we started out there in 2015, dude, we didn't even know what we were doing. Like I barely knew what a podcast was.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:10Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:11Andy Frisella?

  So in fact, we didn't even start it with the idea of being a podcast. The, the idea was Vaughn was gonna write me a book.

• 4:23Andy Frisella?

  And he was interviewing me to do the ghost writing for the book. And uh, we started taking the interview clips and posting them on Instagram. This is back. People don't realize this, but Instagram used to only be 15 second clips. All right. So we'd post these 15 second clips and it was the most popular thing I was posting.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Fucking heat.

• 4:41Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And everybody was like, man, where can I listen to this podcast? And this, gotta remember dude. Podcasts were popular like in the early 2000s. Then they like went away. Okay. They became like uncool. All right. Like if you had a podcast, you were a nerd. All right. And then like 2015, and it really happened like right when we came out with it. They became popular again. And uh, so I had all these people, you know, posting in the comments. They're like, we're gonna listen to this podcast. I'm like, dude, this isn't a podcast. This is, we're in a book. This is, we're doing real shit over here, you know? And after like, you know, probably six months of that, a year of that, finally I was like, well,

• 5:25Andy Frisella?

  maybe we should just do a podcast. And that's how it started.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:29Andy Frisella?

  And we just committed to it and we just kept doing it and doing it and doing it. And now we're here. And uh, you know, it's really parallel to, to anything that you're trying to build in your life. You know, you, you, you gotta be willing to suck. You know, if you go back and listen to my original episodes, which are on the internet still, if you're unfamiliar where they are. They're back at the beginning feed of the RLF audio feed on the audio platforms. And you go listen to them and you're gonna be like, holy shit.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:58Andy Frisella?

  Like this dude was terrible.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:00Andy Frisella?

  Right? And um, that's just, it's a parallel for what, what, you gotta be willing to look bad. You know, you gotta be willing to look stupid in front of people.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  Now you're number seven on nerds.

• 6:11Andy Frisella?

  No, I'm number five.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Number five.

• 6:13Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. Number five. I just checked.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:15Andy Frisella?

  Let's check again, just for fun. Let's see where we're at right now. You see that? Number five. The only shows ahead of us are Crime Junkie, Dateline, NBC, a fucking multiple tens of millions of dollars operation. Of course, Joe Rogan, who is the fucking greatest podcaster in the world.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:35Andy Frisella?

  Uh, and then uh, the daily, the New York Times. So, you know, and then there's Sean Ryan and Megyn Kelly, and we're all right there in the group and, you know, this, this. You just gotta keep going dude, like that's really what it is and we've never had corporate support. I've always funded this out of my own pocket. I don't do this for a living. This isn't my main job. I don't take ads because I want people to trust that what they're hearing is my honest opinion, right? And I think that's, you know, for a long time that was like, why does he not do that? You know, that's, that's cool. He doesn't, but why? Well, now you're seeing why.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:14Andy Frisella?

  Okay. I had the foresight to understand that we have to be able to trust our people and I don't want that eroded. You know what I mean?

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Cause once it's gone dude, it's gone.

• 7:24Andy Frisella?

  Yeah. And like dude, I don't want to listen to someone telling me, you know, what I can and can't say or should and shouldn't say. And it's just not who I am, dude.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:33Andy Frisella?

  You know?

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, there's something to that too.

• 7:36Andy Frisella?

  Now, if one of you motherfuckers wants to come and give me a hundred million dollars and I can say whatever the fuck I want, you know, for real, then you know, I'm gonna take the money.

• 7:46Andy Frisella?

  But that just never works out that way.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:48Andy Frisella?

  You know, they always promise these things and then all my buddies who get these deals end up dealing with a bunch of corporate dorks who are trying to censor them and shit. And like dude, I'm, that's not, I'm not with that shit.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Hey, can you not talk about this so hard?

• 8:01Andy Frisella?

  That's what I'm saying. Like even shit like that, like dude, when someone says that to me, I'm going harder now.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 8:09Andy Frisella?

  You know what I mean? Like, so it's just, you know, it is what it is. But anyway, I'm very thankful and very grateful for all of you who have been here the entire time. Um, you guys that share the show regularly and share my content, that means a lot to all of us here. Um,

• 8:28Andy Frisella?

  we need to figure out a way to make the show bigger and better on YouTube. Okay. So please tell your friends, please have people join, you know, we're trying to do a good mission here. Um, yeah, that's it.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  One very important point I would like to say, that number five is not in the business category. That's overall.

• 8:47Andy Frisella?

  Correct.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  That means on earth out of 4.2 million podcasts.

• 8:52Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Speaker 02

  Well, that's how many podcasts there are on iTunes.

• 8:55Andy Frisella?

  Well.

• 8:58Andy Frisella?

  I guess we're doing alright.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  I like those eyes, that's a big.

• 9:00Andy Frisella?

  Well, you know, like the newer shows, like the guys who've come around the last four or five years, they started their show on a YouTube, right? And we didn't start YouTube till like two years ago.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:11Andy Frisella?

  So, you know, we're behind there, but you know, our audience on audio is always there.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:18Andy Frisella?

  So, I appreciate you guys.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Oh geez, man, oh geez.

• 9:20Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Oh geez.

• 9:21Andy Frisella?

  It's cool, man. And then, you know, we have the operator standard show inside the operator standard app, which is the rebirth of the MFCO, which is going very well.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:30Andy Frisella?

  But that's not open to the public right now, so, um, yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Suck or suck, yeah, suck or suck. I love it, man. I love it, dude. Guys, it is Monday. Let's make some people better, shall we?

• 9:44Andy Frisella?

  Let's do it.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Guys, Andy, question number one, Andy. Dude, I be, I'm sorry, I be feeling for these people without reading these damn questions, man. It's like, fuck, man. Andy, I say I want to grow, but I'm still attached to the version of me everyone knows. The funny one, the laid back one, the one who doesn't take things too seriously. Part of me worries that if I let, level up, people won't like me the same. How do you grow without feeling like you're losing yourself for your people? Is that a real, is that a real fear to be worried about?

• 10:19Andy Frisella?

  I mean, look, dude, just because, there's plenty of people that are successful that have good personalities and they're fun to be around and they're cool and they can make jokes. Uh, you know, I like to think I'm cool, you know what I'm saying? Like, I actually think I'm pretty cool. But, uh, you know, you have to know when, when to under, you gotta understand this, dude. To become something else, there's parts of your life that you're going to have to be okay letting go. Okay? Because the new parts are going to come in and take space where the old parts were. So unless you're willing to let go of who you are to become who you're supposed to be, it's going to be a very conflicting journey. All right?

• 11:01Andy Frisella?

  And this is why when we talk about like going down this path, you have to go all in and you have to accept what the price is going to be upfront. Okay? And so many people.

• 11:14Andy Frisella?

  This is not just during this era, this is in human history, okay? I actually believe that the reason that most people never get where they want to go is for the reason that this person is asking right here. They are afraid of what they have to give up, which actually makes no sense. Because if you loved what you had, you wouldn't be aspiring to have something else. So why are you afraid to give this thing up? That is creating this outcome and this reality that you don't enjoy or that you know isn't fulfilling? To get what you actually want?

• 11:55Andy Frisella?

  That doesn't make sense if you actually think about it. It's like the people who do 75 hard. And on day 76, their idea of celebrating is going right back to the things that they did. I'm gonna have a big cake and I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna stuff myself. Well, if that's where you are, bro, you didn't do the program right because you'd be terrified to go back to who you were. Alright, so we have to understand that when you think about this logically,

• 12:26Andy Frisella?

  you are not comfortable where you are. You understand that you need to do more. You understand that you want more and desire more. You are willing to go do it.

• 12:41Andy Frisella?

  But you're afraid of letting go what you have that's holding you from becoming this. That doesn't actually make sense when you logically think about it.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Really think about it, yeah.

• 12:50Andy Frisella?

  So we have to separate our emotions from our logic. And you know, you are gonna lose some friends. You are gonna fucking, you know, people aren't gonna like it. That's the reality of doing anything outside the social norm. Anytime you do anything outside the social norm. You have a weird haircut. You decide to wear different clothes. You talk a different way. You pursue a different life. Even if that life would be something that would just be different, not necessarily an entrepreneur or success. But let's say you wanted to, you know, be a vagabond and travel to earth and do all these things. There's gonna be people that are gonna say, "Bro, you're fucking up." Okay, but each person's life is each person's life. And you have to understand that those people that you're afraid of upsetting

• 13:34Andy Frisella?

  are not gonna be there for you when it really counts. That's the truth, okay? That is the hard truth that most people don't want to admit, okay?

• 13:44Andy Frisella?

  You come into this world alone and you die alone. And there's people that come and go along the way and they serve different parts at different places for different lessons and different reasons. And you can't have that perspective when you're a young 20 year old person. But as someone who's lived a little bit of life, I can promise you that most of the people that you're afraid of upsetting now are not going to be there in five years and they're certainly not going to be there in 15. So why would you short circuit what it is you want for yourself? Because maybe these people won't approve of it or they might not like you. Okay. And here's the, here's the final point to this question.

• 14:29Andy Frisella?

  It is okay to not be liked. You don't want to be liked by everybody. If you're liked by everybody, you're irrelevant. There's certain people that shouldn't like you. There's certain things that you should stand for that make people say, I don't fucking like that. Your thing is to make sure that it's the right people that don't like you.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:50Andy Frisella?

  Right for the, for, for good reason.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Right.

• 14:52Andy Frisella?

  Okay. So you have to be comfortable and become comfortable not being liked. And this is something that a seasoned entrepreneur or even a seasoned person who's been on their own path and is comfortable with their own identity and who they are. I don't, they don't think about those things. You're thinking about those things because you're a young person and you don't know any better yet. And that's okay, dude. But I'm going to tell you right now, that shit is irrelevant. And there's going to be people that don't like you because of your fucking haircut, bro. Okay. What are you going to do? You're going to keep doing the dance to make sure everybody's happy?

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:25Andy Frisella?

  You're going to get your haircut the way they want? You're going to wear the clothes they want? You're going to fucking do your life the way they want? They're fucking probably going to lose, bro. So when you do this dance for everybody, you got to realize the people you're dancing for, they, they aren't the people you should be dancing for. You should be doing your own fucking dance. You see what I'm saying?

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Absolutely, dude. Dude, I think another, a, a big thing with, especially the young crowd, man. It's like, you know, I'm known as the funny one. So like, I'm being funny, that means you have to go to the bar and fucking make a fool of yourself for people to be cool with you. Like, like, is that really what you want to be known for?

• 15:55Andy Frisella?

  Is that a really, is that actually a quality relationship?

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can do a cool fucking shotgun trick with the beer can. Like, okay, cool.

• 16:01Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Is that really what, that's what you're trying to amount for?

• 16:04Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Like, that's it?

• 16:05Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  That shit goes away, man.

• 16:07Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, bro. It does. And, um, I promise you, and this goes out to all the young people out there and the older people listening can vouch for this. Those people that you think are their frie- your friends in high school and, and college and shit like, you might still know them and be cool with them and be friendly with them and, and consider them friends, but they're not gonna, they're not gonna have the same impact on your life as they do when you're surrounded by them every single day. So, at the end of the day, bro, here's what it comes down to. You gotta do what you think is best for you, and if you don't, and you don't do it because of all these other people's maybe not approving, you're gonna be fucking broke, you're gonna, your life's gonna suck, you're gonna be frustrated, and you're gonna get to 40, and you're gonna say, fuck, I wish I would have done what I wanted to do.

• 16:52Andy Frisella?

  You don't wanna be that guy. There's lot, most people become that person. All those people that you're afraid are not gonna like you anymore, they're gonna be that motherfucker. They're gonna be that person at 40 years old and saying, man, I wish I hadn't fucked off. I wish I had went a little harder. I wish I had chased my dreams. I wish I had become what I wanted to become. You don't want that. You wanna be the guy at 40 years old that says, hey, I got 20 years in this shit now. Now we got good momentum, while everybody else is just trying to figure it out, and they finally realize their party life is over, and you got 20 years fucking stacked. That's how you get ahead, dude. So, eh, if you're my friend, and I'm talking to you straight up, fuck those people. That's it. Okay? I don't give a fuck what they say. I don't care if they like you or not.

• 17:34Andy Frisella?

  I don't give a shit, because this is what I'm doing. Alright? And that's the attitude you have to have. And if you don't have that attitude, and you don't have the ability to cultivate it, you don't have what it takes to win.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Love it, man. I love it. Um, yeah, I don't know how old that dude, I, I do know how this, this next person is. Um, guys, Andy, question number two. Hey, Andy, I'm 19 years old. Fuck, wait, you remember you 19?

• 17:56Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, like yesterday.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Like yesterday, man.

• 17:58Andy Frisella?

  I still feel that way.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, fuck, man.

• 18:01Andy Frisella?

  I still feel that way. I still feel, I still feel the same as I felt then. Just no more shit.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. You can handle shit quicker too.

• 18:10Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. Andy, I'm 19, alright? I've had people tell me for years that I have a lot of potential. Teachers, bosses, friends. But I'm starting to wonder if that's just something people say before you disappoint them? Like, how do you make sure you don't end up being that guy who almost did something? Fuck, I mean, yeah.

• 18:34Andy Frisella?

  Well, that's a good question. I would tell you that, just like we talk about where there's a paradox when it comes to success, okay? Most people believe that if you're successful, you had some sort of advantage that they did not have. They believe that you were fed with a silver spoon and that things were always smooth. And that you just

• 19:00Andy Frisella?

  got all the breaks and got all the luck and everything was great in their ER. And that's what they believe, alright?

• 19:07Andy Frisella?

  But the truth of the matter is, is that the most successful people on earth come from the most chaotic things as a childhood. And the reason that those people grow up to be successful or total nightmares is because they learned how to win or lose battles at a young age, alright? They learned how to navigate life at a young age. They learned hardship at a young age. They came from shit. They didn't have anything. They had a parent that was, you know, abusive or mentally abusive or they had, there's some sort of battle or probably a lot of them that they had to fight through. And because they learned that skill to fight early, it applies later when it comes to them building shit.

• 19:51Andy Frisella?

  So then when bad shit happens, they're like, well, fuck, I've been through shit. This ain't nothing, okay? So there's a paradox there, right? And there's another paradox, which is the one you're talking about.

• 20:03Andy Frisella?

  Which is the kids who are told that they have all the potential in the world and that they can be anything they want and that they're probably going to be President of the United States and everybody tells them how great they are and they get straight A's and they're the MVP of the football team and they're all this shit in high school. Those people end up being fucking losers. That ends up being the peak of their life. They end up taking all of the praise and saying I'm great, not realizing that they've got 80 motherfucking years left. Okay, so they attach their identity to this thing of everybody else's belief and everybody else's praise and every, all the things they accomplished and then they go out in the world and they think

• 20:46Andy Frisella?

  that the world is gonna just spread its legs and give you the fucking prize. Okay, and it doesn't work that way.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  But I got all this potential.

• 20:54Andy Frisella?

  Right. Potential doesn't mean fucking shit. Okay, action means shit.

• 21:00Andy Frisella?

  The people like me who were considered dumb, who were considered unfocused, who were told repeatedly by their teachers and their coaches and, and by the way, I had good teachers and coaches too. But the people who were told that they weren't gonna be shit, that they weren't smart enough, that they weren't good enough, that they weren't, you know, what it takes, or in my case, cream of the crop, which was the exact quote used in my scenario. Those are the people that develop a fucking chip on their shoulder because they've been told all this shit and they're like, fuck you. I'm gonna fucking show you. Okay, now in each one of those paradoxes,

• 21:40Andy Frisella?

  you have the ability to choose. All right. You have the ability as a young person who went through a very difficult upbringing to choose, do I turn out like that and just repeat the cycle? Or do I break the cycle? And I don't want that. There's a very famous story. I don't, I don't know the exact lingo, but it goes something like this. There was an alcoholic man who had two sons. One son became an alcoholic like his dad. The other son never drank a drop of alcohol because he didn't want to be like his dad. And those are the choices that we have. So you sound like you have some good things going for you.

• 22:26Andy Frisella?

  Maybe, maybe they are just telling you that you have this potential. But here's the bottom line. It doesn't fucking matter because potential doesn't mean anything. Action means things. So if you don't want to become the guy who gets told that, you know, they're the most likely to succeed and win and become all these things. Then don't put any weight into the praise that people give you. And this goes into a even bigger topic, which will address the first question as well. You have to know who you are and you have to decide who you're going to become. And when people tell you along the way that you're doing bad or doing great. You have to let that shit roll off your shoulders.

• 23:11Andy Frisella?

  There's a lot of talk about people saying, hey, you know, fuck the haters. Don't listen to them. But there's no talk about, hey, fuck the praise. Don't listen to that either because that'll get you just as fucked up. There's no talk about that. All right. So, and that's probably a bigger killer than the negative because it makes people believe they've already done something. All right. So, so we have to understand that along our journey, it is very important to stay centered. And when people criticize you, don't be emotional about it at first. Ask yourself, is this a critique or is this emotional fucking hater shit?

• 23:53Andy Frisella?

  If it's a critique and it's true, then you can adjust. If it's emotional hater shit, then you put that into your fucking chip that you got on your shoulder and you draw upon that. On one of the 10 million times that you're not going to feel like doing what it is you want to do. Or one of the 10 million times that you're going to feel like quitting. All right. Now, on the other side. If someone comes in and they say, "Oh, you're doing so great. You're the greatest on earth." You're the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Winners will let that shit roll off their back. They don't give a fuck. They don't celebrate. They don't put any stock into it. They look for the truth. All right?

• 24:34Andy Frisella?

  Is this person telling me the truth? Is this person pumping me full of shit? Or are they identifying things that I'm doing well? And if they're identifying the things that I'm doing well, what am I not doing well that I can prove upon there? This is how champions think. Champions look for ways to get better in the negative and the positive, and they stay very balanced. There's a saying in professional athlete world where you don't read your newspaper clippings. Okay? You don't read them when they're good. You don't read them when they're bad. You focus on what it is that you have to do, the actions that you have to take. You keep your head down and you work like you've got something to prove your entire life. And eventually you look around and everything that you ever dreamed of is your life.

• 25:19Andy Frisella?

  All right? But that doesn't come from other people's input unless you have the ability to deduce the ways to get better from both the negative and the positive. All right? So you gotta keep yourself balanced. You gotta learn everywhere you can. You've got to be able to recognize the difference, which is hard in the beginning because you don't have the experience. But you gotta be able to recognize the difference between people just hating or people giving an honest critique or, uh, and how do you use it? All right? Same with positive. Okay? They're telling me I'm great at this. Well, why didn't they say I was great at that? I'm working really hard at that. Maybe I need to work harder at this. Winners don't give a shit about the critiques or the praise

• 26:06Andy Frisella?

  unless it serves them in a certain way. And it shouldn't serve the ego. All right? People's ego, they're hubris. Now there's applications of ego. All right? It's important to have a big ego at certain points of time. What people really say is a big ego is confidence. That's what most people think is a big ego because confidence is so rare that they never see it and they say, "Oh, look, that guy's full of himself." Well, let me tell you something, dude. If you're gonna walk out onto a football field in front of a hundred thousand people, you better think you're the shitter. You're gonna get fucking killed.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  You're gonna get ran the fuck over.

• 26:41Andy Frisella?

  If you're gonna go speak in front of 20,000 people, you better think you're fucking good, or they're gonna be, they're gonna, they're gonna know it. They're gonna know that you're insecure. So ego serves us in certain aspects when we go to perform, but it doesn't serve us when we're preparing to perform. It's a two, two different things. Champions will be humble in preparation and confident or cocky in execution. All right. So we have to be able to determine where our ego is appropriate and where our ego is not appropriate. And the easiest way to know that is what I just said. It's humble in preparation. Don't think you're better than you are, no matter how good they're telling you.

• 27:22Andy Frisella?

  Do the things you need to do. Do them to the best of your ability. And then when you go out and execute, know that you did all the things that you can do, which generates real confidence and go out and perform. All right. So when you, when you let your ego get involved and the emotions get involved in the preparation process, that's not a good thing. That's always gonna, that's always gonna get you off your game. All right?

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. It sounds like a lot of this just comes down to some self-awareness, right? Like,

• 27:48Andy Frisella?

  Absolutely.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  People like, oh, you, you, you're fucking, you know, you're, you're killing it. Like, look at my bank account. I'm not killing it yet.

• 27:54Andy Frisella?

  Yeah.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  You know what I'm saying? Or, or you're fucking, you're doing terrible. I look at my bank account. I was, I could be broke. I'm doing all right.

• 28:00Andy Frisella?

  Yeah, but the thing you gotta remember here, DJ, is that their, their praise or their criticism is coming from their perspective. They don't know what you have planned in your head. They don't know what you're working on. They don't know what level you're trying to reach. They don't know these things. So, for example, like I have big dreams. Okay. Like even what I've done so far in my life, I'm still very young and I have massive goals, massive goals. So big that if I were to even tell you what they are, a lot of you guys would be like, dude, what the fuck? This guy's fucking insane. But it takes crazy to do crazy shit. All right?

• 28:41Andy Frisella?

  We have to understand that when you get praise and you get criticism, like for example, a lot of people come to me. And I know it's a compliment and I appreciate it, but they say, dude, you're killing it. But like for me, I'm so far away from where I want to be. That like, I'm like, nah dude, like I'm not, but for them, I'm living their dream every single day. Right? So it's all relative to where they're, they're at, at the moment. You gotta keep that in mind.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's some real shit, dude. That's real. Uh, guys, Andy, we got one more question for you, bro. Uh, guys, Andy, we got question number three. Um, Andy.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  My business is finally growing. Uh, I own a plumbing supply company, uh, but the more it grows, the more complicated it gets, more people, more issues, more moving parts. It's not fun the way it used to be. Is that just the next level or is that a sign you scaled something you didn't actually want? Like, bro, I want to win, but I had a way better time when we were small than if I'm, if I'm being completely honest.

• 29:43Andy Frisella?

  Um, yeah, that's the way it goes. Okay? Um, look, oh man.

• 29:53Andy Frisella?

  I can relate to that so much, dude, because

• 29:57Andy Frisella?

  as much as I love doing what I'm doing now, as much as I love seeing all the people here and coming here every day. What I really loved was working the floor of one of our retail stores. Because I was face to face with the customer. I was able to help them with my own two hands and my brain. And I got to see the payback of that, right? Like that was very rewarding. I, I really enjoyed that. And as the business has grown, you know, I, it, my, my, uh, my place of usefulness in the business is no longer that. All right? So you're going to go through phases. You're, you started the business. It's going well.

• 30:37Andy Frisella?

  When it was small, it was probably much more intimate and like you had better time. You went drinking with the boys and all that shit.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Tailgates.

• 30:44Andy Frisella?

  Right? Yeah. That shit's amazing. Like that's the, the best memories, well, not the best, but some of the best memories of my entrepreneurial journey. Sitting on it, dude, like, I can't tell you how many times Chris and I sat on, you know, uh, that shitty ass couch in the store, or one of us, we sit on the floor, and we'd be drinking beers and we'd be talking, it'd be fucking midnight, we'd be talking about, you know, what we're gonna do, you know what I mean? Or as we got a little bigger and there was a core of, you know, 20 guys and we were going out to eat together and going to bars and having fun. That was just a different era. So you're gonna go through eras of growing a company, and certain points in time are not gonna be fun, bro.

• 31:27Andy Frisella?

  And when you're stretching from one level to the next level and you don't know exactly what to do, it's very high stress, it's very high, uh, anxiety, it's, it's very unfulfilling because you're frustrated most of the time. But what will happen is your company will evolve to that next level. And then there will be a new set of fun that you enjoy. There will be new experiences that you enjoy. There will be different aspects that you enjoy. So we have to be very careful to think like, oh, well, these were the good old days. Well, the reason they're the good old days is because you kept progressing. All right? If you didn't progress, they'd just be the days. You'd just be an alcoholic. And yes, and here's the reality, bro. If you stay where you were, that will no longer be fun.

• 32:12Andy Frisella?

  You, you will no longer be having fun if you stayed exactly where you are. You're only saying it was fun now because you're in a different part of the business. But if you were there every day and you're looking around, how do you even appreciate that for what it is? If it's what you do every day? Okay? You see what I'm saying? So you're gonna go through these levels where you're gonna be building shit. Then you're gonna go through a, a scaling period. And then you're gonna, the company will become a different version of the first company, the way it was in the beginning. And you're gonna go through that many different times. And there's many different phases over the course of my business career that were a lot of fun. They were just different. All right? And now my fun is much different than it was in the beginning.

• 32:55Andy Frisella?

  But I appreciate all of those levels because those are some of the best memories that I've ever had. So you need to let go of the idea that. You know, you're moving into something that is perpetually never going to be fun again. That's not reality. You're just in a place of scaling and anybody who's scaling will tell you or scale anything that those are the hardest years. So the way businesses typically scale, people think this because this is what they see on the internet. They see the glory stories. They see the guy who came up with a business and in three years it was a $200 million business. That's what they see. That's not most businesses. Most businesses scale in phases.

• 33:35Andy Frisella?

  They go from one and then so like if you're watching, okay, if you're not watching, I'm using my, my little finger drawing here. Okay. You, you start out at the bottom and then you start to move up. Okay. And then you plateau and that move up usually lasts, uh, you know, two to three years and then you get to this new phase and that phase usually lasts two to four years and then you start to go again. And that's the way. So it's kind of like a step up, if that makes sense. Um, but instead of the up being vertical, it's like at a 45. So it's like flat 45, flat 45, and then there's time along those periods. And when you're in that 45 period, it's fun because you're making more money and things are going well.

• 34:21Andy Frisella?

  But it's also sucking all your money. Okay. So now you're like, fuck, I'm making money, but I don't, I'm still broke. Where the fuck's it going? Right. So then you get into this phase, you know, where, where things start to stabilize and the company operates. And you're probably making some money and then you're going to go on another growth phase. And during those growth phases, you're probably not going to make much money. All right. So, and, and dude, making money is not fun. All right. So, um, and then, you know, to, to pile on to that, what's not fun about it is not only are you not making money, you don't know what the fuck you're doing in, in at the same time. So there's like, you're learning, right? And so when you are in this phase of not making any money because it's sucking all your money in because you're scaling.

• 35:06Andy Frisella?

  And then you don't know all the answers because, you know, you've never been on this before. Now you're in a position where it feels like, fuck, this sucks.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Fuck this.

• 35:15Andy Frisella?

  I'm not making any money. I fucking hate my life. I'm frustrated all the time, but dude, you just gotta keep going. Because what happens is is you end up leveling up again. And that happens over and over and over. And like for me, somebody who's been doing this for 27 years, I understand that. All right. And the reason I was able to push through the first version of that was for no other reason that I didn't have any other options. And this is why we talk about having a zero option mentality. All right. In the beginning, your back is against the wall, bro. It's either do or die. All right. And then when you start to have a little comfort and a little money, it's no longer do or die. But you have to create that mentality inside of you where it still is do or die.

• 35:58Andy Frisella?

  And the way that you do that is that you realize that if you don't keep going, you're gonna lose everything you got. And you're gonna go back to that place of discomfort where you didn't have shit. All right. And that's worse than fucking anything for an entrepreneur. So we have to cultivate this idea. Even when it's not true, that we don't have any other options. And when things get hard, like it's funny because I'll say this to people, you've heard me say this, where I've said, you know, I don't want to dig ditches. Okay. Because that's what I've convinced myself that I will be doing if this fails. Even at this point in time, even even at this point in time in my life, I look back and I say,

• 36:41Andy Frisella?

  all right, I better go because I don't want to fucking dig ditches. All right. Now it's a little bit different. Now it's it's more so like, I know that's not the truth because I've cultivated a a certain set of skills that will always, I'll always be able to provide for myself. I'm a great speaker. I I know a lot of shit. You can't really take that from me. You know, you know what I'm saying?

• 37:02Speaker 01

  You might have to start a ditch digging company.

• 37:05Andy Frisella?

  Well, I mean, you know, I could be like everybody else on the internet and just sell what I know. Um, which is I probably should do because I, you know, that's what everybody else is doing, but I, you know.

• 37:17Andy Frisella?

  Regardless, the point is, is I can always take care of myself now. So now the, the, it moves into you guys. All right. And these guys and everybody that works and associates with our companies, whether it be, you know, uh, any of the companies that we work with. I feel a sense of responsibility to continue to go, but don't think that I'm still not thinking like, fuck. If this really goes south, not only do they fucking lose, but I'm going to be digging fucking ditches. I think that shit every day. All right. So you gotta cultivate that mentality.

• 37:48Andy Frisella?

  To make sure that you continue to, to act urgently.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. How many, how many times of those, those stair climbs, I guess, would you say? That it, it took you before you realize, okay, cool. This is just, this is how it works. You know what I'm saying? Cause I'm sure that first, that first big jump.

• 38:03Andy Frisella?

  Honestly, it probably took like 15 years for me to figure it out. Yeah. Maybe even 20.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 38:09Andy Frisella?

  Um, because those, those are like three and four year spans.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:13Andy Frisella?

  You see what I'm saying? So you can't really figure it out until you go through a few of those cycles.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:18Andy Frisella?

  All right.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. So. That was also probably too, like just historically, some of the hardest years too, right? Like 2009, you had to deal with.

• 38:25Andy Frisella?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Like, yeah.

• 38:27Andy Frisella?

  Oh, no, no. Listen, dude. The, the years where your company is actually growing are the hardest. Everybody thinks that's the most exciting time. No, it's like you're running around with your fucking ass on fire. Like it sucks, dude, you know? And there's, there's the, the positive is, is you're like, okay, well, things are growing. Let me just reel this in and let me get it operating right. And let me make sure it's profitable and, and you know, it's like pruning the fucking bush. You know what I mean?

• 38:51Andy Frisella?

  So, yeah, dude, it, it takes time and that's why I share this lesson because those of you who might be in that first cycle, especially when you're in your twenties and you're just getting started. You know, you have to understand that the, you're in the place where most people give up. And, and most people are in your position right now. Like, let's take this guy for example, who's got, he started this little thing. It's not what he wants it to be. Um, it was fun. Now it's hard. And he's like, fuck, maybe I picked the wrong thing. Those are his words.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:21Andy Frisella?

  Those are his words.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:22Andy Frisella?

  Okay. But you already got, did he say how many years he has in it?

• 39:25Speaker 01

  No, he didn't.

• 39:26Andy Frisella?

  Okay. But you already got significant amount of years built into this. All right. And here's where people fuck up their lives. They get to this place where it's very frustrating and they turn around and go back. And they say, well, this isn't what I wanted.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's too painful. This can't be it.

• 39:38Andy Frisella?

  Right. But it, but, but what happens is, is they, now you just wasted three years. Okay. And here's what happens. They go out and they do something else and then they they find themselves in the same pattern and they're like this isn't it either. So then they go back again. Now you're talking about nine years wasted. All right. So three years, go back, three years again, go back. Now you're talking about nine years and people do this all the time without realizing it. All right. They don't understand that people, a lot of people waste their lives going from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing, hoping that it becomes the thing that they quote unquote enjoy. That's not how the fuck it works, bro. You've got to force it into

• 40:23Andy Frisella?

  something that you enjoy. You've got to keep going and you've got to understand that we are all working on a time scale. You will die. All of us will. So wasting, you know, 12 years going from thing to thing to thing to thing to thing is not really a good thing. All right. And by the way, you're in plumbing. That's never going away. Yeah. So if I were you, I'd be in a, I, I would be grateful for the business that you're in. I would be real about the challenges that are faced by building anything meaningful. And I would understand that I have all this time invested. I have a certain skillset that a lot of people don't have, and I need to build upon that. And when you build upon

• 41:05Andy Frisella?

  that, you will get to a place that is higher than the beginning guys. Okay. And remember this too. Lots of people that are competing with you that have other plumbing companies and, and, and they're doing the same thing that you're doing. They're quitting in this fucking hard part. Okay. If you don't quit, your competition actually goes down. All right. There's less people that you're competing with. This is practical stuff. Okay. If you do it again, there's even more people that quit. All right. And then eventually you find yourself on a level where you're kind of looking around. There's probably like two or three other guys that are at your level and they didn't quit either. And you know what happens? You become friends with them. Some respect. Yeah. Because you all respect each other because of what you know you went through.

• 41:48Andy Frisella?

  All right. And that's what I was trying to say the other day when we were talking about getting into circles. I think we were talking about this on the hangout last week. All right. A lot of people who are day one, they want to be in that like year 20 circle. But you don't get in that circle, bro, because you haven't paid your fucking dues. You don't have the respect of people who have been in in 20 years. Like dude, when you complain about three years in, the guy who's been doing it for 25 looks at you and he says you're a bitch. Okay, so you don't get into those rooms unless you earn that respect. All right, and then you could get it. Now, now I'm not saying you can't like physically get in the room and learn from the people.

• 42:26Andy Frisella?

  And and pick up what you can and provide value and potentially, you know, get a friendship going with some of these people, but they're still gonna always look at you different. They're gonna look at you as a little grasshopper, which by the way, is a great thing. Because if you actually do have the ability to connect and get in a room with high level people and you're humble about it. A lot of those people will go out of their way to help you as long as they see that you're pushing through this hard shit. Okay, nobody wants to waste their time on people that are bitching about how hard it is. It's it's fucking hard, bro. It's the hardest thing you could ever choose to do. You could not pick a harder profession in the history of humankind than to become a fucking entrepreneur. It's the hardest thing.

• 43:09Andy Frisella?

  That's also why there's the biggest reward. So you have to think about what you really want. Entrepreneurship, um, and the way the internet, you know, tries to make it, they try to make it like it's for everybody. But dude, quite honestly, it's not for everybody and it's not for everybody, not because they can't do it. It's not for everybody because it doesn't produce the life that they think entrepreneurship is about.

• 43:35Andy Frisella?

  You follow me?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 43:36Andy Frisella?

  They get into it thinking, oh, man.

• 43:40Andy Frisella?

  I'm gonna become an entrepreneur. I'm gonna start a brand. I'm gonna become my own boss.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Make my own schedule.

• 43:45Andy Frisella?

  Bro, you're you're not your own boss. You just think you are. Because when you own a company, your customers are the fucking boss. And by the way, if you're a good leader, your employees are the boss because you're answering to them, you're helping them, you're you're developing them. You're taking care that that you you're always gonna answer to somebody. It's just who do you want to answer to? Do you want to answer to some dude that, you know, uh, you know, and maybe you like him, maybe he's a good dude, maybe, maybe, maybe you really like your boss. Okay, and that's a good thing, by the way. But maybe you're thinking, oh, man, I need to go out and do it on my own. Well, you need to really think about what that dude goes through. Because it isn't what you think you see. It's not, you know, the, the, the high life that, that the internet makes it out to be.

• 44:30Andy Frisella?

  Right? And everybody has a different version of what success looks like.

• 44:35Andy Frisella?

  And you need to be real clear about what you think that is. Here's what I will tell you from my experience. I'm glad I went when I was young. I'm glad I went hard as fuck when I was a young man. I'm glad I didn't waste that time. All right? That's my perspective on it.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 44:51Andy Frisella?

  It's been well worth the journey. It's been very hard. I've, there's been a gazillion times I wanted to quit. There's still times I want to quit. Fuck, it ha- literally, probably every week I go through a serious debate in my head of like, what the fuck am I doing? Okay? But that's where you have to have this big vision, bro. You've got to have this vision for your life that is so big that it, it literally like propels you forward into it. And you have to understand that once you create that vision for yourself, if you don't fulfill it, it's going to be one of your biggest regrets of your life. When they've interviewed thousands of people, when they're on their deathbed, that the regrets aren't the things that they did.

• 45:35Andy Frisella?

  Their regrets are the things they didn't do. Okay? So you gotta think about that. Not everybody has this big vision. Not everybody wants to, you know, make, you know, millions of dollars a year.

• 45:48Andy Frisella?

  But those people are going to have different challenges, right? They're going to have to consider what things cost on the menu. They're going to have to consider where they go for vacation. They're going to have to consider what cars they drive. They're going to have to make different concessions in their life that you're not going to have to make when you have a lot of money. Okay? Having a lot of money is a great fucking thing. And nobody that has a lot of money will ever tell you any different. You always hear from people who don't have money, how evil it is and how bad it is and how you shouldn't pursue it. You ever wonder why that is? You ever wonder why you don't have people like, uh, who have gone out and built things saying, man, I really regret doing that? Have you ever heard that? I've never heard that either. I only hear that from do nothing losers on the fucking internet who are trying to

• 46:32Andy Frisella?

  morally have a high ground over people who are actually doing things. Okay? So keep that in mind, too. Everybody shits on it and the reason they shit on it is because they didn't do it and you're doing it.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  That's real, bro. That's real, man. Guys, Andy, dude, that's three. That's a hell of a way to start a week, man.

• 46:51Andy Frisella?

  All right, guys. Well, we will see you tonight, 7 Central on YouTube and X. And 7 PM Central, CTI Live. Don't be a hoe. Show the show.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  We're from sleeping on the floor, now my jury box froze. Fuck a boat, fuck a stove, counted millions in the cold. Bad bitch, booty swole, got her on bankroll, can't fold, just a low hit shot, case closed.