The Relationship Habit That Makes You Unhappy + Living Far From Aging Parents

We're revisiting some of our favorite listener questions about relationships. Scott Galloway explains why he stopped keeping score in his relationship with his father, advises a listener torn between city living and aging parents, and reflects on how friendships change as money and fame grow. Want to be featured in a future episode? Send a voice recording to [email protected], or drop your question in the r/ScottGalloway subreddit. Plus, you can now call or text Scott a question at our new Office Hours hotline: ‪(201) 472-3656‬. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:31Speaker 01

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• 1:00Speaker 02

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• 1:32Scott Galloway?

  Welcome to Office Hours with Prof G. Today, we're revisiting some of our favorite questions about relationships. Let's bust right into it. Question number one comes from Reddit. Aria1010 asks, I've heard you mention keeping scorecards in relationships and friendships. My question is how and why you decided to stop keeping scorecards and what helped change your mindset?

• 1:51Speaker 04

  Thanks for the question. This was specific or situational or had to do with one relationship, and that is the relationship with my father. When I was eight years old, my mom came home. My mom just disappeared for a couple of weeks and my dad didn't tell me why. It was the seventies, you know? I remember being on the couch watching The Partridge Family. It's like my mom's been gone for two weeks and I just started sobbing uncontrollably. My dad's like, what's wrong? I'm like, where's mom? Where's mom? It just like dawned on me that mom's not around. And my dad, I remember it was the first time I ever saw my dad, like fear in his eyes, like he didn't know what to do and had to handle an eight year old, like sobbing uncontrollably on his couch. I think that's when he decided that my mom should come get me. And a few days later, my mom showed up and said, pack your stuff, we're leaving. This wasn't exactly a Brene Brown, Astaire Porel, like childcare and said, you know, we gotta be out of here in 15 minutes. And I'm like, 15 minutes?

• 2:35Speaker 04

  I can't pack my, it's just like, we need to get out of here. Your dad's gonna be home soon. I don't know if she was kidnapping me or just wanted to see my dad. I don't know what the fuck was going on anyways. Eight years old. And as is often the case, well, because my mom was taking care of me, I had a tendency to sanctify her and demonize my dad. And my dad didn't make our lives very nice. He was so extraordinarily cheap that we struggled economically. And that is, as soon as my parents split, my dad went on to be upper middle class and my mom and I immediately dove to the lower middle class, which was hard. And it wasn't that it was hard on me. Kids don't really need a lot of money. I was able, you know, 35 cents and Abba Zaba bar and a Schwinn bike and you kind of got everything you need. We didn't have streaming media or iPhones, but it was very hard on my mom. And when you're the only child, especially I think the only boy, you just absorb their anxiety.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  I remember my mom like coming home and my mom was like on the floor sobbing because the vacuum cleaner broke. And I'm like, well, we can get it fixed. And she's like, we don't have the money to get it fixed. And I was like, you're fucking nine years old and you're like, okay, what can I do to get a paper route to get the vacuum fixed? So that economic anxiety, that was a direct result of my dad being such a bastard, quite frankly, because he could have helped us, made me resent him and it stuck with me. As I got older, again, in college, I had no money, constantly stressed, constantly broke. Dad could have helped me and the bottom line is he didn't. And so I was resenting him for that. And now, having said that, my dad was a kick in the ass. My dad was a ton of fun, funny, nice, smart. He did love me. He would make an effort. He'd be in town and he would take me to movies and stuff.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  So he did try. And when my mom passed away, I kind of, I think my resentment towards him grew and I would go months, I think one time a year without speaking to him. And he didn't really know what was going on, but didn't have the presence to try and figure it out. And then I just sort of decided that I wanted to have my father in my life and that I decided to focus on the good things. And rather than having a scorecard and thinking, okay, he did X amount, he gave me X amount of love, I'm only going to give him X amount of love. I said, well, what kind of son do I want to be? And the reality was I wanted to be a loving, generous son. And I was going to hold myself to that standard and just put away the scorecard. And that was such an enormous unlock for me because I think about what kind of boss do I want to be? If I pay someone more than they're earning, I don't, I used to think younger, that pisses me off. They worked here for a year, I paid them a shit ton of money and they added no fucking value. I hate that person.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  Now it's like, if you are a boss and people get more out of working for you than maybe you get out of them, or you pay them above market, that's a win. That's a victory. If you're a better spouse to your, if it is really hard for your spouse to figure out ways to be as good to you as you are to them, that's a win. That's the whole fucking shooting match. That's what it means to have kids. I hope at some point my kids level up what I've done for them. It's going to take a while. I've invested a lot in my kids. I always tell them, you're negative surplus value. So approaching relationships from the mindset of always wanting to have surplus value and say, okay, what kind of boyfriend do I want to be? What kind of son do I want to be? What kind of employer do I want to be? What kind of investor do I want? I used to get mad at CEOs of companies I invested in, lost money. Now I'm like, no, I want to be, I want to be a magnanimous, generous, supportive person. I've been on the board of a lot of companies I've invested in where they fucked up and

• 5:33Speaker 04

  lost all my money and I try to be now. And it's no problem, you're going to get back up. This is great. I went into the size wide open. Well done. Let me help you raise money for your next thing. That's the kind of guy I want to be and I wasn't always that way. So decide what kind of person in every relationship, what kind of role do you want to play? And then hold yourself to that standard and put away the scorecard because the scorecard is incorrect, it's not accurate, and you'll always be unhappy. Now, having said that, don't be a doormat. I shed relationships all the time. On a regular basis, I decide I'm just not getting a lot out of this relationship and I do a slow fade. Is that wrong? No, that's what I do. But just decide what kind of person you want to be in the relationship and hold yourself to that standard and just don't measure. Get, put the, put the measuring stick in the, in the scorecard away. You're just going to be much happier.

• 6:18Scott Galloway?

  Question number two.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  Hey Prof G, this is a question about balancing career and personal pursuits with the responsibilities of being a good son. My brother and I both live in major cities far away from our aging parents. While we've benefited from city living, I feel guilty about the distance, especially with my father's declining health. My parents would never ask us to move. They don't want that for us. Moreover, they seem committed for staying for financial and social reasons. But I don't see how this works as they age and as they need more support. What advice would you offer young men who have chosen to live far from aging parents but worry about responsibilities that they hold as sons?

• 6:56Scott Galloway?

  Look, this is a tough one and my general sense is it sounds like your parents have each other. It sounds like they're doing pretty well and it sounds like you are benefiting from living where you are. So my gut is that as you get older, they're going to get, they're going to get sicker. And at some point, you're probably, you and your brother are going to have to be pretty involved in their lives. And I'm not saying this is the right way, but this is my way and it's two different sides of the coin. I was much closer to my mother than my father. My mother raised me on her own. I was her top priority. You know, it was me and her against the world. So when she got sick, I actually moved in with my mom.

• 7:38Scott Galloway?

  I took, I took nine months leave of absence from NYU. I was fortunate, I had some money, some resources and I had the ability and I moved into a seniors community, the, the Del Webb Active Living Community. True story, they sent a letter to my mom's house saying, it's become clear you're cohabitating with a man under the age of 50 in violation of HOA Del Webb community rules. And I had to go down there and say, I'm her son, she's dying of cancer and I've moved in to help take care of her. And they said, we're sorry, no problem. Anyways, and during the day, let's get this back to me. During the day, I would manage my mom, it was her third time with cancer. She said, I said, all right, what do you want on your bucket list? She said, I only have one thing on my bucket list. I want to die at home. And I'm like, okay, I can't think I can figure that out. So during the day, I would manage her healthcare, a nurse.

• 8:23Scott Galloway?

  There's certain things I just can't do for my mom. And at night, I would head down to the strip. She lived in a suburb of Las Vegas called Summerlin and I would party with entrepreneurs and strippers and get really shitty drunk and sometimes spend the night on the strip at a cheap hotel during the week for 49 bucks. And then the next day I'd go back and hang out with my mom all day and watch Jeopardy and take her on walks and push her wheelchair and watch Everyone Loves Raymond and then go out again. Kind of a weird time in my life, kind of a weird time. And then when those, that thing resolved, I then started my life again. And that is something that I would treasure the rest of my life, that I had made enough

• 9:04Scott Galloway?

  money, had enough flexibility to give my mom like a fraction of the love back she had given me. That was, I will treasure that for the rest of my life. You know, these are again, very personal questions, but some people, their reason for being, their center of gravity is family and they want to be around their family. And if that's the case, okay, make those sacrifices. But if you're doing well, especially in a city, you mentioned the term city living. Two thirds of all economic growth is going to be in one of 20 super cities. And what I tell young people is if you want to be economically secure, you got to get to a city or you want to, if you want to be in the top 10%, much less the top 1% of economic security or influence, you got to be in a city. And if you're just an economic animal, with which I was in my twenties, thirties and forties,

• 9:49Scott Galloway?

  get to the biggest city in your country, get to a super city and that's where you make your career, that's where you find opportunities. You're just in a, you're in a room of opportunities all the time when you're, when you're in a city. Long winded way of saying the following. My gut is your parents are doing well and they have each other. My gut is you are benefiting, based on what you said, from being in a city, which says to me, there's no reason you can't be close to your parents now and kill it professionally, personally and emotionally, sticking where you are, knowing that at some point you're going to have to be more involved in their lives and that mental and economic wellness that you will accrete by that point will help you do a better job with a reduction

• 10:30Scott Galloway?

  in the amount of stress that is naturally part of the process when they get really old. In sum, I'd probably stick where you are. And finally, I don't know all the nuance of the situation, so I'd have very open and honest conversations with your brother and friends or people who understand the situation and can better advise you. Very much appreciate the question and the fact that you're even thinking this way means you're a good son. It means your parents are good people or, or did a good job with you. We'll be right back after a quick break.

• 11:10Speaker 00

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• 11:40Speaker 06

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• 12:09Speaker 02

  This episode is brought to you by Subaru. You know that place your mind always wanders to? The lake, the mountains, the homes of the people you love most? The completely redesigned 2026 Subaru Outback is built to help you get there. With legendary capabilities, standard symmetrical all wheel drive, and the confidence to go further. The 2026 Subaru Outback. Love never looked so good. Visit Subaru.com/Outback to learn more.

• 12:39Speaker 07

  Welcome back. Question number three comes from CM14 on Reddit. How have your social relationships evolved as your financial success and fame grew? And have you been able to maintain core friendships over the years? How do you share your success and celebrate your wins with friends and family and not make them feel uncomfortable or awkward?

• 12:56Scott Galloway?

  So, my therapy is I talk to friends almost every night. And also, something, a best practice which I only took up about 15, 20 years ago, which I wish I'd started earlier. I now don't make any significant decision personally, professionally, economically, without speaking to people. Because I have found that no matter how smart you are, it is impossible to read the label from inside of the bottle. And you just benefit so much from having a kitchen cabinet and talking through things with friends. And even if you decide to ignore their advice and make a stupid decision, I find just talking through stuff that's bothering me or upsetting me with people who care about me and are objective and will push back on me and say when I'm wrong, or supportive but honest, if you will, is really helpful for my own mental health. I guess it's a form of therapy. In terms of

• 13:42Scott Galloway?

  how friendships have evolved or not evolved, the answer you want to give is friendship is friendship and money hasn't changed things. I have sort of two buckets of friends, or three. Kind of family friends or acquaintances from way back when. And then I have my college friends, my fraternity friends, and then I have friends I've sort of collected along the way. And the easy ones are the friends you collect along the way are usually you're in the same ecosystem. And that is they're also people who have a certain level of success or also kind of grinding or living in New York, whatever it might be. But you're kind of all in the same weight class. And that is, it doesn't matter if you're worth 100 million or a million, as long as you're kind of wealthy, you're all sort of in the same

• 14:25Scott Galloway?

  weight class, if you will. And then there's my fraternity friends, and most of them are successful. They are, I was in a fraternity that was essentially a bunch of wealthy Jewish kids from the valley at UCLA, ZBT. And most of them went to graduate school, few doctors, some entrepreneurs. And to the one, they're almost all either successful or very successful. So that doesn't come up. I will say that with some of my older friendships of people where you have maybe more time in common than overlap in terms of your life today,

• 15:04Scott Galloway?

  that the disparity in economic power is apparent and can be sometimes uncomfortable. I try to be just very self-aware. I was born on third base and not evaluate people based on their economic success. I do believe in America, if you're hardworking and have your shit together, you're going to achieve a certain level of economic success. I think any dude who is male and white and born in the 60s or 70s, if you're decent to good at what you do, you should have a certain level of economic sustainability. But those who aren't super successful, you realize a lot of that, a lot of your super success and/or their lack thereof, is really more a function of being in the right place at

• 15:49Scott Galloway?

  the right time. If you are the successful, you have a debt. You have a debt to help other people have as many opportunities to try and bask in the same sunlight and the same glow and the same luck, or have the same opportunities to get lucky that you had. If this sounds like a fucking word salad and I don't know the answer here, trust your instincts. Anyways.

• 16:13Speaker 07

  That's all for this episode. If you'd like to submit a question, please email a voice recording to [email protected]. That's [email protected]. Or if you prefer to ask on Reddit, just post your question on the Sky Galloway subreddit and we might feature it in an upcoming episode.

• 16:29Speaker 07

  This episode was produced by Jennifer Sanchez and Laura Janer. Kami Rique is our social producer, Brad Williams is our editor, and Drew Burrows is our technical director. Thank you for listening to the Prop G Pod from Prop G Media.