Pod Insights Pop Culture Happy Hour The Reality TV Show We’d Actually Win About this episode Part of the fun of reality TV is putting yourself in the shoes of the people you're watching. Maybe you'd make a great Real Housewife. Maybe you could win The Amazing Race. In this encore episode, we're not here to make friends. But we are here to pick the reality shows that we think could thrive on.
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Transcript 3,405 words · 14 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 This week on the NPR Politics Podcast, the midterm elections are wrapping up and millions of people have already voted. We're taking one final check of the electoral pulse with a new NPR PBS News Marist Poll. It shows Democrats still poised to make gains, but also with some warning signs for just how many. We'll explain on the NPR Politics Podcast.
0:28 Stephen Thompson? Part of the fun of reality TV is putting yourself in the shoes of the people you're watching. Maybe you'd make a great Real Housewife. Maybe you could win the amazing race. I'm Stephen Thompson, and on this encore episode of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour, we're not here to make friends, but we are here to pick the reality shows on which we think we could thrive.
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2:00 Stephen Thompson? Joining me today are my fellow pop culture happy hour hosts, our core four, Linda Holmes. Hey, Linda.
2:06 Linda Holmes? Hey, Stephen. I was born for this.
2:09 Stephen Thompson? Aisha Harris. Hey, Ayesha.
2:11 Aisha Harris? Hey, I am not here to make any friends today.
2:13 Linda Holmes? Too late.
2:14 Aisha Harris? Nope, nope, nope.
2:15 Stephen Thompson? None of us. We're all here to win. Glen Weldon is also here. Hi, Glenn.
2:18 Speaker 07 Hey, Stephen. I'm feeling very attacked.
2:21 Stephen Thompson? Well, let's get right into it. Linda Holmes, I want your pick. Give me the reality TV show that you think you, Linda Holmes, could dominate.
2:31 Linda Holmes? OK, well, you know that I am bad at logistics and travel arrangements, so I had to knock out The Amazing Race in spite of my sentimental attachment to it. I don't think I could do Survivor because I would get such a sunburn. Ultimately, I went with, and I need you to give me a moment to explain my thinking, but I went ultimately with Chopped.
2:50 Speaker 08 Four new contenders are ready to roll. Who will be victorious? Go faster, faster, faster. And who will be chopped?
3:00 Linda Holmes? Now, you got to understand, sometimes on Chopped, in fact, I would venture to say most of the time, it's chefs. If it's chopped and it's chefs, I don't have a chance. But sometimes there's like civilian chopped, and it's like grandmas or like firefighters. I'm thinking if there's like podcaster chopped. And my opponents are like Sam Sanders and Sarah Koenig.
3:30 Speaker 07 Sure.
3:30 Linda Holmes? I'm in that. I'm in the game.
3:33 Speaker 07 You're describing the college jeopardy of chopped.
3:36 Linda Holmes? Exactly. It's the college jeopardy of chopped. That's my milieu. That's where I'm placing myself for this. I am a pretty decent cook, right? And I have watched, but the point is I've watched a lot of chopped. And the way that you do well at chopped, first of all, you have to understand balance. I think I understand balance, that whole. Salt, fat, acid, heat, semen, nosrat thing is that's how you win shop.
4:01 Stephen Thompson? True.
4:01 Linda Holmes? That peppermint candy, that's your sweet, that popsicle, that dollar store Capri Sun lemonade, that's your sweet and tart, it's got some acid in it. That dried smoked meat that comes from some part of an animal that you don't personally eat regularly, that's salty. And that's what you have to understand about chopped. Then you have to know the basics. Don't know what to do with something? Put it in a vinaigrette, make a brittle. Don't make a bread pudding, that's a trap. It's a cliche, it doesn't cook all the way through. Instead, make it a liquid and put it in the ice cream maker and get in the ice cream maker early. And if somebody's in the ice cream maker before you, clean out the ice cream maker. Cause otherwise they're like asparagus ice cream will get into your ice cream.
4:46 Linda Holmes? And I also feel that this is right for me because I have such a fondness for blank, unbrand named packaging. So my favorite thing is when you open it up and it's Pringles, but the can says like saddle shaped potato crisps. Cause they can't have the label on there or you open it up and it'll be clearly be Twinkies, but it'll say like golden snack cakes with holes in the bottom.
5:12 Aisha Harris? Yep.
5:13 Linda Holmes? I feel like that would be a delight for me as a pop culture person. I'm a decent cook. I am gonna kill it at Podcaster Chopped.
5:22 Stephen Thompson? I see that for you. I believe it. You've convinced me, all right? Aisha Harris topped that.
5:26 Aisha Harris? Oh goodness. So this is actually a challenge for me to try to figure out. The first thing that came to mind for me was the real world, you know, 10 years ago when I was not in my 30s. But the, the problem with that, I would probably have been the one roommate who like you've never really see. Because I, I just decide immediately that I hate everyone. And I'm like, I'm just gonna make friends outside of the house. You didn't want to be dramatic. You don't want to get into the- There's one every season. Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to be the angry black girl. So I'm just gonna make friends and, and, and start dating some random guy outside the house. That would probably be me. So that's not my, my top choice. After thinking about it, I was like, oh, wait a minute. Like, I would be really good on a certain kind of reality dating show. I'm very good at first dates. Like, they usually
6:11 Aisha Harris? lead to a second. It's not hard for me. Flex. Do I have an ego about this? Sure. So my choice is Netflix's quote unquote first original dating reality show. And you might not remember this because can we remember a time before Love is Blind? I don't know. But there was a time. And that time was around 2019 when Netflix premiered Dating Around. Do you all remember this show? Oh, I do remember Dating Around. Yes, let me refresh your memory. So basically, every episode is a different single person, and the single person goes on five dates. And what is different about this show is that it really tries to go for that cinema verite. And there is no narration,
6:53 Aisha Harris? there's no interviews. You get like a little bit at the beginning of each episode, you hear like this brief waterfall of various disembodied voices of people who apparently know the main dater.
7:05 Speaker 09 I've known Brandon for a few years now, and I think he's so focused on looking for the right guy, that he misses the great guys that are right in front of him.
7:14 Aisha Harris? And they're describing their personality and dating habits. But then after that, you don't hear from them again. And you just see this person go out on a date, and each of the dates is interwoven into each other. And it's not a competition. I mean, it is, but it's really about like- Dating around. Yeah, dating around and seeing the same person interact with five different people. And I really kind of loved this show because of that. It didn't have all the pretensions, and there's no expectation of like, we're gonna get married at the end of this, this- Of this episode. At the end of this journey. It's like, they choose one person at the end to go on a second date with, but that's it. You don't like learn anything else. I also have been told that I don't do a good job of hiding my facial expressions and reactions to things.
7:57 Aisha Harris? Because again, there's no narration. So they're not like commenting on the dates as it's happening. You're just watching the dates happen. So you don't actually know how they're feeling. And I feel like I'd be perfect because I'd be entertaining. If someone was turning me off, it would be very obvious, even if I'm like laughing and smiling, my face would actually be like, oh my God, this is terrifying. I actually brought a clip and this moment's from season two where Brandon is going out with five guys. This, this one guy, you can tell this date is not really jiving, but there's a moment, clear moment where it's like, oh, he's not going to get that nightcap at the end. Like, he might be sent off.
8:33 Speaker 10 Can I smoke a cigarette?
8:36 Speaker 10 I know. Sorry.
8:37 Speaker 11 It's like one of my, yeah, it's one of my turn offs, but that's you, right?
8:42 Speaker 10 Mm hmm.
8:43 Speaker 11 You gotta make yourself happy.
8:45 Aisha Harris? That would totally be me.
8:47 Linda Holmes? It's one of my turn offs, but that's you, huh?
8:50 Aisha Harris? I would absolutely be like that. I'd be that person who, maybe you're not necessarily rooting for to like, find the right person, but you'd at least be engaged with how I interact with my five different dates. So, Dating Around, I'd be really good on that show.
9:05 Speaker 07 I think so too. I do see this for you because even though I've only gotten to know you through Zoom, I do know that you don't necessarily have a poker face when it comes to stupid ideas that get thrown out into the world. I also think you are self-selecting because you are, this show is only for people who want to go on first dates a lot and that is a narrow subset of the population.
9:26 Aisha Harris? That is very true. Yeah, I don't know. I think they're fun. I think it's fun to like, meet new people and have those conversations, especially if I'm not going to see them again. It's just like, this is just fun. You know, let's just chill.
9:38 Stephen Thompson? All right. So that's Dating Around. Excellent, excellent pick, Ayesha.
9:43 Aisha Harris? Thank you.
9:43 Stephen Thompson? Glen Weldon, what's your pick?
9:45 Speaker 07 I can't wait. Well, I did process of elimination like a lot of us are doing. You take skill-based off the table. That's your baking show, Top Chef Drag Race Runway. You take physical coordination off the table. That's Flora's lava ninja warrior wipeout. I am blessed with a certain amount of upper body strength. I worked very hard on it, but to use it effectively in those situations, it must be combined with hand-eye coordination, which I do not possess. Like Linda, anything that requires just being organized and letting things that you can't control just kind of roll off your back, that's not me. So, I can't do Amazing Race. I would be the guy complaining about just how broken my ox is at every situation. Anything that requires making alliances or just having the emotional intelligence. To read the room and understand group dynamics and manipulate them.
10:30 Speaker 07 That takes Survivor, Big Brother off the table. I think the only show it leaves is the show that is made for the cynic, the pessimist, the distrustful. I'll say it, they're curmudgeon. The word I'm not using here, though, is paranoid, because the show in question is not about paranoia. It's about expecting the worst of other people. Expecting that they are actively working against you and being rewarded when you inevitably turn out to be right. Not only would I be great at this show, I would find this show incredibly soothing, very therapeutic, because it would just confirm my essential worldview. I am speaking, of course, about the mole.
11:04 Speaker 12 Someone is trying to sabotage you at every stage. Hello, mole. Whoever you are.
11:13 Aisha Harris? Oh, yes, I knew it.
11:15 Speaker 07 Yep, and here is the NPR disclosure, a How the Sausage Gets Made explanatory comma about the mole. If you don't know it, we actually recorded this episode a few years ago, long before NPR's own Ari Shapiro was contracted to host the most recent season on Netflix. And he does a great job. He's out there in Malaysia, dressed to the nines, arching that one eyebrow like he does. He's peacocking. He's eyebrow cocking. He's the host with the most. But when we recorded this, we had no idea any of that was going to happen. But on the show, you get a group of people, and each week they get divided into smaller groups who tackle challenges. Challenges are very basic. You read the clue, you do the challenge, you get money that is added to a central pot that the winner takes home. Now, among them is one person whose job it is to secretly sabotage the missions in such
11:59 Speaker 07 a way as everyone gets less money. So the challenge, if you are just a regular contestant and not the mole, is to constantly judge others. Let the record show, I am making jazz hands. This is my time to shine. There's a little sergeant in my head going, this is what you're trained for. You just have to be vigilant. You have to know where everybody is, what they did or did not do on a challenge, because each week at the end of each episode, you're given a quiz about who you think the mole is, and the person with the most wrong answers is eliminated. Now, I would require the crucible of this show to succeed, because when it comes to... Being interested in other people, that's not my vibe. On the mole, there's cash. So I think I would have to work on it, but I'd be fine as a regular contestant, but I would
12:44 Speaker 07 kill it as the mole.
12:46 Linda Holmes? As the mole.
12:46 Speaker 07 I would kill it.
12:48 Linda Holmes? That's perfect.
12:48 Speaker 07 Because there's a very clear strategy, guys. First few weeks, you fly under the radar. You're trying not to get noticed. I would point on my CV to the four years of high school I spent doing exactly that. Then suddenly, about the middle of the run of the show, you have to step up and be seen, increasing the pot of money, succeeding in challenges. And unlikely that I would ever succeed in the challenge, but it's possible. But then as the crowd thins, you have to go out of your way to have people think you're the mole in ways that the real mole would never want people to think. So you'd have people just sitting around going, did Glenn fail that very simple math challenge because he's the mole or because he still has problems subtracting from any number that has a string
13:29 Speaker 07 of zeros in it? You wouldn't know. Did Glenn really forget the name of the contestant he spent the last seven weeks with? Possible. I would subvert. I would undermine. I would chip away at the pillars of capitalist greed that fuels reality television. They would weep. They would gnash their teeth. There would be a rending of garments. They'd never see me coming. I would crush it on the mole.
13:53 Linda Holmes? Glenn, I'll just tell you, if I needed a saboteur in my day to day.
13:57 Speaker 07 Yeah.
13:58 Linda Holmes? I would come to you.
13:59 Speaker 07 Yeah, I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I'm better at sabotaging myself, but you know.
14:04 Linda Holmes? You need the skills transfer.
14:05 Speaker 07 I got the skills transfer.
14:06 Stephen Thompson? Well, I feel like these arguments are more compelling than mine is about to be.
14:10 Linda Holmes? America's Next Top Model.
14:14 Speaker 07 We believe in you. We were counting on you.
14:15 Stephen Thompson? Because, look, I did the exact same process of elimination that y'all did.
14:20 Speaker 07 Yep.
14:20 Stephen Thompson? I was convinced for a couple of days that I was going to pick Nailed It. And like, it gives you like a disproportionately generous prize for baking a really ugly cake. And I said to my partner Katie, I said, I think it's going to be Nailed It. And she said, you know, I think the people who are on that show like are at least like sort of can cook. And I was like, damn, Katie. It sent me back to the drawing board. What I finally decided that I am good at and that I can pull off is unearned confidence. And so my reality TV goal is to become a durable meme.
14:58 Speaker 07 Okay.
14:58 Stephen Thompson? By going on. Any show that has a name like, "Don't Fall in the Mud." So your, your, your, your wipeout, your floor is lava.
15:09 Linda Holmes? Holy moly, you could play holy moly.
15:11 Stephen Thompson? Yeah, I was gonna say hole in the, hole in the wall.
15:14 Aisha Harris? That's a show?
15:15 Linda Holmes? Yeah, for a while, there was this thing where people would have to like line their body up to slide through a body shaped hole, like in a cartoon.
15:22 Stephen Thompson? Yeah.
15:22 Linda Holmes? It was a real thing.
15:23 Aisha Harris? I, I completely missed it.
15:25 Stephen Thompson? Oh, absolutely. That's the kind of show we're talking about. Let's just say wipeout, right? So step one in this process, I'm gonna be at the starting line and I'm gonna be like, "I'm gonna win!" I'm gonna be the, "I'm gonna win" guy and I'm gonna be super, super, super animated about it. Then you can just imagine, you're not gonna see it on the screen, but just imagine the SpongeBob text five minutes later. And then I will immediately spectacularly topple face first in the mud, just curse splat. At that point, I intend to be ideally positioned to serve as an avatar for hubris.
16:05 Stephen Thompson? To be trotted out every election night, every sports championship, everything where somebody professes confidence.
16:15 Linda Holmes? Right.
16:15 Stephen Thompson? And then the meme will be me saying, "I'm gonna win!" And then.
16:20 Linda Holmes? That is your dream. That does make sense.
16:23 Stephen Thompson? Thus, I will belong to the ages.
16:26 Linda Holmes? Yeah, that does make sense.
16:27 Stephen Thompson? That is what everybody who goes on reality TV is really looking for, right? Is to just like be part of the conversation forever and ever.
16:34 Speaker 07 It's interesting, Stephen, but I'm gonna push back on it. To be the guy, the hubris guy, "I'm gonna win," you would have to fundamentally alter your personality. You're not temperamentally suited to be that hubris guy. You are temperamentally suited for nailed it. You have to be agreeable, affable, self-deprecating. That's what makes a really good contestant on that show. Someone who's having a fun with it, someone who's game. And I worry that in striving to become a meme, I think we'd see the sweat. I think people would, would smell it on you and, and it wouldn't, wouldn't succeed.
17:06 Aisha Harris? Let's, let's Stephen have his dream. Like let him aspire, aspire to, to, to meme death.
17:14 Stephen Thompson? Thank you.
17:15 Aisha Harris? I mean, you're, you're wrong, but I, I still, I still support you.
17:21 Stephen Thompson? All right. Well, we want to know what reality show you would thrive on. Find us at facebook.com/PCHH. That brings us to the end of our show. Linda Holmes, Glen Weldon, Aisha Harris. Thanks to all of you for being here. Thank you.
17:35 Linda Holmes? Thank you. I'll see you on Dancing with the Stars.
17:39 Stephen Thompson? And of course, thank you for listening to Pop Culture Happy Hour from NPR. This episode was produced by Candace Lim and Ramel Wood and edited by Jessica Reedy. Hello, Cummin provides our theme music. I'm Stephen Thompson, and we will see you all next time.
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