Pod Insights Podcast Business News Network 14238 Steve Harper Interviews Susan Engel Psychotherapist, Social Worker and Certified EMDR Clinician About this episode https://susanengel-lcsw.com/ Listen to us live on mytuner-radio, onlineradiobox, fmradiofree.com and streema.com (the simpleradio app)https://onlineradiobox.com/search?cs=us.pbnnetwork1&q=podcast%20business%20news%20network&c=ushttps://www.fmradiofree.com/search?q=podcast+business+news+networkhttps://mytuner-radio.com/search/?q=business+news+networkhttps://streema.com/radios/search/?q=podcast+business+news+network
Transcript 0:05 Speaker 00 Broadcasting from the business capital of the world. This is the Podcast Business News Network. Well, welcome back, everybody. We're going to pick up with her where we left off last time we got together. And that's talking about the power of positivity, but real positivity, not just, you know, putting the rose colored glasses on, pretending that everything's okay. No, looking at things in a different way. And even the, the activities that you do, looking at them with a positive lens. She oozes positivity all the time. I love, she's like, she's like the one of the most grounded people I know. She is an amazing psychotherapist, works with everybody on all different challenges.
0:48 Speaker 00 And also helps them reframe their lives, shall we say, in a positive way. So great to have her back with us. Suzy Engel on the program. How are you doing?
0:57 Speaker 01 I'm great, Steve. How are you?
0:59 Speaker 00 Real good, real good.
1:00 Speaker 01 That's good.
1:01 Speaker 00 Lots to think about here with the, the power of positivity and maintaining that. I think that's the challenge. How do you stay there? How do you stay in the mode of positivity? I don't have that answer. Thoughts?
1:15 Speaker 01 Well, I mean, first of all, it was funny. You were like oozing.
1:19 Speaker 00 You do.
1:20 Speaker 01 I don't know, because I just view myself as me. So there's always funny to hear people's opinions of me or summations of me. It's very, very amusing to me because I just like go through my life and.
1:37 Speaker 00 But you know, it's interesting you say that. So the men's group I'm in, I've shared with you before, we went around the room last week and we, I forget where we were at, what the, what the reference was. But we, we talked about you needed to, about eight of us there that night, go around and each person pointed out from the others, what you, you view as something positive in them and what you've, what is you view as something challenging in them, not being negative. And like you said, I'm bringing this up because the way people view you. And I'm going to, I'm going to share what they said. And, and, and for the majority of me, they said that I share a lot of wisdom, empathy.
2:22 Speaker 00 They said, you love what you do. On the flip side, majority, so out of eight, probably.
2:29 Speaker 00 Five out of eight, somewhere around there, felt that I'm not as transparent as I could be or should be, or as we call it masked down. Now, on the flip of that, I think I am. Like, I share every day, I have no secrets, and my feelings along with that. But maybe it's something to, you know, I'll look at, you know, because that's how you view it. Others may view things in a different way.
2:54 Speaker 01 Right. And also, who knows, maybe, maybe you are masked down as you, you know, because you are open, and maybe the people who are saying you're not masked down are the people who are uncomfortable with people who are masked down.
3:09 Speaker 00 Interesting thought. And you know, something else was said too, that I hide my masked down status by a lot of the stuff that we talk about. And I, I don't agree, I could see how it could be perceived that way, but it's more of, I'm sharing, you know, here's the crap going on in my life, here's what I've learned how to deal with it, like, essentially what we're talking, these types of things that we're talking about today. Because I want people to, you know, feel better and grow, like, it's helped me.
3:43 Speaker 01 So what is, so that's, so, I mean, this is not the subject that we're discussing, the power of positivity, but what I want to say about this is, just the construct of saying around the room, what is positive about you, and what is challenging about you, or whatever that is, in terms of getting other people's feedback, is awkward. It's awkward, it's, it's a lot of families do this, and I find this to be extremely awkward and very disconnecting. When they all get to the dinner table, there's an assignment, what is the best part of your
4:28 Speaker 01 day, and what is the worst, as if, as if people don't know how to just strike up conversation naturally or organically. And it's just awkward, and that's-
4:38 Speaker 01 You know, this is coming from my perspective. It's just awkward. So I wonder if there were a different way for the men's group to to approach the subject.
4:48 Speaker 00 And that was just one exercise. That's a one off. Never gonna do it again. But.
4:53 Speaker 01 Cause it's awkward.
4:54 Speaker 00 It, you know, believe me.
4:56 Speaker 01 It's just, it's like saying what's good and what's bad. What's, it's just binary and it's, I don't know.
5:03 Speaker 00 I found it interesting. I did find it interesting and and others found value in it, as I did too.
5:08 Speaker 01 Which is good, which is good.
5:10 Speaker 00 But talking about positivity.
5:12 Speaker 01 I just feel like it's very left brain rather than from the inside out. Yeah.
5:16 Speaker 00 It's just, it was an interesting exercise, but talking about positivity, we always do this. What's your win for the week? We go around the room. What happened? What's good? What's good? Oh, I landed this new account or, um, you know.
5:30 Speaker 00 Whatever it might be, like even.
5:33 Speaker 01 I'd not be me. I'd be like, everything, you know, like, what are we supposed to, what? Yeah, no, it's, it's funny.
5:41 Speaker 00 Really isn't when you say that. Everything was a win for the week. Um, yeah, let's go there. Let, let, let's look at that for a second. Let's look at that for a second. So.
5:51 Speaker 00 And and not being silly about it, but saying what you went for the week? Well, everything. Because if you look at everything, even the things that didn't go well and reframe it.
6:03 Speaker 01 As an opportunity or another experience. I mean, listen, this is the work with clients. They have a struggle or they may feel even a deep, deep shame about something and we start talking it through and working it through from the inside out. That's not left brain. That's the whole body experience. And then they, the client themselves can start turning a corner or making connections and say, oh, my gosh, you know, not that I'm glad this happened and nor would we wish it to happen to other people, but the struggle brought up one of my limitations. And let's say one of my limitations is.
6:48 Speaker 01 To advocate for myself. So rather than learn how to advocate, because I wasn't taught that as I was growing up, this is just an example, I shut down and I excuse myself and then nothing really gets resolved and it just sits or festers or grows or mushrooms within us. And so, you know, even the challenges become, and now we're talking about positive, become an experience that bring growth. And, and you said at the beginning today, even though we zigzag, which is great, I think, um, you know, you said, how do people maintain positivity?
7:31 Speaker 00 Hmm.
7:32 Speaker 01 And maybe this is one life skill, right? To be able to look at our challenges and be able to say, what was the best part of the whole week? Well, it was everything about the week.
7:44 Speaker 00 What if you're in a low? Let's say something happened, you're just feeling, yeah, let's say you be working on this and you're trying to ride, you know, on a more positive train. Um, and then something happens and you're like, I didn't get enough sleep last night as well. So now that's like, just, you know, it's weighing heavy on you today. It happens. Yeah, those days.
8:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:06 Speaker 00 How do you pick yourself up?
8:08 Speaker 01 Well, I think you have to look at, because I didn't get enough rest, or because I have this, this difficulty right now, right now, and I'm emphasizing now, is it, is it throwing me back at a time where I wasn't as empowered, or I wasn't as mature? And even a seven-year-old who may get thrown back to when they were five years old, can start understanding this type of concept. And the, you know, the other major part of this, so part of it is time orientation, and part of it is, is it tapping into this
8:53 Speaker 01 deep-seated self-worth that was imposed upon me? You know, and we've talked about this, where you say, somebody might say something innocently to somebody else, and that person might internalize it as.
9:08 Speaker 01 An injury or wound to their self-worth and that's nobody's fault. It's just how sometimes interactions happen. And so if it's tapping into that deep-seated self-worth that had been imposed upon you, me, anyone, then we have to be able to recognize that. If we can recognize it quickly, we can say, hey, yeah, you know, that's not, that's from my past. I'm not that person. Just because I'm having a difficulty now doesn't mean me as a person is less than or I as a person. Me as a person, I don't think is grammatically correct.
9:53 Speaker 00 I love what you said there, right now, because that, it's temporary. It's just, you know, I'm feeling this way right now. Doesn't mean you're gonna feel that way in an hour, a day. It's right now. I love that.
10:07 Speaker 01 Well, and this is very eastern, and hopefully more eastern is coming west, that things pass. You know, I sell Buddha boards you paint on the screen with water and the image evaporates eventually, right? And it's representative. It's therapeutic. It's representative. Everything passes, you know? And it's not to say that we can't look at it or we have to avoid it. It's just to say it's, like you're saying, it's temporary, but also if it doesn't feel temporary, then there's something about our self-worth that's holding us back from
10:51 Speaker 01 being positive, moving forward, having a healthy sense of self.
10:58 Speaker 00 It's often been said, we've talked about it before, gratitude and expressing gratitude in everything or as much as you can. What if you look at it through that gratitude lens when something presents? And instead of saying, oh, I can't believe that happened, well, you know, to say, you know, I'm grateful that took place because that's going to get me ready for the next step. Or I'm grateful it wasn't really a pleasureful, but I learned from that and I'm grateful for it.
11:31 Speaker 01 I mean, yeah, that takes time. That's like the process of letting go. I mean, there's a lot of steps before that for a lot of people, but to be able to say, this is the reality and do I have the capacity to handle this, you know, or am I, you know, deep in some wounded self-worth that's preventing me? I mean, if we get back to positivity and playing sports.
12:05 Speaker 01 You know, you know, as well as I do, I have a lot of clients who play golf. I actually play a little golf, but I play more tennis, but I have fun playing. I don't, I don't bash myself. I don't, I just want to enjoy myself and improve. And it's sociable and what have you. Now, I have clients who have worked through just feeling embarrassed about how they play. And that's talking about shame, shame. They're ashamed. The shame didn't come from the golf course. Shame came from some other time and place in history for this person or these people, you know.
12:51 Speaker 01 And I think that if people work through these things, then they're at a different level of existence.
12:59 Speaker 00 I relate to this completely because I'm gonna say that was me. Like, when I was growing up, I wasn't into sports. Whenever I had to do them, elementary school, whatever, I never got picked for dodgeball because I was a big fat kid and whatever. So, I would think about how I perform now. I played tennis like three times a summer, and I'm here to admit, I'm horrible, but I love it.
13:25 Speaker 01 It doesn't matter.
13:27 Speaker 00 And I may not have the perfect swing or the perfect form, but I move my butt so fast that I can keep up and I get it done. I get it done. Maybe not in a conventional tennis way, but, you know, I play by the rules and, you know, it's fun. You have fun with it.
13:43 Speaker 01 It's fun.
13:44 Speaker 00 Yeah, enjoy it, you know?
13:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, and make the most of it. You know, we were talking a little bit about that last podcast, about, well, there were those series of snowstorms and we have to shovel if we don't afford or we don't have access to a person who does that for us.
14:02 Speaker 00 Yep.
14:03 Speaker 01 And, and isn't it, isn't the snow less heavy if we have a positive attitude?
14:10 Speaker 00 Truth.
14:11 Speaker 01 Or that it's giving us exercise, or that we're outdoors and seeing the quiet of the winter, or?
14:18 Speaker 00 That's exactly all the things you just said, or exactly what I did. And I had a goal of freeing my old Jeep that was in the street, so now it got really plowed in with, you know, two and a half feet of snow. But it was more of a, can I pull this off in a reasonably short amount of time? Can I get this thing free? I'm outside, I'm getting some fresh air, I feel grounded because I love being outside.
14:45 Speaker 01 Yes.
14:46 Speaker 00 I hate the cold. I hate the snow.
14:48 Speaker 01 I don't like it.
14:49 Speaker 00 I hate doing that kind of work because, you know, what's, what's the end result?
14:55 Speaker 01 It hurts.
14:56 Speaker 00 I move snow.
14:57 Speaker 01 It's cold.
14:58 Speaker 00 It's not, it's not like I dug a hole and planted a tree and now I got something to see, but I flipped it all to those other things and made it a positive experience. And you know what? Kind of enjoyed it. Gotta tell you, it was kind of fun, you know?
15:10 Speaker 01 Well, I don't like the cold because I find it painful.
15:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:14 Speaker 01 But if I have to be out, I make sure that I... Get enough activity going so that my metabolism starts warming me.
15:24 Speaker 00 I agree.
15:24 Speaker 01 And it really works. It doesn't take that long in the cold unless it's those below zeros. And you get that brain freeze feeling, but that's different. So it's, there's, there's a lot of agency within ourselves to make decisions, to have a positive attitude about something. And everything usually goes a lot better or a lot quicker or a lot lighter. And, and there's probably more to appreciate around that. Um, sports, I feel like the people who are angry about their game, I feel like they're self-conscious. Where does that come from? I feel like they're ashamed. Where does that come from?
16:09 Speaker 01 So they're externally focused.
16:11 Speaker 00 Yup.
16:12 Speaker 01 On who's judging them or not, or who's looking at that or not. Or they have an inner script that somebody else taught them, or many other sources taught them to be an inner critic. Um, and, and, and it, and the people who free themselves from that play freely. Their bodies are less tense. Their motions are free. They play really, really better or well, you know? And the bottom line is they're probably enjoying themselves.
16:50 Speaker 00 Do, do you notice that?
16:51 Speaker 01 You can see the difference.
16:52 Speaker 00 Even in tennis.
16:53 Speaker 01 Sorry.
16:54 Speaker 00 I've experienced this, even bowling, when you don't think about it, you do so much better. You ju, you're just having fun with it, doing your thing and like, oh, wow, I hit that one. Oh, I hit that one over there. But then when you start thinking, all right, I gotta make sure I get this, usually don't do as well. You find that?
17:11 Speaker 01 It's the truth and um there's that great book, Inner Tennis. It's like, part of that book talks about how to become consciously unconscious.
17:25 Speaker 01 And that means get out of your head and that means it's not about the left brain and that means, I mean, sure, we can learn proper technique, oh, that's fantastic. But at some point, it all becomes natural. And when you're not thinking, you play better, just like you said. And that's like such a key to life, everything, everything you do.
17:47 Speaker 00 So I want to, I want to ask this question. Cause I, and we're talking about positivity, I think this is part of it. I wrote this down, I heard it and I wrote it down. Stop giving your power to the pain. Stop giving your power to the pain. So I know we're talking about positivity, this is the flip side of positivity. But so many of us, I believe, they were in victim mode. I'm not minimizing anybody's struggles and challenges. But we're, we're allowing that to happen. You're giving, you know, that, you got something that's hurting you, it's taking your power.
18:23 Speaker 01 And, and let's think about this. At some point, if we've done personal work on our own development, what, what do we come to understand? We come to understand that a lot of what was unconscious or that we were unaware of is becoming, is, is becoming, is not becoming, is coming to our forefront, is coming to our awareness. And when we have that awareness, is when we can make those types of decisions or have our own agency. Now, if somebody like certain clients are deep in this, they don't have the awareness
19:08 Speaker 01 and I can't, I can't say, oh, you know, these are your choices. I would never, but, but once we do the work, the therapeutic work to bring what is unaware to us to the aware. What is unconscious to the consciousness and maybe that's a life's a life goal around everything because we probably could never be a hundred percent at any of this but it's a life progress and it's exciting because we feel differently in our bodies we feel and then we're conscious we're our own agency and we make decisions or choices that benefit us and if it
19:49 Speaker 01 means getting on the court and getting out of our head we can remind ourselves let's say we forget after a few minutes and we start saying oh I know you know I should have hit it this way or my backhand was backward or whatever it is okay then start again reset and get out of your head again and pretty soon that elongates it's like people with focus problems oh I'm ADHD it's like you know what if you focus for 30 seconds take a break and then focus maybe you're going to be able to focus for 45 seconds at some point go on with your life maybe you're going to be able
20:33 Speaker 01 to focus for 10 minutes
20:36 Speaker 00 if you use those lines well I'm ADHD and this is a you're limiting yourself and I you know I I don't have ADHD but there are things that you know I'll beat myself up on like you know you asked me right now to do uh 30 deep knee bends I'm gonna tell you I can't do those on my knees and I it hurts I'm gonna say that I'm not gonna lie it's gonna be painful because I haven't done it in so long and I need to get back on track we have like 30 seconds I want I heard this too and it's I think it's in the line of positivity things change and you see things in a positive way when you take responsibility or everything that you need to
21:21 Speaker 01 That's the agency.
21:22 Speaker 00 You agree?
21:22 Speaker 01 Yes, that's the agency right there. Responsibility, accountability. It's not a blaming thing. It's not the external. We talked a little bit about where's the focus? Yes, the focus is here. What can I do to improve? I love it. Yeah, I'm all in.
21:38 Speaker 00 And it's tough, you know, to take responsibility for things. But again, you're, let's say you're in a relationship. It didn't go well. Look what they did. But let's be honest.
21:49 Speaker 01 Two people.
21:50 Speaker 00 Two people, right.
21:51 Speaker 01 Two systems and two families and two histories and two ancestries and two, it exponentially grows. Can't be one thing or another. It's just not.
22:04 Speaker 00 And, and not to say
22:05 Speaker 01 About blame or fault.
22:07 Speaker 00 No, and, and not to say that, that you're, let's say somebody did you wrong. Well, let's say it was really bad. You had a hand in it. It was a relationship. It takes two. The scales may be tipped way off, but it is what it is. And now use the gratitude, learn from the situation and move your life forward. Or call you.
22:30 Speaker 00 Another thing you can do. Susan Engel.
22:33 Speaker 01 Listen to our podcast.
22:34 Speaker 00 Or that, there's, there's a lot of nuggets there. You know, just Google the, the previous ones. Your website, Susan Engel dash LCSW dot com. Do I have that right?
22:44 Speaker 01 Correct.
22:45 Speaker 00 And Engel is E N G E L. Thank you for today. Thank you for your positivity. One of these days, because you're a state away, we're going to be playing tennis. I'm telling you right now.
22:57 Speaker 01 That'd be great. It's getting warmer. Not this week, but
23:01 Speaker 00 I know.
23:01 Speaker 01 We did have two days of warm. Yeah.
23:05 Speaker 00 Just don't judge. I'll get, I'll get, I'll, I'll follow the ball. I'll get it done, but it's all fun. It's all fun.
23:11 Speaker 01 You don't, yeah, don't judge. Who would, that's, uh, no, I would never.
23:16 Speaker 00 Nope, I know you wouldn't. Thank you, thank you for today. We'll talk soon, okay?
23:20 Speaker 01 Thanks, Steve.
23:21 Speaker 00 Thank you, Suzy. We'll be right back.
23:28 Speaker 00 Broadcasting from the business capital of the world, this is the Podcast Business News Network.
23:36 Speaker 02 When I was little, I didn't talk for a long time. I liked things to always be the same. Anything new or different would scare and upset me. I was very sensitive to lights and sounds. It was almost like I had bigger eyes and ears than everyone else.
23:54 Speaker 02 So I built secret hiding places where nothing could get in.
23:58 Speaker 02 I didn't like looking people in the eye. It made me feel uncomfortable.
24:03 Speaker 02 I'd throw big tantrums over little things, like when my socks didn't match.
24:08 Speaker 02 Sometimes, I'd do the same things over and over. Until one day, I found out I had autism. My family got me help. Slowly, I learned how to live with it better.
24:20 Speaker 03 You can see signs of autism in children as young as 18 months. Early intervention can make a lifetime of difference. Learn the signs at AutismSpeaks.org/signs. Brought to you by Autism Speaks and the Ad Council.
Previous 14235 Steve Harper Interviews Dr. Kelly Liius CEO and Founder of Kelly 121 Acupuncture Next 14239 Steve Harper Interviews Marilyn Horowitz Writing Coach/ Author /New York University Professor, Emerita Page updated November 13, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated
