Pod Insights Podcast Business News Network 14215 Steve Harper Interviews Sherri Ann Alexandrovich Owner of New Beginnings Wellness Center About this episode https://www.newbeginningswc.com/ Listen to us live on mytuner-radio, onlineradiobox, fmradiofree.com and streema.com (the simpleradio app)https://onlineradiobox.com/search?cs=us.pbnnetwork1&q=podcast%20business%20news%20network&c=ushttps://www.fmradiofree.com/search?q=podcast+business+news+networkhttps://mytuner-radio.com/search/?q=business+news+networkhttps://streema.com/radios/search/?q=podcast+business+news+network
Transcript 0:06 Speaker 00 Broadcasting from the business capital of the world, this is the Podcast Business News Network.
0:13 Speaker 00 Move your life forward, help you heal, overcome challenges, maybe even have epiphanies. It's so simple and many of us minimize it and say, well, how much can that make a difference? Like really? Come on. Well, it's true. When you write it down, talking about journaling, talking about even, even poetry, if that works for you, but something that comes from your mind to your hand to a page. And I said that in an old school way because it's my understanding too, that the mind to the hand connection is very powerful over typing it. What do I know? Let's find out. Let's talk to somebody who does a lot of this and, and also suggests it for
0:58 Speaker 00 the people that she helps through her mental health organization. They help so many people, she and her team up in Massachusetts, Sherry Ann Alexandrovich, our diamond of the decade, back with us. How are you doing today?
1:10 Speaker 01 I'm doing good, staying warm. How about yourself?
1:12 Speaker 00 Pretty much the same thing. We're in the Northeast, massive snowstorm blizzard overnight. There's something to write about, I would think, right?
1:22 Speaker 01 For sure. How to stay safe, how to stay warm.
1:26 Speaker 00 What is the magic of journaling or just writing things down?
1:32 Speaker 01 So there is so much that goes behind the importance of journaling and, and writing things down. The emotional regulation, that's a big one. It's a big release for us to write things out, to get them out of our head because humans, we have a tendency to perseverate and we will continue to perseverate, we will continue to problem solve until our brain thinks that we've resolved something. The problem when we do it,
2:00 Speaker 01 Inside of our heads is that we kind of forget which angle that we had gone. We forgot which solution makes the most amount of sense. So not just for healing emotional and and physical well being, but also for problem solving is writing it out. What is the problem? What are the different areas that, you know, one, two, three, four? How do we solve this? And then the pro and cons for each. There's one strategy for problem solving. In terms of kind of working through emotionally, there are so many benefits to that because writing using pen and paper, like you had said, it's it's more healing because it's less formal than we're typing.
2:42 Speaker 01 When we're typing, I think we get into the mindset of is it more of a paper? Is it more formal? When we're writing, it feels a little bit more personal. And I know for me that that's also the the case is that it it just feels more personal when you're when you're pen to paper. One of the key elements, I'm sorry, go ahead. Did you have a thought?
3:03 Speaker 00 I agree with you and it's you giving yourself time to think as you write. When we type, we do it so fast that there's not the same kind of intention going into it.
3:16 Speaker 01 Mm hmm, mm hmm, absolutely, yes. And the important thing is that we want to get out of our heads and onto a piece of paper, whatever it is that is going through our brain. So I will give a couple of different exercises out. And and one of them is just kind of a purge journal. So you're not worried about grammar. You're not worried about sentence structure. You're not worried about, does it even make sense? So what I will say to clients is just get a piece of paper, get a journal and just purge it. Write it for fifteen to twenty minutes every day. Get it out of your head, onto a piece of paper. And then I will go the next step and say to my clients, then go back and read it the next day. What were your thoughts?
4:01 Speaker 01 Do you see things a little bit different? Are you processing it differently? Is there a different perspective to that? Because sometimes when we're angry, or we're upset, or we're in the moment of something, what we're thinking could be catastrophic. It could be lined with several different scenarios that may or may not actually be what happened. But that's what our perspective is in the moment. And so, similar to the pause, which I practice and teach all the time, stop, think, speak. It's the same thing with the writing. So when we're writing, we're just gonna, we're gonna purge it, we're gonna get it out, we're not gonna stop and think, we're gonna just say everything that's in our brain onto
4:45 Speaker 01 a piece of paper. Then we can go back the next day, or a couple of days after that, and we wanna reread it and say, was I looking at that from the same perspective? Is there another way that I could have solved that? Is there another way that I could have viewed that? It really helps to open up our perspective-taking, and that can help with increasing our self-awareness, increasing our self-communication, increasing our communication with other people, increasing our relationships. There are so many things that can contribute to going back and rereading, and looking at things from a different angle.
5:22 Speaker 00 Hmm. I very rarely go back and read what I wrote in my journal the next day, so I need to do that. And it was a little bit of work to get out of my head. When I write something, I always wanted to be a comic strip cartoonist, since I was a kid. So, my handwriting is just what you would imagine it to be. Not script, but block lettering, and kinda laid out that way. And it took a little while for me to get out of that, and just sit there, and just rrrr, and write. And the best way I did it was laying in bed, holding my journal up in front of me, where
6:05 Speaker 00 I almost can't write, but I know what I'm writing when I look back at it, and that's all that counts, nobody else is gonna see it.
6:15 Speaker 00 This was my challenge as well. When I first started doing it, I would write things that are challenging me. It was almost like dumping to a friend.
6:25 Speaker 01 Right.
6:26 Speaker 00 And then that worked, it worked well for a while there. But then I found it feeling negative. I found myself not writing positive things down and it almost looked like a B I H session in there because I didn't look at the positive stuff. So I stopped for a little bit, then I got back into it and I would, I would blend the two of them, you know, there's some major stuff going on. Yeah, I don't, I'm gonna, I'm gonna write it as, you know, what's going on there. But I had to reframe it because it just looked like it was like that Debbie Downer, Nancy Negative, you know, that friend you have where it's like, ah, I'm gonna go talk to them. I know what I'm in for. Here we go. They're gonna dump all this negativity and I gotta deal with it and I gotta help them
7:11 Speaker 00 along with it. I was that to myself.
7:13 Speaker 01 So, but you know what? If, if I was your therapist, what I would challenge you to do is to not stop the negative journaling because you're getting out what your thoughts are in the moment. But then I would challenge you to say, then go back and reframe it on paper. So now, not only are you working through what was your original perspective or thought, but you've also now then gone back in and reframed it in a more positive way. And that can be done within an hour, that can be done after you've written it, it can be done the next day, it can be done weeks later. I mean, it really doesn't matter the timeframe of it. It's the processing of it.
7:48 Speaker 00 Yeah.
7:49 Speaker 01 Because we have to be able to get out that negativity and then we have to be able to reframe it, reprocess it, and then be able to think through it. And the only way to really do that is to start from the beginning and, and work its way through incrementally. We can't skip, we can't skip steps. Does that make sense?
8:08 Speaker 00 Totally. And, and I just added more positive stuff in there or, or not even more, just positive stuff in there to, to, because there's always positive things going on, you know? So, but I found that, and I found it being a little more enjoyable, but to your point, you're doing, you're writing for a reason, to purge, to let it out. So if you've got stuff, you know, going on there, that's, you know, that's what you're doing it for. What else can you share with us to make this even more impactful?
8:38 Speaker 01 So I think that one, some of the other benefits that we can kind of talk about are physical and emotional health. What happens when we hold in our stress? We start to get somatic symptoms, physical symptoms from that. Headaches, stomach aches, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep. All of these things build up because we don't have a release for it. And then when we don't have somebody that we know that we can trust, that we can release these things to, or take it a step further, things that we're ashamed of, things that we're embarrassed of, things that we're not ready to share with somebody else. Writing is an excellent way to get that out. Now, if we're in a situation where we're afraid that somebody is going to find our
9:22 Speaker 01 journal, and we write out these really deep thoughts. So when I'm working with a client, what I'll say is, "Bring them into me, and we will shred them." I mean, there's, there's a lot of different exercises that you can do if you don't feel like you have a safe place to keep your journal or your writings. I'm going to say this with caution, but some of the things that we can do aside from shredding are also burning them. I want to be really careful when I say things because I want to make sure that people are safe, we're not just going to burn things in our house, or, you know, kids aren't going to get a hold of lighter. So I say that with caution, that burning is, it's a cathartic way to do something, but it has to be done in a safe environment.
10:05 Speaker 01 So I just want to make sure that I kind of put that out there first. And it's a good way to release things, you know. It helps us to get some of that stuff out from the inside, and then just release it. And I will say to my clients, like, they'll come in and sometimes they'll say, "Okay, leave your trash here. This is, this is my room, is, is for, for you to come, for you to give me your garbage. We're going to talk about it, we're going to process it, we're going to write it out, we're going to do whatever we need to do, and then you're going to leave, and you're going to leave it with me." Now, it's the same thing with journaling, because you're getting it out and you're leaving it with, it might not be a physical person that you're leaving it with, but it's a journal that you're leaving it with. But either way... You're getting it out.
10:49 Speaker 01 And sometimes in in some of the topics, if you've got some heavy trauma, you might not be feel comfortable talking to somebody about that. You may not feel like you wanna share that with somebody, but you still need to be able to get it out. And and what does that look like? Journaling really is the best way. If we try to, I mean, music is a wonderful outlet as well. Exercise really kind of taxes us. Journaling really is a good cathartic way of of releasing that fifteen to twenty minutes a day. Get it out, go back, reread it, think about it, look at it from different perspectives, analyze it, and then be able to come up with something that might feel better. It might feel more healing for you.
11:29 Speaker 01 For me, when I know the last couple of weeks, we've we've read some of my um my poetry. In this past year, it's been probably one of the most challenging years for me that that I can really even remember experiencing. And out of that has really come these this poetry that is just, I mean, some of it's pretty dark, but for me, it's really cathartic. And it just really helps me to be able to process through and and I've noticed that my earlier writings are more kind of just get it out there. And and the the ones that I have written in the last couple of weeks, you can see the transition, you can see where it starts.
12:08 Speaker 00 Hmm.
12:08 Speaker 01 Then you can you can see as you go through the steps than what the outcome is. And so within the body of what I'm writing, there's the beginning, the the the middle, then some of them have obstacles, some of them have roadmaps, some of them have paths. And then at the end, there there's always some level of closure or positivity or hope that that helps you to kind of move it forward. And and that's that for me has been an an extremely beneficial process to to be able to kind of get out. Because some of this stuff, I don't I don't know how to put it into words. I don't I don't really know how to um to express some things because
12:50 Speaker 01 it just feels like there's so much going on inside of my head. But when I start writing, it all makes sense. And it just kind of pours out fluidly.
12:59 Speaker 00 I believe that that is the magic of this as well. In addition to helping you purge, healing and all of that. Being able to look back at it, I regret not doing this sooner. So I could look back at points in my life and see, oh, you know, you moved past that. Oh, I forgot about that. There's a lot, even going back six months, I look back and like, whoa, hey, you know what? You forgot about that. You overcame that, etc.
13:29 Speaker 00 We're talking about writing today and the therapeutic benefits of it. Not just journaling, though. I've heard too. You could write a letter to those who have impacted your life. Your mom, your dad, yourself. What are your thoughts?
13:48 Speaker 01 Absolutely. And I will add to that the open chair. So that's also something that we do in therapy is there's a chair or a person and you switch roles of what it is that you would want to stay and what it is and how you would want to receive it. So that's an exercise that I'll do sometimes with my teenagers more so. Sometimes with an adult. You be the therapist, I'll be the client. You ask me the questions and how do you think that I should respond to that? What would be your advice to me on that? And so sometimes if you can, it's all along the same philosophy is what are the things that you would want to say if your mother was here, if your father was here, if your husband was here, if your wife was here, right?
14:32 Speaker 01 And pretend that I'm that person. It's the same thing as writing that letter. You're writing it out on how you feel. And I think what's important is whenever we communicate or write letters or do these types of processing, we're doing it for ourself. We're not doing it for somebody else because that person may not receive it the way we intended them to. So that is not the purpose of journaling, of letter writing, of the open chair method. None of that is for the benefit of that person. It's always for ourselves, for our own inner healing. Because if we go into it with this well rehearsed letter or this well rehearsed dialogue and that person doesn't respond the way we want them to,
15:16 Speaker 01 we really haven't accomplished anything.
15:20 Speaker 00 Would you say that most of that stuff is probably not something that should be sent?
15:25 Speaker 01 I would say probably the majority of it shouldn't be sent unless it's something that is intended to be sent. And I think, and one of the things that I really hold strongly on when I'm working with clients is always think about your intention. Before you say something, before you do something, before you write something. What is your intention? Because if your intention is to absolve yourself of guilt, is that going to hurt the other person by sharing that? Or is that going to help the other person? And so whenever we have any of these self fulfilling intentions, we really want to be
16:05 Speaker 01 super careful. I had a client one time that disclosed something to her son that happened during her marriage with the father. She did that to absolve her own guilt. And it really essentially backfired and caused a huge rift between her and her son. And so the work that we did in therapy was what was the intention in sharing that information? And that was an important route to get to because all things have a root cause.
16:36 Speaker 01 Everything has a root cause. We don't just do things without having a reason. Or I should say, we rarely do things without having a reason.
16:46 Speaker 00 But the challenge is identifying what the reason is because it could be something in childhood and you don't remember it, you know, it's something that in your subconscious, it could be sitting there. You know, this reminds me, I'm pretty sure I mentioned it before. And actually, there's a text I want to send today about something. And, and as you're saying it, I'm thinking my own advice, and here it is. The three filter before you send it, before you speak it, before you email it, whatever it might be. Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? If you can put it through all three of those, all right, then maybe it's okay to send. But when you start putting it through all three, they probably, you're not going to send it.
17:32 Speaker 01 And I would add a fourth element to that. Send it to yourself.
17:36 Speaker 00 Um, yes, and even if you don't send it to yourself, don't send it. Sit on it 24 hours, kind of the same thing. Just let it sit there and go back and then say, and I found that many times where it's just sitting there and I come back to it. I'm like, I'm over it, delete and then move on.
17:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I will, I will send things to myself if I'm feeling impulsive. If I feel like I need to get it out and I need some resolution around something, I'll just text myself instead of texting another person. And I have found that with the teenage population, that works really good because there's that impulsivity that there's that completion. When you type something and you're angry and you type it as fast as you can and you need to hit send because you think about that feeling you get when you hit send. Right. It's that relief, but then it's the, the outcome could potentially be catastrophic because you sent something you didn't meet, you can't unsend it, right? Now it's out there, it's out there in the universe, that other person has received it. So sometimes if you send it to yourself, you get that same sense of satisfaction.
18:37 Speaker 01 But then when you get it and you read it, you go, oh shit, I mean, oops, I.
18:41 Speaker 00 It's true though, you see it like, oh, I sent that. Um, and there's been, and it, and it works both ways. I've looked at stuff that I've written, even proposals, um, work related. Years later, I'm like, what frame of mind were you in? Damn, that's good. I don't think I could redo that today. But on the flip side of that, you look at some things that you said like, oh, I can't believe I said that I should have. Oh, that's, that's just, oh, that's harsh. Oh, look at the way I worded that.
19:08 Speaker 01 Right. And you know what? The one thing we can't take back is the things that we said. Words have meaning and we cannot, once it's out there. There are some things that we can't take back and you can apologize, you can, you can explain your intention.
19:27 Speaker 01 But the receiver of that information, that's what perseverates. And, and studies have shown statistically, when you look at traumatic events throughout lifetime, what sticks with you, what resonates, it's the words.
19:42 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:42 Speaker 01 The bruises heal, the, um, all of the, the physical abuse, the sexual abuse, those things at some point stop. What you continue to hear is that narrative in your head. You were not worthy, you deserved this, um. You led me on, it was your fault that this happened. That's what eats at your brain and you can't take back those words. Those are words that stick with you, they stick in your heart. And if you don't do anything with them, you absorb them. You absorb them in your soul and they become part of your narrative. And now moving forward, it becomes part of your sense of self. And that's not what we want.
20:26 Speaker 01 So it's really important that, that the, the person who's saying things to always be mindful, always practice that pause, always stop and ask yourself, what is the intention behind saying this? But as the receiver, don't hold on to that. So from the opposite perspective of that, why does that word? Why, why is what that person said concrete? Why is that so etched in stone that we absorb it and we believe it? And that's what I always want to challenge. That's the cognitive restructuring part of therapy is, what is it about that, that is so difficult for, for you to think is not true?
21:08 Speaker 01 Or, or why do you believe that those words are the gospel? Because they're not, that's somebody's opinion.
21:18 Speaker 01 That does not make it right or wrong. That makes it an opinion. And, and that is really difficult to restructure. When, when people, kids have grown up with this negative narrative of who they are or why people have treated them the way that they did. That is such a challenging thing to try to reframe as an adult, when that is stuck with us. And so sometimes there's a lot of shame around that.
21:41 Speaker 00 I find it, I find it so fascinating that.
21:47 Speaker 00 Thousands of years later, with all the technology that we have, everything that's going on nowadays, it comes back to the same thing it did thousands of years ago. A word or two, they mean so much. They did then, they do now. The means of conveying them are a little bit different now. But then, are they really? It's called a pen. You could write it down. You could send a letter. Many people do. And that's even impactful, too. Getting a handwritten letter nowadays is like a mind blow.
22:22 Speaker 01 Right, right, exactly. Yeah. And it's important. I think, you know, I work really hard with, you know, my grandson. He's 11. And one of the things that we talk a lot about is the importance of the pause and stopping and thinking and wording how you say things. And communication, because communication is so important. And, you know, and I see it now. He's actually going to be 12 in April. But he will mirror back my words at me. You know, if I'm saying something, he'll say, "Yeah, yeah, you're really getting elevated right now."
22:55 Speaker 00 Wow.
22:57 Speaker 01 I die, I die laughing, right? And I will stop in that moment and I'll say, "Yeah, I am, you're right, I am getting elevated." And it's just enough to get me to stop and think, "What is it about that that was causing me to kind of get..." So, I mean, and you notice the language wasn't, "Don't yell at me." It wasn't, "Why are you yelling at me?" It was a soft tone of, "It sounds like you're getting elevated, Yaya. Why are you getting elevated?" So, it's how it was worded. Because we're not going to receive from a child, "Don't yell at me." "Why are you raising your voice?" Or, "Why are you angry?" Because now we're going to get into this defensive mode, right? So, it's all about teaching our children how to communicate. So, they feel heard, they feel supported,
23:42 Speaker 01 and they also understand what it is that's happening that's causing you to feel elevated. Before you lose your cool and end up giving out a punishment that you can't stand by, which goes to inconsistency. And then we wonder why kids continue to tantrum. And God, that's another whole segment we could do. But, right? The importance of communication. It's all about how we present something. And we want to always communicate the way that we want to be communicated, too. Right, so it's a mirror. Everything is a mirror on how are we receiving something? And how is, how is it that we want you to hear it?
24:19 Speaker 00 I am so looking forward to writing in my journal tonight. It's been a while.
24:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:24 Speaker 00 Um, it's one of the, you know, we had this big snowstorm. It's kind of seems like, you know, put the fire on.
24:30 Speaker 01 Absolutely.
24:31 Speaker 00 But I'm not going to tell you where I keep it.
24:34 Speaker 00 You're available to help anybody, anywhere. Uh, of course, you're in Massachusetts, but you know, virtual makes it easy. Newbeginningswc.com. Is that right?
24:44 Speaker 01 New beginnings. Well, yes. Yep. Newbeginningswc.com is the website. Correct.
24:48 Speaker 00 Sherri Ann, always great having you on here. Um, thank you for reinforcing how important it is to, to write it down. I really appreciate it. We'll talk soon. Okay?
24:56 Speaker 01 Okay. Sounds good. Thank you so much.
24:58 Speaker 00 We'll be right back.
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