Pod Insights Personally Discount Dave (and the Fix), Episode 1: I Runneth with the Devil About this episode Becca, a hedonistic actor, spots a familiar face in a courtroom, and is hurled back to a cocaine fueled night 14 years earlier, when her best friend’s date with David Lee Roth took an unexpected turn. In the past, when Talia tells Becca she’s going out with the lead singer of the iconic rock band Van Halen, Becca wants a piece of the action. So she invites the two of them to come party backstage at the Shakespeare festival she’s working at. It’s a wild night that becomes Becca’s go-to party story, but years later, she takes a closer look that sends her down a harrowing new path.
"I Runneth with the Devil," is an Official Selection of the 2026 Tribeca Audio Festival.
Hear all episodes of Personally: Discount Dave (and the Fix) now, early and ad-free, on CBC Stories Premium on Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/channel/cbc-stories/id6443681642.
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hi, I just had to tell you that I think your podcast has changed my life.
0:06 Speaker 01 Season one of Sold a Story hit a nerve. It was about teaching kids to read.
0:11 Speaker 02 We have gotten this wrong in New York and all across the nation.
0:15 Speaker 01 Now we're back with a new season. This time, we go beyond reading.
0:19 Speaker 00 I've literally been told by my district that I should not be teaching math. I should be facilitating math.
0:26 Speaker 01 I'm Emily Hanford. Go to your podcast app and follow Sold a Story.
0:31 Speaker 03 This is a CBC Podcast.
0:34 Speaker 04 What you're about to hear really happened. Well, most of it. Like the drug use. Yeah, there's some of that, so be mindful. However, some stuff I had to change. I took some creative liberties. And some of it just wasn't my story to tell. I will say, the most honest part of this piece is the emotional journey of the main character. She's a version of me, but not the entirety of me. I guess she's like the shadow version of me. And the shadow version sometimes runs the show.
1:23 Speaker 04 This courtroom smells like dog. There aren't a lot of people here. The accused has their back to me. Long, stringy hair. I think he is a she until... Oh my god, that's him.
1:38 Speaker 04 I want to get closer. But I find a seat in the back row next to Anthony from The Citizen. Close talker. He's allowed a computer because he's a journalist. I'm allowed a notepad because I'm not.
1:53 Speaker 04 Opening arguments, the setup. I listen, take notes, listen, take notes. I'm a good listener. First rule of acting, listen, then react. No, not here. Don't react here.
2:08 Speaker 04 I have to pee. Don't get up, don't distract. I hold my breath, hold my pee. Listen harder. Kind of dry. Not very theatrical. Not like in the movies. I slip into a brief daydream where the man with the stringy hair turns around and spots me. A dramatic moment of recognition. Although I'm certain he wouldn't, it's been 14 years.
2:34 Speaker 04 The plaintiff, I don't know, complainant? I don't know, I don't know what to call her. I don't know her name. They couldn't mention it in the papers. Publication ban. I won't give her a name either, she'll be nameless. But she'll have to be a character. I'll play her, I'll play them all. Except the dog. The dog. There he is. Calm, at her feet. Caber. An old yellow lab, close to retirement. I've read about him in the paper. His nickname? The Dogfather. My eyes shift from defendant to complainant. From his fidgeting to hers, then his again. He leans forward, left knee bouncing. Making sure his lawyer's doing right by him.
3:19 Speaker 04 She's confident. Dressed to the nines. Laying it all out for us. Everyone has great posture in stilettos.
3:28 Speaker 04 The complainant leans back, stares at the ceiling. Out of her element, in a blazer. Pressed shirt, neck tattoo, peekaboo. She chews the skin off her bottom lip. She reminds me of Talia. And me. And I can't get that fucking Van Halen song out of my head.
4:01 Speaker 04 For CBC's Personally, this is Discount Dave and the Fix.
4:07 Speaker 04 I'm Rebecca Auerbach.
4:12 Speaker 04 Episode One. I Runneth with the Devil.
4:38 Speaker 04 It's 2005. My first big acting job at a Shakespeare Festival in Vancouver. My first summer not working at the pub. There are three shows in the season. Hamlet's on the small stage and I am on the main stage. And as you like it, I'm playing Phoebe, the country wench. In Love's Labour's Lost, I'm playing Jack Winetta, the country wench. It's a Wednesday. So I'm having trouble getting into my corset because I've just eaten a Philly cheesesteak when...
5:07 Speaker 04 Hey! It's Talia. She's my best friend. We used to work at the pub together, you know, before I became a classical actress.
5:14 Speaker 05 Hi, yeah, it's not a good time. I'm just at the 15-minute call.
5:18 Speaker 04 Great. Quick question. Do you know who David Lee Roth is?
5:24 Speaker 05 Yeah. Lead singer of Van Halen, why?
5:26 Speaker 04 Oh. Who's Van Halen? This frustrates me, but I remind myself that knowing Van Halen doesn't make you an intellectual.
5:34 Speaker 05 You know, the 80s rock band, glam metal vibe, pretty iconic.
5:38 Speaker 04 Okay.
5:39 Speaker 05 Eddie Van Halen, guitar player. My front man was David Lee Roth, also known as Diamond Dave.
5:45 Speaker 04 Uh-huh.
5:46 Speaker 05 Come on, you know the hits: "Jump," "Hot for Teacher," "Annumba."
5:51 Speaker 04 Like, the Canal? I think I got Talia hooked on cocaine. It was an accident. I've been doing a lot of it and she had never tried it, so I gave her some after work at the pub like six months ago and she really liked it and now she's doing it all the time. Okay, so this David Lee Roth guy has been going into my sister's tanning salon for a couple of months now and she wants to set us up. Should I go? What? Oh my god, you have to. To go. If you don't go, I'll go. I can smell the envy seeping through my pores.
6:29 Speaker 04 I mean, I get it. Talia's hot, like stunningly beautiful. It's irritating. Sometimes I just stare at her mouth. Also, she has a car. But she also kept her hair in the same updo for like seven months. It morphed into one giant dreadlock, which I spent two days detangling. Anyway, Talia and David Lee Roth, they set up a date for Sunday. And in the days leading up to the date, I give Talia a full tutorial on Diamond Dave. Should've been me. I bring her albums, T-shirts. This is real, miss. Should've been me. I share videos of his solo stuff. The brown Eminem. Should've been me. I bring her research, fun facts, an autobiography called Crazy From The Heat. But I just, I just, I can't.
7:13 Speaker 04 I just can't stop fantasizing about the circumstances in which David Lee Roth is seduced by me.
7:20 Speaker 04 I don't know if Talia is sexually sophisticated enough to handle him. Like, she's more country, I'm more rock and roll. Should've been me.
7:28 Speaker 04 But how would I explain that to sweet boyfriend? Sweet boyfriend is just such a... Sweet boyfriend. He has this gift for making everyone feel like the most important person in the room. We've been together for three years, and I have never loved or partied with anyone so hard. If I shag David Lee Roth, he might even be proud of me.
7:50 Speaker 04 Anyway, Friday rolls around, and it's... What's up? Hey, so he wants to know if I want to be picked up with the limo or the hog? What's a hog? It's a motorcycle. Yeah, go with that. The hog. Hands down, the hog. See? Should've been...
8:07 Speaker 04 Anyway. Sunday rolls around, so it's date night for Talia. But the cast and crew are heavily invested in how this unfolds, so it's kind of date night for all of us. It's the final show of the week. What need have I of silver, silk, or bed? When lust and noise do fill my hungry head? I runneth with the devil, still I flee. I runneth with the devil, and he with me. Thunderous applause!
8:40 Speaker 04 We all head backstage. It's a day off tomorrow, so everyone has their bottle of choice. I've got my baggie of choice, and...
8:48 Speaker 04 How's it going?
8:50 Speaker 04 He's wearing a beret. It's going really well. I think he likes me. He's not drinking, but whatever, it's fine. People are starting to recognize him, though. Where should I take him? I tell her to take him to the pub. The pub that she works at, the one I used to work at. She'll be on her own turf. It'll be empowering for her. An hour later...
9:10 Speaker 04 Everyone here is freaking out. It's getting intense. They're asking for autographs. Where should we go? Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. Well, you know, you could always, uh, bring him down here. She agrees. You know, "Thanks. See you soon." "You're welcome. See you soon." We hang up, and it's, "David Lee Roth is coming here. David Lee Roth is coming here." I jump on the green room couch. David Lee Roth is coming here!
9:36 Speaker 04 Twenty-five classical actors are bouncing off the walls.
9:41 Speaker 04 Soon, I hear it. Then I see it. Motorcycle headlights beaming down the road. The Hog is here! I meet them at the gates. David Lee Roth gets off the bike. I do a quick scan. Black beret, tanned, wrinkly skin, bleachedy blonde hair, black-and-white striped shirt. He's like a rock-and-roll Marcel Marceau. Hi, David Lee Roth. Welcome hither. He grabs me and pulls me close. I've heard a lot about you. He dips me and sticks his tongue down my throat, and it's, "Ew." But yes, but no, but yes, it is on! I escort them to the green room, and the wolves descend. Horatio, juiced up, still in tights, rushes him, hot breath at his neck.
10:23 Speaker 04 I was such a huge fan, man. Am a huge fan. Still am, still am. Would you sign my arm? He tells us a bunch of wild stories from his glory days in the band. He sings "Happy Birthday" to one of the actors. He sings quite a bit, actually. Queen Gertrude, seventy-three, gets him to sign her tits. "Solid move. I approve." And I get him to sign my lefty. And there it is. In fat, black Sharpie. David Lee Roth. All of a sudden, Hamlet runs up, and it's, "Sign my tits." Then Talia, she's all, "He's had enough. Yeah, he's getting overwhelmed again. We gotta go." "Yeah, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Hey, maybe we can meet up later?" They climb onto the Hog and take off into the night.
11:08 Speaker 04 Five minutes later, I'm having a smoke, patting myself on the back for making this such a special, memorable night for everyone, when Hamlet pulls me aside. Hey, so I, uh, I don't think that was David Lee Roth.
11:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, I just got off the phone with a friend of mine, and he says that some guy has been coming into his bar pretending to be David Lee Roth. It's funny because his name is actually David, but yeah, he just, he just looks a lot like him.
11:42 Speaker 04 Oh shit, we need to find Talia. We need to find Talia right away.
11:55 Speaker 00 Hi, I just had to tell you that I think your podcast has changed my life.
12:02 Speaker 01 Season one of Sold a Story hit a nerve. It was about teaching kids to read.
12:06 Speaker 02 We have gotten this wrong in New York and all across the nation.
12:10 Speaker 01 Now we're back with a new season. This time, we go beyond reading.
12:14 Speaker 00 I've literally been told by my district that I should not be teaching math. I should be facilitating math.
12:21 Speaker 01 I'm Emily Hanford. Go to your podcast app and follow Sold a Story.
12:31 Speaker 04 Talia is not answering her phone or my text messages. So Hamlet and I, we grab the assistant stage manager and we hit the road. We make a pit stop at his place. I just got a change out of my flip flops, you know, just in case I need to kick some shit. We hop in his car, we search the city for hours. We go downtown, not there. East side, west side, not there, not there. We drive to her house, not there. We regroup at an all-night restaurant. It's almost 4 a.m., we're almost defeated, but...
13:03 Speaker 04 We'll go back to her house one last time before we call it a night, right? Right. Right. We pull up at Talia's for the second time, and the hog is parked. Then it's...
13:16 Speaker 04 Hi. You guys, I'm on a date. I push past her, prowl down the hall to find this guy, this guy, this fucking guy, this greasy-haired, French mime impostor motherfucker, who all of a sudden doesn't look anything like David Lee Roth, sitting on her couch with his shirt off, playing her guitar. David Lee Roth? He pauses, puts the guitar down. I never said I was. Oh, yeah? I pull out my left tit, his signature scrawled across it. David Lee Roth. He doesn't protest, just walks out, shameless, calm. Talia is mute. And then...
14:01 Speaker 04 She can't stop laughing.
14:14 Speaker 04 Hamlet and the stage manager leave. I got us some lines. Then, it's dawn. We need to wash this off. We need to rehydrate, recuperate, recalibrate. The best place to remedy this?
14:30 Speaker 04 The Vancouver East Hastings Steam and Sauna.
14:35 Speaker 04 It's pretty dingy. I'm pretty sure they clean the rooms between uses. I've taken a few guys there. Not proud of it, pretty sure I am. We spend an hour and a half in the sauna, sweating out any evidence of the night before. What a dick, what a dick. You don't need that dick, fuck that dick. What a little useless dick. We, you and me, we are all we need, we are all we've got. Next, we go for a beer, start light, a Corona. Then move on to wine, shake it off. We should call the radio station, tell them there's a rock star impostor on the loose. Then it's whiskey and we're getting loose.
15:11 Speaker 04 C-Fox, hello, long-time listener. Okay, bear with me here, crazy, crazy story for you, coming at ya. There's a David Lee Roth impersonator, like impostor dude. He's roaming around the city, convincing people that he's Diamond Dave. He's pretty good at it, he's scamming people. And I thought that you guys should know to, uh, protect the rock and rollers of the Lower Mainland.
15:44 Speaker 04 Then it's shots, shots, shots, then it's...
15:48 Speaker 04 That swift fisting of the first line. "Everything's fine!" Then more, then more, then more. "And he left? Where's the rest?" Then it's 2 AM again, and it's... "Should we call the guy?" "Yeah, call the guy." "You gonna call the guy, or should I?" "Call the fucking guy!" "Did you call the guy?" "Who called the guy?" Then the guy comes, and we've got plenty more. And when that runs out, we swear there's some missing. We've misplaced it. We spend hours looking for a missing flap, or a missing bag, and we turn the house upside down, because we swear it's there, because there was another bag, we are sure of it. When we're really out, then we have to sleep. We haven't slept in two days. Fuck, I have to sleep. Fuck, I have a show tomorrow. Fuck, I have a show today! Fuck, fuck, fuck! I have to sleep.
16:29 Speaker 04 Now, any doctor will tell you, uppers and downers don't mix. But they're a great combo. Because the come-down is harsh. Whatever is down, down, deep in here, starts to crawl out, and you're peeking around every corner of your psyche, wondering what's there. We usually pop a Gravol, but today feels special. Calls for a Percocet. Takes the edge off, so you won't crawl out of your skin, you will not feel ill or paranoid. You will not be worried about a thing, because the Percocet is doing its thing, and... Here, take this.
17:04 Speaker 04 I am falling down. Down into a deep, cracked-out slumber.
17:14 Speaker 04 Still crossing my fingers under the sheets. Crossing my fingers that my heart doesn't stop.
17:22 Speaker 04 Because that happens sometimes. To some people. Their hearts just stop.
17:32 Speaker 04 I start telling the story of this discount David Lee Roth to anyone who will listen. And then Hamlet's like, "Yeah, uh, I don't think that was David Lee Roth."
17:45 Speaker 04 It kills, every time. This one day, Talia and I are waiting for our breakfast bagels, when... She looks distracted. So, did you actually end up calling the radio station? You were there. Right. Don't you remember? I do, kinda. But it's a blur. Oh, they loved it. Talia looks at her phone, giggles, puts it down. Yeah, I didn't want to tell you, but I'm kinda still texting with him. Oh, my god. I know. Have you seen him again? No, no, we're just, you know. Why? She looks down. I don't know. He told me he likes me. And that feels good.
18:34 Speaker 04 Years pass. I move cities, I tell the Discount Dave story. I fall in and out of love, I tell the Discount Dave story. Things get a little crazy and, well, you'll see. The Discount Dave story becomes my party trick, and I perfect it. But I don't really think that much about him until 14 years later, when it occurs to me to look him up. I Google him, and I see the headline in bold across my screen. David Lee Roth wannabe arrested renting six guitars at an Abbotsford Longham McQuade? And wham, his mugshot. That guy, that guy, that fucking guy. That's him, he's there. And his crooked fucking mouth and his greasy fucking hair, right there, right there. And the next thing you know, it's...
19:18 Speaker 04 I've set a Google alert and... Now I never miss a thing, and the list of accusations is gnarly and long, and... Discount Dave is about to have his day in court. And the trial? The trial is an hour away? I gotta go see what this motherfucker has been up to.
19:48 Speaker 04 You've been listening to Discount Dave and the Fix from CBC's Personally. The show is written, produced, and hosted by me, Rebecca Auerbach. My director, dramaturge, and producer is Aviva Armour-Astroff. Original music, sound design, and mix by Michelle Macklem. Our senior producer is Veronica Simmons. Anna Ashitay is our coordinating producer. Executive producers are Cecil Fernandez and Chris Oak. Tanya Springer is the senior manager, and Araf Noorani is the director of CBC Podcasts.
20:24 Speaker 04 Tune in next week for an all-new episode of Personally: Discount Dave and the Fix. Or you can listen to next week's episode now by subscribing to our CBC Stories Premium channel on Apple Podcasts. Just click on the link in the show description.
20:40 Speaker 03 For more CBC podcasts, go to cbc.ca/podcasts.
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