Christopher D. Connors on How to Become a Champion Leader | EP 635

In this powerful episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles sits down with Christopher D. Connors—executive coach to Fortune 100 leaders, bestselling author of The Champion Leader, and top instructor on LinkedIn Learning—to explore what it really takes to lead with impact in today’s fast-moving world. Christopher breaks down the difference between reactive and intentional leadership and shares the daily practices that help elite performers stay focused, resilient, and human-centered. From the strategic prioritization habits of Susan Wojcicki to the hidden superpower of psychological safety, this conversation is packed with actionable frameworks and mindset shifts to help you become the kind of leader people want to follow. Visit this link for the full show notes. Go Deeper: The Ignited LifeIf this episode stirred something in you, The Ignited Life is where the transformation continues. Each week, I share behind-the-scenes insights, science-backed tools, and personal reflections to help you turn intention into action. Subscribe🔗 and get the companion resources delivered straight to your inbox. Catch more of Christopher Connors: https://chrisdconnors.comIf you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally. How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMilesFollow him on Instagram at @John_R_MilesSubscribe to our main YouTube Channel and to our YouTube Clips ChannelFor more insights and resources, visit John’s websiteConnect with John Pre-Order The Mattering Effect: https://matteringeffect.com/Book John to Speak: https://johnrmiles.com/speaking/Keynotes, books, podcast, and resources: https://linktr.ee/John_R_MilesChildren’s Book — You Matter, Luma: https://youmatterluma.com/Substack: https://www.theignitedlife.net/Support the Movement: https://startmattering.com/. Every human deserves to feel seen, valued, and like they matter. Wear it. Live it. Show it. DisclaimerThe Passion Struck podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. The views and opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect those of Passion Struck...

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00John R. Miles?

  Coming up next on Passion Struck.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  I define self-awareness really as knowing the content of your character. And you start to shift from there to recognizing and perceiving how others see you. And then processing and reflecting on those thoughts. But no question about it, really in the end, where you come full circle is being able to get feedback from people that you trust. And the key word there being trust. It's not always going to be the people that you like. It might sometimes come from people that you may not yet have a relationship with. But if you truly know that they're going to shoot you straight.

• 0:39John R. Miles?

  Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck.

• 1:22John R. Miles?

  Welcome to episode 613 of Passion Struck. I'm your host, John Miles. And whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. Together, we're part of a growing global movement grounded in one bold idea. You are not made to drift. You were made to lead. Lead yourself, lead others, and lead a life that matters. This month, we're diving into our latest series, The Power to Change, a journey into what it really takes to evolve, not by just changing what you do, but by transforming who you are. In episode 634, I sat down with Kayla Shaheen, the bestselling author of The Shadow Work

• 2:03John R. Miles?

  Journal, about healing in public emotional integration and how journaling can help you reclaim the parts of yourself you've long ignored. Tomorrow in episode 636, I'll be exploring how self-awareness shapes your outer world with a solo episode on emotional literacy. The Courage to Meet Your Shadow and How Inner Work Leads to Sustainable Self-Leadership. And if you're new here or want to go deeper, we've created something special. Check out our curated playlist at theignitedlife.net/playlists. Their starter packs designed to help you explore themes like purpose, resilience, mindset mastery, and relational healing. Your perfect on-ramp to the Passion Struck journey.

• 2:44John R. Miles?

  But first, today's guest takes us into the heart of leadership transformation, starting from within. I'm joined by Christopher D. Connors, executive coach to Fortune 100 leaders, top LinkedIn learning instructor, and bestselling author of The Champion Leader. Christopher's mission is simple but powerful, to develop leaders who model authenticity, build trust, and prioritize what matters most. In this episode, we explore why mastering your time, not just managing it, is the true secret of elite performance. How to use the Eisenhower Matrix to Separate Noise from Signals. We go into how former YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki built high-impact influence while raising five children.

• 3:27John R. Miles?

  And why camaraderie, connection, and clarity aren't just cultural bonuses, they're strategic advantages. Whether you're leading a team of one or a thousand, or you're simply trying to lead yourself more effectively, this episode delivers the framework stories and mindset shifts to level up your leadership in your life. So let's get into it. Here's my conversation with the insightful and inspiring Christopher Connors. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

• 4:06John R. Miles?

  I am so excited today to welcome Christopher Connors to the Passion Struck Podcast. Welcome, Chris. How are you today?

• 4:13Speaker 01

  I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me, John.

• 4:16John R. Miles?

  As I was doing my research on you, it seemed that you and I have a similar upbringing. I heard another episode where you were asked what your life was like when you were a seven year old and you ended up describing it in a very similar way to how I would have described my own life. I grew up with great parents, but parents who believed that they gave you the basics and if you wanted something beyond the basics, they wanted you to earn it. At a very young age, I started to work. I think I was in fifth or sixth grade when I started my first paper route. And similar to you, when I got old enough, I worked in grocery stores. Can you go back and tell me how that type of upbringing has grounded you?

• 5:01Speaker 01

  I think it's really a riff off of what you said. It showed me that you do have to earn what you want in life. We grew up, three really big boys and a mom and dad in a relatively small two-bedroom apartment. And my mom and dad were, I think fortunately, a lot of people might say this, just two of the best parents, probably the two best parents I ever could have asked for. And they instilled a lot of great values in us, taught us to work hard, taught us to have a positive attitude. And even mentioning what you said, it brings me back memories of tagging along on my brother's paper route, the Newsday on Long Island. And I used to shovel snow and that was how I got my first video game system. And my parents weren't the type of folks that were just gonna say, hey, we'll

• 5:44Speaker 01

  go down to the store and buy it for you. So you gotta earn it, buddy. So that type of upbringing does a lot. And I think that I'm the kind of person that I come back to how I was raised. And a lot of those things that my mom and dad taught me and my two brothers when we were growing up are things that I think both consciously and subconsciously come back to me every day.

• 6:07John R. Miles?

  Yeah, I grew up in Pennsylvania. I remember when I was in middle school and then high school, we almost loved and wanted snow days, just so three or four of us could get together and we'd walk the neighborhood and just knock on as many doors as we possibly could shovel their snow. And then, of course, during the summers, mow their lawns. I was trying to find any entrepreneurial thing I could do to make money. So I love the intersection. So I want to start this conversation out like this. We're going to be talking a lot today about emotional intelligence. And for me, I'm a little bit older than you. And I first heard

• 6:47John R. Miles?

  of this term somewhere around 2003, 2004 timeframe. And at the time, my career was going gangbusters. I was a vice president at Lowe's. I was the youngest vice president in the history of the company. I was on this rocket ship trajectory. Corn Ferry had just come in to do this assessment of all the VPs up and I had been put in the coveted right-hand quadrant of someone who could someday become a C-level or perhaps the CEO of the company. And then I'm doing my out interview with an organizational psychologist named Brigitte, who was leading

• 7:31John R. Miles?

  their engagement. And she said something that stopped me in my tracks. She quoted the Marshall Goldsmith book, What Got You Here Isn't Going to Get You to Where You Want to Be. And when she told me that, I was really furious, to tell you the truth, at the time, because everything had come easy to me to that point. And it didn't really dawn on me until the months and actually years after that, that what she was really talking about was, as you got more senior in your career, emotional intelligence would play. A more key role because as I got senior, the technical aspects of my job became less

• 8:13John R. Miles?

  and the people side of them became more. How did you first discover emotional intelligence? And it's key.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  I go back to what you just asked me a few minutes ago. My mom and dad, my mom is one of the most emotionally intelligent people that I've ever known. She's been my mom, she's been a conversationalist, she's been, to be very candid, a therapist of sorts at times, I think. And the older I've gotten, I remember she said something to me about 15 years ago, she said, "I'll always be your mom," she said, "but now that you're grown up, I'm your friend, too." And I think having someone that in every conceivable way exhibited empathy, listening, showing that she cared, and even going back to a few minutes ago, my parents made it known on a daily basis, it was just unmistakable how much we were loved, how much

• 9:03Speaker 01

  they cared for us, how much they were our biggest fans. And so it really did start, as I like to say, local. And I think if nothing else, John, I think I was blessed with, blessed and sometimes cursed with an analytical mind. I've just always observed how people feel, and the words that we say, and the actions that we take, how it makes us feel, but how it makes them feel in return. And as you mentioned, I know that I started on a career path, I think we have this in common, that I had worked at Who's Alan Hamilton, and very much saw in my tenure there, that the people that were advancing and the people

• 9:42Speaker 01

  that were really growing in their careers were people that seemed to get that ability to adapt the art and nuance of being able to communicate effectively with, that was guided by empathy, that was guided by, I care what this person thinks about what I have to say. And total agreement with what you said, as I think now about my career, doing a lot of executive and leadership coaching with managers and leaders from some of the biggest companies in the world, that mantra repeats itself over and over again. It's IQ is going to get you there in many instances, but it's EQ that is going to take you to that next level because you absolutely need to understand both your own employees,

• 10:27Speaker 01

  but most certainly your customers.

• 10:30John R. Miles?

  I have a really profound Booz Allen story that emphasizes this. I started similar to you and McLean and worked out at Tyson's Corner and then they redeployed me as some of the Navy's institutions were shifting to San Diego, specifically Spay War, to move out to San Diego and to help start their new technology practice out there. And I loved it because at that time, we had both the commercial side and the government side and being in cybersecurity and technology, we were covering both disciplines. So I would work on Qualcomm and work on government type

• 11:12John R. Miles?

  of projects. But I was attending this conference at the time and I had always loved muscle cars, especially Corvettes. And I happened to see this gentleman, had no idea who he was, but we were on a break and he was wearing a Corvette jacket. And so I decided to go up and start talking to him. And he happened to ask me, does Booz Allen happen to do any distance learning? Long story short, I had just been back for briefings at headquarters and had been briefed that we had just finished the largest distance learning project in the world for the Army National Guard. Long story short, I used EQ to build up a relationship with Wayne Hameloff,

• 11:56John R. Miles?

  was his name. And it turns out he was the civilian head instructor of Top Gun. And I kept up a relationship with him over the next 18 to 24 months. And fast forward, two years later, we were awarded a program called, I guess it was called Top Fighter Online or Top Gun Online, something like that. It's been a long time, but it ended up turning into 100 million plus project per year for Booz Allen. And it all started with the power of Using emotional intelligence to have a conversation to learn the human side of who Wayne was, and that humanity ended up forging a relationship that ended up creating initially

• 12:41John R. Miles?

  like a $5 to $10 million contract, but turned into the long-term relationship that it became.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Truly awesome story right there. And that's, you're right, it is, it's the humanity. I say it all the time. It begins, whether we want to derisively refer to it as small talk, I look at it as curiosity. If you're genuinely curious about getting to know people, it is the relationships in the end. And that's certainly testament to that.

• 13:07John R. Miles?

  Chris, today we're discussing your latest book, The Champion Leader. Subtitle is Harnessing the Power of Emotional Intelligence to Build High-Performing Teams. Hence why I wanted to ask you about emotional intelligence. Early in the book, you say that the evolution of leadership begins with self-awareness. How can a leader tell if they're truly self-aware or just self-convinced?

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Great question. I think it's, in this instance, twofold. You begin with you, and I define self-awareness really as knowing the content of your character. And you start to shift from there to recognizing and perceiving how others see you, and then processing and reflecting on those thoughts. But no question about it, really in the end, where you come full circle is being able to get feedback from people that you trust. And the key word there being trust. It's not always going to be the people that you like. It might sometimes come from people that you may not yet have a relationship with. But if you truly know

• 14:12Speaker 01

  that they're going to shoot you straight, you can come and get feedback. I'm even fond of saying too, sometimes just saying to people, hey, I'd love to get your advice in this situation on how you felt that I did in that recent meeting. And I think asking people open-ended questions, coming with humility, but coming with confidence, showing that you're very open and receptive to it. I think where we really intersect is that for me, self-awareness does first begin with knowing yourself. And I always say, for me, it begins with having a game plan that starts with passion. And I think that's where I realized we have so much in common is that I've learned

• 14:52Speaker 01

  that at every step of my career, but also in my personal life, just relating with other people, being a high school and college athlete, being someone that's coached high school sports and youth sports. Everything begins with that passion that you have for why you're even showing up in the first place. And then from there, I talk about having that passion, knowing your core values, instilling aspects like respect and honesty blends out to your purpose, why you're doing what you're doing, knowing your skills and strengths that define the impact that you hope to have. And then it's mission and goals, how you define success and the desired results that you're hoping to achieve. And I think what I have learned in my own career and I've learned in working with other people is that

• 15:37Speaker 01

  we, that might seem simple, passion, values, purpose, mission, goals. It seems very simple in terms of the construct of having that self-awareness game plan, but it's actually one of the hardest things that you're ever going to sit down to do, to process that information for yourself, but to then try to vet that and gain feedback from others along your journey so that I think that you are truly knowing yourself and you're not just self-convinced. It's having that other outward guidance that comes from other people that both validates vets and in some cases might reject some of the notions that you formed about yourself.

• 16:15John R. Miles?

  Thank you for sharing that, Chris. And I've been fortunate on this podcast to have both Gary Vaynerchuk and his right-hand HR person Claude Silver on the show. And Gary, I've always thought of being one of those people who tends to be ahead of the game. And so it was of no surprise to me that he was the first to come up with this idea of having a chief heart officer, which Claude Silver became. And I'm going to tie this into your book because you describe emotional intelligence as the heartbeat of high performance.

• 16:53John R. Miles?

  What do most people misunderstand about EQ and leadership? And do you think it was a smart idea for Gary Vee to create a chief heart officer instead of a chief human resources officer?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  I think so. That's a lot of what empathy is to me. But we think about, as Daniel Goldman had originally defined, and I'll even just go back a step further. It's emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our emotions. And it's the ability to recognize, understand and influence other people. I think a great way to influence other people is coming from the heart, coming with authenticity, leading with empathy, showing that we care, being there to listen to somebody and taking a genuine curiosity, as you said perfectly before, in who they are as a human being. And then we go to the pillars of EQ as Daniel Goldman originally defined.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  Self-awareness, self-management or self-regulation, empathy, social skill and motivation. And I think that when you actually begin to break down what all of those things are, you begin to realize just how important leadership from the heart is, which is very human. It's very personalized. I use the word individualized a lot in my work, which is even further defined as a Clifton strength, which is just really going all in to get to know someone, to understand their motivations and their motivating factors. And then the empathy piece comes around in the end. Meeting them where they're at to try to support them every inch of the way in terms of how they're relating to others, how they're getting their job done.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  But helping them both from a personal development and career development standpoint, really get to where they want to be. And I think the more that we think about that, if you have that champion, if you have that individual that you know deep down inside really cares about where you personally are trying to get to go, it's going to lead to more conversations. It's going to lead to more candor. It's going to lead to a mutually beneficial partnership and relationship for everybody.

• 19:04John R. Miles?

  So you just alluded to the core elements of emotional intelligence. Which one do you think is the hardest to master and how does someone begin the work?

• 19:17Speaker 01

  I think self-awareness is the hardest one to master. I'm always amazed at when I first have conversations with people, how many people have not defined success for themselves? I think the question that you just asked, and I would ask the audience to play it back. It seems like a simple question. It's not an easy question to answer, right? We might think that defining success is, well, that's a basic thing. But when I have conversations with people, you'd be amazed to find out they're not giving you their definition. They're giving you the definition of the role that they're in or the definition of success that their manager gave them. And so I think when you bring it back, the fertile ground that begins with passion, begins with values.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  It begins with really knowing your skills and God-given talent, blending that with why you're doing it in the first place. That leads to being able to define success. So to get to that point takes work, to define success for yourself takes courage. So I think it starts with self-awareness as we begin to climb up the leadership ladder. I think it really becomes more about social skill. You know, there's a lot of unspoken, I almost think of the metaphor from baseball, John, the unwritten rules of baseball. You don't steal a base when you're up nine runs in the eighth inning. Social skill is similar. There's certain situations where I think it's wiser to not speak at all and be an empathetic listener.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  And there's certain nuances of social skill that are really reminding you, hey, this is a situation where I might need to assert myself. I might need to speak up or stand up for this person. I might need to vouch for the credibility of someone. It's an example of a recent coaching client that I've had where a senior vice president at a Fortune 500 company really laid their reputation on the line for someone that they know is a high performer, but. Had done a little bit to damage their reputation in the organization. But that individual felt in the end that that was a battle worth fighting. And that was a situation where instead of sitting back, it was worth asserting themselves. It was worth looking to have conversations like that.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  And so I think that as you begin to advance, and I know that you've surely seen this a lot, and I see it a lot in working with senior leaders. It's really more about that nuance of social skill, being an effective communicator, which always starts with listening.

• 21:42John R. Miles?

  It definitely does. And I think what people don't realize about listening, and I had a really profound conversation with a Harvard professor named Alison Wood Brooks. And she teaches this course, I love the name, How to Talk Gooder in Business and Life. Simplifies it, but we don't think about listening as a lost art. And that when we're listening, it's really not only hearing the other person, but it's putting a mirror up to ourselves because we can see ourselves if we truly listen in the stories and the phrases and responses that the other person provides to us. And it helps us grow. And I think people don't realize how important that growth is.

• 22:24John R. Miles?

  And one of the other things I found reading the book is something that I wrote about in my book, Passion Struck, as well. And that is mindset is the foundation. We both believe in emotional management. And to me, it's really important because it causes a shift from someone reacting emotionally to one of my favorite topics, which is responding intentionally. And I think being intentional about how we form our relationships, how we speak to another person, how we're showing up. Is something that you intentionally have to start building like a muscle into

• 23:09John R. Miles?

  how you bring that presence, not only to work, but also in your personal relationships as well. What are your thoughts?

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Absolutely. I use this quote all the time. I know it's a quote that's worn and well-used, but it's the Maya Angelou quote, "People will forget what you said, they'll forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel." And the question that I always begin with when it comes to empathy and when it comes to listening is, how do we want that other person to feel after they've connected with us? How do we want them to feel after they've interacted with us? It's not in any way a manipulative thing. It's more just if I'm truly guided by wanting to be a servant leader, wanting to help someone else, then I am genuinely caring about how that individual feels that they've been helped.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Have I made their day better? Have I given them guidance along the way? Or have I just simply been a resource for them as a listener? And so I think it's an other-seeking approach to life, which, you know, most of us and some of us, we can get caught in our own heads and we're self-seeking at times. But I think what EQ really is about in the end is how you are bringing out the very best in yourself, which begins with self-awareness. But how you're doing that in an effort to truly benefit other people. And it's an other-seeking mindset that, to your point, to be truly intentional in wanting to help and serve others, you have to have a powerful thought life

• 24:43Speaker 01

  that reflects and shows intention in how you want that person to feel and how you want them to benefit from having interacted with you in the first place.

• 24:54John R. Miles?

  Absolutely. One of the things you wrote that I really liked is that self-awareness is the GPS of leadership. And I was wondering, did you ever have a moment from your coaching career where a leader's breakthrough came from realizing something new about themselves?

• 25:11Speaker 01

  I've had the really great fortune of working with a number of really several hundred managers and leaders over the years from Apple. And there was one individual in particular that I think, I remember just even going back to the Booz Allen days of we hear people process technology a lot. And this was someone that the highest of levels of the technology aptitude and expertise, the highest levels of process and functional aspects of the job. Truly a high performer in every area that it came from that. And I think that where they were struggling, that empathy, self-awareness meets social skill. It was reading the room. It was knowing the audience.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  And what's been a common topic with a number of folks that I've worked with that have since gone on to very high level leadership roles is how are you showing up? Among senior leaders, are you knowing those nuances of communicating? So one of those things really just being, being succinct. I know it's cliche, but kind of those ABCs of communication, accuracy, brevity, and clarity. Something that I know, just given your background and having honorably served our military. And that was something that I was exposed to for the best years of my life where at Booz Allen, working with our airmen and working with soldiers in the army of just being told the bluff, the bottom line up front.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  And I think that that's something that I've really incorporated into the coaching work that I do is that in certain instances, especially on a senior level, you need to show up in a very succinct and clear way, which starts with being prepared. But if you're coming into, some people struggle with presenting to senior leaders and they struggle with having with conversations. So in order to be more self-aware and self-confident, we think about, well, what builds confidence in the first place? And I like to say, It's preparation, experience, and mindset. If you prepare and you put in the work, it's the experience, it's the reflection of self-awareness that you gain from every output and every attempt that you've had. And showing up, believing in yourself, taking some deep breaths,

• 27:11Speaker 01

  and saying that this is going to go well. I'm a very big believer in that affirmational aspect of self-awareness and self-management that leads to having better conversations, that leads to showing up at your absolute best, so that you're then able to be passionate, and you're able to influence people in the way that you hope to.

• 27:31John R. Miles?

  Well, Chris, thanks for sharing that. And I, as I was reading the book, I recently interviewed Dr. Tasha Yeruch, episode 592, if a listener wants to go back and listen to it, about her new book, Shatterproof. But what you talk about in the book is about her research on self-awareness, where 95% of people believe they're self-aware, but only 10 to 15% actually are. And I'm going to tie this into your chapter two, because in that chapter, you reflect on your own leadership evolution. How have you yourself, through self-awareness, shifted from a reactive to a responsive leader? And can you take us to a moment where emotional regulation changed an outcome

• 28:14John R. Miles?

  for you as you shifted your leadership style?

• 28:19Speaker 01

  I think to use the acronym, I just use the bottom line upfront. I think as I have matured and grown in my own career, it's been more proactively seeking that feedback. In the past, there were nerves involved, and that's usually the reason that we don't. It might be that we're, it's the fear of what others think of us, or it's the fear of, it's more the anticipation, I think, of the fear of what someone might say. In every stride that I've made in my own career, in, I'd love to believe, becoming a better speaker, becoming a better writer. It's sought, it's been seeking feedback from other people. I have a great friend, Michael Thompson, is someone that I've been able to partner with and he's helped to make

• 29:02Speaker 01

  me a better writer. I've hired him to help to edit some of the work that I've done. And it's, I think that it's really just been a shift both as a writer and a speaker in looking to seek the help of other people, to ask for feedback from people that I might have had a positive relationship, but also from some people that, again, they wouldn't know a thing about me. They wouldn't know Christopher, the husband, Christopher, the father of three beautiful boys. They wouldn't know a lot about my professional background. But they're observing me on LinkedIn, for instance, and just knowing me on that level and seeking to deepen relationships like that with people that may not know me as well. And just being unafraid of getting

• 29:43Speaker 01

  feedback like that, I think has made me a better, more well-rounded writer. I, my own personal belief is that The Champion Leader was that much better of a book than the book before. Why? Because I was unafraid to seek feedback from other people to want to become a better technical writer, if you will, a better creative writer, but, you know, to want to be able to do more research and hire folks to help me to get the best information I can. I think so much of it is being unafraid, so much of it is just being proactive and subordinating that fear around, which I think is the biggest fear that most people have, which is, what will other people think of me? Well, what if you flip it on the other end of it with a mindset shift that says, well, what are other people going to think

• 30:25Speaker 01

  of me showing up at my absolute best and becoming better because I care that much to put in that work?

• 30:31John R. Miles?

  Absolutely. And it makes me think of the thoughts that go through our heads, especially in high-stress moments. And you write, "Your thoughts are the architects of your emotion." And that's a powerful idea because it always has seemed, when I'm in those...

• 30:50John R. Miles?

  Peak moments where I need to perform and it's high stress. Those moments of doubt always creep in and the imposter syndrome and other things like that. How have you found ways to personally interrupt your unhelpful thought patterns?

• 31:06Speaker 01

  A lot of it for me does come back to gratitude and I know I referenced my mom and dad before and my father passed about two and a half years ago. He was always that person there to lift me up and encourage me. And my mom has been as well. And I was just having a conversation with my mom last night around where I am in life. And I think where a lot of people are, right? We think I'm three young children, all 10 and under, having a job and having the different tournaments and sports games and musical events, all the rhythm and things of life. One thing that I've found is like, as we keep getting older, life does not get less busy.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  And so it is about looking at that kind of cliched mantra of glass half full and glass half empty. And it really comes back in the end onto gratitude. If I think about the blessings that I have in my life, when I'm grateful for all the things that I do have and I'm cognizant and self-aware of what those are, I'm more passionate for life. I'm showing up differently that day at work because I'm grateful for what I have. And that for me begins with my family. Everything that I do, I think a lot of us, when we really boil it down, we have simple missions in life. Mine is simply to help other people to gain the skills of EQ.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  And when I'm at my best in being able to instruct on that and coach people on that and help other people, whether it's coaching my son's seven-year-old baseball team in the community, or whether it's helping a professional, that to me is born from looking at all of these wonderful things that I have in my life. And it's work that I really did going back about 15 years ago now and thinking about. What are the things that I want to have in my life? I did that in my late twenties and that was the foundation of what became my self-awareness game plan. And I'm able to look back all these years laters and say, yeah, I got married. I had children. I became an author. I became a self-employed entrepreneur and that took intentional thought.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  And it took having a thought life that was guided by passion. But at every step of the way, reminding myself of all the incredible things in my life to be grateful for.

• 33:23John R. Miles?

  Thank you for sharing that and I'm sorry to hear about your father. I'm lucky enough to still have both of my parents living and it's something I never take for granted and it is such a true blessing. So you speak of coaching and I know for a while you used to be a basketball coach as well. And in the book, you highlight a framework called pause, process, proceed. For emotional regulation, is there ever a time that you use that framework? During your coaching aspect of your life?

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Certainly is. I think that coaching affords that opportunity. That's a lot of what coaching does afford is that ability to pause, is that ability to have a timeout. And a lot of the time when I'm coaching managers and leaders, I've been fortunate to work with a lot of the really big tech companies in the Silicon Valley, Apple, Google, Meta. I've worked with a lot of startup founders and there's no coincidence that a lot of those conversations might take place on a Monday or a Friday. Maybe when they're working from home and they're in more of a state of reflection and they're able to have that pause and they're able to process where they are emotionally. I like to look at it in a lot of different ways. How are you doing in your career advancement? How are you doing in managing and leading a team?

• 34:42Speaker 01

  How are you doing just in terms of your own performance? But you know, one thing that I've really learned is so important for every single one of us. It comes back in a way to just living and being human. It's seeing yourself without labels. So I just took us through that in my own life of how I see myself. I'm a husband, I'm a father of three incredible boys. I'm a son, I'm a brother. I think it's really important to have those pauses, to have those processing of our emotions and to hit that pause button sometimes in our lives to be able to say, I'm also just me. I'm also just the person who wants to enjoy some of the pleasures in life,

• 35:24Speaker 01

  whether that's picking up a cream cheese bagel and coffee from the local bagel shop, or whether it's just heading down to the beach to watch the sunset. I think being able to see yourself without label, without title, as just a person and asking yourself, what am I passionate about? Am I getting fulfillment out of the days that I'm living? And being able to remind ourselves, as silly as that might sound in the abstract, we all get lost in the day to day rhythm of life. And being able to have that pause and reflection about who you are as a person without label, I think is a very positive thing that grounds us and brings us back to more of that state that we want to be in.

• 36:10John R. Miles?

  Thank you so much for sharing that, Chris. And I wanted to move on to your chapter five, which is around one of my favorite topics, time and prioritization. And you and I both in our books use Steve Jobs as an example, who always said that time is our most precious resource. But we also use Eisenhower matrix. And I first learned of this Eisenhower matrix about that same time I was at Lowe's. And my pastor at my church gave one of my favorite sermons. And he was talking about the famous Stephen Covey thought that the main thing about the main thing is keeping the main thing. And he got into this whole discussion using the Eisenhower matrix,

• 36:54John R. Miles?

  that time and your wallet, meaning your calendar and your wallet, are how you govern what's most important in your life. Where are you putting your time and where are you putting your financial resources? And it's such a simple thing to look at, but such.

• 37:13John R. Miles?

  A difficult thing to be self-aware enough to process when you're not spending it in the ways that you really want to and having the wherewithal to change your life as a result. So using that as an opening, I wanted to ask you, which quadrant do you personally struggle with most? And how do you coach leaders to move from one quadrant to another one?

• 37:40Speaker 01

  I think in the end, it is the coveted Stephen Covey quadrant, right? The, that, that big northeast quadrant of not urgent, but important. I think that as a self-employed entrepreneur, I used to struggle a lot more, not to say that everything's perfect today, but I used to struggle a lot more with delegation. I used to struggle a lot more with the not important, but urgent priorities of knowing what to delegate to others. And that really, when I'm working with folks, and I do a lot of work as well and workshops around prioritization, a lot of what I do is emotional intelligence, but the Eisenhower matrix is a central component of the work that I do.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  I would encourage, as I know you have, I would encourage anybody to build in time on a weekly basis. And for me personally, for where I'm at in my life with three young children, I love to do it on Sunday nights from about eight 20 to eight 45. It's about 25 minutes. I am totally free from distraction at that time. My children are in bed and I'm not dealing with the chaos of the week. And sometimes we have a lot of emails flying in and we might feel compelled to respond. But I think that if you can carve out that time for yourself every week and keep it sacred, keep it uninterrupted and just put that on your calendar to be able to process what are

• 39:05Speaker 01

  the most important things, the more prioritized that you head into each week, that shows how strategic you really are. That is big picture thinking, that is being strategic, that is keeping you away from constantly functioning in the tactical, which can be that northwest quadrant, if you will, of important and urgent. And so I think that as we learned from Stephen Covey and certainly from Eisenhower, Stephen Covey and the seven habits of highly effective people, I, I like to use my own wording and say, we should all be fighting. We should fight for that important. But not urgent time because that is where we are able to think strategically. That's where we set the vision for our own business.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  That's where we are able to set the vision for the people that we lead and the most important initiatives and things that we really do want to accomplish. And it comes back to growth. To be able to do that in the first place, John, you do need to be prioritized. You need to literally define both importance and urgency in your own life. And for me, that importance always comes back to my family, comes back to who I'm putting first in my own life, and it comes back to serving the people that I serve as clients. And I think it's more quadrant two, but quadrant three around delegation can be a tricky one as well because it's not always easy to know in the moment, things that are both urgent and not important.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  And I like to say that in many instances, my own take on that quadrant is it's not necessarily that something would be categorically unimportant. It's just that it might no longer rise to your own level of significance. And so as a result, it might be something, especially as a manager or a leader, that you used to do, but you've now graduated and moved on from, and it's better suited to give that tactical assignment to someone else so that you're able to stay above the fray and be more strategic. So that's going to be relative to every one of us, whether we're self-employed entrepreneurs or whether we're leaders, managers, or employees. But I think defining it to begin with and knowing that quadrant two, it might look easy, but it's far from.

• 41:17John R. Miles?

  That's absolutely the case for sure. Chris, one of the ideas you wrote about was Paul Graham's idea of the maker's schedule versus the manager's schedule, and it really resonated with me. And one of the concepts that this really gets to is something that Dory Clark and Juliet Font often talk about. I actually had Juliet on this show talking about white space. How do you believe high-level leaders benefit from white space? And how can this lead to deep creative work? Especially if their days are crammed with meetings like I know mine were?

• 41:55Speaker 01

  There's never an easy answer, right? But what do we hear so often from folks who are in busy roles? It's those couple of words, "I don't have the time." And I come back to Quadrant 2 because it's all connected. It's you have to fight for that time. And one thing that I've really helped people to see, and especially folks that are in positions where they might have a Chief of Staff or an Executive Assistant is, hey, even if it's once a week, please carve out an hour of that time on my calendar. And let's face it, life happens, right? Sometimes that might be the drive home from work, or it might be the commute home if you're going into an office. But if you're working at home that day, it might be the 30-minute walk that you take

• 42:37Speaker 01

  in your neighborhood with noise-canceling headphones that you can just process thoughts. But I see that white space, I see that strategic time as the lifeblood of strategy, of vision, of creativity that ultimately spur an individual and spur a business on to doing bigger and bolder things. And let's face it, it's idea time, it's creativity and passion time. But as we know, what is so coveted in business, it's that's where innovation really does take place. It's where the genesis of those ideas and thoughts take place. And that mindset shift of seeing that as the most important time, which makes it a

• 43:19Speaker 01

  necessity to carve it in and make time for it, is really a shift that I think that everybody should make if they're not currently doing it.

• 43:27John R. Miles?

  Thank you for that. And Chris, I wanted to shift to Chapter 6, which is on camaraderie and connection. And in that, you tell the story of Richard Whites, whose background is really incredible. It reminded me of a gentleman I reported to at Lowe's named Larry Stone. Larry started his career in the mailroom at Lowe's and then worked up

• 43:52John R. Miles?

  And he held every single position that you could hold in a store and eventually became the president and chief operating officer of Lowe's and spent 40 plus years there. And I remember when we would have our sales meetings, more people would flock to see Larry than almost Jimmy Johnson, the race car driver at these events, because I think Larry just resonated with what was possible for them if their dreams became true. I was hoping you could talk about Richard's story and how other people could leverage their superpower and perhaps you can tell us what Richard's is.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Richard's superpower is connection. Honestly, he in so many ways inspired me to write the book that I did. Because Richard, for those of you who don't know, he's the co-chairman of William Morris Endeavor, WME Talent Agency. And I connected with Richard several years ago and had an incredible opportunity to work with him as he was coming into the new role that he was taking on. And what I was able to see as an objective party from the outside was they could not have chosen someone better for that role. He is the ultimate connector. He has a charm. He has a charisma about him and he has both IQ and EQ. He understands, especially in Hollywood and in the entertainment industry, relationships

• 45:19Speaker 01

  are the heart and soul of every single connection. And just some of the things that he was able to share with me that were taking place at that time in that industry and why it made a lot of sense for a connector to come in, to revitalize the relationships internally at the agency, but to revitalize both existing customer relationships and begin to have a positive influence on prospective clients. And I think. Having someone that has a tremendous charisma, it is unmistakable. I'll never forget the first time, he actually started out the conversation very similar to you, John. He was referencing a podcast that I had done with an Australian dentist.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  And my jaw hit the floor because I just thought to myself, no disrespect, but I wonder how many people had really listened to that. Well, he did. And at first I thought he was kidding. And then he started citing specific examples and I thought to myself, this is somebody that became intrigued, became curious and went all in. And that would be my message about who he is. One of the nicest, one of the best people that I've ever met in my life, that he is where he is. And that's the one thing that I know, John, and I goes without saying that you lived it. I know you've observed it. I've observed it is that in, in almost all instances, the people who get to those roles, they're there for a reason.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  It's because they're both intelligent, but it's because they've done the work of individualization and connection to build powerful relationships. And so much of what he's been able to build and guide that agency with has been curiosity, empathy, passion, enthusiasm, and yet he's also still very assertive in giving people accurate assessments on where things are and how to get better. He's kind. And to me, he had to be in this book because he embodied so much, he embodied so much of what I know makes an emotionally intelligent leader.

• 47:21John R. Miles?

  Love you sharing that. And the thing that I really respected about Larry Stone was that I think everyone respected him because they knew not only could he do any job in the company, he was willing regardless of how senior he got to do it. I remember going on a store. Tours with him and he would walk in in the first literally two to three minutes, he would understand if the store was a well performing store if it wasn't. And it was pretty clear to the manager that regardless of what store he walked into, save maybe one or two examples I went into, he knew the operations of the store and how

• 48:02John R. Miles?

  it was performing and what its problems were better than the store manager even did. It was pretty amazing to see him at work and because of that gift that he had and he never would put the store managers down. He was never criticizing them. He was always trying to be a builder of people and a builder of teams. And I think that's why people respected him because he didn't act like he was the smartest person in the room, even though the vast majority of the time he was using it as a more as an opportunity to coach and to tell even the best managers that we had that they still had room for improvement. And that's why store performance under his tenure was so good.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  One of my favorite leaders of all time, she was the head women's basketball coach at the University of Tennessee, Pat Summitt. And I had a really unique situation where I was able to help to ghost write a chapter for a book several years ago about her life. And I was able to go through archived footage of interviews of her and she walked the walk as much as anybody ever had. She came off sometimes with a very competitive exterior and she had that icy blue eyed stare, but deep down inside was exactly what you just described. She was somebody that had such extraordinarily deep care for everybody who played for her, but everybody in that basketball program.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  I lost track of the amount of national championships and conference championships and wins that she had, similar to what you described, there, there's no mistaking why she accomplished what she did. And the quote that stood out and in what I heard you saying, she was famous for saying, I will never ask anybody to do anything that I wouldn't do myself.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  She had been a player. She expected unbelievably high demands. She really held people accountable and she was able to get it out of them because they knew how much she cared about her. It was all guided in the end by empathy. She held people to an extraordinarily high standard. But that quote of knowing that she would have been willing to do that work herself, it just, it deeply resonates and your story deeply resonates, of course.

• 50:15John R. Miles?

  When I think of her, I think of Nick Saban and they share a lot in common for how their expectations of their players is for them not just to become players, it's for them to become better humans. And I just wonder if her response to the NIL would be the same as his and many of the other coaches were saying. But we could go down that rabbit hole for the next two hours. So I just wanted to ask and to bring this home. What advice would you give to the next generation of leaders, those who are just stepping into leadership roles for the first time, about how they should approach the future, especially with the advent of AI and everything digital around them?

• 50:59Speaker 01

  It's a message in the end of adaptability. I just, if there's one thing that I've learned from getting to work with some extraordinary people in organizations, it's embrace it. Embrace and adapt. And I think that also as well, you had referenced Gary Vaynerchuk before, someone that I have incredibly deep admiration and respect for. And I think that's a lot of what his message is in the end is, or one of his big central themes in his messaging is adapt to it. Adapt to the change that is coming. See it as an opportunity. And that's the guidance. I've been often asked when I'm giving keynote speeches, I've been asked when I'm speaking in front of audiences at the end during a Q and A, people say, what's the one piece of advice that you'd give? And I'd say, find the opportunity in every situation.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  If you really are optimistic, if you're passionate, if you see opportunity instead of just a challenge and adversity that's going to cause fear, you're always going to be able to rise above that tide and go with it. And I see that. We see it in athletes. We see it in leaders, but in every really industry and medium in life, I think it's the people that are able to kind of embrace change, who are able to smile at adversity and do the detective work of self-awareness to see the opportunity in that situation. How can I leverage AI to help my business? How can I leverage AI to make X or Y or Z better? And optimism remains undefeated as far as I'm concerned, John.

• 52:31John R. Miles?

  My last question for you, Chris, is the Champion Leader was published in August of 2024. What do you hope becomes its legacy?

• 52:41Speaker 01

  The idea that in the end, leadership is about personalized, connected influence. Really, what the Champion Leader is, it's a playbook for how to both live and lead an emotionally intelligent life. And it's the way that I lay out the book. I start with my connection success formula of empathy, candor, authenticity, and assertiveness. This is how you begin to have great conversations. It's how you begin to build relationships and connections, both on a one-on-one level and across the culture. And then it comes

• 53:18Speaker 01

  back to EQ. I say you, why, and your organization. Everything begins with you. That's the work of self-awareness and self-management. I referenced my self-awareness game plan. Understanding why you're doing it, the purpose, the motivation, the drive behind it. And it's becoming the absolute best that you can be by doing that identity work to bring your best out to others with empathy and effectively communicating with people that's guided by listening and that other seeking approach of I want to make this person feel and be as great as they can be. And I think that connected other seeking approach of leadership for me,

• 54:00Speaker 01

  it's what I was able to observe from super awesome leaders that I got to work with. It's what I saw from coaches throughout my life. And it's everything that I try to be when I show up in my community and when I show up with my clients. And it's what I try to help other people to become. In the end, live by the golden rule, look to help and serve other people to the best of your ability. And life has a funny way of working out that in the end, those ripple effects and positivity tend to come back to you.

• 54:28John R. Miles?

  Chris, it was great to have you on the program. Where's the best place people can go to learn more about you?

• 54:34Speaker 01

  Sure. Just go to Google, type in Christopher D. Connors. My website is Chris D. Connors.com. And feel free to send me a message or give me a follow on LinkedIn and we'd love to connect.

• 54:47John R. Miles?

  Well, thank you again so much for joining us today on Passion Start. It was quite the conversation and honored to have you here.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  Thank you so much, John. I truly appreciate it.

• 54:55John R. Miles?

  And that's a wrap on this powerful conversation with Christopher Connors. From Susan Wojcicki's leadership wisdom on balancing impact and family to the Eisenhower matrix and his own partner delegate model, to why emotional intelligence and psychological safety are the heartbeat of modern leadership. Christopher reminds us that true leadership isn't about control, it's about capacity, the capacity to listen, the capacity to prioritize, and the capacity to lead from a place of trust, clarity, and service. Here are a few key takeaways I hope you carry with you. Leadership starts with self-awareness and grows through emotional discipline. Connection is a competitive advantage, not a soft skill. Strategic prioritization

• 55:36John R. Miles?

  is a habit, not a one-time fix. And culture is built through consistent choices, not catchy slogans. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to check out Christopher's book, The Champion Leader. It's a must-read for anyone looking to elevate their influence, sharpen their habits, and lead with courage. You'll find links in the show notes at passionstruck.com. New to the show? Explore our curated starter packs on the ingutylife.net/playlists, collections on purpose, emotional mastery, resilience, and more. Want to go deeper? Watch full video episodes and behind the scenes content on our YouTube channels and Passion Start Clips and John R. Miles. And if you enjoyed this conversation, leave a five star review on Apple or Spotify.

• 56:20John R. Miles?

  It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show. Coming up next on Passion Struck, I sit down with Dr. Stephen Haney, one of the world's foremost researchers in cultural psychology. We explore how culture shapes our identity, motivation, and mental wellbeing, and why understanding cultural contexts may be one of the most overlooked keys to personal growth.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  We've just been increasing the number of things that people need to figure out on their own. And it's during their youth in particular. I think being made worse by various technologies that kids now are always online and are always comparing themselves, not just to the few kids who live in their neighborhood as it was in the past, but now comparing their lives to these carefully curated, better than reality could possibly be, the kind of lives that they're seeing on Instagram, whatnot, and sizing their lives up in those ways, I think are just adding to the tensions of being young these days.

• 57:15John R. Miles?

  Until then, live boldly, lead with intention, and as always, live life passion struck.