Pod Insights Pablo Torre Finds Out Why Listening to Action Bronson Makes Us Happy (PTFO Vault) About this episode He raps, cooks, paints, hosts and acts (for Martin Scorsese, at least). He also has philosophical explanations for why A) he never wears pants, B) his go-to move is the headbutt and C) nothing is better than a VHS tape. But Action Bronson had still never heard of the Accidental Bronson tribute account. Until this episode.
(This episode originally aired November 10, 2023.)
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:01 Pablo Torre? Hello, it's me, Pablo. So we've done, doing the math, 327 episodes of Pablo Torre Finds Out since we launched in September 2023, and it is the end of 2025, and I could not be prouder of our tiny, little, and extremely overworked newsroom that has created this bizarre sports news magazine show that is television, but also, obviously, an audio-first podcast, because we've punched above our weight, I think, especially this year. But the stuff that we did before, the previous, you know, hundreds of episodes, we have some
0:42 Pablo Torre? favorites that we are now concerned that you maybe have not heard yet, or maybe don't realize are even better when you listen to it a second time. And so during the holiday break, we're bringing you our favorites from the PTFO Vault. And we also have a newsletter, by the way, www.pablo.show, where I'll be doing some stuff over the holiday break especially. Please subscribe and support our approach to independent sports journalism. But most of all, thank you. Thank you for making this show not just a weird experiment, but a community of people who support the kind of mission that we're on, to hold to account extraordinarily rich and powerful people while also taste-testing, you know, athlete-branded weed. We contain multitudes, as does our vault. Please enjoy.
1:28 Pablo Torre? Welcome to Pablo Torre Finds Out. I am Pablo Torre, and today, we're going to find out what this sound is.
1:34 Speaker 01 Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that, I would want to say.
1:43 Pablo Torre? Right after this ad.
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4:03 Pablo Torre? Yo.
4:04 Speaker 01 How are you?
4:04 Pablo Torre? Yo.
4:06 Speaker 01 What's going on, B?
4:07 Pablo Torre? Please.
4:08 Speaker 01 How you feeling, man?
4:09 Pablo Torre? I'm great. I'm great now that you're here, man.
4:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, we're here.
4:12 Pablo Torre? Are you sufficiently stoned enough?
4:14 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah. I need an espresso, but can we lower this? Because I don't [bleep] with this height of a chair. It's like a three-quarter chair. I don't like that.
4:27 Pablo Torre? You approve, though. The espresso's alright.
4:29 Speaker 01 It's really good. The taste of vanilla.
4:31 Pablo Torre? That's what I chose for you.
4:32 Speaker 01 You chose the vanilla one?
4:33 Pablo Torre? I did.
4:35 Speaker 01 I usually wouldn't go for it, but man, wow.
4:40 Speaker 01 Wow.
4:41 Pablo Torre? A wow from you means a lot to me. Not that I should take credit for whatever Nespresso pod.
4:46 Speaker 01 Tahitian.
4:47 Pablo Torre? That's your usual go-to.
4:48 Speaker 01 Well, no, I feel like you depotted it and then just laid all the bean in there for me.
4:55 Pablo Torre? That's exactly what I did. Thank you for noticing.
4:59 Speaker 01 Wow.
5:21 Pablo Torre? There are some things in the city of New York that feel extraordinarily New York. And as a New York show, Pablo Torre finds out that feels the need to occasionally remind people that, yes, we have a physical studio in Manhattan where we tape our show. I marvel at a person like Ashton Bronson, who is oozing New York out of every pore, and who is a rapper, and an artist, and a chef, and a 30-something, I believe 39-year-old, native New Yorker, and a host of [BLEEP] That's Delicious, a wildly popular show about food. He's a Renaissance man, in a way that is entirely sincere. And so, when I saw him on the sidewalk,
6:04 Pablo Torre? on one of my many, almost entirely random walks through the city, I realized that I had many, many questions that I needed to ask him. What I wasn't sure was whether his particular strain of consciousness would indulge the many questions that I had for him. I knew this was gonna be different.
6:28 Pablo Torre? And so, I just needed to tell him how I felt.
6:34 Pablo Torre? I am so glad that you're sitting here.
6:40 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you.
6:42 Pablo Torre? For real. Like, I was trying to, we were trying to figure out, like, how do we explain to someone who hasn't listened to your music, Action Bronson, before? And we had a couple of like, well, first off, what do you, when you imagine a listener and appreciator of your music doing when they're listening to you, what do you imagine?
7:02 Speaker 01 I don't really give a shit, to be honest with you. Like, I'm just doing it for myself.
7:09 Speaker 01 I'm not even thinking about, like, anything else but new things. I'm just in, like, I've just come back from a new path. I'm riding a new path. I feel great.
7:27 Speaker 01 It's hard to describe anything. I don't, it's like, if I wanted to describe it, I would've talked to you about it. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's like when you paint. I didn't want to talk to you. I painted you something, and that's that.
7:45 Speaker 01 Right now, we're in the process of making new music, new breakthroughs. So then I'll be excited. Having a brand-new band and doing things like that, like,
7:56 Speaker 01 like the Tiny Desk and shit like that, you know, like...
7:59 Pablo Torre? That's the shit, though, that I've been listening to all week. That.
8:03 Speaker 01 The motherfuckers are crazy, man. Oh, my God. I'm sorry for cussing. It's like one of those, those platforms, when you're respected in music, they bring you on there, and I don't know, people seem to really enjoy it.
8:28 Pablo Torre? I just want to say this very clearly if you have not listened or learned much about Action Bronson before this interview somehow. This Tiny Desk Concert at NPR in DC, yo, Nadir behind the glass, one of my guys, we were trying to figure out how do we describe this music and he was like, "This music makes me want to ride a horse."
8:46 Speaker 01 Hmm, yes.
8:58 Speaker 01 It brings out all the emotions of carnal desires.
9:01 Pablo Torre? Yes.
9:02 Speaker 01 Riding horses on beaches naked, just things of that nature like fire, just watching fire burn, watching the ocean roar.
9:33 Speaker 01 Free flow in the acid jazz, I'm a jazz instrument, just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes, I am, you know?
9:58 Speaker 01 So it's definitely reinvigorated me in that manner, but it's, I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now, that's the zone.
10:09 Pablo Torre? So the zone sounds a little miserable if you're using a hole to describe it.
10:13 Speaker 01 Nah, not really, it's all, it's all, these are all like, I'm dramatic, I'm being dramatic.
10:21 Speaker 01 It's all dramatizations.
10:22 Pablo Torre? I like how you said earlier, I'm not good at describing things. And I'm like, you, I think, are one of the best describers of things.
10:30 Speaker 01 But no, it's not. Because it's not, I'm not trying, I'm not describing it exact. It's a rendition of my exact brain. This is like, it's like the picture behind you. That's what's happening.
10:42 Pablo Torre? I want to say, people have questions like, how do I book this show? I literally ran into you on the street one day. Do you remember this? I don't know if you remember this. On the street, like in Soho, I ran into you. I think we were both varying levels of stoned, incidentally.
10:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, listen, I love the round the horn. That's how you booked this.
11:02 Pablo Torre? But then I, I, I, I saw you then, I see you now. And it's kind of a fall day in New York. And I guess I should ask, like, when was the last time you wore pants?
11:12 Speaker 01 I don't, probably fifteen to twenty years. The last time I put pants on, I had an accident. And I never wore them again.
11:22 Pablo Torre? What happened?
11:25 Speaker 01 Just wasn't good. It just wasn't good. It can't be discussed. It can't be discussed, but what I will say, that they were never to be touched on my skin again.
11:35 Pablo Torre? Every time I've ever seen you, you're wearing shorts.
11:40 Speaker 01 And they're stretchy so I could squat, so I could work out. I'm not [BLEEP] around with stiff shorts. You understand? I'm over here flexible.
11:53 Pablo Torre? When did you learn that you needed to have stretchy shorts?
11:58 Speaker 01 I was a husky child.
12:01 Speaker 01 Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation. Anything constricting is like, I get, like, sometimes you get that heat flash that comes over you and you just want to rip everything off. Rip [BLEEP] shirt off. I get that a lot. So for me, for me to be able to use the actual agility that I was given by nature and science with, you know, my body construction, it's only right that I put on a material that reflects and echoes all of the property.
12:42 Speaker 01 You know?
12:44 Pablo Torre? I feel like when you were a kid, though.
12:47 Pablo Torre? What was that like? What's young Action Bronson like?
12:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, I don't know, like, it's fucking wild, man. Every kid's crazy, I feel, in some aspect. You're not even fully conscious, you know? You're just kinda like drunk. You're kinda like on ass, you don't know what the fuck is really going on. You're so... Like a little Bambi-ish, you know? So you're just running amok, doing whatever, thinking that there's no consequence on earth.
13:19 Speaker 01 And then, I don't know, one day it just all hits you. You're old and gray, your balls sag, you know? Your ass leaks.
13:30 Speaker 01 Not talking about me, but in general. These things happen.
13:36 Speaker 01 I feel like as I get older, I get more sophisticated, looking like Sean Connery.
13:40 Pablo Torre? The gravitas is all over your beard now.
13:43 Speaker 01 It's happening, it's happening.
13:46 Pablo Torre? When you're a kid and someone picks a fight with you, what's the move?
13:54 Speaker 01 Headbutt.
13:57 Speaker 01 I'm a headbutter.
13:58 Pablo Torre? When'd you discover that that was your move? That's like a Zangief move.
14:02 Speaker 01 It's like this...
14:06 Speaker 01 You ever watched the movie Gladiator?
14:08 Pablo Torre? Of course.
14:09 Speaker 01 But with Brian Dennehy? That one?
14:11 Pablo Torre? No.
14:12 Speaker 01 Cuba Gooding Jr. It was an early underground fighting movie, boxing. And he used to say this was the hardest part of the head.
14:24 Speaker 04 The top of the head, kid. Hardest part of the body hurts, don't it, huh? What are you gonna do now? What are you gonna do now? Here he comes, here he comes.
14:35 Speaker 01 You've never [__] seen Gladiator with Brian Dennehy?
14:39 Speaker 01 You kidding me right now? I have this on VHS.
14:44 Speaker 01 Cuba Gooding Jr. Do you know that actor?
14:47 Pablo Torre? Of course.
14:48 Speaker 01 You might have heard of him?
14:49 Pablo Torre? I wish someone had shown me the VHS tape of Gladiator starring Cuba Gooding Jr. Yeah.
14:55 Speaker 01 It was starring Brian Dennehy.
14:57 Pablo Torre? Sorry.
14:58 Speaker 01 Cuba Gooding Jr. had the supporting role. But I had a grandfather, a very good man, who loved his VHSs and that's what he collected. And I have about 3,000 in my house.
15:12 Pablo Torre? Holy [__].
15:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, that he left me, all kinds of crazy [__]. I've seen it all. I've seen them all.
15:19 Pablo Torre? What's better about a VHS?
15:21 Speaker 01 There's grain. Everything is better about tape. There's some graininess. You have to be a connoisseur to understand it. It's like the in-between space.
15:31 Pablo Torre? The imperfection of it.
15:33 Speaker 01 It's that, but it also adds. It gives comfort and warmth in some aspects. Film is just captured differently than digital. You know, it's like, whatever. Anyone could pick the camera up and make the thing, you know?
15:47 Pablo Torre? I should point out that you have acted for Martin Scorsese. When you talk about film.
15:53 Speaker 01 Yes, I'm accredited as a film actor in the guild.
15:59 Pablo Torre? That's right. I mean, you were in The Irishman.
16:03 Speaker 01 It's pretty [__] bizarre.
16:04 Pablo Torre? Can you explain what meeting Martin Scorsese and being directed by Martin Scorsese was like?
16:10 Speaker 01 Most of the time, people are as stoked as you are to meet them as they are to meet you. So when they-
16:17 Pablo Torre? He was a fan of yours.
16:18 Speaker 01 I don't know if that's the case, but he definitely showed enthusiasm and showed a lot of love and it was nothing but happiness and laughter. And, you know, we had a good time. It was only, we only did about three takes and that was it.
16:35 Pablo Torre? What was the role you played for people who are unfamiliar?
16:37 Speaker 01 I, just some [__] weird, like, casket salesman. And about the third hour, 10-minute mark.
16:49 Speaker 01 It was a pivotal point. They're like the Cadillacs of caskets. Now, if we're putting you in the [__] oven, it really doesn't matter what you're going. The cheapest [__] possible. Particle board, that's it. What are we doing today? Are we doing a cremation?
17:04 Pablo Torre? I remember distinctly waking up on my couch to the third hour thereabout mark and thinking to myself, am I hallucinating Action Bronson into this film?
17:14 Speaker 01 With that beard, it was bizarre. He asked me to take the beard off. But I, you know, at that point, I was like, man, this is like, I have like six chins under here. So I'm probably not.
17:26 Pablo Torre? I'm imagining, I'm imagining your home. And I'm imagining the 3,000 VHS tapes. I'm imagining your incredibly worn down rewinder.
17:36 Speaker 01 You already know there was a rewinder. There has to be. There's no, there's no, you can't put your machine through that type of wear and tear. You need a separate rewinder. And it was a Corvette.
17:47 Pablo Torre? Oh, [__].
17:48 Speaker 01 You know how the Corvette rewinder.
17:50 Pablo Torre? Yeah, the red rewinder. And so if I were to put your brain inside of your Corvette rewinder, what is the memory that comes up that is not actually on tape anywhere, but you think of as, oh, this is a core memory that I, Action Bronson, have?
18:05 Speaker 01 So I have so many. I couldn't tell you those. Those are for me. I can't tell you.
18:13 Pablo Torre? The pants ones in there, isn't there? Yeah.
18:15 Speaker 01 No, the pants, what pants? There's no, there's no secret of the pants. I don't wear them.
18:23 Speaker 01 I just don't think that they're nice. Fashion wise, I don't like to cover my leg. I work hard to get a calf that has some sort of diamond shape.
18:35 Pablo Torre? I, I, I'm ashamed.
18:36 Speaker 01 Why would I want to take away from that calf?
18:38 Pablo Torre? I'm ashamed.
18:39 Speaker 01 I like a sock. I like to show the shoe. I like a full, like my [__] is like my, my quadricep is literally out, fully flexed.
18:51 Pablo Torre? Yes, yes. Quads out.
18:54 Speaker 01 It's the quad season. I'm just trying to recover from a sacroiliac injury. It's under your like ass area, like your nut groin. From the back.
19:04 Pablo Torre? Like, this is, this is a...
19:05 Speaker 01 It's a very specific area. It's like these muscles that keep the hamstring nice.
19:09 Pablo Torre? So that's not like the grundle?
19:11 Speaker 01 It's near it.
19:13 Pablo Torre? Grundle adjacent?
19:14 Speaker 01 It's, it's parallel to the grundle. It's running parallel.
19:19 Pablo Torre? Yep, yep, yep.
19:20 Speaker 01 It's in a grid.
19:21 Pablo Torre? Yep. Almost asymptotic to the grundle. Sort of like always approaching but never touching it.
19:28 Speaker 01 Nah, it runs congruent.
19:32 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
19:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:35 Pablo Torre? I should point out that your calf philosophy shames me because I consider the Filipino people on Filipino um, to have excellent calves. I consider my calves excellent. I have artwork about the Filipino calf.
19:48 Speaker 01 Wow.
19:49 Pablo Torre? This is like, uh, this is not the first time I pointed this out to a guest, but on the left is like a standard, like a white guy, you know, just very vertical calf. On the right is the Filipino calf in my view. And I've been told I should wear more shorts.
20:02 Speaker 01 You do. You have to show, you have to show, you have to condition your shin also.
20:06 Pablo Torre? The shin?
20:06 Speaker 01 The shin bone muscle is very important as well. You have to do the front flex, not only the calf. You can't just do front, you gotta do back also.
20:15 Pablo Torre? So what is, how do you, how do you, how do you work out your shin?
20:19 Speaker 01 You fle- flex your toe upwards.
20:22 Pablo Torre? Hmm.
20:24 Speaker 01 Do you feel that muscle?
20:25 Pablo Torre? I do.
20:25 Speaker 01 Now put it back down. No, no, you doesn't have to go all the way up. No, no, no, put your leg down, your leg down. Yeah, right there, right there. Flex your foot. Now really flex it up tight.
20:36 Pablo Torre? Oh yeah, there it is.
20:36 Speaker 01 Feel that muscle?
20:37 Pablo Torre? There it is.
20:38 Speaker 01 That one.
20:39 Pablo Torre? What is your workout routine like now?
20:44 Speaker 01 I just [bleep] can go hard for an hour and a half and, you know, I do, I do things that I like doing, and then I do things that I hate doing.
20:54 Pablo Torre? Give me the thing you love the most, give me the thing you hate the most.
20:58 Speaker 01 I don't really like bench pressing. It's not really like, I don't **** love that ****. I love to squat. I love to **** do like Zercher squats with the weight in front of you. I like picking up stones and sandbags and **** like that. I don't like running. I don't like doing running for long distance.
21:21 Pablo Torre? You like the World's Strongest Man ****.
21:23 Speaker 01 I do, but then I also like, like skinny boy ****. I wanna be **** in shape as well. I like the MMA type of cardio training. I like fighting training. I like that type of ****. I like to be pushed to the physical limits.
21:40 Pablo Torre? There's a tattoo you have that I believe is, um...
21:43 Speaker 01 Nothing means anything.
21:45 Pablo Torre? So, the one that you have...
21:47 Speaker 01 Doesn't mean a **** thing.
21:49 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds, his season?
21:52 Speaker 01 Doesn't really mean a thing. I was a stupid kid. This is going back to being an idiot. Why did I do that? He had other seasons where he was juiced up, but that was his most juiced up season. I can't wait to get on **** G H, honestly.
22:07 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds is...
22:08 Speaker 01 Soon as I turn 40, I'm taking G H.
22:11 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds' 73 homerun season, you have that stat line tattooed on your body. And the growth hormone...
22:18 Speaker 01 It wasn't his most impressive average season. You know that.
22:23 Pablo Torre? Well...
22:25 Speaker 01 He hit like 380, right? 375?
22:27 Pablo Torre? Barry Bonds hit 370 the year after that.
22:33 Speaker 01 Exactly. That was more impressive. Less home runs...
22:35 Pablo Torre? Cause he got walked all the time.
22:36 Speaker 01 Less home runs, but hit 370.
22:37 Pablo Torre? Yes, yes. Got walked all the time, was the most feared player in baseball. And by the way...
22:42 Speaker 01 That's how I step to the plate. You put that thing on your **** arm. When you have that on and you have a dangling earring, who were you to be **** with?
22:50 Pablo Torre? Just about to headbutt a **** in baseball.
22:52 Speaker 01 His head was like, his jaw. He had G H face.
22:55 Pablo Torre? So, the G H face, the growth hormone.
22:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:58 Pablo Torre? Have you taken steroids before?
23:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. 24 years old, I was juiced up. I don't know, I was taking Project Juice. My boy was like, you know, from, my boy from the neighborhood was getting some juice. And we was shooting it up. Shooting up juice.
23:14 Pablo Torre? Into what part of your body were you shooting up Project Juice?
23:18 Speaker 01 Arm, leg, ass cheek, rear delt. Seriously. Bad ****. But who knew where this juice was coming from? Could have been canola oil.
23:30 Speaker 01 Could have been whatever, mazola. I could have been [__] giving myself goddamn project surgery, you know, like BBLs.
23:38 Pablo Torre? Yep, yep, yep, yep. And what would you go do, though, with all of the?
23:42 Speaker 01 I would go [__] do ballet. And ice skate.
23:48 Speaker 01 We might go [__] lift weights, bro. Meathead [__].
23:54 Speaker 01 Eat turkey. Raw turkey. Rolled in meat.
24:02 Speaker 01 Rolled in raw chicken meat. And then rolled in provolone.
24:08 Speaker 01 Iso Pure, EAS, Bill Romanowski.
24:12 Pablo Torre? Yes.
24:12 Speaker 01 You understand? That's the type. I was taking creatine at 13 years old.
24:17 Pablo Torre? I imagine you now. I imagine young Action Bronson eating a raw [__] turducken like John Madden.
24:22 Speaker 01 Straight up tur- I mean.
24:26 Speaker 01 Turducken is ridiculous, but I like it.
24:29 Pablo Torre? It's, it does seem a little, like, unholy.
24:32 Speaker 01 Well, when it's done right, it's delicious. The idea of just, like, all that, I think it's craziness. That's more for, like, seems like it started for a party.
24:42 Pablo Torre? That's right.
24:43 Speaker 01 Someone wanted to have a party, so they [__] let's do something festive.
24:55 Pablo Torre? This message is brought to you by Apple Card. With Apple Card, you earn unlimited daily cash back on everyday purchases, like groceries, or merch, or tickets to the game. Plus, it can be used anywhere MasterCard is accepted. No matter your team, no matter where you shop, Apple Card is here to help you tackle game day. Apply in the Wallet app on your iPhone today. Subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank, USA, Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at applecard.com.
25:28 Speaker 02 A perfect crime film, says The Daily Beast. John Turturro gives a career best performance. Sony Pictures Classics proudly presents the acclaimed new thriller, The Only Living Pickpocket in New York. Turturro stars as an aging master pickpocket whose latest score puts him in the crosshairs of a ruthless crime family. Also starring Giancarlo Esposito, Tatiana Maslany, Will Price, and Steve Buscemi. See the film that the L.A. Times calls instantly classic. Opens October 23rd in New York and Los Angeles. Nationwide, October 30th.
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26:40 Pablo Torre? I want to explain to people, I think of you as like the ambassador of Queens. So I'm from New York. I grew up on 30th and First in Manhattan. Friends lived in Queens, all of that.
26:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
26:52 Pablo Torre? Spent way too much time in like the Floral Park area growing up.
26:55 Speaker 01 The hell were you doing in Floral Park?
26:57 Pablo Torre? My friend Pietro D'Zario lived in a Floral Park. Flopo.
27:00 Speaker 01 Okay.
27:02 Pablo Torre? Also Woodside, Filipino food.
27:04 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
27:06 Pablo Torre? How do you explain Queens to people who have not been there?
27:08 Speaker 01 It's a mixture of every single life on earth in one place. So it's kind of like it's a holy land.
27:17 Pablo Torre? It is the most diverse place maybe on earth, dude.
27:19 Speaker 01 It is, it is. It's a holy land. I've been a lot of place. I couldn't see anywhere else being this diverse.
27:26 Speaker 01 There's [BLEEP] that stacked up other places, but it's not with all these different cultures. It's truly unbelievable.
27:35 Pablo Torre? Yes.
27:36 Speaker 01 It's truly an unbelievable place.
27:38 Pablo Torre? Yes.
27:39 Speaker 01 It's somewhere you never, ever, ever have to leave, and you've already been everywhere.
27:46 Pablo Torre? So, I feel like a lot of people, the export from Queens that they think they're getting is like, Kevin James, King of Queens.
27:54 Speaker 01 When I think of Queens, I think of Coming to America.
27:57 Pablo Torre? Yes.
27:58 Speaker 01 That's the first thing I think of. And I think that that's a tremendous depiction of Queens.
28:03 Pablo Torre? That one is, you're right.
28:05 Speaker 01 That shows Queens in one of the most incredible lights ever. You gotta go to Queens, that's where you're gonna [BLEEP] meet one of the most incredible...
28:12 Pablo Torre? Royalty.
28:15 Speaker 01 Literally royalty. He got his face on the money, man. You know? He's rich. He is rich! What? He got his own money. And baby, when I tell you he's got his own money, I mean, the boy has got his own money! You did it this time! You hit the jackpot! That type of [BLEEP].
28:38 Pablo Torre? Were you on AOL?
28:39 Speaker 01 Hell yeah.
28:40 Pablo Torre? What was your screen name?
28:41 Speaker 01 Ace Suede 56.
28:43 Pablo Torre? Hmm. How'd you get settled on that?
28:47 Speaker 01 How did I get settled? It didn't take much. I just thought of some [BLEEP] and that became that. My jersey number was 56 in high school, like a meathead, and that was it.
29:00 Pablo Torre? So Ace Suede 56.
29:01 Speaker 01 Yep. At AOL.com.
29:04 Pablo Torre? At AOL.com.
29:05 Speaker 01 Net Zero.
29:06 Pablo Torre? Oh, yeah.
29:08 Speaker 01 The CD.
29:09 Pablo Torre? Yep. Yep, I was on EarthLink.
29:11 Speaker 01 Damn. Those are two off-brand ones.
29:15 Pablo Torre? Absolutely.
29:16 Speaker 01 I had this kid in my neighborhood who was a computer whiz. [BLEEP] built the computer. And he got me all set up on the, on the compact Rosario.
29:25 Pablo Torre? Oh, yeah, man.
29:27 Speaker 01 And then I got the Dell. I didn't have the good [BLEEP]. When we had a word processor, I thought we had a computer. I would try to enter launch codes, but it never worked.
29:39 Pablo Torre? What, what sport did you play, number 56?
29:41 Speaker 01 Football.
29:42 Pablo Torre? Position?
29:43 Speaker 01 Bayside High School, center and nose guard. Prestige.
29:46 Pablo Torre? Give me this counting report on you as a player.
29:51 Speaker 01 Deceptively quick.
29:57 Speaker 01 Hard hitting. Long lasting. IQ on [bleep] unbelievable [bleep]. My awareness is a hundred, hundred on Madden. So I'm like the field general. I'm the quarterback of the line. I know what the, I know more than the quarterback does. I question his throws.
30:25 Speaker 01 I question his decision making. Why'd you do that?
30:30 Pablo Torre? What was the reaction when, when you are questioning what's happening on this team?
30:36 Speaker 01 I'm not that type of guy. I would, in my mind, I would, what the [bleep] was that, you know? I could like throw him under the bus. Onto the next play.
30:46 Pablo Torre? Your athletic hero was who?
30:50 Speaker 01 My true athletic hero, I don't really know.
30:55 Speaker 01 Who did I look to is like, wow, Mike Tyson.
30:58 Pablo Torre? Yeah.
30:59 Speaker 01 Yeah. He captivated me, as probably many others.
31:05 Pablo Torre? Did you ever meet Mike?
31:06 Speaker 01 Yeah. He [bleep] kissed me on the hands.
31:11 Pablo Torre? I'm sorry, how does that work?
31:12 Speaker 01 It's like, we kissed each other on hands, it was respect. Just happened. Just happened.
31:20 Pablo Torre? I feel like Mike Tyson kissing you on the hand is kinda like, I don't know.
31:25 Speaker 01 It was crazy, that's why.
31:25 Pablo Torre? Diana Ross kissing you on the vocal cord.
31:28 Speaker 01 That's pretty [bleep] heavy duty, but yeah. Yeah. I'd say so. You like Diana Ross?
31:36 Pablo Torre? I was trying to think of spontaneously, who is the person who I'd most value vocal cords of?
31:41 Speaker 01 Kiss you on the vocal cord?
31:42 Pablo Torre? Yeah, who's the equivalent of Mike Tyson? That's, that's the SAT problem. Mike Tyson is to hands as blank is to vocal cords.
31:50 Speaker 01 Hmm, let's see.
31:55 Speaker 01 I don't know [bleep]. Diana Ross, I guess.
32:02 Pablo Torre? Celine Dion?
32:03 Speaker 01 Nah.
32:06 Speaker 01 Not really into her.
32:08 Pablo Torre? I mean, Stevie Wonder.
32:10 Speaker 01 Now that's a vocal cord.
32:12 Pablo Torre? Absolutely.
32:13 Speaker 01 That's a vocal cord kisser right there.
32:20 Pablo Torre? You made a, you made a music video, though, in which you, this is like pre-deep fake. You edited your face onto the body of Magnus Ver Magnuson.
32:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
32:41 Pablo Torre? Can you explain Magnus Ver Magnuson for people who don't know? The world's strongest man mythology?
32:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, Magnus Ver Magnuson is one of the, like, one of the top strong men of the world. I think he won three. He's just one of them in this world. Marius Pujanowski.
32:59 Pablo Torre? Yes.
32:59 Speaker 01 Ukohola won it twice.
33:02 Pablo Torre? Magnus won it four times.
33:03 Speaker 01 Magnus won it four.
33:04 Pablo Torre? 91, 94, 95, 96.
33:06 Speaker 01 Excuse me. But right now, I'm in bulk season. I'm back in bulk season. But not too much bulk. Just enough that when I come down, I'm shredded. And it's really showing.
33:21 Pablo Torre? What does bulking up for, for you look like?
33:24 Speaker 01 Um, this is it. I'm 275 right now, that's it. Can't, can't allow myself to get over that. Bringing myself down to 230, I'm gonna look like [bleep] Jean-Claude Van Damme.
33:36 Pablo Torre? He's doing a split between two trucks.
33:38 Speaker 01 Volvos.
33:39 Pablo Torre? Volvos.
33:41 Speaker 01 Remember that commercial?
33:42 Pablo Torre? Of course.
33:43 Speaker 01 This doesn't look like I'm [bleep] jacked up in this [bleep] picture. See, like it's both, I'm a little bit better now. Leaning forward, I don't look jacked. That's the issue.
33:55 Pablo Torre? I mean, you're wearing a sweater.
33:58 Speaker 01 I'm wearing a Dikembe Mutombo jersey under this, bro.
34:00 Pablo Torre? Are you really?
34:01 Speaker 01 [bleep] sure am.
34:02 Pablo Torre? Nuggets?
34:03 Speaker 01 Who else? I mean, yeah, the Hawks, but yeah. It is.
34:06 Pablo Torre? It's one of the greatest jerseys of all time. His Mutombo Nuggets jersey.
34:10 Speaker 01 And the Mutombo Hawks jersey.
34:12 Pablo Torre? Both great. I once talked to Dikembe Mutombo about, um, his life, and he told me that his house, he had to have special toilets installed because, of course, he's like 7'2" or whatever it is.
34:25 Speaker 01 The importance of a good toilet, I was speaking to my colleague yesterday. You don't really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat.
34:34 Pablo Torre? Bro.
34:34 Speaker 01 You literally [bleep] immediately. And it's like...
34:40 Speaker 01 It's not just a regular [BLEEP]. Everything comes out. You know what I mean?
34:44 Pablo Torre? Can I, can I bond with you hopefully about?
34:48 Speaker 01 But you know the toilet, you sit down and then start spraying something real quick. When you get up, I get up. So it doesn't hit me.
34:55 Pablo Torre? So you don't like the bidet toilet?
34:56 Speaker 01 I duck it. I don't let, I don't let it touch me.
34:58 Pablo Torre? Oh, come on. What are you doing?
35:00 Speaker 01 This is the mist prior.
35:01 Pablo Torre? Oh, oh, oh, okay, okay.
35:03 Speaker 01 Because I guess they [BLEEP] moist in the area. But this is the pre-mist. I don't let that touch me.
35:08 Pablo Torre? But, but under your control? You like a bidet?
35:12 Speaker 01 No.
35:12 Pablo Torre? Oh, come on. What are you doing?
35:14 Speaker 01 I'm old school. I come from a grandma with no paper, just a hand. Just a hand.
35:22 Pablo Torre? Can I? For the podcast, I'm Jackson Bronson.
35:26 Speaker 01 A grandmother doing this, not me.
35:28 Pablo Torre? Is almost like flipping an imaginary pizza with his right hand.
35:34 Pablo Torre? My, uh, my most disliked version of a toilet is the toilet with, uh, the padded seat.
35:44 Speaker 01 That's old school.
35:45 Pablo Torre? I hate it.
35:45 Speaker 01 I mean, that's [BLEEP] weird when you, it deflates as soon as you sit on it.
35:49 Pablo Torre? Yes.
35:50 Speaker 01 It's weird.
35:50 Pablo Torre? It's like someone asking you to [BLEEP] into a pillow.
35:53 Speaker 01 Pull over, I'll [BLEEP] out the window. If I need to go, it's happening.
35:58 Pablo Torre? But you like a warm seat, but that's about it.
35:59 Speaker 01 A warm seat is definitely a game changer. Cold, cold floor, warm seat.
36:05 Pablo Torre? Yes.
36:06 Speaker 01 Duel. So you get the dual heat.
36:09 Pablo Torre? Yup.
36:09 Speaker 01 Cool feet.
36:10 Pablo Torre? Shins extended.
36:12 Speaker 01 Oh my, I mean. I don't know who wears clothes to [BLEEP], but I don't.
36:17 Pablo Torre? You go full on, um...
36:18 Speaker 01 No matter where, if I'm in Kmart, Caldo. Wherever.
36:24 Pablo Torre? Caldo?
36:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
36:25 Pablo Torre? Yo, Caldo, man. I don't know if kids respect Caldo the way they need to.
36:29 Speaker 01 I used to take Caldo to the [BLEEP], to the cleaners.
36:33 Pablo Torre? What are you doing inside of a Caldo?
36:34 Speaker 01 Steal anything that's, you know, all the paint. Take all the home products, the rollers.
36:42 Pablo Torre? Handheld dustbusters?
36:44 Speaker 01 The **** when that red devil came out?
36:47 Pablo Torre? Yes.
36:48 Speaker 01 The dirt devil?
36:48 Pablo Torre? Yep.
36:50 Speaker 01 I've had a dustbuster in my house, ****, I can't even remember when I didn't. Right now, we don't even have a regular vacuum. We have a **** handheld dustbuster. There's no need. Either the shark or the dustbuster.
37:05 Pablo Torre? So like the world of Roombas does not appeal to you? The robots?
37:10 Speaker 01 It actually makes me crazy when they put the thing on, I **** trip over it, creeps up on you.
37:15 Pablo Torre? It does.
37:16 Speaker 01 You'll be cooking up some bull.
37:19 Pablo Torre? I heard a story once about someone falling asleep on their, on their floor. The Roomba comes out, they have long hair, now they're being murdered by their, by their vacuum.
37:30 Speaker 01 I mean, listen, all that ****, we saw Terminator 2, this is what they were talking about. You understand? The machines. Skynet, this is what they were speaking of.
37:46 Speaker 01 Arnold told you already this was happening, and this is why when they bring the food with the robot, it freaks me the **** out.
37:54 Pablo Torre? Yep.
37:54 Speaker 01 You know?
37:55 Pablo Torre? Yep.
37:55 Speaker 01 I don't want to see that ****.
37:59 Speaker 01 **** drop underwear from ****, where's it from?
38:03 Pablo Torre? Right, drones, like Amazon drones?
38:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, drop Amazon underwear, you drop the underwear with the plane.
38:10 Pablo Torre? I like to imagine you like trying to, like ****, uh, throw a discus at those drones.
38:18 Speaker 01 Discus was one of the best sweatshirts brand that ever lived. One of the best athletic brands, and I don't know what happened to Discus, but man, Queens?
38:28 Pablo Torre? Yes.
38:28 Speaker 01 If you had a **** Discus hoodie, or a Discus, whatever this one is called,
38:35 Speaker 01 you were the one.
38:36 Pablo Torre? I want to ask you about a-
38:37 Speaker 01 Twelve pack of Sunwear shirts in the trunk, Talha. You know about these? You know about Talha shirts?
38:44 Pablo Torre? No.
38:45 Speaker 01 It's from the white tee days. Made in Bangladesh.
38:50 Pablo Torre? So how is a Talha shirt different from like the Hanes, you know?
38:54 Speaker 01 Because it's **** Talha. Tall tee.
38:58 Pablo Torre? Mmm.
38:58 Speaker 01 Number six XT's.
39:00 Pablo Torre? Of course.
39:01 Speaker 01 Weren't you doing **** New I Think They Like Me dances? Laffy Taffy?
39:08 Pablo Torre? I mean, but this is the NBA, my favorite era of the NBA.
39:12 Speaker 01 Throwbacks, I mean, I don't think I've ever taken a throwback off since they came out. There's no need.
40:08 Pablo Torre? Have you heard of this Twitter account called Accidental Bronson?
40:11 Speaker 01 No.
40:12 Pablo Torre? I, I don't know if you're gonna love this or hate this, but would you be okay with me explaining this to you?
40:19 Speaker 01 Sure.
40:20 Pablo Torre? So I was sitting at a New York Liberty game in the second row, right behind courtside. And in front of me was Carmelo Anthony. And I was eating, uh, pocky. You familiar with pocky?
40:32 Speaker 01 Of course. Which flavor?
40:34 Pablo Torre? Matcha.
40:35 Speaker 01 Nice.
40:35 Pablo Torre? Yeah, yeah.
40:36 Speaker 01 Good choice.
40:36 Pablo Torre? Exactly. A rare, a rare, a rare version of it.
40:39 Speaker 01 Did it come from Japan?
40:41 Pablo Torre? Yes. Of course. I'm not [BLEEP] around, man.
40:43 Speaker 01 Rare snacks, man?
40:44 Pablo Torre? Rare snacks.
40:45 Speaker 01 Okay.
40:46 Pablo Torre? So I'm eating this, this matcha green pocky behind Carmelo Anthony. And I tweeted out, and I just captioned it, "Quietly eating pocky behind Carmelo Anthony." And a Twitter account, which I did not know about till then, titled Accidental Bronson, retweets it. And I'm like, "What [BLEEP] is this?"
41:07 Speaker 01 Oh, it sounds like a, like something I would say.
41:09 Pablo Torre? And it's just all of the things that people are tweeting inadvertently. And I'm like, "That is exactly a thing that [BLEEP] Accidental Bronson would say."
41:18 Speaker 01 It's true. I mean, to think about it like this.
41:23 Speaker 01 Real life is much crazier than anything that you script. You know? All the bull**** that you can conjure up in your mind really isn't that cool. If you just assess the situation around you real quick. Like, okay. This is what's happening.
41:41 Pablo Torre? So you immediately intuitively understood the premise of Accidental Bronson?
41:46 Speaker 01 I get it.
41:46 Pablo Torre? Can I show you some other ones that people have?
41:49 Speaker 01 Sure.
41:50 Pablo Torre? I, I feel like-
41:51 Speaker 01 Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
41:52 Pablo Torre? I mean, I just-
41:52 Speaker 01 Let's hear it. Let's hear it.
41:54 Pablo Torre? I feel like you gotta say them, though.
41:55 Speaker 01 Nah, nah, nah. You have to say it. Nah, let me say it.
41:58 Pablo Torre? Alright, okay.
41:59 Speaker 01 Let me say it, let me say it.
42:00 Pablo Torre? And then, and then what you can, you can do though-
42:01 Speaker 01 Let me see it.
42:01 Pablo Torre? You can grade it, okay? You can grade it. Let me just, I'm gonna expand the window on my laptop. I mean, this is gonna be a thing, because this is a tribute account to you.
42:09 Speaker 01 Okay, so, put me and Timothy Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill? And I'm putting him in a hospital? I mean, boom. That's hard.
42:17 Pablo Torre? That's fucking hard.
42:18 Speaker 01 It's all about that type of word. Timothy Chalamet? Chamale? Chalamet?
42:26 Pablo Torre? Chalamet.
42:26 Speaker 01 It's a good word.
42:27 Pablo Torre? It is.
42:27 Speaker 01 It's a nice name. It, it flows nicely off the tongue. 12 a.m. on the Amalfi Coast, watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Hard.
42:39 Pablo Torre? So we're gonna do some binary scale of hard and not hard?
42:42 Speaker 01 Because there's different depths of description.
42:47 Pablo Torre? Yes.
42:48 Speaker 01 Why are they playing in Edmonton? And it's preseason? There's different depths. There's things that add character to it.
42:55 Pablo Torre? Absolutely, absolutely.
42:57 Speaker 01 For sure. Representative George Santos was charged with theft for stealing puppies from an Amish dairy farmer. That's a dud.
43:10 Pablo Torre? That's just a news story.
43:11 Speaker 01 That's a dud.
43:11 Pablo Torre? That was just a news headline.
43:13 Speaker 01 Just spilled an entire box of shallots in the backseat of the Uber? That could be a hook. That could definitely be a hook.
43:21 Pablo Torre? That's pretty good. That's pretty good.
43:23 Speaker 01 It could be a **** hook. Young Drazin Petrovich with a great pair of Adidas Top 10s.
43:30 Pablo Torre? It's a photo of a shirtless young Drazin Petrovich.
43:32 Speaker 01 You could just take Young Drazin Petrovich with and then put whatever after.
43:37 Pablo Torre? Yep.
43:39 Speaker 01 This is a, this is rap class.
43:41 Pablo Torre? I, I, I am **** taking notes.
43:43 Speaker 01 Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divac. Hell yeah. I **** with that hard.
43:49 Pablo Torre? Vladi Divac is smoking.
43:50 Speaker 01 That's where I would probably mention something about that or. Got the ass of a young Vladi Divac. It's heavy. I once mentioned my **** was thick like John Lovitz.
44:01 Pablo Torre? Mmm. The critic.
44:03 Speaker 01 It's one of my favorite actors. He's thick.
44:06 Pablo Torre? He is. Multiple Cs.
44:09 Speaker 01 Ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. That's just an incredible ****.
44:14 Pablo Torre? It is.
44:15 Speaker 01 That's a visual right there.
44:16 Pablo Torre? That's just poetry. Ashing a sesame bagel.
44:19 Speaker 01 I love that that's.
44:19 Pablo Torre? In front of a Roomba.
44:20 Speaker 01 That type of thing that's attached to me, I'm happy about. Lizzo probably be hitting people in the knee with her flute like Tonya Harding. Meh. I actually.
44:34 Speaker 01 I just did a show where I was the chief support for Incubus in LA, which I don't know is a **** 18,000 people sold out show.
44:46 Pablo Torre? It's an incredible sentence.
44:48 Speaker 01 All right, exactly. And Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson, one step away was in the dressing room next to me. And as we walk out to go do the thing, there's this woman in a tuxedo with a tail. And you know, she had like very shiny shoes on and she was holding something. And Lizzo was the special guest. So she was in front of Lizzo's dressing room, holding the flute for her.
45:13 Pablo Torre? She had a, she had a flute butler.
45:15 Speaker 01 White glove flute but, flute but, but, white glove flute butler.
45:23 Speaker 01 That's a [bleep] hard line also at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball.
45:27 Pablo Torre? Absolutely.
45:28 Speaker 01 I would word it differently, but yes, it's hard. I'm at the club showing women the Montez Sabonis DHO highlights. I know his father.
45:35 Pablo Torre? Yeah, of course.
45:36 Speaker 01 I would be showing his... I'd be showing his father.
45:39 Pablo Torre? Mmm.
45:40 Speaker 01 That would also be weird.
45:41 Pablo Torre? Well, some of those lost tapes, though. Not even on VHS of Avita Sabonis. Oh, yeah, being ahead of his time. One of the great pastors of all time. Big men pastors.
45:52 Speaker 01 Not me getting [bleep] off at Beetlejuice the Musical. I like the premise of this.
45:57 Pablo Torre? Well, that actually happened.
45:58 Speaker 01 To you? To who?
46:02 Pablo Torre? Uh... It was Representative Lauren Boebert, that security video in black and white.
46:07 Speaker 01 The Musical?
46:08 Pablo Torre? Yeah, I love... I love that I am breaking the news to you that Lauren Boebert gave, like, her date a handjob at... Through the pants. At Beetlejuice the Musical in, like, Colorado.
46:18 Speaker 01 Doesn't count.
46:18 Pablo Torre? Yeah, fair.
46:20 Speaker 01 What are we, in [bleep] sixth grade? Handjob through the pants. She should [bleep] be ashamed of herself.
46:26 Pablo Torre? That was not the takeaway for most people, but I see where you're coming from.
46:29 Speaker 01 Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata, yeah. I mean, I feel like... They're tapping into things like that, I would wanna say. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense, yeah. Hard. I saw Fox eating sour cream and cheddar. Nah. I like the idea of this, though. Using animals in... Illiteration.
46:54 Pablo Torre? Yes.
46:55 Speaker 01 Is that the right term where they're speaking as human?
46:58 Pablo Torre? Oh, that's anthropomorphizing. Anthropomorphizing.
47:01 Speaker 01 What is alliteration?
47:02 Pablo Torre? That's when the words in a row have the same first letter.
47:06 Speaker 01 That was totally off.
47:08 Pablo Torre? You had the letter A right.
47:09 Speaker 01 That was... E-lliteration or alliteration?
47:12 Pablo Torre? Alliteration.
47:13 Speaker 01 What is e-lliteration?
47:15 Pablo Torre? I don't think that's a thing.
47:16 Speaker 01 God, I bet you it is. Someone Google that.
47:20 Speaker 01 Alright, that's it. I'm getting [bleep] outta here. I gotta go eat, bro. I'm done.
47:25 Pablo Torre? Um... Action Bronson, thank you for being, uh... Everything I had hoped for. Can I kiss your hand?
47:32 Speaker 01 No, you're not, but you're gonna hug me.
47:34 Pablo Torre? Okay, very...
47:34 Speaker 01 You're gonna hug me hard with game and grit.
47:52 Pablo Torre? So what I found out today is why listening to Action Bronson makes me happy. And it's one of the first things I told him, right? "Your music makes me feel good." And the reason why, it turns out, is because he embodies this contradiction between this abiding, deep seriousness, and also the exact opposite. Often at the same time. Action Bronson loves a high-stakes scenario decorated with lowbrow details. He makes music for Don Corleone.
48:37 Pablo Torre? If Don Corleone also loved the NBA. He is somebody who makes music to listen to while walking around New York City, because New York City is the greatest city in the world that also, at times, is aggressively the opposite, which is why it is worth celebrating. And so here Pablo Torre finds out a New York show that has just introduced Action Bronson to Accidental Bronson, reflecting our capacity individually to spontaneously embody this very contradiction. No matter where you are on this planet, we wanted to send you into your weekend,
49:22 Pablo Torre? into your wanderings around wherever you are, with just something to listen to.
49:31 Speaker 01 12 a.m. on the Amalfi Coast, watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Young Dragan Petrovic with a great pair of Adidas Top 10s. Hard. Girl, you got the ass of a young Vlade Divac. Not me getting jacked off at Beetlejuice the Musical, but at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Just spilled an entire box of shallots. Hard and not hard. In the backseat of the Uber, ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba.
50:01 Pablo Torre? Yes.
50:01 Speaker 01 And I'm putting them in a hospital, doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I could be a fucking hook. I once mentioned my b**ch was thick like John Lovitz. Multiple Cs.
50:14 Speaker 01 Alright, that's it. I'm getting f*** out of here. I gotta go eat, bro.
50:19 Speaker 04 Hard and not hard.
50:35 Pablo Torre? This has been Pablo Torre Finds Out, a Meadowlark Media production. And I'll talk to you next time.
51:03 Speaker 05 Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market.
51:09 Speaker 02 Love the crown molding.
51:10 Speaker 05 Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile.
51:14 Speaker 02 Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fiber internet.
51:18 Speaker 05 No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen.
51:21 Speaker 02 No FiOS? Yeah... no thank you.
51:25 Speaker 05 Don't you want to see the rest... okay. Bye-bye. Get Verizon FiOS, because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.
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Previous How Shane Battier Learned to Lead, and Shut the F*** Up (PTFO Vault) Next The Last Bromance: How Wrestling Corrupted the NBA Finals (PTFO Vault) Page updated October 31, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated