3 Habits That are Quietly Destroying You | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

In this week's Friday Field Notes, Ryan Michler broadcasts from a whitetail hunting lodge in Minnesota to discuss three insidious habits that are quietly destroying modern men: distraction, isolation, and sedation. It is dangerously easy to justify your distractions when they look like noble work, grinding at the gym, or even church service, but running from your core responsibilities will ultimately destroy your home. Isolation might feel like the path of an alpha male, but cutting yourself off from a trusted brotherhood makes you significantly weaker. Finally, sedation—whether through drugs, porn, or simply tuning out—is a desperate attempt to regain control when life feels chaotic. Real strength comes from confronting your challenges head-on. Tune in to learn how to break these destructive patterns. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:40 - Episode Opening 00:40 - Broadcasting from the Hunting Lodge 02:22 - The Danger of Noble Distractions 07:05 - The Lie of the Lone Wolf and Isolation 11:40 - Sedation and the Illusion of Control 16:25 - Confronting Challenges Head-On 20:57 - Closing Thoughts and the Iron Council Battle Planners: Pick yours up today! https://store.orderofman.com/products/order-of-man-annual-battle-planner Order Ryan's new book, The Masculinity Manifesto https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Manifesto-Establishes-Influence-Credibility/dp/1684513316/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1665048672&sr=8-1. For more information on the Iron Council brotherhood https://orderofman.link/iron-council. Want maximum health, wealth, relationships, and abundance in your life? Sign up for our free course, 30 Days to Battle Ready https://orderofman.link/battle-ready-0

• 0:00Speaker 00

  I understand that we want to isolate. It's arrogance, it's ego, it's self-centered. I don't want people to know. I don't want people to understand my own deficiencies. I don't want to talk with people. I don't, I don't want to do any of that. I just want to isolate. I want to hole up and then I'll tell myself, I'm a lone wolf. I'm a badass. I'm an alpha. No, you're not. Any of those things. When you isolate, you're actually making yourself physically, mentally and emotionally and spiritually weaker. Gentlemen, what's going on? Welcome to your Friday Field Notes. My name is Ryan Michler. I'm the host and the founder of this podcast. And if you're following along on YouTube, you can see that this is a very different backdrop than I normally have.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  I spent literally tens of thousands of dollars building this incredible studio in the basement of my home. And here I am, what looks like a hotel room. It's not a hotel room. It's actually a hunting lodge, the room of a hunting lodge that my oldest son and I are staying at with seven other friends. And we're hunting in Minnesota. Now, every time when I talk about Minnesota, people are like, oh, where do you stay? Where are you going? Where, where will you be? We're in Alexandria area, Glenwood, Sedan, if you want to get more specific. But we're out here hunting whitetail. My oldest son shot a doe two days ago. I shot a doe last night and now we both have buck tags to fill.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  We've got two days left to do it. But I wanted to record this Friday Field Notes, not only because it's important, the mission, the work of reclaiming and restoring masculinity, but also because I've never missed a single podcast in 11 and a half years now, almost 12 years of podcasting, three episodes a week. I have not missed a single one and I refuse to let a hunt get in the way of that. Today, guys, I want to talk with you about three habits that you are engaged in, a lot of it's probably subconscious that are quietly destroying you. And as I go through these habits, I think you're going to understand why it's quietly

• 2:10Speaker 00

  destroying you because they're very devious, they're very insidious and oftentimes hidden. So without further ado, let's talk about this because I've got to hunt and I've got to leave here in about 20 minutes. So I'm going to try to keep this quick and succinct and short for you. So you get some insight and I can go hunt with my son. The three habits that I want to talk with you about today, guys. Number one is distraction. Number two is isolation. And number three is sedation. So we're going to break down each one of those things. Now, I was talking with a friend, his name is Jay Giardulo, good friend of mine, been with me for a very long time. He's actually here hunting with me as well. And we were talking about the distractions that come up.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  The problem with distraction in your life, it's not the things that you know are wrong for you. Like if there's a person in your life, whether it's a romantic interest or a friend or a boss, a colleague, a coworker, a neighbor who's toxic, who's dangerous, who's destructive, that's not the issue. It's not the issue because you know those people are not good for you. And the same is true of the hobbies and things that you're engaged in. If, if, if it's engaged in something that's a vice or something destructive, you know it's bad for you. Distraction is insidious because it can be what Jay referred to as a noble distraction. So for example, you might distract yourself from doing the work that you really need

• 3:38Speaker 00

  to do by going to the gym. And not a single human being who's worth their, their weight would, would say, well, going to the gym is a bad thing. It's not, but it could be if you're using it to distract you from what you otherwise should be doing. Another noble obstacle is work. I see this all the time. Guys are like, well, I'm working, I'm grinding, I'm hustling, I'm putting in the effort. All good, fine and dandy. But if it's distracting you from doing work on yourself or your spiritual health or your relational health or your financial health, you might say, well, I'm doing a really good job because I'm, I'm, I'm busy with work or I'm going to the gym. But if it's distracting you from what you ought to be doing, it's probably not a good

• 4:23Speaker 00

  thing. And you know this inherently, I think we all know, hey, here's what I need to do, but I'm going to procrastinate, but I'm not going to do bullshit. I'm going to do good stuff so that I can deceive myself and other people into believing that I'm actually doing work. Okay. How many times do you need to go to the gym every day? Or how long do you actually need to be there? Do you need to be there three, four, five hours a day? Or could you get by and, and do 45 minutes or an hour and then get on with the rest of your day? I mean, people will even do distraction from a noble perspective in the name of Christianity, in the name of following in Christ. Well, I'm just, I'm doing all these, I, I see this all the time, especially when I was

• 5:04Speaker 00

  part of, of the LDS, the Mormon culture, you know, they would call these, these young men, guys with young kids, going through college, full-time careers, and they would call them, that's how it worked, they would call them to be in the, um, the bishopric, which is a leadership position within the LDS church. And it's like, you know, I understand that we are to serve God, but these young men, these young men, and they were 20, 30 years old, going through school, getting their masters, raising four kids, taking care of their new bride, uh, working a full-time job. They're like, well, you know, yeah, we do want you to take care of your family, but

• 5:45Speaker 00

  also we're going to capitalize on every single minute of your Sunday. And then I saw so many men be like, oh, well, I'm, I'm doing the Lord's work. Is that the Lord's work? Is the Lord's work for you to ignore your family? Is the Lord's work for you to ignore, overlook the fact that you are to provide financially for your family? Or is that just the excuse that we use in order to feel good about distracting our, our, our people from their real work, which is leading in the home, leading in business, providing a, a financial income and stability, taking care of, of, of our loved ones, spending time with them.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  So what I would like you to do when it comes to the distractions that we bring into our lives is ask yourself, what, what am I doing here? Like, am I actually enhancing my life? Or am I running away from something silently and calling it noble? So that I can justify the fact that maybe I'm not doing my own self-work. Maybe I'm not spending as much time with my family. Maybe I'm not spending as much time on my spirituality or my physical fitness or the way that I'm showing up. This manifests in all sorts of different ways. Not every single man is the same. In fact, we're all different, which makes it hard. Some guys will gravitate towards fitness, other guys will gravitate, gravitate towards

• 7:12Speaker 00

  spirituality, other guys will, quite frankly, gravitate to only their family and they'll, they'll completely overlook their responsibility to provide financially. And they'll say, what are you, what's the problem? I'm doing a good job. I'm spending all my time with my family. Guys, you're a man. Yes, you should spend as much time as you possibly can with your family, but also you kind of have to provide for them, right? I mean, what good is it to spend a bunch of time with them if you can't put a roof over their head? You can't go to their baseball games or their dance recitals or their piano lessons? That's a problem. So ask yourself, how do I spend my time? And is the time that I'm spending the best benefit, the best use of that time?

• 7:54Speaker 00

  So as I said, I'm here in Minnesota right now. I'm hunting. I told my oldest son who I'm hunting with, I said, look bud, on Thursday, I'm going to be busy. We're going to go take the deer in, which we did. I got to go run a few errands, which we did. I got a podcast with Jim Caviezel, which I just got done with. And I've got this Friday Field Notes, so I need to record. So you're on your own. Cool? And he's like, yeah, dad, of course. No problem. But the rest of the time, I'm going to be completely engaged with him and my seven or eight other buddies that I'm here with. So that's number one is distraction. It's killing you. It's hurting you and you think it's noble. It's not. Be deliberate and intentional about it. Okay. The next is isolation.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  Look, guys, when things go south and things go sideways, I understand that we want to isolate. It's arrogance, it's ego, it's self-centered. I don't want people to know. I don't want people to understand my own deficiencies. I don't want to talk with people. I don't, I don't want to do any of that. I just want to isolate. I want to hole up and then I'll tell myself, I'm a lone wolf. I'm a badass. I'm an alpha. No, you're not. Any of those things. When you isolate, you're actually making yourself physically, mentally and emotionally and spiritually weaker. But you'll convince yourself that you're a baddie. You'll convince yourself that the best men out there don't need help from anybody else.

• 9:19Speaker 00

  And you know, this is true if you're saying things like, I don't, if I want it done right, I have to do it myself. Oh, nobody cares about it as much as I do. These are the kind of things that we say, and it's, I get it. I've said it, but it's stupid. Let's be honest. It's stupid. It's hurtful. It's harmful to your growth. The, the, the, the best things that I've ever had happen to me in my life, and I, I would bet that this is true for you. The best things that have ever happened in your life are a result of the connections that you've made. Nothing good, I mean, you, you can't find probably the top 100 things in your life

• 10:02Speaker 00

  that have happened that are good for you as a result of doing it alone. Nothing. I mean, I would challenge you to, to prove me wrong. When in your life have you been more connected to God because you're alone? People will say, well, I just want to be on the mountains and I want to just like have my connection with God. Look, I get it. I like that too. I like being alone. I have no issue being alone. In fact, in a lot of ways, and people don't really know this about me, especially because of the podcast and I put myself out there. I don't, I don't really need a whole lot of like social interaction, but I'm not better when I isolate. I'm always better because there's people around me that I love, that I care about,

• 10:46Speaker 00

  that I respect, that love, care and respect me, that are leaning on me, they're pushing on me, they're challenging me, they're giving me new ideas and insights and ideas. That is the best way to do it. So look, have your time to yourself. You should. We all need some time to disengage. We all need some time to like think and ruminate and come up with our own ideas, but.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  The lone wolf thing doesn't work. We are social creatures. It is what it is. I was gonna tell you, sorry, I'm not sorry. We're social creatures. We are to embrace working with other men, working with our spouses, working with our children, our clients, our colleagues, our coworkers. And look, we all get energy different ways, but at the end of the day, you cannot isolate. You have to put yourself in environments with other people, and I'll tell you why. That's where the best ideas come from. That's where the best ideas come from. The only ideas that I can create in my mind, or have, not even create, but have in my mind,

• 11:50Speaker 00

  are a result of what's going into my mind. So if I don't have anything going into my mind, I'm stuck with the six inches between both of my ears. That's not a whole lot. And it varies for different people, but for me, it's not a whole lot. I want to hear from Joe. I want to hear from Rick. I want to hear from Wayne. I want to hear from my son, Brecken. I want to hear from all the people that are in my orbit, and I want to hear their ideas. Now, I don't need to embrace them. I don't need to implement them, but I'm certainly willing to entertain them. It's been said, and I don't know who said it, that the mark of an educated or an intelligent mind

• 12:31Speaker 00

  is being able to entertain an idea without necessarily accepting it. We need to be able to entertain ideas, and the only way you can entertain ideas is to get yourself out of isolation. Stop holding up, stop walling up, stop hanging out in your basement, playing video games, or dicking around, or whatever you do, and start putting yourself out there with some rules, with some boundaries, so you can learn new information. And guys, the last thing is sedation. We do this in all sorts of ways. We drink, we do drugs, we watch porn, we gamble, womanize, like whatever you can do to get yourself

• 13:10Speaker 00

  out of the situation that you're currently feeling. We do this all the time, and we sedate. I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to confront that. I don't want to wrestle with my finances. I don't want to wrestle with the weight that I'm dealing with. I don't want to wrestle with my poor performance at work. I don't want to wrestle with the challenges that I've had in my relationship, and so it's better for me, at least this is what you think, to escape, right? Like, oh, I need to get away. You know what this is? Control. It's control. Everything around you in your life is out of control. Okay, your kids, I've got four kids from the ages of 18 down to 10 years old. It's out of control.

• 13:52Speaker 00

  It's not crazy. It's not wild. It's not unbridled. Like, we have rules and boundaries. Me and their mother have boundaries and rules and expectations, but I can't control my kids. My oldest son came to me about a year ago. He's like, Dad, I'm gonna get a tattoo. I'm like, the hell, you're gonna get a tattoo? You're 17 years old. He's like, yeah, but mom got me a gift card to get a tattoo. I'm like, that's awesome. You can do that when you're 18. He's like, well, what if I just did it anyways? And I said, I'd be, I pulled out the dad trick. I said, I'd be really disappointed. And he didn't. But when he was 18, he came, he came over. It was like a week after he turned 18. He came to my house, and he's like, Dad, check it out.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  And he's got a lacrosse stick on his forearm with a couple flowers in the, um, the, uh, like, old American type, um, style of, of tattoos. It looks, it looks really good. I can't, I can't control, I can't control him. I can't control that. He's gonna do what he's gonna do. Your wife might be really upset about how work went, and her boss was a jerk, and her clients were jerks, and you can't control that. Your kids might be upset. Maybe something happens at work that's beyond your control. And so what do we do? We try to wrestle back control. How do we do that?

• 15:16Speaker 00

  Again, drinking, drugs, watching porn, gambling. I mean, you can pick your sedation method of choice, but you do that either, well, you do it for, for one of two things. Either to escape, or for control. It's one of those two things. It's insidious. It's dangerous. And I'll tell you why it's dangerous, because it feels so good. Right? When I'm distracted from the reality of life, I feel better. I don't want to look at my bank account if it's struggling. So I'm gonna go over here, I'm gonna distract myself at the gym and say, see, I'm doing a good job. I'm strong. I'm healthy. I'm broke, but I'm strong and healthy.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  So we distract ourselves. Right? Instead of actually having the conversation with your wife about why the marriage or relationship is struggling, you're like, hey babe, let's go watch Yellowstone. Let's go watch Ted Lasso. We're like, we're together, we're spending time together. Are you? Because you're just sitting on the couch. Yeah, maybe you're holding hands, or maybe you're in proximity. Maybe she's on one end of the couch, and you're on the other, and you're, you say to yourself, this was a good date. It's not a date. You're distracting yourself from the actual work that you need to do in the relationship. So distraction, okay? We already talked about sedation, um, and number two is, is isolation.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  Right? Again, I'm just gonna hole up. I'm gonna wall myself off. I'm not gonna receive any input. I'm not gonna learn anything new. I'm not gonna confront or face my, my shortcomings and my inadequacies. I'm just gonna isolate. I'm good. I'm here in this room. I got four walls around me. Nobody's coming in. The doors are locked, literally and figuratively, and everybody else can get out. Good. Now you're in this box, this, this metal container, this wooden drywall container, and you have access to no information that's making you better. If you're comfortable with where you are, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast.

• 17:23Speaker 00

  But if you're comfortable with where you are, go ahead and isolate. But if you want to learn new things and grow, you gotta put yourself around other people. And again, the last thing, just as a recap, is sedation. Numb out, veg out, tune out, fry your brain. That's what I used to do when I was in the throes of my alcohol abuse. It was like, no. I want to fry my brain for a minute. I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to confront this. I don't want to have conversations about this, and so I'm going to self-medicate, and not in healthy ways. I'm just gonna like fry my brain so that I could get through whatever it is I was dealing with.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  But the real ones, and the things that I'm learning, for lack of a better term, you just raw dog it. I, I, that's, I mean, there's no other way to say it. When issues and confrontation and challenge and struggle and financial problems and medical dish, issues and everything else that comes up as a result of being a man, you just gotta take it. And when you learn to take it for what it is, without distracting, without isolating, without sedating, you become stronger. You come, become better. You become wiser. You become more equipped and skilled to be able to address a challenging or confrontational conversation with your wife.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  Or a disagreement with your boss. Or a frustration with your child. Or a, or a financial hardship. Or a medical diagnosis. Or a lawsuit. Or a potential bankruptcy. Those are the things that are gonna come up in your life, and more. And when you put yourself into the environments where you say to yourself, you know what? I'm not gonna distract. I'm not gonna sedate. I'm not gonna isolate. I'm gonna confront this head on. It's not gonna feel comfortable. The same way as anything you've ever tried in your life is not gonna feel comfortable the first time you do. But when you do it once, and twice, and three times, and 10 times, and 100 times,

• 19:33Speaker 00

  and 1,000 times, and 10,000 hours, soon you'll realize, I'm a master at this. When people come at me, when I'm dealing with financial hardship, when I have to have a difficult conversation with my bride, when I have to discipline my children, I got it, because I've been practicing it without excusing myself. And that is not manly behavior, by the way, when you excuse yourself. Distraction, isolation, sedation. It's boylike behavior. I expect my youngest son, he's 10 years old. I expect him to get frustrated because I didn't buy ice cream at the grocery store. I do. Now, I don't tolerate it, but I expect that that might happen.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  I expect that when my oldest son has an issue with his girlfriend, or somebody else he might be dealing with, his coach or a player, I expect him to probably try to like disengage and distract himself with other things. I expect that, because he's a young man. I don't expect or tolerate that in myself, because I'm a grown man. I need to show up more powerfully, more fully, more in tune with what's going on. And you can't run away from your problems. They'll chase you. I was talking with, um, Jim Caviezel,

• 20:56Speaker 00

  and we were talking about the analogy, because he's, he's swam with sharks, and he said, you know, when, when you're, when you're swimming or surfing in the ocean, and you feel a bump from a shark, if you swim, they'll eat you, because you look, you're, you're prey. But he said, if you turn and face and confront, that shark looks at you like another predator and says, okay, well, maybe there's an easier victim down the road. Good. Don't be a victim. Don't be the easy target. Stand and fight. You don't need to distract yourself. Stand, fight, learn the skills you need to learn, improve who you are, show up more powerfully for the people in your life,

• 21:39Speaker 00

  and your life will be measurably improved if you do that. So guys, I know that's kind of a short one today. I know it's a little different. I hope my audio is okay. If you're following this on YouTube, the backdrop looks like a hotel room, essentially. But I'm here at the lodge. Wish me luck tonight. I've got one more tag I need to fill. My big buck, my big whitetail buck in Minnesota, and we'll see you when we get done. But remember, these are the three habits that are silently destroying you. Distraction, isolation, and sedation. If you have any more or any thoughts on how to overcome those three factors, please let me know. Drop a comment on YouTube, hit me up on Instagram or Facebook, connect with me,

• 22:24Speaker 00

  and let's stay in touch and continue to help inspire each other to become better men, stronger men, more engaged fathers, more connected husbands, better business owners, stronger community leaders. That's what this movement is all about. So guys, we'll be back on Tuesday for our interview with Jim. So make sure you tune in, subscribe, leave a rating and review. Also, we're closing down the Iron Council the end of this week. If you want to not be distract, distracted, you want to not be isolated, and you not want to be sedated, then join us inside the Iron Council, where all of us, literally hundreds and hundreds of men, are working together

• 23:08Speaker 00

  to hold each other accountable, to push each other, to lean on each other, to celebrate when we win, to kick each other in the pants when we lose, and to all make ourselves better. Again, we're closing down the end of this weekend, October 31st, so I believe that's Saturday, October 31st, 2026. Head to orderofman.com/ironcouncil. That's orderofman.com/ironcouncil. All right, guys. I'm gonna go hunt. We'll see you next week. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Thank you for listening to the Order of Man Podcast. You ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be? We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.