Small Talk Creates Big Opportunity | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Most men despise small talk, dismissing it as shallow, fake, or a complete waste of breath. We skip the pleasantries and go straight to the agenda. But in this episode of Friday Field Notes, Ryan Michler breaks down why avoiding small talk is quietly costing you massive life, career, and romantic opportunities. Small talk isn't about the weather or sports; it's a low-risk reconnaissance mission to establish trust, likeability, and respect. Ryan shares 4 actionable moves to stop trying to be "impressive" and instead leverage genuine curiosity to open doors you've been walking right past. Stop treating small talk like a nuisance - it's the gateway to your next big breakthrough. SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 - The Real Cost of Skipping Small Talk 02:35 - Low Risk Equates to High Opportunity 04:30 - The Instinctual Mistakes Men Make 06:47 - The True Function of Small Talk 08:34 - Curiosity Over Performance 12:55 - Move 1: Master the Follow-Up Question 16:40 - Move 2: Be Memorable, Not Impressive 18:50 - Move 3: The 48-Hour Follow-Up Rule 20:45 - Move 4: Treat Every Room Like It Matters 28:00 - Why Introversion Is Not an Excuse 29:40 - Your Weekend Assignment Battle Planners: Pick yours up today! https://store.orderofman.com/products/order-of-man-annual-battle-planner Order Ryan's new book, The Masculinity Manifesto https://www.amazon.com/Masculinity-Manifesto-Establishes-Influence-Credibility/dp/1684513316/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1665048672&sr=8-1. For more information on the Iron Council brotherhood https://orderofman.link/iron-council. Want maximum health, wealth, relationships, and abundance in your life? Sign up for our free course, 30 Days to Battle Ready https://orderofman.link/battle-ready-0

• 0:00Speaker 00

  You don't need to be interesting, you need to be interested. If you can be interested in other people, you will be interesting. That's where guys get it wrong. I have to be interesting and then people will like me. No, they'll like you less because you're obnoxious and pretentious and kind of full of yourself. But if you go into an interaction with curiosity and trying to figure out who they are and asking about challenges and struggles and who their favorite sports teams are and why they moved to Central Texas and what brought them there? Why they moved away from Central Texas? Those are two different games. Guys, as you know, most of us hate small talk. We think it's weak. We think it's beneath us.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  We think it's a waste of time or breath for guys, maybe even who, you know, don't have anything real or significant to say. So what we often do as men is we skip it. You know, we'll go into that meeting and go straight for the jugular, straight to the agenda, straight to the ass, straight for the kill. Or maybe we'll stand behind a woman in the grocery store line and we'll come up with a thousand different things that we can say to this woman. And we say none of it because it just doesn't feel that important. Or at least it doesn't feel important enough to justify flapping our gums about it.

• 1:24Speaker 00

  But here's the reality is that when you don't engage in small talk, it's costing you. And I used to be on the other side of the fence. Like, I don't want to small talk. I don't want to waste time. I don't want to talk about the weather, the sports, or the traffic, or whatever. I don't want to do that. But what I want you to know, as I shared this concept with you over the next, I don't know, 15 or 20 minutes, is that small talk is never about the words that you're sharing. Okay, the guy in a business meeting who spends, even if it's just 90 seconds on, "How was your flight today? How was the, how was the flight in? How was the drive in?"

• 2:05Speaker 00

  Before he gets into that pitch, isn't wasting a bunch of time. He's finding out if this person is a man that he wants to work with. And that other guy is finding out if you're the kind of man he wants to work with. Before any money has exchanged hands, any transaction, any contract signed, I want to know, is this a guy I even like? Or the man in the grocery store line who says to the woman in front of him who might be attractive, and maybe he notices a bottle of wine and says, hey, it looks like you know something about wine. And I don't know anything about it. What is it that I'm looking at? Is that a good year? Is that a good flavor?

• 2:47Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't know anything about wine either, but is that a good flavor? Is that a good year? Like, tell me about it.

• 2:55Speaker 00

  That guy isn't making chit chat. What he's potentially doing is he's opening a door that most guys will walk right past. And then they'll wonder to themselves, why don't people like me? Why, why, why do I not have good relationships? Why do the opportunities to go, go to other people?

• 3:16Speaker 00

  And what I want you to understand, among other things, there's other principles at work here. But what I need you to understand is that small talk, emphasis on the word small, does not mean unimportant.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Small talk, to me, equates to low risk. And again, I used to sit on the other side of the table where I thought, this is stupid, this is silly, this is a waste of time. But now I see now, all I'm doing is opening the door. It's like walking up to the front door of my house and turning the knob. It doesn't take a lot of effort to turn the knob, but that's what allows me to go inside and have my, my sanctuary, my reprieve.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  My efficiency and effectiveness with the business or spending time with my kids. Okay, low risk, what you guys need to understand is low risk is where opportunities hide.

• 4:09Speaker 00

  And, and, and opportunities are just waiting on you

• 4:14Speaker 00

  being willing to just say something, anything, open the door. Even if you flounder, even if you flop around and you sound silly and foolish and stupid, just open the dang door. And that's what I want to get into you, into today.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  How, how a man turns small talk into big opportunity. But a lot of guys will dismiss this. Again, we'll write it off. We'll say it's a waste of time. We'll say it's fake or it's shallow. Or one of the things I used to say is small talk. It just felt and seemed like this sleazy action reserved for furniture salesman or used car salesman, just trying to be slick and sell me an overpriced couch or a lemon of a car. Okay, most guys, especially if you're listening to this podcast, would rather talk about something real. Strategy, finances, money, empire, ideas, big ideas,

• 5:14Speaker 00

  or just not talk at all. I can say this as I often joke around that I'm an extroverted introvert. My default is introversion, but I can be extroverted because I realize the importance of it. So I can tell you as an introvert who tries to be extroverted, that it works. You know, but I get the instinct. I understand why you don't want to talk about the weather. I don't, I don't care. You know, how many, how many people have you talked with? Regardless of where they live, this is crazy. Hear me out on this one and maybe you guys agree or disagree. Is there a climate in the history of this planet and humankind where a person doesn't say, you know, just wait 40 minutes and the climate will change.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  Everybody says that about wherever they live. I don't care about your weather. Frankly, I don't really care about your traffic coming into town. I, I don't, it doesn't matter to me. Okay, or, or what sports team won what? You know, everybody's talking about the World Cup and you know, maybe I have a slight increase in respect for the game of soccer, but I still don't care. Like, I don't know who wins or doesn't. Norway, I think was in it. We lost. Maybe England was in the final or I, I don't know, unless I see it on social media or, or the news, because I don't care. Okay, nobody's life changes because they had a rainstorm.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Nobody's life changes because they had a lot of traffic coming into town to get here.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  Nobody's life changes because England won or world, the, lost the World Cup. Again, I, maybe they did, they might've been in the, in the quarterfinals or semi, I don't know. Cause I don't care. Okay, but here, this is good, this is good that I don't care because I'm talking to you about why small talk is important. Cause here's the mistake, men confuse the content of small talk with the function of small talk. That's what I want to talk to you about. What is functional about it?

• 7:25Speaker 00

  The, the words that we're saying are, are about the weather or the traffic, aren't about the weather or the traffic. It's just, again, it's just the door that we're opening to our house. But what's actually happening underneath the surface is that two people are deciding, do I even like this person? Is this person somebody I can trust? Is this person somebody I respect? Is this person somebody who I enjoy talking with in real time? Is this person somebody worth knowing even? And, and what I, what I think of it as now is that small talk is,

• 8:03Speaker 00

  it's, it's almost like reconnaissance a little bit. It's the reconnaissance phase. It, it's what happens before any real relationship exists. You don't get to skip it. You can only get better at it or worse, or just ignore it. Every business partnership, every mentorship, every marriage you've ever heard of, started with some version of small talk. Nobody meets a stranger and opens with the terms of the deal, the terms of the arrangement. The deal comes later, but the door that you're trying to open comes first.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  And what I want you to know is that this is not performative. Sometimes people think it's performative. Small talk isn't performance, where you have to be charming, or interesting, or clever, or cute, or funny, or, you know, fill in your adjective of choice. It's, again, reconnaissance. It's a fact-finding mission, where your only job is to just gather information and pay attention to the other person, because people like being paid attention to. Some of the best conversations I've ever had, in hindsight, looking back, are the ones where that person didn't really say much. I did all the talking. Why? Because people like to talk about themselves. And too many men get this backwards.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  They walk into a room thinking, you know, "What do I say? What do I do? What makes me sound impressive? What's the question that puts this into perspective? Or makes me sound really wealthy, or sophisticated? Or puts all that interaction on you?" And what that does is actually counterintuitive. It makes you stiff. It makes you weird. People think you're on the spectrum, when you do it that way, even though you might not be. It makes you self-conscious. "Oh, what does this person think of me right now?" And frankly, it just makes you forgettable, because you're performing the role, instead of actually being the role, instead of actually connecting.

• 10:05Speaker 00

  But the man who does this well walks in with a different line of questioning. "What can I learn about this person in the next two to three minutes?" You know, it's funny, when I play... I love sports, because it gives you a really good indication of how a person is, very quickly. I could train with a person, let's say jiu-jitsu, for example, for 30 seconds, and know that this person is intense, or passive, or has self-esteem issues, or is confident. I could go on to the golf course and see a person swing and say, "That guy is confident." Or I could see it and say, "That guy is not confident."

• 10:45Speaker 00

  And it has less to do with the mechanics of his swing than it does with his demeanor. And that shift that you're gonna make, from performance to curiosity, it takes all of the pressure off of you, and it puts the attention where it belongs, on the other person. Attention guys, real attention is rare enough that when people receive it, it's like a magnet. It's a fucking magnet.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  If your kid comes up to you and says, "Hey dad, I want to share this thing about my day," or whatever, and you take your phone and you're like, and you put it on the desk, or you put it in your pocket and you're like, "What's up bud? Talk to me."

• 11:26Speaker 00

  You're a magnet for them.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  If, if you take a woman on a date, whether she's somebody you just met, or your wife of 20 years, and you're driving, and maybe you've got some music on in the background, and your phone is in your pocket, or upside down on the center console, or out of sight, and you're actually asking real questions, and talking with her, and laughing with her, and joking, and asking about, about who she is, bro, you're magnetic. If you sit down with a client, instead of whipping out your sales charts, and your PowerPoint presentation, and all your super amazing incredible words, and just ask good questions about your client, you're magnetic.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  You don't need to be interesting, you need to be interested. If you can be interested in other people, you will be interesting. That's where guys get it wrong. "I have to be interesting, and then people will like me." No, they'll like you less because you're obnoxious and pretentious, and kind of full of yourself. But if you go into an interaction with curiosity, and trying to figure out who they are, and asking about challenges and struggles, and who their favorite sports teams are, and why they moved to Central Texas, and what brought them there, why they moved away from Central Texas, those are two different games. And one of those games, the curiosity games, builds opportunity.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  So I want to give you four really simple moves. Okay, these are not tactics for performance, these are just tools that you're gonna use when it comes to small talk. Okay, first, first move, we got four moves. First move, ask a follow-up question, not the opener. Right? So anyone can ask, "So, uh, you know, tell me what you do." It's a fine question, it's okay.

• 13:25Speaker 00

  But it's not the greatest question.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  That opener, "Tell me what you do," isn't what makes us interesting or interested or unique. It's what you do with that answer. So, most guys will hear the answer and they'll nod, and then they'll wait for their turn to talk about themselves. So, for example, maybe you're on a date, first date. "So, what do you do for work?" That's the opener, right? "What do you do for work?" And she says, "I work in the hospital as a nurse practitioner, and I'm trying to go back to school to get these other credentials." And your eyes glaze over and gloss over, and you're like, waiting, you're tapping your fingers on the desk, and you're like, "I wish you'd just finish up so I could tell her what I do."

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Okay, that's not engagement. The follow-up is where, as they say, "the fortune is." So, the follow-up to that question is, "That's amazing, nurse practitioner. Wow. What got you into that line of work?" And she says, "Oh, you know, when I was a kid, my mom was in the business, or my dad, he was a healthcare professional, and he talked about how important the work was, and he shared all these insights about helping people." And then, it's not like, "Okay, cool," and then skip over to your question. It's like, "Whoa, so your dad was in healthcare. Was he a doctor? Was he a nurse practitioner? Like, you're talking about, what was his thing?" Guys, the deeper you can go,

• 14:54Speaker 00

  it actually takes pressure off of you, because you don't need to worry about, "Oh shit, what am I gonna say? I don't know what to say." You don't need to say anything. Again, it's very simple. It's, "Hey, what made you get into that?" Here's another one. What's the hardest part of that? Like, what's your biggest struggle right now? Just go one layer deeper than everyone else does, and that's all it takes to be memorable. That story I talked about a minute ago? The made up story about the woman in the line who's got a bottle of wine in front of you at the grocery store. And you're like, hey, it looks like you know something about about wine. I have no idea. Tell me about that. And she's like, oh, yeah, I love this wine. It's so, again, I know nothing about it.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  It's like so flavorful or delicious or whatever. It's like, oh, okay. Like, have you tried a ton of different wine? What makes it the best? Is it the sweetness? Is it the, is it, is it, is it the fragrance? Is it the taste? Is it the way that makes you feel? Like, what is it about that one? I want to know. And she's like, oh, I just, I just love the taste. Another question might be, oh, well, that's cool. What's the worst that you've ever tried? And now she's like, oh, yeah, I bought this one wine on a whim. My friend told me about it and it just tasted like absolute garbage and I will never do that again. You see how easy it is when you just start to ask really good questions? That's what makes you memorable. Because nobody does it.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  You'll ask her about the wine and she's like, yeah, I like this year and this vintage. Again, I don't know. And, and you're like, oh, yeah, okay, that one's okay, but I like this one instead. It's like, dude, why did you just move the attention away from her over to you? I was talking with one of my coaching clients yesterday and, and we were doing some role play about how he could transition conversations into a sale. And I can't remember the exact scenario, but I, I, as the potential client, had given him an objective and he went straight into sales mode. I said, whoa, stop, timeout. Hold on, you're going into sales mode. I gotta get you out of sales mode. I want you to get into curiosity mode.

• 17:02Speaker 00

  So instead of telling me why what you do is better, instead, why don't you ask why what I have done has not worked? And he's like, oh, okay, got it. Always ask questions. Okay, number two.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Be more memorable, not impressive. Nobody cares about your accolades, nobody cares. And even if they do, you just sound pretentious and stupid. Okay, we, we as men, we default into trying to sound successful in a two-minute conversation. But you know what's really ironic? If you're not focused on trying to sound impressive, you're actually perceived as more impressive. Because the loudest guy is often the least impressive. And if I have to sit here and beat on my chest like a freaking gorilla and tell you how amazing I am, nobody believes that. What they believe is the quiet, calm, confident, secure man. Okay, so you don't need to get in the job title, uh, the deal you just closed, how much you can bench press.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  That'd be freaking weird if you led with that, but I'm sure there's been weirder things. Okay, nobody remembers that. Or if they do, they remember it for all the wrong reasons. But what people actually remember is how that conversation made them feel. And whether you said anything specific enough to stick. You don't ask those sharp questions. Make an, make an observation about a person that nobody else in the room made. If you see a beautiful woman and you're like, hey, you're beautiful. Bro, she hears that all the time. She's beautiful. We know, we get it. She knows, she gets it. So why not tease her a little bit? Why not give her a hard time? Not mean spirited, but flirtatious, playing around.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  Man, if you're the, if you're the first guy that points out something kind of funny, you have a huge advantage over the guy that's like, your eyes are beautiful. She knows that. She knows her eyes are pretty. All, every single guy tells her that. Do something different. Okay, resumes, they get forgotten. That's why when I see, you know, we're, we're getting close to midterms right now.

• 19:07Speaker 00

  And all the political signs are starting to go up on the corners and I drive by and there's this person, that person, this person for county commissioner, this person for governor, this person for senate, and they all look the same. But what if there was, if I ever ran for office, I would do bright green or bright purple as my colors because it's memorable, it's different, it's unique. Don't be forgotten. Do something unique, do something interesting, even take a risk. And by the way, if you take a risk in small chat and small conversations, who cares? Probably never even see that person again. I, I've often heard, and, and I feel this to be true, is that the guys in jujitsu who

• 19:48Speaker 00

  get started but are willing to experiment rather than to default to their skillset are the ones who get better. It's like, I'm just here experimenting. I'm just gonna try something and see if it works.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  All right, move number three is to follow up with that person in 48 hours, at least 48 hours, probably sooner. Okay, and this is where 90% of guys lose everything that you just spent your time building. You'll have a great conversation, whether it's on a dating app, or you meet somebody, or you have a new client, or you had, you went to a business function and you met some potential new business partners, you had that great conversation, you exchange information, and then you just let it die in a phone or in your pocket in a business card that you'll never open again. And the conversation really isn't that the, the opportunity, I already said that. It just opens the door, you still gotta step inside.

• 20:43Speaker 00

  And so the follow-up is really where the opportunity is.

• 20:48Speaker 00

  You know, it, it could be a quick message. Hey, it was great to talk with you about X yesterday. Here's that, here's that thing I mentioned. Or, hey, you shared an idea with me, I implemented it yesterday afternoon and it worked like a charm, thank you. Or that woman, if you get her number and she's talking about wine and you get her number at the grocery store, go to the grocery store and pick out a bottle of wine and take a picture and say, hey, I got this one, is this a good one or a bad one? What do you think? Follow up. What are you doing?

• 21:18Speaker 00

  It's so disheartening when I see guys who actually open the door and then they don't follow up with anything and they're like, how come that person never followed up? Because you were supposed to. You were the man, not that person. Close the loop, guys. What it does is it turns a stranger into a contact for you. But if you skip this step and, and the 20 minutes or 30 minutes or hour that you just spent about the team, about the wine, about the traffic, about the weather, yeah, that was a waste of time. Totally a waste of time. Use it as leverage, not to manipulate somebody else, but leverage to get your foot in the door and then get your calf in the door and your thigh in the door and then walk through the door.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  And the last step that I'm going to share with you guys today is that when it comes to small talk, I want you to treat every single room that you're in like it matters. Because you don't actually know which one does. You will never know. That woman at the grocery store might be the love of your life, or potentially a powerful business ally that you never would have imagined if you didn't talk with her. The client may or may not become a client, the prospect may or may not become a client, but they might introduce you to two dozen other people who will become some of the biggest clients you've ever known.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  The, the business partner who, or your boss who you feel a disconnection from, if you can engage in enough small talk to actually get to know the person, might become a powerful ally when it comes time for promotion, or a business partner when it comes time to start a business. Everything matters.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  I can't tell you, I've had this happen on multiple occasions, where maybe I'm on a plane, or...

• 23:13Speaker 00

  Well, here's an example. I had a guy call me. He's been in the Iron Council for a long time. His name is Alan. He's one of our best members and a tremendous ally in our Brotherhood, the Iron Council. And he calls me up, or he texted me and he said, hey, Ryan, I'm at this, this event. And it's a business event. And I sat down and I had my Order of Man hat on, or shirt on, I think he had his shirt on. And the guy next to me at the event said he listens to that podcast and we had a really good conversation. I said, okay, well, Alan, what's his name? And so Alan gave me his name and I sent Alan a video message to this gentleman. And I sent him a message, it was like, a minute long, two minutes long, whatever it was. And I just said, hey, man, I heard you're with Alan. Alan's as solid as they come. He's

• 23:55Speaker 00

  been a good friend and a good ally for me. And I can't speak highly enough about the guy. And I just want to tell you, I appreciate you listening to the podcast. That's pretty cool. You guys bumped into each other. I hope the, I hope the networking thing or the business function goes well. And really cool to connect. That's it. It literally took me 90 seconds. And Alan reached out to me a couple of days ago and he's like, hey, man, I gave that video to that guy. I'm like, oh, cool. And he said, yeah, he told me now he has to join. I didn't do it so he would join the Iron Council. I did it because I actually care about people. I did it because I appreciate when people listen to what we do and they're supportive of what we do. But the opportunity came, no less.

• 24:41Speaker 00

  Guys, huge opportunities will present themselves when you just go out of your way to talk with people. And maybe they won't in some cases, so what? A good conversation is well worth it. You know, it's that, it's that guy next to you at the kid's baseball game. Or, or the man, I ran into a guy at the grocery store today. He, I was in line.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  And I forgot I wanted to get a bottle of water. So I told the clerk, nobody was behind me at the time. And I told the clerk, hey, I'm just gonna go run and grab a bottle of water. And she's like, cool. Yeah, go grab it. So I ran over there, grabbed a bottle of water, brought it back up to the line. And in the meantime, a guy had come behind me. And he was waiting. And I'm like, hey, man, I'm so sorry. Like, thanks for being patient. I just had to grab this bottle of water. And I just smiled at him. I was friendly and cordial and courteous. And he's like, hey, no problem at all. He's like, I love that smile. He's like, keep wearing that smile, man. And he's like, what's your name? I'm like, I'm Ryan. And he said his name. I can't remember it right offhand. And we shook hands. And I said, oh, that's cool. I appreciate you just being patient. I'm sure I'll see you if you come to this grocery store often. I'm sure I'll see you again. I don't know who he is. I don't know what's gonna come of it. I don't know if anything

• 25:49Speaker 00

  will come. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. But what did it cost me to have a 30 second conversation with a guy? And he said, hey, keep smiling. And I said, you too, man. Like, have a good day. Work hard today. Hope it's productive for you. It costs me nothing. But it could potentially unlock everything. Maybe it's that stranger at the wedding reception. Okay, again, most of these will go nowhere. And that's fine. It's fine. But you don't get to pre select which 20 minutes is gonna change your life. All you get to do is decide whether you show up for all of those moments, or none of them.

• 26:30Speaker 00

  I will admit, I'm not great at this on the plane. I am not a talker with the person next to me. But I can't tell you how often I've heard people say when they sit next to so and so, they're sitting next to a Fortune 500 business owner who can unlock a new market to the person who's sitting next to them. That's part of the reason why, as often as I can, I try to fly first class, because I want to sit next to first class people. And then I, that's, that's opening the door. Now I gotta step through it, right?

• 27:02Speaker 00

  Men who build real networks in their lives aren't smarter than anyone else. They don't, they're not lucky. They're not like picking winners. They just do it everywhere. That's all. They just take more shots.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  And so I want you to understand what it costs you if you skip this idea of small talk. Understand what's at stake here, guys. Careers, every career I've had, whether it's Order of Man, my financial planning career, my retail career before that, and all the other ends and odds that I did from landscaping and pizza delivery and electrical and heating and air, and I'm sure there's a lot more in between. Military, they're built on relationships more than they're built on your resume. Business gets done between people who trust each other and like each other. And trust gets built in those really low-risk moments that I was talking about. If a guy says, "Oh yeah, I'm a huge Patriots fan and I know nobody on the Patriots," I

• 27:57Speaker 00

  might miss an opportunity that could potentially be the biggest sale of my life because I know nothing about the Patriots. Shame on me.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  It's those low-risk moments, long before money is handed over, exchanged, long before anybody's signing contracts. The man who avoids that small talk isn't protecting himself or his time. He's, he's limiting, he's cutting off channels that I think

• 28:27Speaker 00

  are where the, the real opportunity lies.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  Nobody posts a job listing for, for the guy, you know, I, I met in line who asked good questions. Like, they don't, they don't post for that, but that's actually how it happens. Like, think about your current job, or think about other jobs that you've had. Is it because you had a really good resume that looked the same as everybody's, everybody else's? Or is it because your brother's cousin Joe knows you, spends time with you, and he happens to be in the recruiting department at the Fortune 500 company, and because you know Joe, and you guys eat chips and salsa together on the weekends watching UFC or football, and that's why you got the job? Not because your frickin' resume. Okay, this happens way more than any of us typically are willing to admit.

• 29:17Speaker 00

  And introversion is not an excuse here either. This isn't about becoming the loudest guy in the room, or the most obnoxious, or that cheesy, salesy- Furniture guy, or the used car salesman. It's just about being willing to open your mouth in the small moments instead of waiting for the big ones. And I could swing for the fences when the big opportunities arise. But if I don't have the mechanics of swinging, I'm gonna swing hard, but I'm gonna miss even harder.

• 29:47Speaker 00

  Okay, the big dogs, the guys who you really want in your life, the woman who could actually be a lifelong partner, the person who could be a business partner, the athlete who could be your best athlete if you're a coach.

• 30:02Speaker 00

  Those guys don't announce themselves. And if they do, you wouldn't believe it. Like, if I said to you, like, "I could be the best thing that ever happened to you," you wouldn't believe it. You'd think I'm an asshole. And I don't, but I could be. So here's the challenge. Here's the assignment. Okay, I want you to actually take this seriously. This weekend, today, start as many conversations as you can. And I'm not saying that in rhetorically. I'm telling you, start as many conversations as you can. And get out a notepad, or get out your phone and say, "Hey, this morning, I started three conversations with strangers. Let me see if I can start five this afternoon." And this afternoon, you start five conversations with strangers. And then tomorrow, you're like, "Cool. I did eight yesterday. I think I can do 15."

• 30:45Speaker 00

  And then Saturday, you write down, and you just create a little tally. "I started 15 conversations with strangers today." And then Sunday, you're like, "Can I do 20? I think you can." Okay, not one a day. I'm not talking about doing one. Everybody can start up one conversation, because you're gonna be stuck in the elevator with somebody at some point, right? Like, and you stare at each other weird. You can say something. That's fine, but that's not maximizing it. I want you to do as many. Stack them all, as many as you can. It's the guy next to you at the coffee shop. Maybe he's wearing a weird shirt, and you're like, "Dude, what's that shirt about?" Or it's the woman at the grocery store line, or maybe she's in the produce aisle, and you're standing there trying to pick out the best tomatoes.

• 31:29Speaker 00

  And you don't know, I don't know what to, I don't know how to pick a tomato. And you're like, "Hey, maybe you know more about picking tomatoes than I do. How do you pick a good tomato?" And she might look at you and scoff, or shake her head and walk away. So what? So what? The more you do, the better off you are. Because she might say, "Oh, let me show you." And then you have that casual touch, and then you're like, "Hey, let's exchange numbers." And she becomes a woman that you date.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  Or the client who you think is a low level client who doesn't have much to offer your firm, instead of treating them like dog crap, maybe you start treating them like the person, the human being that they are, and you treat them the same way you would your best client, and they come to you, maybe it's in a year, maybe it's in two years. I had this happen in my financial planning career. I had people that I worked with who weren't totally financially successful, and you know, maybe they invested 5,000 or 10,000 with me. I didn't treat them any different than the people who invested 500,000 with me. But I'll tell you what, on multiple occasions, those people who I helped that had 5,000 or 10,000 that I was managing their money, many times, a handful that I can think of right offhand,

• 32:38Speaker 00

  where they'd come to me and say, "Hey, I just, you know, my folks just passed away unfortunately, and I have their assets now, and they're worth 750,000. Can you help me?" "Yeah, I think so." Because I treated them with the reverence and respect they deserved as a human being. But you don't want to do it for those reasons. You just want to be a good human being. It's business acquaintances. It's the woman that you find interesting that you keep talking yourself out of. It's that stranger in line at the hardware store, the grocery store, like the guy I talked with today. It's the neighbor. Maybe it's your neighbor who you wave, you know, you wave when you drive by, but you never met them.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  Don't sort them out, don't qualify them. Don't get to know and keep score on which ones matter and which ones don't. Just start a conversation. Ask real questions, be curious, see where it goes. Most of it, again, will go nowhere. It's fine. You'll just know somebody who you might kind of like. I know neighbors on both sides of me. We don't spend a lot of time together, but I like them. You know, I can sit down and have conversations with them. I can... My neighbor, a couple of months ago, I was looking for an Airbnb. Somebody was coming into town, and I needed an Airbnb close. And I said, "Hey, I think you have an Airbnb. Would you mind, like, do you have any openings?" And she's like, "Yeah, actually, we do have an opening." And I said, "I didn't see it listed." She's like, "Ah, we don't list it. We're so busy." And I said, "Oh, is it available?" She said, "Yeah."

• 34:07Speaker 00

  And I said, "Well, how much is it?" And she's like, "I'll tell you what, we'll give it to you for free. Just cover the cleaning costs, like 100 bucks for the cleaning cost." I'm like, "Deal." Guys, that would not have happened if I didn't know my neighbors. The risk is in staying quiet, not opening your mouth. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse now, but I hope you understand the importance of this.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  Okay, now, when you run across somebody who you might be able to help, or they might be able to help with you, follow up. Forty-eight hour rule.

• 34:38Speaker 00

  No, no more, maybe less, but no more, no exceptions. So guys, that's the assignment. Be uncomfortable, do it often, and I think it'll do more for your relationships, your career, your, your romantic life over the next year than almost anything else. And you can start this weekend, you can start today. I'll leave you with this, small talk is not small. It's big, or at least it has the potential to be. It's the first move, it's the first step in every relationship that you're gonna build. So stop treating it like noise, like a nuisance, like something you don't wanna do, and start treating it like the door that it actually is. If you want a great place to practice this and meet other people who you can start having

• 35:22Speaker 00

  conversations with and asking questions of, join us inside of our exclusive brotherhood, The Iron Council. Head over to The Iron Council, head to orderofman.com/ironcouncil, and get signed up, get registered there, but go out there, guys, get to work. We'll be back next week, really cool in-person conversation with a good friend of mine, Keith Yackey, so make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and on YouTube at youtube.com/orderofman. We're coming close to that 400,000 mark, I think we can get there. We gotta hit a couple of viral vids and a couple of follows from you guys and some other shares, and we'll be there. So check it out, youtube.com/OrderOfMan. And then, most important, get out there and handle your business.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  Go talk to people, be open, be vocal, make yourself known, learn about other people. Guys, until next week, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Thank you for listening to the Order of Man Podcast. You ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be? We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.