MILLIE BOBBY BROWN: "I Had A Panic Attack For 3 Months"

In this deeply personal conversation, Jay and Millie Bobby Brown talk about the process of discovering who she is outside of finding immense fame at a young age. She opens up about the isolation of growing up in the spotlight, the impact of shaving her head as a child, and the three-month long anxiety spiral that led her to Kyoto, Japan. She also reflects on what parenthood means to her, and we learn more about the moment she found out she was becoming a mother. Jay discovers the daily techniques Millie uses to manage her anxiety, and dives into how her and her husband Jake built a strong foundation for their marriage. In this episode you'll learn: How to Build Confidence Outside of External Opinions How to Manage Anxiety and Panic Attacks in High Pressure Moments How to Build a Strong Foundation in Relationships How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Social Media How to Build and Maintain Loyal, Honest Friendships How to Approach Adoption and Building a Family How to Raise Children Deeply Rooted in Confidence This episode is for everyone who needs a reminder that no matter how hard the world gets, you are the creator of your own story. Protecting your peace and your time with loved ones is never selfish, it’s restorative. Knowing yourself before anyone tells you who you are will keep you rooted in the calmness of the present moment. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe ⁠⁠https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe⁠⁠ Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! ⁠⁠https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast⁠⁠ PURPOSE10 for 10% at altrarunning.com/onpurpose. Free Shipping and Free 30-Day Trial. A State Farm agent can help you choose the coverage you need. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:49:00 What 11-Year Millie Would Think Of Her Now 00:01:39 Why She Shaved Her Head at 10 00:03:55 The Role She Most Identifies With 00:05:43 The Unbreakable Bond with Her Mom 00:06:40 Why Millie Wanted to Be a Mom 00:07:40 Sneaking Out to Get Her 11 Tattoo 00:10:57 How Motherhood Changed Her Forever 00:12:32 This Perspective Shift Changed Her Life 00:13:37 Writing Wedding Vows for a Whole Year 00:16:16 Why Adoption Was Always Part of Her Plan 00:19:08 The Moment She Became a Mom… 00:21:15 Important Lesson From Her Parents 00:23:31 Being A Big Sister 00:24:56 Addressing the “Trad Wife” Assumptions 00:26:07 Being Young In The Spotlight 00:26:16 Her Epiphany After Public Criticism 00:29:16 How to Accept Your True Self 00:32:17 Millie’s Favourite “Rappers” 00:33:13 Why She Quit Social Media Cold Turkey 00:34:52 Healing Her Worst (3 Month) Panic Attack 00:35:38 Living With Health Anxiety and Triggers 00:35:59 Finding Peace In Kyoto, Japan with Monks 00:36:46 Her Go-To Techniques for Anxiety 00:38:52 How She Discovered Her Health Anxiety 00:41:11 A Crazy Encounter Turned Nightmare 00:42:50 Mediation With A Monk 00:44:24 Being Open To Divine Intervention 00:46:15 Her Go-To Techniques for Anxiety 00:49:44 Building a Strong Foundation with Jake 00:53:08 What Jake Understands And What Others Miss 00:55:42 What Millie Values Most In Friendships 00:56:53 Watching Jake Become a Dad 00:59:41 Ignoring The Public Noise, Together 01:03:19 Scrutinizing Women In The Public Eye 01:06:44 The Advice She Gives Young Stars 01:08:54 Millie’s Mentors Growing Up 01:10:05 #1 Belief She Stands For, No Matter What 01:12:03 The Jake Game! 01:16:27 Millie On Final Five Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process. And once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

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• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro

• 3:00Jay Shetty?

  at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 3:10Jay Shetty?

  I think we have to start by getting out of the way that you're a Liverpool fan.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:13Jay Shetty?

  And I'm a Manchester United fan.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Yes, I know.

• 3:15Jay Shetty?

  But we're gonna have to put that aside.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  I've even been able to befriend Steven Gerrard.

• 3:20Jay Shetty?

  Wow, now you're showing off.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  I know, there we go.

• 3:24Jay Shetty?

  Hey, it's Jay. I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon.

• 3:47Jay Shetty?

  Millie Bobby Brown, welcome to On Purpose.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me.

• 3:51Jay Shetty?

  It's so great to have you here. I was just telling you, I've been waiting three years to have you in the seat. So it feels surreal.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  I don't know if I would have been as interesting three years ago.

• 4:00Jay Shetty?

  Well, that's great then. Everything always works out.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 4:03Jay Shetty?

  But you know, when you look at your life today, like what would 11-year-old Millie be most surprised about? Or look at and be shocked about?

• 4:11Speaker 01

  I don't know, you know, I was gonna say like, she'd be shocked how like vocal I am about like me and my life and the things I believe in and like how vocal I am outwardly about that. But then I don't, I actually, thinking about it, probably I'm not that shocked about that. Cause I think maybe I, inevitably that was always gonna come to me. Maybe that I have like, I travel a lot in, in, and I live in a lot of different places. I don't know if I necessarily thought that was gonna happen to me, but, but it has and I'm very grateful for that.

• 4:48Jay Shetty?

  Going back to that 11-year-old Millie, what's, what's a childhood memory that you have that you think defines who you are today or has had an impact on who you've become today? Is there one that stands out?

• 4:57Speaker 01

  I think the moment I shaved my hair off was a pretty like impactful moment. I remember when it was happening, I thought, wow, this is like, this is really like me showing my dedication to my job. Like, I was 10 years old. Your hair as a girl, you're told is kind of like what defines you as being kind of a girl and pretty and, you know, whatever. And I just didn't care about that. I wanted to do what made me happy. And so for me, that was this job. And so shaving my hair off, I'd say was a pretty defining moment. Just as like a person, I was like, and I was 10, so I wasn't thinking that deeply about it. But in the moment, I guess I kind of was when I, when I did it.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  And my mom was really like trying to just help me understand like, you know, no matter what people are gonna say about you, what they're gonna think, you know, because she's preparing me, she's a logistical person. She's like, you did this because you wanted to do it and this made you happy. And that really helped me because she prefaced it because it did happen. Like for a year, like a year or two after, I definitely, I got, you know, bullied in person at a young age for, for having, you know, short hair. And, and I think had my mom not have prefaced it, maybe it would have hit home harder.

• 6:17Jay Shetty?

  Wow. Oh, so you're saying that that actually protected you from that bullying that came after you?

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I fully was like, really? That's what will happen? And she was like, I know the world, you know? And so she was so right because, you know, I'd been in many situations where I was made fun of, you know, for it. And, and then I just came back with what my mom and I talked about, which was like, well, I did this because this made me happy and I got to, I'm getting to live out my dreams.

• 6:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's so much better, it sounds like, when your parents actually tell you what's gonna come, rather than telling you, it's all gonna be all right.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 6:44Jay Shetty?

  That everything's gonna be okay.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Don't lie to me. I was never the kid like, don't lie to me. I'd rather just know.

• 6:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:49Jay Shetty?

  And I guess at that point, when you're making those big, bold decisions, I guess you don't even know you're setting up yourself up for that. And it sounds like you've continued to do that. I mean, today you're an actor, you're a producer, you're a creator, you have Florence by Mills, you have a farm, you're a mother. Like which of those roles do you feel most yourself in?

• 7:08Speaker 01

  I would say like first a mother and very close second a wife, like that they both kind of, you know, family, like a family member. Like I feel like that's my, that's my purpose. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and becoming a mom has been just the most purposeful important thing that's ever happened to me. And yeah, I always say, you know, Jake was the best thing to ever happen to me and my daughter was the best thing to ever happen to us.

• 7:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. That's so beautiful. Did you have a really close, and do you have a really close relationship with your mom?

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, Jay. My mom is like my bestest, closest friend. Yeah, she's everything to me. My mom and I talk 5,000 times a day about absolutely nothing. She is the first person I call when I wake up and the last person I call when I go to sleep. Like she's just my best friend. She understands me so much. And yet, sometimes it's infuriating because I'm like, mom, how do you know that? Like she could just look at me with one thing and she's like, nope, she's not happy or she's anxious or she's stressed and she needs this or she needs that. My mom has treated me the same. And not, not anything to do with fame, but just like my age. She's treated me like I'm her young daughter forever.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  And so I always felt like I have a mom that cares about if I've scraped my leg the same way I would if I was three now. You know, and like that is just, I, I've never had the kind of parents to be like, oh, you're 22 now, that's it, you know? It's just not that. Like they're like, they still very much care as if I was, you know, under 18.

• 8:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, even though you have your own baby as well.

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. No. Now it's like, you know, it's like they care about me and then her. It's very much like walking into the room and being like, oh my goodness. You know, I'm like, which one?

• 9:04Jay Shetty?

  That's so funny.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:05Jay Shetty?

  Wait a minute, is that for me?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Is it me or her thing? But it's always her, like, she's, yeah, the light of every room.

• 9:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, she's winning now.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Of course, and I want that for her. I love it.

• 9:14Jay Shetty?

  This episode is presented by State Farm. We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more fully, embracing mindfulness. But sometimes, the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off. If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage that's right for you. Go online at statefarm.com or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over nineteen thousand local agents. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Your reaction to my question of are you close to your mum? I think she'd wanna frame that, like, your reaction was just amazing. I was like, wow, like, just the natural instinctual response.

• 9:58Jay Shetty?

  All the expression we just saw on your face, I was like, wow, that's really special.

• 10:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm really great. I think, I wonder if maybe there's a part of the relationship that I have with my mum is the reason I just wanted to be a mum. Like, I watched my mum growing up and I was like, the love she has for all of her children and just the dedication she's poured into being a mum and being such a present mum. All of my siblings, we could, we could go to my mum about absolutely anything, anything at all, the good, the bad, the ugly, and my mum will take it and talk to us about it. And she's hilarious. I mean, she's from the East End, so don't get me wrong, you're getting a fun answer. But she's definitely the reason I wanted to be a mum. Like, she's just, she just like, when you have somebody every day inspiring you, you

• 10:47Speaker 01

  know, it was like, oh, I just wanna be like her.

• 10:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What was the hardest thing you ever had to tell her?

• 10:52Speaker 01

  I got a tattoo, you know, quite young.

• 10:54Jay Shetty?

  How old were you?

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Fifteen.

• 10:55Jay Shetty?

  Okay, I was sixteen when I got my first tattoo.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  Snuck out the house and I got my Eleven tattoo. And I knew I wanted it. And the thing is, it's like, it's kind of ridiculous, because I could have just told them and they would have probably been fine. But I was just like, I wanna do it. And maybe it's kind of a part of me knew that, like, if Eleven were to ever be killed off the show, like, I need something to stand with me. Also, I had to put like a temporary tattoo on every day and it was ridiculous, because I was like, I know I want to get this, so I might as well get it, you know, do it now. My mum, she was the best person to talk to growing up, especially when like dating and stuff like that. I'd be like, mum, I need your help. You know?

• 11:33Jay Shetty?

  Was there ever a time where she was like, Millie, come on, what are you doing?

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Oh my god, all the time. She'd be like, who, no, really, this guy? You know? My mum's a really shy person, like, really shy. So she actually used to have her mum break up with boys for her. She was like, not, she couldn't, yeah. And I'm the complete opposite, that's where I get.

• 11:50Jay Shetty?

  You never asked her to do that?

• 11:51Speaker 01

  No, my, I'm like my dad in that respect. I share a lot of qualities like my dad, like, my dad and I are like best friends, but my dad is me. And so I would just, I have no problem in telling people anything. Whereas my mum would be like, you know, mum, I need you to answer the phone and break up with this guy for me. I love that.

• 12:09Jay Shetty?

  That's hilarious, that's crazy.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  And my nan would, my nan would, she don't wanna see you anymore, sorry.

• 12:16Jay Shetty?

  As simple as that, right?

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 12:17Jay Shetty?

  You're not good enough.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  No, you don't wanna fight with my, you know, my nanny Ruth, she was like, she was a powerhouse.

• 12:22Jay Shetty?

  That's so funny. I remember when I got my tattoo at sixteen, so I had this vision of, I loved rap music growing up, so I assumed I would have my whole upper body tattooed. And, and then I was told that the hardest place to get a tattoo is on your neck. And so I was like, okay, they said if you can take it there, you'll be able to take it anywhere. I was like, okay, great. So I went out, got a tattoo on my neck, came back home, had blood dripping off the bottom of my, like, collarbone area.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 12:50Jay Shetty?

  My, my parents had friends and family over from India, and India's very conservative and Indian families and tattoos not the one. And then they were like, what have you done? My mum was scared it was infected, like, the blood was all over the place.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Did you regret it immediately?

• 13:05Jay Shetty?

  I didn't at all, I was like, no, I'm the coolest, like, this is so cool, like, this is so badass that everyone in my family.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  My dad didn't know about the Eleven tattoo for like four years.

• 13:13Jay Shetty?

  How did you, what, you just walked around like this?

• 13:15Speaker 01

  I always had it on because of work. So he couldn't tell if it was real or a temporary tattoo, sorry dad. But I think one day I was like, doing another job and then they were covering it up. And then he was like, oh, like, he put it together, I was like, yeah.

• 13:30Jay Shetty?

  What did they say when you had got a tattoo? Did your mum and dad have a reaction?

• 13:33Speaker 01

  I mean, they were kind of like, if you were already gonna always get it done, like, you know, but they were, they were definitely like, you should have told us. And also, we should have come. But, but I mean, I was like, sometimes if you're gonna do what you're gonna do, you know, I was like, I was, it was always in the plan for me to get it. And it meant so much to me, like, this role changed my life forever. They knew that, they knew that, like, this role was so, so meaningful to me. And so, this was a part of Eleven's character and this was a part of almost my character in a way, so, yeah.

• 14:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love hearing about all this background, because I wanted to ask you about, you recently said that becoming a mother made your life feel like you went from black and white to colour. And I thought that was such a, a beautiful transformation to talk about. What, what felt black and white before and what was the colour?

• 14:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's funny, because my husband and I, we always say that, and it's like, my life is beautiful before, it was, it was, it was amazing, like, Jake and I, we built a very strong relationship, foundation, I have an amazing family, I'm very close to his family. But something about my daughter, it's just life changing. It's, it's not about the day to day changing the diapers, you know, taking them for walks, taking them to classes, feeding, it's not about that, that that's not the colour. The colour is like the life and light in her eyes when you look at her and she's thinking and she's putting two and two together and she's seeing flowers or smelling flowers

• 15:04Speaker 01

  for the first time or, or reacting to the sun in the morning, like, that is the colour. Like, it's seeing somebody enjoy and love life for the first time in the most pure, stunning way, that is what makes it worth it. I don't know if that makes any sense.

• 15:23Jay Shetty?

  That's so beautiful. I'm like, fully in awe.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  But like, you know, it's obviously life changing, because you wake up and you take care of this human being, but it's, it's seeing her love and enjoy life for the first time, it's just, it's, it makes, it changes everything.

• 15:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, that's, that's spectacular. I was saying to someone recently, I made a friend who looks at like a flower as if they just found a million dollars and it just changes your view on life.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  And that's my husband, when, it was actually in my vows, but like, my husband, well, he notices every sunset, he notices every rainbow, he'll look out at the plane and be like, look at that cloud, he sees things for the first time too, and it's the most amazing way to look at life. I will not lie, I became a bit ungrateful for the very, very small things, because I was a child actor, I travelled a lot, I would go to cities and not enjoy the sunsets because I was working or I was, you know, and I'm doing this and doing that and focused on what fans are taking pictures of me and who's chasing me in a car and I wasn't able to enjoy and sit still for a moment. And meeting my husband changed all of that.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Now I'm the person, the first person to be like, look at the, look at the shoot, look at the stars, look at the shooting stars, or like, look at the moon, we take pictures of the moon all the time. So I've become that slowly and I think he's just made me realise how stunning the world is.

• 16:45Jay Shetty?

  Wow. How, how long did it take you to write your vows?

• 16:49Speaker 01

  I would say a year. Like, I, I drafted it, I revisited in six months, mid-planning, amended the things that I was starting to, like, you know, you learn every day about that person, you know, and so I was adding and amending. And then the day before, I just double-checked to make sure everything was up to date. That's primarily just talking about dogs and making sure it doesn't say, you know, four instead of eight, because we might have doubled. But yeah, then I just like the night before. And I think Jake, I think it didn't take him as long, I think he was like, I kind of knew what I wanted to say.

• 17:22Jay Shetty?

  That's the new standard, takes a year to write vows.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:25Jay Shetty?

  You've ruined it for everyone else out there now.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. But by the way, this isn't every day, but I just did like regular check-ins, just to make sure I still like, you know, there were certain things, like, I would see certain poems and things like that, and I wanted to add that all into, all into it, if I saw something that inspired me.

• 17:41Jay Shetty?

  Was there anything else that you remember from your vows that you could share with us?

• 17:44Speaker 01

  I definitely mentioned the fact that he enjoys every, like, he, he's taught me to enjoy every rainbow, and that's because of his mum, like, his mum's also very similar to that, enjoys like, just very observant and present in the world. I've mentioned how much I love the grass and like how much we both enjoy looking at our grass, like, in the farm, we're always like, look at the grass and like, look how it's like, we, look how it's cut, like, we love like freshly, and we love seeing the, the animals eat the grass, like, we always, and he mentioned it in his vows and I thought, wow, that's so odd that we both talked about that, because it's such a mundane thing and yet, we were like, you know, we love to sit on our porch and watch the animals eat the grass.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  And like, in the summertime, the grass in Georgia is just like a bright green. So we both mentioned that. And then I think he, he said some, you know, amazing quote, which I won't be able to remember now, but just about soulmates and twin flames and how like, we were separated, but then we were able to, to kind of be one again.

• 18:46Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:47Jay Shetty?

  Sounds so special.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, I was sobbing the whole time. Yeah.

• 18:52Jay Shetty?

  I have to really hold back when I go to a wedding.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:55Jay Shetty?

  I've had the fortune of officiating around three weddings at this point. And anytime I'm doing that, I literally am in my head going, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. You've got to hold it together.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Everyone was crying. I cry. I also cry at every wedding.

• 19:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's such an emotional, beautiful thing to be able to, you know, declare your love for someone, whether that be, and we do that every day, but in one, I think it's all those people watching you that have like helped raise you and it's kind of amazing.

• 19:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. You've spoken about always knowing that adoption was going to be a part of your journey. And I think I read somewhere, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, around how at some point you studied social work and you were looking into just what the process looked like and you learned about it. Like, walk me through that journey because I think it's so refreshing and unique.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:43Jay Shetty?

  And it's not like people want to be mothers, but not everyone wants to adopt. Like, walk me through that and how that became a part of your journey and your life.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  I had, I guess, a lot of adopted friends growing up. I was someone who, I don't know, again, always wanted to be a mom, always, that was always a goal, but for me, adoption was like, kind of the first thing I always wanted to do. And I don't necessarily think I have some amazing elaborate answer, but when it's in your heart, it's just in your heart. Like, that was something I, I just thought that's going to be a part of my journey. I didn't necessarily know when. Um, but then I studied social work for two years and I loved it. Um, and was learning primarily about adoption, which was where I really piqued an interest.

• 20:34Speaker 01

  And learning from the social worker's perspective, which I think is very interesting. Uh, and, you know, kudos to all social workers and what they do. And I think it is so amazing and unbelievable. And changing the trajectory of children's lives forever is a beautiful thing. So my hat's off to you. Um, so learning about that was amazing. And then I started my dog rescue simultaneously and kind of by accident. Like, I just started like fostering dogs and things like that. And then I changed my degree to a vet tech because I started vaccinating and microchipping these, these rescue dogs. And I was like, I feel like I need to learn more about that right now in my life because it's very present in my life. So then I kind of changed my degree and went to that

• 21:19Speaker 01

  and proved to be very fruitful. And now we, you know, I have a dog rescue. It's one of my biggest passions. So that gave me a lot of perspective. Then I just started reading a lot of books. I took a lot of courses, various different courses in different perspectives, especially when it comes to like adoptive mothers and birth mothers. Um, and then we kind of started our journey. I would say Jake was like, kind of in from the jump. He was like, you know, that's the thing why maybe I married him. It's just like the kind of person he is is like, we were just so aligned. You know, sometimes you have to be with someone, you have to like show them how you are and they show you how you,

• 22:00Speaker 01

  but we were like aligned. Like, it was like, this is, oh, this, it wasn't really, no explanation needed. We both kind of was like, yeah. And it's kind of great to be able to just know that we wanted to start a family. Still rooted in love, but, but, but through adoption. And I think that's just, it's such a special thing.

• 22:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Talk to me of the process, like for, for someone who doesn't know, what does that process look like? And then talk to me about the moment that you found out your daughter was coming home and how that feels.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  The process is long, um, and rightfully so. It's a, it's a very, it's a great process. And, you know, in fact, it's very thorough. That's the, probably the longest part is just getting through all of that. And then, um, getting the call. I mean, I will never forget it. It was the most surreal feeling and yet we both knew in that moment, like that was, that we had found each other, like, you know, and it was just like, I have a picture of him and he has a picture of me. And it was just like, oh my goodness, this, this is our girl, like 100%, no doubt. And we were talking to someone, another adoptive mother. And it's like, there are two ways to have a baby, one through your stomach and one through your heart.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  My girl was through my heart and, you know, it was just the most magical phone call and no questions asked. I was like, no, we had found our baby and she found us.

• 23:24Jay Shetty?

  Do you have that conversation recorded?

• 23:27Speaker 01

  No. And I think there's something so special about it because my whole life's recorded. You know, like I could look back on any moment and be like, I remember when I was there and I was that and doing that. And, and something about that, my husband and I will never forget those words, where we were, what we were doing, the feeling. And I think in so many ways, like that is, that is why that, that shouldn't be recorded. It's like, almost like you had to be there.

• 23:53Jay Shetty?

  It's too sacred.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What, what did they say on the call? Like, what is, how does that even go?

• 23:58Speaker 01

  It's a deep and intense conversation, one that I was kind of like very present for, but just like, I need, I need to go, I need to go. You know, it's like, I need, you know, and we both were like that. So it's, it's a long conversation, but when you know, you know, so it's, it's kind of like, you listen and you talk, but you're very much like one track minded.

• 24:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  I just need to get, I need to get to her.

• 24:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. You've spoken so beautifully about your parents' love for you. What's a lesson that they taught you or an experience that they gave you that you can't wait to pass on and share with your daughter?

• 24:34Speaker 01

  I was walking down the street the other day and my daughter was in the, the pram and she was like, rah, rah, rah, rah, like, like really, you know? And I was like, I did it back and I did it kind of as loud as she did and, um, as passionate as she did. She kind of looked at me and she was like, hmm. And I was like, you've met your match. Um, and there's something about that, that my, my parents taught me, which was like at the dinner table. If we're talking about something and I usually had a different of opinion, difference of opinion. It was very much encouraged and asked about and laughed at like, oh my God, okay. Well, if you think that, then what do you think? You know, and it was like, my sparkle was never dulled.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Like, they were just like encouraging me to always speak my mind. Hence why I might be in the process of it too much, but I believe what I believe, you know? And like, nobody can really change my mind on that. I'm learning every day and I'm happy to be challenged. I love to learn, but like my rooted core values, I believe what I believe in. And if somebody is unkind or mean, like I just, you can't justify that to me, you know? It's like, I, I, I just, I don't care. Like, I, I really feel strongly about those things. And that is rooted in my parents, my parents, you know, they just really, I don't know what they did. And I don't know if it's some secret sauce they had, but like, I just knew right from wrong very early on.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  And I was really encouraged to speak my mind and sometimes lose and sometimes win. And like the feeling of that, you have to kind of really judge and understand. And so for me, I think I'm just going to really try to pass that down because I want more vocal girls in the world. I want girls to be able to feel like they can speak their mind. So any young girl I meet, you know, somebody who's watched one of my films or I meet in the street or, you know, somebody on, online, like I'm always very much just like, if my characters make you want to speak up and, and speak loud, like do it, go for it.

• 26:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we need that for sure.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, we have enough men doing it for goodness sake, you know?

• 26:38Jay Shetty?

  For sure, for sure. No, I, I couldn't agree with you more. I grew up with, I have a younger sister.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:43Jay Shetty?

  And for me, when you grow up with the younger sister, she's what, four and a half years younger than me? Watching her grow up and become a woman. And again, she's opinionated, she's strong willed. She has drive, she has a clear sense of meaning and, and values and belief. And it's, it's all I could ever want for anyone's sister, daughter, mother, friend, person.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:04Jay Shetty?

  Because you're like, wow, there have been times in history and even now sadly places in the world where that just doesn't exist.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  No.

• 27:11Jay Shetty?

  And you're like, well, what would the world miss out on? And what would the people around you miss out on?

• 27:15Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 27:15Jay Shetty?

  And, and if I didn't have a younger sister, would I have felt that way? Would I have experienced that?

• 27:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:19Jay Shetty?

  You know?

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Definitely. I have a younger sister too. And it, it gave me a lot. I think that also, sorry, falls back into the whole motherhood thing. Like, I just loved being a big sister, but I felt very maternal toward her. And that, that all leads into that kind of like feeling of protection and family. And, and it definitely made me go, I want one of her, you know?

• 27:41Jay Shetty?

  That's awesome. How does she feel now, being an aunt?

• 27:44Speaker 01

  Oh my god, she's amazing. I mean, my daughter is obsessed with her. Like, I don't think there's anyone in my life that my daughter reacts to as well as she does my youngest. I, I, it's, she must know or something, you know, it's like they must have some kind of kindred alliance. But they are, they're thick as thieves.

• 28:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I mean, you were referring to it just now, like you took on an extraordinary amount of responsibility at such a young age. What part of it do you think was really positive and has helped? And what part is still challenging or you still wrestle with?

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Well, I think motherhood and marriage, they're typically very traditional things. And so I don't want to kind of come on here and be like, you know, that's my story. That's my journey, but it's not everyone else's and I'm very aware of that, you know? So I'm not somebody who's like, I know people like to say I'm a trad wife and it's like, oh, ha, ha, ha. But I don't think anything is traditional about my life at all.

• 28:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'd agree.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  You know, and maybe if you do think that, maybe you just don't know me because I, I'm not, I wouldn't say that. And I don't think it's also bad to be traditional. Like, I hate that there's like a bad thing like, but I don't know if that, that's my life. But I mean, if that's what people think, you know, so be it. But I didn't grow up in L A. I'm not a party girl. And again, nothing wrong with my party girls. Love that for you. But there's traditionally quite a thing about child actors and that kind of world. And that was just not ever my story or journey. I, I, we moved to Georgia. My parents raised me, you know, I was homeschooled and I was taken out of the spotlight, despite being in the spotlight. So my parents were like, you can go to places and be that person, but when you're here, you're not.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Maybe that's why I'm just not jaded by what the industry is. Because I don't, I just don't feel like, I just, it's not my everything.

• 29:45Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  And I, and I think it's good that it's not your everything, you know? I'm so grateful for my work. I love my craft. Like, I'm deeply grateful for that. But it's a part of my world. It isn't my world. And I think that that's probably something that really helped me. In terms of taking on responsibilities and things like that. The things that didn't help me, my goodness.

• 30:08Jay Shetty?

  How long do we have?

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Well, I know, right? It's like, I would say obviously, public perception doesn't help growing up, hearing, you know, the way people think about you constantly. But then I think I just hit a point where I was, I really don't care. Like, I think I was like 15 when people started saying like, I looked like a 60 year old woman and what am I wearing? And I would wear a, a big heel and people would say, oh my goodness, who does she think she is? But then I would wear, you know, a, a suit and people would like rip me apart for looking too old. So, you know, it's not necessarily, I, I, I realized, oh, you're, you're just all walking contradictions. Like you literally, none of you actually have an opinion. And when I realized that, I was like,

• 30:51Speaker 01

  oh, you, this is ridic, you're all kind of like robots, you know, like, and I, probably I was, let's say 16,

• 31:02Speaker 01

  16 or 17. And then I had a pretty big thing happen to me when I was 17. That it felt like it changed the way I saw the world. And then I just, I took social media off of my phone and I was like, no, this isn't for me. I, I, I, maybe I'm not the right kind of person to be on social media in that way.

• 31:23Speaker 01

  And I, um, yeah, I just, I don't know. I'm, I'm, I'm maybe public perception I could have gone without, but, but then again, it's also made me who I am today. Cause that now I feel like I'm,

• 31:34Speaker 01

  it's almost like my life's mission to just protect young people in the industry from, from that. In any way I can.

• 31:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I mean, your parents sound amazing.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  They are.

• 31:46Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Ultra. Making space for ourselves matters. Having time and room to try new things. Our feet benefit from more space too. That's why Ultra Running Shoes feature Ultra Fit Design, giving toes more room for comfort and balance, helping feet feel stronger. These aren't just running shoes. They're perfect for walking, hiking, any pace, any level. They feel right from the first step. Go to ultrarunning.com/onpurpose and use code PURPOSE10 for 10% off. That's A L T R A running.com/onpurpose. Stay out there. I love what you said about this idea that you knew who you were when the lights and cameras were turned off.

• 32:30Jay Shetty?

  And I feel like for anyone who's in the public eye, that seems to be the biggest thing. I remember, I remember when I was doing the podcast, I'd become friends with one of my clients who'd been very successful and famous for multiple decades. And I got to know her offline and I said to her, I said, I'd love to have a conversation with you about some of this stuff. And she said to me, she said, Jay, I don't know if I'm interesting beyond my character. Because that's all I have to offer. From what the world's, I think she's fascinating. But that's her perception of herself because anytime she's been on a talk show or anytime she's been on camera, it's always been playing a caricature of that character and never really been allowed to be herself.

• 33:10Jay Shetty?

  Because everyone was so obsessed with who she was. And I think women get this even more, more than men where they can kind of play multiple roles.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:18Jay Shetty?

  But she just kind of felt like, well, no, if I'm not playing that role, then am I, do I even belong? Where if I'm, am I allowed to be? And it sounds like, you're like, well, no, I always knew who Millie was.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:28Jay Shetty?

  Beyond the camera and the screen, because my parents really protected that space.

• 33:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I, and I also think like, the things I find interesting might, yeah, they might sound boring to one. But to me, they are really interesting. Like, I love the fact that like, I sheared my sheep on Monday and like, I, you know, I've been starting to make my own butter and like how insane that is or like how, I don't know. I'm starting a garden and I can't figure out why this tree keeps start, like, I'm like, I do think those things are fun and interesting. Like, I, I don't know, I'm, and me being on here or me doing Fallon or, you know, those are great and interesting things, but I have too many normal friends. So I'm the odd one out in my friend group to say, I'm doing Fallon on Thursday. What are you doing?

• 34:16Speaker 01

  As opposed to a friend group full of people in the industry and that being just a normal thing to do. And I don't have that. So for me, I kind of, I lose out on the details of those things and just talk about the normal things. Oh my God, I went to this bar the other night and, you know, they played this song, so I got up on the table and said, like, that's my friend, that's my friend group of talking about just like the, the normal things in life. And that might be because my parents just raised me a certain way. I do think things are interesting that might not be to the people in the industry. But I do try to just maintain the same who I am. Because I, when I go on to talk shows or do this or do that, like, I am myself. Again, leads me to the point of, maybe that's why I'm in the press a lot.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  But it's just because I, I think you're talking to a real person. Like, I'm not, got nothing to hide here. And I'm not playing a character. I'm really not. Um, and I think people, hopefully people can actually see that.

• 35:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And you have goats called Eminem and Cardi B. So, so that.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  I do.

• 35:16Jay Shetty?

  I was like, that, that's pretty cool.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. All of my, all of my goats are named after rappers. Um, yeah.

• 35:22Jay Shetty?

  Any others?

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Biggie Smalls and Slick Rick.

• 35:26Jay Shetty?

  Why the choices? Walk us through, is that your top four?

• 35:27Speaker 01

  So I love Slick Rick. Um, like, I grew up just listening to Slick Rick. Biggie Smalls, icon.

• 35:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Then Cardi B. I love Cardi B. Uh, and then Eminem. I love Eminem. Me and my brother love Eminem. And then Thelma and Louise are two goats that escaped their farm and were found on the side of the road. So my animal control called me and said, Millie, we can't figure out where these goats belong. We've called everyone. What do you want to do with these goats? I said, just bring them over. So they brought them over and Thelma and Louise are like these two cute pygmy goats and they just live here now. And, and I have a lot of animals on the farm that were bullied out of their farm. So like the herds just kind of chose, we'd hate that donkey. So then that donkey comes to me.

• 36:14Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  So I have about a lot of outcasts.

• 36:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. You've got all the misfits.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 36:18Jay Shetty?

  They're all there together.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  That's exactly where I belong.

• 36:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's awesome. What, talk to me about what it was that finally made you actually want to get off social media? Like, what was the criticism that felt, okay, now I actually need some space?

• 36:30Speaker 01

  I think it was a huge invasion of privacy at one point in my life that I felt like the overlap might have been too much, you know, like, like, it's like this right now. This is my visual diagram I'm making. And at that point, it was like this, like, it was too much. I was like, they know too much and it's all lies and I don't have enough time to sit here and expect. So I'm just like, I need to, I need to not, I need to not see it. And I took myself out of the equation. I, not only I did that, but I cut out all soda in my life. I took like a whole pledge where I was like, I, I just like took away a bunch of things that I felt maybe I just like,

• 37:10Speaker 01

  did very small habits, but things that I wanted to take out of my life. So I did it all at the same time. I'm a big cold turkey girl. I don't, I do not do things half, I, I'm not somebody who's like, let's just like do everything in moderation and take it out. No, not me.

• 37:27Jay Shetty?

  I'm the same. I get it.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  I cut things out of my life immediately.

• 37:31Jay Shetty?

  So what went? Soda? Social media?

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I was like, I'm spending too much time at, like doing work that I needed to pick up a hobby. So I picked up a hobby. I started, um, uh, bedazzling mason jars.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  For hours, like my, like my boyfriend, uh, but my husband now, who is like Mel, like I genuinely, I can't like watch you bedazzle one more thing. And I was like, I'm bedazzling this whole Mason job because I have to. And I think I was pouring my anxiety into that. I would say I had anxiety for about three months. Um, and I had to still go to work. Um, and I just went to work and was just very, very, very, very anxious. Um, definitely not myself. But yeah, I would say like that, that's hard. When you're having anxiety and, and, and for me, my anxiety doesn't come on a Monday and

• 38:25Speaker 01

  maybe a Wednesday. My anxiety, if it was to come, something big needs to happen and then it will probably last for two months every day. So mine are cycles. Mine aren't, mine aren't every other. Mine are cycles and then I need to do something to change this. Like I need, it's almost like I need to do something at the end of it to change the cycle. I know it's been happening for too long. So one of my longest cycles must have been three months and, and it was, yeah, some, um, I got, I got chased, uh, by somebody in, um, in a place and, and, uh, and it sent me into a three month long anxiety panic attack where I had to do all of this stuff. And actually I went to Japan

• 39:09Speaker 01

  and I sat with these monks and it was the most amazing experience. And I got, I'm getting teary eyed talking about it, but I, it, it took me out of the, the cycle. I needed it. So, um, yeah. And it's funny because it didn't mean anything to them, what I was telling them, like about what sent me into this. Um, but they were able to, and my, we sat in this garden and, and it was also, my husband said, I almost saw you, like this weight just lift off of you. But it was just such a, yeah, anxiety is the worst thing ever. And I knew I needed to get, I needed to heal and I needed to figure out my anxiety before starting a family. Like I needed to understand what was

• 39:50Speaker 01

  happening. And then I did finally. And I'm still figuring it out now, but I'm now like, I have all these techniques I use and they work. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know, when people are like, yeah, I started this medication, da, da. It's a great, like I'm, I'm so happy for you. But like, for me, I needed other techniques. I needed techniques that I could, right now it's happening. What do I do? Because it would come at the craziest, hardest times. Like sometimes I'll look back at red carpet things of me and be like, I was having a full blown panic attack in that moment. And it's crazy. It's crazy to, all of it's documented. But yeah.

• 40:28Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for sharing that. No, I just.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  I don't even know how we got there, but sorry. But you're very good.

• 40:34Jay Shetty?

  No, you don't, you don't need to be sorry at all. I, I feel like, feel like you just took us like deep into your mind.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  My psyche.

• 40:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Get out, get out.

• 40:43Jay Shetty?

  No, but, but as in, I could feel that. It was so palpable to feel just how much that three months of anxiety was all encompassing.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's crazy because I'm, I have, um, I have health anxiety really bad. So like if I go to a doctor or if I go to the hospital, I have to tell them before I have health anxiety. So whatever you're going to tell me, I'm going to rationalize in my head. I'm going to make it seem so much worse. So I need you to tell me things like I'm a three year old. Because there are certain things now that I know trigger me, like deeply, deeply trigger me. So I've been able to just work out what's going on and slowly accommodate my needs because then it's not going to go away. Like, and it could, one day it could and I would wake up and great, but I

• 41:36Speaker 01

  need to be in the mindset of like, it's probably not. So let's just accommodate what needs to be done here. I can't stop my life. I'm not going to, but I need to like, I need to work around it. And I think I figured out pretty great techniques to work around it. My mom being one of those people, like my mom is just like the first person that can talk me.

• 41:57Jay Shetty?

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• 42:34Jay Shetty?

  of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more,

• 43:17Jay Shetty?

  so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in store or online.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Down out of that space.

• 43:24Jay Shetty?

  How did you discover you had health anxiety?

• 43:27Speaker 01

  Well, it started like before this trip to Japan. And if for me, it's like, if I, if I feel something in, on my neck, or if I, I start to, you know, I start to spiral really, really bad, to the point where I could actually get myself sick. So like for, for me, like I have given, I, I lose vision sometimes. I can get a fever. I get myself sick really quickly. I could like, if I have an anxiety attack at night, in the morning, I'll have a hundred and two fever. Like that's, my body responds, like kicks in to fight or flight. The hardest thing is, is that I, I don't know when my body's like tricking me or not, because my anxiety gives me physical symptoms.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  So I never want to be the boy who cried, cried wolf because my, but my husband's one of those people, he, he just never questions. He's like, you're telling the, this is your truth. Even if this is your anxiety, you're still feeling it. It's still happening to you. So I try now, I'm really good at being able to understand if it's a, if it, this is a temporary thing, or do I actually think this is a real thing? So for instance, on Anula three, I got really, really ill during production, like really bad. And I knew it was a moment where I know I, I, this is not anxiety. I was able to compartmentalize and go, this is not anxiety. This is something that needs to be, I need to go to the hospital right now. I used to not be able to, to separate and be

• 44:53Speaker 01

  like, could this be, could this be? Now I know, I'm pretty certain. I'm, I'm pretty good with it. And it's just a lot of, for me, knowledge is power. So I do a lot of reading about like, and I don't know if it's like before, I would just be like, oh, I'm feeling this pain. Could this be this? But now I'm like, no, it couldn't be that because that would show in this way. So I actually think I need to know more about the situation and the world than not, because actually the lack of knowledge is what gave me the most anxiety. Like the feeling of being, you know, not in control, because I'm in control of everything else in my life. But you can't be in control of that stuff sometimes, you know?

• 45:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Thank you for explaining that to us. I feel like there's so many people who probably feel that way and don't even know it.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 45:36Jay Shetty?

  And then think, actually I want to stay away from information and not realizing that more knowledge equals more power, equals more ability to have a sense of what you're actually experiencing. What, what was it during those three months that made you go to Japan to meet monks?

• 45:50Speaker 01

  I got chased by these people and it was, um, it was a really traumatizing, like I would say 20 minutes, like 20 minutes. I just couldn't, I, it, it was very, very intense and very scary. After the 20 minutes, I got into an elevator and I, my team who's probably watching this right now, I like faced the corner of the wall and I was just like, I actually feel like I shut down and I shut down for three months. Like that is like, in that moment, I like, something switched off in my mind. And so I did all of these events and I, I believe I had like, I did like my engagement party and I had like all these really, my dad's birthday. I had a bunch of stuff and I started

• 46:34Speaker 01

  getting really ill. And I had pneumonia and I had like all of these, all of these problems. And I probably had three or four things and I got strep and I had strep for like three weeks or something. And then I went undiagnosed and, and therefore untreated. So then I got to Japan because I was, I wanted to go. I really wanted to go, not thinking it would be some spiritual journey. I thought this is just going to be a really great time. When I got there, I was like, I still, I still really felt anxious. Um, I couldn't like, for instance, sometimes we'd get to a restaurant and I'd say to my husband, I can't go in. We need to go back. Uh, and he'd be like, okay, we'll go back. And that's the thing, like, I never had to explain myself to him. He knew, he got it. And

• 47:19Speaker 01

  then we would do like my tapping and just like, you know, and then I went to Kyoto and I went to this garden with these monks and I met him, this, this, this one amazing gentleman who was like, just so calm and almost felt like he saw me. Like he was like, and I was in the height of my anxiety at this point. It was like, he knew that I was kind of broken. So he was acting normal with me, but then when we got to the garden, he was like, we need to meditate. And I was like, okay, meditation has never been anything that's worked for me because of my mind and how

• 48:00Speaker 01

  I've not been able to shut out the thoughts. But we meditated in this garden, which was for five minutes and I meditated with 50 people.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  Like it was not just us, there was a bunch of tourists like us and we all sat in this garden, nobody knew who I was and if they did, they didn't care in that moment. And it was amazing and I will never forget the feeling. And then we went into this kind of samurai's house and it was like the coolest experience. And then they brought out these singing bowls and we sat there for another hour. And I left being, it was my husband's birthday and I remember being like, I'm so, I feel like it's my birthday. Like I just got given like the biggest gift of all, like finally peace in my heart. And my husband literally said like, it would like, you radiated this light after and it just, it was exactly what I needed.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  And I do think that I'm a big believer in in like divine intervention and I think that was a moment where God was like, you need to, you need to take a break and you need to like sit there and figure out kind of what's going on in your head. And I didn't figure it out necessarily, but I did figure out that I needed to sit in silence for a bit. And yeah, and I think that really healed me in a lot of ways. It healed a lot of me.

• 49:23Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for sharing that. Have you been back?

• 49:26Speaker 01

  I've not, and I'm dying to, especially take my daughter. We made a promise um to this temple that there, and so we are gonna go back because we, they said you need to come back at this specific time, this year, this time. And so that, that is kind of my, my husband said, like, we, we are gonna go back. And when we, when we were there, we said, we're gonna bring our kids back. So we knew, we were like, we're, we're on the right track.

• 49:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I feel like when you hear about moments like that and your belief in divine intervention and just finding the right thing at the right time and us being open to that happening to us, because I think whether we're skeptical or whether we're not believers or whether we just live in a busy, logical world, which we all do, sometimes the greatest gifts are quite otherworldly and, and, and happen by surprise. And aren't things that we plan or measurably choose.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think like I'm around a lot of people who are like not skeptics, but they're, they're just, they live in a very realistic world. They're like, that wouldn't happen because of this or this, this is, I agree to a certain point. And then I'm like, you can't explain certain things that happen to you. You just can't like coincidences just sometimes to me, I can't, you could see them as coincidences or you could see them as fate. And for me, I just believe things of, I just believe in fate.

• 50:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:50Jay Shetty?

  What are your other techniques now that are helping? You said speaking to your mom is one of them.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  Speaking to my mom, my husband's a big one. Like if my husband's not with me, it's my mom, my mom's not with you, it's my, so that, that, and I think you've got to find your people that understand you and that know the vocabulary to use around you in those moments. Right? It's not, you're okay, everything's fine. It's not that. Jake takes me through a step by step. Okay, you were just here. This is what just happened to you. You were not in a situation where, you know, you could have breathed in that smoke and therefore you got this, you know, that he, he will take me through what happened and that is great. And then my mom also is similar. She'll tell, take me through like statistics. She's like, you're a 22 year old, da, da, da, da, da. You're absolutely fine. She kind of tells me who I am. Another technique I use is like grounding. So I, I will like talk about the room I'm in, the seat I'm sat in,

• 51:39Speaker 01

  things like that. And then the third one, tapping, I love tapping. Singing bowls are a big one. I have a lot of those in my house. Um, used to be my phone. So funny. Now it's not, that doesn't work for me anymore. Singing is a big one. Took me a very long time to realize it was singing. Right before I got nervous to go on do things, I would sing.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  And then when I was in Japan and years, years later, I was learning all about my vagus nerve and humming. And I thought, whoa, I, I sing every time I'm nervous. So I'm basically just vibrating my vagus nerve and in turn, you know, calming myself down, but without noticing. And so I did that as a young child. So something in me as a young child knew I needed to be soothed, you know? And so I, I do that a lot now. Singing is a big one.

• 52:30Jay Shetty?

  What would you sing?

• 52:31Speaker 01

  Oh, just like anything, like you could put on anything and I will sing to it, even if I don't know the words. But a lot of musical theatre and music I like, music that like I love meaning, I, I love music and my husband and I both play music a lot in the house. And yeah, I would just say like singing is a big one. I used to be really into journaling, but my life became a little bit crazy and it's hard to stay up with that. So I, I do a lot of prompts and gratitude journals instead. Yeah, I would say that's pretty much.

• 53:02Jay Shetty?

  That's a lot.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I'm trying to think, cause I had to, I had to, because I would have one, one thing I would do and it wouldn't work. So it's like, okay, you need to figure out like a plan. You know, if this doesn't work, let's do this. So that's where I'm at.

• 53:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you have a full toolkit.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And you're so right. I, I love what you're saying that I think we're often like, oh, this is my one thing. And the reality is that life's throwing so many things our way. That you need a plan B and a plan C and a plan D. And knowing that the people who are closest to you and love you the most are your mom and your partner. Jake, like they're able to actually understand what you need in that moment.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:35Jay Shetty?

  And you can actually educate them. I think that's such a big foundational point for healthy relationships where it's like, you don't want the person panicking around you trying to figure it out. You want to give them the tools to succeed for you.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, 100%. And the reason I'm, I'm, I'm, my dad is like amazing. My dad like, but he's like me in that we think very similar. So for me, I'm like, if, if it's not this, it's gonna have to be this. And if it's not that, it's gonna have to be that. I'm very, I'm very black and white. And my, my mom and my husband are very similar. My dad and I are very similar. So my dad's like, okay, well, if you were there, then maybe it was that. And so I'm like, dad, no, no, we're thinking too similarly. You know, like, ow, I'm out, I'm out. So yeah, but it's great that they're, they're able to be very different. Like I need, I need them for very different things.

• 54:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I wanted to talk a bit about Jake. You've been talking about him the whole time, which is beautiful, but I wanted to dive into a bit because you said that, you know, we built a really strong foundation. And even a few moments ago, you were saying, you know, we just, we just knew, like we were aligned. Talk to me about what it means to build a strong foundation. I think so many people want to have healthy, deep, meaningful relationships that not only look great, but actually feel great. And feel great on a daily basis beyond the big moments of a wedding or vows or all of that. Like, what do you think it takes to build a strong foundation with Jake? And what have you both done to really build that?

• 54:54Speaker 01

  You know, when you meet someone young, you, you have habits from either previous relationships or, or just like your trauma, your, your fight or flight response, very much like me. Um, and so you have to work through how each other communicates and works. So I definitely did that. We both did that. Like I was very much like, okay, this is how he responds to things and this is how I respond to things. And then figuring out what that looks like. And I think that took us about a year to understand how to communicate.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  And then but trust was never like, I, like, it was like, met him and, well, I spoke to him on the phone for like 20 minutes. I cold called him. That's how we kind of met. And I hung up and I said, that's either gonna be, I ran down to my mom and dad and I said, that's either gonna be the groom at my wedding or my maid of honor. But like, I trust this man, like, don't know what it is. But it's just, I don't know. It was the way he answered the phone to me. It was like, no one ever, like, no one has ever answered the phone like that. He was just like, hey, girl. And I was like, hi, like, wasn't, didn't care about who I was, just saw me, like it felt like.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  So yeah, I think it took a lot of work because we, we learned how to communicate. I'm a big like, I love to read books. I love to do courses. I love, like, I am so, I mean, Gottman, like, I just studied all the methods of all the methods because I, I wanna learn. And there are plenty of things that I've learned that I don't like or apply to my life. And then there are things that I do. Um, but I learn from either space, you know? And so Jake is big on that too. So we both did that. I would say for like all of our relationship, that's what we do. We just like try different techniques, try different methods of different things. And now we're like, I would say, we're, you know, it's been like two years of like, oh, this is just like how we do things. And it's been pretty, but like,

• 56:54Speaker 01

  we were just like, we, we wanna be, we're choosing each other. We want to be together. So we do all the work to get there. But never have we tried to change each other. I think that's a big thing. I've been in past relationships where you're trying to morph this person into who you want them to be. And you're kind of waiting for them to change. And there was not one thing I wanted to change about Jake, like at all. Like, it was just like, oh, this is you, this is, I'm gonna embrace you for every part of you because this is who I want in my life. But that was the difference of feeling. I was like, I'd been with other people, you know, who's like, oh, like, I need you to step up and be this and be that. And it's like, no, why am I wasting? Also, I don't want you to change either. This is, might just be who you are too.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Um, whereas with Jake, it was like, don't change anything.

• 57:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What do you think Jake understands about you that most people get wrong?

• 57:45Speaker 01

  I do seek my mind.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  And with my friends, I feel like I tried to be a really good friend. But I didn't go to school. So socializing for me is very new, very new. In my latter three, four years, like, I feel like the, this is my year of friendship. Like, I'm really trying to help nurture those friendships and like be true to them. But I'm a very honest friend. And so if something's going on, or if I feel something is needed to be said with them in their life, if I'm observing something, I tell them.

• 58:29Speaker 01

  Because I say to Jake, if I don't, I'm not a good friend. And he says, yes, but sometimes you also need to let people ride the course of what they're going through, you know? And I'm like, but they need to know, like, they need to know. And he's like, he'll never tell me no, but he's like, just think about the way you'll say it and then think about da, da, da, da. But I always have to end up saying it because it's who I am. It's just, I have to, I have to be like, hi, like, are you okay? Like, something feels, something feels off, da, da, da, da, da. What's going on? Let's talk about it. Because I'm, I'm a very honest friend. Um, and Jake knows I mean well. Other people sometimes, I'm sure, could probably read it as like, you're rude, you're mean, da, da, da. I am never trying to come across as that.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  I'm actually, in fact, I'm trying to be the most present and loving friend. And all I mean is, is being, I, all I want for you is to succeed, like, all I want. Like, I'm a big, I want my friend, all of my friends to succeed and love and. But I, I, I need to be the person that they look at and go, thank you for telling me that. Because I was surrounded by people sometimes, friends, growing up, that wouldn't tell me those things.

• 59:41Jay Shetty?

  And that's worse.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  And I needed them to, you know? And so I'm like, I need to feel like I need to show up for my friends in that way, because I maybe didn't have friends like that growing up.

• 59:50Jay Shetty?

  Do you think you have a balance right now?

• 59:52Speaker 01

  I've got a balance.

• 59:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  Because now I know to take time, take a breather, okay? Maybe they don't need to hear this right now. So I've taken a bit of Jake and what he knows, but if I feel that there's like a cry for help, I have no problem in stepping in and just saying, you know, I'm here for you, I love you, I'm your friend, if you need me. I never force anyone into like talking to me, but I want you to know that I see you. Cause I've been there.

• 1:00:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What do you believe defines a good friend?

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  I think loyalty.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  Loyalty, because I have a lot of friends that I'll speak to or not see over years and years and years. And then see each other and things are completely back to normal and, you know, great. And my life is hard. I can't maintain friendships in the fact that like, I can't maybe reach a dinner or go to that birthday party or do this, because my life's hectic and vice versa. Um, a lot of my friends have busy lives too. But loyalty to each other, like knowing that we've known each other for a very long time. And so we need, we owe it to each other to remain friends, to nurture the friendship, to stay in touch, to be there for each other, to support each other when you can be. I think that's a big one. I don't enjoy people in my life or have met people in my life that are just down to drop a friendship.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  Because it's like, to me, I, I value them as much as relationships, like, we've been doing this, you know, I have a, my best friend Noah, we've been friends for 10 years, you know? But we know our loyalty lies within each other, like, we will always nurture and honor the friendship.

• 1:01:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a beautiful answer. I love that.

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:28Jay Shetty?

  What's the best thing about watching Jake become a dad?

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  His heart melts anytime she does anything, and so does mine. But I, he literally is like, I can just see her wrapped around, like, or, or vice versa, sorry. He is wrapped around her finger, like, it's hilarious. I can already tell certain things. He's like, oh, like, in the morning, he wakes her up, he gets in the bed and he wakes her up with a song. And she opens her eyes and he says, like, she looks at me as if to go, you've been here the whole time. Oh, yay. And they just cuddle. And I'm like, when I look at it on the little camera, I'm like, that's the person I chose to marry, like, that little girl will never go a day without knowing that her dad is there for her and her mum.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  But dads are really important. Dads are really important. I had an amazing dad growing up. Very, very similar to Jake. And Jake has an amazing dad, very, very similar to Jake. But just like, in many ways, they play maternal and paternal figures. You know, like, I do too. And I think it's really cool to be able, you know, I don't like the whole like narrative of like, the mum does this and the dad does this. It's like, no. Jake does both and so do I. And so you have two parents that you can come to

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  for almost everything. Like mum can do it too, but also dad can, dad can, dad, I've taught Jake how to braid hair and all the things, you know? Cause I want dad to know how to do it too.

• 1:02:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What's a quality of Jake's that you hope that she develops?

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  All of it. Um.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  His, oh, he's so calm. He's so calm and he sees

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  through everyone's perspective. I'm like, most is the way I think. As you can tell, I'm sure you're like, oh yeah, I got, I got the gist of you now. But I'm very much like, why would you do that? Why would you say that? Like, no, this is, you know, and Jake's like, well, maybe they were going through something or maybe it's this or maybe it's that. And I'm like, oh, okay. So I hope she is able to see through different lenses and understand the world in that way. And different people, Jake has so much patience for everyone. I am the most impatient person. And I think I take after my nanny and that my nanny Ruth, like, she was very stubborn. I'm very stubborn and Jake is not stubborn at all. Jake will forgive and forget like that. I mean,

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  so I hope she takes after, to after him. But you know, there's also a bit of my feist that everyone needs.

• 1:04:00Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  I think.

• 1:04:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you don't want to lose that.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:02Jay Shetty?

  No, absolutely, absolutely. And, and he probably loves that part of it too. He probably loves seeing that with girl dad energy, like just, you know.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  The other day she like side eyed him and she, and she's also saying, no, no, no.

• 1:04:13Jay Shetty?

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• 1:05:40Jay Shetty?

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• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  Oh, and Jake's like, she's you.

• 1:05:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:56Jay Shetty?

  You know, you were talking about earlier, the, the trad wife comments or whatever that means and, and that kind of perception and even though the reality doesn't really afford any of that definition to even feel true. But it sounds like you and Jake have created a real, almost unit and team between you both to deal with all of that noise, whether it's age or how you choose to get married or when or adopting a child or whatever, all of this stuff. Like, talk to me about why that's so important and, and how you do that, where it's like, we're a team, this is our decision. How you keep that conviction when there is so much noise?

• 1:06:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think Jake grew up kind of out of the spotlight despite his family. Like, I think Jake, his mum is amazing and they just lived a very normal life. Very similar to me in that I also tried to live a very normal life despite my environment or job. And so Jake's very used to blocking out the noise because he's literally had to do it from day one. Same to me, but not day one, like I was at least, you know, eight or nine. But, you know, young enough for that, we're, we're very both used to it. So it's not like this has just happened in our life and now it's all of a sudden we have to learn how these, how to cope with this.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Like, we came into this, our relationship, knowing what this is, what we're probably gonna get, like, people. But again, I always tell Jake, I'm like, everybody's a walking contradiction because, you know, you get married at 20, you're too young, what are you doing? Oh my God, like, people are praying on the downfall, you know, and then it's like, you're 40, you're not married, what are you doing? You're twice divorced? My God, how dare you? She's crazy. Like, she's, she needs to get married soon. She's not having a baby at 30? Like, that's, you know, whoop, ticking time, like, come on, you gotta have your baby, like, uh, you wanna adopt, why? How could they let you? You know, it's like, these questions, it's bizarre. And you're, again, you all are walking contradictions. If we all, if I lived my life following the rules of these random people,

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  I would probably live the most boring, mundane, awful, miserable life. Because these decisions, I'm gonna base them off of these random robots on the internet? Absolutely not. Like, I am doing what makes me happy, what feels right to me. And I would consider myself a person who does, I am smart and I do like to think everything through. But I do believe in fate. Going back to, I do believe in fate. I think it was fate that I, you know, met Jake. And I do think that I believe in like the invisible string theory. I think we would never have met. We would never have been in the same world. So I always think like, were you there at this point? Were you there? But we weren't in the same worlds at all. Like, he was at boarding school and then he went to college. Like, we were not in the same world.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  I think we were meant to be together. So I think we both just talk about it, like, no one can do right for doing wrong. Like, it just, you look on the internet every day, somebody else is getting slaughtered for something random and you're just like, why? That's why I don't listen to those things. I'm not, I'm not like, I don't care enough. And I'm always like, most of the time it's not true. So if anyone was like, have you ever heard about this person getting, having this? And you're like, it's probably not true because half of the shit that's out there is not true about me.

• 1:09:13Jay Shetty?

  So well said. I feel like that all the time. Like, I, I know so many people in the public eye. And when there's reports about them in the news and you actually know what's going on and you're like, who's making this stuff up?

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  It's amazing. These exclusive sources. I'm like, who is this person?

• 1:09:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, unnamed friend.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  I love it. I love it. I'm like, I've never met you. Literally never met you.

• 1:09:32Jay Shetty?

  It's so funny. I, I, I remember that you, what you just said right now was so powerful and I wanna, you know, I wanna make sure that people hear it clearly. And it reminded me of this great speech that, uh, Taylor Swift gave at a Billboard Award a few years ago. And she was just like, you know, I think she said something and she says it much better than I will, but she said it along the lines of, you know, I was writing songs about breakups and then they said, oh, I was just couldn't get over my exes.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  Like a scorned ex.

• 1:09:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So then I started writing songs about my friends. And then I was like, oh, she's having too much fun.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:00Jay Shetty?

  And then, so I started writing songs that I wrote back in the day. And then they said, oh, she's trying to go backwards. And it's almost like, no matter what you do.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  Doesn't matter.

• 1:10:07Jay Shetty?

  There's a version of it that people will spin it to be. And

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:10:10Jay Shetty?

  The way you just put it out there right now about whether you're 20 and getting married, or whether you're 40 and unmarried and divorced, or whether you're 30 and you don't have a baby yet. I mean, that was so well put because none of you win.

• 1:10:21Speaker 01

  No, no one wins. Because women don't win. Because we don't get to win. Like, we don't get to just be in peace. It's the crazy scrutiny. Like, and I, I've, you know, I grew up on a show with four boys. That I am not taking away their experience. They, they, they got their fair share of things. But what the girls got on that show, like what felt my experience as well was like, the scrutiny and pressure that gets put on you was, was insane. You don't, you didn't, I never heard about any of my cast members, boys slash men, about what they're wearing on the carpet and what they look like, or what their hair looks like, or what their makeup looks like,

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  or what they're saying. I, I, I, I never, those weren't the headlines. And it was about how amazing they were, how successful they were, how amazing, you know? And they are amazing. They are, they do get to get, you know, written about like that. But I do too. Like, my headline shouldn't be tearing me down and other young girls down. And I hold a lot of, you know, I try to, it's hard. I get very annoyed about it. Because I just feel very protective of the girls that are coming up into the industry, that that's what they, you know, that's their, that's their storyline. But that doesn't need to be their storyline. So I've, I've kind of rearranged my storyline. That's why I have no problem in calling like journalists out by their name.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  Something you need to learn a lesson. Like, go back to school. Like, learn your bedside manners. What is wrong with you? Like, what is wrong with you? Who, who, I, I just don't get it, especially somebody so young. And I, and I don't think it's right at any age, but young people and them trying to figure out their mental health. Nobody knows what I'm going through. Nobody knows what I don't need to hear at a certain time. So that to me is very important. Like, just trying to, to harness the power to just, let that go in a way, because I do hold a bit of resentment against that, you know? It's just like, I just, I don't feel I receive the same treatment. And it's not a pity party. Like, I don't need to be sat here and be like, you know, I really feel bad for me.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  But I, I just hope it never happens to anyone else.

• 1:12:40Jay Shetty?

  No, and I think the resentment's fair. You were so young as well and going through all of that. And it's hard to, it's easy to look back and be like, okay, well, you know, this is how it works and this is how it makes sense. But when you're actually going through it, people are so busy as well. No one's really paying attention. Whether it's your classmates or everyone around you. And I was wondering, like, what would your advice be to, young women coming up in the spotlight right now? How do they do that? How do they navigate it? Do it, maybe do they even approach you? Do you have younger musicians and actors and actresses who will approach you as well for insight?

• 1:13:12Speaker 01

  Every kind of young person, I really try to reach out. I befriended Ella Bright, who, who is just in that new show, uh, Off Campus, and she's not that much younger than me. But she's amazing. And I reached out and was just like, here's my number. If you ever need to call me, I'm here. Even if it's just about the most random things, I, I've probably been through it. Same with my co-star, like Louis Partridge. I feel like, kind of not responsible, but like, just very much a part of his journey. And I just feel like I'm, I'm here for him. You know, there's a lot of public perception about his life and everything. And I just feel like I, I feel, you know, I just want to make sure everybody feels,

• 1:13:54Speaker 01

  protected and supported. And I wanna be able to be that friend to also be honest, you know, and be like, okay, you, but also like, wear the crazy thing, you know, like, do the crazy, do the fun hairstyle. Like, don't have any regrets. Like, it's just like, why, why play it safe all the time? And then also Owen Cooper, who is in adolescence and who has had such a kind of rise, and rightly so, he's unbelievable. Uh, but I did, I did meet him through a mutual friend. And I said, here's my number. Anytime you need me, you know, call me. And so sometimes he'll call me and say, Mel, you know, they want me to do this magazine. I'm really tired. Da, da, da. I, don't do it then. Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. It's not necessary.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  Like, so like, sometimes we'll have those conversations where, say, how are you feeling? Are you tired? Are you, do, do you feel like you're doing too much? And he'll be like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And I'm like, okay, like, if you need a breather, like, just, you know, just tell someone, like, and, and he is amazing. He has an amazing family. Um, but I feel like I've just been there as a kind of nine one one. If he needs me. But he doesn't. He's already so smart and brilliant.

• 1:14:59Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing. That's so great that you're doing that. I mean, I can't imagine what a, what a wealth of wisdom you have and the fact that they can call you up and reach out. Did you have anyone that you could do that with yourself?

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Yes, I did. I had a lot of people that I was able to do that with. Um, a lot of musicians and, and actors, I feel. I remember meeting Natalie Portman. And having this moment where she, you know, I kind of was just like, wow, like, I really feel like she understands me. Um, and it was at an award show. I was very busy. But I do feel like in that moment, I was like, I really feel like we could have, we would have been friends. Like, if we're the same age, you know, like, and I want to be friends with you, Natalie. But, um, but like, if we were child stars at the same time, same with Drew Barrymore. I feel like, you know.

• 1:15:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, Drew's amazing.

• 1:15:46Speaker 01

  She's amazing. And, um, I really felt seen by her.

• 1:15:50Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's so important. And I'm so glad that you're, you know, actually reaching out and sending your number and

• 1:15:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:56Jay Shetty?

  It's so needed because you're the only person that can relate to what they're going through, truly.

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  And everyone's journey is different.

• 1:16:02Jay Shetty?

  Of course.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  So when certain people say, oh, I'm feeling this, I'm like, okay, like, I didn't feel that. However, I knew somebody that did. So that's always really helpful. Because coming from a boy's perspective, it's very hard for me to understand sometimes. However, I grew up around boys who went through the same thing. So I'm like, okay, I, I get, I kind of get where you're coming from.

• 1:16:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What's a belief that you hold that you think everyone disagrees with, but you'd die on the hill for?

• 1:16:26Speaker 01

  Speaking your mind. I mean, it might be my problem, but I like, think, be respectful, always be respectful. We have too many men in this country right now speaking their mind. But be respectful, like, like, just try to see everyone out, like, just have a conversation. That's the one thing I try to do is like, even though I might speak my mind and have my perspective, I always am down to have a conversation. I really, really value that. So I love to hear what other people, you know, think and we can kind of reach to a conclusion or whatever. But I, I think speak your mind. I, I wouldn't ever say like,

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  bite, bite your tongue, because you're just always gonna wish you didn't. You're always gonna wish you, I should have fucking said that, you know? I wish I said that. I should have said that. Um, I just, I, I personally am like, I'd rather have said it. And people know where I stand on it. Because I think I, I bit, I had to bite my tongue a lot as a child. People said so much about me and I was just like, I just didn't say anything. And then I felt like I've reached an age where I was like, no, I'm not gonna settle for this anymore.

• 1:17:34Jay Shetty?

  What was it that was that turning point for you where you're like?

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  Probably I was eighteen.

• 1:17:38Jay Shetty?

  Just, yeah, it's age, isn't it? Yeah.

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  It's age, yeah. I felt like I was like, no, I'm, I'm an adult now and like you can't treat me like this anymore. Yeah, it was easier to stay quiet younger because it's like, it gives them less to talk about. But now I'm a bit like, I don't really want to give them more to talk about, but I, I do however, wanna hold people accountable.

• 1:17:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it can be hard when you feel like people are just taking shots and shooting arrows at you and you just kind of have to stand there.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  I don't care if it's like one time, two time, but, but sometimes it's felt incessant, like back to back to back to back.

• 1:18:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 1:18:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:10Jay Shetty?

  Millie, I could talk to you for hours and you've become my new favorite person on the show, like for sure. Without a doubt, this conversation is incredible. Uh, we have a game that we called the Jake game for you.

• 1:18:19Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:18:20Jay Shetty?

  Uh, and so you have to finish these sentences. So I'm gonna read them out for you and then you, you complete them. Uh, Jake's favorite thing about me is?

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  Jake's favorite thing about me is my humor. I'm really silly.

• 1:18:32Jay Shetty?

  Is it?

• 1:18:33Speaker 01

  I think it, I think it could be my humor. I mean, I think, you know, he, he would say something very romantic, but I think like, I really make him laugh. And I think he always says like, I always wanted a girl to really make me laugh and like, you know, and then he makes me die laughing. Even the other night, this like, we were in a bar and this girl came over and was like, how do I play darts? And Jake gave this long-winded explanation about how to get in the line for darts and, but it was the way he said it was his tone. It sent, I literally was like uncontrollable five minutes and I was just like, and he was, he's very silly. He's like a really silly person. Like he'll do funny accents to random people.

• 1:19:15Speaker 01

  Like he's just like one of those people that really makes me laugh. And then I'm the kind of person to start like, you know, dancing really ridiculously in the store. And he's just like, wants to die. Um, but he, he loves that. So I, I really think like, we make each other laugh. So hopefully it's my humor.

• 1:19:30Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Uh, Jake would say my most annoying habit is?

• 1:19:33Speaker 01

  That I hate to hear people chew and swallow. Like it makes Jay, I, there's something clear. It's called misophonia, I think, but it's a real thing. And I can't, like, everybody on my team knows, like, I just can't hear people chewing food. It's just a thing I have and I've had it since I was young. No, he's not, but he would think that's annoying about me. He, he, when I have to say to people like, I'm so sorry, like I have to leave the room. I'll just wait until Jake's like, Millie, oh my God, you know?

• 1:20:04Jay Shetty?

  Jake would say the household chore I'm worst at is?

• 1:20:07Speaker 01

  Making the bed, like making the bed and like, I do pick up after myself. But oh, I, I do like, if I'm making a tea or like, I do leave things out.

• 1:20:18Jay Shetty?

  Got it.

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  I'm big on that.

• 1:20:19Jay Shetty?

  And he's cleaning up.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, he puts things away. If he's gonna make something, he'll, and then he puts everything, I'm, I'm a little bit more like just, cause I, I think I just see like something sparkly and I go that way. Do you know what I mean? But I'm being more intentional.

• 1:20:32Jay Shetty?

  Got it. Jake, I'm just helping you out. This is, this is all to help you out. Jake would say my most unnecessary purchase this year was?

• 1:20:39Speaker 01

  Maybe like a goat shed. Like I didn't need the shed, did I? But the goats love it. But I don't know.

• 1:20:45Jay Shetty?

  Were they cold? Was it raining?

• 1:20:46Speaker 01

  No, I just thought it was cute. Also a new chicken coop. But he doesn't think it's unnecessary. I feel like he'd know that that's like, I don't really buy unnecessary things. But I think that's maybe what he would say if he were to be like, did, did we really need another shed? Like, yes, we did.

• 1:21:03Jay Shetty?

  Is it a shed or is it like MTV Cribs? Because it's for the?

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  It's a shed. No, it is a shed. Like I'm not, I'm not like, I'm not, it's not bougie.

• 1:21:08Jay Shetty?

  It's not bougie, okay.

• 1:21:09Speaker 01

  It's a wooden, like, it's a really cute shed, but it's, it's for the goats.

• 1:21:12Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:21:13Speaker 01

  Um, that or like, I've just built a swimming pool for my foster dogs.

• 1:21:17Jay Shetty?

  Amazing.

• 1:21:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. And he's like, why? And I'm like, because it gets hot in the summer and I want them to learn how to swim so that when they get adopted, they can swim.

• 1:21:24Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Uh, Jake would say I take too many photos of?

• 1:21:28Speaker 01

  The animals.

• 1:21:29Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:21:30Speaker 01

  Like I could, I've put thousands of animal pictures on my phone of like the sheep, like nose right up against the camera. And Jake's like, that's not even a pic. I'm like, yes, it is. It's a great picture.

• 1:21:39Jay Shetty?

  That's a great picture. Yeah, I love, yeah, I love. Uh, Jake would say my love language is?

• 1:21:44Speaker 01

  Mine to him.

• 1:21:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm both. Do us both.

• 1:21:47Speaker 01

  Mine to him is words of affirmation slash affection.

• 1:21:52Jay Shetty?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:21:53Speaker 01

  Mine is affection, I think. Mine is affection. And like slowly becoming a mother now acts of service. But less about like, I don't need you to like, do like them, the like, you know, grab this, grab that or like, clean the kit. Like that, it's more like, oh, you made me a tea. Like it's the, it's like the cute little things. I guess it's not service. It's more gift giving, I guess. But it's just more like thoughtful surprises.

• 1:22:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Uh, Jake would say I could talk for three hours about?

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  Dogs. Dogs. Dogs and like, like, like children's, um, like development. Like I love baby like development.

• 1:22:31Jay Shetty?

  And Jake's favorite thing about being married to me is?

• 1:22:34Speaker 01

  Like a built-in best friend. I think we both feel that way. Like, thank God we found each other in this life.

• 1:22:40Jay Shetty?

  That's so beautiful. Millie, uh, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions are asked to every guest on the show. They have to be answered in one sentence maximum.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:22:49Jay Shetty?

  Millie Bobby Brown, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

• 1:22:55Speaker 01

  Matthew Modine said, everything you put on your face goes into your bloodstream, which changed my.

• 1:23:01Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  Which changed my relationship with my skin.

• 1:23:04Jay Shetty?

  Great answer. Do you wanna share more?

• 1:23:05Speaker 01

  No, I mean, that's really it.

• 1:23:07Jay Shetty?

  Question number two, what is the worst advice you ever received?

• 1:23:12Speaker 01

  You know, uh, children should be seen and not heard.

• 1:23:16Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. Question number three, uh, the one reason people should watch Inola Holmes three?

• 1:23:22Speaker 01

  It's a great family film, a great easy watch on a Friday or Saturday night. Um, yeah, and it leaves you feeling good.

• 1:23:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Tell me a bit more about what characteristics you share with Inola. I feel like there's a lot.

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  There's a lot. Yeah. Um, she obviously speaks her mind. She is a change maker. She, she tries to be. Um, she's a bit stubborn, very witty. And I'm not saying I am witty, but I'd say I'm fast. Like I really do pick up on things pretty fast. If somebody's saying something, I'm like, okay, I know, I know the kind of person you are or you are. Very observant. Um, but yeah, very, uh, I would say, yeah, very stubborn. My co-star would say stubborn.

• 1:24:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:04Jay Shetty?

  Is, is Millie Bobby Brown aspiring to be Inola Holmes or is Inola Holmes aspiring to be Millie Bobby Brown?

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  I'm aspiring to be Inola. Yeah, for sure.

• 1:24:10Jay Shetty?

  Nice. I love it. Uh, question number four, complete the sentences about overthinking. Complete the sentence. I think I think too much about?

• 1:24:19Speaker 01

  I think I think too much about being a mom. Yeah.

• 1:24:22Jay Shetty?

  In the best way possible.

• 1:24:23Speaker 01

  In the best way possible, but you know, you, as a mom, you just overthink about everything.

• 1:24:27Jay Shetty?

  I feel mom guilt is probably the hardest guilt that exists.

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  It really is terrible. Yeah.

• 1:24:31Jay Shetty?

  And, and then it feels like everyone has a version of how to be the best mom too.

• 1:24:35Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:24:35Jay Shetty?

  So then you're getting everyone's opinions and?

• 1:24:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's another thing. You block out the noise on that. I always just try to be there for other moms and vice versa. Surround yourself with your, with a mom group, but don't compare yourselves to each other because that's where you, you'll just start to feel inadequate, but you're not. Uh, but mom guilt is a real thing, um, especially as a working mom.

• 1:24:55Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. And fifth and final question, we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:25:04Speaker 01

  I guess, gosh, I, I, my, my initial instinct, but I don't know if this is like, if I'm even saying this right in terms of like, an answer to the question. But like, if someone is mean or cruel to animals, they should never be able to have an animal again. Is that?

• 1:25:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a good law. That's a great law.

• 1:25:22Speaker 01

  I feel like that's like, I, yeah, like I feel like people don't, shouldn't get second chances on that. Like, but yeah, I don't know. I just think I like, I, I, I've been in the, the animal world for, you know, a minute now. And I've just seen a lot of animals that I feel like, yeah, like you don't get second chances on that. Like you've changed an animal's life forever. And yeah, I just wish more people showed kindness to animals. And I've seen it on both ends of the spectrum where I have people adopting my dogs and loving them and nurturing them and great. And then I've also seen dogs come to me that have burns and scars all over them. And, you know, I've seen the other end of it.

• 1:26:06Speaker 01

  So for me, I just think, yeah, you, I don't have time for people that don't have time for animals.

• 1:26:10Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. Millie Bobby Brown, thank you so much. Such a joy.

• 1:26:13Speaker 01

  Thank you. Oh my gosh, I'm so much fun.

• 1:26:15Jay Shetty?

  Such a great time. I hope you got to share everything you wanted to and?

• 1:26:18Speaker 01

  I really did. I was honestly nervous coming into this, just cause I'm very much the kind of person to forget the cameras are there and just start.

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 1:26:56Speaker 03

  This episode is brought to you by Netflix's new series, East of Eden. A bold reimagining of John Steinbeck's masterpiece, following generations of the Trask family through love, betrayal, and the choices that shape humanity. Starring Mike Feist and Christopher Abbott as the Trask brothers and Florence Pugh as Kathy Ames. The complex anti-heroine determined to build the life she wants, no matter the cost. Watch East of Eden, October first, only on Netflix.

• 1:27:25Speaker 04

  Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd.

• 1:27:30Jay Shetty?

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all keep the blame on me. Tom Cruise is.

• 1:27:36Speaker 04

  Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:27:42Jay Shetty?

  What would happen if I stopped going? You stall, you freeze to death, that's what?

• 1:27:46Speaker 04

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:27:49Jay Shetty?

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:27:50Speaker 04

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under seventeen. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:27:55Speaker 01

  Blabbering, but I've had the best time. Thank you for having me.

• 1:27:57Jay Shetty?

  Good, I'm glad. Thank you.

• 1:27:58Speaker 01

  Thank you.