Lewis Howes ON: How To Embrace Your Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships & Live A Full Authentic Life

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. In this episode of On Purpose, lifestyle entrepreneur and former professional football player Lewis Howes talks with Jay Shetty about his traumatic past, relationships, facing fears, and living with no regrets. Are you searching for inspiration on how to face adversity or conquer your biggest fears? If you desire to keep learning and growing to find the best in yourself, tune in to hear Lewis Howes share all of these tips and more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

  Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 3:09Lewis Howes?

  The healthiest relationship I've ever been in. And I'll tell you why. She's the woman of my dreams.

• 3:17Lewis Howes?

  Yet, if we broke up tomorrow, I'd be okay. Because I'm such at peace knowing that this is happening for me and she's in my life for a reason right now. And hopefully it lasts a long time, but if it doesn't, for whatever reason, we weren't supposed to force it.

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I love that you come back every single week to listen, learn, and to grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules.

• 4:25Jay Shetty?

  Go to jschettytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences.

• 4:31Jay Shetty?

  And more. I can't wait to see you this year. And you know that I'm always trying to connect with incredible guests, incredible minds that can share insights to transform our lives. Now today's guest is probably one of my closest friends. I am so excited to sit down with him because it's his first appearance on the show. I've been grateful to be a guest on his podcast twice, The School of Greatness. But this is the episode where we're going to dive into his extraordinary life, extraordinary mind, and how he's created an extraordinary world of making an impact, making a difference, and making people find their own greatness. So for those of you who don't know or need a reminder,

• 5:12Jay Shetty?

  Lewis Howes is a New York Times bestselling author of the hit book The School of Greatness and his latest book, The Mask of Masculinity. He's a lifestyle entrepreneur, high-performance business coach and keynote speaker, a former professional football player and two-sport All-American. He is a current USA Men's National Handball Team athlete. He hosts a top 100 iTunes-ranked Apple podcast, The School of Greatness, which is over 250 million downloads and over 990 episodes, coming now to the thousand episode. Lewis was recognized by the White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30. Details Magazine called him

• 5:56Jay Shetty?

  one of five internet gurus that can make you rich. And this part, Lewis is a contributing writer for Entrepreneur and has been featured on Ellen, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New York Times, People, Forbes, Fast Company, and so many more. His interview style is probably one of my favorite. He's had some incredible guests on the show and today we get to dive into his mind, none other than one of my favorite people in the world, Lewis.

• 6:22Lewis Howes?

  My man, let's go.

• 6:23Jay Shetty?

  Dude, I'm

• 6:24Lewis Howes?

  Excited, man.

• 6:25Jay Shetty?

  Literally, I, this is like,

• 6:26Lewis Howes?

  We've been talking about this for years. It's like, we gotta get together more and do more stuff together on audio, so I'm pumped, man.

• 6:32Jay Shetty?

  I've been looking forward to this for so long because I think the last time I interviewed you was the first day we met.

• 6:38Lewis Howes?

  It was October 31st, I believe it was Halloween.

• 6:42Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 6:42Lewis Howes?

  Uh, 2017.

• 6:44Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 6:44Lewis Howes?

  And you were, you were still like pretty unknown. I think you had like maybe a hundred thousand, two hundred thousand fans on Facebook. You were doing a video a week. No one really knew who you were. But I remember seeing your stuff as I got pitched to go on the show and I was like, oh, let me research this guy a little more. I was really inspired. I was just like, you're, you've got it. I was like, you're gonna be massive. I didn't know you'd be this big this quickly, but I was like, you are gonna crush the world and it's been amazing to watch, man.

• 7:12Jay Shetty?

  Dude, I was, I was such a fan when I reached out to you and I was such a fan of so many people in the industry and what was happening. And what I loved about you is that as soon as I reached out to you, I heard back, we'd booked you to do a show at NASDAQ. So I used to do a show called NASDAQ Reads and interview people there. And, and you reached out and then this is the amazing thing about Lewis that I want people to realize. And it's good that he gave you the context of where I was in my career. So we do this interview and it's the day of his book launch, right? This book, this beautiful book here, The Mask of Masculinity. And he's doing, and I interview him about it and it's fascinating. It's a, it's a brilliant book which we'll dive into. And Lewis goes, do you want to spend the rest of the day with me? And I'm like, this guy's got a book launch.

• 7:55Jay Shetty?

  And he's asking me in New York City whether I want to spend the rest of the day with him.

• 7:58Lewis Howes?

  Cancel everything on your schedule. Let's hang out. Let's walk around the park.

• 8:01Jay Shetty?

  And I did. And I literally canceled my whole day.

• 8:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it was fun, man.

• 8:05Jay Shetty?

  And we spent the day together and we became instant friends. And then I think I met you once in LA before I was moving here, which, before I even knew I was moving here. And you know, you were the, one of the big reasons where you were just like, no, you should move. You should definitely move. You should come across. And uh, yeah, man, you've just, I think we managed to see each other every month.

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  We try, yeah. Maybe there was a couple of months we didn't, but.

• 8:25Jay Shetty?

  Covid definitely slowed us.

• 8:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, almost every month we either see each other, talk, do something together in the last three years.

• 8:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 8:32Lewis Howes?

  It's been fun, man. Your journey, your journey has been unbelievable to see how, and this is what people need to know is like, you know, even if you've been working for 10 years on something, because you've been working on your craft for a decade as a monk, and then just teaching in schools and then corporate life and then HuffPo, like you've been working behind the scene for 10 years. It can take, you know, a few pieces of content or one piece of content that will be the thing that sets you off with momentum. You know, someone like Rachel Hollis, she spent 10 years writing books and doing events with a few hundred people, max. And then one piece of content, a book, launched her. And you had these videos that just, they all launched. And it took you to another level. So in this book you have now coming out, it's going to be a game changer.

• 9:17Lewis Howes?

  I was just reading through it again before I got here.

• 9:20Lewis Howes?

  I was just like, there's so much great information in this. But it's wisdom from years of practice and years of experience. So that's what I think people need to know is like, if you're a creator, if you're someone who's got a gift inside, all it takes is one piece of content for you to really pop. So just keep creating. And that's what you've done beautifully. You keep showing up.

• 9:39Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, man. And that's, and today I want to go back into your journey. Because, you know, we've known each other for some time and I know parts of your story. But I really want my community and audience today to realize everything you've been through that has made you who you are today. Because you've been through some incredible transformations and transitions in life.

• 10:01Lewis Howes?

  Still doing it, man. Every day, every day I gotta, I gotta grow and transition, man.

• 10:05Jay Shetty?

  But, but let's take it right back to the beginning. Because I think that there was, obviously, when you took out the mask of masculinity and you started talking more about your childhood and experiences you'd been through that had formed your life today. And you started to get this courage to be able to share it, which took so much vulnerability and humility and so much from you.

• 10:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 10:29Jay Shetty?

  Tell us about how that and coming to grips with that opened up more growth in your life.

• 10:36Lewis Howes?

  Well, I think we all have some type of trauma that we've dealt with, whether it may be neglect, abandonment, uh, sexual abuse, emotional trauma, something. Or someone just said something to us that we felt like we've held on to for decades that we can't forget. Some kid, a friend, a parent that said something to us. And so I don't want to minimize or maximize anyone's trauma because everyone has their own stuff they've been through. Personally, I grew up in a small town in Delaware, Ohio, which is... As middle America as it can get. And my third memory is being raped by a man. So I have very few memories from my childhood before five. But when I was five years old, I was raped by a man. He was probably sixteen or seventeen year old guy,

• 11:20Lewis Howes?

  who was the son of a babysitter that I would go to after kindergarten. My mom was working. My dad was working. I was the youngest of four. And so they were always working until later at night. So I would go to babysitters every day. And that was one of my first memories is this experience. Except for twenty five years, I never told anyone because I was so ashamed that if people actually knew this about me, they would not love me. They would not like me, no one would want to be my friends. They would look down on me, all this stuff. I would be less than a human if they actually knew that I was sexually abused. And I think that was a lot of the conditioning of just growing up in the eighties and nineties, especially in Ohio. And I think in the Midwest in general.

• 12:04Lewis Howes?

  Not everyone had this, but I think where I grew up, I wasn't allowed to put my arm around a buddy of mine. You know, when we hang out, it's like we hug each other. I pick you up, but like we put our arm around.

• 12:13Jay Shetty?

  I can jump on you.

• 12:14Lewis Howes?

  I know, you jump on me, I'm like, ah, I love this. But that wasn't acceptable as a kid growing up for me. Like, I wanted to put my arm around people and like hug my friends. But in school, they would push me off and call me names. Don't be a little girl, don't be gay, don't be this, don't be that. Like, it wasn't cool to be affectionate, even in a non-sexual friendship way. And so when I saw that, I was eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, that other boys didn't accept me for putting my arm around them as a friend. I was like, if they actually knew about me, what I've gone through, they would disown, they would reject me from society. It was kind of the story I told myself. And I also just didn't have examples of.

• 12:57Lewis Howes?

  I was in sports and I never saw athletes opening up about sexual abuse. I just never ever saw it. I never saw them opening up about mental health issues, what they're, which was what's happening now, more are doing that. But as a kid, I never saw that model. So I just said, okay, I gotta act like this didn't happen. I gotta be as tough as I can so no one can hurt me again. I have to be as big and strong as possible to make sure that no one ever abuses me again. And that was kind of the, the story of my life for 25 years. My brother then went to prison when I was eight until I was 12. He, he got caught up in the war on drugs in America in the, in the 90s for selling drugs to an undercover cop. So in a small town, there wasn't a lot of

• 13:42Lewis Howes?

  people in the neighborhood whose kids went to prison that I knew of. He was the only one. And on my block, everyone knew that my brother was in prison. So that meant the other parents wouldn't let their kids hang out with me for four and a half years, essentially. So now I have this time where I'm not hanging out with people. I'm essentially trying, I remember one time I, I had to spend money to hang out with a couple of kids who had a club in their basement. They had like this little private club and I had to either answer a couple of questions that they asked me and if I got it right, I could be in the friend club or I had to give them money. And they asked me a couple of questions, which I still don't know the answers to today. And I

• 14:23Lewis Howes?

  remember feeling like, okay, I'm so dumb that because I'm not smart, people don't want to hang out with me. And I went home and begged my mom for money. She put it in a little shoebox, all the change she had to give them so I could hang out with them. And I remember after that day, spending that time with them, I was like, I felt really low. I felt really sad and depressed. I was like, man, I'm just like a nothing. Like no one cares about me. If I have to pay money to have friends, how horrible of a human being am I? And I think those moments like really shaped me and I said, I'd rather be like isolated and alone than being around people that don't care if I'm like, you know, that I'm so dumb, they don't want to hang out with me, or if I can't provide them with money. I was like, I'd rather be alone. So I spent a lot of time alone, observing people

• 15:08Lewis Howes?

  and dealing with my own insecurities for.

• 15:13Lewis Howes?

  Pretty much throughout my teens and I really like look at my life in four phases like preteen, teen to 22, my twenties and then 30 to now, which is 37. It's been kind of like four phases, which has been very confusing up till the last seven years. And it wasn't until I finally opened up about sexual trauma and sharing it out loud. First with a small group of people, then with my family and friends, then to my platform into the world. It's still the most downloaded thing I've ever shared out on my podcast. You know, it's, it's still something I get every week from people where they're sharing in about how they're opening up for the first time because I didn't have a model growing up.

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  And I felt like, once I started to share my shame about sexual trauma, it no longer had power over me. It took some time to heal, but it no longer became a thing that crippled me and made me insecure. It's kind of like, you know, an eight mile where he's like, this happened to me and they cheated on my girl and this and I shot myself and whatever. It's like, once I started to share a lot of vulnerable things that I didn't want anyone to know about me, then I learned who my real family, who my real friends were, and I could start to fall in love with myself more. And I don't think I ever loved myself fully. I loved the mask that I wore. I loved like that I'm

• 16:38Lewis Howes?

  a jock, that I'm an athlete, that I'm successful in business, but I didn't love the inside. And I think it's a hard life to live if we don't learn how to love ourselves. So that's, that's been the journey and you know, I was also in the special needs classes. I almost flunked out of English senior year. So it's just a challenging, I just remember, remember really happy times growing up because I never learned how to love myself. You have great videos that say, you know, they teach us how to memorize things in school, but they don't teach us how to deal with failure. They don't teach us how to deal with a broken heart. You know, those are the things that I struggled with the most. Like I was always failing in school. I, no girls liked me. You know, I was always heartbroken, all this stuff.

• 17:21Lewis Howes?

  And I didn't know how to lose gracefully because my whole identity was tied around winning and gaining acceptance from people when I won in sports or when I broke a record. It was like people acknowledged me and they saw me for the first time because I had a talent. Whereas I never felt seen as a kid. You know, my parents saw me and they were there for me, but I, the story I said is people don't care about me, even when they did. And I, and I think I just never learned the skill of loving myself. Until seven years ago, really, the process. And if people could fully love themselves. And be proud of themselves, there'd just be a lot less mental and emotional suffering. So that's been kind of the journey. In a nutshell.

• 18:07Jay Shetty?

  I mean, that's phenomenal, man. Like it's, you know, when, when I know you as you now. Over the last three years. You have one of the most kindest hearts I know. You're one of the most. Open and loving people I know. You're without a doubt, one of the most generous people I know. And, and to me, it's like, I can't ever imagine you not being those things.

• 18:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:29Jay Shetty?

  Because. You do it so effortlessly in one sense. It can appear that way.

• 18:34Lewis Howes?

  So if I would have met you 10 years ago, I probably wouldn't even recognize you, right? It's like.

• 18:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 18:38Lewis Howes?

  You're a completely different person, but I didn't see that life. I've seen only the last three years of you being like this incredible source of. Wisdom for the world that's gone viral. And a, a great heart and a thoughtful mind. But I think, um, a lot of us go through these challenges.

• 18:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 18:55Lewis Howes?

  You know, and we're, we're in the public, so we're talking a lot about our, our life. And so it's, it can be very scary if we haven't accepted ourselves. To then say, this is who I am. I know Michelle Obama talked about mild depression. I think it was a couple of days ago or recently, based on when this podcast comes out. Where she's like, I'm struggling. And she shared it publicly for the first time, which I think is. Really courageous, but when people in the public eye. It's almost like we're forced to tear down our, our masks and our walls. Otherwise. We're being inauthentic to ourselves if we're only putting out this perfect image. And for years I put out a perfect image or this ideal of like. Who I wanted to be in the world.

• 19:37Lewis Howes?

  And I was afraid of what, if people really saw who I was. They would never accept me, kind of like when I was a kid. If they truly knew what happened. I wouldn't have friends. And again, when I, and I realized like at thirty enough was enough. I was dealing with so much inner suffering. On the outside, everything looked great. Making great money, sold a business for seven figures, you know, had girls that were interested in me. I had cool stuff. I was playing sports. People were admiring what I was accomplishing on the outside, but I was

• 20:13Lewis Howes?

  never proud of who I was on the inside and what I was afraid of. I had such deep insecurity that if anyone knew who I was, no one would ever love me. And I think once I got to a place of fully accepting myself, starting a healing journey and sharing it with people and realizing I'm not dead, like I'm not gonna die here and people still love me and people still care about me. Even more, they like me because I'm being more real. It creates a deeper connection. And that's when I started to realize like, oh, there's this thing called vulnerability that is actually probably the biggest superpower in the world that most people don't use. And that's kind

• 20:54Lewis Howes?

  of all I've just done. It's just been more and more open, more and more real. And it's still hard, you know, it's like, it's still hard to do sometimes, but I feel like it's the only way. And there are certain things, I'm not saying you should just publicly talk about everything of your fears and your securities. I think this is time and place for everything. I just felt like a responsibility seven years ago to open up about these things because I didn't see another model. I didn't see another, you know, jock, white man, opening up about stuff. And now when I see guys like Kevin Love talking about having mental breakdowns on the court and actually writing articles and speaking, being an advocate for this, I'm like, great, now there's more athletes that look like him, who might feel comfortable opening up at ten,

• 21:36Lewis Howes?

  at twelve, at fourteen. I saw a young NBA player, I'm forgetting his name, recently like shaved his head on Instagram and said he's doing this and he feels free because he was sexually abused over and over as a kid. I think he's a rookie NBA basketball player. And I'm like, this is amazing that someone is posting this on Instagram, who has a platform, because he's starting to heal. And maybe they are, he's a, he's a young black guy. I'm like, maybe there's other young black men who would never open up about this. And now they have the permission. To to share. And I think that's incredible. So I felt like a responsibility to to start opening up publicly about these things. And I think you do such a great job on your videos of like

• 22:17Lewis Howes?

  addressing all these scary things that are hard for us. Depression, mental illness, cheating, relationship breakups, divorce, like all these things that people are scared to go through, you're addressing. And I think that's what's helping heal the world.

• 22:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, man. When you, when I hear you say every example that you're sharing right now, it's almost like you had to choose to do the hardest thing.

• 22:42Lewis Howes?

  The scariest thing is like the way, you know, whereas Ryan Holiday says the obstacle is the way, like your greatest fears is the way. This is something I've been doing as a kid since my teens of realizing, okay, what are my fears? Because these are holding me back from being the greatest version of myself. So every year I would create a list of my biggest fears. I remember when I was a teenager, it was girls. I think every teenage boy is afraid of talking to girls, getting rejected by girls, like all that stuff is very scary. And for me, I remember it was like, I don't have confidence around girls. I don't know what to say. I'm a stutterer. I don't have anything funny. Like I just stumble over my

• 23:24Lewis Howes?

  words. And I said to myself, okay, the summer when I was 16, I said, every day when I see a girl that I'm interested in or is attracted to, I'm going to run, not in a creepy way up to them, but I'm gonna run towards them and start a conversation. When it gives me little butterflies, like I don't care if I'm at the pool or the gym or the walking down the street, I have to go up to them. It was a challenge.

• 23:47Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 23:47Lewis Howes?

  For 90 days to do this.

• 23:49Jay Shetty?

  You should have videoed it.

• 23:50Lewis Howes?

  I should have, I wish. And for 90 days I did this. And I tell you what, the first couple of weeks, I was just humiliated. It was the worst feeling in the world because you're, I faced my greatest fear, rejection, humiliation, not being enough. They don't like me, whatever it is. And by the end of the summer, I kid you not, I must have had, I don't know, 50 phone numbers and just lots of fun. You know, I'm not acting on any of these things. I'm just like having fun and overcoming a fear. And I think if human beings were able to create more contained challenges for themselves to overcome their inner insecurities.

• 24:25Lewis Howes?

  That's the greatest game you can play. I used to play a lot of physical sports, but this is the greatest inner sport that you can play is writing a list of your biggest fears and then giving yourself parameters and a timeframe. So I did this with girls and I was like, oh, it worked. I feel confident. I can say hi to people without being afraid. Then when I was 23, I did it with public speaking. I could not stand up in front of three people and say anything without sweating, without trembling. It was that crippling. And I know public speaking is a big fear for a lot of people. And I met someone who was a professional public speaker and I said, tell me what I need to do to overcome this fear. He said, you need

• 25:06Lewis Howes?

  to join Toastmasters. You need to go every single week until you're not afraid. So I gave myself a year. I said, I'm going to do this every single week. I would film my speeches. It was horrible, but I, every week I would get better. And at the end of the year, I remember being able to speak in front of this group of 15, 20 people in the club and speak without notes, you know, remember my speech, give it with poise, give it with everything I needed to do. And I was like, wow, I'm not afraid anymore. And I've done that with salsa dancing, you know, for salsa dancing, I spent 90 days all in on salsa dancing. I was terrified that I could not dance, but I did the same challenge for myself and I constantly do that, you know?

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  I did this with opening up about sexual abuse. I was like, I'm terrified. For 25 years, no one knows this except for me. And I never thought I would tell anyone, but I knew I was cheating myself by not at least processing the healing because it was something inside that was holding me back. And every year, luckily, I'm faced with challenges every year that forced me to address my fears, forced me to level up, to own my mistakes, to take accountability and responsibility and improve. And I think that's a beautiful thing of life is like, I never want to be not afraid of something. Because then I'm done. So I always want to have something where I'm like, uh, right now it's Spanish.

• 26:29Lewis Howes?

  I have been wanting to practice to learn Spanish for 20 years.

• 26:34Jay Shetty?

  Now you have to.

• 26:35Lewis Howes?

  Now I've got a, now I've got a Mexican girlfriend. And even the first year of our relationship, I said, okay, I'm going to do this, but I put it off. Like I keep making excuses because every time I jump into a new app, uh, a new class, whatever it is, I get, my brain hurts so much from learning something that's challenging. This is why I didn't do well in school because I was just like, I can't do this. I, I give up. Let me go play a sport. And I was just like, this is gonna suck for a couple of years. It's not gonna be easy. But I'm gonna be so much more proud of myself from accomplishing it in a few years. And what I'm gonna learn about myself in the process is gonna be greater than actually being fluent.

• 27:15Lewis Howes?

  But I just keep thinking back to like, if I died today, would I regret not going after this fear? Would I regret that I didn't share this with my girlfriend, my husband, my wife, my kids, that I didn't go back to school, that I didn't write the book, launch the podcast, whatever it is, would I regret it? And for me, I just never want to regret. So I'm like, okay, I've now found a process. I've hired someone to do three days a week. I'm fitting it in my calendar. This is a priority every day. And it sucks right now because I feel like I'm not learning any, I'm, I can't speak still, but it's like, it's gonna take years and I just need to trust the process. And appreciate all the little wins.

• 27:59Lewis Howes?

  And I'll try to be fluent right away. Just be like, okay, I know a couple more words today. And that's what I think if people could do that, their life would be that much more magical. If you wrote down your biggest fears and you started tackling them every year.

• 28:12Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market. Who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980.

• 28:25Jay Shetty?

  That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there.

• 29:10Jay Shetty?

  Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state, coverage options are selected by the customer, availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are, but it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated, calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favourite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room.

• 29:53Jay Shetty?

  Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Lewis, you're in flow, man. This is amazing stuff. Come to Batman. This is... Become Batman.

• 30:32Jay Shetty?

  This is amazing stuff. I want everyone who's listening and watching right now to do what Luis is saying right now. I literally want you to get out a piece of pen and paper. If you're not, then take a screenshot of where we are right now. Come back to this later on and do this because what he's saying is so powerful, like literally it's so profound. Like, I love the fact that you've just consistently challenged and challenged and challenged.

• 30:53Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 30:54Jay Shetty?

  And it just starts with writing down your fears and finding one thing you can do for 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, whatever it is for you, and just doing that one thing every day. And it's doing, it's acting, it's not just thinking about it. And so those are-

• 31:08Lewis Howes?

  Your next book is gonna be Act Like A Monk. And it's gonna be the actions you do, you think. But what would you say is your, over the last three years?

• 31:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 31:17Lewis Howes?

  What were the biggest fears you had that you had to conquer? And what's the biggest fear you have right now that you haven't conquered yet?

• 31:24Jay Shetty?

  I think that the first thing that came to mind was after my first video went viral.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 31:30Jay Shetty?

  So-

• 31:31Lewis Howes?

  We had a million views.

• 31:32Jay Shetty?

  So yeah, the first one got a million views in like seven days. The second one got like a million views in 24 hours. And then ended up getting like a total of 160 million views across pages. This was when the HuffPost was sharing it.

• 31:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's 2017, 2016.

• 31:46Jay Shetty?

  2016, mid 2016. And my first fear became, I don't want to make any more videos.

• 31:52Lewis Howes?

  What?

• 31:53Jay Shetty?

  Because I was scared that they wouldn't do as well.

• 31:56Lewis Howes?

  Oh my gosh.

• 31:57Jay Shetty?

  And this is the crazy thing of the fear of, see, when you're starting, your fear is a failure. And then when you kind of have a breakthrough, your fear becomes of success.

• 32:06Lewis Howes?

  It is. I mean, it's like, who said this? I think Liz Gilbert says something like, "Well, I'm never gonna be as successful as my last book that sold like 10 million copies of Eat, Pray, Love." And it's like, how do you live life knowing that you may never? Hopefully you keep creating stuff, but that didn't happen with you. You've been making videos that have had 300 million views and beyond, right?

• 32:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so that was the first fear I had to overcome was like, the fear before that was, well, who's gonna care? So that was the biggest fear before starting, but you talked a lot about that. So I see the opposite end of the fear of, you've had your little breakthrough, you've got a little taste or a glimpse of people now caring. And now you're like, well, what if they don't care the next time?

• 32:47Lewis Howes?

  So did that cripple you from wanting to create more or less?

• 32:52Jay Shetty?

  I made less. I think at that time I was making one video per month. Because I was so scared.

• 32:58Lewis Howes?

  When I met you at NASDAQ, were you still only doing one a month?

• 33:03Jay Shetty?

  At that time, I had just started getting more.

• 33:08Lewis Howes?

  One every two weeks.

• 33:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, probably. Yeah, it wasn't.

• 33:11Lewis Howes?

  When I met you, after that, I was like, you need to be doing three a week. I was like, you need to go hard, like all in on this.

• 33:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:18Lewis Howes?

  Cause you were like, yeah, maybe I'll start a podcast and write a book. Then I go, wait and go all in on video right now. Tunnel vision on just how can I, this was your gift. And I think people get distracted too early where it's like, okay, this is my gift. It's working and let me do this, this and this, cause it's cool. But you went all in and you, you freaking crushed.

• 33:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So that was, that was one of the fears. Uh, the, the other fear was, you know, when we were in New York and we've talked about this before. Me and Rudi had moved there six months ago.

• 33:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Jay Shetty?

  I decided that I had to venture out into creating my own thing. And I was four months away from being broke. We had four months left to play rent and groceries. That's it. That's literally what we had left.

• 34:01Lewis Howes?

  And you were like, okay, I'm going to go leave HuffPo or be part time and then go create more, which takes money, time and energy.

• 34:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And, and I realized that I had to make that journey to start building and creating because I wanted to create stuff that I really wanted to create and put out. But at the same time, that came with the risk of, hey, we just got married a year ago. We moved here six months ago. I know no one in New York. No one really knows me. And now I'm trying to create something from scratch in a city where I was full of unknowns.

• 34:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:32Jay Shetty?

  So that fear came out. The, the only solution to that fear was literally I woke up the next day and I emailed, just like you did, kind of with the, with the girls at that time. But I emailed every person.

• 34:45Lewis Howes?

  Bunch of girls?

• 34:45Jay Shetty?

  No, no. Can you imagine? I emailed every person I'd ever had any interaction with that may need a video. And I said, I will edit your videos. I will shoot your videos. I will create videos for you. And so I just started creating.

• 35:02Lewis Howes?

  Full on hustle, scrappy mode.

• 35:04Jay Shetty?

  Literally just to survive.

• 35:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:06Jay Shetty?

  Just to survive.

• 35:07Lewis Howes?

  What happened when, after like a week of sending those out, what happened?

• 35:10Jay Shetty?

  I was getting a few people emailing back and I realized that it was all a game of odds, that I got back as much as I put in. So if I sent a hundred emails, I got ten responses. If I sent a thousand emails, I was getting a hundred responses. And I was literally trying to find any way through to like seeing people who'd retweeted me on Twitter and reaching out to them and like just any-

• 35:30Lewis Howes?

  DM, "Hey, do you need some video work? I can help you."

• 35:32Jay Shetty?

  Totally, like just looking at someone's job title and LinkedIn and going like, "Who's this person?" Because I wanted to build something for myself, but I wasn't sure that people were going to allow me to create what I wanted to create straight away.

• 35:43Lewis Howes?

  And also, there wasn't like a monetization plan three years ago on Facebook, or I guess maybe YouTube, but it wasn't like a way to make money with your content. You were just, "I'm impacting the world and that's why maybe I'll do a book and this and that to make some money," but you couldn't monetize really then.

• 35:58Jay Shetty?

  No, and, and, and it was monetization's never been my goal. Like in the beginning, the goal was simply to make an impact. And then I realized that without money, you can't scale the impact.

• 36:09Lewis Howes?

  It's true.

• 36:09Jay Shetty?

  And that was the clear decision that I had to rewire my relationship with money. I had to rewire my relationship.

• 36:16Lewis Howes?

  So was that a big fear?

• 36:17Jay Shetty?

  That was a big fear.

• 36:17Lewis Howes?

  We've talked about this a bunch before, but why was money a big fear for you?

• 36:21Jay Shetty?

  Well, I think I grew up in a family where we always had just enough. So the language around money was, "We have just enough. We have just enough. We have just enough." And almost there was, not necessarily through my parents, but there was a negative kind of narrative that I grew up with, that to be rich or wealthy, you had to backstab, lie, cheat, steal, or do something dodgy.

• 36:45Lewis Howes?

  Or not be there for your family, or you know, sacrifice time.

• 36:49Jay Shetty?

  Totally. Like it couldn't be done in a healthy way. You couldn't become wealthy in a healthy way, right? Something like that was kind of-

• 36:56Lewis Howes?

  What was the switch for you then, when you realized, "Oh no, like money is a good thing to make more of an impact and I actually need to focus on this or add, you know, overcome this fear."

• 37:06Jay Shetty?

  Well, I think being in a place where you're four months away from being broke-

• 37:09Lewis Howes?

  You're like, "I didn't make some money."

• 37:10Jay Shetty?

  You, you realized that fear doesn't help you be creative. So your creativity actually shrinks. When you're under immense pressure and fear.

• 37:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:21Jay Shetty?

  Because creativity, of course creativity also comes from pain. But creativity also needs abundance to to really flourish.

• 37:30Lewis Howes?

  That's true. You have a great part in your, you have a great chapter or section in your book that says, follow the pain in your heart. And it sounds like you had a pain in your heart, like, I gotta pay for rent and I've got this creative endeavor that I really want to take on. And so you went all in on that.

• 37:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. The fear now that I think that I'm, I'm really, I theoretically understand, but I'm still working on.

• 37:51Lewis Howes?

  You haven't done.

• 37:52Jay Shetty?

  That I haven't done yet is I wish I could talk to every person that followed me on social and share my heart with them. Like, I wish, my fear is that people don't understand my heart. And theoretically, I know that no one will ever fully understand me. And so I have to be able to let go of that. But I think it's hard, like you said, when you're living a public life and you want to be able to share your truth with people and you want everyone to understand you. Like, for example, if me and you were talking, we can give each other time of day to understand each other.

• 38:30Lewis Howes?

  Yes. Context, conversation, a back and forth.

• 38:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, depth and like reflection. But when you have, even if you have a video or you have a podcast, speaking to someone one-on-one is a totally different experience. That's why podcasts work. Because even though we know other people are gonna hear this, really, it's a conversation between us.

• 38:50Lewis Howes?

  What is the thing that you really wish people understood about you, about your heart? If you had sixty seconds or two minutes to share that direct to your audience.

• 38:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Lewis Howes?

  What would you say that's, you really want them to hear?

• 39:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'd say that I'd want people to know that my intention has always been to serve. It always will be. That's the place I come from. And that I try my best every single day to do what I love in a way that can help other people grow.

• 39:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:22Jay Shetty?

  And that. I'm not perfect. Uh, I, I'm, I don't have it all figured out. But I'm learning along the way and I'm sharing what I've learned.

• 39:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:33Jay Shetty?

  And that to me is, you know, that to me is probably in 62nd version.

• 39:37Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 39:38Jay Shetty?

  What would you say yours is? What would you say?

• 39:39Lewis Howes?

  Well, I think it's a lot of pressure for, especially since you're a monk, you probably have more pressure because people assume that like you're supposed to be this perfect spiritual. I don't know, I'm just making an assumption, but that might be part of the pressure. And I think people need to understand that we're all human beings just trying to like figure it out. And, and I know your heart and I know what you've been through and I know the challenges and things you've overcome. And I think it's, it's unfortunate that anyone with any size of an audience has a pressure to be perfect with everything in their life. And there's so much happening in the world right now where they're just canceling everyone, where it seems like it's exhausting. Like you have to be perfect. And that's why people are more afraid than ever to be vulnerable. Because it's just another thing to knock people down.

• 40:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Well, that's what I was gonna ask you. Has there ever been a time where you felt you were vulnerable and open? Where actually you found people took advantage of it or distanced themselves from you? Or have you always found that vulnerability has acted in this superpower? And there's no right or wrong answer. I really wanna know, like, have you always found that vulnerability? And then, and then what is that vulnerability if that's the case? How was it done artfully?

• 40:46Lewis Howes?

  Um, the first thing that's coming up is, I was really worried. I didn't think people would receive me for opening up about sexual trauma. I didn't think they would, I thought they would like say nasty things or whatever, distance themselves. But it was like the complete opposite where that vulnerability really... And again, I wasn't doing it for some type of marketing strategy. I was just like, I need to get this off my chest and I wanted to share it. Um, gosh, I'm trying to think of like being vulnerable, a time where it didn't work. I feel like it always works out. I think, uh, you know, a year and a half ago, I was going through a breakup. And that was a very vulnerable time for me because I had people that didn't have the full context

• 41:29Lewis Howes?

  and weren't actually reaching out to me to ask me questions. They were just making assumptions. And that was more of a painful challenge to go through of realizing, oh, here's who my real friends are. And here's who people who have just like always taken for years. But when I'm going through something where they don't really know what's going on, they make assumptions and they don't become vulnerable with me. So that was like a moment where I was like, man, that kind of sucks that, you know, but it was also great in the fact that I learned who my friends were. Yeah. And so it was like, I got to purge a lot of people and you were really instrumental and helped me like, you know, people are going to come and go. You can't hold on to relationships and you don't want to hold on to a relationship if they're single sided, or if they're judgmental,

• 42:12Lewis Howes?

  or if they're whatever righteous about something without actually taking the time to be thoughtful, ask questions, listen with an open heart and hear what's actually really going on. And I think that was a, that was a time where I was like, it's hard in the moment when you're in it, but I kept saying to myself, I'm going to have hindsight now, hindsight now, hindsight now. But the end of this year, it's New Year's Eve, like I'm going to be in a completely different place and this is all going to be happening. That's powerful. It's all going to be happening and serving me in a much greater way. That's going to set me up for something that I would never been able to do in the future. And I feel like the adversity that we go through sets us up for incredible things, but it's so

• 42:57Lewis Howes?

  hard to see it and go through it in that moment. But by the end of that year, I was with a woman, the woman of my dreams. I was purged relationships that were takers of me for years, just wanting me to promote them and help them and make introductions who were only single sided. I purged these judgmental people out of my life. I developed deeper relationships with the people I had who were there for me, you being one of them, and I freed myself of the need to please other people. Yeah. And that was a, that was another fear of mine, which is like, I want everyone to like me. I want everyone to understand me, kind of like you. It's like, ah, but they, if they actually knew what was really happening, they would know what's going on in my heart

• 43:38Lewis Howes?

  and all these things. But, and so when I freed myself of that, it was like, I'm in a, I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. And I'll tell you why. She's the woman of my dreams.

• 43:53Lewis Howes?

  Yet if we broke up tomorrow, I'd be okay. Because I'm such at peace knowing that this is happening for me and she's in my life for a reason right now. And hopefully it lasts a long time, but if it doesn't, for whatever reason, we weren't supposed to force it. And it's setting me up for something that I learned to use in the next relationship or the next part of my life. And I've never been in a I'm getting chills right now because I've never been in a relationship where I've been able to say like, I'd be okay if it didn't work out. And that's why I stayed in relationships too long because I was too afraid to let it go and feel alone and feel insecure. And I'm just like, if she broke up with me, or if we decided he wasn't

• 44:34Lewis Howes?

  the right fit, I'd be at peace because I'm not attached. This is something you taught me is about really being unattached to the outcome, like being unattached to whatever it looks like. And knowing that if I keep focusing on my heart, if I keep focusing on giving, if I keep focusing on growing, if I keep focusing on loving people and loving myself, then I'm going to reject and attract the right things in my life, whether it be my relationships intimately, business partnerships, friends, you're going to repel people that don't want to be in that energy and you're going to be a magnet to beautiful things. And that's why like in the first time in my life in my mind, I'm like,

• 45:15Lewis Howes?

  my mind is calm and my heart is at peace because I'm not attached to something needing to look a certain way. It feels beautiful.

• 45:23Jay Shetty?

  What a beautiful place to be, man.

• 45:25Lewis Howes?

  I'd be sad. Listen, I don't want to end the relationship. I'd be sad. I'd be like, okay, I'm sure there'll be some grieving, but I just like, I feel like I've been through so many hard things in my life emotionally, internally, that I'm like, I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm alive. I'm here. And it's actually, it's almost like that thing that didn't work out pushed me up higher to the next greater thing. And that relationship taught me this lesson that's allowed me to do this thing. This person is getting me to actually learn Spanish, which has been something I want to do for 20 years. And this person got me to open my heart and talk about sexual abuse. And it's like, it's all helping me and serve me to then serve and give more energy to the world. And I think that's what people need to look at is like,

• 46:09Lewis Howes?

  the challenge that I'm facing right now, the adversity you're facing, whether it be COVID, a relationship, you're, you lost your job. Like, you need to look at this as the greatest gift of your life because it is. If you look at it as the greatest adversity, then you'll stay in that space for much longer. Until you realize this is a beautiful gift and it's serving me. Where do I find the lesson? And how can I lean into the lesson and grow from there?

• 46:33Jay Shetty?

  That is beautiful, man. Well said. Like, that is truly, you're speaking to our hearts right now. Like, that is such a beautiful place to live, it sounds like.

• 46:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:42Jay Shetty?

  Because it is a complete relationship with yourself.

• 46:46Lewis Howes?

  Gosh.

• 46:46Jay Shetty?

  First, which is what you started with.

• 46:49Lewis Howes?

  I think the most interesting relationship we have is the relationship we have with ourself. Or source, or God, or higher power. But I think the, the self-image we have, like, I remember looking in the mirror as a kid and not loving myself. And if, if you can look in the mirror without narcissism, but actually like pure love for all that you've had to overcome, all that you've been through, all you've accomplished, your way of being, how you've been kind to human beings and kind to yourself. And if you can fully look in the mirror and say, I love you, and I'm grateful for you, and I'm proud of you. Those are three of the most incredible things that a person could say. Because most people can't say those things today. I bet if you're listening or watching this right now,

• 47:34Lewis Howes?

  that there's a lot of people that can't look themselves in the mirror, take their clothes off, down to their underwear and say, I love you, I'm proud of you, and...

• 47:45Lewis Howes?

  You matter, right? Those three things are probably things that is hard. Maybe you love some things, but you don't love everything. And I, there's a lot I want to work on. I'm not perfect. There's a lot of flaws, but it's like, at the end of the day, I ask myself, did I show up and do the best I could like you? Did I give to the best that I could? And am I following my mission, my purpose? You know, and think like a monk, you give a clear outline of how to discover and follow your purpose. Without a purpose, we are really feeling lost and we're going to feel like we're never enough because we're chasing a bunch of things that aren't the mission. So that's why I keep going back to your book, because I think it's really like the handbook for living a great life for people.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  That if, you know, I got an early copy, so I feel blessed to be able to like learn this stuff now and apply it to my life, but you know, it wasn't until a few years ago when I really was able to look at myself in the mirror and say like, I'm proud of you. And I love you and you matter. And I think that's sad, but also exciting at the same time, because I think if people can learn that quicker, they're just going to have much more peace in their heart, and that's what we all need.

• 48:54Jay Shetty?

  Lewis Howes, man, this is literally everything you're saying today is just like, it's hitting the heart.

• 48:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:00Jay Shetty?

  Like I'm hearing you speak today and we speak often, so I'm used to having conversations with you. We always have like three, four hour conversations, whether we're walking or sitting. But everything you're saying today is like going straight to the heart. Like it's just decluttering for me.

• 49:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Jay Shetty?

  And so I'm hoping that everyone who's listening or watching right now, you're listening to Lewis going, I need more of this guy in my life because he's so clear, so crystal clear. And, and I can tell that it's because you've done the work over the last few years. Like this isn't just, see, saying those things that

• 49:31Lewis Howes?

  Not just theory.

• 49:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's not theory and it's also not just reading the lines, right? You're not just saying that to yourself in the mirror to say it to yourself.

• 49:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:41Jay Shetty?

  You're doing the internal work to be able to say that to yourself in a genuine, authentic way.

• 49:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:47Jay Shetty?

  With the understanding still that you want to grow.

• 49:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And listen, I'm not in front of the mirror every day saying these things to myself.

• 49:52Jay Shetty?

  You're not?

• 49:52Lewis Howes?

  No, I'm not like, I'm not like in my underwear, but, but I've done it before.

• 49:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 49:57Lewis Howes?

  And I think you need to ask, it could be a reflective question. Could I stand in front of the mirror?

• 50:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:01Lewis Howes?

  And look at myself and every day. I, I think about something every day that is, you know, I don't meditate every day, although I try to, you know, I wish I was as disciplined as you, two hours in the morning, but I, I do about a 15 minute meditation almost daily. Called the soul sync that's really worked for me, but every day, it might just be a few minutes, but every day I think about the greatest version of myself. What is like the greatest version of Lewis Howes look like? And if he was from a distance, walking towards me. If I could soak that in for 10 seconds, the way he walked, his posture, his energy, his aura, his love.

• 50:42Lewis Howes?

  What would I be feeling? What would I be experiencing? I try to imagine myself, the greatest perfect version of myself walking towards me and then staring me straight in the eyes. And I try to imagine what are the things that I'm not doing? That are not getting me closer to that right now. How can I eliminate those things? What are the things I am doing that's going to get me closer? How can I do more of those things? And I'm a big visual guy. So for me, visualization allows me to paint a picture in my mind and then, and hopefully apply it in the real world by taking action. But I try to, that's my meditation. It's like, what's, what's holding me back? What's missing? And what is that greatest version of me have when he walks close to me?

• 51:25Lewis Howes?

  And I think if we look at our lives like that, where we start to imagine, what could I do? Not that I'm ever going to reach that, but what could I be doing better? And I'm by closer every single day to that great image of myself that I want to be. The thing that makes me proud, that makes me feel like I matter and that I love myself. And I think it's a, it's a powerful technique that I use daily to, to help me get there.

• 51:49Jay Shetty?

  Dude, that's so powerful.

• 51:50Lewis Howes?

  It's fun.

• 51:51Jay Shetty?

  That's so powerful.

• 51:52Lewis Howes?

  It's fun.

• 51:52Jay Shetty?

  Because visualize it, most of us are visual thinkers, or at least the ones of us that are, and all of us love visuals, whether it's movies or music videos or, and you're so right that when you start to see it clearly in your mind, and you've always talked about this. I've heard you talk about this on Ellen. I've heard you talk about this on multiple interviews where you always talk about like, it starts with the dream.

• 52:13Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 52:14Jay Shetty?

  But it's like, the dream is something you have to see first.

• 52:16Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 52:17Jay Shetty?

  Right? And that is what a dream is. When you go to sleep and you dream, it means you saw something. And that's where it starts. And I want to start here by talking about something that you've got that started as a dream, that started as a visual in your mind, that now is about to reach its 1,000th episode.

• 52:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:34Jay Shetty?

  Which is your podcast, The School of Greatness, which is what the first book was based on. For those of you who haven't read it, this is Lewis's first ever book, New York Times bestselling author of this book, The School of Greatness. But you're on your 1,000th episode.

• 52:49Lewis Howes?

  Crazy, man. Yeah, I wanted, you know, I remember as I started to go through my healing process, seven and a half, eight years ago, I had an idea. I was like, I just want to interview great minds. And because I'm learning from so many great people, I was a great networker, and I would get a seat at the table, and I would get a one on one call with them. And I was like, man, I just wish everyone could hear the information that they're sharing. And I always thought I was asking the dumbest questions when I would talk to them, like the most basic dumb questions. But for whatever reason, they were like, so grateful that I asked them. And I was like, God, but I just feel like no, everyone would make fun of me if I asked these questions. So I had, you know, I was like, I feel like I'm doing a disservice by getting all this knowledge and not sharing

• 53:31Lewis Howes?

  with other people, my dumb questions, right? And I was like, I just want to launch a show. This was way before podcasts was popular. 2012, I had the idea. And I was like, I want to launch this show, I want to do it once a week. And I had one episode with one listener to start. And now we're 250 million downloads, 1,000 episodes in. And I didn't know what would, what would happen from the dream. It was just like, I just want to create this thing and start it. And I want to do it for a year. It was an experiment, just like everything else. Because I wasn't a polished interviewer. I didn't have radio skills. I wasn't like an on camera host. I was none of that. But I was like, this is an experiment to overcome fears, to put myself out there, and allow people to hear me ask dumb questions. And

• 54:13Lewis Howes?

  hopefully, based on me learning, they can learn. And I think a lot of people that Have a dream of doing something, they're just wrapped up in so much fear that if you could just get it started and be consistent, you'll see so many beautiful things that come from it. I never knew I would launch a book from the podcast, or the second book, or a live event, or coaching, or court, like I didn't, they all stem from people saying, we want more, can you create something else?

• 54:39Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 54:40Lewis Howes?

  Same thing with you, you probably never knew when I, I'm gonna do these videos once a month and inspire people, you never knew that you would have this book that is going to be a number one New York Times bestseller, international phenomenon, I'm calling it now before it comes out. You didn't know you'd have a podcast that's now one of the top 50 in the world on iTunes. You didn't know these things would come, come from it, but you had a dream of like, I just want to create videos and inspire people. And because you leaned into your, your talent, your skillset of being like a great learner, from your, your education years to monk life, to then being a great teacher, and your love for movies and creativity and putting it into your creation in a unique and different way,

• 55:24Lewis Howes?

  you had the trifecta, the perfect storm that allowed you to share your gift with the world, and it worked. And so you kept leaning into it. And then because of that impact, okay, you're gonna have this book, the podcast, TV shows, movies, like whatever you want to do is gonna happen. But if you never overcame the fear of putting out that first video, and then the fear of success of doing it consistently, you wouldn't have the rest of this.

• 55:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think about that all the time. I consistently think about what my life would be if I listened to the rejections and the failures and didn't put that first video out. And I wonder how you would feel. And by the way, anyone who's listening or watching right now, you can tell that Lewis is a really good interviewer because he keeps making it about the other person. And that shows you why he's such a brilliant interviewer. Like, it's like, why are we talking about me again? Why, why do we keep talking about me? And I'm not trying to make it about me at all, but this is Lewis, this is why he's such a great interviewer. And when I, you know, me and Lewis, we've interviewed a couple of people together or been at tables where Lewis is asking questions, I actually believe that you ask the best questions.

• 56:26Jay Shetty?

  Like, when you ask a question, it's often a question I've never even thought of, and I definitely don't think it's stupid, but, but there's a depth to the way you answer because you really want to hear the, you really want to learn.

• 56:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Jay Shetty?

  And, and you have that, and I remember my, my, one of my monk teachers teaching me that, he said that if you ever feel you gave a good class, Or if you ever failed that you feel that you gave a good sermon or a lecture, he should, you should always remember that it is because of the sincerity and eagerness of the audience. And he said that if you felt that you delivered, it's because that audience was so receptive to hear.

• 57:07Lewis Howes?

  It's like we've both been at conferences where we've spoken where the audiences were not engaged. And you might've been like, I'm up here dancing like a monkey, freaking sweating, jumping around, telling the best stories ever. And it feels like cricket still and, and everyone's on their phone. And you're like, but when you go into a, a room where it's just like, they're just sitting on the other seat because they're just excited to hear you, whatever reason the context was set up. You're just like, you can say whatever, they laugh in a moment. It's probably like a comedian where it's like, you know, you go into a comedy club.

• 57:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:36Lewis Howes?

  And if they're not receptive, you gotta work.

• 57:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:38Lewis Howes?

  Doesn't matter if you do your best stuff, it's about the audience.

• 57:40Jay Shetty?

  But you're that guy, you're, you're that receptive audience always.

• 57:44Lewis Howes?

  I love to learn from everyone. You have a, I think you have a chapter in your book on how to learn from everyone. And it's, I've been, I, as the, this is one of my, I guess, as I reflect back, like every adversity is for us. If we find a lesson in it, I just felt like, why am I so stupid? Like every year in class, I never got above the bottom four in our, in our grade cards. So they used to rank us, I don't know if they did this in London, but they used to rank our grade cards. And I never dropped or never got past the bottom four ever, ever, from what I, my memory. And I remember just, it was just a confirmation of how stupid I am. It was just like, well, you suck. It doesn't matter how many tutors, how many special needs classes you're in, you're never going to be smart.

• 58:30Lewis Howes?

  It was like the story, but I was like, ah, but I feel like if I observe people differently, and if I learn to connect with people in a different way, and if I ask different questions and I just observe human behavior, people will still want to connect with me, not based on how smart I am or my grade card, but because I just care. And I remember hearing the quote, it was from Roosevelt, that was, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. And I heard that as a teenager and I was like, I have a chance, like in this life, because I'm never going to know as much as anyone else. I'm always going to be the dumbest person in every room. And in fact, I try to be.

• 59:11Lewis Howes?

  And yet, it's not a competition of who's smarter, who's not, and it's not a competition of who cares more or not, but just showing that you do care is always going to be to your advantage.

• 59:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely, man, absolutely. But I want to do a quick activity with you with the thousand podcast.

• 59:28Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 59:28Jay Shetty?

  I'm nowhere near, so I can't imagine.

• 59:30Lewis Howes?

  What do you want right now?

• 59:31Jay Shetty?

  I think we're on like, what, we're nearly reached one and a half years. So, and we do two a week.

• 59:37Lewis Howes?

  Yes, 150, is that right?

• 59:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly, yes.

• 59:39Lewis Howes?

  170, okay.

• 59:41Jay Shetty?

  A little like 10th or a fifth of what you've done.

• 59:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:44Jay Shetty?

  So when you look at a thousand episodes, and I really do want to focus on this because, you know, you wrote a whole book about the podcast with, with interviews.

• 59:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:53Jay Shetty?

  I, I want to focus in on a few, and, and I know it's not going to be an easy exercise because you know what's coming. But, but the reason why I'm going to ask these questions is because I want to hear how much these are not just questions for you, they're really like you're in your own classroom.

• 1:00:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Jay Shetty?

  Like, you know, you, we're in Lewis's classroom, which is the school of greatness.

• 1:00:14Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 1:00:14Jay Shetty?

  Which is what's so beautiful about the name, because it's almost a school you didn't have, the school I didn't have, and the school no one has.

• 1:00:21Lewis Howes?

  School I wish I had.

• 1:00:22Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And so you've created that. So let's start with, who do you think in your podcast would have made a brilliant school teacher? Which guest would have made like the best school teacher that you would have wanted?

• 1:00:34Lewis Howes?

  I mean, that's pretty easy. I think you would have been the best because, because you were a teacher and you struck, I'm not just saying this because you're here, you're probably the first one I'd have thought of, even if you didn't say that, but because you just know how to structure challenging things into easy concepts. And for me, that's what I'm always trying to bridge the gap from. This is a challenging idea, concept. I don't understand this. So let me find the expert who can make it simple, and then I can ask a question, dissect it and say, okay, so you're telling me that if we just do this, this, and this, we'll be happy, right? It's like, how can I solve these problems? And so I think you do such a brilliant job of showing it through visual and through

• 1:01:14Lewis Howes?

  quotes and through your own experience to make it something we can see, feel, and experience as a teacher. So I think you're, you're one of the best. Let me think, I mean, Brene Brown, because she is a teacher.

• 1:01:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:29Lewis Howes?

  She's a professor.

• 1:01:30Jay Shetty?

  Professor.

• 1:01:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, so I think she is great of, of that.

• 1:01:37Lewis Howes?

  This guy I just had on, Dr. Ivan Joseph, who's a sports psychologist, professor. I think he's brilliant. I've had a lot of professors off of Harvard and stuff like that. But the non-teacher, I think you, um, yeah, Brene, but she's a teacher.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company for me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and the revenant.

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  What would happen if I stopped going? You stop, you freeze to death. That's what.

• 1:02:11Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:02:14Speaker 04

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17.9. Without parent.

• 1:02:20Jay Shetty?

  The next question is, who has taught you the most, and what is it, the most fascinating relationship lesson? So who have you had on that's really given you a relationship insight?

• 1:02:31Lewis Howes?

  The first thing that comes to mind is Rob Bell, who is a, I don't know if you know who he is. He's like a spiritual pastor.

• 1:02:37Jay Shetty?

  I know who he is, but I've never met him.

• 1:02:39Lewis Howes?

  I've had him on a few times and I'm, every time he comes on, I feel like he speaks to my heart. He told me about relationships and marriage. I'm probably going to butcher it, but he was like, you create love in the space between when you guys are together. It's not when you're together where love is created. It's the space between when you're thinking about the person. And it made, it reminded me of a quote by, I think it was Yo-Yo Ma, who said like, harmony is in between the notes. Like in music, it's like, it's a harmony is made in between the notes, right? It's like, that's where the music is actually heard in between the notes. And I think when he said that, it connected me to that. I was like, yeah, it's interesting

• 1:03:22Lewis Howes?

  that love is like this, the space you have apart. And that might be like 30 minutes or days, but it's a space in between. That was really insightful and I'm probably butchering it, but it was.

• 1:03:33Jay Shetty?

  No, that's beautiful, man.

• 1:03:35Lewis Howes?

  And I really remember when I had Matthew Hussey on, I've had him on a couple of times. He said,

• 1:03:43Lewis Howes?

  You know, the key to finding someone great, someone you love, like your soulmate, the person you really want to be with, is to write a list of all the things that you want in that person, and then go become all those things. So it's like, in order to find the person of your dreams, become the person of your dreams, and you'll attract them. So I thought that was really cool, of just like, taking accountability for your own life. And you see, like, all these people talking about, like, online dating, like, the profiles people put on there are like, you need to be this, and you need, it's talking about the other people, like, what they're looking for, and don't be this. But it's like, are you those things? Or are you just expecting someone else? So always becoming a better version of yourself in relationships.

• 1:04:28Jay Shetty?

  I love that. These are already great ones. Like, I mean, that, both of those are beautiful, but that first one especially about how love is created when you're not together.

• 1:04:36Lewis Howes?

  The space between.

• 1:04:37Jay Shetty?

  I mean, that, that's, that's really like, I'm gonna have to take that and meditate on that.

• 1:04:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, my girlfriend's, you know, at home right now, she's not here.

• 1:04:44Jay Shetty?

  She's in Mexico.

• 1:04:45Lewis Howes?

  She's in Mexico right now, and you learn about, like, how deep is your love? Are you getting distracted because they're not there? Are you paying more attention? You know, are you proud of yourself for the actions you take when they don't see you? So I'm, I'm thinking of those things more and more, and I think it could be easy to be excited when you're together, but then when you have time apart, out of sight, out of mind, do you still care and think about that person? Do you still show up with details and attention and love and commitment and compassion? Because it tests you when you have a lot of time apart. And so, it's, uh, yeah, it's a beautiful test.

• 1:05:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what it, what it says to me also, in agreement with everything you said, is, is also like, I feel like real friends are people that, even if you don't see them for some time.

• 1:05:34Lewis Howes?

  It could be years.

• 1:05:35Jay Shetty?

  It could be years, you just pick up where you left off. Because the relationship was so strong in the in-between, the space in-between didn't affect it, because you care about that person, you get their heart, and I have friends like that, back in London, that I know that even if we don't talk for months, and right now, I haven't been back to England for like, seven, eight months.

• 1:05:53Lewis Howes?

  Pick right back up.

• 1:05:53Jay Shetty?

  But you can just pick it back up, and I love that statement, I think there's so much truth in that. Okay, great.

• 1:05:57Lewis Howes?

  One more thing on relationships, unless you want to cut me off. I just did an interview with a guy named Stefan Speaks, who, who shared a, who shared a concept, that I believe you shared something very similar in one of our interviews. Where he said, he said three things. I asked him about three things. I said, chemistry, connection, compatibility. And you've talked about chemistry and compatibility before, and I think chemistry. But I said, can you be in a relationship? Can it work long term where you're truly fulfilled? Without one of these things. And he said, yes, compatibility. You don't need compatibility to be fully like magnets. He's like, but you can't do it with just

• 1:06:41Lewis Howes?

  connection and compatibility alone. You need chemistry. Otherwise, it's a different type of relationship. It's just like, you need the chemistry because connection. He was like, connection can be, like, you can get a group of people, a sports team together, and they may not like each other, but you can teach them how to build connection, like to work together. They may not be compatible, but you can teach that and they can be successful. Uh, but in an intimate relationship, you need chemistry. You need to be drawn to each other. You can't just say, and this is why you hear all these people say, these girls say, gosh, he looked great on paper. Like, he checked every box off my list. He was the perfect guy. But there was just something missing that sparked that chemistry.

• 1:07:24Lewis Howes?

  And it's, you can make it work, but you're never going to be truly like, this is the person I want to be with. Because of chemistry. So that was interesting of, of his perspective on it, that you need chemistry and connection. You don't necessarily need compatibility, because sometimes the opposites attract and you can, if you have chemistry, you'll sacrifice and go to the ballet if you don't want to. You'll, you'll watch a movie in Spanish because you, you love your partner. It's, if you don't have chemistry, you're more resentful of trying to do more for that person. Because you don't have the chemistry. You're just like, okay, well, I have to do this.

• 1:08:01Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 1:08:01Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to, of course, I would love to do this because I love it. We have so much chemistry. So that was his perspective. I thought that was interesting.

• 1:08:08Jay Shetty?

  I love that. This is, this is great, by the way. Okay. Now, the next one that I want to ask you is, who has given you the best money and finance masterclass advice? I know you've had some incredible, like, fun, like, the meet and.

• 1:08:22Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, man, it's, the first thing that came to mind is Sarah Blakely and Grant Cardone.

• 1:08:31Lewis Howes?

  There's a lot of them, but those just popped in my mind. Sarah Blakely said something interesting to me. She said, for years, I think it was seven years, she was working as a door to door fax machine or copy machine salesperson, where she would go to offices, knock on the door and say, I'm selling you this fax machine. Seven years, I think it was how long it was. She had an idea to do this legging thing for women called Spanx. And she said, the idea would have never happened without my dad asking me a question every day. When I'd come home from school and at the dinner table, she said, my dad would ask me, what did you fail at today?

• 1:09:13Lewis Howes?

  And she wouldn't really be celebrated unless she failed at something. And her dad instilling that in her said, I would not have gone and kept failing at this idea. I would have kept my job and been door to door for probably 30 years or whatever. But because I had this idea of it's, it's all learning, it's not failure. That allowed me to grow. And now she's a self made billionaire. So that is kind of a mindset thing. And I would say, I think money is all about mindset. Grant Cardone, when I had him on, he had a fund that was like a hundred million dollar fund that he turned into 1.3 billion, I think in the next year and a half. And I had him on again and I challenged him. I said, why are you not at a billion dollars when you had a hundred million?

• 1:09:55Lewis Howes?

  And I said, what would it take for you to get there if you needed to get there in the next few months? He's like, it's just not possible. It's not possible to go that fast, that big, that fast. And I go, but what would it take if you had to, if your life was on the line, your kid's life or whatever? Like if there was a way, what would that way be? And I remember sitting there just being like, kind of frustrated that I was asking the question, but also like, he was like, okay. Well, and he starts thinking he's unlocking his mind like if I had to do it, what would I do? Well, I would find this person, I would do this. He just started unlocking something new. And it was almost like he never thought of that would be possible that quick. That he didn't allow his mind to imagine the possibilities.

• 1:10:40Lewis Howes?

  So I truly believe that money is all around imagination and mindset. Cause I never was, never thought I'd be an entrepreneur. I never thought I would make any money. I was like, I'm going to get a job and I'll just take whatever people give me. I was like, why would anyone ever give me money? A lot of it was I just didn't believe in myself and I didn't think I had skills that I could package and sell. And once I shifted that and just started learning about money more and what it really is, I was like, okay, this isn't that hard. Once you get past that initial, like someone giving you a hundred dollars. Then I was like, oh, I can do this over and over again. And how do I multiply? So I'd say those two ideas.

• 1:11:16Jay Shetty?

  Those are brilliant, man. This is great. Everyone's getting recommendations. So we've already had recommendations of Matthew Hussey, Rob Bell, Stefan Speaks episode, Grant Cardone, Sarah Blakely, like these are all great recommendations of episodes to go and listen to right now. Anyone who's listening or watching and is asking questions about relationships, money. For me, it's like, I always think of like the three biggest decisions we make in our life are how we feel about ourselves, who we give our love to, and what we do for money. Like those are three biggest decisions you're gonna make.

• 1:11:47Lewis Howes?

  See, you just do a great way of framing everything, you know, it's like, so what was the first one?

• 1:11:51Jay Shetty?

  The first one is how we feel about ourself, like what you said.

• 1:11:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:54Jay Shetty?

  Like that's one of the biggest decisions you make. The second one is who you give your love to and who you get love from. And the third one is what you do for money. And the fourth one is how you serve the world. Who have you interviewed that you think has really found a unique or different way? Cause I know you've interviewed like philanthropists and charity people, like is there been anyone who like?

• 1:12:14Lewis Howes?

  I would say I would add a fifth one to that.

• 1:12:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Lewis Howes?

  What do you do to take care of your health?

• 1:12:19Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:12:19Lewis Howes?

  Like mental and physical health, like how are you taking care of your physical body to have the energy to then?

• 1:12:23Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:12:24Lewis Howes?

  Give love and receive love, but sorry to cut that question off.

• 1:12:26Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, that's good. No, it's good. So those, actually, let's do both those questions. So who's given the best advice around service and making a difference in the world? Not just advice, but someone who may be doing something really amazing.

• 1:12:38Lewis Howes?

  Adam Braun for me is someone I think of instantly. He Had the idea to honor his grandmother, who was a Holocaust survivor and say, I wanted to do something good in the world. I want to build a school for kids. I want to help kids in need. I want to honor my grandmother by having it named after her, the school. He built one school and now I think they've built, I don't know, three or four hundred schools. And when I interviewed him, just his way of thinking about service was so much greater than me at the time. I was just like, man, his life is truly on purpose. Like, this is the essence of on purpose, is Adam Braun and his commitment to serving

• 1:13:19Lewis Howes?

  his cause, which was education for all. Because he believed that educate, we're educated, we can make better decisions, we can have better tools, resources, we can help our family, help ourselves. And there's so many people that aren't educated in the world. So.

• 1:13:32Jay Shetty?

  And you've been out to Guatemala?

• 1:13:33Lewis Howes?

  I've been to Guatemala four times. I've been to Ghana once. I've been to Laos once to build schools and just be a part of it. And I've been doing it for seven, eight years now. So, you know, we can't solve every problem in the world. There's a lot of causes that we could serve. And I think we have to find out what lights us up. Like, the pain in our heart, I go back to your book, like, find the pain in your heart and lean into that. For me, being in a school that didn't work for me is painful. Like, school is a painful thing. So how do I make it fun?

• 1:14:04Jay Shetty?

  That's the podcast.

• 1:14:05Lewis Howes?

  And how do I give back to kids who just don't even have a structure or a teacher in their setting? Like, who don't speak my language? How can I serve in that way? And so that's why I was drawn to Pense the Promise and Adam and how he's just like such on a mission for it. So for me, I think that's pretty inspiring. Yeah.

• 1:14:25Jay Shetty?

  I love that, man. And then you added the fifth one, which I agree with. Who's given you the most interesting, like, physical wellbeing insight? Because you've been an athlete, you are an athlete.

• 1:14:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:35Jay Shetty?

  You've consistently, you understand your body really well. You know, you, you love taking your body to the extreme.

• 1:14:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:42Jay Shetty?

  Who's, and your mind too, who in the podcast has given you like, physical health advice or insight that kind of changed the way you saw?

• 1:14:50Lewis Howes?

  I had someone recently, Dr. Rhonda Patrick, who is really inspiring. She's been

• 1:14:56Lewis Howes?

  She's like a human guinea pig. She wears like, I think it's like a glucose meter or something where she, everything she eats, she tracks like her blood levels to say like, okay, she's studying food and nutrition all day, looking at every research paper. So Rhonda Patrick was really inspiring. Mark Hyman, I've had on a few times. He's great. I think you've been interviewed too.

• 1:15:13Jay Shetty?

  Just two days ago.

• 1:15:14Lewis Howes?

  Oh, you did? Yeah, he's great. So Dr. Gundry is great. There's a lot of great experts out there.

• 1:15:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. What I love about your podcast is a thousand episodes is no small achievement. Like genuinely, like I'm glad that we're celebrating it together and I want this to be a celebration. Like I want everyone who's listening to this podcast to go and listen to an episode of Lewis's podcast. So everyone who's listening to this one, go and listen to an episode of Lewis.

• 1:15:41Lewis Howes?

  Go listen to the one that we did, the recent one.

• 1:15:44Jay Shetty?

  You can.

• 1:15:44Lewis Howes?

  It's pretty amazing because I feel like I get the best out of you.

• 1:15:47Jay Shetty?

  I mean, you, you got more out of me that day and we're doing a round two as well.

• 1:15:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:52Jay Shetty?

  It's amazing. And it was such a weird day too, but uh, but, but no, I really feel like the reason why I asked Lewis these questions is I wanted you to hear the breadth of guidance and the depth of audience and the fact that you've done a thousand episodes and you still remember insights and you did do well at school shows that you've built the school that you needed.

• 1:16:11Lewis Howes?

  Right. Well, when you're interested in topics and you find the right teacher and it inspires you, you're willing to retain more information. And I've, trust me, I've forgotten way more than I've remembered, but um,

• 1:16:24Jay Shetty?

  But that's what it's about.

• 1:16:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I think it's, I think something that I learned from you is like, we should always be learning. We should always be learning from everyone. We should always be learning from ourselves and what's working, what's not working. We should always be seeking different ways to learn, whether it be like, I'm going to discover, I'm going to listen to something new that I wouldn't normally do. I'm going to read a chapter in a book that I normally wouldn't read. I'm gonna, Go schedule a meeting with someone that I normally is not in my industry.

• 1:16:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:51Lewis Howes?

  And I think if we can learn in those ways, we're always going to be full of life. It's when we stop learning and start thinking we have it all figured out in our space or in our life and relationships. That's when we start to lose our life, but we become full of life and we have more knowledge and richness to it. So.

• 1:17:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Lewis Howes?

  You're a, you're a great mentor in the fact that like you have dedicated your life to learning. You know, you went, you, you went away to essentially stop normal life to go be a lifelong learner as a monk. And then you came back and you continue to do it. And then you share with the world, which is a beautiful life, man.

• 1:17:31Jay Shetty?

  Well, no, I, I thank you for paving the way for podcasts like mine, like genuinely like without the school of greatness. Being such a legacy podcast, like podcasts like mine that a newer wouldn't, you know, you, you're part of creating the community and audience of people aspiring to learn these things.

• 1:17:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:17:50Jay Shetty?

  Like you've been a part of that and, and that's not, you know, and, and whether you like hearing or not, I want, I wanted to know that.

• 1:17:56Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it.

• 1:17:56Jay Shetty?

  Because, you know, I used to watch you do your thing before we even knew each other.

• 1:18:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:18:02Jay Shetty?

  So I had seen your books. I had seen your work. I followed you on social media. I, you know, for me, it was like you were. And are a leader in this space and, and it paved the way for so many more people to do it.

• 1:18:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:16Jay Shetty?

  And, you know, you've interviewed everyone, like you said, from doctors to health experts to Kevin Hart and Kobe Bryant.

• 1:18:23Lewis Howes?

  Mike Tyson.

• 1:18:24Jay Shetty?

  Dennis Rodman, Mike Tyson, like, you know, the, the breadth of the people that you've interviewed and the depth, the Brené Browns and. You know, so many incredible guests, Brendan Burchard and so many other, other mutual friends. Like, I just feel like it takes a lot to keep going for something for this long and I.

• 1:18:43Lewis Howes?

  It's not easy.

• 1:18:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And I have so much.

• 1:18:46Lewis Howes?

  You've been doing it for a year and a half now. You know how much work it is just for.

• 1:18:48Jay Shetty?

  I mean, the podcast is potentially some of the hardest work.

• 1:18:51Lewis Howes?

  It's so much energy, time.

• 1:18:52Jay Shetty?

  So much energy and time and, and longevity is something that.

• 1:18:58Jay Shetty?

  You, it's not easy. It's so easy to run. And I've heard you say this before, like, you start a podcast for like six episodes and no one listens. So people close it down. Or you make videos for 10 and no one likes it. So you close it down. And you know, to keep going for a thousand episodes and to keep growing, like you just said to me, you know, we just had, I was saying to you, we just had our biggest month last month on the podcast. And you said, you just had, and it's like, the fact that after a thousand episodes, you're still having your biggest month, shows that you're doing something right.

• 1:19:29Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy, man. I just feel very grateful because it's something I still enjoy. And the moment I stop enjoying it is the moment I'll have to shift what I'm doing. Because I think, or you know, have someone else host it, whatever it may be. But I, I see myself wanting to do this for another five years because I was asking questions, dumb questions as a five year old, 15 year old, 25, 37 now. And I don't feel like I'm ever going to know the answers. I'm going to know some answers and I'm going to have some tools. There's always going to be a different tool or a different way to look at things. And as our society evolves, I mean, look at everything that's happened in Black Lives Matter and political world and as, as things just, our health with the coronavirus, like

• 1:20:11Lewis Howes?

  as things evolve and information becomes more accessible, we need to learn these things to evolve as a society. How can we be better human beings? How can we strengthen our bodies and our immune system? How can we heal ourselves when there's so much seeming trauma in the air? How do we protect our own inner thoughts? There's always going to be something we need to learn. And that's why I'm, I'm always going to be a humble student and servant.

• 1:20:38Jay Shetty?

  I love it, man. The perfection, perfection of life. That's the perfection of life.

• 1:20:42Lewis Howes?

  Be a humble servant, man, and a humble student.

• 1:20:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love it. Lewis, I want to give you your final five, which are the final five questions that we ask on, on purpose. And these are the fast five. So questions are usually answered with one word or one sentence.

• 1:20:56Lewis Howes?

  One word or one sentence.

• 1:20:58Jay Shetty?

  Correct. We'll probably go into a few of these answers because I know I'm going to love them and be interested. What are the top three questions that you think you ask a lot of guests that give you their heart? And how can people also ask those questions in their own life?

• 1:21:16Lewis Howes?

  It's usually before the interview. I ask everyone, is there anything off limits?

• 1:21:23Lewis Howes?

  And if they say no, then I say, then do I have permission to go anywhere and everywhere to make this the most powerful conversation you've ever had? To ground them. So asking people for permission, I think, is a great question. Do I have permission to ask you some challenging questions that are gonna help me and help us connect more? Do I have permission to maybe talk about stuff you would never talk about? Like, asking for permission, I think, is a powerful question. Second question, did I? I'm such an against the question of, what do you do? Where'd you go to school? What's your work? I'm just like, over that question, because I've been to so many networking events, and that's what I get all the time.

• 1:22:07Lewis Howes?

  That I try to just ask a question that most people would never think to hear or get when they meet someone new, which is, simple stuff, like, what are you most grateful for right now? What are you most excited about in your life right now? What's something you wish you were doing that you're not doing right now that would excite you? Any one of those three gets people to like, stop, pause, and they must always look up.

• 1:22:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:30Lewis Howes?

  Huh. Because they have to search for it.

• 1:22:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:33Lewis Howes?

  It's not a quick response, oh, I'm in marketing, I'm in this IT, I'm whatever. It's, let me connect to like, a higher source to my heart, to like, and dream for a second. If you get people to dream and connect to their heart, they're always gonna get deeper into the relationship, and deeper into the conversation, that by the end of this five, 10 minute conversation, they're gonna go away saying, that's the most interesting person I've met today. And you didn't have to say anything. You don't have to show off, you don't have to talk about yourself, you just have to ask a better question. So that would be the second one. The third one, um, what are you most proud of in your life? I think people really like to... Think about the things they're proud of and also things about what they're not proud of.

• 1:23:18Lewis Howes?

  So get them focused on how they can become better. So those three things.

• 1:23:22Jay Shetty?

  I love those, man. Okay, so number one challenge, very much listening or watching right now. I want you to ask those three questions of someone in your life.

• 1:23:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:28Jay Shetty?

  Cause they're such easy questions to ask. And actually even the permission question is so beautiful because it's going to allow that person to open up to you.

• 1:23:36Lewis Howes?

  To be more vulnerable.

• 1:23:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna improve vulnerability in your life.

• 1:23:41Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:23:41Jay Shetty?

  So everyone, I want you to find one person this week that you're gonna ask those three questions to because they're beautiful. Okay, great. Uh, second question for you is what do, what is something in life that you're certain about that you think other people would disagree with you on?

• 1:23:57Lewis Howes?

  I mean, something I grew up in, which is a, a philosophy, a religion, a mindset that, um, two things. One, I grew up in a religion called Christian Science, which is actually the same religion that Ellen grew up in. Her, her dad passed away a couple of years ago and he was a Christian scientist till the day he died. She did a nice little memorial on TV talking about it. But Ellen had some challenges in the religion because, um, extreme Christian scientists, I would say, do not support like same-sex relationships.

• 1:24:31Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 1:24:31Lewis Howes?

  So I think there was some challenge there that was really like, uh, struggling for her. And I'm no longer, let's say, you know, in the religion per se, but I believe in some of the philosophies that it taught me early on. I don't believe with all of it, but there's some of it. Number one is we are just an idea. We are thoughts and we are spiritual thoughts. And we can heal the physical body through spiritual thought. So that's one thing, idea that I think people would say, well, I don't agree with that because we're matter and this and the.

• 1:25:06Lewis Howes?

  And um, my grandfather used to tell me that Christian Science also stands for CS, the letters also stand for common sense. And that if you are in pain, if you've broken something, you know, go to the hospital, get it set, take medicine if you need to, so you can get back to a place of a peaceful mind and then heal yourself with your thoughts. Yeah. So it's funny coming back and doing the podcast now, hearing guys like Joe Dispenza and Marissa Peer and all these other great and yourself talking about like it's all in the thought, it's in the mind, it's in like how you think about yourself and how you reflect about yourself and your imagination. That I'm like, this is all stuff I heard growing up in this religion. So I truly believe that we are spiritual ideas, even though I wrestle with it sometimes

• 1:25:50Lewis Howes?

  when I feel physical stuff and I'm in a physical body, but we are led by our spiritual thought. The second thing is a lesson my dad taught me as well. He never celebrated my birthday and I think you've seen a video of me talking about this. I love that video. And I remember when I was like nine or 10, I was upset around my birthday time. And I was like, Dad, why don't we celebrate my birthday? Do you not love me? And my friends have, the kids in school have like birthday parties and this and that. They get cakes and balloons and presents and I never got anything. And I was like, do you not love me? And he said, I love you very much. But I, I love you so much that I don't want to celebrate your age because I never want

• 1:26:30Lewis Howes?

  you to be limited by how young or how old you are, because so many people that he knew would always say, I'm too old to do this. I'm too young to do this. I could never do this. My time has passed. And I was like, you can still buy me a cake, Dad. Take me out to ice cream, but he's, he did. He just celebrated me in other ways, but that lesson has stuck with me because it was painful and it hurt me that it didn't happen for many years. But when I learned the lesson, I started to really appreciate and say, you know what? You're right. Like when I was an early teenager, I was like, screw it. I can be a varsity as a freshman. Like, who cares if these guys are four years older than me? I've been working harder for the last four years. I can play with these guys.

• 1:27:12Lewis Howes?

  Like I never doubted myself, my abilities to have a shot at something. And I think it was like this.

• 1:27:22Lewis Howes?

  I don't know, it was this, I just didn't have a programming that limited me early on in certain things. I'm sure I'm limited in other ways, but it wasn't holding me back from going after what I wanted. And I think that never has held me back from like launching a book or a podcast or events, like things I'd never done in my life, didn't know how to do, it didn't stop me from trying. So I was grateful for those ideas.

• 1:27:42Jay Shetty?

  Those are amazing, man. Those are big ones. They're deep ones. I love those. It's interesting what you were saying about your father. And, and it's really about understanding why he did it, which is what makes it so interesting. And, and whether-

• 1:27:58Lewis Howes?

  Didn't explain it for years until I came to him and said, do you not love me?

• 1:28:04Jay Shetty?

  And, and I felt that, so with my parents too, like, we never really celebrated my achievements. So we always celebrate my birthday. But if I achieved something, we didn't really celebrate it. So if I got good grades, it was like, okay, if I-

• 1:28:16Lewis Howes?

  Got straight A's, they were just like, it was expected.

• 1:28:18Jay Shetty?

  Expected. It was expected that I would do something like that. Not because I always did, but just because it was kind of taken, not taken for granted, but expected is the right word. And so I don't think they did this consciously, but what it did for me, and this is partly why I think it's always about how you perceive something. The way I took that is it stopped me seeking their validation. Because they never had a big response to what I was doing, I just started having my own response to what I was doing. So I stopped wanting them or needing them to be proud, or to be excited for me or anything, because I was like, I'm just gonna give that to myself.

• 1:28:56Lewis Howes?

  So that was, was that a good thing then, that they did not acknowledge your accomplishments?

• 1:29:00Jay Shetty?

  I think for me, I took it as a great thing. And, and then the other thing that it gave me was I always stopped being complacent. Because, because we didn't over exaggerate a celebration- I could always gradually go and go, okay, what's next? What am I going to build next? What am I going to focus next? And I think my wife definitely has brought more of a celebratory aspect to my life.

• 1:29:25Lewis Howes?

  We need that.

• 1:29:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we do need it.

• 1:29:27Lewis Howes?

  Cause me and you were just like, okay, it's done, go.

• 1:29:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:29Lewis Howes?

  Next, bigger, better. It's not good enough. Like, we need to like, okay, let's take a moment.

• 1:29:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And you were at my surprise party, uh, two years ago.

• 1:29:38Lewis Howes?

  By the way, if you want to get on Jay's good side, he loves birthdays. So send him a nice gift or something, or just a, a nice card and he will remember it for sure.

• 1:29:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, meaningful.

• 1:29:47Lewis Howes?

  Meaningful, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:48Jay Shetty?

  Ask me something that I would, like, my, my, my definition of a gift is something that I wouldn't get for myself.

• 1:29:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:29:55Jay Shetty?

  Like, and so it doesn't have

• 1:29:56Lewis Howes?

  A written card is a meaningful gift.

• 1:29:57Jay Shetty?

  Totally, because I'm going to write a card to myself.

• 1:30:00Lewis Howes?

  Jay, you're amazing to myself.

• 1:30:03Jay Shetty?

  No, I appreciate birthdays because my parents always did a big thing on birthdays. But, but yeah, you've been to my parties and my wife has really brought celebration to my life because she comes from a family where they celebrate a lot. But anyway, okay, that is question number two. Going back to it, okay. Number three is a question that I know people would love to hear from you. If someone wants to, uh, start reading, what are three books that you would recommend that have had a big impact on your life?

• 1:30:33Lewis Howes?

  I mean, I've already read about fifteen books in my life from cover to cover. So the ones that have been impactful for me is The Alchemist, which I think is one of your favorite.

• 1:30:40Jay Shetty?

  Love it, yeah.

• 1:30:41Lewis Howes?

  The Alchemist, I think, uh, you know, comes back to like the treasure in our heart and what's already within us and like just discovering that and finding that. And I think so often we get comparison game, we get off track, we get distraction game where we don't remember like what's our true legend inside of us. So that's, that's one. I would say, I'm not, I mean, I'm not saying this because you're here. I think your book, Things Like a Monk is seriously just like an amazing, like, I want to keep going through it because it's just like every two pages has an example, a model, a framework where it's, you can apply it to your life.

• 1:31:17Lewis Howes?

  So I think that's the modern version of probably like ten to twenty books of the past in the personal growth space and in this kind of mindset space that I think is going to be the, the standard for the next ten years. So I'd say that one and then I would say, um,

• 1:31:33Lewis Howes?

  There's a book that just popped in my mind called Influence by Robert Cialdini.

• 1:31:37Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah, I've seen that. I've never read that.

• 1:31:39Lewis Howes?

  Which I just believe so much about life is understanding human nature and human psychology and human behavior. You and I study human behavior a lot. And so much of this is, it doesn't matter how talented you are, if you can't influence someone to see your talent or to buy your talent or to watch your talent or read your talent, it doesn't matter unless you learn how to influence in an ethical, moral way, other people to desire something that you can create, whether that's influence people to desire you in an intimate relationship, a friendship, you know, your family members, so they desire you, like all these things. Understanding these are, I think it's seven areas of how to influence people on anything.

• 1:32:25Lewis Howes?

  And I learned this back when I was learning online marketing, when I was making no money, I read this book and it gave me the tools to then say, I have an idea, how do I get people to buy into this idea? It's the same strategies that politicians use and, you know, when people are trying to build a campaign. So, Amazon uses these strategies, like every big company uses these kind of seven or eight key factors of influence. And so, I would say that book, it's a much more dense, kind of like, research-based book, probably stuff you would like. It's not an easy read, but it's like, it tells all the research behind it all. So, those three.

• 1:32:59Jay Shetty?

  All right. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Question number four and five. Four is, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

• 1:33:07Lewis Howes?

  Trying to think of the right word. I think it's, I think it's patience. It's probably patience coupled with, what's the word? Just not, trying not to react and constantly put myself in another person's shoes. It's just like, a lack of patience and perspective and not reacting when someone else is trying to come at you. So, it's been really challenging, but it's like, teaching, I've been learning how to do that better, to just breathe, make sure, and when I react, it's like, oh, I didn't follow the meditation in the morning, I need to meditate more. It's like, so just having patience and more perspective, it's been the big lesson.

• 1:33:49Jay Shetty?

  I love that, man. Okay. And fifth and final question, if you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:34:00Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, the first thing that came to my mind was you have to believe in yourself. Cause I believe that I believe that self doubt is the killer of every dream. And so many of us die with our dreams in the graveyard. We don't have dreams that we have imagination. We don't manifest the imagination. We don't become the alchemists of our life and create something beautiful, our talent, our gift, our purpose because of doubt. And if we believed in ourself more, we would be ruthless in our actions on creating it, or at least going for it. So I'd say the law of believing in yourself and that there is no such thing as self doubt.

• 1:34:43Lewis Howes?

  Um, that's the first thing that came to mind, but I was also say like just loving and having more compassion, like the law of love and compassion, because that would end every war and every fight and political issues, like just having that law of love would be amazing.

• 1:34:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Lewis, how's everyone? If you want to read more from Lewis, of course, the School of Greatness, which was his first book, his second book, The Mask of Masculinity. I'm excited for the next one. I felt like you could take like anything you said in this podcast and go straight into a new book. So I'm buzzing for that one. And I just want to say to everyone listening and watching, go and check out the School of Greatness, reaching its thousandth episode, which is an insane achievement. I want to celebrate Lewis. I want to celebrate this incredible legacy that he's created and leaving as well and continuing to build. I'm excited to see who else is coming on the show. And I just want to say a big thank you to you, man. This has been so much fun.

• 1:35:39Lewis Howes?

  It's great, man. We gotta do more of this.

• 1:35:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, oh, a hundred, oh, a hundred percent. I'm, you need to come back.

• 1:35:43Lewis Howes?

  Think of like catchphrases for us, like the athlete and the brain or the the mind and the heart or something. It's like, we gotta come together.

• 1:35:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, no, for sure, for sure. I love this, man. This is so fun. And more than that, I really appreciate you sharing and opening up your story, being vulnerable, because it doesn't matter how many times you've shared it, it's, it's always vulnerable.

• 1:36:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:05Jay Shetty?

  And, and so it always requires you. And today, the way you shared it, I felt so. Coached by you through it, that every time you were sharing so many practical insights for us that we can actually do. So, anyone who's listening and watching, make sure you go back to the episode and do the activities that Lewis is saying. It's not good enough to just know them and hear them and think, "Oh, that's cool." Actually go and do them and experience the difference in your life. But Lewis, thank you, man. Love you, brother. Thank you so much. Tag us both on Instagram with any insights and wisdom that stuck out. It's @lewishouse and @jayshetty. Tag us on Instagram, on Twitter. Tell us what you learned from today's episode, what you're testing, what you're trying, and stay tuned

• 1:36:48Jay Shetty?

  for so many more episodes coming up on purpose. And a big thank you again. Lewis, thank you so much for doing this.

• 1:37:14Speaker 05

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 1:37:43Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:37:47Speaker 03

  On October 2nd.

• 1:37:48Speaker 02

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all keep the blame on me.

• 1:37:53Speaker 03

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:38:00Speaker 04

  What would happen if I stopped going? You stalled, you froze in there, that's what...

• 1:38:04Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:38:07Speaker 04

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:38:09Speaker 03

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17 ninety minutes without parent.