Kristen Bell ON: Parenting, The Power Of Empathy & Avoiding Comparison Fatigue

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. Do you compare your life to those around you, leaving yourself stuck in a comparison hangover? In this episode, Jay Shetty and Kristen Bell discuss how to thrive in the stage of life you are in. Kristen Bell touches on balancing a codependent personality, cultivating curiosity, and learning to respect others’ opinions. In a world where there is so much division between red and blue political parties, Kristen shares five principles of “purple people” and why the world needs more of them. Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now! Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_book Audiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook A word from our sponsors: Let NetSuite show you how they’ll benefit your business with a FREE Product Tour at http://www. NetSuite.com/JAY. Install Albert from the App Store or Google Play today to find your happy balance. And get a bonus of up to $40 when you start an annual subscription to Albert Genius. Before October 14th, go to http://www. Amazon.com/onpurpose for your Prime Day deal on Amazon Music. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:43Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop.

• 1:26Jay Shetty?

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• 2:01Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised to yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Very few of their balls are plastic, right?

• 3:13Speaker 01

  But a lot of mine are because I've had time to sort of work on my career and put me first and blah, blah, blah. But yeah, it's, it's, it's very interesting, this idea of balance, because I just don't think it exists. I think it's constantly pivoting and it's pivot fatigue for the rest of your life. Accept it, get over it, it's here to stay.

• 3:40Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends... That are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules.

• 4:20Jay Shetty?

  Go to jayshettytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. I'm so grateful and so excited because I've been looking forward to this episode for a very, very long time. And I know that you're all in for a real, real treat. Now, you already know our guest today is none other than Kristen Bell. She needs no introduction, but for those of you who want to know all about her incredible life, she's an amazing actress, philanthropist, New York Times bestselling author, and entrepreneur. She's well-known to television audiences for her critically acclaimed roles on NBC's The Good Place, as well as Showtime's House of Lies, and her star-making role as the title character in Veronica Mars.

• 5:05Jay Shetty?

  Kristen is actively involved in many charities, including Alliance of Moms, Baby2Baby, and No Kid Hungry. She's also a global advocate for the UN's Women's Peace and Humanitarian Fund. Today, I'm excited to talk with Kristen about her new book, The World Needs More Purple People, and what it means to be a healthy relationship, a great parent, and why the world needs more of all of this incredible energy. Kristen, thank you for being with me, and I'm so deeply happy to be spending this time with you.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Right back at you. I am so excited that we're finally doing it. And yeah, I almost want to hear you talk more to me than I want to talk to you, but I'll try to add some things here and there.

• 5:49Jay Shetty?

  It's definitely the other way around for me. From the little time that we've already spent together, I'm already excited for everyone to hear this conversation. And you know, I've followed you for a very, very long time. And so, yeah, let's get right into it. I want to ask you the question, first of all, what's one of your favorite memories of growing up in Michigan?

• 6:07Speaker 01

  Fireflies.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Michigan has, well, Michigan has a lot of, uh, Michigan is this underestimated state, right? I think I'm 99% sure we invented unions. It's like a ton of really classy, hardworking, salt-of-the-earth people in the, in the best, most complimentary way possible, like grounded, um, people that I grew up with. And it's, the area I grew up in was incredibly diverse, incredibly accepting. And we have a couple of special things about Michigan. Number one, we have a hot fudge, uh, company called Saunders Hot Fudge, which is plain and simple, the best hot fudge you'll ever get. Um, fireflies are everywhere in the summer.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Uh, the mosquitoes, not so great, but they are, you know, uniquely Michigan because they are like, they will leave a boulder where they bite. Um, and then lightning storms, lightning storms, they are, they happen every summer. And it's when it's a little bit too hot out and it's not yet raining, but it's really moist in the air and, and you just see the lightning crackling in the sky. And yeah, I have such a, a nostalgia. In fact, uh, two years ago, maybe three years ago, um, my husband and I brought our kids back to Michigan because we both, both grew up there because we were like, they have to witness, uh, lightning storms and fireflies and the mosquitoes, to be honest. And this

• 7:35Speaker 01

  was before the mosquitoes had hit Los Angeles. But now they're here, so we don't have to travel to see them.

• 7:43Jay Shetty?

  Correct, correct me if I'm wrong, um, but I, I heard that The Little Mermaid is your favorite Disney film. Uh, it all ha- also happens to be my wife's favorite Disney film. So that's, that's why it resonated even more. I was wondering, why is it your favorite Disney film?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Well, I think when I, it, it depends. Looking back on it with revisionist history, I think because it was the first one, my age group was when I really gravitated towards them. Like I was a little bit younger in the Snow White, um, Sleeping Beauty stage, but Little Mermaid, I was like prime for Disney animation. And Aladdin came out shortly thereafter. So it is a very close tie. You know, in, in retrospect, I look at it and, you know, people, uh, say like, well, why would she just want to do, get legs for a man? And I'm sort of like, it's not that deep. It's just that she was in love. I also think the music is. So stunning, and I do think Scuttle will go down in history as maybe the best animated

• 8:44Speaker 01

  character ever. You just don't get cuter than him, that talking seagull with that scratchy voice. I wish I knew the name of that character actor.

• 8:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I don't know either. We'll have to look that up. Yeah, I've got no idea. But that's a really good analysis of The Little Mermaid. I'm really impressed. I was wondering where it was gonna go, but that went really, uh, that went really deep. But as we go deeper into the questions, uh, you know, you've been very vocal during like quarantine, lockdown, about the natural challenges that everyone's had and the immense change that everyone's gone through. And I think it's important because one of the things you talked about is you had to become a home teacher, you know, during the beginning of quarantine and lockdown. Like, tell us about that process and what was the hardest and what was your most favorite aspect of it? Because I think so many parents have had to do that and so many individuals have had to do that.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's been a gigantic learning curve for me. So initially, I was just like, what? I, I'm grateful that I have young kids and I can do the math that they're, that's required within their class. Because I'm telling you, if we were in the like fractions, I'd be like, I'm so sorry, this year, you're gonna skip math. Like, that's just what's gonna happen. Initially, I set it up like I had the color-coded schedule, welcome to camp quarantine. I get ahead of myself a lot. I like the cart way, way, way, way, way ahead and the horse is way in the distance usually. So I, uh, you know, had this colorful

• 10:14Speaker 01

  map of what we do and here are our art times and here's our, our brain times and here's our body times. And literally, everyone was miserable. Everyone was miserable. And I went, okay, we're gonna have to pivot. So I, uh, just to prove the point, because I really like to stay open and honest with my kids about mistakes. I think that's my primary goal as a parent, to show them that everyone makes mistakes. You can always rectify things. So I woke them up one morning and I asked them to come into the kitchen and I said, I have something really important for you to do. I want you to take that schedule off the wall and I want you to shred it. And they were like, what? We can do that? And we did. And I said, from now on, we're gonna give each other a little bit more grace.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  And that was at the end of last year. Going into this year, I think I had read enough Online bloggers, articles about homeschooling that I said to myself, okay, I actually understand that parents teaching kids isn't actually a great mixture. You're supposed to be something different, you know? Like, there's all these different analogies, like they say, you can have a million friends in your life, but you have one mom, or one dad, or one parent. So you're supposed to be a little stricter, you know? Um, and kids don't learn best from their parents. I mean, the odd kid might, but mine certainly don't. So I realized I had to pull my sister-in-law into the fold. I realized I had to give everyone a little bit of space.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  And when they came to me to work on something, now granted, the only thing I was thinking during this whole time was, I'm gonna be the one parent that can do it. I can do it. I'm cool. I can do it. And I'm just not, and I've had to wrestle with that. My favorite thing is actually being able to monitor them from a distance. Like, I'll hide in the bathroom a lot and just sit there and work on my computer just so I can hear. I wanna know what they're engaging with, because I very much believe in a, um, a sort of free-range style of parenting, but also follow the kid. So my daughter, like, one of them is a reader, the other one is just not a reader.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  The older one has trouble, but STEM stuff, building, engineering, she's better than I am. So by me being able to monitor that, I'm just following her cues. And I'm going, oh, okay, get a STEM book, a creativity book. Find a YouTube video we could watch together, like, follow where her interests lie. So I appreciate the thoughtful parenting I've been able to do from a distance. And it's been hard for me to keep my distance, because I really wanted to be the one parent that could teach my kids.

• 12:58Jay Shetty?

  We always wanna be that one. You always wanna be the exception. But, but all of, all of us are more often the rule than the exception. How did you get so, like, hearing you share it today, obviously? You know, the way you're sharing it feels so real to you now and you're so accepting of it. I feel like what I hear, and we have a big parent audience too, like what I hear a lot is that people really struggle with actually accepting that they can't be that. And I think there's a real pressure, obviously in the last few months, but there's generally a pressure to be the perfect parent, the perfect partner, the perfect person. From a parent point of view, and then we'll go into the partner aspect. From the parent point of view,

• 13:41Jay Shetty?

  when did you allow yourself to start getting comfortable with saying, "I'm getting it wrong. This isn't working"? Because I love your idea of bringing other people in to teach the kids. I think it's genius because often I find like the people closest to us are the people we can't teach, that we can't share, whoever it is in our lives, and I noticed that in my own life. When was it when you were able to accept that that wasn't a weakness in you? Or that wasn't a failure or shortcoming on your part, but actually it was just the way things psychologically set up?

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Well, two things. A personal drive to be successful. And, well, a couple of things, three things. A personal drive to be successful. I want to nail it. And if I try to do it and I'm not nailing it, then I need to take a different role in that situation. So me nailing it means something different. And I'm thankfully adept enough to navigate that. But sometimes, yeah, stepping back when I tried forty times to do this lesson with the kids and they just do not want to sit down and do it with me and I'm frustrating them. I have to go, "What's the common denominator here? My kids are sponges that want to learn. I'm supposed to be representing something different right now." My sister said something once to me that was awesome where

• 14:55Speaker 01

  she has four kids and she said, "You know, my husband and I really believe that everyone should take on a different role. We have to be the

• 15:05Speaker 01

  rule givers, whatever word is sweeter than rule givers."

• 15:10Jay Shetty?

  Value givers, maybe? Value providers?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  No, something stricter than that. We have to be the parents. Yeah, we have to set the boundaries and the rules. The grandparents are to be the wisdom. And the aunts and uncle are to be the chaos sneak attack.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  The wild ones. So my sister said to me, we want you and Dax to um take, take, you know, Ben, who's 12, on a motorcycle ride. We want you to say, I have cookies in my bag. Don't tell your parents. Like, we want you to do that because we believe that different adults have different uh contributions to the child's development and that they should learn to trust people in different ways and not everyone should just be doing this at them all the time. So the aunt and uncle, that's kind of a cool job. Um.

• 15:55Jay Shetty?

  That's genius. I love this, by the way. It's brilliant.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Isn't it? It's kind of sweet. And then it's like, you know, you're, everybody serves a purpose in the kid's life. Um, and since she, I also thought it was really sweet that she asked us to do that, you know? The other thing is, I have a relationship with my husband that requires brutal honesty. Um, this may shock you, but he's easier with brutal honesty than I am. He's easier at letting it go. And early on, when the kids were young, he would say things to me like, I'm sorry, what do you want me to do? You can't do that. You're not good at that. She doesn't want that from you. And then he would just sit there stone-faced and

• 16:36Speaker 01

  look at me and I'd be like, oh dear. Okay, so, okay. And he's like, pivot. You know what it means to emotionally pivot? You're empathetic. You can feel what she's feeling. I am an empath and I have trouble sometimes navigating or negotiating what another person's feeling versus what I'm feeling. But that's also a superpower in that I can put myself in her shoes. So my husband didn't actually have to say it to me this go-round. I got there by ripping up the schedule early on. Uh, but we live in a, in a household of uh ultimate honesty and we will tell the other person with uh grace and trust and, and candor when

• 17:19Speaker 01

  they are um doing something, not incorrectly, but when they could be succeeding elsewhere, I suppose.

• 17:28Jay Shetty?

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• 18:13Jay Shetty?

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• 18:55Jay Shetty?

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• 19:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's so refreshing and I love that approach. I think it's so genius to surround young people with people with different skills and abilities and roles and ideas because I think one of the biggest mistakes or two of the mistakes that we often make in life, and I think this comes from our childhood, is we either end up going to one person for everything we need and then that person gets too drained and overwhelmed, or we go to everyone with all of our problems. And that doesn't work either because...

• 20:15Speaker 01

  And neither is a great road to emotionally navigating a human life.

• 20:22Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  Like you have to go to, I go to different people to vent, I go to different people for advice and that's another thing, my husband, ugh, it just pains me to give him so much credit all the time, but I gotta do it.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Because he's so, the reason he's most annoying is because he's almost always right. But you know, there was, I remember one specific person in our lives when I said, I don't know if I want the, our girls to be around that person a lot because I think that person does X, Y, and Z, right? And nothing bad or terrible, but I was like, I don't want them taking on those habits. And it wasn't a habit that was detrimental like smoking or anything, it was just an emotional habit, whatever, being impulsive, whatever. And he said, I'm gonna give our girls credit, like, you know, he gives an AA where you need to look at someone and you ask yourself, does this person have what I want? If they do, you follow their lead.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  If this person doesn't have what I want, then I'll know that's not a skill set I need. So the individual where I was actually saying, let's hold the girls back, not have them hang out with that person, he was saying the opposite. He was like, I want them to witness all of that person's ups and downs and ins and outs and falters because they will see, oh, maybe doing it that way isn't the right way, which is, was ultimately my end game. Anyway.

• 21:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  It's really interesting how so much of this is counterintuitive.

• 21:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, I mean, that's that's super counterintuitive, but I and I guess the interesting thing is that people react so differently to the same experience. So you can often have two children that have that experience and one of them goes out going, well, that's not how to do it. And the other person mirrors that exact behavior.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:08Jay Shetty?

  It's really hard to tell. I I've seen that in so many, when you look at siblings and you look at siblings who had a similar upbringing, but one of them mirrors what their parents did and the other person avoids what their parents did because they they saw it as a different habit. Some people take it on as well.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I think ultimately where I land on it is that I want to trust that my kids will use good judgment.

• 22:33Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  And that they will be deciding with their own agency, what works for them. And I think that's such it's such an interesting. This is an interesting bigger topic, but like, the idea of like, the group rights or the individual rights, like we as a country are so sort of like beating our chest for individual rights, which I fully believe in. But at the same time, sometimes we're the antithesis of that where we're like, everyone should be doing it like this. You should only be exposed to this because this is what the group's doing. This is what I want you to do. And I'm like, well, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Didn't we just talk? Was I just seeing the narrative, the social narrative be about individual stuff? Like, I think we're we're sort of balancing on the opposite side all the time, you know? And like in in parenting, I find that we have a lot of

• 23:18Speaker 01

  rules in the family about being a good family citizen, you know, which we got from a Dr. Wendy Mogul, who I love as a child psychologist, who I think is genius. But like, we make them contribute. They're certainly not, I mean, they're bratty all the time, but we make them take their plate in whether they're going or not, you know? What have you done to contribute to the family? Things are important, not just for your needs, but for everyone's. But at the same time, we give them a lot of slack. Like, one thing that I know I got, some people saw it as a controversy. I just don't see it as a controversy. But we, I was asked by my three year old whether or not Santa Claus was real. And I remember,

• 24:02Speaker 01

  A woman, another mother who I really respect, telling me, "Don't ever let, especially a daughter, look at you when she's older and say, 'What else have you lied about?'" That really hit home for me. And I thought, "Can I do this? Can I navigate little topics like this?" And it ultimately came down to, if my daughter has the wherewithal to sense in here that something stinks, he can make it to all those houses. It's not possible, right? Something's fishy. I'm gonna ask about it. I wanna reward that. I don't ever want her to, "Oh, well, just 'cause it's real. Don't worry about it." I don't want her to get into that pattern. I want her to ask questions. I want her to be a critical thinker.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  And I sat her down and I said, "Do you want me to tell you the truth?" And she said, "Yes." Now, I also had this, I was able to compare it to Dax, because when he was three, he did the same thing. They're just like, I don't know, the two of them are very similar and they both smell funny business from real far away. Um, and I said, "Santa Claus is not a real person. You're right to sniff that out." We don't let a man break in here once a year, just 'cause he leaves us cookies and presents. Don't let that happen, right? Santa Claus is a game that we play as a culture, and it's really fun. And a lot of kids have a belief in him like you could have a belief in, um, anything you wanna believe in, unicorns, something that's special to you.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  So, we always wanna protect other kids and we never wanna say that Santa Claus isn't real. But if you want an honest, uh, uh, if you want an honest answer from me, I will tell you, you're right. I'm the one that buys you the presents. No one breaks in here. Because she was worried about somebody breaking in once a year.

• 25:44Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  And I was like, "This bitch is practical. I gotta give her the answer."

• 25:49Jay Shetty?

  This is all at age three?

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Yes. And I also found this wonderful book called, uh, "The Wonderful Truth About Santa Claus." And it was like randomly buried in Amazon. I don't even know the name of the author, but I keep trying to remember to give it to all my, my, um, parent friends who are having this conversation with their kids now. It talks about- It's a little bit fictional, but it talks about Saint Nicholas lived in a town long, long time ago. He saw a family that didn't have anything. He put some coins in their stockings and he left them presents. And that family was so inspired, they did it to someone else. And what it does is it reframes Santa Claus as anyone can be a Santa Claus if you give a gift without a name tag, without putting your personal name.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  So that what that did for my three-year-old, who I still kind of vaguely didn't trust not to tell other kids, it reframed it. So all of a sudden, if she gave my sister-in-law a gift and didn't put a name tag on it, she'd say it's from Santa. So accused them to still play the game. Anyways, that was very long-winded, but you know.

• 26:51Jay Shetty?

  I love it. That's a great answer. This is, this is very useful. I think a lot of parents are gonna find this very, very useful. It's, it's coming up. Christmas is not that far away and.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:00Jay Shetty?

  And, uh, but I love the idea of how early on so many of us form the lack of curiosity because we're told to believe without asking questions, how we lose the ability. I love what you said about rewarding her critical thinking at that age because she came to it, that conclusion not by herself and she was worried about her home being broken. I mean, as a three-year-old, I am blown away. That's, yeah, it's great.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  I don't ever want her to be in a situation as an adult where she has a fishy feeling and some neuron that I connected way, way, way long ago in her history tells her, you know what, it's fine. Don't even ask. I tell you, it's okay. I was like, no, speak up. You got a question. If something's not making sense to you, say, I'm so sorry. I need more information here.

• 27:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. I love that. You've, moving away from parenting and talking about your relationship and you've been speaking about Dax a lot already, but you've, you've described yourself as like a codependent person before and I wanted to help. And you know, you're not shy about that and you share it and, and I think that that's so useful for a lot of people to understand. When was it first that you started to identify as that and that became real? And, and how has that affected your relationship or how have you navigated it differently since having that awareness?

• 28:14Speaker 01

  I think I only realized it when I was in my mid 30s. Um, when I first started having babies because you know, as a codependent, I, I am. Very aware of what other people are feeling around me and I just want to make it better at the expense of myself. And when you have kids and you are not only emotionally and mentally giving to them, but like physically, I was a food truck for three years. I felt so drained. And also, like I said before, my husband does point it out a lot. Like, he's like, you have an inability to say no. And I'm like, but that was a charity gala. I had to go. And he's like, but you didn't want to. You are overworked. You don't prioritize yourself. And that's not a compliment.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  And I was like, ouch. Um, and I think what I've done is I haven't tried to completely squash out any codependency. I like that I have the instinct to wonder if you're okay. I just try now not to let it get in the way of my own emotional or mental health. But like, when people walk into a room, like my first thought is, are they thirsty? Are they hungry? Let me like check in with them. And I still do that. I just don't let it get in the way of like my main priorities. It is easier, I will say, now that I have kids, because I recognize that I need, I need a big part of my glass to be full for them.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  And I can't, there's a point where I can't let anyone else deplete, uh, because I won't have enough to give for them. And I, I, they are my priority. So I think I've tried to use my codependency to the best of my ability and turn it into something good. And just keep asking myself, are you okay, Kristin?

• 29:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, I, I love hearing that because I think, again, so many people struggle with that exact thing around wanting to, because there is this beauty in what you just said of like wanting to care, wanting to extend yourself, wanting to serve. I mean, there is so much joy and love in that.

• 30:19Speaker 01

  And self-esteem.

• 30:20Jay Shetty?

  And self-esteem, yeah.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  I get so much self-esteem from helping and I didn't want to just become an island where I was like, well, I'm just not going to think of anyone else anymore. So I just tried to turn it in, yeah, to something better.

• 30:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and that and that sounds like the perfect balance because again, both it's again, those what we were saying earlier, those extremes of like one extreme is like all that matters is everyone else. And the other extreme is all that matters is me. And and both of those again, don't lead to a deeper relationship with ourself or others and don't create that community and that bond that we're looking for. And also doesn't feed us because after a while, you almost feel like, well, am I really filling myself up? Am I really exchanging energy and and feeling other people's energy? And so I love what you said there around making your children your priorities made it easier. But you also still realize, and this is probably the hardest thing, and I get asked this question a lot. And that's why I'm I your wisdom is serving

• 31:22Jay Shetty?

  everyone more effectively because you're actually in that role. And I'm constantly referring to incredible parents that I know. But I think a lot of parents struggle to realize the need for me time. And and realize that that helps them because because of juggling that where have you started carving that what have been those activities that have truly helped you in keeping full?

• 31:44Speaker 01

  Well, I'll tell you that I know exactly why I started taking me time. And it's because I want to be successful. And if I am not successful when I am depleted, and giving too much and or running around working too much on cleaning the house, whatever, then and I'm then I'm depleted for my children, I'm not a good parent. So then I have to change something. And I I can pivot really easily when I'm not successful. And when I would when I've lost my patience with my kids, I'm like, that's a pivot, you got to pivot, you did not do something correct today, you depleted too much, you need to save up energy for the evenings because they are gonna be loud, and they are gonna be crazy, and they are gonna want to play, and you got to save them some

• 32:28Speaker 01

  energy, you brought them into this world, that's my responsibility. You know, I mean, that's a little bit like, I got to get my stuff together, because that's I did this. And I'm not gonna give I'm not gonna give him any less than the best possible life I could give them. So sometimes that means, cutting things out of my own so that I can have time for them. And I think

• 32:50Speaker 01

  It's interesting, there was, there was a woman who, I wish I remembered who it was, who made an analogy about, um, balance is constantly juggling and making sure that none of the glass balls drop.

• 33:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I, I remember it being attributed to Brian Dyson, who's like a former CEO, I believe, but maybe it was someone, maybe it was someone else, but I, I know that exactly. It's a beautiful analogy, please share it.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Some of the balls are plastic.

• 33:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  So you're gonna let balls drop, just make sure they're plastic.

• 33:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  And unfortunately, in these formidable years, very few of my daughters that are in the air, very few of their balls are plastic, right? But a lot of mine are, because I've had time to sort of work on my career and put me first and blah, blah, blah, but, um, yeah, it's, it's, it's very interesting, this idea of balance, because I just don't think it exists. I think it's constantly pivoting, and it's pivot fatigue for the rest of your life. Accept it, get over it, it's here to stay. Something my husband says as well, that sort of allowed me to be a little less codependent and a little bit more in charge of my decisions mathematically, to make sure that my needs

• 34:05Speaker 01

  were met as well as my family's and my work life, is, um, what was it? He said, uh, "Oh, it doesn't matter if they like you, it only matters if you like you."

• 34:18Speaker 01

  And it's short and sweet, and it's really to the point, and the reality is, I'm confident enough to say, "I'm a good judge of character, I can tell if I have a good character." So I guess he's right, it really only does matter if I like me.

• 34:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, it's such an important decision that we all get to meet, make every day, which is like, how do we feel about ourselves?

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you don't have to be the perfect person, you just have to be a little bit better than you were yesterday. And I mean, that's something he says, but it's also the whole point of The Good Place, you know, when we tried to make a funny show about philosophy, which had never been done before, it doesn't matter if you're the perfect person, it just matters if you're trying, it just matters if you're 0.1% better than you were yesterday.

• 35:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. How much have you done that actually? I love what you said there about trying to make a funny show about philosophy that's never been done before, and The Good Place does a great job of it. How much do you feel that these, in my opinion, shows like that allow these ideas to really effortlessly get into people's lives? And would you say that you've been trying to choose more? Are you always trying to do more work that you believe has messages behind it and has morals and lessons? And what's been the role that you felt you got to play that allowed you to share the most messages that you try and live by?

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Well, let me say that a lot of it has just been me trying to attach myself to people that are smarter than me. And I feel like that I've fallen into a lot of the really good roles that I've had. You know, in Veronica Mars, I don't even think I realized the kind of strength that was showing, that was being represented to young high school kids in the face of being, you know, an adverse environment in high school. The Good Place definitely had the strongest messaging, I'll say. And, you know, Mike Schur, our creator, he's the most ethical person I know. So I knew, we had the same interests and he was, we were both sort of preoccupied with what it means to be a good person. And he was like, I think it's like a video game.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  Honest to God, when someone cuts me off, he's driving and he goes, negative 10 points? And he's like, wouldn't that be a fun show? And I was like, doy, I'm there, when do we start? I think now, as I am aging, I do find that projects with some sort of meaning behind them, whether that be the messaging, whether that be representation, or something we haven't seen before, are way, way, way more important to me. I'm not really gravitating towards anything else. And I would hope to continue to do that. Like, I've seen some projects recently that have blown my mind from the female perspective

• 37:04Speaker 01

  of like, there's a show that's hard to watch called I May Destroy You on HBO that is one of the most unbelievable pieces of art I've ever seen, the way she's writing about empathy with that backdrop. And I feel like...

• 37:20Speaker 01

  I still like random entertainment. You know, like I still like doing silly stuff on Instagram. And I think that those smiles are there for a reason. But what does my heart gravitate towards is the stuff that has messaging, the stuff that you recall or the stuff that I'll get, you know, letters from a family with a seven, a 10 and then 12 year old. And they all watch The Good Place together and they talk about what it means to be a good person. And I'm like, ah, yes.

• 37:50Jay Shetty?

  I love hearing that. I think the more incredibly talented people like yourself and et cetera. You know, media, media to me has always been the number one communicator of cascading mindsets in the most simplest, easiest form. I mean, you know, you'll always get millions of people that read and learn and study, but billions will always consume media. And so the fact that, you know, the hearing you say that just fills me with so much hope and excitement and enthusiasm, because I, I, I think it's the smartest way to get messages across. And one of, one of the big things you mentioned there also is that, you know, you're someone who's known to wear age as a badge of honor. And you have this healthy perspective with aging and you're saying, as I get, yeah, there we go. There we go.

• 38:34Jay Shetty?

  Where, where is that healthy perspective come from? Where, where was that? Because I think that's another thing that so many people struggle with.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I mean, I get it. Like I turned 40 this year and my bones hurt. And I'm like, what? Wait, what? It's not gonna, it's gonna feel like this and worse forever? Oh my goodness. Um, I guess my acceptance of it comes through, I would not change a single thing about my sore knees or stretch marks or fine lines and wrinkles. I wouldn't exchange that any day of the week for who I was in my twenties. The sort of lost girl I was in my twenties. And I don't mean that to sound pathetic because I certainly was happy.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  But the wisdom that I've accrued and the confidence that I feel I can apply to life and the, the, the self-esteem I get from knowing my lane is really, really important to me. It's my identity. This isn't my identity, you know? This isn't my identity.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  And it's interesting because I also, you know, I see it more so with women than with men because the reality is like, I mean, we were even watching, we were watching Ewan McGregor on a show last night. My husband loves this motorcycle show he does. My husband was like, dang, doesn't he look so good with all those like crinkles around his eyes? And I was like, yes, he does. He looks amazing. Nobody says that about girls, you know?

• 40:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  But I, but I also think there's, there's a place for everyone. And I'm, let me see if I can construct this thought. I also feel like, let's break it down to the most, the silliest way to give an example. I had a ton of years I could wear a bikini. I'm not in those years anymore. And that's okay. Because like, there's other young girls, now it's their years to wear a bikini, you know? I mean, I'm just veiling it in that bikini thought because it's a way to encompass everything. But like, everyone has their time, right? And now my time is to be one of the people with wisdom. So rather

• 40:51Speaker 01

  than avoiding that, because I got comfortable and complacent in my, the time when my face looked exactly like I wanted it, or my body did, or my knees didn't feel like this, I wouldn't exchange that because I had that. I had a chance, I did it. And if I looked at anyone else who was complaining, I'd be like, baby, you got your years. Now you're in this years, you know? It's really, acceptance is the key to life.

• 41:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. I love hearing that. It's almost like trying to hold on to a season. It's like, I'm gonna wear summer clothes in the winter, right? And it's like, you feel the pain of that because it's freezing and you can't deal with it.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just chill, or it's, you know, any of the things, holding the butterfly too tight, like all those things. And, you know, our, our, our culture sort of puts on the pedestal, this beauty thing, which, you know, I get, because there, but at the same time, I just feel like it provides everyone with a comparison hangover. So like, in media specifically, and in companies, the stuff that I've seen over the last five years about representation and putting like, older women in bra ads, you know, or like the Dove campaign with all different sizes, like those things. I've been waiting to see that for a long, long time. And I'm glad that it's here because you can't feel it unless you see it. If you're just seeing a bunch of beautiful Instagram models, you're gonna feel terrible about yourself.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  I suffer from that all the time. I get a comparison hangover constantly. And thankfully, I've defined it. And again, I want to be successful in my life. So if it makes me feel terrible, I try not to do it again. But like, my lip gloss is great until I see your lip gloss. Then I don't like my lip gloss anymore. And I'm like, okay, well, just don't look at anyone else's lip gloss. You know?

• 42:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely, yeah. Every that that comparison hangover, as you called it, is is probably the toughest thing that everyone faces right now. Because before, you'd compare it to the 20 kids in your class. And now everyone's obviously overexposed to so many people in the world from all different backgrounds and walks of life, which you never had before. And and I like what you said there. Just realigning your lens of comparison is is such a powerful technique and to limit that and to not repeat it again.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're in charge. That's what I wish that I could like say to myself in my twenties. You're in charge. If you want to have all these feelings of comparison hangover and not being good enough, then have them. That's your right. But you're in charge of your perspective. You and only you are allowed to change it.

• 43:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  I think there's also a bunch of data that I'm sure I'll get wrong that that tells us why we suffer from these comparison hangovers. So like, there was a radio lab a really long time ago. Um, I think about the, we used to live in groups of about 115. 115 people are the amount of like neurons in our head. That's how many people we can keep track of, right? And within that 115, someone was the best bike rider. Another person was the best baker. Another person was the best nurturer. And the other person was the best shoemaker. Everybody had a best, right? And now that we're connected to so many people, it does a lot of good because we can fix global problems sometimes.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  Um, but it allows us to, it, it, it scatters our brain. We get all scatty wampus because we're comparing ourselves to the best of the best of the best. I don't want to ride a bike when I know that what, you know, the, the Lance Armstrong does. You know, all, all of those things. And I think it's important to remember, which we again, talk a lot about in our household because my, my husband studied anthropology, which he will tell you every other breath that he has an anthropology degree, um, is that we are working on antiquated software.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  We, it doesn't work anymore. It allows us tribalism around every corner. Other people are not enemies, yet that our brains tell us they are. Our brains find the differences. We see the differences immediately and you have to reprogram yourself because your software is antiquated.

• 45:01Speaker 02

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• 45:04Speaker 03

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• 45:10Speaker 03

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• 45:18Speaker 04

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• 46:30Jay Shetty?

  Couldn't agree with you more. I think it's almost like, it was a study that I read that said that we're exposed to more trauma today in 24 hours than we were in our whole lifetime 25 years ago.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  And yet, there's, uh, there's less devastation and suffering in the world today than there's ever been. But it looks like there's more because of the exposure. Like, things were way worse during the Christian Crusades than they are now. And that, but, but we're seeing everything on the news in this constant, the media cycle is just, it, unless you're following a lot of good news sources, it can definitely bring you down and make you feel traumatized at the end of every day because our brains just can't handle it.

• 47:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think this is a good time to ask you more about why the world needs more purple people because it feels like, you know, everything that you're sharing there, I was, I was thinking about the book, and in it, you lay out these really nice five keys, but I wanted you to describe to everyone, why does the world need more purple people, and who are purple people?

• 47:41Speaker 01

  So, purple people, um, came out of a conversation that one of my dearest friends, Ben Hart, and I had at a family dinner a couple of years ago. I mean, children's books, they consist of 60 words and they take two years to write. Don't ask me why, that's like how it works. I don't know. You can't fast track it. So two years ago, we were sitting around the kitchen table, our kids were running around together, and we were, I'm sure, talking politics. And we're a group that believes the same things, and we still sounded like we were fighting, right? We sounded like there was divisiveness. And it occurred to, Ben is a highly emotional creature as well, and it occurred to us that our kids are actually getting two signals right now, are getting

• 48:24Speaker 01

  one signal, it's us and them. It's blue or red. Every time we turn on the television, there's what, who's blue, who's red. And we just thought, subconsciously, that must not be good for them. And you can't really sit down and say, well, it's because the country is fighting, and some people believe this, and some people believe that, and you need to vote, and some, sometimes the blue side is right, and sometimes the red side is right. You can't say all that to them. So we wanted to give an emotional narrative to some things we thought were important. So we said, okay, what if we started with unity? How do you create a label that doesn't exclude anyone? Because like, I'm an actress, right? You're not an actress, you're not in my label. I'm not in the doctor's label,

• 49:08Speaker 01

  you know? And we're like, okay, what if we say, we come up with five pillars that everyone believes in. You can't, I dare you to find me a person, one of our pillars is laugh a lot. Find me a human being who's like, definitely do not laugh a lot. It's not good for you, don't do, it doesn't feel good. It's impossible. So we were like, what if we say, purple people, which is the combination of red and blue, that's the metaphor. Nothing about this book is political, although I do believe it should be required reading for our senators and congresspeople. It is about respecting other people's opinions, but we came up with five pillars. Purple people ask really great questions. Purple people laugh a lot. Purple people use their voice, they don't lose their voice, they

• 49:52Speaker 01

  are really, really hard workers. And the final pillar in being purple is you have to be uniquely you, because you're the only you we've got.

• 50:03Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I love that. It's so beautiful to hear that because I think the reason for what you were saying there is so much of our narrative plays to that again, that tribal psychology of the only way to unite is against a common enemy. Right? So it's like

• 50:20Speaker 01

  Serve us, right? If you and I met in a field

• 50:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  300 years ago, we wouldn't know what the objective of the other person was and we'd probably kill each other. But again, that's antiquated software. If I saw you in a field now, I certainly wouldn't be like, I probably have to kill him. No.

• 50:37Jay Shetty?

  Definitely not. Yeah. Exactly. And that's, and that's that thing that that, that software that's old and, and lost its relevance forces us to say, oh, the only way humans can unite is with a common enemy. And, and what I love about what you're saying through what you're sharing now is we actually and especially with kids, and, and that's why I love that this is starting there. We almost start people off feeling like they are dumber than they are, worse than they are, and talking to them in that way. And that kind of keeps people limited. So a lot of media and a lot of narratives just appeal to our lower natures, our, or, or our lower selves, like almost here, when you talk about like asking good questions or laughing a lot or using a voice.

• 51:22Jay Shetty?

  These are all seen as powerful, courageous qualities. And often a lot of it is actually the opposite of what we're encouraged to do, right? So instead of ask good questions, it's like, oh, well, believe what you're told. Instead of laughing a lot, it's like be serious. Instead of using your voice, it's like, well, actually your opinion doesn't matter. Uh, instead of working hard, it's like, oh yeah, you know, figure that out. Maybe work hard's there, but it's, it's for material things or it's slightly different. And then, yeah, become everyone else. Like it's weird how children are always told to fit in growing up. And then as soon as we become adults, it's like, well, you don't stand out. And it's, it's, it's mind blowing.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  That's what I mean about this. You're an individual, except you have to follow the group thing. I find so many of these mini hypocrisies. And you know, Brene Brown says the, um, the opposite of fitting in is belonging.

• 52:10Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  And we want belonging. And she also says, because she's my other queen.

• 52:16Jay Shetty?

  Love her.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  She also says that when you bond with someone over what you hate, like, let's say you and I both hated The Beatles, right? Random, but okay.

• 52:24Jay Shetty?

  Sure.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  We would bond over that. We would actually have a harder time talking about things we love because we began bonding over something that we hate.

• 52:34Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  And I want my kids to be armed with everything in this book. I want them to ask great questions. I will tell them the truth. And let me be blunt with you. My girls are hell on wheels. Okay? They are very difficult children, but they're very difficult because they use their voice. And they ask really great questions and they are really hard workers. Even when I tell them to stop, if they have decided they are building a fort out of all my furniture, then they're gonna do it like, and I, I, my husband and I talk a lot about the fact that they are going to be so difficult for us for 18 years. And then they are the women we want to release into the world.

• 53:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's beautiful. I, I know as well, and I want to shout out to my community as well that I've been giving the book to a lot of parents because I'm not a parent, but I read it and then giving it to a lot of parents and I'm seeing that a lot of parents are enjoying it too because of how simple those five pillars are that, like you said, anyone can agree with. And, and tell, tell us some of the questions that you think, Kristin, not, not just from the book, but generally, what are some of the questions that you've loved that your children have asked? Or what are some of those questions like, I mean, the Santa Claus one's a great example, but are there any others?

• 53:48Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. My daughter hit me with a real, real zinger of three in a row. One day she said, is Santa Claus real? Who made dogs? Why is Earth?

• 54:01Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  And I was like, ugh, where is your dad? There was a lot for me. The other thing I like to tell them when they ask great questions is I don't know. There's a book by Annika Harris called Wonder, I think. Not the book that was made into the movie Wonder, but I think it's called I Wonder.

• 54:21Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  And incidentally, Annika Harris was the one who told me, don't let your daughter ever say what else have you lied about. Um, and it is about saying, I don't know. And when you say, I don't know, and you admit it, that means you are talking about one of life's mysteries. And the cool thing about saying, I don't know, is that we get to wonder together.

• 54:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Like, how far is that star?

• 54:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Um, will there ever be people living on that planet? I mean, I'm thinking only of space things, but

• 54:49Jay Shetty?

  Of course.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Cause I know everything else other than space stuff.

• 54:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  Um, but, but yeah, I think it's also really important to tell them when I don't know something and say, that's a great question. Let's, I, let's try to find out. Maybe we know the answer. Maybe humans don't know the answer yet.

• 55:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I agree with you. I, I couldn't agree with you more. I, I, I also think that saying you don't know makes you wanna learn more and it makes the other person wanna learn more too. Because if you give a half-hearted, a, a, a half-hearted answer, the chances are that everyone just settles for that answer. And then that's kind of the new answer to that question as opposed to feeling that discovery and exploration.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  And curiosity is a wonderful thing to share with someone.

• 55:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Like it's an, it's, it's a wonderful thing to share. And I also feel like, like kids are so much savvier than we think. Like I've read so many parenting books, some of which I'm like, nah, some of which I'm like, that's genius. But the, the idea that there is data to show that they can tell they're being talked down to. They can, they sense it. And what they start to do is ignore that person if you talk down to them. So sometimes if I were to answer a question with, oh, but that's because of this. If she still senses some curiosity and knows I won't go there with her, she feels shut down, you know? And even for adults, you, you have that reaction as an adult too. And I will tell you, it's not a mistake that we wrote this as a children's book.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  If we wrote an adult novel on this topic with all the points that we had talked about that went into this book, only adults would read it. But if we wrote it for kids, then both kids and adults would read it.

• 56:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. I love that. And I really, really hope that everyone in our community goes and grabs a copy because it's uh, it's brilliant. I think it's brilliant. And you're so spot on that all of that rewiring that even we as adults needs to do comes back from our childhood anyway. So we need to unlearn so many of the things that we were told, mis-told or not told in our childhood.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Absolutely, absolutely. And it's like, yeah, people don't, you don't realize why you have certain triggers until you kind of do the work. And the work is hard, whether it's you at home journaling, you venting to your friends, you reading a self-help book, you talking to a therapist, whatever, you listening to a podcast, like whatever that looks like for you, the work is hard. But when you start to realize, my God, I know why I have that trigger now. It's because of, there's like an instantaneous weight off your shoulders. So recognizing your triggers is like the best possible thing because they were all installed when we were kids. And then you can sort of shed them and live the freer emotional life that you know you deserve for yourself.

• 57:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I did want to talk about and touch on also, I know that you have a new CBD skincare line out, uh, which is fascinating because I know this audience absolutely loves a lot of good product recommendations and insights. Tell us about when you got exposed to CBD and what benefits you saw of it.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Well, um, I was given a Lord Jones CBD product, which is sort of like a high-end CBD cream for sore muscles. And my hairstylist, who's a good friend of mine, Jenny, put it on my shoulders one day. And I was like, oh, this, I feel so much nicer. And I was immediate, I was skeptical at first, as I am with everything. But I also know you can't just eat one piece of spinach and expect a six pack, right? Like you have to give things a try. You can't be fatalist. Like that doesn't work. So I tried a CBD tincture for about two weeks. And this was, I remember clearly the third season of The Good Place, I was driving home. And my drive home was always

• 58:38Speaker 01

  this. I was trying to leave behind my work stress and going, you have a monologue tomorrow, you have 11 pages to memorize tonight, and you got to put those girls down. And I would drive home and I would go, also, you have to replace her lunchbox because one of the lunchboxes stinks. So identify which one it is, either clean it out with bleach or order one immediately because she can't do a paper bag. It's gonna fall. All these things, right? And after two weeks of like taking a CBD tincture, I realized I was just driving home, listening to the radio. And when I got home, I wasn't any less efficient. It was slower. I didn't forget to replace the lunchbox. And I realized I would, even though I was skeptical, I was blown away in the quality. And the sort of integrity that

• 59:22Speaker 01

  the company had, because I sat down with them and I said, this has felt like I've turned the volume of life down just a little bit. Like, I feel manageable. And I, you know, I also started a company with my husband called Hello Bello. And our main initiative there, like, our main directive was, we met our partners, we were like, we don't need another paycheck. I'm gonna be very clear about that. This is not going to be a, let's look at the bottom line all the time company. I want to do good. And the kind of good I want to do is, I don't feel it's fair that we can go to every single boutique and get premium baby care products and my friends in Michigan can't. You shouldn't have to choose between your baby or your budget. So I said, how do we leverage our careers as celebrities and get an economy of scale? I mean, this is getting into like business

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  talk, but that's the reality. I wanted to get an economy of scale to bring really good things to people who didn't have to worry about the price point. So I approached Lord Jones, who was making really great products. And I said, I want to use all of your R and D, and all of your company, and I want to create something that's as good, that's a lower price point. And I want to call it Happy Dance, because I feel like that's what it makes me feel like. It makes me feel lighter and calmer and subtler in a time where I can be really impulsive when I'm stressed. So we worked really hard on it for two years. I'm really proud of it. And we're, yeah, it launches in October. And we shot some really cute material for it that I think is really funny. And I hope people will give it a chance

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  and see what it can do for them.

• 1:00:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, I can't wait to test it out. It's always, I agree with you. I think it's for so many things. It's about what you said, testing, experimenting, trying, and seeing if we feel a benefit. And I think about that all the time, whether it's with meditation or whether it's with waking up earlier or whether it's getting more sleep. It's like, you know, you can philosophize about the benefits as much as you like, but until you actually practically do it, you're not going to have any clue.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  And I feel like in the CBD world, there's so many, it's so crowded and no one really understands it. And I didn't before I really researched it. And the companies that were out there weren't speaking to me because they were either like using a marijuana trope where I was like, I don't, I'm not going to use a cream that's going to get me high. Like, don't make me feel like that. But then, once I understand what's, once I understood what CBD does and that it's not, doesn't get you high at all. The other ones I saw were very like clinical and such beautiful packaging. And let me tell you something, not only do I not have beautiful packaging in my medicine cabinet, most of them are tipped over, right? They're all leaking. I needed something that was like fun and the bottle felt colorful. And so I spent a lot of time trying to infuse me into this

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  so that it could speak to people like I would be if I was in their medicine cabinet. Like, I'm just here if you need me. And I also say like, if CBD doesn't work for you and you try it, like, amazing, then it doesn't work for you. Like, not every person is the same. But it's helped me a ton. And so I, my main goal was to say, I want to get this out there because I think that it really could help people. I think it's what a lot of people need right now and just don't know it. And we also, when I met with Laura Jones and we developed this, I said, but again, I don't need a paycheck. I don't really even have time to be working on this, but I believe in it. What portion of our company are we giving to the community? And they were like, okay, let's look at that. So we decided 1% of our profits is going to be going,

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  in perpetuity, going to be going to this incredible organization called A New Way of Life. Um, it's a reentry project started by a woman in downtown Los Angeles who had been in and out of jail, finally went to rehab, um, in like a fancy Santa Monica place. And she was just like, why doesn't that exist, exist on my streets?

• 1:03:10Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  Why doesn't this type of care exist? Why is everyone that works here white? You know, so she started, she's incredible. There's also another great book recommendation I'll throw out there. That's her story. It's called Becoming Miss Burton.

• 1:03:23Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  And I'm at the tail end of it right now, and it's astounding. She would go and meet women who were getting off the bus out of prison. And she would say, I have an extra room in my house. Do you want to get your life back on track? I'll help you. And I was like, talk about using your own two hands. And by the way, this woman's life story is whatever you think your life story is, take a break. It's nothing compared to the things she's experienced and overcome, I've felt. And so I was like, I love what this woman is doing. She's opened up nine or 10, um, housing facilities for women who are getting back on their feet, pro bono legal stuff, getting their children back. And I was like, this, this is the woman.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  And so I'm really proud that everything Happy Dance does will be supporting her as well. So I want people to use CBD if they like it. They don't, that's okay. But I secretly want this company to blow up and be in everyone's household so that she can do all of her great work and have funding for it.

• 1:04:21Jay Shetty?

  I love that. That's so beautiful. I absolutely love the name Happy Dance too. It's awesome. I'm hoping that people put it on and feel that. But I, I, I love that. And it's so awesome to see your passion and your purpose come out. What, what I love about you, Christian, and what you do so wonderfully and gracefully is like, you're, you're doing purposeful things through media and purposeful things through products, and then purposeful things through a book. You know, it's like, I love how you're infusing everything in your life with purpose in different ways and, and almost hidden ways sometimes, subtle ways that people may not even be sure of. And, and I think that that's extremely masterful. You're a magician.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  I'm very calculated.

• 1:05:00Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do feel like, look, having a purpose gives me self-esteem. And I really like the way self-esteem feels.

• 1:05:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  I really like knowing, I also, as a businesswoman, like putting my business hat on, I think the future of the world has to be for-profit, for good companies.

• 1:05:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  I work with a ton of different charities, global, local, national, all of them. And I give my time and my money because I believe in them. And these people are working hard every day for causes that I think are wonderful. But there does come a fatigue, especially in an economic recession, which we're experiencing now, when you're asking people for money. So like last year, it just occurred to me, I was like, no, it's gotta be for-profit, for good. Big companies have got to step up and be doing the right things. Every single company should have a pledge to a nonprofit. Every single one. We shouldn't be asking someone who only makes minimum wage to donate money to that. The big companies should be doing it. So I don't.

• 1:06:00Jay Shetty?

  Well said.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Do any endeavor without asking, with saying, using my leverage and saying, I, what's your charity component?

• 1:06:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  What's your give back right here? Because I want to know how I'm helping the community. Because there are, I have it a lot, there are a lot of people worse off than me. And my goal in life is to promote happiness and reduce suffering. So how are we going to do that together? And if the answer is we don't have one, then the answer is no.

• 1:06:25Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I'm so glad that you're forcing everyone to level up and increase their standards. It's, it's so needed. And today, Kristin, you've been so generous with your time. We, we end every on-purpose interview with these final five questions. They are meant to be fast five in the sense that they're meant to be one word to one sentence answers. But I think we're gonna go off and that's fine.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, good luck. I don't do one sentence very well.

• 1:06:49Jay Shetty?

  No, it's fine. We, I will, I will allow both of us to break the rules. So the first question of your final five is, what do you know to be absolutely true about human nature that many would disagree with? So what do you know to be true about humans and people that you think people may disagree with you on?

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  That acceptance is as important as oxygen.

• 1:07:11Jay Shetty?

  Wow, I love that. That's really powerful. Never had that answer before. One, that was one sentence? That was pretty good. That was amazing. All right. Okay. Question number two, the hardest recent change you've had to make in your life?

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  I've had to buy some new jeans, some bigger jeans during quarantine. That was rough.

• 1:07:32Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Question number three, what are you currently using your voice for?

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  What am I currently using my voice for? As an amplifier.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  As a megaphone to the work that others are doing.

• 1:07:49Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Beautiful. Question number four, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

• 1:07:54Speaker 01

  That I was not cut out to be a teacher.

• 1:07:58Jay Shetty?

  Or, or a really good one who knows how to facilitate teaching and growth. Maybe you'd be a dean.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  I could be a school admin, that I wasn't cut out to be a teacher, but I was cut out to be a school administrator.

• 1:08:11Jay Shetty?

  There we go. There we go. Okay. And question number five, if you could create a law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  Don't be a jerk.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  Oh, 100%. Don't be a jerk. That's the only rule we need.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Because everybody, you can say like, be kind. That sort of means different things to different people.

• 1:08:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  Jerk means something the same to everybody. We all know a jerk. Don't be a jerk.

• 1:08:45Jay Shetty?

  Great advice. Kristin Bell, thank you so much. I love it. That was your final five. Everyone who's been listening or watching today. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did, learning so much from Kristin's wisdom at this phase in her life as she was sharing so many amazing ways in which she's helping us learn, listen and grow. And whatever you like, to make sure you tag both me and Kristin on Instagram so that we can see what resonated with you. I love noticing what connects with you and what means a lot to you. And Kristin, I just want to thank you again from the bottom of my heart for doing this. It was so much fun. I hope that, I thought you were going to say the one law we need is that the world needs more purple people.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  That would have been so much better, right?

• 1:09:24Jay Shetty?

  That's what I thought you were gonna say, but I'll say it now. The world needs more purple people. The link is in the captions, so go and grab a copy. And thank you so much, Kristen. I look forward to meeting you. I hope I actually get to like be in the same space as you soon, but uh.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  Love that. When this is all over, would you have me on again and we could meet in person?

• 1:09:41Jay Shetty?

  I would love that. I would absolutely love that. And then we can, we can try put on some of the CBD skincare at the same time.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:09:47Jay Shetty?

  That'll be fun. I love that.

• 1:10:09Speaker 07

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd.

• 1:10:14Speaker 02

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all keep the blame on me. Tom Cruise is.

• 1:10:20Speaker 03

  Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  What would happen if I stopped going? You start, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 1:10:30Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  Digger, see the trailer online, only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R, under 17, not a minute without parent.