Kate Bosworth: ON How to Bounce Back From Hitting Exhaustion Spiritually & Mentally

On this episode of On Purpose, I sat down with Kate Bosworth. Kate is an actress, activist, and producer. Kate now stars in and produced the Netflix Sci-fi series The I-Land. She shares her current experience of hitting exhaustion spiritually & mentally, and tuning into vulnerability. Kate reminds us to approach life through an observational point of view, instead of a controlling one. She urges us to ask: what fortifies our spirits & connects with our hearts. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 1:26Jay Shetty?

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• 2:41Speaker 01

  You know, for me, I was able to really look in a broader sense of how I was feeling with two kind of pillars, which was fear and love. The fearful things in my case was fear of the unknown, which is a big one, fear of losing what you have and fear of not getting what you want. And then you look at love, it's completely the opposite of that.

• 3:06Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for making us the number one health podcast in the world. I'm so grateful that we dive in every week to topics around wellness, around mental health, around vulnerability, empathy, finding our true, authentic, and sincerest selves. And I'm so grateful that you get involved in the conversation. I love seeing your posts on Instagram, on Twitter, on Facebook, and I love seeing what you're taking away. And I truly believe already, because I've just been speaking to today's guest outside the room before we dove in here and just now, and I think you're going to get so much from this conversation. So get your notepads out right now. If you are walking your dog, if you're cooking and you can't take notes, take mental notes. And if you can't take mental notes, then come back to this episode.

• 3:51Jay Shetty?

  I'm so excited for this conversation. Today's guest is Kate Bosworth. She's an actress, activist, and producer, and she's transitioned from being a young Hollywood star to one of today's leading people on Screen and behind the lens. And by the way, she made her on screen debut at fourteen years old with zero prior experience and we'll get to that in a moment. Her film credits include everything from Still Alice, Heist, Ninety Minutes in Heaven, Homefront, Blue Crush, and so many more. And Kate and her husband, Michael Polish, have co-produced the feature film Nona. I highly recommend checking it out. And most recently, Kate now stars in and produced the Netflix sci-fi series, The Island, streaming on Netflix now. And we'll talk about that today. Kate, thank you for being here.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

• 4:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm so excited to have you. And we started talking, I think it was maybe a couple of months ago on Instagram through DMs. And this is why I love Instagram, because it introduces me to incredible people like you. And we started sharing these messages back and forth. And I was so drawn to your openness, your vulnerability, your expression of the journey you're on. And I wanted to share that with my audience. And you've been so kind to trust me with that, too. So I just want to say thank you so much for doing that.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  Thank you so much for having me. I felt the same way. Like, I, actually, my husband is the one who introduced me to you.

• 5:13Jay Shetty?

  Oh, no way.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, he was, he, he sent me a post that you, that you had put up. And he was like, you're really gonna like Jay Shetty. And I, and I, then I started really stalking

• 5:23Speaker 01

  you. And I was like, you're right. But yeah, I mean, that's why I love Instagram, social media, too, is that you can kind of create bonds, you know, through likeness, which is really great.

• 5:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me.

• 5:33Jay Shetty?

  Oh, no, thank you. I'm so touched, genuinely, honestly. And the short conversation we just had outside and the conversation we were having yesterday, I just think that you being confident, courageous, wonderful enough to share this revelatory moment in your life, where you're going through deep reflection, for you to share it this time, I think is so brave and courageous.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:54Jay Shetty?

  And I think it's so beautiful. And I think it's going to help so many people. Because we were just talking about it outside, that I think we're used to hearing things in hindsight. We're used to hearing about something once it's done, and someone's had time to reflect. But you're actually going to be sharing what's happening with you right now while you're reflecting and learning.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it was, it was very, you know, it was, it was perfect timing, really, when you reached out to me. And I said to you, I said, you know what, it's funny that, that you're, you're asking me to come on now, because About a month ago, I literally just hit a moment of just such complete exhaustion. And I don't mean exhaustion like I'm tired and I need to sleep for a week. It was exhaustion, just like spiritually and mentally. You know, with kind of how I was approaching my career, how I was approaching family, love, sort of everything. And I just thought to myself, you know, if I don't

• 6:48Speaker 01

  really consider this and kind of unplug from all of it and unplug really just from the way I've been approaching things thus far in my life. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna find myself in some trouble, you know? And it's kind of like when you can, when you can almost like see the, the road signs to an accident. And you're like, it's coming, I can see it's coming. And I'm like, I don't want to be in such a wreck that, you know, I, I have to be putting like body parts back together at that point, you know? And so I literally just, you know, I, I use this kind of metaphor. I feel like I was sort of standing on the, the edge of, you know, of a cliff. And I just decided to kind of jump off and free fall without a parachute.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  I sort of did a bit of a clearing with, you know, people in my life that I felt,

• 7:40Speaker 01

  you know, weren't contributing in a way that I was contributing back. And so there was that kind of feeling of, I'm in, in, in love, by the way, like not like in any kind of anger or any kind of, you know, you know, bad feelings for them. It was just, it's time to let that go and make space for other things. And really the big, the big thing for me was to get in touch with the vulnerability. And that, that's scary, you know, it's a crazy thing. And, and, and I, I have to live in so much vulnerability on, on a day to day basis with what I do for a living. And, you know, kind of losing yourself in characters who are in a lot of pain or, you know, are expressing certain things about themselves.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  You have to find a commonality of pain with characters. But the real deep kind of soul searching vulnerability of self, like going way back to how you were cooked by 36 years old, which is how old I am. And and feeling, for me, the big thing was, as as I am, I was telling you, I'm definitely A-type, you know, in school, in high school, I was like very nerdy, very academic, um, you know, I'm an only child, so I I I have two wonderful parents. And and and in raising me, they they did raise me with high expectations. They did raise me with, we expect you to work hard and do the best you possibly can, and look in the mirror and say, did you do the

• 9:07Speaker 01

  best today, which has so much benefit to it. On the other hand, you know, it's a tall order, you know, to have for yourself every single day. There's a lot of pressure that comes along with that. Um, and so with that said, I I've never been the kind of person that's phenomenally comfortable with the unknown. [laughing] Like, I like to control, I I like structure, I like to control things. Producing. Yeah, I do, yeah. So in that sense, it works really well. To be a producer, that those are the sides of, to me, that work very well for that. But as a human being, and and for someone who really felt like that was hindering me more than it was helping me, you know, in my heart and in my soul, I just thought I I have to kind of jump off

• 9:52Speaker 01

  this cliff and be comfortable with the discomfort. Absolutely. And that was crazy. Like, I literally had a month of not doing much and, you know, making certain decisions in my life that were big decisions that that really did, um, kind of reveal a big unknown. And there was like two days where I felt like paralytic fear, truly, like where I was just sitting in one spot, just being like, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to get through this day. It was so, it was really that kind of overwhelming feeling. And then what was so great was that I sort of survived and thought, well, now the free fall is actually going from so much fear to excitement. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. It went from, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, what am I doing to like, whoa, this is actually really cool. I like the unknown, you know, I feel somewhat more comfortable

• 10:36Speaker 01

  in the unknown. And starting to approach life with a more...

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Sort of like observational point of view, rather than a controlling, you know, sort of forceful point of view.

• 10:51Jay Shetty?

  Okay, I've got so many questions now. This is amazing. This is amazing. And I think anyone who's listening right now, I want you to put yourself back into a place when you felt how Kate's beautifully describing how she's felt. Or I'm thinking for a lot of you listening right now, you might even be in one of those situations right now. So I really want you to bring your whole body and your mind and your soul into this conversation, because I think just the way you articulated, that was beautiful, by the way. And I'm hoping that that's going to help people navigate there. So one of my first questions is around, how were you approaching, you said A-type? Tell me about how you were approaching life. And you spoke a bit about it there, about your parents' expectations. When did that mindset of looking in the mirror every day and asking yourself if you've done the best, when was that useful? And when did you start

• 11:36Jay Shetty?

  to notice it wasn't useful? Because I'm guessing there are times when it's amazing, like you mentioned, and there's times when you're like, oh, okay, now I'm noticing this is not serving me anymore.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  Totally. And honestly, I'm still in it, you know, like, and I love how you said, you know, that we're having this discussion, like, while I'm going through this moment of self-reflection. So I will sort of admittedly say I don't have actually all the answers. However, I will say that it serves me in being very diligent and determined and strong-willed with my work. I definitely am someone who will leave no stone unturned in terms of how can I make something happen? You know, if my relationship, my marriage is struggling, how do I, how do we, how do we look at that? How do we, you know, come together? Or do we need separate, you know, do we need some space? Like, what is it that will help us,

• 12:30Speaker 01

  you know, be closer, you know? And marriage isn't, I'm excited to talk to you about this too, because we've been married for six years together for eight. And it's, it's a, it's a really beautiful journey, you know? And I think that's something that I had to really understand that it really is that, you know, there are peaks and valleys. There are really difficult moments, especially for, you know, for us, we're two artists. So, you know, we, it's a little crazy sometimes. But it, the determination and the strong will and the

• 13:07Speaker 01

  You know, the sort of A-type part of myself serves in that way. What I started to realize wasn't serving me was this kind of kind of unrelenting self-criticism ultimately, which then for me led to feelings of um, sort of shame, self-pity. Um, and these are the things that I've been observing myself, right? And shame's an interesting one because shame takes a, takes a lot of vulnerability to admit that you have shame or humiliation over something. It's a lot easier to be angry.

• 13:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so true. Wow, wow, really good point.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  And that's what I started finding myself that I get really angry or frustrated with situations. And in this kind of real moment of saying enough of the things that aren't working for you, like, let's really strip this back. Like, let's see, how do you truly feel? And when I really got to the core of myself, I thought, well, there's, you know, the self-criticism brings a lot of shame for certain things, shame that I am not succeeding in a certain way, or things that I feel like I'm failing, or that I'm not good enough, or I'm not this, or I'm not that. And I thought, well, you know, that is something that, you know, you want to, um, you want to look at with vulnerability in a way that can then lead to more confidence, you know?

• 14:24Jay Shetty?

  And giving yourself the permission to look at it with vulnerability, without the judgment, without the criticism.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Exactly. And, and, and, and, you know, anger is interesting because it can feel a lot more comfortable at times.

• 14:37Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  You know, it's, it's it's a more comfortable, you know, sort of thing to, to put on, to assume than, wow, I actually feel like really, you know, I'm struggling right now, you know? And, and that's sort of the place that I'm trying to get to, which is feel confident enough to feel vulnerable and to be able to feel calm with that vulnerability, rather than sort of very erratic and chaotic, which, you know, it's, it's that thing where I would feel vulnerable and I'd be like, oh, I don't want to feel this way.

• 15:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  It's, it's like that, like that nerve of your heart, right? Where you're like, God, I'm hitting it. And it's like that, almost like electric jolt. And so this kind of time has been to say, okay, wow, yeah, that's the core.

• 15:19Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  That's the core. So let's, you know, let's lean into that, like, let's embrace that. Like, and even if it feels a little uncomfortable, that's okay. It's okay to feel uncomfortable. Like, that's, that's going to lead you somewhere else.

• 15:34Jay Shetty?

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• 16:17Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair.

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• 18:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, wow, so true. I love what you just said there about being confident enough to be vulnerable. Because usually we see it the other way around, right? Usually we see it as, oh, if I don't, if I'm not vulnerable, then I'm confident.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Right, exactly. I think, I think there, you know, there is this kind of misconception that, you know, vulnerability can feel like a weakness.

• 18:26Jay Shetty?

  Weakness, yes.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  And, and yet, I really feel like, for the first time in my life, I've been able to say to people, I actually don't have the answer for that.

• 18:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  And feel okay with that, rather than say, I don't have the answer, but I'll find it and I'll get it right back to you. Like, that's kind of how I used to be.

• 18:46Jay Shetty?

  Definitely.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  And I have the impulse to kind of go back there because it's so much of, you know, how I'm made up. But what I'm trying to, to really feel, feel more comfortable in is saying, I'm actually in a place of the unknown and that's just where I'm at, you know?

• 19:05Jay Shetty?

  Being okay with that, yeah.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  It's, it's, and it's, it's, I think, you know, and what's exciting to me about the free fall, rather than the fear, is it to me, that's really where so much growth comes in.

• 19:13Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes. And sometimes it takes a bit of time to get there. I was saying to someone the other day that, you know, taking the analogy of sometimes like if your, if your house is burning down right now, you don't have time to reflect and get intimate with it and figure out, you need to just run away, right? Like, sometimes you're just like, forget that cliff, I just need to cry and hide for a moment.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Yes, totally.

• 19:34Jay Shetty?

  Or I just need to run away from this situation. But then after the dust has settled, you come back and you go, well, what started that fire? Where did it come from?

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:42Jay Shetty?

  Why did I have to run away from it? Why did it, why did it happen in the first place? Right? It's like, then you can come back to it.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I think part of the process with that is to be, like, sort of lovingly discerning with.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  Who you speak to and who you invite into that process. So I totally understand that feeling like the first, you know, week was like the fire and the flames and just being, you know, just being like, oh, I don't know what's happening. You know, it's crazy. And then as the dust settled, it was about reaching out to people and saying, hey, I'm, I'm going through something that's really difficult and I'm struggling and can you come over? And, you know, I feel like I've always prided myself on being the strong one. And that people kind of come to me for answers for, and I found that, you know, I was using this, the sort of metaphor to you outside, which was, you know, Kate's got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. I've got it. And then all of a sudden like,

• 20:39Speaker 01

  I'm dropping. I don't have it. I don't have it. Who else can, you know, and, and that was sort of how I felt where it's like just to let everything fall was kind of brilliant. Because I was like, well, I'm, I'm actually a lot clearer now because I see everything sort of like just, you know, in a heap.

• 20:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  And it's actually okay.

• 20:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  And so then you kind of start to put things back in a, in a way that is healthier and, and will have a, you know,

• 21:06Speaker 01

  a sort of more formidable longevity, I think with self, you know?

• 21:10Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah. I think I love that metaphor because I think sometimes we're carrying things for so long and for so close that it's so close, we don't even know what we're carrying anymore.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Right.

• 21:19Jay Shetty?

  But you're carrying it and you feel the weight, but then when you actually drop it all, you can then go, oh yeah, I actually want to keep that and that's not relevant. I'm getting that from like that's,

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 21:26Jay Shetty?

  That's the process of it.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:27Jay Shetty?

  One thing you said, which I thought was amazing is you talked about how, and twice now you've sidelined anger in the sense of you've just been like, I'm doing this without anger.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:36Jay Shetty?

  And you talked about letting go of people with love.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:40Jay Shetty?

  And I thought that was really beautiful because I think, and sometimes I post about things like this and people struggle and they're just like, Jay, how can I, how can I, like, if I stop talking to someone, then, then they're going to not like me or that can't be loving. Like, how did you let go of people with love? Like, how, how does that process work or?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  I think, you know, for me, I was able to really look. You know, in a broader sense of how I was feeling with two kind of pillars, which was fear and love. And so, you know, to me, they were, you know, the fearful things were, in my, in my case, was fear of the unknown, which is a big one, fear of losing what you have and fear of not getting what you want. And then you look at love and it's, it's completely the opposite of that. And so I thought, if I can really analytically understand fear, right? And, and to think, can I identify this relationship or this feeling or this experience with one

• 22:38Speaker 01

  of these three things, then I can kind of understand it and not feel so free floating with the feeling, because fear is so mercurial. You know, I mean, it can literally, when I say paralytic, it really did. It sort of became like this kind of crazy like straitjacket for me, you know, for a couple of days. And then when I was able to say, well, why do you feel that way? Well, I'm really, really afraid of losing what I have.

• 23:01Jay Shetty?

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• 24:35Speaker 01

  So, let's look at that. So, if you, you know, why are you afraid of that? Well, because then, then I won't have this and that's really important to me. Okay. Why, why do you need to change that? You know, and so I really started to have this like dialogue with myself. Yes, yes. And I would say, well, because I, I don't like where it's at because it's not serving me in this way. And I feel like I've not participated in the best way. Okay, so then you need to communicate. Yes. Communication, you know, I know we hear this a lot, but really what I found was that, a long-winded answer to your question. It's great. It's great. The, um, really the way of letting go with love, to me is through communication in a way that is, that is loving.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  And it's to be able to say through vulnerability, you know, hey, I, I just, I have to be really honest with you. And this is difficult for me to say. And it actually, to be honest, it, it actually creates a lot of vulnerability with me. With that said, da, da, da, da, da. You know, and like to me, that was, it, it just created such incredible. So it's easy to be honest, right? Yes. It's so much easier. And I think, you know, it's interesting because we talked about this a little bit. We, you know, I didn't grow up with Instagram or Facebook or any kind of global perception of what other people think, or what I think of other people, or what other people think of other people. You know, this, like what you said so wonderfully in your post.

• 26:05Speaker 01

  But, you know, it's, it's definitely, um, to me, like, um, part of that, I think, was really feeling like I needed to unplug from that and get very, very genuine with myself. And the moment that I was able to say, this is, this is truly how I feel. It allowed me to let go of the fear because it was just me. And that's kind of. You know, there's, there's, there's nothing really left to hide behind.

• 26:33Jay Shetty?

  It's not unknown now. Once you've given it a name, you've verbalized it, you vocalized it. It's not unknown.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  No, exactly. And, and I think, you know, when we, we live in a world of perception, it is difficult to, I think for certain people, you know, I think for a lot of people to feel honest and authentic and, and vulnerable. And I, that's, you know, it's an interesting, uh, it's an interesting observation and, and reality of where we are right now as a society, which is everything's fine, everything's great, white picket fences, Labradors, you know, like everything, you know, and I, I'm guilty of it. I totally, you know, I mean, which is why I was so excited to come here and speak with you in a, in a way that I feel safe because I, I think we will really thrive more as a society and, and in our relationships and in our friendships with more vulnerability and honesty and authenticity.

• 27:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm with you. I'm with you. This is great, by the way, and anyone who's listening right now, something Kate said is really a powerful method. So she first talked about diagnosing, like getting really close to what it is you're scared of and finding out which of those three. Can you share those three areas again?

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. Well, I, I mean, I looked at, at fear, which is fear of the unknown, fear of losing what you have and fear of not getting what you want.

• 27:47Jay Shetty?

  I love that. So I would write that down right now, and that's a great way of diagnosing which one it is, because it has to kind of fit into one of those.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  And it will be clear. I mean, that's the great thing. And sometimes it's two of the three, sometimes it's three of the three, sometimes it's one of the three, the three. But once you understand what it is, you're right, you're able to, you're, you're able to then move forward.

• 28:06Jay Shetty?

  Totally. A hundred percent. Yeah, no, that's a great, that's a great takeaway. See, this is what's amazing about this conversation. And when we were talking about it earlier, it's just, you know, you go from being in your first ever movie at 14, right? What was your view of confidence then versus now? Because I'm like, at 14, no experience.

• 28:30Jay Shetty?

  I mean, that sounds like it takes a lot of confidence and courage. And, and then like

• 28:35Speaker 01

  You get really good at sort of faking it.

• 28:38Jay Shetty?

  I want to know where confidence has evolved for you because I mean, you know, we're not going to judge your 14 year old self about confidence, but.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Well, you know, it's okay. So it's interesting. So I've always been very true to myself and I haven't ever had a ton of friends. Like I really love one on one. I love digging deep with people.

• 28:58Jay Shetty?

  Me too.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  You know, so it's like for, if I look at the continuity throughout my life, you know, I was, I was more of an introvert in high school. I was very academic. I was really, I felt very shy. I don't know if I came off like that, but inside I felt very shy and

• 29:20Speaker 01

  self-conscious. Like I, I mean, I think most high schoolers feel self-conscious.

• 29:24Jay Shetty?

  I think so.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and yet I also felt like

• 29:31Speaker 01

  I was always very, very true to myself in terms of

• 29:38Speaker 01

  I wouldn't do anything that didn't feel right. I, I, I was, I very, very rarely gave into peer pressure, you know, because it was like, there's, I've always had this like inner core where I would just known like that is not going to be right for you, you know, and in a fundamental kind of way. And that's something that's, that I've had throughout my life. So in terms of like feeling like I've known myself in a confident way, I, I, I think I've, I've, I feel like I was born that way in a certain way. Now, taking that away and looking at, you know,

• 30:19Speaker 01

  being in my first movie at 14, that happened because I was a horse rider and I was a show jumper and I, I absolutely love being around horses and riding horses and

• 30:30Speaker 01

  you know, that gave me a lot of confidence. It was just something that felt like.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  It was just inherent, you know, I didn't really, I mean, it was obviously a skill I had to learn, but it was something that just was like an affinity for me.

• 30:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  And then the movie The Horse Whisperer was directed by Robert Redford and he really wanted real horse girls to be involved in the movie. And so I just went on a whim to a open casting call in New York. I was living in Connecticut at the time and the first time I'd ever even read lines, you know, and sort of participated in a scene. And I had no idea what I was doing. And I remember just finishing that experience of auditioning with the casting director and thinking, oh my God, thank God, that's over. And then I started getting called back and called back. And I remember thinking to myself, like, they don't know that I don't know what I'm doing, you know? And so I had this kind of weird imposter syndrome for a long time. I feel like sometimes I still have it, you know, when I, when I feel like when people say like, oh, I went to

• 31:28Speaker 01

  Juilliard, I'm thinking, oh God, they're the real deal. They're gonna find out really soon that I don't. But I suppose, you know, with time, you, you feel more comfortable and with more experience, more comfortable with anything you do.

• 31:38Jay Shetty?

  How did you deal with that then? Or did you deal with it? Because did you even have a name for it at that time? Or was it just this constant anxiety of like, I'm gonna be found out?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:46Jay Shetty?

  When actually, there's nothing to find out because someone liked your work and they thought you were right, you know, and they put you on. But we all do that to ourselves.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, we do. And that's, that's probably where a lot of this self criticism started, you know, where like, like literally cut to, you know, 20, 20 years later, when I just said, look, like, I, I have to really connect to myself, like, almost even before that 14 year old girl, you know? I mean, that's kind of how deep this last moment was. I, I, you know, what's funny is that I felt more anxiety about kids making fun of me at school because I came from a really small town, like a nor, I'm like, like literally normal kid, you know, suburbia, you know, girl. And I was, I remember thinking it like, you know, in middle school, you know,

• 32:36Speaker 01

  kids are gonna make fun of me that I'm doing something weird, you know? And, you know, it's weird. Middle school is funny because jealousy is so rampant there, there anyway, you know? And, and, and so I was, I was aware, I had like my antenna out that like, kids are gonna sort of start preying on the fact that I'm doing something interesting and they have to like squash that immediately. You know what I mean? Like, no, no, no, that's way too cool. Um, and like for, for example, I mean, I was, you know, I was very aware of wanting normal experiences. That was one of the things I was like, when I was saying I was very self-aware as a, as a, as a younger person. I remember there was a movie I really wanted to do, um, and I had to audition numerous times for it. And it was this small movie, but it was a great

• 33:19Speaker 01

  character. And they couldn't give me the dates off for my prom or for my graduation. And I turned it down because I thought to myself, and

• 33:26Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  You know, I was eighteen, seventeen years old and I thought to myself, am I going to regret not doing this movie as a memory? Or am I going to regret saying, you know, I never went to prom? Or like, actually, I didn't go to graduation. And, and it was the latter that I thought, I, I want that memory, actually.

• 33:45Jay Shetty?

  And how do you feel about that now?

• 33:46Speaker 01

  I feel good.

• 33:47Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel good. And it wasn't like, you know, it wasn't like this movie version of prom. It was, you know, a normal version, but it was something that, you know, one day I'll be able to, you know, God willing, tell my children, like, oh yeah, I remember when I did that. Here's my photo, but I went with my date, you know, and it was just, I've always been aware of, um, while the industry that I work in is, you know, it's magical and amazing in so many ways, it, you know, it's make believe too. And so for me, the idea of connectivity and love and groundedness has been really important to me. Like the moment that I start to sway from that, or I feel a bit unrooted from that, I really suffer.

• 34:28Jay Shetty?

  Well, that's an incredible example of that, because I can imagine that that's quite a hard choice.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:32Jay Shetty?

  But you, you seem to have really found your values quite early. And, and that must give you so much confidence now, though. Because when I hear you do that, how old were you then?

• 34:42Speaker 01

  I was like seventeen.

• 34:44Jay Shetty?

  Seventeen, yeah. You're like seventeen, eighteen years old. If you were able to do that then, that must give you so much more confidence and courage in your decision-making now. Because I feel like if you were being able to pull back then, when like the temptations and maybe the magic felt more magical, whereas now you've had so much more experience, is it easier to tap into those values or?

• 35:04Speaker 01

  That's, that's like, it feels like an organ to me.

• 35:08Jay Shetty?

  Right, yeah.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Like, really. I mean, it's like, if I start to sway from something that I feel

• 35:15Speaker 01

  You know, if there's a crossroads and it's like, well, you have this way or this way. If it's, if it's swaying from, from like the organ of my morals or my family or love, or you know, the things that are, are the most important things for me.

• 35:28Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Then, then I'll always choose that.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  There was two other things in my life that were, that were, um, you know, quite critical when it came to decision making. One was when I ended up graduating from high school, um, you know, I ended up getting to Princeton. And my, um, my parents were incredibly proud, you know, and, you know, I was, I, I think,

• 35:51Speaker 01

  if not the first, the second person in my family to get into an Ivy League school, you know, and, and they're very, they were thrilled, you know, of course, you know.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  But I, I knew at that moment that if I didn't follow my dreams and move out to Los Angeles and really try and give acting a go, that I might not do it. And I, the, the toughest thing through high school really was this balancing act of finding a few bit parts here and there and also keeping up with academia. Because remember, you know, back in the day, in the late nineties, kids, um, you know, there, you know, it wasn't like I could do my schoolwork online and people weren't as lenient. I mean, I had teachers that like flat out said, if she, if she goes and does this movie, like I won't, I will fail her, you know? So it was like an enormous amount of pressure.

• 36:43Jay Shetty?

  A lot of pressure, yeah.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  To say, um, well, I, you know, I want to have this experience. And then I had teachers who were amazing that said, you guys are crazy. This person's having an extraordinary experience. How dare you take that from her, you know? Um, and luckily I had a, a mom who, who went in there and said, do we have to figure this out because I'm not going to, you know, strip her of this experience, but I'm also going to continue her education. So we have to figure this out. So when I graduated high school, I was aware of the fact that I, it was going to be impossible for me to balance at Princeton somehow acting and also keeping up with that kind of academia. So when I was accepted, I went to orientation and sort of imagining my life there. And it's beautiful campus and I am sure.

• 37:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's stunning.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  An extraordinary experience. And I met some amazing people there. But it was again, that thing, that inner core where I thought, I, I just, I need to experience the other side.

• 37:37Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  And so I ended up deferring and moving on to Los Angeles and going on like six auditions a day. I didn't know anyone. I used to go to coffee shops, literally just to be around people because I was like 18 years old. So I couldn't go to bars or anything. And so I was so lonely so much of the time. That was, that was a stage of my life that I really understood like the depths of loneliness for sure.

• 37:57Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  Um, because I didn't really know anyone and um, I was chasing a dream and I didn't know if it was gonna happen. Yeah, they talk about the unknown. I mean, it was like, it was like everywhere. I was living in the tornado of unknown. And yet I hadn't, I, I had a determination, you know, that served me really well.

• 38:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  And I was, you know, sort of seeing all these roles for girls, blonde girls that were sort of vapid and not very interesting. And I thought, this is kind of depressing. Like that this is like my, you know, the version of me is sort of this like uninteresting sort of bitchy or dumb.

• 38:35Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Stereotype.

• 38:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I grew up on movies like that.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  I grew up. No, so you know, you know, it's.

• 38:40Jay Shetty?

  I like that, yeah.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  So it was, it was, it was lonely and depressing until I read a screenplay called Blue Crush.

• 38:46Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  And that was the moment where I thought, okay, I've never surfed in my life. I've never touched a surfboard. However, I know this girl better than anybody. Like I have an affinity to this person that is, I know what it feels to chase a dream. I know what it feels like to have an enormous amount of fear and doubt. Um, I, I, I just, I can do this. I can, you know, and I, and it took a lot to get that role.

• 39:08Jay Shetty?

  And how quickly did you learn to surf?

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Well, so, I mean, they, they obviously wanted to hire a real surf girl.

• 39:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  And so I auditioned for it numerous times and. While they thought I gave a great reading, they were like, look, we really need someone with the skill set, understandably. And so I asked them what their plan was, and they said they were gonna audition real surf girls and try and get them to act. And so, over the next three weeks, and so I like literally went into the Yellow Pages, found a surf instructor in Malibu, and told him I have three weeks to learn how to surf. And so I, and he said, you have to come here like eight hours a day, every day. And I did, for three weeks.

• 39:43Jay Shetty?

  That's insane.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. So when you asked me in the beginning, you know, what part of your personality has served you well in that way?

• 39:50Jay Shetty?

  There we go.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  This is a great example of that. And I always tell people, my husband and I started a film school in Montana called Montana Institute for the Arts. And I always, you know, tell this story, because the determination and dedication and discipline that it takes to, um, to, to, to find some kind of success in this industry, there is no magic wand. You know, there is no secret sauce. There is no like, how do you make it? Tell me, give the, give me the secret. But I truly believe that the determination and dedication and discipline will, will really take you a long way. And yes, talent, but those three things, I think are, are critical.

• 40:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, that's huge. And, and the reason why I love that is because it's almost like, there's certain qualities, like determination, dedication, discipline.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  Desire.

• 40:41Jay Shetty?

  Desire that kind of take you outwards and upwards.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:44Jay Shetty?

  And then I think there's a different set of skills that take you deeper and inwards.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:49Jay Shetty?

  And, and it's almost like, you know, you've got one, all these things that you just mentioned, those are the ones that we know that success in any industry are going to take those things. But then happiness in any industry.

• 41:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:00Jay Shetty?

  Are going to take everything else you mentioned, like vulnerability and compassion.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:04Jay Shetty?

  Non judgment and not being critical of you, right?

• 41:06Speaker 01

  That's, I just got chills, because I was like, that's, that's the phase I'm in now. So I, I lived, I think, certainly through my teens and into my twenties with that kind of, I call it, like be the best D student you can be.

• 41:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  You know? And yet, I was finding more and more distance from that sort of vulnerability and real, kind of connectivity to your heart. And also, you know, I was getting older and evolving and, um, and, and I think, you know,

• 41:40Speaker 01

  It's so important to me to be connected to the heart and the soul that that was really what triggered this kind of moment of saying, I'm letting it all go for a minute because I just knew, I was like, I can't, I can't survive truly as a person in the world if I don't have that very, very firmly in place, you know, and that it takes, it takes a lot of courage, actually, to kind of, kind of totally reset, you know, your, your, your soul and your heart that way.

• 42:09Jay Shetty?

  No, and that's why I started with that. I was like, that, in my opinion, that takes the most courage, like the discipline and dedication it takes to go outwards and upwards, the courage it takes to go inwards is, is not saying it's harder, it's just a different type of challenge.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  It is.

• 42:23Jay Shetty?

  And so you can't apply the same skills inwards. You can't go.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  I tried. I really tried. It doesn't work.

• 42:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, right. Tell me about that because, yeah, I don't think about.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I mean, I just, I tried to, I was, I was, you know, I had found so much success in the urgency and the forcefulness in the determination. I mean, my name Catherine means strong-willed and determined.

• 42:47Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  So I really do feel, and I'm a Capricorn, so I'm like a goat, you know, like just get it done. Doesn't matter how long it takes, you'll get it done. So I've always sort of applied that to my life. And so when I tried to say, you know, and I tried to sort of apply that inward, I just, it was just like a bounce back. It was like, that's, yeah, there's no, there's no entryway there, you know?

• 43:05Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow. Thank you. Yeah. No, thank you for sharing that because I think, yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot. And I'll tell you about something else later that I'm preparing for. But it's, that's so much of my thought process right now, that the skills that are required to go outward and the skills required to go inward are totally different. And, and we can and do and hopefully try, not everyone does, but most people try to develop the ones to go outward. Some people succeed insanely, like you have. And then you're now going, okay, but now we need to do the other journey.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:36Jay Shetty?

  I I I'm completely hearing you and I'm just like, it takes so much courage, it takes so much effort. But how have you found it with, I'm always intrigued in relationships, like with your husband, like, has he been doing his own, or is he kind of already, and I don't know him, so this is not coming from any place of any insight, this is coming from a totally intriguing point of view, because I found like in couples and in relationships and in marriage or dating, whatever it may be, everyone's always evolving. So how have you found it? Have you both been evolving at the same time? Did he evolve first? Did you, you know, how's that? How does that work? If you don't mind sharing?

• 44:09Speaker 01

  No, I don't mind. Um, you know, it was, I feel like, you know, he and I were kind of on a similar trajectory of, um, this real, we didn't notice that it was somewhat unhealthy at the time, but I think because we, we work together and we're both so dedicated to our work and we love our work. I mean, it's, it's an obsession, you know, and, and it will always be, I love creating and as does he, you know, I mean, it's like, it's like DNA. But I think it really, it

• 44:48Speaker 01

  was, it was me who, who, who recognized and kind of pulled the ripcord to say, it, it, we have to find balance. You know what I mean? Like, we, we have to find balance and there's so much love there. That was not the question. It was, um, if everything is about work and then if something's not working and it becomes about, well, I feel like I'm failing, I feel like I'm not good enough, I feel like very shameful, I feel like I'm not good enough for you, are you good enough for me? I don't know, are you, am I good enough for you? Then all of a sudden, you become into this whirlpool where all of a sudden you're just kind of a bit lost. Um, and it was really this moment where I realized, no, actually, I can't look to him to fix me.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  And I can't fix you. And that was a big one for me because it was, it really kind of played in on that failure thing for me, where I thought, uh, oh, that's, that's something that is interesting to observe that.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  It's actually not my responsibility to fix someone else. And it's not their responsibility to fix me. He's 12 years older than me. And when I met him at 28, he was not only someone I fell in love with, but he was also became my mentor. He also became my best friend. And we have like such an amazing relationship that way. But as I started to evolve in myself and learn and grow,

• 46:13Speaker 01

  I started to realize that perhaps that leaning on him so much, and then him sort of probably pushing back a little bit of that, or feeling some kind of resentment, or you know, just things naturally that happen with that dynamic.

• 46:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  It was something that I had to really,

• 46:34Speaker 01

  really observe carefully and understand like why I was feeling so out of control with myself. And I thought, well, it's because, because you don't feel firmly planted. So the moment that you don't look to someone and say, "Help", but you look to yourself and say, "Okay, this is crazy. This is a wild free fall, but like you're gonna survive it", then, then you can look to the person across from you and say, "Okay, I've just kind of gone through something crazy, and I'm now seeing things very clearly." I think the thing in relationships that's interesting that happens over time is that you form patterns that are healthy, and then you form patterns that aren't. But it takes a lot of time. So if you're not careful and you don't have the communication upfront,

• 47:18Speaker 01

  which is something that, you know, I really have tapped into a lot in the vulnerability part of things, which is, you know, if you're doing a movie for three months, and you're like, "Oh, I really want to talk about this, but now is not the time", and then another movie comes along, and it's another four months, and you're like, "Oh, I really need to talk about that, but I can't really do it on Skype", you know, it's, it kind of ultimately creates something that can be challenging.

• 47:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  And then all of a sudden, there's distance, and then you're not quite sure what you're even talking about anymore, but you know that there's something that's not quite right. And so for me to kind of just take a minute with myself and, and really recognize what those things are that I was participating in that wasn't making me happy and wasn't making him happy, literally, we became two people standing there saying, "Oh, okay. I see you now. I see you clearly." And that was also part of the courage.

• 48:06Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  You know, the fear of losing what you have. You know, if we, if we stand together in this new evolved place with each other, is it, what does that mean, you know? And I think that's something that... I would really encourage people to talk about in relationships, especially now with, you know, social media and things where everything's all, you know, white picket fences and Labrador's. To say like, it does take communication and it's okay to have setbacks because that can indicate progress, but to be able to say, wow, I'm really feeling vulnerable and I don't need you to fix it, but I just, I'm just going to communicate this. Sometimes it just starts with that.

• 48:45Jay Shetty?

  Yes. Yeah, and let the ego go. When one of you says, hey, I think we need to work on this.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 48:52Jay Shetty?

  For the other person to respond with no ego and say, oh, let me take a moment. Like you might be right, but you, I'm not sure yet. Let me think. And then come back and say, yeah, actually let's work on it together. Because I think it takes that so often when someone in your, your partner says something to you like, I think we really need to work on our communication or something like that. Your ego goes, well, maybe you do.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  You instinctually go, well, I don't think so.

• 49:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. You know, and, and, but I think it's so important that we just put our ego aside and go, yes, like, okay, don't have to say yes straight away, but to really reflect on what someone's trying to tell you.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Exactly. Yeah. And, and also, you know, to, to, to understand that, you know, it's okay to not have an answer. It's okay. And this was part of our dynamic that was difficult, which is, you know, for someone 12 years older who, who probably felt like, I don't want to speak for him, but probably felt like, well, I should probably always have the answer because when I met Kate at 28, I had all the answers and now all of a sudden I don't. And for me to say, well, you know, I don't have the answers either, you know, it is, it's super vulnerable, you know, to, to be able to say that to someone else. However, it really enriches and creates so much depth in, in a relationship and trust ultimately. Like my, my, um, the three things that I've sort of, I know, it's not like you can see like the, the sort of A type come out with me.

• 50:09Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  But the things that I've really thought about a lot in, in, in my relationship is this idea of. And I mean this with my relationship to myself and ultimately my relationship and my marriage, which is, you know, the idea of trust, trusting yourself to be vulnerable enough, trusting the other person to be vulnerable with you, the idea of respect to do so and accountability. And like those three things.

• 50:37Jay Shetty?

  Trust, respect, accountability, yeah.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, those three things ultimately are, it's kind of like the tripod to, to strong love to me, like where I say, for example, to, to, to, to use your example of, hey, I think we need to work on this. Like, what's the accountability of that?

• 50:53Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Like, rather than have a reaction, which I am so guilty of, you know, this is why I had to take my moment, you know, to say, well, that doesn't make me feel good because it makes me feel critiqued and, and sort of humiliated and I don't like the way that that came out. To sort of say, yeah, let me take a minute and say, well, what, what is my accountability in this moment? And like, what's the respect that I'm going to put forth? And what is the trust factor here with what that person's saying? And so it really, I mean, honestly, it's, it is, it is the journey inward that, that I'm looking at right now. But it, you know, I'll tell you, it's, it's, it's really, it's created roots that I'm so

• 51:34Speaker 01

  excited for the next, you know, few chapters of my life. Um, you know, I think I'll be, you know, to, to be more comfortable and embrace vulnerability to be a better mom, to be a better partner, to be a better friend, to be better in my career. I mean, it's, it's, it's only going to enrich things.

• 51:54Jay Shetty?

  A hundred percent. Yeah, no, 100%. And it's just, like you said, it's, I think that's the best view to have of it. And that is the right view to have of it. It's like, you recognize that actually, the more work I do internally, it can only be a good thing. And it's just going to take me through roads and paths that I don't, wouldn't love to be on.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:14Jay Shetty?

  But that's just part of it.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  That's part of it.

• 52:16Jay Shetty?

  And, and I think that's the same you would have had to do when you first moved to LA.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:20Jay Shetty?

  Like, when you first moved to LA, you had to probably go to auditions you didn't want to go to, and you had to hand up at places that you didn't want to, and you had to do it for that reason.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:27Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like, on the inside, just because you can't physically see those places, but it's the same experience in that sense.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. And it's, you know, I think when I, I had, I had to assume so much armor as a young person moving to LA. I mean, I really did. I feel like I just immediately suited up and said, you know, okay. I I had to get so comfortable with rejection that it became divorced from me.

• 52:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Like it no longer belonged to me because I had so much rejection at the re like the way to survive it and to not give into it or go crazy or to like turn inside out.

• 53:00Jay Shetty?

  How did you do that? Tell us about it because I think that's such a big thing for people right now.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 53:04Jay Shetty?

  And of course, in I feel like in creative industries, especially acting, rejection is like the num you experience rejection probably more than any other emotion.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  I again, this goes back to just really having a strong sense of self. I I realized early on that if I didn't put rejection in its place. Like um like it doesn't belong to me truly like that rejection doesn't belong to me because um there's so many factors that go into place with with in my particular instance, you know, getting a role. It's the look, it's the feel, it's you know, the you know, three hundred people that are making the decision. You know, it's there's so many factors that go along with it that um that actually weirdly doesn't have much to do with me.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  And and also, you know, I've always been the type of person that really loves other people's success.

• 54:05Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  I really have. You know, I I remember um you know, I remember very early on, like fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, when um another actress got a role and I I recognized the pain because I wanted it so badly. It was like a heartbreak, you know?

• 54:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  But I was genuinely so happy for someone else because I felt like that was meant for that person. And the moment that I think, well, that was meant for me, but I didn't get it and that person got it like I just I just knew at a young age that that was going to become very insidious.

• 54:39Jay Shetty?

  Wow. So you actually realized that really early on?

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:42Jay Shetty?

  This is amazing.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  I think I just didn't like the way it made me feel. It's like I I've never been a jealous person.

• 54:47Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  You know, um in in love or in in that sense of career, I can recognize um feelings of you know, my own desire or my own yearning, you know, but but I've not I don't like the way jealousy makes me feel. And I've never liked it, you know?

• 55:09Jay Shetty?

  That's so beautiful.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's it's kind of like.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  It's kind of like recognizing something in yourself that you're like, you know, that that doesn't, I don't like me.

• 55:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  Feeling like that. And so I would rather remove that than not like myself in that way.

• 55:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:28Jay Shetty?

  Oh, that's so beautiful. I love that. That's such a powerful point. And I love that because, yeah, I think, I think that's what it is with me. It's like, you just don't want, I don't like the way jealousy makes me behave.

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 55:38Jay Shetty?

  I don't like what I say when I feel jealous. I don't like what I think when I feel jealous. And I don't like how it can be such a consuming feeling.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 55:45Jay Shetty?

  Like it just kind of like,

• 55:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:47Jay Shetty?

  not embraces you, it suffocates you. And

• 55:50Speaker 01

  I think jealousy can, you know, jealousy almost is, you know, can come off of that like fear, you know, that fear title of, you know, not getting what you want.

• 55:58Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Or losing what you know, that those things play into jealousy, which is like, really, if you look at fear carefully, it is, it is the thing that can infect you in a way that's very negative. And I think jealousy comes off of that.

• 56:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. No, I agree. You, you were talking about some of the roles that you felt at the beginning were like shallow or not letting you play who you truly were and reflecting, you know, like the, like you mentioned, like, you know, like someone who's just dumb.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:26Jay Shetty?

  You know, silly. What roles do you think actually helped you explore deeper parts of yourself? Like, were there any roles that you played where you actually were like, oh, this is interesting? Or you learned something about yourself?

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:37Jay Shetty?

  Tell me about some of those.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Um, there's, there's a movie that I don't think a lot of people saw, but it was during a time in my life, in my early twenties, which you, you'd asked me, is this the first time that you had this like real kind of cracked open self reflective moment? And, and it is definitely the deepest. Um, but in my early twenties, I felt so overwhelmed by,

• 57:04Speaker 01

  you know, the, the feelings of being judged or

• 57:09Speaker 01

  the sides to this career, like fame or perception that I, you know, I didn't get into it for those things. I mean, I kind of accidentally fell into it, as you know, so it was sort of so surprising. And I am a sensitive person that I just, I didn't know how to, I didn't know how to, um, kind of defend myself, like emotionally or spiritually from all that coming at me.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  And so in my early twenties, I really feel like I had, um,

• 57:41Speaker 01

  You know, I don't know if it would be like clinically described as a breakdown, but I felt, I feel like it was a breakdown of spirit in a way. In that I just felt like I didn't know how to exist really as a person and what I, in what I did, because I loved being creative, but I just couldn't really handle the, the other side of things. And so that, that moves into what you were asking me about like red carpet or paparazzi or da, da, like I had to figure out how to handle that in a way that, you know, wasn't overwhelming and paralytic. But in answer to your question, at that moment of my life, there was a movie called The Girl in the Park and it was,

• 58:23Speaker 01

  it was a movie that was a two-hander between myself and Sigourney Weaver. And, you know, I think the best roles, and I think all actors will say this, is when a character comes into your life, a piece comes into your life, when it is kind of,

• 58:39Speaker 01

  it is connecting with you in a moment that is like lightning in a bottle. You know, where it's like, it's almost like you have to have this kind of revelation with yourself while the character is also having it. Yes. And it's very rare because it's sort of like a shooting star. It's like, it's a The timing, yeah. The timing is so specific and it's so specific with the character and the director and the piece and da, da. But that was one of those moments that I, I really loved exploring that side. And it was cathartic to me in many ways because of what I was going to. And I, I was able to really connect to a certain pain with myself and express it through my art. And I loved Sigourney so much. And so it was kind of one of those moments where

• 59:23Speaker 01

  I felt like, you know, I could speak to someone who had life experience and who was, is incredibly stable and smart and funny. And she's very like, she's like charmingly kind of little girl-like sometimes, you know?

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Childlike in like the most beautiful way. I think the my favorite creatives are like that, you know, and they they you just don't lose that spirit at all regardless of where you are in life.

• 59:49Jay Shetty?

  Childlikeness. Yeah, absolutely. And you've said somewhere I that you were that you, you know, you consider yourself very like goofy and silly and funny and like, but people don't see that side of you.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  I know.

• 59:58Jay Shetty?

  And I saw that straight when you walked in today.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:00Jay Shetty?

  You just like walked in like this beaming light and then we were like laughing, laughing outside. And I was just like, oh, wow, like you, you have this really playful energy about you.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:07Jay Shetty?

  How have you kept that? Like, what is it that like, I, I hope my wife's back today. I really want to introduce you to this. My wife is like extremely playful and silly. I don't know if you follow her on Instagram, but I, I'll show you.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  I'm going to.

• 1:00:18Jay Shetty?

  She's just.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  I love your relationship so much.

• 1:00:20Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's very interesting. We could talk about that. But how do you keep that playful? Like you have that even in your smile and just the, just the being that you have when I'm around you. I'm like, where, where does that come from? And how do you keep that?

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  Um, I think I, it's not something I work at.

• 1:00:39Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  To be totally honest.

• 1:00:40Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  It's, it's really, um, I think it comes out.

• 1:00:46Jay Shetty?

  How do you protect it?

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:00:48Jay Shetty?

  Or you don't?

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  I think there was a moment in my twenties where I tried to be like a cool version of myself.

• 1:00:56Speaker 01

  And I realized that I just felt like an imposter to myself. And I thought, well, you're just dorky. And I actually really love that about myself, you know? And, and actually, um, that, that, that really is me. And like it, it, it is something, it's a quality that I find also disarms people in a way. Because, you know, I'm often in rooms where everyone's like very put to, you know, and I, and I love seeing people I know and, you know, like embracing them and going like, ah, this is weird. You know what I mean? And just kind of calling it out, you know? And, um, and I, I really, I really, I, I.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  I like that part of myself, you know, that it's just, it's just who I am, you know, it's, it's, it's the, it's the unarmored self.

• 1:01:49Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  And so that makes me feel like my best self, really.

• 1:01:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:01:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, I love that about you. And I, I've only experienced it today, but, but I really love it. And I hope I get to see more of it too, because yeah, I'm super clumsy.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:01Jay Shetty?

  So I'm very clumsy. And I have a friend called Chase, who always spots me doing clumsy things. And he always makes a list of them. And so like, we had this really serious, a couple of months ago, we had one of my spiritual teachers come and do an event at our home. And he's like giving like, it's really like peaceful, meaningful message. I'm like leaning against the wall and I like switch all the lights off and on like, like a light show while he's making like, it's really meaningful point. And everyone's like, he's looking at me and cracking up and just like, Jay, like, how can you not help yourself? Like, fine. And it's just like that, you know, and, and I know there was a big part of my teens where I tried to, you know, come across very smooth, especially to the opposite sex for me. And it was like, you know, with girls I was dating and I was always trying to prove to myself to be smooth. And then, and that's when you get stuck in the feeling of like, oh, well,

• 1:02:46Jay Shetty?

  I get found out. Or then when you do something stupid, it's more embarrassing because you haven't shown that side of yourself. And now the other person's wondering, oh, well, you know, this is who you really are. Whereas if you are just who you are, then

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:58Jay Shetty?

  people kind of laugh at it, maybe the first time, and then, and then they start to love it.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's true. I mean, I feel like, you know, um, just being very honest with who you are. And it, there's like a cliche kind of like sound to that. But it is, it is true. Like, you know, the word authenticity is interesting because I feel like it's kind of one of those words that's so important and yet kind of weirdly overused.

• 1:03:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Um, but I, I mean it in the, the truest sense of, of the word, which is to really tap into that authentic part of yourself where you think this is really me. Like this is me at the end of the day. This is me with my closest friends, or this is me in high school. And I was like, what am I doing? You know, I'm actually going to go back and, and speak to, um, some, some kids at my high school soon.

• 1:03:42Jay Shetty?

  Amazing.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  And I'm so excited to do it because Um, you know, it's I graduated with a class of 70, you know, so tiny. And I feel like, you know, they probably look to me now and think, oh, it's this, you know, inaccessible and obtainable life and world she lives in. And yet I'm so excited to say to them like, no, no, I'm still, I'm like you, you know, you're like me, like it's all, it's, you know, keep that. That's really important, you know? And, and I think that, again, it goes back to the word vulnerability, I think, you know, I feel like when I armor myself or I try and be a version of myself, and I, I choose when I do that at very particular moments. For example, um, a red carpet moment.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  I don't love them. I feel very odd standing on a rolled out red carpet. It's weird, you know?

• 1:04:32Jay Shetty?

  When you explain it like that, it sounds really weird.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  It's strange. I mean, it's super strange. And again, you know, it's like,

• 1:04:37Jay Shetty?

  Lots of people telling you to pose in different ways and look in different directions.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and yet I thought to myself, you know what, Kate, if you, if you're just like kind of falling apart and like, not just assuming some kind of an alter ego for like five minutes, it's, it's gonna look a little crazy. So like you have, you have to just, you know, pull the Oprah.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  But she found her, she found her red carpet self, you know? But yeah, it's, it's finding those discerning moments of saying, look, okay, this is the, this is the moment where you just, you suit up the, uh, you know, I, I, a really, really good friend of mine, um, do you know Dr. Nigma Tilly?

• 1:05:16Jay Shetty?

  I don't know.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  You love her. She said to me once, we were, she, um, we were going to something, a red carpet event, and she said to me, I, we were in the car and I said to her, oh, this is always like so weird, you know, and I sort of expressed that sort of vulnerability to her. And she said, you know, whenever I go into overwhelmingly energetic sort of experiences like this, I always just wrap myself in gold. I just imagined myself wrapping myself in gold. And I thought, that's actually a really great way of thinking of it, because I always saw it as like suiting up armor.

• 1:05:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Which is a little impenetrable and sort of off putting, but to wrap yourself in gold is a much better visual.

• 1:05:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  You know, um, doing the same thing somewhat.

• 1:05:57Jay Shetty?

  There's one you shine and the other one, you're feeling like you have.

• 1:06:00Speaker 01

  You're closed off.

• 1:06:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you're closed off, exactly.

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  And so then when I started to, so what, me too. And, and when I, so when I started to do that, and that was kind of in my, hmm, it's sort of my late twenties. My, my, my twenties was, I, I told you the version where I was like, I'm gonna try a cool version of myself. And that kind of didn't work. It definitely didn't work. Um, but when I started to wrap myself in, in gold, I, I realized that I laughed a lot more.

• 1:06:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  You know, there's a lot more smiles rather than cool posing.

• 1:06:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:06:28Speaker 01

  And, um, and I preferred it. You know, I would see, I would see photos here and there. And I'd be like, oh, see, you know what? That's a beaming, you know, happy person rather than, you know, okay, stoic kind of cool, smoldering thing, which I get, you know, I do, I get it. And you, and you do go through those phases in life, but I, I feel best when I, you know, when I, when I'm not assuming that.

• 1:06:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And I think one thing you've said, and, and it reminds me of it. And I, I noticed it myself. I was reflecting while I was hearing you speak that you were saying you're going back to speak to your high school.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:57Jay Shetty?

  And you're excited about it. And I was thinking, yeah, you know, going back to do the things that make you feel at ease are actually where you find more of you. Like we were talking about earlier of like, when you're going on a late night show, or you're going, you know, when you're going on something that's very like high pressure, time situated.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:13Jay Shetty?

  You've got to talk about your, your TV show, your movie as well as this. And you know, there's all this stuff and it's like four minutes. But then when you go to your high school, it's like, they're gonna let you probably talk for as long as you want. And there's just this freedom of expression. And I, and you've just made me feel like, you know, it's giving yourself more opportunities to do that. It's one of the reasons why I love this.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:07:34Jay Shetty?

  It's, it's just giving yourself an opportunity to find and get lost and find yourself again. You, you keep that essence.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I think, um, you know, I was thinking, as you were talking and, and talking about, you know, I just had this press tour for, for the island. And I'm so, so proud of the show. And I'm proud that, you know, I produced it with the network and, and I, I think you actually commented on, on this photo. So this is the kind of balance that I'm looking for. Oh gosh, okay. This is the kind of balance that I'm looking for and, and, and it was truly within this moment of, you know, self-realization, which is, um, you know, I'm committed to the work of promoting the show. And I'm really proud of the show. However, at the end of the night.

• 1:08:15Jay Shetty?

  Don't tell me what picture it is, because I think I picked it already. Is it this one?

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  Yes, it is.

• 1:08:19Jay Shetty?

  I knew, yeah, that's awesome.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  And that was kind of, that was such a great example of, of, it was, it was a real, it was a great example of self-care and letting go, honestly, of, of, of everything else that is the perception, right? You know, rather than showing up to something, you know, the cool fashion crowd, which I, I, I love. It's fun and, and I love fashion. My father was in fashion, so I, I really do love it. But for me to eat a bunch of room service with a beer on the floor was heaven, you know?

• 1:08:50Jay Shetty?

  It looks amazing. That picture is so great.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:53Jay Shetty?

  And I loved it too. And I love you sharing that.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:57Jay Shetty?

  Because I think it's, you know, it's so easy. Obviously you're, you're on a tour and you're promoting. And I know you did a bunch of other late night shows and all the rest of it. And it's fun to show that, but it's, it's so great to show this. And yeah, I'm, I'm glad that you're doing that.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  That's the good stuff. You know, I mean, it's all, it's all good. It's all important.

• 1:09:12Jay Shetty?

  It is all good, yeah.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  But it really, when it comes back to, you know, what fortifies the spirit, you know, what, what connects to the heart? You know, if those, if that inward motion isn't connected, then, then all the other stuff isn't going to be as strong anyway, you know?

• 1:09:27Jay Shetty?

  And without trying to give too much away, you play a very confrontational character in the island, right?

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  I know. She's so.

• 1:09:33Jay Shetty?

  It's like, it's like in your own life, you're kind of going in and then here this one, you're like,

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:09:38Jay Shetty?

  I don't want to give too much away, but.

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, she, it was a really great experience for me because I don't often get the opportunity of playing a character, you know? Um, and this was, I, I, you know, I'm, I'm so grateful to Netflix. There's so much fun to work with and they're so collaborative. Because I said to them, you know, I was able to really form this character with them. And I said, I, I want to. Um, exercise the power of restraint with this character.

• 1:10:08Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  Which means, you know, with the show, you know, you have a bunch of people waking up on a deserted island and their memories are wiped. And so the opportunity in that.

• 1:10:16Jay Shetty?

  Love that concept. Yeah.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  The opportunity in that for an actor is all the character is upfront, but the plot is not there.

• 1:10:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  And that's, that's a rare opportunity. Normally, when you're watching a show or a movie, you're, you know, understanding the character and processing the character as you're going along because you're saying, oh, yes, because that happened to them and that's their experience. And of course, that's why they are who they are.

• 1:10:34Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:10:35Speaker 01

  So with this opportunity, you have these kind of weird reactions from this character or a way that she says something that's really strange or off putting. Um, and you're wondering why?

• 1:10:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  And so I said to the network, I want you to take this leap with me because I think there's going to be a lot of intrigue with her with less said upfront. She'll be a question mark that people really kind of lean in and say, what is going on with this person?

• 1:11:03Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  So it was amazing that they allowed me to do that because as you watch the season unfold and episode five in particular, like her world just totally cracks open and you have the aha moment.

• 1:11:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's exciting. That's so exciting. I love that. And I love hearing you explain the creative process behind it.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:20Jay Shetty?

  That makes so much sense that you wouldn't see that. And I, and I wanted to touch on Nona.

• 1:11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Jay Shetty?

  Because it was self-financed.

• 1:11:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:28Jay Shetty?

  Which is amazing.

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was amazing.

• 1:11:30Jay Shetty?

  Incredible. And it's all about human trafficking.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:11:33Jay Shetty?

  And, uh, you know, when, when someone self-finances something, I'm like, wow, like this is deeper and even more meaningful than, than any work that, that you could do, I guess, because you believe that much. Tell me the story about how, what brought that together and why it was so powerful for you?

• 1:11:48Speaker 01

  It was really, it's been such an extraordinary experience. Um, you know, my husband's really a brilliant guy and, and he is so courageous with his work and I am just amazed by him with what he does. Um, you know, he not only writes his screenplays, but he directs them and now he's shooting a lot of his work. So he, on this movie, you know, wrote the screenplay, directed it and, and shot the movie as well. So it's, it's pretty extraordinary. There's not a lot of people who can, who can do that. Um. And he came, he came home from, from work one day and he said, I just heard this story on NPR about a sex house that was busted not so far from our own home. And Wow, okay. Yeah. And, and he said, there's at the moment, at the time, it was a few years ago, he said, there's forty-four

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  known sex houses, you know, in the Los Angeles area, which really means a lot more. And he said, I just feel kind of, um, kind of shocked and a little embarrassed, like I didn't know more about this and that it's prevalent, you know, in our backyard, but all over America. It's not someone else's problem. It is, it is something that's happening here. And he, you know, um, Mike's a real artist. He said, I, I want to use my voice and my art to, um, shine a light on this issue and to bring it to the surface. And so, you know, he's, he kind of asked for my blessing to, to go off and write the screenplay because it takes so much, I mean, I, I think writing is the most, you know, unsung hero of the artistic

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  process because it takes so much discipline and, um, time and processing and, and thinking, um, that's, that's arduous and yet you don't see it. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's so mental. And so he, he spent some time writing the screenplay, which is about a girl, um, named Nona, who is from Honduras, from San Pedro Sula, and a young boy meets her there and says, oh, I, you know, you shouldn't be here. You should have a better life in America. I have an aunt. I'll bring you across the border and you'll, you'll, you'll, you know, you'll have a totally different life. You'll, you'll, you'll soar. And she takes, she takes the offer because

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  her life is so poor and so lonely and so tragic where she is. Um, Michael chose San Pedro Sula because it was known as the murder capital of the world. And so to understand the why and the how. People take opportunities like this. It's because life is so much more dangerous. Yes. And sad and difficult than the potential, you know, downfall of what could happen to them. It's like it's, it's, it's, it's, it's less risky to take that chance than to stay where they are. And, you know, for us, we thought if we can create more empathy and humanity, ironically, it's called human trafficking. And I think we're losing the humanity of the issue.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  So true. Um, you know, it's, it's faceless. It's very highly statistical. And so we thought if we can put a face to it, though it's fictional and he, he drew on a lot of, you know, his research to put into this character. But if we can create connectivity and empathy and humanity in this issue, just through the story, then it's important. Um, and so, you know, Michael was adamant about the Nona being an unknown because he wanted to bring a, you know, he wanted her to be faceless and nameless, you know, is the point of the movie. It's all in Spanish. Michael, um, his, he's half Mexican. His mom is from Mexico. So he has a whole, he has a whole, um, side of him, um, in that culture that he really treasures. Um, and so he wanted the movie to be in Spanish.

• 1:15:29Speaker 01

  And, and he shot in the most dangerous parts of the world, which was San Pedro Sula, Guatemala, and all through Mexico. And so those three things were very difficult to get the right kind of financing. And so, yeah, it's so, you know, we really, we sat, we had a financier and like, it was about six days before everything was in place, you know, like tickets were bought, you know, we had everything set. And I think it was about six days before we were, he was meant to leave. They, they pulled out and I remember he got, we got the email, we were driving and he's like, let's go get a drink.

• 1:16:04Speaker 01

  And we sat at a bar downtown and we both got a whiskey and we just sat there quietly. And I just looked at him and I said, I'll do it, you know, I'll finance it because um for me to have the position of executive producer financier and be on the grounds in LA and and with a fellow producer be looking at all the the sort of logistics of how to do it, let him go and tell the story and he was gonna he was carrying a whole different type of torch, you know, it was the way that we could find balance in making making the movie, but it was it was really, it's our, we always sort of jokingly say it's like our first child.

• 1:16:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:45Speaker 01

  You know, um, but it was something we really felt was important and um, you know, it's it's I I work with an organization called CAST, which is the Coalition to Abolish Slavery and Trafficking. From this process, we realized early on that we need to um, you know, have relationships with people who are really on the frontline of this issue and understand it better and more deeply in terms of how we can help. And um, I've since learned that it's it's it's obviously not just uh, you know, an issue in which it's an international issue coming into the into the United States, there's, you know, the foster care system is really overrun by these predators looking for kids to human traffic and it's a really hard thing to even say or hear, but it's important to know.

• 1:17:31Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah, no, thank you so much for using your platform and your production and all your skills to tell such powerful and meaningful stories, both of both of them, both the island and this, because I think they're gonna spark thoughts in people's minds in different ways and different themes and yeah, thank you. It's amazing.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:17:48Jay Shetty?

  It's awesome. So we we we end every episode with a final five.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17:53Jay Shetty?

  Which are like a final five, rapid fire, quick fire round as as but they're never rapid or quick because I get too no, I get too interested. Everyone's very talented and does it, but then I'm like, okay, tell me a bit.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:04Jay Shetty?

  So you're allowed to do the same. So

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:18:05Jay Shetty?

  Uh, the first question is, if you could only, and I know you're a big reader, so that's

• 1:18:09Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh.

• 1:18:10Jay Shetty?

  If you could only read one book for the rest of your life, what would it be?

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  That's so hard. That is such a hard question.

• 1:18:19Jay Shetty?

  Or I can, I can give you an easier version. I mean, I guess now that you're being vulnerable and the question I would say is.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  I can tell you the last book I read that I really love.

• 1:18:30Jay Shetty?

  Tell me that and also tell me what's the book you've gifted the most.

• 1:18:34Speaker 01

  That's a good question, too.

• 1:18:36Jay Shetty?

  What's a book that you'd love people to read?

• 1:18:38Speaker 01

  Well, interestingly, I really love Still Alice. And, and, and the way I got that role was because I ended up tweeting another great relationship through social media. I ended up tweeting to Lisa Genova, who's the author of Still Alice. And I just said, I have to tell you how much of an impact this book made on me. And I truly recommend, I mean, even if you've seen the movie, really read the book because I had grandparents who suffered from dementia and Alzheimer's and it is a firsthand account of what it feels like to go through that experience as that person. And it, it, it made me a better granddaughter to not be afraid of how to handle that.

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  It, it, it created so much empathy and, and understanding of what that might, what that might feel like. And so I tweeted out to her and said, I just have to tell you how much I love and admire, you know, what you've done. And it's, it's totally changed my relationship with my grandparents. And then we became friends and I said, have you ever thought about making it into a movie? And she said, it's so weird. They're actually doing that right now and you'd make a great Anna.

• 1:19:38Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  And that's how that all came together.

• 1:19:40Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing.

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  That's a book I'd highly recommend. The, the book I, the book I read recently that really I found quite astonishing was a book called Three Women. Have you read it?

• 1:19:53Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I haven't, no.

• 1:19:54Speaker 01

  It's, it's truly an astounding piece of work. It is, it is nonfiction, but it is written in a, an incredibly narrative way. You know, she, the, the author followed three women.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  Living different experiences in their lives and really it's very carnal. It's very revealing and explores desire and sexuality and insecurity and what it means to desire and what it means to be undesired and how that affects you, but it's so

• 1:20:29Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:20:30Speaker 01

  extraordinarily written. Like that's a book I'm giving out.

• 1:20:33Jay Shetty?

  Thank you. Yeah.

• 1:20:34Speaker 01

  Though I will say I'll give it a little like, you know, asterisk that it is, you know, it's, it's a

• 1:20:39Jay Shetty?

  Provocative.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's provocative.

• 1:20:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:41Speaker 01

  Um, but I, I like, I like things that are provocative and really kind of can be shocking. I really love Marikami. You know, he's an author that I've read almost every single one of his books. Um, uh, gosh, you know, and then I, and then I love, you know, I've read The Little Prince more times than I can count, you know? And that's the side of me that like I, I cry every time the fox talks about taming the little boy and the rose and how she's special, more special than any other rose because she's her, you know? So that's a book I give out quite a lot.

• 1:21:13Jay Shetty?

  Love that.

• 1:21:14Speaker 01

  And The Giving Tree.

• 1:21:15Jay Shetty?

  Thank you.

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  That one, The Giving Tree makes me cry.

• 1:21:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:18Speaker 01

  Um, you know, so it really runs the gam- I mean, that's a real run the gamut, kind of.

• 1:21:22Jay Shetty?

  That's cool. I love it. Great answer.

• 1:21:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:21:24Jay Shetty?

  It's beautiful. Not quickfire, rapid fire, as I said, but, but I love it. Uh, you spoke about this a little earlier before we started properly, but it was, you know, I was gonna ask you what your favorite self-care tip was and you were talking about how, you know, horse ride, like people meditate, you horse ride. So yeah, but what's your favorite self-care tip or thing that you do for your self-care and relaxation and refueling? Doesn't have to be horse ride.

• 1:21:47Speaker 01

  I, I really, I, I find reading, um, for me, reading is very important. I've, I've, I'm most connected to myself when I'm either reading great literature or, um, I'm very excited about your book, by the way.

• 1:22:01Jay Shetty?

  Thank you.

• 1:22:02Speaker 01

  Really, I mean it. Because it's, it's, it's the people who inspire me and, you know, give them, give them, give of themselves, um, through, through writing that I find a lot of grounding in. Um, so.

• 1:22:18Speaker 01

  Like, for example, I've been, I've been doing a lot of breathing in the last month, you know, and like underlining things and aspirating and um, but, but also with this, you know, one of the things that I've, that I find quite honestly difficult, and I think it's, it's probably my first step into meditation is just being comfortable with quiet and being on your own. Um, I find that quite confrontational, which is when I know it's good for me.

• 1:22:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:47Speaker 01

  You know, um, and I think, uh, for, for me, being physical is important. When I'm, when I'm not finding regular activity or exercise, I, I find that I, I have a lot more anxiety. Whereas if, you know, I think that like honestly, one of the great, you know, great pieces of advice I was given once was, you know, if you're really in a moment where you're, where you're feeling an enormous amount of anxiety or fear, go for a walk.

• 1:23:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:17Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:23:18Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah. Get moving. Yeah.

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  Moving.

• 1:23:20Jay Shetty?

  Love that. Okay. Awesome. Question number three. Uh, what's one thing you're learning right now? Something you're trying to learn?

• 1:23:27Speaker 01

  What's one of?

• 1:23:29Jay Shetty?

  One of the five.

• 1:23:31Speaker 01

  Um, what's one thing I've learned right now?

• 1:23:36Jay Shetty?

  Or learning in the process. Yeah. Learning in the process of.

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  You know, for, for me, it's really about being, being comfortable in the unknown. That's the big one for me. Um, and it's a daily practice.

• 1:23:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  To, to say, well, I just don't have the answer for that yet, you know, and to understand that it's a process and it's okay. And there's actually a lot of, um, a lot of, uh, there, there will be a lot, you know, a lot of strength that comes out of that patience. You know, it's funny, I saw, when I, when I sort of, you know, when I, when I pulled, I say, I pulled the ripcord on, uh, on, on my life for a moment. Um, my, my husband had said to me really early on in our relationship, honey, I love you, but.

• 1:24:28Speaker 01

  You need to learn how to be a more patient gardener. And I literally said in my wedding vows, because we wrote our own vows. I vowed to try and be a more patient gardener. And interestingly, throughout this month, and I took a lot of time really not talking to anyone and just being on my own, including him, which is for him, he was so brilliant because he said, I was afraid. I was afraid to say I need to take some time alone.

• 1:24:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  I didn't know how he would take it. I didn't know, again, going back to the fear of losing what you have. And he had so generously said, you take all the time you need. So I had literally said in my vows, I promise to try and be a more patient gardener. And so when he had said, you take all the space you need, and I took, you know, over a month of truly self-reflection and understanding the power of saying, I don't know, or I am comfortable slash uncomfortable in the unknown, but that's what it is. When I, I wrote him a letter, actually, when I surfaced again. And one of the things I said was, I'm starting to learn to be a more patient gardener. And that was, that was a big, big thing. And he understood.

• 1:25:38Speaker 01

  Like that was where he said, okay, I understand now. She's, that's the growth spurt she's going through. And it takes a lot, you know, it's sort of like really coming out and sort of spreading things and, and, you know, evolving in a whole new way.

• 1:25:51Jay Shetty?

  I was just saying, like, yeah, I think you articulate confusion well, which I think is very useful to a lot of people because usually we articulate things well in hindsight, or we articulate how we feel right now pretty badly because we can't find the words. But I think you've really probably helped so many people through this interview put into words what they're thinking and feeling.

• 1:26:11Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you. That means so much to me from you.

• 1:26:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean that. No, I mean that. Okay, we've got two more questions.

• 1:26:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:26:17Jay Shetty?

  Uh, question number four, what's one book you'd love to turn into a movie? It's funny that. I didn't know that story before, but I kept that.

• 1:26:23Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:26:26Jay Shetty?

  They're meant to be art.

• 1:26:27Speaker 01

  I know. Yeah, can you imagine if you just did like the easy ones?

• 1:26:30Jay Shetty?

  If it is like, what's it?

• 1:26:31Speaker 01

  Um. I don't know if I have the answer.

• 1:26:35Jay Shetty?

  That's cool. It could be the three women. Maybe that would be.

• 1:26:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, honestly, that was the one reason.

• 1:26:39Jay Shetty?

  I mean, when you said that, I was like, well, that would be.

• 1:26:41Speaker 01

  It's the one that, oh, there's a book as well called The Evidence of Things Unseen that is the female character's name is Opal, and I really, really love that character. And I love that world because it's a, it's a history in America I really love. But that's a book I'd love to turn into a movie. And I love the title. I think the idea of, I actually I talk about this a lot, funny enough, the, the importance of the evidence of things unseen. And it actually kind of ties into The Little Prince because obviously, one of the most famous quotes is, you know, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

• 1:27:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:18Speaker 01

  And I think that really is like, again, going back to the core of what we were talking about that's important to me is love. That is the most important thing to me. So the things that speak to me really, they are that.

• 1:27:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Amazing. And question number five, what's, what's a message that's in your heart right now? A fun, a vibrant message that's inside you right now that you want people to take away from listening to this episode?

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  No fear, only love.

• 1:27:46Jay Shetty?

  That was the only rapid fire answer. That's great. I love it. Thank you, Kate.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 1:27:52Jay Shetty?

  You're amazing. I love this conversation. This was just so awesome. And I want everyone to make sure you go check out The Island on Netflix. Check out Kate's Instagram profile where she shares very open, honest, candid pictures and a bunch of other great stuff as well. But thank you so much for sharing so openly, so vulnerably, so authentically. I'm not just throwing those words around because I think they all make sense. I'm saying them because I just, I've been feeling the energy here. So whoever's not in the room right now, I just know that I've been sitting here face to face, eye to eye with you, and I've been feeling all, everything you've been saying. So thank you for opening up. Thank you for trusting me. And, and thank you for doing this.

• 1:28:30Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you for the trust. I appreciate it.

• 1:28:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And I hope this is the beginning of a new friendship and learning lots more about each other and growing together.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  Otherwise, I'll be a stalker and it's not very good. No, really, I mean.

• 1:28:42Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 1:28:43Speaker 01

  I'm a lifer.

• 1:28:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:28:45Speaker 01

  I'm one of those people that are a lifer.

• 1:28:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm like that too. I find my people and then I go deep with them and that's what I look for in life.

• 1:28:51Speaker 01

  Roots.

• 1:28:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, it means a lot. Thank you so much.

• 1:28:54Speaker 01

  Means a lot to me.

• 1:28:54Jay Shetty?

  Thank you. Amazing. Thank you. That's awesome.

• 1:28:56Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:28:57Jay Shetty?

  Thanks, guys.

• 1:28:58Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, thank you so. Oh, my God, it was so great.

• 1:29:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:11Speaker 02

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 1:29:40Speaker 03

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:29:43Speaker 04

  On October 2nd.

• 1:29:44Speaker 03

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:29:49Speaker 04

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:29:57Speaker 05

  What would happen if I stopped going? You stall, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 1:30:01Speaker 04

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:30:04Speaker 05

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:30:05Speaker 04

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:30:11Speaker 06

  This episode is brought to you by EA Sports FC27. Welcome to the world's game. FC27 is introducing The Grounds, where the streets meet the stadium. Connect with friends, go pro, and express yourself on or off the pitch. Play FC27 with the ultimate edition September 18th. Learn more at EA dot com. Rated E for everyone. Includes in-game purchases, including random items. The Grounds is only available on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S, PC, and Nintendo Switch 2 versions.