Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)

Do you ever pretend to be confident when you’re not? When do you feel most confident? What if real confidence isn’t loud or visible—but built quietly in the moments no one else sees? In today's Jay's Must-Listens, Jay explores the powerful theme of inner confidence—not the kind rooted in outside validation or achievements, but the kind built slowly through learning to trust yourself, commitment to showing up, and living with purpose. Throughout the episode, Jay draws from powerful moments with past guests and their helpful insights. He shares a moment from his conversation with Kendall Jenner, where she opened up about experiencing anxiety and how even people who appear confident outwardly are often battling internal struggles. Jay also references insights from Lisa Bilyeu, who spoke about repetition and how confidence is built by proving to yourself—again and again—that you can do hard things. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Build Confidence Without External Validation How to Create a Daily Confidence-Boosting Practice How to Turn Self-Doubt into Self-Discipline How to Build Confidence Through Repetition and Consistency How to Anchor Yourself with Purpose, Not Praise How to Redefine Confidence as Clarity and Alignment This episode is both a motivational reset and a practical guide for anyone who’s ready to stop doubting themselves or seeking outside validation and start rooting their confidence in something far more lasting: their own truth. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty. Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there! What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:43 Find What Makes You Happy and Do That 04:44 How To Start Believing in Yourself 09:34 Doing Things that Scare You is Worth the Risk 13:26 Genuine Love Should Boost Your Confidence 16:41 Staying Confident When Your Body Is Changing 18:52 How Stress Can Manifest In Your Body 26:32 Don’t Wait To Take Action 29:59 This is How You Build Real Confidence From Within 33:33 The Song I Made Just For Me That Changed Everything 35:28 Healing and Maturing Through Motherhood 36:55 Every Day Is A Chance For Progress 39:01 Stay Consistent In Improving Yourself See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Confidence isn't something Mazda finds, it's something they practise. That's the thinking behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features designed to help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with the road ahead. It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand and has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus Awards than any other car brand as of July 2026. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by Vinted.

• 0:43Jay Shetty?

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• 1:27Jay Shetty?

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• 2:10Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jayshetty.me/tour and get yours today.

• 2:54Jay Shetty?

  Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point. But where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting?

• 3:05Speaker 01

  The number one health and wellness podcast.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He is the only Jay Shetty.

• 3:13Jay Shetty?

  Welcome back to On Purpose. Today, we're talking about something that impacts every decision we make, our confidence and self-worth. We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe over time, life's challenges have made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth. Confidence isn't something you're just born with. It's something you build. And self-worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success. It's about how you see yourself at your call. In this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best minds

• 3:55Jay Shetty?

  to help you quiet self-doubt, recognize your true value, and step into the confidence that's already in you. Because when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often, when we're searching for confidence and self-worth, it's easy to feel pressured to try every new trend or practice, as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves. But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works for you. Kendall Jenner knows that pressure all too well. Having spent most of her life in the public eye, she's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries and find joy in the simple things.

• 4:40Jay Shetty?

  In this conversation, she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and true to herself. Let's get into it.

• 4:48Kendall Jenner?

  Had had a lot of people coming to me telling me about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy and so many different things. And I was a bit overwhelmed because I was like, oh, my God, what of this is gonna suit me? I think it's a very personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version of all of that stuff. And so it was a little overwhelming. So I think I really just took the time to be off for a second. It was even the little things. It was like being able to go to my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able to go to before because I was working a lot.

• 5:20Jay Shetty?

  I love hearing that because I think it is those simple things like, you know, giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do.

• 5:27Kendall Jenner?

  Yeah.

• 5:28Jay Shetty?

  When you needed it. And like you said, sometimes it's like that's when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you. And it's like, try this and try this. And it's like, well, no, no, no, let me just take my time.

• 5:37Kendall Jenner?

  It was also now that I think about it.

• 5:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 5:39Kendall Jenner?

  Twenty three, I'm twenty six. I've had my horse for, so around that time is when I bought the horse that I have now, who is my, like, I jump her and I like, I have two other horses, but they're like retired. So I don't really ride them the same way I ride her. So, yeah, I guess it was around that time too, that I was like, I'm gonna do this because I love this. And like, I want to get back into it. And this is what I've loved my whole life. So, so it was around that time that I feel like all of that started happening and I bought my horse and I like started taking more time for things that made me really happy.

• 6:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, what I, what I'm noticing in you and observing, or at least from just these. No, in a good way, in a good way. It's all good. I was just saying, it's like, it feels like no matter what's happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that it's important to be happy.

• 6:29Kendall Jenner?

  Yeah.

• 6:29Jay Shetty?

  Like, you know, that's like this core center belief in your life where it's like, it's important to be happy. It's important to be happy. It's, that has to be the goal.

• 6:37Kendall Jenner?

  For sure. And, you know, it's not always easy. We live in such an interesting industry and in such an interesting time with social media that it can be very hard sometimes. You can fall victim to so many things that. Don't serve you and that don't make you happy. If your happiness depends on the actions of others, you know, you're at mercy of things that you can't control. And that's never where I want to be. So I always want to live in like, me and my therapist talk about like my higher goddess, my higher self. Like I always want to live there, knowing that,

• 7:20Kendall Jenner?

  you know, when I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That's mine. And no matter what, you can disagree with me, you can agree with me. That's not going, I'm not changing, I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess. So I kind of, I always live by like, holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it. And though I fall victim to it at times, as we all probably do.

• 7:45Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 7:45Kendall Jenner?

  I strive every day to live in that place, so.

• 7:49Jay Shetty?

  What are some of the qualities of your higher goddess? So that kind of avatar like?

• 7:54Kendall Jenner?

  She's awesome. Like I said, I don't love a pity party. I also like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to like say good things about yourself. But I've also learned a lot about talking to myself and a lot about looking in the mirror and being like, you're great, you're gorgeous, you're amazing, you're loyal, you're positive, you're so many, like I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there and reassuring myself of who I am. Because that's another thing for me, you know, there's so many false narratives about me, about all of us, I'm sure, like, so many people think they have you figured out when they don't even know the half of it.

• 8:35Kendall Jenner?

  So sitting there and being like, you know, you get frustrated sometimes. It could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you or hearing something that someone's saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. And that's all. Why does anything else matter? And my friends know who I am and my family knows who I am. My dog knows who I am. My horse knows who I am. Like, why does any of, everything else is just noise?

• 9:06Jay Shetty?

  I, I do this exercise. I don't think I've shared this before, but I do this exercise with some of my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on a hike wherever we are. And I'll ask them what they think a piece of, you know, maybe there's a little leaf or maybe there's some a flower or something that looks a little unique on the path. And I'll say, what do you think that feels like? And what do you think it would feel like if you picked it up in your hand? And they'll be like, oh, it looks really rough and like it might scratch me and like it looks like a bit, you know, like uneven or whatever. And it looks kind of hard and strong. And then I'll ask them to pick it up. And nine times out of 10, it's completely different. Like they'll pick it up and it'll just dissolve in their hands. Or they'll turn it over and the color's really soft.

• 9:52Jay Shetty?

  And sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and the color's totally different on the other side. And I do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are. Today I've got to meet you and, and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable time together. So you learn faster about someone, but if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview, it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone. And I think, and I want to say this because I really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way. If you had to choose one word that had to be you for the rest of your life, I don't think anyone wants that. I think we all know that we're messy and complex and different.

• 10:36Kendall Jenner?

  Of course.

• 10:37Jay Shetty?

  But we like to put someone else in a box, whoever that may be. Because it's easier than to live life and say, okay, well, that's person's A, B.

• 10:46Kendall Jenner?

  Right.

• 10:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always share from Charles Horton Cooley. And he wrote this in 1890, I think it was, which just shows how true this has been for such a long time. And obviously long before that as well. And he said, the challenge today is, I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. And we'll let that blow everyone's mind. It gives me chills every time I say it. Charles Walton Cooley said, "The challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am." And what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves.

• 11:29Jay Shetty?

  So if I think you think I'm smart, then I allow myself to feel smart.

• 11:34Kendall Jenner?

  Right. It's like we need that validation.

• 11:37Jay Shetty?

  We need that validation. Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then I feel hurt.

• 11:42Kendall Jenner?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Jay Shetty?

  And the challenge is, I don't know what you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world. And so I find that what you're saying around like, well, what do I think about myself? Like, how do I feel about myself? How do the people that actually know me feel about me? I think that's really empowering. There are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves, as if we've lost our sense of who we are. It can happen after a big life change, the grind of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies. She found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took a leap,

• 12:27Jay Shetty?

  one that felt scary but ultimately led her back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self-worth.

• 12:39Speaker 04

  I feel like my first solo trip was when I was like, it was right after I did a stint of like really heavy, emotionally demanding movies.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  I think Gimme Shelter was the last one of that. And I came home and I like genuinely did not know who Vanessa was. I had like gotten so off on becoming this other person and like genuinely changed my mindset, the way that I looked, I put on like 20 pounds, cut off all my hair. Like, all the things that made me me were not there anymore. And I was like, I need to do something because I'm like scared. Because I don't know who I am. And I was like, okay, we're gonna go on a yoga retreat. My, my publicist at the time was like, I, there's this retreat, they're doing it the four seasons.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  It was like a practice and I was like, okay, I'm just gonna like go on my own. Because that scares me and I was very much in that place of like, do the things that scare you. Because you will evolve, like you're forced to. Um, and I was like, you know, like a yoga retreat in Hawaii, like that gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii. But also like have something to do and like know that I'll be around people because like. Filming as well as an adult, like when I hit eighteen, I would go off to film things all the time and I would be on my own. And so like if I wanted to go to dinner, like a lot of times I would just go by myself and like bring a book and. Like I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking around like kinda trying to like.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Lock eyes and engage with anyone. Um, preferably would sit at the bar so I could like talk to the bartender because like I love, I love people like I love. I love just like talking to people.

• 14:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but you start using a different part of your brain when you do that, like you start using a different part of your energy where it's like. Oh, I'm gonna see if I can make something out of nothing.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 14:46Jay Shetty?

  That you lose as we get older.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  That's very true.

• 14:49Jay Shetty?

  Most of your life is surrounded by the same people, same work people, same life people. And so like when you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender, I'm trying to lock, even the idea of locking eyes with someone random.

• 14:59Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh, it's my favorite thing.

• 15:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but it's like.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Favorite thing. I literally will like be driving and like will like turn and just like look at people if I'm stopped at a red light and like try to like. Dance with people. The other day, this guy was like listening to a song. We had our windows down. He had his windows down. And me and my girlfriend were just like body rolling and like just like locking eyes trying to make this person laugh like. It's, I, I love that. But the trip, the yoga retreat in Hawaii ended up just being like. So freeing because I was just like, okay, like I'm here on my own. Like I'm just gonna like, talk to people that I connect with and like go from there and like genuinely forced me to stay as present as possible because I was engaging with people I know nothing about.

• 15:44Speaker 04

  I feel like that's the thing I love about talking to people that you don't know. Like you're forced to be present because it's like if you're actually trying to engage, which not everybody does.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  But then those are the people you don't need to engage with. Um, but when you find people who you can, like it's, you say you're so present because you're actually listening.

• 16:07Jay Shetty?

  I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our super five blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,

• 16:51Jay Shetty?

  acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive fifteen percent off your first order. That's drink J U N I dot com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE.

• 17:33Jay Shetty?

  Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point. But where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting? Claudia Oshri, comedian, podcast host and social media personality, gets candid about her journey with self-image and how love played a role in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear her story. Like, what would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have, doesn't want to go on his MP?

• 18:02Speaker 05

  Right.

• 18:02Jay Shetty?

  Because they're scared or whatever it may be, but like, what would you say with them?

• 18:07Speaker 05

  So I feel like people don't like my answer because when I was like struggling with my self-image, I feel like I'm gonna cry now, sorry. So much of my confidence, I would say like all of it, came from the fact that I had a husband or a boyfriend at the time, fiance, who loved me so much. And he thought I was like the greatest thing. And so if he thought it and look at him, like I just, I love him so much. And so he thinks I'm so great, like, that's nothing you should get your confidence from a man, whatever. But like I did, just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I think is so great. That gave me a lot of confidence. Like, he thought I was the best. He thought I was the smartest. He thought I was the prettiest. So like, I was, because his opinion is the only one that matters. But also, like, I look at him and I think of him as like so charming, attractive.

• 18:52Speaker 05

  Like, who wouldn't want to marry him? And he likes me? Like, oh, my God, I must be like the greatest thing ever. And, and I really feel like so much of my confidence. And it's so funny because he says that he gets confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that it's a two-way street. But having a relationship that I felt really solid about, but also with somebody who just loved me so much, really, it just made me believe like what he was saying. Do you know what I mean?

• 19:18Jay Shetty?

  What's interesting to me is just so much of how, whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that society does to us, how so much of it is built up around aesthetics and visuals and how health and vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.

• 19:36Speaker 05

  No, but I will say visually, at the top, like, if you were to just compare me visually now and me visually then, like, I was very unhealthy. Like, I had a lot of random medical issues that like a 25-year-old girl shouldn't be having. So I agree with you that like a lot of times we judge people's health based on their weight and that's not the case for everyone. But to be clear, like, it was the case for me.

• 19:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  Like, I was not healthy. I did not walk to work. Like, I was really like living a very- inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was 1,000th percent the case for me.

• 20:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And now what's the new schedule?

• 20:09Speaker 05

  Oh, bitch. Well, now I'm pregnant, so like it's kind of reverted back, but so not pregnancy wise. I just really like lead my day with little pockets of activity. I think that like me going to meetings, going to work, like I'm always being like, okay, I'll walk. Um, I worked out like before I got pregnant. I worked out like, you know, three to five times a week. Um, I would spend my weekends like doing things that I enjoy whilst being active, like going for walks in the park with Ben. Just like making sure that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as I can, I'm capable of. Cause I'm capable of a great deal of rotting. Um, and then with meals, that's really where I probably struggled the most, but just, just trying to be a little bit more well-rounded.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  I feel like I eat like a six-year-old and so I do like I eat rice and chicken fingers. And so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken, you know? Thinking a little bit more, but it's hard because I'm such a picky eater that, you know, I'm not going to be making bronzino on the weekends with like an a tapenade, you know? That's never gonna happen. I don't even know what tapenade is.

• 21:12Jay Shetty?

  And then, I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm just like, is there a, a lot of people talk about this right now. Like this idea of when you become pregnant, is there like a loss of the life you had?

• 21:24Speaker 05

  Oh my God, 100%.

• 21:24Jay Shetty?

  Like, is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just a few moments ago, a few months ago, I was?

• 21:30Speaker 05

  I would say I don't feel, I, I really, I mean, I've been married for a hundred years and we decided to wait to have kids. And I think that because we made that choice, I am now not spending my pregnancy and, you know, hopefully the next year or two mourning a life. I feel like I lived life to the fullest and I really, really waited till I was ready. So the only thing I feel like I'm mourning is my body like that. A bit, nobody talks enough about like what it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every single day. But no, I don't, I don't feel sad about like a life left behind. I feel like.

• 22:12Speaker 05

  I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything I wanted to do. And when I turned 30 over the summer, I was like, you know what? I'm done. Like, I really feel, and that's what I'm so happy about. Because, yeah, I like see my friends with kids and I'm like, oh, I do wish I had like, you know, joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start the next chapter.

• 22:34Jay Shetty?

  We often think about self-care as something external. Our skincare routine, our diet or exercise. But what about caring for our soul? How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body, but our peace of mind and self-worth? To share her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy-winning artist, entrepreneur and advocate for soul care, Alicia opens up about her struggles with anxiety. How stress affected her skin and how she turned her personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others. Listen to this. I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body. And you can, you can kind of

• 23:19Speaker 06

  Disconnect from it, maybe.

• 23:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, disconnect from it. And so I wanted to ask you, how has your relationship changed with your skin that was something that brought you anxiety?

• 23:29Speaker 06

  Oh, my gosh.

• 23:30Jay Shetty?

  To feeling more confident in your skin.

• 23:32Speaker 06

  I mean, it was forever. It was literally forever that I really struggled with my, with my skin. And, and you know, you're a teenager and your hormones and you get it and it's cool. And then all of a sudden, I was like 18 and then I was 23 and then I was 28 and then I was 30 and then I was like 35 and I'm like, whoa. When does this thing stop? Like when? I thought like 16, 18, 21 maybe. Why is it continuing? And it was really hard to, especially to be in spaces where you would present yourself and you would feel just so self-conscious. I just felt so self-conscious and I'm like, but there's a big bump right here.

• 24:17Speaker 06

  And then most people are like, I don't even see the damn bump, but I see the bump right here and it's huge. And it feels really uncomfortable, you know? You, you just feel uncomfortable. You want to know why too. You want to know what's the matter? Is something wrong? Why, I thought I'm What can I do to help this? And so that definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in the music world when I was eighteen. And so that was right, kind of at the precipice. And then the stress of the whole universe of music was just so much. And I was trying my best to play it cool. I'm like, I can handle it, I can do it. But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.

• 25:00Speaker 06

  I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders and try to, you know, kind of like be calm while, or cool while doing it. And it was tricky. And my skin, I learned that my body reacts to stress. Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which is obviously why even many dis-eases come to us from stress. Because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which is why it is so important for us to figure out, like, what gives you peace? What calms you down? What makes you feel safe?

• 25:43Speaker 06

  And like you're in your skin and you're yourself and these type of things. And so, of course, I didn't know what that was for a long time. But I realized that it was these relationships I was attracting. And it was the, you know, the level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no space for me to reflect or to sleep or to be with my friends and, you know, do those, have those outlets that do give you a sense of calm. And so my skin was so reactive that I said one day to myself, if I one day, I'm gonna make something that fixes this, this.

• 26:26Speaker 06

  I'm gonna do something about this because I know I'm not the only one. And I realized as I began to, you know, live and experience so many different parts of my life. Motherhood and, you know, raising young kids and finding time for yourself. I real- and getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me in real life. I realized that you really have to take care of your soul. Like, like you have to take care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care really came from all of these understandings and all of these realizations that no one's gonna do it for me. Like no, as much as I really, really wish someone would stand up and be like,

• 27:09Speaker 06

  "You, you're not good for her, get out of here." That thing, you, you need to stop. No, I have to be the judge of that. And therefore I have to find my way to the understanding of how do I hear myself to know what is good and what is not, or what is real, or what is true. And so there were many things that brought me to that place. Some of them were meditations that brought me there and really brought me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No, I know six friends said this. Or I know that very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think said this. But what do you, you think? And that became the practice of soul care. And, and also these ideas of ancient rituals.

• 27:54Speaker 06

  And what are some special ways that we can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted to journaling. And I have a very difficult time, as a kid, I had a difficult time expressing my truth. And I realized that when I would journal or do the stream of consciousness, I could, I could actually just release it. I could let it go. And if I'm not good at doing that to someone else, because I didn't trust as fully. Um, I can do it with myself, you know? And so these, these practices of how do you kind of like depend on yourself to find your own grounding became my idea of where soul care is, which eventually became how I said, I'm gonna make that thing to fix that thing, became this key soul care.

• 28:39Speaker 06

  And, and the idea was, to me, it's a philosophy. It's a way of life, it's a lifestyle. To me, you know, um, you know, the beauty industry or skincare industry, just like the music industry, all of it is kind of creating how to live within the chaos. And so how do we do it? Nobody teaches us normally. It's a blessing if someone does, but normally it's not. So finding these ways through affirmations, through the idea of really connecting to yourself and using the affirmations are on every bottle because the idea is you wash your face, you do that every day with the golden cleanser. You can also think about how I'm devoted to this moment

• 29:21Speaker 06

  because so many times we're over here, over there, back there, over. How can you just be right here with yourself right now? And so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient rituals and where skin meets soul and soul care. Cause we have air care, hair care, nail care, body care, home care, but we never had soul care. Why? So we wanted, I wanted to start it.

• 29:44Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favorite podcast. Choose a seller or Northeast Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one hour workout to build strength,

• 30:27Jay Shetty?

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• 30:48Jay Shetty?

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• 31:31Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more. As someone who was very negligent of a lot of this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it, I've seen the value of, I'm a big fan of affirmations. Right. I think even when it comes to cleansing my face, what that means, what that feels like, how different I feel internally because of it, how it can be a reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul as well as that which is around me. There's, there's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul

• 32:16Jay Shetty?

  that, that I think we, we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are. Confidence is something we all strive for, but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action. But what if the key is to act first, even when we don't feel ready? What if confidence is something we build as we go, not something we wait for? To help us break through the myths of confidence, we have Lisa Bilyeu, entrepreneur, bestselling author, and co-founder of Impact Theory. Lisa's journey from stay-at-home wife to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's hear what she has to say.

• 33:00Jay Shetty?

  So I think confidence is such an important and powerful topic.

• 33:05Jay Shetty?

  I wanted to ask you, because I think there's so much material and you do so many interviews around confidence and what it means and what it feels like. How do you define confidence for you? And what does it mean to you? And what is something that people can think of? Because I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.

• 33:24Lisa Bilyeu?

  Yeah, I think most people actually have the misinterpretation of what confidence actually is. Because they usually, and I was culprit of this when I was a stay at home wife for eight years. I thought I needed it to get started. And I thought I needed the confidence to live out my dreams, to actually go towards my goals. And I was waiting to have the confidence. And that, I think, is a complete misconception is what actually is holding so many of us back from trying anything. And what I realized was, in my own journey, I actually just needed to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure, not knowing what I was doing. Practicing, practicing, practicing, you know, wax on, wax off, my favorite movie Karate Kid. And get so damn good that I build the competence to then lead to confidence. So the truth is, the confidence is the byproduct of taking action.

• 34:09Lisa Bilyeu?

  And a lot of us don't think of it like that. We think it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to get us to actually take that action at the beginning. And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me, confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it, you won't actually get strong at it. And if you stop practicing, you will get weaker.

• 34:32Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 34:32Lisa Bilyeu?

  And just like when you go to the gym, you may practice like your biceps or your legs. It's a different mechanism to practice working your calves, then practicing your bicep. So that is what confidence is. It's not like you get confidence in one area and you're good to go.

• 34:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 34:47Lisa Bilyeu?

  It's like you get confidence maybe in being in front of the camera. But being in front of the camera, as you know, Jay, is very different than being on stage. So when someone sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people, if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may then think that you're incompetent or you're no good or like it's just, well, I don't have the genes, so I may as well not get started. But the truth is, identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.

• 35:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more. I remember once looking at the definition of confidence in the dictionary. And one of the definitions is an appreciation of one's own abilities, skills and qualities.

• 35:32Jay Shetty?

  I was like, I really like that definition. Like, it's actually self-validation. Like, confidence is being able to look at yourself and say, I'm good at this. I'm actually a kind person. I'm a thoughtful person. I am a good public speaker. I am a bestselling author, whatever it may be. And you're almost validating a skill, quality, or attribute you have by yourself. And I think it's so interesting, and you're right. I think we viewed confidence as how do other people feel about us? So we look at it as like, oh, that person looks so confident because they're like walking out their car. They've got that swag. They're like dripping in great clothes or whatever it may be. And we see that as confidence.

• 36:15Jay Shetty?

  But we know that that person could be sitting in there going, oh, I'm, I'm not the right size. I'm overweight, underweight, I'm whatever else it may be, and criticizing themselves. I was wondering, what is something that took you the longest in your life to build confidence around?

• 36:34Lisa Bilyeu?

  Oh, I'm ever-evolving, but I think it really was to believe in myself that I'm capable. And that all started from, because I was a stay-at-home wife for eight years, and I want to just make sure that I say this, though. There's nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home wife at all. It's actually one of the hardest jobs that was for me, but I didn't want it. That actually wasn't my dream. It was, I felt like it was sucking the life out of me. So as that staying-home wife, I didn't make any change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything. Because I was so insecure. That voice in my head was so negative, Jay, telling me all the reasons why I was no good to try anything. And so in order for me to build my confidence to move forward, I was like, well, what if I am bad?

• 37:15Lisa Bilyeu?

  Who cares? You have to actually practice. Why do I think that I can be amazing at something, right? If someone looks at you and they're like, oh my God, he's such an amazing podcaster. How long have you been doing it? Years and years and years and years. So when someone looks at you and let's say they're comparing, they're beginning to your middle or your end, you will feel incompetent. And so for me, I had to stop looking outside of myself at all the amazing people because I believed I wasn't good enough to try. And so I had to build the internal confidence to take that action, to actually just try and understand that it's going to be a process. And without that, I never would have got out of what I call purgatory of the mundane, where my life is just mundane enough. And so I'm just stuck there day in and day out.

• 37:57Lisa Bilyeu?

  And that idea that even if you don't feel good enough, you can still take action. I think was the biggest thing that was the hardest for me because I didn't want to get bullied. I was already bullied as a kid for my looks from other women. So you can imagine me trying anything, that fear of being bullied from other girls was so petrifying that I didn't even want to take a chance. Hmm. And so realizing, A, I have to build that within myself. And you said the word validate actually earlier. That word really sticks with me with me because I think a lot of us wait for validation, external validation. We wait for someone to tell us that we're a good Greek wife or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife. And that can actually hold us where we are. Because I was so seeking validation from everybody else.

• 38:41Lisa Bilyeu?

  And at the time, I was getting validation for being that stay at home wife. And so you can imagine, I have low self-esteem, I don't believe in myself, I don't think I'm good enough. And everyone's validating me for this one thing, even though I don't like that one thing. That validation, that feeling good about yourself is what kept me there. Hmm. So I think the trick is, is how do you make sure that you validate yourself? And that became the path for me building my confidence every single day. What am I going to do today to validate myself? Not get validation from my partner, from my boyfriend, from the ex, how many likes I got on Instagram? No, no, how can I validate myself? And that became my North Star versus everyone else making me feel good about myself.

• 39:26Speaker 08

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• 39:56Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget, and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache,

• 40:40Jay Shetty?

  Wayfair can handle delivery, installation, and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 41:24Jay Shetty?

  Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Absolutely. Confidence isn't something that just appears overnight. It's built through experiences, setbacks, and self-acceptance. For Meghan Trainor, that journey started with a song she never thought anyone would hear. What began as a fun, personal expression turned into an anthem that resonated with millions. But even after hitting number one, she found herself still chasing validation instead of trusting her own instincts.

• 42:03Jay Shetty?

  Let's hear how she learned to let go of expectations and embrace her true confidence.

• 42:10Speaker 09

  Well, back then, I was a songwriter writing for other artists. So I was thinking like, what's not on the radio and what, what could be on the radio? But I, when I wrote All About That Bass, it was like a joke. Like it was like, I was like, no one's gonna cut this. We've wasted a day of work and we'll just write a therapy song for us. Like, cause the co-writer was like a man and it was the first time meeting him. So it's kind of like a blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up? How are, and we both were like, we were chubby kids and we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I was like, how funny would it be? It was like, I ain't no size two, but I can't shake it, shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer that dances in front of everyone, but imagine if I was.

• 42:54Speaker 09

  And I remember being like, I'll sing the demo, who cares? And it was like a raw demo with no autotune and nothing. But the lyrics hit so many people that they're like, this is gonna be huge. Who's singing it? We'll just let her do it. So it was really from like a, a weird, raw place. Like I wasn't chasing radio. I wasn't. And I fell into that before when you talk about competition. I didn't know about charts and all that stuff. When they're like, you're number one. I was like, fantastic. Like, what is that? Like, number one everywhere. They're like, everywhere. I was like, well, that was easy. So then anytime I did another song, I was like, it's not number one everywhere. What do you mean? Like, and then I was like, well, maybe I'm not doing what's on the radio. And then I caught myself chasing radio and just falling on my face.

• 43:39Speaker 09

  So with this new album taken aback, I was like, I'm gonna go back to when I did Doop and just didn't care about any charts and anything and just do me.

• 43:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:47Speaker 09

  And you'll hear that come out. And the first song they put out was a. Emo toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay. Coming out passionate.

• 43:56Jay Shetty?

  And so it sounds like it's always been a raw emotion that's gone out. Now you're taking it back and you're going back to that and you're really earning that. Like with this, with this new album, would you say that we're hearing you through the healing process? Are we hearing you healed? Are we hearing you?

• 44:11Speaker 09

  I think you're hearing, you're hearing, you're hearing a healed, mature mother who is just ruthlessly honest, you know? Like one song, don't I make it look easy that I teased today on my Instagram is like talking about, don't I make this look easy? Like everything's perfect. Cause everyone who interviews me is like, you are so fun and you have the best family and best life. And I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know it. Cause I don't film myself and post it, you know? So I say in the first verse, like I posted a picture. I read all the comments. I hearted the good ones. And if I'm being honest, I probably spent an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest.

• 44:54Speaker 09

  Ruthlessly, that's not a word, but brutally honest.

• 44:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. True confidence doesn't just come from winning. It comes from how you handle the losses. It's about resilience, picking yourself back up when things don't go your way and having the determination to keep pushing forward. Kobe Bryant understood this better than most. He wasn't always the strongest or the fastest, but he built confidence by prioritizing long-term growth over immediate results. He knew that self-worth isn't defined by where you are today. It's about your commitment to improvement. Let's hear how he developed that mindset. And, and you talk about that because you talk about, you know, when you talk about missing five throws and you talk about getting over yourself.

• 45:38Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 45:39Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like getting over yourself. How did you get that mentality of just being like, I need to get over this. Like I need to get over myself.

• 45:45Kobe Bryant?

  You know, trial and error. You know, you grow up and you make game winning shots and it's awesome. And you come back the next day and miss a game winning shot and it's misery. And then the next day comes and you're back playing again. And you understand that life has this cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you do on Monday is fantastic, but then Tuesday is a bad day. But guess what? There's Wednesday. So are we just supposed to live our lives like this the whole time? You know, versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really just a journey of. Evolution every day is just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters.

• 46:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and we all get obsessed about the results.

• 46:24Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 46:25Jay Shetty?

  Like, we get obsessed about like the output.

• 46:27Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 46:27Jay Shetty?

  Not the input of not figuring it out and not like changing things. What you said, trial and error, like the experimenting.

• 46:33Kobe Bryant?

  Yeah.

• 46:33Jay Shetty?

  We forget to do that.

• 46:34Kobe Bryant?

  It's unfortunate, man. Like, I've seen a lot of players, especially now, you know, in youth basketball dealing with that. You have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger and, you know, their coaches are just coaching them for results. You know, we're just gonna use your size that, because you're bigger than every other 12-year-old out there to dominate today. But they're not growing, right? So they're just based on that result, but they're not focused on growing this young child.

• 47:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:00Kobe Bryant?

  Into becoming a better an athlete and through that, teaching them how to become a more well-rounded person. And we're missing that.

• 47:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. See, what you've said there, just, I want to ask you this, and I'm not saying, because I, you know, like, you know yourself best and you know how you've got there. So I'm asking it from a place of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like, you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic. Your superpower isn't just like figuring things out. Your superpower is like, you think strategically. Like, that's a very strategic thought of saying, this person could be this in the future if they were developed as a whole individual.

• 47:35Kobe Bryant?

  Right.

• 47:35Jay Shetty?

  Rather than just like, let's use them for the short term.

• 47:37Kobe Bryant?

  Right.

• 47:37Jay Shetty?

  And where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to reflect deeper? Where did that come from?

• 47:44Kobe Bryant?

  Well, I had to do that because, you know, I grew up, growing up in Italy, when I first moved over there, it was, you know, I didn't speak Italian, I didn't have any friends. You know, I had the game of basketball and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to make friends and build connections. But it was a lot of time spent alone. And, and when I came back to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid. You know, I was really scrawny, like really, really skinny and had like major knee issues because I was growing. So I was the dorky kid with high socks and big old knee pads.

• 48:14Jay Shetty?

  It's fashionable now.

• 48:15Kobe Bryant?

  It's fashionable now. It wasn't then. It wasn't then. And, and so I had to look long-term. Because in the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids. I mean, there was kids that were like 12 years old with beards. Like, I can't. What am I supposed to do with that? Like, they're doing windmills and dunking backwards. And I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know? So I had to look at it from a long term because I wasn't going to give up on the game.

• 48:40Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 48:40Kobe Bryant?

  So I had to say, okay, this year, I'm going to get better at that. Next year, this, and then so forth and so on. And then patiently, I was able to catch them.

• 48:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's, I love hearing that because I think so many of us kind of, you believe like when, when you see people like yourself, it's like, it's so easy as an excuse to ourselves to just, oh, you're destined for it, right? You were made for it. It's kind of like that, kind of, you know, like, oh, yes, you know? But, but when you talk about saying, oh, actually, when I started, I didn't have the physicality that meant that I was going to make it. Like, you had to figure it out. And I love it.

• 49:10Kobe Bryant?

  Figure it out, man. It's, it's just piece by piece and it's the consistency of the work, which I feel like a lot of parents are missing today because we're not teaching that to our kids. We tend to say like, kids don't want to do the work, but in reality, it's, I mean, we're failing them because we're not leading them the right way and teaching them.

• 49:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 49:28Kobe Bryant?

  You know, how to fish, you know what I mean? And so like the consistency of work, Monday, get better. Tuesday, get better. Wednesday, get better. Right? And you do that over a period of time, you know, not like one month or two months. I mean, it's three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10 years. And then you, you know, you can get to where you want to go.

• 49:47Jay Shetty?

  Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare yourself to anyone. True self-worth comes from knowing who you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and the way you speak to yourself when no one's around. I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to figure it out. If something resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it and I'll see you next time on On Purpose. If you loved this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending

• 50:30Jay Shetty?

  your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.

• 50:34Speaker 11

  My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength and gaining wisdom. And I just want to keep doing that.

• 50:47Speaker 12

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• 51:16Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig. On October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped moving? You stall, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  I'm not the first then.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not admitted without parent.