Jay & Radhi Talk About Why People Feel the Need to Overshare

Today, Jay and Radhi explore the delicate balance between sharing and oversharing, both online and in everyday life. They talk about what it really means to be authentic, how to protect your energy when opening up, and why not every moment needs to be shared to be meaningful. Together, they reflect on the intention behind vulnerability and the peace that comes from keeping certain parts of life sacred. How much do we share to feel seen? And when does sharing start to take more than it gives? This conversation invites us to slow down, listen to ourselves, and choose connection over performance. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Protect Your Energy When Sharing How to Be Vulnerable with Intention How to Keep Private Goals Sacred How to Find the Right People to Confide In How to Balance Openness with Privacy True connection begins when we honor what feels right to keep close and what feels right to release. Whether through words, art, or quiet reflection, choose to share from a place of peace, not pressure. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:01 Are You Sharing Too Much? 04:07 The Real Reason Behind Your Vulnerability 09:21 Create in Private Before You Share Publicly 13:45 Oversharing Looks Different on Every Platform 16:01 Be Intentional About What You Share and With Whom 18:24 Does Holding Back Make You Feel Alone? 23:52 Why We Make Big Judgments from Small Details 26:51 When Sharing Becomes Healing, Not Draining 32:06 Choosing Who Deserves to Hear Your Story Episode Resources: Radhi Devlukia | Website Radhi Devlukia | YouTube Radhi Devlukia | Instagram Radhi Devlukia | Facebook Radhi Devlukia | TikTok Joyfull A Really Good Cry See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:28Jay Shetty?

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• 2:03Speaker 01

  Yawker's regret?

• 2:06Speaker 02

  It's a real thing.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Sometimes I just, I'll spill my deepest, darkest secrets just because I want to keep the conversation going.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  Damn, I did not need to share that much information.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  Sometimes you have to sit back.

• 2:19Jay Shetty?

  I was always told in the monastery that when you share something before it's complete, that idea loses fifty percent of its value.

• 2:26Radhi Devlukia?

  You know when something's like at the top of your heart, it's like stuck at the top of your throat and all you're waiting to do is burst out and talk about it.

• 2:33Jay Shetty?

  I find it really inspiring when someone's opening their heart.

• 2:37Radhi Devlukia?

  Even if someone was vlogging for twenty-four hours a day, even if someone was telling you every moment that they were moving, you can't know their heart and you can't know their mind.

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  I really don't share anything to try and get someone to believe I'm anything.

• 2:50Radhi Devlukia?

  I've just come to the conclusion that no one will ever.

• 2:55Radhi Devlukia?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to this week's episode of On Purpose. I wish we had a name for it.

• 3:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but we don't.

• 3:01Radhi Devlukia?

  Welcome back to this week's episode of Conversations with Radhi on On Purpose. We have been having these wonderful discussions.

• 3:09Jay Shetty?

  That's not the official name.

• 3:10Radhi Devlukia?

  That's not the official name, but we have been having these wonderful conversations based on things our friends have told us, things we've been reading, listening to. And we realized that these conversations are actually really useful to maybe share with people. Me and Jay have them often when we're on car journeys together, traveling. And one, it's helped create more depth in our conversation, but also some of the stuff we come out with is pretty good in them. So I thought, let's share it. Well, I didn't think. Jay thought, let's share it with the world on a fourth episode a week of On Purpose. Over to you, Jay.

• 3:43Jay Shetty?

  Why, why are we suddenly switched to news anchor?

• 3:45Radhi Devlukia?

  I know, news anchor. It's, it's hard not to when you've got a mic in front of you.

• 3:49Jay Shetty?

  Is it? Is that what you feel like? Do you feel like a news anchor?

• 3:51Radhi Devlukia?

  Today on, today's weather is, can you just start?

• 3:55Jay Shetty?

  All right, okay. So as you were talking about what we want to share, today's topic is all about oversharing. Are we oversharing online? Are we oversharing with our friends? What is too much? What is just enough? What do we do with it? Because it feels like we don't know who to share our life with, how much of our life to share, where to share it. And let's dive in.

• 4:17Radhi Devlukia?

  It's so true. I've really struggled. Well, you said online. I really struggle with the online sharing situation because on one hand, people want to experience your personality and especially as someone who is sharing a lot of content online. You also want people to feel like they know your life because otherwise you're just sharing little miniscule parts of it. The best parts which people don't want to see anymore, they also want to see the pain. But then when I sometimes share that I'm crying and get messages that why are you always sharing that you're sad? Like, I don't want to be sad with you. And so it's such an

• 4:47Jay Shetty?

  You get messages like that?

• 4:48Radhi Devlukia?

  Oh, yeah, I do. I get like, oh, your life must be so hard. You know, if you do share that you're upset, there's always somebody or people who who think you've got no reason to be sad. So why are you crying? And so I think there's a really difficult balance between, I always used to say, I don't want to share the negative parts of life because there's enough negativity in the world and I'd rather share, even if I am feeling a certain way. I'd rather share, even if I have an ounce of happiness, let me share that online rather than sharing sadness with people. Because energy is so contagious that if someone comes online, they're already having a bad day. The last thing I want is to make their day worse. But I think it was so interesting because I was speaking to my friend about this. She's going through probably one of the most difficult times in her life right now, going through a situation that she never expected herself to be in.

• 5:34Radhi Devlukia?

  And she was really struggling with it. You know, when something's like at the top of your heart, it's like stuck at the top of your throat. And all you're waiting to do is burst out and talk about it because it's so prominent inside of you. And so what she started doing was she had told me and then she started spending time with people. And we had said, maybe you shouldn't speak about this to other people. But when she ended up being around people too much, she would end up blasting it out or sharing it. And I had a conversation with her about how it's so important to protect things that, one, if you're unsure about, or two, that are really difficult because a lot of the time, people don't necessarily have the best desires for you. There are very few people in this world

• 6:17Radhi Devlukia?

  who actually have deep desire for you to be happy. And so when you end up sharing certain things or oversharing things, I think it leaks this energy of, one, the situation gets made bigger because you're constantly speaking about it. And therefore, even if it was painful, it becomes even more painful. Or two, there's this idea in like Ayurveda, and I think you've spoken about this as well, where when you, when you share too much, you're just leaking energy out of that one thing. And you talk about this, and I'd love for you to share this, about when things haven't happened yet, and then sharing them before things have happened, and the leaking of energy that happens in that. But I was speaking to her about it, and I do believe that sometimes oversharing or not sharing to the right people can be really detrimental to whatever it is that you're talking about.

• 7:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think it all comes down, I think the world will talk about some things, we call them oversharing because we want to censor it. Sometimes people think things are oversharing because they're overly emotional. I think we have to look back at how this all started. The online world was a place, people put up pictures, they put up food, they put up dances. All of a sudden, people started sharing highlight reels, and that's what we did. We shared our best moments. People then called that out and said, we want to see the truth. And people started sharing vulnerable things. Vulnerability, which is actually quite an intimate, personal thing, became a very public thing.

• 7:42Radhi Devlukia?

  Right.

• 7:43Jay Shetty?

  And then what's happened is vulnerability, in my opinion, has become performative, sometimes.

• 7:48Radhi Devlukia?

  So true.

• 7:49Jay Shetty?

  Not always, not always, sometimes. And so now, when someone's being overly vulnerable, and I'm vulnerable online too, it's really hard to get a gauge as to what's right or wrong, or where you stand on it. And it all comes down to the individual and their intention. If I ever share vulnerably online, it's because I believe there's a lesson, there's a guiding moment, there's a teaching moment, there's something I've gained that I want to share with it. That's when I choose to do that. I have a, I have a boundary around it. I have a way of thinking about when and why I wanna be vulnerable. I think people who listen to my podcast regularly do understand who I am as a person.

• 8:28Radhi Devlukia?

  That's a good assessment, though.

• 8:29Jay Shetty?

  Go on.

• 8:30Radhi Devlukia?

  What you just said, a good assessment of knowing whether you should be vulnerable or not. Uh, what is the reason behind you being vulnerable online? What is the reason you're sharing yourself crying? What is the reason you're sharing this difficult thing that happened? Is it because you want someone to be able to relate to it, be better from it? Is it because you want attention? Is it because you want sympathy? Like, being really clear about where your vulnerability is coming from, that's a really great place of assessment. Sorry to cut you off.

• 8:57Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, I'm so glad you did. No, you should. No, I, I think it's better when we're doing that. There was this, you just said something that hit this. Dr. Christopher Hans said, "The more people tend to present about themselves, the less sympathy they get when things go wrong." People assume they brought it on themselves. And oversharing can lead to judgment instead of empathy, online especially. And so, I agree that if I was to ever cry online, I have cried in interviews before, which has been very natural. But if I was ever to cry online to share a pain point, it would be because I think it could help someone. Or it's because I would hope someone would be able to connect to it and not feel alone.

• 9:41Jay Shetty?

  That would be my intention. I'm not saying that's perfect. I'm not saying that's the best or the right thing to do. That's just how I see it.

• 9:47Radhi Devlukia?

  No, I agree with you.

• 9:48Jay Shetty?

  But if I wanted to cry and just break down, I would just call you.

• 9:51Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 9:53Jay Shetty?

  Right, or talk to one of my friends, because that's where I think it will be held the best.

• 9:58Radhi Devlukia?

  I remember when I started a really good cry, I started seeing all these pictures. Oh, so I've been becoming more conscious of the fact that we take so many pictures laughing, but we never take pictures of ourselves crying. And I remember starting to collect these pictures of whenever I was upset, or that I'd sent to my friend, or I spoke to my, I, my friend was going through a difficult time. And she was like, "I'm so upset right now, and I don't feel like posting anything online." And I was like, "Send me a picture of you crying." Like, send me a picture of what's actually happening in this real moment. And she always repeats it back to me, because now she says that she documents and takes pictures of, of every emotion that she's feeling. And whenever I now, I share a lot of pictures of me crying online now, just because I also want that to be. Normalized of, yes, of course, it would be crazy if I was crying and the next second I'm taking a selfie and I'm smiling.

• 10:43Radhi Devlukia?

  That's actually borderline psychotic. And so I, I felt like the necessity of sharing the fact that you are upset can be normalized. Because if people, if we're trying to create an open platform or a place where people can be themselves online, there has to be that ability of not having to switch it up to a smile straight away.

• 11:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think for you at least, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, there was a feeling of when people are like, oh, you're always happy. And you kind of wanted to help people understand that no one in the world is always happy, which I think is a great message and is true. And people need to hear. And that was, you know, that, that's an important thing. And obviously a really good cry is based on that, the idea that you get that ability to share your emotions. But what's really interesting is that sociologist Ben Agar says that people often reveal more of their inner feelings, opinions and sexuality online than they would in person or even over the phone. And I think that's actually because in some cases it's easier to be yourself with strangers

• 11:47Radhi Devlukia?

  That's true.

• 11:47Jay Shetty?

  than it is with the people that know you best. Because the people that know you best, when you share your emotions that way, then they're like, wait a minute, you're not like this. Wait, why are you doing this? What's going on here? Whereas when you share it online, you kind of sometimes feel heard and seen where a stranger goes, I feel the same way. Thank you for sharing that. And so I don't think it's fair for anyone to say, oh, you shouldn't share how you feel online. Because that may be where you feel safest for some people in, in an interesting way.

• 12:17Radhi Devlukia?

  Can you talk about what you've always shared with me, the oversharing thing I was telling, saying about the protecting before you, before you speak things that haven't happened?

• 12:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, this is a, a spiritual principle. I'm writing about it in my third book right now, actually. And it's this idea that I was always told in the monastery that when you share something before it's complete. That idea lose its fifty percent of its value.

• 12:40Radhi Devlukia?

  Wow.

• 12:41Jay Shetty?

  And actually, you lose the energy and the discipline to maybe even carry it through.

• 12:47Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 12:48Jay Shetty?

  And so often, when you're excited about something, you just blurt it out. And then you never get around to doing it because in some cases, you've already enjoyed the moment of sharing the success of it. And you've already gained the validation for it. And so you don't feel it anymore. Whereas when you keep something private and you build it and then you put it out into the world, it has a much better reaction for you as well because you used all that energy to complete the task.

• 13:15Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes.

• 13:16Jay Shetty?

  And that's what it's all about. It's not about whether it gets validation or praise. It's about, are you losing energy by talking about this thing to everyone? And so the way I've changed it is I talk to people who can actually give me insight or impact on that thing.

• 13:30Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 13:31Jay Shetty?

  So if someone can give me an idea, someone can help me with it, I'll share it with them. But if they can't, then I probably won't.

• 13:37Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 13:37Jay Shetty?

  And I found that to be true for me and it's really helped me in my life. I I like building things in private and then launching them in public than talking about something in public forever and then putting it out there. And I may not even get around to putting it out there.

• 13:54Radhi Devlukia?

  There's this weird line between like telling people things for accountability and then oversharing. Cause sometimes you wanna tell people that I'm trying to get to this goal and you know, I'm telling you because I really wanna make sure I get there. But then I I have, you know, I completely relate to the telling everybody everything and then you kind of lose the energy or the will to even get there because you've already they say that you enjoy the success in your mind already. So it's almost like your your your mind doesn't know the difference between actually actually completing something and when you're talking about it because the same hormones or the same chemicals are released in your brain. So when you've already technically succeeded by talking about it, you have less motivation to complete it afterwards.

• 14:37Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 14:37Radhi Devlukia?

  So that's, I guess.

• 14:38Jay Shetty?

  That's exactly it.

• 14:38Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, and that's the whole thing. I actually read something, I actually came across this, I think this morning. On Instagram and I'd saved it. Yeah, it says, why oversharing drains your aura, according to Ayurveda. And it said, if you ever felt off after a deep chat online or with someone who didn't feel safe, Ayurveda says it's your aura and your energetic boundary getting weakened. And so it basically talks about how when you end up sharing sacred parts of yourself with people who haven't earned it, or whether you're venting too much on social media, or explaining your life constantly, or seeking constant external validation. The fact is that every single word carries intentionality. And when you end up sharing words over and over again, they lose their intentionality, they lose their power, they lose their energy. And that it scatters your energy all over the place.

• 15:23Radhi Devlukia?

  Rather than being focused on trying to actually fix the problem, it just scatters you.

• 15:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:27Radhi Devlukia?

  But I, and I have noticed that, I do think that there's this power of when you end up talking about things too much, it drains you and it drains the problem too, or it drains the excitement of something. It really is a draining practice to continuously keep talking. But on the other hand, I have noticed that when you're in social situations, I used to do this to try and fill gaps. I would overshare things and I would talk about things unnecessarily, or say things that really don't need to be talked about in this situation. But to try and create a closeness, and that's why oversharing is sometimes used in between people. It's let me tell you everything about my life so we feel close straight away. It's like a false closeness that you can create. And a way to show, a way to make people trust you.

• 16:12Radhi Devlukia?

  Because I'm gonna tell you all, I'm an open book, I'm gonna tell you everything about my life. One, because hopefully it makes you like me more. Two, because now you can be vulnerable with me. And three, now it makes you feel like you're my best friend. And it creates this connection as fast as possible.

• 16:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 16:29Radhi Devlukia?

  But I think it's really important to know when to share things and who to share things with. Because if they're not ready for it, and if they don't know you well enough, it's so much harder to receive that information.

• 16:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and, and I, I love that point. And I think that you actually end up being more confused. Because you've now told thirty people.

• 16:48Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 16:48Jay Shetty?

  So a lot of people now, I think you have a group chat and you tell thirty people who you're dating, what they said to you, and you're saying, what should I say back?

• 16:56Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 16:56Jay Shetty?

  And now you're asking thirty people, how are you gonna process thirty people's backgrounds, walks of life, advice, insight? No wonder you feel lost and confused, because you're asking thirty people in the group chat how to respond. And then you're asking someone else when you meet them, and then exactly what you said about draining the problem. And I think one of the biggest things with oversharing now, though, is that it's also different on different platforms. And so on Instagram and TikTok, because it's actually generally your face and your name, it's different where I know a lot of people who find people sharing their stories of miscarriages, IVF, breakups on Reddit is actually really helpful for them, because they're reading about other people's anonymous experiences.

• 17:41Jay Shetty?

  And there's something we get from anonymous oversharing.

• 17:45Radhi Devlukia?

  Interesting.

• 17:46Jay Shetty?

  Because the person can tell everything about their life, because it's not their name.

• 17:50Radhi Devlukia?

  It feels a bit more authentic, I guess, as well, because you know that they're not doing it for themselves. They're sharing anonymously, which means that there must be some sort of truth to it.

• 17:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and that they're being totally themselves, because they don't have anything to gain. And so many people can turn to that and be like, oh, my God, that's exactly what I'm going through, and that's exactly what I'm experiencing. And I think that is the same even for someone on Instagram who's going through it. Like, I follow plenty of people who are sharing their healing journeys, whether it's their health, whether it's a challenge they've went through. I find it so inspiring.

• 18:19Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 18:19Jay Shetty?

  So I rarely see something as oversharing from a consumer point of view. I find it really inspiring when someone's opening their heart, and I find it really amazing for the world that people can do that. I think it only makes the person who's sharing happy if their intention is not attention and validation.

• 18:39Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 18:40Jay Shetty?

  That's how I look at it. When I see someone, I see bravery, I see courage, I see a big heart. But for them, it will only fulfill them if it's done from the intention of, I wanna serve, I wanna help, I wanna support, I wanna share, but I'm not doing it for attention and validation.

• 18:56Radhi Devlukia?

  Do you think that, you know, we talk about this a lot, where you really have to be careful about who you tell what to? And in that sense, we don't talk about that many wins that we have with too many people, or even pain points, even about a relationship. You know, there are certain things that you keep. Private versus sharing it with people or being really mindful about who you share what with. Do you think other people's energy can affect the things that you are thinking about or doing in your life? If you share it with the wrong people?

• 19:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I don't think it's some sort of magic hocus pocus thing. I think it's truly just their thoughts can affect you. For example, let's say you wanna start something, right? And I was, I was guilty of this a few months ago with us. And you kindly called me out about it in a good way. You shared an idea with me about something and we were just messaging about it. My initial response was, yeah, we can't do that right now.

• 19:50Radhi Devlukia?

  Oh.

• 19:50Jay Shetty?

  And you were like, wait a minute, can you just let me share my idea? And you said it in a really nice way and I got the message and I felt really bad about it. And I was wrong, but my point is my energy did affect it.

• 20:03Radhi Devlukia?

  It did, yeah.

• 20:03Jay Shetty?

  I closed something down when I shouldn't have. So that's a really good example. So let's say someone's listening right now and they're like, you've got an idea to start a YouTube channel or a podcast? Or you wanna write a book and you go and tell all your friends? And then all your friends go, why are you starting a podcast? Like, oh, you know, there's like a million podcasts now. It's not a hocus pocus, that energy affects you. You hear that and you go, yeah, maybe I shouldn't start it.

• 20:25Radhi Devlukia?

  So true.

• 20:26Jay Shetty?

  So all of a sudden, that energy has affected you. Now, if you had shared it with a podcaster, that podcaster would have said to you, oh, great. What genre is it? What kind of podcast do you wanna do? And you were like, yeah, it's all about relationships and it's all about connection. And then you could have asked them a question and they would have said, yeah, well, here's what you need to do. Make sure you do one episode a week. Make sure that you are really authentic and be yourself and make sure that you're consistent. Because something like ninety seven percent of podcasts don't make it past episode two or three.

• 20:55Radhi Devlukia?

  Right.

• 20:56Jay Shetty?

  Now, all of a sudden, that person who's already done what you wanna do is actually helping you. Whereas someone who hasn't done what you wanna do is draining you. And so I think it is important because energy does impact you and affect you. And someone who's already done what you wanna do is more likely to encourage you.

• 21:12Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes.

• 21:12Jay Shetty?

  Whereas someone who hasn't done it is more likely to discourage you. Because they may not understand, they think it's hard or they think it's complicated.

• 21:19Radhi Devlukia?

  Do you think people are happier when they're sharing more? Or do you think actually, like, oh, I'll ask you for yourself. When you made the decision to keep a lot of your own life private and be mindful about what you're sharing? Did that bring more peace and clarity and? Confidence in what you're doing, or did you feel like you're missing out on, did you feel a bit lonely without sharing things?

• 21:41Jay Shetty?

  I think people online, and I want to ask you the same questions back, these are great questions. I think we started to equate vulnerability with authenticity online.

• 21:52Radhi Devlukia?

  Tell me the difference.

• 21:53Jay Shetty?

  So if, no, no, no, it's, it's, we're saying that if you share stuff about your life, then you're authentic.

• 21:59Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes, yes.

• 22:00Jay Shetty?

  Stuff about your life, you're not authentic. My take is authenticity is sharing the right thing with the right person at the right time.

• 22:07Radhi Devlukia?

  So true.

• 22:07Jay Shetty?

  That's actually authentic, right? If I just found out that a family member was ill just today, I wouldn't tell everyone on social media, not because I'm being inauthentic, but the first person to call would be my family member.

• 22:21Radhi Devlukia?

  Exactly.

• 22:21Jay Shetty?

  So that's not an inauthentic act, it's actually the most authentic act. So I think we shouldn't fall for this trap where it's like, if you're not fully vulnerable online all the time that you're inauthentic. Actually being authentic is being intentional and selective. In my, that's my definition for it. So I feel very happy knowing what I share with you, what I share with my best friends, what I share with my mom, and then what I share online. Am I sharing my truth online? Of course I am. Am I sharing my heart online? Of course I am. Are there things that are private that need to be kept between me and my mom, or me and you, or me and my best friends? Of course there are, because that's reality.

• 23:00Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 23:00Jay Shetty?

  And I don't think that makes someone inauthentic. I think it actually makes someone real. Because it's the same as saying, if you're, do you go into your workplace? Because social media is our workplace.

• 23:13Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 23:13Jay Shetty?

  You go into your workplace, stand up on your desk and tell everyone in your office, everything about everything.

• 23:19Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 23:19Jay Shetty?

  You would never do that. You wouldn't hijack the company Zoom call and say, guys, I just need everyone to know right now that this is what's going on in my life. You would just never do that. It's not normal. But online, we assume that that is the normal. I'm not saying it's bad if you do that. I'm just saying that for me, that's not authenticity.

• 23:37Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, I think I've really struggled with that. I think I've always gone between, oh, I just want to keep everything private now because everyone's opinions and everyone's thoughts on things are too much. And then. Back to, oh, maybe I should be sharing because me not talking about this seems like I'm really happy. But actually, I've got this going on in my life and my grandma's not well and whatever. So maybe I should be sharing because I'm sharing smiles and happiness all online. But there's another part of my life that's happening. And then I've just come to the conclusion that no one will ever understand the duality in people's lives. And I think that's just my conclusion is of having gone through the ups and downs of sharing or not sharing. And even even sharing within within friendship circles.

• 24:16Radhi Devlukia?

  I think actually I don't share much with my friends or very selective about what I speak to, who I speak to about what. And it's made me so much happier because it's also allowed me to be so much more reflective in my own life. I think I was so used to outsourcing my uncertainty with other people's opinions and making decisions based on that, that now the more that I feel comfortable with answering my own questions, solving my own problems. The less I've got this need to speak to so many people about so many things happening in my life. And I actually do feel so much happier in that. I think the only part I struggle with, which you know, is being misunderstood online.

• 25:01Radhi Devlukia?

  And I think that's something that I am forever working on because I think I go through these bouts of sharing and then not sharing and trying to find the in-between. But what you said about the work situation, that makes sense. Do you just stand up and shout when you're having a bad day in your office? You don't, you don't, you don't do that. And so I think it's goes back to intentionality. Am I sharing this for a good reason? Or am I sharing this to try and prove myself, which I've done before? Or get people to try and understand me, which is impossible? I actually sent a voice note to my friend this morning, our friend this morning, because she was saying how, you know, her ex-boyfriend's friends don't like her because of stuff that he said. And I said, look, there are going to always be people

• 25:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 25:44Radhi Devlukia?

  who, no matter what you do or say, if they've wanted to dislike you, no matter how much you tell them about yourself, no matter how much you try and convince them that you are amazing. If they have already wanted to dislike you, they'll have found any any one word, a breath that you've taken that they don't like. But if they want to be rooting for you and if they want to see good in you and if they want to love you, everything that you say, they'll give you benefit of doubt. Everything you say, they'll give you grace. And I wrote about this in my notes the other week. I was thinking, imagine how nice it would be if people just gave people grace. Whether they're oversharing, whether they're not sharing enough, like, I just think everybody is going through duality and so much in their life. That it's impossible to know the depths of someone, even if someone was vlogging for twenty four hours a day.

• 26:27Radhi Devlukia?

  Even if someone was telling you every moment that they were moving, you can't know their heart and you can't know their mind.

• 26:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 26:33Radhi Devlukia?

  And so it's impossible to know someone that deeply. And the sharing, not sharing or oversharing, I think also comes. Comes with how you're feeling in the moment, in the day, in your life, depending what's happening.

• 26:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I I love what you're saying. I think we've created such a judgmental, critical world.

• 26:51Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 26:52Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like if you walked into a movie theater and you watched three minutes of a movie. And then you walked out and then you walked into another movie for three minutes. Then you walked out and you walked into another movie for three minutes. That's what we do on social media.

• 27:06Radhi Devlukia?

  That's so true.

• 27:07Jay Shetty?

  Right. You don't ever see the full picture. So no one has listened to every episode I've ever recorded on any platform I've ever been on.

• 27:15Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes.

• 27:15Jay Shetty?

  It should be my full picture.

• 27:17Radhi Devlukia?

  And I'll be like, you never talk about purpose.

• 27:19Jay Shetty?

  Yes, or yeah, exactly. Or you never talk about this, or you know, and it's like. But that's what how we'd feel if we walked into a movie for three minutes and walked out. So. You can only truly have an opinion on something when you understand it fully.

• 27:34Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes.

• 27:35Jay Shetty?

  You can have an opinion on anything, to be honest, but you can only truly have an assessment of something.

• 27:39Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes.

• 27:40Jay Shetty?

  If you understand it fully. And today, most of us make big assessments on small amounts of information.

• 27:47Radhi Devlukia?

  Huge.

• 27:47Jay Shetty?

  And we all do it. I do it too. And that's why it's so important to remind each other of that. And what you were saying where, you know, I I remember a few years back because people were like. Oh, Jane Riley are never together anymore. Maybe they're breaking up, like maybe, you know, all this kind of stuff.

• 28:03Radhi Devlukia?

  For months.

• 28:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 28:04Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:04Jay Shetty?

  And it's like, no, we travel a lot for work. We do spend time apart every year.

• 28:10Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 28:10Jay Shetty?

  Consciously, intentionally planned. But if you don't know us and you're not, you don't know our relationship, your assessment of it is completely inaccurate.

• 28:20Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 28:20Jay Shetty?

  And so this idea of like, oh, maybe they're breaking up. Or did you know they don't live together anymore? And it's like, well, no, Riley was in London and I was in L A, which are two places that we live in, like, you know, it's, and it's so basic, but, and, and I don't come out and defend or talk about these things or, or make it obvious because to me, it's not worth it. It's not enough. But it's important to help people realize that that's why people don't overshare or that's why they do overshare. And, and so my thing's very clear. I really don't share anything to try and get someone to believe I'm anything.

• 28:51Radhi Devlukia?

  Yes, you really don't. You're so good at that.

• 28:53Jay Shetty?

  So happy with whatever judgment and observation.

• 28:57Radhi Devlukia?

  I'm like, just say something about this. I really don't need to.

• 28:59Jay Shetty?

  I don't need to.

• 29:00Radhi Devlukia?

  So at peace with it. It's so good.

• 29:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And it's not that I'm fully at peace with it. I'm probably like figuring out internally. It's not like I'm beyond it. I'm figuring out internally, but what I've realized is my intention's really clear. That's what I'm focused on because I can't change. It's what you just said so well. It's, if someone doesn't like me, no matter what I do, they'll still not like me. And if someone loves me, no matter what I do, they'll still love me. And that's how we make decisions in life. And so I don't want to convince someone to change their mind about me.

• 29:32Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Jay Shetty?

  If someone thinks I'm X, Y, Z, that's okay because I don't want to waste my life explaining myself. I, I just want to accept that this is where I am. And I think today we'd all be a lot more peace if we weren't explaining ourselves to others.

• 29:53Jay Shetty?

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• 30:37Jay Shetty?

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• 33:01Jay Shetty?

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• 33:35Radhi Devlukia?

  You know where I found sharing recently has been really useful?

• 33:38Jay Shetty?

  I was gonna ask you actually, yeah. Where is it useful?

• 33:40Radhi Devlukia?

  Where it's been really useful. So I, and again, this is based on relationship stuff, but one of my friends was really struggling in her relationship. And we were speaking about all the people that we know in our families, everyone that we're really close to, that she also knows that I know. And I was saying, you know, it's really normal, if you've been in a relationship for X amount of time, to go through phases that are really difficult. You do know that this person in our family's been through it, this person in our friendship circle has been through it, this person has been through this, these people have gone to couples therapy, me and Jay have gone through really difficult times where we've found it hard to even have conversations with each other. We've been through so many ups and downs. He said, I had no idea. What do you mean? I had no idea that was normal. I've seen all of you and none of that makes any sense.

• 34:24Radhi Devlukia?

  I was like, yeah, these people were at the verge of breaking up and they literally had to spend so much, a year trying to reconnect. She was like, no way. And I told all of that to make her realise how normal the phases she was going through in her relationship were. But I found that so useful because even within relationships, obviously you have the pictures at events and you have all these little things that you can share. And we're talking about online, but even within within close family groups or close friendship groups. You will not even know what's happening and realise that actually they're going through the same thing as you are. And it makes you feel so okay about your situation when you realise you're not the only one. And so I think having those that conversation with my friend was so important because.

• 35:09Radhi Devlukia?

  One, it humanised everyone and it wasn't just the rosy relationships that she saw. Two, I don't know anybody who hasn't gone through stuff in their relationship. And then three, I think sharing it online for a lot of people who are public figures or not even public figures, sharing it with their communities, let's say. The time it becomes difficult is when people take one thing and make it into something huge, even though they've been through it. So like me saying, okay, we found it really difficult before, someone may say, oh my gosh, they find it difficult, not realising that they've had such difficult times in their relationship too. And so I think the judgement ends up going towards people, even when we've created that experience or had that experience in our life.

• 35:47Radhi Devlukia?

  But I think sharing in that way has been so useful, even between me and my best friend now, when I say things that I've been through, she was like, I would have never thought that that was you. And she's like, oh, I went through that too. And I can't believe we're we're the same and we've had that in common, even though we're such different people. And I think being more open about things like that, especially in our community, because especially, I don't know, you know, wherever you're, whichever community you're in, I'm sure it's quite similar, but. Painting rosy pictures about family relationships, about partner relationships, about all these things, it's so easy to paint a rosy picture and it helps no one. Because then everyone thinks they're the odd one out when they're going through the same thing that you are. So that I found really useful recently after being around my friends and family here.

• 36:29Jay Shetty?

  I mean, that's one of the reasons why, you know, if anyone ever watched the history of our conversations we've had online.

• 36:35Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 36:36Jay Shetty?

  Ninety nine percent of them will focus on challenges we've had.

• 36:38Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 36:39Jay Shetty?

  And that's where I felt sharing is really helpful, is my intention is to show that we're all in the same boat.

• 36:47Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, no one's exempt.

• 36:49Jay Shetty?

  We're all on the same page, no matter how enlightened or perfect or illuminated you feel someone is. We're all in the same boat and we're all struggling and that is when I think sharing is really important and that's what I choose to share. I choose to share my challenges. I choose to share things that I'm stressed about or.

• 37:06Radhi Devlukia?

  You're like that even with your friends, not even just, this isn't even in a public forum. I hear you speak to your friends about the real, I'm like, oh wow, I didn't think he was gonna talk about that. I didn't think he would share that with that person, but you really do to help them also open up back to you.

• 37:19Jay Shetty?

  And and also just because I also want them to know that that's the real expression that everyone has.

• 37:24Radhi Devlukia?

  And it's you being honest with yourself in that moment too, isn't it? I think we can get so covered up by the fake realities we create in our own mind of trying to be okay in front of other people. That that share, that you end up sharing this false version of yourself and then you come away from that conversation. And even though you think you've been vulnerable, you've actually been false vulnerable because that's not actually how you feel.

• 37:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:46Radhi Devlukia?

  You haven't actually shared anything.

• 37:47Jay Shetty?

  Exactly.

• 37:47Radhi Devlukia?

  And so you haven't actually built a connection to anyone.

• 37:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:50Radhi Devlukia?

  I always think that's why I find it difficult when you know people catch pictures of celebrities fighting and they put up pictures of it or whatever. It's like, have we not all had a moment where we've slammed the door? Have we not all had a moment where we've walked out of a restaurant because we've had an argument and we're a little bit upset? And so I I I think that I always feel so sad for people when I see stuff like that because I'm like, I've had those moments.

• 38:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:13Radhi Devlukia?

  I've been shouting, I've I've slammed the door in the car when I've left before and.

• 38:17Jay Shetty?

  Or you don't have a clue what was happening anyway.

• 38:19Radhi Devlukia?

  Totally, exactly.

• 38:20Jay Shetty?

  And someone's resting face is just not smiley and happy all the time. And so.

• 38:25Radhi Devlukia?

  It's like whenever I'm on my phone and you're like, are you okay? And I'm like writing a message and it's literally me just on ASOS ordering some clothes. And I'm like, I'm literally just concentrating, but if someone saw me doing that in public.

• 38:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:36Radhi Devlukia?

  I mean, I was just really fighting with someone.

• 38:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And that's, I think that's what it is, is that you can't make big assessments and judgments with small information.

• 38:45Radhi Devlukia?

  No.

• 38:45Jay Shetty?

  And and it would just make your life more peaceful and easier. I think the takeaway I want people to have is that whether you have a life that is online or whether it's your offline life. It's almost like the same principles apply.

• 38:57Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 38:58Jay Shetty?

  Who do you want to share this with? What are you trying to share? And most importantly, why are you sharing it? What's your intention? And if your intention is to make others feel less alone, if your intention is to. Share something so that you feel loved and cared for.

• 39:14Radhi Devlukia?

  Help people through what they're going through.

• 39:15Jay Shetty?

  And and help yourself. These are all beautiful things. And no one can tell you whether you're oversharing or overexposed. Only you get to decide that. Even if everyone goes, oh, you're oversharing, you're over. You wanted to share it, as long as your intention's in the right place. And don't ever feel pressured into thinking that you have to be vulnerable to be authentic.

• 39:37Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah.

• 39:37Jay Shetty?

  Because it's authentic to be vulnerable when you want to.

• 39:41Radhi Devlukia?

  Hmm.

• 39:41Jay Shetty?

  Not, it's not authentic to just be vulnerable anytime, anyplace with everyone.

• 39:45Radhi Devlukia?

  Yeah, and I think I'd also add that sharing is similar with your words is similar to sharing emotion in the sense that you're not supposed to hold everything inside. And it's not supposed to all live in your head either. And so I think part of experiencing life and part of experiencing emotions and part of experiencing pain and happiness, a big part of it is the sharing aspect of it. There is a notion of you experience something and then you share it. You learn something and then you share it. And so we're not supposed to just keep everything inside of us. There is supposed to be this action of receiving whatever the, whatever it is, pain, knowledge, information, and then giving it out to other people.

• 40:27Radhi Devlukia?

  And I think we're built to be in communities and sharing is a big part of that. And being honest with yourself, a big part of that is also sharing.

• 40:34Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm.

• 40:35Radhi Devlukia?

  And I think that's something really important to remember that we, we have to learn to take what's in our mind and be able to say out loud to really sometimes get the depth or the, the weight of what is inside of us. But yeah, keep sharing, people. Keep sharing.

• 40:52Jay Shetty?

  Thanks so much for listening and watching, everyone. I hope you share your comments, your ideas, your thoughts in the comment section. And of course, share this episode with anyone else that you think is concerned.

• 41:01Radhi Devlukia?

  You know what, overshare it. Overshare this episode, yeah? Okay, bye.

• 41:06Jay Shetty?

  Bye. Hey, everyone. If you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.

• 41:28Speaker 06

  If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. It's so lovely.

• 41:39Speaker 07

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• 42:08Speaker 02

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• 42:16Jay Shetty?

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• 42:49Speaker 02

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