Charli D’Amelio ON: How Our Thoughts Define Our Reality & Ways to Shift Self-Criticism Into Curiosity

Do you want to shift your thoughts to change your reality? Do you want to shift your self- criticism into compassion? Today I welcome Charli D’Amelio, a digital superstar, crowned “the reigning queen of TikTok,” by The New York Times. Charli was the first on the platform to hit 100 million followers and is the current leading female TikTok creator with over 150 million followers, making her the most followed person on the platform. Now Charli is one of the most recognizable faces online, in print and on screen with her family’s Hulu docuseries, The D’Amelio Show. In this interview, Charli doesn’t hold anything back. She openly discusses how she preserves her self-esteem and identity while navigating the challenges of online bullying and fame. She talks about her breaking point and what led her to change the way she talked to herself by implementing self-compassion. It’s a reminder that checking in with yourself is important in order to sort out emotions and assess your physical and emotional needs. In this interview, you will learn The importance of being kind to yourself How to tap into your authentic self How to rediscover yourself and giving yourself permission to be The power of learning to trust yourself and your decisions Strengthening your ability to bounce back from setbacks. How to voice your needs to those around you. Join us in a conversation of self-exploration, where we explore the depths of self-awareness and empower you to build trust in yourself and your choices. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 02:34 Did Charli Just Get Lucky?! 5:50 Charli’s Online Identity vs. Her Real-life Persona 11:26 Learning To Focus On What Actually Matters 13:43 On Losing Her Identity 19:10 Finding Joy In Everyday Life 25:00 How To Be Less Self-critical 29:00 Treating Your Friends With Kindness 32:43 Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics 36:43 What It’s Like To Film A Reality TV Show 39:10 On Being Trust In The Adult World At The Age of 16 45:24 Gossip, Rumors, and Clickbait 47:38 Being Friends With Other Influencers 50:15 Having A Famous Boyfriend 54:28 Learning To Ignore The Haters 58:34 Raising Her New Puppy! 1:00:30 Finding Her Personal Style 1:02:00 Learning To Use Her Voice 1:09:40 Finding Peace With Animals 1:13:15 Visiting Africa 1:17:30 Charli D'Amelio On Final Five Episode Resources: Charli D'Amelio | Instagram Charli D'Amelio | TikTok Charli D'Amelio | YouTube Charli D'Amelio | Twitter Charli D'Amelio | Facebook Charli D'Amelio | Website See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favourite podcast. Choose a cellar or North East Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Confidence isn't something Mazda finds, it's something they practise. That's the thinking behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features designed to help keep you more aware, more connected, and more engaged with the road ahead.

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand and has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus Awards than any other car brand as of July 2026. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one-hour workout to build strength, burn fat, and build muscle, with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way.

• 1:28Jay Shetty?

  Head to orangetheory.com/onpurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage in studio for details.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  It was one day, no one cared what I did, no one cared what I wore, what I looked like, what I said. And then, all of a sudden, that was all anyone would talk about. I think back to some of the things that I said in interviews. Yeah, hate comments don't bother me. And I was like, you went home and cried all night because of it. While filming season three, our entire family was going through a lot. It's hard to watch back those episodes. I say I don't know to everything, but the thing is, I don't know who I am.

• 2:12Jay Shetty?

  Before we jump into this episode, I'd like to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews that will help you become happier, healthier, and more healed. All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see all your comments, and we're just getting started. I can't wait to go on this journey with you. Thank you so much for subscribing. It means the world to me.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  The bestselling author and host.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  The number one healthy wellness podcast.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  On Purpose with Jay Shetty.

• 2:41Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for choosing us every single week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. You know my goal is just to sit down with fascinating people, learn about their stories, their journeys, their challenges, so that we can all learn and grow together, so that we can start to make better decisions, choices, and have insights in our life that help us along the way. I've found that studying people's lives and studying people's stories has helped me so much in my own life, and I'm hoping that through On Purpose, we can do that together. Today's guest is someone that I've never had the joy of sitting down with one-on-one on the show, so I'm very, very excited to invite the superstar, crowned the reigning queen

• 3:23Jay Shetty?

  of TikTok by The New York Times, Charli D'Amelio, one of the first on the platform to hit over 100 million followers and is the current leading female TikTok creator. Now one of the most recognizable faces online, in print and on screen with her family's Hulu docu-series, The D'Amelio Show. In May of 2021, Charli and Dixie launched their own clothing brand, Social Tourist. Charli recently starred in Prada's global ad campaign at the end of 2022, and in June of 2022, Charli launched her first-ever fragrance venture, Born Dreamer. Alongside her family in May of 2023, they launched D'Amelio footwear under D'Amelio Brands. Charli's influence on social media has earned her coveted spots

• 4:05Jay Shetty?

  on all the major lists, and I want to welcome to the show Charli D'Amelio. Charli, thank you for doing this. Thank you so much for being here.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me. I'm excited.

• 4:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I've been really looking forward to this because I want to say this to you because I don't think I've ever talked about this with you, but you come up in more conversations or when I'm doing keynotes on stages. And it's really funny because I kind of think of you randomly and often. I want to share this with you. I've never said this to you. And it comes up because I have watched your journey from afar, as everyone has, for such a long time. And I've really deeply admired just how phenomenally skilled you are at what you do. I think you're a phenomenal dancer, you're an incredible performer.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 4:47Jay Shetty?

  And if I'm ever presenting or talking to anyone about social media or digital or whatever it is, I always bring your name up because I think you're one of those people that obviously got your moment on TikTok when it took off and everything. But I feel like there were just years and years of practice and hard work that went behind it that we don't always see. And I just, I just wanted to share that with you as we kick off today, that I think it's incredible. And I think you've been practicing for this life that you lived since you were like four years old. And so I, I always try and highlight that. And so I don't know, I, I think of you in that context often, so.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  No, thank you. I mean, I appreciate that. I think when it comes to social media, it's very easy to get on yourself and say it was just luck, but to hear that from someone like you is definitely, you know, puts it into a different perspective that I don't always let myself feel, which is really nice.

• 5:40Jay Shetty?

  Good. I'm glad. Thank you. Do you still kind of kid yourself and just say it's luck to yourself now after all these years? Do you still feel that way?

• 5:47Speaker 01

  I do. And I think that, you know, having that in the back of my mind definitely keeps me a little bit more humble and helps me, you know. This wasn't something that I was asking for or looking for, but I mean, I've all, like my entire life, I've been filming videos, whether it's like I was 10 and look at how I do this, or this is how I do my makeup, like always just making videos. That was always something I loved and I never shared them with. Anyone until TikTok. So it's really, it's crazy to think back about those times and how they probably really did help me get to where I am now.

• 6:31Jay Shetty?

  I love what you said, that luck or viewing your success as luck helps you stay humble. I think that's such a beautiful trait and quality to aspire for and to always practice. At the same time, though, I'm guessing that when you see it through the lens of luck, sometimes it can affect your self-esteem or self-worth because you're like, oh, I just got lucky and maybe I don't deserve this. I don't know if those thoughts come up at the same time as trying to stay humble. There's this side of like low self-esteem that we all go through.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  I mean, absolutely. I think it's hard not to feel that way, especially a lot of my journey was everyone telling me that I didn't deserve it, kind of feeding into that and it's starting to really affect, you know, how I think about myself. Do I deserve anything? Why am I where I am? I don't do anything special. I'm not different than anyone. There's millions of people that would probably be better at my job than I am, but somehow it's me. And, you know, I kind of try and separate myself online from who I am in person.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  I always like to say it's Charli D'Amelio, who everyone else sees, and Charli, who I am when it's just me. And, you know, you really have to appreciate the things that you work hard for because I feel like those are the moments where I really do feel proud of myself because I don't always, even when achieving these amazing things, I'm like, well, it's not really me. It's the people that are watching me that got me here, you know, like they could have done this to anyone. But when it comes to things like Dancing with the Stars or hosting the Kids' Choice Awards, like those were two. Of probably my favorite accomplishments of mine because I really felt like I had to work for that.

• 8:23Speaker 01

  And it was just moments where I really truly felt proud of myself and I don't feel like that very often.

• 8:32Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, I'm so glad that you shared that with us because yeah, it's it's interesting, isn't it? It's like the reason why you did so well on both of those is because you've done it for years and years and years.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:44Jay Shetty?

  But sometimes you need to have a moment where you're working really hard on one specific thing so that you can see it. How long did it take you to make this awareness of like, there's Charli D'Amelio and then there's Charlie? Like, how long did it take you to figure that out for yourself and to even explain it in that way?

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, it definitely took me a while. I always knew in the back of my mind, it was like, I would do certain brand deals or ads and they'd have this creative and I'd do it. And I put on this like super happy, smiley, like obviously catering to a younger audience, which I love doing. But that's not who I am at heart. And I think growing up, and I started this when I was, what, 15 years old? And then I was turning 17 and 18 and I was, you know, getting tattoos and I would curse. And everyone would be like, whoa, this is crazy. And I was like, this is what I do in my normal day to day life, like this is who I am.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  So I really just had to, the version that people don't like, isn't even me. You know, it's what they nitpick out of certain things that I do. And I think coming to that realization, honestly, over the past few months, maybe this past year, I think has been probably one of the most helpful things to not let what other people say get to me.

• 10:06Jay Shetty?

  I empathize and feel so compassionate for how difficult that could be to be that young and have millions and millions and millions of people having an opinion on everything, from what you wear to what you say, to what you do and who you date and just everything, right? Like, I can't imagine being your age and being put under a magnifying glass, like in the way you have, which I think is also very unique because I think TikTok put people under a magnifying glass in a way that it'd also never been done before. It's like a first time thing. So what has changed about?

• 10:40Jay Shetty?

  Then fifteen, and you're only eighteen now, so it's only been three years, right?

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Nineteen.

• 10:46Jay Shetty?

  Nineteen now, you're nineteen now, so it's been four years.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:49Jay Shetty?

  In those four years, what has, what would you say is the biggest change that you've seen in

• 10:58Jay Shetty?

  who you thought you were then and who you are now?

• 11:01Speaker 01

  I think I just, you know, I was in high school. It was one day, no one cared what I did, no one cared what I wore, what I looked like, what I said. And then all of a sudden, that was all anyone would talk about. It happened so fast. And I put up a shield to kind of protect myself, which helped me, but also hurt me a little bit because it was hard to get out of that shell. And, I mean, I think back to some of the things that I said in interviews like three years ago, "Yeah, hate comments don't bother me." And I was like, you went home and cried all night because of it. Like, I would say things to make people think one thing, but inside I was very

• 11:47Speaker 01

  sheltered and I went through a, a pretty big stage for maybe like the first two years where I always looked out for the best in people and I got myself hurt a lot. You know, people wanted to make videos together and, and they would invite me over for collabs and then they would all hang out and I wouldn't be invited and I would, I would be so confused. And the excuse was always, "You're too young," or, you know, whatever. And I was like, "You guys are just hanging out at a house." Like, how am I too young for that but not too young to have in all your videos? And it took a lot of, you know, distancing myself, a lot of

• 12:29Speaker 01

  talking to my family, going to therapy, you know, figuring out who I am outside of anyone watching to be a little bit more content with myself and understand that I don't need to have all of these people like me, you know? I'm fine on my own. I love being by myself. I'm fine with the friends that I have in my corner that I've had for years or the new friends that come into my life that actually love me for me. And, you know, there's nothing that I can do. I feel like now I'm kind of at a point where

• 13:09Speaker 01

  You know, whatever, like, that's kind of my motto. I always am just like, alright, okay, I don't, I don't know, I don't care. And focusing more on the things that really matter to me. Like, it sounds so lame, because I constantly talk about my dogs like they're my children. But literally, like, spending the day with them, taking care of them, my responsibility being them and not myself. I don't have to worry about work or anything. They don't care if I have a million followers or none. Like, I don't know, just focusing more on the things that actually matter, the fans that actually love me no matter what, like, have been there for years or are brand new and actually like who I am and not just what I put out, you know?

• 13:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and it's, and it's so hard, because so much of what you put out is you, or is a part of you. And it can feel like the biggest part of you, because it gets the biggest response. And it's, it's almost confusing in your brain to be like, when you're with your dogs, it's a small part of your life, or there's a small amount of people there, but it's actually a bigger, of a bigger importance or bigger significance to you.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Because I have so much life that no one sees. I have so much about me that no one knows about. And I'm fine with that, you know? I don't feel like I need to change myself for anyone, because I, I did that for so long, and it was so exhausting, and I worked so much while being so burnt out and just wanting to kind of get away from everyone, that now, what I want to do is definitely a lot more important than what everyone's telling me to do.

• 14:53Jay Shetty?

  And that's, and that's really tough. Like, when I've spoken to even, like, young musicians and music stars, it's like, most people get their break when they're like fifteen years old or something like that. And naturally, everyone's older than you. And as a fifteen year old, you're used to having parents or people older than you telling you what to do. And so whether it's your manager, or whether it's your agent, or your team, or whatever it is, they book you, and then you're doing what they say, because you're doing what the adults say. It's kind of normal. And now that you're an adult yourself, you're kind of like, trying to take that back. What was it that you felt you did that wasn't you, or that you felt you were doing because the adults are saying to do it? Or what were those things that you felt like you moved away from who you wanted to be or who you were?

• 15:36Speaker 01

  I think I... You know, for quite some time, tried to just do whatever anyone said to make them like me. Whether it was how I dressed, or how I talked, or what I said, anything, what type of videos I make. I was listening to every comment, whether it was like, I hate that hoodie, well, never wearing that again. Like, this person doesn't like it, and dictating every decision I made through what other people said. And, I mean, for a long time, the beginning,

• 16:15Speaker 01

  I was only surrounded by a bunch of adults and 25-year-olds and all this stuff. And they would always say how mature I am, but I was just trying to fit in, you know? I was still in high school, still like, you know, you wanna be with the cool kids. So the people that I thought was cool, I would do anything to be like them. You know, dress different every day, or, or speak about specific things, or try to sound cool, or change myself. And it's just so not worth it, cuz why, why am I gonna do that? And how long am I gonna do that until they realize that it's like, okay, we get it.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Like, you like whatever we like, you don't have to do that, you know? It's just, I think it's, it's so unfair to yourself to have to do that all the time.

• 17:10Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, I love that, I love that you used that word unfair.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:14Jay Shetty?

  It's almost like, it's just unfair to do that to yourself. That, that really hit me and resonated with me because it's, it's almost like you're just doing yourself such a big disservice by molding yourself into what you think someone wants. And that was just a thought they had on one day, in one second, in one comment.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  And then you have no idea who you are. I, I had to sit with myself and say, I have no idea what I like. I have no idea how I wanna dress, I have no idea how I wanna do my makeup, or what's my favorite song, or what's my favorite movie. I just... I don't know, like, I do not know anything about myself. And my answer to every question was, I don't know. And I actually had to talk to my therapist about this and I was like, I say I don't know to everything, but the thing is, I really don't know. I don't know who I am. I feel like all I know is what anyone tells me to do. And, I mean, it's, it's a really weird feeling because

• 18:19Speaker 01

  how do you get out of that? How do you find out what you like? But you really just have to try things, get out of your house. I was not leaving my house ever. Like, I would go through these phases where I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in my room all day, watch TV, like, not get ready, nothing. And I've been really low a couple of times. And I think this past time that I got really low was when I was like, okay, my parents even said, they were like, we're not gonna let you, we're not gonna sit here and watch you rot in bed all day and not do anything. And just, like, we can't do that. That's so unfair.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  And especially when you don't live with your parents and they're noticing that, it's an issue.

• 19:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  So I had to kind of really dig deep and ask the questions that I didn't ask for so long, for whatever reason. Maybe I didn't want to know the answer. It was too much or scary to figure it out and be your own person. But I think it's just so much easier.

• 19:28Jay Shetty?

  Mm-hmm. And I, and I think it's also just, you know, being, it's really hard when you're living your own journey. And then you realize, as you're getting older and as you are maturing, as, as everyone does, you're looking back going, I can't really expect my fifteen-year-old self to know all this, anyway. Like, I think, you know, for me, when I think about being back to fifteen and I didn't know anything about myself and I wasn't dealing with the pressures you dealt with or the challenges that you had. And sure, I had different challenges and different stresses, as I'm sure everyone does, has their own thing, but the point is that as a fifteen year old self, you don't really know what you like anyway, because it is true. You are trying to be with the cool kids, or you are trying to be like the other people,

• 20:12Jay Shetty?

  and you're getting involved in all sorts of things just for people to give you approval and validate you. And then all of a sudden, it's amazing that you're now coming to that point where you're like, I wanna know. And I think what I love about what you said is, and it's because I said this often in my books and my work, is that knowing what movies you like, what food you like, what songs you like, that is the beginning of self-awareness. Like, it's that basic. It's, it's not this complicated, deep thing that it begins with. It really starts with those things. It starts with these really simple, everyday choices that we all have to make. So I wanna ask you, simple everyday choices. What is it now that Charlie likes? Like, what is it that Charlie has discovered that, not Charlie D'Amelio, but Charlie enjoys and appreciates?

• 20:55Jay Shetty?

  So what are the joys of life that, your dogs, obviously, you mentioned?

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:59Jay Shetty?

  But what are some of the things that brings you joy that you feel you're discovering for the first time?

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Things that bring me joy. I love cleaning. That's something that sounds so lame, but is so therapeutic. I love, um...

• 21:13Jay Shetty?

  What about cleaning? Cause I wanna know, I wanna know now. The way you said that, it was so much genuineness. I'm like, alright, what about cleaning?

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Honestly, to me, it's just therapeutic. Like, put something on my TV, clean my room, organize my stuff, make it how I like it, you know? Because there can be certain things that, oh, well, you know, this is cool. I guess I like this, but what picture do I want out? What am I proud of and want presented? How do I like my bed made? How do I like my chargers to be set up? It's like such minuscule things that I think makes such a difference. And it also makes you feel productive and makes me feel like I have my stuff together. And, I mean, as someone who struggles with obsessive compulsive disorder, that's one of my, like...

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Big things where I feel like when I'm doing that, I'm almost clearing my head. So I don't know, it's just something that I genuinely enjoy doing.

• 22:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  And I think is super fun, like this morning, because I've had such bad jet lag. I was like, okay, I can either try to go to sleep for the next three hours or get up and clean the kitchen and play with the dogs. And I was like, all right, let's just get up and do it, you know? I'll get up in five minutes and we'll start to do this stuff. You order your coffee and do all the things that you need to do to feel together. And that made me happy and I was really proud I did that. And I started my day on a great note and now I feel great. So it's just like little things that I just, I find so much fun in.

• 22:51Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm. Yeah, no, I, I mean, the team will attest to this too. I'm like addicted to organizing shelves and bookshelves. So I'll take you to the house afterwards and I have, like, I have this bookshelf in there that I personally curated and like everything. And like, even if my wife moves one book, I'll notice it.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:07Jay Shetty?

  And I'll be like, where's that book gone? But it's like, I get that, like organizing spaces and creating spaces to be spaces you want to live in and sit in, like even this room right now. Like, I curated it because I want to be in this space and I want it to feel comfortable for my guests and for myself. And I want it to also spark curiosity or whatever it may be. And I think it's interesting how all these tiny things, when you're intentional about them, they can spark so much joy without trying that hard.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  And I mean, it might be a little bit of like, the very few parts of my life that I genuinely get to control, you know? It's not up to anyone else. It's not, you know, do it this way or wear this or show this product. It's like, I just get to do this and make it how I want, the way I want it, on my own schedule and I'm fully in control of this task, start to finish.

• 24:02Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Which, you know.

• 24:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  It's a way to deal with being a little bit of a control freak.

• 24:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:09Jay Shetty?

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• 24:49Jay Shetty?

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• 25:35Jay Shetty?

  No, and you're right. I think that's such a great point. It's rare that we have that much certainty and control over anything in life. And if we don't do it at home, we're going to potentially try and do it everywhere else where we can't.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:48Jay Shetty?

  No, I think that's a great point. What else would you say that you've discovered about your likes and dislikes? Like what was something that you thought you liked before or someone had told you to like before and now you're like, I actually changed now. Like that's not how I feel about it.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Oh, um, there's definitely a few. I'd say one thing that I started to specifically like my own way was music.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  I, you know, would listen to whatever's popular. And I feel like now I really only listen to the songs that I genuinely enjoy listening to or I relate to. And even if it's the most random playlist ever, where it's like rap, sad music, country music, like all in one, I enjoy listening to that. And I don't have to listen to whatever everyone else is listening to. And I also can if I want to. If I want to listen to whatever's the top one hundred, I'm gonna do that, you know? Even in front of other people. Like I can play what I like and I'll take suggestions and not just, what's your favorite song? Well, whatever's the top one right now. Like, you know, having that to myself is also something really nice.

• 26:57Jay Shetty?

  Have you discovered any new artists or anyone recently that you're like, someone that maybe we haven't heard of or someone that maybe is less heard of that you like?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Well, my favorite artist, his name is Pim Stones. He doesn't make music anymore, which is really, really sad, but he's my favorite artist ever. He's made like some of the most incredible songs I've ever heard and they're just so beautiful to listen to. And one of them has been my favorite song for a while. Actually, someone at my dance studio when I was like probably thirteen had a solo to it.

• 27:29Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  And ever since then, I've been obsessed. And he only has like two songs out on Spotify, but I will listen to the two of them just on repeat forever and ever and ever because they're so good.

• 27:43Jay Shetty?

  Wow, wow. That's amazing. Yeah, I love it. I'll check it out. Only two songs on Spotify.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:48Jay Shetty?

  Pim Stones.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:49Jay Shetty?

  All right, I'm gonna go check it out after this interview. No, I love that and I think it's really refreshing and it must feel so good. I can see it in your face. So you just seem so like genuinely happy talking about the things that spark joy, that bring you that sense of comfort and ease and make life that much more. What if someone right now is listening and they're like, Charlie, I'm struggling with what, what you just said. Like, I find it hard to be open and honest about the things I like because people make fun of me or ridicule me or maybe people tell me that's not cool or whatever it is. Like, what has slowly given you the confidence to get there? And what, what do you think people need to hear to almost feel confident in themselves to say that?

• 28:32Speaker 01

  I think it just starts with giving yourself permission to be open with yourself. Because it really like, as much as it sucks to hear, like, it is all in your head. You have to work on your self-talk. And I think positive self-talk is something that is so often overlooked because everyone's so overly critical of themselves. You see your face, you know, in the reflection of your phone. You're in pictures, background of photos. You're like, oh, I hate this one, but this one posted it and I can't do anything about it. You know, you have to, once you start speaking in a more positive tone about yourself and the people around you, the easier it is to feel more positive, you know?

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Instead of, oh, I hate the way I look today. You know what? My hair is doing something different and I kind of like it, you know? Starting with those little, little things that sound so, so, like, it's so tiny. Who, who even cares? You know, it's in my head. It's not affecting anyone, but it's affecting yourself. So I think just the more you can be positive and open with yourself and not so overly critical of yourself. If you like a movie and no one else likes that movie, doesn't mean it's a bad movie and you, you can't like it. You can still enjoy watching it and, okay, we just have different opinions. That's normal. And they probably like, like stuff I don't like, but that doesn't take away from what they like.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  It's just, you know, the way you talk to yourself is so important.

• 30:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you're so right. And it's, it's so subtle, like those thoughts, as you just said, like, I love that switch that you just made between, I don't like how my hair looks today, or, oh, my hair's doing something different today and that's interesting, or it looks cool, whatever it may be. There's an amazing book, uh, for those who, who are more interested in what Charlie's talking about right now, it's called Psycho-Cybernetics. And it's this whole idea of how our thoughts completely define our reality.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:31Jay Shetty?

  And how, as you just said, studies show that we have sixty to eighty thousand thoughts per day and eighty percent of them are negative and repetitive. So we're often having the same thought, which is like, I don't like how I look, or I don't like. How my hair looks, or I don't like this about me, or whatever it may be. And you keep having that thought.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:51Jay Shetty?

  And then it just spirals and then that's all you feel about yourself. And then it becomes your reality. So that book really helped me. It's it's an old school classic in this space, but it convinces you that you can change your thoughts. And it's not like you're lying to yourself, right? Like, I want to address this for people who think that positive. This is not about positive thinking. This is not like looking at yourself and going, I'm amazing and I'm special. Like, that stuff doesn't work either.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:16Jay Shetty?

  But it's almost just tweaking your thoughts slightly to being, how do you change from being critical? To just being curious? And that little switch can change everything.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  Exactly. And it I think it's so important because getting to the point where you have a more positive self talk. It's it's not linear. You know, you're gonna have dips and and bad days and good days and bad months and good months. You just that's that's how it works. But I notice when I start to see myself slip and realize I've been super critical of myself. And you know what? I've had such a bad week. That's probably why I'm feeling so insecure and maybe I'm taking it out on other people. Or I'm, I don't want to leave my house because I've critiqued everything about the way I look and not focus on one positive thing at all, you know? It really, that's when I noticed when I started to dip again,

• 32:10Speaker 01

  how important it is to really focus on being kind to yourself.

• 32:14Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, yeah. And I and I I I hope people really hear that because I think the reason why we're hard on others is because we're so hard on ourselves. And the reason we're so hard on ourselves is because we're so hard on others. And it's almost like if we were just able to be kinder to the stranger, our friend, our family member, then I think we'd actually be able to be more kind to ourselves and vice versa as well.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Even like in friendships and relationships, I think it's important. I if you're telling jokes back and forth to each other and maybe they're like, you know how you joke with your friends, like. Sometimes it can be a little mean.

• 32:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  I've, you know, I've done the, why don't we try and just be really, really nice to each other for a little bit? Let's really focus on bringing each other up. And I've actually had that conversation before. And I think it's something that sounds almost corny, like, let's be super nice to each other. But it really is helpful to have the people that you love. And maybe you say it when you're a little bit down. So, you know, you're not asking for compliments. You're just asking for a more positive environment around you. And I think that there's something so special about that. And the people around you that love you will definitely be open to it, you know? And I think that there's also something in that, the people that you have around you every day, you need to try and build up with you.

• 33:38Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm. Yeah. And that's, I get, I get that people find that hard because I'm also, in England, we banter a lot. And so I banter a lot with my team, with my wife. Like, if, if people see me and my wife together, they're like, they're like, you guys hate each other.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Literally.

• 33:51Jay Shetty?

  Because we'd go so hard. And even my friends, I just came back from London for my sister's wedding. And I was there with all my boys and I was so, we're so intense with each other. And that's how close we are, like, the more intense we can be. But you're right that sometimes, and it's really interesting, because when you get into a one-on-one with a friend, they'll say how much they need the opposite. Like, when you're with a group of people and you're all bantering, it's great. But then when you're one-on-one with someone, you hear how someone's like, you know, I need a bit of encouragement, right? I need, I need to know that you think I'm doing good at this, or whatever it may be. So.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  And also, like, don't be afraid to be the person that is going to text all the people around you. Every time you see them do something, I'm so proud of you. Like, you looked amazing at this. Or, this was so cool that you did this. Like, be that person. Be the annoying person. You know, I wish I did it more, and I should, and that's something that I'll take into the rest of the day. Um, but this morning even, I, I had a conversation with my mom and she's got back into modeling. She's in Louisiana right now, so I haven't seen her in a couple of days. And she was sending me photos and I didn't answer my phone for a little bit, just because I've been jet lagged and crazy. And I was like. Geez, like if I sent her something, I would wanna hear back how proud she is of me.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  So let me just go over the top because sometimes you need to be that person. Especially if that's the energy that you're trying to get back, you can't get that without giving it to.

• 35:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well said. And how's that been? Because obviously that's a big part of it, right? Especially with the new docu-series as well, like the new season, like this idea of your whole family's now in the spotlight.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:27Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like people just lump everyone together, especially when it's a a big family and everyone's got exciting things happening. And, you know, I've obviously interviewed your whole family before, so I've I've sat with them and it's it's wonderful. And at the same time, it's hard to find your own space and carve your own identity, right? Like, that's challenging.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that the family dynamic is something that is really, really confusing. Especially for me, I'm the youngest. So you spend all your time trying to impress your older sister. You spend all your time trying to prove something to your parents, even when they're already proud of you, you know? It's really confusing. You don't know where you fit in. I'm like, I live with my sister, I don't live with my parents, but, you know, I still want the same support that I got when I lived with them. But I can't just go up to their room anytime I'm having a bad day. They don't know what's going on with me all the time. When we're working together and on a shoot, you know, I I hate to say this, but sometimes they want

• 36:29Speaker 01

  more stuff of me or whatever it is, or we want this for the family. And then they'll, you know, expect extra from me. And it's like, well, where do I fit in? Because I'm the youngest, but sometimes they want the most. And well, you know, it gets to the point where it's like, well, they they're not there for me. And it's like, well, you know what? Everyone's doing their own stuff, like everyone has their own stuff going on. Dixie has music, my mom's modeling, my dad's doing business stuff. Like,

• 37:01Speaker 01

  There's so much going on for all of us at the same time. It can get hard to celebrate every single achievement when there's just four of us all doing different things, all at the same time, running from place to place, traveling, you know? We're still figuring that out now. I think while filming season three, our entire family was going through a lot, like mentally and with work. So it's hard to watch back those episodes because we were just all in such a different place and so confused at where we all stand and taking it out on each other, which I think is probably the biggest

• 37:44Speaker 01

  regret I have through all of this with my family is like we need to have each other's backs through everything. Cause you know, through it all, you work with people, you make friends, whatever.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  You have to have family or people that you've kind of adopted as family that are there to support you when there's no cameras or when there's no likes or followers, anything like you need that. And the hardest time for all of us was when we didn't have each other to lean on. And that is really, really shown in season three. And like, even when I see clips, I'm like, I don't want to see it at all. Like that was such a hard time for all of us and it's so embarrassing at times to see that, like, people posting it, reposting it, edits of it, edits of times where I was like really, really, really struggling and hearing people, she's so dramatic, but you hear a tenth of what was actually going on, you know?

• 38:44Speaker 01

  So it's, it's a lot. Or things are, you know, maybe I was upset about one thing, but in the show, it looks like I'm upset about something else. It's like a whole bunch of stuff that's just, I don't even wanna pay attention to it.

• 38:58Jay Shetty?

  It must be so challenging. Like I've always, I've always thought about it, like having a show where every one of your feelings and emotions is being documented. And then broadcast, sounds like the most challenging thing ever.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 39:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's like even just that as a premise, and I know it's been around forever and, you know, family's been followed forever and there's, this format has been around forever. But I'm like, it doesn't get easier because of that, because as humans, we love to watch drama, we love to watch the gossip, we wanna see the scoop. The show has like twists and changes and, you know, characters that are upset at each other. And you have all of this going on, but then behind all of that, there's a real human with real emotions.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:43Jay Shetty?

  Trying to figure it all out. Have you been able to separate like yourself and then the character on the show too? Like, do you feel, or do you feel that's just so interrelated that you're like?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  In ways, yes, for sure, but like people don't realize when you're filming, sometimes you forget you have a mic on and you say something and you're like, I really wasn't that deep, like.

• 40:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  It's not that important. Sometimes you're really, really upset or you're maybe mentally struggling a little bit and you don't have a reason, because sometimes you don't need a reason. Sometimes you just feel really bad and that happens. So you go through these, well, why are you, well, what was happening? You know, was it this person's fault? And it's like, I don't know, I was just really feeling bad and I didn't have a handle on it. And I had to film, so you know, it's like, I don't get a choice of how I, how I go into filming, you know?

• 40:46Speaker 01

  I can try and go in with a positive mindset, but after a couple hours, you know, like I'm tired and you see how maybe I was really feeling that day. Maybe it's nothing that was at all in the show, like people watching have no idea. But it is so many real emotions that it's really, really hard. To separate the two, but hopefully, you know, if another season happens, I'll be able to do that.

• 41:11Jay Shetty?

  And why did you feel though in season three that it got harder with family than easier? Like you'd hoped that season three like made it easier, but why do you think it got harder? Is it just that everyone's more busy now or?

• 41:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think we were just all going through so much individually and constantly taking it out on each other. And you know, that's building blocks to working with your family. No family that works together is perfect all the time. And if you say you are, you are so wrong, especially when, you know, we talk about it all the time, like family is everything. But when you're in those moments where you're like, I'm pissed at this person in my family because of, maybe it's something stupid. But to me, it's like, it feels like a lot, feels like the entire world on my shoulders. For maybe something that isn't that big of a deal, but it feels like that to me, you know?

• 42:01Speaker 01

  It's just, we were all going through so much at the same time that there was no way that these cameras weren't going to catch it.

• 42:10Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. It sounds like even, even though obviously you said that, you know, when you're a kid, you still want your family to take care of you. And obviously now you're in a position where obviously you take care of yourself, you, you live with your sister. But what would you say has been the biggest skills you've learned in how to take care of yourself? When you don't have your family to rely on?

• 42:32Speaker 01

  I don't even know. I feel like that's something that is so confusing to me still. I feel so independent because, you know, I'm traveling without any of my friends or family. I'm on these big work calls.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Like I have no training for this. I, I didn't even finish high school. Like I don't know how to do this. I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I don't know if this is, you know, good or bad. I still call my dad all the time and I'm like, okay, but seriously, what do you think about this? Because I, like, this sounds not that cool to me, but apparently it's really, like, I have no idea how this works. And, you know, the more I do it, the more I get comfortable and learn, but. I missed so much of the normal growing up, going to college and then coming back for Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever it is, that I kind of had to like race to figure it out because it was,

• 43:35Speaker 01

  one day you're a kid and you're in high school and you have no responsibilities and now you have people that are working for you and you're responsible for them and you're responsible for everything that you do and you're not allowed to mess up, but I'm 16, I don't know how to not mess up. I don't know anything. Like, how am I supposed to learn that without having these real life experiences? So I think the more, as time goes on and the more I'm put in these situations where I have to be independent and a grown up, you know, the easier it gets, but it's still something that I really have to figure out in each individual situation.

• 44:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I'm 36 and I still don't know how not to mess up. It's just because I think what we don't realize is you've got yourself and your identity, like you as an individual, which is always changing.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:24Jay Shetty?

  So whether you're 36 or whether you're 19, you're still dealing with that. On top of that, you've now got the industry is always changing. So like the platforms are changing and the business is changing and the social, whatever, all of that's always changing. So you've never done it before and most people have never done it before. So no matter how smart someone was five months ago, everything's changed and so everything's being updated. And then on top of all of that, you've got everyone around you who's constantly changing and growing and evolving. And so it's so hard to ever feel you ever have a handle on all areas of your life.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:57Jay Shetty?

  And so definitely as a 16 year old, now a 19 year old, like it's so much to learn quickly. And I think you had your, you recently had your prom or you did your prom here, right? Like you-

• 45:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had, I had two. We did one on the show.

• 45:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 01

  And then I went to my high school prom back in my hometown.

• 45:15Jay Shetty?

  Okay, cool.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, which was really fun and like the bit of senior year that I got to have, which was really nice because I didn't get that- At all, and a lot of kids didn't during COVID and everything. So I'm definitely not the only person feeling like this. A lot of freshmen, sophomore year of college, like people didn't get that. People didn't get that very, very integral part of growing up. Or whether it's your first job, like this was my first job. I had never had any true responsibility before. And I don't know how, and there's no rulebook to say, well, this is how you be an adult. So it's kind of just figuring it out and messing up along the way.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  But when you mess up and you have so many people telling you how you messed up and how that's horrible. And you're doing all of these things wrong. You're like, yeah, I know, but this is all I know how to do. You kind of just every day learn a little bit and just continue to do your best. Cause that's all you can do.

• 46:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. And I, and I, do you know what? It's interesting because we're hearing that from you. And I think everyone who's listening right now is going, that's me too. Like, you know, I think it doesn't matter how old you are or how wise you are or how smart or whether you have your own business or you don't. Or whether we're just all feeling that way because everyone is just trying to do their best. And sometimes their best is not good enough for everyone else. But that's all they could give. And I feel that for anyone and everyone today. And so I think what you're saying resonates or feels very relatable, at least even to me. And I'm sure everyone who's listening is thinking that as well. Like, I'm just trying.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, and that's like the normal human experience.

• 47:01Jay Shetty?

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• 48:13Jay Shetty?

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• 49:00Speaker 01

  And I definitely get on myself about it, but everyone's just doing their best. Like, my parents are still figuring out who they are, you know? It's ever-changing. Like, my grandmother, before she passed, started to get a handle on all of the social media stuff and like, how to watch me. She would watch YouTube videos or like, see, see things online, articles, and she would be like, "I heard you did this." And I'm like, "Well, that's not true. That's just like, an article, you know?" And she's like, "No, no, but I saw it in the press." And I was like, "Yeah, I know, but it's not, it's not true." So we like had to get a handle on that, but she was changing and she was evolving with

• 49:41Speaker 01

  the times and she didn't know how it worked and she was, you know, she was, she was a lot older and, and still figuring out who she is and well, how do I do this and, and I want to watch you, but I have to discover this whole new thing. Like everyone is learning something and she was just doing her best to watch her grandchildren on social media. Like it's something that is so cute and something that seems so simple to me, like we'll just download TikTok and watch my videos, you know? But to her, it was like this whole new thing that she has to learn. And I think once you realize that literally everyone is just trying to do their best to get to the next day, like you can be a lot easier on yourself, but also a lot easier on everyone around you.

• 50:26Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm, mm hmm. And also even just what you said about your grandmother, like learning about how she's reading something that sounds so true and you're like, no, it didn't happen that way. And it's funny because I go through similar things with me and my family. So my parents will read an article about me or whatever and they'll get really upset for me or they'll get offended for me because there's something in it that they don't like or whatever it is. Or there's something said about the family, which you must have to deal with way more than I do because your family's in the spotlight too. But then they're like, oh, well, why did they say that about the family and this and that? And I'm like, I didn't say anything. Like, you know, it's almost like I didn't even talk about that. I didn't mention anything. It's just someone coming up with something.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:08Jay Shetty?

  And I can't imagine like.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  It's like the clickbait articles. I'm like, I'm telling you that this isn't real. Or she'd like see someone online and she's like, I don't like them. Why? They said something about you three years ago. Well, they're my friends now. She's like, I don't know. I don't like them. It's like, all right. You're going to think whatever you think. Like that's fine. And she was so cute and so, so supportive. Like she spent all day on her iPad just watching YouTube compilations of my TikToks. And every time I see her, she'd be like, you need to stop cursing on the internet. And I was like, I know, I know.

• 51:45Jay Shetty?

  That's so sweet. That's so funny. Yeah, I mean, and and you're nice of you not to block her from those videos.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, even.

• 51:51Jay Shetty?

  I know so many people that do that.

• 51:53Speaker 01

  My other grandma, she like still swipes up on all my stories. She's like, you look great. Or she'd reply to fan pages like a lot of people's grandparents. I hear this all the time from all the social media kids. It's like my grandma responds to my fan pages thinking they're me. And I'm like, but it's so like, it's so sweet. And I love it. And I mean, my grandma, that's my grandma on my dad's side, like she's like, she's still texting me all the time, like, you look so good in this, or this is so cool. Or anytime I do anything where it's like something that she would like, I'll like send her a photo and, you know, she's just proud, you know, that's also a good person to talk to. That's just like

• 52:36Speaker 01

  always going to be proud of me. Just really nice to have.

• 52:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely. And to allow that in. Do you find that you've found like, I know you're close with Markel, who I love too. He's such a, I I love Markel's energy. I've only met him a couple of times, but he's so awesome. Have you found that you've got a good group of friends around you in the industry? Because what I've found is that, so I have a bunch of great friends back in London who are like my best friends, like my best man at my wedding and like my closest friends that I grew up with. And I speak to them like, I speak to my best friend like three times a week still because it's so important to me and I need it. And at the same time, I also need friends who are in the industry because there are certain things that we can all understand about the industry, kind of like the idea of

• 53:22Jay Shetty?

  yeah, don't trust the press on that and whatever, because they already know that because they go through the same stuff. Do you find, I it sounds like you have a great group of friends back at home. Do you find that you've also found the good friends in the industry that you can kind of compare notes with a bit too and be like, oh, I just went through that. This is how I'm feeling.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. I mean, Markel's like, he's family to me.

• 53:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, be on friends.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Has shown.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  So much to me, just as a person, whether it's talking to me one on one, or defending me online, or, you know, defending me to the people around him, like, he is someone that every person that meets him has so much amazing things to say about him, and I'm so thankful that I have him in my life. Whether it's like, we're doing nothing, or we're out with a bunch of people, and I, we wanna have a dance party in the middle of the dance floor, and it's just us two, like, we'll do it. Or in the middle of a restaurant, whatever it is, like, I love that. But I've definitely found a lot of people that are in the industry, and a lot of the friendships that I have, I tend to keep quiet about.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  And a lot of the friendships that I have, I've met them in very, very weird ways. Because how am I supposed to meet people, you know? I don't go out super often, I don't, I'm not usually around people my own age. Like, a lot of my friends that I met, they were actually dancers at the Kids' Choice Awards. And we just clicked, and I started hanging out with them, and I really liked them, and they're really cool people, and they're in an industry that I'm so fascinated by. And, yeah, they do so much similar things to me, but it's also different. And I think that that's really special.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  And after meeting them, it was really refreshing to be around people my own age, and also just have people that are hardworking and determined, and not competitive with me at all, and just happy to see me happy, and I can have fun with whether we're filming or not, you know? But even like, my boyfriend, he's in the industry. And, you know, we, we tend to handle things a little bit differently, but sometimes I, I have to be like, it's not worth it, you know? We don't have to respond, we don't have to do anything, like, it's not worth it. I know you, you know me. Whether people are saying things about me, or people are saying things about our relationship, you know? Having each other to kind of navigate that.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  On our own is is really nice because it's also what two nineteen year olds in a relationship have their lives together, you know, there's ups and downs, like whether I'm working all the time or he's working all the time or I'm traveling or whatever it is, like, there's always so much going on that can so easily put a strain on a relationship and also just coming into adulthood with two teenagers that have no idea what they're doing and just trying their best, like, you know, it's been really confusing to navigate, but also really refreshing to have someone else there that's like

• 56:36Speaker 01

  just trying to figure it out day by day.

• 56:39Jay Shetty?

  It's almost, yeah, it's almost easier in one sense because you have someone to bounce it off of.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:44Jay Shetty?

  As opposed to.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  You're like, am I crazy? Are you crazy? Is this like, is this okay? You know, so it's, it's really nice.

• 56:52Jay Shetty?

  Do you, do you think the hardest part about success and fame is having a relationship in the public eye? Would you say that that's the hardest part? In terms of when it comes to your relationships or that's not?

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Sometimes I feel like you know, when two people that are in a relationship have like an off week or whatever, there can be the whole, this person didn't like their photo, or they haven't posted together, they're broken up, or this person's starting a rumor, like even if you, you two are struggling, that's for you to go through and handle it, however is appropriate, whether you guys part ways or continue to work through things together, like no relationship is perfect ever. You have moments where so much is going on, like during Dancing with the Stars, I was dancing seven days a week, I was never home, he was like,

• 57:45Speaker 01

  I felt like I didn't have a girlfriend and that was really hard. It was hard on my parents, you know, like it's a lot, and especially for two young teenagers to go through. Like, we don't, we don't know how to do this. No one knows how to do this. So we're just doing our best and there's ups and downs, but we work through it and that's just being a person, you know?

• 58:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And, and, and just the idea of

• 58:15Jay Shetty?

  It is interesting when you've got two people who have crazy lives and have different journeys and have different, you know, commitments and family commitments. And there's just so much going on.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:24Jay Shetty?

  To keep up with it all. What have you found? What has helped you both kind of keep up with each other's schedules and each other's lives? Because that's not going to change.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:33Jay Shetty?

  At least not right now. And so, what has helped? What has worked?

• 58:38Speaker 01

  I think, you know, we've obviously talked about this so much, just as a whole. I was, I was just gone for almost two weeks and we were on different time zones, just trying to text and update each other. But it's figuring out what each other needs, you know? If he wants me to keep him updated, then I'll keep him updated because that's what he needs. If he, if I need him to tell me what's going on in his week so I don't feel left out, like, that's totally cool. That's what I need. It's just having that conversation and realizing that people's needs change and adapting with that and not feeling like, well, I don't want to make him upset. Like, he's working a lot and I know he's super busy.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Like, I need a shoulder to lean on. It's also having the conversation. Like, sometimes I'll literally say, I'm really, really sensitive right now. Like, I just need some extra support. And then he knows to, well, she needs this right now, okay? Like, that's totally cool. That's two people in a relationship doing whatever they can to make the other person happy. Just normal, human things. And definitely not worrying about what anyone online has to say. It's so not worth it. It really isn't. Because 99% of these people are looking for you to respond. Like, even today, I woke up to some crazy person talking about me

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  in like, the most wildly disrespectful ways, like, I've really seen in a long time. And the thing is, like, me and this person were at an event together and this person introduced themselves, I introduced myself. We tried to be nice. This kid was not nice to me and then went and talked very poorly on me. And Landon's like, well, let me call this kid. And I'm like, it's not that big of a deal. Like, it's not. That's what he's looking for. Is it taking everything in me not to respond or not to text him? Yeah, but I know if I text him, he's gonna post it. And that's gonna be a thing. And he's gonna get exactly what he wants. Me to respond and give in to whatever story he wants to portray to the people that watch him. It's not, it's not my problem.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Like, I know who I am and that's good enough for me. Like, it doesn't matter.

• 1:00:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And it's so hard to get to that point.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:00:56Jay Shetty?

  But it's so liberating when you do. Like, it's so freeing when you realize that where you're like, actually not responding is not getting caught up in someone else's.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  And like, then it just gives people an opportunity to, well, if I say this about her, then she's gonna respond. And it's like, I don't have time to respond to every little thing that people have to say about me.

• 1:01:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  And it, it takes so much. It's so draining to, to have to see that. And the more you talk about it, the more your fans talk about it and people in the press talk about it. And it's like, for what reason? Because I was angry at this kid who I met once, like, who cares?

• 1:01:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it, and it's hard when the person you're in a relationship with wants to defend you too.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. And like. And he's so sweet. He is so quick to defend me in every way possible. And I just have to be like, it's cool. Like, it's good. I feel like I tell him that all the time because he gets so upset whenever people have something negative to say about me or his family. And, I mean, I think, I definitely told him like many, many times, it's cool. Like, it's, it's totally fine. They're gonna say it no matter what. And even if you respond and are like, well, this isn't true because this is this. They're not, they're, they already read it and they think what they think about you. They're not gonna change their minds, you know?

• 1:02:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  You're arguing with people that don't care what you have to say.

• 1:02:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's already lost. Like, yeah, it's, it's a lose-lose situation.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Jay Shetty?

  Moving on is the best thing you can do. Yeah, no. And it, and it's wonderful to be with someone and have that with someone who you know cares about you that deeply. And my wife's like that, like, my wife gets very defensive about me and like, can get really activated. And she gets really upset for me and whatever it may be. And I, I really always appreciate that because I can see that she knows who I am. And that's kind of what it goes back to, where I'll always say the same thing to her. I'm like, I'm just glad I have someone who knows who I am.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Especially like, when someone cares about you like that, to see you upset because of something and not being able to fix the problem, because they just wanna see you happy. Like, I understand how upset that might make you, you know? And I, I feel bad because sometimes I feel like I drag him into the drama just because of the relationship. But I think knowing that, you know, we have each other and I can tell him like, this was, this actually really hurt my feelings today. And, and it was, it was a lot. And I just need some comfort and I need you to be by my side and that's good enough for me, you know?

• 1:03:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely, definitely. Charlie, what are you excited about right now? Like, what's kind of like, you know, you've done so many amazing things. And I feel like this journey that you're saying with your identity of like, getting to know yourself better.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:47Jay Shetty?

  You've done so many things and I'm guessing some of them, you're like, oh yeah, that was Charlie de Mille. And then this is Charlie. It's like, what is Charlie like, really excited about or curious about or passionate about? Or like, what's coming up where you're like, oh, I really wanna try that out or learn that? Or whatever, whatever it may be, like, open floor.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Okay, I think first thing that I'm most excited about is my dogs. I have a puppy. Um, I know I sound so lame.

• 1:04:12Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, I'm not laughing at it. I think it's lame. I'm laughing at it's cute. It's just like, you're gonna have to open up a dog shelter or something.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  I know, I'm like, in love with her. I have my like, older dog who's nine. She's literally me as a dog. And I'm, I'm obsessed with her. She's the most adorable dog ever. She's a literal human. But then I have this puppy that Lana and I adopted from... Nashville and she's like, she was abandoned and she was like, it was a horrible story. And it really like pulled at my heartstrings and I was like, okay, I need to take you home now. Like, I will take care of you. I love you. And like watching her grow up and being responsible for her, I think has been very refreshing to me because my older dog, she's, you know, she's very self-sufficient.

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  She's also very lazy, so I'll be up in the morning and she'll wake up two hours later, ready to be fed. Like she is not, she has her own schedule and I love that about her because that's how I raised her. She's a very like laid back dog, can have all the lights on and she's sleeping. Like, I love that. But this puppy, you know, you have to train her. You have to, it's very specific. And these formative puppy years are so important to who this dog becomes. There's no bad dogs. There's only bad dog owners. So I just like, am loving this journey of truly, cause you know, I got my dog nine years ago, I was 10.

• 1:05:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  I wasn't actually raising her and now I'm getting the chance to raise a dog. And it's really, really exciting and special. And seeing the two of them together is like my favorite thing ever. I think something else that I'm excited for is I have a dance room in my garage. So I love just going down there any time of the day, whether it's four in the morning or 1pm. And just like letting go and being open with myself and using movement as therapy and also getting a little bit of a workout in, you know, like being productive. I love that. And probably experimenting more with my style. That's something that I've just recently started to get into.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  I think Landon and my sister had a lot to do with that because I, I love the way that they put together outfits. I think that they both have really good styles and it comes very natural to them. And to me, it's a lot harder because I always go for what I know instead of stepping out of the box. But I'm trying. So that's something exciting and it's fun to experiment, you know?

• 1:06:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I love how personal all those were. Those were great. They were great choices.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:06:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I love how none of them were career related and like, none of them were work related. And that's awesome because I can tell that. You've you've really started carving those two things as separate.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, work wise, you know, using my voice more online. I think that, you know, even doing a podcast is something very outside of my comfort zone. A lot of my career has been not talking. So it's been very hard for me to get into using my voice and figuring out what do I want to say? Especially when you don't know yourself, how do you answer questions? I don't, you can't just say I don't know for everything. So that's something that's been special and I've been trying to make more content for my fans and trying to use my voice more and like even little things, finishing a get ready with me, which I film fifty of them and I post one of them, like trying to get more into it

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  and go back to the reason why I started social media because I like it. And I'm finally at a point where I like it again, which is really refreshing and nice. It doesn't feel like work.

• 1:07:52Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, hmm, I love that. And what's been, what is that when you say you want to use your voice? And even doing the podcast today, like you coming on today and, you know, being open and and trusting me and trusting this space and just being vulnerable with the idea of, like you said, I don't know, I'm trying to figure out who I am.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:10Jay Shetty?

  And and being okay with that, which I think, by the way, for a nineteen year old is is completely normal and wonderful and good. And like, I think that's amazing that you want to spend this time in your life figuring out who you are. I think it's the best investment you could ever make. I'm so happy that you're doing it. And I'm hoping that you take your whole audience and community on a journey to do it for themselves because you're going to save so many people from so many stressful twenty to thirty year old journeys, right? Like literally, like you can either do it now or you can do it when you're thirty. And if you do it now, it's like you're going to help so many people. What is is that kind of like, when you say using your voice, is that the type of journey you want people to go on with you? Or are you are you still figuring out what that journey it is that you want people to go on with you?

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, as of right now, it's literally just talking, talking online, just actually using my voice, you know? For so long, it was a song and no words, like it sounds so little, but just talking. I feel like that's something that is, which is so weird, but it's so outside of my comfort zone. And I feel so.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  Like weird doing it, but has honestly been really refreshing for me because, you know, I'm growing up and a part of growing up is being confident with what you have to say and using your words and just talking with, you know, a little bit of purpose. And I'm growing up, but also so are all of the people that are watching me. And I think bringing them on that journey of this is literally just what I'm doing. I'm not talking about anything that's really of any importance sometimes. Sometimes I'm just talking, but that's what I need to do to move to this next step of my life,

• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  to hopefully talk about something important and talk about what matters to me. I think that that's, this is a very integral step of growing up.

• 1:10:13Jay Shetty?

  I think that's really smart. I genuinely do. I think that takes a lot of courage to even say that. I don't think it's, I don't think it's like insignificant at all. I think it, it makes a lot of sense to me that in order for you to stand for something, you need to get to a point where you just feel comfortable being open and sharing.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, and so much of the beginning few years of this journey, every time I talked, someone had something to say. And, you know, you get cancelled every five seconds. Like, that was what was happening to me for so long. Anytime I opened my mouth, so I just stopped talking. I stopped saying anything that was important to me. I stopped doing anything that was outside of the box that I was put in, where I couldn't go wrong if I just didn't do anything, you know? And I have opinions, I have thoughts, I have things I like, I have things I don't like. Why can't I just say it? Like, who is stopping me?

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  The people that actually care what I have to say, they're going to support me even if they disagree, you know? Whether it's, I really like this outfit and they don't, like, that's cool. They respect my opinion, I respect theirs, that's awesome. The people that don't like me. They're not gonna like me no matter what. They didn't like me when I wasn't saying anything. They're not gonna like me now. That's fine. I'm I'm not making my videos for them.

• 1:11:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely. When when you say you still wanna get to know who you are and your identity, what are the parts that you're like, I'm still just trying to figure this out or this part I'm like, really curious about. I'm trying to learn about this about myself, but I don't know what it like. What are those parts of yourself?

• 1:11:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think a lot of it has to do with the way that I present myself, whether it's how do I like my makeup done? How do I like to dress? How do I like to look? How do I like to show myself to other people? Not just what is going on at the moment. How do I like to smell? You know, I like Born Dreamer. I know I like that. And let's discover for future with Born Dreamer. What else do I like? You know, whatever I know I like, go a little bit deeper. And, you know, something so simple. I've been doing more colors with my nails, which is so random and so small. It's your nails, you know?

• 1:12:33Speaker 01

  People get their nails done all the time, but I did bright green and I thought about that for three weeks before I did it. And like, why? I enjoyed it. I liked the color. I wanted it on my nails. It made me happy. Every time I saw them, I was like, I did that. That was something different. I normally do nude. Let's do something fun. Like, that little thing was so much fun for me and it brought me so much happiness. And I would match this color to this and it's so fun. Why am I robbing myself of fun because I don't wanna put myself out there?

• 1:13:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, good for you. I honestly like, you're literally doing all the practical steps that it takes to build your values.

• 1:13:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Jay Shetty?

  And that's what it is. All of these little habits, for anyone who's listening, all these little habits and these little changes that you're making, they turn into values that you appreciate about yourself. So a value could be, and I'm not putting a value on you, I'm just throwing it out there as for a reflection, but a value could be, I like freedom or I like self-expression or I like, uh, random can be a value or whatever it may be and like. And then those values become things you can use in the future for how you make decisions.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:40Jay Shetty?

  Now, when you make, so one of my values has always been to take risks. I feel like I took risks ever since I was fourteen, eighteen, twenty-one. And I've noticed that pattern in my life. And so now when I'm taking a risk, I'm not that scared anymore. Because I've always taken risks my whole life. And I love how, when I first took a risk, I didn't even know what a risk was. Like when I was fourteen years old or eighteen, I just did it. And now when I look back, I'm like, oh, no, that's a skill I have now. And so it's almost like when you're doing all these things, you're just collecting lots of different like skills.

• 1:14:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:12Jay Shetty?

  And then one day they'll evolve into values which will form an identity. And then you'll be able to be like, these are the three things that I value and that really matter to me. And, you know, I love that you, I love how simple you've made it for yourself. And I love how you've broken it down because I think a lot of us try to like leapfrog to like, this is who I am now. And we almost want the, the performance part before the work part. And it's like, I feel like you're doing the work part.

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:39Jay Shetty?

  And it's, it's great to watch. It's really great to see.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:14:43Jay Shetty?

  Charlie, what have I not asked you about that you're like, I really want to share this. So this has been on my heart, on my mind, or like something you want to talk about that you're like, this is what I want to use my voice for. And you haven't asked me about it, or it just didn't come up.

• 1:14:55Jay Shetty?

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• 1:15:38Jay Shetty?

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• 1:17:04Jay Shetty?

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• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Something for me that I think is very interesting, which is very random and has nothing to do with my career, my personal life or anything. I love the San Diego Safari Park. Which is so random, but I've recently found, I watched this like whole video on it. This like very specific thing that you have to go through a lot of steps to be able to get it for like a zoo or aquarium or anything, but it's a certificate that shows if it's humane to the animals. And learning about that has been really interesting because I love going there and I love how free the animals are and how it's just like they are in the wild and how they help the animals. And that's definitely something that I want to get more into is like figuring out exactly what it is

• 1:18:08Speaker 01

  and going to more places like that and, you know, not appreciating places like SeaWorld that treat their animals horribly. You know, like little things like that, that I think is so interesting because I love animals. So that was something. I, I need to find the name of exactly what that little like thing is. But it's really cool and like to get that, you have to go through a lot of work and every place is constantly trying to outdo each other. So the bar is constantly being raised, which I think is so interesting.

• 1:18:33Jay Shetty?

  It's the quality of how they treat the animals there. And they have to pass a certain number of, right, right, right. Wow.

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  So that's really cool and something random that I discovered.

• 1:18:42Jay Shetty?

  No, I love that. Yeah. My, my wife's a big fan of uh visiting animals as much as we can. And so she's, she's kind of always led that and we've gone to some of the randomest places in, in LA because of her. But her relationship with animals is really beautiful and she can like, you know, start a relationship with.

• 1:18:59Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 1:19:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And it's really special to watch and it's really interesting because we went to a couple last year and she'd always come back really like even more calm and even more just still. And, and I, and it was really beautiful to see just how when you're connected to nature and we are nature and, you know, we're a part of that, but now we feel so disconnected from it. But animals are such a great way of reconnecting. What, what do you find, I guess, fulfilling or meaningful about being, obviously your dogs, but with these animals, like what is it about it for you specifically that you appreciate about it?

• 1:19:34Speaker 01

  I think it's just so peaceful and to learn so much. Like when you go to these places, I will come back only talking about animal facts for like a month and I love it. And sometimes people are like, that's like, where did you even come up with that? But I think it's so cool and so interesting to see all these animals in. With each other and how they respond to things. And I love places where it's like, if they're out and you see them, that's great. If not, they don't feel like being out. That's just how it is. I just think it's so interesting.

• 1:20:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:10Speaker 01

  And I literally, I've been to the San Diego Safari twice. And the first time, talked about animal facts for like two months. The second time, I, leading up to going, that was all I could talk about. And I brought, I got so many other people excited about it because like, but you don't understand how cool it is. Like you are 20 feet away from a cheetah with, like, there's no big fence up. You know, like, it's crazy just to see these animals just living, not worried about anything that is so materialistic or anything like that. Like, I don't know, I just find so much joy in it.

• 1:20:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, definitely. Have you been to anywhere in Africa?

• 1:20:53Speaker 01

  I haven't and I really wanna go. I'm like, I've seen so many videos and so many of my friends have gone and it just seems so cool.

• 1:21:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I, I, I've talked about this before on the podcast, but I'm sharing it because it's natural in our conversation. I went to Rwanda last year.

• 1:21:07Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:21:08Jay Shetty?

  And Rwanda reveres gorillas. So literally every time there's a new gorilla in Rwanda, the, the community comes together and they name it. And they have this whole ceremony for it. And so they've had these gorilla sanctuaries for years. And so same as what you're saying, there's no fences or walls or whatever. It's basically the mountains and you take treks into the mountains and you discover gorilla in their natural habitat. And there's families, so we followed, we, I went three days. And one of the days we discovered a family that had like 20 gorillas in it. Then we discovered another one and you get to see the babies and the adults. And it was easily one of my favorite things I've done in my entire life. And It was just the most magical experience because you're truly in nature.

• 1:21:51Jay Shetty?

  The animals are in their habitats, you're going into their home.

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:54Jay Shetty?

  And they're gonna, they're so respectful and let you do your thing. And at the same time, you get to learn about them in this really intimate way. It was beautiful to just see how they took care of the kids, how the kids played around, how they were defensive if we got too close, like just everything about them. And the guides that we had said that you can also go and walk. So this was walking with gorillas, but they said you could go walk with elephants too.

• 1:22:18Speaker 01

  That's cool.

• 1:22:19Jay Shetty?

  And me and my wife have been talking about doing that. We're like, I'd love to go walk with elephants, like how cool would that be?

• 1:22:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:24Jay Shetty?

  There's all these incredible experiences out there and, you know, whether it's a local safari or whether it's being able to go there.

• 1:22:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:30Jay Shetty?

  And have this experience. I, I definitely feel, and my other team, someone on my team's been talking about going to see the great migration, which is what, so the easy version of it, I'm giving a very bad explanation, but just to make it relatable for everyone, it's basically what happens in The Lion King, when all the wildebeest are like running across. Like, so that's the great migration where they're like stampeding across the stampede where Mufasa unfortunately dies, like that moment is what the great migration is and it happens every single year.

• 1:22:58Speaker 01

  That's so cool.

• 1:22:59Jay Shetty?

  So yeah, anyway, I'm, I'm getting carried away too, but.

• 1:23:02Speaker 01

  No, I mean, it's so easy to.

• 1:23:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:04Speaker 01

  It really is.

• 1:23:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and it's magical to think that these things exist and you can go and witness them or even watch them online or on a documentary, whatever, you know.

• 1:23:12Speaker 01

  Well, at the San Diego Safari, they're literally like with the southern white rhinos and the northern white rhinos, it's like one, one of them is going extinct and they're literally figuring out through stem cells like how to bring it back. It's so, so wild and so interesting. And hearing these people talk about it and, and all of the steps they're going through with scientists and zoologists and literally everyone to help, you know, bring back this species of rhinos, it's like, this is so cool and has nothing to do with anything that I do in my normal everyday life, but how interesting is that to just hear and, and see and. Like, what? That's crazy. But I don't know.

• 1:23:56Speaker 01

  I just think that that's so cool.

• 1:23:58Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love it. And I hope you just keep pursuing and following all of these things that you think are cool. And, you know, you're, it's not that you don't know yourself. I wouldn't say that you don't know who you are. I just say that you're, you're firmly on that path.

• 1:24:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:11Jay Shetty?

  Like, you're on that path of self-discovery and you're doing it at a perfect time in your life. And you're taking every one of the right steps. Like, you know, it's not that you don't know who you are or you're confused. You're just, you're just taking those steps. And, and all of it's going to become more and more clear as you continue to take more steps.

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:29Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for sharing the, this part of the journey with me because I'm hoping that in a few years' time, you'll come back. And then you'll be like, Jay, I figured this out.

• 1:24:39Speaker 01

  Like, these are all of my favorite things that I've decided.

• 1:24:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Yeah, and I, and I hope, and I hope they'll change again. And, you know, I, but I, I'm glad that you came and shared this part because this is the hardest part to share. When you're not sure and you're figuring it out. And I'm glad that we had the opportunity to capture that today.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:58Jay Shetty?

  And I'm really, really appreciate you sharing that with people because it is the hardest part to share when you're like, I don't know.

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  I'm not quite there, but this is where I am now.

• 1:25:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Perfect. Charlie, thank you so much.

• 1:25:11Speaker 01

  No, thank you.

• 1:25:12Jay Shetty?

  For coming on the show today. And we end every episode with a final five. And these, I'm going to totally ruin these because I enjoy doing that. But you're meant to answer them in one word to one sentence maximum. But I will probably ask you to expand because they always lead to more thoughtful answers. So, all right, Charlie, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received or even given to someone?

• 1:25:36Speaker 01

  This is probably the only thing that keeps me sane. Whether it's good or bad, everything happens for a reason. You can't control it.

• 1:25:45Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. And that's something you hold on to, it sounds like.

• 1:25:48Speaker 01

  Makes me feel like I'm not going crazy.

• 1:25:51Jay Shetty?

  What have you used that the most? You can expand beyond one sentence.

• 1:25:54Speaker 01

  I mean, when I feel like I have no idea what to do next. Or I feel like everything's coming crashing down. This is important because it's helping me get to the next step of my life. And as much as this sucks right now, I need it. And some of the worst parts where I feel like I'm at an all time low, that helped me get to that next step. So next time I'm feeling like that, I know how to, I know first I can get myself out of it. And second, that, you know, maybe it's not that big of a deal. And in a year, not even gonna remember it.

• 1:26:28Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Love that. All right. Second question, what's the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

• 1:26:35Speaker 01

  Probably that I need to say yes to everything because you don't know when this is gonna end. Sometimes you just need to say no and take that time for yourself.

• 1:26:46Jay Shetty?

  I'm so glad you brought that up. So many young creators hear that.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Just overwhelm themselves and it's, you're doing a disservice to yourself. Give yourself time to figure out who you are.

• 1:27:00Jay Shetty?

  And I think you're so right. Like I've, I've said this to a lot of people too, that

• 1:27:07Jay Shetty?

  it will only end when you want it to. Like nothing can end. If you're, if you're alive and you're creating and you're building, like things just don't end. And I think we use the end as a scarcity tactic or a fear tactic to get more out of someone or to get the most out of it right now, not realizing that someone could take a break for three years if that's what they wanted to do and come back even stronger and bigger and better and whatever.

• 1:27:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:27:31Jay Shetty?

  And I just don't think we allow people to have that space. And I think it's really unhealthy for anyone to think that, oh, if I'm not, don't do this, I'm gonna be irrelevant or whatever. It's like, actually, if you're an artist, you could take time out and come back in years from now and create a masterpiece.

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, the first like, three years of my career, all anyone was saying was, it could be over like that. No one's gonna care about you. And I spent so much time, when is it gonna end? Everyone keeps telling me it's gonna end, like, do I want it to end? Maybe I want it to end. Maybe I want a break and it just to all be over and go back to my normal life. I've taken breaks. I've taken step backs. I've done everything that was coming to me at the moment. And it's like, Letting whether the people that are watching you are gonna stay or leave dictate every move you make, those people that really care about you, they're not just gonna leave if you stop

• 1:28:27Speaker 01

  posting for a month or a week or however long, like, put your own mental state first.

• 1:28:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, because if you don't put your mental state first, then it's definitely gonna go away.

• 1:28:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're gonna get burnt out and then no one's gonna care because you don't care.

• 1:28:43Jay Shetty?

  Exactly, or you're not gonna be able to put anything out, like, you know, and if you look at it that perspective, it's like, yeah, you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:51Jay Shetty?

  You lose yourself and then you have nothing to share and then you've definitely, you know, lost out. No, really, really great answer. I love that. Uh, question number three. What is the craziest rumors you've heard about yourself? One that made you laugh and one that made you cry?

• 1:29:06Speaker 01

  Ones that make me laugh are probably the ones where I'll like, I'll seem super, I'll see like blind items about myself and it's like, she did this crazy thing at this party and it was wild and, and I was like, didn't even go to a party. That's so like, like, where did you guys come up with this? I wasn't even there. Um, so those ones always make me laugh and they're like so not true. And I just be like, okay, this is crazy.

• 1:29:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I, I, it's funny you said about not being at the party, like, so I, I officiated Ben and Jen's wedding last year.

• 1:29:47Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:29:48Jay Shetty?

  And there was a guest list that was printed and the guest list just had everyone's name on it. And everyone was like asking me like, oh, did you see this person? Did you see this person? I was like, they weren't there.

• 1:29:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29:59Jay Shetty?

  Like, it was a really private wedding.

• 1:30:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:02Jay Shetty?

  But it's like, everyone assumes that all these people were there. Now that all these magazines have printed it, everyone assumes that it was just this big celebrity wedding. It's like, well, it wasn't.

• 1:30:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:30:11Jay Shetty?

  It was just a really intimate friends and family wedding.

• 1:30:13Speaker 01

  Just makes you laugh.

• 1:30:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:14Speaker 01

  You guys pulled this out of nowhere.

• 1:30:16Jay Shetty?

  Nowhere. Like, it was just crazy to me. I was like, how do you make this up? Like, you know, and so there was no official guest list printed externally. Anyway, all right. Yeah. And then one that kind of like got to you, or if there was one that like made you more emotional, or things that make you more emotional in general.

• 1:30:32Speaker 01

  Things that make me more emotional are definitely ones that.

• 1:30:37Speaker 01

  Try to display my character in a way where, you know, I I don't wanna defend everything that I do. I don't wanna defend every rumor that comes out about me. But it's like to think that people think I'm capable of doing these things that, you know, are sometimes so horrible. Or, you know, there, especially when I was like sixteen, sixteen was really hard for me. And I would hear these grown adults every single day, Charlie did this, Charlie did that, Charlie did this. I literally, it was actually right when I hit a hundred million.

• 1:31:17Speaker 01

  I think I was at the lowest mental state possible and I looked so happy online. And it got to the point where I was, I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. Like, I physically cannot do this. Like, it got really dark to where I was like, I don't even wanna be here anymore. And I think back to those times and the grown adults that put sixteen year old me in that mindset. And I'm just like, like, you guys have kids now, like, you guys are, are grown. And first of all, never got an apology through a direct message, never got an apology or

• 1:32:00Speaker 01

  anything besides if it was for other people or that they want something from me. And I just like, I wish that they could see what they did to me and how truly horrible they treated me. And like, what if that was your kid? What if, what if that was you? How would you feel? And like, I'm so proud of myself for getting myself through that. Cause that really like, depending on how I responded to that, could have changed the trajectory of my life. Whether I started to cope in unhealthy ways or, or harmed myself or did something that, you know, would make these people feel bad, like.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  I'm just very glad that I have the people around me and also gotta give some credit to myself was able to get out of that.

• 1:32:54Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm. I can't, I mean, even just hearing you talk about it, like, it feels so hard and heavy and like, I can feel how intense it could have been. Like, what got you through that? Like, what was it that? Because at sixteen, I mean, you don't have a lot to pull on. Like, what gets you through all of that? Especially being around, you know, now your family's more used to it. So everyone has a bit more, doesn't make it easier. I'm not saying it makes it easier, but people are more aware of it.

• 1:33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:33:20Jay Shetty?

  But at that time, it's like right at the beginning.

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  You know, it was really hard for a long time and especially at that point, I showed myself in a very specific light and didn't want to let anyone know it was getting to me. And then I would go and cry on live. And, and I think back to that and I think it was the people that I had around me, like, it was getting to the point where like people were coming to my house to check on me. Like, it was bad. And like, I don't know if these people that did this, like, I think they know who they are, but are ever gonna see this? Like, first of all, I think I deserve an apology. Second of all, not that I need one because I'm content with how it happened, whatever.

• 1:34:08Speaker 01

  But the fact that there's no accountability for those people, but there was so much accountability for a sixteen year old, I think is so wild. And there's so, like, honestly, the hardest stuff to deal with was the people that were grown adults that were like, just ripping on me every second of every day. Like, twenty videos, like, what? I now look back and I'm so disgusted by the fact that these people like thought that that was okay. It's so wild. And I'm just, I'm very thankful that I had my friends and my family and

• 1:34:46Speaker 01

  enough in myself to wanna get through it and come out the other side and show these people that they can't ruin me. And I have more to show people than what I've done so far.

• 1:35:01Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. Hmm. That's so powerful. And it's so, no, it really is. It's so powerful to hear that. And it's, and it, it breaks my heart hearing it too, because. I totally get what you're saying in terms of just like when you have kids. We live in a world that wants to prioritize mental health.

• 1:35:18Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:35:19Jay Shetty?

  But then when we take people apart, whether they've made a mistake or not.

• 1:35:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:23Jay Shetty?

  We're not mindful of their mental health at all.

• 1:35:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:26Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like if someone's made a mistake, or maybe not even made a mistake. It's almost like, well, now we don't have to treat them as if they have mental health.

• 1:35:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:35Jay Shetty?

  At all.

• 1:35:36Speaker 01

  Or it's like, people loved me because I wasn't perfect and I was authentic. But then anytime I would mix up my words or make a mistake or do anything outside of what was okay for these people. It was like.

• 1:35:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:51Speaker 01

  Well, I hate her and everyone should hate her and she's a horrible person because of this. And I was like, but what did I do? Like, it was so hard to come to terms with the fact that so many people hated me.

• 1:36:02Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:36:02Speaker 01

  And I was just doing my best. I was like, but I, I don't get it. Like, all I do is try to please everyone around me and they're not happy. Like, how do I, how do I do this? I'm never gonna win. And, you know, that's really hard. Like, I give myself so much credit for how I handled this stuff. The best way I knew how, like, so wild.

• 1:36:30Jay Shetty?

  If you ever doubt how tough you are, you just got to remember sixteen year old Charlie.

• 1:36:34Speaker 01

  She was a beast.

• 1:36:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's so tough. Like, that is really, really intense.

• 1:36:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:39Jay Shetty?

  It is really, really intense. How have you dealt with that feeling of like trying to keep everyone else? I know you've talked about it before, the idea of like trying to keep everyone else afloat. And you want to kind of let go of that pressure. Do you feel like you've let go of it? Or do you feel like you're letting go of it?

• 1:36:54Speaker 01

  I think I am in certain aspects, but also leaning into it a little, you know? Like, maybe not what the internet wants, but what does my family want? What do my friends want? What does my boyfriend want? You know, like, those people, what do my true fans want? What do they want me to put out that would make them happy? Because I'm doing it for these people. And maybe if I'm feeling a little bit burnt out right now, I really think back to, well, this is the reason that I started doing it, you know? But also.

• 1:37:28Speaker 01

  Understanding that I have to listen to myself and what I need. Yeah, figuring out that balance, which I don't think I'll ever truly get the hang of because it's always changing, but at least acknowledging it.

• 1:37:41Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm, mm hmm. All right, question four and five, last two questions. What's something new that you're trying to learn this year or something that a skill that you're trying to develop?

• 1:37:51Speaker 01

  I want to get better at packing.

• 1:37:54Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 1:37:54Speaker 01

  And like traveling.

• 1:37:55Jay Shetty?

  Because you travel so much.

• 1:37:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it's such a stressor for me. Literally, every single time before I leave for a trip, I will have a little mental breakdown, full like tears, everything. It's a, that's another control thing and a very obsessive compulsive thing that I do because I like to have my stuff around me. I like to have my things. I like to have everything that I could possibly need, like even in my purse, I have everything that I could possibly need for if I go on a three day vacation. Like, it just causes me so much stress that I would like to be able to take a overnight trip and just like pack and go without worrying so much. Like, that would be the dream.

• 1:38:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a great, that, I think that's a great skill that I wish everyone was taught how to do. Definitely, there are great packers and there are bad packers.

• 1:38:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:49Jay Shetty?

  And I'm a bad packer for sure, and I get that. Do what my wife does, my wife just takes six suitcases.

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  She just. Literally, my sister, she will go places, pack like an hour before. She's like, only brought one shoe.

• 1:39:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:02Speaker 01

  How, how do you do this? This is insane.

• 1:39:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's amazing. I love it. All right, great. Charlie, final question, fifth and final question. If you could, and you can take your time with this, if you could create one rule or one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:39:20Speaker 01

  Lead with empathy. Don't be so hard on every single thing, every situation, everything, no matter what. Like, you never, ever know what someone's truly going through. Even, you can ask me what's wrong and I could tell you one thing and maybe deep down it's something else that I'm embarrassed to tell you about, like. You just never know the struggle that someone's dealing with when they're by themselves. So just be a little more empathetic. I feel like COVID really, you know, caused people to react fast. Just take a step back, you know, hear people out. Just calm down. Calm down a little bit.

• 1:40:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's so needed for ourself and others. And it's amazing how many of us, we all know we need that world. But it's almost like the system and society and the way it works is set up to make us not be that.

• 1:40:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:18Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, we all want that. We all say that. And then something happens in the press and then everyone jumps on it.

• 1:40:22Speaker 01

  And I have to say that to myself, too. Keep yourself in check, you know?

• 1:40:28Jay Shetty?

  Definitely. Charlie, I love how this conversation's been so fun and deep.

• 1:40:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:33Jay Shetty?

  And like, random and unique. And I love that because that's what all of us are, right? Like I think if you try and have a conversation that's just deep or just cool or just whatever, it doesn't work. But when you just get to know someone three sixty, it's it's a bit quirky, it's a bit funny. It's it was super thoughtful and insightful. And I'm so glad that it was truly you. I hope you felt that way.

• 1:40:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely. This is refreshing for me.

• 1:40:56Jay Shetty?

  Good, I'm glad. And thank you so much for trusting me and being here. And I'm so grateful. And everyone who's been listening or watching, whether you're walking your dogs, because I know you do that, whether you're at the gym, whether you're driving to and from work, or whether you're editing a video right now. I want to say thank you to you for listening. And I hope that you're going to share your highlights of so many great insights, thoughts, just reflections, I think, that Charlie shared with us today. Make sure you share the ones that stood out to you. Tag both me and Charlie as well, whether you're using TikTok, X, or Instagram, because I love seeing what you related to and what you connected to. There were so many parts today, I felt, when I was listening, I was like, oh, I get that, like, I hear that. And I want to know what you heard and what you understood and what you learned. Charlie, thank you so much again. I hope you come on many, many more times.

• 1:41:41Speaker 01

  Yes, thank you for having me. Seriously, this is. Really nice to be able to have the space to talk about anything.

• 1:41:48Jay Shetty?

  Well, you're always welcome.

• 1:41:50Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:41:50Jay Shetty?

  You're always welcome. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.

• 1:42:01Speaker 04

  You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, "That is so unfair because that's not who I am." And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, "But I know who I am. Why does anything else matter?"

• 1:42:13Speaker 05

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• 1:42:42Speaker 03

  Mr. President, my company foreme of the explosion on our rig.

• 1:42:46Speaker 05

  On October 2nd.

• 1:42:47Speaker 03

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami.

• 1:42:50Jay Shetty?

  They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:42:52Speaker 05

  Tom Cruise is.

• 1:42:53Speaker 03

  Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up.

• 1:42:57Speaker 05

  From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:42:59Jay Shetty?

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 1:43:03Speaker 05

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:43:06Speaker 03

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:43:08Speaker 05

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not admitted without parent.