7 Relationship Doubts People Have & How To Know If you’re Truly Compatible

Trust issues are one of the biggest reasons relationships don’t last. Trust issues, as they build up, lead to arguments, disagreements, and discontent, and eventually that intimacy and connection you have with your partner is lost. Doubts then overtake and plague the mind and the heart. And when we are driven by doubts, we lose trust, we lose love, and sadly, we eventually lose the relationship we fought so hard to keep. In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty lists down the different kinds of doubts that affect most relationships and how we can turn these around to save our relationship. Sama Tea is now available! Go to http://samatea.com/onpurpose to order a box of Sama now and get access to our free live monthly tea parties, be the first to try out new tea flavors and receive a free exclusive download that shows my personal routine and rituals. Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 03:39 The doubts you have in a relationship is not isolated to you 06:40 Doubt #1: Are they still into me? 11:24 Doubt #2: Can I trust them? 12:58 Think Like a Monk: The stages of trust 18:54 Doubt #3: Are they actually listening to me? 20:28 Doubt #4: Should I try to save this relationship? 25:03 Doubt #5: Have we lost our spark? 26:14 Doubt #6: Are they cheating on you? 27:19 Doubt #7: Do we have a future together? Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on.

• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

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• 3:00Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. Are you only trying to save this relationship because you're scared of being alone? Are you trying to save it for any other reason than I'm scared of being alone and I'm scared of what my friends are going to say? If your reason for trying to save a relationship is, I don't want to be alone, I don't want to see them with anyone else, I don't want to have to deal with what my friends and family are going to say, if those are your reasons for staying in a relationship, it's not a relationship you should be trying to save or stay in.

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I just want to take a moment to honor and acknowledge our over 16,000 reviews now and some of the best ones that I read this week. This one's from Sam. Love it. Jade, the podcast has been my therapy. I'm loving every episode. Love you and your guests. Sam, thank you so much for that. This is from Heather. Real talk. Jade, thank you for your wisdom. Your recent episodes have really helped me see things clearly in my recent trauma. Everyone has stuff. Somehow you cut.

• 4:26Jay Shetty?

  Through it and illuminate the path to healing in a practical way. I believe everyone has a true path and responsibility to grow in order to find it. You continue to give real advice and encouragement to get to that place. Thank you, thank you. No, thank you so much for sharing that. Okay, I have to pick one more. It's super hard. I have so many more I want to share, but finally, this one's from Kay. Serenity, I'm sitting in my car before heading inside with a client and I'm on the verge of tears. For the first time in a long time, I can finally say that I am on the right path to loving myself again. I've been listening to this podcast for quite some time now,

• 5:09Jay Shetty?

  but the Mel Robbins podcast was the final inspiration that my soul never knew it needed. I used to dread waking up at 5:00 AM to work out before going to work. Now I do it with ease by counting backwards. Five, four, three, two, one. I pick up my workout clothes from my floor and start my day. And I'll make sure to high five myself whenever I'm in the bathroom and make sure I know that I'm doing everything I can to become the woman I have envisioned for a long time. I can't say this enough, but thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm forever grateful. I want to thank all of you for leaving those reviews. And the reason why I share these reviews with all of you

• 5:51Jay Shetty?

  is because it's so beautiful to hear what you're all experiencing and to hear what others are experiencing as well, because it sparks more thought inside of ourselves. Now, today's a theme that I've wanted to cover for quite some time and it's such an important episode. I think this is going to be one that you're going to want to share with your friends, share with family members. This is one that's going to be important and useful for a long time. And that's not for a good reason. It's unfortunate.

• 6:20Jay Shetty?

  But the amount of friends, clients, family members that I have in my life that tell me that they discovered that their partner was cheating on them is more than I'd like. And that's why today, we're talking about the seven relationship doubts people have and how to know if you're truly compatible. There are two things that I want this episode to do for you. The first is that I want you to recognize that the doubts you have in your relationship are not isolated to you. These are doubts that a lot of people have in their relationships. These are doubts that you share with other people in their relationships.

• 7:02Jay Shetty?

  And the second thing I want to do is give you a set of questions and reflections to think about and introspect on, an insight that's going to help you make better decisions about the future of your relationship. How many times have you ever struggled to think, are we truly compatible? Or is there someone else out there? Or is this going on in the right direction? So we're going to dive into the seven doubts and I'm going to share with you insights on how to take action based on how you currently feel. Let's get going. And it's normal for us to feel this way because doubts have changed too. So think about this for a second.

• 7:44Jay Shetty?

  Nearly half, forty-seven percent of all Americans say dating is harder today than it was ten years ago. That's from the Pew Research Center. And women are twice as likely as men to say dating is harder than ten years ago because it's riskier now, say women. So women are believing that there's more physical and emotional risk, obviously because of technology. It's more impersonal. It's harder to meet people. It's more casual. Societal expectations have changed and people are busier. These are some of the things that people are thinking about. And here's an interesting reset stat from the Pew Reset Center as well.

• 8:27Jay Shetty?

  Most daters don't feel like their dating life is going well and say it's been hard to find people to date. And a majority, fifty-seven percent of women, thirty-five percent of men, so they've experienced some kind of harassing behavior from someone they were dating or had been on a date with, right? So that can't be a comfortable thing. Here are some of the examples. Touched them in a way that made them feel uncomfortable. Women have a high experience of that. Pressured them for sex, again, women have a high experience of that, double that of men. Sent them unasked for sexually explicit images, spread rumors about their sexual history, shared a sexually explicit image of them without consent, which is much lower than the others,

• 9:11Jay Shetty?

  and then publicly shared contact information without permission, which is lower as well. But we can start to see why we have doubts about relationships, why we have doubts about people, right? So the reason why I'm sharing those stats is I want you to understand that relationship and dating is complex as it is. And so if you're having doubts and you want to help figure them out, you're in the right place. Thank you so much for choosing me and On Purpose. I'm so grateful to be able to help you navigate these challenges. And as always, we take all of our thinking from timeless eastern wisdom and pair it with modern science and research. So one of the first doubts I want to start with is,

• 9:53Jay Shetty?

  are they still into me? How many of you have ever had this doubt? Are they still into me? Are they still attracted to me? Do they still like me? Maybe you've been together for a month, maybe you've been together for a year. Whichever one it is, we always have this doubt. Now, here's something I want you to think about. As relationships develop, our attraction in a healthy relationship also develops. So for example, when you meet someone, all you know about them is their physical appearance, right? That's actually all you know about them. And based on their physical appearance, which if you're attracted to, you want to get to know more about them.

• 10:35Jay Shetty?

  Often what we're attracted to initially is someone's financial presence, not just their physical presence. You might be impressed by what they're driving. You might be impressed by what they're wearing. You might be impressed by where you've met them. So we can see that our initial attraction towards someone is fairly based on externals. And by the way, that's natural too. Often we look down on this, but at that point in time, people don't have another indicator or sign for what they can be attracted to. But in a healthy relationship, that physical or external attraction leads to being attracted to someone's mind, leads to being attracted to someone emotionally, and leads to being attracted to someone spiritually,

• 11:19Jay Shetty?

  where you feel you're on the same frequency and vibration. So what sometimes happens is you may find that your partner now notices your mental, emotional and spiritual growth more than your physical and external. So maybe, and this is something to think about, are they complimenting you for your mind and how you think? Are they complimenting you for how you deal with the stress of work? Are they congratulating you on the spiritual inner work that you've been doing? But maybe they're not commenting on your appearance as much. Maybe they're not conscious of it as much. Maybe they don't recognize when you've had your haircut or you got your nails done or you just bought some new clothes.

• 12:04Jay Shetty?

  Think for a second. Are they actually noticing deeper parts of me that actually are showing a deeper sense of attraction? Or actually, am I noticing that they're not showing that level of attraction? And this is a really important way to think about the compatibility around this doubt. Compatibility requires us to be physically and externally attracted and attracted to someone's inner life. That's what true compatibility is. And that attraction may also change and transform. So I'll give an example that when we spend more time with people and we get to know them better,

• 12:45Jay Shetty?

  they often become more attractive to us even in the simplest of ways. So I always say this to Radhi and I'll always say to Radhi that to me, when we're hanging out at home and maybe she's in sweats, I'm like, you're just beautiful, like you're so cute and adorable. And to me, that is because I've just fallen in love with who she is overall as this big ball of sunshine, as I like to think about her. And so my attraction is deepened. And so I'm not always more attracted to if she's dressed up to go out to an event. So it's really important that you don't forget or don't exclude more inner forms of attraction and inner forms

• 13:28Jay Shetty?

  of compliments and validation that your partner may be offering you because you're expecting what you had in the beginning. And I think that's a rule that you'll see throughout this episode is that the way someone is attracted to you and the way they communicate that will change. I just saw a funny meme earlier today that said, "Why is it that when you're dating people, they only have money and compliments for the first three months?" And I just burst out laughing because I was thinking, wow, that that sounds so true for so many people. And the reason why I raise that here is because the way someone expresses they're attracted to you will change over time. Your job is not to check whether it's the same as it's been before.

• 14:13Jay Shetty?

  The way you action this to understand compatibility is, does it exist even if in another way? So if you're looking for it in the same places, in the same ways, you may be disappointed, but if you broaden your picture and broaden the landscape, you may discover that they're deeply attracted to you just in a new way. Now, the second doubt that people have, which is a really big one, is can I trust them? And the reason why this is such a big one is that we've met so many people who've been dishonest with us. We've met so many people who've hidden things from us. We've met so many people

• 14:55Jay Shetty?

  who have broken our trust. And the first thing I'd like you to reflect on is how did you meet them? Did you meet them when they were breaking someone else's trust? Did you meet them when they were going through something and they opened up to you and they were vulnerable with you? What circumstance you met someone in is really important because if they were breaking someone else's trust when they met you, of course, chances are that they may break that trust again. That could be a recurring theme or pattern in their life, and that may be something to keep an eye out for. So the second thing you need to think about around the trust doubt is, are you exclusive? Right? Are you exclusive?

• 15:40Jay Shetty?

  And have you had that conversation? If you haven't had that conversation, if you haven't clarified that, it's really difficult to have trust. I find that trust is earned and gained when you have transparent commitments that you're both making to each other. You can't just assume that someone is trustworthy and you can't just assume that you're now exclusive. You can't just assume that you're in a relationship. It is a conversation that needs to happen. And now, in my book, Think Like a Monk, I break down what I call the stages of trust. And I want to share with you what I'm reading here from the trust chapter because it's often what is forgotten about and ignored in relationships. So I'm reading from the chapter on relationships,

• 16:25Jay Shetty?

  and it starts on a section on page 231 that says, "Trust is earned." Once you've established reasonable expectations from a relationship, then it is easier to build and maintain trust. For example, If you've clarified that you're exclusive, now it's easier to have conversations around that. If you haven't clarified that, trust becomes very difficult. Trust means we believe that the person is being honest with us, that they have our interests at heart, that they will uphold their promises and confidences, and that they will stay true to these intentions in the future. Notice that I didn't say they are right all the time or handle every challenge perfectly.

• 17:08Jay Shetty?

  Trust is about intentions, not abilities. When an important person lets us down, the blow to our trust reverberates across all of our relationships. Even people with the best intentions change or don't follow the same path that we do. Others give us plenty of signs that their intentions don't mesh with ours, but we ignore them. And sometimes, if we were more aware, there are people we would know not to trust in the first place. Other people's behaviour is always out of control, so how can we trust anyone?

• 17:42Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast.

• 18:25Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980.

• 18:47Jay Shetty?

  That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods, Market, in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there.

• 19:31Jay Shetty?

  Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state, coverage options are selected by the customer, availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. So, what I'm getting at here is that just because someone didn't tell you the full truth, or maybe it hit something from you that they were hiding from a lot of people, it's really important that trust is seen case by case, and that we don't amplify something in one area of the relationship to another area. So it's like, well, you lied to him about where you were at work, maybe you're lying about this, right? You can't take it out of context. Now, I want to share with you the stages of trust. Trust can be extended to anyone, from a taxi driver to a business partner to a lover,

• 20:14Jay Shetty?

  but obviously, we don't have the same level of trust for everyone. It's important to be attentive to how deeply we trust someone, and whether they've actually earned that level of trust. Dr John Gottman, one of the nation's top marriage experts, wanted to find out what makes couples get stuck in ongoing conflict instead of resolving it and moving on. He examined couples from all over the country, from varied socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds, and in a variety of life situations, from newlyweds to expecting parents to families, where one spouse was deployed in military service. Across the board, the most important issue to all of these couples was trust and betrayal. The language they used to describe their issues varied a bit,

• 20:59Jay Shetty?

  but the central question was always the same: can I trust you to be faithful? Can I trust you to help with the housework? Can I trust you to listen, to be there for me? So now I'm skipping ahead to talk about these four stages with you. So the four stages are neutral trust. Positive qualities exist that don't merit trust. Contractual trust. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. Mutual. Help goes both ways, you know you'll be there for one another in the future. And pure trust. No matter what happens, you'll have one another's backs. Now, the mistake we make is that we assume that when you fall in love with someone, when you're dating someone, that you're already at pure trust.

• 21:42Jay Shetty?

  We don't let them earn and grow from neutral trust through to pure trust. So in a loving relationship, or in the beginning of a loving relationship, neutral trust. When you meet someone, it's normal not to trust them. You may find them funny, charming, a joy to be around. These positive qualities do not merit trust. They mean you think your new acquaintance is cool. We tend to conflate trustworthiness with likability. In studies examining jurors' perceptions of expert witnesses, those the jurors found to be likable, they're also rated as more trustworthy. Right? So when we equate likability or appeal with trust, we set ourselves up for huge disappointment.

• 22:26Jay Shetty?

  It is better to have neutral trust than to trust someone for the wrong reasons or trust them blindly or fully. So that's how you trust someone when you meet them. Now, you work up to contractual trust, which is when I do something for them, do they do something for me? And often, we're scared to live this way because at the beginning of a relationship, we want to be like, "No, I just love them and I want to do nice things and I don't want to expect anything." Not the right way. The healthy way is let's build trust and see whether when I do something, they do something back. Right? Is there a contractual agreement based on when I say we're exclusive, they feel the same way? Right? Maybe when I pick up a meal this week, they pick up a meal next week. We're looking for that commitment.

• 23:10Jay Shetty?

  The third level is mutual trust. Where now you start to loosen it a bit. You trust beyond, you don't have to pick up a cheque every time they do. You don't have to do exactly what they did because they did it the night before. You start recognizing that there's a bit more flexibility in that. There may be a future response to that. And then finally, pure trust. You can see how trust, when I'm speaking about it, is something that's constantly growing and building based on action, not feeling. We trust people based on how we feel. We're like, yeah, I feel we can trust them. I feel like they're trustworthy. No, have their actions shown they're trustworthy? If they told you they're gonna be somewhere, did they turn up?

• 23:55Jay Shetty?

  If they told you that they do something, did they do it? If you did something, did they do it back, right? That's the trust, if that's the boundaries you've set. The third doubt that people have in relationships is, are they actually listening to me? How many times have you shared a story, shared a trouble, shared an experience? And then thought to yourself, are they actually listening to me? Right? Are they even conscious? Are they even there? And what I find is this requires some communication. The first thing is, set a commitment in your relationship where you ask for their time and attention when you want it to be exclusive.

• 24:39Jay Shetty?

  It's so normal to walk into a room, see your partner there, and start telling them all about your day or your life. And then they're on their phone, or they're watching a show, or they're doing some work, or they're reading a book. And after you've finished telling them, you're like, oh, well, you weren't even listening to me. But I didn't even know you wanted me to listen to you, and I heard you, but I was in between something, and now you're like, well, you don't even care. Notice how that's escalated from missing out on requesting someone's attention to now being this huge thing. The second thing is, ask your partner to repeat what you said and how you felt. Them repeating what you felt is even more important than repeating what you said. So ask them, "Hey, I just wanna check in and make sure you understood me. Can you tell me?" And when they get it right, great. When they get it wrong, don't judge them,

• 25:24Jay Shetty?

  because chances are you didn't articulate it well. Bring that into the space. These three simple pieces of advice will solve that one and make it so much more easier to get to the next stage. The next doubt that we have is, should I try to save this relationship? Right? Is this relationship worth saving, fixing? We've lost the spark a little bit. What could we do? So the first thing I have to say about this is, is there abuse? Is there emotional, mental, physical abuse? If there's abuse, chances are it won't be possible to save this relationship at this time, depending on how dark and deep that abuse is. But I don't recommend anyone stays in a place where

• 26:09Jay Shetty?

  they're being abused because it can start to have such a negative impact on you that it may be hard for you to get back to where you are as well. The second thing you have to ask yourself when you're asking yourself, "Should I try to save this relationship?" is, are you only trying to save it because you're scared of being alone? Are you trying to save it for any other reason than, "I'm scared of being alone and I'm scared of what my friends are gonna say?" If your reason for trying to save a relationship is, "I don't wanna be alone, I don't wanna see them with anyone else, I don't wanna have to deal with what my friends and family are going to say." If those are your reasons for staying in a relationship, it's not a relationship you should be trying to save or stay in. Those are not good reasons.

• 26:52Jay Shetty?

  Why? Because your reason for not wanting to be alone, that means you'd settle for anyone. Your reason for being scared what your friends and family will say, those opinions can't govern your biggest decisions. And if your only reason for being with them is because you don't wanna see them with someone else, that's also a reason that may not suggest this relationship's worth saving, because it all comes back to nothing about them. None of that is about you loving them, or wanting them, or believing in them, or respecting them, or valuing them. It's all about your fears. And you don't wanna just stay with someone and try and fix something because you're scared of what it will be like without them. Now, when you're thinking about saving a relationship, I like to throw this in there,

• 27:38Jay Shetty?

  is that you usually fight over small things. That's worth saving. A lot of people, I've seen that their relationships, they fight over the tiniest things and then they let that escalate into something huge. And they forget that they were just fighting about something really small and insignificant. So if you fight a lot about small and insignificant things, whether it's housework, chores, whatever it may be, chances are that relationship is worth saving and worth solving. Right? Don't throw away something good or something amazing even, just because you fight a lot about silly things. That just means you need to improve your communication and you need to figure that part of your relationship out. That doesn't mean you need to get rid of something that's actually really powerful and beautiful and has the makings of something great.

• 28:23Jay Shetty?

  It's like saying, "Well, I think my job is great, but I don't like the snacks they have." Or, "I think my job is great, but I don't like my commute to work." Right? Those aren't reasons to quit the job. It's way harder to get a job than it is to commute to work. But sometimes in our mind, we make these small things really big. And the reason that happens is two things. So if that small fight escalates, but you're only thinking about breaking up when you're fighting, chances are your relationship's still worth saving. So if you only think about breaking up when you're arguing in that moment, chances are you still need to save that relationship because that's not a thought that you're having all the time.

• 29:03Jay Shetty?

  Right? You're not constantly thinking about ending this relationship. You're not constantly thinking about this person's wrong for me. It only happens when you're having a disagreement or when you're having a disconnect or an argument. And so don't make that argument feel like now it's over, now it's all going to end. So I really want you to consider that. The other way that we get scared of saving a relationship is we argue a lot, but actually your arguments are not about each other. So we think we argue a lot, so this relationship's not worth saving, but maybe you argue about work. Maybe you're arguing about things that are beyond both of you.

• 29:47Jay Shetty?

  And that's causing the stress and pressure in the relationship. It's important to figure out, what are you actually arguing about? Are you arguing about each other? Are you arguing about each other's core traits, values and habits? Or are you arguing about just things around that that may not align with you? Think about all of that when you're asking the question, should I try and save this relationship? Now, the next doubt people have is they have the doubt, have we lost our spark? And the two ways to think about this is, are you trying to do the same things? If you're still trying to do the same things as you did on day one, of course, you're gonna lose the spark.

• 30:32Jay Shetty?

  You're like, but yeah, but we love that restaurant. We went there on our first date. Oh, but we love going to the soccer game because that's what we always do. That's why you've lost the spark. How can you have a spark when you do the same thing again and again and again and again together? We need to step out of a comfort zone, invite new challenges, try new things, have new experiences. And the other question, which sometimes is really subtle and we may forget, but do you spend all your time with friends or family? Do you spend all your time with friends or family? Because if you as a couple are always with friends or family, you naturally lose the spark because now your relationship almost fizzles out into how it feels when you're with everyone else. So it's so important that you plan connected time with each other,

• 31:16Jay Shetty?

  one-to-one time with each other. If you're feeling you lost the spark, and so I really like that question as a reflection. Now, the next doubt we have is, are they cheating on me? And I addressed that a bit earlier, but this one I wanted to address head on. And the truth is that I was looking at the research and it's hard to say, but it's overall, it says that when people think that someone's cheating on them, it's more likely and has been likely that they are. And so we're good at sensing when we feel distant from someone, when they feel far away. But then again, people have been really shocked and surprised. And sometimes the kind of checking in on someone and doubting them actually pushes them away. So we have to be very careful about this one because there are signs like they're nervous leaving their phone around you,

• 32:00Jay Shetty?

  there's long periods of unreachable or there's no explanation of their change of plans or change of travel. But that also could be because they're very busy. So. The thing I'd encourage the most is again, creating commitments of how you spend time together, when you spend time together, and is that person showing up consistently? Is that person there? And ultimately, again, let someone earn your trust. Don't give them that complete trust, that pure trust, when you haven't been through this together. Now, the final doubt that I want to share with you is, do we have a future together? This is a big doubt. People have been married for a long time, they have this doubt. People have been dating for a long time, they have this doubt.

• 32:42Jay Shetty?

  There's a beautiful quote by a French writer, Antoine de Saint-Exupére. But he said that love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. I love that, what a beautiful statement. Are you looking in the same direction? And not even in the same direction, I would go a sense deeper and say, do you look at things with respect? Do you look at each other with similar values? Do you have similar plans for where you want to live and how you want to raise kids, if that's part of the plan? Even if that's part of the plan, do you even want kids? If you haven't had those conversations, don't start planning a future together. If you haven't discussed, hey, where do you want to live? Do you want to have kids?

• 33:26Jay Shetty?

  How many kids do you want to have? What do you consider to be the priority in your life? If you haven't had those conversations, don't make projections in your mind or imaginations about what the future may look like. It's unhealthy and it's unrecommended. And the biggest thing when you think about if we have a future together is, have you overcome struggles together? Have you been through pain together where you know you're with each other and by each other's side? If you haven't yet, notice how you navigate difficult things together. The more you're able to navigate difficult things together, the more there is longevity. I remember when Radhi and I, you know, we moved the year we got married, we quit our jobs, we changed jobs, we moved country, we were alone in a place where we had no family

• 34:11Jay Shetty?

  or friends. Like, we went through a lot together and we stuck together and we saw that bring us closer together. And so I want you to consider that. I want you to think about that and see how it impacts when you think about this. So, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I hope it's helped you understand more about your relationship. I hope it's going to help you ask healthier questions with your partner. I hope it's going to be something you discuss. I hope it's going to be something you pass on to a friend as well. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you again next week on On Purpose. I appreciate you. Sending so much love. See you soon.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami.

• 35:01Jay Shetty?

  They all keep the blame on me.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you're freezing there, that's what.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  I'm not the first daddy.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.