Layla Taylor EXCLUSIVE: The Truth She's Finally Ready To Share

In one of her most honest conversations yet, Layla Taylor reflects on the quiet journey of becoming herself. She opens up about coming out as bisexual, navigating faith, identity, single motherhood, and the weight of growing up feeling like she had to fit into everyone else's expectations. Rather than focusing on the hardships alone, this episode explores what happens when you stop living in survival mode and finally choose authenticity, self-worth, and the freedom to define your own life. In this episode you'll learn: How to Stop Living for Other People's Approval How to Finally Embrace Your Authentic Self How to Leave a Toxic Relationship Without Regret How to Find Yourself After Divorce and Heartbreak How to Be Comfortable Being Alone for the First Time How to Turn Your Hardest Experiences Into Strength The greatest freedom comes from embracing yourself with honesty, letting go of the expectations that no longer serve you, and trusting that growth often begins on the other side of fear. Your story doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful, it just has to be yours. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:48 Coming Out for the First Time 02:45 Stop Living for Other People 03:48 Choosing to Be Yourself 06:33 Understanding Your Sexuality 07:56 Why We Need to Talk About Sex 10:08 Why I Became Mormon 12:50 The Need to Fit In 15:12 How My Kids Changed Me 16:53 Becoming a Mom at 19 18:15 Why I Chose Marriage 19:53 Inside a Toxic Relationship 21:04 Learning to Know Your Worth 23:24 Starting Over as a Single Mom 25:54 My Lowest Point 27:31 Learning to Date Again 29:05 Finding Yourself in Solitude 30:32 The Conversation Women Need to Have 33:08 Why Sex Education Matters 36:26 Letting Go of Perfection 36:59 Accepting Who You Are 38:51 Facing Your Biggest Fear 39:40 Dating Women for the First Time 41:07 The Reality of Parenting 43:00 Raising Mentally Healthy Kids 44:16 Healing Low Self-Worth 46:41 Using Your Platform for Good 47:58 Opening Your Heart Again 49:03 If You're Afraid to Come Out 52:30 Layla on Final Five Episode Resources: Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/laylaleannetaylor TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@laylaleannetaylor See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 1:03Jay Shetty?

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• 1:48Jay Shetty?

  every dollar you earn. Leila, you came here today because there's something you haven't shared.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  It's something that I have known since I was little. It's just something that I honestly didn't really know how to formally address for a long period of my life. We're only on this earth for however long we are here, and I'll be damned if I'm not able to be fully who I am.

• 2:19Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. My guest today is Layla Taylor. Many of you know Leila from her show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, where she shared her journey through motherhood, divorce, dating, and navigating faith in Utah. Today, she's opening up about experiences she hasn't fully shared before, and a journey that brought her into a new chapter today. Please welcome Leila to On Purpose. Layla Taylor, welcome to On Purpose.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here.

• 2:49Jay Shetty?

  I am so grateful that you're here today. People know your work, they know parts of your story, they see you on TV. But you came here today because there's something you haven't shared before. And I wanted to give you this space and ask you what's on your heart.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's just something that I honestly didn't really know how to formally address for a long period of my life. And that it's, I'm gay, and I'm bi, and date women and men. And it's just, I think, growing up, I didn't fit in for a lot of reasons in my childhood. I grew up in a very predominantly white area. And being a little black girl, I already stood out so much to my peers. And kind of took that on a lot more than I feel like I realized. And I always kind of had these thoughts. And I kind of laugh about it now because I would be watching shows like Pretty Little Liars. And I would watch like Shame at Little Kissing a Girl. And I was like, wait, like, why is that like hot? But I didn't know like what those feelings were because I didn't have

• 3:52Speaker 02

  queer representation around me of like, I could look at it and be like, okay, like, this is normal. And it wasn't necessarily that I had parents or I was Mormon at one point. But I didn't necessarily have that pressure to not do that. I just didn't have people around me that modeled that. And it's just, it's just something that I, for a long time, didn't know if it was just... A phase or something that, you know, maybe I'm just curious. And I would just kind of underplay it for a long period of my life. And I don't know, I just feel like I'm finally in the era that I I'm over not being truly myself. And I'm over not showing every part of Leila to the world.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  And yeah, I'm very proud to be bi and I'm very proud now to be out. And I hope that if anyone's in a situation that I am as well, that for a long time there, I didn't know if I could come out and truly be myself. I hope that they can feel safe to do so and proud to do so.

• 4:57Jay Shetty?

  First of all, I'm so happy for you.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 4:59Jay Shetty?

  I can't imagine how good it feels to share it out into the world. This is the first time you've talked about it publicly, right?

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I haven't addressed it. Yeah.

• 5:08Jay Shetty?

  Why was now the right time for Leila to share this?

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Honestly, I went through a breakup at the beginning of this year. And I feel like for just a long period of my life, I was constantly living my life for other people. Whether if that was, you know, being a mom or I was in a marriage at one point, I was married. And I just feel like I was always fulfilling other people around me. And it honestly just caused me to never really focus on myself and never be able to like, really just sit alone with who I am as a person and my feelings. And kind of just really get to the root of why I felt certain ways. And I just kind of always just pushed it aside. And again, just I was just like, oh, this is just like a phase. Like you're not actually attracted to girls. Like you're just, you're drunk at a party and you kissed a girl. Like, it's no big deal. Like, you're not, you're not gay, Leila. Like, just ignore that.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  And I just feel like I just never was in a place that I feel like I could truly authentically focus on it. And I think honestly, that breakup was like a blessing in disguise. Cause I feel like now I've been fully able to just focus on Leila. And yeah, just focus on who I truly am.

• 6:07Jay Shetty?

  How does it feel to actually say it out loud and get it off your chest?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Good. Honestly, I just feel like it's like. Girl, this should have happened forever ago. I don't know why for so long I was so afraid, but it, I mean, there are people that are probably gonna judge me and there's people that aren't gonna be supportive of it. And luckily for me, like, I'm in a position that I'm surrounded by so much love and so much support. And I know that I haven't told a lot of people around me that I am. So this is honestly, they're gonna be finding out for themselves on this podcast. And I know that they're gonna be nothing but supportive, though. And I know that's not the case for everybody, and I'm so grateful that I am in the position that I am, that I can truly be myself and feel the love and support. And I just wish that was the same for, like, everyone.

• 6:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you're so right. Who was the first person you told?

• 6:51Speaker 02

  My best friend, Kate.

• 6:52Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, we were actually on a trip together for Miami Swim Week, and I was getting texts from somebody and she's like, "Who's, who's this person texting you and calling all the time?" And I was like, "Oh, like, it's no one." At first she thought it was my ex. And I was like, "No, like, no, I, I, I'm, I don't circle back with exes." It's not an ex, but I was like, and I finally was like, "Kate, like, Kate, I have to, I have to tell you, like, it's a girl." Like, I'm, I'm bi. And she's like, "Oh, my gosh, like, I'm so excited for you. Like, that's amazing." So I, she was obviously the best person for me to tell first because she's just, she just knows me so well. And yeah, she was very supportive.

• 7:25Jay Shetty?

  It must be so relieving when the first person you tell actually sees you.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I feel like she was like, "Okay, awesome." Like, cool, I don't know, I just feel like she didn't really, like, care, not in a bad way, but she's like, "Okay, awesome. Like, I'm glad that, you know, you're happy. That's all I care about."

• 7:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Have you shared this with any of the other cast members of Secret Lives?

• 7:45Speaker 02

  No. We've been kind of not in a bad place, any of us girls. I know that there's some friendships that are like in different places than they have been in the past, but I think right now we've just been kind of a little separate since just, you know, going on that pause from filming and everything like that. So I just haven't seen any of them in person. And I feel like me coming out, it's not really like a text of like, "Hey, I'm bi." I feel like I kind of want to see them in person to like, let them know. So they might see this before and then I'll talk to them in person the next time I see them. But yeah, right now, no one, no one from the group knows.

• 8:15Jay Shetty?

  Wow. How do you hope they'll react, or do you have no expectation?

• 8:19Speaker 02

  I think supportive. I don't think that anyone would not be. I think that I lucked out with, like, a cast that we all have our things and we're all supportive of each other regardless.

• 8:30Jay Shetty?

  That's actually amazing.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  It's awesome. I'm really, I'm lucky for the group of girls that we have.

• 8:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's incredible. Tell me about the first time you realized you were into both men and women.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  I feel like I can't like necessarily pinpoint those kind of like those memories I said that I was like watching Prollyl ours and I was like, okay, like huh, or just like, you know, again, like I would have like drunk moments. I would like kiss a girl, but I would again, always just downplay it. But it wasn't until recently, actually, that the girl that I'm talking to right now DM'd me. And then we met up and we hung out and it was just kind of like that first kiss of like, it wasn't, this wasn't like a drunk moment. Like this was me intentionally going into a moment, knowing how I felt about women. And the first time, you know, actively dating a woman that I was like, okay, like this is what I want to do also. So I think it was like that moment that it wasn't just like a ooh gotcha moment and like, this is where I want to be.

• 9:23Jay Shetty?

  Wait, did she just send you a DM hoping that you were?

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. So I actually, I liked one of her TikToks that it was like, I don't even know what it was. I think it was just something. It was a thirst trap or something and I like liked it and she ended up just sending me like eye emojis. And I was like, hey, so I don't know. She just went on a whim. She told me she's like, I didn't know if you were, because I feel like on my page, you can't, obviously, I feel like no one would know that I am into girls, obviously, not until now. She just kind of went on a whim, maybe like a gut feeling and I'm, yeah, I'm really glad she did. So.

• 9:52Jay Shetty?

  Wow, that's awesome. Wow. Look at you. That's like you, you haven't even got out there yet. That's amazing. Did you talk about sexuality growing up? Like, was that a conversation in your family, in your home?

• 10:02Speaker 02

  No, not at all. I think honestly, that's one of the reasons why I probably got pregnant at such a young age. I got pregnant when I was 19 and I feel like, it wasn't necessarily something that they avoided. Cause I feel like there was like some moments that they would make small little comments, but they never really sat me down, like ever had like a talk about anything. So I kind of just figured out everything on my own.

• 10:22Jay Shetty?

  Wow. When you look back now, at that time, what do you wish little Leila had that was different?

• 10:29Speaker 02

  I think just a little bit more support. I think I spent a lot of my childhood hiding things from my parents because I was just really afraid of like their reactions. Just even small, small things, like I lost my virginity when I was 15 and that was something my parents probably still to this day don't even know. And I was very like terrified to tell them like little, small details. So even like these, when I started to like have these feelings and have, you know, these thoughts, I would have never gone to them in a million years. And I think that's honestly probably why for such a long time I felt like I had to stay closeted. Because I just didn't have the support system around me that I wish, you know, as a child that I did have.

• 11:04Jay Shetty?

  And was that around the same time as Mormonism came into your life as well?

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I converted to the church when I was sixteen.

• 11:11Jay Shetty?

  Wow. What was it about losing your virginity at fifteen and converting at sixteen?

• 11:15Speaker 02

  I feel like I kind of went through like a, I don't even know, just like a phase that I was kind of rebelling a little bit from like, probably like fourteen to like right before I converted. And I don't know, it just kind of set me back on track for like a second, but I was still kind of doing, I was still like sleeping with my boyfriends in high school and stuff like that. But it almost just kind of gave me a little bit of like, a moral compass I feel like I didn't necessarily have before.

• 11:39Jay Shetty?

  I can relate to some degree because I got deep into spirituality when I was eighteen years old and I obviously went and lived as a monk after, but it became part of my life so young.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:50Jay Shetty?

  I have such a love for the wisdom I learned and I have such a love for my teachers, but I'm not as much of a fan of the institution.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:58Jay Shetty?

  And it's just a really interesting experience as I've got older and older and older, I'm older than you, but as I've got older and older and older from that stage, it's just I have such an interesting relationship with that time in my life. And I'm like, what it, what was it that you were seeking? Apart from rebellion, what were you seeking at that time that Mormonism met or made you feel?

• 12:19Speaker 02

  I think for me, one of my biggest things, just having a very messy childhood where I didn't have that family consistency that like a lot of families did have in the Mormon church. I feel like I spent a lot of times at my friends' houses, kind of avoiding what was going on at home. And I feel like a common theme I would notice between all of them was how strong their families seemed together. So I think just being sixteen and being young and kind of optimistic about the world, I was like, hey, like I'm missing that one thing that would make me have a happy family one day and that's being Mormon. So I just, it was everyone around me is Mormon. I think ninety-eight percent of my school was enrolled in seminary, which is like an hour block in your schedule that you can go and like learn more about the church. So everyone around me is Mormon, just like all that I knew. And I just thought that that was, that was the way that you're supposed to live life.

• 13:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. When you look back on that, what, what are the lessons that you feel have really improved your life, bettered your life, things that have stayed? And then the things that you're like, I need to unlearn that, need to leave that behind?

• 13:15Speaker 02

  I honestly, I feel like. I didn't really take a lot away from my experience being Mormon. I think I would go to sacrament meetings and I would try my best to like attend, but I just feel like my heart was never fully in it. I was really only just there to fit in and to just have one less thing that people would notice was different than my peers, you know, like already being black and like, you know, having these thoughts in the back of my head of like liking girls but not wanting to admit it. It was just like one more thing and I was like, hey, if I check this box off, I'll fit in a little bit more with everyone around me. So I honestly, I don't feel like I really took a lot out of going to church. I truly would just show up to say that I was there. And yeah, like, but it pulled me out of a really dark place. I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues in high school and obviously dealing with things at home.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  So it gave me a lot of purpose to kind of keep going and to have motivation that it was going to work out. So I am grateful for the church in a lot of ways, just because it did pull me out of that dark place that I honestly don't think I could have pulled myself out of on my own. Obviously, there's a lot of things within the church that, I mean, now being openly gay, like obviously that's not something that they're supportive of. So there's a lot of things that like I don't love and I wasn't obviously aware of them at the time when I was little and converting. But I'll always be grateful for the positive impact it had on me.

• 14:28Jay Shetty?

  It's such a natural experience when we're in our teenage years to just want to fit in.

• 14:32Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 14:33Jay Shetty?

  To like just want to belong, to find a place where you don't feel different.

• 14:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:36Jay Shetty?

  You don't feel othered. You don't feel like there's something hard to understand about you. And you mentioned then, I know you've talked about it on the show as well, being a black woman in predominantly white areas, white experiences. Talk to me about what that experience was like for you. Like what were the questions in your head or?

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:57Jay Shetty?

  What were the things that you were struggling with, grappling with internally?

• 15:00Speaker 02

  I think I just didn't have a lot of black peers around me. So it's just all I saw was just pretty blonde girls with blonde hair and blue eyes or green eyes. And I just think being young and very impressionable, that's what I honestly, for a long time, thought that that was the definition of beauty. I truly thought that that. Was what I needed to like, look like to fit in and for guys to like me and all those things. And it was just so sad. I remember one of my like worst experiences in high school is when I actually attempted to bleach my skin, which is so sad that I even did that. But I just thought I had to do all these extremes just to fit in. And I just wish that someone would have just told me that I was pretty and that I was worthy regardless of what color my skin was. And just because I don't look like people around me doesn't

• 15:43Speaker 02

  mean that I'm any less than them. Honestly, no. But being a mom, I feel like having little boys of my own that look up to me, I'll make sure that they have those affirmations about themselves that like I wasn't taught. And it's just honestly taught me how to be a better mom.

• 15:58Jay Shetty?

  Talk to me about the process of even trying to bleach your skin. Like, how did that even come about?

• 16:03Speaker 02

  I just on, again, me just being little, I was like 10. I thought that if I drew a bath and I put a bunch of bleach in it, and then I sat in the bath and scrubbed, it would like cause my skin to lighten. I just think I, I was just very young. I didn't know how that would work. But just anything I could possibly do to like fit in, I wanted to try to do. I mean, even just like my hair. I went on to this on my show of me kind of just finally like owning me being black and experimenting with my hair. But my whole entire life, growing up, my mom taught me that my curly hair was just hard to manage for her. So the second that she could, she started straightening my hair. And that's all I knew for a long time was just, okay, just straighten your hair. Like, don't, if it starts to get curly, like straighten it really quick again. Like, you don't want people to know that your hair is like actually naturally curly and has texture. And it's

• 16:46Speaker 02

  something that I hid for a long time. So I just think any part of myself that would show that I was black, I was so afraid to. And that breaks my heart to say. But I think it's caused me to do a complete 180 now, being, even though it did take me 25 years to get to this point, that I'm so incredibly proud to be black and to represent a huge community of the world on the show. I feel like I'm in such a unique position, being the only black cast member. And I'm just really, really proud to be able to represent a lot of people.

• 17:13Jay Shetty?

  Talk to me about that journey from, was it a sense of shame? Was it, or was it just a sense of feeling othered and different? And then how do you even get from going there to actually developing a sense of, as you just so beautifully said, a sense of pride, a sense of representation, a sense of, I actually am standing for something and that's more important than fitting in? Talk to me about that journey that you've been on.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  I mean, it was hard. I think. And I was just shy away from anything that made me feel different. And I honestly think the biggest shift for me was having my own kids. Cause they're a quarter black, but either way, they're still black. And I don't want them to feel the things that I felt. And just seeing them and, you know, seeing how beautiful they are and, you know, I want them to be proud of themselves and proud of every single part of themselves. And I can't do that if I'm not proud of me. And I think that was where the big shift for me happened. And yeah, I mean, it was a hard thing. I remember the first time I wore a wig, I was like, oh my, take it off. Like, I hate this. I just, it felt so foreign to me. But I think the more I've been doing it and the more I've just been fully just loving myself, I like, love it and I love, you know,

• 18:23Speaker 02

  just owning me fully.

• 18:25Jay Shetty?

  I love hearing about how your kids have inspired you to, to wanna stand on your own two feet and really represent who you wanna be and what you believe in and for them to experience that. And it's fascinating how when you're caring for a little person, there's almost like all of these lessons and reflections that almost make sense almost immediately.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  I feel like it just honestly alters the way you just handle life and you go forward and just, yeah, it changes the way you think about a lot of things.

• 18:54Jay Shetty?

  You got pregnant at nineteen. What was your emotion like when you first find out?

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Oh, terrified. I actually have kind of like, it's funny now in the moment. It was not funny. I was obviously not being safe with my boyfriend now, or ex-husband now. Um, and I knew what, you know, what potentially happened if we weren't being, you know, safe. But I didn't think it was a possibility that I would actually be pregnant. And I went to an urgent care because I thought I had some type of weird stomach bug. And they're like, is there a possibility that you're pregnant? I was like, no, there's, there's like literally no way I'm pregnant. Like, no, no, that wouldn't happen. And they ended up testing me. And that's how I found out I was in an urgent care on my own, by myself in Provo, Utah. And it was the most terrifying day of my life at that point. I didn't have a lot of family support.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  I was kind of not isolated in Utah, but my boyfriend at the time was like all I really like had. So when I found out, I was like, okay, like, I don't know what I'm going to do at that point. Like, I didn't know if like, I should move forward with pregnancy. I don't know if I should put the baby up for adoption. I didn't know if I should marry this guy, date this. I didn't know what to do. I think I had so many questions in my head. And didn't know how to proceed, but I, they changed my life, both my kids for the better. And I'm so, so grateful to be their mom, but it's definitely a terrifying experience to get pregnant when you don't really have the support around you at such like a young age.

• 20:16Jay Shetty?

  How did you decide that marriage was the option and not to actually open yourself up to other experiences or explore?

• 20:24Speaker 02

  In my head, I felt like I almost messed up some steps by getting pregnant before we were married, that I was like, hey, at least like, let me give my family like a chance of us being together. I think coming from a broken household and experiencing divorce and kind of the very toxic dynamic my parents had growing up with each other. I wanted the opposite of that for my kids. And I think just being so terrified of being a single mom, I was like, okay, like I, I have to marry him. And now I'm a single mom. So obviously that didn't, you know, pan out exactly how I was envisioning it too. But I'm still happy that we gave it a shot. I think that obviously, you know, divorce isn't easy and it's not fun. Um, but if we wouldn't have gotten married, I wouldn't have had my second baby. So I think everything happens for a reason.

• 21:18Jay Shetty?

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• 21:58Jay Shetty?

  at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. The best habits are the ones we hardly notice, the ones that quietly shape the way we move through life, giving us the confidence to focus on what really matters. That's Mazda's approach to safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with your drive, so you can stay present behind the wheel. That commitment has earned Mazda recognition as Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick

• 22:42Jay Shetty?

  Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Mazda, more of what matters to you. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favourite podcast. Choose a cellar or North East Regional and get there without the stress of getting there.

• 23:27Jay Shetty?

  Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip.

• 23:39Jay Shetty?

  It feels like you've lived so much life

• 23:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:41Jay Shetty?

  in such a short amount of time, whether it's conversion, whether it's becoming a mum, whether it's moving from dating to marriage. Like, there's so many. I mean, when you look back on it now, do you kind of go, God, how did I even do all of that?

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Sometimes I'm like, I don't know how I'm still standing. But I think it made me who I am. I wouldn't take back anything that I've experienced in my life. I feel like... Truly, I've been put through those challenges to be able to help other people. I say this all the time, but I feel like having a platform, you're put in a position that you can use your platform for good or bad. And truly, if I'm able to just help one person by sharing my story, I feel like that's why I do what I do. And yeah, I'm just, everything has led me to where I am today and I wouldn't change a thing.

• 24:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you've said that at one point, your marriage became manipulative.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:29Jay Shetty?

  Was that something that was always there and you kind of ignored it and didn't notice it? Or was it something that kind of came later on?

• 24:36Speaker 02

  No, unfortunately, we had a very toxic relationship from the start. I just think that we never really knew each other on a deeper level. I think it was very surface level for a long time. And then when we got pregnant, it was just kind of, we felt like we had to get married, like I said. Um, and I just think we never had the proper foundation of a relationship to be able to, you know, withstand being married and, you know, taking on challenges that you obviously occur, that occur when you're married. So I think it was always there, but I was so scared of being a single mom that I was like, okay, this is, this is what I have to do. Like make your husband happy, you know, take care of the home, have the babies, take care of the babies. And that's kind of all that I was doing for that time that I was married. So I just think I ignored everything.

• 25:19Jay Shetty?

  You were saying a few moments ago that you didn't want to be a single mom. That's why, and you were like, I deserve to give this a shot, which is why you got married.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:26Jay Shetty?

  I can't then fathom how hard it was when you're like, well, this isn't working. It's toxic, it's manipulative, but the only other option is being single. What was the final straw that made you go, no, it's okay to accept this fear? The reason I'm asking is there's a beautiful piece of Zen wisdom that says that we'd rather accept the pain we know than the pain we don't.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:51Jay Shetty?

  And so the pain you have right now, when it's toxic and manipulative, it's like, well, that's better than leaving and being alone. And a lot of people stay in jobs, relationships with parents, family for so much longer. Do you think you stayed too long? And what made you shift finally? What was it that really made you go, I'm willing to accept the uncertainty?

• 26:12Speaker 02

  I honestly, I don't think I stayed for too long. I feel like I truly wanted to step away from the marriage, knowing that I gave it my all. And attempted as much as I could to, you know, put in place more healthy coping mechanisms when we're going through fights and like all these things. I feel like I just wanted to make sure that like I really gave it my all. And I think my final straw was just the word divorce would be held over my head a lot. And I think he just knew that that was my biggest fear. Coming from a broken household and seeing that happen in front of me as a little girl. I think that that was just terrifying for me, that concept. And it was kind of a way to get me to fall into line of like where I think he wanted me to behave. And I think he just said it for the final time that I was like, I can't keep begging you to stay with me.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  I know my worth and I know that like I am a good partner. And if you can't see that, then like it's okay. Um, and I'll always have a place for him in my heart. I think that he is a phenomenal dad, truly one of the best dads I've ever like seen. And witnessing him love my boys is amazing. But I think in terms of just us working out as a partner, um, it just wasn't for us, but yeah.

• 27:16Jay Shetty?

  What was his reaction when you told him that?

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Like the, so he was actually the one that brought it up. And normally I would kind of fight back and I was like, no, don't do this. Like, let's talk this out. Like, let's go to therapy. Let's do this. Let's do that. But he just said it for the final time that I was like, okay, yeah, like you're right. Um, probably go pack your stuff and we'll start to figure out like the next step. So I think his reaction wasn't what he expected me to do. I think he normally, he was just used to me just begging and groveling and wanting this to work and all the things. So I think when I finally was like, you're right, like let's, let's make this happen. I think it probably caught him off guard, but I mean, I think he had to have known deep down like enough would have been enough at some point.

• 27:56Jay Shetty?

  Gosh, when you finally left and were a single mom, how did it feel compared to how you thought you would feel to be free?

• 28:04Speaker 02

  I think there was so much good around it. Like, I wasn't in a toxic relationship and, you know, like me and my babies got like this fun little night routine that we would do every night, but there was also so much hard things that came at the beginning of my single motherhood journey.

• 28:18Jay Shetty?

  Tell me about this.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I didn't, for a little bit there, I didn't have an income. This was before the show came to be and before I started making money on brand deals. And there was time periods that I was borrowing money from family and I would be grocery shopping and I would buy thirty dollars worth of groceries for the whole week. And my kids would get food, but I would eat like their scraps after they ate because I couldn't afford to buy that. And I was getting eviction notices popped on my door. And this was right around the time that we started filming for the show. So while all this was happening behind the scenes and I was terrified to let anyone know because I was so embarrassed that I was like mad at myself. I was like, you should have just stayed married. At least at, at least married, you had food on the table. At least married, your lights weren't getting shut off. At least married, you could pay your rent. So it was almost like a shame thing that I was,

• 29:03Speaker 02

  why did you do this? You should have just stayed with him because now, look at you now. And I was trying to almost keep up a facade because I was just embarrassed to tell the girls. I don't honestly even think that some of them know this to this day of like how badly I was struggling at the beginning. And then I was showing up to filming every day, trying to stop the smile on my face, not letting anyone know what was happening behind the scenes. So I think, yeah, my start of single motherhood was not good and I'm very, very grateful to be in the position that I am now. I can't even put into words how grateful I am for the show and for the people around me, like my team, that, you know, they believed in me from the start and had been by my side throughout all of this. Um, it, yeah, it was definitely a rocky start, but grateful for it though. It taught me a lot.

• 29:47Jay Shetty?

  God, I had no idea.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:49Jay Shetty?

  That, I mean, you're saying it with a smile on your face right now, but.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think it just taught me a lot and it caught me to be very, very grateful for what I have. I will never, ever take for granted the position that I'm in. I think. It will never feel real, even just doing small things that coming today to do this podcast and being able to like buy a flight for myself. That's something that, you know, when I was at the start of single motherhood, I wouldn't have never been able to do. And yeah, I just, I'm just so, so grateful. And I feel like that's why I'm able to look at it, you know, positively now is that I've seen how hard it can be. And I'm just really grateful that I got to the other side.

• 30:27Jay Shetty?

  Talk to me about a night during that time, which was the worst night, like the memory that when you think about it, you were at rock bottom.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  I don't even know. There's just so many nights that I would just sit there just thinking and questioning how I was gonna keep going for the boys. And there's times that like I was debating, just texting my ex and me like, hey, like I needed to like take the kids and I might need to go move in with my sister. Like I just, at that point, I didn't know how to continue on the road that I was on. And it was scary because all I wanted to do was just be a mom for them and to show up for them. Because that's what they deserve. They're innocent little babies. They deserve to like not have to worry about where their next meal was coming from. And it was hard and it was scary because I just also just didn't want to tell anyone around me because it was just a lot of embarrassment. And I shouldn't have been embarrassed. I wish I would have asked for help from more people. But I think I'm such a not prideful person, but it's just so hard for me to ask for help.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  I think growing up, I never asked for help from like my parents for small things when I was dealing with my mental health issues. I really had no idea when I was dealing with my eating disorder issues. I had no idea. So I think I've just been like ingrained since a little girl to just kind of like shut your mouth and suck it up and it'll maybe work out. And yeah, I think just, yeah, there's just a lot of nights of just, I didn't know how I was gonna move forward.

• 31:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I mean, I, I feel like we don't realize how easy it is to end up in a position like that and how difficult it is. And that's why so many of us will stay longer in relationships or wherever we are, because the alternative is a path that you're like, why did I do this to myself? Like, why am I putting myself through this pain? When did you start to be open to the idea of dating again and meeting someone new? And how were you starting to navigate that?

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Honestly, I dated pretty quickly after me and my ex separated. I think for a long period of my life, I used to seek validation and other people really bad. And I think. It was almost like because I had those, you know, those abandonment wounds that I, you know, suffered from, from when I was a little girl, I just always put my self-worth into how other people viewed me and how other people perceived me. And I think I would put that a lot to my partners. So I just feel like I never really knew how to be alone. And that honestly, it would like scare me. Like, I don't have someone that I can like rely on all the time, not even just like, you know, physically or like, you know, financially, it's more just like emotional. Like, I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I didn't

• 32:51Speaker 02

  want to be alone in general. And I think I would just always jump into relationships. And I feel like I would see comments on my people like, oh, it's just, she's in another relationship other, every other season. Like, I actually like, you guys are right for that. Honestly, there's a long period of my life that I just felt like I couldn't be alone with myself. And that's, you know, that led me to not be able to be authentic to me because I didn't know who I was for such a long time.

• 33:15Jay Shetty?

  Do you think you feel more comfortable being alone now?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I feel like I honestly value my alone time. I feel like that's why how I've been able to come, you know, to the conclusion and, you know, finally accept that I am bi. And I wouldn't have been able to do that if I was with somebody. So I really do value my alone time. I feel like it's given me a lot of perspective and just, yeah, being able to find out who I am.

• 33:38Jay Shetty?

  What was it about being alone that gave you that confidence to look within and actually be comfortable with saying that out loud?

• 33:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think, again, just not living for other people and just being able to fully focus on me. And I don't know, I just feel like, yeah, just not having to do things for other people's approval, I feel like really helped me.

• 34:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's only when you switch off all the noise from outside that you can actually hear your inner voice. And then when it gets louder, you realize, oh, that's what I should have been listening to all along.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:11Jay Shetty?

  Not listen to all of these other opinions and ideas and expectations and everything else everyone wants me to do. But you're so right, you have to find that alone time. And I often ask people how many months in their life they've actually spent alone.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:26Jay Shetty?

  And when I say alone, I don't mean dating, pursuing with some, I mean, where you weren't thinking about that.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:34Jay Shetty?

  And it's quite shocking to me that if you speak to an adult, they'll be, they'll be like weeks. Like, people are constantly looking for relationships or in one. And you don't actually get the space to do what you just said.

• 34:46Speaker 02

  One hundred percent, yeah, it's, it's hard to be alone and it's hard to be like alone with your thoughts and to be able to just feel emotions, especially like post breakup, there's people that, you know, rebound and do those things to kind of like, you know, mute those thoughts that you have and all those things. And yeah, I just think that's fairly, it's really good to be alone sometimes.

• 35:05Jay Shetty?

  One of the storylines on the show is this idea that you're not satisfied by your male sexual partners.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:11Jay Shetty?

  Was that difficult to say out loud? Like, were you scared to?

• 35:16Speaker 02

  I honestly, when I said it in the moment, I was just, I forget that the cameras are there half of the time and I'll just be like, oh, I'm just like with my girls. And I just shared something I didn't think it would have the impact that it did. Until the season came out and I had so many DMs of women being like, I haven't. And thank you for sharing this and making me feel less, you know, alone in that situation. And yeah, I just didn't think it was going to be such a big thing for me to share and probably a good thing that I didn't realize that in the moment, because then I probably would have been like, oh my God, no way, cut that. But I'm, I'm glad that I did because I feel like it opened up a really big conversation for people that have dealt with that.

• 35:51Jay Shetty?

  Talk to me about that wider conversation because I think it's almost like all those men are going to feel terrible about themselves, obviously.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it wasn't, I did get some comments like that of people being like, oh, like I feel so bad for her exes. And like, that wasn't my intentions, like

• 36:04Jay Shetty?

  Of course not.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Throw them under the bus. Yeah. And be like, yeah, you like never made me. It was more of just like kind of breaking that taboo that I think especially, I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I think for me, dating men for so long, I would view sex as I needed to make sure the man always was pleasured every single time. And like, I don't really matter as long as like they're good and taken care of and like, it's good. And like, that's all in my head, I thought sex was for such a long time. And it opened up that conversation. I feel like a lot of people felt the same way. And yeah.

• 36:38Jay Shetty?

  It's such a fascinating conversation because of how patriarchal society has wired us, how porn has wired us. A lot of that is so wired that way and geared that way. That sadly, it naturally ends up resulting in how we feel sex is in real life. And I think men are kind of trained in that way and conditioned to think that. And then, like you said, women end up getting trained that way.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:03Jay Shetty?

  And then you end up in this position where until someone calls it out.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I didn't realize that it was like a thing. I just, I was like, I didn't, I didn't even know what it felt like because I have never experienced that. And knowing that like, people are like, oh no, like my boyfriend makes sure is that every single time I do, I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, I, I just never experienced that because I just didn't think that that's how it worked. And I think it also relates back to what I said earlier, like I didn't have like the birds and the bee conversation with my parents. Like I didn't know how any of that worked. And I think that probably led to that as well of me just having like this preconceived idea of what sex was in my head for such a long time.

• 37:41Jay Shetty?

  It's almost like when you were pregnant from having sex was the first time you actually.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  Honestly, yeah, because like I knew what it was, like I know like how sex should like end, but like I just didn't know like the details, I guess.

• 37:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. Sex education in America obviously isn't doing any.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Not great.

• 37:58Jay Shetty?

  Doing any step in.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Step it up.

• 37:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, at school, like it's, I think about that all the time. I'm just like, how is it that it's taught so poorly in schools? And no one really has a clue.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. I didn't get any sex ed classes growing up.

• 38:13Jay Shetty?

  Oh, you didn't? Not at all?

• 38:14Speaker 02

  Not one. Yeah. So I think it just.

• 38:16Jay Shetty?

  Is that because of where? No.

• 38:18Speaker 02

  I think maybe where I grew up.

• 38:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  I was again, like very predominantly Mormon and I just think that again, people, a lot of people think that if you don't address it, then like people won't be curious about it. But I think if anything, at least from me and my perspective, being, you know, very young and having sex for the first time, I think it made me more curious if anything. So I think me going now being a parent, like I want to address these things with my kids and address it and be like, we're all going to have those urges. And like, this is what you do if you're in this situation and like teach them how to have safe sex and all the things. So again, I think all my experiences in life have just really led me to rewire my brain on how I want to be a parent. And hopefully, you know, other people, same thing. Cause I think, yeah, my faults, not that they're faults, but I think those experiences have led me to want to kind of do things separately.

• 39:04Jay Shetty?

  What's the Mormon approach to sex?

• 39:07Speaker 02

  Don't have it until you're married.

• 39:08Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. But then still. Kind of the point of sex a little bit when you're Mormon is just to procreate.

• 39:14Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Not really for the enjoyment.

• 39:16Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  I don't know, maybe some people would like argue differently of that, but I know like a lot of members of the church that don't even have like toys or like they, things like that, like they, it's just literally just to make babies for some people, which is unfortunate because I think it's, you know, a great thing. And yeah.

• 39:31Jay Shetty?

  And do people actually follow through with that?

• 39:33Speaker 02

  With?

• 39:33Jay Shetty?

  Like are there, are the people in the church actually stay strict to that?

• 39:37Speaker 02

  I think so, yeah. Like there are a lot of people I know, you know, the first time they have sex is when they get married and they get pregnant really fast and all the things, which I also think is, you know, that's what we're taught is to just make babies. So.

• 39:51Jay Shetty?

  I saw in a lot of religious institutions, the opposite where it was, there was the rule of no sex before marriage. And then there was the same as what you're saying, only for procreation. But the majority of people were still having sex, they just wouldn't tell anyone.

• 40:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:04Jay Shetty?

  So then there was like this shame and guilt attached to it and everyone's pretending.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:09Jay Shetty?

  But saying that they're not because that's what the standard is. And it's fascinating to me how you kind of get stuck in these anti-authenticity loops.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:19Jay Shetty?

  Where you think you're being authentic because you're trying to live up to this ideal.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:23Jay Shetty?

  But then no one's actually living up to it and we're all pretending we are. So I've always found it so interesting how humans, because this isn't about, it actually isn't about religion or God. It's, it's how humans can gather to kind of set a standard and people either pretend to live up to the standard or they don't know what to do with it.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. And they fake it. Kind of keeping up with the Joneses, I feel like is like a phrase that we have in Utah that everyone, you know, we all have our secrets and like our things that we don't share. And it's just kind of to keep that facade that you, you know, are this perfect member.

• 40:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. When did you let go of that, wanting to be the perfect member?

• 41:03Speaker 02

  I haven't been active probably for. Four or five years now, but when I was married, me and my ex would go sometimes like here and there, but we weren't really active members either. It was again, kind of the same thing to kind of keep the facade up and, you know, keep with what we thought we had to do. But when we separated, I was like, okay, like I finally am like, I'm able to not have to keep up this facade that I know that I truly don't believe in, which was, yeah, that was nice.

• 41:31Jay Shetty?

  How did you decide that you were finally ready to start dating women?

• 41:35Speaker 02

  I don't know, like, there was like an exact moment that I remember, like, it just like dawned on me. I think just it felt right.

• 41:44Jay Shetty?

  But did you feel like there was, you said earlier, like, there was this sense of, like, you, you should have done this the whole time? Like, is there a sense of, like, lost time or that I held myself back?

• 41:55Speaker 02

  I think everything played out how like it was supposed to. I think, obviously, I wish I would have, you know, came out a lot sooner. But I also think I was going through so much that it would have been still swept under a rug like it did for so long. I just think a lot of things just were not more important in that moment, but just took precedence a little bit. Like, becoming a single mom and like things that I dealt with in childhood and all those things. I just think it just never felt like the right time to like just dive into it. And I think honestly, just like the concept of coming out in general is just kind of something that I've never really understood. And obviously, like, I can hold space for people that like are taught either

• 42:39Speaker 02

  in their homes or like in their religions that, you know, love is between a man and a woman. But I think the concept that we're all just born straight is something that like I've never been able to fully like conceptualize and coming out and just having to say like, I like girls and boys is just, I never could see myself like sitting down at a podcast and saying this, but I also understand like the position that I'm in, that there's so many people that look up to me and maybe, you know, resonate with my story. And if I can help someone feel just more comfortable to be able to be true to themselves, then I want to do that. But yeah, I feel like I just never could picture myself like coming out in this way. I just thought that maybe I would just show up with the girl and then people would be like, oh, and I'd be like, yeah, what, what about it? But yeah, so I just think I just never had like an idea in my head of like when it was going to happen. I just think, I just always thought it was going to happen at some point.

• 43:23Jay Shetty?

  What was your like biggest fear in your mind with what it would feel like to come out? Like, what was the thing that you were like, I keep getting close?

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:33Jay Shetty?

  I'm about to say it, I'm about to act on it, but this keeps blocking me.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  I think it was just so foreign for me because I, you know, dated for men for so long, my whole entire life. And that's all I knew. Like, I obviously had like, you know, experiences with women, but like, I never in depth, you know, got to know a woman on like a intimate level and all those things. So I think for me for so long, it was just very foreign and scary. Um, but I think, you know, you can't get over that without getting through it. And I think I just was like, hey, like, you know that you are. Stop being like scared of like the what ifs and like the unknown and just you could just gotta dive in. So.

• 44:12Jay Shetty?

  What surprised you about dating women compared to men?

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh. Everything. Not like surprised me, but like already just like more like emotionally aware about certain things and very patient. I feel like at least who I'm talking to right now, she's just been very understanding and kind of letting me take this at my own pace because it is just so foreign to me and it is so, so new. And yeah, I just think the level of like understanding and just like being there for me. Yeah.

• 44:44Jay Shetty?

  How do you feel about certain people who may disagree, may not be happy about it, may have different views? Like, I'm sure you've thought about that and had to think about it.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure.

• 44:53Jay Shetty?

  Being so public and.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think I have tried to like play by the books, you know, in certain ways. I feel like looking back on like my experience, even on the show. I feel like season one and season two, I tried so hard to do everything right and I still had people that hated me. And now, you know, being more vocal and being more outspoken, I still have people that hate me. And I just think we're only on this earth for, you know, however long we are here. And I'll be damned if like I'm not able to be fully who I am. And if you don't like that, then that's okay. And I can understand if like you were raised a certain way and you have certain values and standards, maybe. But I think for me, I just, yeah, I just, it shouldn't bug you if people choose to love whoever they want to love. I think it's just, it's nobody's, nobody's business at the end of the day.

• 45:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Is there, is there any of it that does affect you or get through to you? I know, I know for me. There's always, there's always something that kind of just like creeps through and you're like, oh man, like I just, I wish, like I always say, I wish I could sit everyone down and tell them what my intention was and how I feel and who I am. And if they got to spend like an hour with me, then maybe they'd feel different. But is there anything that ever just like gets to you sometimes and you're like, oh, this keeps me up at night?

• 46:08Speaker 02

  I think the only insult that people can ever say to me that like actually like is like, oh, that hurt a little bit is anything to do with parenting. I think that's like the one thing that I'm like, I'm so protective over my babies. So that's something that like I didn't get growing up. And I think that's the one thing that will always just kind of hit home is if someone says something about like my parenting. I think everything else like looks, say what you want to say. Now, if I'm being gay and that offends you, say what you want to say. But I'm like, my babies, don't say anything about them ever.

• 46:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I feel, and I feel like the internet is good at talking about everyone's babies and mothering mothers.

• 46:40Speaker 02

  And motherhood and parenting.

• 46:41Jay Shetty?

  And motherhood. I feel like I get, it's so, I can't imagine how hard that is as a mom.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:47Jay Shetty?

  Or a dad or a parent. Like, I can't imagine how difficult that is because everyone's kind of telling you like this is the right way and that's wrong and.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:54Jay Shetty?

  I mean, that seems exhausting.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  I think parenting is just, it's such a one-off experience for every single person. Like every child is different, every parent's different. And there's no textbook for how to parent properly. There's no textbooks of how to handle situations of, you know, how to just be a parent. It's hard. It's, it's challenging every single day. It teaches me new things about myself that I didn't even know before. And yeah, I think that's the one thing that I'm like, just parents, we're doing our best. And ultimately, just as long as your kid's health and, you know, mental health is being protected in the day and they're happy and healthy, that's all that matters.

• 47:40Jay Shetty?

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• 48:24Jay Shetty?

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• 49:08Jay Shetty?

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• 49:51Jay Shetty?

  Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 50:09Jay Shetty?

  You've mentioned that for your kids right now, you've talked about health and mental health a couple of times. What do you do for yours and your kids' health and mental health? What are the priorities?

• 50:19Speaker 02

  Definitely a lot of affirmations. I didn't really hear a lot of that growing up. I feel like I honestly had very negative self-worth. I don't think I know. I had very negative self-worth for a long time because I felt like I heard the opposite a lot growing up. Even just small things like my mom would be looking in the mirror and she'd say, oh, I'm so fat, or this. Or my dad would say, you know, mean comments to my mom. So I just felt like I never heard positive self-talk about themselves or others around them. And I think my biggest thing for my boys that we do like affirmations, like I have them sit in front of the mirror and say, like, I'm handsome, and I'm smart, and I'm loved, and I'm cared for. And like, all these things that kind of just like set their mind already of just being grateful and loving themselves. I think that that's just so important and that honestly can set you up for success in

• 51:01Speaker 02

  your life in so many ways. Whether that's, you know, your career path, school, confidence in sports, you know, confidence in relationships, just so many things. I just think that uplifting yourself is so, so important and so undervalued. And I just think that that's like my biggest thing in my boys. I just want them to love themselves and love everyone around them and just be good people.

• 51:23Jay Shetty?

  That makes sense. And when you said self-worth, I was wondering, talk to me about the moments in your life where you experienced low self-worth?

• 51:31Speaker 02

  A lot of it stemmed from, like I mentioned, just growing up, just being the only black kid in a room full of 30 students and I'm the only kid there that's black. I think that's triggered a lot in me, just not valuing myself and my individuality. But I think also I struggled with an eating disorder throughout high school and then it resurfaced here about probably a year ago. And I feel like I'm kind of in remission from it right now. And I'm really, really proud of myself for getting that to that point again. But I think I've always had a very jaded perspective of, you know, my worth and my image and all those things. And I think I'm finally in a position that I

• 52:10Speaker 02

  I'm realizing that like, again, those those negative self talks can affect my children. And they view their mommy as beautiful and kind and, you know, all these good things. And I want to be able to say those things about myself back. And I try to look at myself as like a little girl that I would never like see a little girl saying there be like, you're ugly or you're fat or no one likes you at school. Like, I would never do that. So I try to talk to myself as if I was like that little girl.

• 52:38Jay Shetty?

  I have such a concern for young women right now, especially in terms of what they're exposed to online. The name calling, the criticism of women's bodies. It just, it just feels like we we're going backwards.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:55Jay Shetty?

  Like, we haven't gone in the right direction.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:57Jay Shetty?

  And I can't imagine what it feels like to be a mom and have kids. And whether they're young boys or young girls or

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:03Jay Shetty?

  young children that are having to grow up right now and be exposed to all of that. I'm like, I'm sure you feel so protective.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 53:10Jay Shetty?

  But also, what do you do?

• 53:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's inevitable, but hopefully setting up the right tools to handle those things properly. I think is what I'm trying to do for my kids. I think I don't think I would have maybe not experienced the things that I would have or I did. I mean, either which way, I couldn't change the circumstances of where I grew up. But if I had those, you know, coping mechanisms that were healthy, I think I would have been able to overcome those a lot better than I did. So I think just being able to instill those in my boys and, you know, and everyone. I think that that's how you get through those things is just being able to have the proper tools to handle them.

• 53:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it sounds like you're investing in all the right stuff. I mean,

• 53:48Speaker 02

  You can hope, right?

• 53:50Jay Shetty?

  What I find phenomenal is just, it just shows us that as soon as you feel responsible for someone else, you realize how valuable it is what you put in your mind, your body and everything else.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:01Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, that's what it comes from. As soon as you realize that your actions affect someone else, you start to take so much more accountability and responsibility for everything you eat, consume, read, listen to.

• 54:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, honestly, even though, even on that too, like having a platform as well. I think that there's so many, you know, young women that watch our pages and watch the show. And I wouldn't want to affect them and have my poor choices affect them as well. And they, you know, mirror those. So I think being in the position that we are. Um, all of us women on the show, I think that again, using our platforms for good is it's beneficial for like a lot of people.

• 54:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What's your, if you could say this is what I want to use my platform for right now, what would you say it is?

• 54:48Speaker 02

  I think owning single motherhood and being proud to be a single mom, um, owning being a black woman, owning being a woman. Um, and now owning being a bi woman. So, yeah. I think just being truly authentic to like who yourself, I hope that that's what people take away from my page.

• 55:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Have you spoken to your partner and potentially even your children about your new relationship?

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Um, they aren't really involved with it right now. I think obviously I'm still kind of exploring and kind of trying to navigate this. So until I feel more steady, cause it's not like I'm going to change my mind, like I know that I am. Um, I think I'm just going to kind of just handle it on my own until, yeah, until the time feels more right.

• 55:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And, and what's co-parenting like in the situation? You were talking about how your ex is a great dad and so good to the boys. Like, what does that setup look like for you right now?

• 55:46Speaker 02

  We're just finally in a place that the emotions have died down, you know, the initial adjustment period of like getting into a good swing of things with co-parenting. Has finally like set in and I think that at least I can say for my behalf, I just, I want the best for him. Um, and I think we're in a really good place with co-parenting that we just, we want the boys to be happy. And we're doing that, you know, coincide next to each other. And I think that, yeah, we're in like a good rhythm, which is nice.

• 56:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. If there's someone who's listening right now and they're struggling to come out, they're struggling to leave a toxic relationship. What would you say to them?

• 56:24Speaker 02

  I think for me personally, I think I've just been in survival mode like my whole entire life. Whether if it was surviving my childhood, surviving, becoming a single mom, surviving now, single motherhood, surviving my eating disorder, surviving just all these things. I just feel like I've just constantly been in fight or flight and life is not meant to just be survived. You're supposed to enjoy life and you're supposed to limit to its fullest. And I think to do that, you have to be authentic and fully yourself. And it's scary and it's hard to do that, but.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  Who are you living your life for if it's not for yourself? And I, you know, it took me 25 years to fully be completely proud of every single part of myself. And I wish it happened sooner, but I think everything happens for a reason. So I just think if you're out there and you're, you're afraid or you're scared, be more scared of not being who you are. I think it's like my piece of advice. Yeah.

• 57:18Jay Shetty?

  How old are you now?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Twenty five.

• 57:20Jay Shetty?

  You're very wise and strong. You're so coherent. I'm like, what? How? Like, how did you just say that?

• 57:26Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 57:27Jay Shetty?

  It's unbelievable how much life you squeezed into 25 years.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  I know. I'm like, I need a little bit of a break. I don't know. I'm like, a little bit less, less challenges, please. I'm just kidding. No, I'm, I'm grateful for everything that I've gone through. I think it made me who I am.

• 57:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but also it's like, you're saying, I wish I learned it sooner, but I'm like, 25 is pretty early to have

• 57:47Speaker 02

  No, I know. There's so many people out there that are 65 and they still haven't come out. So I think I'm very grateful that I felt safe enough at this point to do that. And I hope that for everyone.

• 58:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Did you talk to other people who'd come out and ask them about their experience? Like, have you?

• 58:05Speaker 02

  No, not really. Honestly, like, no one really like knows. I just think, again, like I mentioned earlier, I think my thing was for a long time, I just, I didn't know how to do it. And I just thought that one day I would just date a girl and just be like, hey, this is, this is my girlfriend. And just, you know, see how people would react there. But I, the platform that I have, just I want to be able to help people that are in similar situations. And I think that's why I wanted this to happen the way that it is right now, to just be able to help people.

• 58:34Jay Shetty?

  Are there any other friends that you know that have come out or people that you?

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have so many friends that are in the community as well. And the people that like do know have been like nothing but supportive and just like so excited. And they're just like, you're connecting with another soul. It doesn't matter if they're a guy, if they're a girl, it doesn't matter. We just want you to be happy.

• 58:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What are, what are you most excited to do now that you're out and

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 58:57Jay Shetty?

  Able to say out loud?

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Make out with her in public. And not have someone be like, what is going on? Is that Leila from Secret Life with a girl? Just, yeah, just be able to be like fully me and own it.

• 59:09Jay Shetty?

  I'm sure after this, hopefully you feel safe and, you know, I think, I think that's what I always wish for people when they're making big changes in their life and making these moves is that people feel safe. I think that's something everyone deserves for their choices. When people are not breaking the law, doing something wrong or It's almost like can people just feel safe for their choices that are true to their soul and their heart. And I really hope, Leila, that you feel safe.

• 59:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:33Jay Shetty?

  And that, you know, you get to explore the life and experience the life that you really, really want.

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Thank you. I appreciate that so much.

• 59:39Jay Shetty?

  Leila, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 59:42Jay Shetty?

  These questions have to be answered in one sentence.

• 59:44Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 59:45Jay Shetty?

  And so, Leila, these are final five. Uh, question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

• 59:51Speaker 02

  Your love for yourself has to be stronger than your desire to be loved.

• 59:55Jay Shetty?

  That's great advice. Who told you that?

• 59:57Speaker 02

  I think I just saw it on like Pinterest.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  Actually, but I feel like it's like, it's a really good one. I think it applies to a lot of things. So.

• 1:00:04Jay Shetty?

  Say it again.

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Your love for yourself has to be higher than your desire to be loved.

• 1:00:07Jay Shetty?

  That's great. I love that. Great piece of advice. That's an awesome one. Never had it. Uh, second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  I think it relates probably back to what we were talking about earlier. That I used to be in a toxic cycle of constantly, you know, putting my worth into other people and being in a lot of relationships. I think one cheesy saying that when you're going through a breakup, I feel like people throw this around like casually. They're always like, the best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. So that one. I'm like, oh, my gosh, no. Take time to yourself, girlfriend. Pick up a book or something, a hobby. I don't know.

• 1:00:41Jay Shetty?

  That's great. That's awesome. What a great answer. Uh, okay, question. You're killing these. You're, you're killing these. People usually struggle with that one. That's a great answer. Uh, question number three, how do you define a good friend?

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  I think someone that loves you through all stages.

• 1:00:58Jay Shetty?

  Every phase of life.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  And every phase of life, yeah. Every chapter, every challenge, just everything. Yeah.

• 1:01:03Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. Uh, question number four, I'm gonna add two parts to this. Uh, repeat after me and finish. This is about overthinking. So repeat after me and finish the sentence. I think I think too much about.

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  I think I think too much about perception and how people view me.

• 1:01:20Jay Shetty?

  Is that something you're still working on right now?

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think that's something that like, in the space that we are in, I think that's something we see every day, you know, people's opinions of us. And it's hard to not take things to heart. But I'm just, yeah, stepping into an era that I just wanna be authentically me and. You either like it or you don't. So.

• 1:01:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, good for you. I love that. Okay, fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  You're not allowed to convert to Mormonism until you have a greater understanding.

• 1:01:56Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Just kidding.

• 1:01:58Jay Shetty?

  No, that's no, you can't. No, I like the idea that you can't. I get the point you're making is you can't make a commitment to something without actually knowing enough about it.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:10Jay Shetty?

  Because was it, was it, are you, I'm assuming it was easy.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Oh, I think it was five lessons you have to do and then you disagree at the end if you want to. And I had no understanding of a lot of things. I feel like I get the question a lot of like, oh, do you not, did you not know about the history of like this about that? And I was like, no, they did not teach me that in my lessons. They're teaching me like very minimal. So, yeah.

• 1:02:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I mean, that's all history everywhere. I feel like everything they teach. Yeah, that's a, that's a good answer. Layla Taylor, thank you so much for your time, your energy. I'm so grateful you came all the way here. I'm thankful to have this conversation with you. I feel so lucky and appreciate so much that you chose us to share this big news. And as I said, I really hope you feel safe. I hope you feel the love of our community and everyone else that sees this podcast and hope you feel the support. I know that the GLAD Awards in LA are my favorite event of the year. Like, the community is just unbelievable. I know every year when I go to that event, or every time I have been, sorry, not every year. Every time I go to that event, honestly, the community is just the most fun. I don't know if you've ever been.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  No, never. I will be there.

• 1:03:17Jay Shetty?

  I hope you get to go. Yeah, it's awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you. If you're feeling inspired by this episode, you won't want to miss my conversation with Wicked's Cynthia Arivo.

• 1:03:28Speaker 03

  We are afraid to let a person go and we need to be okay with letting people go. We don't know what path people are walking on when they walk into our lives. We might just be a stepping stone in their path, just like stepping stones in their life.

• 1:03:42Speaker 04

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• 1:04:12Speaker 05

  Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig. On October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:04:28Jay Shetty?

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:04:35Jay Shetty?

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 1:04:37Speaker 05

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:04:42Speaker 06

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 1:04:43Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite?

• 1:04:45Speaker 06

  Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:04:52Speaker 06

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 1:04:57Speaker 05

  Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 1:05:04Speaker 07

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.