The Simple Question That Makes Every Decision Easier (Use THIS Daily Framework To FINALLY Get Unstuck)

On Melissa Wood’s show, Jay opens up about the practices and perspectives that keep him grounded in a world that rarely slows down. Their conversation moves beyond routines and rituals, diving into what it really means to find peace within yourself while navigating pressure, ambition, relationships, and everyday chaos. Together, they explore how stillness is built through self-awareness, presence, and the courage to listen to your inner voice. Jay shares lessons from his upbringing, life as a monk, and marriage, while Melissa reflects on healing, motherhood, and breaking old patterns. From meditation and breathwork to love and emotional growth, this conversation is a reminder that the smallest daily choices often shape the deepest transformation. In this episode you'll learn: How to Listen to Your Inner Voice How to Stay Grounded Under Pressure How to Stop Feeding Negative Thoughts How to Build Stillness Within Yourself How to Create Healthier Relationships How to Reconnect With Yourself Daily How to Stop Trying to Change Your Partner No matter where you are in your journey, there is still space for healing, clarity, love, and change. Keep showing up for yourself. Keep planting the seeds that align with the life you truly want. The Move With Heart podcast features Melissa Wood-Tepperberg's personal stories, triumphs, philosophies as well as those of her mentors who will join the show to share their wisdom. Check out https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/move-with-heart/id1621097400 With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe https://news.jayshetty.me/subscribe Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 05:41 How To Build Inner Peace 08:13 Lessons From a Hardworking Mother 11:36 Learning to Be Still 18:47 Your Mind Comes First 21:46 Are You Planting Seeds or Weeds? 27:24 The Fear of Making the Wrong Choice 31:28 Finding Calm in the Chaos 36:40 Jay’s 3 Daily Meditation Practices 43:26 Aligning Your Mind and Body 51:53 The Power of Mantra Meditation 54:28 Trusting the Bigger Plan 59:32 What Is Your Deepest Desire? 01:03:47 Staying Connected in Long-Term Love 01:09:14 Inspire Your Partner Without Changing Them Episode Resources: Website | https://mwh-production.melissawoodhealth.com/ YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd-M8iMVPXC9qE-4s8B9law Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/melissawoodhealth/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/melissawoodtepperberg/ TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@melissawoodhealth See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs.

• 1:12Jay Shetty?

  And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/OnPurpose. That's drinkag1.com/OnPurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them.

• 1:55Jay Shetty?

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• 2:36Jay Shetty?

  when life doesn't slow down and why so many of us feel disconnected even when everything looks fine. I shared the practices that keep me centered and what we need to let go of to actually feel calm. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, you don't want to miss this conversation.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  We live in such a chaotic world and there's just this buzz of energy going on. I mean, I live in New York City and you can hear, you know, sirens constantly. So to be able to drop into yourself is, it's the reason I know I'm here and the reason that I've been able to build and blossom in the way that I have. And I think like the more that I've gotten to know about you and your story, I, I feel that is like the one thing in people that they struggle with the most. They like battle with is, is finding this like inner peace within themselves.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  And I, you know, I'd love to know where the seed of this all really came from for you.

• 3:45Jay Shetty?

  If you ask me about inner peace, my honest answer is my mom. And I really believe that a mother's love can be the greatest shield to all of the challenges, stresses, pains and pressures that a kid can go through growing up. And so my childhood was not easy by any means, but I feel like my mother's love was this protective shield that when I look back on it, I think, how do I not have any cuts on me? And how do I not have any scars? And where are my battle wounds?

• 4:27Jay Shetty?

  And the beautiful part of that is you realize your mother's love protected you. Then you also realize that maybe your mom took some of those wounds for you. And that's the hardest part because as you grow up and you want the people around you to also feel peace and also feel love and also feel joy that they helped you have, you realize you can't always control that. And so the seed of peace for me is definitely my mother's love. I think everything that's good about me is because of how my mom raised me. And all the credit goes to her. Because yeah, she's, she loves me more than anything in the world and I still feel it today.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  I love your mom, your, your love for your mother. It's, it's so real. And as a mother myself, I'm like, that is, I think when people are like, what is your like greatest wish in life? It's to have my children talk about me the way you talk about your mother and your parents. Like, it's just, you know, I think when, when you look at,

• 5:33Speaker 02

  just like, what's the point of it all, you know? And to have the people that were literally bringing into this world to feel that because I didn't feel that. I, I, I hope and I pray that everyone feels what you felt. And

• 5:54Speaker 02

  I know that's why I, I feel so much passion about the way that I parent because I want to break a cycle. I, I have broken a cycle. And in your home, was your mom a meditator? Was she like, what were, where did all of this grounded like mama bear energy come from for, from her?

• 6:20Jay Shetty?

  You know what, it was.

• 6:23Jay Shetty?

  She was the hardest worker I knew. And so she woke up earlier than us. She'd do her prayers in the morning. But at that time, spirituality and religion to me were very ritualistic in how it was practised at home. We did it on a particular day, it didn't have meaning, it didn't necessarily have a spirit. It didn't really have depth, I guess, to some degree at least. Or at least from the outside in, it didn't feel that way to me. But I think for me, I just saw my mum working hard. I saw her making a fresh breakfast, lunch and dinner for my sister every day. Dropping us to school, picking us up from school, going back out to work, coming back home.

• 7:07Jay Shetty?

  She was the breadwinner of the family. She did everything. And to be honest, I think that's where I get my work ethic from. Is watching my mum just work so hard at life when it wasn't really handing her out any favours. Or it wasn't giving her the best opportunities. Or it wasn't like things were lining up for her. But I don't remember hearing her complain. And I remember her making a big deal out of it. Just remember her getting on with it. And, you know, I think, I remember once when I was going through a bit of a tough time. And I don't talk to my mum about that in that way. Our relationship today is very much, I check in with her, she asks me what I ate. I tell her I love her.

• 7:51Jay Shetty?

  And she'll ask me a bit about something that's happening in my world, which she doesn't fully understand. And it's a sweet interaction. But once, I remember telling her that it was a really stressful time and I wouldn't usually say that to my mum. This was around seven, eight years ago. And she said to me, she goes, "Well, you're really good at dealing with stress." And I said, "What do you mean?" And my mum doesn't give me pep talks either. And she said, "Yeah, when you were in my stomach, you went through a lot of stress." Like I was under a lot of stress. She goes, "You're really good at dealing with it." And that, like, I remember just like crying that day. Because I, I almost had no idea what she meant, but I also know what she meant. And there was so much in that coded message that she shared with me. And I felt so much strength and resilience from it, from that reminder.

• 8:36Jay Shetty?

  And at the same time felt, you know, sadness and pain from the fact that she'd undergone so much at that time. But it gave me such a boost. And so I think it's not sometimes the...

• 8:52Jay Shetty?

  Peace doesn't always come from peace. It comes from knowing how to be still in chaos. And I think sometimes we're hoping that if we create a peaceful atmosphere, people will learn peace. And I don't think that's the case. I think it's giving people the skills and tools to know how to be still in a chaotic atmosphere that creates peace. And I think that's what my mom did, not consciously or intentionally, but simply by watching her work and watching her move. I was sure that that's how she got through chaos. Does that make sense?

• 9:29Speaker 02

  It totally makes sense. So how did you create your practice of stillness?

• 9:40Speaker 02

  And I want to know what it looks like.

• 9:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Like the real end.

• 9:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:46Jay Shetty?

  I really believe that my practice of stillness came from, in the beginning, listening to my inner voice. And I probably started listening to my inner voice when I was around 14 years old. And I remember that very strongly because there were expectations from my parents, from family, and I disagreed with them, or my inner voice did. And I was strong enough and courageous enough at the time to stand up for them. And I felt that's what stillness really was. Stillness was the ability to say, this is where I stand. This is how I feel. This is what's important to me. This is what I value. That's real stillness. There's the external stillness of what we think of

• 10:31Jay Shetty?

  a calm ocean or a calm lake, but to me, real stillness is I'm immovable in my spirit and immovable in my conviction. That's real stillness. I stand up for something. There's a beautiful quote from Martin Luther King where he said that. If you can't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. And so stillness to me is that ability to say, I'm here. And at that time, it wasn't serious. It was me telling my parents I didn't want to study sciences.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:07Jay Shetty?

  And you know, you're arguing over what,

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 11:09Jay Shetty?

  what you're going to focus on at school. It wasn't deep, but it was the seed of learning how to be still.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  That gave me chills.

• 11:17Jay Shetty?

  Right?

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Like, I've never really thought about it in that exact way, but that is exactly what it is. It's standing so strong in who you are and what you believe. And regardless of all of this stuff and the opinion shopping, it's like, you know, when I think of it, it's like being with self. And it doesn't mean that it needs to be quiet or anything. It's actually really going inside to the depths of your soul, which I know you can literally do anywhere. I do it, you know, on a park bench, in an Uber, on an airplane.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  When you learn how to do that, it's something that, it just like sharpens these intuitive tools within yourself. And you can tap in, like, I mean, right before I did it. Like, I'm just like, okay, like, just do it. Go in. Like, it's, it is something that we all have the ability to do.

• 12:20Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah, it's not, and, and it's, when you first start listening to that voice, it's going to be really quiet. It's going to be really soft because it's been ignored for so long. It's been shunned and put aside. And then it gains confidence. And then it gets stronger and it gets louder and it gets more courageous and it gets more powerful. And so when you first start listening to that voice, which is what makes you immovable. In the beginning, it may be a bit shaky. The voice might even be a bit shaky. But it will gain strength as you listen to it and as you follow it. And I think for me now, my practice means being able to reconnect with that voice in and amongst all that noise. And I think it's about giving that voice

• 13:05Jay Shetty?

  a personality, a character, a name, a identity. That makes it easier for you to recognize it. Because as you get older, there's more voices. There's your voice that is true to you. But that's buried in the voices of everyone's expectations. And that's buried in the voices of society. And then that's buried in the voices of social media. And then that's buried in the voice of your boss, your team, your friends, whatever it may be. So your voice that you're saying gives you stillness is clouded by all of this noise. And so hearing it and identifying it becomes the biggest challenge.

• 13:47Jay Shetty?

  And so for me, I usually know that it's my voice. Because, and this is true for me, and it may not be true for others. And you've got to find the characteristics that are true for you. For me, usually no one agrees with me. And that makes me go, yeah, that's, I know my voice. Because no one really agrees with me.

• 14:04Speaker 02

  Me too.

• 14:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, right? And it's like, no one agrees with me. Most people are probably gonna think I'm crazy or don't really vibe with it. And I'm probably gonna have to go against the grain. There's gonna be some resistance. That's what I've found with mine.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  One hundred percent.

• 14:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, other people will say, oh, I feel lots of flow and I feel lots of opening doors. Mine's the opposite. I've always felt that my voice means I'm now gonna have to break down doors and fight my way there. And that's just what's worked for me. And I'm just more prepared for it now because I've done it so many times. And, and I mean, we can talk more about, and I'm happy to talk more about more of the stillness that we'd assume is stillness too, if that's important. We can definitely do that.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it's all so important. I love just, you know, my, my favorite thing about having a conversation with anyone who just has mastered the mind and, and continues to be on this quest, right? Because you can master the mind one day and then you wake up and you're like, and sis, you gotta get back to work. It's like this never ending. And I will honestly tell you here in my 40s, I'm like, Is there ever gonna be a day where I just wake up and it's like, you know what? You can just skip this day. For me, I can't.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  I, I have to continue to quite literally like get, go to work inside myself because it has opened up a world beyond anything that I thought could have ever happened for me. And with knowing that it's, it's shifted and changed everything inside of me. And to be able to experience what it shifted in other people, I'm like, this is my work, you know? And it's, it's what has created other beautiful things in my life. But there's actually nothing more important in any day to me. And I, and I really mean this, and I'm a mom and I'm a wife.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  But I can tell you that taking care of my mind first comes, comes before anything else. And if, if I don't, things are just different. I'm just more reactive. I'm not who I know my like purest, highest self to be. And it's, it's just this, you know? It's this never ending, like beautiful journey of literally opening my eyes every day and realizing that even when I don't want to do it, you know?

• 16:50Jay Shetty?

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• 17:33Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the chance to step outside of our routine. Travel is a way of slowing us down and shifting our perspective. And with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card, every journey becomes even more rewarding. Earn four times the points on flights and hotels booked direct. Enjoy access to award-winning airport lounges, three times the points on dining and reserve exclusive tables. Learn more at chase.com/sapphirereserve.

• 18:15Jay Shetty?

  Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, N A member FDIC. Subject to credit approval, terms apply. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. The best habits are the ones we hardly notice, the ones that quietly shape the way we move through life, giving us the confidence to focus on what really matters. That's Mazda's approach to safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with your drive, so you can stay present behind the wheel. That commitment has earned Mazda recognition as Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand.

• 18:59Jay Shetty?

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• 19:24Jay Shetty?

  How did you do that when there's such a societal conditioning for women especially to forgo their own needs for the family, children, partner? I feel so many women feel that. And then it comes with the guilt of I'm putting myself first. What was it for you that, what reframe helped you do that? Because I think so many. People want that, they need it, but then the shame, the guilt,

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:53Jay Shetty?

  the conditioning kind of becomes overwhelming and it's especially true for women.

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:57Jay Shetty?

  Way more than it is for men, like, so where, by the way, that's true for my mom. Like, when I look at my mom's life, everything I was saying, my mom sacrificed everything.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 20:06Jay Shetty?

  For being a nurturer and I've reaped the benefits of that.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 20:09Jay Shetty?

  But at the same time, as now an adult son, all I want is for my mom to have taken out time for herself.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 20:17Jay Shetty?

  Like, that's what my wish was. So I wonder, what was the reframe for you that helped you get to that conviction of you being so clear that your mind is your first priority?

• 20:26Speaker 02

  And like, complete honesty, it's hard to even say without choking up. Um, it is from not growing up in a happy home that I like, will do anything and everything in my power to bring love and happiness and joy and fulfillment into like the energy of my home. And I think when you, when you grow up in a house where there's just mental struggles and, and mental illness and just mental health, you know, it's, it's a, it's

• 21:10Speaker 02

  a battle. And for me, it's just knowing that I could so easily shift in that gear. Like, that is my natural state. I can go there so quick that I know I have to work, I have to work extra hard. And it's not even about hard at this point. It's, it's about this devotion. It's this daily devotion to myself, to my family, to my team, to my community, to any person that I interact with because.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  I've, I know that I want to wake up and operate at a frequency that is at a vibration that I never felt growing up. I, I didn't really know that that was what people felt at home. So it's, it's so like deep, you feel it. It's so deep in my soul that it's, it's like, I, I do it when I don't want to do it because of that.

• 22:16Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful. It's really special. Thank you for sharing.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. So what does your practice look like? Because you're so wise and you know, it's, it's easy to look at someone like yourself and just think like, oh, you have it all. Like, look what you've built. Like, you're the, you know, top health and wellness podcast in the world. You're the, but I think when you like strip back the layers of just being a human, like we, we all have these inner struggles and these things that we're up against and, and some look different for others. So, so what is it with you? Like, what, what and how do you devote to yourself to keep coming back and just stay so connected

• 23:05Speaker 02

  to yourself and your purpose?

• 23:09Jay Shetty?

  One of my favorite practices that I do on a daily and weekly basis is called seeds and weeds. And so when I'm making choices every day, I ask myself whether that choice is a seed or a weed. Am I planting a seed that will one day turn into a beautiful tree and bear fruit, give shade to others and be a beautiful place to rest? Or am I planting a weed which will eventually strangle the newborn tree in its infancy and kill all the things that are good in my garden?

• 23:48Jay Shetty?

  And that simple practice is a practice of evaluating intentions and actions.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 23:57Jay Shetty?

  So when I'm saying yes to something, is my intention my ego? And is my action aligned with that? Or when I'm saying yes to something, is my intention joy and purpose? And is my action aligned with that? And by the way, I've made mistakes on on both of those. And you only learn by planting a weed and a couple of years later, feeling the weed. Grab a hold of it. And even if you did it unconsciously, by the way, sometimes it's not like you consciously made a bad choice. You subconsciously, you unconsciously, you unintentionally did it. But that's why it happened, to teach you, to raise to you.

• 24:36Jay Shetty?

  So now it's very clear to me that I think of seeds as purpose, love, joy, commitment, duty, responsibility, accountability. Those are all seeds. Weeds are ego, jealousy, anger, comparison, lust, illusion. These are all weeds. And we have the ability, just by pausing, to know which one we're watering and which one we're planting. And so I will visualize myself unweeding my garden of my mind. I'll literally visualize myself grabbing hold of the root of a weed and pulling it out

• 25:22Jay Shetty?

  in order to dispose of it from my mind, because that's what it takes. And visualizing myself, and by the way, I'm terrible at gardening, so I have no idea why my brain works this way. But the idea of planting a seed very deeply in the soil and making sure that it has sunlight and water and everything else that it needs. So to me, that practice has been one of the game changers in my life. Because it's something that I can always be honest, and that's all that's required.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  So are you sitting in a meditation first?

• 25:49Jay Shetty?

  When I first started this, I would do it on paper. And so I would literally draw a line down the middle of the page. And on one side, write seeds and one side, write weeds. I then made a list of categories of what seeds are to me, which I just named to you. And then a list of what weeds are to me. And then I would look at the next choice. So the next deal, the next partnership, the next career venture.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 26:14Jay Shetty?

  Whatever it may be. And then I get to be honest with myself. Sometimes I would honestly put in the weed and still do it. Because I was being pulled. But recognizing it was a weed. And sometimes I'd be like, no, it's a weed. Can I upgrade my intention to a seed? Can it be improved? And so it gives you a real map of being able to figure it out. It's almost like looking at a garden and going, well, do I want to plant rose bushes over there? Do I want to plant, you know, whatever else it is? And I like the idea of doing it on paper and writing seeds and weeds on either side. And having a list of seeds and a list of weeds. And then looking at every choice, that's a big choice, a career choice, a relationship choice. It's almost like, am I getting into this relationship?

• 26:59Jay Shetty?

  Because I'm scared of being alone? Or because this person is compatible with my values and vision? Am I staying in this relationship? Because I'm settling for less than I deserve? Because I'm scared if anyone will ever love me? Or am I staying in this relationship? Because I believe we can make it work?

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 27:17Jay Shetty?

  Every single decision, you know, whether it's a seed or weed.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 27:21Jay Shetty?

  But because we think of our decisions as final and fatalistic. We don't talk about them in the right way. Whereas, whereas when you think about a seed and a weed. You realize it's something that can be grown and cut. And so all of a sudden, you approach your life. You realize a seed has a long journey and so does a weed. So if you catch a weed, when it's only got to 50% of your garden. You can still take it out. It's not a decision that can't be changed.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  I love that so much. I'm definitely going to start thinking about that when I'm like in that. You know, when you're just like, but I, but hold on a second. And I think the thing that I've learned in this place.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  When you're maybe not feeling certainty, right? Because we live in such an uncertain world. But the way to really gain certainty is to trust and to go with the thing and to give it a hundred percent of what you have.

• 28:17Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Right? Because that's how you're going to, like certainty is going to come through, whether you made the right decision or the wrong decision.

• 28:24Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely, yeah. And I don't think there is a right or wrong decision. I think there's too much pressure on making the right or wrong decision. But I think that you can choose to make something work for you and make something right if you desire to. I think the wrong decision is just a harder decision. It may come with more discomfort. It may come with more stress. And therefore, we think, oh, I made the wrong decision. But sometimes that leads you to your greatest growth and your greatest lesson. And I think as you're smiling to that, it's like, I think there's a beautiful quote that I love and it says, that I've never seen a strong person with an easy past. And it goes back to what we were saying about children or about raising someone that

• 29:08Jay Shetty?

  by overprotecting and by over coddling, you create something weak.

• 29:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:17Jay Shetty?

  You don't create something strong because it never had to build the resilience or the strength to fight off anything that was bad for it. And so by allowing yourself to make mistakes.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 29:31Jay Shetty?

  But then from that mistake, taking strength can transform everything.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  Everything. As you just said that, it's, I feel like I've, you know, really been in this space of being so conscious of my vocabulary because shifting and really listening to the words that I use have really helped me realize like, wow, I was holding myself back for so many years because of the, the limited beliefs that I was just saying every single day. So as soon as I said that, I swear to you, I was like. There is a different way to say that. But like, that's a beautiful thing, right? Because I think about all of the quote unquote, like, wrong decisions, if you will, that I've made,

• 30:19Speaker 02

  have without a doubt made me the strongest, most resilient version of myself. And also made me realize it's not, it's not, it's not wrong. It's the path that you had to take to get to the right thing for you. Right?

• 30:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. I mean, as you were saying that, I was just thinking, how many people downplayed their wins in order to make other people feel comfortable? How many people will complain about their day just because they know it will make other people feel better?

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:58Jay Shetty?

  How many people will lie about or even make up a relationship issue they have in order to feel more relatable to everyone else? And it's really interesting how quickly we all start creating our own drama and stress and pressure in how we talk to ourselves because we think that's what makes us connect with everyone around us. If someone's gossiping or if I match their frequency, now we can connect over something. If someone's talking bad about someone, if I join in, now we can connect about something. And we all do it. I do it too.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 31:34Jay Shetty?

  But it's what you're saying. It's like, wait a minute, are we raising our frequency? Or are we lowering it? And to me, that goes back to making a choice because every time you lower your frequency, that becomes your frequency. You become more like what you critique. You become more like what you compare. You become more like what you complain about. And all of a sudden, you realize you're becoming all the things you didn't want to be.

• 31:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:56Jay Shetty?

  And it is all about how we talk to ourselves. I think how we talk to ourselves and how we talk to people we love.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Yes. Oh, that's a big one.

• 32:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Being able to recognize the words that you use to the person that is the closest to you. I mean, I feel like that has been one of my biggest awakenings this year too, that, you know, when you're, when I'm like in my zone or just like.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Meditating, that's like one thing for me. Like when I'm, I, it's very verbally communicated in my home because everyone wants mom to meditate because when mom walks in, oh, they're like, that my children, I mean, my husband's like, you didn't meditate yet. And listen, I know people are like, but it shouldn't it completely like change the person that you are. Yes, actually, trust me, you want this. So it's, it's a known thing. And I can feel myself if Noah interrupts me, I'm just like, like the fire, but I'm just softening those edges and learning

• 33:08Speaker 02

  that like, there is a way to not be so snappy.

• 33:20Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favorite podcast. Choose a cellar or Northeast Regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one hour workout to build

• 34:04Jay Shetty?

  strength, burn fat, and build muscle with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangetheory.com/OnPurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage in studio for details. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 34:47Jay Shetty?

  Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 35:07Jay Shetty?

  You're reminding me of an experience I had when I lived as a monk for three years. There was a one train journey we went on that was around somewhere between two to three days. There was a journey from North India to South India. And when you're a monk, you don't, you travel generally by train, especially when you're in a country and

• 35:28Speaker 02

  With a backpack, right?

• 35:29Jay Shetty?

  With a backpack.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  Tiny little.

• 35:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, totally. And it takes like two to three days to get to the south. We were going on a pilgrimage. And so I get on this train and you know, I'm born and raised in London, like the the tube in London is amazing. And the trains in London are amazing. And the trains in India, when you're a monk, you're not, there is no such thing as coach. It's like whatever's less than coach. And I'm not kidding you, I got on this train and I went to use the restroom and for anyone who's been to India back in the day and that train still had it that way, the the bathroom is not a toilet that you'd find in a western home.

• 36:10Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:10Jay Shetty?

  It's a hole in the floor.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  I've heard.

• 36:12Jay Shetty?

  And I walked in and it was the the whole bathroom and the train was so filthy. We just got on the train. It was so filthy that I decided to fast for two to three days because I didn't want to use it. I just didn't want to go in there. So I'm on this train and the train's chaotic. I thought I had a seat, but there is no assigned seating. Everyone's sitting everywhere. There's people sitting on the floor. There's people sitting on the chair. And I told my monk teacher, I said, I think when we stop, because it was a long haul train, the stops would be like 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes at a station. They weren't these quick stops. And so I said to him, I said, you know what? During the next, you know, time on this train, I'm going to get off the train,

• 36:55Jay Shetty?

  meditate somewhere near the station and then jump back on the train. And I just want you to know that. And he asked me why? And I said, well, because it's more peaceful. Like I would jump off and I'd find somewhere in the corner of a station. I'd say it's more peaceful than the train because the train is just chaotic. There's people everywhere and there's nobody to sit. And he saw me do this a few times and then he sat me down and he said to me, he said, Jay, do you think life is going to be peaceful like the stop or chaotic like the train?

• 37:25Jay Shetty?

  And I said, I think it's going to be both, but I think it's going to be more like the train. And he said, yeah, that's why you need to learn how to meditate on the train. And it was just a really great lesson because that idea of just, I was looking for peace to create peace. And his point was, don't look for peace to create peace. Find peace in the chaos because then you've really found peace. And so I remember meditating on that train in the middle of crowds, people getting on and off, people sleeping where I was meant to be sitting. And that's what's given me the ability to what you were just saying, to meditate in the back of an Uber, to meditate on a plane, to meditate wherever you are, because that's the skill you were trying to develop.

• 38:09Jay Shetty?

  And so I think sometimes when I'm being disturbed during meditation, I see it as the best thing that could happen because that's the test of can I really lock in?

• 38:20Speaker 02

  It's so true. And like, you know, when you're like real, you know, every time I meditate, I'm not transcending energy, but sometimes you you really are. And I specifically in that very moment was, but I chose to.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  See what my husband needed and I, I really, it's such a vivid moment because I saw a version of myself that I've created show up in a way that I've always wanted to. And it's, it was so subtle, but I do think in relationships especially, like these are the things that keep you together.

• 39:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Respectfully talking to your partner and you know, I feel like there's like, I want to go in two directions with you right now because I'm like, okay, I want to think more like a monk, but like, how does a monk meditate? Is it TM? Like, tell me exactly? How do you meditate?

• 39:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. So I have three meditation practices.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 39:20Jay Shetty?

  You'll be aware of some of them or maybe all of them. The first is breath work.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:24Jay Shetty?

  And I think you and your audience and community will know so much about this and it's as simple as that. For me, breath work is how I start my day. Because to me, breath is at the core of everything. I remember when I was at my first day of being a monk and I was watching a young monk teach these children monks how to do something at their first day of school. So I went and watched and I asked him what he was teaching them and he said, I was teaching them how to breathe. And he said, what did you learn on your first day of school? And I said, one, two, three, A, B, C, I don't know. And he said, well, here we teach them how to breathe because we believe

• 40:06Jay Shetty?

  that the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath. And he said, your breath is connected to every emotion you experience in life. So what changes when you're happy? Your breath. What changes when you're sad? Your breath. What changes when you're joyful? Your breath. What changes when you're crying? Your breath. And he said, every emotion under the sun is connected to your breath. So if you learn to navigate your breath, you'll know how to navigate life. He was 10 years old and I couldn't believe just how powerful it was. And so to me, our day is dictated by the quality of our breath.

• 40:48Jay Shetty?

  And for anyone who works out, you know, if you're breathing right, you can lift heavier, you can push harder. If you cold plunge, you can stay in there longer. You can deal with so much. Your body can push it to limits if you're breathing properly. The athletes that we all admire can push themselves because they're breathing properly. The musicians who sing at the top of their lungs or play wind instruments beautifully can do that because they're breathing properly. Your breath, whether you look at it through science or spirituality, is deeply connected to human performance. If you're out of energy, you can change it with your breath.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  So true.

• 41:23Jay Shetty?

  Right? You can transform everything.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  Everything.

• 41:25Jay Shetty?

  And so to me, starting your day with breath work is life changing. And, you know, whatever practice you do, for me, it's usually aligning my breath and my body. So it's breathing in.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Can we do it?

• 41:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. Oh, I'd love to.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  I just literally felt it.

• 41:40Jay Shetty?

  Of course, let's do it. I love it. Yeah, absolutely. So. And I'm always being careful because I don't like to tell people something they already know and doing and stuff.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  No, I just love it.

• 41:51Jay Shetty?

  So what I like to do is, what I find is when you wake up in the morning, we all experience one of two things. Your body's ahead of your mind. So your body's running around and your mind is saying, I wish we were still in bed. Or you're experiencing the opposite. Your mind is racing around and your body's saying, I wish we were still in bed. So this practice aligns your body and mind. You're now bringing them both together so that they can be collaborative partners for the day, rather than live in this stress and tension the whole day competing for your energy and your attention. And so it's as simple as we're going to take an inhale. I'm going to count. And we're going to inhale for a count of four, and we're going to exhale for a count of four.

• 42:35Jay Shetty?

  It's as simple as that. And the goal is to align your personal pace of counting for your breath with your breath. So you're aligning your breath and your body. You're breathing in at the same pace as you're counting in your mind. So breathe in for a count of four.

• 42:53Jay Shetty?

  And out for four.

• 43:00Jay Shetty?

  Inhale, two, three, four.

• 43:07Jay Shetty?

  Exhale, two, three, four.

• 43:13Jay Shetty?

  Remember, in your own pace, at your own time. Inhale, two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four.

• 43:29Jay Shetty?

  Aligning your breath and your body.

• 43:33Jay Shetty?

  Not letting your mind run ahead. Or your body feel like it's being left behind.

• 43:42Jay Shetty?

  The goal is not to do this for as long as you can, or as expertly as you can. It's to inhale at the same pace that your mind counts. And exhale at the same pace that your mind counts. One last time. Inhale, two, three, four. Exhale, two, three, four.

• 44:24Jay Shetty?

  And so that simple practice is how I like to start my day. Because your body and mind are competing all day. Your body's saying, "I wish we were still in bed." Your mind's saying, "I wish we were doing more. I wish we were more productive." Your body's saying, "I wish I had more energy." So you're constantly living in this, inside your head, where there's this competition. And here, you're just saying, "Hey, I see you both."

• 44:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:49Jay Shetty?

  "I feel you both."

• 44:50Speaker 02

  I love how you align the two like that. Because I love, like, I mean, I do, and I share so many different versions. But the way that you, like, as soon as you said, like, aligning and not letting the pace of your breath, like, be, let your body be with it, like, you could feel in immediate.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  Like just alignment.

• 45:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, if you think about anxiety in your mind, what happens, your breath gets shallower and it gets faster. So that means your mind is directly connected to your body. Now what's happening is your mind is moving fast. It's forcing your body to move fast. But that's not helping your body because we know shallow and fast breathing is not ideal. So now we're trying to deepen our breath, we're trying to slow it down. And so when we're trying to bring both into alignment, you end up being able to do that as your day shifts and changes. So if there's anxiety, there's stress, you're able to remember, oh, wait a minute, I just need to bring them both back into alignment at a slower pace. That's actually going to help me. And so I love that.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  It changes everything. I mean, it's changed my life. It's just like the one practice and I've been really deepening my nasal breathing. So I used to, and I still do a lot of breath work with, you know, in through the nose, out through the mouth, or just many different cycles in series of breath work. But I find that almost like the softer, just like deep, long, slow inhale through your nose. And then that slow, long, deep exhale out through my nose. Wow, like just like the subtlety

• 46:31Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  of just like dropping in deeper and like really breathing into all of your diaphragm.

• 46:39Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  Like.

• 46:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and sometimes if it helps people, I always say, put your left palm on your stomach. And when you breathe in, feel your stomach come out. And when you breathe out, feel your stomach go in. That's how you know that you're doing it right, if there is a right. And that definitely helps for sure.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  It does.

• 46:57Jay Shetty?

  Because we're all breathing up here in our chest and our heart.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:59Jay Shetty?

  There's only so much you can breathe in when you're using that part of your body. So I'll usually start with that. The second form of meditation that I love is visualization. And I practice this almost on a daily basis. And the reason this is so important to me is because I think today, when we think about visualization, people think about visualizing the result or success or the podium or where we wanna be. And those things are beautiful, but that's, that's not what I'm doing. What I'm visualizing is the process to get there. So I'll visualize what I have in my day. So I knew I was gonna see you today. I knew I was gonna see a few other people today.

• 47:42Jay Shetty?

  And I'll visualize meeting that person. If I've seen them before, I'll visualize them in my mind's eye. If I've never seen them before, I'll visualize wherever I'm going, a bit more generically. And I visualize how I wanna show up. I don't visualize how successful it is. I don't visualize it being the best thing I've ever done. I visualize how I wanna show up, what energy I wanna walk in with. Because I find what you're doing is almost a dress rehearsal in your mind. But you don't get to do that in life. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. You have to live it in real time. It's always live. And when you're living always live, you can kind of just run from one thing to the next.

• 48:22Jay Shetty?

  So when I visualize my day, I get to already live there with that person the way I want to. So when I walk through that door, I'm living in that space. So I've had the time to rehearse. I've had the time to prepare myself. I've had the time to prime myself, to set my intention of who I wanna be and how I wanna show up. And now I don't leave a space thinking, I wish I said that. I wish I wasn't so rushed when I walked in. I wish all those regrets that we have, all those things we should have done, could have done, would have done. You've tested them out in your rehearsal. And you may not deliver them perfectly as you did in your rehearsal, but there's a presence. There's a priming. And I find that that takes like three minutes to do.

• 49:07Jay Shetty?

  But it's one of my favorite things. I'll do it before I go on stage. I'll do it before an interview. I'll do it before a meeting. I'll do it before a presentation. So this is something I recommend everyone does. And you're just visualizing, where am I gonna stand? How am I gonna walk on? What do I wanna be thinking about when I walk on? And I found this to be especially useful for things you find difficult. I remember a few years ago. A client of mine said to me, tomorrow we're going skydiving. And this was at a point in my life where I never ever wanted to go skydiving. And I didn't wanna look like a chicken, so I said, yes. I said, sure, we'll go skydiving tomorrow. I felt the peer pressure and I succumbed to it.

• 49:51Jay Shetty?

  And so that day, I watched videos of people skydiving. And I watched on YouTube now, you can search everything. So I'm watching people going up in the plane and jumping out. And every time in my visualization, I felt sick. I literally felt it in my stomach. I can't right now. And I've literally experienced it. And what I found is on the seventh time of visualizing it, I didn't feel sick again. And the next day, when I went up in the plane and jumped on the plane, I didn't feel sick at all. Because you've primed your body through visualization to have that experience. When you look at the best athletes in the world, I had the honor of interviewing Lewis Hamilton, who drives a car at like 180 miles per hour or whatever it is.

• 50:34Jay Shetty?

  He visualizes the night before, not winning and being on the podium and lifting a trophy. He visualizes taking each turn. He visualizes how fast he's moving in that moment. He visualizes how it feels in his body when he takes a turn at a certain speed. He's not doing this, now he has a simulator and things like that, but he's doing this with his eyes closed for years while he's training. When you look at David Beckham, who scored so many iconic goals in his career, he would visualize kicking a ball in a specific way so that it curves in a perfect way so that it hits the top corner of the goal. He's not just visualizing winning the game,

• 51:14Jay Shetty?

  it's visualizing his process. And so I encourage people to visualize how you wanna wake up. I often ask people, visualize and rehearse at 7:00 PM the night before, how you wanna wake up.

• 51:29Jay Shetty?

  So go through your morning. So imagine it's seven AM, five AM, six AM, whatever time you want to wake up. When you wake up, what do you want to feel when your feet hit the floor? Maybe your bedroom floor is too hard and you actually want a nice cushy rug to make you feel more comfortable. Maybe you want your slippers right there. Maybe when you walk outside, you actually gonna, every day you convince yourself not to work out because your workout clothes are not already ready. Your sneakers are not already ready placed at the door that you're gonna go out to the gym. If you rehearsed that before in your visualization in the night before, or even a week before, you're now primed to know how your mind's gonna trip you up at every step.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm so here right now.

• 52:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so you can use it for anything. So I'll do that with clients. I'll literally walk through their morning routine with them at night or the day before or the week before and go, what are you gonna wish was there? What is your mind gonna say when you're in the bathroom brushing your teeth? Let's write a post-it note that tells you the exact opposite so that you can prime your mind for it. Because we can train our mind.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Oh, absolutely. I was so like what you just did for me because we all have our process, right? And I think like this is the beauty of these moments to be able to connect with people who just make you think differently. That's what I think life is all about. And surrounding yourself with someone who just gives you that, like you just gave me so much inspiration for, even just like before the podcast, I think before speaking is a big one. I always say a prayer and I get really, really grounded in myself and I find that that helps me move with love. It helps me move literally like with my heart.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  And I just, I felt like what you just painted, because it was so vivid for me, that can help you just

• 53:25Speaker 02

  set it up in a way where like you don't have to be so scared of it.

• 53:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  You know, because like waking up the next, that's like a big thing for people. Like getting out of, I think that's the hardest thing in the world for people to master is getting out of bed earlier than you want to.

• 53:50Jay Shetty?

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• 54:35Jay Shetty?

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• 55:20Jay Shetty?

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• 55:29Speaker 04

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• 56:07Jay Shetty?

  And, and you have to rehearse it when you're not getting up. Because when you're doing it in the moment you're getting up, your mind's gonna beat you. Because everything you didn't spot, because you didn't rehearse, is now gonna come at you. Whether it's the thought in your head. So the first thought in your head is, I'm gonna snooze, right? Remove the ability to snooze. Keep your alarm clock on the other side of the room. Now, you knew that the night before, so you set it off. So the next morning, you had to wake up to turn it off, right? So you figured that out, so you're not losing in the morning to your mind. You're actually winning and owning your mind and getting that. So that's my second practice of visualizing. And then the third practice, which is the longest part of my practice, is mantra meditation,

• 56:50Jay Shetty?

  which is the repetition of sacred sound. And so, in the Vedas and the teachings of the East, sacred sounds are considered to have frequency and potency to connect you to your higher self, to connect you to source, to connect you to God and divinity. And those names, those words, they're almost like affirmations. They just happen to be in Sanskrit, which is an ancient Indian language, one of the oldest languages in the world, if not the most. And that connects you back to the beginning of creation. So when you think about, when we hear the word om, which everyone's so familiar with today, om is considered the starting syllable of the universe.

• 57:33Jay Shetty?

  It's considered to be the first ever sound that existed. And so, when you're chanting that mantra, which many people do, that mantra reconnects you to that inception, to that beginning, to that moment. And so, there's a... The way I like people to think about it is, when you hear certain music, it makes you dance. When you hear certain music, it makes you cry. When you hear certain music, it makes you nostalgic. Sound takes you back. And sound reveals images. When you hear a song, you can remember a party you're at. You can remember a moment you shared with your partner, a moment your child was born, whatever that sound does. So when you speak or listen, you can then visualize, you can see, you can

• 58:17Jay Shetty?

  experience. And the name is the beginning of that. And so I'll practice mantra meditation as the core part of my practice.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  And you say like, um, or is it internal?

• 58:28Jay Shetty?

  It's loud enough so that I can hear it.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  So it's you're putting a sound on?

• 58:32Jay Shetty?

  Oh, no, I'll repeat it with my own.

• 58:34Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 58:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'll repeat it with my own lips. And it can be different names. There's so many different names in our tradition of Krishna is the name for the divine, which is the name of the all attractive. Rama means the reservoir of all pleasure, which is another name for the divine. And so these are all beautiful names that could be repeated and that connect you to that. And what you're basically saying is, use me in your service. That's the request of the prayer is, use me in your service, use me to do your work, make me a true vessel and instrument in your hand, and allow me to, you know, experience you every moment of every day. And that's the real request, the real intention behind it.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Have you visualized yourself before you got to where you are today? Like, have you known that this was going to be your power and your strength?

• 59:35Jay Shetty?

  I hope this helps when I say it to people because I don't think, I've had different moments in my life where I had different dreams, but I don't think I ever believed it was possible. And what I'm living today is so far beyond my imagination.

• 59:52Jay Shetty?

  Is what made me realize that there is a far greater plan for each of us than we even know. And you think your plan is good. And that's your biggest mistake. Our biggest mistake is that we think our plan is good. And so we hold on tightly to our plan. And when life doesn't go to plan, we think it's going wrong. Not realizing that there is a far great. Not realizing that there is a far greater, far better, far more profound plan that exists for us, but you only get it if you let go of yours. So at one point, my master plan was to live as a monk for the rest of my life. And when I left, it was the most embarrassing, humiliating, challenging thing that I had been through for myself.

• 1:00:37Jay Shetty?

  Why? Because I had told my family that this is what I was gonna do for the rest of my life. And my family had warned me and said, when you leave, no one's gonna give you a job. When you leave, it could be the worst decision you ever made. You're gonna waste three years of your life, you're gonna be behind everyone else, whatever it is. And when I left, I felt that all of that was true. When I left, I was rejected from forty companies. No one would give me an interview, let alone a job. Because surprise, surprise, who wants to hire a former monk? Like, what are your transferable skills? Oh my god, I do. Sitting still or being silent, you know. You know me? Yeah, I'd love to come and work with you. But that wasn't an option. Like, companies in twenty thirteen were not thinking about this.

• 1:01:19Jay Shetty?

  So when I came out, it almost felt that everything those people said when I went in was true. And I had to sit with that and reconfigure that. And so I hope it helps people to realize that I didn't have this vision for myself. So even if you don't have a vision for your greatest self right now, it doesn't mean it's not possible. And I don't want you to think you have to dream big or think big in order to kick it off. I would actually suggest you just start it small. When I started this, I was grateful if two people showed up. And that's what it was like for many, many years. When I did my first ever talk. Zero people showed up. And then the second time I did it, zero people showed up.

• 1:02:02Jay Shetty?

  And I just practiced my talk in an empty room. And then the third time I did it, two people showed up. And then the fourth time was ten. And for years of my life, ten years before I ever made a video, the largest audience I potentially had was, if I was lucky, a hundred. And that was incredible to me. That was mind blowing, like that was so special. It wasn't this feeling of, oh, a hundred's not enough. And I think that's kind of where we've got to now, where you're so overexposed to these numbers of million and billion and, you know, tens of millions of views and tens of millions of downloads, that you don't even have the opportunity to be grateful for ten views. I come from a time when I was just grateful if one person turned up.

• 1:02:44Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's what the universe reciprocates with, that when you're grateful that one person turns up, you get the opportunity to serve a hundred. You get the opportunity to serve a million. But if you're constantly living in my visions bigger, I want more for myself. I I'm not convinced that that leads to a happier, more fulfilled journey. It may lead to success. But even today, when I'm speaking to large groups of people, I'll often just remember speaking to a group of three people in a room. Because that's how I want it to feel. Even if it isn't what I'm, isn't my reality anymore. I want everyone in that room to feel I'm looking right at them and I'm there with them because I am. And I could do that in a room of three.

• 1:03:27Jay Shetty?

  And so I have to recreate that for myself.

• 1:03:30Speaker 02

  That's so powerful. I, when I started, it was in my living room on my phone. And to this day, every single time I film anything, I still feel that that's like, that's where I am. And like, I'm, I'm still connecting to like, you know, that smaller community at that time. Because I think when you move through life from this.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  True state of appreciation and gratitude for like what it is right now. The abundance that comes, and I, I mean, clearly, right? It's like looking at what you're doing in the world, the, the guests who you have had these incredible conversations with. You know, it's like, I would wonder, I'm like, what, what is your, like, what is your deepest desire? Like, what is something that in this moment in your life right now is bringing you the most fulfillment?

• 1:04:38Jay Shetty?

  My deepest desire genuinely is to use up everything that I've been given in the service of others. Like, if I could just completely, completely run dry and empty and leave it all, that would be perfect. And that if I could use every gift that I've been given in the service of others, that would be my deepest joy. Because I feel like I've been given so much, I'm so fortunate. And I feel a responsibility with that, but I feel the need to reciprocate with that. And that isn't to say my life's been easy, or it's been a straight path, or any of that, for sure.

• 1:05:17Jay Shetty?

  But there's, there's a feeling I have of, I have a lot to give and, and I wanna be able to give it all. And then what's bringing me the greatest joy right now? I mean, nothing brings me the great, greater joy than being with my wife. I love her, she's just like.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  I love her. I was ending with her.

• 1:05:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, my, my wife is like, I, she is joy.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  She's joy.

• 1:05:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, she's joy personified. And so any moment I get to see her smile, or get to hang out with her, or get to just, you know, be with her, that's like magic. And I'm lucky because, yeah, it's just, she's, she's always like that. And she hates when I say that, because she's like, I'm not always like that. I'm like, no, you are, to me at least, I have more mood swings than you do. And, and she's just, yeah, she's just so steady and her joy, and she works for it. It's not, she, she has practices, she has habits, she has everything else. Like, it's definitely comes from her amazing parents and upbringing and everything. But it also comes from her investment in wanting to do that. And so, yeah, anytime I'm with her, I feel, it gives me the greatest joy.

• 1:06:21Jay Shetty?

  Uh, from a work point of view, I get the greatest joy from. Constantly trying to see what's possible. I live in this, I live in this ultimate realm of possibility. Because I come from, as I said earlier, not believing anything was possible to now living like, well, let me see what's possible. And so I get the greatest joy from trying things that are so far out of my comfort zone, that are so far reaching, that are things that I only could have dreamt of once upon a time, or maybe wouldn't even have dreamt of. And now I'm like, well, it's all bonus world. Like when people say to me like, oh, don't you just, aren't you happy with what you're doing? I'm like, yeah, I love what I'm doing, but there's more to give and there's more to experience and there's more to live.

• 1:07:06Jay Shetty?

  And so why not? And it's not safe, it's risky and everything else, but I love it. That's what life's for, like.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  It's fun.

• 1:07:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's fun, yeah. I love feeling nervous.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  I love it. It's the best feeling in the world when you're like, I don't like, someone's like, but what if? And you're like, but why not?

• 1:07:25Jay Shetty?

  Why not?

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  Just test it and try it.

• 1:07:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and you don't feel that at the start and that's fine. Like at the start, you're just like, all right, I just need to start small and figure it out.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 1:07:34Jay Shetty?

  But then, once you've done that, I think you have to get to a point where you just go, well, now let's just give everything a go, you know?

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, oh, what beautiful answers. I love your wife. She is such a radiant being. I've never met her, but equally.

• 1:07:50Jay Shetty?

  You guys would love each other.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  Love each other.

• 1:07:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you guys would definitely.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  I feel like we're friends.

• 1:07:53Jay Shetty?

  I want you both to meet, yeah. I want you both to meet each other and be friends. I think you'd be great friends.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  We need to. The last time she was here, we, we, our schedules couldn't connect, but we will, we'll make, you'll make it happen.

• 1:08:04Jay Shetty?

  Yes, I will make it happen.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  But that's just so beautiful. I mean, it's, at the, at the end of the day, it's all about the love that we have in our life and the love that we have to share and the love that we have to give and the love that we experience with the people closest to us. And, you know, I mean, you wrote an entire book on the lessons of love. Can you just give us, you've been with your wife for a long time?

• 1:08:34Jay Shetty?

  We've been together for 12 years and married for nine.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  It's a long time.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Through marriage and just, you know, I think the longevity of being with someone for so like, it's like you, you start, you literally marry so many different versions within those years. Right? I mean, my husband had no idea what he was getting himself into. None. I'm like, did you think he's like, no?

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  He's like, I knew there was greatness, but like, I didn't know it was gonna be this great. Which is, it's a beautiful thing.

• 1:09:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  Like, how does, how do you stay so connected with your wife?

• 1:09:17Jay Shetty?

  This is reciprocal and mutual, and that's why it's so powerful. The first is

• 1:09:24Jay Shetty?

  when you love someone and if someone loves you, they never use your wounds against you. So they never use your vulnerability as a weapon. So if you've opened up to them, they don't use that to shut you down. If you've shared a deep part of yourself, they don't expose it in a shallow way. If you've

• 1:09:53Jay Shetty?

  shared your heart, they don't treat it harshly. If someone loves you, they say to you, I know you told me this was sacred and so I'll hold it gently. And when I think about my wife, I can't think of a moment where I felt judged by my wife.

• 1:10:15Speaker 02

  Uh oh.

• 1:10:16Jay Shetty?

  And that is so freeing. It is the most freeing thing in the world because I think everyone in the world is judging you constantly. And to not have that at home.

• 1:10:29Jay Shetty?

  That doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better sometimes or whatever, like, yeah. Doesn't mean she doesn't want me to be better at things or doesn't want me to improve or doesn't challenge me.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:37Jay Shetty?

  She does all of those things. And she, she checks me, she humbles me. She does all of those things.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  I can see her doing that.

• 1:10:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, for sure. She roasts me. I mean, my, if anyone, I haven't seen any of mine in my wife's stuff.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  I love her roasting.

• 1:10:47Jay Shetty?

  Everyone knows she is not scared to do any of that. But I never feel judged by her.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's different.

• 1:10:52Jay Shetty?

  And it's different. It's different. Judged means

• 1:10:56Jay Shetty?

  I want to change this about you. I want to control this about you. I really dislike this about you. And it's a pressure that we carry in our relationships that pushes someone away, doesn't bring them closer. So that's been a big one for me. I've always felt that.

• 1:11:17Jay Shetty?

  And then, by the way, it's the same for her. I don't judge her either. Yeah.

• 1:11:22Jay Shetty?

  Another thing that's been really beautiful that leads on from that is if someone loves you, they won't try to change you. They accept everything that you bring. They may not love everything. Yeah. But they accept it. And what they really try and do is they really try and understand how that makes you you. So I'll give an example. If I was less ambitious, I think I'd be less attractive to my wife because she married me because that's who I was. That's my drive. Now, I'm not saying she's attracted to my ambition, but she's attracted to a version of me where ambition is core to who I am.

• 1:12:07Jay Shetty?

  So even if that's not what she's attracted to, that makes me who I am. And when I think about my wife, family and connection for her are what makes her who she is. And so in the first few years of our marriage, and even now, my wife will take any opportunities she can to fly back to London to be with her family. And I know that's her number one priority. And I don't want to change that. I don't want to compete with that. I don't want to compare that to something else because that's what makes her who she is. And I think often in relationships, we take away what makes our partner the person we first fell in love with. We want to change the very thing that made them attractive to us in the first place.

• 1:12:51Jay Shetty?

  It's like if someone was with you and was like, I don't want you to do all this meditation stuff anymore. It's just not, it's just woo woo. Like it doesn't make sense to me. It's like, well, wait a minute, like, that's who I am. Right, sorry, what was that?

• 1:13:03Speaker 02

  Be like, peace.

• 1:13:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly, because that's who you are.

• 1:13:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:07Jay Shetty?

  But if someone just suddenly sprung that on you because they're like, well, now I'm just tired of hearing about it and it's not enough. And, and I think everyone's experienced that version of that.

• 1:13:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:15Jay Shetty?

  Where a part of their identity was being questioned or taken away as opposed to being thought about. And I think people go through this with their careers where you married someone who was a full-on career person. That's who they are.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Jay Shetty?

  They're not suddenly just going to slow down and shift all their priorities. And if you want that, then you can't have the other part of it too. That's who they are. And so I think a lot of the time, we get into relationships wanting to change our partners and they get into a relationship with us, never wanting us to change.

• 1:13:48Speaker 02

  I feel like that is me and Noah.

• 1:13:50Jay Shetty?

  And it's like, they're like, please don't change. And you're like, please change. And then, and then you're like, wait a minute, like, why are you trying to change me? And they're like, why don't you want to change, you know? And it's, and, and the truth is, you're never going to change anyone anyway. So why waste your time?

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. First of all, what you said, I was so deeply heartfelt about your wife. And I feel like with me making the like, oh, I didn't even mean to like, interrupt that moment.

• 1:14:15Jay Shetty?

  You didn't.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Because it was so beautiful and you, you can really feel that when you're in a partnership with someone who has your, like, your full embrace, right? Now, on the flip, everything you just said has been me in every single relationship that I've been in, even with my husband. I can own that. However, through my own transformation and being able to like, see my stuff and to see that control is something that has always stood in the way of, of everything for me

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  and, and really surrendering to it. And like, you know, I'm in wellness. I married someone in nightlife. Like, you don't get more polar opposite than this, okay? And, you know, here I am and I'm like, well, why aren't you meditating and you're staying out so late? And then you, you do have to have these moments where I'm like, well, I knew this.

• 1:15:17Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  So what you just said, I wanted to change him. He didn't want me to. And then, then I blossom like this butterfly.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  And I have gotten to this place where it's still a daily practice of not, not saying something in that moment, because what is it that I'm trying to say? Change the way in which, and I think and know that is why I've been with my husband for 15 years, because I've been able to recognize that for a good half of our, you know, partnership, I was very much fully thought that I could just get him in a meditation pose and like, this is going to be it. Now, the more that I let go and I don't nag and

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  I don't passive aggressively say things. I used to be like that. Still, you know, we still work on the moments where it's coming out. He meditates.

• 1:16:18Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:16:19Speaker 02

  He's doing the things from his own free will. And I think that that's like the dance, right? Of being the embodiment of what you would love to see within others that you love.

• 1:16:34Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:16:34Speaker 02

  Right?

• 1:16:35Jay Shetty?

  When I, when I met my wife, my wife has always had a great commitment to working out. And when we met, I was like, I'm mastering the mind. I don't really care about the body.

• 1:16:48Jay Shetty?

  And she's a dietitian, nutritionist, you know, Ayurvedic health counselor, like she's totally about food, nutrients, body, like everything. And she never made me feel bad that I didn't work out. All I saw was someone who worked out five days a week, seven days a week, committed to it, invested in her mental health. And it was just inspiring. And she also presented it to me in a way that would reach my goals. So she'd always say to me, she said, you really care about being efficient and effective and productive. She said, if you worked out, you'd be so much more productive. Your mind would be on another level. And I was like, yeah, I'm sold.

• 1:17:33Jay Shetty?

  Like, if it can help me do that, then I'm in. And so I started working out consistently because I could see why it helped me reach my goals, not her goals. And I think often when we're encouraging our partners to do something, we're like, well, if you meditated, you'd be calm like me. And they're like, well, you're not calm right now, so I don't even believe you. And, and I feel that happens a lot in personal growth and self-development. Where people will say, oh, my partner doesn't meditate and they don't pray and they don't work out. They don't take care of their own health and they don't do all of this. And it's like, well, you just sound like you're complaining and nagging. And actually, if you just did it and you did it committedly for yourself, that person is gonna feel inspired, like, like your husband is.

• 1:18:17Jay Shetty?

  And I'm sure seeing him has inspired you in certain ways.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  To become a boss.

• 1:18:21Jay Shetty?

  Right, exactly, right. So you've seen that in him. And by the way, it's same for me and my wife as well. It's not just one way, this happens both ways. And so I've become healthier because of my wife. I check every ingredient list because of my wife. I know, I know so much about health that I didn't know because of my wife. I work out five times a week because of my wife, but she never had to force me to do it. And if she did, I probably would have been turned away because all of us have a little kid inside of us that doesn't wanna do the thing we're told to do. So most of us are acting like parents, our partners end up acting like kids. And now we're also playing that role. And by the way, what does that do? That takes the love, it takes the romance out, it takes the connection out, because now you're mirroring parent-child.

• 1:19:04Jay Shetty?

  Whereas if you just set the example, they get to either rise to that or they choose when they want to, and now you're partners. And so when you're mimicking parent-child, you're taking out romance, love, attraction, joy. All of the stuff that actually made you fall in love in the first place.

• 1:19:19Speaker 02

  Oh, it's so true. It's so good.

• 1:19:22Jay Shetty?

  It's it's real. And by the way, of course, like me and my wife are passive aggressive. We we we yeah, digs all like, oh, of course, we're real, we're human, but judgment I put at a very high. I feel like your partner has to be a safe place where they could be everything they need to be in front of you and with you.

• 1:19:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:39Jay Shetty?

  Again, not that not if it's exploitative, abusive, or of course, like, those are very obvious boundaries, but I want to be able to admit my weaknesses to my wife and not feel judged for them. You know, like that, I need that, like, who else am I gonna go to?

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:54Jay Shetty?

  If I can't go to you, where am I gonna go?

• 1:19:56Speaker 02

  Then what are you doing?

• 1:19:57Jay Shetty?

  What are we doing?

• 1:19:57Speaker 02

  And I think that that's like, just a a life moment to look at with everything that you're doing, by the way. With like, where you're spending your time, what you're doing for your career, if you're not

• 1:20:13Speaker 02

  loving it and you're not feeling a way that you want to feel like you visualize when you wake up in the morning. Then what's the point?

• 1:20:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:20:22Jay Shetty?

  And it comes with lots of hard conversations. I've

• 1:20:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:27Jay Shetty?

  I've always said to my wife that I never want to live a day without love. And so if she ever falls out of love with me, just tell me. Because I can't bear to live without love. It's just not what I've signed up for. I really believe I deserve love. I really believe I'm worthy of love. And it's something I want to have for the rest of my life. And I don't want to waste any time not feeling it. And it's hard. It's a hard conversation to have, but it's real.

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:56Jay Shetty?

  Because that's what I want in life. I wouldn't. It's almost like I wouldn't compromise on my career.

• 1:21:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:01Jay Shetty?

  I wouldn't compromise on that trajectory. I wouldn't compromise on anything in that space. So why are we doing it in love? It's like the deepest part of life.

• 1:21:11Speaker 02

  It's the meaning of it all.

• 1:21:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:14Speaker 02

  Well, Jay, I have to say, you know, you meet so many people in this space and you are just one of those humans that when you can like sit in a room with you. You know, some people, it's like. And I absolutely love everything you're doing, but you, like, I'm just like, you're even better, if it could even be, like, you're just so, no, I really mean that. I loved this conversation and whenever I think about a guest and I, I don't even loved outlines

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  and things because I really want it to be what happened here today. And I think it's just better than anything that I could have prepared for or planned. And you're just so pure and I just loved this conversation.

• 1:22:12Jay Shetty?

  The same is true for you. And I'm not just saying that because we're here, but you know, when you're running around doing lots of this stuff, there's very few people that just have the ability to make everything slow down. And you do that. And I felt that, sitting with you today, I want to do this with you offline lots more.

• 1:22:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:30Jay Shetty?

  And I don't know, yeah, I just feel like you were able to create an energetic space and force field around us today that I've definitely felt just being with you here. And it's such a genuine, sincere, calming place to be. And I felt so natural and comfortable and raw and vulnerable in a healthy way. And it's a beautiful energy that you've crafted and curated here. So thank you for doing that. And thank you for giving me this opportunity. And how lucky are we that we get to do this and call it work? And thanks, thank you to everyone who's been listening all the way up until now, if you're still listening, because, you know, you give us the opportunity to do this. I feel so grateful that people care to listen and care to connect.

• 1:23:13Jay Shetty?

  And yeah, and I hope this has reminded you that your, what's planned for you is way greater than your plan. And sometimes just taking a tiny, small step forward is enough.

• 1:23:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:31Jay Shetty?

  And that we're all human and still figuring it out, me included. I haven't got everything figured out and not everything's perfect, but just trying to plant more seeds.

• 1:23:40Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:23:41Jay Shetty?

  That's all I'm trying to do and watch out for those weeds.

• 1:23:45Speaker 02

  So beautiful. You planted such a seed in me today. You just posted something on Instagram and I was like, oh, hold on, he's going to 15 places. And then I swiped and you're actually going to how many? Because I was like, how are you, is it 15?

• 1:24:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you're right. 15. Yeah.

• 1:24:01Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 1:24:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's 15.

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  Okay, because I was counting and then I was like, did I get lost? Like, how are we doing all of this?

• 1:24:07Jay Shetty?

  No, uh, two years ago, we went on a world tour and nearly did 40 cities across the world.

• 1:24:11Speaker 02

  Forty?

• 1:24:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, this is 15 across North America and Canada. And I'm so excited because I feel like, you know, it's been six years of on purpose. Millions of people been listening, hundreds of millions of people have been listening. And it's, I feel like we're seeking community and connection right now. And I'm excited for the feeling people are going to have that you're going to walk into a room full of thousands of people, which can usually be anxiety inducing or challenging. But everyone there is listening to the same podcast. And you're going to have something in common with everyone sitting next to you. And sometimes that doesn't even happen. That doesn't happen in many places. I think podcasts are really special in that way.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:53Jay Shetty?

  That you look left and right and you'll be able to ask someone, what was your favorite podcast? And, and everyone will have an episode or a time of the podcast that helped them. And the fact that I get to tour the podcast, so I'll be interviewing 15 surprise guests in 15 cities. I'm so excited for it. So at New York, in New York, we're at the theater at MSG.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  I'm coming.

• 1:25:12Jay Shetty?

  Yes, I would love for you to be there.

• 1:25:14Speaker 02

  I'm coming.

• 1:25:14Jay Shetty?

  Definitely. Please come and join. In LA, we're at the Greek Theater and then we're going to Chicago, Vancouver, Toronto, Dallas, Colorado, Miami.

• 1:25:26Jay Shetty?

  Dallas.

• 1:25:27Speaker 02

  San Francisco, did I say?

• 1:25:29Jay Shetty?

  San Francisco's on the list. Seattle, Chicago, Boston.

• 1:25:35Speaker 02

  Is there anywhere you're not going?

• 1:25:37Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah. Well, I will try and do more, but we're starting with these 15.

• 1:25:41Speaker 02

  It's incredible. You're such a powerhouse. And I'm excited for people to feel this.

• 1:25:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we find a feeling.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  Because there's just like what?

• 1:25:49Jay Shetty?

  It's different.

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  This is, it's a vibration. Like you leave feeling shifted.

• 1:25:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm excited.

• 1:25:55Speaker 02

  I'm so excited for you. Congratulations.

• 1:25:57Jay Shetty?

  Call me to see you there.

• 1:25:58Speaker 02

  I'm coming.

• 1:25:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Love to have you there.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 1:26:01Jay Shetty?

  If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.

• 1:26:08Speaker 05

  They don't do things until someone's mad at them to get it done. They need stress in order to get stuff done. And that just makes everybody around them stressed.

• 1:26:22Speaker 06

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• 1:26:51Speaker 03

  Mr. President, my company told me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:27:00Speaker 07

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 1:27:08Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you're freezing there, that's what.

• 1:27:12Speaker 07

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:27:15Speaker 03

  I'm not the first daddy.

• 1:27:16Speaker 07

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.

• 1:27:21Speaker 08

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 1:27:23Speaker 03

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 1:27:25Speaker 08

  Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 1:27:30Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:27:32Speaker 08

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 1:27:36Speaker 03

  Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 1:27:44Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.