CHRIS HEMSWORTH EXCLUSIVE: The Untold Story of His Anxiety, Fear of Failure & The Diagnosis That Changed Everything

**This interview was filmed on November 29th, prior to the heartbreaking and tragic events in Bondi over the weekend. Our hearts are with everyone in Australia during this incredibly difficult time. __________ Today, Jay travels to Australia to sit down with Chris Hemsworth at the Crystalbrook Byron, not the superhero the world knows, but the grounded, introspective man shaped by his upbringing in the Australian outback. Chris opens up about his early years living in an Indigenous community, the adventures that sparked his imagination, and the strong family roots that still keep him centered. Jay explores how those moments from Chris’s childhood laid the foundation for the man he is today. Chris opens up about the pressure and anxiety he faced in the early stages of his acting career and how the pursuit of excellence often came at the cost of inner peace. He talks about the constant pull between ambition and being present, the balance of preparation and surrendering to the creative process and the grounding force of lifelong friendships. In one of the most personal moments of the conversation, Chris talks about learning of his father’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis and how it changed his relationship with time, family, and legacy. He reflects on the emotional experience of documenting their journey together, navigating memory loss, caregiving, vulnerability, and the urgency it created to slow down and show up fully for the people who matter most. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Stay Present in a High-Pressure Career How to Reconnect With Your Childhood Self How to Build True, Grounding Friendships How to Be Fully There for Aging Parents How to Slow Down and Be Intentional With Your Time How to Balance Ambition With Inner Peace How to Bring More Curiosity Into Relationships We forget sometimes that the best parts of life aren’t about achievement or perfection. They’re about being present, staying connected, and having the courage to show up. Every challenge and moment of doubt is a chance to look inward and reconnect with what really matters. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. Check out our Apple subscription to unlock bonus content of On Purpose! https://lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:08 Discovering Gratitude in Childhood 05:10 First Encounters With Fame 08:24 Arriving Somewhere You Never Planned 13:40 Losing Yourself to the Role 15:34 The Weight of High Expectations 20:31 Managing Mental Overload 25:31 Naming Your Stressors 28:56 The Fear of Saying No 31:29 Passing Down Healthy Money Values 34:03 Navigating Your Way Through Grief 38:22 How Family Keeps You Grounded 41:39 What Makes a Real Friend? 44:48 The Alzheimer’s Diagnosis 54:11 Realizing How Precious Time Truly Is 57:41 Witnessing Your Parents Grow Older 01:01:55 Honoring the People Who Raised You 01:06:50 The Rare Feeling of Getting It Right 01:10:18 Messages for Your Younger Self 01:13:57 Staying Connected to Your Childlike Self 01:19:39 Lessons We Learn From Our Children 01:22:30 Being Fully Present With Your Partner 01:28:12 Helping Children Understand Alzheimer’s 01:31:18 Appreciating the Beauty in Life 01:34:24 Knowing When It’s Time to Slow Down 01:38:47 Who Takes Care of the Caregiver? 01:42:30 Chris on Final Five Episode Resources: Chris Hemsworth | Instagram Chris Hemsworth | X Chris Hemsworth | YouTube Chris Hemsworth | TikTok Chris Hemsworth | Facebook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:33Speaker 01

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• 1:02Jay Shetty?

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• 1:32Speaker 02

  We're watching memories disappear in front of us. Everything we thought was solid and true and consistent was going to dramatically change.

• 1:41Jay Shetty?

  Chris Hemsworth, welcome to On Purpose.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:45Jay Shetty?

  It's great to be here. We're in Byron, is that?

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Byron Bay, yeah.

• 1:48Jay Shetty?

  To be specific.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50Jay Shetty?

  Come to Byron to interview you and I was just sharing with you, when I first started the show, you were...

• 1:56Jay Shetty?

  On that top list of people I wanted to sit down with. So it took me seven years to get to Byron Bay.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Thank you very much.

• 2:02Jay Shetty?

  But I'm really, really grateful. So yeah, I've been such a fan of your work. Loved watching your interviews, felt, felt just a connection to what you're doing. And then as you've gone into this world of Limitless and now this incredible documentary with your father. It's, it's such a phenomenal evolution from the authentic version of you that I feel we've always got to see in interviews. So.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Oh, appreciate it. Thank you.

• 2:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, really, really special.

• 2:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love the show and it's, I'm glad you could make it out here and we could do this in my hometown. So.

• 2:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's beautiful. Well, I wanted to dive right in because in the doc, we get such a up close and personal feel of who you are. Your family, your parents, and I love understanding how people became who they were. So the first question is, what's a childhood memory that you have that you feel defines who you are today? That feels like it is such a strong part of your personality today?

• 2:55Speaker 02

  What you see in the documentary is, is the road trip my dad and I take back to the community that we grew up in. This indigenous community, Dordon Territory in the outback of Australia. And they were my, definitely my most vivid, earliest memories. I have trouble remembering kind of years earlier than that and years after that, you know? Because I think, one, it was so starkly different to the environment in Melbourne where I grew up. But I think there was, as it had such a profound impact on me due to, for so many reasons. The connection with the land, the people in that community.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  The experience itself was so dramatically different to anything else I'd done. But the immersion within that, that, that in indigenous culture in Australia and having, feeling this sort of influence from the, I guess, the sort of traditional way of life that they embodied. And the, the welcoming we received in that town.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  I still have, when I think about who I am and my appreciation and sense of gratitude and place in the world. Definitely.

• 4:14Speaker 02

  I I I'm brought back to that period of my life. I'm trying to think of a sort of a single sort of thing for you, but that that period of time for me is the most um the most vivid and and wonderful.

• 4:25Jay Shetty?

  What images flash in your mind when you're thinking about that time, is it?

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Not owning a pair of shoes, not not having a TV, um being the only white kid in an indigenous school, um buffalo walking down the street, um being five hours drive from the nearest shops. You know, it was like a little remote community in the in the middle of the outback and but how normal it all felt, you know, and to be sort of thrust back into that environment now would would be sort of a shock to the system in in many ways, but that was um as familiar and comfortable and and and organic as sort of anything I've ever felt. And um you know, I see photographs now that prompt instant sort of visceral feelings and

• 5:13Speaker 02

  a deep sort of um nostalgia and and warmth and and happiness, you know, and a sense of connection, because that was, you know, we lived in a tent at one point, you know, with with with my parents and and my older brother. Um we then lived in a sort of a, you know, a very older sort of rundown house, but it was it was as as, you know, wonderful as a childhood as you could ask for, you know, there was no, it was sort of boundless, the opportunities where the imagination could go and the sort of the physical experience, you know, um it was, again, unlike kind of anything else I've had since then, you know, there was a real sort of Peter Pan quality

• 5:56Speaker 02

  to that um sense of fantasy and and adventure that that was instilled in us from that age, but that that environment definitely awoken in us.

• 6:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I guess when you're living it, you don't know how special it is.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I it it I think like all of our experiences that, you know, there. The norm is what is in front of you, you know. And if I had something to compare it with at the time, I may have, but it was, that was my way of life. And then it was kind of a shock coming back to Melbourne and and adapting into, I guess, the world that, you know, suburban neighbourhood, you know, structured sort of, you know, town that we lived in and catching the bus to school and the train and all the sort of the usual things. That for me was an adaptation that was, I remember kind of going, oh, this is, this is very different to where we had sort of, where we'd come from.

• 6:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, your dad in the documentary says that as a kid, you would say, I'm going to Hollywood. Yeah, I'm going to Hollywood. Where did that come from, from this world that you grew up in?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  I think part of it was growing up in Northern Territory because there was this sort of sense of adventure instilled in me then. And I remember my dad reading Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit to me and my mum as well. And that sense of sort of fantasy and imagination awakened through, through a sort of a very big cultural difference, but also, I think, being outdoors, you know, the opportunity for not boredom, but not being continuously stimulated and entertained, like we are sort of nowadays with devices and so on. There was, I guess, being in that environment, it woke something in me that I still now either try and get back to, or when

• 7:46Speaker 02

  I do attach myself to it, it ignites that sense of fantasy and that sense of adventure. But through reading books, and then when we moved back to Melbourne, every weekend was, you know, we would go to the movies or we'd hire a film or we'd go on hikes and we'd go surfing and we'd go camping. And I remember from a very young age, not wanting to be an actor, but wanting to be one of those characters in one of those films, one of those books. And the closest thing I could be to, you know, an elf in the Lord of the Rings was, if I dressed up and played one in a movie, or the closest thing I could, you know, get to as far as intergalactic travel or something was playing the character in that

• 8:26Speaker 02

  movie. And I guess it was a sort of an escapism of sorts, but not that I was escaping from anything I didn't want to be a part of. It was. It it it kept me captivated, you know, and still does. The um transportation to other worlds and inhabiting other characters and other spaces.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  It's, yeah, and and it's sort of, it comes from a different, each film and each character I sort of, I look at and that sort of journey I embark on.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  It, there's a sort of a real organic um attachment to it as far as, I wouldn't say I'm seeking out that character as much as I sort of arrive. And then as you sort of fall into a character or fall into a film, it then sort of takes on a life of its own and takes you to places that I think you just have to be open to, you know, interpretation, but open for the journey.

• 9:20Jay Shetty?

  You mean by playing a character?

• 9:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:22Jay Shetty?

  It opens up a different mindset or different.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 9:25Jay Shetty?

  There.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  It probes different parts of your soul or psyche and and there's a premeditated sort of approach and a sort of calculated approach. And then there's an absolute sort of

• 9:40Speaker 02

  demolishing of all that preparation and surrendering to the process. And then it, and that's, that's the part I love, you know. And you only get that through an extreme amount of preparation.

• 9:49Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  And calculation. But then the um, the letting go portion of it and which is where the risk is involved. But then that for me is where the greatest adventure occurs is is is through kind of really leaning in and really surrendering to the experience.

• 10:06Jay Shetty?

  That rings true. I I had the fortune of sitting with Kirby Bryant before he sadly passed away.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:11Jay Shetty?

  On the show and he talked about how structure leads to spontaneity.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:15Jay Shetty?

  But it was that discipline, as you're saying, leads to the ultimate ability to.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:19Jay Shetty?

  Be free and surrender. But as I hear you say, I'm wondering, it's obviously not something that you mathematically strategically access. Because you're saying it's happening in this really natural, authentic way where it leads you. What roles made you feel that way? Or which ones are the ones that have a strong memory for that for you where you went, oh, wow, this led me to a place. I didn't imagine it would.

• 10:39Speaker 02

  I mean, it it's interesting because I sort of, I think I undulate from the extreme analytical, over ruminating, calculated analysis of something. And then into the sort of, you know, the more sort of mad scientist, you know, intuitive sort of approach. And but they go hand in hand, you know, the sort of the polarity between the two. I find is is is really helpful and and. I'd say the, I did a film with George Miller, part of the Mad Max series called Furiosa. And, and that for me was, was probably the, the greatest example of that kind of character taking over and, and being led into a place which you, you didn't plan for.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  But it only, the sort of improvisational portion of it, or the experimentation of it, or the, you know, throw caution to the wind and just leap, leap in headfirst, came from months and months, or actually a couple of years, because I had read the script two years before. And while I was doing other films, I was thinking about that character, it began to sort of infect my, my thoughts, you know, daily and to the point where I had to kind of try and put it aside because I had to get back to the film I was currently on. I was talking to George Miller about that and he goes, well selfishly, I don't mind, you know, you can give our character more of that. And it was the first time I kind of started journaling as the character and started doing

• 12:02Speaker 02

  a, um, you know, he was a pretty ugly villainous individual on paper and, and on screen as well, I guess. But I had to find a way to sort of understand and empathize with his position and from his point of view, he was the hero as in, you know, everyone's. And so by the time I got to set, everything that I'd sort of planned began to fall away. And each day was again, kind of an experiment and a real sort of deep dive into the psyche of this individual and what were the sort of justifications for his actions, which were perceived from one angle as, you know, horrific, but from his angle and his position, from where his people were standing, survival of the fittest.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  And, um, and if, yeah, I've had that a few times in my career, but that certainly stands out as one of the biggest ones.

• 12:52Jay Shetty?

  I feel like there's so much empathy in becoming an actor because you're trying to understand this character that you don't. No, but you have to kind of get to know and you may not feel what they feel. My, one of my friends is an acting coach in L A and I, he invited me to just go watch one of his sessions with Actors at Night. So I went to see him a couple of weeks ago and I was just like, if anyone feels lonely, they should just go to an acting class. Like everyone was so encouraging of each other and there was this real camaraderie that everyone had and everyone give each other feedback. And all of it was about dissecting character, emotion, feeling. And I was like, wow, I've learned more from this than,

• 13:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:28Jay Shetty?

  You know, about human emotion and about human potential and depth than you would going to a class. Because there's so much study and there's so many layers and there's so many. And, and as I'm hearing you talk about it, I'm like, yeah, there's such a, but it sounds like you love that. Like it sounds like that. Yeah.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  I mean, I've always had a big interest in psychology and understanding our sort of inner workings of our soul and our psyche and us as human beings. How we interact with one another and, and nature versus nurture and the how and why of it all. And for me, there's just something therapeutic about the experience of acting and, and putting on the clothes of a completely different individual and having the chance to um, look at the world through a different lens.

• 14:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 14:15Speaker 02

  And um, and I see that as a real sort of gift um, compared to a lot of sort of, I guess, you know, our uh, our, our, our, our working life, it is, there's just an abundance of creativity and exploration there, which, which I find, you know, incredibly helpful, just even, I mean, from each character I find I come out, whether or not I agree with the character or not, I've been able to sit in their shoes for a moment and look at the world in a different way. And I think there's a sort of a humility that's forced upon you in that sense, which, which I find um.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I find it a really interesting sort of experiment and as you've pointed out, I think very healthy for all of us to do, you know. I know a lot of directors that, you know, have never acted and it scares the hell out of them, but they go and do acting classes for that reason, to understand the psychology. You also understand how you're going to come at this character or what the position is that you might take. And as opposed to standing on this side of the fence and making assumptions, stepping into those different environments certainly, I don't know, gives you a greater sense of agency ever.

• 15:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Has there ever been a character you played where you felt, I wish that one didn't rub off on me? Or left a bit of them with you that you were?

• 15:27Speaker 02

  I mean, it's, I find, it's not that the lines get blurred, but I've been impressed to as defending my character. And then we tapped on the shoulder and like, the guy killed a bunch of people and like, oh yeah, okay, besides that part.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  And so it's sort of, I don't think the state I will get myself in for certain characters through the day, a very heightened sort of fight or flight type state where I am, there's a sort of feels like there's electricity running through my bones and especially when there's a lot of dialogue and there's a lot of reaction, a lot going on. That I find very hard to switch off. It's not so much the, the character that I'm trying to shake. It's the energy that's required to play that character.

• 16:15Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  And I find with, one of the hardest things to hide or come off is improvisational sort of comedy, you know. And I remember doing, when we did Ragnarok, there was a lot of that in there and it was a very new version of the character. And I would get into this sort of ecstatic sort of, you know, electrified state and be kind of drinking coffee and Red Bull and Slam and, you know, energy drink to try and elevate that more. And then it was like, well, I'd have to kind of rein that in and get home and I'd just be sort of twitching. And I'd go to the gym and try to come off that. So I find that the residual effect of the state of the character more so than the.

• 16:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's more about getting into character.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, because you could put that, that, that, I don't necessarily have to believe I am the, you know, leader of an army or whatever.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  It's more what would I feel in that situation that you then embody and then that sort of takes over.

• 17:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's fascinating to hear. Yeah, that, yeah, the, but, but the jitters are real. Like, that's like, you've talked before about this idea of how your acting career has actually brought on huge anxiety.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:23Jay Shetty?

  And stress. Where, where's that come from?

• 17:27Speaker 02

  I remember when I, when I first started acting, I had, it, it, it immediately, once I sort of locked into the idea that I was going to become an actor, it was an absolute obsession. It was an addiction. It was all I talked about it. There was sort of, there was no shadow of a doubt that was what I was gonna do. And there was a ignorance and a naivety that, that, that was there about the reality of the, how difficult that was gonna be. But that it, you need a fair amount of madness, I think, to sort of excel in any space. There needs to be a certain amount of,

• 18:06Speaker 02

  absolute, deeply profound sort of commitment to it, you know? You talk about Kobe Bryant and anyone who's excelled in their, their field and, you know, the numbers of, of sports players and individuals that I look to, that's sort of on the spectrum in some sense, you know, that there's a sort of a mastery there, which is otherworldly, but it does require a sort of an insane dedication to it. So I remember when I was finishing high school, it became this obsession. That was all I was gonna do. And everything I was gonna do from it was, I was gonna pay off my parents' house. I was gonna do this. I was gonna do that. I was gonna take care of my family and friends. And, oh, you know, look at all the amazing things I could do. And every time I go into a job, as small as it was and inconsequential, in my mind was like, if I screw up this one scene,

• 18:51Speaker 02

  then it will somehow make its way to Hollywood from Australia and I'll never get a job again. If I screw up this one audition.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  And it was that kind of pressure. It was, I was thinking 10 years ahead. And then sort of the time I got into,

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Home and Away, which was, you know, that big soap opera, longest running soap opera in Australia, which

• 19:10Jay Shetty?

  I'm from London, so yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  I flew into that, that experience with enthusiasm and excitement. And I was, it was great for a couple of months. And all of a sudden I was hit with this wave of anxiety because I was looking at the outcome rather than the sort of process. And I was looking at the, um, I'm doing it for this reason and that reason, rather than being in the moment and in the present. And it really detracted from what I was doing each day. And it would be the last thing I'd think about before I go to bed was what scenes I'd screwed up and how I should have done this, I should have done that. And as soon as I'd wake up, it'd be like a shot of adrenaline about what I was gonna screw up.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  And I don't know what, I think it became from a sort of expecting too much of myself, which is, there's a slight sort of contradiction to that too. Because as I said, it requires that obsessive, you know, addictive sort of concentration. But I, it's the ability to sort of hold that obsession and that absolute need and want for it to, to, to achieve something great that you want to achieve. And then at the same time, to completely let it go and not care. And so I had to do this strange dance around trying to convince myself I didn't care. But in the preparation time to, to motivate myself, I would have to care a hell of a lot.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  And, and so i- it's sort of the, um, you know, the, the, the, the two, the two voices, the Jekyll and Hyde version of, of oneself that is sort of, both need to be kept in check, you know, it's, it's your purpose pulls you, your fear pushes you. There's a sort of strange, um, balance with the two extremes, I find useful, but also terrifying when not kept in check. And I, and I, and I, that sat with me for years, that anxiety. And then I remember.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  And I've talked about this in a couple of interviews, but reading a few books around performance anxiety specifically and looking at different sports players and musicians and people who perform at a high level of public speaking and they took their, all their sort of measurements, you know, the physical sort of responses prior to this, these engagements and said, are you scared or are you excited? And whether, you know, half the group was in this category, half was excited, the physical response was exactly the same across the board, elevated heart rate, all the things you, you know, you would imagine. So it was about the sort of, the takeaway was it was about an interpretation to that feeling. And so when I would have nervous energy come up and all those things that at one point

• 21:47Speaker 02

  I would signal to myself were fear, I had to just narrate that in a different sense and say, oh no, this is my signaling for excitement. This is not my signaling for fear. And again, that's, I still have to keep that in check and it sort of out of nowhere will take me down one path or the other. And I've got to kind of wrangle my way back to the preferred place, which is, which is that the enthusiastic is started, you know?

• 22:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What, what's fascinating about that, as I'm hearing you say it is, it actually makes you better at what you do.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:18Jay Shetty?

  Like that pressure, it sounds like that you were putting on yourself when you're doing home and away.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:24Jay Shetty?

  Even though it wasn't a great experience for you, it's making you better at the thing.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:29Jay Shetty?

  And that's what I find so fascinating about people like yourself or high performing athletes or any of the types of people you mentioned is that the thing that makes you better at the craft.

• 22:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:38Jay Shetty?

  Doesn't necessarily improve the quality of your life and your mind.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:42Jay Shetty?

  And that's that dance you're talking about, which is, so I've got to kind of be able to unleash the beast to be able to.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:49Jay Shetty?

  Do the work that I do, but then I don't want the beast to eat me.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:53Jay Shetty?

  Because then there's nothing left.

• 22:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:55Jay Shetty?

  When the beast is, you know, satisfied.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  For sure. It's sort of a blessing and a curse in a way. And it's because I've had experiences when. You know, the thing I was trying to remove, which was that heightened sense of awareness and the and then in fact, the, you know, you're absorbing too much information and it's every little movement or sound.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  I'm like, oh God, I wish I could numb that. I wish I could reduce this sort of state and be more present. And then I've found my way to that place, either through um not caring for one reason or another, being purely exhausted, you know, you've night shoots, you just got, there is no adrenaline left in the body. I'm like, oh, this is great. I'm comfortable. And the first note is, it's a bit flat, you know, and the next take, you know, and I'm like, oh, great. The thing that I've been trying to get rid of is actually the secret sauce. And so that again, about the interpretation, I don't think the feeling itself is the problem. It's it's it's our label we put upon it, you know, which then causes all the problems. And so I say this to friends of mine who are auditioning or on set and having anxiety or problems. I'm like, you gotta just, you gotta make friends with it and you gotta

• 24:00Speaker 02

  look at it. It's very hard to recognize now, but it is a gift in that sense. It is your spider spidey senses coming alive. It is the ability to think quicker and react faster and be more attuned to things. If you you're allowing it in the space as opposed to, you know, don't think of a pink elephant. What do they think of? That's pink elephant. And I've had so many people talk about like meditation prior to um walking on stage and calming down and for me, that is like house of cards because it's like you're in that state and then the one little thing sets you off. Whereas I beforehand want to get my state and myself into that ecstatic sort of state because it's on my terms. And now I own it as opposed to it being something

• 24:44Speaker 02

  that creeps in the back door. I'm like, no, I want this. Bring it on. Big, big breath, kind of, you know, absorb it, use it. And then and then I found that that is has been really beneficial and and I've been able to use it. For the good, you know, version of it as opposed to it transforming into the one we're afraid of.

• 25:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's, it's what I hear you saying is that when it's in control of you, it feels like pressure and fear.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 25:09Jay Shetty?

  And then when you're in control of it, when you're embodying it.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:12Jay Shetty?

  It's now part of your narrative and part of your purpose and part of you feeling like, oh, this is fuel.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:17Jay Shetty?

  For how I want to perform.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:19Jay Shetty?

  Rather than this is just reminding me of, hey, if I miss these three things, no one's going to care about me and I'll mess this up.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:25Jay Shetty?

  And that obviously is not helpful at all. And so you're saying befriending it is transforming it from being pressure and fear.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:33Jay Shetty?

  To being friendship and purpose.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Absolutely. Yeah, there's an acceptance to it. There's a surrendering to it. There's an ownership to it as opposed to it being something you're trying to avoid. But that only comes through, I think, understanding the mechanisms or the mechanics around the fact that it is beneficial. If you have that relationship to it, you know, it is the worst thing in the world if you're trying to avoid it.

• 25:56Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  You know, shallow breath, heart rates up, sweaty palms, like you can't think, everything just shuts down, you know? But if it's like, no, no, the, the, the, these, this physical response, this emotional response, I programmed myself to see as a positive, therefore it can be.

• 26:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  I mean, you know, and again, you'll, you'll see me broke down. At one point go, that trick ain't working today, is it, Chris?

• 26:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 26:27Jay Shetty?

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• 27:10Jay Shetty?

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• 27:51Jay Shetty?

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• 28:08Jay Shetty?

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• 28:54Jay Shetty?

  Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs.

• 29:08Jay Shetty?

  I've had a similar experience with public speaking, where I've been public speaking for years on stages.

• 29:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:13Jay Shetty?

  And if I really care, and that's my narrative kicking in, if I really care, I'll still get sweaty palms. I'll still be shaking a little, I'll feel my heart rate go up, and I've learned that all of those things are just a sign that I care. Because I know if I get asked to speak somewhere, I don't really. Really care.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:29Jay Shetty?

  Then I won't feel any of those things.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:31Jay Shetty?

  And so I'm like, oh, I feel like there's some stakes here and.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:34Jay Shetty?

  This is important. And then I have my practices to embody that and feel good about that. But then at the same time, when I went on tour two years ago and we were doing nearly fifty shows across the world, I was, I was feeling a completely different level of anxiety than I'd ever felt. And, and I remember two days before, when we were in rehearsals, I was just feeling really tight chested. I talked to my doctor and went in for a checkup and they're like, it's just stress. And I was like, why am I stressed to do this all the time? But there's always, what, what still makes you nervous or what still gives you a little bit of that stress now?

• 30:05Speaker 02

  I mean, thi- thi- this stuff, you know, the press, you know, walking, I said, it all, it all definitely awakens that, that, that feeling. And then it's a constant sort of dance and adaptable sort of um the experience. But I think um, you know, I probably have a, I have a much easier time now playing a character than I would being myself. Like in fact, with this, this series Limitless, that was very new to me to, to, you know, be in the documentary space and play Chris. And I felt, I felt really uncomfortable from that. And, and I got better with it probably in the second season and this, and this last episode with my dad. But earlier on, it was like, I have nothing interesting to say. I don't, I'm not educated on these topics.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  And I'm sort of a guinea pig in the experience. So maybe that's a good thing, but it, it, you, you're far more critical of yourself than you are, I think, of somebody pretending to be. Like you said before, that it's signaling that you care, I guess, that discomfort, that anxiety is the signal that it's important on, on, on some level and it's something that should be respected and paid attention to rather than, oh, I'm anxious, ah, how dare I be anxious? And then the criticism and the judgment and then it's like slippery slope.

• 31:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. It's so interesting to me how so many of us. It's easier to pretend to be someone than

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:24Jay Shetty?

  Play ourselves.

• 31:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:25Jay Shetty?

  Not just for actors, but all of us.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:27Jay Shetty?

  Whether you're playing a performance at work and a persona or a persona with your friends. And it's, and it's so hard to just let go of that.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:35Jay Shetty?

  Persona and, and it's almost like when I speak to comedians, they're always like, yeah, I just feel everyone just wants me to be funny all the time.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:41Jay Shetty?

  And they just feel that constant pressure around friends, family, everything, and they just wanna be normal and have a bad day or whatever it may be. And, uh, you know, everyone feels that pressure to perform in a certain way.

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:52Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like we're waiting for the person we can take off the outfit around and just

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:58Jay Shetty?

  Kinda let go.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  I remember my mom talking to me about this years ago and, and she was a high school teacher at the time. And I said, I'm nervous about this, that and the other and being on a set and a producer and this. And she goes, it's the same in any environment, you know, she was me as the teacher, okay, but all the principals, the producer and my students or the audience or, you know, and the, my work colleagues or the other cast members. And in any line of work, you're faced with this, it's this sort of a human experience that you can't escape. And, and she talked about the same thing about kind of, um, understanding that and accepting that it always is a challenge. It's always a navigation of sorts to, and, and, and rather than looking at it as

• 32:40Speaker 02

  my experience is unique and special to everyone else's and has more pressure than yours or this, that. Now, that's the trapping, you know, as soon as you, you kind of understand it is more common than uncommon. I think there's some comfort in that. Like, I remember listening to, um, Anthony Hopkins and Kate Blanchett, you know, people I'd worked with and admired and, and looked up to talking about, you know, imposter syndrome and this might be my last job and thinking, really? And, but there was deep truth in that, you know, they still had that doubt. But aware of the fact that maybe that doubt was a good thing because it kept you humble, it kept you motivated, it kept you pushing forward and searching as opposed to

• 33:20Jay Shetty?

  Thinking you're naked.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Thinking you have all the answers, you know, and then there's a sort of, and there's a lack of humility, yeah.

• 33:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, you've talked about that as well, right? You've talked about that idea of fearing saying no.

• 33:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:30Jay Shetty?

  Because what if it all disappears? And when I read that you said that, I was like, wow, like that, you just wouldn't expect that. But we have these codings from whether when we were young or wherever we picked them up, where there's like a sense of like, oh, well, this could all just go away.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Were you growing up in a house, you know, loving beautiful household and great parents, but we had no money. And I remember the kind of financial burden that was on my parents and overhearing conversations about bills and, you know, them borrowing money from my grandparents or their parents to, you know, before payday came on every Thursday or, you know, the twenty dollars we might have had in our piggy bank, kind of saying, can we borrow that? We'll give it to you next week. And not that they ever put that on us by any means, and probably tried to shelter us from that. And but being very aware of it. So I felt that's the responsibility and that need to remove that pressure for them

• 34:27Speaker 02

  from a very early age. And but still, this crazy irrational thought that, oh, it's going to run out, or it's going to be taken away, and I won't be able to do that thing. It's like, we've already done that thing. You know, they're all taken care of, then family, cousins, friends, you know. And not to say my career couldn't end tomorrow, but financially, that wouldn't be a concern due to kind of what we've put in place. And it's, I don't know, it's irrational, it's illogical. And but again, I think it, I don't know, it's sort of, I don't mind a little bit of that, just to keep you hungry. But it has to be tempered like all of it. Because the insanity of too much of that thinking is incredibly

• 35:11Speaker 02

  detrimental. And you never enjoy what you have, because it's always about, I need to get more, and it's just not enough. What else can I do to secure this even more? And it's this obsession with with with safety, I think we all have, and the need for abundance and security. And but then I look at my own childhood, where I couldn't have felt more secure and safe. And

• 35:36Speaker 02

  You know, so money isn't the answer to that yet. You sort of trick yourself into thinking it is. And whether that's from societal sort of understandings and expectations and the sort of our relationship to money as human beings and what, how we signal or represent safety and comfort in the wrong spaces, maybe, but it's a constant navigation, isn't it?

• 35:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's, it's almost like what you're talking about is the power of pattern.

• 36:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:03Jay Shetty?

  It's almost like when you've had a thought that has been practiced. So with you giving the examples of like, oh, we're going to borrow this money here and we'll pay it back next week. And so you're constantly living in a cycle of, we don't have enough, we're going to have to figure it out. And that doesn't disappear when an external situation changes. We can all relate to that. I mean, I can, I can relate to it in, in my life too. And what I love about what you said the most was, it's not about, I, I think everyone over, and I don't, I don't like it when anyone says this whole money can't buy happiness stuff because like, well, it solves a lot of problems for a lot of people. And I, I don't think that's the point, but I love what you just said about this safety idea, that you felt safe growing up, and it wasn't because of that.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:42Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's an even more powerful truth where it's like, oh, wait a minute, what about if it was about safety? And we all want to feel safe and secure. I felt very safe and secure because my, I've always described it as my mom's love was like this protective shield.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:56Jay Shetty?

  Where I never grew up ever questioning whether I was lovable or not.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:00Jay Shetty?

  My mom loved me so much.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:01Jay Shetty?

  And that makes me feel very safe.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 37:03Jay Shetty?

  And that wasn't because we had money growing up. And it wasn't because we always knew what was coming next. It was because you felt loved and you felt safe and secure because of that.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 37:12Jay Shetty?

  And so there are certain problems that money solves and it's not safety.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:17Jay Shetty?

  Uh, but, and it can provide and help for that. But safety is a more core emotional need.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Mm hmm. Yeah, definitely.

• 37:24Jay Shetty?

  That comes from other things.

• 37:25Speaker 02

  I said, another thing I've talked to my mom about, that the fact that the lessons I learned and the person I am, and my brothers, who we are. You know, growing up in that household, we didn't have money. Now, well, now my kids, we have money. What's that going to do to them? Are they going to not learn the same lessons that we had and have the same sense of sort of gratitude and appreciation for things? And she said, you could look at, you know, households that had a lot of money, households that had little money, and you could pick about the same amount of successful stories versus unsuccessful. And at the end of the day, it comes down to love, security, safety. Do I feel like I'm connected and part of this household and appreciated and that I'm safe to explore who I am as an individual or not, you know, regardless of the sort

• 38:08Speaker 02

  of exterior, the larger environmental, sort of superficial elements of it, it's around those core components of love and connection. And that always gives me comfort, you know, when I'm sitting here thinking I'm destroying my kids by having this big house and, you know, the abundance and all this and so on. But it's always a complex one to sort of to navigate in any space, I guess.

• 38:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think it's true, though. I think it's what you've been saying this whole conversation already. It's that you keep talking about how everything's somewhat of a gift and a curse.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:40Jay Shetty?

  And it is that, right? Like, everything is like, and as soon as you accept that everything's binary.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:47Jay Shetty?

  And there is no black or white.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:48Jay Shetty?

  It is all grey.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 38:50Jay Shetty?

  And it is all teaching people to see the grey and see the nuance and see the complexity and recognizing that complexity is simplicity in the sense of as soon as you accept that it is all of it.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:01Jay Shetty?

  Then all of a sudden, it's simple. Whereas when you're trying to find a definitive right way of doing it, it's pretty impossible to find it and you could rack your brain forever.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  It is. And the sort of the thing you're searching for only exists because of the thing you're not searching for, like the polarity of things. And it's the, you know, there's no north without a south. There's not a one sided mountain that you, you know, you only know love because you know grief. And I had this, a friend of mine passed away recently, and I had this, the normal response of grief and anguish and pain and the why and the questions. And then through that, all of a sudden, this lightness and this stillness, because all the trivial things that I was ruminating around day to day, all of a sudden dissipated.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  And it was like, wow, it's that simple. It can be gone in a second. And I wouldn't know one without the other. And so

• 39:58Speaker 02

  the sort of grief is as much a blessing as the love is and the joy because they coexist. You know, that they, there isn't um an individual experience. You can't have one without the other. And and that for me,

• 40:12Speaker 02

  I find helps navigate

• 40:16Speaker 02

  the complicated spaces of life and the sort of moments of adversity is is kind of um realizing that they're sort of one and the same thing and that that and I don't do that. I don't exist there all the time, but every now and then, and I feel like I get a glimpse of it. And there's a quiet peacefulness to it.

• 40:33Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  You know, it's like the sort of the louder it gets, all of a sudden, things just stop. Alan Watts talks a lot about that. I love his sort of

• 40:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love Alan Watts.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  The philosophy around what he presents in that way.

• 40:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm sorry for your loss. It's

• 40:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I mean, it's it's, you know, it was a sort of out of nowhere, kind of tragic tragedy as, as, you know, we all experience at some point. Um, but I just remember having that moment, that sort of very odd sort of lightness in amongst the grief, which maybe pause for a moment and consider where that came from and where that stems from and what that sort of what that message is.

• 41:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, it's how your your grief is only as deep as your love

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:13Jay Shetty?

  be is.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:15Jay Shetty?

  You don't feel grief about something like that. Well, it's probably because you didn't

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Didn't care.

• 41:18Jay Shetty?

  have it didn't have that love and care and it's, but yeah, it's not that that's easy to recognize in the moment or pause and but when you get that access, it's something to worth holding on to.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that was to trying to reconcile the sort of dichotomy around those two feelings, you know, that the the sort of I almost then followed a guilt that I wasn't feeling as sad as I was a moment ago. And it's like, what is this sort of complex kind of you know, push and pull between those two states. Um, and it's like, I don't know, living in the questions rather than needing the answers to it, you know, all the time, the sort of the answers of trying to define the definitive why to something. And the absolute certainty of something is just like a danger and a trapping.

• 42:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. Yeah, and we we will just, and the funny thing is, even if you get a perfect right answer, you still won't be satisfied with it.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Your turn tomorrow.

• 42:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly, yeah. Because then you'll be like, wait a minute, if I look at it from this angle, you know, and it's it's fascinating how the human mind wants completion.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:21Jay Shetty?

  But still keeps locating all the incomplete loops.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 42:25Jay Shetty?

  To to get lost in.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  It's like the only certainty is uncertainty, you know, the only constant is inconstant, like, yeah, it's a, it does a number on you for sure. It's like, I don't know, if you're, when you're a kid, you're kind of lying awake at night thinking about how big the universe is, or what happens when we die, and then nothing, and then like, oh. It's like, kind of, your brain arrives at a place of nothingness, you know, and that's as terrifying as it is kind of liberating.

• 42:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Does it help to have brothers in the industry too? Because I mean, that's rare.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:56Jay Shetty?

  That that, you know, all of you have got incredible careers. And it's like, how does that, is it helpful to be able to share some of these challenges? Or or do you find that that's not really the case?

• 43:05Speaker 02

  No, it is definitely. Yeah, this is sort of a point of reference, or or a, um, there's a camaraderie for sure, and a support network between the three of us.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  You you're in your sort of quieter moments of reflection, you can kind of go, is this normal? Am I kind of, you know, wrong to feel this, that and the other? And what's your experience in that? And so absolutely, having someone who is a complete sort of, you know, safe house for those discussions is is a is a real benefit.

• 43:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's really powerful. I feel like that's the hardest thing for most artists or athletes or people who go and live otherworldly lives. And then it's almost like you have all your best friends back home, or your, the people you grew up with.

• 43:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:48Jay Shetty?

  And you need them because they're the only ones who remind you of where you started and where it came from. But they don't understand

• 43:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 43:54Jay Shetty?

  the new world that you deal with. And so you kind of have this version of it where they can. Reconcile with you the challenges. It's not like, oh, well, Chris, you're rich and famous. It doesn't matter.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:05Jay Shetty?

  It's like they're like, oh, no, those things are still real.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:08Jay Shetty?

  And you still experience imposter syndrome and you still experience anxiety. And they can vouch for that because they probably go through the same thing.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure. I mean, I feel very lucky for to have them in the same space. But the, I'd say the thing that has had the biggest effect on me is that the team of people I get to work with, which is from my, you know, the hair and makeup team, um, my costume guy that I travel with, um, my assistant, my trainer, that group I've known for about 14 years.

• 44:35Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  Um, my assistant, my trainer, I've known for 35 years that I went to school with, are my two best mates. And to have the five or six of us travel together is, in, I thought was quite common. Why wouldn't you bring along your mates and have the same people with you? And the amount of people I've met in, in the highest of positions that live this isolated, lonely existence and don't have true friendships around and groups of people who, who remind them who they are really and, and remind them also there's a, there's a grounding quality to that. Um, I thought it's such a tragedy, you know, to give this, this abundance of opportunity and this sort of, um, you know,

• 45:17Speaker 02

  one in a million chance to sort of participate in this journey where you get to travel and you're dealing with all this, um, this experience and, uh, activation and interaction with the world on a level that, you know, most of us wouldn't get to experience. Yet you're doing it alone. You have no, no one to share it with. And I think that's the, you know, the social connection. It's like, it's only as good as the people standing either side of you that, that get to walk that journey with you. Because, you know, there's times when you become a little jaded about it. There's times it becomes a little normal, normal. There's times when it becomes boring and you have someone to shake you and go, hey, I'm pretty cool. Remember where we came from? Remember what we could be doing? Remember what we used to do?

• 45:57Speaker 02

  Um, is a, is incredibly invigorating and, and, and I find myself, um, the thing I'm most grateful for, I think in my career is having those core people with me constantly.

• 46:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. How, how do you define a real friend?

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Someone you can laugh with and who you can laugh at each other.

• 46:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  And, um, and it's not offensive or it can be, and that's okay.

• 46:22Speaker 02

  Someone you can really push it too far with and they're gonna go, I'll let that one slide. I'll get you next time. A true friend who keeps you humble, I think, keeps you grounded. The sort of, the sort of obvious things to say, but you know, through thick and thin, they're still standing there next year. And whether it was all to be take, if it all got taken away, they'd still be there having a laugh, patting you in the back, saying, well, we gave it a shot. And I've got a lot of those people in my life I'm very thankful for.

• 46:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I, I, I love that. It's, it's definitely, it's British banter's a big thing, but I got to learn that Australian banter's as strong, if not better as well, because when I was touring in, uh, when I toured Australia, uh, two years back, and we did three shows at the Sydney Opera House, we did Melbourne and Brisbane. And I, I have lots of moments in my show where I bring people up on stage and we're going through all sorts of experiments and activities. And every single person would banter back.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:16Jay Shetty?

  Like there was no one who's letting me get away with a joke at their expense.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:19Jay Shetty?

  And I was like, this is amazing. It was so much fun. Everyone was so fast.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:22Jay Shetty?

  The quips were great, like.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  It's good. It's a good self-deprecating sort of quality.

• 47:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. And, and I love that too. I, I feel like, you know, I, I have a, I have a WhatsApp group with all my best mates back in London.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:33Jay Shetty?

  And all we do is just roast each other all day long. So whether someone posts something on social media or send this video out, whatever it is. And I think that that's such a good test of friendship.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure.

• 47:44Jay Shetty?

  And, and when we, when me and my, my wife's from London too, when we moved to America, we, me and my wife roast each other just as you would roast one of your boys. And everyone on my team would just think we were having a massive argument because they just weren't used to it. So they thought we hated each other.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  It's our love language.

• 47:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We were like, no, this is our, you know.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:01Jay Shetty?

  It's not passive aggressive. This is, this is just how it works. Yeah.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  I think that there was a, there was a study done recently and I don't know where I read it, but talking about that it is a sign of true friendship that you can roast each other and give each other shit. And it's a sign that there is a, um. I don't know, there's a trust there because you don't, I wouldn't speak this way to someone that I didn't know that well and didn't

• 48:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  I thought it was gonna go and go with it. It'd be, uh, yeah, I'm in trouble.

• 48:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, talking, talking, the worst, the worst was when I first moved to L A and I was learning about getting a stylist and

• 48:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:34Jay Shetty?

  all this kind of stuff. And my friends would just take terrible pictures of me off the red carpet. Keep putting them in the group and they're like, why are you wearing a skirt? What are you doing? I'm sure you've had a million of those.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure. I've, my semi, he'll send me pictures of like, you know, certain sort of fashions, sort of moments and looks. It's like, oh, it's number seven, you know, the hand on the ear and the scratch above the head and and you kind of, I find myself doing those shoots and then stopping myself because three or four guys back home are gonna see it and tell me better. Rather than the, the vast majority of people who might not think twice about it.

• 49:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. And you need that.

• 49:06Speaker 02

  You need that, for sure.

• 49:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you need that. I think about it all the time. Every time my hairstylist tries a new hairstyle, whatever it is, I'm like, yeah, all right, I know who's, I know who's gonna send me a picture of this tomorrow.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:16Jay Shetty?

  Uh, it was, I'm, I'm so grateful that I got to see the documentary because, uh, I, I went through a really, and I shared this because of how powerful it was for me to watch it. And so my greatest spiritual mentor, who I grew up around in London, he passed away during the pandemic. And, uh, I couldn't go back to his funeral. I, I was, I, I was stuck in the United States and he was, he was based in London. And I just remember finding out, it was almost like everything changed for him and changed for us in like a night. It felt that way at least. When, when we became aware. Yeah, no, no, but it was, watching your experience with your father was, was so beautiful because

• 49:58Jay Shetty?

  it was all the, I was like, people are gonna watch this and they're gonna know what to do. And that is such a beautiful thing to give people. It's such a gift to give to people. Because I didn't know, because I'd never been through, I'd never seen anyone publicly go through it. So when I watched it, and I can't wait for everyone who's listening and watching right now to watch it too, because. It it gave me a real resolve to be like, yeah, this is gonna help people. It's gonna help a lot of people.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:22Jay Shetty?

  Um, and and I wanted to ask you about that. Your your father obviously got diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It's like, what was that like the day you found out? Like, what, how did, well, how did you even notice it before the day you found out? Did you start to notice things?

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, yeah, it it's funny. I remember in the first season of Limitless, um, and Peter Attia.

• 50:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 02

  Uh, we, I did a bunch of blood work and, you know, looking at um my genetics. And the plan was on camera. He was gonna tell me about, you know, what I had a predisposition to and what I had a vulnerability to, what my strengths were and so on. And he said, oh, I don't wanna do this on camera. I gotta talk to you about something. And I thought, oh, God, what is this, you know? And Darren Aronofsky called me and said, Peter wants to call you and and I got really nervous about what he was gonna tell me. And and he said, you've got two copies of the APOE four gene, which um you get a copy each from from each parent. Um, a two's not so bad, a three's a little worse, the four's the the worst one, and you've got two. And it basically, I think, one percent of the population has two copies of this these these genes,

• 51:25Speaker 02

  and it puts you in a high-risk category for Alzheimer's. It's not a predeterministic gene. It's it's it's just an indication that you you have a greater vulnerability to Alzheimer's. He told me that and I was like, a moment of sort of shock, a moment of what does this mean? And then about fifteen minutes later, I was like, ah, it's something old people get, whatever. I told my parents about it, and I remember my dad saying, oh, it's looked at. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. That's, you know, you know. And I was like, yeah, I'm not concerned. It's just this strange thing to be told. And he was like, it's fine, mate, you know, plenty of time where you'll figure out what you need to do to prevent it and so on. And I remember vividly that conversation of him sort of telling me not to be concerned about it. And then about two or three years later.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  My mum saying to me, I think we've got to get dad checked because there's these

• 52:16Speaker 02

  signs and things I'm concerned about, the obvious ones, memory and sort of slight mood changes and shifts and forgetfulness and so on. So he went and got tested and found out he had two copies of the APOE four, as did my mum, which so if you got one in one percent of the population is APOE four, I don't know what the math is on. Then finding each other. Finding each other. So then by default, me, Luke and Liam all have two copies of APOE four. So this sort of anomaly of genetics or combinations and but my dad,

• 52:54Speaker 02

  I was immediately hit with the the reality of what that meant for him because I had just gone through, ah, it's a long way down the track. Don't worry, push it aside. Then all of a sudden it was right in front of us. And it was incredibly confronting, but again, I think the

• 53:14Speaker 02

  we'll figure it out mentality was was was still very prominent. And then as it began to get worse, we it became a real sort of shaking into the moment and a real sort of shock to the system and oh, wow, this sort of everything we thought was solid and true and consistent was going to dramatically change and shift. Yeah. And then and then we

• 53:41Speaker 02

  I remember when I was looking at doing another episode for that series, the discussion around would I do something around brain health with my dad. And my first instinct was I just spent a lot of the press to of the previous show trying to tell people that I didn't have Alzheimer's and, you know, and I thought, ah, I don't want to go through that, but I also don't want to exploit or feel like I'm in any way putting him in an uncomfortable position or exploiting this kind of condition. And how's it going to make him feel? And I spoke to him about it. And he was like, oh, absolutely. Yeah, no, that let's, you know, maybe this will help shed some light on the issue and people will benefit from it. And we might learn something along the way. And and off we went in in that direction. But there was a huge amount of grace

• 54:23Speaker 02

  and humility in in his attitude to it, you know, he says it in the documentary, but his biggest concern was being a burden. Yeah. And and that was heartbreaking to to hear and consider and.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  And I'd never even, up until we shot the documentary, I didn't know even how he felt about it, you know, because I hadn't asked him. And I felt this strange mix of sort of guilt while shooting, as well as concern for his condition, but guilt that I haven't had an assist prior, now I'm doing it on camera. And so it was this strange sort of orchestration of events. But what came out of it, and it wasn't planned, was this beautiful connection that my dad and I were able to have, and this beautiful discussion that we probably wouldn't have had otherwise. And someone who had just seen it recently, he said, I'm about at the same, you know, I got diagnosed a few years ago, in the same

• 55:21Speaker 02

  spaces your dad's in. And he said, I wish my kids could see this documentary. I hope they see it because there's so much stigma around it. They don't know what to say. They don't even talk to me about it. They don't ask me how I'm feeling about it. They don't ask me, am I afraid? Am I concerned? What am I concerned about? They just sort of talk to me about the footy or they talk to me about, you know, work. And that was a sort of a beautiful moment of realisation. And I was there with my dad and I said, this is hopefully what, you know, this is going to do for people is, is it motivate people into reaching out and removing the sort of awkwardness around the uncomfortable conversations, and actually reaching out to people and allowing each other to be vulnerable, allowing each

• 56:04Speaker 02

  other to talk about their fears and their concerns and help navigate it together as opposed to, again, having blinkers on and sort of burying our heads in the sand. Yeah.

• 56:22Jay Shetty?

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• 57:07Jay Shetty?

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• 57:49Jay Shetty?

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• 58:32Jay Shetty?

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• 58:51Jay Shetty?

  It's such a big thing and it's such a hard thing that it's hard to be like, oh, when we've had hard things happen in the family before, we'd talk about it. This is, this is different to that. Even though everyone's an adult now.

• 59:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:02Jay Shetty?

  You know, your family and everyone's grown up. It's, it's a difficult conversation to have and it's, have you as a family always had open conversations and emotional conversations and difficult conversations or has there not really been a need to have one and?

• 59:15Speaker 02

  No, we, we have, but there hasn't been a need as,

• 59:22Speaker 02

  uh, as, I guess, as, as important as this one, you know? It wasn't as personal, like we, we've obviously had, you know, people die and, and situations occur and things that we were all, you know, confronting and, and, and the, you know, human experience of tragedy and, and, and so on, but it wasn't as in front of us as this was. And the interesting, the complex thing about, I think dementia and Alzheimer's is it's,

• 59:50Speaker 02

  when the signs first start to show, they're very subtle. So you still sort of think, oh, we can manage this, you know? And, um, and then it gets over time a little worse. And depending on the regression, you know, some people it happens in six months and they're the sort of vegetable catacon, cataconic state. Whereas, um, and there's some people, it's a, it's a slower, um, regression and, and, and so again, there's, there's an easy, um,

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  option to sort of ignore those subtle changes and I, and, and I think this experience made it, um, far more prominent for all of us than we had to pay attention to it. And even my mom had said, you know, my dad did the interviews. She's like, I've never even heard him talk like that. I didn't even know he felt that. I didn't know he was experiencing that. And because he didn't want to put that burden upon someone else and, and, um, and so, yeah, I, I,

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  I guess I'm thankful for the opportunity to embark on this sort of journey with him. And as far as the documentary went, because it ignited something in, I think, all of us in my family to be a lot more proactive and a lot more present and a lot more connected. Because, you know, we're watching sort of memories disappear in front of us.

• 1:01:12Jay Shetty?

  The first time you're going through it, you'd like, and same as my experience, like before the pandemic, before he did pass away, I'd go back to see him.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:20Jay Shetty?

  And every time I'd go back, I'd notice, especially because I was living in L A. So every time I'd go back, I'd notice big changes than the people who were with him every day. And it was like, I'd go back maybe every four months to see him or whatever it was. And it's like, the first time he'd still remember my name, but he'd forget that I was there after like 10 minutes and then say hello again. And then the next time I'd go, he'd remember my name, but then he'd only, he'd forget me every 30 seconds or whatever it was. And then, you know, you just, I saw that decline because I wasn't with him every day.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  How long between when he was diagnosed to when he passed away?

• 1:01:54Jay Shetty?

  Maybe like, I think I'd have to check the exact time, but maybe like three to four years.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Wow, yeah.

• 1:01:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, like three to, yeah.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's, it's, the same time my dad was diagnosed, um, a friend of ours was diagnosed. And my dad's actually in a remarkable position compared to a friend of ours who can barely speak and that glazed vague look of sort of confusion comes 24/7. My dad is the short term memory, you know, and, and it's, the older memories are still very strong and evident and he can sit here and recognize people, but there's some repetition now occurring more than there was. But, um, you know, I'm thankful that it's, hasn't happened as fast as a lot of instances, you know?

• 1:02:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  It was about probably four, maybe even five years ago, you know?

• 1:02:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's, yeah, no, I'm happy to hear that too. And it was, it's beautiful to watch you go back to your childhood home, like rebuilt, rebuilt redesign. And when everyone watches it, they'll know what I mean when I say that. But just like, it's such a special thing to do. Like, I, I can't imagine what it felt like for him and for you to even go back there as like a

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Jay Shetty?

  fully grown adult, because he was an adult when he was there last, but you know.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  No, and it was, um, the reminiscence therapy is what was called about, you know, that this basically stimulating old memories in the hippocampus and, and, and triggering memories that held a great amount of larger emotional responses. So whether it be exhilarating, exciting, nerve wracking, those intense memories to stimulate those via looking at old photographs, talking to old friends from the past, discussing things that happened in the past. What we did was a very elaborate, supercharged version of that. We, you know, we had a, a film crew with us and a production and, and they basically took the house that we grew up in and stripped all the furniture out and somehow sourced

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  furniture and posters and DVD players and whatever, you know, that we had as kids and set the house up the way it was and we lived there. And it was, um, beyond sort of comprehension that when I first walked in, I was struggling to sort of articulate how I felt about it because my brain didn't know what to do with it. And, um, and it was remarkable sort of seeing my dad sort of come to life in moments and, and, and it triggered all these other memories and, um, better. And then my mum going through the house and it triggering a different experience for her, you know, as a reminder of the passage of time and the memories she had then, but the memories we may not have, you know, in, in a few years' time or that is disappearing.

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  Uh, but it was, um, Yeah, a pretty wild experience.

• 1:04:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, it just fully takes you back and it's I I imagine that while you're doing this, because you're doing the supercharged version, there's a sense of, I wonder how your thoughts on how making memories has changed.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:04:55Jay Shetty?

  Because we say that as humans, like, oh, we should make, let's make memories. But I don't know if we really think about it as profoundly as you do when you're faced with

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Jay Shetty?

  not knowing how many more you can make and how many of the parts. So how is how is your thought process on like make the idea of making memories been impacted?

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  I think my time that I spend with him now is um

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  is is a lot simpler than than I would have thought would have attempted i- i- in the past. I thought there had to be a bigger experience, but to do something, you know, incredibly memorable and so and I've realized now that the the greatest moments are just sitting there being with him and and seeing him have someone listen to him and see him have someone see him and pay attention and and watching him through this, even this documentary,

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  all of a sudden he had agency in something again, you know, a- a- and and not just because of the there's certainly having Alzheimer's, the awareness around I'm losing control and I'm I can't sort of lead the pack or be in charge of, you know, the space. I'm very much a passenger or maybe a patient. But also that thing that happens at a certain age and I've watched my parents, you know, the last kind of ten years, the transition of wow, they've been the authority and now they're looking to us. And what that does to the ego and all and it's it's it takes a great amount of grace and humility to go, oh, I now have to seek support where I used to

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  lead the way and I and I don't have the answers to that. And now, you know, um, my kids may be the authority on a lot of these subjects, you know, even though we thought we were, you know, all through our egoic youthful times, but the um, that sort of transition. And so for him, that was really, you know, I looked at that making the documentary as a Yeah, I thought I was very thankful for watching him and a lot of the crew said this, wow, as the days went on, he really sort of took charge.

• 1:07:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  It felt like he was in the driver's seat again. And I think that's really important for for people to remember is to still give them some agency and still as much as there is a lack of control, but I don't know, allowing them to embody some authority and narrative on their life as opposed to like, now you just have to sit in this space and have your hand out and.

• 1:07:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, you think you're helping, but actually you're hurting.

• 1:07:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like you and I try and, you know, I ask my dad questions I know the answers to, but just to I know he he'll feel like he has, um, hopefully he doesn't hear this because he'll forget it anyway. But, you know, I'll ask him things just to sort of stimulate some, again, agency and authority in his thinking, but.

• 1:07:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, it must have been pretty amazing to see him ride a motorcycle like that.

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, he still rides.

• 1:07:58Jay Shetty?

  Even that, like, yeah, that's pretty impressive. Like, when I saw that, I was like, wow, that's, that must feel great for him to get because he used to be a.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:04Jay Shetty?

  You know, it it just, to me, that that also must feel like some agency for him to still be so active in that way because.

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that's the thing I think I'm most scared for for him, and I think probably he is, is there will come a time when he won't be able to do those things. And at the moment, you know, I mean, he's still races in historic races with old Harleys and different bikes and things and, you know, will blitz the pack and young blokes will rock up on their bikes and he's going and they'll go, whoa, who is this guy? And he ends up on the podium a lot of the times in these races. He's an incredible rider still. Um, but I don't know at what point that will occur, but that that for me, I brings me great concern, you know, as it does for him as well, because it will be the, I think, the most obvious representation of the lack of agency and that you're taking a real backseat to things, you know?

• 1:08:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, no, hearing you talk about is just genuinely so, as as hard as it is for you and obviously for your family and even just hearing you say how hard it was to make a documentary about something so personal, I definitely think that even hearing you talk about it today, I'm like, this is helping people because I feel like there's so many. It's not talked about enough and there are so many families that go through it. And like you said, it's it's so easy to pretend like it's not happening or try and just tell that person what actually happened because that's what our logical brain does. And what what did you learn about your dad through this experience only that you wish you'd learned sooner or understood earlier?

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  My dad had, he's certainly, he has always been my hero, you know, he's represented such nobility and integrity and compassion and and strength and a great, a deep profound sense of justice and injustice and right and wrong and and has been very present and vocal about situations like that, you know, he worked in in child protection and taking care of the most vulnerable of us and being children, you know, and and he, they're big shoes to fill, you know, and and but I think what I didn't realize, watching this documentary, was that he had all the same fears and concerns that that I had or I have and and he isn't

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  unshakable and unmovable and he's human and and and watching him be vulnerable and express concern and fear about things made me love him on an even deeper level, you know, it's like, oh, wow, the walls came down, you know, and I don't think he was presenting those walls out of avoidance, but there wasn't, he wasn't as, not emotionally available, but but he wouldn't let you see that side of him as much. And now there's this gentler sort of open, vulnerable side, which that I wasn't aware

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  of as much as before, you know, and I think that I'm very thankful for that, you know, it's quite beautiful, sort of watching his interviews, which I wasn't present for, but the master interviews that I watched after, I'm like, oh, my God, I had no idea.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  That those were the things he was considering, but also the sense of humour he had with it. And the humility and the sort of self-deprecating sort of nature that he he had, even in discussing the most difficult things, you know.

• 1:11:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it must be really special that you have all those tapes.

• 1:11:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely. I had, um, I think you said this at the start of our chat, but he, I had a friend of mine say, because I was really concerned about doing this and even through it, and even after we'd finished, I was talking to the director, I was like, oh, it's just a good thing if I, you know, I, I, again, I don't want to feel like this is exploiting any of this. And, and he said, you know, I lost my father really suddenly and never had a chance at these conversations. And the fact that you've been able to have this experience and force these conversations out of one another.

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  What a gift. And then so many people who were at the screening, the premiere a few weeks ago, said, I wish I had done this, or I now am going to do this. I'm now going to reach out to my parents or that loved one or friend that I hadn't said these things to because it was just a reminder of the fleeting nature and of all of it, you know.

• 1:12:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, that's, that's what's amazing about it, that it doesn't have to be Alzheimer's. It's like, you know,

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know.

• 1:12:34Jay Shetty?

  It's just about

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:35Jay Shetty?

  having time and space to reconnect and see your parents for who they

• 1:12:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:40Jay Shetty?

  are and who they didn't show you because they were protecting you and

• 1:12:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Jay Shetty?

  who they didn't want to or they weren't ready to. And, and it's hard because we all have, everyone has different relationships with their parents and everything, but there's, there's something beautiful about being able to just sit there and see them and them being, them allowing you.

• 1:12:55Speaker 02

  Because even like making the documentary was like, on one hand, I sort of, we're, you know, we're out to sort of understand Alzheimer's or dementia and, and, and find the fix, find the silver bullet, you know, um, look into reminiscence therapy, look into different medications, look into different modalities and approaches on how to handle it.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  And then by the end of it, it was exactly that. It was like, oh, well, this is about connection. This is universal to all of our experience. This isn't just about Alzheimer's. This is about supporting one another and being there for one another and being part of a family and a community and that interconnected nature of all of it, as opposed to one line with dementia, Alzheimer's, cognitive health. It was about, it was about love and support and connection. And that for me was the biggest takeaway, I think, you know, or equally as sort of beneficial of the connection with my dad was about what it meant universally to all of my relationships.

• 1:13:51Jay Shetty?

  What did you learn about yourself that you weren't aware of or that you hadn't come across before?

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  I felt just that I was doing something right. I think, and I know that sounds kind of strange, but I had so much doubt and criticism and concern about it. And then I was sitting at the premiere and my dad kept like holding my hand and just never done that, you know. And he was both emotional and laughing and, and, and I thought, oh, wow, this is like, out of all the things I've done and things I've put on screen and the things I've made, this feels profoundly important and deeply personal, but special and unique to probably

• 1:14:35Speaker 02

  anything I'll ever do again. And, and I don't know, it, it, a little bit of what we're saying before, but I, I don't walk around thinking I've sort of, I am the thing, I guess I try and present of having figured it out and having this sort of, you know, being entirely in control of things. I have more doubt than, you know, well, as much doubt as anyone or more doubt than anyone. I don't know. But, but I have a lot of inner criticism and so on. And this, I don't know, I, I felt a real lift in that. And I felt like.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  There was plenty, there are plenty more opportunities or should be to do things that have a deeper message and can resonate on a larger scale. And they can mean something. It doesn't just have to be purely entertainment. It doesn't just have to be, it can have a deeper message, you know. And I don't know, I cut myself some slack, I guess.

• 1:15:38Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  I felt a sense of pride that I hadn't felt before.

• 1:15:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love hearing that. I'm glad you're finally, you know, giving yourself some.

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  And I'm not saying I'm kind of, you know, disapproving of everything I've done and, you know, but, but I don't know. It resonated on a different level to me.

• 1:15:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I think that's real. I think it's real. I think, I think that's, they just feed different things, right? In the same ways that you can make something purely entertaining that makes people have the best time and laugh and whatever it is, making something that personal.

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Jay Shetty?

  There's, there's nothing like it. Like, I'm sure it was almost more gratifying watching your dad watch himself.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 1:16:17Jay Shetty?

  Than it was ever seeing any of your movies because that's how we're designed. Like, I feel like we're like, we're wired for generosity as humans and we're wired for that connection. So it's, it's, you know, when you're seeing that person that you love, watch themselves.

• 1:16:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:32Jay Shetty?

  It's way better than seeing yourself on a screen.

• 1:16:33Speaker 02

  He was sitting next to me and I spent as much time looking to him to see, as I did at the screen. And at the end of the, the film, something he said to me, my first ever film, I spent a small part in Star Trek. And he flew in for the premiere in L A with her mum. And at the end of the film, he grabbed me, kissed me on the top of the head and he goes, you were the best in your row. And every single film I've done, he's like, you were the best in your row, you know, you were the best in your class type thing. And it's this like, his way of saying, you know, and then he would go on and give a greater sort of summary of it all. But then I leant over to him and I said, you're the best in your row. And he goes, yeah, not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. This again, there's a wicked sense of humour about it.

• 1:17:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. No, he comes across, I mean, yeah, obviously I've never met your dad, but like, he comes across like so lovable.

• 1:17:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Jay Shetty?

  So charming, so endearing, like, just, you know, just a, just a great dad, like, he definitely, like, you know, he should know that.

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  A human, yeah.

• 1:17:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly, a good, a good, like, good people, good, good human. And there's that beautiful picture that almost the whole documentary is kind of centered around. Of, you know, you and your dad. And I was wondering if you, if you would go back to that younger self in that picture, what would you say to that younger self?

• 1:17:52Speaker 02

  Um, I don't know, I'd be, I'd be cautious to say anything because it, it's, it's worked out pretty well, you know?

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  The slightly older version of that kid, I'd say it's gonna be okay, you know, in those sort of worrisome nights that I would kind of spin my wheels on one subject or another and be full of concern and anxiety and regret and guilt and all this kind of strange um, concoction of emotions, I don't know why, but uh, I would like to appease and remove some of that if I could to my younger self by saying, don't worry, just trust in the, in the process and go with the flow a little more, you know? But then again, as I said, I, I wouldn't change anything, so.

• 1:18:39Jay Shetty?

  Weird, yeah.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  I wouldn't want to steer myself off the path.

• 1:18:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's like almost if you went back and did that, then you wouldn't be doing what you're doing today.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  I want the same outcome, but I want it to be less challenging.

• 1:18:50Jay Shetty?

  Isn't that all of us? That's so funny. That, that's literally it. It was like, that's, that would, that is everyone's desire in life.

• 1:18:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:57Jay Shetty?

  It's almost like.

• 1:18:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:59Jay Shetty?

  Never the case. It's all, even this, even you making this documentary, it was, it was uncomfortable.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:04Jay Shetty?

  And now you're sitting back reflecting going.

• 1:19:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:07Jay Shetty?

  I'm really proud of it. It made me feel good, my, you know, sitting with my dad, like, but it was an uncomfortable journey of, do I make it? Do I not? Is it, how's it gonna look? And so it's such a, the discomfort to joy.

• 1:19:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:18Jay Shetty?

  Art is so real for all humans.

• 1:19:20Speaker 02

  And I don't know how many times you tell yourself the adversity is what builds the strength, you know, whether it's in the gym or whether it's emotional experiences, it's like, you'll be better for this afterwards, always. Yet each time like, oh, why, why me? Why again? Why is this happening? How can I avoid this? How can I, you know?

• 1:19:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:38Speaker 02

  And it's like, it's a, it's a, I don't know whether you ever arrive at a place where you're just completely on board with the suffering, the challenges of the adversity. And you're like, but then if you did, then it wouldn't be suffering. So then you're not learning anything like.

• 1:19:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Then, then you're not working out, then you're not, then you're not actually going through it.

• 1:19:56Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm okay with this. It's because it's not hurting enough.

• 1:19:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  Give me an extra 10 reps.

• 1:20:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  Oh, okay, there.

• 1:20:02Jay Shetty?

  It's, it's like when you've been in the cold plunge for seven minutes and now it's not.

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:05Jay Shetty?

  You've just normalized, so it doesn't matter anymore. You're just in there for the ego boost.

• 1:20:09Speaker 02

  So now it's not doing anything. You need to do eight. It's like.

• 1:20:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. What, what do you think that younger self in that picture or even a bit older would say back to you?

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  I think it'd be, they'd be like, we're going where? You know, and have the, and I think that often about if my younger self knew what was in store or what was coming, they would be, uh, you know, we're gonna play a superhero. We're gonna play dress ups and we travel the world and, and, and be on this crazy, crazy adventure with our friends. And

• 1:20:41Speaker 02

  I think, uh, I think they'd be,

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  I think they'd be grateful. I think they'd be excited. I think they'd, uh,

• 1:20:49Speaker 02

  they'd make sure I was enjoying it, you know, and not being caught up in the, the next one or the, uh, the over calculation of it all, you know?

• 1:20:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's almost like that. It's almost like living life from that perspective is the only

• 1:21:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:02Jay Shetty?

  worthy one.

• 1:21:03Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:21:04Jay Shetty?

  Because from that lens, you look at it and you go, oh, I'm grateful. I'm happy. I'm joyful. I'm

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:09Jay Shetty?

  And, and there's some power in just looking back at your life from that younger self.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  For sure. Yeah. And they'd look up and go,

• 1:21:19Speaker 02

  you're doing a good job, you know?

• 1:21:21Jay Shetty?

  They wouldn't have the criticism.

• 1:21:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. It's, it's like, who are you?

• 1:21:26Speaker 02

  You're trying to better the situation for that younger version of yourself, or the dream you had then, or this sort of, the thing you, um,

• 1:21:36Speaker 02

  you know, the, the, the sort of the prior imagining of it all, you know? And, yeah, and I've thought about that before, like, the younger self would be wildly impressed by it, you know? So, so should you.

• 1:21:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:54Speaker 02

  But, you know, you're like, what am I?

• 1:21:56Jay Shetty?

  Well, that's the funny part, right? That, that, that younger self that's still inside of us.

• 1:22:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:01Jay Shetty?

  Is the part of us that doesn't have the criticism and the judgment and the harsh words and just has like this childlike excitement and thrill and enthusiasm.

• 1:22:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:10Jay Shetty?

  And it's still there inside all of us. It's just you don't, you almost don't let it breathe because you kind of treat it as like not as smart or

• 1:22:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22:18Jay Shetty?

  not as intelligent, you know?

• 1:22:20Speaker 02

  I mean, that's, and that is what I, I, I, I chase all the time in a, in a performance setting is like, how would the, what would my mindset be as a child in this, in this situation? And what would I, how vivid would my imagination be? How, you know, let it run wild? And every now and then I get a hold of that or I find myself in that state. And it's completely unencumbered with thought and the criticism. And you're like, fly, you're in the moment, you know? And, um, and I, I had Downey, Robert Downey say this to me once in the scene where I sort of improvised something and something happened and he comes up and he goes, how do you feel? I said, I felt cool, it was really cool. And he goes, it happens like a couple of times in my career. He goes, grab a hold of it, remember it? And I was like, yeah.

• 1:23:04Speaker 02

  But what it was, was that, and that, that the non-judgmental, childlike version of myself, you know? And I think to take that into all aspects of life, not just when I was in front of a camera, has been really important and was, has been a real lesson is to, to, um, be more adventurous and inquisitive and curious and not so much outcome based focused, you know? Just be sort of moment to moment and allowing that sort of the cheekiness of children and the sort of the slight rebellious sort of, you know,

• 1:23:38Speaker 02

  less concerned with the rules version of how things come out. Yeah, but like you said, you're like, well, but then it's, uh, you know, that, that's, uh, that's inconsistent with how the, the adult version should behave and that's irresponsible and so on. It's like, ah, it doesn't matter, I don't know. Anyone getting hurt? Nah.

• 1:23:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  Well, carry on.

• 1:23:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think there's a big difference between being childlike and childish.

• 1:23:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, yeah.

• 1:24:00Jay Shetty?

  And we don't often know the difference.

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03Jay Shetty?

  And so we pressure down or suppress our childlike self.

• 1:24:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:07Jay Shetty?

  Because we're scared we might get childish and it's the intelligent self sees the childish part and goes, oh, whatever.

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Jay Shetty?

  But but it's the childlike self that we know exists and has that power. There's this, uh. When I'm doing workshops, I have this thing called the thirty circles test. It's basically an A four piece of paper.

• 1:24:22Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:24:23Jay Shetty?

  With thirty circles on it. And I'll do this with executives across the world and big companies and all the rest of it. And I'll say, you've got thirty seconds to uniquely complete thirty circles. That's the only instruction they get. They all have a pencil. So everyone starts scribbling. There's a timer. And then the time starts going down. And then I go five, four, three, two, one, time's up. Some of them keep scribbling, like, you know, trying to get some more time in. And then they stop and I ask them what they've done. And the top five answers are always, someone wrote the numbers one to thirty in every circle. The second answer is people wrote A to Z and then A, B, C, D. And then people do squiggles, people do emojis and little smiley faces, sad faces, footballs, pizzas, all that kind of stuff.

• 1:25:05Jay Shetty?

  And that's pretty much it. And these are like the smartest executives, CMOs, CEOs, whatever, all the big, you know, Fortune five hundred companies and all the rest of it. And then I've done the same thing with kids and with ten year olds usually. And I learnt this from the person who built the thirty circles test. And, uh, the kids just come up with these amazing things. So this one boy, he put a line around it, put a little sign on top. And then put lines on the circles. And when I asked him what it was, he said it was a bag of tennis balls. And because he plays tennis. And then there's this other girl who, she did all this intricate line work, like straight lines on each piece and different things. And then when I asked her what it was, she said it was a bird's eye view of a chessboard.

• 1:25:48Jay Shetty?

  And and because she she loves playing chess. And then my favorite one, I always remember this one. There's this little girl who did intricate circles and curves and all this kind of stuff. And I asked her what it was. She held the paper like this. She goes, it's bubble wrap. And it was just like this really like childlike, you know, and you never get an adult doing any of those.

• 1:26:04Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:26:04Jay Shetty?

  Because we just hear thirty circles, thirty seconds.

• 1:26:07Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:26:07Jay Shetty?

  Get the job done.

• 1:26:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:08Jay Shetty?

  And you get you get these kids who just have this little bit of freedom still, where they haven't got trained to.

• 1:26:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:15Jay Shetty?

  Shut that out, but.

• 1:26:16Speaker 02

  We haven't, um. You know, deeply embedded our neural pathways around ideas and

• 1:26:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:23Speaker 02

  and expectations and, you know, the assumption around the right and the wrong. It's, you know, the, the mind is, is, is wide open at that point. And yeah, I think we all can do with a heavy dose of getting back to that, that, that, that, that time of our life.

• 1:26:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you, you've been married for fifteen years now.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:43Jay Shetty?

  Something like that, is that right?

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, fifteen years. Uh, and, and you've got three wonderful children.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  Kids, yeah.

• 1:26:49Jay Shetty?

  You know, it's like, and how old's the oldest now?

• 1:26:52Speaker 02

  Uh, my daughter's thirteen.

• 1:26:53Jay Shetty?

  India, right?

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:54Jay Shetty?

  You're right, yeah, yeah. So she's thirteen, yeah.

• 1:26:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:56Jay Shetty?

  What would you say your kids have taught you, uh, that you didn't anticipate they would?

• 1:27:02Speaker 02

  Um, uh, it, I'd like to say they taught me patience. They're attempting to teach you patience, you know, cause I don't know, but I'm figuring it out.

• 1:27:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:11Speaker 02

  I mean, it, it, talk about the ways you kind of, you know, can be in control and be in authority in spaces and, and, and have it all figured out. And then you, that door opens and it's just chaos. And it's like, I'm failing on every, at every single component of this. The, again, the importance of, of, of time, you know, and, and the things that I thought were going to bring great joy and the things that I was going to provide and give comfort, security. It's far simpler than that. It's attention, you know, they want your presence, they want your, your space, they want your focus. And, um, and we overcomplicate it so often with

• 1:27:53Speaker 02

  the, the attempts at sort of more extravagant experiences and things. And yet they just want your time, you know? And that for me

• 1:28:04Speaker 02

  has been terrifying at times, realizing how quick it's gone, you know? And I think I'll get to that and then a year goes by and I've done a couple of films or whatever and gone, oh, wow, what, which part of their, you know, brief childhood have I, have I missed? And So they they they've taught me a greater awareness around the importance of this moment. Because their personalities change every second and every day and every week and every month. And and you kind of you're mourning a version of that child every month because they're gone. You know, you look at the sort of the the three year old and you think, oh, wow, this is it. And can't wait till they're out and happy is and doing this.

• 1:28:46Speaker 02

  And then all of a sudden they're four and five and they're at an appies and you've put the stroller away. And like, oh, God, I wish I had that version back. And then so you're constantly saying goodbye to little versions of these people. And um, so just pay attention, just be here, be present. And they don't care about the the things, the sort of larger achievements and, you know, an award or a big film or this and that and the other, you know, they do momentarily. Oh, it's cool, whatever, gone. They just want you there. And and that's comforting, I find, you know, because the pressure you put on yourself about those, those, you know, more superficial sort of accomplishments and things. Um, are important on one hand, but but not as important as just being there.

• 1:29:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. What what's been the what's been the key to fifteen years together?

• 1:29:35Speaker 02

  Um, having fun, I think, you know, uh, both having a sort of adventurous spirit, um, making time for one another. I think the the complicated times have been when it's been all work, all kids. And all of a sudden, the us in the relationship is is what is sort of the non-existent. You know, you're you're you're just kind of managing a household or the the the work family schedule. And else will be off and work and then I'll be off and work. And then it's chaos at kids and the kid kid time. And and so sort of um, removing ourselves from all of that and just having time for the two of us and making space for each other rather than

• 1:30:17Speaker 02

  the rest of the world that can be so um, all consuming, you know?

• 1:30:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that must be so hard, though, right, with your schedule?

• 1:30:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, it it it is, it is, it's it's um.

• 1:30:28Speaker 02

  I think it's as hard as for anyone, really, you know, it's all relative. And, you know, we, yeah, it's challenging, but we also have opportunity to make it work. We have no excuse as far as like how, um, how much time we can make for each other due to the support we can get and to do our situations. So, um, yeah, just making each other laugh, you know, just kind of because it's so, the, there's so much over sort of focus on these kind of the importance and the intense sort of things and the big decisions. And then it's the same with the kids. It's like the, the stuff that really resonates and when you really get along and you really kind of feel like you're just here in this space is when there's, there's humor involved.

• 1:31:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Adventure, when there's curiosity, when there's openness to kind of make a fool of yourself and self-deprecation and all that, it's, I think is, that, that's what you can hope, you know, there's always that spark and that attraction, but what it comes down to is, is friendship, companionship at the end. And, and, um, the moment you run out of things to talk about and you, you lack that curiosity and interest in one another is, you know, that's when it's concerning. Yeah. And that's a, you know, you gotta, you, you keep digging, you know, sort of again, coming to some arrival or insisting on a sort of finite conclusion to it is there's a finish line then, you know, and to understand you don't entirely ever know each other and

• 1:31:58Speaker 02

  you'll continue to try and figure it out. And, and as you're trying to figure, as you're trying to greater, have a greater understanding of yourself as well in that experience, I think is important to keep at the, the front of your thinking, you know, it allows you to forgive each other, it allows you to be more compassionate with each other, allows you to have greater understandings for both your shortcomings and, and, and the things we might, um, you know, the, the lesser versions of ourselves that we, that we may think of.

• 1:32:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's that that, you know, has kept us in check.

• 1:32:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love the part of you saying when you still don't know each other, like you're still getting to know, like that's, that's, I think, such a beautiful thing of like, you're, you still believe there's more to know about this person.

• 1:32:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:46Jay Shetty?

  That you see every day.

• 1:32:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:48Jay Shetty?

  And live with, and you still believe, no, there's more to know. I don't know them fully.

• 1:32:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:52Jay Shetty?

  And that that keeps it fresh and new and exciting because there's an acceptance, whereas as soon as you think, oh, I know them.

• 1:32:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:32:59Jay Shetty?

  And I know their habits and I can kind of predict everything they do.

• 1:33:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:03Jay Shetty?

  And there is a part of that, and that's a helpful thing. Like, oh, I know when they're tired and I know when they need space and I know when they're hungry or hangry or whatever it may be.

• 1:33:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Jay Shetty?

  And that's helpful, of course it is, but then it's also the acceptance of I actually don't know them because they're changing and they're growing and I haven't seen the mother version or the mother of three or the mother, you know, there's there's all these iterations that we almost think, well, no, people stay the same.

• 1:33:25Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. And it is. And it's having a sort of um allowance for that and a bit of compassion around. You know, do we ever even know ourselves entirely, you know, how how could we ever entirely know somebody else? And and but you have to keep reminding yourself to be curious and to sort of embody the humility to go, oh, I don't entirely understand or know that, but that's okay. I don't have to um. I don't have to, you know, I I don't have to entirely. You know, the the sort of a pattern recognition and you have your expectations and so on, but having a little more openness to um

• 1:34:07Speaker 02

  and and and and curiosity, enthusiasm to understand what is it that makes you tick today versus tomorrow versus yesterday, you know, as opposed to thinking, I know all of your tricks, you know all of mine.

• 1:34:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:22Speaker 02

  It takes away the sort of presumption, I guess, of what we have around each other, which is, you know, it is often cause for complication, I think, you know.

• 1:34:32Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:34:33Speaker 02

  Well, I know why you did that. I know why you're gonna do this. And I know it's just like, then comes the eye roll and the contempt and then then you're down a dangerous. That's it, you know.

• 1:34:42Jay Shetty?

  If if Elsa was here sitting right next to you right now, what would she tell me about you that would surprise me?

• 1:34:48Speaker 02

  Um, you don't know. I don't know.

• 1:34:52Jay Shetty?

  I'm gonna have to ask.

• 1:34:53Speaker 02

  You have to ask her.

• 1:34:54Jay Shetty?

  I'm gonna have to ask.

• 1:34:55Speaker 02

  You have seen her have interviews. I'm like, why'd you tell him that? That's not true. Is that what you always think?

• 1:35:01Jay Shetty?

  That's the best. Does she do it? Does she react to it?

• 1:35:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:35:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, good ways and them ways I'm like, that's not true. What are you doing? Um, I don't know.

• 1:35:20Jay Shetty?

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• 1:37:04Jay Shetty?

  Have you had the conversation with your kids about their grandad's Alzheimer's? Like have you?

• 1:37:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:09Jay Shetty?

  Walk me through that part. How do you explain it? What, how does that conversation?

• 1:37:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's been really interesting because I um, they're the, they're the biggest kind of lessons and the most sort of profound sort of shifts in our sort of, our growth, I think, as individuals is, is around confronting moments and I was, it was very important for me to have them understand what was happening and articulate what this meant and also what it meant for me, you know, rather than, I guess, protect or, you know, avoid that situation for them or that discomfort. I was kind of, it was very important. And, and so when I would talk to them about it, initially they would be like, okay, what does that mean? Yep, he's gonna forget his memories. Okay. And then they'd go and see him, they'd go,

• 1:37:58Speaker 02

  daddy's fine, yes. And, and then they would come and go, oh, he, he asked me this three times. And I said, well, this is what it is. And now you might have to look after me one day. And this is what we do. That this is family. This is the importance of, you know, this connection, the support we have for one another and having compassion for vulnerable, challenging times. And, and they've been great with it, you know, they have, they have big hearts, my, my kids. I'm so thankful for that, you know? And there is an, an abundance of sort of compassion there. And they're like, okay, cool. What do you need from us? You know, yeah, okay, cool. And they'll rally and go around and I, you know, they'll, ah, dad questions and things and talk about old memories and things I've talked about with them. And, um, yeah. And then there'll also be little

• 1:38:42Speaker 02

  maniacs and not care about any of it on other occasions. But for the most part, they've, they've been really good. And it's my son, one of my boys actually at the screening was really emotional and it really kind of, I was really surprised. And then he was like in the car on the way home, like, got really upset. He said, I just, I just love Craigie so much. And I said, well, he's still here, you know, go make sure you tell him. And, and he said, I am, I want to go around there more and I want to have more barbecues and ride motorbikes with him. And, and it was this great kind of, I think, sort of awakening for him, you know, it was real, but until he saw that, the documentary, it wasn't as real. And, and his brother who

• 1:39:26Speaker 02

  Isn't probably as articulate with his sort of emotions was it was still affecting him, you know, and both were like, and he was sort of agreeing, yep, yep, let's let's go and be with him more and let's, you know, let's make the most of this opportunity. So.

• 1:39:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that must have been amazing seeing their their reaction to it as well.

• 1:39:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it was. And it was, I wasn't even focusing on it, you know, that it was, I was sort of right there with my dad. And at the end of it, they were there in the car on the way home talking. And I thought, oh, wow. I was sort of focused on this moment, but now this is the next generation, you know, coming in that sort of the the transference from one to the other and the experience that my dad had had and passed to me, you know, I passed to my kids and.

• 1:40:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's it's also the power of just media and storytelling in a way that if we could all personalize in a world where you're not a movie star and you're not making a documentary. And it's almost like I went to two friends seventieth birthday parties this year. And I've not known them, I've known them both separately, two, two different people. And I've probably known them both for maybe the last 10 years, if that. So I've not known them for like 60 years of their life. I've got to know them in the last 10. And these birthday parties were filled with people they've known for, you know, nearly 70 years. And it was old friends and of

• 1:40:51Jay Shetty?

  course their kids and grandkids and families and, you know, they weren't huge parties, but they were they were big in that there were lots of very close people there, teachers and, you know,

• 1:41:03Jay Shetty?

  business partners and just just everyone. And and it was so beautiful. Like it was, it was such a special thing to attend as someone who's not 70 years old and go, wow, like what an incredible life these two people have lived. How amazing it is to see them celebrate it and how and they're not movie stars and and how amazing it is for their families to have made media about them.

• 1:41:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:25Jay Shetty?

  So whether it's like a little homemade video of their highlight reel for seventy years, or whether it's messages from over the years. And I was just like the power and and it's like, I've only known them for the last ten years, but I'm like weeping at these videos, not and I haven't even been there for that long, like compared to everyone else in the room. But there's a power to that and how connected we feel when you see someone's story being told.

• 1:41:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:46Jay Shetty?

  And it and it makes you wonder how much more we can all do that for our families and the people we love.

• 1:41:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:51Jay Shetty?

  Even if it's not on a big, you know, you're not going to a premiere or anything like that, but how much of a need there is for celebrating people at milestones.

• 1:41:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:42:00Jay Shetty?

  And and kind of taking a moment to create storytelling around them so other people can appreciate them better.

• 1:42:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is. It's it's, I think, the most important thing to to see one another and and to be seen and to recognize in other others, the the the beauty and and what they have represented, what they have given you. We we don't often, you know, I mean, at the milestones, the parties and the birthdays and so on, we might, you know, the offer that up, but I don't think we do it enough, you know, and and it it's it's incredibly important because you, you know, without that recognition from someone else, we don't really know kind of our effect on the world. We don't really, you know, we we can assume and and think this or that, but for the most part, it's a sort of imagined experience,

• 1:42:51Speaker 02

  you know, and the actuality of it, the reality of it, when someone else taps you on the shoulder and says, hey, this is incredibly important, what you've done, and this is incredibly memorable, and it had this amazing profound effect on me, what you said this one time. We um, we don't, yeah, we, I don't think we're as comfortable saying it, or we don't sort of do it as often as we should.

• 1:43:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. And yeah, it's a good, it's this, this was definitely a good reminder of that.

• 1:43:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:14Jay Shetty?

  For sure, to see it and and for everyone to recognize that you can do your own version of it. Like, I think that that's kind of what I was, the whole time I was watching, I was just like, yeah, I wish I did that with my mentor and I wish we got the opportunity and in a good way, not in a

• 1:43:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:25Jay Shetty?

  Not in a painful way, in a in an excitement

• 1:43:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:28Jay Shetty?

  For everyone else who, and you know, doing it with my mom. I remember a few years ago, I interviewed my mom, not on the podcast, but Just over dinner and it was my sister's 30th birthday. We'd gone away together as me and my mum and my younger sister. And we just, I just interviewed my mum over dinner. It was my, one of my favourite things I've ever done.

• 1:43:44Speaker 02

  Oh wow.

• 1:43:45Jay Shetty?

  Because I learnt so much about her.

• 1:43:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:47Jay Shetty?

  That she'd never told me, she's 70 now or she was at that point and it just, it was so special just to ask her some questions that she would never tell me the story about or she wouldn't, she never makes her life sound exciting or different or special and then you get into it and you go, oh my, your life is all of those things.

• 1:44:03Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:44:03Jay Shetty?

  Uh, and yeah, just, yeah, what, what a beautiful thing to give people the right vocabulary. I, I wonder with, with everything you've been saying, what, what's something that you want to get better as, as a man?

• 1:44:17Speaker 02

  I wanna slow down a bit, you know, I, I feel like

• 1:44:23Speaker 02

  that I have been sort of chasing something for so long and um achieving something and arriving at a point and then quickly replacing it with something else and it's afforded me an incredible life and, and I've achieved some wonderful things and, but it's

• 1:44:45Speaker 02

  I would love to take pause and take stock in kind of this moment more, you know, and

• 1:44:53Speaker 02

  and it's not to say I don't wanna keep working and do, do achieving things, but I wanna be less kind of um

• 1:45:00Speaker 02

  focused on the, the outcome of it, you know, and just be there for the experience and be there for the, the joy and the thrill and the adventure and, and, and have a greater curiosity around it. Without being consumed with the what if it goes wrong portion of things, you know. But it's a strange thing because as we've discussed a few times, you know, well, can you have one without the other?

• 1:45:27Speaker 02

  But I, you know, I have, this has made me slow down a lot, you know, with my dad recently. And I'm looking at next year and I have films to do, but I'm turned down a lot of things just so I can be here with him more. And because I know I'm not going to get 10 years down the track and go, I'm glad I did those extra three or four films. I'm going to say, I wish I spent more time with him and with my mum, you know. And with my brothers and my wife, my kids and family and friends. And because it's, you know, you wake up and another 10 years has gone by. It's like, it's been fun, but a lot of it has, feels like a sort of a blurred Polaroid photograph. And I'm like, I just kind of remember that, you know.

• 1:46:08Speaker 02

  And but I was sort of all consuming and so busy and such intensity and such high emotions. And, and, and such, got a big risk, big reward, big payoffs, big, big loss, you know. And, and that's fun and there's a sort of excitement to that. But I found, I find sometimes I, there's just pure exhaustion as well. And I just would like to kind of reset a bit and recharge and have a greater amount of sort of stillness and not want so much from a situation. Just kind of, just be here.

• 1:46:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:45Speaker 02

  You know.

• 1:46:46Jay Shetty?

  Is that why coming back here was so important instead of being in L A as well?

• 1:46:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely, definitely. And it was right when I had kids, we were in L A and we had a big, beautiful house there. And but it just didn't feel like home and it was chaotic. And every time I'd leave the house, I was reminded of work and reminded of what I was doing or what I wasn't doing. And, and, and that was, you know, documented by paparazzi and then plastered across sort of various news outlets and so on. And, and it didn't, it wasn't fulfilling on a sort of a personal soul level, you know. It didn't feel nourishing at all. And we came back here just for, just for a holiday, but in a sort of a subtle attempt from me to sort of, you know, convince my wife to move here. And it was, it wasn't, it wasn't a hard, you know, moment.

• 1:47:34Speaker 02

  No, it wasn't a hard sell at all. She was instantly like, ah, this will do. This is pretty special.

• 1:47:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, is your, is your dad's transition most hardest on your mum? Do you, do you see that?

• 1:47:43Speaker 02

  For sure. Yeah, that's the one that I, has become really complicated.

• 1:47:53Speaker 02

  Because it's sort of.

• 1:47:58Speaker 02

  What's scary is she has the same two copies they have probably four. I think there's a high probability of women getting it as opposed to men. So she's in an even higher risk category. And the stress and the the concern that she carries. It is incredibly dangerous, you know, and detrimental to her health. And so my brothers and I, you know, big attempt to sort of offload that as much as we can. And also watching, you know, you don't want to be. In a sort of romantic, loving relationship and then one have to be a carer and one have to be a patient, you know, it's such a tragedy.

• 1:48:43Speaker 02

  And I think at times.

• 1:48:46Speaker 02

  That's where that's where the roles have been assigned and there's good days and bad days. But I think not being able to do the things that they used to do and not having the same. Connection and the same conversations that they used to have and and that. There's a beautiful connection and love there, but. There isn't the same depth to some of the conversations and interactions they have now. There isn't the same. Support and and, you know, obviously no one's fault. It just there's sort of an inability and incapacity to to be there and provide that now. Because the the memory isn't as, you know, as strong as it was and it's in the short term. Things are rapidly sort of declining.

• 1:49:32Speaker 02

  So.

• 1:49:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're sort of. Trying to implement a lot of things currently for her health and for his. But also trying to allow there to be some autonomy in my mom's life as well and a bit of agency in her space. So she doesn't have to feel like she is the carer.

• 1:49:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's such a strange one, isn't it? It's like you're caring for the person who's actually unwell.

• 1:49:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:57Jay Shetty?

  And caring for the person who's caring for the person who's unwell.

• 1:49:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:50:00Jay Shetty?

  Who's often gets forgotten sometimes, isn't it?

• 1:50:01Speaker 02

  Peter Attia said it to me when my dad was first diagnosed. He said, how's your mom? I said, oh, yes, because she's fine. And he goes, she's the one I'd be concerned about, you know, because your dad, you know, we can slow the regression of Alzheimer's sometimes.

• 1:50:17Speaker 02

  We're yet to sort of reverse it, you know, but once it starts, that's the path you're on. He said, your mum isn't there yet, isn't, isn't, you know, it doesn't have sort of cognitive decline. But he goes, but this is the environment where it will, it will promote or that is, is, is the stress and the sleepless nights, the increase in cortisol, um, and that anxiety and concern. He said, all of those are like, that's the environment for her to now sort of be forced down that path. So he said, we've got to pay attention there. And that, that was a, a beautiful reminder from him. And he said it a number of times, I came in contact with him a lot and, and says, how's your mum doing? How's your mum doing? Um, yeah, she's definitely a big focus.

• 1:50:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, love that. Chris, it's been such a joy talking to you.

• 1:51:02Speaker 02

  Thank you, you too.

• 1:51:04Jay Shetty?

  Truly just, just, it's, it's beautiful feeling let into someone's life and heart in this way. Because it, it just, you know, puts so much in the perspective for all of us to hear you kind of be so vulnerable and so open that it can't be easy. And of course, seeing the documentary, you just see how much you're letting everyone in. And we end every episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one sentence maximum. Often we go off piece because I get enthusiastic and excited. Uh, but Chris Hemsworth, these are your final five. Uh, we ask these to everyone on the show or at least a few of these. Uh, so question number one, Chris, what's the best advice you've ever received?

• 1:51:42Speaker 02

  Best advice I've received, um, I remember being asked this when I was doing Home and Away, this soap opera many years ago, and my answer was be kind. And I remember the journalist at the time mocking me and saying, oh, it's like something in Red on a teddy bear or whatever. But that advice that was given to me by my mum is just be kind to people, be compassionate, has stayed true and been my north star through everything I've ever done. And, and in its simplicity is some, there's some profound wisdom to it, you know? Be kind to yourself, be kind to others. That's about as, you know, if we embody just that one thing, I think we'll, we'll do okay.

• 1:52:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Uh, second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

• 1:52:32Speaker 02

  I don't know. Yeah, he asked me what I was afraid of and what makes me nervous, this.

• 1:52:39Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 1:52:41Speaker 02

  All those tricks I was trying to. It's a good anxiety crisis.

• 1:52:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:52:46Speaker 02

  The worst advice I've had on many occasions, just one more drink. One more beer.

• 1:52:52Jay Shetty?

  It doesn't work out.

• 1:52:53Speaker 02

  Doesn't work out. It's always the worst idea. The one more was always the problem, you know?

• 1:52:57Jay Shetty?

  It leads to overweight Thor.

• 1:53:00Speaker 02

  It leads overweight Thor, it leads to confused Thor, forgetful Thor, catastrophic Thor.

• 1:53:06Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Question number three, what do you believe makes a good dad?

• 1:53:17Speaker 02

  Someone who truly embodies the things they're trying to bestow upon you, you know? Someone who truly represents those virtues that they're trying to teach you. Rather than you talking about it, their behaviour represents that. And that's been, has been my dad, you know? His actions spoke a lot louder than his words. And he didn't necessarily speak in sort of poetic one-liners that were, you know, memorable. It was his, the way he walked into a room and the way he treated people, the way he behaved and held himself and took care of people and was compassionate.

• 1:53:56Speaker 02

  That, and he was true to his word and honest and still is and holds a beautiful amount of integrity and love. And yeah, someone who models their behaviour, honestly.

• 1:54:12Jay Shetty?

  Question number four, what do you believe makes a good son?

• 1:54:16Speaker 02

  Being in not just a state of receivership, but also giving back, you know? And I remember when my dad's father passed away, I was in LA and he called me. And I said, oh, sorry about your dad. And I remember him. Getting choked up and on the other end of the call, kind of thinking, oh, wow, he's crying. I hadn't really seen him cry, I don't think, ever.

• 1:54:43Speaker 02

  And very, I was sort of listening and, okay, how are you all right? And then he started talking again and we changed the subject and we went. And afterwards, maybe a year later, I thought, God, I wasn't there for him. And then as time went on, realising how important it was for me also to show, give recognition and how important he was, rather than just him taking care of me, realising I had a part to play. And so what makes it a good son is also the recognition that you have a position and a place to hold in this relationship. And it isn't just to be taken care of, it's also to, to share that responsibility and take care of one another. It's a convoluted answer, wasn't it?

• 1:55:26Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful. Beautiful. I feel like we're living at a time where roles are so hard to understand and undefined. And it's so beautiful to just have like a north star.

• 1:55:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:55:35Jay Shetty?

  Of like, as simple as it is to have like, yeah, your dad's, a good dad, someone who's true to his words and lives by example. That's a beautiful, simple thing that we can all try to aspire to live towards as opposed to, you know, complex ideas.

• 1:55:49Speaker 02

  I remember I have a friend of mine's dad who, um, who was very well read and, you know, would quote various, the philosophy and, and, and psychologists and things. And it was like, oh, wow, that's a really interesting, that's a great thing. And I would take it, but he didn't embody any of it. You know, as the years went on, I was like, oh, that's, it's all talk, you know, it's, it's not action. And, um, just to sort of, you know, read it, right? So what I was saying before, it, it's, but it, you know, it's one thing to sort of be able to spout off wisdom and quotes and so on, but it's like, do you truly, when push comes to shove, is that what you're representing or not?

• 1:56:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:56:33Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm trying to avoid the next question.

• 1:56:36Jay Shetty?

  We're on question, oh, we did question four, we're on question five, this is it. This is the one that I told you about right at the top of the show that you've been thinking about the whole time. So, Chris, the fifth question that we ask to every guest who's ever been on the show. And by the way, everyone knows these questions and no one ever prepares for it, so don't worry. Fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:56:57Speaker 02

  To have a three day work week, or four day maybe, to work less than on. And I think we would have, I would think we would work harder and more efficiently when we do. And their entire life wouldn't be around productivity and work, work, work, work, work. It would be about, hopefully, more enjoyable experiences, you know. I mean, and the weekends are, the weekends are beautiful and needed and wanted and waited for with such anticipation because we've worked, yes. But I think a day or two less would be universally beneficial.

• 1:57:37Jay Shetty?

  I have no idea how humans signed up to a five day work week. Can you imagine when that got instated, how everyone just goes, yeah, I don't know how we did it.

• 1:57:45Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:57:45Jay Shetty?

  Like, I don't know how we ever agreed to going, yeah, we're all gonna work five days a week.

• 1:57:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:57:50Jay Shetty?

  And in some cases, six, in some places across the world, like six, seven days, people are working and maybe the church on Sunday.

• 1:57:55Speaker 02

  Mental fatigue and the physical fatigue and now with phones and all the other ways we're sort of, you know.

• 1:58:01Jay Shetty?

  Well, now it's 24 hours, right? There is no.

• 1:58:03Speaker 02

  There is no switching off downs, brutal, yeah.

• 1:58:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a good law.

• 1:58:07Speaker 02

  I hope we get rid of phones.

• 1:58:09Jay Shetty?

  Maybe one day when you're, when you're Prime Minister or, you know, some sort of, yeah. You can instate a four day work week with three day work, start with Australia, then you can figure it out.

• 1:58:18Speaker 02

  You know how it goes.

• 1:58:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, let us know, test it.

• 1:58:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:58:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, Chris, it's been such a joy, honour to talk to you.

• 1:58:24Speaker 02

  Thank you, mate.

• 1:58:25Jay Shetty?

  Really wonderful getting to know you on such a deep level. Thank you for being so open, vulnerable and so grateful that you're sharing you and your dad's journey and your family's journey with us.

• 1:58:34Speaker 02

  I appreciate your time, mate, thank you very much.

• 1:58:36Jay Shetty?

  I can't wait for everyone to watch it, yeah. It was definitely worth coming 24 hours.

• 1:58:39Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:58:39Jay Shetty?

  This is amazing. Thank you.

• 1:58:41Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you very much.

• 1:58:42Jay Shetty?

  Appreciate it.

• 1:58:43Speaker 05

  Awesome, man. Thank you so much.

• 1:58:44Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:58:45Jay Shetty?

  If you love this episode, I need you to listen to one of my favorite conversations ever. It's with the one and only Tom Holland on how to overcome your social anxiety, especially in situations where you're not drinking and everyone else is. We talk about his sobriety journey and so much more. He gets really personal. I can't wait for you to hear it. It's gonna blow your mind.

• 1:59:08Speaker 05

  The quote is, "If you have a problem with me, text me. And if you don't have my number, you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me."

• 1:59:15Speaker 06

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• 1:59:44Speaker 07

  Mr. President, my company informed me of the explosion on our rig. On October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami.

• 1:59:52Jay Shetty?

  They all heap the blame on me.

• 1:59:54Speaker 07

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant. What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you're freezing there, that's what.

• 2:00:05Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 2:00:08Speaker 07

  I'm not the first then.

• 2:00:10Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.

• 2:00:15Speaker 08

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• 2:00:39Speaker 07

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