Tom Holland ON: How to Overcome Social Anxiety & Beneficial Life Lessons You Can Learn From Family

Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey filled with inspiring stories and profound insights? Join me in this enlightening episode where my guest and I tap into a wide range of topics that will leave you with a deeper understanding of life, personal growth, and finding true happiness. Today, I am joined by Tom Holland, widely known for his portrayal of the Marvel superhero Spider-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Beyond acting, Tom Holland is known for his friendly and charismatic personality, often delighting fans with his playful interactions and energetic interviews. Have you ever wondered about the value of opinions from the people you truly care about? Discover the profound lessons we can learn from those who have impacted our lives and how their guidance can shape our journey. In a world where many of us struggle with living a false version of ourselves, let us explore the strategies to break free from societal pressures and embrace your authentic self, finding the peace and fulfillment you truly deserve. We challenge stereotypes as we uncover the beauty of embracing diverse interests, exploring the connection between physical activity and mental well-being, walking away from certain situations that no longer serve you, and learn the valuable lessons on self-acceptance and mindfulness, and discover the transformative power of connecting with nature. This episode was recorded at Soho House Dean Street In this episode with Tom Holland, you'll learn: How a solid family foundation shapes our childhood How to be resilient when facing numerous challenges The importance of taking care of our mental health How to embrace our own uniqueness How to channel our emotions in constructive ways Find alternatives to avoid making bad decisions Walk away from situations that don't serve our purpose How to cheer for someone to never give up Learn to break free from stereotypes by embracing your authenticity. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:46 Growing up in a family with a solid foundation and living the best childhood 06:18 Finding value in the opinions of people you care about and the lessons we can learn from them 08:19 When you see someone who never gives up and continues to work hard, what would you do? 09:32 How to stop living a false version of your life and take care of your mental health 14:24 Diagnosed with dyslexia at an early age and finding a way to overcome the challenges that comes with it 16:17 Acting started as a hobby turned into a beloved creative work 18:34 Being that kid who plays rugby but also attends a dancing class 25:05 Have you thought about releasing anger through sports training like boxing? 30:46 Recognizing that drinking can become a problem and finding the strength to control the urge to drink 41:44 The beauty of being alcohol-free and still have fun with the people around you 45:20 What would you do when you meet a person who is truly at peace with who they are? 49:20 Reconnecting with nature and finding yourself in these nature trips 52:39 Would you love to attend a class about life and how to live on a daily basis? 57:45 Separating your personal emotions and your work emotions to keep yourself mentally healthy 01:02:57 The challenges of relocating in a new place and the intention behind the move 01:09:27 Would you rely on your inner instinct in making a decision? 01:15:35 Sometimes walking out of certain situations can be beneficial for you 01:19:56 If you’re having a bad day, do you play golf? 01:23:45 Have you heard of living a no proof life? Tom tells us how to be more present in these moments 01:36:35 How humility plays a role in how one handles loses and distractions 01:40:31 Let’s talk about sports 01:44:52 Tom on Final Five Episode Resources: Tom Holland | Instagram Tom Holland | Twitter See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:03Speaker 01

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• 1:32Jay Shetty?

  A lot of studies show that how we were loved or unloved between the ages of zero to five impact the next 15, 25, 50 years of our life. Wow. And how we give love to ourselves and how we give love to others. And so I was thinking, do you have a core memory or an experience with your family from childhood that kind of embodies the feeling you have about them now or that keeps you tied close to them?

• 1:59Tom Holland?

  I'd say sort of more than a memory is just a feeling that we, I can say all of my brothers and I had, was that because our dad's a comedian, his job...

• 2:10Tom Holland?

  Only ever existed once we had gone to bed and our mum worked from home. She was a photographer. So to us as kids, our parents didn't really work. They just were always home. So we had this amazing foundation where no matter at any time of the day, either mum or dad would be at the house. And we felt so kind of solid as a family, which is why like I kind of have this dream of one day having kids and putting my work to bed and just kind of being there as a dad. Cause I really admire how my dad was around, you know, being a comedian is a very, very volatile job. The highs and lows are so extreme and as kids, we never saw that. The only version of my dad I ever saw was the happy dad, let's go to the park.

• 2:53Tom Holland?

  We used to play this game called golf goals where we would go down to the park. There's like this big blue metal goal and we would just fire golf balls into that goal every day. And he would give us 10p every time a ball went in the goal. And that was kind of the foundation of our golf and, and all that sort of stuff. So for me, broader than a core memory was the idea of always feeling connected and safe within my family unit. And I think a large portion of that is that my mum and dad have always been such a solid team and they've always been there for us.

• 3:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, wow. Have they, as you've grown older, have they kind of opened up about some of the challenges that they were going through that they obviously didn't show you in your family when you were kids? Because I can imagine, we always talk about this, right? Like being a comedian is extremely difficult because you're making everyone else laugh. At the same time, it's, it's a career path that, like you said, is completely volatile.

• 3:46Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 3:46Jay Shetty?

  Have, have they opened up as times gone on? And how has that felt when you've gone from like seeing your parents always being happy to being like, oh, wait, there was all this other stuff going on?

• 3:54Tom Holland?

  Absolutely they have. And, and it's not even sometimes thing that they've told us. It's just things that we've grown up to recognize as a young kid, you know, you're not looking to how's my mum feeling? How's my dad feeling? And now as an, as an older person, you know, those are things I care about. I want to call my mum because I know it will brighten her day. So that's all part of growing up, I guess. So seeing the way in which my dad's job affects him or my dad's job affects my mum is something we've all. Sort of come to terms with and he's amazing at it. I mean, to be honest, I say affect, it doesn't really affect anyone. He's so good at handling it. And which is a lot of why I feel like I am the way I am. For example, the crowded rooms come out, the critics absolutely hated it. They thought it was the worst thing they've ever seen.

• 4:37Tom Holland?

  And it doesn't really upset me. And I think a large part of my feeling towards that has come from my dad. Being able to do a gig, the gig not going well, him brushing it off his shoulder and just right onto the next one.

• 4:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, and first of all, I want to point out as well, so I've been watching The Crowded Room.

• 4:54Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 4:55Jay Shetty?

  And me and my wife have been watching it together and we were actually really enjoying it.

• 4:58Tom Holland?

  Thank you.

• 4:59Jay Shetty?

  We're actually loving it because I love a show that has mystery.

• 5:02Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 5:02Jay Shetty?

  That's trying to like, get me to figure it out and get me to think about it. I'm kind of confused and I love. Stuff like that. Like I'm a massive Christopher Nolan fan.

• 5:11Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Jay Shetty?

  So all my favorite movies are Nolan movies. And the reason why I love them is because I have no idea what's going on.

• 5:15Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 5:16Jay Shetty?

  And that's.

• 5:16Tom Holland?

  And you've got to figure it out.

• 5:17Jay Shetty?

  And you've got to figure it out. And I love puzzles and I love escape rooms and I love anything.

• 5:20Tom Holland?

  Love an escape room.

• 5:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love anything that's got me thinking, what is going on here and why can't I figure it out?

• 5:26Tom Holland?

  Mate, do you know what you should watch? I admittedly watch it to go to sleep if I'm ever feeling stressed or like overstimulated. I watch this guy called Chris Ramsey.

• 5:34Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 5:35Tom Holland?

  He's like a YouTube guy, he's a magician, but I just watch him solve puzzles. He like buys these Japanese, like handcrafted. Puzzle boxes.

• 5:46Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 5:46Tom Holland?

  And he just solves them. And I've started buying them. And they come to the house and you sit down for. Four hours, put it down, pick it up and try and solve this puzzle. And it's amazing.

• 5:57Jay Shetty?

  Have you, are you good at them?

• 5:58Tom Holland?

  No, I'm terrible at them, mate. I'm absolutely terrible. I've had an unsolved Rubik's Cube since I was like 11. But I am, but yeah, so I watch his videos because there's just something about like the sound of the wood. I'm a carpenter, so I love like craftsmanship and that sort of stuff. So I love the way that these pieces are put together. So watching him solve the puzzles, I find so relaxing.

• 6:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think for so many of us, you know, getting bad. Reviews, perceptions, people talking about us, whatever that may be, whatever scale we live at can actually affect us.

• 6:30Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 6:30Jay Shetty?

  And you saying that actually seeing your dad, letting him, seeing him shrug it off and seeing him move on actually really helped him. Do you think that you've been able to create a bit more of a skill around that now? Or is it something that happens naturally for you? Because I'm guessing that there's a lot of people who are listening and watching going, Tom, that's pretty amazing that you can do that at your scale and your level. But, you know, I'm still affected by that. Or I really struggle when my mate says something like, I know.

• 6:55Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 6:55Jay Shetty?

  The number one thing I hear is like, most people don't chase their dreams because they're scared of what their mates will say, let alone what the world will say.

• 7:02Tom Holland?

  What the world will say, yeah.

• 7:03Jay Shetty?

  I had this late, I was, I was flying back last night, as I was telling you. So I was on a plane from DC to London last night. And the air hostess, she was wonderful, and her name was Jeanette. She said to me, she was like, Jay, I really want to start a YouTube channel, but you know, you've just got to block out what your friends are going to say, right? And she was just worried about it. So it's a very real thing. So I guess, have you kind of figured out a little formula for it? Or is it just natural because you saw your dad and it's become easier that way?

• 7:26Tom Holland?

  I think it's a little bit of both, really. You know, I think it's something you definitely get better at. I'm really lucky that I have an incredibly strong group of friends. Like, one of my best mates just called me up earlier to say he'd seen the fifth episode. And it's like, I know what happens in the show and I'm still loving it. The people I'm watching it with have no idea what's going on, but they can't wait for the next one.

• 7:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 7:47Tom Holland?

  So, you know, I really, really hold high the opinions of people that I really care about. I'm also really lucky to have an amazing group of fans who are so supportive. They are diehard, they are there day one, and that makes me feel really good. But I, I do think a lot of my lessons in life have come from my dad. And the ways that he can deal with things, things that he hasn't done very well in the past, that he's passed on to me. And. I sort of, I live by this really, I don't actually know if Christian Bale did say this, but apparently I think he did. I love Christian Bale. I absolutely love Christian Bale.

• 8:24Jay Shetty?

  He said it, yeah.

• 8:25Tom Holland?

  But I think the quote is, if you have a problem with me, text me. And if you don't have my number, you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.

• 8:33Jay Shetty?

  That is so good.

• 8:34Tom Holland?

  And I think that that is such a great piece of advice because as a celebrity, you live on this stage, you live out there, you kind of give out a version of yourself that you want people to see. And that can be the version of yourself that they can have a problem with or they can love. And there is a, you know, I feel like I'm quite authentic in my public persona, but I just try to really care about what my family thinks, what my friends think, what the people in my local community think. I live in Kingston, I know everyone that lives there. I can't walk five feet without bumping into one of my mum's friends. So yeah, so it's something I've been working on. I try my best to not let that stuff affect me. It does.

• 9:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, of course.

• 9:14Tom Holland?

  I'm not cold hearted or anything like that. It does affect me, but I just try to move on and focus on the positives.

• 9:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. What was a, did you ever see your dad deal with everything? And you thought, wow, that was incredible. Was there anything specific that you remember that like seeing him like tackle something and you thought, wow, that really impressed me, even if it was something really small in hindsight?

• 9:35Tom Holland?

  I think the thing I admire most about my dad is his resilience. You know, he's someone who has had an incredibly successful career in his earlier life. And then later in life, his career sort of plateaued and he struggled. And he's never stopped. He's never given up. He's still gigging to this day. He's still writing books. He has a Patreon. He has a podcast. He's constantly grafting to get to where he wants to be. And I think being a young kid and seeing your dad continually working as hard as he can to kind of put his best foot forward, for me, has been a huge drive for my work ethic. I'll give it a hundred percent or I'll give it nothing. And I think a lot of that has come from my dad and seeing him deal with that. The funny thing about my dad is you talk about doing a bad gig.

• 10:20Tom Holland?

  I must have seen him 20 times. I've never seen him do a bad gig. He always seems to absolutely rip it. But maybe that's just because we're in the audience. But he, um, but no, I, I, I owe a lot to my dad and a lot of the teachings, I think he's told me and things I've just witnessed him do.

• 10:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And was there ever a piece of feedback or a rumor or something you saw that did affect you? Where you actually thought, or at least made you stop and go, God, I'm trying to see the positives, but this one's tough. Like, like this actually made me have to pause and figure it out.

• 10:51Tom Holland?

  Something that did really upset me, I was in New York, I was shooting the crowded room. And I was having a really hard time with the job just because of how taxing it was, the emotional capacity that I was having to get to every day. And I decided to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over. I would be on set working, I'd come and sit in my chair and just scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. And it was, it was becoming a problem. I was just obsessed with it and I was obsessed to find out what people were saying and how people, what they thought about me. So I decided to make an announcement, which unfortunately we have to do, and say that I'm taking a break from social media.

• 11:35Tom Holland?

  And I, and I tried to position myself and say like, I'm taking a break from social media because I feel like my mental health will benefit from it. And the thing that really upset me is the press ran with that and they tried to make out that I was having this mental breakdown. And what upset me was if I was having a mental breakdown, that's not for you to report on. They, they, they took the story in the wrong direction and they tried, they painted again this negative light on mental health. Rather than saying, oh, he's doing it, it's okay that he's doing it. So we should all feel okay to do it too. They were saying, oh, look, he's not the perfect happy go lucky kid you think he is. He's having a nervous breakdown in New York.

• 12:15Tom Holland?

  And I think that that was a really unfair line of journalism, let's say, because I just think it again, kind of painted people.

• 12:25Tom Holland?

  Looking for help in the wrong light, if you know what I mean.

• 12:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. It almost sounds like you were actually preemptively going, I'm doing this so that I don't

• 12:36Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 12:37Jay Shetty?

  go in that direction.

• 12:38Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 12:39Jay Shetty?

  At least, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but

• 12:41Tom Holland?

  Absolutely.

• 12:41Jay Shetty?

  It's almost like I'm proactively seeing that I could end up in a position where

• 12:45Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 12:45Jay Shetty?

  I might have a breakdown, I don't wanna be in that position, and so I'm responsibly saying, guys, I'm taking a break.

• 12:51Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 12:51Jay Shetty?

  In order to protect myself.

• 12:52Tom Holland?

  A hundred percent.

• 12:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, which makes a lot of sense and actually is quite admirable again.

• 12:56Tom Holland?

  Totally, and that's kind of what the message of the show is about. Like, the message of our show is that asking for help should be something that we celebrate.

• 13:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 13:04Tom Holland?

  If you're struggling, if you need help, if you feel bad and you wake up and you go to a friend, a therapist, a teacher, an employee or a colleague and say, I'm really struggling, I need some help, that should be something that we give you a pat on the back, like, I would love to help you. I'm delighted that you asked me. And that, for me, that announcement was kind of my olive branch and the press ran with it how they ran with it. But to be fair, it kind of gave me a great drive to finish the crowded room in the way that we did. To like, if you're not gonna listen to my personal message, then you have to listen to the message of my show.

• 13:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 13:40Tom Holland?

  So it kind of went hand in hand.

• 13:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You've reminded me actually, when you said that, because I think we naturally today think of therapists or doctors, but you mentioned teacher there, and I was thinking, when I was going through a really rough time at school once, I remember my walk to school from the bus stop, I'd see a teacher every day that I was really close with at school, but you never talk to your teachers walking to school.

• 14:03Tom Holland?

  Not a crazy person.

• 14:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but I was so lonely at the time that I remember like, almost thinking like, well, he's the only person I can talk to because of other stuff that I was going through at school, and I remember I started talking to him on the way to school. His name's Mr Buckridge, he knows, I go on about him everywhere and he avoids it because everyone's always like, oh, Jay's been talking about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jay's been talking about you. And but it was it was that exact feeling where it was like, he was someone that I felt I could open to it, that open up to at that point in my life without feeling judged, without feeling like he was gonna see me through another lens. And just having that space to be seen for as a human who is going through stuff

• 14:38Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 14:38Jay Shetty?

  by a teacher was a huge, huge win. And so, you know, it's, you are right that that help can come in all different forms and it doesn't, it doesn't have to come in the ways that we expected to come in.

• 14:48Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it doesn't have to be a professional.

• 14:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 14:50Tom Holland?

  I go to my friends a lot and and, you know, some friends are better than others in certain situations. I've got some friends that are very much like, pull your socks up and get on with it. And then

• 14:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 14:59Tom Holland?

  other friends who are like, come here and have a cry on my shoulder. But like, it it varies. So I I just really hope that that's what the show can do is

• 15:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 15:06Tom Holland?

  sort of paint this positive picture of asking for help is something to be proud of.

• 15:10Jay Shetty?

  Well, that's a great message and and I think we all, we all need to hear it. And I wanna go back a little bit because there's a lot of interviews that you've done and I've and I've watched a lot of stuff over the time, but like we're talking about, a lot of it's soundbites because it's quick and short and like

• 15:21Tom Holland?

  Yeah, right.

• 15:22Jay Shetty?

  these entertainment, you know, interviews. And that's why I was really grateful that you took out the time to do this. But you were diagnosed, as far as I read, with dyslexia at age seven.

• 15:31Tom Holland?

  Yes.

• 15:31Jay Shetty?

  And I was wondering how, you know, a lot of our community and our audience is diagnosed as well, or some of them are not, but they're finding out later on in life. How did that affect you? Or how were you set up for success with that from? Because as an actor, you've got to learn lines, you've got to read lines. There's a lot of activities that people would assume are quite challenging.

• 15:49Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 15:49Jay Shetty?

  But you found a way and and walk us through that a little bit.

• 15:52Tom Holland?

  I don't know. I had, my mum has always been really hands on with our education. She, you know, really wanted us to just do our best. Our dad always said like, look, I don't care what grades you get. As long as you try your best, you try your best. And that's all that we can ask for. But yeah, my dyslexia. It's really just my spelling. I mean, honestly.

• 16:11Jay Shetty?

  It's just that, yeah.

• 16:12Tom Holland?

  You know, like, those sort of games that you play at Christmas. Have you ever played, um, the one where you have to write down the answers? It's such a good game.

• 16:19Jay Shetty?

  Is it Baldur's Gate? I don't know Baldur's Gate. Is it, uh?

• 16:22Tom Holland?

  It's basically a game where someone will read out a scenario or, um,

• 16:26Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 16:26Tom Holland?

  ask a question and then you have to answer the question to the best of your ability. But you can also bluff and lie.

• 16:32Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I've never played this game.

• 16:33Tom Holland?

  And if you write somewhat a believing answer and people vote for your answer, you win.

• 16:37Jay Shetty?

  Oh, cool. Okay. I've never played it.

• 16:39Tom Holland?

  Which is great, but when I play it, everyone's like, what does that say? That is definitely not spelt right.

• 16:46Jay Shetty?

  Good.

• 16:47Tom Holland?

  But yeah, so my spelling was really the biggest hurdle.

• 16:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 16:50Tom Holland?

  I worked really hard at school. I didn't do particularly well, but again, my parents said, as long as you try your best, then that's all we can ask for.

• 16:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And acting, you started early too, age nine, right? Like, that was something that you started pursuing really early on in life. And I feel, was that something that you were always sure about? There's that, there's that famous viral TikTok that always goes around of you, you know, I can't, I don't know how old you were, being asked, you know, what superhero would you play?

• 17:14Tom Holland?

  Oh, right.

• 17:15Jay Shetty?

  When you're older, you say, oh, maybe Spider-Man, right? And it's like, and, and I wonder like, how much of your acting career do you feel like you've manifested? Or there was a vision or a focus? Or is it more just like, this was naturally what you were into and it, and it grew? Where, where did that come from?

• 17:30Tom Holland?

  I do believe in manifesting, actually. I really do. I think what's interesting about my career is this was never something I wanted. I just was a young kid. I loved dancing. My mum would take me to a dance class every Saturday. And I got spotted through that dance class to, to audition for a show on the West End. I ended up doing the show. I loved it. Billy Elliot. It was the time of my life. I, you know, it was such a cool experience. I'm, just by complete fluke, an agent came to see the show the night that I was on. She signed me. She sent me to an audition for a film. I was lucky enough to get the part. All of a sudden I was on set with Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts and we made the impossible. And to be perfectly honest with you, it was, it was just a hobby.

• 18:15Tom Holland?

  It was something that my mum would let me do on the summer holidays. She was very keen that I kept my schooling up. And there sort of came that time in England where you're in between GCSEs and A levels. And you're trying to figure out, when I was going through that, you could still drop out at A levels. Obviously now you have to do A levels. And I had that moment where I was like, what do I want to do? I could try and stay at school and figure out what I want to do. Or this thing that's been a hobby, but my sort of summer holiday activity, which is acting. I could try and do that for a living. And I've been so lucky that I've been, you know, offered jobs and all that sort of stuff. I decided to go with it. I, I, I joined the Brit School because, you know, my mum was keen that I didn't go for school for an education,

• 18:57Tom Holland?

  but went to school to expand my social skills and meet kids my own age. All my friends when I was fifteen were like thirty year old people. Cause they're all adults from the business. Um. So I think my mum was keen that I had some friends that are my age, who are now my best friends today. So I never really wanted this. I just sort of never stopped doing it. And I love it. I absolutely love it. I love the creativity. I love the building blocks that are required to put a film together. I love the collaboration on set between people from all different walks of life. You know, a film set is a melting pot of all sorts of different people. Um. So I love it. I absolutely love it.

• 19:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Wow. And, and I, I read something that you said you were bullied for like doing ballet.

• 19:40Tom Holland?

  Yeah, right.

• 19:41Jay Shetty?

  Which obviously got you into the, playing the role of Billy Elliot, cause it's ballet and tap, right?

• 19:45Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 19:45Jay Shetty?

  It's both. So was, was that, was that tough at the time? Or like, were you trying to hide it? And then you end up on, you know, you end up at the West End and you're on the main stage and everyone's seeing it? Or was it kind of easy to navigate? And how did that go down? Because I feel like as a kid, doing ballet and tap must have been a little challenging.

• 20:02Tom Holland?

  Yeah, I mean, it was, it wasn't easy, but it also wasn't tough, you know? I went to a rugby school. So you can imagine like the one kid in the school that does ballet. There's going to be comments here and there. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world. There were kids that didn't understand why I was doing it or what I was doing it for. No matter how many times I explained, like, I'm the only guy in a class of thirty girls in tights. I was like, guys, this is what you want to be doing. Like rugby is not it. But I, nah, it was tough. But again, like, it goes back to what we were saying about resilience and keeping your head down. And crowded room was the hardest job I've ever had for all sorts of different reasons. And there was a point in time where we were talking about, do we shut this down and walk away from it?

• 20:45Tom Holland?

  Because of how challenging it was. And, you know, I dug my heels in, I put my head down, I was like, no, I'm gonna finish this, I'm gonna see it through. And I think, you know, you learn from past experiences like that. So I really am proud of the way everyone handled the crowded room. And I think that stems from my childhood, my dad's experiences and all that sort of stuff.

• 21:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Well, so I've got a confession as well to make.

• 21:05Tom Holland?

  Go on.

• 21:06Jay Shetty?

  So I went to rugby school as well.

• 21:07Tom Holland?

  Okay, did you play?

• 21:08Jay Shetty?

  I played, yeah, I played for my A team and I was, I was pretty good.

• 21:11Tom Holland?

  Oh, you were in the A team?

• 21:12Jay Shetty?

  I was pretty good.

• 21:12Tom Holland?

  Okay, what position did you play?

• 21:14Jay Shetty?

  Blindside flanker.

• 21:15Tom Holland?

  Okay, wow.

• 21:16Jay Shetty?

  So I was, I was really into rugby because I went to rugby school and I loved football, but my school didn't play football. And so I was like, no, I've got to be on the school's main team to win. So I worked really hard to get on the team. But after we played rugby on a Saturday, my mum forced me to go to dance class. And part of it was ballet and tap as well.

• 21:34Tom Holland?

  Really?

• 21:35Jay Shetty?

  Although I did not end up at the West End and play Billy Elliot, because I don't think Billy Elliot was brown. So that wasn't gonna happen.

• 21:40Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:41Jay Shetty?

  It wasn't the same path as you.

• 21:43Tom Holland?

  Oh, man.

• 21:43Jay Shetty?

  But I also had that experience. That's why I had to ask you about it.

• 21:47Tom Holland?

  Did you enjoy it?

• 21:47Jay Shetty?

  I really enjoyed it for the community aspect of it. Like, I love all the lads that I was there with and they were just, they were just a great laugh. And it was really interesting because we'd go from, I'd literally go from playing rugby, straight to class on a Saturday. And I'd go in there with all my bruises exhausted and all the rest of it. But everyone was just so much fun.

• 22:03Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 22:03Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like, the rugby pitch was more stressful because everyone was like, you know, trying to be intense and trying to be this and that. Whereas everyone was just having a laugh at the dance class. And we do everything from hip hop to street to whatever. But yeah, I remember never telling, I, I think this is the first time I've ever spoken about it.

• 22:19Tom Holland?

  It's out there.

• 22:20Jay Shetty?

  Because I'm in a safe space with you, so.

• 22:22Tom Holland?

  But it's interesting because rugby is regimented, isn't it?

• 22:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I loved rugby by the way.

• 22:25Tom Holland?

  You play, you play a position that is as specific as saying the blindside flanker. You know, when you're a dancer, you're just a dancer. You know, you, you, you can fit in however you want to fit in.

• 22:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:36Tom Holland?

  The teacher can ask you, how are you feeling about that? Rather than like. You need to get your head down to the left to make a proper tackle. I did love playing rugby when I was smaller.

• 22:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Tom Holland?

  When all the, well, not when I was smaller, when all the kids were smaller. And then there was that time where I came back to school after Billy Elliot and everyone had just become a man. And I was still very much a child.

• 22:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 22:56Tom Holland?

  I remember we played this school called Trinity College. And it was my first game back and I was playing scrum half. I came on the second half and it was a violent game. It was not, it was not a gentleman's game of rugby. And I was standing, they were kicking to us, we were receiving. And I remember thinking, as long as the ball doesn't come to me off of the kick, I'll be fine. I need the game to get going and then I'll be fine. I'm scrum half, relatively safe position, I'm a good playmaker. As soon as he kicked the ball, it's coming straight towards me. I, I'm trying to catch it, I can hear the boots running towards me, I fumble it, knock on. The game goes on, I start playing well, I assisted a try. And then I don't remember what happened or how it happened. But there was a, a really tough kid on our team who will remain nameless.

• 23:41Tom Holland?

  I haven't spoken to him since, I don't know what he's doing. But he got into a fight with some kid on the opposing team and it was really quite ugly. And then the kid's dad came on the pitch to tell off this boy that was on my team. And the kid on my team knocked out his dad.

• 23:57Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 23:57Tom Holland?

  Like proper, like it's the first time I've ever seen someone hit someone. And I couldn't believe that a kid who was.

• 24:03Jay Shetty?

  How old are you?

• 24:04Tom Holland?

  He must have been sixteen at the time, but he's one of those sixteen year olds that would look older than I do now. When he was sixteen and I just remember hearing the noise, he like cracked his dad on the jaw, hit the floor. Then this whole big fight broke out. I'm not a fighter, I stepped away and was sort of like, what's going on? Yeah, it was wild. And that was the last game of rugby I ever played. It was against Trinity College.

• 24:26Jay Shetty?

  Oh my gosh.

• 24:26Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it was really intense.

• 24:27Jay Shetty?

  Wow, that is intense. Yeah, that's how intense it got. I, my last game was similar but not, not watching a fight. So someone ran. I had, it was a big game and I was playing really well that season and everything was going really well. And someone ran into a ruck but with their elbow, which is obviously illegal.

• 24:47Tom Holland?

  Yeah, totally.

• 24:47Jay Shetty?

  They ran in and they elbowed me right there, like right below, it's on this side and right below there. And the next thing I know, I get up and I'm like, kind of feeling a bit aggressive.

• 24:57Tom Holland?

  Are you cut as well?

• 24:58Jay Shetty?

  Well, I didn't notice and then blood starts to drip and I was like, that's when you freak out. Cause oh god, I'm like, I can, and there's a lot of blood just dripping. So I get subbed off and the nurse on the side just puts a bit of glue there, like to stick it together.

• 25:12Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:12Jay Shetty?

  And at the, at that time, you don't really notice and you think you're all right. And then literally an hour later, it's just getting thicker and thicker and thicker. And I'm ending up with this, run to the hospital on the way home because my coach was just like, suck it up, it's fine.

• 25:24Tom Holland?

  You'll be fine, yeah.

• 25:24Jay Shetty?

  Run there, they're like, if you were any later, you would have had nerve damage and like personally potentially lost your eyesight, whatever it was. And they had to like glue it and a little bit of stitches or whatever it was. And I, for the, for the rest of the month, I walked around with my, like, you know, eye literally hanging over. And I looked like I'd got into like the worst fight. Like I walked into a store and everyone would kind of back off and stuff. And it was just really uncomfortable. That was my last game of rugby. That's why I just remembered that. But yeah, it was, it was, it was, it was intense, but it was great. Like you said, it was great regimented discipline training. I love training with my mates. I love playing. I love as a young man as well, like having a outlet to release the energy that I had.

• 26:04Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 26:04Jay Shetty?

  Was good in, in, obviously in a way that wasn't trying to hurt others.

• 26:07Tom Holland?

  But that's what's so great about boxing.

• 26:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 26:09Tom Holland?

  It's like boxing is such a great release, you know, you see these young kids, like young kids who are angry, who need to let something go. Like go and punch a bag for an hour. Oh, that will make you, that will calm you down. I love how boxing is such a great thing for young, for young people to, to release that sort of energy.

• 26:24Jay Shetty?

  Are you boxing? Do you box?

• 26:25Tom Holland?

  I love boxing. It's been a few years since I've, I've done any sort of training. I used to go to this great gym in, um, in New York called Church Street Boxing.

• 26:33Jay Shetty?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:33Tom Holland?

  So love it there. Had a great pro, you could sort of spar with him because you know that he wouldn't batter you because he could control himself. I went to one sparring session, just a general session and.

• 26:45Jay Shetty?

  I got absolutely battered.

• 26:47Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it was tough, but I love it. I love the sport. I'm a little bit sad as to like how the sport is being run right now.

• 26:54Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 26:54Tom Holland?

  Um, but I do love the sport and I admire the athletes. I think they're amazing.

• 26:58Jay Shetty?

  What's your take on YouTubers boxing and all that kind of stuff? And because it's obviously bringing a lot of attention to the sport.

• 27:04Tom Holland?

  To be perfectly honest with you, I don't really mind it. I think it's quite fun. I think if you're doing it for the right reasons, you know, it's a great opportunity to raise some money for amazing charities. And I think a few of them have done a lot for charity. Um, I think it's really great. I think, yeah, you know, my brother Paddy would never have been watching boxing and now.

• 27:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:20Tom Holland?

  He loves it because of his favourite YouTubers of boxing. So if it's good for the sport, it's good for the sport. I I sort of don't really mind. I think it's funny, to be honest. Yeah, because you sit at home watching it, you're like, I could do that. I could get in there and do that. And you're like, well, why don't you? And you're like, well.

• 27:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 27:35Tom Holland?

  I don't really wanna do that.

• 27:37Jay Shetty?

  So we we might see you in Creed Ford then.

• 27:39Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 27:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we'll do the, we'll do the acting boxing.

• 27:42Tom Holland?

  I'd love to do a boxing movie.

• 27:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 27:45Tom Holland?

  I think it would be cool to do a boxing movie, but where the fighting is real.

• 27:49Jay Shetty?

  Walk me through that.

• 27:50Tom Holland?

  I wouldn't necessarily be in that film, right? But I do think that you could make a really interesting film where the outcome of the film is determined on the outcome of the real fight.

• 28:01Jay Shetty?

  Has anything like that ever been done? Like racing or any, can you, I'm just trying to.

• 28:06Tom Holland?

  Not that I know of.

• 28:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, not that I know of. That's what I'm trying to think.

• 28:08Tom Holland?

  It could be really cool.

• 28:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, wow.

• 28:10Tom Holland?

  But yeah, I love, I love boxing movies. I'm a sucker for it.

• 28:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. Which one's, which, which one's your favourite?

• 28:16Tom Holland?

  I think Rocky two is probably my favourite. I remember when we were in Billy Elliot, we had this room called the Billy Room. And there was always a Billy backstage while the show was going on because the show was so labour intensive. It was very dangerous. There's lots of moving parts. There's lots of acrobatics. It wasn't too uncommon for a Billy to get injured and then there would be someone upstairs who would replace that Billy. And we would just hang out upstairs and there was an Xbox and a television and all that sort of stuff. And one of the DVDs that we had, the two DVDs we had was Step Up To The Streets. My favourite film of all time and Rocky two. And I must have seen that film forty times.

• 28:49Jay Shetty?

  How many times did you practise the dance in the mirror?

• 28:51Tom Holland?

  Oh mate, I've got the whole dance down, bro.

• 28:54Jay Shetty?

  Can we see it?

• 28:54Tom Holland?

  No.

• 28:57Tom Holland?

  Yeah, no, I love that film. I absolutely love that film.

• 28:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'd say, I'd say my favorite, so Rocky was my favorite because I'd watch it with my dad and Rocky. I, I struggle between Rocky three and Rocky four because I love Mr. T.

• 29:09Tom Holland?

  That's four, right?

• 29:10Jay Shetty?

  That's three. And I loved Ivan Drago as well, which was four. And they were both just such great movies.

• 29:16Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:17Jay Shetty?

  It was just, yeah, it's such great entertainment, even though there's nothing like Real Boxing.

• 29:20Tom Holland?

  Yeah, nothing at all, nothing at all.

• 29:22Jay Shetty?

  Boxing. But then I remember watching Real Boxing when I was growing up. It was Prince Nazeem.

• 29:26Tom Holland?

  Oh, man, I love him.

• 29:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, my dad was a big fan of his, so I'd remember watching him a lot.

• 29:30Tom Holland?

  I love his style. There's a video of him working with the, I guess he's just, it's like a swinging bag. And he is so effortless. Because Canelo's got a great head movement, but, but he looks like he's thinking about it.

• 29:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 29:42Tom Holland?

  Whereas Nazeem is just living the dream. Just, he's so fluid and I love the way he used to move.

• 29:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:49Tom Holland?

  And I love how he would enter the ring. Me, I would over rotate and slam on my face or something. Yeah, he was brilliant.

• 29:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it was like wrestling meets boxing.

• 29:57Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He must have been a nightmare to fight.

• 30:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:00Tom Holland?

  It must have been like, he's beating me and he's embarrassing me. This is really tough.

• 30:05Jay Shetty?

  Terrible.

• 30:05Tom Holland?

  What do you think of Lomachenko? Did you see his last fight?

• 30:08Jay Shetty?

  I haven't, no, I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

• 30:09Tom Holland?

  That's an interesting one.

• 30:11Jay Shetty?

  Go on, tell me. I didn't see it at all.

• 30:12Tom Holland?

  Well, I think the general consensus is that he won. But it was given the other way.

• 30:17Jay Shetty?

  Right, right, right.

• 30:18Tom Holland?

  He is my favorite boxer.

• 30:19Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 30:19Tom Holland?

  Because of his history, his background in dance, he was like, I guess, a really talented boxer. And then I guess, I don't know if this is true, but his dad sent him to go and study dance for sort of five years or something like that.

• 30:30Jay Shetty?

  For his boxing training.

• 30:31Tom Holland?

  For his boxing, which is why his footwork is like on another planet.

• 30:34Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 30:34Tom Holland?

  There's loads of examples of where he's fighting people and they look up and he's just gone. He's behind them. So I, I really admire him. But his most recent fight, he lost.

• 30:43Jay Shetty?

  How did it go against him? Was it a vote?

• 30:46Tom Holland?

  It was a vote, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:47Jay Shetty?

  Right, right, right.

• 30:48Tom Holland?

  It went against him. So I wonder whether they'll fight again.

• 30:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I guess they'll have to if there's, it seems like this isn't a conspiracy theory from you.

• 30:55Tom Holland?

  That's the problem with boxing though. Like, will they fight again?

• 30:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:58Tom Holland?

  Because it's, it's a tricky, it's a tricky business. Unlike the UFC where, you know, if they want to fight, they'll fight. That's what I love about it. I took my brother and my cousin to the UFC the other night and.

• 31:09Tom Holland?

  That is such a savage sport.

• 31:12Jay Shetty?

  It is.

• 31:12Tom Holland?

  That is, yeah, it's terrifying.

• 31:15Jay Shetty?

  We really don't want that to be a movie in a real one.

• 31:17Tom Holland?

  Have you seen The Warrior? Is that what you're gonna talk about? Mate, that movie's so good.

• 31:20Jay Shetty?

  The Warrior is one of the most underrated movies.

• 31:22Tom Holland?

  That movie's excellent.

• 31:23Jay Shetty?

  It's so good, yeah.

• 31:24Tom Holland?

  It's a little ridiculous, the idea that they have like six fights a night, getting ready for one final, but I do love that film.

• 31:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a really good movie. It's a really good movie. Oh, well, okay, all right, so we know there's a boxing movie coming somewhere down the line.

• 31:36Tom Holland?

  Yeah, there's gotta be one down the line, yeah.

• 31:37Jay Shetty?

  There's gotta be one down the line.

• 31:38Tom Holland?

  Absolutely.

• 31:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and we wanna see you work your way up and, I mean, we might see you like, you know, actually go do it for real.

• 31:45Tom Holland?

  Yeah, imagine, for charity, maybe.

• 31:48Jay Shetty?

  One of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago.

• 31:53Tom Holland?

  Yes.

• 31:54Jay Shetty?

  And you said it was the hardest thing you ever did.

• 31:56Tom Holland?

  Yes.

• 31:57Jay Shetty?

  And I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you? Why was it so hard?

• 32:02Tom Holland?

  It's interesting, I didn't one day wake up and say, I'm giving up drinking. I just, like many Brits, had had a very, very boozy December. Christmas time, I was on vacation, I was drinking a lot. And I've always been able to drink a lot. I think I get my genes from my mum's side in that thing, that I can, I can drink. And I decided to just give up for January, I just wanted to do Dry January. And all I could think about was having a drink. It's all I could think about. I was waking up, thinking about it, I was checking the clock, when's it, 12? And it just really scared me. I just was like, wow, maybe, maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing. So I sort of decided to punish myself and say, I'll do February as well, I'll do two months off.

• 32:47Tom Holland?

  If I can do two months off, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem. Two months go by, and I was still really struggling. I felt like I couldn't be social, I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda. I couldn't go out for dinner, I was really, really struggling. And I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem. Um, so I decided that I would wait until my birthday, which is June 1st. I said to myself, if I can do six months without alcohol, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem. And by the time I had got to June 1st, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I could sleep better, I could handle problems better. Things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off, I could take in my stride.

• 33:33Tom Holland?

  I had so much, such better mental clarity. I felt healthier, I felt fitter. And I just sort of said to myself, like, why, why am I enslaved to this drink? Why am I so obsessed by the idea of having this drink? And I would look back and recognise that I would go to events for, for work and, you know, I can't enjoy myself until I've had a few beers. And I just felt so much pressure. And this is one of the things why I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community. Cause so much of it is about how much can you drink? Let's get you as drunk as possible. And it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done. I'm a year and a half into it now. It doesn't even cross my mind. I've found amazing replacements that I think are fantastic.

• 34:17Tom Holland?

  Ones that are also really healthy. I found this one beer that is full of electrolytes and it's, you know, the carbohydrates in it are long lasting energy. So like, having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing. I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it. I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like, oh, go on, just have a beer, like, you're fine. They've always sort of really supported me and I don't wanna be that person that's saying to people, you should get sober, you should get sober. If I could encourage someone to drink less, then that's great. But I, I don't wanna start getting into the world of, you need to stop drinking because I just, it's, it's not for me to say. I went on my own little journey. I'm really enjoying it. I'm delighted that my mum's also given up. She's loving it. And it's been amazing.

• 34:59Tom Holland?

  I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking. I feel amazing.

• 35:03Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing, man. I love hearing that. And I love hearing that it's been great for you, right? I think that's, that's the point. Not everything has to be like, look what I did, you can do it too. It's kinda like, no, this is just what's been great for me. Do you think it was partly that attitude for you at least in the beginning where it's like, well, I can drink, I drink a lot, it comes from my mum genes and it doesn't affect me? And then all of a sudden you realise, well, wait a minute, it's more than that. Because I think there is that. Like, I was like that as a young man as well. Like, for me, it was, it was easy to drink. I, I didn't drink daily. For me, I drank a lot more socially and I loved playing drinking games with my mates. That was really what I enjoyed the most probably. And for me, when I quit, I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk. So for me, for me, it was more that.

• 35:45Jay Shetty?

  But yeah, I wonder for you, did you find that it's, there's a really fine line between like, oh, I know I can drink a lot. And then all of a sudden, you're kind of addict, not addicted beyond that.

• 35:54Tom Holland?

  No, addicted, mate. I'm happy to say a lot. I was definitely addicted to alcohol. Not shying away from that at all. I think anyone that wakes up and has, not wakes up, anyone that has a beer every day is probably got a little bit of a problem. But yeah, you're right. I would drink and drink and drink and drink. And then you would just reach that moment where you're like, wow, I shouldn't have had that last beer. And you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering. I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep.

• 36:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, or a ring.

• 36:19Tom Holland?

  Yeah. And it was amazing because I couldn't sleep. I was like, why can't I sleep? I'm working 14 hours a day. I'm doing two hours in the gym. I'm eating really healthily and I can't sleep. What's wrong with me? I bought this ring and it was booze. It just, it was completely affecting my sleep. And since I've given it up, I can sleep anywhere. You know, it's also interesting as well, going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person. And then getting to that point in the night where people start, you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's, I love you, man. I love you so much. And you're like, yeah, brilliant. I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to bed. But I love being that person now. I love seeing my friends on the golf course at eight AM in the morning, feeling fresh and ready to go. And they're sort of crawling out their car. And so, yeah, so I, I, I'm

• 37:04Tom Holland?

  over the moon to be sober. I love it.

• 37:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. For anyone who is listening right now and is going, Tom, I love that for you. I want to do it too. Like they're listening going, I'm having too much every day. I can notice some of those things, but I'm just stuck. And it's hard because we know that addiction's that way. We know that this is heavy. It's not easy. But if someone is watching going, Tom, tell me like, what, what did you do to even get started? How did you have that courage to say, I'm going to do January, I'm going to stick at it? Were there any moments where you actually fell back and then had to get back on the horse again? Like, just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going, Tom, mate, I, I want to be in your position in like six months.

• 37:40Tom Holland?

  I didn't fall back on it. I have done in the past. Like I've had periods of my life where I'd given up drinking and then gone back to drinking. Um, but this time. I don't know, it was just different. I really worked to sort of change my mindset. I really asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are you drinking? And a lot of the time, my answer would be to feel more comfortable in a social environment.

• 38:03Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:04Tom Holland?

  And I just put myself in those environments and just would force myself to be there. I'd force myself to hang out and and go to a club or go to a bar, go to a dinner.

• 38:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so you weren't avoiding those places.

• 38:16Tom Holland?

  I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it. But then after a while, I sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your socks up here and you can't just live in your house all the time. You've got to go out and enjoy yourself and and if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking, then you really do have a problem. But I just changed my mindset. I just, I found really good replacements, things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer. I often found with me, most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it, whether it's sparkling water or a beer. I now can't, I don't associate like, I don't see a difference.

• 38:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:53Tom Holland?

  But I think it's different for everyone. I had a great support system. Jack is one of my best mates and we travel all over the world. He doesn't drink and doing it with him was was a really helpful experience for me. My brother is always on the road with me. He was very supportive. And yeah, I just really set my mind to it. I was like, I really want to do this. I want to prove to myself I can do it.

• 39:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 39:11Tom Holland?

  And then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self.

• 39:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 39:17Tom Holland?

  It's like, oh my god, this is, this is the best. But do you not drink?

• 39:20Jay Shetty?

  I haven't drank for seventeen years.

• 39:21Tom Holland?

  No way. Congratulations. That's amazing.

• 39:24Jay Shetty?

  Amazing, yeah. It's incredible.

• 39:26Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 39:26Jay Shetty?

  It's like one of the best feelings in the world and it's my, my biggest like worry when I was about to quit was like, how am I going to hang out with my mates?

• 39:33Tom Holland?

  That was my biggest worry, yeah.

• 39:34Jay Shetty?

  I was like, my mates knew me as the guy who was like, first to the game, last to get out.

• 39:39Tom Holland?

  That was me, right?

• 39:39Jay Shetty?

  You know, the clown when I got drunk, like, life of the party, kind of like that kind of guy. And then all of a sudden, I I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore. I was like, crap, am I going to fit in? And then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit and I didn't drink and I was like, god, am I going to miss out on like opportunities and networking like? You know, all the guys afterwards are like, going to get drinks and I'm like, I'll come, but I'll have a water or I'll have a soda, whatever it is.

• 40:00Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 40:01Jay Shetty?

  And what was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking. Made me rely on qualities and skills I had.

• 40:10Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 40:11Jay Shetty?

  That were actually better.

• 40:12Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 40:12Jay Shetty?

  So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden away.

• 40:20Tom Holland?

  Suppressed, totally.

• 40:22Jay Shetty?

  And all of a sudden, you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were.

• 40:25Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 40:25Jay Shetty?

  Rather than the person who you were when you were drunk.

• 40:27Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 40:28Jay Shetty?

  And, and actually that worked in the workplace and there was no one at the workplace going, oh, Jay doesn't drink, so he's not getting promoted.

• 40:33Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 40:33Jay Shetty?

  It wasn't like that. People were like, oh yeah, I really like hanging out with Jay always. He's a really good guy or whatever it may be. And I was still getting the same opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was. And I think that's why I'd like to remind people that. Don't feel like your career or your work is gonna suffer, even for you, like you've, I'm sure as a, you know, with your career path, you have to be at parties, you have to be at events.

• 40:54Tom Holland?

  Of course.

• 40:55Jay Shetty?

  And the fact that you're able to do that now without having alcohol and you don't, it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career. If anything, it's the opposite.

• 41:03Tom Holland?

  Mate, I honestly cannot believe like the amount of times I've sat down with an actor that I really admired or sat down with a producer or director and been like, oh, you know, well, I don't drink anymore. And they go, oh, I don't drink 10 years. And you're like. Oh my God. And I've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story, their reason for giving up. And there is a wonderful community of people and I love it. I love being a part of that community. I'm really proud to be a part of it. I hope that, you know. I can meet other people and chat to them about it because it's really nice. It's lovely to be like, let's go get a lime soda together, you know?

• 41:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, let's get a juice. So let's get a smoothie.

• 41:38Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 41:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, it, it is true. It's true. And it's really interesting because they, I can't remember. I'm trying to remember. There was this blog that came out years ago. I can't even remember it now. And. There was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention. And one day she just disappeared, like she stopped posting. And everyone's just like, all the comments were like, where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Like what happened to you? You know, everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her. They were following her and all the rest of it. And. What they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted, she was drinking. And it was a made up, it was almost like original AI.

• 42:22Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 42:22Jay Shetty?

  That was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you could think you're really close to them and you could think their lifestyle looks amazing, but actually they've got a drink in every picture they post. And you didn't realise they had an alcohol problem. So there was no real person who died, but the point was that this, your friends could be struggling. Even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures, but are you aware?

• 42:42Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 42:42Jay Shetty?

  And are you conscious of how much it affects you? And I can't, can't remember who built that page.

• 42:47Tom Holland?

  I think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now, if alcohol wasn't a thing and you like, I've invented this drink. That is gonna make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're gonna just sell it to the masses. People will be like, nah mate, keep your funky juice. Like we don't want that. That sounds terrible. And it's one of those things, cause it is so socially acceptable, the, the addiction side of it, the bad sides of it really do fly under the radar.

• 43:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 43:14Tom Holland?

  And that's really interesting. I'll tell you something I do love about being a non-drinker. I love being the designated driver.

• 43:21Tom Holland?

  I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home. I don't know. I just, I like being a dependable person. I, I think I'm quite dependable and I really like that, that um thing. And I saw this crazy YouTube video once. This was years ago of a guy that went to a bar, he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car. And I don't know if this is real, it could have been fake, but it's really impactful. Basically what his friend had done was. Set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years. And his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like old makeup on to make him look older. And now I'm thinking about it, there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off?

• 44:06Tom Holland?

  But he basically is saying to him like, you've been asleep for 10 years, everyone's missed you, like we can't believe you're awake. This is amazing. And it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life. So I do love being the designated driver. That is something I enjoy. Seeing my friends have a good time, being like, don't worry, Tom will take you home.

• 44:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:26Jay Shetty?

  I I I used to love being the designated driver until I realised that an ex-girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't do that.

• 44:32Tom Holland?

  Yeah, right.

• 44:32Jay Shetty?

  That wasn't a fun designated driver job, but I've always been that guy since. Because so I I lived as a monk for three years.

• 44:39Tom Holland?

  Yeah, amazing.

• 44:39Jay Shetty?

  And when I came back after that, obviously, I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything. And so but I went back into the workplace and I remember everyone would always open up to me and give me advice. But it's what you're saying. When someone was drunk, they'd tell me their whole life story.

• 44:52Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 44:52Jay Shetty?

  Next day, they'd wake up and go, Jay, you'd actually remember what I said, right? I remember everything. They're like, please don't tell anyone.

• 44:57Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:58Jay Shetty?

  You know, I love I love that part where I was like, I was able to be there for people.

• 45:01Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 45:02Jay Shetty?

  Just hear their stories.

• 45:03Tom Holland?

  A hundred percent.

• 45:04Jay Shetty?

  And someone that had context the next day, because if they told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember, then it'd be gone. No, I I think the benefits that you've just pointed out, good sleep, good health, great mental clarity.

• 45:14Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 45:15Jay Shetty?

  They're huge. But there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening, just as takeaways, because Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it. It's really beautiful as well. But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives. And during my monk life, we always talked about how there was there was something that we called the higher taste. And it was saying you can never give up a lower taste unless you had a higher taste.

• 45:34Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 45:35Jay Shetty?

  And so there has to be a switch. There has to be a replacement.

• 45:36Tom Holland?

  Has to be a replacement.

• 45:37Jay Shetty?

  And so the fact that you found alternatives, I think that's half the battle.

• 45:40Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 45:41Jay Shetty?

  Because most of us are trying to take something out of our lives, and then you're just trying to fill it.

• 45:45Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 45:45Jay Shetty?

  And then you have to go back to what you had before because you're not finding a replacement. So that was beautiful. And the second thing you said, which I loved, which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone who's one year ahead of you, someone who's 10 years ahead, someone who's 20 years ahead, who's gone through that process, and they're open and honest and vulnerable about, you know, I did have a weak moment, or you know what, this was really tough for me. And I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference. So if anyone's struggling, I hope that those two things can kind of, you know, give you the support you need.

• 46:15Tom Holland?

  And again, it goes back to the message of of the show is that like, you should ask for help.

• 46:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Tom Holland?

  And you should feel empowered to do so.

• 46:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:22Tom Holland?

  But tell me about your monk life. Like, that must have been amazing.

• 46:25Jay Shetty?

  It was special.

• 46:26Tom Holland?

  I've always been so tempted to go away and do one of those retreats where, you know, you go to somewhere like India and you go to those places where you don't speak for a month or something like that. Like, that must have just been the most enlightening experience.

• 46:37Jay Shetty?

  Mate, now that you've said that, when you when you want to go, I'm going to take you.

• 46:40Tom Holland?

  Please.

• 46:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you let me know when.

• 46:42Tom Holland?

  I would absolutely love to go. I met a guy, I was on holiday earlier this year, and he had just got back from a retreat. He did two weeks. Where he didn't make a sound.

• 46:50Jay Shetty?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:51Tom Holland?

  And was just explaining to me how eye opening it was.

• 46:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, no, I I mean, to me, it was one of the best experiences of my life because even the stuff that I did then, I was twenty two years old when I did it. Even the stuff that I did then, I don't even know if I'd be able to do it anymore now, but there was such a like energy you had as a twenty two year old where you're just open to any experience and wanting to try it all out.

• 47:13Tom Holland?

  Amazing.

• 47:13Jay Shetty?

  And I think for me, it was because, and it comes back to the people that have done things. When I was eighteen was when I first met a monk. I I never really knew what monks did or or any of their practices. But I met a monk who I write about in my book, who just blew my mind because he was the first person I met that I felt was at ease with himself. And when I was eighteen, I'd met people who were like rich and famous and you know, beautiful and powerful and all this type of stuff, but I don't think I'd met anyone who was truly happy and content with themselves, not happy like, oh, I'm so happy, life's amazing. I mean, more like happy with who they

• 47:50Tom Holland?

  At peace with who they are.

• 47:51Jay Shetty?

  Who they were, yeah.

• 47:52Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 47:53Jay Shetty?

  And for some reason, at eighteen, that kind of like was an arrow straight to my heart where I was like, that's that's real, like, I want that. And it just, it's so hard to explain because everyone's like, well, how did you know that at eighteen? I was like, I don't know, it must have been how powerful he was. It's kind of like, it's kind of like you wake up when when the sun's out and the light's out and you just wake up because you you feel that energy. And I felt it through him and then I I went to university and I'd talk to him and I'd meet him in the summers and Christmases. But I just decided, I was like, I want to do this because I'd met someone who I felt had emotional and mental mastery in a way that I'd never seen before.

• 48:29Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 48:29Jay Shetty?

  And so when I went out there and whether it was the meditation training or whether it was the simplicity training of the lifestyle or whether it was the the the teachings and the values that you had to live by. I just got so, I got so much from it that I honestly believe that anything that I'm good at doing today is because of what I learned during that time.

• 48:48Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 48:49Jay Shetty?

  And so anything I'm good at today is because of that.

• 48:51Tom Holland?

  Do you think that you found what he had?

• 48:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I believe so, and I would say that.

• 48:55Tom Holland?

  Or has.

• 48:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and I still see him every year.

• 48:59Tom Holland?

  Amazing.

• 49:00Jay Shetty?

  And he still has it. Yeah, it's like swag, like it doesn't go away. He still has it, and yeah, definitely, definitely, I got a glimpse into it. Obviously, he's been doing it for, you know, nearly thirty years.

• 49:11Tom Holland?

  Yeah, wow.

• 49:11Jay Shetty?

  I only did it for three, but you still get to a glimpse of it. You get an experience of it, so you know that it exists.

• 49:18Tom Holland?

  Right, right, right.

• 49:18Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's half the battle too, like even with your sobriety, it's like, you just need to know it exists.

• 49:23Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 49:23Jay Shetty?

  And then you're like, wow, there's this other side.

• 49:25Tom Holland?

  A hundred percent.

• 49:26Jay Shetty?

  And even though it's a challenge, and even though I'm still trying to be more mindful every day, and I'm still working on myself because it's.

• 49:31Tom Holland?

  Of course, it's an endless, ongoing thing.

• 49:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I know, I know, and I take a lot of friends and people I know on retreats there because just a couple of years ago, I took someone that I love to one of the caves in Rishikesh. So one of the things I love about caves is that they're equally dark and silent.

• 49:50Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 49:50Jay Shetty?

  So it's almost like the first time, like we could be silent in this room and it would be silent, but the silence of a cave is just different.

• 49:57Tom Holland?

  Different level, yeah.

• 49:57Jay Shetty?

  And so when you go in there, you can't see anything either, so you can't even see yourself.

• 50:01Tom Holland?

  So you're so deep into the cave that there's no light from the mouth of the cave.

• 50:04Jay Shetty?

  There's no light from the mouth of the cave.

• 50:06Tom Holland?

  Oh, I don't know about that, mate, that would really stress me out.

• 50:10Jay Shetty?

  No, you hold hands, no, no, you don't hold hands. But it's, it's just, it's one of those experiences that you actually get to experience real stillness and real silence and real, real disconnection.

• 50:23Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 50:23Jay Shetty?

  From everything around you, and then you can actually listen to yourself.

• 50:27Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it's interesting.

• 50:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:29Tom Holland?

  I, I would love to do something like that. Something that I find myself doing a lot is if I see a beautiful landscape or something, I will try and. See if I can find an angle of it where there's nothing manmade in the view. Cause you know what it's like, like you see a beautiful hill or something and there's a telephone pole in the middle of it, or a lamp post or something. So doing something like that where there is nothing but just mother nature and the silence and being with yourself. I'm obsessed with nature. It's like one of my biggest passions. I'm absolutely like, this new Our Planet show has just come out. One sitting, I've done the whole thing. Um, so I would love to do something like that. So next time you're going.

• 51:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, we'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out. No, where's, where's a place? I love nature too. I just took my, me and my wife just went to Bali.

• 51:18Tom Holland?

  Oh, I love Bali.

• 51:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and it was unbelievable. We went whitewater rafting and it almost felt like Jurassic Park. I was just waiting for a dinosaur head to pop out. And it was just beautiful. It was so lush. It was so natural. There were these waterfalls everywhere and another place that I've loved nature wise, India, of course, we, we mentioned, but Iceland.

• 51:37Tom Holland?

  I'd love to go to Iceland.

• 51:38Jay Shetty?

  Iceland a few years ago and my friend was filming a documentary out there. And so I got to experience it with the documentary travellers and we went to a real glacier and we went to.

• 51:47Tom Holland?

  Amazing.

• 51:48Jay Shetty?

  You know, and, and it was incredible to just, it was the first time I felt like I'd landed on another planet.

• 51:53Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:53Jay Shetty?

  It was just, I literally, I was like, this looks like nothing I've ever seen before in my life. Like I'm on another, like I, I could have,

• 52:00Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 52:00Jay Shetty?

  I could have gone into outer space and landed on another planet.

• 52:02Tom Holland?

  There's a reason why every single space film Iceland is the first on the list for locations.

• 52:08Jay Shetty?

  Oh, is that, I didn't know that.

• 52:09Tom Holland?

  I'm thinking Interstellar probably shot in Iceland.

• 52:12Jay Shetty?

  I went to the glacier there, so yeah.

• 52:13Tom Holland?

  So I'm sure all of those films, you know, cause you could do, you, you could do Mars, you could do Venus all in, you know, in Iceland. I would love to go. I don't know, we were thinking about doing some climbing and I'm not sure about how I feel about glaciers and walking across them and just falling and never being found.

• 52:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we, we walked across them and obviously there were teams there.

• 52:37Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 52:37Jay Shetty?

  But, and then they had an expert and they went down into the glacier, like they went into one, like, and it was, and it was really scary because while we were walking on the glacier, we've got the, I forgot what those little boots are called, the ones with the kind of like.

• 52:49Tom Holland?

  The little prongs.

• 52:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I forgot what they're called. But anyway, we had those on and.

• 52:52Tom Holland?

  Crap ons. Crampons.

• 52:55Jay Shetty?

  Crampons, okay, crampons. Thank you for that, Jack. And so we're wearing these crampons and, and literally it was like three steps further and you're, you would have fallen and you don't see it.

• 53:03Tom Holland?

  And you would never be found.

• 53:04Jay Shetty?

  And you would never, you would never be found and you'd never know and it'd be like that movie, what's it, 126 Hours? Where the guy had to saw off his own arm.

• 53:11Tom Holland?

  126 Hours, mate, in 10 minutes, the ice would just... Yeah, no, I, that's a bit too far for me.

• 53:17Jay Shetty?

  Well, if you went with a group of, you know, experts and all the rest of it.

• 53:20Tom Holland?

  Yeah, but you've seen the documentary. Sometimes the experts go out and it's a one, it's a one-way story. They don't ever come back, you know?

• 53:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you've got, you've got to be careful. I agree, I agree. I'll show you some videos later though, because it was pretty.

• 53:31Tom Holland?

  I would love to, yeah, please.

• 53:32Jay Shetty?

  It was pretty spectacular. It was really amazing. No, I, I love, I loved that with your journey with Sobri. And, and again, the other thing, we were talking about this earlier, going back to it, was you decided to take a break from acting.

• 53:46Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 53:46Jay Shetty?

  Because you were doing this role, it was really tough and challenging.

• 53:50Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:50Jay Shetty?

  And, and you're like, you need some time. And again, you were saying that that was misconstrued. And I just, before we dive into why you needed to take a break and, and what was challenging about it, I just wanted to just, if you wanted to give context to that, and you don't have to, but if you wanted.

• 54:02Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 54:03Jay Shetty?

  To clarify what you meant and what was going on there.

• 54:07Tom Holland?

  It's only a break from acting because I'm an actor.

• 54:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:10Tom Holland?

  It's not like the acting itself. I just have been so lucky that in my life, I've been working so much, I just wanted to take a break. I just wanted to be in one place for a while. I wanted to be with my friends, be with my family, move into my house. So it wasn't necessarily, oh my God, I need to have a break from acting because it's too much. I just needed to have a break from travelling and, and working and, and also I've done so much of my growing up on the road. I needed to do a lot of growing up at home, paying my water bill, paying my council tax and sorting out my bins and all that sort of stuff that they don't teach you at school, which I think there should be a lesson. I think there should be a lesson at school that's called life, which is like laundry, basic cooking, like.

• 54:54Tom Holland?

  I didn't realise you had to pay for your water. I just thought that was a luxury of living in England, that the water comes out the sky and then it comes out your tap. I was so behind on my water bill, I didn't realise. I'm up to date now, don't worry. So yeah, I just wanted to take this break and it's a shame, again, talking about the press and how they can spin things. It's a shame that this year off has come after this incredibly hard job and that they kind of ran with this idea that, yes, the show did break me and yes, it was difficult, but I could have gone back to work. I was always planning on taking this break after this job. So thank you for giving me the time to sort of clarify that. I am loving having time off and going back to work is something that isn't really on my radar yet. I'm just loving being with my family and my friends

• 55:36Tom Holland?

  and enjoying, you know, the fruits of my labour a little bit and travelling and seeing the world. Because, you know, we get to see the world for work, but it's different. You know, going off of your own accord and seeing these places and meeting people is what I love. I'm very social, which is one of the things I found so difficult about giving up alcohol is because I was like, that's my key to my social life. And then I realised, I was like, no, you're just actually naturally a really social person. The alcohol is just an additive to that. So get rid of it. So yeah, so my year off has been amazing. I'm loving it. I'm six months, seven months into it now. I have a job to go to, but you know, obviously we're going through this writer's strike right now. We're unsure as to where we are. I'm hoping that, you know, the writers can make

• 56:21Tom Holland?

  a deal and will be looked after as they should be. Because it'd be great to get back to work, but I'm in no rush. I'm really loving some time at home.

• 56:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Because how old are you now?

• 56:29Tom Holland?

  Twenty seven.

• 56:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And so if you've been working since you were nine, or at least later on into your teens, I think, I think people forget that. And I, I coach personally a lot of musicians who go on tour a lot.

• 56:39Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 56:40Jay Shetty?

  And I just finished a forty city world tour for my second book. And we did like forty cities, maybe in like seventy five, eighty days, maybe. Like, it was intense. And we went all over the world. So we did like fifteen.

• 56:50Tom Holland?

  I've never done anything like that.

• 56:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, did fifteen cities in the US and then twenty five cities around the world. And so we did everyone from Paris, Amsterdam, Berlin, Melbourne. We did three shows at the Sydney Opera House, Brisbane, did Singapore, did five shows in India, did Dubai. But it was, and it was amazing. I had one of the best experiences of my life. At the same time, I was reflecting on.

• 57:14Jay Shetty?

  My music clients who have to do a hundred, hundred and fifty shows. A lot of them pull out of doing their tours. A lot of them announce, kind of like you're saying, I took a break. Sure. A lot of them will announce and say, you know what, guys, I can't, I can't finish, I can't do it anymore. And it's really interesting because I messaged some of them straight away saying, I always could understand why you needed that. Sure. Now I actually have actual empathy for you. A hundred percent. Because now I'm on the road and I can see how displacing it is. Sure. And I'm older and I have a certain set of skills that help me with that, based on my monk life and all the rest of it. But I can imagine if you've been touring since you were fifteen years old, which is what a lot of these artists have done. Yeah. You've, like you just said, you grow up on the road. Sure.

• 57:56Jay Shetty?

  And then all of a sudden, you're like, well, who am I and who are my friends and what is my life? And now everyone that I pay is my friend and that's the only friends I have. Totally. You know, and so it's really interesting how when you get a little glimpse into someone's life. And then on my, the last show I had was in Barcelona. I know Barcelona. Yeah, it was amazing. The night before my last show, Live Nation, who is doing my show there, they also do Coldplay's tour. And they were like, do you want to come to Cold, watch Coldplay? I was like, I'd love to watch Coldplay. So on the night before to watch Coldplay, unbelievable. They did four sold out shows of sixty five thousand people each night in Barcelona. And Chris, I went to watch the fourth night and Chris Martin and the crew were just unbelievable. Yeah. And then I found out it was the eighty ninth show. And I was thinking, gosh, like, it is so hard.

• 58:40Jay Shetty?

  Like, it's just so hard and all their families are with them and travelling with them and all the rest of it. And so I want to touch on that with you as well, that walk us through, because I've talked about this with actors offline and I don't think I've fully done it online. And so if you're willing to go there, I'd really appreciate it. Sure. When you're playing a role, I think as a viewer, we massively underestimate how hard acting is, especially when the role is the kind of role that you're playing in the crowded room.

• 59:08Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 59:08Jay Shetty?

  I think we just underestimate as a viewer, and I'm fortunate enough to know enough actors offline where I've had these conversations before, whether it's people who do method acting, or whether it's people who, you know, really try and get into character. Like, you always hear about the stories of like how Jared Leto, when he was becoming the Joker, was sending people rats and

• 59:24Tom Holland?

  That's terrifying.

• 59:24Jay Shetty?

  human feces in their mail, like literally live.

• 59:27Tom Holland?

  I tell you what, if you send me human feces in my mail, there'd be trouble. I wouldn't be putting up with that.

• 59:32Jay Shetty?

  You and Jared Leto in a boxing match.

• 59:34Tom Holland?

  Yeah, there'd be a boxing movie then.

• 59:36Jay Shetty?

  But, you know, that idea of like, I think, I think as viewers, we don't, it's what I'm saying is like, when I went on tour, I was like, I get it, I get it now. As viewers, we don't get it because we don't really hear about the deep process that actors go through of getting into a role, playing someone with multiple personalities, like, you know, that, I don't know. Is that, is that tough, or is it, or is that not, am I getting it wrong? And that's not actually the tough part.

• 1:00:01Tom Holland?

  You're definitely not getting it wrong. I think it's just different. It's case by case, you know? There are people like Jared who dive into their roles and they do things like sending people dead rats and stuff like that. And they think that that's what they need to do. I've always been really good at separating my onset emotions from my personal life emotions. As a young kid, I used to really heavily rely on my personal emotions to get them to come across on screen. And I just found it really unhealthy. I just found that like the line between my life and my character's life would be blurred. And ultimately, at the end of the experience of making the film, I would be a very different person. But not because of my experiences as Tom, it would be because of my experiences as my character.

• 1:00:44Tom Holland?

  So I decided very early on to find certain techniques and certain ways to get into those emotions from a sort of technical point of view. I never sit on set and think about my, my mum getting sick or my, or never speaking to my brothers again, or something like that. I never blur the lines with my personal life and my work life. I always leave work at work. There are jobs like the crowded room that are particularly taxing. Getting to those emotions on a daily basis is really difficult and really tiring. But, you know, it's probably somewhat like Coldplay on their 89th show. You just dig your heels in, you realise you've got a job to do. We're all wonderfully well paid. There are people that work far harder for far less. I recognise how lucky I am.

• 1:01:28Tom Holland?

  So I'm like, if I need to cry today and tomorrow and the next 50 days in a row, I'll do so. Yes, it's difficult, but. I think your question, I'm probably the worst person to ask that. Cause I think I have like a really healthy outlook on how I achieve my emotions on set.

• 1:01:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:45Tom Holland?

  Um, but I have worked with people that shut their bedroom door and just dive into the character and are poring through the script every night and, and are in character all the time. And I admire them. I don't necessarily think it's the healthiest way to go about it. But yeah, I've always been really strict on myself to leave my work at work. Obviously I come home and read the script and do all of my prep work, but I'm not. I'm leaving the character at work because it's too, it's too much, especially when you're playing a character like, like Danny from The Crowded Room, like you can't bring that into your personal life. It's tough.

• 1:02:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, that, but I'm actually glad I asked it to you either way because what I'm actually hearing is, you did it early on and you saw it wasn't healthy.

• 1:02:26Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:02:26Jay Shetty?

  And so you actually found another way.

• 1:02:28Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Jay Shetty?

  And, and it's really interesting because a lot of people may not have found another way or that is their way and that is their method. And so it actually is interesting hearing it from your perspective. Because you're actually saying, yeah, I could have gone down that road.

• 1:02:42Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:02:42Jay Shetty?

  I could see the dangers with it.

• 1:02:43Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:02:44Jay Shetty?

  And, and obviously it depends on the roles too. Sorry, you were gonna say.

• 1:02:46Tom Holland?

  No, it's just, it's my acting coach. Ben Perkins was my acting coach on my first film. And that film's really, really emotionally intense. And we started off by doing things like, can you imagine, you know, your mum passing or can you imagine things like that? And I would cry instantly.

• 1:03:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:03Tom Holland?

  And he was the one that actually recognized at a point, this is too much for this young kid to kind of take. So he devised these exercises where him and I could kind of have, these fake arguments where I was as a 12 year old, oh, maybe I was older than that, 13 year old, could recognize that they were exercises and I would allow the emotion to kind of come from these kind of acting techniques, let's call it. So it was actually Ben that was the one that switched my, my mindset. I can't take credit for that.

• 1:03:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Tom Holland?

  So you, you live in LA?

• 1:03:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so I moved to. L A five years ago.

• 1:03:39Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:39Jay Shetty?

  And I moved to the States seven years ago, so I was in New York for the first two.

• 1:03:43Tom Holland?

  Whereabouts in New York were you?

• 1:03:44Jay Shetty?

  I was on Twenty Third Street near Flatiron.

• 1:03:46Tom Holland?

  Okay, nice.

• 1:03:47Jay Shetty?

  So, yeah, it was good in Manhattan and moved with my wife. We've been married for seven years.

• 1:03:52Tom Holland?

  Amazing.

• 1:03:52Jay Shetty?

  Together for ten.

• 1:03:53Tom Holland?

  Fantastic.

• 1:03:54Jay Shetty?

  And, yeah, it's just been really interesting, mate. It's like, did you ever end up moving? Did you ever live in L A at all or in the U S at all or have you always been in London?

• 1:04:02Tom Holland?

  Sort of what we were talking about earlier, I've kind of lived all over the place. I've lived in L A, I've lived in New York, I've lived in Atlanta, you know, I've lived in Cleveland, which was amazing.

• 1:04:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Tom Holland?

  Um, so I, I really like spending time in the States.

• 1:04:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:14Tom Holland?

  We just obviously crowded room, we did a year in New York.

• 1:04:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Tom Holland?

  We moved to Tribeca. We started off in Midtown and Midtown for me was a bit of a nightmare. It's where all the schools are. So I'd come home from work and I'd come outside and it's like all the biggest Spider-Man fans you've ever seen in your life. Oh.

• 1:04:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's like the worst planning of all, all the kids, yeah.

• 1:04:32Tom Holland?

  We moved out to Tribeca to this amazing apartment, which was really lovely. We were very lucky to be down there. But, um, but where, so how do you find L A?

• 1:04:41Jay Shetty?

  I, so you know what? It's really interesting because when I, I moved to New York first.

• 1:04:44Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:44Jay Shetty?

  And I loved it. I found New York to be just a bigger, crazier London.

• 1:04:48Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:04:49Jay Shetty?

  A bit more intense.

• 1:04:50Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:50Jay Shetty?

  And, and I love London. I'm a, I'm a London boy through and through. I went to university here, my, my family's still here. My wife's family's here, everyone's.

• 1:04:57Tom Holland?

  Amazing.

• 1:04:58Jay Shetty?

  And so, but, but I enjoyed New York. My wife didn't love New York. And also at the same time, I, I started spending more time in L A for work. And my wife and I just like fell more in love with each other when we were there. And so that's what it was that drew us there. It wasn't really, everyone's always like, oh, was it career? I was like, to be honest, we went there for a month for work and we rented an apartment because we're going to be there for a month.

• 1:05:22Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:22Jay Shetty?

  And we're living together there and we just loved living with each other there.

• 1:05:26Tom Holland?

  Home is where the heart is, bro.

• 1:05:28Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And so we were like, all right, we love it here. Why don't we pack our bags and move across? And so we went back to New York. Two months later, we moved over to L A. So it wasn't even, you know. And now we've been there for five years and the truth is that I, I was really intentional when I moved somewhere. So while I'm building my purpose and my work and my career, which I absolutely love what I get to do every day and I, I, I could never have dreamed of doing what I do today. Super grateful. But at the same time, I was really intentional about building community and family. And it was like an actual like thought process. Sure. Where I was like, as well as you're always building the people you know at work, you're always building relationships, you're hiring employees and team members and everything. At the same time, I've got to think about actually making friendships because

• 1:06:09Jay Shetty?

  in London, I've got all my mates. So I've got my best man at my wedding. I've been mates with Raj for like seventeen years, like. This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the chance to step outside of our routine. Travel is a way of slowing us down and shifting our perspective. And with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card, every journey becomes even more rewarding. Earn four times the points on flights and hotels booked direct. Enjoy access to award-winning airport lounges, three times the points on dining and reserve exclusive tables. Learn more at chase.com/sapphirereserve. Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, N A member, F D I C.

• 1:06:53Jay Shetty?

  Subject to credit approval, terms apply.

• 1:06:57Jay Shetty?

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• 1:07:41Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn.

• 1:08:21Jay Shetty?

  It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. I've got people around me, but in LA I don't have that. I don't have any family, any friends, I don't know anyone. And so I've really made an effort. Now, after five years, I can honestly say, you know, obviously not in a wonderful way, but the pandemic did help deepen some of those friendships. Because I was stuck with those people, so I only could go deeper. Made some really good friends. Nice. And so I feel happy there and I feel really connected to my purpose there. And at the same time, I love coming back to London. Right.

• 1:09:02Jay Shetty?

  And hanging out with my mates. And so I've, and me and my wife made a decision when we moved, that we would never say we lived anywhere, we would just be allowed to go wherever we wanted to go. So whenever my wife misses London, she's back on a flight to London, she'll come live here for two months and come back whenever she wants. Amazing. And it's the same for me. And that kind of like not having a rule around, you know, obviously we're lucky to have that choice. That's an amazing luxury to have. Yeah, of course, yeah. And, but yeah, I, I, I share the same kind of outlook on it, you know, I couldn't really say I live anywhere. I sort of live where the work is and when I'm not working, I'm either here or in LA. Yeah. And, and I'm so lucky to be able to sort of call the world my home. I just go wherever the, the wind takes me, I guess. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But that's glorious, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, it's been good, it's been good for me. It's been good to me.

• 1:09:47Jay Shetty?

  And, and I think because of the work I do, it very clearly lets people know whether I'd connect to them or not. I feel like my work is so obviously one way. Sure. That it's very easy because not everyone wants this in their life. So it's kind of easy for people to be like, you know, I'm not going to make any F O J, or I'm going to make lots of F O J. And so it kind of makes it very easy because my work is me. Do you find because of what you do and your skill set and your experiences and your life as a monk, that people unload on you a lot? Yes.

• 1:10:16Tom Holland?

  Like, like you might meet a new person and they're sort of saying, well, I'm, I'm feeling this way and I, I would love to try and get to a place of enlightenment like. That must happen to you a lot.

• 1:10:24Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yeah, a lot. It can, it can happen at the train station, it can happen on a plane, it can happen anywhere in the world, yeah.

• 1:10:29Tom Holland?

  And do you welcome those conversations? Do you like having those sorts of conversations?

• 1:10:34Jay Shetty?

  So I think it depends where we are.

• 1:10:36Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:10:36Jay Shetty?

  And, and it depends who it is. And I always say to people as a disclaimer that I don't want to give you the belief that I can solve your life in thirty seconds.

• 1:10:47Tom Holland?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:10:48Jay Shetty?

  Or that I could ever solve your life for you.

• 1:10:50Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 1:10:51Jay Shetty?

  Just to be really clear, that, and I always say that to people because people are like, Jay, tell me what I need to do. And I'll be like, look, I just wanted to be fully aware that I'm happy to share some insights with you, but I don't have the power or gift or magical ability.

• 1:11:05Tom Holland?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:11:06Jay Shetty?

  To transform your life and nothing I can say in thirty seconds. I don't even want to take that responsibility on because we should really think about this, like you should reflect on your life, like especially when people are making big decisions where it's like, Jay, should I break up? Should I move country? Should I do this? And I'm like, we're not solving this in thirty seconds.

• 1:11:23Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a bigger conversation.

• 1:11:25Jay Shetty?

  And, and I like people, that takes the pressure off me, but it also takes the pressure off them.

• 1:11:28Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:29Jay Shetty?

  Cause a lot, it's not even about me. This is about the fact that that person needs to make a really important decision. And they're putting all the pressure of their life on that moment. And actually I'm saying, well, let's just take it off. And here's a few things I want you to reflect and think about.

• 1:11:41Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:11:41Jay Shetty?

  And I know that will help you and you'll figure it out. And so, yeah, I, I welcome them because I appreciate that I don't feel that I'm the one holding space.

• 1:11:51Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:11:52Jay Shetty?

  And I don't believe that I'm the one who has the power to hold space. I believe that the universe holds space. I believe that energetically that space is held for others. And I don't feel I'm this powerful human being who's, who's the one that everything rests on.

• 1:12:06Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:12:06Jay Shetty?

  And has the answer to everything. And I think that's what allows me to be liberated from it.

• 1:12:10Tom Holland?

  Yeah, nice.

• 1:12:10Jay Shetty?

  Where I'm not like, I also don't put the pressure on myself going, God, I better say the most perfect thing to this.

• 1:12:15Tom Holland?

  I better chase this person's life.

• 1:12:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I can't and I don't, and, and I think once upon a time I probably did feel that way, like when you're, when you're immature and you're an amateur in your work, you almost feel like you have to have all the answers. And now I'm like, you know what? I don't. And it's fine. And. Actually, people really appreciate it when you just chat to them and, you know. And so, yeah, and again, you know, I'm always happy to listen to someone when I can. Obviously, there's sometimes when I'm like rushing late for a plane or.

• 1:12:41Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:41Jay Shetty?

  I'm trying to get into a car or whatever and I can't, I can't do it.

• 1:12:44Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:12:45Jay Shetty?

  But I always stop and say hello, give someone a hug and all the rest of it, yeah. So I don't know if that answers your question, but.

• 1:12:49Tom Holland?

  No, absolutely, it does.

• 1:12:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:51Tom Holland?

  I guess what's interesting, what you're saying about making decisions, something that I am constantly battling with myself is the inner battle between my gut and my brain.

• 1:12:59Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:12:59Tom Holland?

  I know that sounds really weird.

• 1:13:01Jay Shetty?

  No, it's real.

• 1:13:02Tom Holland?

  I go with my gut a lot. I'm very, very, I think a lot of the decisions I make in life are very sort of instinctual. I don't like to be bombarded with evidence and facts and all that sort of stuff. I just like to feel a certain way about how I would like something to sort of transpire. Can be taking a film, accepting a script, doing a business deal, buying a house. Like, it's all sorts of different things. Through your monk life, did you feel like you would rely on your kind of inner instincts rather than like getting the evidence of this is going to make you this much money? Or if you do that, these are the risks. How do you, where do you stand with that sort of thing?

• 1:13:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:41Tom Holland?

  That was the most poorly worded question, but you know why I'm making it.

• 1:13:43Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, mate, mate, I think both, I think this has been such a conversation that that is what a question sounds like in a conversation.

• 1:13:49Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:13:50Jay Shetty?

  And I think I've asked you fairly poorly worded questions today as well, but I think that's what real communication is.

• 1:13:56Tom Holland?

  We're having a chat, yeah, it's fine.

• 1:13:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, rather than like, mate, I've got question one, like.

• 1:13:58Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:13:59Jay Shetty?

  Uh, but no, I, I think I get what you're saying and if I go on the wrong track, let me know. But living as a monk, you're trained to understand that everything exists in a certain mode. And so I'll explain what that means. And so in the monk philosophy, there are three modes. And the modes are the mode of ignorance, the mode of passion and the mode of goodness. And it's said that every decision, every thought, every action, every intention, every relationship can be in the mode of ignorance, mode of passion or mode of goodness. And the mode of ignorance is where your relationships or any act is based on insecurity or fear. So when you're doing something out of fear or you're doing it out of insecurity or you're doing it out of pressure, that's considered the mode of ignorance. And energetically, we all feel that, right?

• 1:14:44Jay Shetty?

  Like, you know whether you, I would know whether you were being forced to do this interview today.

• 1:14:48Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:14:48Jay Shetty?

  Out of, out of some sort of fear or some sort of whatever it may be. The mode of passion is where you're doing something because you want a certain result. You're doing it just for the reward, you're doing it just because it's gonna get you what you want, it's gonna get you to the goal.

• 1:15:05Tom Holland?

  Okay.

• 1:15:05Jay Shetty?

  And so that's considered the mode of passion. And again, energetically, you can tell that when someone has an agenda or someone wants something out of you.

• 1:15:12Tom Holland?

  I've come here to get my point across on something, right.

• 1:15:14Jay Shetty?

  Totally. And then finally, the mode of goodness is the energy of like, I feel really at peace. I feel really at ease, this feels aligned with my values, and therefore it feels like the right decision. And so we were trained to sense energetically whether things felt like the mode of ignorance, mode of passion, or mode of goodness. Which was a really helpful framework, because sometimes things were really hard to just sense without knowing where it sat in terms of a characteristic.

• 1:15:43Tom Holland?

  That's so interesting.

• 1:15:44Jay Shetty?

  And so that was really, really helpful at the time. And so I find that I'm, I'm the same as you where I make decisions energetically.

• 1:15:50Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:51Jay Shetty?

  But I think having moved into the real world again, I felt that I had to start getting used to understanding other elements. Kind of what you mentioned earlier, which I loved, which was like, I wish they had a class on life at school. Because it's like you haven't paid your bill and you know, you know, there's football players not paying their taxes or whatever it may be and like. Uh, that may be for different reasons, but anyway, you get the point that there's some things that you just don't know. And so what I've started to do, and I've, I've said this a few times, and that's where it's a little formula that I use. When I sit down with someone, whether it's business, whether it's relationships, whether it's work, even whether it's this, the first thing is always energy.

• 1:16:29Jay Shetty?

  That's my first gate that I, that I wanna get through. And if I don't feel energetically aligned with someone, then already there's no future here. Like, it's not going anywhere.

• 1:16:38Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 1:16:39Jay Shetty?

  And then the next thing I look at is strategically, if it's business, so if it's personal, it's only energy. But if it's business, I look at, well, I like this person energetically, do I think they're strategically aligned? With where this has to go, like, do I think they can actually implement this? Do I believe, because a lot of people have great energy, but then they don't have to implement anything. And then finally, I look at, well, does the money align? Does the monetary value align with the energy and strategy?

• 1:17:04Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:17:05Jay Shetty?

  That's been my business version of what I learned as a monk.

• 1:17:08Tom Holland?

  So what you're saying then, that is a combination of both.

• 1:17:11Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 1:17:12Tom Holland?

  Allowing like your gut, your energy to kind of allow yourself to pursue further the opportunity.

• 1:17:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:19Tom Holland?

  And then you take a sort of mental look at it to be like, I'm accepting the opportunity from an emotional point of view. Now I need to see if it makes sort of logical sense.

• 1:17:29Jay Shetty?

  Correct. And if it doesn't, then we're gonna stop there again.

• 1:17:31Tom Holland?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:17:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. So I've, I've found that more useful for me.

• 1:17:34Tom Holland?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:17:34Jay Shetty?

  Because I found that energetically, I can get excited about a lot of stuff.

• 1:17:38Tom Holland?

  Yeah, I'm the same.

• 1:17:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I'm, and I'm that kind of person. And again, I never wanna block that.

• 1:17:43Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:17:43Jay Shetty?

  At the same time, I think we have to become more selective with our opportunities and know when to say no and know how to manage stuff. And that's at least helped me.

• 1:17:50Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:17:51Jay Shetty?

  So again, I'm not saying anyone has to live like that. I'm just, that's what, that's what.

• 1:17:54Tom Holland?

  It's interesting. It's really interesting. I am very much like go off my gut.

• 1:17:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:57Tom Holland?

  I tell you what, my mum is an unbelievable judge of character.

• 1:18:02Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:18:03Tom Holland?

  And I think she might have, without knowing what you're talking about, where she can pick up on people's energies.

• 1:18:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Tom Holland?

  Because we can meet a new person as a family. We've met this new person, the three of us could love this new person and another three could not like this new person. And my mum will be like, no, that no, don't like that person. And then within six months, all of us are like, do you remember that person that we were really good friends with for a little bit? She's really got a keen eye for people that we would get along with. Yeah, she's amazing like that.

• 1:18:31Jay Shetty?

  Mums are like that. Now that you say that, all my mates who let me down when I was a teenager.

• 1:18:36Tom Holland?

  I bet your mum could have pointed it out.

• 1:18:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Every time. And I was like, mum, no, they're my best friend. I'm never gonna leave them. They're like a brother to me. And then like seven months later, the person stabbed you in the back and then you're like, oh, mum, like, you know.

• 1:18:48Tom Holland?

  But the good thing about mums is they wouldn't judge you for it.

• 1:18:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:51Tom Holland?

  You know, they're like, look, I told you, but you had to make your own mistakes.

• 1:18:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly. But I, it's interesting that you've been able to hold on to that and I love that. Do you feel like, you were asking me about moving to LA and I, I think, what have you felt? And there's a part of you that's obviously wanting to be back in Kingston, be back to who you are. Have you felt that there's been parts of yourself that have been challenged? I don't feel sitting with you today that. You know, I I don't know you before, I don't know you after, I've only met you today. So I I can't judge who you are or what you enjoy. All I can say is that when I'm sitting with you today, I feel like I'm sitting with an authentic individual and your energy comes across very easily.

• 1:19:26Tom Holland?

  Thank you.

• 1:19:27Jay Shetty?

  Do you feel like you've had to hold on to that at times with opportunities, challenges, the industry? Or or is that all stuff that we kind of make up in our heads and it's actually just be yourself and you're fine?

• 1:19:38Tom Holland?

  I really don't know the answer to that question. I I I've definitely walked away from a lot. And I think had I not walked away from certain situations, let's just put it at that, I would be a very different person today. I've been really good at keeping in touch with my friends, keeping my family close, listening to the lessons, not getting caught up in the Hollywood hype. Like, I really am a massive fan of making movies, but I really do not like Hollywood. It is not for me, the the business really scares me. I understand that I'm a part of that business and I enjoy my kind of interactions with it. But that said, I am always looking for ways to kind of remove myself from it, to kind of just live as normal a life as possible.

• 1:20:22Tom Holland?

  Today, doing this is a very rare thing for me to do. Like, in London, to come in and speak to someone about my life is something I would not typically do. But because I'm a fan of yours and I was keen to kind of hear what you had to say and and chat to you today, I felt like this would be a safe space for me to do that.

• 1:20:42Tom Holland?

  But yeah, I definitely think it has been an ongoing thought, which is don't lose yourself. I've seen so many people come before me and lose themselves. And I've had friends that I've grown up with that aren't friends of mine anymore because they've lost themselves to this business. And I just am really, really keen to focus on what makes me happy, which is my family, it's my friends, it's my carpentry, my golf, um, the charity that my mum runs. Like, that is the stuff that makes me really happy and that's the stuff that I should protect. My relationship is the thing that I keep most sacred, I don't talk about it. I try my best to keep it as private as possible. We both feel very strongly that that is the healthiest way for us to to move on as a couple.

• 1:21:26Tom Holland?

  So I do try to keep as removed from it as possible. Like, you'll never see me at an award show that I don't have to be at. I'm never going to a red carpet event that I'm not in the film of, you know. I don't want the attention when I don't need it. I love the spotlight. I love the pressure that comes with it. Just watch that tennis documentary, Breaking Point.

• 1:21:46Jay Shetty?

  I haven't seen it yet.

• 1:21:47Tom Holland?

  You've got to see it. It's amazing. I never realised how brutal tennis was. I've always been a huge tennis lover. I am now absolutely in awe of what those athletes go through. But there's a quote from Billie Jean King that's on the stand at her stadium in New York that says, "Pressure is a privilege." And that is so true. Like, oh my god. Feeling pressure on a daily basis, in the capacity that we feel, is such a privilege. I love feeling pressure. I feel like I thrive under pressure. The best golf I've ever played in my life is when there are cameras around and people are watching. I just think that that is a real amazing thing to be able to experience. So I enjoy it while I can, and then when it becomes a bit much, I kind of become a bit of a recluse and I disappear.

• 1:22:29Tom Holland?

  I come back to Kingston, I play golf, I play tennis, I hang out with my friends and my family, do the pub quiz and all that sort of stuff.

• 1:22:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:37Tom Holland?

  So yeah, so it is something I actively try to do. As I get older, it only gets easier.

• 1:22:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and I can I can relate to that where in my in my small way or in my world where a lot of my friends think like I'm in L A, like always at events, always a prize. I'm not. I'm like in bed by nine thirty P M.

• 1:22:55Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:22:56Jay Shetty?

  And I only live there because it works for me in the world that I do and what I do and.

• 1:23:00Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:23:00Jay Shetty?

  And and I enjoy living in L A, but it's it. I don't live there for Hollywood. And I think that's often the perception as well, where everyone's like, oh, you're all Hollywood now. And I'm like, well, no, not really. Like, I I don't really I don't really go to all the events and gatherings and stuff unless I need to be there or.

• 1:23:14Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:23:15Jay Shetty?

  Or I'm connected to a project. So so I relate to that. What you mentioned a few things there, but if I had to ask you, as Tom, when do you feel most yourself? Like, when do you feel most connected? Or and what are you trying to reconnect to if you're like, well? I know what it is, but I'm still figuring it out again.

• 1:23:30Tom Holland?

  I think when I feel most myself is to do with my relationships. I'm gonna leave that and not talk about that.

• 1:23:34Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:23:35Tom Holland?

  But I think the other thing, this is such a stupid thing, but it's when I'm playing good golf. Like, there's something about how golf, golf is the most humbling sport in the world.

• 1:23:44Jay Shetty?

  I agree.

• 1:23:45Tom Holland?

  Who you are, doesn't matter how much money you've got, how successful you are. Golf will batter you no matter who you are. And I love, that's what I love about it, you know, it's such a leveling sport. I love going to a golf course and meeting new people that I've never played with before. Playing around a golf, I struggle when I don't play badly. Like, I've got a bit of a temper and like, you're supposed to have fourteen clubs in your bag. I currently have nine and you can probably guess why.

• 1:24:11Tom Holland?

  But I, I just love being outside. I've always been an outdoorsy person. I love being on the golf course. I love my mates. They all love playing golf. There's just something about the challenge of shooting lower than your lowest score that really kind of takes my mind off of the work. The interesting thing about golf is that you could be having a terrible day, you could be really upset about something. And if you play really well, you completely forget about it. If you play really badly, you then are playing badly because of what's happening outside of golf. It's like a really weird kind of catch twenty-two, I guess.

• 1:24:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:47Tom Holland?

  Um, but I love it. I think when I'm playing good golf is when I feel most like myself.

• 1:24:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Wow, that's, that's a, that's a unique answer, but I get it.

• 1:24:55Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 1:24:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I've only ever played golf like twice in my life.

• 1:24:59Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:24:59Jay Shetty?

  And I totally get the point of how humbling it is, is horrendous. No matter how quickly you pick up other things in life. Golf is not one of those things that you pick up that easily.

• 1:25:09Tom Holland?

  Oh mate, you can sign the biggest deal of your life and go out to play golf to celebrate and it will ruin your day. Like absolutely ruin.

• 1:25:16Jay Shetty?

  Don't go out to play golf to celebrate.

• 1:25:18Tom Holland?

  No, never go out to celebrate. No, crazy. Do you play, do you still play any sport?

• 1:25:23Jay Shetty?

  I love playing football when I'm back here.

• 1:25:25Tom Holland?

  Okay, nice.

• 1:25:25Jay Shetty?

  So that's one of the things. My mates know that when I'm back in London.

• 1:25:28Tom Holland?

  Okay.

• 1:25:28Jay Shetty?

  We're gonna play a game of football.

• 1:25:29Tom Holland?

  Where do you play?

• 1:25:30Jay Shetty?

  Well, we'll just, we, we will just play on like a seven-a-side pitch or a five-a-side pitch like close to

• 1:25:34Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:35Jay Shetty?

  North West London, which is where most of my mates are. So like Stanmore, Edgeware, Watford, that's like where all my main mates are. And so we'll just go rent a pitch, kick a ball about. I'm not any good anymore.

• 1:25:44Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:25:45Jay Shetty?

  But I've still got the full kit and the socks and you know, all that.

• 1:25:47Tom Holland?

  I always look dressed and fresh, bro. I've actually got Neymar's kit, like from him.

• 1:25:52Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:25:53Tom Holland?

  You best believe I show up to five-a-side in his full kit.

• 1:25:56Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love it. Is it signed by him too?

• 1:25:58Tom Holland?

  No, it's not signed by him. No, no, no.

• 1:25:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's just his kit.

• 1:26:01Tom Holland?

  We went on a lads' holiday to Portugal recently to play golf and at the resort we were staying at, the, the people were so nice. They said, let's have an England versus Portugal football match. There was like, I think there was eight of us. And there was a bunch of Brits that were working at the resort, so they kind of joined our team and we literally did England versus Portugal. It's a full-size pitch. We did 60 minutes, 30 minutes each way. I'm fit. I train every day. I absolutely love my fitness. I really, really like, I'm into it. By the end, I could not make five paces without my legs cramping up.

• 1:26:33Jay Shetty?

  Oh, man.

• 1:26:33Tom Holland?

  They are so fit, these football players. It's unbelievable. And we won. And it's so funny how the first 10 minutes of the game was really friendly, like soft fouls, sorry mate, like your free kick. And by the end, it was savage. It was really intense.

• 1:26:48Jay Shetty?

  Wow, at least you won though.

• 1:26:49Tom Holland?

  We won. I got an assist. It was actually a glorious assist as well, actually. I just, I pinged the ball over the top. My brother made a run. And it bounced and he managed to get his foot to it and he chipped the keeper and scored. It was.

• 1:27:02Jay Shetty?

  But there's no footage.

• 1:27:03Tom Holland?

  There's no footage.

• 1:27:03Jay Shetty?

  No proof.

• 1:27:04Tom Holland?

  Yeah, no proof.

• 1:27:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no proof.

• 1:27:06Tom Holland?

  I sometimes think when the whole no proof thing, like we had the craziest experience of my life the other day. I'll tell you about it. Because our lives are so crazy, like there's no, why would I lie? But the other day, we went swimming with killer whales in Mexico. I said the other day, it was last year. And it was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. There's no proof of it. There's no evidence because it was so off the cuff. We weren't planning on doing it. So most people I tell are like, you definitely didn't do that. But we, we were in, we were in Mexico and we were on a boat. And we just so happened to see this pod of orca. Jack, my security guard, thought it'd be a good idea to jump in. He jumped straight in, flippers on, goggles on. And we were driving to keep up with the whales, because they were kind of following our boat.

• 1:27:51Tom Holland?

  So by the time Jack had jumped in, he was like this. He was like a hundred metres away. And you could see him, and the whales were like swimming around him. So I'm starting to freak out, because he's a good friend of mine. And he's your security guard. And he's my security. I'm like, Jack, we gotta get back to the hotel, bro.

• 1:28:08Tom Holland?

  So I said to the guy, like, excuse me, sir, can you turn around and go and get my friend? Because we now can't see him anymore, like, he's gone. We found him, we got him back in the boat, and he sort of said, like, lads, you have to get in. There is, it's unlike anything you've ever seen before. My brother Harry's like Googling whether or not it's safe to swim with them. And it's sort of, the general consensus online is, don't go swimming with killer whales. You can, there's never been a recorded attack in the wild, but they are wild animals. There's no one to report. They're as big as a bus. And also, Jack's giving it like, don't worry, Tom, I'll be there, I'll look after you. I'm like, Jack, what are you gonna do, bro? Like, what's this, this whale decides to eat me? So anyway, we put the flippers on, put the goggles on. We find the whales, they're sort of interacting with the back of the boat, they're clearly curious.

• 1:28:52Tom Holland?

  And I just thought, like, I guess it goes back to what you're saying, the mode of ignorance. I just was like, I'm gonna try it and see what happens. I jumped in, my brother jumped in, Jack jumped in, we kind of came together. We're thirty miles out of the coast, so it's literally like dark blue water, nothing below us. And to my relief, the whales had gone, we couldn't see them. So I'm sort of thinking, oh, well, that's actually a bit of a touch. At least I can say I jumped in and they have gone. But then Jack said, look down, and we looked down, and it came from beneath us. And what has been such an interesting experience for me was, as soon as I saw the whale, I wasn't scared anymore, because I could just tell.

• 1:29:38Tom Holland?

  That it wasn't gonna eat me. You, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it, but you could just see from its body language. I remember it so vividly. It swam up to us. It was maybe ten metres below us and it was kind of motionlessly sort of just looking at us. And then it kind of rolled on its back. It did this weird thing where it kind of put its head like this and you could see its eye, like we were having this crazy like moment and then it just swam off and it was gone. And then for three hours afterwards, I couldn't speak. I had the biggest adrenaline dump. I just basically was asleep. But it was such an amazing experience to sort of meet the apex predator of the world and it kind of look at you and just swim away.

• 1:30:20Tom Holland?

  Most people don't believe me because there's no evidence, but it was, I think about it now and then, do you know what's so funny as well? I see these, I like our planet, there's, there's more footage of orcas hunting and another way in which they hunt, there is no way I would do that again. There's no way I'd get in there again. But yeah, it was amazing.

• 1:30:40Jay Shetty?

  Hearing you explain it is like, you're so present.

• 1:30:43Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:43Jay Shetty?

  Like you can tell that you're just, you were so present in that moment. Like you stopped thinking about like, oh well, you know, if I tell this after, no one's gonna believe me or whatever it is. You're just like, wait a minute.

• 1:30:52Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:53Jay Shetty?

  You know, nature makes you present like that.

• 1:30:55Tom Holland?

  And, and that's what I love about nature is it's completely unbiased as well. Like if that whale wanted to have a snack, then you know, it's not looking at you going, oh no, but that's a famous person. I've got to leave him alone or it just, you are at one with mother nature. We're in the middle of the ocean. There's nothing we could do and we just were able to enjoy it somewhat maybe like being in the cave. Like you were saying, it was just about us and this whale. My brother and I were holding hands, but then as soon as it presented itself to us, any stress just dissipated and it was just this unbelievable experience and it was so leveling. It was so humbling. That it makes me feel like I can take on certain things. So honestly, even thinking about the experience, now my heart is racing.

• 1:31:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I can imagine.

• 1:31:39Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it was, it was wild. Yeah, it was a cool experience.

• 1:31:41Jay Shetty?

  That's unbelievable. That's, that's an incredible experience. And it is different from the cave though, because I do think it's, it's different when you're with another living being.

• 1:31:49Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:31:50Jay Shetty?

  And so that's what I found. Like my, my closest experience to what you're talking about is I went trekking with, or looking for mountain gorilla in Rwanda last year.

• 1:31:59Tom Holland?

  Oh, that's like the top of my list. I would love to do that.

• 1:32:02Jay Shetty?

  Okay, yeah, we, we should do it. I would do that again any day because it was unbelievable. So you're not, again, these gorillas are not like in a park or something.

• 1:32:11Tom Holland?

  No, no, no.

• 1:32:11Jay Shetty?

  They're mountain gorilla, they're in their world. And you go and look for them and there's no tagging devices or any tech. There's people who've watched the gorilla for so many years that they know where their droppings are, they know where families hang out, they know what their routines are. So depending on what time you're going out, there's someone who's just around them who's calling their friend, uh, calling your guide saying, walk this way.

• 1:32:32Tom Holland?

  This is where you've got to go.

• 1:32:33Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. Just, just to make it very, very clear that, you know, the gorilla's being treated very well. Uh, so you, you're literally looking around and you could be on the lookout for them for like two to six hours.

• 1:32:44Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 1:32:44Jay Shetty?

  You may not find them. You're just hiking.

• 1:32:46Tom Holland?

  See, I love that though, that you might not find them.

• 1:32:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you might not find them. So we found them in two hours. One group that we heard about, because you go in smaller groups of like ten. The other group that we were friends with, they took eight hours to find gorillas, but they saw them too. And when I went, I was kind of like, oh, we're gonna see one gorilla or whatever. Like, they're gonna be far away. Like, I was a bit skeptical.

• 1:33:04Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:33:04Jay Shetty?

  Because I didn't know how it was gonna be. And it was incredible because we looked around for two hours. And I'll show you the video afterwards, but we got, and we just saw them like hanging out, kind of like how I'm looking at everyone here, just hanging out still. And then all of a sudden, they all started walking together. And there was a family of twenty gorillas. And you've got two silverbacks that are like, you know, they're like, their fists are like, you know, like just huge.

• 1:33:28Tom Holland?

  They'll slap you and you're gone.

• 1:33:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And, and it was really interesting because the guides who were there with us, they said to us that when you go close to them, kind of like, and this is why I remembered it and why I'm telling you, it's because when you were talking about the way the whale looked at you.

• 1:33:39Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:33:40Jay Shetty?

  And it was kind of like, you knew it wasn't gonna eat you.

• 1:33:42Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:43Jay Shetty?

  And so they were saying that when you get close to these gorillas, the only thing you can't do is you can't touch their kids and you can't touch them.

• 1:33:48Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:48Jay Shetty?

  And so you can't drop something near their kids and then try get it back because they'll think you're trying to harm their kids.

• 1:33:53Tom Holland?

  Totally.

• 1:33:53Jay Shetty?

  But what they recommended was, they said you had to make this sound when you see them, and this sound means we come in peace. And so the sound was.

• 1:34:04Jay Shetty?

  So that's you have to make that sound. I was all right, this is some Disneyland stuff.

• 1:34:07Tom Holland?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds like nonsense.

• 1:34:09Jay Shetty?

  I was like, yeah, I'm not believing this stuff, like, whatever. Like, I was all right, I'm gonna play around with it. Mm-mm.

• 1:34:13Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:13Jay Shetty?

  And so I'm walking around, so we go to the gorilla. And we get close to them and I made that sound because we were told they were like, make that sound. And then the gorilla did it back. And it was just unbelievable. And then there was this one moment where we were walking and we were literally surrounded by gorilla. Now I was getting it. And that's when I was like a bit scared because they were like all around us. And like literally if they ran at you, like I'm done, right?

• 1:34:34Tom Holland?

  Yeah, it's nothing you can do.

• 1:34:35Jay Shetty?

  Nothing, nothing you can do. And so we're walking. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. The best habits are the ones we hardly notice. The ones that quietly shape the way we move through life, giving us the confidence to focus on what really matters. That's Mazda's approach to safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with your drive. So you can stay present behind the wheel. That commitment has earned Mazda recognition as Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't.

• 1:35:20Jay Shetty?

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• 1:36:06Jay Shetty?

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• 1:36:52Jay Shetty?

  Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. And they're walking around us and this massive silverback came up. So my business manager was with me as well. And so he's there, he's like my godfather in LA, like he really takes care of me.

• 1:37:19Tom Holland?

  Love it.

• 1:37:19Jay Shetty?

  Very close to him. And so this big gorilla that walks behind him and I'm looking at him going, oh man. Like he stopped and we're all looking at him because he's got this massive silverback behind him. And we're all like, how do we tell him to move? And the guy's like, just be still, like just, you know, be really present, like you can't freak out. And the gorilla just went.

• 1:37:41Tom Holland?

  Wow, that's amazing.

• 1:37:43Jay Shetty?

  And he moved out the way and just walked past.

• 1:37:45Tom Holland?

  Wow.

• 1:37:45Jay Shetty?

  And it was just, it was that same presence that you're feeling that I felt with them. And that's what I mean, the living, being with another living being is spectacular, so.

• 1:37:54Tom Holland?

  Do you think that level of ease comes from the helpless nature of being in the presence of an animal that could do to you whatever they want to? Like, I think part of the reason why I felt so calm when the whale had come up was because there was nothing we could do. Should it go sideways?

• 1:38:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:14Tom Holland?

  And I think being almost, finding that kind of inner peace of like, I've made my mind, this is the choices I've made, I'm here now, there's nothing I can do. It's almost like you should make peace with your choices, I guess.

• 1:38:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:27Tom Holland?

  I don't know.

• 1:38:27Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, I think that's, I think you've actually taken it somewhere really beautiful, mate. I, I think for me as well, it's humility.

• 1:38:33Tom Holland?

  Yeah, that's what.

• 1:38:33Jay Shetty?

  And like, when you, when you meet someone new, rarely are we humble.

• 1:38:37Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:38:37Jay Shetty?

  We, we often feel the pressure to be like, well, look at who I am, or like.

• 1:38:41Tom Holland?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:38:41Jay Shetty?

  You know, or we're trying to create, even if it's not our ego, there's a certain sense of like, wanting to gain people's like and respect.

• 1:38:48Tom Holland?

  Yeah, and you want to impress people.

• 1:38:50Jay Shetty?

  No matter what I do, this whale or gorilla is not gonna like or respect me.

• 1:38:54Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:38:54Jay Shetty?

  So I better just be humble about it, and at peace, as you said.

• 1:38:57Tom Holland?

  And it levels you.

• 1:38:58Jay Shetty?

  And it levels you, and it, and it allows that human being, that, that being also, of course, it's not, you know, of course, we're not, there's no, we're not recommending that you just go into these places.

• 1:39:07Tom Holland?

  I wouldn't, oh, yeah.

• 1:39:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but the idea being that I do think there's something magical about nature where humility is kind of nature's way.

• 1:39:15Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:39:15Jay Shetty?

  And it is that, what you're saying, that when you're at peace with your choices, and you're at peace with, here we are, here I am, I can't do anything, and guess what? It's okay.

• 1:39:24Tom Holland?

  Right, that's what I'm saying, yeah, it's somewhat sort of like, I've made a decision, if the decision is a mistake, you've got to live with it, because you made it, I guess.

• 1:39:31Jay Shetty?

  I want to talk about, um, sports, because I was thinking, so I, I play a lot of tennis, play a lot of football.

• 1:39:35Tom Holland?

  Love it.

• 1:39:36Jay Shetty?

  I play a lot of pickleball now.

• 1:39:37Tom Holland?

  You play a lot of pickleball, okay?

• 1:39:39Jay Shetty?

  That's, that's become a thing in LA.

• 1:39:40Tom Holland?

  Big LA thing, yeah.

• 1:39:41Jay Shetty?

  But I'm massively more into paddle, I don't think.

• 1:39:43Tom Holland?

  I love paddle tennis, bro.

• 1:39:45Jay Shetty?

  I love paddle.

• 1:39:45Tom Holland?

  Paddle tennis is so fun.

• 1:39:47Jay Shetty?

  I want that to blow up in the US, but it's not going to, so when I went to Dubai, and I went to Miami, and I went to Madrid, because they're big in Spain.

• 1:39:53Tom Holland?

  Mate.

• 1:39:54Jay Shetty?

  Are they playing it here?

• 1:39:55Tom Holland?

  Yeah, my local tennis club has got two courts.

• 1:39:58Jay Shetty?

  No way.

• 1:39:59Tom Holland?

  And like, you can't book them, they're so sold out.

• 1:40:01Jay Shetty?

  All right.

• 1:40:01Tom Holland?

  Honestly, paddle tennis, I love tennis.

• 1:40:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:04Tom Holland?

  I think tennis is one of the best sports in the world, and I think that, you know, they are the highest performing athletes, some of, in the world.

• 1:40:12Tom Holland?

  But it's really hard tennis.

• 1:40:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:13Tom Holland?

  Like, I find unless I'm playing with someone who's much better than me, I don't play well. Like, I really, I, I need to be chasing someone.

• 1:40:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:21Tom Holland?

  Paddle tennis is so social, it's, it's easy to have great rallies, you still get the, the, uh, the satisfaction of really smacking a ball.

• 1:40:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:31Tom Holland?

  Because pickle is, it's all about placement and, and trying to kind of one up your opponent.

• 1:40:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, playing at the kitchen and just.

• 1:40:37Tom Holland?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:40:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:38Tom Holland?

  Why is it called a kitchen?

• 1:40:39Jay Shetty?

  I have no idea and I don't, that's, so I play pickle like paddle.

• 1:40:43Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:40:43Jay Shetty?

  Because I'm, I'm like, no.

• 1:40:44Tom Holland?

  It's nonsense. Like, why? I do like pickle, um, but paddle tennis, mate.

• 1:40:50Jay Shetty?

  Paddle's amazing. Next time, yeah, yeah, paddle's, paddle's one of my favorite, favorite. I was in Dubai, uh, with a client for work for months, a couple of years back. I played it every day for three months.

• 1:41:00Tom Holland?

  That's great exercise.

• 1:41:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it's the best workout, the most fun, like.

• 1:41:04Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:04Jay Shetty?

  Time just flew, it's amazing, but I was bringing it back to sports because I was saying, I was saying, you know, you, you personally tried to recruit Mbappe for Tottenham.

• 1:41:13Tom Holland?

  I did, yeah.

• 1:41:14Jay Shetty?

  And, and I just thought that was amazing because I was like, I've never seen this ever happen before where, you know, someone's using their clout in the right way.

• 1:41:21Tom Holland?

  Listen, I saw him, I'm a mad Tottenham fan, and I just thought, now's my chance. And he said, no. Deal didn't go through, no signing bonus for myself. That was a crazy trip, that going to the Ballon d'Or.

• 1:41:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:35Tom Holland?

  We were there for Spider-Man, Spider-Man was coming out, I'm not really sure how that was promo for Spider-Man, but like, it was part of our trip for some reason. But it was amazing meeting these players and, and I admire them so much.

• 1:41:46Jay Shetty?

  It's incredible when you can notice other athletes and other greatness, and I see that at the top. We're talking, we've talked a lot today about, and, and you're really good at this, like, you really, I feel like, I feel like you're quite tuned in to like, admiring and observing greatness and like, the one percent and, and trying to figure out what they're doing differently. And I think that's one of the things I've definitely seen of the one percent is that there's a humility in that they have the ability to appreciate other people's greatness and skills and values and purpose, like, they're not looking at it going, I'm the best of all time.

• 1:42:17Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:42:18Jay Shetty?

  There's a part of that, they, they may have to say that for the cameras or they may have to say that before they go on the pitch, but actually if you talk to them and you ask them about someone else, they'll be like, yeah, best, best player I've ever seen, like, they're incredible. And so who did you admire growing up in acting? Who do you admire today? Like who have been the people that? And maybe on a mindset level or maybe on a or a performance level as well?

• 1:42:39Tom Holland?

  There are definitely performances of people that I look up to. There are the types of careers of certain actors that I really admire. There are also like the the types of lives that certain people lead that I really admire and that I really aspire to sort of be like.

• 1:42:54Tom Holland?

  I tend to let all of my admiration go towards athletes. I'm just so blown away by what they can do under the pressure that they're under. Me as an actor, I realise that my job is a high pressure job because it reaches millions of people. But that said, there are so many people that help me get to where I need to be. I get picked up, someone makes me breakfast, someone writes the words that I'm supposed to say, someone chooses my costume, someone does my hair and makeup. Someone sets the camera up. Ultimately, I walk onto set and I do my bit. But I'm a small part in a massive machine. But when you look at someone like Djokovic or Federer or, you know, this new Alcaraz

• 1:43:38Tom Holland?

  or the golfers or Lewis. Lewis is slightly different because Formula One is so much about the team and the car and all that sort of stuff. They have to do it themselves at a certain point. There's only so much help they can get, but then when they walk onto that court for the first time, when they walk into the ring or into the octagon. It's them by themselves. They're under that amount of pressure. It's up to them whether they deliver or not. And I just have always been admiring of seeing some of the greats lose their win streak and come back even stronger. I've always really been an admirer of people that are able to do that. I think it's a folly when you see these win streaks of fifty and O and all that sort of stuff and you're like, well,

• 1:44:17Tom Holland?

  that to me isn't what a champion is. A champion is someone who had it all, lost it all and got it right back again. Tyson Fury's story is a crazy one. I'd love to see AJ come back and be on top again. Because I'd love to be alive to witness that legacy that he would leave behind, you know? I feel sorry for him, what happened to him when he sort of. Seemed to really lose it a little bit in the ring when he took the microphone and I'd love to see him back on top and to to have some clarity and to be a champion again because I admire him as an athlete. So I save most of my admiration for athletes and musicians. I love musicians. I see someone like Ed Sheeran, 80,000 people in the palm of his hand. I think comedians are equally as talented. The ability that they can just go on stage

• 1:45:01Tom Holland?

  and make people laugh, that is terrifying. Actors for me, because it's what I do.

• 1:45:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:07Tom Holland?

  It's like, meh, you know?

• 1:45:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. And at the end of the day, it's just, it's, it's taking what you can from, from what you aspire for, right? Like you, you can take something from all these people.

• 1:45:20Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:45:20Jay Shetty?

  And what I love about it, some of these people you know, some of these people you don't. But I always say to people who are listening and watching that you can be mentored by people you've never met.

• 1:45:28Tom Holland?

  You're right.

• 1:45:29Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's a really important skill to gain because I think we live in a world right now where somewhat access becomes easier and we always think we need access to people directly in order to learn from them. But you don't know everyone you've just mentioned, even though you may know a couple of them closely. And same with me. Like I was really fortunate, you know, growing up as a teenager, I got introduced to like Martin Luther King's work and Malcolm X's work. And I was reading crazy stuff at that age, but it had a massive impact on my mindset. I never met all those people and obviously would never have got the opportunity to do that. But I feel mentored by them.

• 1:46:02Tom Holland?

  Yeah, wow.

• 1:46:02Jay Shetty?

  Without ever having sat in the same room as them, because you study like how they made decisions and you study what they said and what they wrote.

• 1:46:09Tom Holland?

  What they stood for.

• 1:46:10Jay Shetty?

  What they stood for and how and, and the parts that you don't hear through history. The parts that were actually more difficult.

• 1:46:15Tom Holland?

  Of course.

• 1:46:16Jay Shetty?

  The parts where they weren't the perfect hero.

• 1:46:18Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:46:18Jay Shetty?

  And so all of that kind of stuff. But Tom, before we go to the final five, you've been so gracious with your time today. I have to ask you if you want to clarify the Harry Kane situation because, and I'll tell you what, the reason why I say this is I had the dream. So I'm a Manchester United supporter. Everyone on my community knows that very well.

• 1:46:33Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:46:35Jay Shetty?

  I have always had the dream that Harry Kane, when, when Rooney retired, Harry Kane was going to come to Manchester United.

• 1:46:43Tom Holland?

  Okay.

• 1:46:43Jay Shetty?

  And he was going to follow in the footsteps of all the great England forwards that have played for Manchester United. That didn't happen.

• 1:46:49Tom Holland?

  No, it didn't happen.

• 1:46:50Jay Shetty?

  I'm still holding on to that dream. But you want him to go somewhere else.

• 1:46:54Tom Holland?

  Well, listen, listen, let me just clarify, right? I love Harry Kane, I love Hyeong Min Son. Hyeong Min Son is my favourite football player, he is a hero. I love Tottenham, I'm a big Tottenham fan, but I just, I know that those players could thrive and have the best careers ever somewhere else. I just wanna see, I wanna see Harry lifting a trophy and I wanna see Son there by him and, and I just don't think Tottenham-

• 1:47:19Jay Shetty?

  You're rooting for the individual.

• 1:47:21Tom Holland?

  Yeah, I'll always be a Tottenham fan, you know, I love being a Spurs fan. My brother Harry and I, you know, we've really bonded over it. But I just, you know, Harry Kane's one of the best strikers in the world and he would fit into almost any team and I'd love to see him on top. And interesting question, do you think he would have had a similar season to Haaland had he gone to City?

• 1:47:44Jay Shetty?

  Ooh, ooh, that's a, I personally think-

• 1:47:49Tom Holland?

  Because I think Haaland's amazing.

• 1:47:50Jay Shetty?

  I think Haaland with his age, his strength and his mentality. You know what's crazy about Haaland is, I saw this interview, and you know, obviously it hurts me to say it, but, City and all, but when Haaland did this interview, he just scored like, I can't remember which game it was.

• 1:48:06Tom Holland?

  He's unbelievable.

• 1:48:07Jay Shetty?

  He scored like five goals that game and he was like, I should have had seven. And, and the interviewer was like, come on though, take some credit, like he scored five goals. And he was like, yeah, I'm, I'm happy with that, but, he goes, you know, there were a couple of assists that should have gone in and I thought that mentality-

• 1:48:21Tom Holland?

  Mm-hmm, that's a winner's mindset.

• 1:48:22Jay Shetty?

  That's a winner's mindset, I was like, he was, he knew exactly which opportunities he missed and I was like, so I think it's an age thing, I think it's a strength thing. I feel like Haaland's kind of like, I've always compared Haaland to like Ivan Drago, like he was made in the lab.

• 1:48:33Tom Holland?

  Right, right, right, yeah.

• 1:48:34Jay Shetty?

  Like he was made, like he was manufactured to be this incredible talent and-

• 1:48:38Tom Holland?

  He is incredible.

• 1:48:39Jay Shetty?

  And I think City's good with like, he, he admits, like he scores a lot of tap-ins and I think that's his game.

• 1:48:43Tom Holland?

  Yeah, but man, there's no pictures on a scorecard, you know?

• 1:48:45Jay Shetty?

  No, no, in a good way, I'm saying, I'm saying like, he's been built in that way and City play that way. I don't know if Kane's a tapping guy, like he's, he's, his goals have generally been a bit more diverse in that sense, but, yeah.

• 1:48:56Tom Holland?

  Magic is the way I would describe Kane.

• 1:48:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:58Tom Holland?

  No, I love him. And obviously, it's a typical thing of like, the press are out saying, oh, Tom Holland's begging Kane to leave. I'm not begging him to leave. I love that he's at our club because I'd be terrified to see where we'd be without him. But I'd just love to see him have the career I know he could have.

• 1:49:12Jay Shetty?

  What do you think of Jude Bellingham to Madrid?

• 1:49:14Tom Holland?

  I think that's a great move. I love that.

• 1:49:16Jay Shetty?

  You just want everyone to do it.

• 1:49:17Tom Holland?

  I love that. And what's interesting is that all of my friends in Spain are from Barcelona. I have one friend from Madrid. I've always been a big Barca supporter because I used to go to Barcelona all the time as a kid. I had a few weekends where I'd say to my mum and dad, I'm going to my friend's house, and I would go to Barcelona.

• 1:49:34Jay Shetty?

  How did you pull that off, mate?

• 1:49:36Tom Holland?

  Just sneaky, bro.

• 1:49:37Jay Shetty?

  If I told my Indian parents that, they'd know the dial tone straight away.

• 1:49:41Tom Holland?

  Mate, I got caught. My mum called me up and was like, where are you? I was trying to say, I was at my friend's house. She said, no, you're not, because I'm here. And I was in Laramblas in Barcelona. But I just love players. I think Jude Bellingham's amazing. And, you know, I just love to see what he could do there.

• 1:49:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:58Tom Holland?

  I think it's, the thing for me is I love legacy. I love seeing what players can do. I'm less about the teams. That's what I love about tennis or golf, you know, it's not about the team, it's about the player. So I would just love to see what he could do there. And, you know, I'm sure one day we'll see England raise a trophy. And we've got such a great young team and, and I admire them all. But yeah, I think it's a great move for him. He's only 19 or something like that.

• 1:50:22Jay Shetty?

  It's insane. Yeah, he's 19 now.

• 1:50:23Tom Holland?

  That's wild.

• 1:50:24Jay Shetty?

  It's incredible.

• 1:50:24Tom Holland?

  He's a year older than my brother Paddy. That's mental.

• 1:50:28Jay Shetty?

  Mate, you've been amazing today, honestly. This is, yeah, this has been some of the most fun I've had in a long time.

• 1:50:34Tom Holland?

  Yeah, me too. Thank you. I appreciate it.

• 1:50:36Jay Shetty?

  I want to ask, we ask everyone the final five. And so these are the fast five questions.

• 1:50:40Tom Holland?

  Okay.

• 1:50:40Jay Shetty?

  Which means answers have to be one word to one sentence maximum.

• 1:50:43Tom Holland?

  Okay.

• 1:50:43Jay Shetty?

  No more than that.

• 1:50:44Tom Holland?

  Done.

• 1:50:44Jay Shetty?

  Okay. And you don't have to write or spell them out. So no, no, no problem.

• 1:50:49Tom Holland?

  It'll be a long, it'll be a long segment.

• 1:50:50Jay Shetty?

  None of that. All right. So, Tom Holland, these are your final five. Question one, what is the best advice you've ever received?

• 1:50:57Tom Holland?

  To turn your nerves into excitement.

• 1:51:00Jay Shetty?

  I like that. That we've never had on the show. I loved that. All right. Second question. What is the worst advice you've ever received?

• 1:51:05Tom Holland?

  Move to LA, get a marijuana licence and buy a hot tub.

• 1:51:09Jay Shetty?

  Who told you that?

• 1:51:10Tom Holland?

  Mark Wahlberg.

• 1:51:12Jay Shetty?

  That's brilliant.

• 1:51:13Tom Holland?

  Nah, he told me that on a chat show, so I don't know if that was legit advice, but I didn't take his advice.

• 1:51:19Jay Shetty?

  Okay, good. Well, who would you have been if you took that advice?

• 1:51:22Tom Holland?

  Who knows, who knows?

• 1:51:23Jay Shetty?

  Um, all right, question number three. What's the first thing you do every morning and the last thing you do every night?

• 1:51:28Tom Holland?

  Make my bed. It's the first thing I do. And the last thing I do before I go to bed, admittedly, is I check my emails, which I shouldn't do. But that is what I do. Yeah, it's bad.

• 1:51:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, we asked that just to make you aware of what you need to change.

• 1:51:40Tom Holland?

  I do need to change that. Making my bed is a good start. I used to never do that. And now like my first thing I do is I make my bed. That's like my first challenge of the day. It's a good, it's an easy one to get done.

• 1:51:51Jay Shetty?

  Question four, what's something you're trying to learn at the moment?

• 1:51:55Tom Holland?

  I'm currently taking golf lessons and uh.

• 1:51:58Jay Shetty?

  We see a trend here.

• 1:51:59Tom Holland?

  It's not going very well.

• 1:52:00Jay Shetty?

  Uh, where, where are you at at the moment?

• 1:52:02Tom Holland?

  Thing is with golf is that the golf swing is a very, very particular thing. So in order to get better, you do have to take quite a few steps backwards. I've taken maybe twenty five sets backwards, but I will, I will benefit from it eventually.

• 1:52:18Jay Shetty?

  Are you doing it every day?

• 1:52:19Tom Holland?

  Every day. Not lessons every day, but I practise every day.

• 1:52:21Jay Shetty?

  I've always said that to my wife. I was like, I wanna go away for a month and I wanna get a trainer. I'm gonna play golf every single day.

• 1:52:27Tom Holland?

  Oh mate, I know a great teacher.

• 1:52:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's the only, I had a really, so one of my clients took me to PXG in Arizona.

• 1:52:32Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:33Jay Shetty?

  Which is like this beautiful place, Bob Parsons place. And I had a coach there for two days and I was like half decent after two days because the coach was so good.

• 1:52:40Tom Holland?

  Yeah, mate.

• 1:52:41Jay Shetty?

  And when I got back to LA, I tried to get a coach and I couldn't find a good one. And then I had a coach that literally, he came highly recommended, but it didn't work out for me. He, he didn't let me take like naught point seven of a swing before he gave me feedback. And I was like, I just need to hit a few, like, I need to kind of just, and it was like every time I was about to hit the ball, but nope.

• 1:52:57Tom Holland?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:52:58Jay Shetty?

  And I was like, I just need to kind of like get a feel for it. And so.

• 1:53:01Tom Holland?

  The guy I go to is a guy called James Heath.

• 1:53:03Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:53:03Tom Holland?

  And he does most of his teachings off of feel. So it's not about numbers, it's not about. Results, it's more about how do you feel. He calls it the feels. So like, I'm working on twisting my hips more in my backswing. And he will say to me, how does that make you feel? Like physically, where do you feel the stretch? Where do you feel the pain? Where do you feel the pinch?

• 1:53:22Jay Shetty?

  Great question.

• 1:53:22Tom Holland?

  That's what I need you to feel. And I, coming from a dancer's background, that's a really great way for me to learn. Because everything in dancing is about feel.

• 1:53:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:31Tom Holland?

  So if you need a great teacher in London, James Heath is your guy.

• 1:53:34Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, shout out James Heath.

• 1:53:35Tom Holland?

  Yeah, shout out James Heath.

• 1:53:37Jay Shetty?

  Fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone else in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:53:43Tom Holland?

  Um, I don't know. I don't know what one law would solve the most amount of problems. What would you say? Curious.

• 1:53:51Jay Shetty?

  I'd probably go to something you said earlier. If, if I'm giving a genuine answer, like a real answer is, I really wish there was a life school.

• 1:54:00Tom Holland?

  On me?

• 1:54:01Jay Shetty?

  Like, I, I, that would be it because I'm not saying that would solve all the problems in the world.

• 1:54:05Tom Holland?

  No.

• 1:54:05Jay Shetty?

  But it would set people up. And when I say life school, I mean emotional mastery. I mean.

• 1:54:10Tom Holland?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:54:11Jay Shetty?

  Ego master. I mean, the ability to be kind and empathetic and vulnerable and compassionate and create safe spaces. I think a life school that taught you how to be non judgmental.

• 1:54:21Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:54:21Jay Shetty?

  And non critical of others without understanding them. I think that's what I mean by life school. So not just the like paying taxes and bills and stuff.

• 1:54:28Tom Holland?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:29Jay Shetty?

  But the life school of like, well, what if, what if we didn't have to live in a world where we just said everything we wanted to? And did everything we wanted to and got away with it and you know.

• 1:54:38Tom Holland?

  Well, I think life, the life lesson for me should be basic health and CPR and basic first aid training. It should be, like you said, creating an environment at school where young people feel more comfortable talking about themselves. What they're going through, you know, things that might be happening at home or things that are happening at school. Like, I think that that would be an amazing way for us.

• 1:55:05Tom Holland?

  To be more expressive and more comfortable expressing. And again, like, I know I keep going back to it, but it's about what my show is about, which is you should feel empowered when asking for help. It should be something that you're proud of, like you're recognizing that you have an issue. It might be an internal issue, it might be an external issue, but you are seeking help, which I think is very admirable.

• 1:55:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely, yeah. I do encourage and recommend everyone go watch The Crowded Room. I personally am loving it with my wife, honestly, like I I barely watch TV shows if I'm completely honest and uh it's because I I like something that makes me think and reflect and, you know, and entertain me at the same time.

• 1:55:43Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:55:44Jay Shetty?

  And I think it does a brilliant job of doing all three, like it's gripping, I'm like trying to figure out what's going on next.

• 1:55:49Tom Holland?

  Nice.

• 1:55:50Jay Shetty?

  At the same time, I'm like, it's it's amazing watching you being able to be this very different character to what we know you as.

• 1:55:58Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:55:58Jay Shetty?

  And that's really impressive. So even on like, even on a performance level, I'm like, I'm forgetting that you are Spider-Man.

• 1:56:04Tom Holland?

  Nice.

• 1:56:04Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, and that's, that's, that's how I watch movies where I'm like, can I forget?

• 1:56:08Tom Holland?

  Right.

• 1:56:09Jay Shetty?

  Who this person is and or are they playing a caricature of themselves, obviously?

• 1:56:13Tom Holland?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:56:13Jay Shetty?

  And with you, I'm like, I don't even think to think it's you.

• 1:56:16Tom Holland?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:56:17Jay Shetty?

  Right now, I'm talking to you and I've been watching the show, I'm like, oh, it's not even the same person.

• 1:56:20Tom Holland?

  Sure.

• 1:56:20Jay Shetty?

  And and that is really, really impressive on a performance standpoint, so.

• 1:56:24Tom Holland?

  Well, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

• 1:56:26Jay Shetty?

  You've been on that, yeah. Thank you, mate. Thank you.