4 Steps to Improve Your Self Awareness to Reach Your Goals & How to Change Your Perspective on Rejection

Today, I am going to share with you the conversation I had with Rich Roll in his podcast. I talk about my experiences as a monk and share insights on meditation, mindfulness, and conscious capitalism. I also talk about the double-edged sword of social media and how it can be used for good. Our conversation also touches on the topic of happiness, and I provide tips on how to reframe one's perspective on life. We should reflect on one's passions and expertise, find patterns in one's life, and create an environment for opportunities to come later. You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 02:30 Finding a life-long partner takes a lot of work, dedication, and time 08:55 "If you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough." 11:47 Growing up in London bullied for being overweight and dealing with a rebellious phase 15:42 Discovering your passion and finding a different path for yourself 19:48 Finding inspiration in someone you least expect and pivoting from your current journey 30:50 Getting the chance to live both options of life: monkhood and real life 38:11 What is it like to live a life in service to others? 46:40 Here is a glimpse of how a monk lives day to day 50:43 This is how monks train themselves to avoid the follower mentality 55:18 There are an infinite of seats in the theater of happiness, you just need to find your own seat 57:26 How do you find your passion and what you can do to genuinely identify them. 1:05:32 Asking the right questions to help develop self-awareness and positive intuition 1:09:44 “When you protect your purpose, your purpose protects you.” 1:19:29 Venturing into the social media space and finding a career opportunity 1:22:34 The truth about detachment and you can use it to your advantage 1:25:56 Jay explains the process of purification 1:29:39 Maintaining a routine can be hard but it is a beneficial practice 1:36:24 Disengagement is the beginning step of re-engagement 1:42:55 The three things we aren’t aware of - Element, Environment, and Energy 1:49:23 Jay explains the different relationship tools for a healthy partnership Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have.

• 0:43Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop.

• 1:26Jay Shetty?

  AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements, and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:01Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised to yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. You have to protect your strengths, your calling, your passions, your interests, your skills. You have to protect them like a precious jewel because the whole world will come at you and tell you that it's worth nothing. And if you don't protect it, it can't protect your value back.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  The cat eyed mystic is in the house.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  A favorite phrase of mine coined by our friend Russell.

• 3:37Jay Shetty?

  Yes, absolutely. Yeah, Russell had a lot of names for me.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Does he?

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  Over the years.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  He seems to come up with them relatively spontaneously.

• 3:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, he does. He does. I mean, that's who he is, right? He's one of the most.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  It's incredible.

• 3:49Jay Shetty?

  He's one of the most spontaneous people I've ever met.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 3:51Jay Shetty?

  That is, he's great.

• 3:52Speaker 01

  Welcome. Great to have you here. Thanks for driving all the way out here. It's been a long time in the works.

• 3:58Jay Shetty?

  It's my pleasure. I'm so grateful to be out here, Rich. I know we've become recent friends and I'm excited. I'm excited to bond more and get to do this.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  Likewise, two times in like two weeks because I was, I did your show the other day. So this is great. We're on the precipice of your book coming out, which will be out by when this comes out, which it's got to be an exciting time for you.

• 4:19Jay Shetty?

  It is, man. It's, I feel like every year I try and do a new first. And this time it's the book and yeah, it's like I get all the nerves, I get anxious and in a good way, I love it.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  It's cool. In preparation for today, I was poking around the internet and you know, I've been following you for some time, but just trying to get up to speed. And I gotta tell you, I'm falling in love with your wife. She's adorable.

• 4:42Jay Shetty?

  So you know, I get literally, so this is the story of my life. Basically, people like me to some degree, I hope. They spend time with me and then I introduce them to my wife and then they go, oh.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  And then it's over with.

• 4:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, literally. No one ever wants to see me ever again. It happens all the time. So now my wife, yeah, and she's amazing. Like I, we talked about it with you, with your wife too. And it's, my wife is amazing. She's incredible. I'm not surprised that people love her more than me. We both upgraded, which I feel good about. You know, I'm happy to be with someone who's better than me. It's, it's a blessing.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've had that experience many times over. We do this, I was telling you earlier, we do this retreat every year in Italy. And, and people show up from all over the place, you know, 40 people for this week long experience. And most of them arrive under the, this idea that they're gonna like go trail running with me and they're gonna learn about plant-based cooking and maybe do a lot of little meditation. It's just gonna be fun, like expectations are low. And then it becomes like a whole Julie experience. And they're like, I didn't know that we were gonna get this. And then they all fall in love with her. And I become very secondary to the entire experience.

• 5:52Jay Shetty?

  Okay, so we've got a lot in common then. We've got a lot in common.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  What's the plant-based thing, Ayurveda, all this stuff that she's into, which is cool.

• 5:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, my wife is, she's a real, she's a real genuinely powerful soul and she does everything from her heart. And she's always been that way.

• 6:07Speaker 01

  And you guys have been together for a long time, yeah?

• 6:09Jay Shetty?

  We've been together for seven years, been married for four, and we just feel like we've got stronger and stronger. It's been really interesting for us because our life literally turned on it, turned on its head when, when my career really started to take off. And so in 2016, we, I moved job three times. We moved country. We bought a house, put it on rent, found an apartment to rent and got married all in the same year. And it was, it was a lot, but it was also a lot of. Bonding together and forming. And I think we had a moment where I think it could have gone either way. Like, it literally could have broke us, or it could have made us. And thankfully, because of how she is and how I am, and what we both wanted from our

• 6:51Jay Shetty?

  relationship, we've really been able to build something special. But, you know, it's taken a lot of work, and that was definitely a tough time.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I have no doubt. I mean, I think that level of change could easily and most likely splits apart most couples, especially when one person in the relationship suddenly goes on a crazy trajectory that isn't like, that doesn't, where the other person isn't kind of in a parody type situation, you know, and without, you know, a lot of relationship skills and communication, that ends up, you know, planting the seeds of, you know, the demise of many a relationship.

• 7:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And, you know, we had our tough times. Like, I remember knowing that every time I went out to work, that my wife was at home, my new wife, like, as in my, you know, very new in terms of time, she's at home crying because she's just been moved away from her family and her home.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  And you're off, like, in your bliss.

• 7:43Jay Shetty?

  Totally. I'm there trying to follow my bliss, as Joseph Campbell would say, and just like trying to build my purpose. But in the back of my mind, I'm feeling the pain of the fact that I'm like, my wife doesn't have any friends here. We don't have any family in New York. We don't have a community here. Like, we're feeling that gap, and then me trying to play both roles and wanting to, I used to set her up on these dates. So I would literally set up on dates with women that I'd met that I thought would get along with her. And she'd be like, why are you keep trying to set me up on dates with women? But it was just, I was trying so hard. And I really made it my priority that she became my priority. I was like, if she's not happy here, if she doesn't feel like this is her home, if she doesn't feel satisfied here, then it doesn't matter what happens with my purpose.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  It's not gonna work.

• 8:27Jay Shetty?

  So I would say she actually became my top priority when we lived in New York. And when we moved to LA, it's actually been the opposite, where she loves LA and has made the best friends of her life and has an incredible community around her.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:39Jay Shetty?

  And I haven't had to have that. Whereas in New York, I really felt that sense of pressure to To help her feel at home.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  It's interesting because usually it's the other way around. New York is a place that feels easier to get socially acclimated than LA. I think LA can be an incredibly lonely place.

• 8:56Jay Shetty?

  Interesting.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  When you arrive and you're new and you don't have a community because everybody is so dispersed. And in their cars, it's just not as spontaneous as New York or it's difficult to connect. I mean, I think the onus is on the individual to really make something happen.

• 9:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think we were lucky. We had, we had a couple of friends here who really opened us up to their world and their friends. And that led to us making friends, but also just, I found in New York, and I guess it also depends where you are in your career and all of that kind of stuff too. But I felt like in New York, people like came late to meetings and left early and always had 30 minutes to see me. And also one of, this was the biggest one, and this is huge. It's a weird one, but when you think about it, it really, it really resonates. People in LA have homes or they have larger apartments. And so people invite you to their home. Like today, we're in your home and you have a beautiful home. And when people come to your home, you end up spending more time with them.

• 9:50Jay Shetty?

  So I remember the first weekend we came here, my friend threw a party and we went out and we spent eight hours with someone.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:56Jay Shetty?

  And I was like, whoa, we just spent eight hours with someone. I never spent eight hours with someone.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you were in New York, you'd meet at a bar or a restaurant.

• 10:03Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  And it'd be a bump and run.

• 10:05Jay Shetty?

  And I think that's a big thing about it. I think when you meet people in their homes, when you meet people in their genuine, natural habitats and environments, I feel like you get an opportunity to really see them and, and they feel exposed in a genuine, natural, vulnerable way to you as well.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's part of the reason why I like doing the podcast at my house.

• 10:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  I like having people over and I have this theory that each person that arrives and spends time here, deposits this place with their wisdom and their vibration.

• 10:37Jay Shetty?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  And it just elevates, you know, the whole experience of living here.

• 10:40Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  It's like, it's like a deposit.

• 10:43Jay Shetty?

  You must be very careful about who you allow in. So I'm glad, I'm glad that I snuck in.

• 10:47Speaker 01

  Well, I try to, you know, I try to be mindful of that.

• 10:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I've been holding on to your crystals ever since to make sure I don't.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  So when I, when I take a 10,000 foot view of who you are and what you do, it, it seems to me that your, your gift or your, your real facility is this ability. This facility for taking ageless wisdom, these spiritual precepts, these philosophical tenants and ideas, and translating them in an entertaining way and a digestible way for a very broad mainstream and perhaps young, you know, audience. Is that fair?

• 11:28Jay Shetty?

  Sounds good to me. Yeah, no, it's, you know, it's, there was, there's a statement by Albert Einstein, which kind of underpins all my work. And it's, if you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough. And when I was exposed to the Vedas and all these spiritual texts, that some of them date 5,000 years back, I was reading them and I was like, there is magic in these texts. Like, there is so much energy in these texts. There's so much weight and gravitas and there's so much power. But guess what? Most people will never be able to experience it because it's in another language. And when I say another language, I don't just mean Sanskrit or Hindi or, you know, Chinese. I mean, another language of it's speaking to a different age. And there's beauty in that, and I love that. And I appreciate

• 12:13Jay Shetty?

  that. But I could see that I wanted to try and see if I could explain these things to people that I grew up with. And I was always connecting with the person who grew up in London. You know, I'm born and raised in London. I grew up liking anything an average Londoner is into. But I got so fascinated because of the way the philosophy was presented to me. And I felt a responsibility to want to do that for others. So yeah, I think that's a, that's a pretty good breakdown and 10,000 foot view. And I appreciate you saying that because that's what fascinates me. That's where I get my buzz from is, how do I read, study and learn so that I can share, support and serve? And that's, that's where I get my, my meaning from.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, crystallizing these texts down to these kernels of wisdom or teachable moments is no small thing. I mean, if you, you know, if you read the Bhagavad Gita, I mean, it takes a prodigious mind to just keep track of all the characters. It's like, these stories are insane, you know? So it's like, all right, you know, Arjuna is doing this and, you know, so and so's over there doing spirit, you know, killing these people. And what's the lesson? That I'm supposed to get out of this.

• 13:19Jay Shetty?

  So I'll have to send you, when I, when I studied it, I made a family tree. So I literally had to physically, for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, we're talking about the Bhagavad Gita, which is part of the Mahabharata. And there are a million characters. And I remember having to, not million, literally, but I remember having to literally piece together the family tree because I was the same, I couldn't. And, and the messages are so profound and so powerful and, you know, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's a blessing to be even be able to be exposed to them, let alone trying to share them.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  Well, let's take it back. Tell me about, you know, what it was like being a kid growing up in London, North London?

• 13:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, North London. So I grew up in the most common place that people would know is a place called Tottenham, more specifically, you know, yeah, North London for anyone who doesn't know. And I grew up as a, you know, I was a very obedient kid growing up, especially in my up to 14 years old. I was very, I would, I would say I worked very hard at school. I was a good son. I, I followed the rules. I was very overweight at that time as well. So I got bullied a lot. So I was bullied for my weight. I was probably one of the few Indian kids at school. So I was bullied for being Indian and

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Parents, first generation?

• 14:27Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yeah. And, and I just was very fortunate because I guess it was a mixture of love at home, but also resilience. I never really felt that affected by any of it. I just, I kind of accepted it as normal. I didn't see myself as different. I was just like, oh, this is just what kids must go through. And, and I kind of got it. And then at 14, it kind of switched where I was like, well, being good doesn't work. Like it doesn't add up to anything. I'm not happy. It doesn't make me more successful. I still experience racism and bullying. So I might as well be a jerk. Like, and, and I don't mean a jerk as a bad person to people. I meant like, I might as well not follow the rules. I might as well experiment with everything else, whether it was getting drunk or whether it was, you know, experimenting with smoking or weed or whatever it was at the time. And just

• 15:12Jay Shetty?

  feeling like I wanted a thrill and an experience in life and that being good didn't stack up to what I was told. I was told if you were good, that you'd be successful and things would work. And I didn't feel that. So I kind of went

• 15:24Speaker 01

  So you have a, you have a conscious memory of making that decision?

• 15:27Jay Shetty?

  What's that?

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Meaning at some point when you were 14, thinking like, I'm going to change tack here?

• 15:34Jay Shetty?

  I don't know. That's a good question. I don't know if it was conscious in the sense I was like, oh, this is not working. Let me try this. It wasn't like that. In hindsight, I can see my reasoning behind why, because people often, like, I've, I've always considered myself to be a well-intentioned, good person. Like, that's, that's who I am at the heart and the core of it. I could never hurt anyone. It's not who I am. And so it's, it was weird when I, when I got involved in the wrong circles and I started doing things I can never imagine, and I became the opposite. And when I reflect on that, that's what I feel is the reason. So, no, I don't think it was a conscious decision at the time. But when I reflect on it in hindsight, it was very clear to me that that was the reason that brought it out.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Right. So you're getting into a little bit of trouble, but not too much trouble. You're still, you know, are you the eldest son?

• 16:18Jay Shetty?

  I'm the eldest son. I've got a younger sister who's four and a half years younger.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Certain mantle that you have to carry.

• 16:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Certain level of expectation and, and, and, you know, academic prowess that you have to demonstrate to your parents to remain in good stead.

• 16:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I did good at that because my, my parents, you know, Indian parents are generally like, if you do well in school, that's all that matters. And so I kind of took that to literally. I was like, okay, as long as I'm doing well in school, I can do anything I want. So, I was performing well in school, but I started to really, when I was 14, really dive into what I was fascinated by. And I found that there were three subjects that really took my attention. So it was economics, art and design, and philosophy. And those became my three favorite subjects of school. And it was very different to what my parents wanted or what I thought at primary school, where the maths and sciences were more stressed. But I started to see that I was connecting. I would talk to my art teacher for hours about different art that we would, you know, dissect together and think about why the artist had

• 17:16Jay Shetty?

  juxtaposed those two, those two items like that and the meaning behind certain brushes and strokes. And I loved like breaking something down philosophically. And I really owe my art teacher a lot for that because he, he made me gain that taste for questioning why things were the way they were, rather than just accepting them at face value.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. But that seed kind of was under germinated. It seems like finance originally kind of won out in that, in that race war.

• 17:43Jay Shetty?

  I would say that I thought that I would go off and do graphic design or marketing at university, or I really was about to apply, I remember for Central Saint Martins, which is an incredible art school in London. And I remember, it's funny you say that, because I remember applying and then my art teacher, I think messaging me or saying to me at the time, however we did at that time, I can't even remember, but I guess emailing me and saying, oh, you sold out.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:09Jay Shetty?

  And just like calling me out on it. And it was just my, it was just my young Indian mind in London of just feeling that there were a finite number of options. And that I didn't really even, I didn't even know that there were other careers, like genuinely, like I, if you asked me then, like what careers existed in the world, I literally could only think of medicine, law and finance. Like, I didn't even know that anyone did anything beyond that, or that anything beyond that was even available. And so for me, I was like, okay, well, can't do the first two, so I'm gonna end up doing this one. And so it wasn't that it won from the heart, it's that it won from a safety, security, stability, reliability platform. And the reason why this is so important to talk about

• 18:52Jay Shetty?

  is I think today, people look at me or may perceive my work, if they're aware, to be quite risk-taking. And, you know, I think I'm very different now, but there was a time in my life where I made decisions based on feeling I wanted a secure future and a stable future.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Right. Medicine.

• 19:09Jay Shetty?

  Law.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Law or failure.

• 19:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So I had three options growing up.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  What about engineering? That seems, that would have passed the test with the folks, right?

• 19:19Jay Shetty?

  No, but I wasn't, I think that's very India-centric. But like, British Indians, I feel, are not as good as engineering. So you don't find, I don't know, maybe, maybe it's just me. But, but yeah, no, it was just, I was always, I never, I never, I realized very, very early on that I didn't engage with the same things as the people around me. And I couldn't even force myself. My intuition was so strong, and I didn't know it was called intuition at that time. But I knew that it was so strong, it was dragging me towards art and design and philosophy and all of this kind of stuff.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Animal, I suspect that you had lots of friends and ran in popular circles.

• 19:57Jay Shetty?

  I did in my teens, but not up to my teens. And even in, yeah, I did in my teens, but I felt that, I felt at that time that, you know, you're just finding yourself. Like when you're in your teens, you don't know who you are. You don't know what you stand for. You don't know what your values are. And everyone at that time, I mean, I went to a school where majority of people were probably smarter, smarter than me. They're, you know, super smart kids in my school and really accomplished and getting the best grades and, you know, best resumes and all of that kind of stuff. So you never really, you, you, it was good. It was very humbling being at my school. You got a very, every year they would literally, we'd get a report which would rank you in every subject,

• 20:40Jay Shetty?

  one to one hundred and eighty. So we had a hundred and eighty students in my year. And for every subject and you would, you'd get it sent to your parents, to you, and you get a number, one to one eighty. So you can know when you're at one forty-four and, you know, there were some subjects where I was at one forty-four or lower.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  That's some true serum.

• 20:57Jay Shetty?

  It was so bad, but it was, you know, it was humbling. But the good thing about it was very early on, my school was able to show us what our strengths were and what wasn't. And, and now when I look back in hindsight, I'm like, wow, my school really pointed out to me what I was going to be successful in, what I wasn't, to the point that my school didn't allow us to take certain subjects later on, between ages sixteen and eighteen.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  You're done with that. That's not going to work for you.

• 21:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, literally. That's, that's, you would go into this room with your parents and the teacher would sit you down and they'd be like, yeah, we don't think Jake can take chemistry. It was literally as real as that. And I'd be so scared of those meetings because you'd be scared of how your parents are going to react.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  So you go to university and you study business?

• 21:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I studied management science and I focused on behavioral science. So all of my thesis and my, my dissertations and all of that, I was focused on analyzing behavior. That's kind of what I got fascinated by.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  So walk me up to this pivotal monk moment.

• 21:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think, you know, I've talked about it before and, and this is a great conversation already because I'm telling you stuff I've never said before, which I always love. So I, you know, I mean, this is, this is really fun for me right now. And I, and I want to approach this as well. I'm always, whenever I tell this, I'm always trying to relive it.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  It's, it's this thing, you know, apologies for interrupting, but when you're in the, the process of telling and retelling your story time and time again, what I always, I'm always sitting here thinking, when I'm doing it myself, thinking,

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Because I'm just repeating, because I have like, you know, I know the thing and I know what to say. And I think, is that really what happened?

• 22:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Let me really be honest with myself. Did this happen differently? Or is my, is my memory playing tricks on me and telling me that something happened? Because I've just repeated it so many times. So I'm always kind of like using that as a reference point.

• 22:44Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely, yeah, me too. And I'm always trying to, what I find is, I know, and I've asked myself that question as well. And I know that I'm telling what happened, but I'm always trying to discover a new truth about it. So whenever I'm telling you, I'm like, oh, what can I discover this time about?

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Well, let me ask, let's do it this way then.

• 22:59Jay Shetty?

  Go for it.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  I mean, basically, as the story goes, you, you developed a, a proclivity for seeking out interesting people to go hear talk, business people, sports figures, et cetera. And suddenly there was this monk who was going to be speaking. You were initially not interested in hearing what that person had to say. And you agreed with your friends to attend only on the assumption that you, you guys would go to a bar afterwards.

• 23:27Jay Shetty?

  A hundred percent, that is the story.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  That's the story.

• 23:30Jay Shetty?

  It's true.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  So, so let me ask you this. Let's talk about where that resistance came from.

• 23:37Jay Shetty?

  The resistance just came from, I think, this skeptical version of me that didn't really believe there was anything beyond success. And that's partly why I called the book Think Like A Monk, because I think a lot of people look at that like, why would I want to think like a monk? Like, why, you know, but, but that's the point. Like, I'm trying to break through that barrier of, I think so many of us have been conditioned to believe that success looks a certain way. And that happiness looks a certain way, and that joy looks a certain way. And I was one of those people that was very skeptical about anything else outside of my space. Like, if, if someone wasn't pulling up in their fast car, or if someone wasn't pulling up in the best clothes, did I give them the time to really share their perspective?

• 24:19Jay Shetty?

  And I love the fact that that, the best moment of my life, that moment, up till that point, was also the most humiliating moment of my life for myself, because I was being humiliated to myself. Like, it was so humbling to walk out and then be like, ah, you had it all wrong. And so I love that. I, I really celebrate the, the humbling that that moment gave me. And, and it's exactly that, that when you hear someone speak. And they speak about things that you never knew you were interested in. You never thought that you'd be fascinated by someone talking about service. But when he spoke about service, it just penetrated my soul and it just spoke so deep to my core in a way that nothing ever has, that I could hear about someone talking

• 25:02Jay Shetty?

  about making a billion dollars and it wouldn't feel the same way.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  What was it that he said specifically?

• 25:07Jay Shetty?

  He was quoting another writer and he mentioned this phrase. He said, "Plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit." He said that the best use of your talents and skills is not to use it to become rich, famous and successful, but to use it in the service of others. And when he said that, I was like, wow, like, that's a pretty bold statement. And I think for me, it was, you know, it was partly my openness just came because, and I've said this before, but I'll repeat it because it really hit me. It's like, when I was 18, I'd met people who were beautiful. I'd met people who were rich. I'd met people who were strong. I'd met people who were powerful. But I don't think I'd ever met anyone who was truly happy. And he looked, and I still know him, he's really happy.

• 25:52Speaker 01

  What's his name?

• 25:53Jay Shetty?

  Gorangadas. So he's like, he's just like this big joyful, like, anytime I spend time with him. And he has a crazy schedule, like, the way he lives and how powerfully, like, he's, you know, he went to IIT, he went to the Indian Institute of Technology. He's super smart, like, one of the smartest people in his year, like, very accomplished. And he gave it all up. And I was like, either he's really smart or he's really crazy. And I wanted to find out, and I think that's all I had, is that I was like, he must be on to something, because if he had it all lined up, but he gave it up and he's really happy, what is it, right? Like, that's kind of where the curiosity.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it sounds more like confusion, like, I don't understand, you know, I need to, I need to, I need to square this equation.

• 26:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, partly confusion, but partly also curiosity in the sense of just like, He must be really smart, he must be really crazy. Like, if he's smart, he's on to something. Like, how did he gain so much joy, satisfaction and contentment in not chasing the dream that everyone around him was chasing?

• 26:56Speaker 01

  And that society is constantly sort of pushing us towards.

• 27:00Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely, absolutely. And I was fascinated by that.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  What was his, or he's still alive, right?

• 27:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, he's still alive, he's young, yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 01

  What's his particular genus of spirituality? Like, what tradition?

• 27:13Jay Shetty?

  So, he's a Hindu monk. He's a Hindu monk. And he's what I would consider, in the book, I break down and think like a monk, I break down Dharma and purpose and calling. So, he would probably sit under the leader type of individual. He's very ambitious, very focused, he can get a lot done. He's a powerhouse to be around. At the same time, he wakes up at 2:00 AM to meditate every day, takes care of his health. He's just, he's one of these, like, all-rounder types of people who's just, yeah, really good at taking care of his mind, body and spirit. But at the same time, he really wants to do something for the world. He has that energy.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  There is something about certain individuals, I'm reluctant to say the word enlightened, but people who are carrying a higher level of consciousness, that when you're in their presence, it's undeniable. Like, it's, you can't, you can't reduce it to words, but there is a sensation of what it feels like to be in that person's presence.

• 28:11Jay Shetty?

  Hundred percent. And he introduced me to his spiritual teacher, who's also one of my spiritual teachers, Radhanath Swami, who's been a monk for forty years now.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  In England or back in India?

• 28:23Jay Shetty?

  In India, in India. And he's older as well. And it's like, I feel like that when I'm with him every time. Like, it's just, yeah, it's that undeniable presence. And I always say to people, you need to, you need to feel it to believe it. Like, you need to be there. You can't, like you said, you can't reduce it to words. And, yeah, I feel that now. Even when I go to temples, when I was in South India particularly, and your home reminds me a lot of South India, because there's a lot of these stone statues.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  Well, the mountain out there, we had some proper Swami here. We've had lots of Swamis, you know, passengers. Through here over the years.

• 28:54Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  And, and one of them looked out at the mountain across the way and, and he said, this feels like my home. And we, and his home is Arunachala.

• 29:03Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Arunachala.

• 29:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Very kind of like powerful spiritual vortex.

• 29:08Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah. And vortex is the right word. So when I went to South India, it's a city with these powerful gates. If you look at South Indian architecture, it's like these, and you, you've got a lot of in your home, but it's like this incredible kind of like, almost like Avengers Marvel meets spiritual culture, kind of like spaceship, kind of these, these doors and gates. And, and it's, you know, the temples there are like 5,000 years old. And, and when you walk through those corridors, there's one that literally feels like you're going to walk through it and be transported to another dimension. Because the way the pillars are built, and this was built thousands of years.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  It's like Star Trek.

• 29:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, literally. Yeah, exactly. It's just, yeah, super, um, what's it, what's a, what's a more up to date reference point? Kind of like, uh, Doctor Strange. Like, it's like Doctor Strange, but on steroids. Like, it's just, yeah, it's expansive. And I, I think that is one of those things that you have to sit in that presence. You have to go there to believe it. And, and I think anyone who has, whether they have a faith or not, and, and that's really what's important to me is, how do we share these teachings in a way that it's not bound by faith or religion or spiritual tradition? Even for me, like, this book isn't about becoming a spiritual tradition or a particular philosophy. It's, it's about living like you and thinking like a monk, right? Like, that's, that's the balance.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, two things. There, there's two powerful precepts here. One is, um, you can't transmit something you haven't got. Like, when you're in the presence of somebody like that, you know it. And, you know, there are a lot of pretenders to that type of vibration, but it's pretty transparent. Like, who's really carrying that kind of wisdom and who's pretending to? And second to that is this idea that, that you really fully embrace, which is meeting people where they're at. Like, if you show up in robes and, and you're, you're framing your presentation in a way that, that creates a distance between you and the person you're trying to communicate, then you're already, you know, basically behind home plate in terms of like trying to connect or transmit.

• 31:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And, yeah, and there's two things you brought about there, which I think are really interesting. It's, the first is, it's all about the frequency you're operating at. So if someone is fooling you or pretending or trying to be something, if you're operating at a lower frequency. You may follow for a while and you may not know, but when you start upping your frequency, that's when you can really see that, oh, right, now I can see the difference. And it's not in a judgmental way or a critical way, it's just frequencies. And the second point you're making there around, you know, really, really speaking to people about where they're at or meeting them where they're at and, and connecting with them.

• 31:43Jay Shetty?

  I, for me, it's just, I think compassion is, is not expecting people to be more advanced than they are. And, and that's what people have done with me. I mean, when I went to the ashram and when I split up with these monks, I mean, I am in no way, and even now I'm not. I mean, their compassion even to spend time with me now. And, and I feel like when you've experienced that level of compassion where people see you, they look through your soul, they watch you and they just think, they can see everything about you that you don't like about yourself. And they will still find that spark of potential and the spark that makes them believe that we should invest and serve and help this human being. And for me, when you've experienced that level of compassion, even if you are still dealing with stuff yourself,

• 32:28Jay Shetty?

  you want to pass it on. And so when I see anyone at any level, I don't judge anyone because, hey, hey, I've been there before. Hey, I'm still there, kind of, in some ways. And I know how hard it is to get out of that mess. And so how can I judge someone just because they're three steps behind?

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. So you have this experience with this monk.

• 32:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 32:48Speaker 01

  Apparently, everything changes. So how does it change?

• 32:53Jay Shetty?

  Well, my lifestyle, and I've talked about this before, like, my personal lifestyle stayed the same. I was still dating. I was still, I'd given up alcohol by that time and I'd given up, like, you know, drugs and stuff. So I wasn't really playing and, and I was always very experimental. I've never been an addict or a regular consumer of anything. I've just been an experimenter my whole life. But for me, it was my, my, yeah, I was still dating. I was still doing everything that anyone ever did. There was nothing changed in that, but I was now mentally curious and checking it out. So I spent the next four years, half of them in my summer vacations, interning at financial companies in London where I thought I would end up working just because my university recommended that. And the other half of my breaks, I'd spend them

• 33:37Jay Shetty?

  living in India with the monks to experience that lifestyle. So I would literally go, as I explain it, from steak houses, bars in suits, to robes, sleeping on the floor and meditating every day.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Right. So was that, was that the, this monk's teacher's ashram?

• 33:52Jay Shetty?

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  What was that, like Bangalore or something?

• 33:55Jay Shetty?

  No, it's two hours outside of Mumbai. So it's in the middle of nowhere, but it's way, yeah, about two hours outside of Mumbai.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. And were there other Westerners there?

• 34:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plenty, yeah. Plenty of visitors from all over the world. People from Australia, people from Europe, people from London. And yeah, they definitely have a lot of visitors, even the US. This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing

• 34:47Jay Shetty?

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• 35:18Jay Shetty?

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• 35:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. So initially, it was a couple of years of half the summer.

• 35:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't long. I'd go there for like two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. Like I would go there for sure best of time and just, just experience it, just, just live like them and live with them. And for me, and I didn't know this, but again, in hindsight, it was me really getting to live both options of life. Like I was getting to live in the city. I was getting to wear a fancy suit to work every day and get to perform well in the workplace and, you know, go through all of whatever that is networking and meeting people. And then I would get to do that. And I just got so much more satisfaction from that. I felt satisfaction from the service we did. I felt satisfaction from the meditations. And if I'm completely honest, the, the biggest

• 36:21Jay Shetty?

  thing that, that got me at that time was I didn't have to think that ego and humility and vulnerability and empathy and compassion, these weren't just going to be concepts anymore. These were going to be real practices.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Or weaknesses.

• 36:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, weaknesses. These could become focuses that I could really wrap my head around them. Because when I was back in the city and I was trying to perform and I was trying to show my boss who was the best and who was performing well, it was hard to maintain that level of gravity because, not because it's impossible, because it's not. That, that's what I lay out and that's what I'm trying to teach right now. It was harder because I hadn't had that training. And so now that I've come out of the ashram, I feel like my monk training has allowed me to continue to practice those principles in the real world, whereas at that time. I was just an eighteen year old kid who was still conditioned by everything else.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  I suppose the distinction, it's one thing to make a decision after you'd lived as a monk during that like three year period, making this hard line decision, okay, I'm going back into the world. But when you kind of have one foot in both worlds,

• 37:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  I suspect that it probably became progressively more difficult to relate or connect with your friends back in London.

• 37:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I was, you know, I was very open with the closest friends. I remember one of my friends saying to me like, oh, well, you know, he was always, we would always talk about women together, right? We'd always talk about girls, like which girls we liked and who he was dating and all this kind of stuff. And all of a sudden, every time I'd come back from being a monk, I'd have a monk moment and, and, you know, try and like resist the urge to, to just talk about women in that way and, and the way it can be done. And my, my friend would just be like, what? So we know, what are we going to talk about? You know, it's just like confused, like where's this life going? And other parts of, but other part, and, and having to say, and I want to give credit to my friends too. Some of my other friends were just really intrigued and so they actually wanted to learn.

• 38:15Jay Shetty?

  And so I ran a society at university called Think Out Loud and every week I would present a topic based on philosophy, science and psychology. So I would take a movie, I would dissect the characters, I would, we would watch half the movie together and then we'd break down the roles and I would talk about philosophy, science and spirituality and psychology to students. And when I started it, we had like 10 students. By the time we finished university, I had a hundred students coming every week and it was totally free. There was no catch, there was no followers, there's no nothing. It was, it was just this beautiful experience and that's kind of where I got into the habit of everything I learned as a monk, I would teach it. So if I was learning about karma, I would teach it that week. If I, if I went that summer and I learned about ego, I would talk about ego.

• 38:59Jay Shetty?

  And so I just started sharing what I was learning because I found that to be the best way of letting people connect. And that's kind of where I got fascinated with this whole thing.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  So this whole trajectory gets planted then, like you're, you're starting to teach and share even before you go off and be a full-time monk.

• 39:14Jay Shetty?

  Way before.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  And that experience of reviewing movies and discussing it really is, I mean, that's the germination for these videos that you do now.

• 39:22Jay Shetty?

  A hundred percent like that, that really was the beginning. And that was when I was eighteen years old, so fourteen years ago now. And I just loved putting on a session every week and then I got invited to other universities. So I'd go to the London School of Economics and present, I'd go to this other university. And I was just loving the fact that I was finding so many young people in London. That wanted this over anything else. Like, that's what I was impressed by the most. That there was a need, and that convinced me very early on that if presented effectively, there was a community for this and people really were searching.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  It's very similar to Andy Pudicom's art.

• 39:58Jay Shetty?

  Andy's awesome.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  I mean, he's the only other person who's had.

• 40:02Jay Shetty?

  Well, he did ten years.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Right, I know. But him coming back from that experience and returning to London and then kind of hosting these salons. He meets Rich and then they start kind of, you know, basically doing informal get togethers that then, you know, become and grow into Headspace. But the idea started in a similar way to kind of what you're talking about.

• 40:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. And this was, I actually remember, I told Andy this. I said to him that the year I first found out about Headspace is the year I became a monk. And I told him this, I was so impressed by what he was doing. And I said to him, if I would have had the money, I would have invested. But I had no money. And I've said this to Andy, he's been on my podcast and we've done a few panels together. But yeah, he's amazing. I love Andy. And I said that to him, I was so impressed by what they did. Because I was just starting that journey and I saw what he'd done. I was like, wow, that's fascinating, you know? It's so great to see that. But yeah, I think this is, the reason why I'm sharing this too with you, Rich, is, you know, I've been doing this online for like three to four years, but in my life, I've been doing this for 14 years.

• 41:04Jay Shetty?

  Like, I've literally done this every single day of my life for the last 14 years in some way, shape or form, whether it was reading, studying, or teaching, or sharing. And so for me, it's become my life. And when I left being a monk, I didn't want to not do that anymore. And what I get to do now is what brought me back to that, to be able to learn, study, teach, share, and live in that element which I feel so much connected to.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, and meet people where they are.

• 41:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that was, that's always been my thing because, because I've been, you know, I've been plucked out, like, you know, it's when you've been drowning in an ocean of material thought and someone had the compassion and empathy to reach down and grab you.

• 41:46Jay Shetty?

  You feel like you want to do the same thing. And, and that's just my meditation constantly, you know, you don't, you can't ever go back from that, the amount of gratitude I have for the people that have invested in me. And that opened up my eyes. I was eighteen years old. I would have gone down the path of becoming an, I probably, if I had it my way, I probably would have wanted to become an art director at a massive company. I probably would have done pretty well for myself. I would have traveled the world and, and wasted my life. Like that's, I always think about that moment of sliding doors. What could have been? And that's what I would have been. But because I met these incredibly powerful people who wanted nothing from me, but just to give, it changed my life. And that's the opportunity I want. And for people, it may not be a monk.

• 42:28Jay Shetty?

  But when you think like a monk, you, you recognize that actually, am I exposing myself to as many alternative methods of thought? Am I really allowing myself to experience everything the world has to offer? Because if I'm not, I'm already limiting myself in a world that's actually unlimited. And, and that's the challenge I see is that we are living at a time when you have the most choice available, you have the most experiences available, but we still put ourselves in these prisons.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Not only that, those prisons are one of self-seeking. I mean, you mentioned giving. I mean, giving is, is, you know, service is the cornerstone of this whole thing, like being in selfless service to others.

• 43:05Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Which is just counter-programming to the way entire, you know, our entire infrastructure of Western civilization is constructed.

• 43:12Jay Shetty?

  Yes, absolutely. Yeah, complete counter-programming. I remember when I was giving a talk, this was probably about like, oh yeah, probably about four years ago. And I was speaking to a group of executives and one of them came up to me afterwards and he said, how old were you when you became a monk? I was like twenty-two. And he said, when did you get the realization that life was about selfless service? And I said, well, I'm, I'm still getting there. I'm not there yet, but the first time I fell in love with that idea, I was eighteen. He goes, the first time I realized that life was beyond me, I was forty-two years old when, you know, my child was growing up. And he goes, that was the first time I realized that life was not just about me. And I was thinking, wow, like to me, it was, to me, it's weird because I got exposed to it at eighteen. I couldn't believe that someone didn't understand that. Even today, like,

• 43:55Jay Shetty?

  the reason why we're all repeating messages and, and continue to, I think, remind people of these messages and even ourselves is because you could hear that life is about service a million times. But until you practice it and until you really Until you really mold it into every area of your life, like this podcast is your service. I think we think of service also very limited. We think service means to go out and help a charity.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Right, or being at the soup kitchen or something.

• 44:21Jay Shetty?

  Correct, and that is beautiful and people should do it. It's wonderful and I think we should all do it. And I try and do as much as I can, but service is also serving through your calling, your talents, your skills, your purpose that benefits other people. And it can be different, like, you know, yeah, so, yeah, there's so many methods.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Well, the ultimate is when you can find that thing that lights you up and channel that in a way to give back to others and also support yourself and your family in doing it. I mean, that's the secret. That's what this does for me. And I just feel like the luckiest person in the world to have, you know, live in this time where this is possible and to have kind of stumbled into this.

• 45:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, for sure. There's a beautiful story that I share that you've reminded me of now. And it's the story of two monks that are washing their bowls. And while they're washing their bowls, they see a, one of the monks sees a scorpion drowning. And so he helps the scorpion out of the water and puts it onto the side. And in that process, he gets stung by the scorpion. And the other monk says, what are you doing? Like, you know, this is stupid. He said, oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. The scorpion falls in again to the water. The monk picks it up again, gets stung in the process and puts it onto the side. So the other monk's just like, okay, now you're just being ridiculous. Like, what are you doing? He said, why are you saving the scorpion when you know that its nature is to sting? And the monk replies, goes, I know that the scorpion's nature is to sting, but my nature is to save.

• 45:46Jay Shetty?

  And so he understood how hardwired his service mindset was, that he was willing to go through the pain to act in that way. So what I'm trying to share with that story is that we're all wired to serve naturally, as children, as kids, as people, as humans, but we've been educated for greed. And you see this, there's countless viral videos of kids who like walk up to their television screen and wipe the cartoon characters tears off with their tissues or like kids like running to help the person next to them. And we were all once that person. But it's just the education that we get. And I'm not just talking about school. I'm just saying generally, the the education of becoming self centered. And whether you look at it from a scientific point of view,

• 46:30Jay Shetty?

  the studies that have been done, when people help people, their depression goes down, their mental health goes up. When people help people, they're able to feel more joy and experience more happiness in their lives. Like, we are happier when we serve and help people. And that, I think, has been so lost, that if someone genuinely asks them, so because I think everyone hearing that will say, oh, yeah, but I like to help people. I try. If you really did an audit of how much time you spend every week genuinely helping someone who is giving you no help, or was genuinely helping someone who does nothing back for you, I'd find that we'd say a very, very little amount of time.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. The key is doing it when it's not convenient.

• 47:12Jay Shetty?

  Correct. Yes, exactly. That's the best way to say it. Yeah, exactly.

• 47:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's tough. I mean, listen, you know, you hit it on the head. I mean, it's not, it's not just school. It's like by osmosis. It's like, I hear what you're saying, Jay, that's great. But like, I got to get mine, dude. Yeah, you know, times, the clock's ticking, and time's running out, and I got my hustle on.

• 47:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  So.

• 47:36Jay Shetty?

  You want my response to that?

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 47:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, my my response to that is, that mentality will get you the thing, and it will get you the number, and it will get you the money in the bank. But you won't feel satisfied. And that's my hypothesis. So go test it. And I would gladly let anyone test that. And I guarantee you that's how you'll feel.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  What happens, though, is you get it, you have that experience of momentary elation that quickly fades. The half life on that is very short. And then you think your next thought isn't, I need a new path. Your next thought is, well, when I get that next thing, that's really gonna lock in.

• 48:13Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. It's the hamster wheel, right? It's the conveyor belt. And it's that's the it's the treadmill. That's the that's the challenge with that. And I think that's why we have to learn. From people who have got there and feel that way, I think we have to. It's like, you know, when you hear Jim Carrey say like, everyone should get everything they want and become everything they ever wanted, just to realize it's not the point. When you see everyone who gets to the peak of financial or fame or beauty success, they then try and serve like that's just what everyone ends up having to do.

• 48:47Speaker 01

  We're in the world capital of that right here.

• 48:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 48:50Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  Los Angeles.

• 48:51Jay Shetty?

  And, and, and you see it like, you know, I, I can't remember who said this, but you know, it's, it's talked about like your success, I can't remember who said it, but, but your success is based on the depth of the problem you solve, right? And, and it's like, if you look at any success, even if it's Jeff Bezos and Amazon, and someone goes, I want to be Jeff Bezos. Jeff has solved, not that I know him, but Jeff has solved a issue that people had. So it's still service. And I think that's what we miss, that anyone who's winning even financially, whether we agree with their business model or not, they are performing some type of service to people. And because he's serving more people with an issue that they have, he's able to make more money.

• 49:32Jay Shetty?

  So even from a totally financial perspective, service still wins. Like it, there's no, there's no, you know, there's no taking away from it.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  I get that. It's a, it's a more, it's just an expansive definition of service.

• 49:44Jay Shetty?

  Correct, correct. But, but it's still so, service ultimately is, is solving a problem that really is a core need in people's lives. And I think that could be a starting point for someone if they're still like Jay, I don't get it.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:56Jay Shetty?

  I'm still, I'm just trying to.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:58Jay Shetty?

  Meet people where they're at.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  I'm with you, dude. All right. So you make this decision to go be a monk full time. You live in this ashram for three years.

• 50:06Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and we traveled a lot too. So we lived in ashrams across London, Mumbai and Europe as well.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. And I think similarly, Andy was in, he went, he was in Russia, he was in Russia and Scotland.

• 50:18Jay Shetty?

  Scotland, yeah, yeah, yeah. He talked about Scotland.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  So walk me through like a typical day in the life of that experience.

• 50:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so you wake up at four AM every day, no matter where you are. And four thirty is collective prayers and meditation. So four thirty till about five fifteen, then five fifteen till seven thirty is personal meditation time. So that's personal meditation practice, often in a communal space with other people. It can be private too. And then seven thirty to eight is, seven thirty to eight thirty is a class. So a class on philosophy from the Bhagavad Gita or the Schumered Bhagavatam or one of these spiritual texts, or Pani Shad's Puranas. And so that'd be an hour class given by one of the senior monks or senior teachers usually. One of my favorite things to look forward to in the day because that's, I was like, kind of like, I was always waiting for that because the classes were just so powerful.

• 51:08Jay Shetty?

  And hearing people who've studied all the commentaries in the books. And then eight thirty is breakfast. Breakfast is usually, in India, would be some kind of Indian dish, kind of similar to, I don't know how to describe it, it's called flat rice. And that's the easiest way to describe it. So some simple food. And then from then on, it would be different every day. So the way it was split up is the morning was about yourself and the afternoon and evening were about service. And, and that's where I, I fell in love with this routine of self and service. And I think today now the world's coming a lot back to self-love. And, and I feel like that's where we got to experience both very clearly. When you spend half your day taking care of yourself, you spend the other half serving, you get this beautiful synergy between the two.

• 51:52Jay Shetty?

  So for the rest of the day, we'd be out feeding children. We'd be out building the sustainable village that we were at. We'd be out teaching, we'd be out helping, like we'd be out doing something. And that would change every day depending on what the need was. Sometimes it would be chores as well, like washing your clothes. I mean, washing monk robes are not, not fun at all. They're these huge bed sheets.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  And this is like seven days a week, do you get a day off where you can go, you know, do whatever you want?

• 52:17Jay Shetty?

  You know, I always, I was one of those guys who wanted that day off. I was like, I was like, if I make it a five of the four AMs, can I skip the other? No, you don't get to, it doesn't work like that. And, I mean, there's a lot of reflection time in the day that you get. And you have to really work through a lot of stuff because your ego gets in the way, your opinions start to get in the way. And living communally is a real experience. Like when you live communally with that many men in one place.

• 52:47Jay Shetty?

  It's like you really have to face your ego, your pride, your competitive mentality, your comparison on a daily basis. It's really tough.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  Did humanity ever just percolate to the surface and dudes start fist fighting?

• 53:01Jay Shetty?

  No, no one ever actually like, the only time monks would ever get physical.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Humans are humans. I don't care how much you're meditating. At some point, you know.

• 53:11Jay Shetty?

  No, it was never that bad. The only time the monks ever got into physical was when the, the special sacred food came out. So there's sacred food that's offered and like there's these sweets and we didn't, you know, we didn't eat a lot of sugar or anything like that there. So whenever these sweets came out, they're, they're, they're these milk sweets sometimes. And so these sweets were like the, the kind of like.

• 53:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. I've never spent time in an ashram, but I've been.

• 53:37Jay Shetty?

  Well, we have to go. We should go together.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  I would like to. I mean, I.

• 53:40Jay Shetty?

  I'd like to take you.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  I would enjoy that.

• 53:43Jay Shetty?

  I'm being serious. I'm being deadly serious. We should go together to the ashram. I go back every year.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  Do you? You still do?

• 53:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, every year. So I go back every, usually December, January period because the weather's good to go then. For, for anyone who's not from India, like I struggled during the hot times in India too. So that's the best time if you're visiting, but I'd love to take you. It'd be so fun.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  It'd be cool.

• 54:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  In my experience of, of, you know, sitting in meditation with various, you know, swamis over the years and, and, and being around, you know, various types of those kind of communities. The thing that I noticed, like the humanity that I see in that is the, is the institutionalization of the guru, right? And then it becomes like this pecking order of who's close to the higher consciousness. And there seems to be a lot of jockeying around, like that's where I see like the sort of character, like the, the, you know, our innate humanity percolating to the surface and manifesting in character flaws.

• 54:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, for sure. That's a really good point. And, and I saw that too. And I feel like, I feel like my teachers did a very good job of not trying to.

• 54:54Jay Shetty?

  Create, enjoy, or build that type of culture. They tried their best, but the follower's mentality is so strong. So I'll give you an example, like, so, so whenever I was with one of my teachers, if we traveled together, whether, and, and, you know, I'm, I'm, you have to put yourself in the mindset of, I'm a very junior monk and spiritually very junior too. So I'm like, I'm like right at the bottom of the pile, right? And it's like, so when I would travel with the senior most teacher, uh, there was a respect in where we pay physical respects, as you've probably seen before, where people pay physically bow on the floor to show respect to teachers, to et cetera.

• 55:34Jay Shetty?

  And, and he, at 70 years old, there was never a day behind closed doors, when no one else was watching, that he wouldn't get back and pay those respects on the floor. And to me, that was the, that was the moment where I was like, he's real. Because there was no more, no one to show off to, I was not senior that I deserved it. Like, there was no, you know, from, from the point of view of a hierarchy, even though there wasn't one, but he would have the humility and the, the hu- humanity to, to recognize that if a soul or if a person is showing me respects, then I'll show those respects back. And I, and I felt that at 70 years old, I'm, you know, I'm like, what, 22 years old? Like a 70-year-old man, like, that's beautiful. Like, there, there was some beauty in that, and that was, that was part of it.

• 56:16Jay Shetty?

  And the other part was the, you know, and, and it's funny, because we talk about this a lot, even, even with the other monks and other people, that about, my teacher would never have a favorite or a number one. And he never verbalized this, but we all knew it. And, and one of the senior monks, he always said to me, he said, if you want to be the number one, you won't last very long. Right. And he literally said that to me, he goes, if you want to be his number one, go-to, right-hand man, all that kind of stuff, he goes, you're not going to last long here. Because he said, anyone who wanted that position, they never got it, because he doesn't want it to exist, and so you will fail. And we, I remember having this conversation with him, and he's, you know, because he's been so close to him for so long, and he said to me, he said, there are times, this is Gorongadas, he goes, there are times when I've had to be really close

• 57:01Jay Shetty?

  to support him, and there are times when I've had to move away and step back and let him do what he needs to do. And it's like, he goes, it, it doesn't work like that. So I think that good leaders always try and avoid creating that culture. But our follower mentality is so strong.

• 57:21Jay Shetty?

  That we want someone to worship and idolize and we want that, we're seeking that.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Well, and our, our identity is informed by proximity to that person.

• 57:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 57:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and, and there's two types of proximity. So I'll, I'll tell you, anyway, you're sparking all these memories. So we're walking on this beach in South India. It's called Setuband. It's a very holy place and like literally the, the tip of South India, if you were to look at a map. And so we're walking on this beach. It's about 25 monks and our, and our senior teacher, and we're all walking behind him. And everyone's trying to walk close to him. And he's just walking, like, he's not even talking to anyone. He's just walking and he's doing a walking meditation and everyone's around him. And it was there that I had a, had a realization. I was like, there are two ways of being close to him. Either I push everyone away and try and walk through the middle, or I push everyone closer. And, and be close because everyone else is closer too.

• 58:17Jay Shetty?

  And I was like, I remember having a, a real reflection point at that moment. I was like, wow, like, these are the two options in life we always have. You either get closer to people because you try and push everyone else out of the way, or you get closer to people because you take everyone with you. And I was like, I'm gonna try to do that second one for the rest of my life. If I want to be close to someone, I'm gonna take everyone close to that person. I'm never gonna be that guy who's trying to, and that's my hope, you know, that's my meditation.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that requires that you dispense with the zero sum game mentality.

• 58:43Jay Shetty?

  Explain it.

• 58:44Speaker 01

  Meaning that your success can only come at the expense of others.

• 58:49Jay Shetty?

  Right, yeah.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  As opposed to the, the universe is infinitely abundant.

• 58:53Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  And there's room for everybody here.

• 58:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  A, a non-fear-based perspective on that.

• 58:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, in Think Like a Monk, I call it, there, there are an infinite number of seats in the theater of happiness. So we in our minds have started to believe that every, we think now, if you're booking a cinema theater or a movie theater, there's a finite number of seats. You've got to get tickets to the Olympics. There's a finite number of seats. There's tickets to the, uh, Coachella, whatever it is. It's like, there's a finite number of seats. And so that finite, finite, finite, finite has been drilled so deeply into us. But there are infinite number of seats and there's a seat with your name on it in the theater of happiness. And just because I'm already in there, doesn't mean you can't be in there. Just because you're in there, doesn't mean I can't be in there. And as soon as you realize that, you free yourself from realizing there is a seat with your name on it.

• 59:41Jay Shetty?

  And and all you've got to do is claim your own seat and no one else can take that seat from you. And when you start living like that, you can collaborate, you can grow together, you can build together. And you see this as being the epitome of, I was just reading Bob Iger's book. And and in there, he talks about how it was, and I may get a few of the names wrong, but I think it was it was Steven Spielberg, for sure, it was George Lucas, I think it was Quentin Tarantino, who's saying they used to get together and they would critique each other's movies before they came out. So to give each other feedback. You're talking about some of the best of all time, like being comfortable showing their work to their competitors.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:00:20Jay Shetty?

  Now, that's the point, right? Like, I've never watched a Quentin Tarantino film and felt I was watching a Steven Spielberg film. And I've never watched a Spielberg film thinking I'm watching a George Lucas film, which just shows, A, how incredibly creative and talented they are, but also how much they trusted what they were offering to the game.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:36Jay Shetty?

  And that, to me, is such a powerful metaphor, and I mean, it's not even metaphor, it's literal, of how you live in a, there are an infinite number of seats in the theater of happiness.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  On the subject of happiness, you know, I think you would agree that we're suffering from an epidemic of loneliness and and, you know, depression and, you know, people are seeking for answers and different ways of living. They're they're sensing their lack of, you know, their lack of contentment with the path that they've chosen for themselves. And you go online and somebody's telling you to, you know, find your bliss or, you know, seek out your passion. And and I think that that's, although perhaps coming from a good place is not necessarily helpful and perhaps damaging, because it leaves that person thinking, well, I don't, I don't know what my passion is, or, you know, I'm not happy, but I don't

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  understand the path forward to find that happiness. And and I'm unsure about what steps I need to take in order to gird my life with more purpose and to try to find more fulfillment. So with the experiences that you've had, like, how do you speak to that person or meet them where they're at to try to get them to reframe their perspective on how they're living?

• 1:01:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so I think first of all, it has to be a two-fold approach. And what I mean by that is there is an aspect of it that is thinking and reflection. And there is a part of it that is action and experimentation. These are the two aspects of anything in our life. And the biggest mistake we make is we do too much action and experimenting without reflection. Or we do too much reflection without action and experimentation. So let's, let's talk, let's break them down. So let's start with the thinking and reflective approach. This is an approach you can do on your own. This is the approach you can do right now, listening to this. This is the approach that I, half of it that I lay out in Think Like a Monk. So the first thing I ask people to reflect on is, is four areas. The first area is things that you have an expertise in, but have no passion for.

• 1:02:42Jay Shetty?

  Make a list of three things that you have a expertise in, but no passion for. So for me, I give the example of Microsoft Excel and numbers. I'm, I'm okay at it, but I don't enjoy it. Like I don't have a passion for it, right? So, so write down three things in there. Then the next box that I want you to fill out is ask yourself, what do I have? No expertise in, but I have a deep passion for. So for me, it's neuroscience. I am not an expert in neuroscience. I couldn't perform brain surgery on anyone and I couldn't scan anyone's brain. But I, I'm super passionate about it. I love reading about it. I love speaking to neuroscientists. It's something for me. Social media used to be in that category for me once upon a time.

• 1:03:25Jay Shetty?

  Social media was something I wasn't an expert in or didn't know much about. But I was passionate about learning how to communicate. Then the third box, things that you're not, no expertise and no passion. What are those things in your life that you're like, ugh, don't like them, not good at them, right? Maybe doing your taxes, I don't know, whatever, right? Like pretty much everything, everything else. Everything else, yeah. And then the fourth and final box is what are you passionate about and what are you an expert in? That's the box that you're trying to find. So that box may be empty right now. This is the thinking of, so do that reflection exercise. The reason why it's so important is because most of us, first of all, don't even know what our expertise is and our passion is. And now when I say passion, I'm not just saying find your passion. I'm saying what do you like doing? What do you get joy from reading about?

• 1:04:09Jay Shetty?

  What, even if you're watching a TV show, what is it about that TV show that keeps you captivated? Well, when you're listening to this podcast, what part about it? Which person stands out to you? It's you having to read in. To every part of your, it's like, start with something as simple as, what's your favorite cuisine? Most people go, I don't know what my favorite cuisine is. Well, think about the last time you walked out of a meal, you were happy when you ordered it, you're happy when you ate it, and you were happy the next morning. That's probably your favorite cuisine. Try and find those patterns in your life, because all of us have a karmic pattern in our life that we've just not zoned into. So I'll give you another example. Let's, let's look at the pattern of the best decisions you've made. If you looked at the best decisions you made in the last decade, and let's say you pick three,

• 1:04:55Jay Shetty?

  right, three's a pattern for me. That's, that's where I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm making that up. It's totally my choice, it's subjective, but it's my opinion. Three things are a pattern. Look at the three decisions you made in your life where you knew it was the best decision when you made it, not when you got the best result, but you knew it even before the result happened that you made the best decision. I guarantee you, if you reflect on those three decisions in the last decade, you will find the same parameters, the same environment, and the same decision-making thoughts and thought process that got you to your best decision. So I'll give an example. I, when I decided to become a monk, I believe that was my best decision when I made it, not because one day I'd be able to write a book about it, because I had no idea I'd even be here.

• 1:05:36Jay Shetty?

  So I was going against the grain, no one agreed with me, and most people thought it was the worst idea. When I left being a monk, I was going against the grain, because most of the monks I joined would stay as monks, no one agreed with me, and I was completely sold that I was doing the right thing for me. When I quit my safe corporate job to do what I do now, I was going against the grain, because most of my friends were happy with their salaries. I was, um, I was doing something that felt really right to me, and no one agreed with me. And so I found that that's generally the pattern of my life. My best decisions are those three things. Now, that may not be for you, your best decisions may be the opposite. So that reflection's really important. Second half, action.

• 1:06:18Jay Shetty?

  Take the next month, take the next thirty days and every weekend, plan a new activity, workshop, seminar, course, book, podcast to listen to, person to shadow, person to experience with, take a Saturday and Sunday and try it out. You've got eight things that you can now test. There are eight days, eight weekends in a month roughly. Test something new on each of those, go and actually do something. So this is no more thinking, no more reflecting. If you want to be a chef or you think you want to be a chef, go and do a cooking class. See how natural it was for you, see how much fun you had doing the process. Take eight different things and try them out. When you do both of those together, within thirty days, you could figure out what you genuinely are passionate about as a starting point.

• 1:07:01Jay Shetty?

  That may change, it may evolve, but at least you've got somewhere to start. And the biggest mistake is we're sitting there doing a personality test, trying to figure out what our passion is. Obviously, you're not gonna know.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  Right. A lot of it goes back to if you could just live in the, in the mindset of the child within, like what did you, what were the choices that you made when you were a kid about what you liked to spend time doing? I think that's also a good place to start.

• 1:07:26Jay Shetty?

  I agree.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  And I think those are really powerful exercises. The expertise piece can come later, right? It's not about that at that moment.

• 1:07:34Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  I think the more you engage with those activities that you naturally enjoy, you're, you're creating opportunities, you're, you're creating an environment in which opportunities can come later to further explore that.

• 1:07:48Jay Shetty?

  There's a difference between a lack of expertise and inexperience, right? We think we lack expertise in something, but actually we're just inexperienced at it. And, and that's the point of that second element of, you don't have to be the best at something when you start doing it, but as soon as you start doing it, you've now given yourself that opportunity to grow. And, and I think we all know this, there's always something we've all learned and become better at it, but if you're fascinated by it, you're probably more likely to invest more time.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:08:16Jay Shetty?

  And so, yeah, don't, but it is also important, there may be things in your life that you have an expertise in, but you don't have a passion in, but then ask yourself the question. Why don't I have a passion here? Because you could add meaning to it. Like, there are so many skills that we have that if you added a bit of meaning, you added some purpose to it, you added why you were doing it, you could actually find a great use for it. And I think a lot of us are under, under, underestimating how powerful expertise is. You may have strengths that are just underutilized by your current job, but actually could be really well utilized by someone that you felt activated you.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  Essentially, everything that you're saying are tools for greater self-awareness, right?

• 1:08:58Jay Shetty?

  A hundred percent.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  So when you say, "When I made this decision to go be a monk, I knew in my heart it was the right decision for me despite externality." Same thing when you made the decision to leave.

• 1:09:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  But you're somebody who had spent an inordinate amount of time developing your self-awareness, you're a very integrated person because of all the inside work that you've done to get to a place where you not only are in tune with your instincts, you're able to rely upon them. You know what I mean? And I think most people are so disconnected from themselves and either lack adequate self-awareness or are just living their lives so reactively that their impulses or their instincts are either unheard or entirely unreliable. And I think that, that people make decisions and set goals for themselves in that state that lead them terribly awry.

• 1:09:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. But, but intuition is a muscle that everyone can build, right? It really is, I really believe that. There's a study that I mentioned in, in Think Like a Monk, where I talk about how men and women are asked to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or give themselves an electric shock. Thirty percent of women chose an electric shock and 60% of men chose an electric shock.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:10:11Jay Shetty?

  Because they didn't want to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  The root of all human suffering.

• 1:10:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Now, here's the thing, that intuition comes from asking yourself questions, basic questions, simple questions, just as it would getting to know Rich. Getting to know Jay is the same process. After I eat something, did I like that? Did I not like it? The next morning, did I like that? Did I not like it? When you ask people, "What are your favorite movies?" You know how you feel when you walk outside a movie. Not, you don't need to do a personality test. You don't need to do a, a, a three months away in Costa Rica. Like, you don't need to do that to know whether you like something or you don't like something. You can do a sense check with yourself. Every single day after doing an activity. And if you literally, after you did anything, anything you do, stop and just ask yourself,

• 1:10:59Jay Shetty?

  did I enjoy that? Yes or no? Simple question. So let's say I say yes. What did you enjoy about it? Let's have that conversation. What did I enjoy about it? What part of it was uncomfortable, but you still got excited about it? These are three simple questions that can lead you to greater self-awareness. I've done the same with every area of my life and you should really become like an encyclopedia in your own life. Like if someone goes to me, what's your favorite movie? It's like, I am a big fan of thrillers. My favorite director and producer of all time is Christopher Nolan. My favorite movies are Memento, The Prestige, Inception, Interstellar and the Dark Knight trilogy. They're all Christopher Nolan movies. It's there's such a pattern in our lives and everyone has that pattern. We just have to look beyond the debris.

• 1:11:44Jay Shetty?

  That's all there of the noise and the dirt that's stopping us because there's just so much distraction.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  But that practice of self-inquiry is really the definition of leading an examined life, right?

• 1:11:57Jay Shetty?

  Yes, 100% exactly. And that's all we have to do, that we just have to ask ourselves questions. The problem is we are demanding the answer from our partners, the universe, our teachers, people, we demand, we go, why is this happening to me? What's the meaning of this? That's not a question, that's a demand. And a question is a genuine heartfelt request. A question is,

• 1:12:27Jay Shetty?

  do I like this? Like that's a, a question is, is soft and powerful. A question is not loud and weak. And our questions are actually demands and that's why we don't find the answers.

• 1:12:38Speaker 01

  Well, they're demands be also because they're, they're foisted outward.

• 1:12:42Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:12:43Speaker 01

  If they're turned inward, the questions become, you know, what, what, what is, you know, what is the fear that compelled me to do that? Like what, what childhood wound am I trying to solve by, you know, having this exchange with this person or making decision X, Y, or Z?

• 1:12:59Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And that's exactly it. Demands are outwards, questions are inwards. It's beautiful. Absolutely. That's it.

• 1:13:04Speaker 01

  So you spend three years in the ashram.

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  And you emerge, you make this decision to return. First of all, like, you know, was there a sense at some point that you were gonna always stay there? And if so, what changed?

• 1:13:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, so my, my dream was that I would do it for the rest of my life. And I believe that as a monk, I'd be able to write and teach and share and hopefully be able to share that message anywhere and everywhere.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  And where are the, where are your parents at this point?

• 1:13:32Jay Shetty?

  What do you mean?

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Like, how are they processing this?

• 1:13:35Jay Shetty?

  So I've always described my parents as, as very neutral. They've been neutral participants in a beautiful way, and I, and I mean that in a good way. I love my parents. They've, they've never been overly pushy and they've never been overly encouraging. They've kind of always been neutral. It's a really weird situation to be in. So my parents don't massively celebrate everything I do, but they don't get upset when things don't go the way they thought it would.

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  So your mom's not asking you when you're gonna go to medical school still?

• 1:14:02Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, she knew I wouldn't get in. You know, I didn't go to my graduation ceremony, so I never got that picture of me holding the, I graduated but never got the picture. And so my, my parents really gave up on me, maybe? No, they, they, you know, they gave in to me at that time when I decided to make this decision and then they were open to whatever happened. And I wanted to do it for the rest of my life. And then two things happened. One was, I was really pushing it and, and really testing myself physically. And I could see that my health was, was stumbling from it because I was just like trying to do all the fasts and meditating for longer. And my most competitive ego and also competition with myself mindset constantly wanted to test.

• 1:14:42Jay Shetty?

  And at the same time, I started to feel like, and this was really tough, like to admit it. And I don't think I admitted it then and it's only happened afterwards. I think that my meditation and self-awareness got me to a point where I realized I wasn't a monk. In the sense of that that wasn't my path, that I felt that I wanted to. Share wisdom in a certain way, that I wanted to serve people in a certain way. And a big part of me felt that that wouldn't be realized through that lifestyle. And that doesn't mean that I knew that one day we'd have billions of views or that, you know, all that kind of stuff. Like it wasn't, it wasn't like numbers and it wasn't fame. It was just like, I feel this deep calling to be with people and serving this way and share wisdom in this way and teach in this way. And talk about movies in the way I talk.

• 1:15:27Jay Shetty?

  And I wanted to be immersed in mainstream culture. And as a monk, I didn't even know who won the World Cup that year. Like I didn't, I had no idea. And so that was a big part of it. And then my teachers also, I think, started to see that. I, I definitely consider myself a rebel and I think becoming a monk is one of the most rebellious things you can do because it's totally anti-society. But I think they could see that rebelliousness in me and they could see that I wouldn't necessarily last with that mentality as a monk. I think as a monk, it comes with a sacred, sacred commitment. It's a sacred commitment to what you're doing. And I think I realized and they realized around the same time that, that it wasn't like that. And, and I didn't realize that at the time, I realized in hindsight. And so when my teacher said to me that he felt that I should leave so I can share what I've learned.

• 1:16:12Jay Shetty?

  At that time, I hadn't yet admitted to myself that I even knew what I would do. And so that really felt like a breakup. It really felt like he was like, you know, it's not you, it's me. It's kind of like an awkward breakup.

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  Right, more, um, less relief, more like he was condescending to you?

• 1:16:28Jay Shetty?

  Correct, like because I hadn't yet admitted it to myself, it felt like I'd failed. And I think that's why what failure actually feels like when you haven't admitted something to yourself is it feels like failure. Whereas now I look back and I go, wow, I should have felt relieved. I should have felt like someone just opened up a gateway for me to, to go off and be myself. And, and I, I didn't know that then.

• 1:16:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:48Jay Shetty?

  So when I left, I was probably in the most depressed state of my life. I moved back in with my parents, everyone around me now saying, we told you so, you wouldn't make it like, and then, you know, other people.

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  What is making it, deciding to spend your entire life in the?

• 1:17:01Jay Shetty?

  Well, I think no one knows what made it mean for me, but it's, it's, what I mean is it's that perspective of like, oh, you couldn't even live as a monk? Like, why would you come back? Or like, oh, and who's going to hire you now? And I heard that.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:17:12Jay Shetty?

  Over and over again, like, how are you going to make money? Who's going to hire you? Who's going to talk to you? Like, will you be able to reintegrate? And it was hard, like. Hearing that noise as soon as you come back, rather than like, oh, we're so happy. Like, it wasn't like a welcoming party. And that's what my parents, my parents were very supportive. I'm talking about the external.

• 1:17:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, no, I got it. Yeah, I got it. But you emerge from that experience with a very powerful toolbox. And it's one thing to implement or practice those tools in the construct of a very controlled environment at the ashram versus trying to take them into the chaos of the world.

• 1:17:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  So what was that reemergence process like? And how do you think about the applicability of that timeless wisdom and that toolbox in terms of how we navigate the, you know, vicissitudes of the modern age?

• 1:18:02Jay Shetty?

  Well, I even fooled myself that the tools I'd learned were non-transferable. So in the, in the, in the immediate moment, even I, even after having all that training.

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  That was useless.

• 1:18:13Jay Shetty?

  I was just like, great, like, what do I do now? And, and, and it came from, again, the noise because I applied to 40 companies. And when I say 40 companies, I mean, I sent them all specific tailored resumes and cover letters. And I got rejected from all 40 before interview.

• 1:18:32Speaker 01

  Like ad agencies and marketing companies and investment banks?

• 1:18:35Jay Shetty?

  No, I'm talking about, yeah, investment banks, financial institutions, consulting firms, strategy firms.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  That's just the universe doing you a favor.

• 1:18:42Jay Shetty?

  True, but I didn't know that then. Like, you know, I was like, I can't rely on my parents forever. And my parents are not financially well off or, you know, so I can't just leech off of them. And I, I need to figure out how to make money. I'm 26 years old and what am I going to do? So I was applying to companies that would have given me a job three years before. And I'm struggling and I'm getting all these no's. And, you know, when you're seeing rejection after rejection after rejection, you really start to question what you have. But I realized that those three years, and I describe it this way, and the way you said it, that the three years being a monk were being at school. And the last seven years since I've left have been the exam. And I can genuinely say so far that every tool that I have tested from my monk toolkit works.

• 1:19:24Jay Shetty?

  And the biggest one or most, most likely, the most powerful one that I felt is, there's a beautiful verse in the Monosmiti I, I talk about in the book. And it says that. When you protect your purpose, your purpose protects you. And what I mean by that, and I will broaden purpose to mean what it needs to mean for anyone listening, you have to protect your strengths, your calling, your passions, your interests, your skills, you have to protect them like a precious jewel. Because the whole world will come at you and tell you that it's not a jewel. The whole world will come at you and tell you that it's worth nothing. And if you don't protect it, it can't protect your value back. And most of us, as soon as we get questioned, we just chuck the jewel out.

• 1:20:09Jay Shetty?

  We just chuck it away and we go, oh yeah, that wasn't worth anything. And then later on in life, you realize you threw away a precious jewel. So I love that verse because that's what I was being tested to do is I was about to go sell myself short and just go back into the world that I came from and just chuck out that jewel, rather than like, hey, I learned all these things, I wanted to serve, I became a monk because I wanted to serve. How can I still serve? How can I not just throw that all out and pretend that it doesn't matter? And how can I apply the discipline and the mentality and all of the great skills? Because guess what? When, surprise, surprise, no one wants to hire someone with monk on their resume for three years. And that's what I had, because they couldn't see the transferable skills. I had to see them. So they were thinking, oh, he's probably just gonna be really quiet in the office, right? Like, what is he gonna do?

• 1:20:54Jay Shetty?

  But I knew that that quiet was intuition. I knew that that quiet was solitude, not loneliness. I knew that that quiet was the power, that ability to read things, to read in between the lines, to connect with people. And so I ended up still getting a job at Accenture. That's the first thing I did. It came about nine months, 10 months after I'd left the ashram. For 10 months, I spent every day in the library, reading spiritual books, spiritual texts like the Bhagavad Gita, and then reading self-development books and business books and trying to reintegrate. So I spent about 10 months, literally, reintegrating. And then when I get my job, I remember they did an induction day. And you know, at these big companies, they have these induction days where they try

• 1:21:39Jay Shetty?

  and do team bonding. So my first day of work was a pizza making class with all 100 graduates who'd also been hired by the company. So I turn up at this pizza making class and I'm just like, what am I gonna do? Like, I don't drink alcohol, I've never gone back to drinking, so I still don't drink. Um. I was like, oh, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to eat half the pizzas that we make. And and how am I gonna engage? And how do I talk to people? And I remember being really uncomfortable that day because I was I was having to decide again who I was going to be in a world that I knew who I would have been before. And now with everything else I learned. So I remember just finding one or two people having a really deep, meaningful conversation with them.

• 1:22:23Jay Shetty?

  And I found my people and I found a smaller group, whereas I think if I'd gone before, I would have been the loudest person in the room and networking. I was I was totally different and and I'm still really close friends with one of the guys that I met that day and and I love it, you know, it's been it's been it was a Accenture was an amazing experience.

• 1:22:37Speaker 01

  So at Accenture, your job, was it originally or did you morph into this role as kind of this social media person there?

• 1:22:44Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:22:45Speaker 01

  I don't really understand how that what happened.

• 1:22:47Jay Shetty?

  So I I started out as a as an as an average analyst at the company where you just get

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  A typical job like.

• 1:22:52Jay Shetty?

  Correct, correct. And what happened is that in in our first year, they ran a competition where they were going to choose a group of people to be trained by some social media experts that they were working with to try and build the social media and digital department inside the company. Because that was new then. It was like a big, big area of growth at that time. And so thankfully, I got into the the twenty in the competition. And then I came out number one in the full competition and won. And so I got this coaching and this coach not only became a coach from a professional standpoint, he became one of my closest friends, named Thomas Power. He lives in London. And he just, I don't think he taught me everything about social media. I think he really opened my mind. He would constantly

• 1:23:36Jay Shetty?

  push me to never settle. So if we made a breakthrough or something like I got a promotion at the company, he would never see that success. He'd go, all right, what's next? What are we gonna build? Like, he would just be giving me gave me this mentality of just growth mindset, believing more was possible and just being able to apply all the tools that I'd learned. And so I end up creating this social media role at Accenture where I'm creating all of this content. I'm learning how the biggest brands in the world use social media. I'm working with executives on social media presence and understanding Twitter and LinkedIn. And I just get exposed to this incredible world and that's where I get to learn these skills.

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  Right. So that's basically, you know, the ashram for learning how to become this social media maven with unbelievable knack for creating virality.

• 1:24:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And it wasn't that. Like, I never created, you know, viral content while I was at Accenture, but it just started opening up my mind to what was possible, right? It was just like, oh, these are the tools. Feeling comfortable with failure, getting it wrong. It gave me a playground, right? It gave me an opportunity. And this is what, anyone who's listening in to this right now or watching this and you're working at a company, your company is giving you an opportunity to learn, to grow, to test. I learned so much about digital and strategy working at Accenture that I could never have got from reading a book or going to a course or a seminar, because it was there. Like, I was there with it every day with a company that was 500,000 people, you know, a global organization. So

• 1:25:05Jay Shetty?

  that's when I hear that people are dissatisfied with their jobs and their companies, my biggest question is, have you learned everything you possibly could from that place? Because the truth is, you could find a lot more meaning and passion in a place that you don't want to be in, because you realize it could be the answer and key to what you could do in the future. And there is so much to gain.

• 1:25:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a cool lens. So what's interesting about this is, I didn't really fully understand, like, that you kind of went into this corporate world before. I thought you kind of were hired as a consultant after you already figured out all this social media stuff and they hired you for that purpose?

• 1:25:40Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no.

• 1:25:41Speaker 01

  So that's fascinating. But what I think is really interesting here is... From an outsider's perspective, looking in, it would appear that so many of these timeless wisdom concepts don't square with living in the modern world. Like, when we think of detachment, we think of asceticism. When we think of competition, we think of the zero-sum game, etc. But I think when you peel back the layers, they're really highly compatible. So I'm interested in kind of exploring how you take these ideas into the world and how they inform your decision-making and kind of how you see yourself.

• 1:26:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. And there's a big difference between, especially from the Bhagavad Gita's point of view, but there's a big difference between detachment and indifference. And I think in our limited mindset, sometimes we think that detachment means indifference, or detachment means disconnecting. And actually detachment means, and I quote this incredible writer, where he said that detachment doesn't mean that you own nothing. Detachment means that nothing owns you. And when you look at detachment through that lens, it means can I use everything that I have for a higher purpose? Can I use it and engage it rather than be consumed and used by it? Now, granted, that's a very high platform to live on, and it's not easy. But

• 1:27:06Jay Shetty?

  the point being that detachment is not indifference, that detachment doesn't just mean, oh, I don't want anything to do with this. It's actually, how can I use this for more than what it's being used for right now? And that's what's known as, by Rupa Gasswami, he quotes, probably about 500 years ago, he created and coined a term called yuktaviragya, which means using everything for a higher purpose. So he talks about how real renunciation, real detachment, real asceticism, is how can I use this for something more than myself? And it's not about just getting rid of it. And I love that principle. And I think that that's a very... That's a very practical principle that we can all employ living in the real world.

• 1:27:50Jay Shetty?

  So for monks, detachment is real, like we didn't have beds, right? We didn't have a place that we slept. We slept in a different place every night. But if you're not a monk and you want to apply that same principle, this is how you think about it. You recognize that I don't want to be in a position where I am consumed by everything. Another addition to detachment is detached from the result focused on the process. That's another definition in the Bhagavad Gita that you're not attached to the fruits of your labor, but you're completely committed to the labor, the process itself. And that's something that we miss so often that we think being detached means not caring about what happens. Actually, it means caring about the process and not caring about the result. So when we're talking about writing a book and you know, you've written books and when you're writing a book,

• 1:28:35Jay Shetty?

  if you're writing a book and all you're thinking about is how many copies am I going to sell? Now you're not going to write a good book.

• 1:28:42Speaker 01

  No, you're dead out of the gate.

• 1:28:44Jay Shetty?

  Totally, you're dead straight away because all you're thinking about is how many copies am I going to sell? Is this going to rank? If that's what you're thinking about, you're now not present, which means you're not going to write a good job, a good book. Whereas if you were dedicated to the process, the result is a given. The result's a natural end to dedicating to the process.

• 1:29:00Speaker 01

  I fully get having a process oriented mindset and approach to everything that I do. On the higher purpose piece, what I find myself doing is, is diluting myself a little bit.

• 1:29:12Jay Shetty?

  Oh, for sure.

• 1:29:13Speaker 01

  Or perpetrating a little bit of denial, like perfect example, we're here doing the podcast. Now, I can say, and there is a sliver of honesty in, in this, that I'm doing this for a higher purpose. I am like, when I sit down for these conversations, I'm trying to be as present as possible and, and you know, deliver the best content that I can in service to the audience. At the same time, I'm profiting off of this.

• 1:29:39Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:29:40Speaker 01

  And I know that if I grow the audience, that then I can charge more and get more advertising.

• 1:29:46Jay Shetty?

  Sure.

• 1:29:47Speaker 01

  There is a very self-serving aspect of this.

• 1:29:50Jay Shetty?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:29:50Speaker 01

  And, and I'm always, you know, unsure about how those two worlds like butt up against each other.

• 1:29:57Jay Shetty?

  So intentions are all percentages. So what you just broke down, you may have, and this is me, everyone included, you may have a 50% pure motive and 50% impure motive. Or you may have a 75% pure motive and you may be 25% impure. The point is, it's a process of purification. But guess what? Running away from it doesn't remove the impure intention. Doing it, being humbled, seeing it fall apart, failing, growing, being told you're terrible and having to reprocess that, that is what purifies you. So the belief that if I run away from that which brings me down, you'll run away with it, like it stays with you because it doesn't become purified. And that's the process of purification.

• 1:30:42Jay Shetty?

  Like when you look at a muddy glass of water, it needs to be purified to be drinkable. And we're the same, we just get muddy. But with us, what happens is when you're in the world, when you're a monk, you're getting cleansed a lot every day. When you're in the world, it's described in India as to a dirty elephant. So the elephant goes and bathes in the water and then it rolls in the mud. And then it bathes in the water and it rolls in the mud. And it does this all day. And so that's what we're doing. When we have impure and pure motives, we're doing both. But guess what? When you're aware and you start being honest with yourself and what you just did was beautiful, you're like, this, I'm not going to be in denial. I'm not going to let myself delude myself. And what happens with that greater self-awareness, you'll get closer and closer and closer to being able to do things with a purer motive.

• 1:31:26Jay Shetty?

  And that may mean at some point that you're like completely going to detach from ads or sponsorships or whatever it may be. But that won't just happen if you stop that. That desire doesn't go away just because you don't externalize it.

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  Well, the irony is that the more, the more service minded I am and the more pure I am in my approach, the better it all is.

• 1:31:48Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:31:48Speaker 01

  And that ends up being more enriching.

• 1:31:50Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:31:51Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? So you can make the argument that, that somebody should be selfless and in service for selfish motives. Like you can be like, if I, if I'm trying to appeal to somebody who is a selfish person, the appeal is, well, if you're in service to people, your life will improve. So even if you're doing it for selfish reasons, it's still the right thing to do.

• 1:32:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, 100%. Exactly. That's it. That's exactly it. Hit the nail on the head. That's it.

• 1:32:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:18Jay Shetty?

  That's it. And if that's what gets you started, hey, that's what gets you started.

• 1:32:21Speaker 01

  So what trips you up? I'm like, now you're in the world, you're very successful, you've got a million things going on, the book's coming out, your, your videos are, you know, you've got billions of views and all this kind of stuff. I would imagine your life is lined with, with spiritual minefields all the time, right? I mean, you're being, we're all being tested, but you know, what are the tests that you're facing? And where do you still find yourself tripping yourself up? What is it that you're continually having to revisit?

• 1:32:48Jay Shetty?

  Well, I think the biggest test is, so since I turned 18, I've always had my two hour meditation practice a day. And when I was a monk, obviously we did more, but the majority of the quality of it happened in the day, in the morning. For me now, with my crazy schedule, one of the biggest things being tested is my routine, my, my depth, my quality. And you know, in, in, in the modern world, people may say, oh Jay, you meditate for two hours. My, my monk teachers would say, how deep were those two hours? Like, they don't care about the two hours. You know, they, they, they're talking about depth and quality, not quantity. So for me, the quality and quantity of my meditation is constantly being tested because there are supposedly more important things that I have to do,

• 1:33:32Jay Shetty?

  whether it's social media, whether it's audience, whether it's writing, whether it's doing, right? Instead of being. And so my being is challenged. And that to me is the, the biggest thing that I have to watch out for constantly is when I'm traveling, I have to prioritize my routine. When I'm moving around and I'm waking up later than I always am, or I'm on a plane for too many hours a day, I can't let go of that. And I think that I'm sharing that as a very real battle right now because that's what I'm grappling with. And so for me, that's that's a big one. And and I really think that my meditation is the uh is is where the purity comes from. Like, that's my bath. That's my purity bath every day. Like, you you miss your bath, like, you'll smell. It's the same thing.

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  Well, it's rigged that way. I mean, all this, all the being got you to this place. To where now you don't have time for the being because it provided you with so many gifts and opportunities.

• 1:34:23Jay Shetty?

  Correct. And so I'm just very uh, I'm I'm I'm saying this as much to answer your question as I am for my own vigilance. Like, the more I say this, the more I verbalize it, the more vigilant I become.

• 1:34:34Speaker 01

  Well, Goggins would just tell you to wake up earlier.

• 1:34:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and you know, like, I mean, that that's part of it. But I think it depends how, and and you may find this, I find that mentally creative careers or purposes are different. And and they require good sleep. Uh, and so I'm I'm a big believer. I'm a big believer in eight and a half hours of sleep. I sleep eight and a half hours a day. Um, I'm sleeping before midnight, usually by nine thirty, ten P M. To get my H G H uh to be maximized. And I think people, I know a human growth hormone for anyone who doesn't know, but I'm sure your whole audience would know. But sleeping after twelve, your human growth hormone is not having the moment that it could have. And so you're limiting the quality of your sleep when you sleep after midnight. So for me, I'm I'm I'm a big believer in figuring out your routines.

• 1:35:22Jay Shetty?

  So that's one thing. That's one thing that I'm challenged by. Another thing that I'm challenged by is uh, and I'm trying to share, I'm I want to give you real ones that that I'm grappling with rather than the obvious, easy ones of like, oh, there's so many opportunities and what to say no to and stuff like that. But uh, I'd say another one is is finding spiritual community. So finding deep community, I think, I've been very fortunate. I think L A has been good to me and we've made some really amazing friends here. But I think I go back to India every year to live with the monks. I take my wife as well. We go together every year. And that for me is my reconnection to remind me of how important that practice is. Because even while I'm here and I'm like, oh, I'm doing all right.

• 1:36:07Jay Shetty?

  I've been meditating every day. I'm doing good. I'm doing good. And then you go back and you go, oh, wow, like, you know, there's so much more that I've totally missed. So that kind of reawakening and humbling every year is really powerful for me. When you go and meditate with the experts and you're like, oh, okay, I get it. Yep, I've got a lot of work to do. And I think that. Looking in the mirror and you can only look in the mirror when you're surrounded by people who are practicing with greater depth. And so I think that's a real challenge as well of surrounding yourself with people who are aspiring for the same levels of depth.

• 1:36:40Speaker 01

  Right. And it goes back, you know, to kind of reiterate your sliding doors example to this experience you had, this blessing of being exposed to this monk at an impressionable moment in your life. Like had that not happened, your life would have had a completely different flavor to it.

• 1:36:56Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 1:36:58Speaker 01

  And it goes to this point of, you know, not only seeking out mentors, but putting yourself in a position where you're exposed to different ideas, right? Like you can't model or become something that you're not exposed to.

• 1:37:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. No, you can't. And that's the biggest thing, right? We've all heard it before. You can't be what you can't see. And I think we don't see, if we don't see enough of something, you don't realize how important it is. And that's why, I mean, the biggest monk approaches to everything are so powerful. Like we talk about routines. Monks have incredible morning routines, mindfulness and meditation practices. We know that, you know, some of the most successful people in the world, and you've interviewed some of them and I've interviewed some of them, and they've all got a deep meditation practice. You know, breath work is so powerful. Like I'm breaking this all down in the most simplest ways of how, even just self and service, like that to me as a concept of how monks

• 1:37:53Jay Shetty?

  live their lives of half self, half service, like all of those are such brilliant foundation points of how we can construct our lives to find peace and to live with purpose. Like there are these simple constructs that we can all adopt.

• 1:38:10Speaker 01

  Clarity is a superpower.

• 1:38:13Jay Shetty?

  Oh, for sure.

• 1:38:13Speaker 01

  As said by somebody we both interviewed, Yuval Noah Harari.

• 1:38:17Jay Shetty?

  Love you, right?

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  Who also has a, you know, strong meditation practice.

• 1:38:21Jay Shetty?

  He's a sixty day, he goes away, I think this year he did thirty or did he do sixty? He was telling me, we were talking just before and he... He told me he used to do 60 days and now because of his busy schedule, he still does 30 days.

• 1:38:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:38:31Jay Shetty?

  Every year. And I love that about him.

• 1:38:33Speaker 01

  And, and he will tell you, and I'm sure he told you as well, that his books are a product of that practice. Because he requires that level of solitude to develop the clarity that's necessary to write his books, which really are these 10,000-foot perspectives on how we live.

• 1:38:53Jay Shetty?

  Totally, yeah.

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  And it's one thing to be on a Vipassana meditation or in an ashram where you're stripped away of those distractions, but you know, we live in, in a world where the noise is overwhelming. And the distractions are not only omnipresent, they're, they're specifically constructed to be as highly addictive as possible. And this is an interesting dynamic because your work requires you to have distance from those things, but you leverage those mediums to basically, you know, to have this career that you have.

• 1:39:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And, and I think that it's a, it's a beautiful thing because the tools are not going to go away and social media is not going to go away. So, learning how to use it effectively. Like, I was just listening the other day, I really want to interview him too. I was just, I watched an interview with Jake, uh, Joe, uh, J. Cole the other day. I mixed him up with the football player nearly, but J. Cole, the rapper. I don't know if, yeah.

• 1:39:50Speaker 01

  I know he is.

• 1:39:51Jay Shetty?

  His music's fantastic. And I was watching it, and he's very reflective. And, and he was saying that he took a break from social media to get away. And he realized that when he came back, nothing went away. And, and, and this was the point that I'm making, that learning how to engage is more important than disengaging. And this is something that's missed. Disengaging is the first step to reengage more effectively. It is not the step and the final step. And I think a lot of us look at disengagement as the achievement or the final step, when actually, disengagement is the beginning step of effective re-engagement. Does that make sense?

• 1:40:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like that, actually.

• 1:40:31Jay Shetty?

  And I think that that's the mistake people make. People say, "Oh, I went on my social media seven-day fast. I'm going to be brilliant when I come back." No, because you haven't still figured out how to reengage. When I became a monk, it disconnected me from the noise. But my re-engagement into society has been more powerful because of the disconnection, but not seeing the disconnection as an end. And so... When you decide to disengage from anything, learn that actually re-engaging is the skill you want to develop. When you learn how to re-engage, reconnect, renew, like when you can do all of that effectively, that's when you win the battle. So for me, what helps me re-engage with social media is first of all, I am a creator, not a consumer.

• 1:41:13Jay Shetty?

  I consume to create, or I create and I don't consume. So what I mean by that is when I come onto social media, I'm going there to share or to infuse energy. I don't go there to get energy. And if I go there to consume, it's to learn to create better. So that's a very clear rule for me. I'm not a consumer of social media.

• 1:41:33Speaker 01

  You're not scrolling and looking at what everyone else is saying.

• 1:41:36Jay Shetty?

  Not in an unintentional way. Like I may follow you to see if you've interviewed someone and I'm like, oh, Rich asked that really good question. I won't ask that question. I can ask it from this angle so that that will help my audience, right? Like that's, that's consuming to create. Or, oh, Rich got that amazing guest, like maybe I should reach out to him, you know, that kind of like. And so I think being a consumer is important to being a creator, but it is not consuming just randomly and unintentionally. And even if I'm being random on social media, it's intentional. I'm like, I'm going random to see what comes up on my feed because I want to see what's winning. So that's one point. The other barrier that I've made is me and my wife have created no technology times and zones in the home. And we break this all the time, but, but it's a good rule.

• 1:42:19Jay Shetty?

  So we decided that we would not have phones, and, and I recommend this, to have phones in the dining room or the bedroom because it's more fun to eat and sleep with people. So don't, you know, don't ruin those spaces where there's time for bonding and connection and conversation. And I think most people these days are sitting in their beds, on their phones, on their devices, and then go to bed, right? Rather than talking or reflecting on the day, or asking someone how their day was, whatever it is that you want to do. So I feel like creating barriers and times have really helped me. And even if I fail at it sometimes and we don't always follow it, it's still a useful thing to have. The other thing I have is I make sure, and this has changed my life. Just don't look at your phone in the morning like that. Just the morning time is so powerful.

• 1:43:03Jay Shetty?

  So I wake up at six on on my best days and that's my my generic across the board, five days a week. And I don't look at my phone until eight fifteen when I go down to the gym. Because I'm meditating in the morning and I've got my my personal practices. So that just not looking at the phone in the morning. You're already now not starting the day as a consumer. You're starting the day as a creator.

• 1:43:25Speaker 01

  I think I heard you say that you lock your phone in your car.

• 1:43:27Jay Shetty?

  It's true. It's a true story. So I lit when I that was when I came back from being a monk. So when I came back from the ashram and I moved back in with my parents, I used to leave my phone and my laptop in the car locked in the trunk outside. Because I knew that if I kept it downstairs, I would trick myself into going to get it.

• 1:43:44Speaker 01

  Even after three years at the ashram.

• 1:43:46Jay Shetty?

  Even after three years at the ashram. Because that's how stuff this stuff is designed. But again, it was disengaging to learn how to reengage. And reengagement means rules. You have to set rules for yourself. You have to set rules that you can follow and rules that you can commit to. And I think the simplest one for me is if you don't like, and I don't know how you live, but I I live like in a my my life is very scheduled by the minute and the hour, even if it's free time or reflection time. And I like living like that because it doesn't give me an excuse. I don't really have many gaps in my day where I can just aimlessly do stuff.

• 1:44:23Speaker 01

  Well, it takes the decision fatigue out of everything.

• 1:44:26Jay Shetty?

  Correct.

• 1:44:26Speaker 01

  I mean, one hard and fast rule that I have that I break fairly regularly is I never schedule anything before twelve.

• 1:44:34Jay Shetty?

  Nice.

• 1:44:35Speaker 01

  So my morning time is meditation journaling. And then I go out and I train. And that's usually that's that's my solitude. That's an active version of meditation that involves trail running or, you know, going swimming or whatever I'm doing. But I give myself like, that seems very indulgent to most people. And I have the privilege of being self-employed. So I can do that and I understand most people can't do that. But by adhering to that rule, like I, you know, people will say, oh, can you do this conference call at nine in the morning? I was like, no, I'm not available until twelve. Sometimes I I, you know, I have to bend for that or whatever. But by making that kind of a parameter and a priority, that's improved my life tremendously.

• 1:45:17Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. Yeah, that's beautiful. And I think that, like you said, if there are people out there who can't make those decisions, make it in the power that you do have. So if that for you is you don't do anything before nine AM or if if your idea is you don't do anything on Sunday before noon, you know, whatever it is, like, find your mini version of that and see how that changes your life. You may not be able to do it to the degree of saying, I'll never do anything before that time, but you can do it one day a week. You can do it for an hour a week. You can do it for 10 minutes a week. Like, that expands. I feel like the better we use our time, the more time expands for us. And I think we feel time is limited because we often don't use our time effectively.

• 1:45:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. One thing I wanted to touch on with you is this idea of of element, environment and energy.

• 1:46:05Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. So I talk about how there are, yeah, there are three things that we're all missing in our lives or we're not aware. It's self-awareness. So the first is our element. And that, to me, is your your Dharma, your passion, your calling. It's when you feel you're performing at your best. It's what what what power, what power situation, but not not external, but what power mode do you find yourself in? So I love being in this mode. I love speaking on stage. I love reading, studying and learning. I love writing. I love synthesizing. Like, that's my power mode. That's my element. I love being in that element. Now, that comes with figuring out your Dharma and your passion and your purpose and everything we spoke about.

• 1:46:50Jay Shetty?

  The second area of environment is what environment do you thrive in? Now, the reason why I fell in love with your home is because I love solitude and I love silence and I love being alone. And so right now, it's just me and you. And I was just like, wow, like, this is really nice. And so my, I have an office for my team, but I work from my home office because I don't like being around lots of noise and people.

• 1:47:14Speaker 01

  Now, you gotta manage all these people.

• 1:47:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly, but.

• 1:47:16Speaker 01

  Driving the big social media machine.

• 1:47:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and it's hard. And so, you know, and I'm still, and this is what I mean by this is a challenge, right? Do you protect your purpose? Or do you give in? This is exactly it. It's like, I have to work from home. Because that is who I am. I I love being alone to create. I need time. I need space. I need. I don't, I I can't deal with too much distraction. I don't enjoy it. And so I've had to craft my life in a way to do that. And I hey, and just just to clarify, when I was at Accenture, I did not have my own office. I did not have a corner office. I did not have any office. I worked on the floor and I was able to do this then by putting on my headphones. Or by being very careful about who I spoke to and who I connected with. Or finding a space where I could build my own. So you can craft these spaces too, even if you don't have them.

• 1:48:00Jay Shetty?

  Uh, but environment, it's really important to know what environment you thrive in, because I think for most of us, our environment is just something we accept based on what we get. And we're not good at crafting. Environment could be something as simple as playing the right song. It could be uh, having the right background on your desktop because it brings you to life. It could be having crystals in front of you. This is an environment. When I walked into it, I was like, oh, books and crystals, my kind of, my kind of table, you know, it's like, there's so much, this is an environment and everyone can create their environment, whether they're at an office desk, whether they're in a cubicle, whether they're on the train, you have to create their environment. And finally, it's what energy do you vibe with? And what I mean by that is, you can look at it as simple as fast-paced energy or

• 1:48:44Jay Shetty?

  uh, slow energy, but you can also look at it as frequency of, do you succeed and are you more challenged when you're around people that are teaching you and guiding you, or do you succeed in an energy that is where you're teaching, like knowing your energy of uh, of power is so important. And I feel for so many people, their energy is low because they're constantly in low energy spaces. So places like bars and restaurants every day, of course you feel tired, of course you feel exhausted, of course you don't feel energized in the morning. It's probably one of the worst ways to end the day. And we think that it's decompressing.

• 1:49:27Jay Shetty?

  And actually, no, it's just depressing, right? It's like there's no decompression. There's just depression that comes with that because you just get exhausted. And your body and your mind are now dealing with what's called cognitive load. Because your mind in a bar is not only trying to listen to the person talking to you. Your mind is trying, your brain is trying to process all the other cluttered sound. Because it's trying to make sense of it. Now, guess what? Your brain doesn't realize for a long time that there is no sense in it. Because it's still trying to process, process, process. So it's getting drained. And so you have to know what energy you thrive in. And if you need a day to take care of your energy every week, you have to invest in that.

• 1:50:03Speaker 01

  Well, I think answering those questions, like grappling with like, what is the energy in which I thrive? What environment suits me? You know, what is my element? All of this goes back to self-awareness.

• 1:50:13Jay Shetty?

  Totally, all of it.

• 1:50:14Speaker 01

  You, you know, I think if you ask most people, what kind of environment do you thrive best in? I, I would venture to imagine that most people aren't really sure.

• 1:50:21Jay Shetty?

  They don't know. They don't know. And, and, and my answer is to that is that that's what I expect. And that's why I'm encouraging that because I'm not trying to give you the answers for you. Because I don't know and I can't know and no one can know. But what I do know is that if you ask yourself the right questions more often, you will very quickly find out, just like everyone knows whether they like Mexican food or not. It's the same thing. It's, it's not complicated. Like, it's really that simple. It's like you know whether you like Mexican food or not. Okay, you like Mexican food? Do you like burritos or tacos? You know the answer to that. Like, it's not complicated. And it's the same with energy and environment and element. It's just no one's ever asked us. No one's ever asked us, what's your favorite energy, right? Imagine being on a first date and someone goes to you, what, what environment do you thrive in? No one asks that. Everyone asks, what's your favorite color? What's your favorite food?

• 1:51:06Jay Shetty?

  What's your favorite movie? Start applying that same questioning to how you live your life. Ask that about people you meet. When you, you literally, I remember, I, I was given a, a very interesting offer once by a very wealthy individual. And, and I remember, and, and it would have been very lucrative for me. And I remember coming back from that evening and speaking to a very dear friend of mine. And he was like, how did it go? Because I was very excited for that meeting. It was very early in my career. I was very excited for that meeting. I don't think I'd ever met someone of, of that caliber before. And it was, it was quite a moment for me. So I told him how excited I was. And when I come back, when I got back, he said to me like, so how did it go? And I said,

• 1:51:51Jay Shetty?

  I said, I don't think I'm gonna work with him. And he was like, why not? It sounds like an amazing opportunity. It's lucrative, everything. I was like, I just didn't vibe with his energy. Like, there was just something about it that just, I didn't feel like, I felt like if I failed, he'd, he'd say, I told you so. And if we won, then he'd take the credit. And I just, that's not the kind of partnership I like. I like partnerships which are win-win, where we're supporting each other. And so it's so easy to judge that, but you'll forget that if you don't ask yourself when you walk out. See, when we walk out of parties, we talk about the food and the drink. We talk about what people were wearing. All useless information. We rarely go, do I like hanging out there? Or do I not like hanging out there? Do I feel energized or do I not? Those are much better questions to ask than, oh, did you like her shoes?

• 1:52:33Speaker 01

  Well, expanding that level of self-awareness to better understand how other human beings operate is incredibly valuable, especially if you're in a relationship. Like, if you're somebody who, who, you know, needs solitude, like you said.

• 1:52:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:47Speaker 01

  That doesn't mean that the person that you're with thrives in that dynamic. Like, that person may need something different. And being able to like, you know, grok that will provide you with incredibly powerful and important relationship tools to maintain that relationship. Otherwise, if you're expecting them to process in the way that you do, you're setting yourself up for a lot of problems.

• 1:53:09Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. So for me and my wife, it's a really good point, Rich. I'm really glad you raised that. For me, for me and my wife, she succeeds and thrives when she's around her friends and family. And I succeed and thrive when I'm, when I'm on my own, or with her, but on my own in terms of a creative way. And so we know that when I want that time, that's when she usually goes back to London and spends time with her family. Or when she wants to go spend time with her family in London, or has her friends over here, that's when I'm gonna get more time to do that. And so we found that we both require very different things, but we've tried in our relationship to time them, her for me and me for her, time them at the same time so that we both get that. And, and so I can be traveling alone.

• 1:53:52Jay Shetty?

  Like, I just went to New York for a week, but she was here and her friends had moved into our place for, for a week with her. You know, it's like, it's, it's finding out the things that work. And, and it's you supporting them to have that environment, and they support you to have your environment.

• 1:54:06Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:54:06Jay Shetty?

  Rather than like you saying, oh, well, I like being alone, so you should be okay being alone too. Like, we both know that doesn't work.

• 1:54:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Respecting that and also understanding that.

• 1:54:19Speaker 01

  That person has their own independent experience. And, and, and being in a place where, a healthy, a healthy place where you're trying to support that person in their own personal self-actualization journey, as opposed to making it like a compliment to your own journey, I think is important, right?

• 1:54:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:41Speaker 01

  It's important to be, to have your independence within a relationship and not be overly defined by the other person.

• 1:54:48Jay Shetty?

  Oh, 100%, yeah, couldn't, couldn't agree more. And I think with, with couples, that's the challenge. We look for similarities in likes and dislikes. You know, when you, when you're dating someone or you're meeting someone, you're always like, oh, do we like the same food? Do we like the same things? Do we both like being alone? Do we both like this? And you look for likes and similarities on quite superficial things that are not actually relevant to the quality of a relationship. What's, what's really the heart of a quality of a relationship is, do you have the same likes and dislikes as to how to build a relationship in terms of your values about a relationship?

• 1:55:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's about values.

• 1:55:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:26Speaker 01

  I mean, you, you can be, me, my wife and I are completely different in so many ways.

• 1:55:30Jay Shetty?

  Me too, yeah, us too.

• 1:55:31Speaker 01

  A lot of people are shocked that, that it works. And I mean, we've been together for 20 years.

• 1:55:37Jay Shetty?

  Congrats, man, that's amazing.

• 1:55:38Speaker 01

  We've figured a few things out, but it's because we share core values, even though from, you know, and from a surface perspective, we look very different.

• 1:55:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and core values, not just from the point of view of the deeper thing that builds you both, but I mean, core values of how you view a healthy relationship.

• 1:55:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:55:57Jay Shetty?

  Like, me and my wife both view a healthy relationship as one where we support each other to reach our own goals. That's a value in a relationship. It's not even just a value. Another value of ours is that we both know that We can trust each other that we're always acting for each other's benefit. Right? That's a value. We both share that. We both share the value of, once you sleep on it, it's done. We both have that. So when we've fought about something or we've disagreed about something, when we've gone to sleep, the next day, we're not bringing it back up as ammunition. It's gone. And we both had that value before we met. And so those are relationship values. And that's what you need, values that are similar or not just values in, or we both value spirituality.

• 1:56:41Jay Shetty?

  That's, that's there, but this is a deeper level of that.

• 1:56:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not about avoiding conflict or not arguing or not having fights over things. It's about how you process that and communicate to get to the other side and, you know, minimize the half-life.

• 1:56:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, I mean, John Gottman, whose institute is phenomenal.

• 1:57:00Speaker 01

  He's amazing. Have you been to the Gottman Institute?

• 1:57:03Jay Shetty?

  I haven't been yet. I met, I met a conference that we both spoke in. I can't wait to have him on my podcast. But John Gottman's done all the research on relationships and he talks about the number one skill needed to have a long-lasting relationship is not date nights, it's not walks on the beach, it's not flowers, it's learning how to fight.

• 1:57:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:57:21Jay Shetty?

  And, and when I read that in his work, I was just like, that is so true. I love that. Because you are going to fight, but most people don't know how to fight. And just as there's love languages, what Gary Chapman so beautifully explained, I believe that there are fight languages. And what I mean by that is there are fight responses or languages that you naturally have. So for example, my wife's fight language is she likes to be quiet, reflect and think and not talk about things until she processes. My fight language is totally the opposite. I want to figure it out right now. I want to open up. I want to extrapolate. I want to break it down. Guess what? In the beginning of our relationship, that really didn't work because she was quiet. And I was like, why are you quiet? Why are you not telling me what's going on?

• 1:58:04Jay Shetty?

  Have I done something wrong? And I'd be forcing her to share it and then she would share prematurely. And feel like she said something she didn't mean now, and now I'm upset at what I forced her to share with me. And so we really had to learn each other's fight languages. And I've learned that her fight language is better than mine. And so now the approach is she needs space, I need space, and we come back together and discuss it when we're both ready. And it sounds basic, but so many relationship issues occur because people's fight languages don't match.

• 1:58:32Speaker 01

  Mindful fighting.

• 1:58:34Jay Shetty?

  Mindful fighting, yeah.

• 1:58:35Speaker 01

  Well, fighting is the antithesis of mindfulness in the sense that you're being reactive in the moment. Like, something comes over us and we're just spouting whatever, and we're repeating these recursive patterns that are embedded deep within us. And to the extent that you could take a step back and deploy the skills that you learn through meditation and the experiences that you had in this ashram to create distance between your impulse and the next best move, you're taking out an insurance policy for a better outcome.

• 1:59:09Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. Yeah, I agree with that. It's really well said.

• 1:59:13Speaker 01

  Well, I appreciate you coming here to talk to me. You are an inspiration to me and to millions of people out there. The content that you're putting out into the world is definitely raising the vibration of consciousness, and that's what we need now more than ever. We need to bridge these gaps and learn how to communicate. Long-form conversations are one way to do it. The videos and everything that you kind of produce as really like a spiritual offering to the world, I think, is a gift. So, thank you for that. And I'm excited to see how this book is received by the world and what you decide to do next, my friend. And you've always got a welcome seat across from me here.

• 1:59:51Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, man. I was also gonna say, I've been schooled today on how to host a really good podcast. This has been, for my veteran, this has been a lot of fun. And it's, yeah, you're brilliant to talk to, man. I've really explored so many things today. So, thank you so much for helping me re-explore and learn and question so many of my own beliefs and values. I really appreciate anyone who can help me do that.

• 2:00:11Speaker 01

  Thanks, man.

• 2:00:12Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, man.

• 2:00:12Speaker 01

  So the book is Think Like a Monk, available everywhere. Support your local booksellers. But you can also, of course, always get it on Amazon. You can learn more about Jay at jshetty.me. He's a beast on Facebook, which is interesting because it's like, I thought we were done with Facebook, but you're like huge on Facebook. That's a whole other podcast. Just Google Jay Shetty. You can find him everywhere.

• 2:00:35Jay Shetty?

  Thank you, man.

• 2:00:35Speaker 01

  All right.

• 2:00:35Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much, Mitch.

• 2:00:36Speaker 01

  Peace. Hey, we didn't even talk about being vegan.

• 2:00:39Jay Shetty?

  We didn't.

• 2:00:39Speaker 01

  We'll do that next time.

• 2:00:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, next time. Yeah, we've got a lot more. We should do more stuff together regularly.

• 2:00:44Speaker 01

  Right on.

• 2:00:44Jay Shetty?

  That was great. That was awesome, man. Thank you. I hope that was good for your audience.

• 2:00:56Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd.

• 2:01:01Speaker 03

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami.

• 2:01:04Speaker 02

  They all keep the blame on me.

• 2:01:06Speaker 03

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 2:01:13Speaker 02

  What would happen if I stopped going? You start, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 2:01:17Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 2:01:20Speaker 02

  I'm not the first nanny.

• 2:01:22Speaker 03

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R, under 17, not a minute without parent.