3 Dates Every Couple Needs to Go On & 3 Conversations You Shouldn't Avoid

Today, I will be sharing a snippet from my book, 8 Rules of Love, that talks about the three dates that truly matter in any relationship including finding common interest and have fun together, learning what your partner values and respecting their choices, and being open about future plans. If you want to pre-order the book, 8 Rules of Love, go to https://8rulesoflove.com/ Key Takeaways: 00:00 Intro 00:03:01 The 3-Date rule 00:04:19 Having healthy and unhealthy disagreements 00:08:18 Personality 00:13:14 First Date: Have fun together 00:18:31 Second Date: Respect their values 00:25:44 Third Date: Share some ideas of the future Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have.

• 0:43Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop.

• 1:26Jay Shetty?

  AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements, and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:01Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. Often what happens in relationships is we don't ask enough interesting questions to our partners. And that's why our partners can feel boring, because we stopped asking interesting questions. And I really feel there's always another deeper, more intimate, more powerful question that we can ask to our partners. When you're learning those new things about each other,

• 3:30Jay Shetty?

  right, when you're having those moments of newness, that's what keeps things fresh.

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. I have loved seeing all your stats from Spotify Wrapped through to the Apple Listening, through to any platform on Stitcher, wherever you listen to On Purpose. I've loved seeing how many hours, how many weeks, how many months, how many years you spend listening to the podcast here. I'm so deeply grateful to you, I mean it. I bump into so many of you on hikes and walks and shops and whatever it may be throughout the week. And whenever you come and say you listen to On Purpose and you overheard my voice in store or something, it really fills my heart up.

• 4:26Jay Shetty?

  And I just want you to know how much it matters to me and how much it means to me. I don't take it for granted. I don't see it as normal. I see it as beautiful. And if you listen here, you know me, you understand me. And I'm really excited right now because I'm sitting here with the first copy of my new book that I've received, Eight Rules of Love. And it's such a beautiful moment when you've worked on something for two years to see it come to life. And I can't wait for you to read this book. This book has so many tools, so many frameworks, meditations, reflections, that are going to support you in your journey towards loving yourself, loving others, and then loving the world too.

• 5:12Jay Shetty?

  And I wanted to give you a quick sneak peek. I know that so many, already tens of thousands of you have ordered it. If you haven't already, please preorder it at eightrulesoflove.com. It really helps authors when you preorder because then the bookstores realize that this is exciting. People are excited and they make sure that we don't run out week one. So I'm very excited for the book to be in your hands as it is in mine right now. Hopefully you can hear it. That's me flicking through the book. But I wanted to share something that this book is not made up of things I've said before or interconnected. It's a lot of new content, new ideas, new thoughts,

• 5:54Jay Shetty?

  formulated through my coaching work, formulated by working with clients, formulated by ancient wisdom and modern science being paired up. And today I wanted to share with you a concept, a sneak peek from something in the book. And it's because I feel like we always hear how the key to relationships, the key to a healthy relationship is communication. But often we're thinking, well, what do we talk about? Right, like, what is it that we should be talking about? And in the book, I create something called the three-date rule. And I believe that these are three dates that every couple has to go on. They're not three dates that have to happen as your first three dates. They're not three dates that have to follow each other.

• 6:40Jay Shetty?

  They're just three really important conversations that need to happen in a relationship in order to protect, create, and build love. I think a lot of us feel that avoiding discomfort, avoiding conflict, avoiding uncomfortable situations is the root to a healthy relationship. I think it's what we've learned from the media. It's what we've probably been told by parents. It's probably what we've seen also, because if you grew up in an environment where there was always conflict, where there was always fighting and arguing, we become so averse to that,

• 7:20Jay Shetty?

  not realizing that maybe we were exposed to an unhealthy version of it as opposed to a healthy version of it. Right, so so often, we don't realize that there can be healthy debate and disagreement, and there can be unhealthy debate and disagreement. I remember, I was, okay, now you get to realize what a dork I am. I used to be on my high school's debate team. Yes, that's right, I said it, I was on my high school's debate team. You can think whatever you want to think, I learned some really good skills. So, I was on my high school's debate team. And at the time, you know, when I was a teenager, I was one of those people that just loved to win for winning's sake.

• 8:03Jay Shetty?

  And often when I would debate, I would find the key argument of my side, or I'd find the key flaw in the other side, and I would go for it, and I would often win. My debating coach at school, I had a debating coach, yes, that's right, I know you're laughing, it's fine. He said something to me that really has stuck with me. He said to me that, Jay, I know that you win, but he said that, do you want to win the debate with the other person?

• 8:35Jay Shetty?

  Or do you want to learn how to have a healthy debate in your mind? And that's been some of the most profound statement that I've ever heard. He was like, do you want to know how to make sense of internal debates and internal conflict that you have? Or do you just want to beat the other person? He said to me that if you truly, truly want to learn how to debate, you should know the opposing side's stance as well as you know your own. Most people who know how to debate, they deeply understand their approach and then they understand the flaws of the opposite side.

• 9:18Jay Shetty?

  But he was giving me this fresh perspective that if you really wanted to learn how to win inner battles, inner conflict, inner debates, then actually knowing both sides deeply, understanding both sides more deeply, made you far better at debating. And now no matter the outcome, you'd actually won internally. So the reason I'm sharing this is I learned that there was a healthier form of debate. I learned that there was a healthier form of managing conflict. And all of a sudden, I was really excited and inspired to learn. Now, I'm taking that from debate at school into our relationships.

• 9:59Jay Shetty?

  If we've only ever seen bad arguments, if we've only seen abusive, toxic language, it's very hard for us to want to walk in to a debate or a disagreement and figure out how to do it healthily. So I want to encourage you all to have uncomfortable conversations. I want to encourage you all to have challenging conversations in a safe space, setting the environment first of learning and growing. These conversations that I'm encouraging you to have are not fights, they're not disagreements, they're not debates. They're actually encouraging you to learn and grow. When we get into a relationship, we often see it as a space for enjoyment and pleasure.

• 10:43Jay Shetty?

  We want to enjoy the other person, we want to please the other person. That's what a relationship can be like. And often, as time goes on, we realize that the enjoyment can drop and we can stop having the desire to please them. But that's where the learning and growing needs to start. And learning and growing has something more beautiful to share than just enjoying and pleasing. And learning is the missing link between like and love. If we want to move from like to love, there's learning right in between. So these three dates, these three sets of questions, the sneak peek I'm giving you from Eight Rules of Love is a technique I set up to help you understand.

• 11:26Jay Shetty?

  So the first thing that we want to learn in the first date is their personality, because it's the easiest thing to spot, understand, and connect with. Do we like their personality? Do we enjoy their company? Do we like being around them? Notice how these are all different questions. Often the questions we're asking is, do they like me? Do they think I'm interesting? Do they think I'm hot, cool, whatever it may be, right? We're not sitting there going, do I enjoy their company? Is this bringing out the best in me? Do I believe that their personality allows me to share my personality?

• 12:10Jay Shetty?

  Now, I read an incredible study that I have to share with you because I really wanted to inform how you do this stage. As you know, in my book, in my podcast, I get very specific, I get scientific, I share studies, I share practical tactical tools, which is the difference here. We're not just talking about ideas, we're talking about insights that can transform your life. And this study showed that for someone to be seen as a casual connection, we have to spend 40 hours with them. Forty hours makes someone a casual connection in our lives. Mind blowing. The study goes on to say, 100 hours makes someone a good friend. Not a best friend or a great friend, a good friend.

• 12:54Jay Shetty?

  And the study concludes that 200 hours of time spent with someone makes them a great friend, a deep friend, an intimate friend. The question you have to ask yourself when you're dating, or when you're with someone, is am I curious to spend 200 hours with this person? Am I intrigued? Do I like who I'm becoming? I think one of the biggest questions, and this is one of the biggest myths out there that I want to bust, and I want you to share this with all your friends, because I know they're hearing this. So many people are hearing the advice, make a list of what you want in someone. That's when you'll know you've found the one. Make a list when you, make a list of exactly what you want and manifest it.

• 13:37Jay Shetty?

  Make a list. You want them to be tall, dark, handsome, funny, smart, pretty, beautiful, whatever it may be. Make a list. That's what people say. I'm here to tell you that that list can often limit you away from love. The list I want you to make is, how will you be the best version of you in love? How will you know you're in love because the best of you will come out? What does it look like when you're at your best? How do you feel when you're at your best? Is that how you want to feel in love? That's what you're looking for. You're looking to feel those things, because guess what? Otherwise, someone might be kind, they might be funny, they might check everything off that list, and you still won't feel how you want to feel.

• 14:22Jay Shetty?

  So start with, what is it that you will feel? Not what they'll make you feel. How do you think you will behave? How do you think you will act in a healthy relationship? What do you think will be brought out of you when you're in a healthy relationship? That is a much better metric. That is a much better measure for how you'll know you'll be with the right person. Because often, we're able to be a different person for 40 hours. Maybe we might even be good enough to be someone else for 100 hours. But you can't pretend to be someone for over 200 hours. Or if you've tried, it can be really tough.

• 15:07Jay Shetty?

  It can be really challenging. And so, I don't want you to pretend to be someone you don't want to be for 200 hours. Because you have something more to offer than that. So I don't want you to make the list of what you want in a partner. And I also don't want you to make the list of like, who you're gonna be in a relationship. Oh, I'm gonna be loving, I'm gonna be this, I'm gonna become everything. That's good too. But I want you to go a step further and go, how do I know I'm behaving at my best? How will I act when I'm at my best? If I feel like someone's bringing the best out of me, what does that look like? What will that feel like? Like, I know that I would be driven towards my purpose.

• 15:49Jay Shetty?

  I would feel energized daily. I would feel happy in the morning and evening to be with them. I would be excited to see them. I would feel comfortable opening my heart and talking about what I'm really going through. I would be patient if they're really important to me. That list is gonna transform how you view the potential partner you're with or the partner you're dating right now. So the first date is, do you have fun together? Do you enjoy each other's company? Remember, this isn't your first date chronologically. It's a date that needs to happen in your mind. Does conversation flow?

• 16:33Jay Shetty?

  What makes you comfortable and what makes you uncomfortable? That is an important question. What about your partner makes you feel uncomfortable? And asking yourself, before you challenge them on it, before you poke it out and put it out in front of them, asking yourself, why does it make you feel uncomfortable? Does it make you feel uncomfortable because of trigger you have from your parents? Does it make you feel uncomfortable because of something you've adopted? Or is it important to you? This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location.

• 17:18Jay Shetty?

  In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours may Twenty seven hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life.

• 18:00Jay Shetty?

  State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores from the produce department to the aisles.

• 18:44Jay Shetty?

  It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online.

• 18:59Jay Shetty?

  Often, our rage or anger or frustration with our partner is adopted from our parents. If our parents found something annoying about their partner, we can often find the same thing annoying about our partners. I know someone whose mom was always upset that their dad came home late from work. Now, the person I know really loves their partner and loves how hard they work. But in the beginning, they used to get triggered. And they'd be like, why do you always come home late? And their partner would say, well, you know what I've been working on? We talked about it like I thought, I thought we were really aware that we're committed that this year we're really working harder so we can save up so that we can, you know, move into a bigger place. And they'd be fine with that answer and that would connect with them.

• 19:44Jay Shetty?

  That's what how they felt too. But there was still this internal trigger that was pushing them there. So when we find or discover our uncomfortability, we first want to ask, where is that coming for us? Is it really true to us? If the answer is yes, like this is actually an issue for me personally. This is something that makes me feel uncomfortable. Let me raise that. The first day is to find out if you really enjoy each other's personalities. And I'm going to give you some questions that I think are beautiful to ask in a first date. What's something you love to do? Most people have never asked this question. Do you have a favorite place and why? Why is as important as what? Is there a book or a movie you've read or seen more than once? I love this question.

• 20:28Jay Shetty?

  It says so much about them. You learn so much about them. And that's the key here, right? Like, love is learning. Learning is love. If you love someone, you want to learn about them. I remember that I was traveling recently and different groups of people came up to me. And we were taking pictures and talking. They listened to the podcast and they read Think Like a Monk. And they were saying how excited they are for the next book and all that kind of stuff was going on. And there were a few people who had no clue who I was, right? Like, no idea, no idea. And then they came up to me and then they were like, what do you do? Like, you know, and then they they asked for a picture too. But I was like, you don't know who I am.

• 21:13Jay Shetty?

  Like, you don't know what I do. This is really weird. Uh, but they were like, what do you do? And it was really interesting that because they saw people show me love, they wanted to learn about me. And that's what I think is really interesting. I'm just taking that as an idea that if you love someone or if you want to love someone, learning about them and continuing to learn about them is so key to a relationship. And often what happens in relationships is relationships become old, old, which means you've had an old relationship and you only know the things you knew about them 10, 20 years ago. Have you got that friend where they thank you for the same thing over and over and over again from like 20 years ago?

• 21:57Jay Shetty?

  Or your only memory that you ever talk about is from school? You haven't made any new memories. That's an old, old relationship. I want you to have new old relationships, which is you're learning new things about someone who's been in your life for a long time. When you're learning those new things about each other, right? When you're having those moments of newness, that's what keeps things fresh. This is a great question. What is occupying your thoughts most at the moment? What's something you wish you knew more about? I love this question because no matter how long you've been with someone, I did this with Radhi the other day. We were both trying to pick books we want to read. Actually, we weren't. We were, we're actually having this conversation and I was like, what is it that we want to know more about?

• 22:40Jay Shetty?

  And she asked me, actually, she was like, do you know any books in this area? And I started Amazoning books for her and sending her stuff and got it all wrong. And she knew what she wanted to read. And then I was like, oh, wait a minute, what, what do I want to read about this holiday season? Like, I'm gonna, you know, be traveling, have some downtime, like, I want to read something, I want to learn something. What's the best meal you've ever had? I love that conversation, especially if you're with a foodie, as my wife is. So these are not interview questions, right? This isn't a conversation where you're interviewing and interrogating, you're also sharing, you're also revealing. So make sure you have your answers ready as well. And use it as a point of starting healthier conversations. I think we don't ask enough interesting questions to our partners.

• 23:25Jay Shetty?

  And that's why our partners can feel boring sometimes because we stopped asking interesting questions. And I really feel there's always another deeper, more intimate, more powerful question that we can ask to our partners. Okay, date two.

• 23:42Jay Shetty?

  Again, this could happen at any point. And this one is all about whether you respect their values. I am a huge, huge proponent of values. Everyone has values, whether they know it or not. And our genuine, realist values are where we spend our time, where we spend our money, and where we spend our energy. We may think we have different values, but that is our value of where we spend that. Now, you may have a reason why you spend your time there, why you spend your money there, that underpins that as your deeper value. But we have to be really honest about, it's not just about intention. It's about where our actions are with our values as well.

• 24:26Jay Shetty?

  When I talk about respecting your partner's values, there's something really interesting here because a lot of the times, we like their personality, but we don't respect their values. We would like their values to change. Sometimes, we would like them to value what we value. If you want your partner to value what you value, you are devaluing them. If you want your partner to love what you love as much as you love it, they're going to feel that they don't have time to love what they want to love. Your partner doesn't have to love what you love. They have to love the way you love it. That's the key, right?

• 25:10Jay Shetty?

  Your partner doesn't have to love what you love. They have to love the way you love it. So when I think about Radhi, Radhi loves food. I like food, I enjoy it. I can't love food the way Radhi does, but I can love the way she loves it. I love the way she gets excited about sharing a new recipe with me. I love the way she makes videos and talks about food. I love the way, so I love what she does with it. Similarly, Radhi doesn't love what I do as much as I do. She can't, it's not her value system. But she loves me for loving it. She loves how I feel when I'm teaching and guiding and coaching and all the work that I do. And so I really want to help you understand that respecting someone's values is asking yourself, do I like how this person operates in the world?

• 25:55Jay Shetty?

  Can I appreciate why they operate that way? And that's often the question of like... You may not be able to respect someone's value before you understand why they value it. Right? Like, that's the key. Like, you can't just respect someone's value because you're a respectful person. You respect someone's value because you understand deeply why they're so committed to it. And often in our partnerships, we don't understand why deeply, because our partners may not understand why they deeply are connected to it. So you can gently encourage your partner, share meaningful stories and details about their life, take turns with these questions, and make sure again that it's not an interview. In fact, if they hesitate over a question, you might say, "I know it's a hard question, I'll go first."

• 26:39Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, I think that's the part. Often, our partners have an answer, and we say, "Oh, well, that's the end of the conversation." It has to be self-disclosure as well, right? Escalating self-disclosure is a really important tool, and it's a slow build. Sometimes, when we're ready to share, we think it's the right time for them to open up as well. But people do this at their own pace, in their own time. Ask questions and listen carefully to the response to gauge if the person is hesitant. Give them openings to change the subject, asking, "Is this too heavy a topic?" Or, "Would you rather not go there right now?" I think, I think that's the caveats that are needed, right? Like, if you're forcing your partner in a direction versus encouraging them, and by the way,

• 27:24Jay Shetty?

  I literally will have this with Ravi all the time. I'll say, "Hey, is now a good time to talk about, you know, your goals for 2023? Do you want to talk about that?" And she'll be like, "No, no, no, Jay, like, I don't want to talk about it right now," right? And, and that's beautiful. I, I can't force her, and I may say, "Well, I'm ready to talk about mine. Let me know when you're ready to listen." Right? So, here are some questions for date number two to respect their values. Who's the most fascinating person you've ever met? Right? Shows you what they value, without even asking them their values. What's the most out-of-character thing you've ever done or would like to do? Great question, because it makes you go, "Oh, if that's out of character, that's not their character." Have you ever had a big plot twist in your life? How did you deal with it?

• 28:07Jay Shetty?

  If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on? Ah, I think that's a real value driver. Notice I'm giving you questions where you're not just sitting down and going, "What do you value? What are your values?" Right? Because that can be uncomfortable. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done? What is a tough thing you dealt with in your past? What makes you proud? Big one, what makes you proud is usually what you value. And what would you do if you had enough money to not need a job? Shows you what they value. And these values are things you respect, are things you remind them of. They're things that you can continue to use to grow that relationship. It's information and insight that you can remind that person of.

• 28:48Jay Shetty?

  When they're losing passion, when your partner's losing interest, when they've lost a bit of steam. These are the things that you remind them of. You're not just giving them random advice like, oh, maybe you should do this. Or maybe you should do this. My friend did this and it helped them. No, what were their values that they've lost connection to? It helps you become a better partner and it helps you know whether they're the right partner for you. You're never going to have the same values as someone exactly. You're never going to want to spend your time in exactly the same ways or do exactly the same things. Can you respect why your partner wants to do what they want to do? Can you find the middle ground, being flexible with each other? Flexible and adaptability towards why?

• 29:31Jay Shetty?

  Like Radhi and I, I love spending time relaxing sometimes on the beach and I also like doing activities. Radhi likes doing activities sometimes and she can be pretty happy doing almost anything. And we've realized that when we go on vacation, we do one day activity, one day rest at the hotel. One day activity, one day rest at the hotel. And that became a system and a rhythm that we use in order to respect her values. She knows I need to sleep and relax sometimes. I know that she'll go with the flow and she's open to new ideas. But she also wants to have a good time and be active, right? I know that Radhi will never trade on a workout every day. It's a big part of her mental health routine. So I know she's not going to do that. So I will never plan a meeting around Joyo.

• 30:15Jay Shetty?

  Oh, by the way, thank you for all the love for Joyo. Anyone who's in LA who's supporting Joyo at Air One, I'm so grateful. And we are trying to get it across the country. So we're working on that, everyone else. But like, I would never plan a Joyo meeting during Radhi's workout because I know how much that's a non-negotiable for her. And I may change my workout to go to a work thing because I value my purpose as well deeply. But that doesn't mean I'm expecting that of my partner. I'm not saying, wow, you don't value it enough, right? You're finding the right time to do things around both of your values. And often, we just want people to change their values and value what we value. Okay, date number three.

• 30:56Jay Shetty?

  Date three should occur when it feels natural to share some of your ideas for the future. Just as you don't need to share the same values, you don't need to have the same goals. One of you might have your whole life mapped out, me, and the other might still be exploring, Radhi, what gives their life meaning. On date three, you can try out some deeper questions, such as the ones listed below, and I'm going to share them with you now. But before I do that, this is all about, am I committed to helping you achieve your goals? That's the question. That's the difference between love and friendship. In friendship, you support your friend's goals. But in a relationship, you're committed to helping your partner achieve their goals. You want to see them get there all the way. You're going to be there, helping them get there all the way. And so you have to know what their goals are. I think this also applies to things like kids.

• 31:41Jay Shetty?

  I know so many couples who've been together for like three to five years before they talk about kids, only to realize their partner doesn't want kids at all, and they really want kids. That conversation could have been had a long time before. And I'm not saying you would have not been with that person. It's just having an uncomfortable conversation without the emotions of five years is a lot easier in the first five months. Even if it feels awkward in five months, I promise you, it's more awkward in five years when you realize your partner doesn't want a child. And now you're thinking, wow, have I wasted time? Do I need to change? What do I do? Right? And so conversations like, do you have a dream you'd like to fulfill one day? A job, a trip, an accomplishment? What would you like to change about your life?

• 32:26Jay Shetty?

  If you could meet anyone, who would it be? Is there a single moment or experience that changed your life? And looking towards the future, is there something that you think, I don't know, that you might want to do in like 10 years' time that is really important to you? I think that we often think about questions like, what's your plan for the future? Right? And it's like, it's not a plan, it's learning about someone's goals, where they see themselves, what they want to do. That will very well give you so much more insight in a relationship. And the question we're asking is not, do I like their goals? Or do I want to change their goals is, do I want to help them get there? Do I think that that's beautiful? Do I think this is a beautiful person who has beautiful goals? And do I want to help them get there? And their goals don't have to be big. Their goals don't have to be to build a billion dollar company.

• 33:11Jay Shetty?

  Their goals don't have to be to save a city or a country. Like, their goal doesn't have to be that, right? I think we think about goals and achievements as these big overarching things. Their goal could be simpler. And it's not about the complexity or the simplicity. It's about whether you want to help them get there. So those are three dates, three conversations that I deeply, deeply, deeply want you to have in your relationship. And don't avoid these. Even if they're uncomfortable, even if they feel awkward, find a healthy way. And that's the key thing here. Don't raise them as interrogations. Don't raise them as interventions. Don't raise them as accusations. Raise them with affection. Raise them with intimacy. Raise them with connection.

• 33:56Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for being here for 2022. I promise you, 2023 is going to be an even better year for On Purpose. This year was unbelievable. The growth's been incredible. Your support's been phenomenal. But next year, we'll be going to another level. And I hope you're going to join me. I hope you're going to be with me. I want you to have an amazing holiday season. And we're not stopping. You know, On Purpose is on twice a week, every week, all year round. You get 104 episodes a year in 52 week year. We don't stop. And we've got a whole catalog now of three and a half years of content. You've got over 300 episodes to listen to, to catch up if you haven't already. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you.

• 34:42Jay Shetty?

  I'll see you soon.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company informed me of the explosion on our rig.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  On October 2nd.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Tom Cruise is.

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stop, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  I'm not the first then.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a minute without parent.