Selena Gomez ON: Befriending Your Inner-Critic & How to Speak to Yourself With More Compassion

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. Today, I am talking to a good friend and celebrity, Selena Gomez. Selena is a globally and culturally celebrated artist, actor, producer, entrepreneur, and philanthropist of her generation. As a recording artist, Selena has sold more than 210 million singles worldwide and has over 45 billion global streams. Her upcoming biographical documentary, Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me, is out right now. In 2019, she launched her beauty line, Rare Beauty, exclusively with Sephora. As part of the partnership, Selena announced the Rare Impact Fund pledging to raise $100M for mental health services for individuals in underserved communities. Philanthropy and activism have been key pillars of her career and she's used her platform to advocate for many important causes. Selena has raised millions of dollars for charity including Global Citizen and Lupus Research Alliance. Selena bravely tells her story about her long battle with mental health and how this led to her life mission to help spread mental health awareness around the world and provide mental health services for the less privileged. I get to deeply understand her inner thoughts on topics such as dealing with pressure of being a celebrity and the gossip that comes with it, finding self healing, embracing change, being one with your inner self, and living day by day being content, kind, and full of love to share. Life isn’t a simple journey, but despite the complications, challenges, and struggles, we can always find it in our hearts to tap into our inner good and be compassionate, especially to ourselves. What We Discuss: 00:00:00 Intro 00:04:21 Selena Gomez: My Mind & Me documentary 00:06:59 Sharing our darkest secrets with others 00:10:04 Befriending your own inner critic 00:13:39 Learning to be more compassionate towards yourself and others 00:18:59 Taking control of your own story 00:26:04 Getting asked frustrating questions 00:24:39 No one is perfect, even celebrities 00:27:40 How do you deal with imperfections? 00:33:03 Areas in your life that made you who you are 00:35:07 Embracing change 00:39:36 Mental health awareness 00:43:59 You have to be aware of people 00:48:10 How do you deal with fears? 00:51:23 What is your intention? 00:56:13 Sometimes parents project perfection around their children 00:59:57 Pain, suffering, growth 01:06:09 Wondermind - mental fitness 01:09:30 You’ll figure it out, keep going 01:12:18 Missteps parents may have taken 01:23:07 Producing the series 13 Reasons Why 01:27:50 Selena and Mandy on Final Five Episode Resources Selena Gomez | Website Selena Gomez | Facebook Selena Gomez | Twitter Selena Gomez | Instagram Selena Gomez | YouTube Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on Calm Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Confidence isn't something Mazda finds, it's something they practise. That's the thinking behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features designed to help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with the road ahead. It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand and has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus Awards than any other car brand as of July 2026. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too?

• 0:45Jay Shetty?

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• 1:28Jay Shetty?

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• 1:49Speaker 01

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• 2:18Selena Gomez?

  There's blessing in the breaking, even if it's just road rage. As simple as that to maybe losing someone that you love. There is no perfect way to heal.

• 2:34Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come here every week to become happier, healthier and more healed. And you know that I love sitting down with guests who allow us into their lives, who allow us into their journeys to understand more, to help us not feel alone, to help us feel connected in our pain and in our purpose, and to recognize that we have so much more in common and that when we work together, we can truly find the light in our lives. Now, today, this episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come.

• 3:18Jay Shetty?

  Orange Theory Fitness provides a one-hour workout to build strength, burn fat and build muscle with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangetheory.com slash onpurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage in studio for details.

• 3:42Jay Shetty?

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• 4:25Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the chance to step outside of our routine. Travel is a way of slowing us down and shifting our perspective. And with the Chase Sapphire Reserve card, every journey becomes even more rewarding. Earn four times the points on flights and hotels booked direct. Enjoy access to award-winning airport lounges, three times the points on dining, and reserve exclusive tables. Learn more at chase.com/sapphirereserve.

• 5:07Jay Shetty?

  Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, N A member FDIC. Subject to credit approval, terms apply. Today's guest is someone who I believe does this with every step, every word, and everything she takes on in her life. I've had the fortune of getting to know her over the last few years, and I can honestly say that not only is she one of the most genuine and kind-hearted people I know, she's also just one of the most loving and soulful people who truly wants to change lives. I have to start the episode by saying this. I believe today's guest is someone who's extremely on purpose. I'm speaking about the one and only Selena Gomez,

• 5:48Jay Shetty?

  one of the most globally and culturally celebrated artists, actors, producers, entrepreneurs, and most importantly, I know to her, philanthropists of her generation. As a recording artist, Selena has sold more than 210 million singles worldwide and has over 45 billion global streams. Her upcoming biographical documentary, which I want you to go and see, Selena Gomez, My Mind and Me, is out right now. I got to see it earlier, I'll tell you all about it. And in 2019, Selena launched her beauty line Rare Beauty exclusively with Sephora. As part of the partnership, Gomez announced the Rare Impact Fund, pledging to raise, this is outstanding, pledging to raise $100 million

• 6:32Jay Shetty?

  for mental health services for individuals in underserved communities. Philanthropy and activism have been key pillars of Selena's career, and she's used her platform to advocate for many important causes. Selena has raised millions of dollars for charity, including Global Citizen and the Lupus Research Alliance. Please welcome to the show, Selena Gomez. Selena, it is so wonderful to be with you.

• 6:58Selena Gomez?

  That was so nice. I felt very like... Emotional and I felt so, I felt so honored. Thank you for saying those kind words.

• 7:06Jay Shetty?

  I, I meant every word. I think whenever I've sat with you, we've always had a conversation about purpose.

• 7:13Selena Gomez?

  Yep.

• 7:13Jay Shetty?

  Always had a conversation about service. Always had a conversation that's reflective. But I wanted to start with this because I, we are going to talk about lots of deep and meaningful things today.

• 7:22Selena Gomez?

  Yes.

• 7:23Jay Shetty?

  But I also wanted to start with this because it's my first memory of meeting you and you've, you've probably forgotten this, but at least for me.

• 7:30Selena Gomez?

  Oh God, here we go.

• 7:32Jay Shetty?

  Okay, so you'd come over for dinner. That was the first time we met. And I remember that we were about to eat. My wife had made dinner for us. And we say a prayer before we eat. But the prayer is chanted and sung somewhat in Sanskrit, which is a language that, that a lot of prayers are in for, for my practice. And I remember having to do it in front of you. And then afterwards, opening my eyes and go, I just had to sing in front of Selena Gomez.

• 8:02Selena Gomez?

  I actually do remember that.

• 8:03Jay Shetty?

  Do you remember how bad it was?

• 8:04Selena Gomez?

  Yes. You were like, I don't know if I should sing in front of you. It was like, please, I thought it was beautiful. I thought it was amazing. And also just to say the food was incredible. I remember that more than anything.

• 8:18Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Well, I wanted to start off by just saying to you that I truly believe that this documentary is so special, genuinely.

• 8:25Selena Gomez?

  Thank you.

• 8:25Jay Shetty?

  It is, it's powerful. It's inspiring and it's the work that we so deeply need right now. And your voice in the conversation, the global conversation around well-being and mental health is the most powerful voice there is. It really is.

• 8:46Selena Gomez?

  Thank you.

• 8:47Jay Shetty?

  And so when you put out a piece like this and you let us in, it only strengthens the conversation across the world. And that's something that you're doing. So I want to just start off by saying that from the bottom of my heart, I'm so grateful to you.

• 9:00Selena Gomez?

  Thank you for saying that. I think that is a huge part of why I decided to release it. After having an internal battle, I mean, daily at, at one point, maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I shouldn't release it. And this is too honest. This is too much of myself. And so I realized that ultimately it was meant for something bigger. It wasn't just about me. It was about.

• 9:28Selena Gomez?

  Other people and it took a life of its own and became what it is now, which I'm still nervous about and I'm still anxious about. But I think releasing it is a huge healing, a healing process for me and it's me letting go of that version of myself.

• 9:47Jay Shetty?

  Wow, that's so powerful to hear that. I mean, when I hear you say that, that I feel like you're one of these people that you serve in order to heal and you give in order to let go. And that's such a beautiful cycle because I think often we think when we're going through things that the more insular we go.

• 10:09Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 10:09Jay Shetty?

  But you're someone who opens up.

• 10:11Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 10:12Jay Shetty?

  And says, here it is.

• 10:13Selena Gomez?

  I think, you know, being in moments in my life, whether it was my health or personal life, friendships, relationships, I feel like giving myself completely to something is just the best way I can love. But I never wanted the pain that I endured to put some sort of guard on myself and armor, if you will. And I never, I never let that happen because I still believe and I still hope. I hope for love and I hope for healing and I hope for change. And I never want to lose that. Of course, there are days where I feel so far away, but I would rather continue to get my heart broken than to not feel at all.

• 10:59Jay Shetty?

  That's the greatest sign of strength. I mean, that is such a powerful statement. And I think with a statement like that, you're encouraging so many people to feel heard. I mean, I think most of us feel far away from those things.

• 11:12Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 11:12Jay Shetty?

  And we're scared to admit that. I mean, you start the documentary with the promise of, I'm going to share my darkest secrets.

• 11:18Selena Gomez?

  Yep.

• 11:19Jay Shetty?

  And when I heard that, I thought, wow, like. I was thinking, Selena, what was, why is it that when we share our dark, what happens when we share our darkest secrets? Not just for you, but for any of us. When you're with your friends, when you're with your families, like, what, what does that do?

• 11:33Selena Gomez?

  I think at first, it's frightening. But I feel like if you surround yourself with people who support you and love you, you have to be careful with who you share your story with. I think that can be dangerous. Sharing something that maybe was really hurtful, or sharing a story about your internal struggles to someone who may not be giving you the right advice, or guiding you another way that will only lead you to more pain is scary. So first and foremost, I would say, making sure you surround yourself with great people. And then I would say, learn everything there is to learn once it's out. Once you say, okay, I'm dealing with depression, then find out every single thing you can about

• 12:18Selena Gomez?

  what that means. And when you have a relationship with depression, as opposed to, you know, allowing it to keep sinking and inside of you, it's, it's a little bit more freeing. I think to understand yourself better. I want to know what triggers me. I want to know why I get depressed and start asking yourself questions to open up yourself instead of, you know, it's easier said than done, though, I should say, but instead of, you know, keeping it in, I find that the biggest reward is letting it go.

• 12:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I, I think there's that statement in the documentary that says, you said your mom would always say, if you're afraid of something, learn more about it, and then your fear will go away, or something according to those.

• 13:03Selena Gomez?

  She definitely did that when I was younger. I lived in Texas and we were huge with the tornado scene. That was what was happening and I was terrified. So I would bring like a cross and I'd bring like a big pillow and I'd lay in my bathtub because that's what I Googled is supposedly going to help. And my mom would just kind of smile at me and she, the next day, I remember she got me a bunch of books and it was all about thunderstorms and different clouds and formations and all this stuff. And she just, she just told me, she's like, It's not that scary, you know, it's especially when you know that it's just a part of the world.

• 13:45Selena Gomez?

  And I, I guess they are still scary, but now I understand what happens and yeah.

• 13:51Jay Shetty?

  But I love how you're applying that to depression. You're applying that to different things in your life.

• 13:56Selena Gomez?

  I completely agree with, I mean, my favorite thing that I say in a documentary is that I, I have bipolar. I just, I learned how to live with it and I just have made it my friend because that's truly what it can be to me now.

• 14:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And tell us about that process of when you first discover something like that, like you said, it's easier said than done. The voices are so loud. There's so much inner judgment.

• 14:21Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 14:21Jay Shetty?

  You know, our inner critic is so painful to live with. And now when you're saying, oh, I'm trying to work on making it a friend, which is a beautiful transition. Tell us a bit about that journey of inner critic to inner friend.

• 14:35Selena Gomez?

  Well, to be honest, I've been to four treatment centers and I have a lot of opinions on, you know, rehabs, if you will, or, you know, places to go. There's a lot that I don't agree with. But what I will say is throughout all of it, learning lessons through dialectical behavior therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy. There's something that's always been embedded in me throughout all of those different moments in my life. And that was always to recognize when something was happening to me, accepting it.

• 15:15Selena Gomez?

  And I think once I realized that this was something that wasn't going to go away. This wasn't something that was going to be fixed by going to these places. It was more so. What can I know about myself? Okay, if I, if I kind of go down this road, I'm gonna get triggered and I know that feeling and I know how to avoid it. However, I go to therapy. I also have, you know, medication that I fully am on, that I believe in full-heartedly. And it helps me stay balanced. But I still have to deal with it, you know?

• 15:56Selena Gomez?

  I still have days that are pretty low and moments that I'm just too over the top. And I'm like, I wanna buy everyone a house and I wanna save the world. But I just have learned to kind of understand it. And the best part about that is also my family and friends, learning how to live with it, too. They can be great friends to me in that way. And that took a lot of time as well.

• 16:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, these are such, you know, I, I know that you do so much work in this space, but today, when I'm hearing you share all these insights, and they genuinely are insights, they're so powerful because even you just saying like, I had to realize that I don't have to fix it, or that it's not gonna go away. Like, these things make difficult things livable with.

• 16:45Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 16:45Jay Shetty?

  Uh, and when we look at the seasons, or we look at the weather, it's like, you know it's gonna rain one day, and you know it's gonna be dark one day, you know it's gonna be sunny another day. And when you know that, you stop trying to fight it and change it.

• 16:57Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 16:58Jay Shetty?

  You can accept it, which it sounds, from what I'm hearing from you.

• 17:01Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, I mean, it's taken me a long time. It's, um, that's not six years, that's probably 10 years in reality. But it, it really, it's really been interesting and I feel better and I feel great now that I can talk about it.

• 17:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, the thing you keep mentioning today is letting go. And I think all of us are trying to know. How to let go of old selves, old parts of ourselves, or parts that don't serve us anymore. And I remember when I, when I lived as a monk, some of the areas that we'd live in, there were often we'd come across a lot of snake skin. And we'd always use snakes as an analogy of how we leave behind. So snakes don't break out, they don't rip their skin off, they slither out. And their skin just kinds of like falls away. And then we would naturally not find snakes thankfully and find snake skin. But that analogy was like really resonated with me.

• 17:59Jay Shetty?

  The idea that when we're shedding, when we're letting go, it's not an aggressive process. How did you learn to become compassionate and calmer with yourself? Because at first, we can really feel like we're trying to break something off.

• 18:12Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, I think I tend to blame myself when I can't let something go. I feel maybe something is my fault, or I should have done more of this or less of that. And it starts to become, you know, just like a really, I kind of turn sad. One thing I've noticed when I watched the documentary back for the first time, I didn't even recognize that girl anymore. And it broke my heart because I was talking about my body and my image. And, and I just hate that I ever felt those feelings. And I think because I have a younger sister,

• 18:57Selena Gomez?

  there's been this huge responsibility given to me in a way that has helped me. And I say this about my fans as well, or, or people that have, you know, grown with me. I've almost had to get back up every time, more so for them than myself. And that's something I've learned to. Really understand it's it's healthy to wanna be strong for other people, but I needed to recognize I needed to be strong for myself. And that took a while and it took things like making myself uncomfortable and changing my my thought process, changing the things I watch on TV, changing the music I'm listening to,

• 19:42Selena Gomez?

  little things that I can adjust that will perhaps change my mood or make me feel better instead of worse, you know?

• 19:52Jay Shetty?

  It is some of these small things, isn't it?

• 19:53Selena Gomez?

  Yeah. Oh my gosh, I love scary movies, but I can't watch them all the time. I'm like happy and I'm like, guys, let's watch a scary movie. Everyone's like, why? Why on earth do you wanna do that right now? And you're kinda like, yeah, you're right.

• 20:04Jay Shetty?

  Do they manage to persuade you?

• 20:06Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, most of the time, but it was Halloween, so I got my way for for a few weeks.

• 20:10Jay Shetty?

  You did? What did you end up watching?

• 20:13Selena Gomez?

  Oh, we watched Halloween, we watched Freddy Krueger, Nightmare on Elm Street.

• 20:19Jay Shetty?

  Which one ruins your mood the worst? Like which one?

• 20:21Selena Gomez?

  Oh, my goodness, probably like Hereditary, something really dark. But it was it was fun. It was Halloween. We were just celebrating.

• 20:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, there's I always call it cliffhanger chemicals.

• 20:32Selena Gomez?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:32Jay Shetty?

  I feel like when we watch things that put us in the states of anxiety

• 20:36Selena Gomez?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:37Jay Shetty?

  or stress, we release all these cliffhanger chemicals. And now you're like, well, why can't I sleep?

• 20:43Selena Gomez?

  Yep, exactly. Why am I having bad dreams?

• 20:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, Ravi's like that. So my wife's like that.

• 20:47Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 20:48Jay Shetty?

  She can't, I have to, she always gets really excited to watch things like that, too. I'm like, Ravi, we can't do this, because you will not let me sleep for the rest of the night.

• 20:56Selena Gomez?

  That's so funny.

• 20:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, but I I think it's really beautiful to hear you say there's these little changes, because I think that's what people feel hardest to change. And I think when I watched the documentary, the the greatest challenge you really empathize with is having to do this when every time you're in a car and then every time you get out the car, there's cameras, there's people, there's opinions, there's, you know, that's something very few people can relate to. But I think what's so brilliant about the how the documentary is made is that you really feel like we're living that with you.

• 21:30Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 21:31Jay Shetty?

  And so you're like, wow, even though I can't relate to what Celine is going through, I can understand how it must be really challenging and really stressful. And so What's it like having to deal with all of this that all of us are dealing with too, but you're dealing with it with an added layer of, you know, exposure?

• 21:48Selena Gomez?

  Yeah. To be honest, I don't know any different.

• 21:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 21:53Selena Gomez?

  That's what's really scary. Sometimes I think that's really sad and other times I just think, well, this is what I've been given and this is the path that I, I want to continue to walk in. And I know any moment I can, you know, quit and walk away and, you know, that's just not really how I was raised to be. So maybe if it had happened to me later in life, I would have had a different outcome. But because I was raised in it, I, I really had to learn the hard way on how to deal with it, on how to not give, if you will, that clickbait that people want.

• 22:35Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 22:35Selena Gomez?

  And I mean, I, I think I do my, I do my best to try and eliminate these negative stories or this, or other people illustrating my journey. It just, I interrupt them with my truth and that's what I will always continue to do. And that's what this documentary does as well. It's, it's going, it's going to be me taking control of my story and no one can change that or say any different.

• 23:03Jay Shetty?

  I, I actually, I'm so glad you addressed that because I've always found that with you, that you always lead with love, even in those areas.

• 23:10Selena Gomez?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:11Jay Shetty?

  And, and I always am so in admiration of that and in awe of that.

• 23:16Selena Gomez?

  Thank you.

• 23:16Jay Shetty?

  Because I see that whenever there's a narrative that, whenever there's any narrative, your, your choice will always be to lead with love and inject love into that.

• 23:23Selena Gomez?

  Absolutely.

• 23:24Jay Shetty?

  And to recalibrate. When did you find the strength to start taking control of that narrative? Because I think that's an amazing skill that today people need it more than ever. But when, yeah, when did you start developing the confidence around that, needing to do that?

• 23:39Selena Gomez?

  Um, I would probably say I started beginning to gain that confidence when I went through a breakup and that's something that was super public. But all of those things that I had felt so bad about myself and just so terrible. Every day I wanted to debunk those feelings. I wanted to take control over.

• 24:07Selena Gomez?

  That narrative, because I did feel that way. But the greatest gift I got from all of that was me actually being honest with people, sharing my story and gaining the confidence to know I am enough and I actually work really hard at being a good person and I know I'm a great person. And when people paint these unnecessary stories, it actually gives me pleasure to to just combat it with love, like you said, or kindness, you know, I think it's it's actually fun for me because it's

• 24:48Selena Gomez?

  it is who I am. I don't, I don't, I can't waste my time if I'm to be honest with everyone in this room. I don't want to waste my time being upset or

• 24:59Selena Gomez?

  taking in all of the negative things that I hear online. And I don't even hear it. It's it's just what it gets really bad. Other people tell me and then I see inhumane things happening and people talking negatively about other women and it just drives me absolutely crazy. And I think I'll just always be that kind of person. And I would say I'm grateful for my past because it's made me a lot stronger.

• 25:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, I want you to know that, you know, we see you for that.

• 25:30Selena Gomez?

  Thank you.

• 25:31Jay Shetty?

  Like it is, it is, whenever you do that, I am

• 25:36Jay Shetty?

  completely mind blown because it requires so much self assurance. It requires so much commitment to your truth and then also for for everyone else. So thank you so much for leading the way, even in that like, no, it's so hard to do. It's so easy to it's so easy to be defensive. And you've found, because it's your truth, you've found a way of

• 26:03Jay Shetty?

  Sharing your truth without making it defensive.

• 26:05Selena Gomez?

  Mm hmm. Of course. I mean, thank you. I don't know if I intentionally do it, but it works really well. So I'm sticking to it.

• 26:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, stick to it. Don't change it. Teach it.

• 26:16Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 26:17Jay Shetty?

  Teach it. The new masterclass. Yeah, no, I genuinely mean that. Genuinely mean that. Hey, everyone. It's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my On Purpose Podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jayshetty.me and get yours today. How many times a day do you have to switch tools and jump from document to document

• 27:02Jay Shetty?

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• 27:43Jay Shetty?

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• 28:29Jay Shetty?

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• 28:38Jay Shetty?

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• 29:21Jay Shetty?

  And then you can invite your top choices to apply. ZipRecruiter is so effective that four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it now for free at this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com/OnPurpose. Once again, that's ziprecruiter.com/Onpurpose. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. One of the things that comes through in the documentary is we're just getting full access, like that's what it feels like, like full access at all times. And we get to see all of your relationships. And you get to see the relationships that are

• 30:04Jay Shetty?

  long-term, you get newer relationships, you get all these different people who are interacting with you. And they're interacting with you in every element, like we get to see you straight after an interview, straight before an interview. And I could tell there was a time when you feel a bit of angst because you get asked. Poor questions.

• 30:23Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 30:24Jay Shetty?

  Or like, you know, and I could see that in you. And that really hit me because the reason we set up this conversation, this podcast in the first place was I was hoping that it would be a place where people like yourself could share your true purpose.

• 30:38Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 30:38Jay Shetty?

  And seeing you share on screen just how hard it can be to deal with just, does it minimize the work you're trying to do? What happens? Tell me what happens when you're asked.

• 30:49Selena Gomez?

  I actually just feel like insulted sometimes. And like, I sit in what I worked, I mean, I work so hard. I love what I do. I love my job. I love talking about my job. There's different facets of my job that I love talking about for different reasons. And when I sit down and I have to do press from, you know, starting at 8:00 AM till, you know, whenever the night ends, it's frustrating. You want to spend that time talking about meaningful, meaningful moments. And I just, I wanted that to be in the documentary because I felt like I know that a lot of artists,

• 31:34Selena Gomez?

  maybe not everyone, but I know a lot of artists and people in my position feel that way. And I hope that it will only, you know, maybe shift that a bit and maybe stop asking people what word you associate with marshmallow and maybe ask them how they're doing.

• 31:54Selena Gomez?

  You know, maybe just having a bit of an inspiration to do more and be better. And, and yeah, it actually is pretty crazy because that, that happens. It's weird.

• 32:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it is really weird.

• 32:05Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Jay Shetty?

  And it's, it's interesting because I feel like there's such a trend that's been created about asking people clickbaity, buzzy, you know, moment questions. And then you think, well, this is a human.

• 32:16Selena Gomez?

  Totally.

• 32:17Jay Shetty?

  With emotions and ideas and views. And, and I think often people think, oh, well, I've only got them for 10 minutes. So I better just ask them all this stuff. But you, you forget that. That there's a whole person behind that. The documentary really humanizes you. What parts of you did you really want people to understand better or see more that you think they haven't been able to see over time?

• 32:41Selena Gomez?

  Just, I guess, where I was meant to be. I, in the beginning, it really made me kind of sad. I, I wanted it to be a documentary that was really fun and about me doing this big tour. And instead, I felt so bad because we were filming these really intense moments. And then I had to stop filming. And I think I really ultimately wanted people to realize that I'm not really that put together. I, I can be, and I feel much better now. But I don't want people to ever look at me and think she has it all and she's figured it out.

• 33:24Selena Gomez?

  And she is, you know, perfect or whatever. I, I hope no one thinks that. But I, I just don't ever want to be that kind of public figure. I want to be someone that hopefully could be a friend, that could just disarm you from the celebrity-esque part of it. I just want to be someone that people can genuinely walk up to and say, hey, I kind of, I understand what you walked through, I did too, and have a conversation with.

• 33:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, why, why is that important? Why do you think it's important that, I guess for a long time, your people did consider celebrity to be perfect? Or maybe it was- This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process. And once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn.

• 34:37Jay Shetty?

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• 35:23Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. Portrayed that way sometimes, maybe it wasn't, but why do you think it's important for people to see that? No one in the world, including me, anyone we're talking about, there's no one who's perfect, but why is that so important?

• 36:07Selena Gomez?

  It's important to me because I felt like I had to be. When I was, you know, when I was going through relationships, I felt like I had to be a certain way. That's why in 2016, I was talking about my body and talking about my appearance and talking about how, oh, everyone's going to see me as this Disney kid. No one's going to take me seriously. All of those moments, that's kind of where, yeah, that's where all the confusion came from for me. Yeah.

• 36:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. No, that does make sense. That's a really fascinating answer because, yeah, it's almost like you've had to live that way. And then you're kind of unpacking it for everyone and breaking down that image that's created. And I think that definitely comes across. One of the things that... Stood out to me in that unpacking of the perfection element that you're talking about. We're so scared of imperfection because it reveals there's parts of us that are not ideal by some external comparison or by some internal trigger or some past experience where we we have that feeling.

• 37:27Jay Shetty?

  How do you now deal with your imperfections? Like, how do you feel about parts of you that that are not perfect?

• 37:34Selena Gomez?

  I'm OK with that. I actually think a lot of who I am are just a few things that are not perfect. Even down to my laugh. Sometimes I used to be insecure about my laugh. Or, you know, the fact that I'll always talk during a movie. Or, you know, I'll always do something miniscule. And I think little things like that make me happy because I feel like everybody else in the world. You know, for example, a very small example. But this Halloween, I was I was a banana. And I and I and I genuinely just like got the cheapest outfit,

• 38:19Selena Gomez?

  put it on and roam around Times Square with my friends and have the best time. And everyone kept sending me these memes because every everybody else kind of went all out. And maybe I could have painted my face and done a little more. But everyone looked really sexy and fun. And and literally, I was a banana. That's basically sums up who I am to a T. And it was that that to me means that I don't have to be perfect all the time. I'd rather be that girl.

• 38:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And how does that apply to work? Like, how does that perfectionist mindset work in terms of like music or creation or acting? Like, because that's beautiful in your personal life. It sounds like there's this acceptance of. You know, we can be, uh,

• 39:07Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 39:08Jay Shetty?

  We can be more in flow.

• 39:10Selena Gomez?

  Mm hmm.

• 39:10Jay Shetty?

  But then how does that apply to like writing or creating or building like?

• 39:15Selena Gomez?

  Well, I think how I I don't, I I, well, I always say this in any session. There are no stupid questions. I always have to say that out loud because sometimes I genuinely will think, well, what does this mean? And how can I unpack this and create a a song from this? Or how do I unpack this scene and do the best I can? You know, there are mistakes that happen in the studio and on set that actually end up becoming a part of it. You know, me messing up a line actually ended up being funny and we kept it in the show. Or, you know, there's something I said in a lyric that was wrong and it ends up being the biggest hook that we've got.

• 39:59Selena Gomez?

  And I and I look for those moments.

• 40:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:02Selena Gomez?

  I crave, I crave those moments.

• 40:04Jay Shetty?

  That's a great example. I love all of those.

• 40:06Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 40:06Jay Shetty?

  And it just, that's what feels like magic.

• 40:09Selena Gomez?

  Mm hmm.

• 40:09Jay Shetty?

  Right?

• 40:09Selena Gomez?

  Definitely.

• 40:10Jay Shetty?

  Like, it's it's when the imperfection can somehow become a part of the process.

• 40:15Selena Gomez?

  Yep.

• 40:16Jay Shetty?

  Where you're just like, wow, this, this, this actually feels like we got somewhere.

• 40:19Selena Gomez?

  Mm hmm.

• 40:20Jay Shetty?

  And so I think when we start, I love that idea applied both personally and professionally because I think even the parts of ourselves that we consider to be imperfect, the parts of ourselves that we consider to be broken, when you start seeing use in those, when you start seeing purpose in those, it's.

• 40:40Selena Gomez?

  I always say that there's, there's blessing in the breaking. And every moment that you encounter in your life, even if it's just road rage, as simple as that to maybe losing someone that you love.

• 40:55Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 40:56Selena Gomez?

  There, there is no perfect way to heal. There is no perfect way of dealing with something. It's more just, how am I going to be a better person? How am I going to make the best choice for myself so that I don't end up angry at that person on the highway? So that I don't end up ruining my day because of what someone did to me on the 405? You know, I, I want to also say that how can I turn something like losing someone I so dearly love into, well, how can I celebrate that person and the great things that they're? That they provided me or that they gave me. That takes a lot of work, so I don't say that lightly.

• 41:40Selena Gomez?

  But I try my hardest to do that. And I try to have my friends hold me accountable to reminding me, hey, let's try to flip this and try to turn it into something else.

• 41:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think what I'm gathering from listening to you is that, again, it's you're not saying I've arrived and this is how I think now. You're saying this is what I'm trying to practice. Like, this is the, this is the approach that I'm mining in my own life and

• 42:08Selena Gomez?

  Absolutely, this is practice. Every day is practice. I even said it last night at the premiere. I was saying, I don't, I don't have anything figured out. I am definitely not like, I'm sold, I'm good. It's, it's more just, this is a continuation. My story is not done and I can't wait to find out what's gonna happen next. And doesn't mean it's gonna be easy. And sure, there's gonna be bumps that happen, but I'm gonna learn how to live with them.

• 42:38Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, as someone who's so committed to moving forward, what did it feel like going back to like your school? And, and all these old places, I won't give away too many, but in the documentary, you go and visit.

• 42:48Selena Gomez?

  I love that.

• 42:49Jay Shetty?

  What does that do?

• 42:50Selena Gomez?

  Well, going home is, is like, to me, it's, it's untainted territory.

• 42:57Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 42:57Selena Gomez?

  It is safe. It is simple and kind. Where I'm from, it is all about, you know, being together, loving each other. I go home and people are like, welcome home, Ms. Gomez. They're not, you know, treating me any differently. And I enjoy, and I enjoy visiting, you know, what made me who I am. And it always gives me the, a good sense of, of like, oh, I hope I can inspire people from where I'm from, because there's not a lot to do where I'm from. But I hope I can inspire just one person to do something bigger than that.

• 43:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, was there any particular place that you went back that almost gave you a? A special feeling or something surprised you that you're like, oh, I didn't think this was gonna be.

• 43:42Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, well, my snow cone place. I really, I loved that place. I would go with my dad all the time and my cousin and we would get the pickle snow cones with like, you know, grape in it and it would just be so yummy and amazing. And it just, you know, brought me back to when it would be so hot in Texas and I was with my family and we would just stop there and sit outside for an hour and just talk and it was just the best.

• 44:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's, that's, that's great to hear. I think there's always, I, I have this park in my hometown. It's called Brumfield Park and it's, it's still charming to me, even though I don't think if anyone else went.

• 44:22Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 44:24Jay Shetty?

  They'd be like, okay. But, but when I go back, I know where I used to go and buy my, my ice cream from and you know, where the truck would be. And there's, there's all these special moments that you, that almost, but it, it sounds like, again, like, it sounds like, it's not like you're like, oh, I missed that. It's almost like that was a part of me and it's a beautiful thing, but now I'm happy to be new. And even today, when we were just walking over here and we were talking about just you finding places that

• 44:48Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Jay Shetty?

  fuel you.

• 44:50Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 44:50Jay Shetty?

  Uh, and you, it seems like you've become open to saying, okay, it's okay that life is changing and transitioning.

• 44:58Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 44:58Jay Shetty?

  And there's new places that feel more like home than old places.

• 45:02Selena Gomez?

  I hate change. I really do, but I felt in the past year, which is pretty, just, it's pretty new.

• 45:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 45:13Selena Gomez?

  I have really, really embraced the uncomfortableness of change. And I think it's because I get so exhausted of the same thing over and over again. And it scares me, but I did learn that my world can be bigger. Uh, by being in a different destination. I work, um, on my show, Only Murders in the Building. It's in New York where I shoot and I never, I've never spent more than a week or two in New York and I'm there for months and. Just that alone was an uncomfortable, you know, experience.

• 45:55Selena Gomez?

  But I loved it and I loved the friendships I made and the knowledge that I was gaining, the people I was around, the park and walking and just how like precious life is. It's celebrated, there's culture. It just becomes addicting to to wanna put yourself in these situations and see what happens. So I will say in the past year, I felt more comfortable with change and I'm grateful for it. And I just, I'm gonna continue to do that and I want that.

• 46:30Jay Shetty?

  How did, how did you get comfortable with that discomfort? I guess in the first place, if you're someone who said, you know, like hated change, didn't like change, like what? I guess obviously naturally work and everything like that. But was there something internally where you're like, okay, now I need to? Because you've done this, you've done uncomfortable things your whole life, right?

• 46:47Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 46:47Jay Shetty?

  Like you've had to do so many difficult things, whether it's going on tour when you're young or transitioning careers, you've constantly done uncomfortable things.

• 46:55Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, but I think I had always kind of returned to the same behavior and the same pattern of maybe, well, I'm nervous of going out because I don't wanna be seen today or I'm gonna just stay in because I feel anxious or I don't wanna go out to that event because I don't wanna get seen. I just, I was, I was finding myself just being terrified of the world and that just isn't a way of living. And it's easy to go do a job because, well, I, I'm with a bunch of people, they help me look good, I do my job, I smile and I'm done. But taking spontaneous trips or, you know, getting out and going to the Balboa Park,

• 47:38Selena Gomez?

  which is a very simple park, just doing that kind of stuff is necessary. And I, I noticed that New York really helped me.

• 47:49Selena Gomez?

  It just really opened me up. The show is really great and I think being around a bunch of New Yorkers, it does something to you, man. It's good.

• 47:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, one of the biggest changes in atmosphere that you talk about in the documentaries, you go to Africa.

• 48:02Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 48:03Jay Shetty?

  And that's like a, that's a big change.

• 48:06Selena Gomez?

  Definitely.

• 48:06Jay Shetty?

  Even if it's a shorter period of time, but you were still there for a

• 48:09Selena Gomez?

  I was there for a week, yes, but I mean, that definitely wasn't the first time that I had taken trips.

• 48:17Selena Gomez?

  In, in the, in the vein of wanting to go for a mission and it was one of the most beautiful moments of the film for me because we actually thought we were just gonna make a quick little video about, you know, what we were there to do. And then we fell in love with the people, we fell in love with the story and we started noticing that everywhere in the world, mental health is very, very real. It's very much something that's affecting everyone. And then you kind of realize that the world is, it's a small place sometimes

• 48:59Selena Gomez?

  because you're all kind of walking through pain and you're all looking at things in a different way, but ultimately you all wanna be happy. And I felt like they inspired me more than I could have done anything for them. It was a really beautiful trip and yeah, it was one of my favorite moments of the film.

• 49:21Jay Shetty?

  People don't always understand how mental health exists ever in the world. When you said that they're also experiencing mental health, what was their experience of it compared to what we would understand as our experience in the US or?

• 49:32Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, well, I was, I was talking to a woman named Betty and she was, you know, basically kind of the person touring, giving us the tour around the village and the schools. And she was lovely, but when we stopped to have a conversation, we just were sitting down and she, she told me her story and how she was dealing with suicidal thoughts. And then how she went to a lake and sat there for two weeks contemplating.

• 50:06Selena Gomez?

  Not a day or an hour of moment, it was two weeks. And that was something that I felt floored by because that's different. Obviously, we can have those thoughts, but she dismissed herself from everyone. And she had to find it with herself when so many people don't need to walk through that alone. But she did, and she did it well, and she's proud of it. And now she is in an incredible school and she is going to grow up to be the best influence for her village, for her sisters, for everyone that she's around. That's so, so special. And I, I'm just having those conversations with someone from across the world.

• 50:51Selena Gomez?

  It's mind blowing. You don't really know what people are walking through until you do stop and have a conversation.

• 50:59Jay Shetty?

  Two weeks.

• 51:00Selena Gomez?

  I can't imagine that feeling, what you must be walking through for two weeks to just be sitting there.

• 51:08Jay Shetty?

  And did she feel the same, from your deeper conversation with her, did she feel the same feeling that a lot of people do here where it's like, I don't know who to talk to and I don't know who to open up to and who don't know to trust?

• 51:19Selena Gomez?

  She, she thought that she needed to be everything for her family and she felt like she was letting them down. Same thing of not feeling good enough, not feeling like her being there would even be helpful. And you do find the similarities in it. And that's how I felt like I bonded with her.

• 51:40Jay Shetty?

  It's incredible, right? Like cross culture, cross world, to have a human moment like that with someone. What, what purpose have those missions played in your life in terms of, like you said, that's not the first time you've been out. And I'm sure it's not the last as well. It's something that you want to continue to do. I mean, there was a moment in the documentary where you don't want to leave.

• 51:59Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, I don't think I necessarily will always be broadcasting when I'm taking these trips or wanting to do more and help and travel. So I think that I will probably have these quarterly or even just maybe once a year. I kind of have to set time apart for that and I make it a priority just because I feel personally that everyone is my brother and sister. We're all here together, living, being and.

• 52:35Selena Gomez?

  You know, wanting to navigate life together and I want to continue to travel the world and be able to spread some sort of message or bring change in some form. I don't know, something, you know, I want to be able to continue to always do something. And eventually I do believe my life will will end up being something along the lines of doing the things that you do, you know? I got a few more things to do first, but eventually, yes.

• 53:07Jay Shetty?

  Well, you're already doing them. You don't, you're already doing them. And yeah, there's that moment. There's a moment in the documentary, I think you're asked through a mirror envelope question. What is the, what is your greatest dream or your ultimate dream? I think is the word. And this is exactly what you say. You say, I want to find a way to change lives and I want to find a way to impact lives. And I think when people think of their ultimate dream, that's not the natural thing that comes to their mind.

• 53:36Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 53:37Jay Shetty?

  When did serving, when did helping others become such a big understanding others as well? Because it's not just, I know you feel you're growing from these experiences. When did that become an ultimate dream? Like, when did that? What was your, what was your dream as a little girl? And then, you know, how did that evolve?

• 53:53Selena Gomez?

  I think that I was just, I was just gonna say my mom. I mean, from a very young age, we didn't have a lot, but it didn't matter. It was every Thanksgiving we were going to, you know, we would go and help out in soup kitchens. And my mom would talk to me about, you know, why we were there and explain to me the way of the world. And we would, you know, see, see really hard things in Texas, you know, can be very. You know, very conservative and my mom would just break those barriers for me and explain to me how beautiful people are and how complicated and complex things are about

• 54:38Selena Gomez?

  the world. She never protected me in a way of not showing me the bad things. She showed me everything and that's what has always been a part of my life. I mean, down to I'd be on set and I'd be talking to the director and someone would come give me a water. And if my mom noticed that I didn't say thank you, she would just remind me gently in a way that was like, hey, next time be aware and be thankful. And it's kind of like, oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, mom. But you're, you're right. You're, you are, you gotta be aware of, of people and you have to be aware of what people are walking through.

• 55:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. I mean, that's such a, yeah, yeah, no. And it's such a, I think that's such a beautiful message to anyone who is growing up with a little bit more in terms of anyone who's grown up, even, you know, everyone goes through so many difficult things, but I felt the same when I first went to India. I was around nine years old when I first went to India. And, and I remember, we didn't have a lot growing up, but we were still traveling to India. We were in a car and you look out the window and, and you see kids your age. I remember, you know, just seeing tons of kids my age on the streets and just, it, it was just, yeah, it just made me aware that there was a whole other world out there of experience that I only learned about later on.

• 55:59Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 56:00Jay Shetty?

  But I, I couldn't agree with you more that when you feel like you're a part, even a small part of the solution, the problem starts to feel more within reach.

• 56:13Selena Gomez?

  Right.

• 56:14Jay Shetty?

  And I feel like sometimes when we push the problem away or we try and keep it out of sight.

• 56:19Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 56:19Jay Shetty?

  It just feels bigger and harder and more difficult.

• 56:22Selena Gomez?

  Absolutely. Ignoring it is, is not fun. I've done that before. It just, you end up coping in ways that you never thought that you would and you end up feeling disappointed because you just, you don't want to ever feel like you're.

• 56:42Selena Gomez?

  Doing the wrong thing.

• 56:44Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 56:44Selena Gomez?

  I believe that everyone, deep down, knows what's right and what's wrong. And when you're at your rock bottom, if you will, because I believe that everybody does eventually have one of those moments. Hopefully, it's just going to get lighter and lighter because you can start to attack it in a way where, how do I approach this and figure out how to get myself out of this state of mind? And I've learned how to do that in the past few years, and I'm really grateful for it. It's a choice sometimes, but then I also hate when people say that because sometimes

• 57:25Selena Gomez?

  I genuinely wake up in a depressive state and I can't get out of bed, but I allow myself to have that day and just focus on things that can make me feel better instead of pushing it away and saying, no, it's fine, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go do something, I'm gonna go get my adrenaline up, I'm gonna ignore it and ignore it and ignore it, it doesn't help at all.

• 57:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and it's, you just said there that everyone goes through a rock bottom moment, like everyone goes through that in their life in different ways. How have you become more mindful of your fears and rock bottoms? Because I think often we ask people like, I look at your life and I think you've gone through so many difficult things and, you know, how do you deal with fears now? Because we all still have fears, we all still have worries, but I feel like you've found a way to become mindful of those things and become a bit more prepared for them.

• 58:20Selena Gomez?

  Well, thank you. I think maybe you are seeing a good side of me because I have the hardest time doing it. I don't know, my fears are relatively, you know, they're quieter, maybe I should say. You know, like, for example, this documentary coming out, I am still nervous. I'm nervous for the reaction, even though I know that I have good intentions behind it. I think that I just have to understand that my fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom,

• 59:05Selena Gomez?

  and I just want to keep doing that. And I just hope to get better, hope to get smarter, I hope to become stronger and be a great person.

• 59:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's, I mean, that's a phenomenal answer. And it's, yeah, I don't think I'm seeing the, I don't think I'm seeing a good side of you, Selena. I think I'm.

• 59:24Selena Gomez?

  And I'm like, what do you, I guess so.

• 59:26Jay Shetty?

  I think, you know, I, I don't think it's a good side because I don't believe you have a bad side.

• 59:32Selena Gomez?

  Oh, you're very sweet.

• 59:33Jay Shetty?

  But I, but I think it's a, it's your truth that we're seeing, you know? It's, it's, it's this, it's the, it's the essence of us.

• 59:41Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 59:41Jay Shetty?

  That, that I'm trying to see in you and myself, in my, anyone around me, anyone I meet, whoever you bump into, it's like, when you see someone's essence, that essence is pure and is genuine and is like, strong and powerful and capable. And it's the, everything else is not a side of us, it's just stuff that covers us up.

• 1:00:02Selena Gomez?

  You're right.

• 1:00:02Jay Shetty?

  Right? Like, doesn't it feel that way?

• 1:00:04Selena Gomez?

  You're absolutely right.

• 1:00:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, like, I feel like, I don't have a, you don't have a, I don't have a side of me that I don't like. I have stuff that's covering over who I really am.

• 1:00:12Selena Gomez?

  Exactly, and it's how to, how do you navigate controlling those things and taking control of your, yourself?

• 1:00:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, and I, and I love what you just said about how confronting your fears is what gives you a sense of confidence and strength.

• 1:00:27Selena Gomez?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:27Jay Shetty?

  Because when you get through something tough.

• 1:00:29Selena Gomez?

  It does, it feels incredible. I mean, walking through all of those moments that I'm, you know, sharing with everybody else, it is really great. I, I mean, it's so sad to watch, but I would not be who I am. Of course, it's such a cliche if it wasn't for that. But facing your fears and, and tackling them, it's the only way to get through them, I feel.

• 1:00:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you said intention is so important there. And I think that anyone who's in the public eye, sometimes all you have is your intention because you can't control anything else.

• 1:01:05Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:05Jay Shetty?

  Uh, what role has intention played in your life? And then with this work, more clearly, what is your intention for everyone who's gonna watch it? Like, what is your? Hope and wish for the different people that will see it. But first of all, what role has intention played in your life, especially as things have continued to grow?

• 1:01:27Selena Gomez?

  You know, I, I think maybe in the past five years, I'd, I felt like projects I was a part of, even endorsements, something like that. The, the intention behind me being a part of anything needed to be good. If I did, if I got a lot of money, I'm just being super transparent from doing this line for a T-shirt. And I'm just making this up. There's a huge part of me that actually feels uncomfortable with the whole idea. And that's just me.

• 1:02:05Selena Gomez?

  I, I have to think, okay, this is thank you, but I need to figure out how this is also not going to be just about me. It's going to be about everyone that's involved in this. How can I turn it into, hey, we're going to do some percentages to this. And this is how we're going to do the deal. I then feel more comfortable stepping into a situation and accepting it. But I've never based my decisions on what will get me to the top quicker. What will, what will make me number one? What will I break records? All of those things to me are just bonuses. They're just great. If it happens, it happens that way. But that's never been my intention. And some people in my position would think that's kind of stupid.

• 1:02:49Selena Gomez?

  You know, it's, it's the whole point of doing it is to break these records, is to do all that stuff. But for me, and I think the reason why I am who I am is because just enough is what I am. I think that I just want to be enough. And that doesn't have to be me killing myself trying to be number one at something. I'm, or striving to be number one for something. It, it's exhausting.

• 1:03:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. How do you define being just enough now? Like, what is, what has that evolved? And I'm sure it will change and I'm sure it will grow. But right now, what is that?

• 1:03:24Selena Gomez?

  I feel, you know, I feel, I feel open. I feel ready for relationships and.

• 1:03:34Selena Gomez?

  Change. I will be shooting season three, so I'll be in New York for quite a bit. And I can't wait to see what will happen and all the people I'll meet and all the people I get to spend time with again, like Steve and Marty, and it'll be fun.

• 1:03:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. Well, Selena, this has been such a beautiful conversation. And the good thing is, we don't have to end it here, but we get to invite, we get a very special guest who's joining us today, a very special gift for my audience here and our community and everyone who's listening and watching, we get to have your mom on the show, which is amazing.

• 1:04:12Selena Gomez?

  It's really fun.

• 1:04:12Jay Shetty?

  So I am so excited about this because to be able to talk to you both about the incredible work you're doing together, her incredible lessons that she shared with you over time that you spoke about so beautifully today, and I got to talk to her before we started recording as well, and just hearing about how innovative and creative she is.

• 1:04:33Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Jay Shetty?

  I mean, it's amazing. So if you're okay with it, I'd love to

• 1:04:36Selena Gomez?

  Oh, I would love it.

• 1:04:36Jay Shetty?

  Bring out your mom.

• 1:04:37Selena Gomez?

  Please.

• 1:04:38Jay Shetty?

  Mandy, over in a second. So we will go and grab her.

• 1:04:41Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  I wouldn't have her, it was a good show.

• 1:04:46Jay Shetty?

  So we're so excited to have you here, Mandy. This is amazing. This is really special. When I heard that I was gonna have this opportunity, I think it's always interesting hearing about someone's journey through someone else's lens, especially your mom, like, you know, who else in the world? And now, now my mom's gonna be upset that I haven't had her on the podcast.

• 1:05:05Selena Gomez?

  You haven't had your mom on yet?

• 1:05:07Jay Shetty?

  So now, now I feel the pressure.

• 1:05:08Selena Gomez?

  Oh, you have to.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  I'll have her on, I'll make my podcast, I'll just make one and then have her on there.

• 1:05:15Jay Shetty?

  I love it. But I was gonna say, you know, it was just so beautiful in the documentary and even just now, hearing what Selena had to say about the amazing impact you've had on her, hearing about you going to the soup kitchens when Selena was younger, in the documentary, as I said before, hearing about how you always encouraged her to learn about things that scared her.

• 1:05:36Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:36Jay Shetty?

  And that would help her. I mean, these are really, I hope you feel extremely proud of this incredible human being.

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:05:44Jay Shetty?

  And just You know, from an outsider's point of view, just how incredible it is to see someone sharing their truth with so much bravery, so much courage, and impacting the lives and saving the lives of millions of people across the world. And I'm sure you feel a big part of that, so.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  I mean, honestly, I always hoped to be a role model is in the sense that I was honest about everything with her and who I was. And as a person, because I feel like sometimes if parents project a perfection, then their kids feel like they have to like live up to that or achieve more, you know, and I just wanted her always know I'm a person, I'm gonna mess up. And at I was sixteen, so I was even more of a lost person. So I'm kind of surprised she came out as great as she is, to be honest. But yes, I'm very proud of her. And you know, I played

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  a little role in it. And then she's like navigated herself into a wonderful adult. And there's been ups and downs, but it's just been it's been an honor to be her mother.

• 1:06:57Jay Shetty?

  Well, what does that feel like? I mean, that's a whole another experience, having a child at sixteen. I mean, that's that's a very, you know, challenging, stressful thing for yourself to go through.

• 1:07:08Speaker 03

  You're obviously not mentally in a space to be raising a child because you are a child and you're trying to figure out who you are. And even in some of my really hard times, I feel Selena came into this world at the perfect time because I was really lost myself. And I wasn't going down the right path. And then when I found I was pregnant, I was like, oh, I have someone who's going to I'm responsible for, and they're gonna look up to me for guidance. And even at a young age, that hit me. And I'm thankful that that hit me and that I did I did allow that pressure to make sure that I was trying to do everything right for her. But that was a moment that.

• 1:07:50Speaker 03

  When you're sixteen in that phase, you're trying to figure out your path in life. And I think I kind of lost a little path of my life because I had something more important to to like take over. And I think that the delay adolescence is something that um I felt like even now, you know, I still feel like I'm a little bit youthful, even though I'm like creaking and popping when I walk, you know, I I still sometimes feel like I have a little bit more adolescence in me and still things to learn. And so as as a teen, it was um

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  it was really challenging and it was really one of those beautiful like vortexes of of being young and being able to keep up with a child and having that energy. So I was able to go to school. I went to a conservatory after. So I would take her to school. And she started kindergarten and then I would go to school and then I would go to work and then I'd come home and do her homework and put her to bed and do my homework and do it all over. And I think about that now and I'm like, no way, like, no way. I'm like, I I have a hard time getting up for my my little one now. So it was like I was way too young then and I'm like way too old now. No, stop.

• 1:09:15Speaker 03

  No, but you know what I mean? It was just like, where was the sweet spot? I just kind of skimmed by it and, you know, accepted the challenge.

• 1:09:22Jay Shetty?

  No, that's incredible. Moms are amazing. I don't know how moms do it. Moms across the world, my my mom included, just unbelievable resilience, unbelievable found tolerance, like, you know, that, I mean, that sounds like such an incredible journey. And, you know, as you were telling me earlier, you haven't yet managed to watch the documentary. You've seen parts, but you haven't been able to bring yourself. To actually watch it, tell tell us about what that feels like and how how hard that is.

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  Well, first, everyone's telling me how fabulous it is. So it's like making me making me more and more eager to kind of put that guard down. But the reason why is because like we lived some of that together. We went through that and we found healing and we've moved past some of it. And even if it's something that she went through and I didn't know she went through it. It's as a mother, it's gonna affect me of like, oh, it's gonna hurt my stomach. It's gonna put me in that mindset and I I'm gonna wish I could go and protect her. And she, you know, she was amazing and came through so much that I already feel like I protect you a lot.

• 1:10:34Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Speaker 03

  And I I was like, maybe I could just get through the holidays to not where I'm going up to her all the time going, I'm sorry, I didn't know. You know, because mothers do like, you know, you want to take away your kids' pain. You don't want them to have to experience that, even though that is part of developing who they're gonna be. And you know, who we all are is our pain and our suffering and our growth. So i- it's like I I either I'm gonna have to be in that mood where it's that time where I'm just like, I'm not getting out of bed today. And I already know I'm gonna be a little funky um and then watch it and then just be alone and kind of cry. And then call her and tell her I'm sorry that I wasn't there in that moment.

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  But, you know, you just can't helicopter parent. So it just it just feels like her first breakup she ever had, I cried.

• 1:11:28Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:29Speaker 03

  I was like, oh, they're both hurting. They're both hurting these poor kids. I wish I could take their pain away.

• 1:11:35Selena Gomez?

  Our date was like a chaperone us to like the movies.

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  Like they didn't make it.

• 1:11:44Jay Shetty?

  A mom's heart, though, that's a mom's heart. Like, unless you're a mom, you can't, you don't, you know, it's hard to, it's hard to fully understand.

• 1:11:52Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:52Jay Shetty?

  Just, everything you just said there of like, wow, like, we've already lived through that. We've healed through that. To revisit that again, that's painful, to feel a sense of guilt that I wasn't there for someone in a certain way. I didn't know what they were going through. That carries this anger. I mean, Selena, hearing that from your mom, like, what does it feel like when she's like, she hasn't been able to watch it because of all of this? How does that feel for you?

• 1:12:12Selena Gomez?

  Well, it's, it's not far off. I've only seen it twice.

• 1:12:15Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:12:15Selena Gomez?

  Um, and I, I've premiered it a few times for people and I've stepped away from watching it.

• 1:12:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:23Selena Gomez?

  I think I relate to my mom because some of those moments were really hard. And it's not so much, if you don't mind me, like, saying this, it's not you not being there. It was me not letting you be there. That was the hardest part. And it was also not letting most of my, my people, like my family in because I was in so much pain. And I was walking through all these things and, and in a way I am glad that I walked through some of it alone because it made me who I am. But at the same time, it breaks my heart to know that I had to walk through that when I didn't need to do it alone.

• 1:13:06Selena Gomez?

  Um, so it's very much, it's, I relate to her. I understand why she feels that way for sure and I get it. So.

• 1:13:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. It's wonderful hearing both your perspectives on it because I think it, again, just, just you being here, Andy. And I'm so grateful that you genuinely are here because it, it just grounds this back into we're not watching a TV show. Right? Like, I think Alec did such a great job with it because I, I, even though I'm not Selena's mother, it's like, I, I can feel what you're saying through the way the story's told. But I think often when we watch things like this, we're like, oh yeah, that's a TV show. It's not someone's life. And then when I'm sitting all of a sudden with you, I'm like, oh, no, no, but this is real life. Like, this is someone's actual life and emotions and that, you know, that. Having your voice in this conversation is so useful for that.

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, I look at like kind of go when we're going to the premiere last night. I had a moment before where I was crying. I'm like, I'm gonna need to cry and just get it over with, even though I was just there to support her and I didn't watch the film. The power and the fear, which I always call fear, the false existence appearing real. And so like the fear is like, everyone is seeing you in your darkest moment. And that it's out there for the world to judge. And and they will judge it however they will, because even, you know, again, not seeing the documentary,

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  I hear it's very real and raw and honest and open. To do something like that, it's it's for me, I cry out of fear of like how you were feeling and like how I could protect you. And then I was like, I know that the little bit I did in the interview, I was down a week afterwards because it did put me back in that place, even though we weren't there. And I blacked out the minute, you know, Alex said action and he was so nice about it. And my lovely friend, dear friend Emily, who does my hair and makeup, she was like, she was back there going, she was all crying. And then she's like, I didn't know. And I'm like, well, now everyone's gonna know.

• 1:15:25Speaker 03

  And there's something beautiful to that because it's you're exposing a lot and that can be fearful. But you're also giving a lot if that's how you look at it. And so I think it can make those dark moments really beautiful.

• 1:15:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, I think that's something you as a family seem to have definitely embodied the idea of using your pain to serve others, figuring out a way to make sure that these stories are not just told in silos, but they help other people feel connected. And, you know, with what you're doing with Wondermind, like. Tell us a bit about the mission behind why you founded that and why you brought that to life? Because I feel it comes from the same place of like, we're going through these things personally, but we also know this is a collective global challenge. And so we want to be a part of supporting those communities.

• 1:16:15Speaker 03

  When I was really young, and I was about seven years old, I did have my first and only suicide attempt.

• 1:16:26Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  However you say it, and it, it, it didn't happen.

• 1:16:29Jay Shetty?

  Seven years old.

• 1:16:30Speaker 03

  Seven years old. And I think that traces back the time of always not feeling like I, like, nothing around me made sense in my world. And it was just like, I felt like I was, and you know, nothing bad was happening. It's just like, this seems wrong to me, this seems wrong to me. I seem wrong, like, how, how do I fix this? But from that moment, I've always carried, I think, that moment in my life, in my mind of like, not wanting anyone to ever feel that way, which is what led us to Thirteen Reasons Why, and some of her fans opening up to us. When I read that, I knew that needed to be a conversational piece.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  And from the response of what it, it did and opening those conversations, I, it inspired me to do more, but it was like about the timing of what, what we wanted to do and how we're going to use it. And so collaborating and, and figuring out what's missing out there as a support system was the ecosystem that we're, we're, you know, planning and working tirelessly to create, where all of it is cohesive and you have one place to go to see that, you know, we actually targeted really a filter of feelings. So everybody has feelings that might not be a diagnosed medical condition,

• 1:17:54Speaker 03

  but also how can we put out content every day that, you know, keeps it light, but keeps it real and keeps it open for conversation? And build a community where everyone will feel safe and not ashamed of like a feeling that they're having? And not ashamed, um, I heard you guys talking about perfection. It's like, I I I don't like to pretend there is perfection. You know, I I like, I think perfection kind of puts a little bit of um pressure whenever you can just be. Like, just be and like, so I, you know, I'm not a big social media fan.

• 1:18:36Speaker 03

  But um definitely go to Wonder Mine where we share positive messages. But um I think what, you know, inspired me was creating this for everyone and content for people to have access to that can't afford to get treatment or don't need treatment, but they need someone to say, hey, check this out. You know, so it's really for everybody.

• 1:18:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, thank you so much for sharing your personal experience, though, because I can imagine that, you know, the fact that you've held that close to you for this long and now that's coming out in this beautiful way, but when you're holding on to it, it doesn't feel that beautiful always. I mean, Selena, how how old were you when you first learned about your mom?

• 1:19:18Selena Gomez?

  I I don't think, and this is probably fair enough to say, like, she she never really hid a lot of stuff. When I was younger, I I never was aware that we didn't have enough. I was never, she did such a great job of, I feel we're talking about you right here, but you did, Mama. You did of of being.

• 1:19:38Speaker 03

  Who's this woman you speak of?

• 1:19:40Selena Gomez?

  Of like explaining situations to me that we would be in and and I feel around eighteen, I kind of started to realize more of her story and obviously it broke my heart and there are things that I never knew were going on. And she did such a great job of just letting me have a really great childhood and um then, once I realized we could be open and honest with each other, that's kind of how Wonder Mine started as well. We we really, you know, ended up working together on an interview and we we shared such interests with, you know, the person that was interviewing with us and we thought, hey,

• 1:20:25Selena Gomez?

  this is something we could probably do together. And it happened that way and it was, it's been really fun.

• 1:20:33Speaker 03

  I I do want to, I know this is like a love fest, but like, I do want to, there's a moment that um Like you touched me during that time that I don't even know if you remember. I remember I was doing that, going to school, going to work, trying to get her out of the the neighborhood I grew up in and try to give her a better life. And this was pre her doing anything besides directing films with kids on the street.

• 1:21:02Jay Shetty?

  Yep.

• 1:21:02Speaker 03

  But she wasn't doing anything professionally. I was sitting in front of a mirror and I was trying to get ready and I just started crying. And I was crying, I was crying and she come up behind me and she was so young and she like started playing with my hair. And and then she's like, what's wrong? And I said, I just don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. And she goes, you'll figure it out. Just keep going. And it was like, I was like, she's already smarter than me.

• 1:21:32Speaker 03

  So, yeah, it's like, it's, it was like a really good, like, strong moment. Like, you don't ever want to, you know, I, I think being vulnerable in front of her allows, you know, the vulnerability to, you know, be welcomed.

• 1:21:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's so true as we're growing up. It's like we often look at our parents as perfect, unless they let us in.

• 1:21:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:57Jay Shetty?

  Or by the time you figure out that they're not. And and it's interesting that you're saying that, at least you felt you were just always open and and honest with what you were going through. And with with your own challenges and your own struggles, when you're, when you're going through your own stuff and you're watching your child go through their stuff, like, what's going through a mother's mind in that situation? Like, how are you dealing with your own stresses and pains? And trying to be there. And often, as as Selena said, and you said, children don't want their parents involved at a certain time, right? Like, I I can relate to that completely. Like, I think, you know, I listened to everything my parents said up until I I was thirteen years old. And then from like thirteen to

• 1:22:39Jay Shetty?

  twenty-five, I didn't want to hear from them. And then after twenty-five, I was like, oh, you guys were the best. You're right, but everything and you go through that journey. So, you know, when when your child doesn't want your help, when when your child is not allowing you in, like, what goes through a parent's mind, especially when they're going through their own work themselves?

• 1:22:56Speaker 03

  I just needed more therapy and in in a feeling, um, and you you feel because.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  I I I want to use this term lightly, like you feel like you failed in some capacity. So then you're like, I know I took that opportunity to try to see maybe where were the missteps I took as a parent? Was I too open with her? Was I too liberal with her? Or, you know, should I not let her do Barney, you know, like? It it's just all these decisions that that, you know, you make, you would just reflect on, and I think, I think um as parents, we have um this capacity to decompartmentalize your feelings and then prioritizing everyone else's. Like I was telling you earlier when we were, we were talking, it it was,

• 1:23:52Speaker 03

  it's easier to bury your stuff and then kind of focus, which then becomes unhealthy for the receiving party and for yourself, because you're not taking care of yourself. So um I I was, uh, I went through it. Um, a lot of days didn't get out of bed. It there was just like a lot of crying, a lot of therapy. And I had a therapist because I also, I had a miscarriage during the madness and, you know, I had this therapist who gave me the best advice ever. She's like, just, I need you to leave your house once a day and go, go to the movies, buy a ticket. I don't care if you watch it. But every day you need receipts that you left your house.

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  And so I'd I would like walk through the mall, just like crying, being lost and, you know, not knowing what to do. And I would buy stuff and I'd have to go and take it to her in each session. And I didn't, I didn't even ask her the purpose. I was like, she's just trying to get me to get out of the house. And um then I realized the whole, like, after about six weeks of doing that, I started feeling more comfortable with.

• 1:25:01Speaker 03

  Being even more vulnerable because I'm crying and I know the world's gonna be okay. And nobody's judging me. People are asking me, hey, are you okay? That kind of thing. And you know, I'm just like, no. And then, you know, you just keep walking. But like, that judgment that everybody's afraid of, it showed me that, you know, because I was mad that I failed as a mother. And this is in my eyes, not like, you know, like I failed as Selena's mother. And then I also, my body hurt my other baby. So I was like angry at myself completely. And I needed to see that, oh, the world's alive and there is forgiveness. And I can still find happiness for myself because I was just like,

• 1:25:44Speaker 03

  being a mom was something, and the only thing I really needed to do since the age of fifteen. So when that's gone, you're, you're just like, oh, I'm supposed to have hobbies that don't tell my child. I'm supposed to do things, you know, so it was a lot of growing, you know, and it's hard when you're in it, but when you get out of it, it's fantastic. It really is. It's just, you feel lighter and you feel like more hopeful, you know? And that then when you have that next opportunity or that next, you know, downtrodden moment, you know, you're gonna get out of it. It's like, all right, I just gotta get through this.

• 1:26:28Speaker 03

  Just gotta figure it out, gotta vibe through it and, and then it'll, it will pass.

• 1:26:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:34Speaker 03

  So I think, yeah, you were talking about rock bottom a little bit earlier. Yeah, definitely hitting rock bottom. It does, it feels like you're breaking through.

• 1:26:43Jay Shetty?

  What's really refreshing, hearing both of you together is just, I feel like this is gonna heal a lot of parent-children relationships, like listening to you both today because I'm just thinking so often, we think our thoughts to ourselves and we never share them with the people that those thoughts are about. So, you know, I'm sure there's so many children out there who, their thoughts are like, oh, I wish my parents did this better and my parents could have done this. And those are valid thoughts. And then there's parents out there at the same time, having the same thought of like, I wish I didn't do that to them and I, you know, and often we just never find out. We never know because we don't get to have these open, honest dialogues. And so I really think this, on top of everything you've been doing,

• 1:27:27Jay Shetty?

  this is really going to inspire a lot of parenting kids. Yeah, it's because it's even, even listening to you, I'm just, I'm thinking of my parents and I'm thinking of my friends' parents and I'm thinking there, everyone needs to be able to open their heart because somewhere everyone's painting themselves the villain and someone's painting themselves as the person who messed up and got everything wrong.

• 1:27:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:27:49Jay Shetty?

  And in our head, we're thinking, oh, they got away with it or, you know, they don't, they're not aware of it. So I find, I mean, did you, were you always open to therapy and always open to this self-work? Was that a part of who you were as well always? And that was, or was that something you kind of turned to at a certain point?

• 1:28:06Speaker 03

  Well, I will tell you a haunting little secret that when I was really young in junior high, I wanted to be a criminal psychologist. So that's, that's why I always say that. She's making fun of me and murders because that was I am that person. But I, I was already reading on serial killers at that age because I was fascinated with the, the mindset and I didn't come from, you know, an environment where therapy was even talked about, but I just at a certain age, I really felt like super depressed. And so I had to go out and explore it myself and go through tons of doctors.

• 1:28:47Speaker 03

  And, you know, you would say one thing and it was just like, they go, hey, are you seeing things? I'm like, I saw a black butterfly the other day. And they go, oh, so you're hallucinating. And I'm like, am I? So like, I had to go and I wasn't, but it was a real black butterfly. So but I had to learn like how to understand myself and, and my mind on my own. And finally, I also I did, I went away to a facility and it was the first time I got to really spend all that time. It was best twenty eight days that I, I spent, you know, on myself and.

• 1:29:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, you just like you have to kind of build that relationship with your mind. And and I think people are so afraid of being honest with themselves. Because then they have to face it. But what like helped me is I realized like, you know, in this relationship, I was parenting her the way I needed to be parented, not what she was needing. And that is how I feel like I made my contribution to healing. This relationship is like, okay, pull back. I need to know her and her needs, not like be the mama bear, even though I still haven't lost that completely. But like, you know, sometimes I just need to listen and not fix it.

• 1:30:13Speaker 03

  And and so that was the biggest thing, I think. Um, I I really went on a little tailspin there, but like that was the biggest thing that I I learned through, you know, that whole time that we were separated. It was like seeing who I was and how other people see me. And I I do that every day. I'll say something, I'm like, okay, how did that come off to someone else? You know, because I have ADHD, so I'm quick to like spurt out whatever's in my brain. And then I'm like, they really didn't need to know that. But it's out there in the world now.

• 1:30:47Jay Shetty?

  The self, the self work in this room is is amazing. Yeah, no. The amount of like self reflection and self awareness in this room is really strong. This is, yeah, this is very powerful stuff. No, and and you did not get lost on attention at all. I I think everything you just shared with us, even you just coming to that conclusion of knowing that you're parenting someone that you deeply loved in a way that you wanted to be parented. I think that is at the core of so much of how we all live. Yeah, we're all loving people the way we wish we were loved. And we're all hurting people the way we wish we weren't hurt. And it's it's so. It's it's just fascinating when we finally, you know, look beneath the surface and uncover

• 1:31:31Jay Shetty?

  why it's all there and where it is and to do that together and separately. I love this idea that there were times when you had to do this at a distance from each other as well. I think that's such a healthy message to be out there as well in the world. I think we're often all trying to solve all our issues in the same place.

• 1:31:47Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, definitely. I think there are moments even, you know, even in friendships where it wasn't necessary for me to take a step back and figure out what is serving me, what's not serving me, what makes me happy, what's challenging me, what's helping me move forward versus what's not. I think it's really important.

• 1:32:10Jay Shetty?

  I think when we're looking from the outside in, we we limit people to certain experiences, we remember them for, certain people we expect them to be with, people that they're meant to be around, the way families are meant to be, like, there's all these meant to be's. And and then it's like, well, no, in reality, there's space, there's distance, there's reflection, there's, there's, there's the need for all of these things. With, with the work that you were talking about earlier with me as well, in terms of how you're now taking these messages on the screen, you know, which you're sharing, which I know is such a big part of the work. And I, I feel so excited about that. Like, that fills me with the greatest amount of joy,

• 1:32:50Jay Shetty?

  knowing that we're going to see better representation of mental health on screen. I think that's, that's huge. Where did you start to realize that, from Thirteen Reasons Why, as we spoke about earlier, like, where did you start to realize that was so important for people to see that representation on screen?

• 1:33:08Speaker 03

  Well, I think it comes back to not wanting people to feel like I did at seven years old. It's like, I'm so open, like, with, you know, oh, I'm bipolar, or that I have ADHD, you know, I was misdiagnosed for a while. So like, I was always so open with it. And, you know, even in a town where they're so accepting in certain capacities, it's still like, well, she, she's not stable. And I even would joke and go, yeah, I'm crazy, I'm crazy, I'm crazy. And, and I was like, Not supporting myself in that. And I didn't want anybody to feel that way. So, you know, during thirteen reasons why we worked tirelessly, the entire team,

• 1:33:52Speaker 03

  to make sure we were executing the, the whole point of it in that, you know, we're losing teens every day to suicide. And it's, it's horrible and unnecessary. And, you know, how do we, how can we as adults? And that's why it was so important, I think, for me and Selena to go out and talk about it. So, parents would watch it together, you know? And once that got the reaction it, it got, you know, I heard different opinions and I wanted to hear everyone, whether they thought it was a bad idea, a great idea, it touched them, it offended them. Like, I really, like, listened to everything and all the, you know,

• 1:34:34Speaker 03

  data, and I've always been someone who enjoyed storytelling. And so, I, I like to tell stories. And if I can, you know, show, and like I was telling you earlier, I like using Silver Linings Playbook, because they're bipolar, but they're having a life. They're having a relationship. And as it may come with challenges, every relationship comes with challenges. It's not just a mental, a mental issue that someone has that causes those challenges. We're all people, and if we just learn to understand each other, there'll be less fear of it, and then people will get more treatment, and there'll just be more happiness.

• 1:35:15Speaker 03

  And I know sometimes I, I feel like I'm being like, "The world's gonna be happy", you know, kind of like that. But, you know, and again, like my adolescence, that's still there. But I, I, that's what inspires me, is to, um, I scared off people by talking about myself in a negative way. And by, you know, not sharing enough, so it's like, or sharing too much. So then it's like navigating that and like, you know, like I, I mentioned, like, One Who Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Girl Interrupted, favorite films, love them. But that's not the reality Selena or I live in every day.

• 1:35:57Speaker 03

  You know, I have been in a facility and, but it was not like. What's being portrayed. It was, it was a beautiful experience and, and made me a better person for it. So it, just like media loves to, you know, tell all of the bad stuff. It's like, we could use it as, as like educational without preaching. And so like, let's just tell stories of real people dealing with mental health issues in different capacities. And show that you can, that you're all right. You're gonna make it. It's like, and you just need to give yourself that, that permission.

• 1:36:40Speaker 03

  And then, once you give yourself that permission, you're gonna come out a happier person. I like, I embrace my ADHD, like, I really do. We have a lot of fun together.

• 1:36:52Jay Shetty?

  Well, I think this is painting a beautiful picture of just how like, we always want growth to be this perfect line. You know, we expect, expect growth in families individually to just look like, oh, we're just all growing at the same time. And isn't this beautiful? And it's like, well, no, growth is not that way. And growth is being patient when my daughter wants to grow this way. And I'm trying to figure this out, or I'm gonna be patient while my mom pivots and shifts. And that's what growth is. Growth is being patient with each other and growth is holding space and being okay when we're not being the nicest people to each other. Like, there's so much more to growth. And so I want to thank you both for displaying that and sharing that with us today.

• 1:37:34Speaker 03

  No, thank you.

• 1:37:35Jay Shetty?

  Because it's, uh, yeah, it's, it's special seeing it from this perspective for sure. Rather than either or. I, we, we end every On Purpose episode with a final five, which I'm gonna ask to both of you.

• 1:37:47Selena Gomez?

  Okay.

• 1:37:48Jay Shetty?

  Um, so you'll do one question at a time each.

• 1:37:50Selena Gomez?

  Okay.

• 1:37:51Jay Shetty?

  Uh, and these are one word to one sentence maximum.

• 1:37:54Selena Gomez?

  Great.

• 1:37:54Jay Shetty?

  Um, they are not questions like, what's your favorite color? I promise. They're all thoughtful questions, as you would expect. Okay, so, uh, question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever received or heard when it comes to mental health?

• 1:38:10Selena Gomez?

  I'm sure it's like in a Brene Brown book.

• 1:38:15Speaker 03

  Right on my wrist.

• 1:38:16Selena Gomez?

  I think the, the best advice that had been given is, is probably what I have thoroughly said throughout my documentary. And speaking with you is, is learning how to make it.

• 1:38:31Selena Gomez?

  A part of your life, like that's why I say make it your friend. Because I think you have to understand why and sometimes you may not always know why. But if you can understand that it's a feeling like my mom said, where maybe this will pass and and maybe you just gotta go through it and you have to have the day in bed crying, you have to do those things in order to figure out what it is that's gonna set you free from it.

• 1:39:02Selena Gomez?

  Maybe that would be.

• 1:39:03Jay Shetty?

  Great advice. Make it a practice, yeah.

• 1:39:06Speaker 03

  I think mine was, take your time. That was what I was told when I went to.

• 1:39:13Jay Shetty?

  That's freeing.

• 1:39:13Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:14Speaker 03

  Take your time.

• 1:39:15Selena Gomez?

  That's really good.

• 1:39:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:16Jay Shetty?

  What's some of the, second question, what's some of the worst advice you've ever heard or received when it comes to mental health?

• 1:39:23Speaker 03

  That it's all in my head and I can just control it. Like, stop having bad thoughts.

• 1:39:29Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:30Selena Gomez?

  I was gonna say somewhere along the lines of like, you're fine. I mean, yeah, I had someone say to me, literally like, you're so dramatic, you make up everything. You know, and that was so hurtful.

• 1:39:44Speaker 03

  The worst, I felt the worst. Calm down.

• 1:39:49Speaker 03

  It's like, has that ever worked?

• 1:39:52Jay Shetty?

  Good answers. All right. Question number three, how would you both define your individually, your current purpose in life?

• 1:39:59Selena Gomez?

  I fully feel that I am exactly where I'm meant to be. I am meant to share my story and in this season of my life, I want to be loved the way I love people. I want to give the way people have so generously given to me. And I want to continue to work on becoming a, becoming a better and a happier person every day.

• 1:40:25Jay Shetty?

  It's a beautiful purpose.

• 1:40:26Speaker 03

  I've received, so now I wanna give.

• 1:40:28Jay Shetty?

  Powerful. Wow, this is, this is really beautiful answers. Uh, question number four. Uh, what's something you used to value that you don't value that much anymore?

• 1:40:36Selena Gomez?

  Oh, people's opinions.

• 1:40:39Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 1:40:40Selena Gomez?

  It's so exhausting. I, I would say it is nice to hear great things, but I, I, I accept compliments in a, in a, in a manner where I can appreciate them, but I, I have to learn how to just know that. I gotta keep a straight head. I gotta like, understand that everything is a gift and not to let things get to my head.

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I always say,

• 1:41:11Speaker 03

  if you accept all the compliments internally, then you'll have to accept all the negative. So, just

• 1:41:21Selena Gomez?

  Be careful.

• 1:41:22Speaker 03

  Just like, be selective with what you let in, yeah.

• 1:41:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Yeah, there's a beautiful quote. I can't remember who said it, but it says, "Don't let compliments get to your head and criticism get to your heart."

• 1:41:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I love that. That was very poetic with what I was trying to say.

• 1:41:38Jay Shetty?

  It's been said for thousands of years.

• 1:41:39Speaker 03

  Thank you for repeating.

• 1:41:41Jay Shetty?

  Just for pity. No, no, but I think it's such a beautiful

• 1:41:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:41:45Jay Shetty?

  And, yeah, and I think that's also when we're mindful of giving compliments to others. I think something that I've learned is that I enjoy, and we've talked about this today, I really enjoy the art of learning to see someone's essence. It's something that I try and live by because, and then when you want to compliment someone, it's like, how do you give a compliment that isn't empty flattery or that isn't just surface level? And I think when we get compliments like that, they don't go to our head, they do go to our heart.

• 1:42:16Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:42:17Jay Shetty?

  It's different. So, I hope that we can also learn to compliment each other in more, you know, beautiful and genuine ways. Fifth and final question, question number five, is if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:42:33Speaker 03

  Practicing forgiveness.

• 1:42:34Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:42:35Selena Gomez?

  I probably would, would say something super simple and cheesy, but treat others the way you want to be treated.

• 1:42:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. And then we throw in the forgiveness.

• 1:42:46Selena Gomez?

  Yeah. Honestly, that's the biggest thing, yeah, forgiveness.

• 1:42:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:50Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:50Speaker 03

  I say we campaign.

• 1:42:52Selena Gomez?

  All right, let's do it, mom.

• 1:42:54Jay Shetty?

  Forgiveness campaign.

• 1:42:55Selena Gomez?

  That's right.

• 1:42:56Speaker 03

  Wait, can I ask you a question?

• 1:42:57Jay Shetty?

  Of course you can, yeah.

• 1:42:58Speaker 03

  Okay. When is the last time you did something for the first time?

• 1:43:03Jay Shetty?

  Ooh.

• 1:43:04Selena Gomez?

  Wow, where did that come from?

• 1:43:06Jay Shetty?

  Okay, when was the last time?

• 1:43:07Speaker 03

  I've been practicing.

• 1:43:10Jay Shetty?

  The most interesting answer that came to mind straight away, even though it was a couple of months ago now, I went trekking with gorillas in Rwanda. Wow. And it was. That is amazing. Yeah, it was a few months ago and it was the most incredible experience of my entire life. That sounds wild. Yeah, so they're mountain gorilla and they're not, you don't, they don't have any technology on them or, you know, they're not treated a certain way, they're not in a zoo or they're not trapped, you're in their home. And you have to set out early in the morning to go and look for them. And the people that are doing these tours, they know where they usually are, so they take you in that direction. Oh my gosh, beautiful. And then you finally discover like this family of gorillas and I thought I'd see one or two, I was very,

• 1:43:54Jay Shetty?

  I wasn't skeptical, but I was kind of like, who knows, you know. Right. We saw eighteen gorillas, like a family. Oh, they cuddle you? So, no, so you know, I wish. That's all I wanna see is Javion cuddled by a gorilla. They cuddle each other. Yeah. But they don't, they, the guides tell us that the only thing you have to do is maintain your distance. You're not allowed to try and touch them or their kids, cause they see that as violent. The gorillas are just so peaceful and they're so calm. And they have this sound that they make, this was my favorite part of the experience. So we were told by our guide that if you make this sound, it basically tells the gorillas, we come in peace. And so this sound is, so you have to make that sound and the gorillas make it back to you.

• 1:44:38Jay Shetty?

  No, so cute. Or they'll do it to you as they come closer, just to let you know, hey, we're not trying to harm you, we're just gonna walk past you. I love that. It was really special. So that was the most recent memory of something. Well, that's a hell of a one, so.

• 1:44:51Speaker 03

  I know, I was like, oh my god, I'm all over forgiveness.

• 1:44:55Jay Shetty?

  And he's like, yes, I was thinking that was good. That was beautiful, yeah. It was really, it was really truly special. It was, you know, it was just being with another creature that, another form of life, that is. Uninterested in you.

• 1:45:11Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:12Jay Shetty?

  It's very humbling in a good way.

• 1:45:14Selena Gomez?

  Definitely.

• 1:45:14Jay Shetty?

  Wow, this form of life doesn't even care that I exist. We're like staring at it, taking pictures. And the gorilla's just like, yeah, whatever.

• 1:45:22Selena Gomez?

  Yeah, like, okay, man.

• 1:45:23Jay Shetty?

  That's a good question. That's a good question. Well, Selena and Mandy, you have both been so gracious with your time today. You've been so kind and generous with your energy. And this documentary is going to change so many lives. And it is going to shift the culture of how we share our pain in a way that truly positively impacts the lives of people across the world. And so, thank you both.

• 1:45:52Selena Gomez?

  I really appreciate it.

• 1:45:53Jay Shetty?

  Selena, thank you so much.

• 1:45:53Selena Gomez?

  Thank you.

• 1:45:54Jay Shetty?

  For sharing your heart for years, for sharing your soul and for taking the time to create something that's truly going to be talked about for years and years to come.

• 1:46:07Selena Gomez?

  Oh, boy. Thanks.

• 1:46:10Selena Gomez?

  Thank you, Jay. You're the best.

• 1:46:11Jay Shetty?

  And thank you for your friendship as well.

• 1:46:13Selena Gomez?

  Of course.

• 1:46:14Jay Shetty?

  Mandy, thank you for opening up so vulnerably with us today about your experiences, about, you know, all the gifts and the challenges that come with loving family and each other. And also for leading as part of this movement and everything you're doing with Wondermind and trying to help people all across the world with mental health and wellness. Thank you so much for your commitment to that.

• 1:46:35Speaker 03

  No, and thank you. Thank you for everything you do.

• 1:46:37Selena Gomez?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:38Speaker 03

  Yes. All together, we can make it happen.

• 1:46:42Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 1:46:43Selena Gomez?

  Thank you.

• 1:46:43Jay Shetty?

  That's perfect. Thank you, both. Thank you so much.

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