Taylor Tomlinson ON: The Quarter-Life Crisis & How to Let Go of Toxic Relationships

Do you want to meditate daily with me? Go to go.calm.com/onpurpose to get 40% off a Calm Premium Membership. Experience the Daily Jay. Only on Calm Jay Shetty talks to Taylor Tomlinson about why sometimes it’s okay to shift your focus on something else. Dropping out of college doesn’t really mean you’re wasting your time away. In some cases, people have found success and multiple achievements after they decided to pursue something else. These pivotal moments come and go in the most unexpected ways so we all need to learn how to spot them and seize the opportunity right away. Taylor Tomlinson began performing comedy when she was 16, after her father signed her up for a stand-up class. She became a top 10 finalist on the 9th season of NBC's Last Comic Standing in 2015 and was named one of the top 10 comics to watch by Variety at the 2019 Just For Laughs festival. Her first Netflix standup special, Quarter-Life Crisis, premiered in March, 2020. In 2021, she started her own podcast called Sad in the City and in the same year she was placed on the Forbes' 30 Under 30 list. Now her second standup special, Look at You, is now streaming on Netflix. Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/ What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 05:03 Why did he sign you up for a standup class? 10:34 Performing on stage is still terrifying 18:20 Dropping out of college 25:41 It’s really about being confident 31:33 Everything happened for a reason 40:51 On relationships and working through the issues 45:02 That guy who actually cheated 50:28 Spend as much time as you need to know yourself 01:00:07 The time that people spend alone as adults 01:04:53 Getting this moment of peace after performing on stage 01:11:22 Being open about your mental health 01:17:02 Taylor on Final Five Episode Resources Taylor Tomlinson | Instagram Taylor Tomlinson | Facebook Taylor Tomlinson | TikTok Taylor Tomlinson | Website Taylor Tomlinson | Netflix Sad in the City See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted.

• 0:41Jay Shetty?

  Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient

• 1:26Jay Shetty?

  density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements, and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/OnPurpose. That's drinkag1.com/OnPurpose.

• 1:56Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Orange Theory Fitness. One of the best investments you can make is in your own strength. The choices you make today can help shape how you feel for years to come. Orange Theory Fitness provides a one hour workout to build strength, burn fat and build muscle with an expert coach guiding you every step of the way. Head to orangetheory.com/OnPurpose to learn more and get your first class free. Orange Theory Fitness, helping people live longer, more vibrant lives. Terms and conditions apply. See webpage in studio for details.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  My grandma will say things like, your mom would have thought this was so cool. Your mom would have been like in the front row. And I go, I don't know that I'd be doing this if mom was still here. I don't know. It's, it's so strange to be sad.

• 2:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  That a parent isn't here to see your success, but also know that a big reason you're successful is this drive to become somebody they would have been proud of.

• 3:01Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now you know that I get to sit down with a lot of exciting, interesting, fascinating people. But sometimes there's someone that I reach out to that I'm just a huge fan of. And actually it was my dear friend, Adam Grant, who gave me an excuse to reach out to this individual. With an opportunity that he had for her, which I even forgot what it was. And he's been an amazing guest on the podcast too. Just gave me an excuse to DM her and say, hey, Taylor, would you like to do this thing? Which was my way of sneaking in and saying, hey, can you come on the podcast too? I've been a huge fan of today's guest since her first special, her Instagram, her social media.

• 3:46Jay Shetty?

  Her TikTok's incredible. I have sent her videos to my wife, my family, my friends, my trainer this morning. I mean, she's one of those people that as soon as I watch her, I start laughing. I learn something new and I just feel an incredible sense of joy. And in the few moments that she's walked into my home. Into our studio, I love her even more. I'm speaking about the one and only Taylor Tomlinson, who began performing comedy when she was 16 after her father signed her up for a stand-up class. She became a top 10 finalist on the ninth season of NBC's Last Comic Standing in 2015, and was named one of the top 10 comics to watch by Variety at the 2019 Just for Laughs Festival.

• 4:31Jay Shetty?

  Her first Netflix stand-up special, which is where I discovered her, Quarter-Life Crisis, premiered in March 2020. In 2021, she started her own podcast called Sad in the City, and in the same year, she was placed on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list. Now, her second stand-up special, Look at You, is now streaming on Netflix. I want you to go and watch it straight after this, and she will be at the LA Netflix Comedy Festival Show at the Ace Theatre on May 6, 2022. So make sure you grab some tickets. Welcome to the show, Taylor Tomlinson. Taylor, thank you so much.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. We were just talking about this before we started recording, but I was like, what am I doing here? Like, truly, your podcast is just full of so many interesting, wise people teaching you how to live a better life. And so to come in as a stand-up comedian, and you're like, I can't wait to learn things from you. I'm like, ah, yeah, absolutely. I have so much to teach. I'm coming into this fully hoping to... I almost brought a notebook to take notes, because that's how I feel every time I listen to your podcast or watch any of your TikToks. Like, I am still thinking about the video where you talk about checking your phone first thing in the morning, where you're like, you wouldn't just have 100 people

• 5:53Speaker 01

  come into your bedroom. And I'm like, oh, my God. That's, that's exactly what you're doing every morning. And I'm still terrible at it. And I do it every morning, but every time I do it, I think about you telling me not to.

• 6:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, I genuinely feel that not only do I laugh at everything you put out. I mean, I can name my top three favorite moments in your special easily. I think for me, I also learned from you because I think what you do so phenomenally well, especially when it comes to love and relationships, but also life, is you're able to get inside people's minds as to how they think about situations and how they navigate relationships and how they make certain decisions in their life. And so I do think you teach. I'm not expecting you to teach. I, I want to laugh with you today. I want to get to know you better. This was just an excuse for me to be a fan and for me to hang out with someone that I admire and adore so much. And, and genuinely, from even the few moments we've spent, I'm just so happy meeting you.

• 6:52Jay Shetty?

  And I hope this kicks off a wonderful friendship. So that's kind of why I do this whole podcast.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 6:57Jay Shetty?

  Is to be able to lure people into being friends with me, but, but I, I'm so excited. I want to start by talking about a lot of your journey because I think I discovered you, like I said, through your first special. You've been doing this for a lot longer than that. And then I kind of went backwards. And I was like, oh, wait a minute, like this, this person's incredible and it's such a fascinating story. And I am interested in stories because what we were just talking about now, that sometimes when you see someone, second Netflix special, sold out tours, like you look at that person and you go, oh yeah, that they've, they've always been that way. And when I look at you, I go, well, wait a minute, your father signed you up for a stand up class. Why did he do that? That sounds like a painful thing for a father to do.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  I think a woman at our church wanted to do it and she told him about it. And then he brought me along thinking I could write for him, maybe like,

• 7:52Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  He was like more of a performer. So I'm very glad he did, you know, for whatever reason. And yeah, it is a very strange thing because I didn't, I didn't get into this. Super intentionally, like it was something I sort of fell into as a result of just this one woman going, I think I'm gonna take the stand up class because she was like a retired school teacher and did some public speaking events and wanted to inject some humor into it. So it's funny how something as small as that, like an after service conversation just snowballed into my entire life, my entire career. And you and I were talking earlier about just you being very young as well and you being so successful in what you do and

• 8:37Speaker 01

  how it seems like, you know, maybe you've only been doing this for five years online and you're like, but I've been doing this, there were 17 years before that, that I was teaching and interviewing and learning and I've had all these life experiences. And I think a lot of people look at my career similarly sometimes where they go, well, you blew up very quickly or you got all these opportunities very quickly. And I think I feel very self-conscious about that sometimes because 28 is very lucky and young to have two Netflix specials. It was not something I ever anticipated achieving at this age.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  I've just been very fortunate. But then I think back to when I actually started and I'm like, oh, I've been doing this for 12 years.

• 9:26Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  So, okay, it's not like I just started yesterday, but I think when you are younger than what people expect

• 9:36Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  from someone doing what you do, there can sometimes be a little bit of like, oh, well, it's just been easy.

• 9:43Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  For you. You just did it.

• 9:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. But I also find it's quite an untraditional journey. And it's so funny because we shared that my parents forced me to go to a public speaking class and drama class when I was 11 years old because they thought I was too shy.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 9:59Jay Shetty?

  And I didn't have any confidence. And so my parents signed me up to Lander, which is the London Academy of Music, Drama and Arts. And they said, they forced the school to allow me in because they missed the signup date or something like that. And they like begged and pleaded with one of the teachers saying, we really need our son to do this because he's shy and he doesn't have confidence. And now I look back and I think, wow, my parents made this amazing decision, just like you said,

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:24Jay Shetty?

  that has impacted my whole life. And I think I would, I wouldn't have had that opportunity if I didn't do that. So, but even for you, it's, it's an after sermon, after service conversation. Like, that sounds very untraditional, at least from my external ignorance.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely. It's the thing people ask about the most because it's, it's not an origin story. I think many stand-up comedians have, and if they do have it, they are generally still in the church world, because there is a, there is a comedy church circuit.

• 10:57Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing. I love hearing that.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, it's, it's a different, it's a different path that I did not choose to go down. But yeah, I mean, it's, there are so many different ways to do stand-up professionally. Like, I think that's what we forget. Like, I also had a year in my early twenties where I did, like, eight cruise ship weeks.

• 11:19Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Which is a whole other thing, and there are comedians who only do that. Like, I feel like I've been very fortunate in my career that I have experienced kind of a lot of different pockets of this industry that is more than just getting the Netflix special, getting the HBO special. I've done corporates and I've done colleges. That's how I went full-time initially when I was 21 or 20, is I was doing all these college gigs. That's why I dropped out of college to go perform at colleges, which is sort of funny. And cruise ships and churches. Yeah, I mean, I've, I've kind of done everything you could do, and then also all the bars and, and strange shows you do in backyards and whatnot.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  So, uh, yeah, it's, there's a lot of different places to exist and, and do what you love to do. It's not just this one path that you see on TV or in movies or documentaries. So I think that's important for people to know as well, who want to do something creative, whatever that may be, that it can look like a lot of different things.

• 12:26Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely. And I think, obviously, you know on this podcast that we try and get into the psychology and mindset and the way people make shifts. And what I find fascinating about stand-up comedy and what you do is that it really requires you to overcome some base fears. Like, the fears of what will people think? How will I look? How will I be received? These are huge fears, and personally, I think stand-up comics Face one of the hardest things because it's like you're introducing this person is going to make you laugh and this person is funny. And then it's like it's the expectation is so much higher. Talk to me about that first time or maybe something you learned in that stand up class

• 13:08Jay Shetty?

  that started to be that you started to be okay with that fear and dealing with that. Or did you never feel that fear at all?

• 13:15Speaker 01

  Oh, I was terrified. I mean, do you feel like you were shy?

• 13:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  I was a kid like

• 13:19Jay Shetty?

  Definitely massively.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  How long did it take for you to sort of feel like you weren't? Or do you still feel on a base level, you're shy and you've just figured out how to not act that way?

• 13:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I find that so from 11 to 18, I went to public speaking and drama school. And those years gave me the skills, but I didn't have anything I was passionate to talk about until I lived as a monk and until I understood the wisdom, the Vedas that I studied and now I share. So to me, it was almost like you have a toolkit, but I never used it because I still didn't feel confident. I actually got confidence because of what I was sharing. I have so much more faith and confidence in the ideas I share than I do even in myself. And I think that's what gives me so much excitement and enthusiasm. But having said that now, I would say that even today, I feel really confident when

• 14:14Jay Shetty?

  I'm one on one with someone and when we both know what role we play. But if I turn up to a random event that isn't my event, that is someone else's event, I will just try and find one person that I can have a really deep intimate conversation with as opposed to go up to everyone and introduce myself and make sure that everyone knows I came to the, I'm not like that because I feel more comfortable getting to know someone deeply. So I would still consider myself, if it's my event, I'm not shy because I know what role I play there and I'm doing something. But I would say I'm shy when I'm at an event where I don't have a role. Does that make sense?

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. So I think that, I think that is on a base level, I'm an introvert and I'm shy. I feel the exact same way. And I felt like that for years and I still feel that way. I have, I think a lot of social anxiety. I think that when I started doing stand up. I, I always liked performing, but I, once I found stand-up, I was like, oh, this is where I feel the best is on stage doing this thing. This is where I feel like myself. And actually, when I first started doing stand-up, I felt like the version of myself that I was on stage was who I wanted to be in

• 15:28Speaker 01

  life all the time, but I couldn't because I was too shy and I didn't have the confidence. And then at a certain point, it, it became more true to who I was out in the world. And, and now I'm, I'm at this weird place where I'm like, is that even me? Is that the most, is that the purest version of me? Is that the most sort of polished version of me? Like, it's very strange to be in this business and see so many videos of yourself and so many photos of yourself. And it can feel very like dysmorphic where you're like, who, who am, is that?

• 16:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Who is that?

• 16:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  That's not me. Especially when you're, you are achieving these goals you've always had, like, you know, when I got on Conan or something like, I was like, I'm in the thing I've been watching for years since I was a kid. And you're, it's sort of this strange out of body experience, but I was, I was terrified of performing when I first started doing stand-up. I mean, I felt sick, like physically sick for days before I went on stage.

• 16:37Jay Shetty?

  How did you push through that? Like, how did you get through that?

• 16:40Speaker 01

  I just loved it so much that I, I, I just wanted to do it more than I was scared to do it.

• 16:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Um, which is sort of how you have to be if you are somebody who's not naturally extroverted or what have you. And I think really what helped is once I graduated high school and, and was doing stand-up consistently in San Diego.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Once you're doing multiple spots a night, it takes less pressure off of it. And you don't have as much time to be nervous.

• 17:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's a good point.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Because I'm sure you feel the same way where you're like, I do a podcast every other day. Like, I'm not gonna get nervous to meet somebody new again. It's a muscle. It's really just a muscle. And if I don't go on stage for a few weeks, which doesn't really happen. Like, when we had lockdown and I didn't go on stage for five, six months. The first time back on stage, even for a Zoom audience, was terrifying.

• 17:40Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  Like, it'll come rushing right back. It's not like I'm like, oh, I'll just go on stage. And I get nervous to do spots in town. I get nervous to try new stuff. I mean, I'm so lucky to be on this tour where people have paid money to see me specifically. Because for years, it wasn't like that. For years, it was people got free tickets or they got barked into a club in a mall. And they were like, yeah, we'll go see comedy and maybe it's not what I want. But we'll check it out. We'll give it a chance. Obviously, all of that makes it a little easier to go out on stage and know you have that that grace period.

• 18:16Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  At the very least. But I think just the consistency and knowing that you can do the job. That's where you get the confidence. And like you said, you have more confidence in what you're saying. When I was first starting out, I was a teenager. I didn't feel like I could talk about anything with any sort of.

• 18:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, wisdom or experience.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then I started talking about the fact that I had no wisdom or experience. And that's what quarter life crisis is.

• 18:44Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Because I was like, what am I gonna talk about? How about the fact that I don't know anything?

• 18:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  And so many people came up to me after shows going, oh, my gosh, this is exactly how I feel. I don't know what I'm doing. I hate being this age. It's so confusing. Because I had always just assumed everyone's having a great time in their twenties. Everybody's killing it. And I didn't have a traditional college experience because I dropped out to do stand up. So I didn't feel like I was doing my youth correctly.

• 19:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  And so to start talking about that on stage, thinking it was like a new angle. And then to have everyone go, oh, we feel the exact same way. Even like people who looked like they were killing it in that area. Where I'm like, you look like you go out on the weekends and everything's awesome for you. Was really validating for me and the same with the new special, Look at You. I mean, so much of it is about my own struggles with mental health and

• 19:40Speaker 01

  finding out that I was bipolar and all these different things and losing my mom at a young age. And getting the feedback from people that they relate to it or they've dealt with similar things, if not the same things. In a selfish way, it makes you feel better about it and it makes you feel more confident in talking about your own experiences because, you know, with the internet, you can find your audience now. Maybe not everybody relates to what you're talking about or wants to hear you talk about something. But the people who do really appreciate it and really do connect with it. And so that's, that's how I try to, right now, is I just try to write about things that

• 20:22Speaker 01

  I want to talk about or I want to hear about and, and find other people to relate to me about.

• 20:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that your special was called Quarter Life Crisis because even in the work I do, I find that that is such a key pillar of a lot of people I connect with. So they're coming to you to laugh and understand and feel heard and, and resonated. And a lot of people will say to me, well, Jay, I'm stuck with where I am or I don't like my career. What was that transition like of saying, I'm okay with not going down the right, correct path of staying at college, completing, but I'm actually going to go and do off, do something that I enjoy and love. Like, what was that transition like for you? Was it one welcomed by yourself and the people around you with excitement and joy?

• 21:10Jay Shetty?

  Or was it surrounded with worry and anxiety and, and a sense of, oh, this is going to be tough? Or I'm actually scared about this?

• 21:18Speaker 01

  I think when I left college, I had booked enough work.

• 21:23Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  That like I would have never just quit college to see, you know, like I had enough work booked. I, I physically couldn't go to college anymore. Because at the time, the school I was at didn't have enough like online options. So I just, I just couldn't. And I had already taken a semester off to. Audition for all these colleges. There's something called NACA where you essentially auditioned for a bunch of college bookers. And so I had booked like 50 colleges in the winter and spring. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna be gone for like three weeks at a time, performing at these schools, mostly on the East Coast. So I can't. And I think I just told myself, well, you can go back.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  You can go back. And I told myself that for years. I told myself that until I got the first Netflix special. Once I got the first Netflix special, I was like, I think I don't have to go back to school. And then the pandemic hit and I was like, maybe I do. So I really wasn't like all in. Like, I was like, I held on to that because I was, I was a good student. I really thought that I was going to college. I was gonna finish. Like, a lot of it was tied up in like being a good kid, I suppose. So that wasn't something that I made a hard decision on. It was something that I sort

• 22:44Speaker 01

  of over time accepted as long as everything was going well in my career. What was harder, honestly, was just moving away from being a clean comedian and, and that transition from, I never performed in churches exclusively, and I didn't want to perform in churches exclusively, or even mostly, but to move away from being somebody that could and was this like squeaky clean act that, you know, your family isn't embarrassed to watch or anything, was, was really difficult. And that took a couple of years as well, because there's a lot of internalized shame

• 23:22Speaker 01

  that comes with that. And feeling like you're not good enough for the world you grew up in. But then also being too, feeling too like inexperienced for this like rock and roll standup world. Because it's, you know, I don't drink and I don't really. I didn't really do any drugs. Like I just wasn't fun. So I was like, so you're not going to be clean and respectable, but you're also not going to party like, which is again, a huge part of quarter life is I was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Because I'm, I'm boring enough to be someone who should be like, married right now, but I'm not like,

• 24:06Speaker 01

  where's my person? Like, you know, it's just, it's, it's a strange time in your life.

• 24:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  And I've had friends tell me that somewhat harshly where they were like, hey, I know you're complaining about whatever relationship not working out romantically, but your career is going really well. And you are in your twenties and people have this idea, like, everything's supposed to line up by whatever age they choose as the end, the end goal. And I was certainly guilty of that. And I've had friends very, very bluntly say like, hey, maybe just be happy with one area of your life going great.

• 24:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  And trust that the other areas are going to catch up.

• 24:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Or focus on the other areas instead of this one that you've been pouring all of your energy into.

• 24:56Jay Shetty?

  That is probably the most real answer I've heard to that question. I really appreciate it because, and that is such great advice, even though you didn't know you were giving advice. Because when you started to talk about how when you made that shift, you always knew you could go back. And that the next stage was developed instead of just throwing yourself into it. And I think this is such healthy concepts. I mean, I even say to my point at this, even at the stage of my life, I'll sometimes be like, I can always go back to the corporate world if I need to pay the bills. Like just because, and it's not, I'm actually not joking about that at all. I genuinely say that because it gives me the freedom. To not live in a what-if world of, well, what if this doesn't work? And what if this?

• 25:39Jay Shetty?

  It allows me to let go of that and say, I would have an amazing life because I'm so fortunate to have had a great education that would have got me a particular job and a job that I had. Or for you to say, hey, you know what? Even beyond all this, I could go back to college and study again. And I had a friend recently, and I'm encouraging a lot of my friends who are in that quarter-life crisis where they're stuck in jobs they don't love. Or they worked really hard for a career, but it isn't what they wanted to do truly in their heart. They did it out of society pressure, family pressure, whatever it may have been. And a lot of them are now making pivots. So one of them's at film school in L.A. One of them went on to actually become a stress coach for his own industry of law. And they're making these pivots at like, potentially some of them between 25 to 30,

• 26:23Jay Shetty?

  some of them 30 to 35. And it's fascinating seeing their journeys because it's exactly like what you're saying. They're like, oh, but I can go back if I need to. And going backwards isn't as taboo as we make it out to be. Like, we make it seem like if you're not moving forwards, your life's falling apart. It's like, well, no, sometimes you have to go backwards to re-navigate and reconfigure. And so I love that answer. And even more so, what I really appreciated about what you said towards the end there is the idea that when you're feeling accelerated progress in one area of your life, we've also been somewhat trained to believe that everything should move at the same time.

• 27:07Jay Shetty?

  And that your relationship and your career and this. And it's shocking to me how much we have in common despite being very different people. So when you talked about switching, and I want to talk about that more. For me, when I left being a monk, which I lived as for three years as a fully ordained monk, most of it in India, and living a very different life to the life I live today. When I first left, I had so much shame and guilt about how I wanted to share what I'd learned. Because I wanted to share it in a non-sectarian, in a universal way. And I wanted to share it with anyone and everyone without anyone feeling any pressure that they had to have a spiritual or religious belief to connect with my work. And, and that came with certain levels of, of criticism or,

• 27:53Jay Shetty?

  or judgment too, because it's like, well, wait a minute, you are a fully ordained monk who has studied these 5,000 year old literatures and scriptures and texts. But wait a minute, you're not sharing those. Like, like, how does that fit? And I know it's different, but there's, there's that similarity. I wonder, how did you, how did you get over that shame of guilt? Because I feel like that can be so restricting. And I even know people in my own community who would, who would feel restricted by that judgment. How we, how did you receive that? And how did you have the confidence again to break through that and say, well, this is still something I really want to do despite all of this?

• 28:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, that is so interesting that you drew that comparison because yeah, TikTok is about as far away from being a monk as you can get.

• 28:32Jay Shetty?

  Literally.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  It's so interesting to me that, I mean, what a perfect example you are of, of a huge pivot, but still it's all connected and it's all leading to the next thing.

• 28:49Speaker 01

  Anyway, to your question, I, how did I get past all of that? I have a lot of therapy, I suppose. I mean, when we were talking about, you can always go back to what you were doing before. I think what you said was so great. I mean, yeah, I do think people see it as giving up, but actually it's, it's really confidence.

• 29:12Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  It's you saying, I'm confident enough that if this doesn't work out, I'll make it work.

• 29:17Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  And if that means doing what I was doing before, that's fine. I have, I have a good friend, Delaney Fisher, who I used to do self-helpless with, she said to me when I was, I think, moving in with somebody, she, she had given a few of our friends this advice where she was like, you can always move out. Like you can always, it's okay if things don't work out. And I think we, we totally forget about that. As far as moving past no shame of it, I will say, There is no like, I can always go back to the church market. Like, that was not something I ever felt. Because that's a decision you make.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  And I felt very good about that decision. But that is a small pool of comedians who can do that. And it is, in some ways, easier to achieve a certain level of financial success in that area. There's a ceiling on it because, you know, it's a, it's a certain community. But I just knew that I wanted to talk about more difficult subjects. And yeah, I wanted to do jokes about sex. Like, I wanted to talk about whatever I wanted to talk about. And the, the expectations are so rigid in, in church comedy.

• 30:46Speaker 01

  In, in any sort of church situation, because they just want you to be what they expect you to be all the time. It's not enough to just come in and be a clean comedian for an hour. They want you to be a Christian all the time. They want you to be a role model and a perfect public figure. And I would open for people and they would get emails from someone going, well, I saw her do a set somewhere and she said, damn. And I was like, I cannot stay here. This is not sustainable. Even if I try to be perfect, I'm gonna slip up. Yeah. And I don't want to feel like this the rest of my life.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  And I wasn't sure that I believed in Christianity. I just didn't, I, I had felt that way since I was a kid. My mom passed away when I was eight. And as soon as she did, something kind of shifted in me where I realized, nobody knew for sure. My family's very religious and a lot of people I grew up around, and I love my family. I have a very open-minded, extended family. But a lot of people I grew up around. Act as if they know for sure what happens, what the answers are as far as religion goes. And I just realized like, oh, nobody really knows. And while I feel very open to the possibility of something else, something greater.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  I, I know that even if I devote my entire life to it, I will never figure out exactly what it is. For sure. And so that always rubbed me the wrong way and I didn't like the way that it can be used to judge and manipulate people. And I just, I just wasn't what they wanted. And I started to feel like I was lying to anybody who hired me in that space. So at a certain point, I, I got taken off of a show for something I tweeted that had like innuendo in it. And I just told my manager, I was like, if we get any offers for churches, I can't do it.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  And then they sent me a few more like, it's this much money. Do you want to do it? And I was like, I can't, it's, it's all or nothing with them. And that's fine. They can, they can make those, those demands for whoever they want. Those people exist. Those people absolutely exist. My friend Dustin Nickerson, who goes on the road with me is very clean and can perform literally anywhere. And that's who should be doing,

• 33:22Speaker 01

  you know, certain gigs that I'm not right for. I mean, you don't, you don't have to be right for, for every single thing. Yes, yes. It's okay if you're not right

• 33:35Speaker 01

  for, for a certain role.

• 33:39Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed. According to Indeed data worldwide, spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast. That's indeed.com/podcast.

• 34:25Jay Shetty?

  Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. The best habits are the ones we hardly notice, the ones that quietly shape the way we move through life, giving us the confidence to focus on what really matters. That's Mazda's approach to safety. Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected and more engaged with your drive. So you can stay present behind the wheel. That commitment has earned Mazda recognition as Consumer Reports' safest new car brand. And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick Plus awards than any other car brand. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more.

• 35:10Jay Shetty?

  A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Mazda, more of what matters to you. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by Amtrak. You know that feeling when you're already tired and you haven't even gotten there yet? That's where Amtrak comes in. Leave the driving behind and settle into a comfortable seat with plenty of room to stretch out. Catch up on work with wifi, grab a snack at the cafe car, or just sit back and enjoy your favorite podcast. Choose a cellar or northeast regional and get there without the stress of getting there. Visit amtrak.com to plan your next trip. Oh, yeah.

• 35:53Jay Shetty?

  Definitely, I think that's great advice and it gives you such a, again, freedom to recognize there is an audience for what you want to do. It does exist. It may be smaller, it may be larger, it may be different, it may be here, but, but there is one. You touched on there and you mentioned it earlier, obviously like losing your mother at eight years old and I, you know, I can't begin to imagine or understand what that feels like as an experience. You said that that was one of the things that opened up was, what else was there that that opened up for you? It sounds like you've spent a long time with therapy and reflection and been on a journey with that. What would you feel comfortable sharing with us that that opened up for you?

• 36:32Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, I talk about it a lot in the new special. It's. It is such a, it's, it's the most important

• 36:43Speaker 01

  thing that happened to me, you know, not the best thing that ever happened to me, but it's, if anything, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me and it's, it's hard to,

• 36:56Speaker 01

  I don't know who I would have been if that didn't happen. Like I, I, I don't think I would have been the same person. I mean, I have, I had a conversation with my therapist the other day where I was like, it's so funny because my aunt or my, my grandma will say things like, your mom would have thought this was so cool. Your mom would have been like in the front row and I go, I don't know that I'd be doing this. If mom was still here, like would I have, I certainly wouldn't have lived where I lived because my dad got remarried and that's why we lived there. And that's why I took that class is because we were in that area where that woman suggested it. So,

• 37:34Speaker 01

  who knows, maybe I would have found it, but also maybe I would have written children's books, which is what I wanted to do when I was younger. So I, I, I don't know. It's, it's so strange to be sad.

• 37:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  That a parent isn't here to see your success, but also know that a big reason you're successful is this drive to become somebody they would have been proud of or like, it's weird. I'm like chasing the approval of a ghost in a way, but then when you achieve those things,

• 38:08Speaker 01

  you're, there's, there's a sadness to all of it. Cause you go, oh, this is, this doesn't really fill that, that hole, I guess. Uh, but I do think it, it certainly, it, it made a lot of things much more difficult and I'm sure it. Made me shyer and I'm sure it made me very, it made me very, very anxious. And it burst that bubble. A lot of kids have, maybe not kids now because they lived through a pandemic, but a lot of kids have where you think you're invincible and nothing bad's gonna happen to you.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  And when something like that happens to you really young, you're like, okay.

• 38:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  So at any moment, the piano could fall on my head or someone else's head that I love.

• 38:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  So that's sort of when I like started having really bad nightmares, which I still have. And it, uh, it, it definitely affected me in so many ways. But the positive ways it affected me is I think it made me, I think it made me more empathetic. I think it made me a hard worker. I think when something tragic happens to you as a child, you sort of retreat into your imagination because you have to, which I'm sure made me more creative because living in my head was better than living out in the world where my mom was dead.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  So yeah, I think, I think as I've gotten older, I've learned to find the positive aspects of that loss

• 39:45Speaker 01

  that exist alongside the really difficult things about it.

• 39:50Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for sharing that, by the way.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:51Jay Shetty?

  You know, I, I find it so, it's so incredible to hear just the journey you've been on and, and from that experience. And just, and it's, and to me, it's not about, you know, the positive or the negative or, or how it feels. It's just interesting to hear you think about it openly. And, and I can hear just how much, how much work that's taken and, and what that process looks like. And I really appreciate you sharing that with us. Like genuinely, it's, it's so inspiring and it's hope giving. And I know that, you know, there'll be countless people who are listening right now who, who just feel so connected to that. So thank you so much for, for going there and, and sharing that.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you. Yeah.

• 40:33Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  I think when I was growing up, it was so. Hard to tell other people, but again, it feels like such an important thing to know about you, but I'm, it made other people uncomfortable who hadn't experienced death or loss. So then you're like, do I just tell them my parents are separated? Do I just kind of skirt around the issue? And I, it took years of like, almost like rehearsing with new people, how to, how to give them that information in a, in a palatable way.

• 41:05Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. No, it's such an important part of the story to, to understand someone and, and to be able to receive them and connect with them properly. No, I'm, I'm so grateful you spoke about it and I wanna, I wanna go in another totally very different direction now, but only because you said something earlier, I'm trying to bring it back. So we're talking about love and relationships and, and even that relationship with your mother and with your parents is so important in how it impacts your relationships moving forward. One of your favorite clips that I love is where you talk about, I believe it's the boyfriend who cheated on you in your head.

• 41:47Jay Shetty?

  And that clip to me, I've, I've sent that clip to more people than I could possibly imagine. And I have a funny story to tell that I don't think I've ever shared publicly, but I have to share it with you. So I've had a very clear value around cheating my whole life. That if someone was to cheat on me, or if I was to cheat on someone, I don't think I'm personally, it's not that I don't believe I'm capable. I don't feel enthusiastic about trying to continue on that path. Because to me, it's such a big core value of who I am. Again, I don't project that onto anyone. I wouldn't judge anyone for staying with someone or breaking up. It's everyone's personal choice. That's, that's where my personal choice stands.

• 42:30Jay Shetty?

  And my wife knows that and we've had this conversation. We've been together now nearly 10 years and married for six. And so we've, we've known this for a long time. And so me and my wife do this thing, well, we used to do it before the pandemic. We haven't done it since, but we used to do this thing with every 30 days, we would drive somewhere three hours from Where we live and stay somewhere like an Airbnb or wherever we can for three days. We'd lock our phones in a safe and we'd just spend time together. Because we found that every week we got so busy and I have a crazy schedule and so does she. And so like on a weeknight, it's like you're not really getting that deep intimate connection. And then the weekend comes and maybe you see friends and maybe you see family or whatever. And time just flies and then all of a sudden you've been married for ten years or longer and

• 43:12Jay Shetty?

  you're like, well, do I even know this person that well? And I saw that in the people I coached. I saw that in the people I worked with and I was like, okay, well, what's a habit? Or what's, I love coming up with like these, and I love numbers. And so it's like thirty days, three hours, three days. And so we're on this, one of these journeys and we're driving off three hours and we're listening to music. And this may surprise people, but we're listening to Future, the rapper, right? So me and my wife, I was sitting, listening to music, we're listening to Future, the rapper, for whatever reason, I have no idea. Uh, I do not know him, I've never met him. We're listening to Future on the way. We get to the hotel, uh, that we're staying at and then we maybe watched a movie and went to bed and I, I wake up in the morning and I've had this dream that my wife is having Future's baby.

• 43:57Jay Shetty?

  And she's in the shower, I can hear her that she's in the shower in the hotel room. And I wake up and it feels real. So I wake up and there's no part of me that is cognizant that that was a dream. I am fully in the reality that my wife, Radhi, this, this, you know, beautiful, abundant human being, has had an affair with Future of all people and now she's pregnant with Future's baby. And I woke up with like this brick on my heart, like that's how it felt, like it genuinely felt like there's this massive brick on my heart. And it was weighing me down. And in my head, I said, I'm gonna take care of that baby like it's mine. Like I was just like, I just have to like, I was just like, I love my wife so much, like I love her.

• 44:41Jay Shetty?

  And it was so weird because I have this value. And then when you think that this thing's happened, all of a sudden that, not that value's gone out the window, but that you, my, my love and my connection and attachment to my wife was stronger. And she, she was, the hotel room had one of those, like, you know, those window doors that open into the, from the shower bathroom into like the, the bedroom area? Yeah. So she opened, she looked at me, she was like, are you okay? I was like, oh, I just had a dream that you were having Futures baby. And she just burst out laughing at me like she was just cracking up. And I've never told that story anywhere else apart from now, apart from to friends and stuff. But it's fascinating to me how interesting it is that we can have these views on love. We can have these perceptions of love. And then when you get into a relationship, how these perceptions can change,

• 45:26Jay Shetty?

  how other people's music, thoughts, ideas infiltrate our mind and dreams and messages and all of that. I wonder for you, what have been some of the, would you say misconceptions on love that you think you had growing up? That had been broken down or that through your comedy that you've learned? Or maybe you've heard an amazing story from a fan at an event that has sparked some thoughts. But I'm always fascinated by things that we believe to be true about love. But as we grow older, we go, oh, they're not, they're not the truth. Does that make sense?

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. It's so funny you say that. I have a friend who's been in a relationship for, I believe, seven years now and is like my oldest friend. And I had, I had asked her a similar question.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  I don't remember when, but I had asked her, you know, what would you do if your partner cheated on you? And she was like, honestly, at this point, I

• 46:24Speaker 01

  love him so much, I trust him so much, I would probably go to therapy and figure out why it happened.

• 46:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  And I was like, oh, but you wouldn't just leave? And she was like, no, she's like, not at this point. Like, we've just been through so much together. I would, there, she's like, I know him so well. If he did that, I would know there was a reason.

• 46:41Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  And we would need to figure out that reason.

• 46:44Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh. And I was like, oh, okay. So we're all mature now. Like, I think I thought, well, my friends in this relationship, that relationship, they don't fight. Or this would never happen in so and so's relationship. And then as I've gotten older and I've dated more people, I've, I've spoken to friends of mine and said like, well, this happened. And they go, oh, we, we dealt with that.

• 47:10Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:10Speaker 01

  Like, we had the same thing or my partner did something like that, or I did something like that. And it took a while for us to unlearn it and get through it. And that's, I think, the hardest thing about dating.

• 47:24Speaker 01

  In your twenties and honestly into your thirties now as people are getting married later, it's so hard to know what is like a deal breaker.

• 47:33Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  And what is something that you can work through. And I think the thing I've learned from friends of mine and truly talking to audience members, because I do ask people who have been married a long time for advice. And most of the time they're like, we don't have any, move on. We just didn't leave. We mailed it. But so many people, it just seems like find somebody that they love so much. They're like, well, I'm gonna make it work with you.

• 48:00Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  And whatever things I had in my brain of if this happens, I'm gone. If this happens, I'll never get over it.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Once you find somebody that you love and respect so much and you've been through enough with them. If you trust somebody, and I feel this way with friends of mine. I should say that because I don't have that marriage or partnership that I can point to in my own life. But I have several friends who I've had for a very long time, who are there for me so consistently that when they hurt me or disappoint me, it is over very quickly. Because I'm like your family and you have been there for me so many times. Hurting me once is not gonna faze me. Whereas if somebody that I didn't trust as much or hadn't been there for me

• 48:54Speaker 01

  for as long or as deeply, did the exact same thing, we would not have a relationship anymore. We would be acquaintances now. So it is so dependent on the relationship you have with the other person.

• 49:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. And that's what I mean that for me, it just, you know, ultimately it's knowing your value, but then having compassion for other people's values. Because I think it's so easy to project your. Own ideas of what someone should do and how they should react and

• 49:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:25Jay Shetty?

  What's a good boundary for themselves and then almost going, well, wait a minute, like just gotta have compassion and empathy for that person's decision and their relationship with that person.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:35Jay Shetty?

  When you look for, I'm interested by, by dating and relationships a lot myself because it's, it's a part of my work. It's a part of my coaching. As you know, it's part of what I think about. What, what have been the, the funniest, most interesting date situations you've been in? Or ones that have given you hope or ones that have broken your hope or anything that you feel to share?

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Well, it's so funny. You bring up that joke from Quarter Life because

• 49:58Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  It's so funny because in the new special, I, I have a joke about an ex cheating on me and it's that, that guy that I talk about where I go, well, he never cheated on, I say, I do that joke where I say, he cheated on me in my head. I go, no, he never cheated on me, but he did this thing. That guy did cheat on me and he told me after I filmed that special.

• 50:19Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Yes, he finally told me and it was like, obviously years later, but like he and I had dated on and off for years and he had sworn up and down that he never cheated on me and really made me feel crazy. And to his credit, apologized very late, but really like, sent me this long apology where I was like, I was gaslighting you, like,

• 50:41Jay Shetty?

  Oh my God.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Really a beautiful, I almost made it my iPhone background. That's all you want is just, I was wrong and I gaslighted you. And we were like, you, yes.

• 50:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Send it out as a template for everyone to use.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  But also really messed with my head because I'd been in therapy going, you know, I always was so suspicious of this guy and he never did anything and I just created it in my head. So for them later, for him later to be like, no, I was and you were right and I'm sorry.

• 51:09Jay Shetty?

  I just pay for my therapy bill for the last 12 months.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Right. But also I got so many jokes out of that relationship. I really can't, I really can't be mad.

• 51:17Jay Shetty?

  It's paying the bills.

• 51:18Speaker 01

  It really is paying the bills. I have no regrets. But after he, you know, it's funny in terms of like, I thought that if somebody cheated on me, I would hate them and never speak to them again. And especially in that way, which is pretty messed up. Um, but there's obviously. More to the story circumstantially that contextualized it for me. But if you had just told me 10 years ago, like, this is what's gonna happen with this person. I would have been like, well, I'm gonna hate them forever. And once he told me that that's what happened. And I did know him so well, and I knew what he was going through and what he was dealing with.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  I think it actually improved, not our relationship, because we don't really have a relationship, but improved our

• 52:12Speaker 01

  feelings about each other.

• 52:13Jay Shetty?

  Yep.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  In a, in a, you know, just a, just an existing in the world as memories to one another. Like, I wasn't angry at him anymore. Because I finally knew for sure. And it does take a lot to admit to somebody that you did that. Yeah, and, and you can judge however long it took, or the way in which it was said, or whatever you want, but at the end of the day, I was like, you know what? This is somebody who was really important to me and really encouraged me in my career and, and really

• 52:55Speaker 01

  yes, hurt me in some pretty deep ways, but also made me better.

• 53:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  And I, I felt like I was able to sort of put that chapter of my life to bed and really care about him as a human being. And I had just lived longer and I had made my own mistakes in other relationships. And obviously, I made my own, my own mistakes in that relationship with him that were not okay. So I think time, age, compassion and empathy comes with all of that.

• 53:30Jay Shetty?

  Do you, I had this really strange vision while you were saying all this deep, profound stuff. I was like, how amazing would it be to see you making this joke next to this clip of you talking right now?

• 53:39Speaker 01

  I know.

• 53:40Jay Shetty?

  And I'm just like, literally, I'm like, Taylor, like, you're this mature, amazing individual. And then when I see you on stage, you're like this, you know, you're like. Picking fights with everyone.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 53:50Jay Shetty?

  And I love it. And I love that. And I love that. I love that paradox too. Like, I, I love that you're able to speak so lightly of so many of these things. And of course, you know, make, make so many millions of people laugh. But at the same time, when I'm getting to know you today, it's, it's fascinating to hear just how much thought and maturity and work and, and reflection, because what you just said is, is so massively evolved.

• 54:15Speaker 01

  I mean, look, I wouldn't have raised Futures Baby. I'm like, you're okay over there.

• 54:21Jay Shetty?

  Literally, that was like the only thing. I said, oh my God. Like, I literally felt that. Like, it was,

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:26Jay Shetty?

  I felt it in my gut. Cause yeah, because I was like, my wife's baby, I love her so much. Like, it was just, yeah, it was just one of those moments. But I'm glad it's not true, of course.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. Did you see the video on TikTok that went viral about that girl being walked down the aisle by her stepdad?

• 54:42Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  It was the exact same thing. She was like, my mom had an affair and got pregnant with me and my stepdad raised me. And he is my dad.

• 54:51Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  And this is him walking me down the aisle. Yeah.

• 54:55Jay Shetty?

  I know what you're doing. Yeah.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:56Jay Shetty?

  It's just, yeah. And that's the kind of, that's the real life version, right? You can have all these ideas and thoughts in your head and make all these commitments to yourself and then it happens and then.

• 55:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:07Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you, you change. No, I love that. I, I think if, if, if Taylor Thompson had any dating relationship advice, mistakes, thoughts, what would they be right now?

• 55:18Speaker 01

  Oh, my advice is to not listen to stand up comedians. For relationship advice. My advice is to listen to your podcast. And follow whatever you and your wife are doing.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  I don't know. I'm currently in this place in my life where I'm sort of coming to, and I'd like to talk about this on stage in the, the new hour I'm, I'm working on is I have, I have been in sort of like back to back relationships throughout my entire adult life in a way that I don't think is particularly healthy. And I have had friends, I have a new joke in the hour about, you know, a lot of my friends were like, you should maybe be single for a bit and maybe get a cat or something. And I was like, hard pass. Cats don't make me feel good about myself.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  But I am, I am reaching a point now where I'm like, okay, we've put off doing this work on being alone for a long time. And I think you need to do it now. And it is so difficult because I, I'm, I'm not, I'm not a casual person. I'm much like you where if I'm at an event, I want to talk to one person. So I'm not like that in any of my relationships, friendships or otherwise. So I'm generally in a relationship if I'm dating, I'm not like a casual dater. I don't have that in me. But as a result, I'm always getting into these, you know, year to two year things.

• 56:59Speaker 01

  And I, I'm, I've also just been so focused on my career. So anytime something wasn't working out or, or I was having problems with somebody. I was like, well, I can always focus on my career and that's fine. And focus on the next relationship. And, and now I've reached this level that I truly always dreamed of. Like doing a theater tour and having specials on Netflix. Like that is all I have ever wanted. And if nothing else happened from here on out, that is, this is more than I could have ever dreamed of. And so now I'm like, maybe it's time to get some hobbies.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Maybe it's time, maybe it's time to work on who you are as a person. Like you're very good at comedy, maybe get good at, I don't know, forgiveness. Like maybe just work on that. So I think, you know, what's that quote that people say, like you have to be somebody that you would want to be with forever. Like I do think that I have had moments of that over the years, but I'd like to really. I'd like to really focus on that and I, I, I don't agree with the statement a lot of people make, which is you have to be totally okay by yourself before you get into a relationship. I know so many people who got into a relationship three days after they ended one,

• 58:25Speaker 01

  and they've been together for 10 years. I know so many people who got into a relationship when they were really not in a good place, financially, spiritually, whatever, and now they've been together for 20 years. I think it is so case by case, but I do think that if you can show up for yourself and take care of yourself, you are going to show up for and take care of someone else much better and not put so much on them to take care of you. And I, I would like to, I think before I get into a relationship again,

• 59:04Speaker 01

  which I don't know when I'm going to be comfortable doing that, I would like to feel like I am someone who brings a lot to the table.

• 59:17Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Not just in a purely superficial way of like, look how much I've achieved. Like, my career's going well, which for a long time, I think on some unconscious level, I thought that if I achieved all of my career goals, I would be proving to someone, whoever it was, that I was like worth loving, like I was worth being with. And then you achieve all those things and you reach that place and you're like, oh, this didn't, this didn't do it.

• 59:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  That's not what it's about. So I, I, I'm really trying to focus on that right now. I'm trying to. Focus on who I am as opposed to what I've done. Because that has not been my approach the last 10 years to my life. And, and to go back to my mom dying young, I mean, I talk about that in the special as well as like, I had this irrational belief that I was gonna die at 34 because that's when she died. And it's very common, a lot of people have it when they lose their parents, even if their parents are, you know, 55 when they, when they pass, they get nervous coming up to that age. And then if you, I've heard if you get to that age and you surpass it, you, you actually

• 1:00:33Speaker 01

  feel sort of guilty of like survivor's guilt. So I have that to look forward to. But I think that was not just affecting my career goals, it was affecting my personal goals as well, where I thought I only have this amount of time, not even from a fertility standpoint, from just a, this is when I'm going to die, that I have to rush everything and I have to

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  become this ideal person. And that's not how you become your highest self, as it turns out.

• 1:01:06Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options.

• 1:01:51Jay Shetty?

  I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible. It's built to last and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality. So you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade.

• 1:02:35Jay Shetty?

  Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making and that extends to the practical stuff too. Like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 1:03:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I mean, you know, when you said that, I'm like listening to you today going, I think, I think Taylor, you, you really do know who you are and there's, there's so much, you know, there has been so much investment in that part of yourself. Yes, there's been, of course, amazing acceleration in your career. But from the little time we've spent together today, I'm, I'm, I'm hearing so much self-awareness and, you know, so much great introspection and so much amazing energy around that. So.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Thank you. I'm sorry if I'm rambling.

• 1:03:48Jay Shetty?

  No, you're not. This is beautiful. I'm, I'm, no, no, no, you're not rambling at all. I mean, I'm also reflecting back on what you just said and, and it gives me great reassurance in hearing that because something I ask a lot of clients to do in the relationship space is I ask them to write down the amount of days in their adult life or years in their adult life that they've spent single versus they've spent in relationships. And when you look at those two numbers next to each other, I know people that are 55 who will say that the amount of time they've spent in their adult life, of course, because we all, no one's dating when they're born, right? Well, maybe not. Right. So I'm like, yeah. But the idea that in their adult life, even people who are 55, 60 years, 55 is probably where people that I've spoken to,

• 1:04:33Jay Shetty?

  they would say that they've spent six months alone. Max in their whole adult life.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:38Jay Shetty?

  Alone, as in single, without being in some sort of relationship. And when you hear that, and when I started to think about it, for me, those three years living as a monk, uh, of being single, of course, but I look back at those and I think, wow, those were like really important formative years in my relationship with myself. And I fully agree with you too, that that never stops or is never complete. So it's not like check, did that, now I'm ready for a relationship. I have completed level one of life, but I've started level one of life.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Jay Shetty?

  And, and I think that's, you know, going back to your point that you're not going to fully love yourself and be good alone before you can be in a relationship, but you've started that journey to some degree. And ultimately, all that does is it removes certain obstacles, right? So someone could definitely go from one relationship to another and they could be together. It's just, we would remove certain obstacles if both people had, had done a little bit of self-work. And, and that's all, that's all it is. But it's never that, yes, you come to a relationship as this perfectly complete person. That is just a romantic view of what it looks like. And, and I saw that with me and my wife, like, you know, when, when we met and we fell in love as well, and you know, falling in love is not a logical,

• 1:05:57Jay Shetty?

  you're not planning it all out and you're not logically going through the steps. There's attraction and then there's affection. And then all of a sudden, there's attachment and you're like, okay, I, I think I love this person. And then now I'm like, wow, I think sometimes when I proposed to my wife, I didn't even really know her compared to the person I know today. I'm like, I didn't know her. And, and I think the problem becomes when we think we know before and then we stop trying to know. And so you kind of go, yeah, I know who my partner is. We got married and then it's like, but I've never tried to get to know them again. And for me, it's been the other way around. We're like, yeah, we dated and we were together for four years before we got married, so plenty of time. But I'd say I've learned more in the last six of being married than I ever did in the first four.

• 1:06:39Jay Shetty?

  So the knowing of that person was far more important than the belief that I already knew them.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  Well, and you're both changing all the time.

• 1:06:49Jay Shetty?

  All the time.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  That's the thing when people are like, well, they're not who I married. It's like, of course not.

• 1:06:53Jay Shetty?

  Of course not, yeah.

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Of course not. You're not who they married, right? Like, you like me talking like I know? I'm like, marriage is like this. Yeah, I, I think that. I it's it's interesting what you said about the time that people spend actually alone as adults because I've I've spoken to friends of mine who have gotten out of really long relationships like that's such a that's such a common thing that I've never experienced where you know, somebody was with somebody for the bulk of their young adulthood, like maybe someone was with someone for eight years in their twenties and then they break up, which seems so devastating.

• 1:07:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Because I've never been in something that long that ended.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  Or, you know, people get divorced after however many years and and those friends realizing like, oh, I didn't, I never lived alone, like I've never lived alone and I'm in my thirties now and I'm sort of in a similar place where I'm kind of like surprised how much I'm appreciating it.

• 1:07:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Right now, like I'm really, I'm, I'm really like every night, I'm like, oh, I can just do whatever I want and I love being in a relationship. I love being in a relationship. I love the, the people I've been in relationships with. I love hanging out with someone. I, I love having that person to talk to and share with and because you really do just become best friends with that person.

• 1:08:21Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  But I have spent very little time just with myself and I, I really have spent years like dreading it where I'm like, I don't, I can't imagine just coming home at night or going back to the hotel after shows because that's very lonely and just like being by myself and not having someone to call, not having someone to watch a movie with. And now I'm like, oh, this is actually kind of peaceful. Like I, I was so scared to not have someone else to count on, but I still have me to count on.

• 1:08:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And, and when we don't have that, that, those are the triggers that come out. I mean, even in marriage, like right now, I won't have seen my wife for the first four months of this year. She's in London, working on stuff. I'm in LA. She can't be in LA right now for the work she's doing and I can't be in London. And so I'd say in our marriage, we've spent probably before pandemic, we spent completely together, which was wonderful. We loved it. It was actually great for us. But before that, I would say that we've spent at least. Three to six months apart a year because of work on and off, not always in one go. This time it's been in one go and I miss her. I cannot wait for her to come back. Like, I feel like I have to throw her a party when she comes back because I miss her so much.

• 1:09:35Jay Shetty?

  But at the same time, I'm also really happy because she's been able to focus and I've been able to focus. And we've had this moment to like really go all in on our careers again. And then to come back again and be together and go all in on that. And it's just, I think it's so healthy because marriage will also demand separation, especially with careers that we have, where you could be on tour again and you know, or and you're in a relationship. And so that aspect of coming home alone is such a hell, even now, like I've, I mean, we were together every day for two years during the pandemic. And now we've been apart for four months. It took days to get used to the fact that I didn't have someone's head on my chest going to sleep. Like, just that process of like, wow, like, I was like, well, I need to get a weighted blanket or I need to like,

• 1:10:19Jay Shetty?

  put that brick back on my heart or something like to feel like that way. Like, I don't know. Worst future. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, because it was just not, it was, it was so strange because of habit, of course, and the, and the, the habit with that. But you raised something really interesting and, and I've actually not had the fortune yet to go on tour. I do a lot of events, uh, speaking, but I haven't been able to go on tour because I was meant to when my book came out in 2020 and then I didn't. And, but I do remember starkly, and I, and I work with a lot of musicians and artists who perform to many, many people on stage. And they always told me about that lonely journey home. And I've had very few experiences of it, but when I have, it really did hit me that when you have

• 1:10:58Jay Shetty?

  an audience of people that are fully immersed in everything you're saying and showing you so much love and showing you so much energy. And you, you dropped every joke right and everything fell and everyone's just in place. And you have this meet and greet and everyone just showers you with more love and tells you how much they connected. And then you get into that car ride back home alone. It's a really, really strange feeling, right? And you brought it up there and that's why I remember that. And I remember I got home and my wife had thrown me a party with all our closest friends as a surprise for when I got home and I didn't even know. But it was really fascinating. I remember that drive, I was at the ACE, I performed at the ACE, which was the only show I've ever done, which was my own show.

• 1:11:39Jay Shetty?

  And then when I drove home alone in just a hired car, it was really interesting to see that settle down and be happy with myself in that moment. Walk us through how it's felt for you, because I do think that when we live in a world where you're showered with validation and attention, to then leave it.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  Well, hopefully.

• 1:11:57Jay Shetty?

  Hopefully. Yeah, hopefully. But when you're showered with that genuine love from a lot, I know that my community, I feel so much genuine love from them, but when you go home, you've got to have that relationship with yourself. Can you just walk us through that a bit? I want to hear about it from your thoughts.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  Oh, man. I mean, in terms of like being on the road and going back to a hotel room?

• 1:12:15Jay Shetty?

  Just that lonely, I feel like that is such a unique experience, because not everyone performs on stage and not everyone, it's like going home from a party is one thing, but going home from a party that was you on stage and everyone, it's just really, and I'm always fascinated about hearing about that lonely journey for artists on the way home.

• 1:12:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, there is sort of like a physical, at least for me, I feel like there's a heavy sort of like, after I get off stage. And now on this, you know, this tour, I'm usually doing like a meet and greet afterward. And so that's sort of like a little extension of the show is how it feels, because you're, you are meeting people face to face and taking pictures and sometimes hearing very personal things from them. I guess it depends, because some days are very hectic where you're just traveling all day and then you have to go on stage and you're kind of like just frantic, this frantic energy all day.

• 1:13:14Speaker 01

  And so when you hit like 10:00 PM and you're back in a car or in a hotel room, it's so nice to just finally be still and quiet and not have anybody looking at you. You're like, oh, everyone was looking at me for a long time. I mean, I have really strange moments where I almost feel like I'm like outside of my body on stage where sometimes I'm like. I'm everyone, there's 1,500 people here just sitting.

• 1:13:43Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  Quietly.

• 1:13:44Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:45Speaker 01

  Looking at me.

• 1:13:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:47Speaker 01

  While I talk, like, do you have that everywhere?

• 1:13:50Jay Shetty?

  Of course, every time.

• 1:13:51Speaker 01

  And you're just in sort of, you kind of go into almost like autopilot.

• 1:13:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  While you just sort of watch your hands move.

• 1:13:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  And gesture to ideas you have. And it's, it's so, I'm so incredibly grateful for it. I can't imagine, I couldn't have imagined that, I, I don't know, I'm obviously at a loss for words, but it's such a strange feeling to

• 1:14:21Speaker 01

  have all of that love and validation coming at you, as you said, and then just be back to being you.

• 1:14:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:31Speaker 01

  Because that's a version of you.

• 1:14:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:33Speaker 01

  But it's not, it's not that it's not you.

• 1:14:36Jay Shetty?

  Correct, yeah.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  When people say like, well, that's not who you really are. That's not, I'm like, no, that is who I really am, but it's a piece of me.

• 1:14:43Jay Shetty?

  So well said, yeah.

• 1:14:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's a mode I go into.

• 1:14:46Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  So it's not that like, well, they like me, but in my, in my darker moments, I've talked about this in therapy, I go, sometimes I feel like people only like me for this like trick I can do. And she goes, but it's not really a trick. It's a skill you have.

• 1:15:01Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  It's a, it's a job you do. And so that makes me feel better, but sometimes I feel so like,

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  you know, because nobody knows you really.

• 1:15:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:12Speaker 01

  Like, they think they know you, especially like doing a podcast like this, I'm sure your listeners feel like they just know who you are.

• 1:15:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:20Speaker 01

  But nobody actually does. I mean, it, it's, it's a strange,

• 1:15:28Speaker 01

  lonely space that's hard to explain.

• 1:15:32Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:32Speaker 01

  To people.

• 1:15:33Jay Shetty?

  No, I thought that was a good explanation. And yeah, I think a study, I was, I was looking into this. I was like, because I was, I, I love building new friendships and new connections and deepening relationships. And, and I really enjoyed that as, and even as I get older, because I find that a lot of the friends I grew up with, life changes and you move on. And I've moved city twice. I lived in New York. I now live in LA. I lived in India for a time. So my life's been very fragmented. And so I've had to rebuild community and family wherever I've landed. And so I really value that as a, as something I try and invest in, especially when I think about. One day having children and wanting them to have other children to play with and people's homes to go to and things like that. I think there's an issue when you say this is me or this isn't me.

• 1:16:19Jay Shetty?

  So it's like when you say this person on stage or this person who plays on the field or on the court. That's me, that's me, that's all of me. Or the opposite where we go, that's not the real me, this is the real me when I'm on my couch and I'm in sweats and. And and you put it perfectly, you said, no, both of me and that's just reality like. If I'm, am I silly and goofy with Radhi, my wife? Yeah, I am. But am I also really thoughtful and intentional and focused in my meditation? Yes, I am. And do I love being on stage? Yes, I do. Do I love business and strategy and growth? Yes. Do I love being a monk and being really simple and minimalist? Yes, I love all of those things. And yes, they're paradoxes and oxymorons and contradictions.

• 1:17:02Jay Shetty?

  But I've learned as time's gone on to stop trying to force myself to choose one. And accept all parts of myself. And that has been the most freeing, the most authentic version I can find. When I'm not forcing myself to live one truth and accept that I'm just made of a bunch of them. And and that's okay, like I don't have to live a certain way or act a certain way to fall. Because I don't feel happy there. If I was forced to either be one or the other, I think I'd be really sad. And I consider myself to be quite a joyful, content individual. And I would say that's because I've allowed myself to be okay with the paradoxes within me.

• 1:17:44Jay Shetty?

  If that makes sense. And and even with you, like when I'm listening to you, I'm going, there's, there's a paradox right here where it's like. A lot of people talk about how. Standup comedians use, you know, use comedy to heal and cope and and deal with things. I think that's been like a long term myth that kind of gets thrown around probably a bit too much without ever asking people in the industry. And and then when I look at you, I'm like, but here's someone who's doing like therapy and work behind the scenes and like thinking about it. And then the comedy is more. Express through that learning as well and all of that with that. How do you find that? Because you mentioned earlier, obviously in the new special, you speak about bipolar and you speak about mental health a lot more in your work.

• 1:18:25Jay Shetty?

  But you've been doing mental health work. So at least, and I don't want to assume anything I'm asking. It sounds like comedy to you is not an outlet or a healing tool or an expressive tool. I guess it's more of an expression tool than it is a healing tool.

• 1:18:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:42Jay Shetty?

  Does that feel, yeah, sorry if I'm messing up the question.

• 1:18:44Speaker 01

  No, no, not at all. I think what's funny is I think maybe I used to think it was a healing tool.

• 1:18:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:50Speaker 01

  Not in that this is where I talk about it, but I think I thought that if I could make fun of something or turn something into a joke.

• 1:18:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:00Speaker 01

  Then that would be the same as me getting over it.

• 1:19:04Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  Like that's dealt with because it's a joke now. Like I turned this into my career. This is turned into something that's going to make me money.

• 1:19:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  So now it's not a bad thing that happened to me. It is an experience that I turned into something that other people enjoy. And you know, I think in that way I thought I was feeling. But in going to therapy consistently and seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist and and recognizing that just because you know something about yourself

• 1:19:39Speaker 01

  doesn't mean you've dealt with it.

• 1:19:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:42Speaker 01

  Completely. Like I was so upset when I figured out that knowing something logically did not mean that it was healed. I was like, well, if I just untangle it.

• 1:19:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  I'll be great now.

• 1:19:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:00Speaker 01

  But it's all that stuff about trauma living in your body and when it's like you you're like, but I know what this is. I know this is a traumatic response to X, Y, and Z that happened to me. Why am I still feeling the brick on my chest?

• 1:20:14Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 1:20:14Speaker 01

  Because it's, it's more than just.

• 1:20:18Speaker 01

  Something you intellectualize, it is a physical, emotional, emotional, spiritual thing that you have to work through and spend a lot of time working through.

• 1:20:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Not just figuring it out and going, awesome. So that's done.

• 1:20:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  Check the box.

• 1:20:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:37Speaker 01

  So I think that especially with this special, I, at first I wasn't going to do any jokes about some of the aspects of my, my mental health journey in the last couple of years. And then I think my brain just works this way where I just kind of think in jokes. So as soon as I started thinking of jokes, I was like, maybe I should try these.

• 1:20:58Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:58Speaker 01

  And I was like, I won't do them, but I'll, I'll try them. And then once I started doing jokes about it, I started getting messages from people who were like, oh my gosh, I just got diagnosed with this, or I've been trying to get on antidepressants, or, or I've been feeling this way, or you really encouraged me to go back to therapy. And I was like, okay, then maybe we can just do it. But I was really nervous before the special came out. I was like, did I share too much? Did I put too much out there? But my therapist was like, you're, you are doing the work. Like it's.

• 1:21:31Jay Shetty?

  That's what I'm seeing. Yeah.

• 1:21:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I think as long as you're doing the work, it's, it, it's not gonna be fixed by you posting about it on social media or even talking to friends about it like you're good. Like you are gonna have to do that work.

• 1:21:48Jay Shetty?

  Yep.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Privately. So I think, I think that's the only way that I've, I've been able to talk about it in, in my material. And I wish I was more of like a, I don't know, just generally observational comedian, but I'm not. I draw from my own life and I write about stuff I'm going through because again, I'm insecure about talking about things I have. No experience with.

• 1:22:14Speaker 01

  So that's just kind of, kind of how I come at it and the sort of, the sort of writer I am, I suppose.

• 1:22:19Jay Shetty?

  Well, it comes out great. I love it. And I love what you said there. Like, like when you said, I think in jokes, I get that because you think in jokes, I think in quotes. And it makes sense. Like, whenever I hear something, I'm like, okay, how do I turn that into something really memorable and simple that I will keep in my brain? That allows me to use it as a tool later on. And that's kind of how I think. And then I think, okay, well, how do I? Find a quote or hear a quote or share a quote with my audience so that they can remember it so that that clarifies an idea for them as well. And so it makes sense because you're like, okay, well, how do I make it funny so that it's memorable from a? From it so that you remember, they remember it. So that feels very real. I get that. Like, that's how you try and. It's almost like that's how you try and capture an idea so that it sticks and stays and, and becomes something that people can share.

• 1:23:01Jay Shetty?

  But Taylor, you've been so generous and kind with your time. It's been such a joy getting to know you today. Honestly, it really has.

• 1:23:09Speaker 01

  Oh, this was so nice. This is not like most podcasts, I try to leave a cushion afterward to sort of recover. As an introvert where you're like, okay, I gotta, and this was just like. Refreshing and this like really just felt like hanging out with someone I wanted to hang out with. Like I feel like invigorated after this. This is so nice.

• 1:23:29Jay Shetty?

  Wow, that means the world to me. Thank you so much. No, genuinely, like. As I said, I've been such a huge fan for such a long time and to get to know you today is just, it's. It's even better than I thought it was going to be because. I feel like I already had high expectations and that's what I'm saying that you just. Blew through them and just who you are as a human and how you think about things and how you're making this like, it's just, it's amazing. And I'm so grateful that. You, you said yes to come in on the show and, and being here. Uh, we end every on purpose episode with a final five, which is meant to be a fast five. Which I always ruin because I get intrigued, but I will try and do it fast with you. So these are five questions that have to be answered. In one word to one sentence maximum.

• 1:24:11Speaker 01

  Ooh, okay.

• 1:24:12Jay Shetty?

  And I will ruin it. So it's, it's my job to ruin it and you pretend and try and stick to the rules. Okay. So question number one is what is the best advice you've ever received?

• 1:24:22Speaker 01

  You can always change your mind.

• 1:24:24Jay Shetty?

  Nice. That's a, that's a great piece. We've never had that. That's a great piece of advice.

• 1:24:27Speaker 01

  Thanks. I found a new one.

• 1:24:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you did. Yeah, that's, that's a great. I love that. What's the worst piece of advice you've ever received?

• 1:24:34Speaker 01

  If you take time off, everyone might forget about you.

• 1:24:36Jay Shetty?

  Wow, that's so good, too. I love this. We've never had that either.

• 1:24:40Speaker 01

  That's not great. That's, that really, I just remember that because it really tapped into like the workaholic in me.

• 1:24:45Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:46Speaker 01

  That I've always.

• 1:24:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:47Speaker 01

  I've, not always, but I've really tried to move away from.

• 1:24:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:50Speaker 01

  So the idea that somebody would say my worst fear out loud.

• 1:24:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely. I mean, when I first came here and I was, I was first started coaching here, I had talent tell me that they were told by their first manager that you, look, you've got a three-year career.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:25:03Jay Shetty?

  You've got a three-year career. You've got to make the most of three years and after that you'll be irrelevant. And it's the same thing. Like you just get, you stop. And I remember even when I, I remember when I got to 1,000, when I was first starting out, 1,000 subscribers on YouTube, which I was really happy about and excited about at the time and, and still am. And I remember my friends going to me. So this is the peak, basically. Like this is it. Like there'll never be more than this. And so you should just make the most of it because that's, and I remember like that, it was that fear mindset that every time I hit a new peak, people around me would say to me, oh, that's the peak then. So, so that's it now. You've done it now. And I was like, wait, only if you think that, like, you know, so great, great answers so far. All right. Question number three. What's something that you think people value that you don't value?

• 1:25:46Speaker 01

  Maybe this sounds sort of dumb, but whether or not people think I'm cool.

• 1:25:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:52Speaker 01

  I guess. And that's probably pretty like entertainment industry specific. But I do think that there's like a lot of like insecurity in this business. And there's a lot of like hoping other people like you and like think you're cool.

• 1:26:08Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  And I don't really care about that anymore.

• 1:26:13Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:14Speaker 01

  Like, I really just want to be happy.

• 1:26:16Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:17Speaker 01

  And find my people and focus on those relationships. And everyone else is kind of like, feel however you want to feel about me.

• 1:26:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  But I definitely used to be very concerned about that. And it actually, I think, made me far less cool and less likeable because I was

• 1:26:36Speaker 01

  really just terrified of everybody. So then I would be too quiet and then everyone would assume I was mean.

• 1:26:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:42Speaker 01

  And I'm like, I'm just scared. So, yeah, I think, I think, yeah, what, just what other people.

• 1:26:49Speaker 01

  Think of you and really I just care what's the people I like.

• 1:26:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:53Speaker 01

  Think of me.

• 1:26:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Uh, question number four. Uh, this has been a question I've been asking recently because I want to help people who are listening as well. Like, how do you think about how you choose your friends and the people around you? Whether it's personal or professional?

• 1:27:06Speaker 01

  I want to surround myself with people who work really hard, are kind and empathetic, and that I trust in every way, but

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  mostly that if we ever have a disagreement or miscommunication or argument, we're gonna talk about it and deal with it and get through it. So I think that's, I want, I want people around me that make me want to be a better person and put in the same level of energy and effort into our relationship that I'm going to.

• 1:27:43Jay Shetty?

  Love those. Uh, fifth and final question, Taylor. What is, if you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Ooh, one law in the world.

• 1:27:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:53Speaker 01

  Everyone had to follow.

• 1:27:54Jay Shetty?

  Question to every guest ever.

• 1:27:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh. I want to, I want to know what the best answer you've gotten.

• 1:27:59Jay Shetty?

  I don't think, they're all surprising. Like, you, you get everything from something really simple, like be kind, to some really specific thoughtful stuff. And so I, I don't, I don't think we've had a best answer, but I am currently compiling every answer we've ever had. Cause I think it'd be fun to like, look at like the breadth of answers.

• 1:28:16Speaker 01

  Ooh, one law that everyone had to follow.

• 1:28:21Jay Shetty?

  Or one habit that they had to do every day.

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  One habit that they had to do every day. I mean, everyone should be journaling, probably.

• 1:28:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  I guess that maybe.

• 1:28:31Jay Shetty?

  Love that.

• 1:28:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:31Jay Shetty?

  Have you been journaling for a long time?

• 1:28:33Speaker 01

  You know what I've noticed? This is going back to the relationship, single thing. When I am in a relationship, I'm terrible about journaling.

• 1:28:40Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:28:40Speaker 01

  And then when I'm single, I'm great about it and it makes a huge difference.

• 1:28:45Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 1:28:46Speaker 01

  And I remember the last time I got out of a relationship, I had been telling myself. Okay, well, I'll get back to journaling. I've been telling myself that for months and I thought I hadn't journaled in like two, three months, which is still bad. And I went back into it after my breakup and I, my last entry was like going on a date with the person I ended up in a relationship with, which is, I mean, again, I thought I was like, ah, it's been like 60 days, I'll get back to it. And it had just been so long.

• 1:29:19Jay Shetty?

  Well, that has so many lessons in it. That is, that is such a great answer because I think we leave so many of our best habits when we get into relationships and then wonder what went wrong. And so.

• 1:29:29Speaker 01

  So journaling and no yelling, I guess. Unless you're happy and excited. No mean yelling.

• 1:29:36Jay Shetty?

  No mean yelling. I love that. Very deep and profound.

• 1:29:40Jay Shetty?

  Taylor, you are incredible. I think you're cool. I would yell in excitement. I did when you first came. No, I am so, so happy that we got to do this. I'm so happy to get to meet you. For anyone who's been listening or watching at home, make sure you tag Taylor and me on Instagram, on Twitter, on all platforms, so that we can see what resonated with you, what connected with you. I love, love, love knowing what Taylor said that is going to stay with you, is going to stick with you, that connected with you, that moved you. And of course, I highly recommend that you go and check out Quarter Life Crisis and Look at You and follow Taylor on every single platform so that you can stay up to date and so that you don't have to see me send these scary videos,

• 1:30:22Jay Shetty?

  they're really funny videos and exciting videos for that you can, you do it yourself. But Taylor, you are, continue to be my, the comedian that I follow the most, that I love the most, that I watch the most. And.

• 1:30:34Speaker 01

  I'm so honored.

• 1:30:35Jay Shetty?

  So, so excited to see what you do next. I'm convinced for someone as talented as you and someone as grounded as you and who's doing the work so early that anything's possible. And it's, you know, more and more is going to happen as time goes on. So really, really excited for you. Excited to be an observer and a cheerleader on the journey.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. It was seriously so, so nice to meet you finally in person. And I'm obviously such a fan as well. And I can't wait to meet your wife as well. So you have to be friends with me now.

• 1:31:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, until she comes back in like a month. So yeah, yeah, definitely. But thank you, Taylor. Thank you. Thanks, everyone, for listening and watching. Make sure you share this with a friend who would love to hear it, would benefit from it. I hope that you pass it on and it changes someone day to day as well. So thank you, everyone.

• 1:31:30Speaker 02

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 1:32:00Speaker 03

  Ally here with cash when you need it. Like when your stylist just did the most. Fresh cut and zero cash. Don't be in... Ally has 75,000 fee-free ATMs nationwide. So you're never without cash. Ally Bank Member FDIC.

• 1:32:15Speaker 04

  Mr. President, my company tore me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess. And Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant.

• 1:32:32Jay Shetty?

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you're freezing there. That's what's...

• 1:32:36Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:32:39Speaker 04

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:32:40Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.