Demi Lovato ON: Depression, Healing, & Finding Your Own Identity

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. Demi Lovato chats with Jay Shetty about expanding your consciousness. It’s about finding grace and compassion for others when people don’t have a clear understanding of your own consciousness and how you identify as. It’s about holding your ground and staying calm when some people aren’t ready to accept you for who you truly are. And it’s about strengthening your resolve through meditation. Demi gained popularity as Mitchie Torres in the musical television film Camp Rock and its sequel Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam. On television, they served as one of the judges on The X Factor USA for its second and third seasons, and they joined the cast of the Smurfs: The Lost Village as the voice behind the lead role, Smurfette. Aside from remaining active in the music industry, they have talked with notable guests in their podcast, 4D with Demi Lovato Achieve success in every area of your life with Jay Shetty’s Genius Community. Join over 10,000 members taking their holistic well-being to the next level today, at https://shetty.cc/OnPurposeGenius What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:24 How life changing quarantine is 04:23 “I was a very ambitious 5-year old” 06:10 Expanding our consciousness 08:20 What helped you expand your consciousness? 11:51 Finding your own identity 15:32 What gender non-conforming means 17:38 Developing grace and compassion through meditation 21:36 You don’t have to be perfect to be able to meditate 27:09 Allowing your playfulness and energy to come through 36:40 Honor that voice inside of you 38:06 Reading, journaling, and meditation 41:40 Demi’s love for UFO’s and the extraterrestrial 48:06 Spending time with people who help you co-regulate 48:39 Demi on Fast Five Like this show? Please leave us a review here - even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally! Episode Resources: Demi Lovato | Instagram Demi Lovato | Facebook Demi Lovato | Twitter Demi Lovato | YouTube Demi Lovato | Website 4D with Demi Lovato See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:43Jay Shetty?

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• 1:27Jay Shetty?

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• 1:57Speaker 01

  I was in a straight relationship with a man and was engaged, and my life was taking a course that I thought I could see the ending, but when I was in it, I just thought this isn't it for me. When that ended, it forced me to take a look at what is it about myself that needs to change or that I need to accept? And I realised that, at the time, was just too queer to marry a man, and I wasn't identifying as female anymore.

• 2:30Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. I'm so grateful for the incredible community that we have and just how engaged you are and how thoughtful you are in the insights that you take away from every episode. And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find,

• 3:15Jay Shetty?

  keep or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jschettytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, today's guest needs no introduction whatsoever, but I am so grateful that I get to interview them and spend time with them today. I met them probably first time a couple of years ago and then we met on a set and now we're getting to be together again. I'm speaking about someone that I believe

• 3:59Jay Shetty?

  is one of the most vulnerable, honest, genuine and sincere humans that exists and someone who transparently shares their truth over and over and over again, no matter how difficult or challenging it may be, so that we can benefit from it. I'm talking about the one and only Demi Lovato. Demi, thank you so much for doing this. I am so grateful, honestly. I can't tell you how much I want to give you a big hug right now.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Oh wow, thank you. Thank you so much. That was such an incredible intro and I just, it means a lot to me that you invited, I just, it means a lot to me that you invited me on here and I'm excited to chat with you.

• 4:44Jay Shetty?

  I know, me too, me too. Last time we were together, you were interviewing me for your awesome show and I got to sit down with you. We were sitting on these amazing clouds and this beautiful set that you and your team had designed and today we're doing it virtually, but I still feel your presence like I did that day. And I wanted to start by asking you, just a couple of thoughts to get going, but you know, for a lot of us, the quarantine gave us time to think about new things. I was wondering if you developed any new hobbies or started doing something recently that you hadn't done before or experimenting with anything at all?

• 5:20Speaker 01

  So quarantine totally changed my life and I feel like I picked up so many little things that I just didn't used to do. I used to never spend time outside and I feel like now I go outside and I play with my squirrels, my backyard squirrels and like, you know, just feeding the animals in my backyard is something that I never used to do and now I do that and I have a connection with these little beings and they're so sweet. And then I got into candle making and like making your own body oils, things like that, fragrances. And then I also got into photography.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  And then I learned so much about myself. So it's just, it's been quite the little journey.

• 6:09Jay Shetty?

  That's incredible. I love hearing that. By the way, my wife loves feeding all the animals in our back garden as well, until they ended up, until they ended up now digging up huge holes in the ground. Because she keeps encouraging them to come back too much. So now there's all these potholes in the ground. But I love that.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  So you have to keep them fed.

• 6:29Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes, exactly. But candle making sounds phenomenal. I mean, my wife and I actually tried to create a scent. And it's actually really challenging. It's so underrated as a skill. It takes so much effort to actually create a beautiful scent, right?

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Yes, it actually does take a lot of practice, a lot of skill. I feel like for every candle that I nail, there's like 12 candles that I didn't, that are going to the trash. Or like last year, I just ended up giving them as gifts. And I was like, look, I don't know which ones smell good. Here, take it, just try it.

• 7:10Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Well, Demi, you know, you're someone who's always sharing and talking. But I want to rewind a bit with you. And I want to go back to Demi as a child. And I wanted to ask you, when you were young, young, like tiny young, I don't, you are young, I mean, tiny young. When you were really young, a young child, who did you want to be? What did you want to be? What kind of things did you think about? What were you fascinated by?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Well, I was a very ambitious little five-year-old. But that five-year-old said, I want to be the next Shirley Temple. And because I knew who Shirley Temple was, I knew what she had accomplished at such a young age. I wanted to, I wanted to do that. And I wanted to be the youngest person to ever win a Grammy, the youngest person to ever win an Oscar. And didn't work out, that's okay. But, you know, that's how much I dreamed when I was younger. And so I've always dreamed really, really big.

• 8:18Jay Shetty?

  That's incredible. And when you dreamt big, and of course, you've had incredible success across your career, incredible impact. And, and, you know, won so many awards and accolades. But it seems like the impact that you've had as time has gone on has become deeper and more profound. I genuinely feel that as someone who's been an admirer of yours and a fan of yours and watching from afar. But I just feel that Awards and accolades can't have the impact on people's lives that you've had through the work that you do off mic and off screen. And I wonder if there was an experience in your childhood

• 9:02Jay Shetty?

  or something you went through that encouraged you to be that way? Or maybe even something that you forgot about for a long time. But was there an event or something that happened when you were younger that gave you an inkling or a feeling of the type of work that you're doing today?

• 9:16Speaker 01

  I used to deal with depression at a really young age. And I always told myself that if I made it, I would help people. And I kind of like made this promise with God. And I said, if you make me a famous singer, then I will try to make the world a better place. And then, so I became a singer and here I am, trying to make the world a better place. I talk about consciousness a lot because it's something that I feel like is extremely important. Expanding our consciousness is now like my primary goal

• 9:58Speaker 01

  as a citizen of the earth. Just trying to help people expand their consciousness is really important to me because I feel like that's the only way we can move forward as a species. And yeah, when I was younger, it used to be, I want to help people with depression. I want to help people who were bullied because I was bullied in school. And so I've always kind of just taken a part of my life and thought, okay, where did I need a role model? Or where did I need support from someone that I love in the industry? But I didn't get it growing up.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  And that's what I've always tried to be for people is something that I never had growing up.

• 10:44Jay Shetty?

  I find it so powerful when someone turns their pain into their purpose or something that broke them into a breakthrough for other people. I love that transformation that when you've been through something that's really hurtful, but you use that to help other people heal. I think there's so much goodness and greatness in that. And as you've been doing that, I wonder, what were the things that helped you expand your consciousness? I love that. I love what you said. I want to help people expand their consciousness, which is such a beautiful aspiration. What were some of the things that opened you up to those ideas? Were those ideas that you always had? Or was there something that you experienced that helped you expand your own?

• 11:25Speaker 01

  Most of my life, I've spent trying to to figure out what it is in my life that's going wrong and how I can fix it. And in 2020, when the world shut down and we were stuck at home, I wasn't focusing so much on myself anymore because there were so many things going on in the news that that were so, they felt so much bigger than what I was dealing with. And I realized in that period of time that my life kind of shifted. It was always, I'm going to talk about my story, what I went through, how I got out of it, and I'm going to help others. And then it was like in 2020, I thought,

• 12:09Speaker 01

  oh, my gosh, this is so much bigger than me. This is so much bigger than just my story. And I need to get out there and I need to help people tell theirs. And so it became about sharing stories that weren't my own on my social media pages. And then from there, it kind of became, I don't know, I started meditating a lot. Meditation was something for me that was really transformative because I really went inward. And when I went inward, my mind grew outward. If that makes sense.

• 12:41Jay Shetty?

  It does.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  And and I don't I don't know how that works, but it it just does.

• 12:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's that's such a beautiful way of explaining meditation. I love that definition. I've never I've never heard of it before. And it reminded me of something, though. So in the Vedic tradition, there's a word that I think you'll like. And it's in the Sanskrit language. And it's it's, well, it sounds like this, and I'll explain what it means. It sounds like antar akash. And what that means is inner sky. And so it says that we all have this inner sky. And we're all like enamored by the sunsets and the sunrise and the sky that's outward. But there's a sky inside of us.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  Yes, there's a whole universe.

• 13:23Jay Shetty?

  There's a whole universe.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  There's a whole universe inside of us.

• 13:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, when you experience that, it's traveling inward. And I think we all are so fascinated with traveling and we all feel so stuck when we can't travel. But there's a whole journey within that's open for us all to take, which it sounds like you've been on.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  I feel like I did more traveling in 2020 than I did my whole career because most of the traveling that I did was inward. And the journeys that I've taken, um, just personally have been so profound and life-changing.

• 14:00Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. I mean, you've gone on lots of journeys. I want to touch on one specifically to start with, but I'd love to hear about others. And you know, gender expression has been a sensitive topic to so many people. But you were very open, brave and courageous to be able to share with your community earlier this year. And I wanted to talk to you about that because I feel that that's sometimes when you're looking within and you're traveling, you come across things maybe that you didn't know about. Or you come across things that maybe were hidden away or covered over or pushed aside. Or maybe they weren't allowed to breathe. Tell us what it was like when you started becoming aware of your identity.

• 14:44Jay Shetty?

  And was that a surprise or was it something that you knew was there? But that you just felt you didn't get to expand your consciousness to it?

• 14:52Speaker 01

  I felt like it was the latter of what you just said. I felt like it was always there and I always knew that I was different. I always, I always felt like, like, like one day it would click. And, and finally I felt like it did. I was in a relationship, um, in, in a straight relationship, uh, with a man and was engaged. And my life was taking a course that I

• 15:22Speaker 01

  I thought I could see the ending, but when I was in it, I just thought this isn't this isn't it for me. And when that ended, it forced me to take a look at what is it about myself that I'm that that needs to change or that I need to accept. And I realized that I'm too, I would, at the time, was just too queer to marry a man. And I wasn't identifying as female anymore. And I realized that because I had become friends with a good friend of my name, Alok Vedmanan. And I went to a poetry slam show or performance that they did. And

• 16:06Speaker 01

  they talked about being non-binary. And that show really resonated with me. But it was right after that, that I kind of jumped into a hetero relationship and, you know, really started to play that role of like, the female, I just being engaged, you know, the whole thing. I just, I wasn't allowing myself time to get to know myself before I jumped into something. And I think that 2020, being stuck at home, and you're having, you're forced to take a look at yourself outside of the lights and the cameras and the this

• 16:44Speaker 01

  and the that. I realized that I'm not who I am on stage. And, and also, there's so much more to me than that. And that was a really cool lesson to learn.

• 16:58Jay Shetty?

  That's so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. And, you know, every, I've heard you share that transition before. But as you're, as I'm hearing you say it now, I, I love how it's giving yourself permission to be more of yourself. And in my own way, I can resonate with it. Because I remember when I graduated, I decided to go and live as a monk for three years, instead of going, going into the world. And those three years gave me time to really build a relationship with myself. And whenever anyone asks me, like, what did you do during that time? I said, the biggest thing I gained from that time was that I got three years where there were no opinions, no expectations, no obligations, no noise,

• 17:43Jay Shetty?

  no predictions, projections, or interpretations of who I was or who I should be. And I just got to be. And that, it sounds like there's a similar experience in the solitude of being away, in your case, from the lights and the cameras. In my case, just from the normal life I would have led. There's so much greatness there. How did you? When you're doing that process, though, Demi, there can be so many uncomfortable, awkward, difficult things that you experience and see and hear. How did you create a mindset that allowed you to accept that with grace?

• 18:25Jay Shetty?

  To receive that with openness, rather than start to judge or criticize yourself? What did you do to navigate that?

• 18:32Speaker 01

  I had a lot of conversations with people around me that were familiar with my situation and what I was experiencing and what I had learned about being non-binary and gender non-conforming. And so I had a lot of support around me to navigate through those times and through those conversations. And yeah, I just started to, I started to try on the non-binary identity. And the longer that I wore it, the more it felt right. And for me, I know that there's going to be people

• 19:14Speaker 01

  that don't accept me for how I identify. But there's always going to be someone that doesn't accept you for some reason. So I just kind of take it with a grain of salt when somebody... Isn't ready to learn what being non-binary or gender non-conforming means. And I just think to myself inside my head when I, when I hear someone either purposely mess up my pronouns or just disregard, you know, I just think, okay, they're not ready yet and one day they will be and that's okay.

• 19:50Jay Shetty?

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• 20:24Jay Shetty?

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• 21:07Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980.

• 21:29Jay Shetty?

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• 22:00Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 22:01Jay Shetty?

  trying to get to understand you. And I find that so refreshing and endearing because I think we're living at a time where

• 22:11Jay Shetty?

  and I'm not speaking about specifically when we're talking about gender. I'm saying just generally, there's a struggle with patience right now in society. And some of that is needed. We need some urgency. We need change fast. We do need pushing. What's allowing you to remain patient and gentle with people as they are trying to understand not just you, but understand so many other people in the community? And maybe, as you said, someone's purposely messing up your pronouns or they may not be taking the time. How are you developing that patience and love and compassion?

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Well, that patience, love and compassion doesn't just come from anywhere. It definitely comes from a practice of meditating, having grace. And some people just aren't ready and that's okay. And meditation helps me a lot to have grace and compassion for those people because when I do sit down to meditate and I'm in a place where I'm angry, I sit and I think and I, you know, I try to clear my mind. But if I can't, I think through it. And I end up coming to a point where I just... I release the anger and maybe it was because I know I'm a Leo and Leos can be

• 23:29Speaker 01

  very stubborn that like I work so hard not to be stubborn. And so I tried to have grace because it is so easy for me to hold a grudge against people. I can hold a grudge and and never speak to someone again. And that's not a trait that I'm proud of because I've realized that that that's not a very human thing to do. Being human is having compassion and and understanding and respect for people, even when they mess up. And because we all do, we all mess up and I've I've messed up a bunch. But I know that because I've messed up, I can have grace and mercy for other people when they mess up.

• 24:12Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I cannot tell you how beautiful that is to hear and I can't wait for everyone to hear that. I think it's such a true, true, true statement that the mistakes we've all made, which we all make, I've made loads of mistakes and you were saying you have too. All those mistakes, they're they ground us, they humble us, they they remind us of how we're all, no one is immune to making a mistake and and anyone at any time can make a mistake knowingly or unknowingly. And actually, I'm going to play that part specifically to my wife because my wife is a Leo and she's so stubborn and she knows it.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:48Jay Shetty?

  And so what you just said to me, I did not know that trait, that I didn't know that was a Leo trait. So I'm going to play that exact part to my wife and be like, look, look what Demi's saying.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  It's about the only thing I know about my astrology sign, but.

• 25:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I did not know that at all. So now I I am I am feeling that I can be more compassionate towards my wife when she when she is stubborn. Because, yeah, because it's part of part of the traits. Tell me a bit about, you know. What do you think, when you're, one of the things that you did this year, and this was actually when I, when I first watched your documentary Dancing with the Devil, I was completely blown away. Like, it was, it was incredible. It was, it was incredible. It was just, I couldn't believe where you took us and where you allowed us in. And, and I, I know you said in this episode, in this podcast, you just said that,

• 25:46Jay Shetty?

  you know, you shared your story, and then you realized the perspective that it was so much bigger than your story, which by the way is, again, such a wonderful perspective. At the same time, you've been through so much that when you share, it helps so many. You talked about so many, you talked about an experience with rape. You talked about experiences with, you know, sexual abuse and assault. And when I hear about those things, and I still see you coming and rising like a phoenix, you know, from, from all these like challenges and, and pain, I wonder where is your strength coming from today? Like, where do you look to for strength? You said meditation there, and I'd love for you to guide us through

• 26:28Jay Shetty?

  your meditation practice. Is there anything else that's giving you strength?

• 26:32Speaker 01

  What's giving me strength? I mean, there's strength all around me, and that's my support system, whether that's my friends or my treatment team, or it's my friends, my family, you know, it's, it's people around me. I always have support and I never feel alone, which is beautiful.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  But yeah, I think some of my, my meditations, I, I listen to guided meditations. But I also, I like to tone my chakras. And so I do like a sound bath and,

• 27:08Speaker 01

  and yeah, those are like, the, the great thing about meditation for me is that I thought that you had to be completely silent, still with your eyes closed and your hands like this and, you know, there's different types of meditation. There's different, as long as you are quieting your thoughts and trying to just... Chill. Then like, then, then it's good. Then like, you can meditate with your eyes open. You can meditate while you're doing things. It's just, people don't realize how, how easy it is. And you don't have to be perfect at it. And that was what kept me away from meditating for so long was trying to be perfect at it.

• 27:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, thank you. Thank you for simplifying it for everyone. I, I couldn't agree more. I, when I, when I learned how to meditate when I was 18, I was introduced to three practices. Breathwork, visualization, and mantra and sound. And it was so refreshing to realize that there was breathwork for the body. There was visualization for the mind. There was mantra for the soul and the spirit and the energy. And to me, I was like, wow, there's, there's a menu for meditation. And, and you could, you could try which one worked for you and you could build it. And as you said, there is no perfect meditator. And the practice of trying to be perfect is almost as far away from meditation as, as there can be.

• 28:30Jay Shetty?

  So I, I love that you're simplifying it for so many people and, and making it natural. What's, what's been one of your favorite meditation experiences? Have you had any that have really, maybe, maybe you've gained a message or an insight? Or you've just been able to be really calm? Is, has there been an experience that you could share with us?

• 28:48Speaker 01

  There's been so many experiences that I could share with you. I mean, it's having a realization about things that you thought you would never figure out in your lifetime. Relationships that you thought were completely over. And then all of a sudden they pop into your mind during a meditation and you feel the need to reach out to them. So you do. And all of a sudden you've rekindled a relationship or you've repaired a relationship that, that stubbornness, I thought I was holding on to, um, you know, for, for good. It, it's when I was able to release that stubbornness. And so sometimes I feel like my intuition is. When I meditate, it just like raises its hand and is like, hey,

• 29:32Speaker 01

  you know, like, listen, listen to me. Here's a song idea. Here's a, reach out to this person. Or, or even sometimes weird things happen where I don't reach out to that person, but they reach out to me. You know, and, and it's interesting how your intuition starts to work when you really start to listen to it.

• 29:51Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes. And that is such a good point. Most of us, whenever we talk about the word intuition, a lot of people say, well, Jay, I don't hear any voices. And the truth is, we don't hear voices because we've been ignoring it for so long. And you're right, that as soon as you start to listen to it, it gets louder, it gets stronger, it gets more powerful. That's, that's such a great point, that as soon as you start listening, even if it's the tiniest bit of intuition, if you start listening to it, that voice gets so much more stronger and powerful. And I, you're so right, Demi, that in that meditation, you're giving space for that voice.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Yes, you are. You, you're giving, you're putting that voice in an amphitheater. You know what I mean? You're giving that voice a huge platform to, to reach out and say, hey, this is what's on my mind.

• 30:39Jay Shetty?

  Your voice sounds very cute, though, saying, hey, with a little hand up. That sounds like an adorable, that sounds like an adorable voice. It seems like an emoji with the voice. Whereas, yeah, whereas, whereas, you know, someone else might be like, I don't like the voice in my head.

• 30:56Jay Shetty?

  But that's the noise, that's the noise. The voice in our head should feel like a smiley face emoji. That's like, please listen to me, please, yeah.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, please.

• 31:05Jay Shetty?

  I hope anyone who's listening to this right now, if you're not watching, you have to go back and look at the video of, of Demi doing hey, because it's adorable. And, and you have, you have to see it, because now every time I hear my voice, my intuition, I'm gonna see that little head.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, good.

• 31:21Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I love that you're laughing too, because one of the things that's always been important to me is that meditation and mindfulness and consciousness, it can be fun and it can be playful.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:33Jay Shetty?

  And it doesn't have to be this really like, it's disciplined, but it's, it's not this artificial hardcore.

• 31:42Jay Shetty?

  You know, rough and like it can it can be playful and fun.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:46Jay Shetty?

  Could you share a bit about that? Because I see you as such a fun-loving person. And even now, we're both laughing about voices in our head. But but tell me a bit about that. Have you have you allowed your playfulness to come through more? And and your energy to come through?

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Yes, I quieted my intense meditation, personal trainer voice that was in my head. You know, like when you go to the gym and and you have a a personal trainer or somebody that's like really pushing you. And that that just doesn't work for me. And that is the voice that I had in my head every time I went to meditate. It was, stop opening your eyes, stop thinking about this, stop thinking about that. And it was just like to the point where three minutes would go by and I'd be like, I'm already over this. You know what I'm saying? And so I had to really quiet that voice down. And when I started meditating, especially outside,

• 32:43Speaker 01

  you know, there's gonna be noises, there's gonna be animals, things like that, planes that fly over. And if I felt myself wanting to open my eyes, I just allowed myself to. Because I thought, what are you going to gain from opening your eyes and just taking a second to appreciate the sound that you're hearing? And sometimes I had really beautiful insights. Sometimes I was like, wow, that's a big plane. But like, other times, I had beautiful moments where I thought, one time, for instance, I was outside and there were all these bugs. And I was trying to meditate. And I thought to myself, what do I do about the bugs? Right? Like, what what can I do? Because I'm just shooing them away. And then I had this moment where I thought,

• 33:28Speaker 01

  nobody was shooing bugs away at Woodstock when they were perfectly like content and having the best time and like in the wilderness, basically. They were hippies that like. They learn to share and coexist with the bugs that were there. And I was like, wow, these little tiny organisms are flying around me. They're maybe just trying to say hello. They're just, or, or they're just living their lives. But like, in my head, they're trying to say hi. And that makes it more appealing and fun for me. And so I opened my eyes and I just like, let the bugs just kind of fly around me. And if it was a bee, it's a bee. If it stings you, it stings you. I mean, I'm not allergic, so.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  But, you know, for other people, it may be different. But it's just about like shrinking that judgmental voice that's saying, keep your eyes closed, don't focus on anything. You know, it's about quieting that voice and really just like, learning to appreciate, okay, why do I want to open my eyes? What is it that I can gain from this experience of opening my eyes and looking at this little bug? Or, or sometimes I'll open my eyes and I'll see a hummingbird. And hummingbirds to me signify like my ancestors. And, and so I, I think, oh, maybe that's their way of saying hello to me today. And I wouldn't have seen that had I not opened my eyes.

• 34:56Jay Shetty?

  That was an amazing description. Because you just, you just, you just described how meditation is really a conversation, not a command. It's not a command. You're not commanding yourself to do this or do that. It's, it's not like you have a drill sergeant in your head. You actually want to have a conversation and a dialogue to

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 35:18Jay Shetty?

  understand and uncover yourself. And I, I always think about that, that the simplest form of meditation is having a conversation with yourself, having time

• 35:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 35:27Jay Shetty?

  to meet yourself. And we always, we would never cancel an important meeting with someone else, but we never even schedule one with ourselves.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Exactly. And I always, I always used to, um, overanalyze things. And I always used to tell myself that was a negative trait that I had, that I'm always overthinking things. But then when I started meditating, I, I started to have those overanalyzation conversations in my head. And then I started thinking, wow. I could go somewhere with this, you know, like I could expand these thoughts and it kind of gave this like, it turned my brain into like a kitchen for all of the, um, the like, thought dinners and food for thoughts that I wanted to have, you know, and I just started expanding and

• 36:20Speaker 01

  now the way that I think is just completely different and that's cool too.

• 36:24Jay Shetty?

  Hmm, yeah, no, that, the way you've just explained how we have to silence even that, you know, that trainer voice, as you said, like a personal trainer in the gym or, it's so true, it's so true, because otherwise you just become subservient to this other voice. Again, your expansive consciousness is being contained and limited

• 36:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:48Jay Shetty?

  by this other voice.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:50Jay Shetty?

  And you don't get to experience it anymore. So I couldn't agree with you more. You've helped me massively refine that. And we, as monks, we would always talk about how you always saw the, you always saw the noise in your head, just like a little monkey running around. And that kind of made it playful. And so it was always the monkey mind versus the monk mind. And so the monkey was always playful and you notice it. And you don't want to trap the monkey or hurt it or anything. You just are entertained by just how silly it can be, but you want to help organize it a little and help it a little bit, but you don't need to hurt it. And so,

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:29Jay Shetty?

  You've really helped me. I think my meditation is going to be different tomorrow based on what you just said, so.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Wow, that's the best compliment.

• 37:38Jay Shetty?

  I mean it. I really mean it. I really do. I think you're so right. I think you're so right. We get lost always in these, we get always lost in just judging ourselves. Just somehow we get, even when we know we judge ourselves, we now judge ourselves for judging ourselves.

• 37:56Jay Shetty?

  It's like we find-

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:58Jay Shetty?

  Have you ever experienced that?

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Oh my god, every day. Not, not every day, but you know, it, it is something where I do have to catch myself sometimes daily where I, I look, sometimes I look in the mirror and I, and I find something immediately wrong with what I see. And I have to stop and say, okay, why did you, why did you go there with it? Why can't you look at how beautiful your hair is today? Or whatever, or why don't you think about a quality about yourself that has nothing to do with your appearance? And then like, tell yourself how proud you are for gaining that quality.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  And it's like, it's just always kind of reminding ourselves every day. And that way it gets easier over time so that I'm not looking, and sometimes it's harder than others, sometimes, sometimes it's just easier to go in that shame spiral. You know, the shame spiral where you get onto yourself for one thing and then all of a sudden that, oh, well, because I don't like my hair, that means that my body is wrong. Or because I'm not liking my body, you know, now I, I feel unlovable. And, and it just goes into that, that spiral. And the quicker you can stop that spiral from bottoming out, the quicker that you get

• 39:23Speaker 01

  with that moment every day where it's like, now I look in the mirror and if I see something I don't like, I'm, it's like a reflex, I just go, okay, what do we like? You know? And so, um, you just gotta, you gotta start to, in a loving and compassionate way, train your mind to remind yourself what you do love about yourself.

• 39:45Jay Shetty?

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• 40:20Jay Shetty?

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• 41:05Jay Shetty?

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• 41:26Speaker 02

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• 41:54Jay Shetty?

  So powerful. I really hope everyone tomorrow morning is going to practice what Demi just said. When you look in the mirror tomorrow morning, I want you to remember what Demi just said because it's such an incredible trait that we all have, where we draw these huge conclusions based on one tiny thing.

• 42:15Jay Shetty?

  So like you said, we draw this conclusion, I am unlovable based on one thing we don't like about ourselves.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  And it could be as simple as your hair.

• 42:25Jay Shetty?

  It could be as tiny, yeah, it could be as tiny as a spot on your face, right? And you turn that spot into, I am never going to feel attractive. And you just amplify it to these great degrees and we all do it. And I love what you said, that that's how to approach it. That when we look in the mirror, you have to nip it in the bud. You have to catch it there and then and there, because otherwise it just gets... I was thinking about, I was talking to someone about this the other day. There was a small crack in one of the floors in our home. And I was saying, I want to get it fixed today. And someone was saying to me, they said, no, no, no, it doesn't matter. Like, it's gonna be like years before that's an issue. And I was like, that's my point.

• 43:08Jay Shetty?

  I was like, I don't want the crack to get an opportunity to get bigger and bigger and bigger. I would rather mend it today. And I don't think that just applies to floors. I think it applies to our lives and how we feel about ourselves and how we talk to ourselves. It applies to relationships. You may think you just had a tiny argument, but if you can solve it now, you save yourself years of headaches. So I love that you gave everyone a practical tool to actually do that.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Or another one is, if you might, you might think that what you have to say is not super important, but honor that voice inside of you so that when you are in a relationship, you're immediately starting out with, this is who I am, these are my values, and this is how I want to be respected. And that way, you, like you said, you nip it in the bud. Sometimes it's not about, sometimes it's just about speaking up, too.

• 44:02Jay Shetty?

  Yes, yes, you're right. And that all comes back to what you were saying earlier, the confidence of your intuition. If you, if you keep ignoring it and you say, oh, well, that's not important right now. Well, that's not relevant, or that's insignificant. If you keep talking to yourself in that way, that voice just gets... Quieter and quieter and quieter. And now, when you really need it, you can't hear it anymore.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  Yes, exactly.

• 44:26Jay Shetty?

  So I, I think that's a beautiful full circle. Go back to what you were saying earlier. Demi, I, you know, we, we've talked a lot about, and I love that we're talking a lot about expanding consciousness. Because I, I think that that's not just a noble aspiration. I do believe it's, it's a root thing. It's like going to the heart of the issue. As you said, that if we don't expand our consciousness and as a whole, as, as a world, it's, we can try and solve this one area, this one area, but, but we're going to keep kind of bashing heads to some degree. I, I wonder, what are some of the ways you think that people can expand their own consciousness? If they're listening and saying, I, I want to know how to do that. I'm open to that. Where, where would they start?

• 45:11Jay Shetty?

  What are some of the things? What are some of the books? I know that you've been interviewing some phenomenal people on your podcast, 4D, which you're encouraging people to live through this fourth dimension. I, I wonder, have you had any conversations or people that you'd love to introduce people to?

• 45:25Speaker 01

  I interviewed someone recently on my podcast named Justin Baldoni. And that conversation with them really opened my mind. Because just what they had to say in relation to gender norms that are placed on us at a young age, how we evolve as adults, and how we tend to carry those things from our childhood into our adult lives today. I, I thought that was so interesting. And, you know, he has a book called Man Enough. A lot of the people that I'm having conversations with, you know, you have a great book.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  And I think reading is something that has helped expand my consciousness a lot, too. And it doesn't even have to be about anything.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  All that intense, it can just be, just reading is good for your mind. Journaling is something that's really helped me because sometimes my thoughts race so fast that

• 46:33Speaker 01

  that it's hard to, I don't know, it's good to just get it out and then I can go back to it and look at it later. So yeah, reading, journaling, and, and like I said, meditating, meditating is really important, but find out what meditation works for you, because it is different for everybody.

• 46:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, those are great, great insights, reading, journaling, of course, meditation, as you said before, and we talked about it at length. I, I couldn't agree with you more. I remember I was just speaking to a friend, I was, I was reorganizing my bookshelf. And he was saying, how much have you been reading recently? And I, I said, I remember a year in my life where I read a book a day for a year. And, and you know, it was, it was an incredible year. And I was just saying to him how much I miss it. That was around, I think that was around four or five years ago I did that. And I've been, I've been reading, I've been trying to read about a book a month at the moment, but I've been really trying to find things that I'm fascinated by. And it's not about, I'm not trying to make it about a numbers game, I'm not saying that. So anyone who's listening or watching, this isn't a competition of

• 47:35Jay Shetty?

  how many books you read, and that's not what I'm emphasizing. What I'm emphasizing is what Demi is saying is just to really expand your consciousness, you need to let your consciousness connect dots in lots of different areas. And so when I read, I don't just try and read from one genre, I try and read from lots of different genres and lots of different authors and backgrounds, because then my consciousness has the ability to connect dots that it finds interesting. And I, Demi, I remember when we last were together, you were talking about your fascination with UFOs, and you were talking about your fascination with extraterrestrials, and, and that's become a real thing for you now. I think when we met, it was something that you were becoming passionate about or intrigued by.

• 48:17Jay Shetty?

  And I wanted to know how you started to get fascinated with that, because again, that would be considered something that's very different from talking about gender, or talking about music, or talking about mental health, or talking about depression. And all of a sudden, we're talking about UFOs, and I, I love that, because that's what's fascinating about expanding our consciousness. So tell me about, tell us about how that world opened itself up to you.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  I watched a movie called Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind, and it really expanded.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  My view of meditation of how important it is for us to shift our consciousness. And, and so I started, in, in this documentary, they talk about this protocol where you can, where you meditate and then you play these sounds and then you look up, you do like a sky watch. And I tried it a few times, nothing had really happened. And then one night for my birthday, I was in Palm Springs and I had five friends with me. And I said, all

• 49:24Speaker 01

  right, I want to try to make contact. And making contact isn't like, you know, touching fingers with a, with an ET. It's just like you, you set an intention and then something appears. And so, um, if God willing, you know, and, and so I'm sitting there and we had meditated for like, I told my friends, I said, hey, it's my birthday. I know this isn't like, super fun, but I want to meditate and then I want to go outside and look up. They were like, yeah, down, whatever. So we all start meditating. And then we look up and I see something in the sky that I can't explain that was way high above me,

• 50:07Speaker 01

  um, all of us. It was brighter than any star in the sky and it moved in a way that, that a plane wouldn't move. I mean, it made like a question mark in the sky and then it just kind of backed out. And I was like, did everyone see that? My friends were like, yeah. And we were just like, oh my gosh, so it's real. So, so it's real. This, this works and it's real. And my mind was just blown. And I realized that from going inward, we can connect to beings that are so far beyond what we know of our universe. Um, and I think there's no,

• 50:49Speaker 01

  there's no coincidence whenever I have been meditating in my backyard and I look up, I get that urge and my intuition to open my eyes. And so I do, and I see something. I've seen like, I've seen a

• 51:06Speaker 01

  This sounds out there, but I've seen a flying saucer in the daylight, just right above like my neighbor's house, not right above it, but and and my best friend was meditating with me too. We both kind of had opened our eyes at the same time and she was like, did you just? And I was like, yeah, did you? And so it's just things like that that just start to happen and there you can't explain it. But I think there's a tie. I think that these beings from other planets or solar system, I don't know. These beings want us to expand our consciousness. And I think that they're rooting for us. And I think that every time we start to meditate, we start to go deep within.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  They can sense it and and hopefully, you know, the rest of humanity catches on to that and we can save our species.

• 52:00Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love it. I I remember I know I remember reading studies on astronomy, extraterrestrials, other planets, when when I was fascinated by this a bit earlier. And and I remember reading a study by, I obviously was born and raised in London. So this was by Her Majesty's astronomer and it was the astronomy team in in England. And they'd found that he he was just saying that he didn't know, but he was saying, it would be ridiculous for me to not believe that there was life on other planets and other solar systems. And and that was just categorically stated, although whereas at school, this wasn't really encouraged.

• 52:41Jay Shetty?

  We didn't really get brought into recognizing that there were other life forms. You know, you kind of believe that there are lots of planets, but we're the only planet with human life and therefore we we kind of think of life as a very limited way. As your consciousness expands, your your vision expands, your imagination, your experiences.

• 53:02Jay Shetty?

  What it, you know, what has really resonated with you when it comes to experiencing life or experiencing joy? What today would you say brings you the most joy or brings you the most light or peace in your life today?

• 53:20Speaker 01

  What brings me the most joy is spending time with people that help me co-regulate. So my friends, um, you know, I, my family, I think that being in nature, whether it's going out to the desert or going to Colorado and the mountains or, you know, whatever it is, just getting away with my friends and just really having time to recharge, you know, meditate, whatever it is that we want to do and with my pups, my, my dogs. And, and that's what really makes me joyful, find happiness and recharge.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:06Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful. Demi, I have to ask you, where in Colorado did you go? Do you, because I just went.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  I went to Crestone.

• 54:12Jay Shetty?

  Oh, okay. I just went to Dunton and it was stunning. So when you said that, I was literally there 10 days ago.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  I was literally there about 10 days ago, too. I went to Crestone, Colorado for like a, for a UFO seminar.

• 54:29Jay Shetty?

  I love that. I love that. I was there, I was there for a wedding, so slightly different. I was there for a wedding, but it was, it was beautiful. I did not realize that that was a UFO hotspot.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Crestone is, yeah, Crestone is, um, you should actually check it out, look into it because there's a bunch of religions that find Crestone a sacred spot.

• 54:54Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  And they even called it the bloodless valley because it was so, there was like no bloodshed back when, uh, you know.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Pilgrims came in and kind of took over. So yeah, or at least that's what my understanding of it was.

• 55:16Jay Shetty?

  Wow, incredible. It sounds amazing. Well, Demi, you've been so gracious and kind and generous with your time. We end every On Purpose episode with a final five. This is a fast five round, so every question has to be answered in one word or one sentence at a maximum. And so, Demi Lovato, these are your fast five. The first question is, what is the best advice that you've ever received?

• 55:45Speaker 01

  The golden rule that you learn as a kid. Just treat others the way you want to be treated. I think that's so important.

• 55:52Jay Shetty?

  You and Ross had the same answer to that question, just so you know. Just throwing it out there, which is great, which is great, because it's such a, it's such an important rule. It's, it's because, you know, you both agree. Okay, second question. What is the worst advice you've ever received?

• 56:09Speaker 01

  You should wear Spanx with that.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  That was probably the worst advice I've ever received, and that scarred me for years.

• 56:18Jay Shetty?

  Oh, gosh. Tell us about, tell us about how simple things from authoritative, opinionated people in our life can affect us in that way. I, I want to expand on that. I think that's such an interesting thing that often when we say things to people, we don't know how much power they hold. And if they end up living through it, that it can have ramifications. Maybe just speak to that a little bit.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Yes. Well, that experience I had had just shortly after I had come out of treatment for an eating disorder. And I thought that my stylist knew better at the time. This was over 10 years ago. It wasn't even the stylist, it was the stylist assistant. And they just said it like, oh, would you like Spanx? You should wear Spanx with that. And

• 57:11Speaker 01

  It could have been because the dress was silk and it was thin and or maybe it just wasn't flattering, but in my head, I took that as you look bad, you need to wear a body sculpting thing underneath. And I took that and I internalized it so much that I kind of spiraled. It was, I was supposed to do a performance on like Dancing with the Stars or something and

• 57:42Speaker 01

  and I was so thrown off by that one comment.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  That I just got so sad and so in my head and I start and I thought about it for years.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  We don't realize the weight that our words hold when we speak to other people because we don't know all of their triggers. We don't know all of their life experiences. We have to be careful when using words with others that could potentially trigger people because you don't know what they've been through.

• 58:12Jay Shetty?

  Well said. Thank you so much for expanding on that. Okay, question number three is what is the first thing you do when you wake up and what's the last thing you do before you go to bed?

• 58:23Speaker 01

  The last thing that I do is I put on my sleep meditation music.

• 58:32Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  Cause I sleep to, yes, I sleep to meditation music so that the second that I wake up, that's the first thing that I hear and it's the last thing I hear when I fall asleep.

• 58:42Jay Shetty?

  Beautiful, wonderful. Okay. Question number four, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

• 58:48Speaker 01

  In the last 12 months? Oh, Jesus. I, I, there's so many lessons I could tell you.

• 58:59Jay Shetty?

  Tell us a few, tell us a few, tell us a few.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  Tell us a few. Don't get engaged after knowing someone for three months.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a, that's a big one. Maybe also be super sure of who you are as a person before you take a leap like that.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  You know, you can't, you can't love anyone else until you really learn to love yourself. And I had to kind of learn that the hard way. Every time I think I love myself. I learned that I could love myself a little bit more. And that was what happened to me last year was I realized, you know what, there's a lot of room that I could use to expand my love for myself. And so I started working on that and I've been single ever since, but I'm, it's been some of the most important months of my life, trying to figure out who I am today and who I want to be in a relationship going forward.

• 1:00:06Jay Shetty?

  That's incredible. And I love the idea of learning to love ourselves, because I think often we try to jump to just love ourselves. And it's about learning to love. It's the learning process that is what we're all trying to skip and miss and leapfrog and hopefully just end up at love. And it's not, it's the learning part. And you're so right that we can all learn to love ourselves a little deeper. A fifth and final question is, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  Well, my, it would be, it would be that you have to try to meditate.

• 1:00:46Jay Shetty?

  That's great.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  Because, because I know not everyone is going to be able to, but at least if you just, if you try, just one minute a day, if you try, that would be my law, because I think that would really shift things.

• 1:00:59Jay Shetty?

  That's awesome. Everyone, thank Demi. Thank you so much for taking the time, your energy, your laugh, your little hey voice in the head that we'll never forget. I am so, I am so grateful that we got to spend this time together, that you shared so much about meditation, about expanding our consciousness. I know this is going to impact so many people. And I encourage you all to tag Demi and I in your post to tell us what you learned. I'd love to know what you learned from them and what you took away from them. And so please, please, please make sure you let us know. And thank you for listening to On Purpose. A big thanks to you and you and your team.

• 1:01:43Jay Shetty?

  And we'll see you again next week. Demi, thank you so, so, so much.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  Thank you.

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• 1:03:15Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 1:03:18Speaker 05

  I'm not the first then.

• 1:03:20Speaker 03

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.