5 Techniques To Cope With Anxiety & Feel More Centered Throughout Your Day

Does anxiety loom around every corner of your day? Are you ready to take back the time and energy it steals from you? In this ON Purpose episode, Jay Shetty explains the difference between existential and situational anxiety and how they affect you. Tune in to learn five techniques to help you better cope with anxiety and feel more centered throughout your day. Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now! Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_book Audiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook Text Jay Shetty: 310-997-417 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

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• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

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• 3:00Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every single one of you. I am so glad that you've been training your mind for peace and purpose every day, every week with me. And today I'm going to share with you a behind the scenes conversation that I had with Glennon Doyle, a good friend of mine. And she and me got into this incredible conversation on Instagram Live, but I really wanted to share it with you because, you know, when you go live, not everyone's on and people miss it. And if you're a fan of Glennon and her incredible work, then you're going to love this conversation

• 3:44Jay Shetty?

  because it's totally different from any conversation I've had about the book. We dive into what's happening in society, we dive into activism, and we dive into purpose. And I can't wait for you to hear it. Thank you so much, and make sure you leave your review. I really feel that everything that I'm sharing in this book is not to make people more passive.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 4:02Jay Shetty?

  Being peaceful is not being passive. Being purposeful is not being passive. Being compassionate is not being passive. None of this is to make people more passive. It's to make people more active with a deeper intention.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  I want to tell everybody a couple of things. First of all, the reason that I'm thrilled to introduce anyone who doesn't know you to my audience, I'm sure they already do, but as you well know, Jay, there are a lot of people in our lane that are wonderful and some of them, you meet them and they talk about peace and love and acceptance and then you meet them and you're like, but I don't know if it's working for you. You are, you teach so beautifully, but in real life, you have just such generosity of spirit and a real joy, just a commitment to service that feels nothing like martyrdom.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  It feels like it's joy to you. And whenever I meet someone like that, I just feel determined to, you know, it's like being like, okay, I'll have what he's having. Okay. So that's the other, first reason. But the other reason, this book, first of all, here are all my notes for our talk today. And I'm telling you in a way I decided last night, because I feel like it's been a weird time to launch a book, I know, but the reason why I think this book is doing ridiculously well and is all over the place, I think I saw it in Times Square yesterday, right? Is because I think the universe knows when we need certain messages and I think that

• 5:50Speaker 01

  we as a nation are in such a state of trauma and fear and anxiety, a fight or flight constantly. There's something that is helpful, peaceful, healing about what you've written that is helping people in this moment. So, thank you. And can you just talk to, first of all, would you mind telling everybody this story about how the hell you became a monk?

• 6:22Jay Shetty?

  Well, first of all, Glennon, I'm gonna thank you from the bottom of my heart because as you were saying that, I was trying to just receive it because it was so beautifully and genuinely shared and it truly just really touched my heart. And you have this incredible energy every time we're together. The first time I interviewed you for your incredible book, Untamed.

• 6:47Jay Shetty?

  And I was so excited to meet you because I'd followed your work for so many, many years. And the conversation we had wasn't a conversation, it was like this deep connection. And I really felt that, I really felt it. And I just really appreciate those words from you about what I'm trying to do in the world. Because it means a lot coming from someone that I'm inspired by and in awe of. So, thank you, that genuinely means the world to me. But going on to becoming a monk. So now I wish I got to be a monk at the Marmistry, that would have been cool. That would have been an epic place to be a monk, or a monk, I don't know if that's how you would say it. But yeah, so I was born and raised in London. I never in the world imagined being on any sort of wellbeing path, or spiritual path,

• 7:32Jay Shetty?

  or anything of that sort. I was surrounded by people who wanted to do well and just perform and succeed. And that never really sat with me either, but I didn't have a better alternative. And I think a lot of us are in that place sometimes where we don't know the alternative, so we follow the most common path. And then when I was eighteen, I met a monk. And so I was really fascinated when I met him. But before I met him, I had this slight arrogance and cynicism around what I could learn from a monk. I thought, well, what am I gonna learn from a monk? I was fascinated by people who went from sacrifice and pain and broke through and did something with their life. And in my opinion, I was like, well, what has a monk done?

• 8:16Jay Shetty?

  A monk's gone from nothing to nothing. I wanna meet people who've gone from nothing to something. And so I had this cynicism, but my friends promised me that we would go to a bar afterwards if I went to this event. So that was the state of my consciousness, just to put it out there. And so I went there with arrogance, I went there with cynicism, and I went there with just not expecting anything, really. And it's one of those humbling ironic moments in your life where you walk in expecting nothing and you walk out feeling like you've gained everything you were looking for. And that moment just completely changed the trajectory of my life. And it was because I realized now in hindsight, I didn't know this then. But when I was eighteen, I'd met people who were rich,

• 8:59Jay Shetty?

  I'd met people who were famous, I'd met people who were beautiful and attractive, and I'd met people that were knowledgeable and intellectual. But I don't think I'd ever met anyone who was truly joyful. And that's what he had. The monk had this this aura of purpose in his life and meaning and fulfillment. And it wasn't like this sparkly halo-like energy. It was just, he had it in himself, in his presence. And so it's almost as if, the question I ask people today is, who's your monk? Like, who is it in your life that you haven't met yet that could change the trajectory of your life? And for me, it was a monk. And for you, it may be someone else. But that's how I met a monk, got inspired. And then when I graduated, a few years later,

• 9:44Jay Shetty?

  I decided to turn down my offers in the city and go and live as a monk for three years. And so that's why my role models and idols became monks from eighteen years old. And I started interning with them in my summers almost. So I would spend half of my summer vacations interning at a finance company in London. And I'd spend the other half living with the monks in India. And then when I graduated, I decided that was the path that I wanted to go on. So that's the quickest version of that episode.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  So you guys, this isn't a dude that just is like, ew, Archie's monk is my brand. An actual freaking monk. Okay, Jay, real quick, I need to know, what did your parents say when you told them that you were gonna just go ahead and be a monk?

• 10:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, Glenn, and it's funny you say that about the brand thing. You know, it's really funny. I hear that sometimes. It's just like, oh, Jay, like, you know, this this monk brand thing's cool. And I'm just like, I'm just like, I just want to let you know that becoming a monk at twenty-two was potentially the most uncool thing I could be doing, just to put it out there. Like, my friends thought that, like, the craziest thing was, a lot of my friends, so a lot of my guy friends at university. They were like, Jay, what are we gonna talk about anymore? Because you won't talk about women. And I was like, is that all we talk about? I was like, literally, is that all we talk about? That you feel we don't have a relationship anymore? And then I had other family members saying to me, you've wasted your life, you've wasted all your parents' support, uh, your education was a waste of time.

• 11:13Jay Shetty?

  And so I was hearing all this noise and people saying like, you know, you'll never get a job again. You know, you'll never make money again. You know that you've just been brainwashed and you know, you've just lost it. And that's literally ninety nine point nine percent of the people in my life were saying that. And thankfully, my parents were not pro my decision, but they were not against it. My parents have kind of, since I was about fourteen, fifteen, when I started rebelling, my parents just started giving me freedom to make my own decisions. And so my parents kind of just let go from the age of fourteen, fifteen. Up until then, they really tried to direct me and guide me. And then from fourteen, fifteen, it was just like, well, whatever you want. And so they gave me that freedom. And then my younger sister's always been like my biggest cheerleader.

• 11:56Jay Shetty?

  So she supported me and she was happy for me. But if I'm completely honest, all I was hearing was just, Jay, you've ruined your life. Yeah, it's not cool to go and be a monk at twenty two. Or any age.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  I mean, I just wanna take a minute and think and just highlight what you just said, because so many people on in this community are parents. When you said my parents were not super pro, but not super against, that feels like a really important place for a parent of a teenager to be. Because sometimes I I try, my kids are a little older and I'm trying to like, let them, we always say disappoint me, don't disappoint yourself. Right? So, but sometimes when they have an idea that is right up my alley.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  I get really pro that thing, which is just as controlling. So that is a monk-like parenting move. That's like, even when you're really excited about it, just like a little bit of neutrality and unattachment that lets them control themselves. Okay.

• 13:03Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Let's look into the monk-like parent mentality. I love it. You can extract all these principles.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  We have talked about before is people who just started following me don't know that I started my entire writing journey with a blog called Monastery. And the reason why is because I was obsessed with monks. I was. At this time, I was obsessed with the Benedictine and just this idea of people who didn't, who rejected a little bit of the way that the real world

• 13:31Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  works. And we're like, there's got to be a better way with like more peace and more connection and more joy and more contemplativeness and more like, so they remove themselves. But this is what I like for you to talk to us a little bit about Jay, because it's not about what you, when you said you liked people who struggled and, you know, made a difference and showed up. I think there's this idea that this sort of living is escapism.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  And so you're talking right now to a community of rabid activists.

• 14:04Speaker 01

  So help us understand, because what I know is what you prove in this book, which is that the more monk-like we can be in our minds and bodies, the more effective we are

• 14:15Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  in the world. So can you talk about that, how it's not an either or?

• 14:23Jay Shetty?

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• 14:36Jay Shetty?

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• 15:21Jay Shetty?

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• 16:04Jay Shetty?

  Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Yes, absolutely, absolutely. And I love that. I actually wanted to quote because you said Benedictine monks. So I quote some Benedictine monks in the book. So, chapter 205, Benedictine monk brother David Stendel Ross defines gratitude

• 16:47Jay Shetty?

  as the feeling of appreciation that comes when you recognize that something is valuable to you, which has nothing to do with its monetary worth. So it's a beautiful definition. But anyway, you reminded me of that, so I wanted to pull it out. But this principle is really important. And I chose the path that I did of becoming a monk because half the day was self and the other half was service. So our morning was dedicated to self, self-realization, self-actualization, self-mastery. And the rest of the day was serve, serve, serve, go and make a difference. And we were doing everything from feeding kids to homeless people to building sustainable villages, like our whole rest of the day was sharing and serving.

• 17:32Jay Shetty?

  But we were trained in understanding that the quality of our service is the quality of our sadhana, and sadhana means daily practices and your daily purification. So what we were made to understand is that if you run around trying to give water to everyone in the world, but the well that you're getting water from is muddy, then you're actually spreading more disease and more pain in the world. But if you've purified your well and if you're trying every day, by the way, no one's perfect, so we're always purifying and cleansing. But if you're daily purifying and cleansing and giving that pure and cleansed water from that day, then the whole world can be healed.

• 18:14Jay Shetty?

  So when we live in this way, we get an opportunity to truly feel the benefit of also living the life that we want others to live. And I think often we try and live it through them rather than recognizing that first, if we experience the joy of clean and pure water, then we will be even more incredible ambassadors and advocates for that. And so for me, being an activist is probably one of the most beautiful roles we can all play in our lives. And I would want to consider myself, you know, active in that space too. But I do feel that we can be even more powerful, as you said, even more effective

• 18:57Jay Shetty?

  when we ourselves practicing and cleansing and preparing ourselves. And that is a daily commitment. It isn't a, I've done that now and now I'm clean. It's not a destination. It is very much a daily practice. I hope that answers your question, Glenn.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Yes, it does. And the daily part, Jay, also, I think that so many people think that like, we get the self thing, right? We just nail this personal life. And then we can show up for other people. That's not my experience at all, right? Because I, I feel like on a daily basis, never feel like I'm nailed, like I'm ready, I'm done, I'm fixed.

• 19:35Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. We had the first day when we had our first monk class, the senior monk said to us, he said, this is a hospital. It's not heaven. And he said that some of you are doctors and some of you are patients. And he said, sometimes you'll see that the doctors are also patients. And he said, sometimes you notice that the patients can also become doctors. And he said, you're a patient and a doctor every single day, all at the same time, just like we all are in life. We're all patients and we're all doctors in some way, we're students and teachers. And so the more we've realized that, yes, I fully agree with you that there is no point where you say,

• 20:18Jay Shetty?

  now I have solved myself, now I can serve. It's actually in the service, you go deeper in your own self-practice. And as you go deeper in your self-practice, you go deeper in the service. It's a symbiotic relationship. And we shouldn't wait to feel complete before we give, because then we'll never give. And at the same time, we shouldn't give without trying to cleanse, because then we're not giving anything of value. And so it's always both. It's always both.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  And you said, we can give ourselves the benefit of living the lives we are trying to get for others. Like, did anyone who's listening want to cry at that? When I think about... How much we're fighting for people to have freedom and rest and like how ah very enjoy. And then all day I'm bitching about, you know, I just, I think that's a beautiful goal to give yourself a little slice of what you are trying to provide for the world, your children, your partners, your friends. It's so beautiful. And I love people like you because I can't stand people who think that they're doctors all the time.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  I need people who understand that they are doctors and patients.

• 21:30Jay Shetty?

  Oh, for sure. I, it's really interesting you raise that Glennon, because I also find that it comes in our own human psychology. Where we like to project perfection onto others. In our desire for this divine, in our desire for this complete projection. And actually, it's so important to listen to what people say. So I often talk about, me and my wife often talk about the arguments we have or the difficult conversations we have to have, or the challenges and the differences that we have in our relationships. And it's really interesting to me because often people will just be like, oh, but you both are so cute together. And I'm like, yeah, but that's not what we're talking about. And it's not what we just said. And so I feel that even with me, I had to start listening

• 22:14Jay Shetty?

  to what you're actually saying, to what the other people that I'm inspired by are actually saying, because it's almost like we've also created a culture where people have become perfect in their imperfection, but the person's trying to say I'm not perfect either way. You know, if that makes sense, you know, it's kind of like, yeah.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  Glennon, you're such a mess. It's just perfect.

• 22:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, nothing's perfect. Like, you know, it's just so beautiful to live in our, and I'm very aware of uh, all the flaws I have to work on, the long, long way I have to go. It's one of the reasons why I go back to the monastery every single year. And me and my wife go there for about two to three weeks and we live with the monks again. Because every time I go back, they remind me of how far I have to go internally. And that to me is the, in a beautiful, encouraging way, not in like a judgmental or a, or a condescending way. But in an inspirational way of making me realize, and an aspirational way, that there is so much work for me to still do. And and I think that

• 23:16Jay Shetty?

  there's a beautiful story that Robert Downey Jr. tells in an interview that he was having at Cambridge University. I think he talks, they're like, how does it feel to be Iron Man? And he goes, you know what? When I come home, my kids and my wife are not like, oh, my God, it's Iron Man. They're like, do you want to take the cat litter out? Like, do you want to take the trash out? You know, and it's like, we all need people around us who are human with us, and that reminds us of our normality in a good way. You know, and we can embrace that. So I love being reminded of how far I have to go because it makes you constantly want to learn and it makes you constantly want to grow and it just makes you not bored. I mean, it would be boring if you kind of not had anything to work on.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Absolutely. And I love that you said that what inspires you is just people being inspiring. It's people with more joy. It's never people who are like, you suck and you need to do that. Like, that's never inspired anyone to be.

• 24:10Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  It's just people being amazing.

• 24:14Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  Being joyful. And then you're like, I want what he's having.

• 24:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think there's a great Saint Francis quote, I believe it is, and he said, I think it's him, and I'd have to check, but he said, you know, you should preach all day. You should preach all day. And then if necessary, you can open your mouth.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  These words.

• 24:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you says, yeah. And it's just, it's so good. It's so good. And I'm just like, you know, that's the hardest part. And that's really what I think is is the genuine aspiration that I think we all have is that your presence and your demeanor and your behavior naturally inspires. I think today, obviously, we do need to use words. I think there are plenty of causes and reasons for us to shout and be loud. And here's the interesting part that I believe you're trying to like, get out today and bring out, and I really appreciate you for it, is that you can shout with compassion. You can be loud with affection. You can be direct and assertive with depth.

• 25:15Jay Shetty?

  Like you can, you can do all of those things. But when it's not done from that place, it can often sound like ego and it can often come across from, you know, something else. And of course, in the beginning, a lot of it can be from pain and that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But I think that there's that line which we all have to grow and cross, where our work will have more. And you see that. The biggest change makers on the planet, they were powered and fueled by love and compassion. You see that even the people who brought the biggest changes in our society, their heart was full of joy and compassion and love. I was reading a quote the other day because I was preparing for something by Maya Angelou. And she said, hate has solved not one problem yet.

• 25:59Jay Shetty?

  And just realizing that we've got to fight with love and we can be compassionate and courageous and we can be direct and assertive and dynamic. And we have to be, we need to be.

• 26:10Speaker 02

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• 26:27Speaker 04

  What would happen if I stopped doing it? You start, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 26:34Speaker 04

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• 26:35Speaker 03

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• 26:40Speaker 05

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• 27:26Speaker 01

  In this moment, it's like, I just think it's also important to know that this outpouring of pain, which often is anger and rage, is because of love.

• 27:39Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Right?

• 27:40Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  That it is love, like the reaction to Brianna's.

• 27:44Jay Shetty?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  It's love that demands different. It's love that says that is not justice. It's love, so sometimes love can look like pain and can look like, but we still have to see it as rooted in crying out for justice, which comes from love.

• 28:02Jay Shetty?

  That is so beautiful. That is amazing. I hope everyone who's listening is taking that. That is so beautiful. And I mean, that's what it means to be a love warrior. So it's so true. It's so true that I absolutely love that. I couldn't agree with you more, that that's our feeling of injustice comes from love. When others start to notice that, and when we notice that in ourselves, oh, wow, that becomes so powerful.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  People who are saying things in a way, or protesting, or outwardly showing us pain, when we can look at it and instead of reject it, see it as love.

• 28:39Jay Shetty?

  Yes, when others try to see it as love, and when we also see it as love in ourselves, we'll also feel that we, we have so much more power inside of us. Because even if you see it as anger and mistake it for anger and pain within yourself, that can be different. So not only, we need people externally to view others as this is their love they're fighting for, otherwise why fight? And at the same time, we ourselves need to see the love within ourselves that's making us fight, because that will keep it. Love is more sustainable than any other emotion.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:13Jay Shetty?

  Like anger will run out of steam, all of these emotions, pain will push us a little bit, but love will just, you know, love has that cascading. Ever flowing effect that we all have felt in our lives. It's almost like a mother and I'm not a mother, but I can know my mother's love for me and you can know as a mother like. A mother's love, even if the mother gets angry at the child or feels some pain for the child, the love just comes in like. Flows all over it. And so it's, I've felt that for my mom many times and I genuinely feel that all the good qualities I have are because of my mom's love. Uh, for me, if we feel that love, it will last, the fight will last longer, the positive fight, the um, you know.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  That's so good. That reframe, Ming is actually gonna help me today. Because we get to the point, my team just gets to the point sometimes where we're just like, okay, we're exhausted, the fighting, the, we, and we use that word. Like, I'm, I'm tired of fighting, the fighting, the fighting.

• 30:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  And maybe just the reframe of we're doing the same things, but it does make it feel forever sustainable.

• 30:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it does.

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Rehabilitable.

• 30:21Jay Shetty?

  It does, it does. Battle is tiring, you know, battle is tiring. The love can keep you going in battle or in that. And that's why I love Love Warrior, it's, it's the perfect name for it. It's brilliant. Because that's really what it is, is that we can all keep, you know, we can keep figuring it out and keep changing paths and. There's a book uh called The Upside of Stress and in it, the researcher talks about, her name's Kelly McGonigal, and she talks about how. When we feel purpose behind something, when we find meaning behind something, we can keep going. And take on more stress and pressure than we ever have had in our lives. And I think we will notice that, that when we're fighting for something bigger than ourselves.

• 31:05Jay Shetty?

  You keep going, you keep moving. It's when the fight was for yourself that you sometimes let go. And I think that there's something in that, love and purpose and meaning are so much more intertwined. Anyway, I think what your team's doing is phenomenal and I'm totally with you. I really feel that everything that I'm sharing this book is is not to make people more passive.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 31:26Jay Shetty?

  You know, being peaceful is not being passive. Being purposeful is not being passive. Being compassionate is not being passive. None of this is to make people more passive. It's to make people more active with a deeper intention.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:40Jay Shetty?

  That's the goal.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Can you just, I know that we don't have too much time left, but.

• 31:44Jay Shetty?

  I've got time, but I don't.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Okay, okay. I know that none of this is selfish and it's service related, but one of the things I loved about this book is that. I don't know how to, we all, I use different words for it all the time, but I have spent most of my life dealing with anxiety disorder. Okay, so one of the things I loved about this book was, um. I don't know, I just feel like there's a lot of actual helpful ways to deal with anxiety. That I know that you said it's not a personal selfish thing, but I actually do feel like. Your approach is helpful in community, but it's also helpful for me when I'm by myself in my own home, trying to get through the day.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  So because I talk a lot about mental health, there is a lot of people on this call right now who. Oh, I call them my anxious bunnies. Can you just give us something to help us come down from our anxiety, manage our anxiety? That is simple and will help us as we go through this next forty days and then the rest of our life.

• 32:49Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah. Are you thinking more practical, like more like active stuff that people can do? Or is it mindset shifts? Where do you feel, what was the parts that, whereas I'm happy with either?

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Whatever you want. I'm thinking things that we, ways we can change our thinking.

• 33:04Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  What do you do when you have people you work with? Because you guys know that Jay, you know, was a monk and then he came here and so all of his friends were like. Dude, can you help me with my life? So then he began working with people one on one. So when you deal with someone who has anxiety, what do you tell them? What are you?

• 33:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  I'm present.

• 33:24Jay Shetty?

  I think the first thing is to realize that there's two types of anxiety. One is existential and one is situational. So situational anxiety is like the moment to moment triggers, something happens in the day. And the existential anxiety is is far more deep rooted and. You know, whether it's our relationship with our parents or our upbringing or, you know, things that we need to kind of heal and go through. And so I think situational anxiety is a good place to start because that's what most of us feel throughout the day. And so I'll start there. One of the biggest things, and these three things are, as monks, our lives were sight designed, scent designed, and sound designed.

• 34:05Jay Shetty?

  And what I mean by that is we underestimate how powerful our senses are to change how we feel. And so the number one thing I I mentioned is when you wake up in the morning, studies show that eighty percent of us look at our phone first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. Now, here's what's happening when you wake up and look at your phone first thing in the morning. You're allowing news, notifications, and negativity to create noise in your day. So let's say you slept well. Let's say you slept well, first of all. You're starting your day at a zero, neutral. And when you wake up and look at news and notifications and negativity, you're now starting your day at a minus five.

• 34:48Jay Shetty?

  And so now the whole day, you're trying so hard to just get back to zero. And I'm sure anyone can relate to that, that struggle of just like, I'm just trying to get back to zero. Whereas if you wake up in the morning and the first thing you saw was a prayer that you love, a quote that you love, a picture of your family or someone important to you that moved you. It could be a picture or a work of art that brings joy to your life. And imagine you just sat there for thirty seconds, read that prayer, repeated that mantra, that affirmation, and just allowed yourself to start your day in plus five. Now, even if negativity hits you throughout the day, you end up at plus two. Well, make it! You still win. And so the biggest focus for anxiety is don't start your day with anxiety.

• 35:32Jay Shetty?

  And for me, my favorite affirmation that I've learned over the years that I repeat to myself in the morning is, I'm exactly where I need to be. Because I find repeating that to myself reminds you that I'm not ahead or behind, I'm not late, I'm not in a rush. This is where I'm meant to be. A second practical technique that I really love, and this is for people that feel anxiety throughout the day. And we were trained in it as monks as a grounding technique and centering technique, but it's used a lot by psychologists and therapists today. And it's known as the five, four, three, two, one technique. So five things you can see. Four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing that you can taste. If you're feeling anxious, what's happening is that your energy is all in your mind, it's all in your head.

• 36:17Jay Shetty?

  And so when you get back into your physical space, you're actually touching, okay, I'm touching this, I'm touching my shorts, I'm touching this desk, I'm touching this phone, I'm looking at the sky, I'm looking at the tree. When you do that and you come back in your physical space, you're getting out of your head. That's what it means to actually get out of your head. And the third and final technique that I really, really love is this idea of realigning your body and your breath. So anxiety is experienced, as we were trained as monks, is that when your body is ahead of your mind, so you wake up in the morning and your body's rushing around, and your mind's like, oh, I just wanna be in bed. Or you do the opposite. You wake up and your mind's racing around and your body's like,

• 36:58Jay Shetty?

  ugh, I just wanna stay in bed. So all of our friction in life and tension and anxiety comes from our body and our mind being out of alignment. So the way you bring your body and mind back into alignment is by being here and saying, I am here, I am present. And then when you breathe in for a count of four, and out for four, and you count in your mind with your breath, and you breathe out, count again, you're aligning your mind and your body. And so when you bring your body and your breath back, and I do that throughout the day, I do it before I'm going on stage, if I'm doing that, or if I'm going into interviews, or if I just walked out of a really stressful meeting, or if I'm rushing, I do that in the back of cars, I do that just when I'm at my desk typing, and I just

• 37:41Jay Shetty?

  think, oh, this email gave me a lot of anxiety, and I'll just stop there and I'll be like, just whatever I need to do there. And you just start to see that it just, you just need to re-center throughout the day. That's all it is. You're just re-centering, and that's a great technique. And the sound in scent design, my wife got me into scent design. She has diffusers and essential oils in every room that is different for the feeling of that room. And so when I walk into that room, and I could be having a really busy day on the phone, I walk back into our home. And all of a sudden, I'm just like, oh, that smells beautiful. What is that? And it's lavender, it's sandalwood, it's eucalyptus, whatever she wants. And I noticed just straight away, all of my senses just calmed down.

• 38:26Jay Shetty?

  And so scent design is underestimated. Light a candle, and don't just light a candle when you feel like it. Keep it on in that room so that you know when you walk into that room, it counts to you. And then finally, sound design. Uh, again, when you wake up in the morning, what's the first song you listen to? Does it set you up for the day? At the end of the evening, are you listening to music that calms you down? We can use all of these things to design our life in a way where we're getting the feeling we need from something external, rather than having to always have to create it. And so when people are like, create peace, create peace, and I'm like, how do I create peace? You can actually use your senses around you. You know, when you walk into a spa and you just smell the, the beautiful oils and you just go, ah, I know I need it. Make your house a spa.

• 39:11Jay Shetty?

  And we're all stuck indoors at the moment, so it's worth creating environments in your home. Uh, location has energy. How can you create energy in your home through sights, sense and sounds?

• 39:23Speaker 01

  It's so good. I mean, what I'm taking away from this right now, and this is so weird. I've heard you say this before. I've read this in your book. It doesn't matter. Every time, it's new to me. It's like anxiety does that, right? So we're human every day. So every time I hear it again, I'm like, oh, yeah. That's right. But what I am gonna do as a result of this last five minutes is I am ashamed to tell you that even though I know how terrible it is for me, I still look at my phone first thing in the morning. And Jay, listen to, I was just telling Abby this yesterday. I sleep with my dog. She sleeps right on my head. And when she sees me pick up my phone in the morning, she takes her paw and pushes it out of my hand.

• 40:08Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing. I love that.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  And I think like, well, Abby thinks it's because she wants me to pet her, but I think it's because she's a spiritual guru.

• 40:19Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love it. That's so beautiful. That's amazing. I wish everyone had that in the morning.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna move my phone out and I'm gonna put something beautiful on my nightstand that will be the first thing that I see.

• 40:34Jay Shetty?

  Even if it's sixty seconds, just sixty seconds, just sit with something for sixty seconds because you're literally trying to get your brain to go from zero to a hundred miles per hour in two seconds. That's literally what we're doing. When we pick up the phone, it's like you're trying to get your brain to just act. Imagine someone said to you that when you wake up, Glennon, a hundred people are going to walk into your bedroom and ask you questions just as soon as you wake up.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  And yell at me and say terrible things.

• 41:05Jay Shetty?

  You would never let anyone do that, but that's what we do. We let the people walk into the bedroom of our mind. Every morning, a hundred people or more walk into the bedroom of our mind and we start our day that way. So no wonder we're, we're always catching up. We always feel like we're catching up. And so we have to start starting in the positive. And yes, the day will exhaust you. And that's life, that's normality. But at least you end up in the positives. And that's how I feel. Sometimes I meditate in the morning and I feel like a ten. By the end of the day, I feel like a one because I'm exhausted and I've had to deal with so much negativity and anxiety, but at least I'm still at a one.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  At least you're a negative four.

• 41:44Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. That's a win. That's a win.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  These days, we will take a two. Yes, we really will.

• 41:50Jay Shetty?

  Exactly. And that's what I'm saying. I don't always feel at a ten. I, I feel at a one sometimes or two, but I want to make sure that I'm in the positives. I don't want to get into that space of starting. I don't want to feel like I'm climbing the day. I want to feel like I'm going down a ladder through the day.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  Good, that's good. Okay, tell me, I just wanna know, as a friend, I'm just curious about this. Are you surprised, did you know that this was gonna be as helpful and big as it has been? Or are you surprised? Or do you, you're not a very, you don't seem to me to be too much into the, you're less results oriented than, than input oriented? But tell us the truth, how does it feel? What's been the most exciting part of the things?

• 42:35Jay Shetty?

  I have to be honest, Glennon, and say that my whole career has been a surprise to me. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart because, and my friends who I'm still really good friends with in London, we talk about it often, like the walks we'd go on or the conversations we'd had. And they know the stuff I used to say, and I used to say stuff like, I just wanna try and help and I had no idea if anyone cares. And I don't know if anyone ever will care. And, you know, for me, it's really hard to explain that to anyone who didn't know me for the last fifteen years. But my friends that are back in London that I talk to often, we often say that, like, for me, it was just, all of this has been far beyond anything I could have ever imagined. And I just feel humbled and grateful by it.

• 43:15Jay Shetty?

  And with the book especially, I mean, it's, it's really interesting because even when I talk about social media, like, people are always like, oh, yeah, but you, you're on social media, etc. But for me, the only reason I went to social media is because no traditional media companies would give me a chance of sharing this message. So it wasn't that I took to social media thinking it was gonna be this amazing platform or I would have this reach. I actually took to social media because I didn't have any other options. And, and there was no one else willing to give me a chance, and so I had to start myself. And so it's almost like self-publishing, like, you know, that, that was the reason, that was the reason why I did it. Because no one was giving me a chance to be on a show or, you know, create a show.

• 43:57Jay Shetty?

  And so, yeah, I just feel grateful, I feel humbled. It's been amazing that the book's useful right now. I finished writing the book last November. Uh, so I wrote it well before everything, but the feedback that I've had that, you know, this book has come at a perfect time for people. That's really meaningful to me and and the ironic thing is that to me wisdom has always been urgent. Like the messages in this book to me have been forever urgent and forever timeless. Everything I wrote in this book, I believe we need every day. I believed it ten years ago. But the fact that people are more ready to receive right now and digest right now. That's the miracle of the universe that people have that opportunity and so. I'm I'm really happy that I get to play that role and serve in this way.

• 44:42Jay Shetty?

  I really hope it serves people and helps. That's the biggest highlight. And the best highlight, I'm sure. What you said is true, like I really believe that everything's in the preparation and the process. Like I think for me it was, I worked really hard. We had a great team of researchers for the book to find the science and. I had friends who recommended the best PhDs that we could get, scans of monks' brains and all of this insight. And so there was just a lot of work that went up front into the book and for it to be received this well is obviously I'm. I I love having a good result too. I'm not, you know, I'm human. I I enjoy having a positive result and I love it. I'm grateful. Uh, I'm never gonna say no to it. I'll take, you know, I'll take the love all day, but uh.

• 45:25Jay Shetty?

  But my my biggest hope is that it genuinely helps people navigate what's happening in their life and. And that I can continue to write more and share more and uh. But yeah, I always have this, it's really interesting. Every time I try a new medium. I have a massive nervousness and anxiety around it. And so when I went from videos to the podcast, I was super nervous. And then I went from the podcast to the book this time. I've been super nervous. And up until the day before the book came out, I was like. Is anyone gonna read this? And so, but I love that feeling now. I've just got used to it that that's part of the journey. And actually that nervousness makes me prepare better. So so I engage that nervousness and that anxiety into saying, well, if I'm nervous. What can I do that's going to make me feel less nervous?

• 46:11Jay Shetty?

  And that usually is more preparation. It's not more trying to figure out the result, it's more preparation. So very humble.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  And nervous is also you're alive, right?

• 46:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Something that means something. You're.

• 46:23Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  In our family, we call it, so it's like that feeling of butterflies. It's half scared, half excited. So we call it skited.

• 46:30Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  To kind of rename it as something that means you're alive, you're where you're supposed to be, you're taking a risk. You're reinventing, right?

• 46:39Jay Shetty?

  That's so beautiful.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Well, I can't think of. First of all, I'm glad it didn't come out in the very beginning of the pandemic. I think we needed a little bit of time where we could actually sit and read.

• 46:51Jay Shetty?

  I agree, I agree. I'm so glad. That was a call from the publishers and the team and I, they're amazing for making that decision and also books were non-essential right at the beginning.

• 47:03Speaker 01

  Listen, I know.

• 47:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I know you know, but I mean, your book, your book's phenomenal though and I, I also think your book came at a perfect time. It's incredible to just see the impact that your work has had over the, over the years and just, you know, to have you in my life, Glenn, and I'm grateful and people won't know of our, our offline conversations, but uh for me, my relationship with you that, that we're developing is, is just the most precious gift because I, even this conversation again, like just so that everyone knows, everything we talked about today was what we wanted to talk about today. It was just what came up.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  We didn't talk about any of these.

• 47:38Jay Shetty?

  We didn't talk about any of them, like, and that's what I love about us, like, that's genuinely so rare, like, I'm not saying this because it sounds good, I'm saying it because it's so rare to be able to just talk to someone as if you already know them and you know each other's hearts. And I think that's what I find with you is that when I talk with you, I feel like you already understand my heart and so I don't have to explain my mind, if that makes sense. And that's like a very like, it's a very special weird thing that I get when I talk to you, like even today, the whole conversation, just like, oh, like, I love it, I just, no filters, no, you know, I just,

• 48:12Speaker 01

  No filters.

• 48:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, it's amazing. You have a very special power to do that and I, and I love you for it.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Oh my god. You know, I think about the message of peace and purpose. And really, peace and purpose, and that, that's what you say in the subtitle, but peace and purpose is really what you're saying with the self in the morning and the service in the afternoon, right?

• 48:31Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Peace is here.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  Because we cannot be out there preaching for peace, you know, marching for, we cannot want peace or make peace until we have it to give.

• 48:45Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  So the peace, because I have to understand things, Liv, you're like, the peace is the morning.

• 48:51Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Okay?

• 48:52Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 48:53Speaker 01

  The purpose is the afternoon. That's where we shall have been served with the clear water that we have earned for ourself in the morning.

• 49:00Jay Shetty?

  Correct. And there may be times in your life where you're doing a lot more purpose.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 49:06Jay Shetty?

  And then there may be a time in your life where you do a lot more peace. So it's phases. It's like, it's not always gonna be perfectly balanced and perfectly there. And it's not like every day runs like clockwork. There's gonna be days where you're sleepless nights fighting for purpose, right? You're gonna be there showing up. And then there has to be the opposite, where there are times where you're just going deep. That it's both. And it doesn't have to be perfectly cyclical or rounded. We're not trying to get to perfection here. We're trying to get to a point where we understand what we're missing. One of my monk teachers would always say to me, he said, if you want to move three steps forward, you have to go three steps deep first. And it was just such a good reminder. He'd always say that to me and it just stuck with me. And so every time I think about doing more,

• 49:50Jay Shetty?

  I first have to realize, well, first I have to try and become more. I have to try and feel more, I have to, you know, to do more. And so if I sometimes feel, and you may feel like this, sometimes you may feel like you're really fighting and pushing, but nothing's happening. And that's the note that my monk teachers, that's the point where you realize, all right, now I need to go inward. And then you go inward, and then you act again, and you just see things start to flow. And the opposite is true also, that sometimes you can just keep going inward, and nothing's happening, because you're just, that's all you're doing. And that's not the point of it either. And so either of the, we, we need to embrace polarities, not, not divide them. When we talk about affection and assertiveness, when you talk about compassion and courage, when you talk about inward and outward, peace

• 50:34Jay Shetty?

  and purpose, we've got to embrace these polarities. They're not separate. They're not opposites. We think they're opposites, but they're not. We have to embrace both.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. Wanna do more, become more. If you wanna become more, do more.

• 50:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well said. Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that. I love that.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Do you see what I'm saying? Okay, I mean, go pick up this book. Keep it by, this could be the thing you keep by your bedside. I think it's helpful in the peace part. It's helpful in the purpose part. It's beautiful, Jay. You did such a beautiful job. Also, you all need to follow Jay on social. And if no other reason, just because his wife is so freaking funny.

• 51:16Jay Shetty?

  My wife is made better than me and she's amazing. I can't wait for us all to hang out, Glenn. And that's what I'm excited about.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  Soon, soon, soon.

• 51:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I can't wait.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Jay, go carry on. Go spread. Think like a monk everywhere today. I know you're so busy. I'm so grateful for the time you spent with us today and I'm just cheering you on in your corner. So grateful.

• 51:38Jay Shetty?

  No, thank you, Glenn. This is amazing. And honestly, like, just hearing from your heart about the book today is just, it's melted my, like, it's just been amazing. And let's keep doing lots of good work together. I want to do so much more together and find ways to support your work even more. And I've always been your fan from before I knew you. And so it's my honor to even have this time with you. So thank you so much.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  You must have recognized the monk in me, Jay.

• 52:04Jay Shetty?

  Well, you definitely think like a monk. You definitely, I mean, you were, you were thinking like a monk from the beginning. I mean, who starts their writing career with monastery as their, like, who does that?

• 52:15Speaker 01

  No, a lot of people, Jay. Not a lot of people pick a brand word that no one can say.

• 52:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  For a decade.

• 52:23Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love it. That's why we're connected. That's why we're connected. So no, this is beautiful, Glenn. And yeah, I can't wait to see you soon. And let's catch up again soon on a, on a call. It'll be really nice.

• 52:52Speaker 08

  Mr. President, my company informed me of the explosion on our rig.

• 52:55Speaker 03

  On October 2nd.

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami.

• 52:59Speaker 08

  They all heap the blame on me.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 53:08Speaker 04

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you freeze to death, that's what.

• 53:13Speaker 03

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  I'm not the first then.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.

• 53:22Speaker 05

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• 53:32Speaker 06

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