Pod Insights On Purpose with Jay Shetty 3 Reasons You Feel Inferior To Others & How To See Yourself As Someone Who Matters About this episode How do you truly feel when you look in the mirror and see the person staring back at you? Shetty believes the biggest thing holding people back from reaching true potential is wanting to be someone else other than themselves.
Jay takes an honest look at what gets in the way of living with acceptance of who they are & the steps one can take to conquer feelings of inferiority. You'll learn how to leave feelings of inferiority behind, why you matter & belong here.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Jay Shetty? This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,
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1:29 Jay Shetty? AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.
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3:00 Jay Shetty? Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. How many of you have heard this? You're not enough, you don't belong here. Who do you think you are? Why do you even bother to try? If this is how you're constantly going through life, believing you're not important to yourself, it has a harmful effect on your wellbeing and how you show up. How you show up at work, how you show up in your relationships, how you show up in your friendships, how you show up everywhere. You'll always play it small, you'll always play it safe, and cautiously live your life, which isn't what you're here for.
3:43 Jay Shetty? Hey everyone, welcome to On Purpose, the place where we listen, learn, and grow, and dissect themes from multiple angles, look at things from different perspectives, have our minds blown, and really get to grow together. I absolutely love being with you every single week. I have to be honest with you and say that this community is so special to me, and I'm so grateful that we get to tackle some of the biggest challenges of our times together. And I really can't wait, this is something I'm super excited about. I can't wait till lockdown is over, people can travel more, and I can actually do these as events. I mean, how amazing would that be? I hope you're gonna show up if you listen to this. Imagine I came to your city, and we did an event, and we sold out.
4:26 Jay Shetty? A theater to start with and in a few years we sell out a stadium. And how amazing would it be if we were able to be together? I can't wait to meet you. I can't wait to hug you. I can't wait to be live with you. It will be such a special experience to be in the same vicinity and hold energy and presence. Well, we can all move forward together and I hope you're gonna show up when that comes out. I know that I'm definitely gonna be trying to do it around my book that comes out in September the 8th this year, 2020. And even if I can't for the book, I'll definitely be back. So I'm really, really excited. We have decades ahead of us to build a relationship, build a journey. And if you're part of the On Purpose Community, I 100% value you so, so much.
5:07 Jay Shetty? So today I want to talk about something that I think is really, really powerful. And it's about this feeling of being inferior to others. And how to really understand how to see ourselves as someone that matters and can make a difference. Literally every single week, I am pained when I see negative self-talk and messages across social media. I read comments like, "I could never do that." I read comments like, "Oh yeah, but that only happens to special people."
5:53 Jay Shetty? I read messages like, "Oh, I wish that happened to me." Or "That's not going to happen for people like me." And the reason why it pains me so much and even more, I guess, is that I can empathize and relate to that because I felt exactly the same way. And I may have told you this somewhere else before, but I remember...
6:21 Jay Shetty? When I really wanted to make content and videos, and I'd kind of got to a point where I didn't think anything was going to work. I'd been procrastinating and overthinking for a long time. And I remember someone saying to me, "Why don't you start a YouTube channel?" And I remember my response, I don't think I said it out loud, but in my head, my response was, "Well, that works for like one in a million people." "Well, that works if you're Justin Bieber." "Well, that works if you're young, not me." "That doesn't happen to me." "I'm 28 years old, that's not gonna happen to me." And I didn't realize
7:03 Jay Shetty? me repeating that things were not going to happen to me were the reason why things were not happening for me. And it's incredible how we create a reality for ourselves based on repeated patterns of words and thoughts. Now, I'm sure plenty of you have gone into countless situations where you felt inferior or as if you didn't belong. Maybe you remember going into a job interview where you looked around and felt others were probably more qualified. How many times have you felt that? You're waiting, and I remember waiting in so many
7:47 Jay Shetty? interview rooms, you know, they all put you in the same room and it's awkward. Everyone's like, "What college did you go to? Where did you study?" Everyone's sizing each other's suits and clothes up and seeing who looks right. I remember when I went for my interview at a big corporate company and we were waiting in the waiting room, each waiting for our turn. I remember someone talking about like how they had a masters and how they are studying this really difficult thing. And it made me feel so uncomfortable and inferior in that moment. And someone else was telling them about all the experience they had and the amazing companies they'd worked for.
8:30 Jay Shetty? And it was, it was really unnerving. Like, how many of you, how many of you have been in that situation? It made me really nervous. Or maybe you remember going into dining at a restaurant where you felt you didn't belong. Right? It was fancier than you're used to. It was more than maybe your parents could have afforded in the past. You were surrounded by people who earned more than you. And that made you feel inferior. Right? How many times have you been in that situation? Or maybe you're walking into a shopping outlet that you believed was out of your sphere, right? Sometimes you walk in a store, I remember, this is a few years ago when I visited L.A. before I lived here. Me and my wife were walking on Rodeo Drive. We went as tourists. We don't just go walk on Rodeo Drive.
9:16 Jay Shetty? And we were walking on Rodeo Drive. And I remember seeing the Ralph Lauren store. And I wanted to go inside. So I went inside the Ralph Lauren store. We walked inside. I went into the watch section and I was admiring this watch there. And the person, credit to them, was very respectful. I definitely didn't, you know, I wasn't dressed in a way that looked like I could buy anything there. And I couldn't afford anything in the store that I was looking at for sure. And I remember really admiring a watch. And I remember asking them how much it was. And they told me that this watch was fifteen thousand dollars. I just, you know, like, I, I was just so shocked that that watch that I was looking at was fifteen thousand dollars. I walked out of there quicker than I've walked out of anywhere before.
10:01 Jay Shetty? But again, like, you know, maybe you felt inferior in that way. And, and maybe, you know, maybe you feel inferior when you're visiting a friend's neighborhood and just feeling out of place. How many of you have any, any time experienced some sort of inferiority complex? In, in some area of your life? And you know what? Sometimes it's not even a situation. You get it just simply looking in the mirror. Like, you feel you're inadequate when it comes to your height, when it comes to your weight, when it comes to your facial or bodily features, when it comes to your skin, whether that's the tone or the color or the the skin quality, whatever it is, right? Like, you know, you, you feel inferior of your hair. And the truth is, the list goes on and on.
10:47 Jay Shetty? Now, what does inferior really mean? The way inferior is defined is a lower in rank, status, or quality. It's a universal human feeling which can also be compared to a feeling of incompleteness, smallness, weakness, ignorance, and just overall not being able to fully rely on yourself to complete your task or your needs. A small, consistent cry that speaks to you all day. "You're not good enough.
11:20 Jay Shetty? You don't belong here. Who do you think you are? Why even bother or try?
11:30 Jay Shetty? You look different from everyone else. You are not enough." How many of you have heard this? "You're not enough. You don't belong here. You're not good enough. Who do you think you are? Why do you even bother to try?" Now, I'm going on at length about this because I really want you to follow me on this episode. I seriously think there's nothing more important than this. If this is how you're constantly going through life, believing you're not equally as important as those around you, and even more, not as a comparison, but just important to yourself, it has a harmful effect on your well-being and how you show up, how you show up at work, how you show up in your relationships, how you show up in your friendships, how you show up everywhere.
12:12 Jay Shetty? You'll always play it small, you'll always play it safe, and cautiously live your life, which isn't what you're here for. There's a beautiful quote that I remember, and I just want to find it here so I can share it with all you. Let me bring it up. I'm just literally searching it right now. Who's it by? Let's have a look. I believe it's from William Shedd, this quote. And it's a beautiful quote. Oh, it's also from John Augustus Shedd. But the quote says something like this. "A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for." Right? A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for. Ships are meant to cross oceans.
12:57 Jay Shetty? Ships are meant to deal with tumultuous waves. They're meant to help you cross over to another place. That's what our lives are about. They're about crossing over to another side. There's about improving, about growing, about moving, about traveling. And so... Why play small? Why play safe? Cautiously live your life? When that's not what you're here for? Now, the ideal person grows up in a society where they feel they belong, they matter, and this encourages a healthy outlook. And unfortunately, that's not the case for all of us. Right? I have friends who feel they have bad hair, funny accents, weird noses, too short, too tall. And my response is immediately to ask them, "Who taught you this?
13:42 Jay Shetty? And why do you believe this to be true?" How does this feeling of inferiority develop? That's my biggest question, what I find fascinating, because we all have it in some area of our lives. And sometimes we try to overcompensate. When you think back to that example I gave you of the people in that interview room, I actually never saw that. So I actually ended up getting that job and don't remember seeing some of the people there ever get the job there. And you wonder how many people are overcompensating for the feeling of inferiority and how that gets in the way of them performing at their best. Right? And I feel it. We all feel inferiority in different ways. But how does this feeling of inferiority develop?
14:25 Jay Shetty? Famous psychologist and associate of Sigmund Freud, Alfred Adler, believed that all humans experiences feelings of inferiority as children and spend the rest of their lives trying to compensate for those feelings. Right? All humans experience feelings of inferiority as children and spend the rest of their lives trying to compensate for those same feelings. He also noted that it can also be used as a healthy motivation. Those feelings of inferiority activate a person to strive upward so that normal feelings of inferiority impel the human being to solve his or her problems successfully. Now, this is what I like about it, right?
15:09 Jay Shetty? Because sometimes we think that that inferiority is our weakness, but actually that inferiority ends up being our strength when we see it from this perspective. And so often, we just don't recognize this. We don't give it the opportunity to do that, but it is so true. So from this, we can conclude that there are benefits to feeling inferior. They cause us to jump to action in pursuit of a greater feeling of security. But too much of it can lead to shame and guilt of one's existence. And that's what I want to focus on today. I want you to leave this episode feeling that you're here for a purpose, that you matter, that you belong, and no longer wish to be anyone different
15:54 Jay Shetty? from who you truly, truly are. So here are the reasons why you feel inferior to others. And when we unpack these, we start breaking them, right? When you unpack something, when you unpack a box, you break down the box, right? You rip open the box, you open it up, you take what's out of it, you unpack it, you flat pack the box, you throw it away in the trash. When you unpack something, you break it down. When we unpack the reasons for why we feel inferior, we break them down. Whereas if you just leave them as they are, then they just stay as they are. And those boxes keep building, right? Those boxes just keep developing. Those boxes just keep piling on top of each other again and again and again and again.
16:38 Jay Shetty? And they get to that point where they just really end up there, right? That's what happens to each and every single one of us. So here are the reasons why you feel inferior to others. Number one is the media. And there are three reasons I want to give you today. Now, I'd like to include a quote from Malcolm X, who said that the media is the most powerful entity on the earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent. And we see this all around us with the media, how the media shifts our attention from subject to subject, theme to theme. And whatever the media is talking about is what we're talking about, right? And that counts for good things too. If the media is talking about a song or a movie, we're talking about that song or a movie.
17:22 Jay Shetty? If the media is talking about a particular issue in the news, we're talking about that issue in the news. How many times have you seen footage of protests where people are looting, rioting and hurting others, right? And I'm sure you're nodding your head in agreement on this, because we've heard, if it bleeds, it leads. You do not, you don't often see peaceful protests where people are holding hands, singing and embracing everyone with love. Now, I was sharing that on my social media page recently. And people were like, wow, Jay, we're not seeing this, right? We're not seeing this on the news. So I shared the above because it's crucial to realize that media is a tool. You can't fully take what the media says about you, about your position, about who you are, to heart, because it's being created by certain people.
18:05 Jay Shetty? And usually, the people that create it are creating it for themselves, right? Movies show certain people who have wealth, or education, or status, and beauty. And other groups are represented not in that way. And I urge you to view entertainment, social media, magazines, and everything you consume as a tool and not reality. It is just showing you what the specific people that created that really think, and what they're trying to highlight. How you see yourself represented in the media takes a toll on how you show up in the world. I'll give you a personal example, like, you know, for a long time, a lot of people in America saw Indian people as Apu in The Simpsons, right? Like, that was the character.
18:48 Jay Shetty? Or Harold and Kumar get the munchies, with the South Asian and the Asian appearance. And I remember, like, when I first moved to America, I remember I went to get a haircut, and this is only four years ago. I remember someone saying to me, like, "Oh, I thought you were from India, because I've never really seen an Indian person." This was in New York, by the way, where there are plenty of Indian people. And the feeling that, you know, like, probably that I worked in a store or something. So just completely not understanding, right? Not realizing. It is about how media introduces us to belief systems about a whole group of people, types of people, communities, and everything else around them.
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21:48 Jay Shetty? Now, the second one is past experiences. I want to share a quote by Dr Joe Dispenza. He said, "If you want to create a new life, a new personal reality, you have to change your personality, which means you better start thinking about what you've been thinking about and changing it." Now, I love this so much because it gets the root of why you are the way you are today. In other words, you're not just going to wake up feeling a sense of security in which you're without... You know, doing anything about the past, which created the current you. In order to become someone else, you need to start from the beginning. I want you to please do an exercise with me. Remember, this isn't a homework or a chore, this is your life we're talking about here. So, I want you to take out a sheet of paper and simply write,
22:33 Jay Shetty? "I felt small when, "I felt attacked when, "when people do this to me, I feel unheard. "The person who makes me feel bad is, "the situation that I felt most humiliated in was." Please take time to write these and fill them out with your past memories. Get this out of your head and spirit and onto paper where it's tangible. Not only will this give you insight to why you approach certain situations, people and places with inferiority, but the awareness you need so moving forward, you can break this cycle. Now, once you've done with the above, let's flip these questions and do the opposite.
23:17 Jay Shetty? "I felt powerful when, "I felt appreciated when, "I felt extremely valuable when, "I felt proud when." After you do this, you'll find that you have had plenty of moments where you exceeded your own expectations, intellectual abilities and limitations you've set on yourself. The reality of our brains and bodies is that we often hold on to the negative because it's a stronger emotion, which causes you to focus on that specific memory and burn it into your psyche. Now, when the negative past experiences come up, you have a toolkit of positive evidence you can quickly focus on. As Dr. Dispenza says, where you place your attention is where you place your energy.
24:01 Jay Shetty? Let's focus on healing our past and not nurturing our wounds. After this, you'll slowly start to demonstrate new habits in how you show up, which will dampen the opportunities for feelings of inferiority. Because now you've done the work to understand why they arise in the first place, your identity is linked to all the past events in your life by owning, analyzing and reframing. You learn the lessons from them and start to create the new you. You will no longer be wrapped up in your reality of believing the lies of someone else's judgment. Because that's all it is. Someone's perception of you, not your truth.
24:42 Jay Shetty? The third reason why we feel inferior to others is from our current reality. This is one of my favorite topics, the present. If for any reason throughout your day, you're wishing you could look, act, or talk differently than who you currently are, remember that you're playing into the victim role. Today, if you're not going after the opportunities that excite you, if you're not pursuing partners who you're attracted to, raising your hand when you want to voice something important, wearing the clothes you really want, saying no when you feel it's necessary, you are strengthening your inferiority complex. With everything that you do, you're either practicing something beneficial or detrimental to your self-image.
25:27 Jay Shetty? Please decide wisely. I understand that making these choices to show up confidently is one that induces fear and causes us to shrink back into our old ways. So here's a fix that's helped a lot of people. It consists of two parts. Number one, use death as a reminder to operate with urgency. Something Ryan Holiday speaks of frequently and the Stoic teachings. It's about understanding that this day may be your last, so why not go for it? The second one is critical. So many of us don't do things because of the fear of what others might think or say, or how they'll react. Learn to care more about what you think of you rather than what a stranger thinks of you.
26:12 Jay Shetty? Remember that we are social creatures. Whenever someone says, "Stop caring what others think of you", that biologically will never work. But you can care more about what you think of you rather than what someone else thinks of you. Think about that difference. That is mind-blowing if you think about that for a moment, right? Think about that for a moment. If someone just says, "Don't care about what other people think", that's actually biologically, I'm not gonna say impossible, because nothing's impossible, but it's biologically very difficult to do. But recognizing that your view of you is more important than someone else's view of you is something very, very, very possible. I really believe you matter. I believe that you can make a difference. I believe that no one should live feeling like they don't matter.
26:55 Jay Shetty? Never look in the mirror and judge yourself based off of someone else. Only the person you were yesterday. This is something that you truly need to absorb. If you keep allowing yourself to dwell on your imperfections and wishing you had what someone else did, you'll be at that for the rest of your life. I think this is often so overlooked when it comes to success. I believe that you first have to like yourself in order to achieve great success in a healthy manner. What a shame it is to live this one life in your own skin, but constantly wish it were a different shade, different height, different shape, different mind. From my understanding, you only have this one temple that houses your consciousness and energy. Take care of it.
27:45 Speaker 01 Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com, not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
28:15 Jay Shetty? And this leads me to the next pillar. I'm highlighting Jordan Peterson's book here. There's a chapter from his book, 12 Rules for Life. The chapter that best describes this teaching is Rule 2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. He goes into detail about why people tend to take care of others and their pets more than themselves. People are better at feeling and properly administering prescription medication to their pets than to themselves. When someone else has a health issue in your family or your friend group, you become a doctor, but with yourself, you just let it go. When I read this, I was shocked. But it also made sense from my past experiences with myself and people.
28:57 Jay Shetty? I have friends who will leave a business function because they have to run home and feed their cat, take their dog for a walk and so on. People do not neglect these things because they see it as their responsibility. They see their pet as deserving of these basic non-negotiables. So why is it possible that sometimes we sleep only a few hours? Or we don't eat enough, we don't take our medication on time, or we don't drink that green juice, or we consume junk media and junk food, or cheat on our spouses, we don't work out? Here's a quote from the same chapter. "The problem is, we know so much more about ourselves than anyone else. We know the full range of our secret transgressions, our insufficiencies and inadequacies.
29:41 Jay Shetty? No one is more familiar than you with all the ways your minds and body afford. No one has more reason to hold you in contempt, to see you as pathetic and by withholding something that might do you good. You can punish yourself for all your failings and we often do that, we punish ourselves." I truly recommend you go and get the book, but you're consistently taking score every day of all the things you do. When you tell yourself, "I'm gonna start reading every day for 10 minutes", but day after day you don't, how do you think that affects the way you look at yourself? Whenever you don't keep an agreement with yourself, your self-respect diminishes, it declines. Next time around, subconsciously, your mind already knows you're not going to follow through
30:25 Jay Shetty? with whatever you tell yourself, and actually this becomes a destructive habit that's hard to break. When you don't take care of yourself because you believe you do not matter, you end up becoming vengeful, taking it out on people around you, and overall not a positive energy to be around. You end up treating others poorly too, because your inner world will always reflect in reality. When you treat people wrongly, how does that make you feel? I'm sure it lowers your sense of self-worth, which only amplifies the cycle. If you go around defeated as a victim, it's easy to invite situations of inferiority to knock on your door.
31:05 Jay Shetty? Now, this is a topic we can go on for ages. The key here is to keep your agreements to yourself. Be hard on yourself when it comes to keeping agreements, but kind and nurturing when you believe you're not measuring up. The more you keep your word and follow through, your confidence and judgment of yourself will increase drastically. This is the goal. Have you noticed that this didn't involve anyone but yourself? You know what it feels like to give in to your vices? Whether it's overeating, drugs, porn, or alcohol? Go to the other side where you treat yourself like someone you're responsible for helping. In tough situations where you need to make a decision,
31:46 Jay Shetty? ask yourself, "What would I tell my mother to do in this situation?" Substitute whoever you love with your mother, but this will open your heart, compassion, and empathy. And that's what you need to give yourself. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Purpose. Make sure you take a screenshot of your favorite part, put your quote on it, tag me on Instagram, @JShetty. I love seeing, I'm always sharing what you're gaining from the podcast. It means the world to me to have you as part of this community. Thanks for listening, and I'll be back next week.
32:30 Speaker 01 Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.
Previous Vishen Lakhiani ON: How To Live From Intuition & Accessing Information Outside The Human Brain Next Dr. Joe Dispenza ON: How To Chemically Teach Your Body To Focus On Healing & Vibrate At A Higher Frequency Page updated September 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated