11 Lessons For Relationships, Healing & Overcoming Fear

Jay Shetty is passionate about the four pillars of happiness and fulfillment: self, love, work, and service. Although there’s no “magic pill” for happiness, Shetty believes that laser focus on the health of these four pillars will lead to success and productivity in all areas of your life. In this episode, he tackles 11 questions that have been weighing heavily on his audience. Listen in to hear him give answers to big life questions that so many have. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on.

• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have.

• 3:00Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. And I really believe in this. If you have not tried everything, you cannot say you don't know what your passion is. If you have not tried everything, you cannot say that people don't like your business or your product. If you have not tried everything, you cannot say that you don't understand yourself. It is the game of odds, right? We live in a world of odds. The more doors you knock on, the more likely some are to open. The people that you see winning in life are just knocking on more doors.

• 3:40Jay Shetty?

  Hey, family, hey, community, welcome back to On Purpose. I use those two words very deeply, very meaningfully, and very importantly, because I really believe that we have built an incredible community. That's what we are, that's who we are together. Because a community is a group of people that come together for the same values, that support each other, that want to see each other do well, that want to help share this wisdom, help make wisdom go viral. And family, because we're doing it from a place of love. We're doing it from a place of intention, a place of empathy and kindness. And so I don't take any of you for granted. And really, I mean this, I've had so many of you come up to me in the last week

• 4:24Jay Shetty?

  when you see me in a coffee shop or walk into Down the street and some of you was like Jay, I didn't know if I could disturb you. Hey, if you listen to the podcast and you're here regularly every single week, you can come and say hello to me anytime. Give me a big hug and tell me that you listen to on purpose. It means the world to me. If you're one of those people that's sharing on Instagram all the time, sharing on Twitter all the time, come and tell me. I mean, it means the world to me that you take out time out of your week, out of your day to listen to me. And I am so deeply grateful for that. I can't, I can't express to you. I don't know how to express to you how grateful I am for that. That's why I keep saying it, but I mean it. But literally, if you ever see me, please come and tap me on the back and be like, I listen on purpose. And, and you'll get the biggest hug from

• 5:06Jay Shetty?

  me in the world. I really, really mean that. Now, today I want to talk about 11 lessons. And the reason why I want to do 11 lessons is I'm trying to get more in from you to bring you into this podcast. And so I asked you a couple of weeks ago on Instagram, on Facebook, on YouTube, we asked for questions that you had from me about self, work, love and service. Now, these are the four areas of our life that I've dedicated my work to. Now, let me explain this. I believe that there are four decisions you make in your life that are the most important decisions you make. The first is how you feel about yourself. That is a choice. That is a decision. No one

• 5:51Jay Shetty?

  chooses or decides how you feel about yourself apart from you. And when you make that decision intentionally, with focus, with love, you make it well. The second most important decision we make in our lives is what we do for money, what we do for work and why we do it. The work that we do is an important decision we make in our life because it takes up so much of our day. It takes up so much of our life that it has to be an integral decision and we have to make that decision with the same love, the same care, the same attention. And the third most important

• 6:33Jay Shetty?

  decision we make in our life is who we give our love to, right? Who we give our love to. This is

• 6:42Jay Shetty?

  Huge, because you're gonna wake up next to that person every day. You're gonna go to sleep next to them. You're going to go through some of life's greatest highs, greatest lows with them. You have to want to be with them on the ride. It's a really important decision. And the fourth decision is service. How you decide to impact the world? How you decide to make a difference in the world? So self, work, love and service. And this podcast is dedicated to introducing you to people who've made the decisions in these spaces. Introducing you to my mindset around those spaces. Introducing you to the books, the research in those spaces. And that's why your questions to me around self, work, love and service are so important. How many of you, put your hands up right now, even if you're in the middle of an office,

• 7:27Jay Shetty?

  in the middle of the street, if you're driving, do not follow this, but apart from any of those, if you can, put your hand up right now. If you want to make better decisions in self, work, love and service. How many of you want to feel better about how you feel about yourself? How many of you want to make a switch in your career or understand more about your passion and your purpose? How many of you want to know more about dating, love and relationships? And how many of you want to know how you can improve the world? So I want to start by answering these questions that are from you. I've selected questions that I believe will be questions a lot of you have asked. And I want you to listen to these podcasts with great intent as if you ask these questions, because I guarantee you, there is someone in your life that you have.

• 8:12Jay Shetty?

  So the first question is from JB. Why is it, no matter what I do, I feel like I'm no good? How many of you have this experience? How many of you go through life and the voice in your head keeps saying to you, "I'm no good. I can't do this. I'm not good enough."

• 8:36Jay Shetty?

  It's not working for me. How many of you have this relationship with yourself? So, lesson number one for the question, why is it no matter what I do, I feel like I'm no good? Lesson number one is this is what Albert Einstein was speaking about. When he said that everyone's a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, you will spend your whole life believing that you're stupid, right? It will spend its whole life believing that it's stupid. Because we are fishes trying to fly.

• 9:17Jay Shetty?

  We're lions trying to climb a tree. We are birds trying to swim. I mean, I'm running out of animals right now, but you get the point. We have a specific set of skills, strengths, abilities, and we're not playing to those. We think because of media, we think because of movies, we think because of music, we think because of social media, that we have to become something that we are not to be satisfied. When actually being ourselves is the only thing that can satisfy us. We think we have to become something else to be satisfied, not realizing that being ourselves is the only thing that can satisfy us.

• 10:01Jay Shetty?

  And this is something I really want you to understand, that you say, no matter what you do, that's not true. If you have tried everything, then you can say that. And I really believe in this. If you have not tried everything, you cannot say you don't know what your passion is. If you have not tried everything, you cannot say that people don't like your business or your product. If you have not tried everything, you cannot say that you don't understand yourself. It is the game of odds, right? We live in a world of odds. The more doors you knock on, the more likely some are to open. The people that you see winning in life are just knocking on more doors. They're just sending more messages. They're just sending more resumes. They're just calling more people. That is what makes you win. Please do not ever think that is some special divine intervention

• 10:46Jay Shetty?

  that solves life for some people, and it doesn't for others. It is all about the game of odds.

• 10:54Jay Shetty?

  Right, it's all about odds. It is all about trial and error. Keep trying. Try more often. This is the mistake we make. We try one new thing a year and we say things aren't working. Try something new every day. Try something new every weekend. Dedicate the next weekend, for the next month, both days to trying something, learning something new. That is lesson one. Lesson two, question comes from Tara. Thank you Tara for your question. Jade, thank you for yours for the first one. How do you move forward from family that hurt you? And said mean things to you? And then when you, when they see you, they act like nothing has happened and still put the blame on you? Great question Tara. I know a lot of people struggle with their families.

• 11:39Jay Shetty?

  So, the first thing I'd say Tara, and the first thing to really think about, is empathize with the hurt that caused them to try and hurt you. What was it in their past? In their history? With their relationship, with their parents, their family members? Where they received pain that they are now passing that pain on to you? And say to yourself, I am not going to continue this pattern. Because that's what's happening. Pain is like a family heirloom. Some people's family heirlooms are pain. And they pass pain along to the next person.

• 12:23Jay Shetty?

  So instead of passing on a diamond, or passing on a watch, or passing on a, you know, a beautiful object, or trinket, or ornament? We pass on the family heirloom of pain. And you have to stop that pattern. So the first way you move forward is you look at their past. The way you build your future is you look at their past, and see where the pain started. So you realize that you are not that pain. You are not the source of their pain. You are the result of their pain. They are giving that pain to you. But you are not that pain. That pain is not you. And it is not caused because of you. You have to start with empathy. You have to start with that vision of their past.

• 13:10Jay Shetty?

  Now, the second thing, the amount of distance you can create, the better. The more time you have to spend with family, make sure you're spending more time with friends or community that is uplifting you. We have my Genius Coaching Group. In my Genius Coaching Group, we have meetups in over 100 cities in the world, and we have members from over 140 countries. Now, in this Genius Meetup Group, we have meetups across the world where people are physically getting together, and they're building community for themselves. And so now, when they go back to their families, they can tolerate more, they can accept more because they have found the family that they really wanted. For those of you who are in my Genius Coaching Group, you already know who you are. And for those of you who aren't, you can check it out, right?

• 13:54Jay Shetty?

  Take a look at what we're doing in Genius, at jshetty.me/Genius. But the reason why we've created that community is because I've realised that you need community. And the third thing you have to do is you have to realise to not take any of it personally. You have to realise to become thick-skinned and use this as an opportunity to grow. And don't even try and fight them. Don't even try and disprove them. Don't waste your energy. Use your creative energy to move forward. The first thing is recognise their pain. Second thing is create the distance and then create a community. Thank you, Tara, for your question. I really appreciate that one.

• 14:42Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life.

• 15:26Jay Shetty?

  State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use.

• 16:11Jay Shetty?

  I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 16:56Jay Shetty?

  Third question is from Alana. Thank you for your question. Why do we need closure? I've been ghosted recently for the first time. I feel like I did something wrong and I'd like to know. Whoa, right? This is such a common one for so many people now. Listen to this carefully. I want you to listen to this and I'm not just saying I am going to give you an answer, but I literally created a podcast on this. I believe it was at the end of 2019. I'm just trying to find it for you. It was called Six Things to Stop Expecting From Others and How to Leave Them Behind in 2019. It was on December 6th, 2019. It's that episode. Go back and listen to that one because I talk about why we need to give ourselves closure and why no one's going to give it. Now, why do we need closure?

• 17:41Jay Shetty?

  We need closure because as humans, we need to know why something has happened and we look for reasoning and we look for understanding. Now, the problem is when that person doesn't give it to you, you start to come up with all these different ideas as to what it could be, right? And that's what you're doing right now, Alana, right? That's probably what you're doing right now. And you've been ghosted for the first time. So you're going, what did I do wrong? Is it how I look? Is it how I think? Is it what I talked about? Is it something I said? And you'd like to know what they think. But the sad thing is that people ghost rarely because of something you did and more often because of the way they are. Because for anyone to ghost means they don't want to explain to you what it is.

• 18:24Jay Shetty?

  And it could be something completely insignificant. And we live for the rest of our lives, or at least the rest of the year, wondering, well, what is it about me that they didn't like? Why is it that they're treating me like this? So listen back to the episode because I talk about why you need to give yourself the closure that other people are not willing to give to you. So your first question, why do we need closure? We need closure because it helps us find reasoning and understanding, which as humans, we look for in everything, right? And you'd like to know if you did something wrong, but guess what? You didn't do anything wrong because that person didn't have the decency to actually tell you what you did wrong, right? They didn't give you the opportunity to tell you what you did wrong. So I just want you to reflect on that and recognize, listen to that episode and give yourself closure. Ask yourself.

• 19:11Jay Shetty?

  What would you have done differently? Ask yourself what answer you can gain from it, rather than waiting for it from them. The next question and lesson is from Kat. If a person keeps breaking up with you every time they are angry, should you just forgive and take them back? Because you guys really love each other, and it's probably done out of anger. How can we have a healthy fight without these breakups? We both do it. We express to each other how depressing we become when we behave this way, not talking for days, even weeks at a time. But we still do it. Thank you for being so open and sharing that so vulnerably, and I really want to help you with that. And I'm not just going to give you some blanket advice. I want to be really, really straight here with you. That will help you.

• 19:52Jay Shetty?

  Now, it's not healthy to make extreme decisions based on specific emotions, right? Like, if you are angry right now, that doesn't mean you should be like, "Well, I don't want to talk to you for weeks." It's not healthy to do that, right? It's not healthy to make an extreme decision based on a limited emotion. And so my recommendation here is that you both, when things are good, not when you're angry, when things are good, you need to spend more time together and figure out how you're going to deal with this. First, find out what are the triggers for the anger to get that bad? Start removing those triggers from your life. Second of all, when things are good, I want you to talk about how you're going to deal with the fight next time. Right? What really helps both of you? Figure it out.

• 20:37Jay Shetty?

  What really helps both of you feel like you're heard and understood? And recognize that you both are a team, and you're playing against the problem, right? You both are a team. You're a unit. You can't keep breaking up, because if you keep breaking up because of the problem, you're no longer a team. And the third thing you need to think about is that if it's always happening one way, that's not good either. If you're the one always being broken up with when someone is angry, that's not healthy either. So it's about using the times when things are good, because it sounds like there are good times still. When those are there, that's when you need to plan to prepare for the bad times. Don't wait for the bad times to figure out how to deal with anger better. Prepare in the good times to figure it out. I hope that answers your question.

• 21:21Jay Shetty?

  Dan, what is the best way for me to move forward in my life and not be immobilized with fear of loneliness and feeling unloved? Well, first of all, Dan, I'd like you to take a moment to write down a list of the people in your life that love you. I bet you there's at least one person. There's probably three. I want you to really make a list of all the people that love you. Now, I want you to make a list of all the people that like you. Right? I want you to make a list of all the people that like you. And then I want you to make a list of all the people you learn from. So people that love you, people that like you, and people that learn, that you learn from.

• 22:05Jay Shetty?

  If you have these three types of people in your life, you can never be lonely. The problem is, we may not be liked by the people that we like, or we may not receive love from the people that we love, and therefore we think that we have no love or that we are lonely. But there are three ways you can never be lonely. There are people that love you, there are people that like you, and there are people you can always learn from. If you're learning from the lives of others, if you're learning from the books of others, you will always feel encouraged, even if there's no one in your space. Like, I'll give an example. Sometimes I think about the life that I've chosen, and it's a very different type of lifestyle, and therefore that can feel lonely from a, from a difference point of view, right? None of my, none of my friends growing up do what I do now, so that can feel lonely.

• 22:47Jay Shetty?

  None of my friends from before really understand what I'm trying to do in my life. So that's the loneliness that comes from there as well. And so, the only way to not feel lonely is to be surrounded by other people who think like you in values. And the problem is, we try and find people from our past, but sometimes it's new people. Sometimes it's people in books, sometimes it's mentors. But I want you to recognize that you are not lonely and you're not unloved. There are people that love you. It may not be the same people you want attention from, but there are people there, and don't undervalue those relationships. Don't underestimate how much people love you. I hope you're gonna call those people up straight after you listen to this. I hope you're gonna message them straight after you listen to this. And I know, yeah, I know you will. Okay. Thanks, Dan.

• 23:32Jay Shetty?

  Okay, next question is from Leisha. Jay, how can I find a purpose, get out of my comfort zone and do away with self entitlement, fear to try out new things? I feel sorry for myself. Thank you, Leisha, for being so open and so vulnerable. This just shows me what an amazing community we have, that you feel you can be that vulnerable here. That means the world to me and I don't judge you at all. I'm on your side. And the best thing you can do is start getting active. When you start putting yourself at workshops, seminars, courses, weekend courses, evening courses, going and being around other people who want to learn and grow, you will feel that infectious energy. So right now, it's not about finding your purpose.

• 24:15Jay Shetty?

  It's just about getting out of your comfort zone and stop feeling sorry for yourself. And you will do that when you start booking that next course, right? Get out there, be with people, get active, get moving. Something you've wanted to learn for a while, go and book a course right now. Go in search in your area, what is a course, a workshop, a seminar, whatever it is. Go to that, be around an energy. You will feel that contagious energy come straight to you, right, Leisha? You can do it right now and your fear to try new things, ask yourself, why am I scared? Is it because of how you're gonna look? Well, then do it around people you don't know. If it is it around if you're gonna fail? Well, then go and try something that you don't know at all anyways, you can learn about it. Go to a beginner's class so that everyone is learning. Don't be surrounded by experts when you're doing it.

• 24:58Jay Shetty?

  For example, if I wanted to go and learn, I don't know, like if I wanted to learn how to race a car, speed car, I'm not gonna go and race with Formula One drivers. I'm gonna go to a beginner's class. Go to a beginner's class, go to a beginner's workshop, get started, get active. The next question, so we have done one, two, three, four, five, six questions. We're on our seventh question. Sage, any ideas how to deal with the hurt of a loved one leaving you? My grandma died in October and my brother recently moved out and I might never see him again. I don't know what to do, any advice? So any ideas how to deal with the hurt of a loved one? I feel that if you've lost someone that you love.

• 25:40Jay Shetty?

  You should write them a letter that you would have said to them if you would have had the opportunity. I love this practice because I feel that most of our pain from the loss of a loved one is things we never said, things we never expressed, and it's so important that we handwrite it and we read it out, feeling that we could be able to share it with them. That's the first thing I would do. The second thing I recommend is that you see the lessons and the gifts that person left you. I literally was sitting with someone yesterday and they were sharing this with me. They lost someone that they loved, unfortunately, in a shooting. And she was sharing with me that the only way that she was able to move forward was to understand what gift she got from this person. And the gift was the lessons they shared,

• 26:24Jay Shetty?

  the gift of life, the gift of the advice, the wisdom, the insight that that person lived with. So ask yourself, what lessons can I learn from that person? What can I keep living with to keep that person living with me? And the third one is to celebrate that person's greatness. If there was a charity that that person believed in, if there was a cause that that person believed in, get activated in that. Show that you truly love them through that expression, that care. Whenever you're ready, of course, it's in your own time, at your own pace, but when you're ready. Right? When you're ready. And if you said your brother recently moved out and you may never see him again,

• 27:06Jay Shetty?

  if that's someone you love, again, write them a letter, send it to them, handwrite it so they take it seriously. Don't just message and call. FaceTime them. Make an effort. You never want to live with that regret that you didn't try. So those are some of my thoughts in regards to your question. The next question, eighth question from Laura. What would you say the number one thing you do daily, and we should, to keep us going in the right track and improve our lives? So. What do I do daily that's huge for me? One of them is definitely meditation and reflection. And meditation for me is just practicing some basic breath work. In my book, Think Like a Monk, I talk about the three types of meditation that I do.

• 27:49Jay Shetty?

  Breath work, visualization, and mantra. I recommend taking a look at all three of those as examples of types of meditation. And the other way or other thing that I recommend doing every day is exercise. Moving, being active is so beautiful for your mental health. It's so powerful for your mental health. And the other thing is writing down your goals, being really clear about what you want. And not just about what you want as a result, but the steps you're going to do to get there. I look at my steps every single day.

• 28:29Jay Shetty?

  Three more questions to go over on Yuki. Okay, people who are struggling with pressure and stress, what can they do to little by little to get better? What are the steps? What should they do? Well, same as before, actually, like getting active is a huge one. If you're struggling with any stress or pressure or depression, being, first of all, seeing a doctor is really important. The second thing is being active, right? Getting to the gym, getting outdoors. I saw someone share and post on social media that we were talking about vitamins. But what about vitamin N, which is the vitamin of nature? Being in the outdoors is so powerful for our mind. Being around people that are doing amazing things that inspire you and bring you forward is another great one for you as well, Yuki.

• 29:14Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for answering that question. I'm going to take two more questions. Bailey, from your experience, outside of your mentors while a monk, who inspired you and left the biggest mark in the person you are today? What impact was it? And how is this person's impact helping you grow today? So it's a really good question. I'd say there are a few. One of them is definitely people like Steve Jobs, Einstein and Martin Luther King. I never met them, but I've read their work. I read how they looked at decisions. I read how they believed. So there's one statement from Steve Jobs, which changed my life, which was, "The people who are crazy enough to believe they can change the world are the ones who do."

• 29:54Jay Shetty?

  And that for me was such a huge, huge statement because I kept repeating it to myself. And when I look at where my life's leading now, I'm just like, wow. Like, I never imagined that I'd ever be able to connect with all of you. I never imagined that any of this would happen. But people like that change your mindset. When I looked at how Martin Luther King lived such an intentional life and that he was always trying to serve and support and give people an opportunity to serve. So they've had a lasting impact on me. The other person who's had a lasting impact on me is one of my mentors from my time in technology in the digital world. And when I met him, I thought he was going to teach me how digital media,

• 30:39Jay Shetty?

  but actually he opened my mind up. He'd always make me repeat the words from Napoleon Hill is, "You become what you think about." So he'd always say the six most important words are, "You become what you think about." And he'd always get me to repeat them. And he'd always stretch my imagination as to what I thought I could be. So I would always say to him, "I can't be an entrepreneur. I don't know anything about business." And he'd always be like, "No, you are an entrepreneur. I can tell from the way you think." Whenever I'd be doing any work, he'd be like, "Okay, I want you to try this next." He'd basically never, he built the mindset in me to never settle or never become complacent and to always grow. So no matter when we just moved a step forward, he'd then be forcing me to move four more steps forward. We moved another step forward, he'd challenge me to move another five steps forward.

• 31:21Jay Shetty?

  And that's how my mindset's now become, that I'm constantly challenging myself to grow. And that to me is one of the most beautiful mindsets that, or a gift that anyone could give. And he gave me that gift. He's had a big impact on my life. We're still great friends. We have lunches together when I'm back in London. And he just made me believe and stretch. And that's what you need. You need someone who's constantly stretching your belief system about yourself and not just making you accept what you think it is. And the final question from Phil. Why do people choose sides when getting a divorce? People you've known for many years decide they don't know you when you're going through divorce. I'm sorry to hear that. And people choose sides because quite frankly, it's easier.

• 32:06Jay Shetty?

  It's easier to choose a side and go with it. Even if you don't agree with everything and you may have a lot more grays because arguments and divorces and breakups are rarely black or white. Things are gray, but it's easier for the person. It's easier for the person to choose a side and that's the reason they do it most likely. Another reason maybe they feel a sense of debt or loyalty to a specific person. And my recommendation to you is that any sort of break or end is a great time to redefine your relationships and redefine yourself. It gives you an opportunity to grow into the person you couldn't grow into before. It allows you to surround yourself with people that you don't know from before. It gives you a second chance and a new chance. And you may say, well Jay, I still want to have all those people in my life. Well, really think about it.

• 32:51Jay Shetty?

  You don't want to force anyone to be in your life. You don't want anyone to stay in your life just because they were in your life and now you feel sad that they chose the other side. You don't want to also get lost in sides and think, oh, I just want them to come to my side. You, you want to find people who can grow with and push you forward. So don't be limited by your past network. There's this great social media post that shows two coins and it talks about how your circle gets smaller but increases in value. And that's really something you want to focus on is even if your circle gets smaller, how can it increase in value? Right? That's what you want to think about because that's the most powerful lesson. So those are the 11 lessons to help you heal, help you grow and help you become successful. I hope you enjoyed that podcast.

• 33:36Jay Shetty?

  Make sure you share your questions with me. I want to take more of your questions and feature them in the podcast because like I said, we're building a family, we're building a community. Share your greatest insights on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn. I can't wait to see them. Have an amazing week wherever you are. I'll see you again next week.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, theHouseMajorityPact.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Mr. President, my company informed me of the explosion on our rig on October 2nd. Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me. Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us up. From the director of Birdman and the Revenant.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You stalled, you freeze in there, that's what.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  I'm not the first daddy.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.