7 Ways Break Ups Don’t Have To Break You & Building Your Confidence Back

Have you ever had a broken heart? Jay Shetty knows recovering from a break up is painful. After immersing yourself into a relationship, it can be hard to recover. The feelings of hurt and loneliness can feel like a loss that needs to be grieved. What if you could transform your relationship with your break up and turn it into an opportunity for growth instead of devastation? Watch this video to learn Jay Shetty’s 7 ways your break up doesn’t have to break you. Text Jay Shetty 310-997-4177 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically-backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

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• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. For them, it was never as significant. It was never as important. It was never as deep for them. And so you can allow yourself to recognize that they can't break you because they never had you.

• 3:36Jay Shetty?

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I am so grateful that we're creating a conscious community of changemakers. Each and every single one of you in 2020 are changemakers in your own lives and the lives of others. And I'm so deeply grateful that we get to spend this time together every single week, whether you're walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're driving, whether you're commuting, whether you're at the gym, whatever you're up to. I'm so glad that we get to spend this meaningful time together. And this year, I'm super excited because it is the year that my first ever book comes out. Like, this is huge for me.

• 4:19Jay Shetty?

  Like, I can't express to you how excited I am. I've never been more excited about anything I've ever done, whether that's been making videos or launching the podcast. This is truly my Offering my service, a gift that I really hope that you're going to get to read and listen to, because there'll be an audiobook as well. So if you're listening right now and you're thinking, Jay, I'd love to get that first ever book of yours, then head over to ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com. That's ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com. The book is called Think Like A Monk, obviously, and it's a book which will share with you the insights to train your mind for peace and purpose every day. There's exercises, there's activities, and what I've done is

• 5:04Jay Shetty?

  taken each and every lesson that I learned living as a monk, and I've used all the behavioral science to show you how it's real and validated, and then giving you the practical steps and tips and tricks to actually make it real in your life. Now, just imagine you could think like a monk. How amazing would your life be? And you can think like a monk, but live like you, right? That's the beauty of it. You can think like a monk, but live like you. And that's the access I want to give to each and every single one of you. If you've been loving the thoughts, the ideas, the transformation from listening to my podcast, I guarantee you, the book is going to take you to a deeper, another level. So head over to ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com,

• 5:46Jay Shetty?

  and you can order the book from all across the world. I can't, can't wait for you to read it. If you have loved the podcast, you will absolutely love the book. So please don't miss out on it. But today's podcast, this is a podcast that I want you to listen to. You'll probably listen to it twice. You might even listen to it three times. And this is one of those podcasts that I want you to send to your friend that is struggling to get over a breakup. Send it to your friend that's struggling to get over heartbreak. Send it to your friend that just got broken up with or was just cheated on. Send it to your friend that is going through pain because they're not getting the reciprocation of the love that they really, really want. Send this to a friend that is going through any sort of

• 6:31Jay Shetty?

  personal challenge when it comes to heart, emotions, linked to someone else. This is one of those podcasts. And I know you're thinking, Jay, I've been sending and sharing a lot of these podcasts, but this is definitely one of those that you'd want to do it with. And the reason why I wanted to, you know, talk about this theme today and bring it up with all of you and, and raise it is because I've been getting so many messages, right? Like literally so many messages from

• 7:00Jay Shetty?

  Each and every single one of you talking about, just saying how like, Jay, I'm just, you know, going through a breakup, he or she left me, I don't know what to do, I feel so lost, I feel so stuck, I feel so hurt, I was over-dependent, I was completely, you know, immersed in that relationship, that I lost myself in that relationship. How many of you can relate to some of these feelings of like, you just completely lost yourself in another world, in another life, that after a breakup, you end up feeling stuck, you end up feeling hurt, you end up feeling at your lowest and your worst. Breakups can be those moments in our lives.

• 7:43Jay Shetty?

  Breakups can actually be probably one of the hardest emotions that we go through. And sometimes that emotion can even be compared to that of loss. Right? When someone actually dies, we experience loss. And sometimes breakups are so painful that they too can feel like a loss because you'd become so close with that person chemically, physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally. And to the degree that you connected with them through all of those touchpoints, to that degree, it becomes harder to disconnect. For example, if you're physically connected to someone,

• 8:27Jay Shetty?

  it may be easier to move on from them. But if you were physically and you were mentally connected to someone, then it may be a little harder to disconnect. And if you were physically and mentally and emotionally committed to that person, then it takes a little bit longer. And if you were physically, if you were mentally, and if you were emotionally...

• 8:52Jay Shetty?

  And you were spiritually connected to that person, then it takes the longest time. So I really want you to think about that before we dive in to these methods and techniques and practices that I really want you to try and embody, these mindsets that can truly help you transform your relationship with breakup and recognize that a breakup doesn't have to break you. I just want you to know that off the bat, your breakup does not have to break you. Heartbreak doesn't have to break you. And actually, it can't, but it doesn't have to. You don't have to feel that. I want you to know that your breakup does not break you. Heartbreak does not break you. I want you to remember that.

• 9:35Jay Shetty?

  I want you to write it down and I want you to repeat that to yourself because I want you to be so aware of that. This is what I want you to recognize, that whatever breakup you're going through, your friends going through, write down this first of all, how many levels were you connected at? So we've got physical, we've got mental, we've got emotional and we've got spiritual. Four levels of connection. And you could even add, if you want to, familial, like family, like how much were they connected to your family? How much were you connected to their family? I want you to write down out of the five modes of connection, how many were you connected them to? Right? How many of those out of the five were you connected to that individual? And I want you to write down how many you think they were connected to you as well,

• 10:20Jay Shetty?

  like for them, and this is something really important to think about. For them, was it just a physical connection? For you, it may have been a physical, mental and emotional, but for them, was it just a physical connection? Right? For them, was it just a mental connection? For them, was it just an emotional connection? Recognize, and often people get confused. They're like, how is it that he or she is already in another relationship after one week? After one month, right? We've all heard that before where we find out from Instagram, we find out from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend, whose friend told us that that person was out seen on a date in the, you know, the most seeny place. And they get caught on this date and then you hear about it. And you're going, what? I'm still trying to get over it. I'm still trying to move on.

• 11:05Jay Shetty?

  I'm still working through that. Right? I'm still pushing through all this. How is it that they've moved on? So think about it this way. Maybe they've moved on because for them it was simply physical. It was simply mental. It wasn't emotional or spiritual or familiar. But for you, what was it for you? Recognize that difference because when you recognize that difference, it's not that it feels better, but it's that you're not going to let the fact that that person has moved on break you because you realize for them, it was never as significant. It was never as important. It was never as deep for them.

• 11:44Jay Shetty?

  And so you can allow yourself to recognize that they can't break you because they never had you. Right? They can't break you because they never even knew you. They can't break you because they're not holding you. Right? They never held you to break you. Because for them, it was such an insignificant thing. So what I'm going to share with you in this podcast is the seven ways breakup doesn't have to break you. Right? Seven ways breakups don't have to break you. And we're going to start with number one. Now, a lot of advice in this space will be like, don't dwell on it.

• 12:28Jay Shetty?

  Don't, you know, don't dwell on it. Don't think about it. Don't, don't spend time thinking about it. Now, I'm, I'm not going to tell you to do that because I already know that you're going to dwell on it. I already know you're going to think about it. But let me tell you how I want you to think about it. Right? So if I just said to you, I was like, don't think about your breakup. What's the first thing that comes into your mind? Your breakup, right? It's one of those don't think about pink elephants things. If I say, don't think about pink elephants, the first thing that comes into your mind is pink elephants. So when I say to you, don't think about your breakup, don't think about the situation, you're going to think about the situation. So I already know you're going to think about the situation. But let me tell you how to think about it.

• 13:09Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards

• 13:53Jay Shetty?

  since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use.

• 14:38Jay Shetty?

  I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly. Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. I mean, this is what it really means to think like a monk.

• 15:23Jay Shetty?

  It's you recognize that you're going to have a thought. So then, how can I change how I have this thought, right? So this is how I want you to think about it. I want you to write down, and you can write this down, or you can voice note it to yourself. That is up to you, whether you prefer speaking or whether you prefer writing. This is your choice, right? It's not my choice, it's whichever one you prefer. Some people like to voice note and listen back to it. Some people like to write it down. Either way, you have to get it out of your mind, out of your head, and onto a page or onto your phone. You need to make a record of this. You need to make it feel objective, where you're listening to some feelings or you're reading some feelings, because then you realize that you are not your feelings, right?

• 16:07Jay Shetty?

  You're not your emotions when you separate them from yourselves. You are not your feelings, you're not your emotions. You have to separate yourself from them. So write down everything that went wrong. It could be moments, it could be events, it could be places they treated you badly, right? Because it's so unusual that when you break up, your mind tries to remind you of all the good times. How many times have you experienced that? That when you finally break up with someone, whether they break up with you or you break up with them, your mind's like, "Oh, but it could have been this. Oh, but it was so beautiful. Oh, but I remember when we went out there." Like, all of a sudden, all these positive memories come back, right? But we forget all the negative situations.

• 16:51Jay Shetty?

  It's so important to clearly write down what went wrong. Could be events, could be a moment, could be an interaction, could be the way they treated you. And then, right next to that, who is responsible for that, at the heart of that? Now, if you're feeling really weak now, you might actually think it's all your fault. But I really want you to think about this. When you write down a list of everything that went wrong in the relationship, I want you to really think about who's responsible for it. Who took that action, right? Who said those things that shouldn't have been said? Who did the things that shouldn't be done in a relationship? And fair enough, some of them will be you. And that's great, because you're taking responsibility and ownership for them,

• 17:35Jay Shetty?

  and now you can improve and grow. But it also helps you reflect and become aware of the mistakes that someone else made. You know, the more you understand that, the more you realize that, the easier it becomes for you to recognize what you were able to grow through and go through, and the stuff that you actually dealt with. Because often, when we break up, our mind forgets a lot of the negative elements, and it remembers the positive ones. Now, "Why is this?" you might be saying. You might be saying, "How does that make sense?" Well, Thich Nhat Hanh describes this, and in other places too, but it's described as "familiar pain."

• 18:17Jay Shetty?

  We'd rather have familiar pain in our life than unfamiliar pain. So, familiar pain is like, I'm with this person, they cause me pain, but it's the kind of pain I know. I know they're gonna be rude to me in the morning. I know they're going to forget my birthday. I know that they're not gonna turn up to dinner on time. I know that they're not going to call me or message me, because even though I'd like it. Like, you know what they're going to get wrong, and we'd rather sign up to that than sign up to the fact that now we don't have this person, and now we're in this no man's or no woman's land, and we don't know where we're going. Right? We'd rather sign up for familiar pain than unfamiliar pain. And unfamiliar pain is, we just broke up, I'm in new territory, I'm single again,

• 19:00Jay Shetty?

  I don't know what's going on, I don't know how they feel, I don't know how I feel, I don't know how to move on. Familiar pain is like, I know exactly what they're gonna mess up on, and even though I don't like it, at least I know it. And we often choose knowing for goodness. We'd rather know what's going to happen than be treated with respect and worth. We literally give up being given what we deserve, because we'd rather know that we're getting what we don't deserve. Right? We'd rather live in a world where...

• 19:38Jay Shetty?

  We get what we don't deserve, but we know that we're gonna get it. And that sounds really messed up and twisted, but it's true, we do. We cling on to that familiar pain. So I want you to write down everything that went wrong, because I want you to become fully aware, and I want you to train your mind to recognize that this breakup was for your good, right? You dodged a bullet. You were saved, because if this person doesn't wanna be with you, why are you going to force them to be with you? Or you've been saved, you have this moment. That's method number one. Number two, you're going to think about that person. You're going to go on social media, and even if I tell you to unfollow them or block them,

• 20:23Jay Shetty?

  you'll unblock them and you'll find another password to get through to them. You'll use your Finster account, or you'll be using one of your undercover secret accounts or your friends' accounts to spy on them, right? You'll find a way. Now, if you can still, you know, stalking this person, that's the right way to do it. But you are gonna think about them at least, and you may even going to check out what they're up to. So I'm not gonna tell you not to think about them. But I want you to write down, again like you did with the first, every event or every interaction, I want you to write down everything that they personally didn't do right to you, right? A quality, an attribute, the way they spoke to you, the way they treated you. I want you to be, again, asserting to yourself that it was good that you broke up.

• 21:08Jay Shetty?

  You've disconnected yourself from some pain, and this is you facing it. See, this is you getting close to what happened. It's so easy to be like, oh, let's get distracted. Let's just go out. Let's just go to Coachella this weekend. Let's just, you know, go away and travel. And there's nothing wrong with any of that. If you need to do that, that's great. But what I'm trying to say is that when you get closer to what went wrong, when you get closer to the problems, when you get closer to the mistakes, you get so much more awareness, right? You get so much more awareness on what can happen. And I don't want you to be in a position of just hoping things are gonna change and hoping things are just gonna disappear, rather than just like... You know, and just trying to distract yourself.

• 21:51Jay Shetty?

  This is a much better way of trying to deal with it, right? It's a much better method of trying to overcome it. So I want you to write down every challenge, every mistake, everything that person said that wasn't, wasn't right. Any behavior trait that your mind is now skipping on. Again, your mind is skipping on these things because your mind would rather focus on the positives all of a sudden. Is there anything like that? That your mind is forgetting, right? Is there anything like that, that your mind is just ignoring? Um, and, and, and that you could actually build a better understanding with?

• 22:33Jay Shetty?

  The third principle is when we use this word broken. I started to dive into it because I always, I love breaking down language and I really mean this, any word that you used often, that you use often, look at the definition of it. Because when you read the definition of it, you might figure out that your understanding of it is untrue and therefore you're using a heavier word. When you, when you hear the word broken, wow, that's a heavy word. That's like, it's a powerful word, broken. Right? When something's broken, it needs to be replaced. So that means if you feel you're broken, like when, when something's broken, it needs to be fixed or replaced, right? When something's broken, it needs to be fixed or replaced.

• 23:14Jay Shetty?

  If your car's broken, if your washing machine's broken, if your dryer's broken, if a light is broken, it needs to be fixed or replaced. Which means when you're calling yourself broken, you're saying you need to be fixed or you need to be replaced. Now, when it comes to fixing yourself, even that mindset is very much like, okay, well, I'm broken, so I need to fix something. So, you know, it's, it kind of, it's, it's kind of hard to even process it. But when you're talking about replacing yourself, like, and, and people do get to that extent, they may not use the word replace, but they're like, oh yeah, I don't know who I am anymore, I don't like who I am anymore. That kind of language can be really damaging. So I looked up the definition of broken. The definition of broken is having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece in a working order.

• 23:59Jay Shetty?

  Now, the first thing we have to realize is that only what you had together may be broken. But you are not broken. Only what you tried to build together. Has been broken. But you are not broken. These are two separate things. It's like if you co-owned a car and it broke, but you still have your own car. Right? If you bought something together and that broke, but you still have your own version of it. Right? You still have you. And this is the mistake we make that we get so wrapped up and immersed into someone else's identity that we think that we're the broken one. We get so wrapped up and dependent on them for who we are that we feel broken. But this is a mindset shift we have to make. We have to realize

• 24:43Jay Shetty?

  that only what we had with them is broken. We are not broken. We have now not lost our skills. We still are the same person. Right? We still have what we had before. That doesn't just disappear. That doesn't just go away. Right? That doesn't just... You don't lose that just because of this. You don't just lose that because now you're using the language. So you've got to be really careful when you're going through a breakup of the language you choose to describe how you feel. And any word that you keep using, look at the definition and ask yourself, is that really the emotion I'm experiencing?

• 25:28Speaker 01

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• 25:39Speaker 02

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• 25:45Speaker 03

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• 25:49Speaker 02

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• 25:52Speaker 03

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• 25:53Speaker 02

  Digger. See the trailer online. Only appears October 2nd. Rated R. Under 17. Not a middle without parent.

• 26:00Jay Shetty?

  So if we look at the definition of the word hurt, which is another common thing, right? Physical pain or injury to, physically injured. And literally, that's kind of where hurt stops, right? But let's say it's emotional hurt. And you're like, okay, I'm feeling emotional hurt. And it's like, okay, let me, let me really define what that means. So emotional hurt definition is psychological pain, mental pain, emotional pain is an unpleasant feeling. Right? And maybe you are feeling an unpleasant feeling, but using the word broken is so much heavier than saying, I have an unpleasant feeling, right? I'm feeling some emotional pain that I'm going through right now. I need to work through this. It's so important.

• 26:38Jay Shetty?

  It's so, so important for us to be so mindful and conscious of the language we allow, because the more we say, "I'm broken, I feel broken," you know, "this, this broke me." You're now programming your mind to believe that you need to be fixed or replaced. So be really mindful of your language. The fourth way that a breakup doesn't have to break you is, like I said before, you can't stop thinking, but you can change your thoughts. Thoughts are like clothes. You can change them if you don't like them. And it's so important to realize your thoughts are not you. Any thoughts you're having at this time, like, "I'm not beautiful enough,

• 27:20Jay Shetty?

  I'm not strong enough, I wasn't caring enough, I'm not powerful enough," whatever it is, like all the "I'm not enough," right? All of that stuff, which is bound to come up, which is natural to come up, all of those things, right? Every single one of those things, they're like clothes. If you put on a pair of clothes and you're like, "I don't like how I look in this." What do you do? You change your clothes. You don't just go out there and force yourself to wear that. Similarly, if you have a thought, and if you don't like that thought, and that's the first question I ask you, with any thought, ask yourself first, "Do I like this thought?" Right? "Is this thought useful?" Right? "Do I like this thought? Is this thought useful or insightful? Is this thought insightful?" Right?

• 28:05Jay Shetty?

  Ask yourself that. "Is this thought insightful? Is it useful? Is it insightful? Is this thought helping me move forward?" Right? Ask yourself that. "Is this thought helping me move forward?" And then ask yourself, "Is this thought helping me elevate or escape?" Notice, we have just created an acronym called LIFE. "Do I like this thought? Is this thought insightful? Does this thought help me move forward? And does this thought help me escape or elevate?" And of course, we want a thought that helps us elevate. So when we're saying things like, "I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not good-looking enough, I'm too ugly," whatever it is,

• 28:50Jay Shetty?

  "Do I, do you like that thought?" Of course, you don't like that thought, right? So it's like saying, "Okay, do I like this shirt? No, I don't like this shirt." "Okay, fine, I don't like it." "Is it insightful?" No, it's not insightful, because it's, it's not helpful, right? It's not helpful, it's not. It's not inspiring, right? That thought's not inspiring. Does it help me move forward? No, it doesn't help me move forward because it's actually making me move backwards because it makes me less confident and less focused on the good things about me. Is it making me escape or elevate? It's an escape. It's not an elevate. It's not helping me push forward. So then let me remove that thought. Let me swap it. Similarly, we'd be like, does this fit me right? Do I like this? Just the way you ask yourself, does this fit me right? You have to ask, do your thoughts fit you right? Do your thoughts fit the future you want to create?

• 29:34Jay Shetty?

  Do your thoughts fit the future that you want to create? That is the question you have to ask yourself, right? That is the question you have to ask yourself. Just like you'd say, like, is the, you know, do you reckon this is gonna fit me for the next three months? Do you think it's gonna fit me for the next year? Is this thought going to fit you for the next three months? Do you want to wear that thought? That's the question you have to ask yourself. Do you want to wear that thought? So remember this, you can't stop thinking, but you can change your thoughts. Thoughts are like clothes. You can change them if you don't like them. Now, point number five, whatever you're going through, whatever situation you're in, what's really been affected is your confidence. Your confidence is what is hurt and torn down after a breakup.

• 30:18Jay Shetty?

  Because our confidence became as strong as that relationship was. Because we gave everything, right? We have this bad habit of making something our everything. And then we put all of our confidence into a relationship. See, we make the mistake, this is actually a really big confidence lesson. We make the mistake of putting our confidence into a car. We make the mistake of putting our confidence into a relationship. We make the mistake of putting our confidence into a property. We make the mistake of putting our confidence into a business. We make the mistake of putting our confidence into a award. When you make the mistake of putting your confidence into anything,

• 31:04Jay Shetty?

  You lose your confidence. Because you're now relying on that thing to make you feel confident. So if that thing breaks, if that thing falls apart, if that thing goes wrong, your confidence is hit. When actually it was your confidence that created all of that. But that wasn't your confidence. So your confidence allowed you to maybe have a nice car or live a purposeful life or surprise your friend for their birthday or whatever. Your confidence allows you to do that. But when you put your confidence into that, you lose your confidence. So stop putting your confidence into people and things. And the way we build our confidence after a breakup

• 31:45Jay Shetty?

  and the way that your breakup doesn't have to break you are the three E's. Exercise, eat right and energy of people around you. When we exercise after a breakup, we build our confidence, not just from looking better, but feeling better. From eating right, again, taking care of ourselves, showing ourselves. When we eat, when you exercise and you eat right, what are you doing? You're showing yourself that you matter. You're showing yourself that you care. And you want to be around people with the right energy. And a lot of the times, it's important to spend time with your friends from before you're in that relationship, building new relationships and surrounding yourself with the energy that doesn't just keep bringing you down and reminding you of that relationship

• 32:31Jay Shetty?

  that has just ended. Now, the sixth principle is something that's been written and thought about a lot, but I loved it and I was looking at this on Wikipedia. It was, kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending broken pieces with dusted gold, silver or platinum. So what it is, and you may have seen pictures of this on social media, where there's these pots, these beautiful pots that have been put together again through gold dust. And so you can see the lines, almost like veins in a pot. And the philosophy behind this is that it's trying to help us realize that we need to embrace our flaws and we need to...

• 33:10Jay Shetty?

  You know, embrace them rather than hiding them. So often, we're trying to hide all these mistakes. We're trying to hide all these flaws. We don't, we don't really get into it. We don't really get to use it. We don't get to understand it, right? With our flaws, we don't really get to understand them. We try and hide them. We try and put them away. Whereas these pots are put together again to show us that nothing is ever truly broken, and it's more beautiful after it. This is the point of this kintsugi, as it's called, and I hope I'm saying that right, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery, is that when something's broken, we usually throw it away. But they believe that actually, if you can put it together, it actually becomes more beautiful. And this is what we need to realize, that any scar, any wound, any pain, actually makes you more beautiful.

• 33:55Jay Shetty?

  If you pull yourself together again after it, it makes you more beautiful. It makes you more attractive. It makes you more powerful. It makes you more strong. So actually, it doesn't break you. It actually makes you stronger. It doesn't break you. It builds you up. When you recognize that you don't want to hide these wounds, you don't want to hide these challenges. The seventh and final principle is from Rumi, where he said that the wound is the place where the light enters you. Exactly in the same way as the Japanese art of repairing pottery, the wound is actually where the light enters you. It's what allows you to become a better, more wholesome, more powerful, more beautiful, more incredible individual, right?

• 34:39Jay Shetty?

  More amazing individual. So don't forget that. The wound is the place where the light enters you, as Rumi said it best. So these are the seven ways breakups don't have to break you. And I would recommend listening to this one again, sharing it with your friends, really understanding these principles, letting them really set in, asking yourself the questions that I shared here, checking, doing those three E's. Like, put these into practice. Try and live one of them. You don't have to live all of them. Try live one of them. The reason why I give you a selection and a collection is that you can choose which one works for you. So I want you to do that. Pick one that works for you.

• 35:22Jay Shetty?

  Select one that works for you and make it happen. Thank you so much for listening to On Purpose this week. I can't wait for you to hear my guest next week. And make sure, please, it would mean the world to me. Preorder ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com. Go and preorder my book. I can't, can't, can't wait for you to read it. If you're enjoying the podcast, if this podcast has had an impact on you, it would mean so much to me if you go and purchase the book at ThinkLikeAMonkBook.com. Thank you so much for listening, everyone. I'll see you again next week.

• 36:22Speaker 04

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Mr. President, my company for me of the explosion on our rig.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  On October 2nd.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Causing massive water displacement and triggering a tsunami. They all heap the blame on me.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Tom Cruise is. Digger got us into this mess, and Digger's gonna dig us out. From the director of Birdman and The Revenant.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  What would happen if I stopped drilling? You're stalled, you're freezing there, that's what.

• 37:12Speaker 02

  With great power comes great deniability.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  I'm not the first then.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Digger, see the trailer online. Only in theaters October 2nd. Rated R, under 17, not admitted without parent.