6 Things To Stop Expecting From Others & How To Leave Them Behind in 2019

I believe that preparation for 2020 starts right now, It doesn't start in January. You need to start letting go of those things that blocked you from doing well. Expecting things from others is one of the biggest blocks to your growth. Today you'll learn how to stop expecting closure, apologies, explanations, understanding, belief & validation from others. When you remove all expectations, you gain power no one can ever challenge and you will see your life change. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells, Vinted creates a prepaid shipping label for you. And the best part, there are no seller fees, so you keep what you earn. It's a simple way to clear out your closet, be less wasteful, and maybe make some extra money along the way. And if you've been thinking about a wardrobe refresh, this can make it feel a little more worthwhile. You're not just letting go of clothes, you're getting more value from what you already have.

• 0:43Jay Shetty?

  Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free to start selling with no seller fees, so you keep every dollar you earn. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. Confidence isn't something Mazda finds, it's something they practise. That's the thinking behind every Mazda. With proactive safety features designed to help keep you more aware, more connected, and more engaged with the road ahead. It's why Mazda has been named Consumer Reports' safest new car brand and has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick+ Awards than any other car brand as of July 2026. Visit www.iihs.org to learn more. A lot can happen when an accident doesn't. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more.

• 1:29Jay Shetty?

  Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to-do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs.

• 2:14Jay Shetty?

  And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. Living for other people's validation, you're now living according to their values, not yours. Which means you are creating a life that may not be valuable to you.

• 3:01Jay Shetty?

  I know for the past few weeks, I've been sharing behind the scenes clips so you can hear me at Q and A sessions, at conferences, seminars, workshops, and at leading companies around the world, but I'm so happy to be back live with you here today. And today's theme is so important, so powerful, I can't wait to get into it. Now, because it's in December as well, I want to start preparing our minds for 2020. I believe that preparation for 2020 starts right now. It doesn't start in January, it doesn't start on January 1st, it starts right now. And so you're going to be hearing a lot of that. So if you're really wanting to prepare your mind, prepare your energy, and prepare your

• 3:41Jay Shetty?

  focus for 2020, then I want you to keep coming back every single week because that's exactly what we're going to be doing. And we're going to start off by letting go of a lot of the things that may hold us back into 2019. You know, when it comes to the end of the year, you have to reflect on the things that worked, the things that went really well. And rather than just reflecting on the things that didn't go well, you need to start shedding the baggage, you need to start letting go of those things that blocked you from doing well. And I think this is a huge mistake that so many of us make is that we reflect on what went right and we reflect on what went wrong, but we don't let go of what went wrong and why it went wrong. And we don't do more of what went right.

• 4:23Jay Shetty?

  So I really want you to think about this really, really important point before we get in today's theme and topic, that as you're coming to the end of 2019, reflect on what went right, reflect on what worked, reflect on the things you're happy about. And at the same time, become really conscious and aware of what went wrong, but more importantly, why it went wrong. And start shedding that baggage from your life, letting it remove from your life, letting it go from your life. And you know, because of each and every one of you, this has been a really fun and exciting year for me. And I'm just so grateful that you're all here today. And as you know, today's theme is six things to stop expecting from others.

• 5:07Jay Shetty?

  Right? This is so important. If we can leave our expectations of others in 2019, this is the first thing that I want you to let go of this year. This is the first thing that I want you to leave behind this year. Because it's these expectations of others, it's these obligations of others, it's these opinions of others that hold us back, that stop us from our highest selves, that block us from our greatest potential. And if we can let go of these six, and today I'm not just going to share what those six are, I'm going to share how to actually do that with these particular things. And if we start making that progress right now, if we start taking those steps right now,

• 5:49Jay Shetty?

  you will see an incredible amount of change in your life. Now, let's really dissect expectations for a moment. And I'm actually just gonna pick up some of my notes here and I wanna have a look at the, you can probably hear me typing away, which is great. You know that I'm here with you right now, trying to dissect this topic for you. And I'm really intrigued to look at the definition of expectation. And I really believe you should do this more often. We use dictionary. To check meanings of words we didn't know about. But we forget, we don't really know the meanings of words we use every day, right? When you were young, you were trained to pick up the dictionary. If you don't know this word, you've never heard it before. What does that word mean?

• 6:34Jay Shetty?

  And so we did that, but then words that we use every day, we just expect we know the meaning. And lately, I've been forcing myself as a habit. I've been developing this habit, not even forcing myself. To look at words that I use regularly and ask myself, well, what does that mean to me? And what does that mean to someone else? And what does that mean to all of you? And so expectation is one of those words. Now, now, listen to this really carefully. The definition of expectation is a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future. Right? A strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

• 7:15Jay Shetty?

  Now, let me get really close to this definition and dissect it from the way I'm seeing it. When we think of an expectation, we see it as something we expect. We expect it to happen because it seems obvious. But really, our expectations are not based on reality. They're a projected reality. They're a belief. They're a hope. They're a want. They're a desire. They're not necessarily based on reality. So when people say like, Jay, but of course you have to have some expectations from other people. Because otherwise, how can you have a real relationship? And I'm like, yes, you should have real expectations.

• 7:57Jay Shetty?

  Which, in my opinion, is just called reality and dealing with what you see in front of you versus projected reality. So imagine you're listening to someone. You're listening to them say something like, hey, I, I don't really understand where we're going with this. I don't really. You know, I'm not really into you anymore. I don't really like you anymore. I don't think this is working out. You're hearing that, but your expectation is, no, we can figure this out. Your projected reality is, no, no, no, we're gonna figure this out. We've done it before. We're gonna figure out. We're gonna master this. But you're not listening carefully to what's actually being said. You're not accepting what's really, truly being said.

• 8:39Jay Shetty?

  So, so many times our expectations let us down because we're not accepting what is being said. Now, accepting what is being said doesn't mean you are fatalistic. It doesn't mean you accept it and then feel upset that that's just where life's at. But at the same time, you don't want to have false expectations. And so often, expectations make us hold on and things linger on. I'm sure you've all felt the pain of expectation in your life. And I really want to help you remove that and let go of it in 2019. So if you're ready to let go of your expectations, the six things to stop expecting from others in 2019, you're in exactly the right place. And I can't wait to dive into this with you.

• 9:24Jay Shetty?

  It's one of my favorite themes and topics that we've talked about on the podcast. And I'm really excited to be sharing it with you right now. Now, this, this story is slightly, slightly connected, but, but I think it's really powerful. I don't know how many of you have seen the movie, The Theory of Everything. It's the life story of Stephen Hawking, the incredible thinker and scientist. And the phenomenal thing about Stephen Hawking is that I believe he was told when he was around 21 years old, that he had about six months left to live. And Stephen Hawking has said that, he said, "My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus," right?

• 10:07Jay Shetty?

  And I believe he's also added on that, that when one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. And what's fascinating about that approach is, imagine being told at such an early age that you had six months left to live. And the incredible thing about Stephen Hawking is that I believe he lived for 76 years. Imagine having been told, "You have six months left to live." And he lived for seventy six years. I believed he even wrote a bestselling book, even though, well, multiple bestselling books, but one of his bestselling books, he could only write four words per minute.

• 10:48Jay Shetty?

  Let just, just, just let that sink in for a moment. He could only write four words per minute. And he wrote a bestselling book and multiple bestselling books. It's insane to realize how when we stop expecting life, when we stop expecting people, when we stop expecting things to do the work for us. But we choose to do the work for ourselves. We choose to give that to ourselves. What powerful things can happen?

• 11:25Jay Shetty?

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• 12:08Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in nineteen eighty. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colours, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods, Market, in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

• 12:52Jay Shetty?

  We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbour, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state, coverage options are selected by the customer, availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 13:25Jay Shetty?

  So we see here a young man who is told he had six months left to live. He had no more expectations left of people, of life or of death, because he just didn't know. And he went on to live 76 years in which he achieved a phenomenal amount of stuff. Let me just actually just take a look at that to just share some of his achievements with you if you're not familiar with him or you're not exactly sure about what he did. So I've literally just searched it right now and he's got the Albert Einstein Medal in 1979. That sounds like the coolest medal of all time. He's got the Albert Einstein Award in 1978. He's got the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2009.

• 14:10Jay Shetty?

  You know, I mean, he's got, I mean, there's a long, long list of awards and accolades here. And the reason I'm just pointing that out is just looking at how, when he stopped having expectations, because his expectations were reduced to zero, how much power. We think when we reduce our expectations, we reduce our power. But actually, when we reduce our expectations, we increase our power. Because our expectations are based on what we want other people to do for us. Our expectations are based on what we think other people should do for us. Our expectations are based on what we... Expect other people to give to us.

• 14:53Jay Shetty?

  But when you remove that down to zero, you take all of that energy away from what you think other people should do, what you want other people to do, what you expect other people to do. And you turn that expectation into your own implementation. That's the difference. You're transforming the expectation others have for you into your own implementation. I'm in the zone right now. I'm totally in flow. I am hoping that you're with me on this podcast already. I hope you're writing things down. I hope you're taking notes. This was one of those moments where I really think it's so important to just let this sink in. Twenty-one years old, six months left to live, lives for seventy-six years, makes a huge impact, removes zero expectation. Right? Zero expectations.

• 15:39Jay Shetty?

  So six things, six ways to create zero expectation from others. So let's start with the first of the six things. And I'm gonna say this, straight up front with you right now, these are not easy steps. I'm not expecting you to leave them all behind in one go, but the process has to start today. The process has to start today, and I'm guessing you're not affected by all six of them. You'll be affected by a few of them. And as you're listening, I want you to think about which ones you're affected by, which one your friends and partners are affected by. Because it's so important to become conscious and aware of the expectations that are holding us back. So the first expectation we have to genuinely let go of,

• 16:24Jay Shetty?

  or the first thing we have to stop expecting from others, is closure. I know that's hard to hear. If you've been through a tough breakup, maybe you were ghosted recently. Maybe someone told you they loved you and they were gonna marry you and then they broke your heart. Maybe you were with someone for a significant period of time and you saw a future with them. Even if there was nothing promised or stated or guaranteed, but then that fell apart. And the best explanation they could give you was, it's not you, it's me, right? Or the best explanation they could give you was, it's just not working out anymore.

• 17:07Jay Shetty?

  Or the best explanation they could give you was, I think we're moving in two different directions. Or whatever it is, or maybe you're actually saying, Jay, you're listening to me going, Jay, I actually didn't get any explanation, like, there was no closure, right? There was no closure, there was no answers, there was no, there was no clarification on why this happened, what it happened for. How many of you have ever been in that position before? Where you didn't receive the closure you felt you deserved? You've invested years and years and years into this relationship, or months and months and months of your life, or energy and energy and energy, and you got nothing? You got nothing? And you're sitting there saying, listening to going, Jay, how can you tell me to expect nothing?

• 17:51Jay Shetty?

  When I put in so much work, how can you tell me to stop expecting closure? Well, here's the reason why you have to stop expecting closure, because guess what? You're probably not going to get it.

• 18:01Jay Shetty?

  You're probably not going to get it, and you still expecting it means you're still living in a past reality. You're still living in that projected reality, which means you can't move on with actual reality, you can't move on with your life, because you have an expectation which is anchored in a past event. Anytime you have an expectation that's anchored in a past event, you can't live in the present, because you're still wanting something to happen from before. It's almost like, it's almost like you keep going back to your old house, because you're still expecting mail there, right? So you have to keep going back to check every single day. You keep going back there every single day. How much time does that waste? How much time and energy does that take away from where you are right now?

• 18:47Jay Shetty?

  And specifically with closure.

• 18:50Jay Shetty?

  Because the truth is, the reason why people can't give you closure is they might not even have found the answers themselves. The reason why no one can give you closure is because they probably haven't clarified the situation for themselves. They don't even have their own clarity on the situation. They haven't reflected enough in a deep way for themselves, let alone to articulate it to you. And so even if you get closure, even if they make an attempt, even if they give you a reason, you will always have another ten follow-up questions that they won't have an answer to. And so you're leaving yourself open. It's like leaving a wound ripped open. Right? It's almost like saying, I'm not gonna put a bandage on my wound

• 19:35Jay Shetty?

  because someone else has got to put that bandage on it for me. I'm not gonna clean out the the mess and the dirt from this wound because because I don't have to do that. They need to do that, right? Someone pushes you over, you get cut, and you're like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna clean this wound. I'm not gonna cover up this cut. I'm not gonna put a bandage on. I'm gonna get them to do it because they pushed me over. I mean, what happens if they pushed you over and walked away? What happens if it was far more serious? What happens in that scenario? Do you do you put a bandage on yourself? Do you do you heal that wound? Do you drag yourself to hospital if it's that desperate or serious? Or do you just go, no, no, no, I'm just gonna live with this because I'm gonna expect it from them. I'm just gonna wait till they come and give it to me, till they find a way to tell me this,

• 20:18Jay Shetty?

  whether it takes five, 10, 15, 20 years, and by that time, you know, that wound is so bad that you you've got infections and all sorts. It doesn't make sense. Like, do you do you get where I'm going with that? That doesn't make any sense. You would never do that. You would realize that you have a wound. It's your body.

• 20:36Jay Shetty?

  Just as a wound is on your body and it's yours to deal with, this emotional wound of needing closure is on your mind and it's yours to deal with. And when you give up the expectation of others to give you closure,

• 20:52Jay Shetty?

  You actually seal that wound far more effectively yourself. And here's how you do it. Any question you have for them, you answer it personally, but you don't take it personally. The biggest mistake we do when we're looking for closure is we take someone leaving us as a personal discredit to our character, our appearance, our personality. We take it as a personal attack on who we are, how we look, how we behave. When someone leaves us, we actually leave ourselves, right? When someone leaves us, we end up leaving ourselves because we stop being ourselves.

• 21:36Jay Shetty?

  We start judging ourselves harsher. We're like, oh, I'm not beautiful enough. I'm not good-looking enough. I'm not funny enough. I'm not supportive enough. I'm not stable enough. And, and all that does is it makes you all those things, right? As soon as you start thinking, I'm not stable, you're not stable. As soon as you start thinking, I'm not confident, you're not confident. And you start building that. So instead of waiting for the answers from them, you create your own answers that help you find closure where you're honest with yourself, but all for the purpose of moving on.

• 22:12Jay Shetty?

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• 22:57Jay Shetty?

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• 24:17Jay Shetty?

  Just as you do with a physical wound, you have to do the same with an emotional wound. You can't keep going to the person who pushed you over and expecting them to do that. And that may mean, you know, giving yourself closure may mean removing things that belong to that person or memories from your space, right? Creating closure for yourself may be giving yourself space to vent your feelings that they never let you. So one of your biggest issues may be that you never got to tell them everything you felt and all the pain they made you experience. So you're now gonna write it out, and you're gonna read it to them as if they were standing right in front of you. So you still get to do the process. You still get to go through the emotions.

• 25:02Jay Shetty?

  They may not physically be there to hear it, but you have to recognize that it's far more about you feeling like you've shared it than them even hearing it. So you're still going to give yourself that time and that space and that energy. And most importantly, you're going to rewrite the ending. You're gonna rewrite the ending in a way that helps you push forward. So the first thing that we have to stop expecting from others is closure. Closure, closure, closure. I know so many people have wasted so much time, energy, and effort in waiting for closure. The second thing that we have to stop expecting from others, another tough one, is apologies.

• 25:46Jay Shetty?

  There's a famous statement that says we should learn to accept apologies we've never received. Right? We have to learn to accept apologies we've never received. Because again, just like closure, people sometimes are not even aware of the mistakes they've done. And you may say, Jay, how can they not know? Like, it's so obvious. This person really messed up and they haven't said sorry for it. And my answer to that is, okay, maybe they even know. Maybe they're just too embarrassed. Maybe they're just too guilty. But again, why are you going to keep living that moment over and over again? Rather than just accepting that apology for yourself? And a lot of the time, the reason why

• 26:29Jay Shetty?

  we are expecting an apology from someone else is because we haven't forgiven ourselves. We haven't actually apologized to ourselves for connecting with that person, for interacting with that person, for building that relationship with that person. We're expecting an apology from someone else because we haven't forgiven ourselves. Take that in, write that down. We're expecting an apology from someone else because we haven't forgiven ourselves. When you forgive yourself, when you apologize to yourself for the mistakes you made in that relationship, for the lesson you learned from getting involved with them, when you give yourself that space, you no longer crave

• 27:12Jay Shetty?

  that forgiveness, sorry, that apology from someone else, which you don't even know. Because sometimes people apologize and then you're like, well, I know that's not even real. I know you don't mean it. I know that you're not sincere. And guess what? Then that person goes, oh, well, that's all I had to say. And then again, you feel discontent. When we leave our expectation open to others, we end up leaving it open forever. We kind of make it to a point where we may never be satisfied. Because even if they give us an apology, we may not be satisfied with the depth of their apology, the level of their apology. So yes, if you want to live in a constant, never-ending cycle of expectation, be my guest, leave it open. But if you want to get to a place where you're really ready to form new relationships and start again,

• 27:56Jay Shetty?

  then you have to give yourself the apology you expect from someone else. You have to, right? So in the same way, I would focus on self forgiveness in that scenario. The way to stop expecting apologies for somewhere else is giving yourself the forgiveness for the mistakes you made, the lessons you learned, and whatever apology you think they should be giving you, you have to give it to yourself first, right? You have to start there.

• 28:29Jay Shetty?

  The third thing, which kind of links to the first two, but I kept it separate because sometimes you may say, Jay, closure is too deep for me, apologies. The third is explanations. Some people are just terrible at articu... Actually, most of us are terrible at articulating our feelings in painful situations because we've been told to suppress them. We've been told to hide our feelings in tough situations, or we've been told to toughen up, or man up, or stop being, you know, stop crying like a girl, or like, you know, like a little boy, or whatever. And all of these things build up negative perceptions in our mind. Because what does that mean? What does it mean to man up or stop crying like a girl? Like, these are not positive emotional statements.

• 29:10Jay Shetty?

  These are not positive vocabularies to describe our emotions. And so, we're not good at explaining how we feel because when we're in pain, we were just told to stop. You were never told to feel it. You were never told to experience it. You were never told to heal it. You were just told to stop. It's like, stop crying. It's not that bad. Don't worry about it, right? Whereas, when you stop expecting explanations from others, you get an opportunity to explain how you feel to yourself. And this is so powerful that when you go through a painful situation, you've got to find the right vocabulary to articulate it to others,

• 29:55Jay Shetty?

  to yourself, to your friend, your coach, your therapist, your mentor, your trainer. Because when you build up the vocabulary to explain it, you develop more confidence to move on, and that's the key here. When you stop expecting explanations from others, you build up the confidence in yourself that you have the power to overcome this. But when you're constantly looking for someone else to fill the gap and provide an explanation, you take their explanation as reality. And guess what? Now their explanation becomes your reality. And let's say their explanation is, oh, I just found someone better. Or their explanation is, you're not good enough. Without you finding your vocabulary for that explanation, that explanation becomes your reality.

• 30:37Jay Shetty?

  So again, an explanation from someone else is not satisfactory. It doesn't fulfill what you're truly looking for. The fourth thing to stop expecting from others is understanding. How many of us want our parents, our friends, our teachers, our managers, our bosses, our partners to understand our passions, to understand our goals, to understand our dreams? I hear it all the time. People are like, Jay, the people around me don't understand me. They don't understand how bad I want this. They don't understand how much this means to me. They don't understand why I'm chasing this. They don't understand me. I hear that all the time from so many people.

• 31:23Jay Shetty?

  The truth is, there's a few areas here. The first thing is, sometimes they don't understand you because you actually don't express it well. People can't understand you. They can't read in between the lines or read your mind if you don't express if something is important to you, right? And this can be as simple as your passion and your purpose. I remember when I first started making videos, so many of my friends were just like, oh, well, this is never gonna go anywhere. And I couldn't expect them to understand what I was trying to do. And I kept going, and some of them turned around and do understand, and some of them still don't understand. But the point is that if you wait for someone to understand, you may never start doing something. Because people can't read in between the lines.

• 32:08Jay Shetty?

  And the question you have to ask yourself is, have you actually ever sat them down and explained it to them? Or have you just expected them to see things about you and understand? And so often, the reason why people don't understand us is we haven't expressed to them our understanding. And so the first step, I would say, is take some time out. If there are people in your life that you love and you want them to understand you, present a case for why they should understand you. Present a case expressing why something is important to you. And if you've done that really effectively well and they still don't understand you, then you have to recognize that them not understanding you is just because their head's in a different place.

• 32:51Jay Shetty?

  They've got a different set of experiences, a different background, a different walk of life that they're on and they can't see eye to eye with you. But you can't let that stop you from your future. You can't let that limit you from what's possible for you.

• 33:08Jay Shetty?

  So the fourth thing we have to stop expecting from others is understanding. The fifth thing we have to stop expecting from others is validation. How many of us, before we go out to an evening out or a party, and I know, you know, Christmas parties coming up and holiday parties, how many of you are going out and the first thing you do is you look to your friend and say, "How do I look in this?" Right? I do it all the time too, you know, like, "How do I look in this?" And what we're looking for is validation. And so if someone says, "Yeah, you look good in that", even if we don't feel comfortable, we end up wearing it. And then you end up checking your reflection all night because you don't feel comfortable or you keep like trying to sort out your appearance or whatever it is because you don't feel comfortable in it. And so we're always seeking that validation.

• 33:54Jay Shetty?

  Or we do it even in deeper ways. Like when people say like, "How do people describe you in three words?" My question is, how do you describe yourself in three words? Because how you feel about yourself, how you validate yourself and what's right for you. Because just as you could end up wearing something to an evening out that you're not comfortable in, you could end up working in a career that you're not comfortable in. You could end up dedicating your life to someone or something that you don't care about. Because you're looking for external validation. External val- the need for external validation, the expectation for external validation drives us to do some of the stupidest things ever. We do some of the worst things in our life.

• 34:36Jay Shetty?

  We make some of the worst career, love, relationship, financial decisions because of the need for external validation. You buy something you can't afford for external validation. You invest in something to look cool because of external validation. You try and live a certain lifestyle or go to a certain country to have a certain external validation. I know so many people that go on holiday because they saw someone else famous or influential go on holiday there and not to enjoy it because that's not the holiday or vacation they wanted. Right? We make such bad decisions when we live for the expectation. So validation, when that's an expectation, that actually drives us in the wrong direction. And we set ourselves up for failure because sometimes that person doesn't validate us even when they do it.

• 35:20Jay Shetty?

  So even when you take that action, you do the thing that you think someone's gonna have a response to and then they don't. Right? You get that promotion and they don't have that response. You get the partner, you get a car, you get a house, whatever it is, and then that person doesn't actually validate you. They don't validate you for whatever reason because their validation, their values have changed. When you're looking to be validated by others, you're living according to their values. Right? Listen to that carefully, write it down. When you're living for other people's validation, you're now living according to their values, not yours.

• 36:00Jay Shetty?

  Which means you are creating a life that may not be valuable to you. And the sixth and final thing that we have to stop expecting from others is belief. No one will believe in you more than you believe in yourself. I posted this the other day on Instagram. And I shared it really openly. I was being really open and honest and vulnerable. And I said, I wasted a lot of time waiting for opportunities, waiting for people to spot me, waiting for someone to build my career. And one day, as I was waiting, I realized I was just watching my life pass by.

• 36:44Jay Shetty?

  Waiting is really just wishing. Don't let it fool you, right? Waiting is just wishing in disguise. Don't let it fool you. That's what you're doing by saying, oh, I'm just being patient. I'm just waiting. Well, no, if you're waiting, you're wasting time and you're just watching your life pass by as you continue to wish. And we're waiting for someone to believe in us so that we can believe in ourselves. Just think about how messed up that is for a second. Like, we're waiting for someone to believe in us so we can believe in ourselves. We actually believe more in ourselves when other people believe more in us. But actually, you don't realize it's the other way around. People believe more in you when you believe in yourself. Right? When you believe in yourself and you're saying, but Jay, how do I believe in myself because no one believes in me? You're starting on the wrong path.

• 37:28Jay Shetty?

  You believe in yourself based on work effort. You believe in yourself when you live up to the commitments and promises you make to yourself. When you make a promise to yourself and you organize your life to live up to that promise, you build belief. When you get the coaching, the mentoring and the work and the research to build a skill, you build belief in yourself. When you see yourself overcoming odds, you build belief in yourself. You don't build belief in yourself because someone wrote a nice article about you in a magazine. You don't build belief in yourself because someone tells you you're amazing. That's not how you build belief in yourself. But we have created a world where we're constantly basing our belief on ourselves, hoping that people believe in us first.

• 38:10Jay Shetty?

  That's why we're depressed or upset when we don't have thousands of comments or millions of views or hundreds of likes or whatever it may be, because we're saying that I'm going to believe in myself when people around me believe in me.

• 38:23Jay Shetty?

  So these are the six things today to stop expecting from others. And we're not going to do them all at the same time, but I wanted you to be aware of them. I wanted you to become conscious of them and how much they're holding you back. And this is probably one of my favorite podcasts I've done this year because I'm just, I'm genuinely just flowing this, you know, this episode right now is just what's really on my mind about these areas. And so the six things to stop expecting from others is closure, apologies, explanations, understanding, validation, and belief. Give them to yourself first and watch your life change.

• 39:03Jay Shetty?

  Every time you catch yourself expecting any of these things from someone else, come back to this episode, listen to it again, go to that section, and give it to yourself first. Thank you so much for listening today, everyone. I am so grateful to each and every single one of you. And I wanted to share this amazing news with you, if you're still with me, and this is all thanks to you. So everyone who's listening in India, thank you so much. Listen to this. On Purpose with Jay Shetty was the most streamed podcast on Spotify in India, out of all the podcasts in, in India. Like, that is just insane. Thank you to everyone who's listening from India. And thank you to everyone who's listening from all over the world, because Apple named

• 39:46Jay Shetty?

  me as 29's most popular new shows. It named 25 new shows out of, I think, 150,000 new shows that had been released this year. And we were in the top 25, thanks to each and every single one of you. And we're consistently the number one health podcast in the world as well. So I just want to take a moment to say thank you to each and every one of you. We're now over 10,000 five-star reviews on iTunes as well. So go ahead and leave a review if you haven't. Leave it on Spotify, subscribe on all platforms. But thank you for making us, you know, this incredible conscious community of change makers. And I can't wait for you to hear next week's episode. Make sure you share this one, share the one, share the point. There were so many insights in this one that I can't wait to go and learn and practice

• 40:31Jay Shetty?

  in my life too. So make sure you post them on Instagram, tag me, I love seeing your tags, and I'll see you next week.

• 40:51Speaker 06

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• 41:24Speaker 02

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• 41:25Speaker 01

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• 41:44Speaker 03

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