Chrissy Metz: On How She Went From Having 81 Cents to Being the Star of This Is Us

Chrissy Metz (This is Us, Breakthrough) is an American Emmy- and Golden Globe-nominated actress, singer, and producer. I sat down with Chrissy to discuss how she went from having 81 cents in her bank account to landing the lead role in NBC’s hit drama series This Is Us. She dives into why she stopped putting pressure on herself to succeed and how she dealt with people constantly telling her “no” in her life. We also got into why you should never be afraid to lose the person you’re with, how to love someone the way they need to be loved and a breakdown of fight languages vs. love languages. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:43Jay Shetty?

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• 1:26Jay Shetty?

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• 2:01Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by AG1. Are you feeling September reset too? Shorter days, longer to do lists, earlier alarms, all those routines you promised yourself you'd pick back up. It can feel like your whole life is recalibrating. And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet,

• 2:45Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  People train for the Olympics for years, for like a two-minute run. So just hold on and know that like, if you're walking intentionally towards something, it might not be in your time, but it'll be in the right time. But I know it's not easy, but you're not alone.

• 3:29Jay Shetty?

  Hello everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so grateful that you're a part of this community and making this podcast consistently the number one health podcast in the world. Thank you so much for prioritizing your mental health, your personal growth, and your self-development across life, love, and work. Now today's guest, her story is absolutely phenomenal. It's so inspirational and motivational that I can't wait for you to hear it. Whatever stage of life you're in, if you feel stuck, if you feel like you don't know what the next step is, and you're looking for that courage to chase your dreams and turn them into reality, this podcast is for you.

• 4:10Jay Shetty?

  And Golden Globe nominated actress. She stars in the hit NBC show This Is Us. She's also a New York Times bestselling author of the book This Is Me. And earlier this year was starring an incredible movie called Breakthrough. Her name is Chrissy Metz and Chrissy, I am so excited for you to be here. Because we've been wanting to do this for so long.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 4:32Jay Shetty?

  Thank you for being here.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  I'm so honored. I'm so grateful to be here. I'm like, tell me everything. I want to learn everything. Um, yeah. So thank you so much for having me.

• 4:41Jay Shetty?

  No, and, and I have to point this out because when, if someone's listening or watching right now, they won't get to experience this. Your energy from the moment you walked through the door is just so beautiful and so graceful.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Get out of here.

• 4:53Jay Shetty?

  No, I mean it. Like, you know, I just felt it. The whole team felt it like. When, when, when you were just prepping before we started live, like the whole team was just like, oh my gosh, she's amazing. Like just your energy just won us all over immediately.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  That means a lot to me. And I mean, I'm sure people tell you that about yourself and it's just so. For me, I think energy is everything.

• 5:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  And um, I think the only thing that really matters in life is how we treat each other. So that means a lot. I think that's like the nicest thing. Awards, schmoards, whatever. Like that is like the nicest thing. Thank you.

• 5:23Jay Shetty?

  Okay. Well, we mean it. We mean it. And even just a few moments we spent with my wife earlier as well. You just, just, you're just so genuine and authentic. And so I'm so excited to share your incredible story with my audience.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 5:36Jay Shetty?

  And I'm so glad we connected on Instagram of all places.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  You know, I always think technology, it's like, you know. It can be a blessing and a curse. And, and of course, in this instance, it's definitely a blessing. But um, right, you use it for good. And I'm really glad that. Thank goodness. Cause sometimes it can be overwhelming that social media.

• 5:54Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. It really can. It really can. But then it brings us to places like this. And then I feel so grateful because I don't know how else we would have connected.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  I don't know. Maybe the universe would have.

• 6:03Jay Shetty?

  Would have found another way.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Who knows? At the grocery store.

• 6:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know where you shop, but maybe there.

• 6:08Jay Shetty?

  Maybe at the grocery store. Yeah, absolutely. Amazing. Well, so I've got so many questions I want to ask you today.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:14Jay Shetty?

  Because I think there's just so many interesting parts of your journey. And I want to share this because I don't even think lots of people know about your story. I think there are a few people that know, but I don't think everyone knows yet. And I'm excited for them to discover just how incredibly hard you've worked.

• 6:32Jay Shetty?

  All the different stepping stones and setbacks that have been in your life. But let's start all the way in the beginning with the fact that you actually grew up in Japan.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Right. Yes. So my dad was in the Navy and I was born in Homestead, Florida. But when I was six months old, we moved to Japan, old enough to get shots, right? And then, so I was learning Japanese with English. I don't speak a lick of it. I can say like maybe a couple of, nothing.

• 6:56Jay Shetty?

  No, go for it, go for it.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Ichinisan, she, like, nothing, like, what I say, hardly any numbers. A makeup artist I work with, Matoko, who is incredible, she's Japanese. She's like, I can't believe you don't, I know, it's a travesty. Anyway, so.

• 7:10Jay Shetty?

  I'm terrible at languages too.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Oh goodness, I can barely speak English, let's be honest. So, so I lived there for almost nine years. I was the youngest and my parents divorced, moved back to Florida. My mom had two other kids. I became the middle child. And I always say, I think that's why I was like, I need to be an actress because I'm feeling neglected. I don't really know. I think it's more so that I wanted to relate to people and have people, you know, felt like I could relate to others. So, but yeah, nine years in Japan and it was incredible. Like, the country and the culture and the people are amazing.

• 7:45Jay Shetty?

  What was that like? Like, what did, what was so different about that experience? Do you think the difference people have of, I grew up in London.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 7:52Jay Shetty?

  That's where I was born and raised and people here are growing up in New York or big cities. And what's it like growing up in Japan?

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Well, we were mostly on a naval base, but there were, we did live in a, you know, a Japanese house, a traditional home with, you know, like the beautiful Soji screens. And I can't even tell you how many times I've broken one of those, like playing, you know, hide and seek in the house with my brother and sister. But I remember just really incredible toys, really wonderful, warm people, delicious food. Like, I love yakisoba. That's like my favorite. Oh, so good. And cool amusement parks and, you know, when you're a kid, it's like, everything is exciting and, and wonderful. But, um, yeah, I mean, I would love to go back as an adult to just.

• 8:36Jay Shetty?

  You've never been back?

• 8:37Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 8:38Jay Shetty?

  Wow, okay.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  No, I know, I need to travel more.

• 8:43Jay Shetty?

  Well, we've made plans to do that together already.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm putting it in the universe.

• 8:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, absolutely. I love that.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:47Jay Shetty?

  But tell me about it, because your first audition, even though you just talked about, you know, why you wanted to become an actress, your first audition actually happened by accident, you've said before.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:56Jay Shetty?

  Tell us about how that.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Although I don't believe in coincidences, right? So my sister, she and I have different dads, so she's tall and thin. I'm not. And she wanted to be a print model and her and her best friend were like, oh, my gosh, there's this open call that's at the Holiday Inn down the street. And I'm from a little small town. I mean, it's a university town, but it's still small, called Gainesville, Florida.

• 9:19Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  And so, you've been there?

• 9:22Jay Shetty?

  I actually.

• 9:22Speaker 01

  Get out.

• 9:23Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I actually have.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  For what?

• 9:24Jay Shetty?

  I actually went.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Something to do with university?

• 9:27Jay Shetty?

  I was invited to speak at the university a few years back. Yes.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  I mean, that's the thing is they bring some great people and great acts and music and stuff. So, oh, good. Go Gators. So, yeah, so she was like, well, just take me because I was their guardian as, you know, babysitting them. And I remember going to this Holiday Inn and I was like, what is this nonsense? What, Holiday Inn? What is going on? And so we, you know, I'm filling out the paperwork for my sister and there's a woman sitting across from me and she says, I taught at your high school. And I'm like, this crazy lady did not teach at my high school. I'm like, what did you teach? And she's like, I was, I was in theater department. I said, oh, I wasn't in theater. I was too afraid of my own shadow, obviously.

• 10:12Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  And I was like, anyway, I didn't know her. And she's like, well, I think you're here for a reason. I'm like, oh, okay. Okay. She's crazy. And I'm like, all right. So I'm filling out the paperwork and then my sister goes in to audition and then she comes out and I don't see the lady. She had this like weird hat on. And now, thinking back, I'm like, was she a figment of my imagination? Was she a guardian angel? I don't know. But like.

• 10:35Jay Shetty?

  She disappeared.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  She disappeared. Nobody ever knew who I was talking about. They're like, what are you saying? But she gave me like this, like, this little, you know, spark of confidence to maybe potentially audition. Even though I, in my heart, I was like, please ask me to sing, like, whatever. But my sister comes out of the audition room and my soon to be manager says, so what are you doing here? I was like, I'm just my sister's guardian. And she's like, really? And my sister's like.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  No, Chrissy, you're always putting on shows and singing. You know you want to sing. And I'm like, no, literally probably going to throw up. And she's like, why don't you sing for me? So I end up singing. I can't even. I can't even believe I did that. And, you know, the rest is history. So I moved out to LA. We did a whole showcase to find an agent. And then there was six girls living in a two bedroom apartment on air mattresses. But it was like, it was like pilot season camp. It was so much fun. But I got maybe one audition in like, six months. So I was like, oh, maybe this isn't for me. Like, maybe I, this is wrong. And then my manager said, your agent wants an assistant. And I'm like, that's cute.

• 11:50Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  She's like, no, you. And I'm like, who? I'm like, I don't even know her. And like, what does that mean? Is she doesn't want to represent me? Like, she didn't think I'm a great actor? What? I'm like, fine, of course, because I'm a people pleaser. I'm like, fine, whatever. And so for nine years, I took this detour of being a junior, an agent, or an assistant to a junior agent to an agent. And it was wonderful. And I'm so grateful for the opportunities because I got to meet great people and learned so much. And also understand what it means to be of service. And that it wasn't about me. And Devon Franklin, who produced our movie Breakthrough, he always says something so beautiful. He said, you have to learn how to carry a crown before you can wear one. And I did that. And so

• 12:31Speaker 01

  I was like, oh, all of these things were completely orchestrated for my good to understand what this business was going to look like after 12 years.

• 12:42Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. In order to wear a crown, you have to learn how to carry one.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:47Jay Shetty?

  That's beautiful. I love that.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:49Jay Shetty?

  How were you at that moment? Because I love that. I completely agree with that. That when you look back at your life, you can see how everything was perfectly orchestrated.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:00Jay Shetty?

  But when you're actually in that moment, right? Like, that looks as it all.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:05Jay Shetty?

  Like, in that moment, it's so hard to feel that way.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  All you feel is discouraged. And you feel like, am I on the right path? Like, this can't be, it can't be this bad. Like, this isn't the right path if it's this hard. And so that can be really confusing. And it was for some time. But then I realized that like, I want to do this for the right reasons and not because of fame and fortune. It was never about that for me. I mean, I grew up very humble beginnings. It wasn't like, you know, I was just saying that I bought a dining room table. I didn't grow up with a dining room table. Like, I never had one in my house. I never sat at a dining room table to eat dinner with my family. And I get to do that. And it's, it sounds so crazy to some people, but like,

• 13:52Speaker 01

  oh, my goodness, it means so much to me. And so, um, you know, uh, I just know that I, you have to know what your intentions are and whatever you're doing. And anything you're doing. I don't care if you're going to the grocery store or the mailbox or a meeting, whatever. What is my intention? And my intention was like, I wanted to relate to somebody and I wanted someone to relate to me. Cause I felt like this little girl, like, um, you know, always the chubby girl out of all my friends, like, all the girls were like sharing bathing suits and clothes. And I'm like, oh, can I borrow your necklace? Cause that's all that fit, you know what I mean? And so, you know, your tragedies really become your triumphs. And so, um, and I, as many people have said, like, it's not what happens to you, but what happens for you. So.

• 14:36Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. And I love that your starting point was refining your intention. Like, I love that because I just feel like that's often what lets us down. I feel like if your intention's right, when things don't work out, you still push forward.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 14:50Jay Shetty?

  But when your intention's wrong, or it's just for something material or an outcome, then you get frustrated much quicker.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:57Jay Shetty?

  And I see that, that people who have resilience, the people who have an incredible intention, because that's what's driving them. And it sounds like that was the same for you.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Right. Like when you're, Chris was, Chris and I, Chris Sullivan, who plays Toby on the show, he was saying, you know, when your passion, find your passion and that becomes your purpose.

• 15:13Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  You know, and it's so like, it seems so simple, but like, yes, it's, that's everything.

• 15:20Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  And you, you will hold on much longer than you will if it's sort of like a fleeting, like, oh, I want to do this or whatever.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, not to say it's easy.

• 15:30Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Not to say it's easy.

• 15:32Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  But it's worth it.

• 15:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I love that. I always say your passion is for you and your purpose is for others.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 15:38Jay Shetty?

  And your passion becomes a purpose when you use your passion in the service of others.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Right.

• 15:43Jay Shetty?

  When you serve people with your passion, that's when it evolves into a purpose. So like what you just said, that you were trying to help people relate to you and be relatable and make people feel like they connected. And I mean, that's a purpose because when people are watching you on screen,

• 15:58Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 15:58Jay Shetty?

  they're saying, oh, that's what I feel like, right?

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:02Jay Shetty?

  And I'm sure you've had thousands and millions of those kind of messages and comments.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Which is like, sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around by just being me, just telling a story of this amazing woman who's going through, you know, trials and tribulations, as we all do. Like that will bring people closer together and like, huh? I'm like, am I doing something wrong? Is this, huh? Like, what? Yeah, it's remarkable. Yeah.

• 16:28Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing. One thing I picked out that I really liked that you said was you talked about how you felt when you were putting your dream on hold. And a lot of the people that listen to my podcast are people who may be doing something as their main job and then their passions, their side hustle.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 16:44Jay Shetty?

  Or they're trying to work on their passion and their dream, but they have to pay the bills. And tell us about how you were able to go through that process of like putting your dream on hold, but at the same time know that you would one day come back to it. Or how did, how did you kind of reconcile that?

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think what I sort of how I've always lived my life is that like, it's not about me. It's about like the bigger picture and what my purpose is. And it might not look, it might be in my, not be in my ego's time, right? So set the ego and then the pride aside and just, okay, like, what am I supposed to do? Not, you know, what can I have? But what am I supposed to do? How can I be of service? And, you know, it's amazing because like you can only keep what you give away, as they always say. And so I'm like, okay, well, if I can't do it, at least I can help people pursue it. And then what can I learn in the meantime? But also, I did go to acting classes whenever I could, or I would go to a voice lesson whenever I could, you know, whether it was after hours on the weekends or, um.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  When you're involved with actors, you're much more than just an agent. You know, like you sort of become a therapist and a best friend and, you know, an assistant and all those things. But then you also learn so much from those experiences. And I'm like, oh, at least I get to still be a part of it.

• 18:01Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  And that for me was fulfilling for a time. But then it became, it was like watching your boyfriend take another woman out every day. And you're like, I hope you have a great time.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Okay. And then I would eat my woes in Sprinkles cupcakes, as I always say. And so it kept me going for a particular time until I had this moment where I was like, oh, no, no, no, like, I'm not fulfilled. And then American Horror Story happened and I did an arc on that.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  You get a little taste of what you're supposed to be doing. And then you're like, what is this? I can't go back to being behind a desk, you know? But there are lessons and there are times that we have to be of service and learn, right? Like, I always say this, like, people train for the Olympics for years, for like a two-minute run, for 10 years. They're trained, what? You know, like, so just hold on, like, just hold on and know that, like, if you're walking intentionally towards something, it might not be in your time, but it'll be in the right time.

• 19:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  But I know it's not easy, but you're not alone. I think all of us feel like, nobody gets it. No, nobody could understand. No, we do. No, we do. I mean, that's what we're here to do is to learn, to teach, to grow. And when we're ready, you know, then those opportunities, I believe, present themselves.

• 19:29Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I'm totally with you. I'm just nodding along to everything you're saying. Because literally, and the way you're sharing it is so accessible and real that I think anyone who's listening or watching right now is going to be listening to this and getting so much strength from it.

• 19:42Speaker 01

  Oh, I hope so.

• 19:43Jay Shetty?

  Genuinely, and that's my hope too. I want you to help me with that piece of just like, what was one thing you learned from that time? That you know is helping you so much right now that you couldn't have got if you hadn't had that experience. Just to kind of really cement that belief for people to recognize that everything is orchestrated. What was something that you learned from playing that role as an assistant to a junior agent to an agent that you don't think you could have got now?

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Everything. I'm like, I didn't have media training, so I didn't even know how to essentially do interviews on the carpet. But because I interviewed people for nine years and I'm genuinely curious about everybody and people I love people. So I'm always like, I mean, like, I felt like I was interrogating you, but I just have questions. But I would not know how to do that. I wouldn't be able to get out of my own mind, my own head to like genuinely be interested in actually having a conversation. And whether it's understanding the business side and being behind the desk and knowing like, oh, I know how to read a contract and I know how to not be taken advantage of or, you know, all of these things that a lot of actors don't get to learn, or the people they get to meet, and the relationships they get to build. So all of those things. And also, I mean,

• 20:52Speaker 01

  like I said, I was afraid of my own shadow. And even on American Horror Story where I'm working with Jessica Lange and all these people, I'm like, do I deserve to be here? Like, I don't know if I do. And I'm like, Chrissy, she's a human being. I literally had to say that to myself in the scenes. Chrissy, Jessica Lange is a human being. She wears pants, just like you. She's gonna put them on this morning, just like you. Like, I really had to like, break it down, because it can be so overwhelming. And so all of those things are just knowing that, yes, there are some incredible feats and things that people as humans have done, but like, we're all just, we're all the same. We're all the same. And so by interviewing so many people and being

• 21:37Speaker 01

  around so many people all the time, all of those things, I think, really. Teed up the, the whole this is us thing, but you know, I was about to quit like right before.

• 21:45Jay Shetty?

  I know, I know. Yeah, we're gonna get there for sure because that's, that's what's so unbelievable. And I meet people all the time who are on that verge of, first of all, feeling that imposter syndrome.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 21:57Jay Shetty?

  So that feeling of like,

• 21:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:00Jay Shetty?

  I'm an imposter. I'm not meant to be here.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Someone's gotta figure me out.

• 22:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's exactly it. Like someone's gonna find out that I wasn't meant to be here. And I think we all go through that.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:09Jay Shetty?

  Consistently. And I think there's a beauty to that because we have some humility and gratitude around it that like,

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:15Jay Shetty?

  Oh yeah, I don't just deserve this and have the arrogance around it. But at the same time, like you said, we have to remind ourselves, we're all human.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:22Jay Shetty?

  Like we eat the same stuff, we sleep, we all do the same things every day. We put on our pants every day.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  And like, I always have to believe, like, if you're living on this plane of existence, you have to be purposeful. The things that had to happen in order for you to be born, like just being as is is enough. So anything else is extra. You know what I mean? I think we put so much pressure on ourselves.

• 22:46Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  For what? You know, well, we know why, society and all that mumbo jumbo. But um, yeah, we are all, yeah, the same. And, and when you said that we're not deserving, I always say we're deserving, but not entitled.

• 23:00Jay Shetty?

  Hmm. Oh, I love that.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Right? So like,

• 23:02Jay Shetty?

  Love that.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  I can go into an audition room and say like, yeah, like if I work hard, I am deserving of a good job, but I'm not entitled to it.

• 23:08Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  You know, so.

• 23:10Jay Shetty?

  That is such a great mindset. I love that.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Have to be reminded.

• 23:13Jay Shetty?

  The best I've ever heard it.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:14Jay Shetty?

  That's the best I've ever heard it. Absolutely.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  I'm just, you know, I'm just paying it forward.

• 23:19Jay Shetty?

  No, I love, yeah, we're deserving, but not entitled. I think that's a brilliant way to see it.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:23Jay Shetty?

  Because if we feel we're undeserving, then we always feel like we don't fit in and we're an imposter. And if we feel entitled, then that comes from a place of arrogance and ego.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Right.

• 23:33Jay Shetty?

  So if we're deserving,

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Which is just fear.

• 23:34Jay Shetty?

  Which is just fear.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:36Jay Shetty?

  Expand on that. I like that. Let's go there. Yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, that's why I always say like, in 12 step programs, they say that ego is edging God out, right? Like that's what them, and um, and it's true because when, but really the fear is just, the, the ego is just the fear, I think, coming up, bubbling up. And you're like, I don't know how to handle it, but I'm gonna prove to you that I deserve this.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  No, it doesn't work. It doesn't work for a long time and it's, nobody's gonna want to be around you. And you're not gonna want to be around yourself, most importantly. So yeah, I really, truly believe that that's what the ego and the pride is, is just fear and insecurity and, you know, uncertainty just bubbling up and we, as a human, try to figure out how to funnel that. So.

• 24:20Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. You know, the podcast is called On Purpose, right?

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:24Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  I subscribe.

• 24:26Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no. I'm literally like, I have not have, I feel like you're the first guest that we've had that has mentioned the word purpose and purposeful like a zillion times, like the first 10, 15 minutes.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  It wasn't even on purpose.

• 24:39Jay Shetty?

  I love it because I just, I love it because purpose is so deeply connected to just the underpinnings of your life. And I love that it was there from the start.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:51Jay Shetty?

  And I noticed that, that you either have it from the start and you have to keep it and protect it and grow it as things grow. Or you don't have it from the start and then you have to find it at the end anyway.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:03Jay Shetty?

  And that's what I see people at two parts of the journey and neither is better or worse or, or right or wrong. We all get to it in our own time. But I do feel that, that the challenge of finding your pressure, your purpose early is you have to protect it when all the other kind of noise comes in, all the other expectations, all the wonderful offers start to come.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. And staying true to what your purpose is and what you want. And that's tricky too.

• 25:26Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  You know, when opportunities present themselves and you're like, well, I should I do this? I should do this. Like somebody's like, I didn't even have auditions before. Like somebody wants to give me a job and I'm like, if I have to go on a press tour and talk about something for hours, days at a time, I want to make sure that like, not only can I back it up, but like, I'm going to enjoy the process. You know, it's hard enough to just sort of hack it, you know, when you do love it because it's an arduous sort of journey, but like, yeah, I don't want to do something that I don't feel good about.

• 26:01Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  You know, and I know that that just circles back to like being, you know, having it be purposeful.

• 26:09Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Now, every time I say that, I'm going to feel like, you know, I'm not trying to plug it, but I'm.

• 26:16Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I love it. You can carry on. Tell us about what happened on your 30th birthday, that kind of shifted stuff. Yeah, and take, you know, take your time with it.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I was married at the time to an amazing human being who's still an amazing human being, but just not my forever person, as I say. And I went to go see a movie with a good friend and her mother and my husband. Y'all, I don't know what happened. I don't know if it was the explosives, it was the noise in this movie. I've never, never in my life had a anxiety or panic attack, or at least not one that I could name, right? And my heart started beating out of my chest and I was like, oh, I'm gonna die. Oh, I'm gonna die in Arc Light up in Sherman Oaks in California. I'm gonna die. I can laugh about it now, right? Obviously. No, no, no, please, please. If you don't laugh, you'll

• 27:09Speaker 01

  cry. No, please laugh about it now, because everything's fine. But so I was taken off on a stretcher. The ambulance came to the movie theater.

• 27:19Jay Shetty?

  They're trying not to laugh.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  It's okay. You can laugh. You can laugh. Because now I'm just like, oh my goodness gracious. And of course, they checked me out. They're like, nothing is wrong. And I'm like, no, you sure? I don't think you, can you have another doctor come in? Like, I started...

• 27:38Jay Shetty?

  Do you think it was a heart attack?

• 27:39Speaker 01

  I didn't know what was happening, you know. I had no idea because I'd never experienced that sensation before. And so I was like, a battery of tests. Make sure, I mean, the every single organ act and function in my body, check it. And they're like, yeah, you're good. And I'm like, huh? What does this mean? What the hell does this mean? I don't know what, what am I gonna, what am I gonna do now? And so it really forced me to evaluate what, what I was doing in my life, which was being an agent, not fulfilling my, my dreams or my destiny or my purpose, being in a marriage that I loved the human being, but I knew that we weren't supposed to be together. And so everything sort of just

• 28:20Speaker 01

  started crumbling. And that was the day before my 30th birthday party. So that happened. And then I realized, like, I have to do some soul searching. Like, something has got to change, right? They say, if nothing changes, nothing changes. And so... I was just in such a bad way emotionally, just like beaten down, afraid. I was like, I don't know what my body's doing. I know our minds are powerful, but like, what the heck is going on? So I sought out different ways of coping with anxiety and panic because I didn't want to take medication. Not to say that it's not, you know, people have to do what they have to do and what's right for them. But for me, I was like, I just don't want to rely on that because I think it's a Band-Aid.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  And I want to understand my mind and let my mind, you know, be in sync with the body. So I went on a bit of like a spiritual journey, went to a spiritual center in Culver City called Agape. And I don't remember getting there. I just remember sobbing all the way there. And then Michael Bernard Beckwith, who is the, I don't know what you would call it, the spiritual teacher. Yeah, yeah. He does this thing and he has everyone in the congregation, if you, if you're new, if you're new, stand up. And then you put your hands out and, and he says like, you're here for a reason. You're powerful, you're purposeful.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  And it was like, I could get choked up thinking about it still. Somebody put their hand on my shoulder and I was like, I just sort of melted and like sobbing like all of the pain, all of this stuff that I've been carrying around, literally, physically, mentally, emotionally, was like needing to be released. And so I was like, oh, okay. This is what I need to do. This is feeling right. I just need to like get it out. And, and I've, you know, had some childhood trauma and abusive, you know, my stepfather was abusive growing up. Sidebar, I have forgiven him. I love him, I'm grateful for him, but you know, that's still trauma that, that you, I don't think we're taught, we are not taught coping mechanisms.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  We're not taught how to deal with trauma. And then like, what does that all mean for our adulthood? So, yeah, so it just sort of forced me to, to really look at myself and evaluate. And then I became like a mirror, I think, to my ex-husband. And then he was like, oh, and then that's when we realized like, this isn't working. You know, so it all sort of just combusted. But I always say like, if we were together, I would not have been in this position I am right now. Because my life was about him. Because I was so afraid to like do what I was meant to do or what I thought I was meant to do, that I was doing. So much to sort of hide in his shadow. Or, you know, make sure I was supporting him so I didn't have to look at what I was not

• 31:13Speaker 01

  doing, or what I should be doing, or what I wanted to be doing. So, yeah, yeah, that was the 30, that was the 30th birthday.

• 31:24Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Indeed. I know how important every hire is for a business. If you need to make the right hire, this is a job for sponsored jobs. Indeed sponsored jobs helps find quality candidates when you need the most. You can reach who you need based on whatever criteria you're looking for, like skills, certifications, or location. In fact, people are finding quality hires on Indeed right now. In the minute I've been talking to you, companies like yours made 27 hires on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. Spend less time searching and more time actually interviewing candidates who check all your boxes. Listeners of this show will get a $75 sponsored job credit at indeed.com/podcast.

• 32:07Jay Shetty?

  That's indeed.com/podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. This episode is brought to you by Whole Foods Market. If you're talking about quality food, you can't forget Whole Foods Market, who've been holding themselves to the highest standards since they opened in 1980. That means you'll see thousands of organic products across their stores, from the produce department to the aisles. It also means you'll never see certain ingredients. They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by Wayfair.

• 32:52Jay Shetty?

  Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are, but it can be challenging to balance style, budget, and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that's That corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality. So you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation and assembly.

• 33:38Jay Shetty?

  Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com. Wayfair, every style, every home. Wow, tell us, I want to dive into a bit of those things, if that's okay, because I think they'll be really helpful to our listeners. And I'm curious too, is let's go into that childhood trauma space and how you got to that space of forgiveness in your own way.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:06Jay Shetty?

  Like, how did you move from that space of being able to be bitter or being able to be resentful or mad or angry? Or any of those natural emotions that we may all feel?

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:19Jay Shetty?

  How did you get to the place where now you can sit here and say, I forgave them?

• 34:23Speaker 01

  Well, I even talk about it in my book, like, there was a time, and I am even embarrassed to say it, but like, the abuse got so, so frequent and so awful that like, I was like, I wished my stepfather dead. Like, I'm like, if I had a gun, like, I mean, trauma, pain, just depression. And, you know, my mom remarried, I'm going through puberty, new school, new friends, it was a lot. I'm not justifying it, I'm just saying that like, there were things that I was even like ashamed and shocked that I would think or say. But if you don't know how to deal with it as a teenager or a tweenager, I was like 12 at the time.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  How in the world do you navigate that? And what I come to realize, you know, after having therapy and dealing in processing feelings and emotions that like,

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Yes, what my parents did or what my stepfather did was, it was not okay. It was not okay. I'm not justifying his actions. However, you have to move through the pain and the resentment and the anger.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  And know that, I'd like to believe that if people knew better, they would do better. My therapist sometimes doesn't agree. She's like, no, it was unacceptable.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  And yeah, she's right, but I think I'm also right. You know, that like, if people were more evolved or understood in a different way, maybe they wouldn't do that. But I know that he was abused and he had trauma. And so you would typically impart that on other people. So, I just realized that like, it wasn't personal.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  Him taking out his whatever, fill in the blank, anger, resentment, was not about me. Cause I was a good kid. I could toot my own horn about that. I was a good kid. I listened, like, I... Yeah, I was well behaved. And just seeking love, right? Just seeking love and acceptance and validation. And I just realized that it had nothing to do with me. And I thought, okay, like they say, you can drink poison, expect the other person to get sick. When you hold on to resentments, I'm like, this is not serving me. And, you know, I just have so much love for him. And also, there is good in that. There was good in the discipline and the chores that he made me do in establishing my work ethic,

• 36:50Speaker 01

  which is a little ridiculous. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough and everyone's like, slow down. So, there were, I think you can, as they say, keep what you want and leave the rest. But just realizing that,

• 37:06Speaker 01

  you know, he went through a lot of stuff himself and that I have to forgive him for myself. And then, of course, hopefully he can forgive himself. Cause really, the victim, it's sad and it's terrible, but like the perpetrator guilt.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  I can't imagine, I can't imagine, like...

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's some heavy stuff.

• 37:27Jay Shetty?

  That's a beautiful perspective, actually. Thank you for sharing that, that it's, it's like, yeah, of course, it's, it's terrible for the person who experiences it.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:35Jay Shetty?

  But the guilt and not being able to undo for the person who did it.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:39Jay Shetty?

  Is, is super painful. And what you've just pointed out there of how it's not personal, but it's actually just someone's outpour of their pain.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:49Jay Shetty?

  And they've had some really messed up scenario in their life that's got them that bad.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:55Jay Shetty?

  That now they're taking out on someone that you'd expect them to love or care for.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 38:00Jay Shetty?

  It's a really painful situation.

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:02Jay Shetty?

  I think the only way we can all move on is when we have people who heal and therefore pass on that healing.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 38:09Jay Shetty?

  Rather than if everyone keeps perpetuating the cycle and just passing that forward.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I say that about, I'm sorry to interrupt.

• 38:16Jay Shetty?

  No, no, no, no.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  I say that about social media, like, you know, when people say whatever they want to say about me negatively, I, I don't retaliate and I, and if I do say anything, it's with love. Because they don't, they know not what they do, you know, like, there's no point, like, there's, we're not moving forward at all.

• 38:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  At all, even though it's hard to take the high road.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I just can't attach to it because that has nothing to do with me. So if our perception of reality isn't real, what someone thinks of me isn't real anyway. So what am I doing?

• 38:49Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  What am I wasting my time for?

• 38:51Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  You know, I mean, I'm grateful for the, the positive things, but I can't attach to either one.

• 38:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  You know?

• 38:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And I find so often that we're so quick to spot a negative comment and want to respond to that. And there's like 99 positive ones that no one responds to.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  What is that about?

• 39:08Jay Shetty?

  Right? It's just like, we get into this debate with the negative content, the negative comment.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:14Jay Shetty?

  So we get into this debate with this negative comment and just amplify it.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:17Jay Shetty?

  Rather than focusing in on all the positive comments, replying, thanking, expressing gratitude. And that was something I, I remember when I first started making content online and my whole world lives online.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:28Jay Shetty?

  And I remember getting lots of negative comments and some of them would actually make me laugh and be like, that's a cool one. I like, you know, I like that.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  That's very, very cute.

• 39:35Jay Shetty?

  When I'm on stage, I'll say, I'll mention some of them because they're so funny. Like, there used to be this one comment where people would be like, I guarantee you, he has a wind machine to blow his hair when he makes his videos, right? Like, that was like one of these comments, like, and they went off on one. And I just find it hilarious because I've never had a wind machine, but maybe.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  But you do have great hair.

• 39:54Jay Shetty?

  Oh, thank you.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  You're welcome.

• 39:55Jay Shetty?

  Thank you very much. Thank you.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  So maybe, let's see what I'm saying. So like, it might be them internalizing like, oh, I wish I had a great head of hair, like he does.

• 40:02Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? Like, it sounds so silly. Do you know Brené Brown?

• 40:05Jay Shetty?

  Yes, of course.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  Okay, so have you seen the Netflix special?

• 40:07Jay Shetty?

  Yes, I have. Amazing. Love it.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  So I always think, and I'm trying to remind myself, you can't worry about the people in the cheap seats looking at you in the arena, blood, sweat and tears, because they haven't been there. So I'm not worried about it. Like, you don't know what it's like to have to prepare a script. And whatever it is that we're doing, whatever it is that we do.

• 40:28Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Um, creating a completely amazing, you know, help source of inspiration as you do, like,

• 40:38Speaker 01

  people don't know unless they do it. So I'm like, whatever.

• 40:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  You know?

• 40:42Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  Love you, boo, but sorry, I can't. I can't, because you don't understand.

• 40:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  You don't understand what it's like.

• 40:48Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and using all your energy to really connect with the people who do love it.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 40:53Jay Shetty?

  Like, that's what brought this. When I, when I saw you comment on my, some of my work or like it, and I was just like, oh, wow. Like, here's someone who values it. And I can either use this, look, we've all got the same energy.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:04Jay Shetty?

  We have the same amount of time and energy.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 41:07Jay Shetty?

  I'm either using that energy and time for people who are showing me love and care, or I'm using that energy and time for people who are showing me hate.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:13Jay Shetty?

  That's our only choice.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:14Jay Shetty?

  Because we have the same time and we have the same energy.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:17Jay Shetty?

  And so.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  No, it's true. Um, and it's funny because my best friend, Donnie Berry, who happens to live with me, I was saying earlier that like, with your posts, like, we, you know, you can like forward a post, we'll forward your same post to each other. I'm like. So he was very excited that I was gonna be here.

• 41:33Jay Shetty?

  I love that. You should have brought him.

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Oh, no. Don't tell, don't tell me that. He's gonna be.

• 41:38Jay Shetty?

  Wait till this gets out.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  He's gonna be so angry.

• 41:41Jay Shetty?

  I would have loved that. Next time, when we do lunch.

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 41:43Jay Shetty?

  When we do lunch, yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  Such a special.

• 41:45Jay Shetty?

  We'd love that. Please, please, please invite him. Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  So you help us in ways that you don't even know.

• 41:49Jay Shetty?

  No, that means a lot. Thank you.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  And even our friendship, which is helpful.

• 41:52Jay Shetty?

  You're the greatest.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:54Jay Shetty?

  And tell me about the other part. I want to go back to those two stories before we move on around how you're speaking about with your, your last relationship, right? That relationship where you recognized it wasn't working.

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:06Jay Shetty?

  Especially because you were living in the shadow.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:09Jay Shetty?

  And not getting to be your own person.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:11Jay Shetty?

  What have you learned from that about healthy relationships or how you believe a relationship could be or should be now, having had that experience?

• 42:20Speaker 01

  This is another entire podcast.

• 42:21Jay Shetty?

  I know, definitely.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  But I'll give you the Cliff Notes. Well, it's interesting because when I say I was living in the shadow, it was, that's where I was comfortable. And I was, I'm not blaming him and saying like, this is what he made me do. I was comfortable there because I was afraid to step out into my power or my purpose because what if I fail? And then, and then who am I? And then what's my identity? If, if, if I can't attach to failing, that means I'm gonna be successful. What does that mean? You know? So I, I was just like, oh, I'll just help you do that. But then I realized, I mean, I learned so much from our relationship. There's a story in my book and I talk about the bell peppers. So we used to order pizza. And when he would order it, he was, he'd always get like a supreme.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  And then when I ordered it, I thought, oh, he loves a supreme, but I hate, I hate bell peppers. What is the point? I like a red pepper, but not a bell pepper. I've heard you can't adjust them. Whatever. It's a little bit beside the point. And so every single time I would order, we'd both order like with bell peppers.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Y'all, neither one of us like bell peppers. So what are we doing? Like, we're not effectively communicating if we don't even know what we want on our pizza. Like, this is not okay. And then I thought, okay, like, what else are we not talking about? And because he felt like I was spending a lot of time trying to focus on acting or singing on the weekends. We, I wasn't giving enough time to him. And he's probably right, but like, I didn't know what else to do and how to balance it all. And so what I learned mostly is effectively communicate, draw your boundaries. And most importantly, and newly, um, don't be afraid to lose the person. I know that sounds real bratty, but like, if you are not getting what you need or what you want out of the, out of the relationship,

• 44:07Speaker 01

  a friendship, a job, what are you doing? What are you doing? And if somebody's meant to be there, they will work for it and they will make it known and it'll be right. And so don't be afraid to lose the person. But that's a, ooh, that's a lot, that's a lot to, to take on. That's a lot to take on.

• 44:28Jay Shetty?

  That is an amazingly powerful point there.

• 44:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:30Jay Shetty?

  So. Because we're constantly trying to control everything.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:33Jay Shetty?

  To try and keep someone.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:35Jay Shetty?

  That's actually, we're constantly doing the opposite of what you just said.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 44:38Jay Shetty?

  We're constantly trying to figure, okay, what do I do to keep that person? Not recognizing that you lose yourself in the process of trying to keep that person.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  And then who are you?

• 44:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  And then you're unhappy and then you're resentful of yourself and the other person.

• 44:50Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  So you're, you're damned.

• 44:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  You gotta start, start over. Start again. And that's what I realized that like, the, and also make it known. You don't need anybody, or you don't need a boyfriend, you don't need a girlfriend. You, it's, it's wonderful to have a companion and to have somebody to live your life with, but like, what are they bringing to the table? And my therapist recently said to me, what's in it for Chrissy? Oh, y'all, what a concept. What's in it for Chrissy?

• 45:22Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  I never thought that way. Like, I never, I never. I didn't grow up that way. I didn't think that way. And it feels sort of selfish, but like, if I don't know what I want, how's anyone else gonna know?

• 45:34Jay Shetty?

  Oh, for sure.

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Lot of lessons.

• 45:36Jay Shetty?

  That is, yeah, that is such a big one.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:39Jay Shetty?

  So, don't be afraid of losing someone.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:42Jay Shetty?

  Because you might end up losing yourself.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:44Jay Shetty?

  In the process.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  You will.

• 45:46Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, you will end up losing yourself in the process. And then same one, you don't need anyone.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  No.

• 45:50Jay Shetty?

  And you're so right that we're actually not good at communicating to people what we want.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:56Jay Shetty?

  But we expect everyone to be mind readers and figure out what we want. And that's so hard because it's like, if I know I like something, it's like, how do you feel valued, right? Like, that's such an important question because I feel we all feel valued and seen differently.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:12Jay Shetty?

  Like, how do you feel valued? And how can someone express that value to you?

• 46:17Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:17Jay Shetty?

  Is a very simple thing, but it can be complex if you haven't thought it through.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Well, the five love languages.

• 46:22Jay Shetty?

  Yes.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  You know, like, it's not about, okay, if I love quality time and my boyfriend happens to love acts of service, I can't love him in quality time.

• 46:32Jay Shetty?

  No.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  He wants acts of service.

• 46:34Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  So, like, there's a disconnect. And so, it took me a minute, like,

• 46:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  I'm still learning.

• 46:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 01

  Be very clear, I'm still learning, work in progress. But like, oh, I have to do the things that he likes.

• 46:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  You know, and hopefully vice versa. But that's such a simple but effective

• 46:53Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 01

  You know, to communicate.

• 46:55Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely, absolutely. And one thing I was saying recently was also that we have the five love languages, but there are also the five fight languages. It's like how people respond to fights.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 47:05Jay Shetty?

  How people argue. Because one of the most incredible studies I've read by John Gottman on the research around relationships, found that the only thing that keeps couples together is not how many date nights, how many holidays, how many movies they go and see together. It's about, do they know how to fight? Like, that was the number one thing, that do couples know how to deal with conflict? Because conflicts are definitely gonna come up, even if you master all of this. Even if you communicate effectively, there are gonna be moments, but do you know how to communicate in conflict? And so I believe like we all have different fight languages. Like we have different ways of dealing with an argument or a fight.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Right, and.

• 47:43Jay Shetty?

  And we have to understand how the other person deals with it and how we deal with it.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Right.

• 47:47Jay Shetty?

  So like, for example, eh, one language is silence and distance.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 47:52Jay Shetty?

  Right, like someone doesn't want to talk about it, they need silence and distance. And then another is, let's talk it out.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  Right, you're like, I'm not ready.

• 47:59Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  You, we're not at the same page, right?

• 48:01Jay Shetty?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 48:03Jay Shetty?

  And so I feel like it can, there's so many different languages.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:06Jay Shetty?

  And in every area of our relationship, we need to be self-aware and then make the person aware of where we're at. Does that make sense?

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, a hundred percent, because I would be impulsive in my reaction. Because I'm dramatic, I'm an actress, whatever they want to, whatever you want to call it. Um, and then I realized like, I want to really sit with what is wrong. What am I really upset about? Am I really mad that the towel in the bathroom is on the, is on the ground? Or am I mad that, like you said, you were gonna come home at seven o'clock and you really came home at eight thirty? And you didn't tell me, and then I was worried, and then you didn't care? What am I really upset about? So then I was like, okay, let me just sit with myself. Get to the root. Um, so I try not to be impulsive in that.

• 48:50Jay Shetty?

  I think that's a great piece of advice. We end up fighting about something that we don't even care about. Right? Like that's, you end up making about the towel, and you end up making about whatever it is.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:58Jay Shetty?

  I love that. That's amazing.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:00Jay Shetty?

  Your lessons are incredible. Literally, right now, I'm like, I can't wait to listen to this again. I'm being, I'm not just saying that. I can't wait to listen to this again, right now. There are so many gems in what you're sharing right now. That I can't wait for people to listen to, honestly. I mean that.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  I'm just, you know, just a sponge, just trying to like, help me help myself.

• 49:18Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, yeah, well, this is great. I really do, but you said it earlier that you can't keep what you don't give away.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:24Jay Shetty?

  And it's like, the more we speak about these things, the more we share them, the more we remember them.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 49:29Jay Shetty?

  Like, people often ask me, like, oh Jay, do you ever struggle with not practicing what you preach? I was like, all the time.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Because I'm a human.

• 49:35Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, exactly. Like, I get that wrong all the time, but the more I keep talking about it, I'm reminding myself first and foremost.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:43Jay Shetty?

  That that's something I'm aspiring to. Whether I hit it every day or I don't.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:46Jay Shetty?

  I'm at least trying to remind myself. Whereas if I don't talk about it at all.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 49:51Jay Shetty?

  Then no one's gonna remind me and I'm not reminding myself.

• 49:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, and then you're not conscious about it at all.

• 49:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  That's why I'm with gratitude. Like I really just have to sit in the gratitude before I even start the day.

• 50:03Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  You know, like literally waking up is a gift.

• 50:06Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Being able to walk to the restroom is a gift. Hearing a bird outside, being able to flip on a switch and having electricity. Things that I would take so much for granted. Um, you know, um, or if I'm rushing in traffic, I'm like, girlfriend, you have A C. You have a car you can afford. You're going to somewhere that somebody wants to talk to you.

• 50:28Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Just calm it on down.

• 50:30Jay Shetty?

  Totally.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  And what am I really mad about? Like I used to have crazy road rage and I realized, oh, it was just me. Like it was just me projecting all my crap that like, I didn't get off the phone with a boy that I wish would like me till really late, which meant I woke up really, really, I woke up so late that now I'm rushing. And now I'm going to be mad at the, the man in front of me. No, Chrissy, you're mad at yourself, you know? So it's always follow the feelings back to yourself.

• 50:52Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. I love that. Yeah. And that's what we all realize that you may be complaining about one thing and you could be totally right.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:59Jay Shetty?

  For complaining about that one thing. But there are nine other things that you just missed about how incredible this situation and moment is.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:05Jay Shetty?

  And, and I actually had, yeah, no, I, I see that all the time. I was, actually it's funny, I'm, I'm going to talk about Kenna for a second. She was, she was traveling to go away this weekend and I think it took like thirty hours to get there.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Holy smokes.

• 51:18Jay Shetty?

  And, and it was like, how long is the journey?

• 51:21Speaker 01

  It was, it was, we were supposed to get there Friday at like five P M and we ended up getting there Saturday at ten.

• 51:29Jay Shetty?

  Right. And, and it was in the U S.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  It was in the U S. What? It was just going to Charleston.

• 51:34Jay Shetty?

  Right, right, right.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  It got canceled and then tickets.

• 51:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah. And so, so, so I knew she was off from work and I see a story and it said something like, oh, we're getting somewhere thirty hours later or whatever it was. And she was like smiling at it. And then I spoke to her on the phone afterwards, a couple of days later, and she was just so positive about the whole thing. And I was just like, oh, right. Like there you go. Like it, you know, she wasn't away for long, maybe like four days in total or something like that. But it was just so interesting to see how.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Our perception.

• 52:01Jay Shetty?

  Our perception of, oh yes, I got to go away and I was with my boyfriend. I had an amazing time or, oh no, I'm complaining about the parts that didn't work out.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, like the, what you focus on, you attract anyway.

• 52:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  But you know, I always think that, okay, if I missed a flight, like who knows what the universe is conspiring for, for me, you, you know? And like, there's a reason why, like what can I, what can I take away from this situation? And. There's always a bigger picture that sometimes we don't see.

• 52:27Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, there's, there's like thirty doors opening behind us and we're still banging on this one in front of us.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:33Jay Shetty?

  And we're like knocking on this door.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:34Jay Shetty?

  We're trying to push it out.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  But this one.

• 52:35Jay Shetty?

  This one.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  But this one.

• 52:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and there's like thirty amazing ones. No, absolutely. And I wanna get, and that's where I wanna move to with you. So I wanna, I love this. We've talked about so many things. And now we're coming back.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Sometimes I can't land the plane, so just tell me.

• 52:47Jay Shetty?

  No, I, no, no, no. This is, this is amazing. Like, this is exactly how I would want it to go. But I wanna move back to the chasing the dream element, the

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:56Jay Shetty?

  building this incredible acting career that you have and, and the incredible talent that you have and sharing that with the world that so many millions of people appreciate and love. But it wasn't easy because even getting to that point where it was that breakpoint where you were like, okay, I'm done now. I'm gonna quit. This is not gonna happen.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:15Jay Shetty?

  Because you were getting casted for things that weren't right. There were, it was never like the roles that you really believed were things that you deserved, even if you didn't feel entitled to them.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 53:24Jay Shetty?

  Tell us about that process of constantly chasing something, feeling like it's running out of your grasp and then getting to that point of saying, I can't do this anymore.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it was, I, I'm like, what can I take away from each situation? You know, when I would send people in auditions, I'm like, look, you might not be a hundred percent right for the role, but you can establish a relationship with the casting director. There's a reason why they're bringing you in. Trust the process. And that it might not be for this role, but in two years from now, they're gonna think of you because you were hilarious in this one particular, you know, you never know what all is coming together for you. And so I was like, okay, yeah, I might not be getting the auditions that I want and not frequent. I, I mean, literally, I think I could count on my hand how many auditions I had in a span of several years. And so.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  I was like, am I delusional? Like, am I? Maybe I'm not supposed to be an actress. Like, maybe I should be a psychologist. Maybe I should go back and teach preschool and I don't know. But I'm like, okay, I was sort of, there's like a checklist. Would I still do this if I didn't get paid for it? Okay, yes. Would I be unhappy if I didn't do it or pursue it? Yes. And like, what am I willing to risk or like, give up? And my mom said something to me. She said, Chrissy, you can be unhappy in Gainesville, Florida, or you can be unhappy in LA pursuing your dream. I'm like, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a thought. Hmm, okay. And then I'm like, I just don't know if I can hack it. Like,

• 55:00Speaker 01

  I don't want to be going down the wrong path for vanity's sake or for my ego or whatever. So,

• 55:09Speaker 01

  it's just so interesting. Like, they say the more you resist, the more it persists. And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna surrender. I am going to leave agenting. I'm gonna tell the universe, hey, your girl's ready. Hey, stepping out on faith. I'm gonna try to do this. And then a year passes by and you have one or two auditions. I'm like, oh, maybe I made the wrong decision. And then I just thought,

• 55:43Speaker 01

  yeah, I'm just, I'm just gonna hang it up. I'm just gonna, it's been 12 years. They say 10 years is like the, sort of the barometer. And not a week before, I was living with a friend who, she's like, just pay me whatever rent you can. I was on unemployment, had to borrow money for gas to get to the audition, had 81 cents in my bank account. And I know this doesn't happen for everybody. Not everybody's, you know, struggling this hard, but like, you have to stand in line long enough. And art had to catch up to life. And things, just like with Breakthrough, you know, like if Grant penned the script

• 56:23Speaker 01

  prior to, I would not have been on This Is Us and have had all that experience to then bring to the movie. Everything happens as it should. And so,

• 56:34Speaker 01

  And I truly, truly firmly believe this, like if what's meant for you will not pass you by.

• 56:40Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  It can't.

• 56:41Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  I mean, I was like boom, boom, I'm dodging bullets. I'm like jumping over the, are you ready yet, Chrissy? Okay, cause we're ready now. Okay, here you are. You know, and it doesn't, it doesn't make sense. Like on paper, my life does not make sense.

• 56:56Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  And if I, if that is not a clear indication of like what's meant for you will find you, I don't know what is.

• 57:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  So, um, yeah, I mean, but it was hard though. I wanted to hang it up because I thought that I was on the wrong path. I really did for, for a minute and then something would happen. A casting director would be like, oh my gosh, so are you like acting full time? I'd see him in, you know, at the bank or something. Or I would meet another actor, they would come into the, to my office and they're like, why are you on TV? I'm like, okay, are these like little signs? And, and you know, I suppose if we like take heed and we like see what's going on, we, we can understand the signs deeper. Um, but yeah, it was, um, very trying and I'm glad I hung on. I'm glad I hung on.

• 57:47Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 57:50Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision making and that extends to the practical stuff too. Like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 58:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I think it was Steve Jobs who said, "You can't connect the dots looking forward. You only can when you look backwards."

• 58:30Speaker 01

  Hmm, right.

• 58:32Jay Shetty?

  And I think it's so true. Like, when you're in the moment, you can't connect the dots, but you have to believe that they will connect.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:39Jay Shetty?

  Right? You have to know that they will connect. And one of the things I've always said to myself that helped me so many times was I'd always say to myself, "This only makes the story better."

• 58:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:50Jay Shetty?

  So like, whenever something wouldn't work out, or anytime things didn't happen, and there were multiple times that happened.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Plot twist.

• 58:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, plot twist. Exactly. Like, "Plot twist, like, this only makes the story better." That one day, I believe that one day I'd be able to share parts of my story, and they'd be more interesting, more real, and more authentic, because things didn't always work out.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:08Jay Shetty?

  Right? No one lives a life where it's like, "Oh, I went from this success to this success to this success." Like, no one has that. But we believe that it exists.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Right.

• 59:16Jay Shetty?

  But it doesn't. It just doesn't.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  So that chart that's like, success, on the way to success is like, meh, meh.

• 59:21Jay Shetty?

  Totally. Yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Meh, meh, meh. You know, it's, yeah, it's absolutely true.

• 59:27Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. No, but I love that. But you literally had eighty-one cents left. Like, that is incredible.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:33Jay Shetty?

  Like, you said it casually then, but that is insane.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:36Jay Shetty?

  I remember being four months away from being broke.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:39Jay Shetty?

  So I was once four months away, but eighty-one cents? Like, that's...

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Well, you plan better than I do.

• 59:42Jay Shetty?

  No, I...

• 59:45Jay Shetty?

  But that's, isn't that... What did you learn from being at rock bottom? Like, that position, to be at that stage, like...

• 59:51Speaker 01

  Gosh, you know what I learned? That like, it's not the end of the world.

• 59:55Jay Shetty?

  Wow.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Like, okay, I've come all the way here. The only place I can go is up. Um, I had really great friends who helped me and supported me and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, who I'm taking on a vacation, which I'm very excited about.

• 1:00:12Jay Shetty?

  Beautiful. Where are you going?

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  Turks and Caicos.

• 1:00:15Jay Shetty?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  And, uh, you know, to be able to do that is really... Don't get me emotional. Um, is really special to me, because I might not be able to give back in necessarily all the time that I used to spend with them, but, you know, quality time. And, um, yeah. It's, uh, it's tricky, because I think that...

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Yes, money can make you comfortable and money can, if money can solve a problem, it's not a problem. But it doesn't make you happy. Being fulfilled in different ways genuinely make you happy. And um

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  I just realized that like, okay. Even in death, it's not the worst thing. Anyone, who cares? Like, I am not, I don't identify with the number in my bank account or on the scale. The numbers, they don't, whatever. We give them the power. And so I just was like, alright, I'm good. I mean, it was, it was sad and you're like, what does this mean? Like, why am I in my mid 30s? I'm like, have nothing to show for it. And I'm like, well, if I died that day, I think people would say Chrissy's a good person. Alright, I'm good. What else could I ask for? Nobody's gonna be like, oh, she had this purse. Oh, my God, in her car. Nobody cares.

• 1:01:41Jay Shetty?

  No one cares.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  No one's gonna say that.

• 1:01:42Jay Shetty?

  No one cares.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  I just realized that like, I don't find my identity in, in money.

• 1:01:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  You know, um, not to say that like, now it's a different thing, right? Cause I, I live a different life. But like, I think people expect me to look a certain way or to carry a particular purse or whatever. And I'm like,

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  y'all can do whatever y'all wanna do. My money's my own money, but I'm not going to, I really have to understand that like, things don't make you happy.

• 1:02:10Jay Shetty?

  No, definitely. You're, you're spot on. Happiness and success are two different things.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  A hundred percent.

• 1:02:17Jay Shetty?

  And that's what, I recognized that I was very fortunate to, to notice that early on when I chose to become a monk. Because I saw so many people in my life who had fame and beauty and strength and power and money. But I didn't see any of them be happy. And when I met the monks that I met, They had happiness even though they didn't have any of the other stuff.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:02:38Jay Shetty?

  And I was like, oh, wow, these are two different things, right? Like, here are people who have nothing externally, but they have everything internally. And then here are people who have everything externally, but not as much internally. And I started to realize they were two different pursuits.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:52Jay Shetty?

  And that I shouldn't measure one against the other.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:02:55Jay Shetty?

  I shouldn't expect my happiness to increase because my success increases.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:02:59Jay Shetty?

  And I shouldn't expect my success to decrease if my happiness decreases. Like, I shouldn't see them that way.

• 1:03:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:03:05Jay Shetty?

  And, and for me, that really helped me with recognizing that stuff is useful. It can be a great resource and a great facilitator. But it is not gonna make me happy if I'm having a bad day.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  No, well, you could buy something.

• 1:03:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no one's gonna remember it.

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:03:22Jay Shetty?

  And, and that, yeah, Maya Angelou said it best, that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Jay Shetty?

  And, and I think you hit it on the nail on the head there, that ultimately, I think all of us know that.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:35Jay Shetty?

  That when it gets to that moment, that's what people are gonna remember and value.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:39Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  I like to think so.

• 1:03:40Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  I know so.

• 1:03:41Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, definitely, definitely. I love that. But no, that's such an unbelievable, I mean, that's obviously only the journey to where everything begins.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:03:51Jay Shetty?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  I know, it's so crazy.

• 1:03:54Jay Shetty?

  And then you land, this is us.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Jay Shetty?

  How did that change your life?

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  In every single way.

• 1:03:59Jay Shetty?

  Right.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  In every single way. I don't know what hasn't changed. Aside from my friends who keep me grounded.

• 1:04:04Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  And literally have said, if you become a boo, I'll let you know and I'mma punch you in the shin. I'm like, okay, great. Good to know. Um, but I think that success and money really will show people, will show you who people really are. Um, not to say people don't change, but, um, I...

• 1:04:28Speaker 01

  I mean, I never thought that I would be able to have conversations with people I thought I'd never had anything in common with, you know, whether it's someone who's a very fit mother of three. I don't know what it's like to be any of those things, fit or a mother. But having so much in common with them and understanding that we are so much alike, so much more alike than we are different, and that whatever we're filling a void with, be that food, exercise, social media, you know, we're all doing that because we all, we want to be comfortable. And by portraying Kate on This Is Us, I think so many people can relate to whether it's the passing of a loved one, of a father who was her best

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  friend, or weight issues and inadequacy issues. I mean, we touch on everything on the show. So I think people just, they're like, oh, I see myself in this character or any, any of the characters. So I can't go anywhere without, you know, having a conversation or meeting someone or, you know, which is lovely. Sometimes it's overwhelming because I'm like, I feel like I haven't really changed, but everything around me's changed. But it's, it means a lot to me. I just, sometimes I'm an empath and I've heard recently that like, maybe that's not a good thing, meaning like, don't make it about yourself. And I'm like, okay. But I just, I really do love people. And I think because I was seeking

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  love for so long, that I know what it's like to not have it. And I'm like, dang it. Okay, tell me everything, you know, and then I get to crying. And that's why I can't be on Facebook. I can't. I'm so, Facebook is so emotional for me. Anyway, so it's changed in every single way. Getting a kitchen table I never thought I'd have, you know, owning a home. Like, I grew up in a trailer and then a three bedroom, one bath house with six people. And not to say people have not lived much, much worse off. But then it also helps me to realize and to be grateful and what I have had. But mostly that I get to be a part of an incredible journey and story with human beings.

• 1:06:41Speaker 01

  This is lightning in a bottle, this show. And it will never happen again, that all these people will come together to create a story that's like changed network television. And I'm like, I'm on the show? Sometimes I look and I'm like, is that me? It's unbelievable. And I'm always on the verge of crying about it because I'm just so grateful.

• 1:07:04Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Jay Shetty?

  Thank you.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Jay Shetty?

  And you deserve all of it.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Well.

• 1:07:09Jay Shetty?

  Your consistency, your persistence, you know, all those moments, just everything you've shared now and so much more that we haven't even

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:07:17Jay Shetty?

  shared here, like, you know, so many other, there's just so much behind the scenes, just like there is for a show, there is for every single person in the world.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:25Jay Shetty?

  That no one ever sees.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:26Jay Shetty?

  And so, yeah, no, all I can say is just congratulations. And like, you know, you really deserve every bit of it. And I'm just so happy that, I'm so happy that I'm getting an opportunity to sit with you and have you share parts of that story so that it can just inspire so many more people to just not quit when it's just about.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  It's always right when the tide's about to turn where you're like, ah, forget it.

• 1:07:47Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:07:48Jay Shetty?

  Luckily, you had your mother who was just like,

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Jay Shetty?

  She gave you the best piece of advice. That's such great advice.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Just hang on. And also, you know, the whole thing about suffering, like, do we choose to suffer?

• 1:07:57Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:07:58Jay Shetty?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  I always think about that too, like, am I really suffering? Like, do I want to suffer? No, like, and there's other things that I could be doing, you know, and other ways I could be of being of service or being creative. So there's not one be all and all sort of path, but I think it's about finding your purpose and being happy.

• 1:08:20Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  In that journey and knowing that like, it's not always going to be pretty, even when you find it.

• 1:08:25Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  You know, it's still going to be hard work, but it's going to be worth it. And, you know, at the end of the day, when you're exhausted and you're like, I can't do this anymore. And the next morning, you're like, okay, ready. Okay, I can do this.

• 1:08:37Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  You know, just energized and charged for like, you know, another day.

• 1:08:42Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely. And that's like you, you don't stop. You have the show and then earlier this year, you launched Breakthrough.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:08:49Jay Shetty?

  Movie was so important to you.

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Goodness.

• 1:08:51Jay Shetty?

  Why you did it because that's a perfect example of, I think a lot of, I think when we're not grateful for our breakthroughs, we become complacent.

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:09:00Jay Shetty?

  Right. When we're not grateful for it, when we don't value how amazing this is and incredible opportunity it is, it's easy to be like, oh, that's all I need to do now. I don't need to do anything else. But here you go. And you wrote a book last year that released last year. You launched Breakthrough. Tell us a bit about why that was so important.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I met with the executives and with Devon Franklin, who's our producer. Um, he's done like miracles from heaven and um, um, heaven, it's for real. And um,

• 1:09:25Jay Shetty?

  He's just like a great guy.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  He is so rad. If you haven't met him or talked to him.

• 1:09:29Jay Shetty?

  We haven't.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  Oh my goodness, you have to. Um, you guys will just, you probably will this house on fire, but um, just so much goodness, but um,

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  He was like, oh, come in for a general meeting. And I don't typically have general meetings because what does that mean? You know? Um, like this is exciting. And they came to just sort of talk about the story and it's a true story. Um, a woman's, uh, Joyce Smith, her son fell through an icy lake and was under the water for over 15 minutes and then clinically dead for over, almost an hour. Um, and um, she prayed and whatever it is that you want to believe, he came back to life. He had a pulse and um, eventually brain activity and um, but specifically, I was telling them about my mom who had a stroke two, a little year prior um, at that time.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  And that I said, you know, listen, uh, I was sassy with my mom's doctors. I was like, look, if you're not going to think positive thoughts and you're not going to be positive about my mom or around her, you don't belong in her hospital room. And I understand that you're her doctor, but do you practice? Yes or no? He looked at me like, girl. And I was like, you practice. I said, so whatever you believe and whatever you practice, great, but. I, I think that whether you think she can or not, she can hear you. And it's very important that if you don't say anything positive, you got, you got to get to going. And almost verbatim were the words that Joyce said to John's doctors. And I thought, oh, that's no coincidence. Like, there's a reason why my mom went through this, I've gone through it with her.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  And that this movie has presented itself, because it just happened four years ago, the real incident. And I thought, how could I honor the Smith family in this incredible, beautiful story? And then also honor my mom and what she's come through, and she's one tough cookie. So I was attached to another project that fell through. Of course, the stars aligned and I just had the right amount of time off from the book tour and, you know, between This Is Us. And yeah, I mean, it's, I'm so grateful. It has really touched a lot of people's lives and instilled, you know, faith and family. And also what's really beautiful, I think, a through line in the story is John Smith was adopted from Guatemala.

• 1:11:51Speaker 01

  And he never felt like he had a purpose. He's like, I'm this kid from Guatemala in the Midwest. I look like nobody else. What am I doing here? Why am I here? And sure enough, something like this tragedy becomes his triumph. And now he understands his purpose. And it's just so beautiful. And they're such amazing people. And Joyce is one force of nature. Like, at the premiere, her shirt said, between Proverbs and Medea, there's me. I am in stitches. I'm like, what? I love Medea too. Tyler Perry is brilliant in that role. But just, yeah, just to be a part of it. And then what's interesting, how everything sort of ripple effects.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  My acting coach was in an accident. A car actually ran him over in a grocery store parking lot. And

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  He was supposed to go on a trip somewhere that he didn't really want to go. And so he was in the hospital. And the fact that he didn't have like major organ damage or brain damage or any of this from this tragedy. He said, I know that the healing, he didn't have surgery, any of that. He said, I know that the healing was partly because I was on this set with you. And believing, you know, like if you change your mind, you change your life. And our minds are so powerful. And so there's so many ways that this movie, The Smith Story and playing this character has changed my life and even my own acting coach and friends. So, yeah, that's exciting to be a part of something that, you know, can change people's hearts and minds.

• 1:13:26Jay Shetty?

  Well, I love that. It's not, you know, you're not just acting, you're not just an actress. You're actually creating and being a part of movements that are changing lives. Like all of this content is so conscious, it's so intentional. It's so much about improving people's lives and transforming people's experiences, which is so beautiful to witness and observe, to be honest, because we need more of it. I think the more stories we tell like this, the more of them we bring to the mainstream screens.

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  Right, the fear goes away. Because you're like, oh, this is what it is?

• 1:13:57Jay Shetty?

  Especially when you know it's reality.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:13:59Jay Shetty?

  Right, when it's a fiction story, you still, even if it's close to reality, you think, oh, yeah, they just made it up. But it's like when it's real or it's inspired from something that's real.

• 1:14:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, 98% of the film is accurate.

• 1:14:10Jay Shetty?

  Which is amazing.

• 1:14:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:11Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it gives people so much hope.

• 1:14:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it has. And the responses have been so beautifully overwhelming. I'm like, oh, I can't take it. Like, yeah, so I'm just grateful to be a part of that journey and to know the Smith family and.

• 1:14:27Jay Shetty?

  Amazing.

• 1:14:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:28Jay Shetty?

  Tell us what's in your energy and intuition right now that I haven't let you share or something. You're like, Jay, I wish you'd talk to me about this or I wish.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  Well, I'm doing music.

• 1:14:35Jay Shetty?

  Okay.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that's very exciting. So, you know, nobody knew that I sang. And when I sang on This Is Us as Kate Pearson, it was written, but they were like, oh, if you don't sing, like, it's fine, we'll get somebody else to dub. And I'm like, well, can I try it? And because music was never supported or encouraged, I was, it was my first love, but I was afraid, just afraid. And so now, you know, Diane Warren wrote the end title song, I'm Standing With You for Breakthrough.

• 1:15:06Speaker 01

  And then performing at the ACM is with with Lauren Alaina and Carrie Underwood and Mickey Guyton and Maddie and Tay was like, oh, my gosh, it's like making the video like I'm like, this is my life right now. And country music and blues and soul music has always been like my favorite. And so last year I started doing some songwriting.

• 1:15:24Jay Shetty?

  No way.

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we have, we have some really great songs. I'm really proud of. And yeah, so I'm performing at CMA Fest next week.

• 1:15:33Jay Shetty?

  That's amazing.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:38Speaker 01

  I was like, I'm not warmed up.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  But yeah, so I'm excited about that music.

• 1:15:44Jay Shetty?

  That's awesome. When should we expect?

• 1:15:47Speaker 01

  You know, I'm not so sure because we're going right back into this is us, July, mid or second week of July. So hopefully soon, but I'll be performing some original songs at the Country Music Fest next week. So that's exciting.

• 1:16:02Jay Shetty?

  Amazing. I love that. Oh, wait, that's awesome.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm like a little kid.

• 1:16:06Jay Shetty?

  I love it. But that's what we need to be consistently. Like, we should do things that make us feel like a kid again.

• 1:16:11Speaker 01

  Also, I'm scared out of my mind.

• 1:16:13Jay Shetty?

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:16:13Speaker 01

  Just so you guys know, legitimately like, what am I doing? And I'm like, okay, if it scares me, I should do it. There's a reason why I need to do it. So.

• 1:16:21Jay Shetty?

  And it's there in you. It's it's something that you've been doing. Like, I mean, the first thing you spoke about was singing.

• 1:16:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, right.

• 1:16:27Jay Shetty?

  Like, when we go all the way back, you mentioned it then.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Music has healed me.

• 1:16:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  And saved me. And if I could, if one song, if one verse, if one note could make someone feel something, you know, that's what that's what I want.

• 1:16:44Jay Shetty?

  That's awesome. Yeah, I love that. So we end every On Purpose episode with a final five, which is meant to be a quick fire, rapid fire round.

• 1:16:51Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:16:52Jay Shetty?

  Of fast answers. So.

• 1:16:54Speaker 01

  I'm competitive, so I hope I can win.

• 1:16:55Jay Shetty?

  You do? Okay, great. Well, it's it's either one word or one sentence answers.

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:17:00Jay Shetty?

  It never goes to plan. No one ever sticks to it. So if you do this.

• 1:17:03Speaker 01

  We'll see.

• 1:17:04Jay Shetty?

  This could be it. This could be the moment.

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  One word. Are we timed?

• 1:17:08Jay Shetty?

  One word to one sentence. I I time it. So.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Okay, great.

• 1:17:11Jay Shetty?

  If I get really intrigued by something, then I'm like, oh.

• 1:17:13Speaker 01

  Oh, so you diagnose. Okay.

• 1:17:15Jay Shetty?

  Sometimes it's the present.

• 1:17:17Speaker 01

  It's probably gonna be. I told you I can't land a plane. Okay.

• 1:17:20Jay Shetty?

  The first question is, what's one thing you don't mind spending money on now?

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  Um, food.

• 1:17:26Jay Shetty?

  Okay, good. Yeah, that's what my mom always did the same. It was always like, food comes first, like food's important. Like if you don't have anything else.

• 1:17:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, and like taking friends out.

• 1:17:34Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:35Speaker 01

  It's communal.

• 1:17:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:36Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Okay, good. Second question. What dream are you pursuing right now?

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  Music.

• 1:17:40Jay Shetty?

  Amazing.

• 1:17:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:41Jay Shetty?

  Perfect. Love that. Number three, what's the one thing you tell your younger self?

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  Um, but nothing is personal. Um, and just, just keep on keeping on.

• 1:17:50Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 1:17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Jay Shetty?

  Okay, great. Uh, number four, who's the toughest person you know?

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  Probably my mom. Yeah, no, my mom.

• 1:17:59Jay Shetty?

  That's awesome.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:00Jay Shetty?

  What did you learn, what did you learn from the toughness of your mom?

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  Just her resilience, you know, and that, um, you just keep it moving, you know, like, I know for me, I'm more emotional, but she would just keep charging forward. And that to me, sometimes I'm like, I gotta remember that.

• 1:18:17Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:17Speaker 01

  Just keep it moving, Chrissy.

• 1:18:19Jay Shetty?

  I love that.

• 1:18:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Jay Shetty?

  And number five, what's your advice to anyone who's chasing their dreams and on that path?

• 1:18:25Speaker 01

  Oh goodness, find what your intention really is. Um, and just submerged, like just make sure that you are so submerged in it. And you know, like whether it's acting, whether it's a CEO, whatever, learn everything you can learn, read, ask questions, you know, socialize in any single way, like make it your, your mission to find out everything you can find out. And, and then ask yourself, do you want it? You know, because hard work is, is gonna be needed, but if it's gonna be worth it, then you're on the right track.

• 1:19:03Jay Shetty?

  Absolutely.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:04Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much, Chrissy.

• 1:19:05Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:19:05Jay Shetty?

  You are such a gem. Like you're amazing. Like, I really, I really feel like we're just, we're so lucky to have you because,

• 1:19:13Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 1:19:13Jay Shetty?

  Honestly, just everything you shared today, I'm just like taking it all in. And I can only say that I know anyone who's listening and watching this right now is definitely just gonna feel, just there's so many moments in this podcast. And I would really urge you, anyone who's been listening and watching, make sure you listen and watch it again and take notes, write these things down, like put them on Post-it notes and stick them all around your room. Because if you can construct a space and practices in your life that are gonna help you put all of this into practice, it's gonna be a huge, huge step forward towards your dreams. But Chrissy, you've been amazing.

• 1:19:44Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:19:44Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for taking this time.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:19:47Jay Shetty?

  I'm excited to build our relationship together and go to India.

• 1:19:50Speaker 01

  We're going.

• 1:19:50Jay Shetty?

  We're going to India to meditate together.

• 1:19:53Speaker 01

  He's gonna be good for it, so we're going.

• 1:19:55Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, but thank you, Chrissy. Thank you so much.

• 1:19:57Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:19:58Jay Shetty?

  Everyone, thank you so much for listening to this episode of On Purpose. Make sure you share the best nuggets of wisdom and insights across Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, wherever you are, so that we can learn and share that learning with so many more people. I love seeing you post these little learning moments onto Instagram so that I can share them too. And make sure you go follow Chrissy on Instagram. She's Chrissy Metz. And where else can they find you? Or where else should they find you?

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  That's really all the places I am.

• 1:20:25Jay Shetty?

  Perfect. Great. I love that. Go find her on Instagram at Chrissy Metz. Thank you so much for listening. I'll see you again next week.

• 1:20:37Jay Shetty?

  Thank you so much for listening through to the end of that episode. I hope you're gonna share this all across social media. Let people know that you're subscribed to On Purpose. Let me know. Post it. Tell me what a difference it's making in your life. I would love to see your thoughts. I can't wait for this incredibly conscious community we're creating of purposeful people. You're now a part of the tribe, a part of the squad. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share the next episode with you.