Sara Cox

Author, podcaster and broadcasting legend Sara Cox – host of the Radio 2 Breakfast Show and co-host of The Teen Commandments podcast – is this week’s guest in the Dream Restaurant. And now we all know what Janet Jackson on the radio means. Listen to ‘The Sara Cox Breakfast Show https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b25n9h’ on BBC Radio 2 every weekday morning. Listen to Sara’s podcast, ‘Ten Teen Commandments https://audioalways.com/projects/the-teen-commandments/’, wherever you get your podcasts. Sara’s latest book, ‘The Truth of Us’, is out now published by Hodder & Stoughton. Buy it here https://www.waterstones.com/book/the-truth-of-us/sara-cox/9781399765510. Follow Sara on Instagram @djsaracox https://www.instagram.com/djsaracox/ Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Ed Gamble is on tour in 2027 with ‘Fresh Hell’. For dates and tickets go to edgamble.co.uk https://edgamble.co.uk/ Subscribe to Craig Simons’ (the UK’s number one James Acaster tribute act) YouTube @craigsimonslive https://www.youtube.com/@craigsimonslive Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:28Speaker 02

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• 3:24Speaker 05

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the microwavable melting middle chocolate pudding of humour, putting it in the microwave of the internet, removing it from the microwave of the internet, flipping it into the bowl of humour, trying to get it all out in one go. It absolutely doesn't do it. Then you've just got to fuck it out with a spoon of chat and it's just ruined. It's not melting middle anymore. It's just a big pile of chocolate podcast.

• 3:49Speaker 06

  Are you cooking it at any point during that?

• 3:50Speaker 05

  In the microwave, put it in the microwave.

• 3:51Speaker 06

  You'd be seeing it just like close the door and then open the door and bring it out again.

• 3:55Speaker 05

  Yeah. But sometimes I have to cut some of the process out for these because they're quite neat analogies that work perfectly. So you've just got to sort of, you've got to be economical with how you do it.

• 4:05Speaker 06

  That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together, we own a dream restaurant and every single week, we invite in a guest and ask them their favourite ever start, a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is Sarah Cox.

• 4:16Speaker 05

  Sarah Cox, radio legend.

• 4:19Speaker 06

  Such, I mean, I'm going to say national treasure.

• 4:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, TV legend, national treasure. So excited to have Sarah on the podcast.

• 4:26Speaker 06

  We grew up watching Sarah Cox be one of the coolest celebs in the country.

• 4:30Speaker 05

  Damn right.

• 4:31Speaker 06

  That's why we're so cool.

• 4:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 06

  Because we grew up watching Coxey.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 06

  And took a few leaves out of her book.

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Let's not tell Sarah that.

• 4:39Speaker 06

  Huh?

• 4:40Speaker 05

  I don't want you to tell Sarah, because you're cool, that's why I'm cool.

• 4:45Speaker 06

  But she'll think that's cool when she sees how cool I am.

• 4:47Speaker 05

  That's, yeah. Yeah, okay, man. Sarah Cox is the host of the Radio 2 Breakfast Show. She's also an author, James.

• 4:54Speaker 06

  Yes, her latest book, The Truth of Us, is out now. And make sure to check out Sarah's podcast, The Teen Commandments.

• 5:03Speaker 05

  She got a pod.

• 5:04Speaker 06

  Must be nice to have a pod. We should get a pod.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  We should start doing a podcast instead of this TV show we do now.

• 5:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Hey, you're on tour with Fresh Hell, of course.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  Yes, thank you. Starts January 2027. Edgamble.co.uk for tickets and dates. March is the date for the London Palladium Shows. Four London Palladium Shows, count them, one, two, three, four. Tickets available, edgamble.co.uk.

• 5:26Speaker 06

  But listen, I love Sarah Cox. You love Sarah Cox.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 5:30Speaker 06

  But if Sarah Cox says the secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable, we will have to kick Sarah out of the dream restaurant. And this week, the secret ingredient is Cox Orange Pippin.

• 5:40Speaker 05

  Cox's Orange Pippin.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  It's a type of apple that has the word Cox in it.

• 5:43Speaker 05

  Yeah. And we don't know, that could be her family's apples.

• 5:47Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  So she might say, hey.

• 5:49Speaker 06

  That's personal.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  I need that apple for my dessert because they're my family's apples.

• 5:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  They grow on my family tree.

• 5:57Speaker 06

  And we will say, well, you can go outside and eat that apple because you're not eating it in the dream restaurant.

• 6:03Speaker 05

  You can climb up that tree and you can jump out of the tree.

• 6:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, your whole family.

• 6:07Speaker 05

  Yeah. But hopefully she doesn't say that because I hate to tell Sarah Cox to jump out of the tree.

• 6:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:12Speaker 05

  This is the Off Menu Menu of Sarah Cox.

• 6:24Speaker 05

  Welcome, Sarah, to the dream restaurant.

• 6:28Speaker 06

  Welcome, Sarah Cox, to the dream restaurant. Everybody's been giving us some time.

• 6:32Speaker 07

  This is amazing. I've been waiting for ages. Thanks for having me.

• 6:36Speaker 06

  You can tell when people have actually heard the podcast before because they don't say hi to Ed. When he does that, they're just waiting for them.

• 6:41Speaker 05

  You're waiting for the genie.

• 6:42Speaker 07

  I was like, and go genie.

• 6:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 07

  Really excited about.

• 6:45Speaker 05

  This is good, like, you know, sometimes you're on a waiting list for a restaurant for a while.

• 6:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:50Speaker 05

  You know, you're waiting to get that reservation and sometimes it lives up to it and sometimes it doesn't. But I think the dream restaurant always lives up to it.

• 6:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, because it's your dream.

• 7:00Speaker 07

  Absolutely.

• 7:01Speaker 05

  It's always, the dream is realised.

• 7:04Speaker 06

  I guess we could let Sarah down.

• 7:05Speaker 05

  We could let you down.

• 7:06Speaker 07

  Never, never, never. I mean, I've been preparing this. Well, I feel like my whole life's been leading up to this moment.

• 7:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 07

  Because, you know, for the past, since I heard I was coming on.

• 7:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 07

  And waking up like, oh, does that veg go well with that? Do I go land or sea? Do I traverse the land for the starter and then dive into the oceans for the main?

• 7:29Speaker 06

  Oh, wow.

• 7:30Speaker 05

  That's a, yeah, it's a good way around.

• 7:31Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 7:32Speaker 05

  I guess sea to land would be...

• 7:34Speaker 07

  Sea to land is the classic, isn't it?

• 7:36Speaker 05

  That is the classic.

• 7:37Speaker 06

  It's like evolution, mate.

• 7:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, it is.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  Crawling out of the water.

• 7:40Speaker 07

  Little egg, that, an egg.

• 7:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  Little egg crawled out, little egg crawled out the sea. The little legs sticking out the bottom of the egg.

• 7:49Speaker 07

  And sort of going, huh, huh.

• 7:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, definitely. Have you been running your menu by other people?

• 7:57Speaker 07

  I sent it to my mate Megan, who loves the pod. There's other notes on there, so it's quite confusing. But she was enthusiastic. She was like, great, can't wait to listen. I think she was worried.

• 8:07Speaker 06

  Tell us about, tell us about Megan.

• 8:09Speaker 07

  Megan is my, she used to be my producer at Radio 1 back in the day and we became really good mates. We worked together on weekends where I'd generally turn up a hungover.

• 8:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:20Speaker 07

  Like chuffing on a fag. They had a smoking room back in those days. I mean, can you imagine?

• 8:24Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 8:25Speaker 07

  So weird.

• 8:26Speaker 05

  Bring it back.

• 8:27Speaker 07

  Bring back smoking, it's great.

• 8:30Speaker 06

  Who would be in the smoking room?

• 8:32Speaker 07

  Oh, I mean, I met George Michael in there once.

• 8:35Speaker 06

  Great.

• 8:36Speaker 05

  I said, you've got to be in the smoking room if you want to meet George Michael.

• 8:39Speaker 07

  It's where all the cool people are. And I was having a ciggy, get this, during my breakfast show, like really early, you know, 8 a.m., chuffing on a fag.

• 8:48Speaker 05

  You like whack a song on, run for a ciggy in the smoking room.

• 8:51Speaker 07

  Put a long song on, go and spot a cup.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  What's, now, this is always good. I love speaking to DJs about the long song when you know you can go for a break.

• 8:58Speaker 07

  I got caught out this morning. I pondered two and a half minutes on, went for a wee.

• 9:02Speaker 05

  Oh, what are you thinking?

• 9:04Speaker 07

  Day one of DJ school, it's got to be at least three and a half minutes because I'm quick. And also, to make it worse, I got back and I could see they were flapping in the studio and it was Alex Warren. I opened my mic and obviously called him a lazy get for doing such a short song. And then the worst thing was that what I do is I let it all play out and then I opened my mic and I didn't even have my cans on and I just went, every last second there of Alex Warren. Just got to let the music breathe sometimes.

• 9:30Speaker 06

  Every last...

• 9:31Speaker 05

  Second.

• 9:33Speaker 07

  And then the worst thing was, as I then confessed on it, was that I was seeing if I should do a French tuck or not with my T-shirt in my jeans, like fucking around on our six million-ish people.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  You did, you did have the French tuck when you came in.

• 9:47Speaker 07

  I did.

• 9:47Speaker 05

  And I thought it looked great.

• 9:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, and now I've got rid of it.

• 9:50Speaker 05

  There's still a cool T-shirt.

• 9:51Speaker 07

  Because of YouTube and stuff. I thought I'd, I didn't wanna look potatoey around the midriff.

• 9:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'll get you in the comments for that.

• 10:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:00Speaker 06

  I got that French tuck.

• 10:01Speaker 05

  But also, it's a, it's a food, it's a food podcast.

• 10:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, so I can.

• 10:05Speaker 05

  Looking like a potato is perfect.

• 10:06Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, true, true.

• 10:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 07

  It's my air streaky, I was trying to think of other food-based looks.

• 10:13Speaker 06

  What did you chat to George Michael about in the smoking room?

• 10:16Speaker 07

  He complimented my bag. I had a sort of rubber bag and he liked it.

• 10:20Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 10:21Speaker 07

  He was on with Joe Wiley, who was on after me in those days. And I think that was it. But I did, I actually went to his house. He, he put on an art exhibition. This feels like a really weird cheese dream. It definitely happened. And I went to, we went to like a little after-party at his house. And he was with Kenny at the time. He was very protective of him, quite rightly. Kenny wasn't keen on me and my friend who was there, Tariq. And I could tell he kept eyeing us like, these muggles we'd let into our, you know what I mean, pop superstar house. Quite right. Because within minutes, Pepsi was at the fridge of Pepsi and Shirley and I was showing her to get me a Coke. Get me a Coke Pepsi, thinking it was hilarious.

• 11:04Speaker 06

  That is pretty funny.

• 11:04Speaker 05

  That is funny. If you have, if you have that opportunity to say, get me a Coke Pepsi, you've gotta say it.

• 11:10Speaker 07

  I just couldn't resist it.

• 11:11Speaker 06

  I doubt she's heard that before, isn't it?

• 11:14Speaker 07

  I do look back, I'm actually definitely at. And, and he gave me, he gave me a lift home in his, in his Range Rover.

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 11:21Speaker 07

  The famous Range. I mean, he was that desperate to get rid of me, he left his own party to be like, I'll take it all. And yeah, and dropped me off in that same Range Rover that ended up, I think the same one, in the window of Snappy Snaps. Remember he had a crash?

• 11:36Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 06

  I'd forgotten that.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'd forgotten that. There's other things that, if I'm ranking my George Michael knowledge.

• 11:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:44Speaker 05

  Obviously, there's things.

• 11:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  There's things above that.

• 11:47Speaker 07

  There's like the, yeah, the Franky duet, the George, yeah, the Elton John duet.

• 11:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 07

  Amazing career and stuff before the Snappy Snaps incident.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm obviously thinking about the toilet.

• 11:57Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 11:58Speaker 06

  It's a shame, isn't it?

• 11:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 06

  Ed's let himself down.

• 12:00Speaker 05

  I went on a bike tour in America.

• 12:01Speaker 06

  Not a number one George Michael moment, is it?

• 12:03Speaker 05

  I went on a bicycle tour once in LA and they take you to that toilet.

• 12:07Speaker 07

  Do they? Is there, is there a plaque up?

• 12:09Speaker 05

  There's no plaque, no. But everyone, everyone knows.

• 12:12Speaker 06

  Everyone knows it's the toilet. They're all saying it out loud as they're weeing.

• 12:16Speaker 05

  And obviously, in the UK, our equivalent is in Shepherd's Bush, the Ginklick venue is an old public toilet where the man from Step to the Sun got caught cottaging.

• 12:26Speaker 07

  No way.

• 12:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 07

  Well, here's another one for you. The back of the Pineapple Pub in Bolton, where I used to live. There were the men's toilets there and, and my mum would be like, they're at it again. And you'd go out the back and it was like a proper backstreet, like Coronation Street, South Side of Ginell Backstreet, at the back of the, I call it a beer garden at my mum's pub. It wasn't really, it was an area where my mum would be like, they're on the wacky back again out there. Jackie, patrolling. And you'd go out and she'd be like, there's a builder's van and a posh salesman car. She was always obsessed that there was like a salesman, you know, going in there with like a bit of rough from a builder.

• 13:06Speaker 05

  That's nice. I mean, when are those two guys hanging out normally, right? You know, go on, you know?

• 13:11Speaker 07

  I didn't mind. I was like, pop a bit of Barry White on and a couple of scented candles. Let them go for it. Good for them.

• 13:16Speaker 06

  Pineapple as well is like, that's, that's like Conan, it's swingers.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  That's a swingers thing.

• 13:21Speaker 07

  God, that's what it was.

• 13:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, so the Pineapple Pub asking for trouble, really.

• 13:25Speaker 05

  I believe it's an upside down pineapple.

• 13:27Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 13:28Speaker 05

  Is what they do on the cruises. They'll put like an upside down pineapple on the door.

• 13:32Speaker 07

  Do they? And then before you know it.

• 13:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 07

  If the, yeah, if the ships are rocking, don't come.

• 13:38Speaker 05

  If the ships are rocking, it's just normal.

• 13:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, has, has to be.

• 13:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 06

  If, if you're on a ship, every time it rocks, you can't be like, who's having sex?

• 13:47Speaker 07

  Kind of like the swingers on these ships.

• 13:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. People stop shagging for two seconds. I'm trying to enjoy my cruise. You got a new book out, Sarah?

• 13:56Speaker 07

  I have. It's called The Truth of Us. And I think it's the best one I've, and it said read, that'd be big edit. It's the best.

• 14:03Speaker 05

  That would be amazing, though.

• 14:04Speaker 06

  No, you should back yourself. It's the best book you've ever read.

• 14:07Speaker 07

  Definitely. Yeah, it is.

• 14:08Speaker 05

  And what a privilege for you to read it as it was being written.

• 14:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, there was all the twists and all the.

• 14:14Speaker 06

  How am I coming up with this stuff?

• 14:17Speaker 07

  But it's definitely the best one. It's the best one I've, I've written. But it came out at the same time that I started the Radio Two Breakfast Show. So I feel like I was like, I've got my dream job. Oh yeah, I've got a book out. So I, it's really nice to talk about it now because I'm really proud of it. And I've worked, you know, you've written books, so kind of like, you work really hard.

• 14:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:38Speaker 07

  On books. It's hard work, isn't it?

• 14:40Speaker 06

  Especially fiction. I mean, that's.

• 14:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 06

  That's really hard.

• 14:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, the memoir was fine because, I mean, my family, they provided so many little tales and stories, but to make stuff up. But it's my third work of fiction, my third novel, and it's kind of like a love story. It's two, two best friends who fall in love, guys.

• 14:58Speaker 05

  These guys, inspo?

• 15:01Speaker 07

  And, and they live next door to each other. I kept, I was inspired by looking through into my next door neighbour Sharon's kitchen.

• 15:08Speaker 05

  Does Sharon know this?

• 15:09Speaker 07

  Sharon and Andy, Shandy. Oh, I'm not to their face. And she, I did tell her at a neighbour gathering and she was like, don't write a book about me. I'm like, stand down Sharon. It was just inspired by the window. That's where it ends.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 07

  And so, yeah, they, they sort of fall in love, but they can't be together. One's gotta follow a traditional path and be married. There's a bit of a nod to my husband, because he's Jewish, so there's like nice Friday night dinners and rosh hashanah. It's all food-based. Rosh hashanah lunches and, and then on the other side, sort of the little Jewish girl looking through the window and seeing like the Christmas trees and the decorations and, you know, so, and there's raven, there's Abitha, there's a bit of me in there. It's lovely. I'm really chuffed with it. So, yeah, The Truth of Us.

• 15:53Speaker 06

  I remember the guy who wrote The Spirit in a Way, he said that in every story, you've got to make a, a moment or make time for a meal to be prepared and stuff like that. So like, when you're writing the book and you've got these moments in there, when you're putting them in there, what are you thinking? What, what's it adding to the story or saying about the characters? What are you, like, using that to get across?

• 16:13Speaker 07

  Well, there's a lovely bit where they are rustling up. So the mums become friends first. And it turns out that the girls are born at the same hospital on New Year's Eve. And you know, when there's a big fuss about New Year's Eve babes and stuff. And there's a Welsh call, I think it is C A W L, like a traditional Welsh stew.

• 16:33Speaker 06

  A stew, yeah.

• 16:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's being made, that's sort of salty and, and brings these two women together. But the, I mean, the rosh hashanah food actually is lovely to write about because I go around to my mum-in-law's and it's absolutely delicious. There's meatballs and vegetable lasagna and so much food, these like tomato salads and loads of hollow bread and stuff. So it was like, you know, it's it's sort of just bringing families together and it's just, it's really, it's really pleasurable to write about food. And it was nice with them. I rang my in-laws and asked in the eighties what they'd be, because we'd zip back to the eighties in the book, what they'd be drinking and it'd be, I can never quite say, is it Dubonnet? Dubonnet? Dubonnet?

• 17:12Speaker 06

  Dubonnet, yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 07

  It's sweet, isn't it? They were all on the Dubonnet in the eighties. I imagine with a shoulder pad on the go.

• 17:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:19Speaker 07

  A clip on dangly earring. So, yeah, it's nice to, nice to, you know, bring all of that in.

• 17:25Speaker 06

  Was there anyone at George Michael's party called Max? She could have introduced Pepsi to them.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  So you're going back to, we're going back to something we talked about a while ago, yeah?

• 17:38Speaker 05

  It's interesting just to see the process, isn't it?

• 17:40Speaker 06

  It doesn't have to be linear, this part.

• 17:41Speaker 05

  So, yeah, we're doing full Christopher Nolan today.

• 17:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  What, did you think about the Pepsi Max thing at the time when we were talking about that? Or have you just thought about it now?

• 17:50Speaker 06

  Thought about it at the time.

• 17:51Speaker 05

  But didn't, couldn't find a gap to get it in?

• 17:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was like, I didn't really know where I was gonna fit it in there. And then Sarah said something that reminded me of it.

• 17:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, and that's something we're doing it now.

• 18:01Speaker 06

  I was like, I'll do it now.

• 18:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 07

  I love it. I thought maybe for like eight minutes, you'd just been thinking Pepsi, Pepsi.

• 18:09Speaker 06

  No, I'd been thinking about, you know, the, the, the food in your book and all that stuff. But I just, I had that there, ready to go.

• 18:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:17Speaker 06

  And I thought, let's do it now.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, do it now.

• 18:20Speaker 07

  The words, you know, it reminds me, did you ever see that brilliant birthday card? Is it the Far Side who do those great birthday cards?

• 18:25Speaker 05

  Gary Larson.

• 18:26Speaker 07

  Someone talking to their dog.

• 18:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:28Speaker 07

  And what did you say? Is that the?

• 18:30Speaker 05

  Gary Larson.

• 18:30Speaker 07

  Oh, is that the cartoonist?

• 18:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, the artist, yeah.

• 18:33Speaker 06

  So good.

• 18:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, the artist, I'd say. And there'd be a dog there and if the dog's called Rex and it'd be like the person talking to the dog and the dog just hears wah wah wah wah, Rex, wah wah wah Rex. And I think my kids sometimes, so they hear me, they talk to them, they just hear wah wah wah and then their name occasionally as I'm wanging on them.

• 18:54Speaker 06

  Yeah. And that's how I listen to guests, is that what you're saying?

• 18:58Speaker 05

  Or you had ba ba ba ba ba Max. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For about 10 minutes.

• 19:04Speaker 07

  There wasn't a Max, but there could have been, you know what I mean? Who knows, two focus whooshed on, on Pepsi.

• 19:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:11Speaker 06

  Well, I'm gonna jump even further back now to before we started recording. You said you'd had a handbag sausage.

• 19:17Speaker 07

  Yeah, I've always got a sausage in my handbag, although I've had to cut down on them.

• 19:23Speaker 05

  On the handbag sausages.

• 19:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, because before I started the radio to breakfast show, I was like, I listened to Emma Barnett talking about food on another podcast.

• 19:33Speaker 05

  How dare you?

• 19:35Speaker 07

  And I'm so sorry, and she's one of my broadcasting heroes. I love her from the Today Show and Today Show, Today Programme, Today Show, isn't it? And on Radio Four. And she was talking about when she gets up early to do that show, she gets up at three o'clock and all this. And she recommended this sausage that she gets, right? So I was like, I love her, I'm gonna copy Emma.

• 19:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 07

  And she also sometimes occasionally will have a hard boiled egg. So the first week or so of breakfast, I was bang on the hard boiled eggs. And I'd have handbag sausages because they're sealed, they're like posh pepper armies. They're like grass fed beef, there's no bad stuff in there.

• 20:14Speaker 05

  Where, where are they from, these handbag sausages?

• 20:16Speaker 07

  They are, it's like keto something it's called.

• 20:19Speaker 05

  Right.

• 20:20Speaker 07

  They're re, I mean, they're yummy, they've got summer sausage, they've got jalapeno ones, got teriyaki, quite sweet.

• 20:26Speaker 06

  I don't, jalapeno for me, please.

• 20:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, they've got a bit of a kick to them. And I was just getting through them, but I was getting through them like I probably would like having a tangerine or having a biscuit. I was eating full on sausage, like, and after a couple of weeks, I'm thinking, I'm putting a bit of timber on it. What am I doing differently? Still going to the gym and I like to eat quite healthily, but I'm like, I'm a bit of, and I thought, it's a sausage.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:53Speaker 07

  Emma Barnett's sausage recommendations, and I've just been boshing through the sausage.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  How many were you on a day? How many handbag sausages?

• 20:59Speaker 07

  Knocking like three or four maybe, that's not healthy, is it?

• 21:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:04Speaker 07

  I'd get in a bit of traffic, sausage.

• 21:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:07Speaker 07

  Do you know what I mean? Put on a long song, sausage.

• 21:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, just like if you were stressed, sausage.

• 21:11Speaker 07

  It's stressed sausage.

• 21:13Speaker 05

  It's like having a cigarette, basically.

• 21:14Speaker 07

  It was, they were basically.

• 21:15Speaker 05

  Did you have to go to the sausage room?

• 21:22Speaker 05

  Okay, about eight.

• 21:26Speaker 06

  Real shit.

• 21:27Speaker 05

  They do posh pepper armies in M and S now.

• 21:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, do they?

• 21:31Speaker 05

  And they're very, very tasty, but you're eating them going, it is just a pepper army.

• 21:35Speaker 07

  It's basically pepper army in a sparkly cardigan.

• 21:38Speaker 06

  We've been saying this lately, and we will get into your menu in a bit, but like, M and S currently are knocking it out the park.

• 21:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:43Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, you love it.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  But we, this is conversations we genuinely have off mic.

• 21:49Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 05

  We'd text each other being like, M and S are really knocking it out the park.

• 21:53Speaker 06

  They're in a golden age right now. Like, there was a time a while ago, probably when we were starting stand up, so it's like nearly 20 years ago now, where they really upped their game and everyone was like.

• 22:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 06

  Yeah. M and S got some good stuff.

• 22:06Speaker 05

  And when they got into the service stations, that was huge.

• 22:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:08Speaker 07

  That was massive.

• 22:09Speaker 05

  It was massive.

• 22:10Speaker 06

  It's always when Percy Pigs were first, I think. Now there are so many that the chocolate range is absolutely banging. This pepper army thing, I'm gonna try that. Like, the egg pots, they're really up to their egg pots.

• 22:23Speaker 07

  The egg pots with the bean, you like the bean.

• 22:26Speaker 05

  The smoky beans, I love it.

• 22:29Speaker 07

  Because of Melvin with his hacks.

• 22:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, I do a proper hack.

• 22:35Speaker 06

  I add it.

• 22:35Speaker 07

  It is a hack.

• 22:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, I make it eggier by adding more egg.

• 22:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 06

  Melvin drives to a car park to see someone and he says that's a hack to pick up his dinner.

• 22:45Speaker 05

  I love that, I love that, man.

• 22:47Speaker 07

  Um, I'm worried about how okay it is to eat an hard boiled egg in the BBC.

• 22:53Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 22:54Speaker 07

  Because they're whiff, they're, they're, you don't know that, it's like when you're a smoker, you don't know that you smell a sour sort of stale smoke.

• 23:01Speaker 05

  They do, they do stink.

• 23:03Speaker 07

  And if you're eating eggs, like, you can't smell it, but other people probably can.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  Yeah. How are you transporting the eggs?

• 23:10Speaker 07

  Good question, I boiled them the night before.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 07

  And then I tried to put them in iced water, which is a bit fancy as soon as they're boiled, so they don't go grey, because I'm getting up early enough without having a grey egg.

• 23:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:22Speaker 07

  And then, especially because of the sausage ban.

• 23:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 07

  I need to look forward to my breakfast and then, um.

• 23:28Speaker 05

  Did you go cold turkey with the sausages?

• 23:31Speaker 06

  It's, it's, it sounds like you're setting yourself up for a joke.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  I know, it really does. But did you not try and sort of just like cut down on the sausages?

• 23:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, no, I just stopped.

• 23:40Speaker 06

  I thought you told us you had one this morning before you.

• 23:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, I did actually, because I was thinking about it, I thought we've still got some, we've got some.

• 23:47Speaker 06

  You didn't just stop.

• 23:47Speaker 07

  So I, I promise, I promise, I've re, I'm really good now with the sausage.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 07

  I promise, there's just still some in the pantry.

• 23:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 07

  Um, which is, my son's recently moved out for uni, because he was boshing through them as well. I was like.

• 24:04Speaker 06

  Sausage doesn't form far from the tree.

• 24:08Speaker 07

  So, so I'm making the eggs nice, I'm peeling them, putting them in a, what was a former takeaway tub.

• 24:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:15Speaker 07

  I'm using a, a fistful, as a buffer, a fistful of kitchen roll, so they're not boshing.

• 24:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 07

  Um, and then in the morning, no, no salt, no sign of cream, nothing, I'm just eating one during perhaps like.

• 24:28Speaker 05

  Just a naked egg.

• 24:30Speaker 06

  Salt and pepper them?

• 24:31Speaker 07

  No, na, yeah, naked egg, I'm raw dogging it.

• 24:34Speaker 06

  If you're worried that it stinks, best thing to do at the BBC, um.

• 24:40Speaker 07

  God, where's his.

• 24:40Speaker 06

  Eat it next to Sally Traffic or near Sally Traffic. She'll tell you if it stinks or not. She ain't keeping it in a, do you know what I mean? Everyone else might try and be polite.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 06

  Sally Traffic will go, just so you know, that, that stinks.

• 24:52Speaker 05

  James has got a long running feud with Sally Traffic, I don't know if you know this.

• 24:56Speaker 07

  I think I've heard you on air before when you've been on, where did you go?

• 24:58Speaker 06

  She knows, she knows, she knows I don't like her.

• 25:03Speaker 06

  Sally Traffic knows how I feel about her, we, we don't mince our words, me and Sally. To the point now where I almost, like, you know, at the end of Anchorman, when Vince Vaughn says to Ron Burgundy, he says like, uh, I hate you with every fibre of me, but god damn, I respect you. That's how I feel about Sally Traffic. I think, I think we're at that point now.

• 25:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 06

  Sally and I.

• 25:25Speaker 07

  I mean, she's wild, isn't she? You never know what she's gonna come out with.

• 25:28Speaker 06

  You eat an egg near her, she'll tell you if that stinks.

• 25:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 06

  I'll say that in her favour.

• 25:32Speaker 07

  That is a good tip, to be fair, that is good.

• 25:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:35Speaker 05

  Unfortunately, the way I thought you were going with that was saying, eat it near Sally Traffic, because she, she stinks so much that no one will smell the egg. Did you think that as well?

• 25:42Speaker 07

  I totally thought.

• 25:43Speaker 05

  I thought, I know, I know he's got a feud with Sally Traffic, but that feels like overstepping a line.

• 25:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, as much, as much as I've butted heads with Sally in the past, I will say she smells nice.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  I'll admit that she doesn't stink.

• 25:55Speaker 07

  Have you sniffed her?

• 25:57Speaker 06

  No, but I, I, I would, maybe next time I might.

• 26:00Speaker 07

  Have a little.

• 26:01Speaker 06

  Try and have a little sniff, but.

• 26:02Speaker 05

  A little with, yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 06

  But I've never noticed a, a bad odour and, um, to her credit, she did, last time I was in, she, uh, used a, you know, key card to get me into the box so I could go to the toilet. And that was, that was a kindness that she didn't need to do, because we've got a fraught history.

• 26:18Speaker 07

  Did you get back in all right? Because there's one toilet where you have to go through a door that you then can't get back.

• 26:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking standing there, yeah, no, Sally, Sally, uh, waited for me. I still slagged off on air as soon as I got, as soon as I got, as soon as I got on mic.

• 26:32Speaker 05

  She waited for you to finish toilet?

• 26:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, she's waited, waited by that door.

• 26:35Speaker 07

  Oh, I don't like that.

• 26:36Speaker 05

  What did, what type, I mean, how long were you in there for?

• 26:39Speaker 07

  Was it a Janet? We call it a Janet on the show, this is real inside info, because I once went and I managed to do a very speedy.

• 26:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I, I'd say if you're going for, I did radio for a bit, if I was going for a Janet, it would have to be November rain. We'd have to put November rain on.

• 26:57Speaker 06

  I thought you were talking about the quality of the shit.

• 27:01Speaker 06

  I was like, oh, David.

• 27:02Speaker 05

  It would have to be, I'd have to be like on the verge of November rain.

• 27:06Speaker 07

  If you put on a Janet Jackson, you're sorted.

• 27:09Speaker 05

  That's fantastic, right, okay.

• 27:11Speaker 07

  Because you're looking at four minutes 11, so you can relax.

• 27:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's not relaxing though. Four minutes, four minutes is not relaxing.

• 27:20Speaker 07

  No, I, I mean, and I'm, I'm washing hands properly as well.

• 27:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't doubt it.

• 27:24Speaker 07

  I'm like, and I like just me and the team, we're like, I'm gonna go and see Janet.

• 27:31Speaker 07

  And they're all like, okay.

• 27:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 27:33Speaker 07

  And Lizzie sometimes will be all go, Lizzie Frisbee, best name ever for a radio producer.

• 27:38Speaker 05

  A real name?

• 27:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, Lizzie Frisbee, isn't it great?

• 27:40Speaker 05

  It sounds like a cartoon character from the 90s.

• 27:42Speaker 07

  She kind of is like a cartoon character.

• 27:44Speaker 05

  She knows Penny Crayon.

• 27:46Speaker 07

  She's.

• 27:48Speaker 07

  She reminds me a little bit, have you seen Trolls? There's like a sort of slightly.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  Doesn't feel like this is gonna be a compliment.

• 27:55Speaker 07

  No, it is, there's a cute sort of giraffe little character in Trolls. It reminds me a bit of her. She's a really enthusiastic dancer, but super clumsy. So she'll do a big dance move in the studio and like punch one of the overhead lights, because she's quite tall, she's amazing. But she'll always be like, send Janet me love, I'm like, that's just weird.

• 28:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, we can't, don't extend the analogy.

• 28:17Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's too, you're stretching it too much.

• 28:21Speaker 06

  We all start with still a sparkling water.

• 28:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:23Speaker 06

  Coxey, yeah, but.

• 28:24Speaker 07

  Forgot about that. This, I'm such a mega fan.

• 28:27Speaker 06

  You listen to every episode, you forgot about still a sparkling water.

• 28:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, I got it.

• 28:30Speaker 06

  We got you.

• 28:31Speaker 07

  Got excited. Yeah, you totally got me. I think I'd go, I think I will just go still. I don't mind occasionally sparkling. I was trying to think what it makes you feel, it makes you feel like you're rubbing your tongue on a doormat sometimes, sparkling.

• 28:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:44Speaker 07

  Do you get that?

• 28:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, I get that. Fair enough.

• 28:46Speaker 07

  But so I just like still, hydrate, it's supposed to be like room temperature water, it's supposed to be good. Apparently hydrates you more because your body doesn't have to be like, ah, this is cold, I've got to adjust it.

• 28:58Speaker 06

  Oh, so you're using, you'd be using energy, your body would be using energy to, to warm the water up.

• 29:03Speaker 07

  Exactly.

• 29:04Speaker 06

  Got you.

• 29:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, and I'm a, I'm a busy woman.

• 29:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, you don't have time to warm the water up in your body.

• 29:08Speaker 07

  Exactly. Just need it, Bosch, get it in, hydrate, nice.

• 29:12Speaker 06

  Is that what happens with your body? Yeah, we've just decided. Oh, that's cool.

• 29:16Speaker 07

  If you say science stuff confidently, people just believe it.

• 29:19Speaker 06

  That's good. What, what other science stuff can we make up so people believe it? Well, we've got the, the doormat thing. It's like licking a doormat. Yeah, even though I'm assuming I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that none of us have licked a doormat to be able to prove that. I wouldn't lick my doormat right now, I'll tell you that. It, it, it's.

• 29:34Speaker 07

  What's going on?

• 29:35Speaker 06

  Bad stuff.

• 29:36Speaker 07

  We've got one of the cats.

• 29:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, we've got, we've got to get a new one.

• 29:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, my cats are obsessed with our doormat.

• 29:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:42Speaker 07

  Have you put Vicks Vapor Rub under it?

• 29:44Speaker 06

  We cleaned it and we, but we've had to like, my partner has put one of the litter trays on the doormat.

• 29:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 06

  To kind of like try and transit, but so, so now we've got this phase now that I'm dying to get out of. Have they been going for janits on the doormat?

• 29:59Speaker 07

  Not janits.

• 29:59Speaker 06

  No, not janits, but I guess whatever a short one is. Blink one eighty twos. Blink one eighty twos.

• 30:04Speaker 07

  Perfect.

• 30:06Speaker 06

  What's my age again? And, and like, so like, all the small things, that would have worked better. So there's a litter tray on there now.

• 30:14Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 06

  But it just means like, it's the first thing that, you know, I open my front door. Yeah. That's the first thing that hits me.

• 30:21Speaker 07

  So hang on, is it on the doormat? So is it moving with the door as you open the door? You've got to gently open it because.

• 30:27Speaker 06

  Weirdly, what do you think about this? My front door opens outwards into the street.

• 30:31Speaker 07

  No way, that is.

• 30:33Speaker 06

  That's mad. It's mad. And, and every time someone's leaving my house, they think they're locked in the house. They think I'm like, you know, I'm like the Zodiac Killer.

• 30:42Speaker 06

  And I've locked them in. And they're like, what the fuck? And I'm like, you gotta just calm down and open it outwards, please.

• 30:46Speaker 07

  Have you ever hit anybody as you've pushed it open on the street? Does it not go straight, does it go straight onto the street? Yeah, it goes out.

• 30:54Speaker 06

  Hit a, a football that a kid had kicked as I opened it.

• 30:58Speaker 07

  That's kind of cool. Did it, did it score?

• 31:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Scored a goal. Everyone really respected me. The kids thought I was really cool. Yeah, you're the champion of the neighbourhood. Yeah, yeah. That guy's coolest guy ever. That's what I was saying.

• 31:09Speaker 07

  We've had it a lot with our, with our two, we've got three cats.

• 31:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:13Speaker 07

  Two of them have been peeing on the doormat. So what does work, but you've got to keep it up. Your, your house smells quite nice.

• 31:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 07

  Ish, is Vicks Vapor Rub or, or Vicks Bath Crystals underneath your doormat? I mean, the kids are just like, what are you doing? Cause I'm on my hand with a poo bag on my hands. You don't want to get Vicks Vapor Rub.

• 31:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:33Speaker 07

  And, and rubbing it underneath the doormat and dotting it on the doormat because it's so strong, they don't want to wear it. Or you cover it in tin foil, but then you look like, what's a chops off of EastEnders who went mad?

• 31:45Speaker 07

  Don't you?

• 31:45Speaker 06

  Don't know. Don't know what that is. Still funny though. Joe.

• 31:49Speaker 07

  Joe from EastEnders. He went mad and he decorated his entire flat in tin foil.

• 31:54Speaker 06

  Joe Wicks. Was he, was he a Wicks?

• 31:56Speaker 07

  No, Joe. Is it Joe Wicks, the exercise?

• 31:59Speaker 06

  Not, not the exercise guy, but I think, wasn't he David Wicks's son?

• 32:03Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 06

  I think he might have been called Joe Wicks.

• 32:06Speaker 07

  Was he?

• 32:06Speaker 06

  Maybe. Look it up.

• 32:07Speaker 07

  That's great knowledge. That's a great.

• 32:09Speaker 06

  And I remember this, when I used to watch EastEnders, this was, and Phil Mitchell called him the Bolton fruitcake.

• 32:17Speaker 07

  That could be my dessert today.

• 32:18Speaker 06

  Joe, it was Joe Wicks.

• 32:19Speaker 07

  Joe Wicks. Brilliant knowledge.

• 32:21Speaker 06

  Thank you very much. Thank you. But yeah, I remember that. Tin foil and cats hate tin foil.

• 32:27Speaker 07

  It's weird, isn't it?

• 32:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 32:28Speaker 07

  I don't know. Well, that's another science thing. We don't, we could make up why.

• 32:32Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, good point.

• 32:33Speaker 07

  Yeah. Could be they don't like seeing their own reflection.

• 32:36Speaker 06

  Yeah. They're ashamed of themselves. Yeah.

• 32:40Speaker 07

  Do you like my science face?

• 32:41Speaker 06

  I did a good science face. Well, I, I, I believed it immediately when you looked at me like that. Pop lumps or bread? Pop lumps or bread, seven cocks? Pop lumps or bread?

• 32:49Speaker 07

  Yeah. Um, now bread, bread. But I forgot to ask for an amuse bouche.

• 32:55Speaker 06

  Oh, go ahead. Please, feel free.

• 32:57Speaker 07

  An amuse bouche, straight out of the fryer is a McDonald's hash brown in the paper bag, please, but literally straight out of the fryer.

• 33:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:06Speaker 07

  In a little paper bag. And I want to eat it, holding it with both hands like a gerbil eats things. Because I last ate one at a service station when it was fresh out of the fryer and I'd not had one for years. It was amazing.

• 33:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 07

  Coming back from Bolton and my husband just watched me like, are you okay? And I was like, oh my God.

• 33:21Speaker 06

  Are you dipping it in anything?

• 33:22Speaker 07

  No.

• 33:23Speaker 06

  Just straight in?

• 33:24Speaker 07

  Nature intended.

• 33:25Speaker 06

  No, no, no salt or pepper?

• 33:26Speaker 07

  No.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  Second shout out to completely raw dogging a, a meal. Yeah. No seasoning?

• 33:32Speaker 07

  No, none of that.

• 33:33Speaker 06

  Doesn't do seasoning. That's going to be the main.

• 33:35Speaker 07

  None of that, Muck.

• 33:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:36Speaker 07

  My condiment shelf though, funnily enough, see, I do actually like a lot of, my friend once, we're, it kind of makes the party sound boring. She spent a lot of the party looking at my condiment shelf. She was in awe of all the jars and the, the sauces and the chutneys and the.

• 33:52Speaker 06

  Oh, that's nice. That is a wild part. That's what I do at someone's party. Oh, a chutney on a hash brown, man. I'd love that. Yeah. Love a good chutney on a hash brown. Oh, yes, please.

• 34:00Speaker 07

  Yeah. Do you love hash brown? I mean, they're great, aren't they?

• 34:04Speaker 06

  On the podcast in the past, he's been annoyed at me for saying that, for me, the hash brown is the best part of a full English. Well, I don't think it belongs on a full English. He gets annoyed. It's American.

• 34:13Speaker 07

  Don't argue. You're breaking my heart here.

• 34:15Speaker 06

  Hash browns are American.

• 34:16Speaker 07

  I don't like, I don't like any other hash browns. I'm not really that mad on them unless they're the McDonald's ones. I think they've really cracked the sort of thinness of the crisp on the outside.

• 34:28Speaker 06

  I like, tater tots are huge for me. Love them. If I see tater tots on a menu, I'm getting tater tots. Yeah, love them.

• 34:34Speaker 07

  Or the alphabet, what were they called? Those funny alphabet, do you remember the alphabet potatoes?

• 34:41Speaker 06

  They're pretty good. Oh, yeah. Did they have a name? Were they like?

• 34:43Speaker 07

  I know, because you got alphabet spaghetti. Didn't they have a more fun name then?

• 34:46Speaker 06

  They did have a more fun name.

• 34:47Speaker 07

  Alphabites.

• 34:48Speaker 06

  Alphabites.

• 34:49Speaker 07

  We never had that.

• 34:50Speaker 06

  I was trying to come up with what it was. Oh, yeah. We weren't allowed that. All I had was alphabet. Too fine if it was in its shape.

• 34:55Speaker 07

  Yes, same. My mum's like, I've not slaved over this, you know, Hamshank all day.

• 35:02Speaker 06

  You have your alphabites.

• 35:03Speaker 07

  You have some trendy food, yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 06

  But that's educational, surely, because you could get the numbers as well. You could make little words.

• 35:10Speaker 07

  Yeah, exactly. That's where I wrote my first novel, was completely.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  Completely in alphabites.

• 35:14Speaker 07

  Alphabites at the first draft.

• 35:18Speaker 07

  So yeah, please, if that's a lot of amuse bouche, just.

• 35:20Speaker 06

  Oh, of course.

• 35:21Speaker 07

  Oh, okay, exciting.

• 35:23Speaker 06

  It's going to be so fresh out the fryer, it's actually going to be dangerous. Yeah, yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, I really like.

• 35:27Speaker 06

  Too hot. Yeah.

• 35:28Speaker 07

  Would, can I have a security man stood there with an earpiece going, just wait, mum?

• 35:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 35:32Speaker 07

  Like that. And then they consume me to eat it.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  One hundred percent. Absolutely. The hash brown's a security guard. Yeah. But you want bread?

• 35:39Speaker 07

  Definitely. So I'd love, please, a bread basket and in it is, I, I have to have some hollow bread. Because I absolutely love it. Buttery sweet, gorgeous with some lovely salty butter on it.

• 35:51Speaker 06

  Very shiny.

• 35:52Speaker 07

  So shiny.

• 35:53Speaker 06

  Whenever I see it, I'm like, it's so perfect and shiny.

• 35:56Speaker 07

  So delicious.

• 35:57Speaker 06

  Do you not think that? Whenever I see it, do I think it's so perfect and shiny? No, it's nice that you think that every time you see it. I do think that.

• 36:08Speaker 07

  So shiny. Cat could see the reflection.

• 36:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, they'd be terrified. Cats would be terrified of hollow bread.

• 36:13Speaker 07

  Daniel's in Temple Fortune, best place to get your hollow bread that I know of. That's where I get mine from. You've got to eat, I don't know if it's, I, I eat the bum of it. You know, like the, whoa, just go.

• 36:24Speaker 06

  Not that you, you avoid the shiny bit. You go around the back.

• 36:27Speaker 07

  Yeah, go around the back.

• 36:28Speaker 06

  Interesting. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:31Speaker 07

  Eat, get, just pull away because it's, it's sort of stretchy as well.

• 36:35Speaker 06

  That's a pro tip because I think beginners for hollow bread would be like, straight for the shiny bit, right? They're like a magpie with that stuff.

• 36:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 36:41Speaker 06

  But you've got to go around the back.

• 36:42Speaker 07

  You get busted immediately if you go for the shiny bit. But if you take away a bit of the bum, no one's going to notice.

• 36:48Speaker 06

  No one's done.

• 36:50Speaker 07

  Sanzio, local Italian, does garlic bread that is really small, like a seven inch record, quite thin and delicious.

• 36:59Speaker 06

  Always a DJ. Always thinking of DJ turns.

• 37:03Speaker 07

  Oh no, the pressure.

• 37:06Speaker 07

  A mini disc size, a little bit of butter. So yeah, shout out to Sanzio's, lovely little local Italian, North West London, it's gorgeous.

• 37:15Speaker 06

  Nice.

• 37:16Speaker 07

  And then my husband's dad and stepmom used to have a place in Saint Paul de Vence in South of France.

• 37:23Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 37:24Speaker 07

  It was stunning. We were gutted when they sold it. I'm not saying it was the best thing about the marriage because that would be unfair.

• 37:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:32Speaker 07

  Because he's a lovely man.

• 37:33Speaker 06

  One of, top five, would you say?

• 37:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, top five reasons. That and the hollow bread.

• 37:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:39Speaker 07

  But husband is very, very lovely and his dad had this place and it was gorgeous. And we used to go, and we'd go to occasion, very special occasions, go to the column door. And I used to take my mates, including Megan, who I mentioned earlier on, and we called ourselves the Five Go French.

• 37:57Speaker 07

  So naff, isn't it?

• 37:58Speaker 06

  So up Ben's. Yeah, he loves it. Loves it. You call yourself that.

• 38:02Speaker 07

  Our WhatsApp is the Five Go.

• 38:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 07

  And so we used to go there and drink gal, I mean, the first thing we'd do is go to the supermarket. None of us really drink that much now, but we'd go and get gallons of rosé of, you know.

• 38:14Speaker 06

  Great.

• 38:15Speaker 07

  Beautiful. And get a French stick from the local blanjerie. And we'd go to the column door and they'd do this starter, which is really obviously iconic restaurant and Picasso used to pay for his food, giving them little paintings and things. And we'd be there just doing selfies with this starter because it was like a vegetable basket, but you know, for like 20 quid. And they'd just be like, a carrot stuck out, not even peeled and like a bitter. It was just funny. We'd, we'd just be posing with the vegetables in it. Making a terrible impression. And so I definitely get a French stick.

• 38:48Speaker 06

  Try and pay for the meals by doing them like a link?

• 38:51Speaker 07

  Yeah, I should. I could be like, I can do them amusingly.

• 38:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:56Speaker 07

  Go like, it's eight thirty five, that was Dua Lipa, okay?

• 39:00Speaker 06

  I wouldn't have the confidence to like pay with a joke.

• 39:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's a good.

• 39:04Speaker 06

  Because that's when they can just, because that's not like, if they don't find it funny, they're like, try again. Yeah, you, you pay for half the starter. Yeah, yeah.

• 39:12Speaker 07

  Well, I was going to say how much, how long of one of your bits would it take to, to cover a prawn cocktail at a restaurant? How many minutes?

• 39:19Speaker 06

  Depends how good the prawn cocktail is, but if it's, if it's a decent one, I don't know, I, I, I'd be lucky if they found any of my stuff funny.

• 39:30Speaker 07

  Don't say that.

• 39:31Speaker 06

  So much of it now, you have to have seen all my other stuff to understand.

• 39:34Speaker 07

  Oh, really?

• 39:35Speaker 06

  I'll be fucked.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. You've got to be well, you've got to be well immersed in the James Daycast, the cinematic universe.

• 39:41Speaker 06

  Not made it easy for myself.

• 39:43Speaker 07

  So people who come to see you now, they've, they've, they've been at all the other gigs largely, you reckon?

• 39:47Speaker 06

  Hopefully, but some of them haven't.

• 39:49Speaker 05

  And they bring people. I'd be perfectly happy to receive a free meal in a restaurant in exchange for tickets to a whole show. I think that's the only way I could, I could barter.

• 40:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 40:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's, that's a great, that's a good deal for them, to be fair.

• 40:05Speaker 05

  No, I don't know. It's a work in progress at the moment. It's not a full meal at the moment.

• 40:11Speaker 07

  Okay, it's just.

• 40:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 06

  They would.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  It's morsels.

• 40:13Speaker 07

  It's a light, light snack.

• 40:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 05

  So we've got garlic bread, challah bread.

• 40:20Speaker 06

  I guess that's not a basket, yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 05

  French stick.

• 40:22Speaker 07

  Half a Warburtons crumpet. It's fresh out the toaster with the salty butter, but just half.

• 40:28Speaker 06

  We don't get enough crumpets on this podcast.

• 40:30Speaker 05

  No, we don't.

• 40:30Speaker 06

  Actually, like, yeah, the other day, me and my partner were going to basically have to be in all week. So I was like, I'm gonna go and get us just loads of like, quick snacks that we can just eat at home.

• 40:40Speaker 07

  Lovely.

• 40:40Speaker 06

  And I, I, I always, this is boring, but I'm gonna say it, I forget about crumpets until I see them.

• 40:46Speaker 07

  Yeah, no, I know what you mean.

• 40:47Speaker 05

  Such a good observation.

• 40:49Speaker 06

  I just never think of a crumpet unless I'm looking at it, and we're like, oh yeah, they exist.

• 40:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:54Speaker 06

  And then I was like, so excited about getting them.

• 40:55Speaker 07

  Yeah, delicious.

• 40:56Speaker 05

  How are you doing, how are you doing your crumpets?

• 40:58Speaker 07

  So they've got to be quite well done, but it's a dangerous game that you're playing because they can go over.

• 41:04Speaker 05

  They can go hard.

• 41:05Speaker 07

  They can go hard and also like, there is, there is nothing worse than a floppy crumpet. Like, an underdone crumpet is an abomination.

• 41:14Speaker 05

  I actually don't mind an underdone crumpet.

• 41:15Speaker 07

  Oh, no.

• 41:16Speaker 05

  I'd rather an underdone than an overdone.

• 41:18Speaker 06

  There we go.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  I don't mind a bit of a doughy sort of consistency.

• 41:23Speaker 07

  It gets me the ick, it's awful.

• 41:25Speaker 06

  I smell a text in. If people want a text in, let us know.

• 41:29Speaker 05

  We don't do that.

• 41:30Speaker 06

  Overdone or underdone, people?

• 41:32Speaker 05

  Hang on, are you suggesting stuff for Sarah's show?

• 41:34Speaker 06

  Well, kind of, we can both do it, I guess.

• 41:36Speaker 05

  No, we can't. We don't have a live text.

• 41:37Speaker 06

  Text in now.

• 41:39Speaker 07

  Tune in tomorrow, you know, I'll be like, crumpets.

• 41:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:41Speaker 07

  You stand, well, today, this morning, I did, we got, I got about an hour of bus routes. And we got, and we see it kicked off on the text from bus drivers.

• 41:50Speaker 05

  Look, text topics are an art form. If you, if you launch one out into the world

• 41:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  and you're like, that feels a bit silly, and then suddenly, all the texts start coming in. What a feeling that is.

• 42:00Speaker 07

  It's great.

• 42:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:01Speaker 07

  Comes to an art, basically, there was a bus on our road and we went wild because it's not a bus route. And seeing a bus on your own street when it's not a bus route freaks you out. We were driving behind it, my husband was speeding up to catch up with it. We were like, a bus, a bus. And it was at night and lit up, so it was a bit like the night bus on Harry Potter. We were like, what? What's it doing? Has it been nicked? Is he lost? Probably a bit lost. We had a few buses for the bus community getting on to us.

• 42:28Speaker 05

  It's so funny.

• 42:29Speaker 06

  It's the bus community.

• 42:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 42:33Speaker 07

  Bus drivers essentially, really, bus users.

• 42:35Speaker 05

  It's funny when a bus gets lost.

• 42:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, I mean, you must shit it if you're, you've newly qualified.

• 42:41Speaker 05

  It's gotta be day one.

• 42:42Speaker 07

  Day one, you end up.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, because you would have thought by day two, you're going, I know which way I'm going now.

• 42:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 42:47Speaker 06

  Did yesterday.

• 42:49Speaker 05

  I was on a bus once that went the wrong way and had to do a three-point turn.

• 42:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, awful. See, but fun when you're on it.

• 42:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, and it was just me on it as well.

• 42:55Speaker 06

  What? You were the driver?

• 42:59Speaker 07

  It's roundabout what you're saying.

• 43:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm glad comedy worked out because they were not happy with me at TFL.

• 43:06Speaker 06

  You're one day as a bus driver. This guy got lost in a three-point turn. Instantly fired. Didn't pick anyone up. Refused to stop anywhere.

• 43:16Speaker 07

  Did you get, did you not get off and do a bit of left hand down and all that? I'm always, because me dad drove a lorry for years, I always feel bad for lorry drivers. There's been many times in, in central London, especially where I've, I've got, got involved and tried to help like, reverse an articulated lorry around a tight corner. Like, giving it all the.

• 43:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:34Speaker 07

  Whoa.

• 43:35Speaker 05

  That's, this is another, I've said this on the podcast before with people, but that is, I'm gutted that Heat Magazine don't do Spotted anymore. Because I think Sarah Cox directing a lorry around, around a corner, I think would be perfect.

• 43:49Speaker 05

  Crumpet, sorry, so.

• 43:50Speaker 07

  I'm so sorry, crumpet, yeah, butter. I've, I had a cholesterol, I, I'm quite competitive with my cholesterol. And I had a cholesterol test that was four when I lasted a health test, which is really good. So I don't, I had one that was a little bit high and I thought, I'm gonna get my cholesterol down. And to do that, because I, I said to the nurse, I was like, how can my cholesterol be high? I don't really have anything that bad. And then I just had a flashback, bush, slices of butter on top of things like crumpets and challah bread.

• 44:19Speaker 05

  It's genetic as well.

• 44:20Speaker 07

  Yeah, it might be.

• 44:21Speaker 05

  It can be genetic.

• 44:22Speaker 07

  Have you got cholesterol things going on?

• 44:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, but that's also lifestyle.

• 44:28Speaker 07

  Also eating like.

• 44:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 07

  Number eight something.

• 44:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, and oh god, yeah, butter just, I use butter like cheese, so.

• 44:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, there is.

• 44:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 07

  The, seeing the teeth marks in it, that German words, lovely. And cream, I love as well. So, anyway, I stopped all that, knocked it on the head. I rarely have butter now, but because it's the dream restaurant, I've kind of ruined butter for myself. If you give up, just a warning now to everyone listening, if you give up butter too much, when you next have it, it'll taste cheesy.

• 44:55Speaker 05

  Hmm, oh.

• 44:56Speaker 07

  It's so weird.

• 44:57Speaker 06

  Good warning.

• 44:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 07

  Public service broadcasting, it's just in me, do you know what I mean? To do a BBC warning.

• 45:06Speaker 05

  That's the new, I gave up Diet Coke.

• 45:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it tastes like normal Coke.

• 45:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:12Speaker 07

  So, yeah, so, but in my dream restaurant, I'll have butter and it won't taste cheesy.

• 45:16Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 45:16Speaker 07

  And I'll have lots of lovely salty butter on there, on the crumpet, and it'll be really hot and just perfectly toasted.

• 45:23Speaker 05

  I'm gonna buy crumpets on the way home.

• 45:25Speaker 07

  So nice.

• 45:25Speaker 05

  Crumpets with butter, marmite.

• 45:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 05

  And then cheese, but.

• 45:31Speaker 07

  That's called the Greg James.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  That's, it's not called the Greg James.

• 45:35Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is. That's what it's called.

• 45:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:37Speaker 05

  No way, you can't have that.

• 45:38Speaker 07

  That's his thing.

• 45:39Speaker 06

  That's his thing.

• 45:40Speaker 07

  You've, you have a Greg.

• 45:41Speaker 05

  Che, well, cheese as well, he does cheese.

• 45:43Speaker 07

  Does cheese.

• 45:43Speaker 05

  Does he melt the cheese?

• 45:44Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't melt the cheese.

• 45:47Speaker 07

  Do you not?

• 45:48Speaker 05

  The Ed Gamble, you don't melt the cheese.

• 45:49Speaker 07

  You raw Greg it.

• 45:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. No, it's not, Greg's not involved in it.

• 45:52Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 45:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's the difference.

• 45:54Speaker 05

  You can't call it a raw Greg.

• 45:55Speaker 06

  Everyone at home, if you melt the cheese, it's a Greg James. If you don't, it's an Ed Gamble.

• 46:00Speaker 07

  That's it.

• 46:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, for everyone at home.

• 46:03Speaker 05

  It's all about the cold and the hot. I would never melt the cheese. Disgusting. Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 46:14Speaker 06

  Oh, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 46:19Speaker 05

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 46:39Speaker 06

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe. And Cozy's modular, customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 46:49Speaker 05

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful cozy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 47:11Speaker 06

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 47:15Speaker 05

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere, don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 47:26Speaker 06

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 47:30Speaker 05

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 47:46Speaker 06

  And because it's cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 47:58Speaker 05

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the cozy way.

• 48:04Speaker 06

  Visit Cozy today, that's C O Z E Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 48:13Speaker 01

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• 48:59Speaker 01

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• 49:12Speaker 02

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• 49:54Speaker 03

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• 50:43Speaker 06

  Dream starter.

• 50:44Speaker 07

  Dream starter, please. Okay, so honourable munchions for getting, for ordering an Indian takeaway. Then you just get the chicken, the lamb tikka starter and a big wedge of lemon and the shredded lettuce. And you make your own little kebab with a chapati.

• 50:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 07

  Used to love doing that.

• 51:00Speaker 06

  That's great.

• 51:01Speaker 07

  Uh, two yam ribs from Singapore Gardens in Swiss Cottage. Lovely, tiny little salty crunchy porky delight.

• 51:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:11Speaker 05

  Are you eating that like a gerbil as well?

• 51:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, right.

• 51:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 07

  If no one's around, I do eat like.

• 51:16Speaker 06

  Anything like a gerbil. Do you want this whole meal just like in a, in like a tank full of soil and you can burrow around and find your different courses everywhere?

• 51:24Speaker 07

  No. Thank you though, thank you.

• 51:28Speaker 06

  Oh, the offer's there.

• 51:30Speaker 07

  Um, so they're delicious. I love them. But what I've gone for, I've gone by, I've gone into the sea, into the ocean. And I would love, please, when I used to go camping when I was a little girl. So it would be, um, I was born, so it'd be like nineteen eighty-two when I was like eight years old, maybe. My uncle Trevor, no longer with us, uh, used to go, um, deep sea fishing out with some fishermen in Cornwall. Nothing happened to him. He died in a different way, by the way. It sounds like I'm building up to a shark attack or something.

• 51:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:00Speaker 07

  And he'd go out.

• 52:00Speaker 05

  And you got your drawers t-shirt on as well.

• 52:03Speaker 06

  Oh no, what happened to the uncle?

• 52:05Speaker 07

  A lovely uncle Trevor would come back and he'd caught some mackerel and he would make them on the barbecue. And, and, and I have spent my life searching for that taste again. And I don't know if it's because we've been, you know, when you're little and you play outside and it's all, they say, oh, that fresh air gives you an appetite. And we'd be on this campsite and he would just grill these mackerel on the barbecue. And it was just the best thing I've ever eaten. And I, I eat, I get through a lot of mackerel.

• 52:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:33Speaker 07

  Tinned in tomato sauce, frozen. I've got my son into it.

• 52:36Speaker 06

  His son is, it's very easy influence food wise.

• 52:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:40Speaker 06

  Just tends to copy whatever his mum does.

• 52:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, basically.

• 52:43Speaker 05

  Yeah. You've got to watch the video of this, by the way, because Sarah went so serious and intense when you said, I get through a lot of mackerel. Get through a lot of mackerel.

• 52:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:52Speaker 05

  You looked haunted by, by the amount of mackerel.

• 52:54Speaker 07

  Like I've been sent like some sort of Greek mythology where they set the task.

• 52:58Speaker 05

  Yeah. I do now, I think mackerel's probably top fish for me now.

• 53:02Speaker 06

  What the hell? That's a, that's a scoop.

• 53:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:05Speaker 07

  That is a scoop for the fish community.

• 53:07Speaker 06

  Didn't know that Ed's, Ed's top fish was mackerel.

• 53:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think just, just when you're talking about it being grilled, amazing. Love smoked mackerel.

• 53:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, lovely.

• 53:16Speaker 05

  Smoked mackerel pate, hello.

• 53:18Speaker 07

  Mackerel sashimi, delicious.

• 53:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, really good, really good. It's oily, it's like so flavoursome.

• 53:25Speaker 07

  So good for you as well, which I think as I get older, I'm like stuff that is delicious and good for me. And I ring a ding ding.

• 53:31Speaker 05

  Yeah. Exactly.

• 53:33Speaker 07

  So I'd love it to taste like it did when I was little, but I would like on the same plate, some of the scallops and bacon from the Devonshire, if that's all right as well.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 53:43Speaker 07

  Cause that's sort of sweet, salty with the bacon, delicious.

• 53:47Speaker 05

  They come in the shells, don't they?

• 53:48Speaker 07

  Yeah. And every time I go, I'm like, I'm not gonna have the scallops. I'm gonna try something different. And I just, it's just nothing is as good as that. So lovely. Yeah, even the shells that used to be ashtrays back in the day.

• 54:00Speaker 05

  What? They used to put scallops in ashtrays?

• 54:03Speaker 07

  The scallop shells would be used as ashtrays.

• 54:06Speaker 05

  That makes more sense than what I was thinking was that at the Devonshire, they used to present scallops in an ashtray.

• 54:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, there you go.

• 54:12Speaker 07

  It's the new, yeah, like with slates and.

• 54:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that'd be good because those old, those old pub ashtrays, you could rest your knife and fork in the little bits where you would put a cigarette.

• 54:22Speaker 07

  That is true. That is true. My mum's pub, I used, I used to have to clean them out at the end of the night. It was the work.

• 54:27Speaker 05

  Oh no.

• 54:28Speaker 07

  With a bucket and a tin bucket so it couldn't set on fire. And you'd empty the ashtray and you'd have a little paintbrush to get all the ash out.

• 54:35Speaker 06

  Stinks really horrible.

• 54:36Speaker 07

  Disgusting.

• 54:36Speaker 06

  George Michael there, put his cigarette out in the.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  Oh, I can't see him.

• 54:42Speaker 07

  Pepsi.

• 54:43Speaker 06

  That sounds very nice. I mean, I hate to like be going back and forth again, but when you said ring a ding ding.

• 54:52Speaker 06

  Uh, every time someone says ring a ding ding, it just reminds me, some, in my head immediately, I say, that's the bell. Because there was a kid in my school who wrote a poem and he had to read it in front of the class. It was about going to school. And, and one of the lines was ring a ding ding, that's the bell. And, and it's still to this day in my head, every time someone says ring a ding ding, I hear that kid say, that's the bell afterwards. Cause I remember thinking it was so funny.

• 55:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 06

  That he clarified it was the bell. It's like, we know it's the bell.

• 55:22Speaker 05

  Amazing how that stuff sticks in your head.

• 55:24Speaker 06

  It's just every time someone says ring a ding ding.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:26Speaker 06

  And then I have to remind myself that not, so I was like, oh, someone's gonna say that's the bell now. Like I always think that we're all thinking it, cause it's so in my head.

• 55:34Speaker 07

  Almost like a deja vu where you're like.

• 55:36Speaker 06

  No, it was that one kid.

• 55:37Speaker 05

  It's the one kid.

• 55:38Speaker 06

  Who wrote that poem.

• 55:39Speaker 07

  Did you write a poem as well?

• 55:41Speaker 06

  I wrote a poem about winter and.

• 55:44Speaker 05

  Sort of sad little boy.

• 55:46Speaker 06

  Well, I've told you.

• 55:47Speaker 05

  All right, okay.

• 55:48Speaker 07

  Darkness is coming.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  Actually, we were told we had to write about one of the seasons. So I guess I chose.

• 55:53Speaker 05

  You chose winter.

• 55:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, I chose winter.

• 55:55Speaker 05

  Little goth kid.

• 55:55Speaker 06

  I mean, I'm in primary school at this point. The teacher thought it was great and said, I'd read it in assembly. And I remember the first line, this is how young I was for this to be called great, was winter's the time when it's cold.

• 56:10Speaker 06

  Winter's the time to be bold. And the teacher was like, but the thing is, I had written that not actually knowing what the word bold meant. I was just rhyming.

• 56:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 06

  And I actually then thought that people were gonna think I was talking about having no hair.

• 56:26Speaker 07

  Cause it's the worst time to have hair.

• 56:27Speaker 06

  And then I felt like.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  It's awful to have no hair.

• 56:29Speaker 06

  And then I felt like that was really silly. And I got really embarrassed about it. And I said to my teacher, I can't read this out in front of everyone. They're gonna think I'm talking about people with no hair. And she was like, what are you? It was the first time I remember a teacher looking at me and being like, what are you talking about? Like proper like, are you mad? Like, no one's gonna think that.

• 56:47Speaker 07

  I'm so enjoying the first time a teacher, it makes it sound like.

• 56:50Speaker 06

  It's the first time I remember like the teacher not like humouring me at all.

• 56:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, just being.

• 56:55Speaker 05

  What are you talking about?

• 56:56Speaker 06

  Are you, what? No, no one's gonna think that. And I remember reading it out in assembly and after that line, rolling my eyes at everyone. Like putting that like, oh God, what a line. And everyone's sitting there obviously just like.

• 57:09Speaker 05

  Just get through it, mate.

• 57:10Speaker 06

  Yep, okay. You said, you said it's cold.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  God forbid you ever stood on a stage after that and said anything silly. A kid wrote a story in my, in my school. We all had to write a story. The boy was born in a bubble.

• 57:24Speaker 07

  God, really?

• 57:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, the boy was born in a bubble.

• 57:26Speaker 07

  Like a medical bubble?

• 57:28Speaker 05

  No, I think we could interpret it how we wanted to. I don't think it had to be a medical bubble. I think most of the kids, including me, went with a, like a big flying.

• 57:36Speaker 07

  Okay, nice.

• 57:37Speaker 05

  Boy was born in a bubble. Everyone else wrote maybe three or four sides. I think I wrote three or four sides about the journey in the bubble and stuff. My friend Jack just wrote, um, this is the whole story. He went, one day there was a boy born in a bubble. One day he landed on a pin in France, the end.

• 57:52Speaker 06

  In France.

• 57:52Speaker 05

  In France.

• 57:53Speaker 07

  In France.

• 57:54Speaker 05

  It's genius.

• 57:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's good.

• 57:56Speaker 05

  It's absolute genius. And he got really told off.

• 57:59Speaker 06

  He really told off.

• 58:01Speaker 05

  But you don't need anything else in a story. That's perfect. Yeah.

• 58:04Speaker 07

  Cause you can just imagine the journey yourself, can't you?

• 58:06Speaker 05

  Yeah. But it's one, one day he was born, one day he landed on a pin in France. I know what's happening. I know where it is.

• 58:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 58:12Speaker 05

  The end.

• 58:13Speaker 06

  It's travelled.

• 58:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 07

  I used to always get in trouble because I would write, in creative writing, I'd, I'd finish every story with, and then she woke up and it was all a dream.

• 58:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did that a lot as well.

• 58:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 05

  Or I, I would do it and then everything went black.

• 58:28Speaker 06

  What?

• 58:28Speaker 05

  So someone would, the person would die in the story.

• 58:31Speaker 06

  Everything went black?

• 58:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:32Speaker 06

  If you do, and then everything went black, that'd be the end of the story.

• 58:36Speaker 07

  That's really dark.

• 58:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm not gonna go into what one of the stories was, but I got in real trouble for it. The teacher wrote sick across the top of it.

• 58:46Speaker 06

  That's good. That can be positive.

• 58:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. No, no, no. It wasn't in the time. That was not, that was not the terminology yet. This, this is sick.

• 58:55Speaker 06

  Thank, thank you so much, miss.

• 58:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, thanks, man.

• 59:00Speaker 07

  That'd be so good. This is fat.

• 59:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 06

  Maybe this is how this podcast will end. This episode, you'll be halfway through your dream drink and everything goes black.

• 59:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:12Speaker 06

  And it was like, wow, I guess that's the end of the story. Yeah.

• 59:14Speaker 05

  I did, I used everything went black so many times.

• 59:17Speaker 07

  Wow. Even like a happy story and then you're like, oh, do I end this on, then I'll die?

• 59:22Speaker 05

  But maybe, maybe there's something wrong with the whole school. One, one kid wrote a story that was clearly the entire storyline to Last Action Hero.

• 59:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, you gotta do that.

• 59:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:32Speaker 06

  You gotta try some plagiarism. See how it works out.

• 59:36Speaker 07

  Yeah, just a little.

• 59:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's a, um, a wedding not so long ago. And, uh, the son of the bride got up and did a speech.

• 59:47Speaker 07

  Nice.

• 59:48Speaker 06

  And it was amazing. It moved everyone to tears. Really, really nice. And then afterwards, I, I think that was really nice and moving. And then all the other adults were going, he's used AI. Really cynical. All of them going, he's used AI, doesn't he? And going up to him, you write that yourself? And he was like, he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They were like, ah, yeah, did you? Did you now? Going over to his mum, just got married, he's used AI.

• 1:00:12Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:00:13Speaker 06

  There's no way he wrote all that himself. He's, he's used Chap GPT. He's put in wedding speeches for your mum. That's what he's done.

• 1:00:20Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:00:21Speaker 06

  Everyone very cynical.

• 1:00:22Speaker 07

  What's your, what do you think he did there? What's your verdict?

• 1:00:26Speaker 06

  I think he used AI.

• 1:00:37Speaker 06

  Your dream main course, Sarah.

• 1:00:39Speaker 07

  Okay, main course is little char-grilled delicious lamb chops from a restaurant called Roka, or is it Roka? Somebody said it was Roka the other week.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  R O K A?

• 1:00:52Speaker 07

  R O K A. It's in town, it's on Charlotte Street. It's quite noughties, this restaurant. It was massive back in the day. But I've not found sort of lamb chops quite like that. They're kind of fresh off the griddle. They're sweet and spicy and salty and like Korean sort of spice on there. Absolutely delicious, like my most favourite thing.

• 1:01:20Speaker 06

  Char-grilled lamb chops are so good.

• 1:01:22Speaker 05

  So good. Lovely bit of fat on there as well.

• 1:01:25Speaker 07

  And they're not too thick. I don't really like a lamb chop that is... You don't have to...

• 1:01:31Speaker 05

  I want to be able to pick it up-

• 1:01:32Speaker 07

  Open your mouth too wide to get it in.

• 1:01:34Speaker 05

  I want to be able to pick it up by the bone and eat it like that.

• 1:01:37Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:01:38Speaker 05

  So if it's too thick, you can't do that.

• 1:01:39Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's gotta be, it's gotta, you go back to cave times.

• 1:01:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 07

  I broke my first ever tooth on a lamb chop bone. That's when I pushed through my very first tooth and I think that stayed with me, clearly, somewhere in my mind. Because we were youngest five on a farm. Give her a bone, keep her quiet.

• 1:01:58Speaker 05

  Shot one outside, didn't it go?

• 1:01:59Speaker 06

  They just throw you the bone. It wasn't like you were eating a lamb chop and bit into the bone.

• 1:02:02Speaker 07

  I was in a little cage by the table. Yeah, no, you know what I mean, just delicious.

• 1:02:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:08Speaker 07

  So I think ever that. Did you break yours on a chop bone?

• 1:02:11Speaker 06

  Wamba.

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  Another reference to George Michael.

• 1:02:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 1:02:17Speaker 06

  But like, yeah.

• 1:02:18Speaker 07

  Oh, I mean broke a tooth as in like my first ever baby tooth came through on a lamb chop bone.

• 1:02:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, I lost my, my tooth came out on the wamba, on the wamba. And yours came out on the lamba.

• 1:02:29Speaker 07

  Mine came through, as in like when you've got no teeth as a baby, but a little, your first ever tooth comes through, your little milk tooth. And they go, oh, they've got a tooth. It was from chewing on a lamb chop bone.

• 1:02:41Speaker 06

  Hold on, you had just gums and they threw you a lamb chop bone to chew on?

• 1:02:45Speaker 07

  Yeah, I think I was sucking on a lamb chop.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  And you grew teeth because you were chewing on a lamb bone?

• 1:02:49Speaker 07

  And I was chewing, I'd have been probably just sat up at the table, whatever, like 10 months or something. I forget, my kids are so big and I forget what they do at what stage. I'm like, when they're a year, I'm like, can they drive? I don't know what they're doing. Yeah, and I think I was sucking on a, they must have given me, like my mum or dad given me a lamb chop bone. It sounds disgusting now, doesn't it?

• 1:03:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, it doesn't sound great.

• 1:03:10Speaker 07

  And I think I was like just sort of chomping on that. I was teething, that's what it would have been.

• 1:03:14Speaker 05

  What, and the effort of chewing on the lamb bone pushed a tooth through?

• 1:03:17Speaker 07

  Pushed my first tooth through, yeah. So it was ready to come through. When you're teething, you know when babies, they dribble, they bite on anything.

• 1:03:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:24Speaker 07

  Because it sort of sore, they must have given me the lamb chop bone to just chew on. And that's when my first tooth came through. So I didn't lose one through it, but you lost a tooth through a wamba.

• 1:03:34Speaker 05

  Wamba wasn't how your first tooth came through.

• 1:03:36Speaker 07

  That's what I thought.

• 1:03:37Speaker 06

  No, I wasn't there with all gums and my parents handed me a wamba.

• 1:03:41Speaker 06

  And I'm there, I'm gumming on it, 10 months old.

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  Full set, full set of teeth. They look around, adult teeth.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  Completely perfect. Thank you, parents. Talking now. Give him the wamba back.

• 1:03:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, I did think that. I was like, wow, with the wamba, first ever tooth.

• 1:03:58Speaker 06

  Tooth came out, ate it, swallowed it.

• 1:04:00Speaker 07

  Oh, blimmin' heck. Did you?

• 1:04:01Speaker 06

  Didn't realise.

• 1:04:02Speaker 07

  Did you try and get it back? Not worth the juice.

• 1:04:05Speaker 06

  No, I was like, that's gone. That's gone. The tooth fairy can fly up there if she wants to.

• 1:04:11Speaker 06

  Get in there overnight. I slept on, I slept on my stomach just to see if I would wake up, have some cash at the old.

• 1:04:19Speaker 05

  Was she leaving a coin up there or is she leaving it on the top of your butt?

• 1:04:22Speaker 06

  That's what I tried to shake out in the morning.

• 1:04:25Speaker 06

  Into a, into a little petty jar.

• 1:04:27Speaker 07

  You even did a little movement there, you said that.

• 1:04:31Speaker 06

  Trying to shake it into the jar.

• 1:04:32Speaker 05

  What's James doing? Very odd child.

• 1:04:38Speaker 05

  Winter, it's cold.

• 1:04:40Speaker 06

  I'm going to start in my own poetry.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, you weren't trying to shake a coin out of your butt. You're going, time to be bold.

• 1:04:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, that is time to be bold.

• 1:04:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, that is time to be bold.

• 1:04:48Speaker 06

  Maybe it did happen in the winter. Carrot, second tooth, second tooth, I was eating a carrot.

• 1:04:53Speaker 07

  Oh, God.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  Your parents had tried to healthy up your diet a little bit.

• 1:04:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, like who can happen to see a wamba 24/7?

• 1:05:00Speaker 07

  Blimmin' heck. So this is when your milk teeth were going out and your big ones were coming in, okay.

• 1:05:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was chomping on stuff all the time. The whole was falling out.

• 1:05:09Speaker 05

  I think a lot of mine were just like, I was running through a corridor and just fell over and smashed my face.

• 1:05:15Speaker 06

  Different lives, I guess.

• 1:05:16Speaker 05

  A lot of them were like clumsy, clumsy teeth.

• 1:05:18Speaker 07

  Yeah, well, you were a clumsy child.

• 1:05:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'll be told.

• 1:05:20Speaker 07

  You shouldn't run in corridors. That's all you get shouted at at school.

• 1:05:22Speaker 05

  I was busy, I was busy, you know?

• 1:05:24Speaker 07

  Teachers were obsessed. What, you're a busy kid?

• 1:05:26Speaker 05

  I was a busy kid. I had stuff to do.

• 1:05:28Speaker 07

  Science to get to.

• 1:05:29Speaker 05

  Deadlines. You know?

• 1:05:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, I, I was like, different kid to me.

• 1:05:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, and you weren't friends when you were that little, were you?

• 1:05:37Speaker 05

  No, wouldn't have been.

• 1:05:37Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:05:38Speaker 06

  That'd be a good sitcom. It'd be a good sitcom, though.

• 1:05:42Speaker 05

  What, us as kids?

• 1:05:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, friends.

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  Friends.

• 1:05:44Speaker 06

  Friends as kids.

• 1:05:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, nice.

• 1:05:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, going around and you're like, yeah, like you've got a suit on, but you're also running around and like falling over and smashing your face. I'm trying to shake a corner out of my butt.

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  Writing poetry.

• 1:05:57Speaker 06

  Writing my poems. One day we'll do a food podcast together.

• 1:06:07Speaker 06

  Your dream side dish, Sarah?

• 1:06:09Speaker 07

  Mashed potato that my mum made when I was little and she's only four foot 10 and a half, so she'd have to do it on the floor. And she's only little Jackie, so she would have a big pan, huge pan on the floor in the kitchen. And giving it some welly with the masher, both hands on the masher. And I was like the official taster of the mash. If it was too salty, if it needed a bit more butter or, or milk. And to me, my mum always makes the best mash. So I definitely have some of that, please.

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  Fantastic.

• 1:06:36Speaker 06

  Mash queen.

• 1:06:36Speaker 07

  And I really love, you know, when you get the spinach and sesame, it shouldn't work. It doesn't look like, it doesn't sound on all the things at a Japanese restaurant like it's going to be the most incredible thing.

• 1:06:46Speaker 05

  The cold, the cold one?

• 1:06:47Speaker 07

  But the cold spinach and sesame sauce is just so incredible. Can I have some of that, please, as well as more mash?

• 1:06:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, I love that cold spinach and the sesame dressing stuff is great. We've had bottles of that in our fridge, it goes in everything.

• 1:07:02Speaker 07

  Oh, God, yeah.

• 1:07:03Speaker 05

  So good.

• 1:07:04Speaker 07

  Yeah, there's a really nice dressing, actually, a salad dressing that mimics it a little bit, quite a posh salad dressing. And they do like a house and they do that one as well, the sesame, delicious.

• 1:07:15Speaker 05

  That's great. Yeah, that's a really, I think that's nice, I think it's nice to have a little cold side as well, you know?

• 1:07:21Speaker 07

  I like, I like the hot and cold mixed together. I'm just smiling because of the Melvin, dude.

• 1:07:27Speaker 05

  Well, you came up with that idea, so we'd like to thank Melvin for saying thank you for coming up with hot and cold.

• 1:07:31Speaker 06

  Copyright, Melvin. Mixing hot and cold things together.

• 1:07:34Speaker 07

  I nearly crashed at that point because he was really set up each one.

• 1:07:39Speaker 05

  So proud of himself.

• 1:07:40Speaker 07

  With the Nandos and the, parking in a car park waiting for his delivery.

• 1:07:45Speaker 06

  You must have met Melvin before you. Melvin must have worked together.

• 1:07:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:48Speaker 06

  Was it surprising at all when you heard him on the podcast and that was his choices and those were his, those were the things he was saying?

• 1:07:55Speaker 07

  I was surprised that he goes to a car park and waits for a delivery.

• 1:08:00Speaker 05

  It's a hack, you know.

• 1:08:00Speaker 07

  And thinks that it's a hack. And then sometimes he has to chase the person.

• 1:08:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:04Speaker 07

  If they're not stopping at the right place. I mean,

• 1:08:09Speaker 07

  it sounds quite, I mean, it just must be delicious. What food was it he was waiting for?

• 1:08:13Speaker 05

  Caribbean food.

• 1:08:14Speaker 07

  It was the macaroni pie, wasn't it?

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:17Speaker 07

  Yeah, he couldn't believe you'd heard of that.

• 1:08:19Speaker 05

  Couldn't believe I'd heard of that.

• 1:08:19Speaker 07

  Anyway, sorry, I was just, it was really making me laugh. Kimchi from South Korea, can I have some of that as well, please? Because I modelled there and that's where I met my best friend Claire, who I do the pod with. So I do the Teen Commandments podcast with my best mate Claire and we met when we were like-

• 1:08:35Speaker 06

  Christian podcast?

• 1:08:36Speaker 07

  Pardon?

• 1:08:37Speaker 06

  A Christian podcast?

• 1:08:38Speaker 07

  Teen Commandments, yeah. No, it's, it's about teenagers. And it was about that, but it's kind of annoyingly, our kids are getting older. That's what happens. So we're sort of running out of teenagers a little bit. So it's more just, it's got on a lot onto Claire's love life or lack of until recently when she went to Crete. Things have picked up.

• 1:09:03Speaker 05

  Great news for Claire. Congratulations, Claire.

• 1:09:04Speaker 07

  Congratulations, Claire, with a French man.

• 1:09:06Speaker 06

  Good on you.

• 1:09:07Speaker 05

  With a French man.

• 1:09:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Speaker 05

  French man in Crete.

• 1:09:09Speaker 07

  36 as well.

• 1:09:11Speaker 05

  36?

• 1:09:11Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:09:12Speaker 06

  Time, I did it 36 times.

• 1:09:15Speaker 06

  Oi, oi.

• 1:09:15Speaker 05

  Woo-hoo.

• 1:09:19Speaker 07

  Is that trompe l'oise?

• 1:09:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, something like that, yeah.

• 1:09:22Speaker 07

  Anyway, well done, Claire. And I met in South Korea. She came over, she's from Manchester, I'm from Bolton. I'd been with some Mormons from Hawaii, who like, we just didn't have a lot in common. These are the models who were really nice, but like, what do I talk to them about?

• 1:09:35Speaker 06

  Opposite.

• 1:09:37Speaker 07

  You know, Claire walks in, she's from Whitefield up the road and I'm just over the moon to have someone that I can just relate to. And I've actually got this on a mug, she got me a mug made saying, do you drink coffee? Because that's the first thing I said. Do you drink coffee? Do you smoke? You can share me coffee and I've got some fags in there. And that was it, friendship was born out of that.

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 1:09:58Speaker 07

  And of course, we were 18, we didn't want Korean food. We were in Seoul, we were in Etewan, in the really sort of quite touristy bit, near like the US airbase. So there'd be, we'd be going out partying and we'd go out with clients after, after shoots. And, you know, we just didn't appreciate how amazing the food was. Because we were 18 and we were ungrateful and we were just like, go, we should have a McDonald's. And there'd be all this amazing food, but kimchi, I didn't get it then, but I love it now.

• 1:10:27Speaker 06

  It's so good, kimchi.

• 1:10:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, good kimchi.

• 1:10:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Speaker 07

  It's like crumpets, a badly done crumpet is as disappointing as a, as a bad kimchi. If you get a supermarket kimchi, it's just not right.

• 1:10:38Speaker 05

  When my wife was younger, she told me that she tried to make kimchi at home.

• 1:10:44Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:44Speaker 05

  And it stunk so much that her dad took up all the skirting boards because he thought a rat had died under the kitchen.

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

  She came back and he's like a crowbar, just getting all the floorboards up. What are you doing? He's like, that smell!

• 1:11:02Speaker 05

  He was like, no, I'm making kimchi. Yeah. Is it a tub in there? It's like, bah!

• 1:11:09Speaker 07

  That's brilliant.

• 1:11:11Speaker 06

  That's good stuff.

• 1:11:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Speaker 06

  Smashing holes in the walls.

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Speaker 07

  Did she really say it was, because I'd have just been like, I'd have just got the kimchi and made, made it.

• 1:11:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think, I think she probably admitted it in the end.

• 1:11:22Speaker 06

  Sally Traffic pokes her head in the window, that stinks.

• 1:11:26Speaker 07

  Lovely.

• 1:11:27Speaker 06

  Thank you, Sally.

• 1:11:28Speaker 05

  Take the skirting board off, Sally Traffic comes as a whole.

• 1:11:32Speaker 06

  Bit of a pong in here.

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

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• 1:12:06Speaker 03

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• 1:12:28Speaker 06

  Your dream drink.

• 1:12:30Speaker 07

  Okay, I've stopped drinking for, I keep saying for now because I don't know if it's, if it's forever, but for now. The last drink I had was a margarita in Barbados at February half term. It was delicious.

• 1:12:42Speaker 06

  I would say the way that you just lit up when you said that drink means it's for now.

• 1:12:48Speaker 05

  It's for now.

• 1:12:48Speaker 06

  It's for now, Coxie.

• 1:12:49Speaker 05

  It's fine that it's for now.

• 1:12:51Speaker 07

  For now, I don't want to put pressure on myself.

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

  I don't know if it's for now or not, but the last thing I had was a margarita.

• 1:12:57Speaker 05

  February half term in Barbados and it was delicious.

• 1:13:03Speaker 07

  I, yeah, I do slash did love a margarita.

• 1:13:08Speaker 06

  You do?

• 1:13:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, I did.

• 1:13:10Speaker 06

  You still do.

• 1:13:10Speaker 07

  And I've got the non-alcoholic ones and it's not quite the same because I do actually, I really like tequilas.

• 1:13:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:16Speaker 07

  But it was straight after that margarita, we went to the beach and me and my daughter got rolled by a massive wave that came out of nowhere. Like it was absolute chaos on the beach. It was at this posh beach and I saw this wave was a bit fruity and I was like, whoa, that nearly went over my face. I looked behind me, I kid you not, this like, I don't know, like four metre wave and people were trying to get out of the sea and me and my daughter, and she's 16, my daughter, and like, I just looked at her and I got hold of her hand and I went, it's going to take us, but we'll be okay. Right? And, and I'm not good in the sea anyway. It was totally calm before this and it caught loads of people out and it took us and we just, we, it was that really humiliating where you just get rolled and you don't know which way is up.

• 1:14:00Speaker 07

  And then we landed, you know, we just sort of half landed on the beach, oh, and you scrabble out. And then, and then I was like, oh shit, my husband, because I didn't even look where he was. He was fine, he got out, but it came all up the beach, washed everyone's bags away and stuff. There was a woman walking up and down, whose crock is this? And it was me, he lost a crock because it wished up. So maybe that's something to do with giving up booze was the kind of like.

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  So you connect that with, yeah.

• 1:14:29Speaker 06

  That happened and you went, I've got to stop drinking.

• 1:14:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:14:32Speaker 07

  Yeah. No, well.

• 1:14:33Speaker 05

  Because you were worried that if you were drunk in that situation, then you might not be able to get out of the wave?

• 1:14:39Speaker 07

  Well, I just wonder.

• 1:14:40Speaker 05

  Or is it connected in your head?

• 1:14:42Speaker 07

  Maybe it's connected in my mind a little bit, but it was, it was a delicious margarita, but they're getting, they're getting rolled. I was like.

• 1:14:48Speaker 06

  Sure, but I, I don't think they're connected in any.

• 1:14:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think that would have happened anyway.

• 1:14:52Speaker 06

  What we're trying to say is like.

• 1:14:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, that the gods weren't unhappy with me having a margarita and sent the waves to punishment. I presume not.

• 1:14:58Speaker 05

  But is it, is it just maybe like a synapse thing where it's just connected in your head now? The taste of the margarita is still in your mouth and then getting rolled by a big wave?

• 1:15:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

• 1:15:07Speaker 06

  But if I drink, I'm going to get rolled again.

• 1:15:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 1:15:09Speaker 05

  I think just if you do want to drink, just don't immediately go in the sea afterwards.

• 1:15:12Speaker 07

  Just don't get in the sea. Yeah, no, that's a good tip. Thank you. Yeah, it was mad. There's an Aussie girl, Aussie Annie, works on the show sometimes. She's brilliant. She's got absolutely no boundaries or respect for authority. She works at radio too, like she goes up to the bosses and like punches them on the arm and stuff. She's hilarious. I love watching her in action. It's chaos. But she was like, you're supposed to duck down because she's from Australia, so she's used to big waves. Apparently you duck, did you know this?

• 1:15:39Speaker 05

  I didn't know this.

• 1:15:40Speaker 07

  You duck right down. So for everybody listening at home, again, a health and safety thing. I think if you really duck down, you go out and it doesn't take you then, it just goes over you.

• 1:15:49Speaker 05

  I stand up.

• 1:15:50Speaker 07

  Do you?

• 1:15:51Speaker 05

  If a big wave, I face it.

• 1:15:54Speaker 06

  When, when have you ever been in this situation?

• 1:15:56Speaker 05

  All the time.

• 1:15:57Speaker 06

  All the time.

• 1:15:58Speaker 05

  I say, bring it on Poseidon. Yeah, that's what I say. Most of the time, 90% of the time, I say that and the wave just settles down.

• 1:16:08Speaker 07

  And then it all goes black.

• 1:16:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:15Speaker 07

  Yeah. Oh God. Anyway, so they don't do a good booze free one. I tell you what they do to Fever Tree, my first to list. Fever Tree do a really nice thing that feels like a treat on a Saturday night.

• 1:16:27Speaker 06

  This might be the first shout out to Fever Tree on the podcast.

• 1:16:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:30Speaker 07

  Fever Tree do a really nice ginger beer. I love a ginger beer with loads of ice in it, but they do something if you're thinking of laying off the booze for a bit. A non-alcoholic Italian spritz is what it's called and it's like an Aperol spritz.

• 1:16:44Speaker 06

  All great, yeah.

• 1:16:45Speaker 07

  Same colour, same little, what is it? It's not sour, is it?

• 1:16:50Speaker 05

  Bitter.

• 1:16:51Speaker 07

  Bitter, same bitter kind of like kick in the back of the throat. Delicious.

• 1:16:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, great. I'm, I'm really into Bativo. All the Bativo spritzes and stuff that you can get now. They, they started doing a canned soda that a place near me sells and like, I might have started today with it. But like, I love those kind of like bitter soft drinks that.

• 1:17:12Speaker 07

  Because you don't really know that there's no booze in there. I mean, you don't.

• 1:17:16Speaker 05

  There's another one as well that's like an Aperol spritz.

• 1:17:19Speaker 06

  A seed lip?

• 1:17:20Speaker 05

  No, it's like an Italian one. It's like an Italian soda, Credino.

• 1:17:24Speaker 07

  Credino, lovely.

• 1:17:26Speaker 05

  I tasted recently at an Italian restaurant and that is very, very good.

• 1:17:29Speaker 07

  I also quite like a really nice cold non-alcoholic beer.

• 1:17:32Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:17:33Speaker 07

  Also, when I was saying I put on a bit of chub, I was on the sausages and the non-booze beer. It's all coming clear to me now.

• 1:17:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, handbag beer.

• 1:17:40Speaker 07

  Handbag beer.

• 1:17:42Speaker 06

  I add Bativo to non-alcoholic beer at home. I have a Lucky Saint and some Bativo.

• 1:17:50Speaker 07

  Lovely.

• 1:17:50Speaker 06

  Because a place near me was doing that at one point and they took it off the menu.

• 1:17:53Speaker 07

  So is Bativo the non-alcoholic?

• 1:17:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, like.

• 1:17:56Speaker 07

  Thing that you mentioned earlier?

• 1:17:57Speaker 06

  Bitter thing that is like, so like.

• 1:17:58Speaker 07

  Oh, is that nice in some?

• 1:18:00Speaker 06

  It makes, I think it makes non-alcoholic beer taste more like a beer rather than having, it gets rid of that weird aftertaste you have with a non-alcoholic beer. It gets rid of that and adds a bit of a like fruity, bittery kind of.

• 1:18:15Speaker 05

  I'll tell you what that is.

• 1:18:16Speaker 06

  It's nicer.

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  That's a hack.

• 1:18:17Speaker 06

  That's a hack.

• 1:18:17Speaker 07

  That is Melvins list.

• 1:18:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Speaker 06

  That's a hack.

• 1:18:20Speaker 07

  That is a hack.

• 1:18:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:22Speaker 07

  There's also a beer called Outside that is non-alcoholic and you can get it with some lemon in it, but I don't like that. But what's quite funny is the regular Outside non-alcoholic beer, it's, they've, it's isotonic. So it's that, I'm such an advertiser's dream. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, that shit, I can't get enough of it.

• 1:18:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, as soon as they start putting protein in non-alcoholic beer, you're going to be all over it, aren't you?

• 1:18:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, straight there.

• 1:18:49Speaker 07

  I'm like, I'm doing myself good. I'm a non-alcoholic, but you know. The funny thing is I was, before I stopped drinking, I was only maybe having like a glass of red a week. But when I stopped, I thought, God, I'm going to get really trim now. No, because you replaced it with 18 sugary drinks and loads of sausages.

• 1:19:03Speaker 05

  A bag full of sausages.

• 1:19:04Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:19:05Speaker 06

  So which, which one of those is your dream drink, by the way?

• 1:19:08Speaker 07

  Out of all of that, I think I will go for the Italian spritz, a non-alcoholic Italian spritz. Delicious with some ice.

• 1:19:14Speaker 06

  I'm quite disappointed, Coxie, because like, I grew up with like.

• 1:19:17Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:19:17Speaker 06

  You being a proper, you were getting on it.

• 1:19:20Speaker 07

  I know.

• 1:19:21Speaker 06

  You were an inspiration to so many teenagers.

• 1:19:24Speaker 05

  What has happened to Ladette culture?

• 1:19:26Speaker 07

  It's cool. What's going on? I've let everybody know.

• 1:19:28Speaker 06

  And you've come on and you've chosen a non-alcoholic drink for your, your dream drink.

• 1:19:32Speaker 07

  I genuinely.

• 1:19:32Speaker 06

  And I didn't see your face light up when you said about that Fever Tree drink, the same way where you said the margarita.

• 1:19:38Speaker 07

  You know what? Real talk, my husband hasn't drank for about four years. And anyone who's with a partner who doesn't drink, you know that it gradually wears you down. Because when you do have a drink, you're like, you feel like a massive lush.

• 1:19:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51Speaker 07

  You feel like Cat Slater, like you are off the rails and you're not. So it does gradually, you just think, oh, you know.

• 1:20:00Speaker 06

  One crock, sober as a judge.

• 1:20:03Speaker 07

  And so, you know, you're like, you get out of the habit and then you, and then you drink so little that when you do drink, you don't think, oh, I feel relaxed. You think, oh, oh, I feel a bit dizzy. You're weird because your body's, when you drink regularly, your body's so used to it. It's a relaxing effect. I used to love a little, half a glass of Merlot or a Malbec on a, weirdly on a Tuesday night. I used to quite fancy my Tuesdays, my heart. And now.

• 1:20:29Speaker 05

  Well, hump day.

• 1:20:30Speaker 07

  Just, yeah, pre-hump.

• 1:20:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:32Speaker 07

  And now like, it just makes me feel a bit dizzy and weird. So I'm like, I bother. But I feel like you're with drinking, it's like, if you imagine your, your social life or your life is like a fish tank with all those little pebbles at the bottom. And I think.

• 1:20:50Speaker 05

  I just, I know when I, I know when to expect a what? And that was, I could absolutely see that a mile off. I was like, we're getting a what right now.

• 1:20:58Speaker 06

  Imagine your life is like a fish tank with all those pebbles across the board.

• 1:21:01Speaker 05

  Let's have a finish.

• 1:21:02Speaker 07

  And every time you have a drink, every time, you know, you're out at the Met Bar, bumping into Wyclef Jean in the nineties. You, every drink you take out a tiny pebble and I literally feel like I just, that last margarita was my final pebble.

• 1:21:19Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:21:19Speaker 07

  And there's none. Oh, his finger's gone.

• 1:21:26Speaker 05

  I'll let you finish.

• 1:21:28Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:21:31Speaker 07

  Like.

• 1:21:34Speaker 07

  I was so pleased.

• 1:21:34Speaker 06

  That makes less sense.

• 1:21:35Speaker 07

  I was so pleased in my analogy.

• 1:21:37Speaker 06

  That if you said, than if you said, well, yeah, you'd have all your drinks of your life, but you know when you have your final drink?

• 1:21:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:21:44Speaker 06

  That would have made more sense if you're just like, you know, I had a load of drinks and then eventually I just, that was my last drink. Rather than a fish tank and you're taking the pebbles out.

• 1:21:52Speaker 05

  Your whole social life is a fish tank with pebbles in it.

• 1:21:55Speaker 06

  Wyclef Jean's there.

• 1:21:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, that threw me.

• 1:21:58Speaker 06

  Out of nowhere.

• 1:21:59Speaker 07

  There is a unnecessary detail with me.

• 1:22:02Speaker 06

  You met Wyclef once?

• 1:22:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, I had, I had, did a picture for the paparazzi, sat on, with him on his, on his motorbike, on his Harley Davidson. I sat in a Met bar in like the most nineties shot ever taken.

• 1:22:13Speaker 05

  Great, yeah.

• 1:22:14Speaker 07

  Weird.

• 1:22:15Speaker 06

  It's good stuff.

• 1:22:15Speaker 07

  Did he sing I'll See You When You Get There?

• 1:22:17Speaker 06

  No, that was coolly.

• 1:22:18Speaker 07

  Oh damn, that would have been nice.

• 1:22:20Speaker 06

  He sang Gone to November and of course he's in the Fugees and had the classic album, The Score.

• 1:22:25Speaker 07

  Be nice for you. That was good. Your winter poem, The Gone to November.

• 1:22:30Speaker 06

  Gone to November, I should have done that. I'll be gone to November. I'll be gone to November. That was mostly the lyrics for that song.

• 1:22:38Speaker 05

  Be bold.

• 1:22:38Speaker 06

  Gone to November, I'll be gone to November.

• 1:22:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, what was the next bit?

• 1:22:42Speaker 06

  I, I literally, all I can remember is I'll be gone to November, I'll be gone to November, I'll be gone to November.

• 1:22:46Speaker 07

  January, February, March, April, May.

• 1:22:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:50Speaker 07

  And then.

• 1:22:51Speaker 05

  He must have done the others.

• 1:22:52Speaker 06

  You gotta do the others.

• 1:22:52Speaker 07

  He must have completed the others.

• 1:22:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:55Speaker 07

  When did he slip them in?

• 1:22:55Speaker 06

  Surely someone would have pulled him up on that.

• 1:22:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, you've not done two in July, Wyclef.

• 1:22:59Speaker 06

  Wyclef has a whole, like, the summer months, you've skipped them.

• 1:23:02Speaker 05

  You've missed summer, man.

• 1:23:04Speaker 06

  You've got to do the summer.

• 1:23:06Speaker 07

  So in my head, I thought, I thought, I'm buzzing with this analogy. It's going to be like.

• 1:23:11Speaker 05

  I do understand what you mean.

• 1:23:12Speaker 06

  Maybe we're, you know, maybe it's us, maybe people listen to this podcast and say, that was a really good analogy and, and.

• 1:23:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:23:18Speaker 06

  The lads gave Coxey a really hard time for that and they shouldn't have.

• 1:23:21Speaker 07

  So each pebble, yeah, is each, it's those, it's the drinks through your life. Each drink is a little pebble.

• 1:23:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:23:27Speaker 07

  And then done, the final pebble.

• 1:23:29Speaker 05

  Done.

• 1:23:30Speaker 07

  And then you have not got any more, it's like having drink, like internal drink tokens that you use. You know, a woman is only ever going to be born with a certain number of eggs. Maybe, maybe a person is only born with a certain number of drink urges.

• 1:23:44Speaker 05

  Yeah. Fantastic. I like that you tried to pull back the last analogy by doing an even more confusing one.

• 1:23:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:23:50Speaker 07

  I think.

• 1:23:51Speaker 05

  You know how a woman's born with a certain amount of eggs? Well, also you're born with a certain amount of drink urges.

• 1:23:57Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:23:58Speaker 05

  I know what you mean.

• 1:23:59Speaker 06

  Also, because of what you've already been talking about, literally what I thought originally was you're talking about the hard boiled eggs that you wrap in the kitchen. And this is my last one. I know, I knew that this was my last egg.

• 1:24:11Speaker 07

  Last boiled egg.

• 1:24:11Speaker 06

  Because Sally Traffic told me it stinks and to stop bringing it in.

• 1:24:14Speaker 05

  I also just don't think that's true.

• 1:24:15Speaker 06

  That a woman is born with a certain amount of egg?

• 1:24:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:19Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 1:24:20Speaker 07

  Well, I think they're assigned, they're assigned.

• 1:24:23Speaker 06

  Sorry?

• 1:24:24Speaker 07

  Assigned by biology. I'm really losing.

• 1:24:29Speaker 05

  Do you think the drink, are the drink tokens assigned by biology as well? Because I'd say some people have got an endless supply of drink tokens.

• 1:24:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:24:36Speaker 07

  Are you not drinking at the moment at all?

• 1:24:38Speaker 06

  No, I, I, I, yesterday, so, yeah, I, I, I had about a month of not really drinking, not, it wasn't deliberate. I just had like a hectic month. I was like, I can't be doing with that as well. And then last night I went out and had only two drinks. But a really nice place called Cafe Caloon and they done a, a collab with a brewery, I can't remember, a cocktail bar. And it was this cocktail, it was like, it was lager and some orange liqueur, um, tequila.

• 1:25:09Speaker 07

  Wow, wow.

• 1:25:10Speaker 06

  And, uh, and Szechuan, this Szechuan stuff.

• 1:25:14Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:25:14Speaker 06

  It was delicious, this little.

• 1:25:15Speaker 05

  Sounds so good.

• 1:25:16Speaker 06

  Little bottle. So I had two of them.

• 1:25:19Speaker 07

  Two of them, oh my god.

• 1:25:20Speaker 06

  And felt pretty smashed on my way out.

• 1:25:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:25:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:25:23Speaker 05

  Straight into sea.

• 1:25:24Speaker 06

  Straight into sea. I got rolled.

• 1:25:26Speaker 05

  Yeah. Wasn't even wavy.

• 1:25:28Speaker 06

  In London. Walking around London, I got fucking rolled.

• 1:25:32Speaker 05

  Completely calm sea. James just rolling around.

• 1:25:35Speaker 06

  Out of nowhere.

• 1:25:36Speaker 05

  And you know what they say, if James is a rockin', don't come knocking.

• 1:25:41Speaker 07

  You know who's giving up booze? Andrew Lloyd Webber. Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, because he was on the show yesterday.

• 1:25:47Speaker 06

  About time he gave up booze. Those, those musicals are mad.

• 1:25:52Speaker 06

  Every time I see him, someone, someone needs to lay off the sauce, you know?

• 1:25:55Speaker 05

  He must have been pissed when he wrote Cats.

• 1:25:56Speaker 07

  Technically a dream, bro.

• 1:25:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, come on, mate.

• 1:25:58Speaker 07

  Cats, particularly.

• 1:25:59Speaker 06

  You joking? How much have you had to drink? You wrote Cats?

• 1:26:01Speaker 07

  You know, he got a dog because of the Cats movie. It was so bad, it made him get a dog. That's what he said. He got to have an ease. Oh, funnily enough, it's called, it's not, I think it is called Margarita.

• 1:26:13Speaker 05

  The dog?

• 1:26:14Speaker 07

  Yes, because.

• 1:26:15Speaker 05

  Drink or pizza?

• 1:26:17Speaker 07

  After the drink, because, uh, she, the dog is from Havana, the breed, Haveanese. I think it's Margarita.

• 1:26:26Speaker 05

  It's called Margarita.

• 1:26:26Speaker 07

  Oh damn.

• 1:26:29Speaker 05

  Close.

• 1:26:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, I thought, oh.

• 1:26:31Speaker 06

  The dog, the dog can sing.

• 1:26:32Speaker 07

  And he is.

• 1:26:33Speaker 06

  Little song about his name.

• 1:26:34Speaker 07

  He's done well for himself, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber. He gave up booze and he raised loads of money for a children's charity to give, you know, schools to help them with like the arts and things. All these different projects by selling some of his wine collection.

• 1:26:49Speaker 05

  Oh, I should have got in on that.

• 1:26:51Speaker 07

  Oh, I should have got in there before he gave up the grog.

• 1:26:53Speaker 05

  Some Lloyd Webber wine.

• 1:26:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, lovely. He had like a proper, proper collection.

• 1:26:57Speaker 05

  I'd be, yeah, but I would, you know, when all those auctions, like celebrity auctions go mad online and like people are bidding, bidding, bidding, bidding. I would have been like, I'm just going to get something. I would have ended up with Jacob's Creek or something. Just something he had at the back of a cupboard. He's like.

• 1:27:10Speaker 07

  Have you been on them and looked at them?

• 1:27:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I was, whenever there's like a big one, like the Freddie Mercury one or whatever, I'm like, I'll go, I'll go and have a look.

• 1:27:17Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:27:17Speaker 05

  I'm not buying anything, but I, I find it fascinating to watch what's happening on them. But yeah, I'd get something that someone had brought over to a barbecue at his house and he'd be like, thank you. And just stuck it in a cupboard.

• 1:27:28Speaker 07

  Still in that like blue plastic bag.

• 1:27:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 1:27:32Speaker 06

  Box wine.

• 1:27:33Speaker 05

  Lovely, bare, barefoot Chardonnay, how lovely.

• 1:27:40Speaker 06

  Your dream dessert.

• 1:27:41Speaker 07

  Dream dessert, okay. I was thinking about you, James, because I thought you'll be fuming if.

• 1:27:45Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:27:46Speaker 07

  Like, don't worry, I'm not going cheese board.

• 1:27:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, good, good, good.

• 1:27:50Speaker 07

  Okay, there's a couple of things going on here. Originally I was going to get plump, room temperature, slightly furry, sweet, not sour, perfect raspberries.

• 1:28:01Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:28:02Speaker 07

  With loads of double cream on.

• 1:28:04Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:28:04Speaker 07

  And, and maybe actually when you whip the double cream and you put a little bit of icing sugar in it and it stiffens up. What's that? Delicious.

• 1:28:13Speaker 05

  Whip cream.

• 1:28:14Speaker 07

  But I will also, it's a fancy French name for it. Is it creme pâtis? I don't know what it is.

• 1:28:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, there is a fancy.

• 1:28:20Speaker 07

  It's got a name for it, it's got a name and it's incredible. But I won Bake Off with a cake and I know, I know this is a sore point, James.

• 1:28:31Speaker 05

  No, go on.

• 1:28:32Speaker 07

  I won Bake Off with a cake out to do a cake of a celebrity friend.

• 1:28:36Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:28:36Speaker 07

  And I did Jeremy Vine riding a penny farthing in a Biscoff sponge. And so I will have a slice of that because it was.

• 1:28:44Speaker 05

  Oh, that sounds amazing.

• 1:28:45Speaker 07

  It went so good that crew took a slice on for her husband.

• 1:28:49Speaker 06

  Oh, wow.

• 1:28:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, and the crew were going, she only does that when it's raining.

• 1:28:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I bet.

• 1:28:53Speaker 06

  I've met that guy.

• 1:28:54Speaker 07

  Slice. Have you?

• 1:28:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, I met him backstage at Jonathan Ross. He was just, he's knocking about with her.

• 1:28:58Speaker 07

  Was he eating any cake?

• 1:29:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's all he talked about. He said, if you, if you had Sarah Cox's cake, it's absolutely amazing. That's why I'm out the house. I'm looking for more of it on the streets. Just going around trying to score some of that cake.

• 1:29:10Speaker 05

  I tried to take a bite out of Jeremy Vine the other day.

• 1:29:13Speaker 06

  Come here, Vine.

• 1:29:15Speaker 07

  I wouldn't mind. I got pictures off Jeremy because he's my mate. I'm like sending some pictures and, um, he sent me all these detailed pictures of the bike. I'm like, I don't think he realizes. I'm just going to be making it out of, you know, sugar icing and stuff, all that.

• 1:29:28Speaker 06

  I did his radio show once and he, no, his TV show, his Channel Five show or whatever it was.

• 1:29:32Speaker 07

  I did it, I only did it once.

• 1:29:34Speaker 06

  So I'm on my way there, right?

• 1:29:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:29:37Speaker 06

  And they tell me, he ain't going to be there. We, we got a stand-in.

• 1:29:41Speaker 07

  And Diamond?

• 1:29:42Speaker 06

  So, so, so, no, no, and I'm, thank God. Got previous with her.

• 1:29:46Speaker 07

  She should not have got previous with that.

• 1:29:47Speaker 05

  James got beef with her though.

• 1:29:49Speaker 07

  No way.

• 1:29:49Speaker 06

  She bullied me on House of Games. But, um, I, I was on my way there. They said Vine's not going to be there. It's a, it's a replacement. I was like, okay, fair enough. Get to the building, runner meets him at the door, go in the lift, goes up a few floors, door's open, Jeremy Vine's standing there, looking at me, hands on his hips. And I'm like, I'm like, I thought you weren't here. He went, I'm not, I'm not doing it today. It's my, my daughter's getting her A level results. So I've taken the day off. I was like, why, what are you here for? He went, I couldn't have you come in and do the show and not be looked after. I'm here to look after you. And he was, and he said to the runner, you, you, you can ta- take the morning off. I've got this. And then the other guy was like, but Jeremy.

• 1:30:32Speaker 06

  You're, you're not doing your show. Come in and

• 1:30:35Speaker 07

  And he still went in.

• 1:30:36Speaker 06

  You're here for the duration of the show, but you're not doing it. It's like you do A level results. It's like, yeah, she's here with me. I bought her with me as well. But, but you, you can forget it. So you go away.

• 1:30:46Speaker 07

  Wow.

• 1:30:47Speaker 06

  The runner's like, okay, Jeremy Vine takes me down the corridor and goes, where are we going? I said, oh, I thought you would know. I went, I don't know.

• 1:30:56Speaker 06

  I don't know where you're meant to be. I was like, Jeremy, you've just told the runner to do one and you didn't even know where we're going. And we were walking around that building for ages, into different rooms, going into the makeup thing. Do you need James yet? No. Okay. Well, we don't need you here. Over and over again. Eventually he puts me in a green room with his daughter. He says she's a big fan. Talked to her about her A level results. I had to sit there, make small talk with her. Lovely person, no disrespect, but it was, it was the last thing I needed.

• 1:31:23Speaker 06

  And then he made me do a TikTok with him.

• 1:31:25Speaker 05

  In my mind, he's wearing a bicycle helmet with a camera on the front of the whole thing.

• 1:31:28Speaker 07

  Wow. That's amazing.

• 1:31:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:31Speaker 05

  Do you want to hear my Jeremy Vine anecdote?

• 1:31:33Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:31:34Speaker 05

  Sat next to him in the theatre the other night. End of anecdote. Didn't say anything.

• 1:31:38Speaker 06

  Probably wasn't even meant to be there.

• 1:31:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:31:41Speaker 06

  But the raspberries isn't your choice. It's your cake.

• 1:31:44Speaker 07

  I will have the cake.

• 1:31:45Speaker 06

  It's the Vine cake.

• 1:31:45Speaker 07

  And I will have some beautiful raspberries on the side.

• 1:31:48Speaker 05

  Chantilly cream?

• 1:31:49Speaker 07

  Chantilly. Yeah. Because it's like the song, isn't it?

• 1:31:52Speaker 06

  Chantilly.

• 1:31:59Speaker 06

  I'm very conscious of Benito's camera running out.

• 1:32:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:32:01Speaker 06

  You would like Sarah Cox. We'll read your menu back to you now. See how you feel about it. Room temperature, still water. You would like a McDonald's hash brown as an amuse bouche. Straight out the fryer in the paper bag.

• 1:32:11Speaker 05

  No sauce, no salt, no pepper.

• 1:32:12Speaker 06

  You would like a bread basket with challah bread from Daniel's, garlic bread from Sanzio's, French stick from La Colombe d'Or.

• 1:32:21Speaker 07

  Well, the lingerie, to be fair.

• 1:32:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:32:23Speaker 06

  Half a Warburton's crumpet with salted butter. Starter, barbecued mackerel plus scallops and bacon from the Devonshire. But your uncle.

• 1:32:31Speaker 07

  Uncle Trevor.

• 1:32:32Speaker 06

  Is making that barbecued mackerel. Main course, chargrilled lamb chops from Roca or Roka. Side dish, mum's mashed potato and cold spinach with sesame sauce and some kimchi. Drink your fever tree non-alcoholic Italian spritz. And dessert, a slice of the Jeremy Vine cake right in a period of Penny Farthing with perfect raspberries.

• 1:32:51Speaker 07

  He just put me in there.

• 1:32:51Speaker 06

  And chantilly cream.

• 1:32:56Speaker 05

  That's a great menu.

• 1:32:57Speaker 07

  That's a, I'm pleased with that, actually. That was making me hungry just hearing it back. Thank you.

• 1:33:02Speaker 05

  I am starving now.

• 1:33:03Speaker 06

  I'm really hungry. My, my, my stomach has started going.

• 1:33:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. I wanna, I wanna go and barbecue some mackerel immediately. I know I wanna crumpet.

• 1:33:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Speaker 07

  Enjoy all of that.

• 1:33:12Speaker 05

  Thank you so much.

• 1:33:13Speaker 07

  This has been the absolute dream. I love this pod so much. So thanks for having me.

• 1:33:16Speaker 05

  Well, thank you for coming on. Thank you for coming to the dream restaurant, Sarah Cox.

• 1:33:19Speaker 06

  Sarah Cox.

• 1:33:26Speaker 05

  Well, there we are, James, the wonderful Sarah Cox. What a great menu. What a great chat.

• 1:33:30Speaker 06

  Great hang.

• 1:33:31Speaker 05

  Great hang.

• 1:33:32Speaker 06

  Loved hanging out with Sarah Cox. Loved hearing her menu. Glad that she didn't say Cox orange pippin.

• 1:33:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:33:37Speaker 06

  Uh, that apple, which Benito wants you, the listener, to know that he thinks it's funny.

• 1:33:42Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:33:42Speaker 06

  That it's got the word orange in it, but it's an apple.

• 1:33:45Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:33:45Speaker 06

  Like it's misleading.

• 1:33:47Speaker 05

  For context, Benito doesn't find us funny.

• 1:33:49Speaker 06

  No, he doesn't find us funny, but he does find it funny that an, an apple is called an orange. Which now I said it out loud, that is very funny.

• 1:33:55Speaker 05

  Funny, actually. Good point. That's funny.

• 1:33:57Speaker 06

  That is funny. Um, please make sure that you buy Sarah's book, The Truth of Us.

• 1:34:03Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:34:03Speaker 06

  And listen to our podcast, The Teen Commandments.

• 1:34:05Speaker 05

  And listen to, as if this needs a plug.

• 1:34:08Speaker 06

  As if.

• 1:34:08Speaker 05

  Listen to the Radio 2 Breakfast Show.

• 1:34:09Speaker 06

  Radio 2 Breakfast Show, for God's sakes. And every time Janet Jackson comes on, you know what's happening.

• 1:34:15Speaker 05

  There's a plop happening.

• 1:34:16Speaker 06

  A plop happening. Um, Sally Traffic, if you're listening to this, I know you got short shrift again in this episode. Um, but you know, you know that there's love between us. I, I'd like to invite you to come on this podcast as a guest one day.

• 1:34:30Speaker 05

  Benito shaking his head.

• 1:34:31Speaker 06

  Yeah. He's, he's vetoed that quite a few times. The great, the veto.

• 1:34:35Speaker 05

  Danny DeVito.

• 1:34:37Speaker 06

  Ed is touring Fresh Hell. Make sure you go and see him. Tickets at edgamble.com.

• 1:34:42Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:34:43Speaker 06

  Dot co dot u. Co dot U K.

• 1:34:44Speaker 05

  Yeah. Go to Craig Simon's Live. I don't know. I'm pointing you. It's not you. Go to Craig Simon's Live, at Craig Simon's Live on YouTube. Thank you very much for watching and listening. Goodbye.

• 1:34:53Speaker 06

  Goodbye. Off menu.

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