Lara Ricote

Award-winning stand-up comedian and actor – star of Channel 4’s ‘Break Clause’ and ‘Make That Movie’ – Lara Ricote joins us in the Dream Restaurant this week. Did anyone else have teeth like rice (but not cooked)? Lara Ricote stars in ‘Break Clause’. All episodes are available to watch now on Channel 4 https://www.channel4.com/programmes/break-clause. Follow Lara on Instagram @lararicote https://www.instagram.com/lararicote Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Ed Gamble is on tour in 2027 with ‘Fresh Hell’. For dates and tickets go to edgamble.co.uk https://edgamble.co.uk/ Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hello, it's Ed here from the Off Menu podcast that you are listening to right now. You'll know that I'm doing a brand new stand-up comedy show on tour next year, Fresh Hell, and we are delighted to announce that we are doing two more shows at the London Palladium, Friday the 19th of March, Saturday the 20th of March. You've got to come to these shows, they're going to be great, they're on sale now, edgamble.co.uk for ticket details.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  I've got big news, I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year.

• 0:34James Acaster?

  Shh, anything else?

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them.

• 0:39Speaker 03

  Everybody, listen up!

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Shh, switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now, no trade-in needed, and the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the falafel of conversation, the hummus of humour, the pickled chilies of chat, the general mixed salad of friendship, and wrapping it all up in the flatbread of podcasting.

• 1:31James Acaster?

  That's Ed Gamble, my name is James Acaster. Together, we own a dream restaurant. Every single week, we're inviting a guest and asking their favourite ever start, a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, the guest is Lara Ricote!

• 1:43Speaker 00

  Lara is an amazing comic, James.

• 1:45James Acaster?

  Award-winning, a comic's comic, but also an audience's comic.

• 1:50Speaker 00

  The people's comic.

• 1:51James Acaster?

  Everyone loves, loves comedy, also is an actor.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  An actor, brand new show, Break Clause, sitcom, available on Channel 4 now. All episodes are available now. It's been getting brilliant reviews across the board, James.

• 2:08James Acaster?

  Yes, we'll find out more about it.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  We will, we'll find out more about it.

• 2:11James Acaster?

  Of course.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  I would also say Lara's most recent show, Inkling, was fantastic. It's one of my favourite shows I saw at the Fringe.

• 2:18James Acaster?

  Yep.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  She's already done a London run of it, but hopefully she'll do more. So keep an eye out, go and see Lara.

• 2:23James Acaster?

  Fingers crossed, but here we go. Even though we love Lara and her comedy, we will kick her out of the dream restaurant if she says the secret ingredient, which we deem to be unacceptable.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Let's leave a quick pause, and if you're watching this or listening to this, see if you can guess what it's going to be. Okay, there you go, you've got your guess.

• 2:40James Acaster?

  This week, the secret ingredient is ricotta.

• 2:42Speaker 00

  It's ricotta.

• 2:43James Acaster?

  Sounds a bit like her surname.

• 2:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:45James Acaster?

  And it'd be really funny to kick someone out for that. It's quite a common ingredient.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 2:50James Acaster?

  And a nice ingredient, it's delicious.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  And Italian cuisine, very popular with people.

• 2:54James Acaster?

  Yeah, so it's not out of the question that it's going to come up and it'd be, I'd really get a kick out of.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  She'd be a really funny person to kick out.

• 3:03James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Because I don't think she'd understand what was happening, she'd be very funny about it.

• 3:07James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:08James Acaster?

  Yeah, she'd definitely think we were being out of order, which we kind of would be.

• 3:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:12James Acaster?

  Unquestionably.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  It feels like something that could come up in any of the courses.

• 3:17James Acaster?

  In any course, no course is safe.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  No course is safe. You know, sometimes it pops up in dessert, doesn't it?

• 3:23James Acaster?

  Yeah, absolutely does. I mean, I'd say that drink is the only course.

• 3:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:30James Acaster?

  That it's not going to come up in.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Unless it's a really weird smoothie.

• 3:33James Acaster?

  Yeah, unless this is a savoury drink on the cards, but there probably isn't.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  No. Oh, and let's not forget, James, I'm on tour in 2027. The show's called Fresh Hell, edgamble.co.uk for tickets. I'm doing four shows at the London Palladium in March. Tickets available now, edgamble.co.uk.

• 3:51James Acaster?

  Also, everyone should go on YouTube and subscribe.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  That's a great plug, you've got to go on YouTube.

• 3:57James Acaster?

  To watch this, for one.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:59James Acaster?

  You can watch this app.

• 4:00Speaker 00

  And there's like, there's 40 other things plus.

• 4:04James Acaster?

  At least, including @craigsimonslive. That is the channel that everyone should subscribe to. @craigsimonslive. If you subscribe to that, I'm hearing that there's some exciting stuff, content going to come to that channel pretty soon. December the 1st.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Is when something might be on Craig Simon's.

• 4:29James Acaster?

  Might be.

• 4:30Speaker 00

  It's very exciting.

• 4:32James Acaster?

  @craigsimonslive.

• 4:34Speaker 00

  This is the off-menu menu of Lara Ricote!

• 4:46Speaker 00

  Welcome Lara to the dream restaurant.

• 4:49Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 4:50James Acaster?

  Welcome Lara Ricote to the dream restaurant! I've been expecting you for some time.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Is that true?

• 4:55James Acaster?

  Yeah, ages.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:57James Acaster?

  How long exactly do you think we've been expecting you? Be precise.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  A year, three months.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  Wow, that's bang on.

• 5:05James Acaster?

  Yeah, bang on.

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's around the time.

• 5:08James Acaster?

  A couple of days out, Ed doesn't have the heart to tell you.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  Really?

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  What, don't you have the heart to tell me?

• 5:14Speaker 00

  It's just, you were two days out. It's one year, three months, two days that we've been expecting you, yeah.

• 5:20Speaker 04

  Okay, now I guess you have the heart.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, he made me have the heart, you know?

• 5:24Speaker 04

  That's good, it's a friend.

• 5:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's a good friend.

• 5:27James Acaster?

  What's the song that starts with the, "It's been 1015 days"?

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought you were going to go, "It's been one week since..." That one.

• 5:37James Acaster?

  That's One Week by Bare Naked Ladies?

• 5:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:40Speaker 04

  Bare Naked.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  I played that the other night, me and my wife, we were just trying to get to sleep and I was like, "Don't worry, we need to get to sleep, I'll put some relaxing music on", and I put on One Week by Bare Naked Ladies.

• 5:53Speaker 04

  What type of speaker system do you have in your room?

• 5:56Speaker 00

  Just through my phone.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, I put it on really loud.

• 5:58Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 5:59Speaker 00

  And then that made.

• 6:00Speaker 04

  In your mouth?

• 6:03Speaker 00

  It was just bare out.

• 6:05Speaker 04

  Hmm, that's the worst way to make it sound, absolutely.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  But put it on really loud and then I really laughed at my own joke.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 6:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  Because it's not smooth.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  It's not relaxing at all, One Week by Bare Naked Ladies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you would find that relaxing.

• 6:20James Acaster?

  You've not heard the song?

• 6:21Speaker 04

  I've not heard many songs, James Acaster. So you might want to know that from the get-go. There are many songs I've not heard, pretty much most.

• 6:31James Acaster?

  Really?

• 6:32Speaker 04

  Hmm, I'm getting on it now, slowly.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  Have you heard? Are you starting from the beginning?

• 6:37Speaker 04

  Sort of, Josie Long's actually sending me a couple, the little podcasts you make called Welcome to Music, just for me, thanks.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, actually, it's very nice. And she's just sending me different songs that I should listen to. I'm listening to Ella Fitzgerald right now.

• 6:53James Acaster?

  Great.

• 6:53Speaker 00

  That's nice.

• 6:54Speaker 04

  Well, I'm on that, takes me a while because I don't want to.

• 6:57James Acaster?

  You don't want to listen to Ella Fitzgerald?

• 6:59Speaker 04

  I don't want to listen to anything. Every time I'm listening to music, I'm thinking, can I call my mom? Can you believe that's the truth? It's bad and I don't feel like I should tell anybody about that and I just did.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  So growing up, you weren't into music?

• 7:13Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 7:16Speaker 04

  No, growing up, like, we would listen to music in the house. I don't know, I don't have like a, I'll listen to one song again and again and again, but it kind of needs to like settle into me before I can like it. I won't like it just by listening to it once.

• 7:28James Acaster?

  Is there a song that you really like that is a good example of that, like?

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Seabird, the Alessi Brothers.

• 7:35James Acaster?

  I've not heard that, see, I've not heard that.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Is this a Josie Long?

• 7:38Speaker 04

  Seabird, fly home.

• 7:41James Acaster?

  Hmm, sounds like a bad song.

• 7:43Speaker 04

  Oh, well, it's not.

• 7:45Speaker 00

  No, is this a Josie Long recommendation?

• 7:46Speaker 04

  Uh-uh.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  No?

• 7:47James Acaster?

  Seabird, Seabird, fly home.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  It's actually beautiful, the Alessi Brothers are people, every time I play this song, people go, "That's a really beautiful song." People ask me, "What song is that?", I go, "Seabird by the Alessi Brothers."

• 8:00James Acaster?

  So you put it on often when people are like at your house or whatever and you could.

• 8:05Speaker 04

  I would never put music when people are in my house because I know I'm not equipped. I'm not going to be putting something that anybody wants to listen to. I only have one song right now.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  So you just have to put on Seabird by the Alessi Brothers on over and over again?

• 8:17Speaker 04

  I wouldn't dare put anything, somebody goes, "Hey, can we get the music on?", I go, "That's all in your jurisdiction, man."

• 8:23Speaker 00

  But you don't mind other people putting on music in your house?

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't mind it, no. I think it's good and I think I should also be going with it as well because I know that music is a powerful thing that many people have fallen in love around.

• 8:36Speaker 00

  This is blowing my mind that you're not a music fan.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  I hate, well, imagine having to say something like that to two people, that I'm not a music fan, it feels awful. I don't want that to have anything to do with my personality, but it just is true that I haven't had like a sort of deep and constant relationship to it, but I'm working on that now and I'm trying to get sort of going. I know, but this is true, I do love lyrics and lyrics will make, if I'm at karaoke and I listen to a song, for example, What's Up by Four Non Blondes, this music, I almost stuttered, but I didn't, this lyric is making me cry at the karaoke.

• 9:16Speaker 00

  Which particular lyric?

• 9:18Speaker 04

  Come on, the part where it's like, "What's going on?", actually though.

• 9:22James Acaster?

  Hey, what's going on?

• 9:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it also like the, like the revolution part, the part about the hill, great big hill of hope.

• 9:33James Acaster?

  Yeah, I can't really remember all the.

• 9:35Speaker 04

  I can.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  Is that what you'd sing at karaoke, would you be singing it?

• 9:38Speaker 04

  Well, I just recently tried it and I couldn't believe what it was saying. The thing about it is that.

• 9:42James Acaster?

  And you were crying at the karaoke.

• 9:43Speaker 04

  Well, I can cry no problem about that. Yeah, that's moving to me. Also, it's like, yeah, this is actually what probably music is about. But I don't know about that yet. I do have a sense of it being the case when you listen to it, you know what I'm talking about?

• 10:00James Acaster?

  Well, yeah, it feels like, if you don't mind me saying,

• 10:04Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 10:05James Acaster?

  You may be just arrived on earth yesterday, that's how you're talking. You're talking like, "I think this is what music is."

• 10:13Speaker 04

  On a fiesta day.

• 10:14James Acaster?

  Like, maybe you're an alien and you just got here and you're like, "Oh, I get what, I get what lyrics are, they're emotions." That's how you're talking about it.

• 10:23Speaker 00

  What's fiesta day?

• 10:25Speaker 04

  Right, that was my.

• 10:26James Acaster?

  Oh, I meant yesterday.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 10:28James Acaster?

  Did I not say yesterday?

• 10:29Speaker 00

  No, you said it feels like you've just arrived here on a fiesta day.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  I'm going to go ahead and second that.

• 10:35James Acaster?

  I mean, it's been recorded, so.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, we both thought you said Fiesta Day, and so did Ben. It feels like you've just arrived here on a Fiesta Day.

• 10:44James Acaster?

  No, I said you just arrived on Earth yesterday.

• 10:47Speaker 04

  On Earth.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  Oh, I, yeah. On Earth Fiesta Day.

• 10:52Speaker 04

  On Earth.

• 10:52James Acaster?

  Oh, you arrived on Earth yesterday.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  You've arrived on Earth.

• 10:57James Acaster?

  You've arrived on Earth yesterday.

• 11:00Speaker 00

  I thought I've never heard that phrase.

• 11:01James Acaster?

  Cause I, I thought when I said it, I was like, and, and I was getting the reaction I was getting. I was like, have I said something deeply offensive? So I was like, I really, I really insulted our guest by saying.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  Fiesta.

• 11:14James Acaster?

  It's like you've arrived on Earth yesterday. And then I was talking, and you were looking at me like, you fucking what, mate?

• 11:20Speaker 04

  I said.

• 11:20James Acaster?

  But it's cause you thought I said Fiesta Day.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I said, I'd never heard this before, but also it kind of means party day.

• 11:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I thought he was trying to make a connection with you as a, as a, as a Spanish speaker, you know?

• 11:31Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  Say, well, that should turn our kindness probably it's related to me. It's probably because you were, got, you got here on Fiesta Day, and so you're only just sort of having a relationship to sort of everything being exciting with through music. I'm going, maybe. I'm going like that, maybe.

• 11:50James Acaster?

  Well, sorry for the confusion.

• 11:52Speaker 04

  No worries.

• 11:52James Acaster?

  How about your relationship to food?

• 11:54Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 11:55James Acaster?

  Is food something that like you've always had a good connection with, or is it like music where you're like, I don't get why people like this?

• 12:01Speaker 04

  I didn't say that I don't get why people like it. Please don't put that on the record.

• 12:04James Acaster?

  You said anyone who likes music is an idiot.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  I didn't say that. I, this has been recorded. I didn't say Fiesta Day.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  I did say that I haven't gotten around to it yet.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  And you're trying.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  And I'm trying and I, I understand that there's a value and also I said some stuff about people falling in love around it and I value that. So honestly, I feel pretty like I've made my case around how I am.

• 12:28James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  Okay, um, definitely. I'm saying food is definitely something that I have a relationship with. My family is a big time food family. Everybody cares about it a lot. Sometimes if I don't cook for too long, I feel like I'm like dishonoring my family.

• 12:43James Acaster?

  Really?

• 12:44Speaker 04

  I actually had that realization the other day. I like, like just kind of bought like, I don't know, one pot meal or whatever the hell. Maybe for like three days in a row and I had this feeling of like, if my family knew I had done this, that would be bad.

• 12:56James Acaster?

  You'd be in trouble?

• 12:57Speaker 04

  Well, they would be like, sort of like disgusted by me and then I'd have to deal with that.

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Personally.

• 13:03Speaker 00

  So they're cooking all the time, your family?

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  It's always like, the kitchen's always busy.

• 13:08Speaker 04

  Kitchen's busy.

• 13:09Speaker 00

  Cooking from scratch.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  Scratch.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  Before we talk more about food, I'm just gonna put a quick break in the conversation, James.

• 13:19James Acaster?

  Oh, here we go.

• 13:19Speaker 00

  A break clause, if you will.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  Wow, that was awesome and smooth.

• 13:22Speaker 00

  Thank you so much. Um, your sitcom that, that you're in, the Channel, the Channel Four sitcom Break Clause.

• 13:28James Acaster?

  Why are you putting four up?

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Because it's the four of the channels.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Channel Four.

• 13:32James Acaster?

  Channel Four, yeah, sorry.

• 13:33Speaker 00

  Throw up a quick four for us? Thank you. Um, tell us a little bit about.

• 13:37Speaker 04

  We had to beg him, we had to beg him to put the four up.

• 13:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:41James Acaster?

  You know, I'm famously anti-Channel Four.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Are you?

• 13:45James Acaster?

  Always happen.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm on it this year.

• 13:48James Acaster?

  Oh, well then, I love it.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 04

  Thank you, James D. Castor.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  James is really trying with Channel Four, but the problem is he arrived on a Fiesta Day.

• 13:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, it does get confusing when you arrive on a Fiesta Day.

• 13:57James Acaster?

  Fiesta Day, everyone. Kind of, I'm really, really gutted that that's gonna be a recurring thing, cause I'd rather the first bit isn't in the podcast, but like.

• 14:08Speaker 04

  It's the conversation bit. It always goes in the podcast.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Why, I was confused as well. Not just the phrase Fiesta Day, which I'd never heard before. Also, if, if I arrived on a Fiesta Day, I'd love music.

• 14:20James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, probably music would already be playing.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  No, but also that's the thing that made sense about it.

• 14:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  It feels like you arrived on a Fiesta Day and now you're going, oh, there's music around and it has lyrics and it makes me feel stuff, we're all going.

• 14:33James Acaster?

  Whereas me saying it feels like you arrived on Earth yesterday.

• 14:36Speaker 04

  Yuck.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  Confusing. Delete.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  Tell us a little bit about Break Clause, please.

• 14:44Speaker 04

  That is a show that I'm in. It's a rom-com. I play the girl. It is a story of a, of a couple. They live in Leeds that's in the north.

• 14:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 14:54Speaker 04

  And they live there for four years. They're in love. Kiss, kiss, kiss, in love. Intimacy coordinator style stuff.

• 15:01James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 04

  Then, this is me doing a little kiss stuff for the listeners. With my fingers and my toes.

• 15:10Speaker 04

  And, uh, and then they, um, they moved to London because she has a job. He doesn't. Uh-oh, he cheats on her the night before they moved down.

• 15:19Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  They've already signed a lease. They're gonna live together for six months. They follow them, the cameras. They follow them every month for the six months that they live together. That's a fricking rom-com. I'm in it. It's very good.

• 15:36Speaker 00

  Sounds fantastic.

• 15:37Speaker 04

  It's actually quite lovely and funny.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 04

  A lot of people from SNL are in it.

• 15:42James Acaster?

  Uh-huh. US?

• 15:44Speaker 04

  Uh-uh, UK.

• 15:45James Acaster?

  Ooh.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  Oh, it's good.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  It's good.

• 15:49James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:50Speaker 04

  It's very good.

• 15:50James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  Are you gonna host it? Say the honest truth.

• 15:55James Acaster?

  I think anyone's asking me.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, not yet, but.

• 15:57James Acaster?

  I need to learn how to speak first.

• 15:59Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:00Speaker 04

  God, that would be definitely.

• 16:02Speaker 00

  You can't put this on live. Live TV, this guy's saying things like Fiesta Day, when he means.

• 16:06Speaker 04

  People go, people start Googling, then, then you have a sort of, uh, oh, I have dirt on my pants.

• 16:14Speaker 00

  I can't see any dirt on your pants.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  It is dirt.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  What sort of dirt?

• 16:17Speaker 04

  Probably food. And that's a wonderful segue.

• 16:23James Acaster?

  We always start with still a sparkling water. Ever preference?

• 16:26Speaker 04

  I am of course going for the sparkling kind. For me, that's better. And I think it's delicious and I can't believe it's bad for your teeth.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  Hmm, I think a lot of this is conspiracy theory.

• 16:36Speaker 04

  The teeth stuff?

• 16:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. I think, I think it's too, the government are saying it's bad for your teeth because if everyone had sparkling water all the time, we'd have too much fun.

• 16:45Speaker 04

  Hmm, probably also they have to take too long to carbonate all of it.

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. It's gonna take up too many resources.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  Do you guys think you're ever gonna get those big famous people teeth? Be honest about it.

• 16:54James Acaster?

  Veners?

• 16:55Speaker 04

  Veners.

• 16:55James Acaster?

  No.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  I don't think so. Really?

• 16:58Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  How big are we talking?

• 16:59Speaker 04

  Too big, she can't close her mouth that much.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  She had small ones that we all loved.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  And we all have her small ones.

• 17:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  And then she got them changed.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  How does that make you feel that you've got the same teeth as your mum and she changed hers?

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Well, imagine.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:13Speaker 04

  You can fill up the fricking gap easy.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Betrayed?

• 17:16Speaker 04

  It feels like, what the hell?

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  That, um, mean, hurtful.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  A clear day that she didn't like what we got.

• 17:26James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 17:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  Did she go to Turkey?

• 17:28Speaker 04

  She went to Colombia and she paid a good amount of money and then they fell off

• 17:36Speaker 04

  during New Year's Eve. We had a party in my dad's studio.

• 17:41Speaker 00

  On the stroke of midnight?

• 17:42Speaker 04

  Uh-uh, the meal before. This one.

• 17:46James Acaster?

  That's the fun.

• 17:47Speaker 04

  The front, that's the front on the right.

• 17:49James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 04

  The front on the right. What we're seeing is a really small one.

• 17:52James Acaster?

  Just fell out.

• 17:54Speaker 04

  We're seeing one of those really small ones.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  Was it fight, had, had they been filed down to put?

• 17:59Speaker 04

  They get filed down to get.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  So it was tiny.

• 18:01Speaker 04

  They become just, um, yeah, but even, even more like round, they become kind of like in some way, um, screws.

• 18:09James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  But it's your tooth.

• 18:11James Acaster?

  Ooh.

• 18:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we all were like, disgusting to look at, but it's our mom.

• 18:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, and it's New Year's Eve.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  And it's New Year's.

• 18:19James Acaster?

  Such a bad time for it to happen.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  It's a bad time. She glued it. She's super glued it, went to the party, no problem. She's like that. Then it happened again, lots of different times, so I can't even tell it too many stories.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Always the same one?

• 18:31Speaker 04

  Kind of not.

• 18:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  Kind of different ones.

• 18:35James Acaster?

  Different ones that's falling out.

• 18:36Speaker 00

  Is it a bad job the person did on it in Colombia then?

• 18:39Speaker 04

  I mean, I think we could assume.

• 18:41Speaker 00

  It must be. That, that doesn't happen to all of them, does it?

• 18:43Speaker 04

  I don't think it happened to everybody, no, but she got them done again and, um.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  Even bigger ones over the big ones?

• 18:49Speaker 04

  Yes, even bigger ones over the big ones.

• 18:52James Acaster?

  Like a Russian doll situation with the teeth.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, then at least when they fall, it's not like goes straight to tiny, but it goes straight to middle. But still, it's about dissonance anyway, so.

• 19:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it's the comparative.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  It's why you can, you can see that.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:06Speaker 04

  It's not the right one.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  I think I'd rather get one huge tooth that goes all the way around.

• 19:12Speaker 04

  And then just slice it in the middle.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, just draw on it maybe with a sharpie.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, but imagine, actually, there's probably a reason why we don't just have one huge tooth.

• 19:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, for eating and stuff, maybe.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know, but like probably like for eating in some specific way that it makes a difference to have separate ones. Cause if not, we would just probably have one, one at the top, one at the bottom.

• 19:32James Acaster?

  I don't know. I think, I think it sounds great just having one on the top, one on the bottom.

• 19:36Speaker 04

  But you don't think.

• 19:37James Acaster?

  I don't see any drawbacks.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess actually no food would be stuck anywhere.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:41James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  Maybe it would be about it being too painful to grow it all in one.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, that would be bad. And then if you lose a tooth.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  You're done for.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  Completely fat, don't you?

• 19:50James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:50Speaker 04

  I actually think it's probably around that. It's like, uh, it's so that you can lose them and not be fucked for life. Am I allowed to curse on this?

• 19:59James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. Fuck for life, FFL.

• 20:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause if you don't have, oh, no tooth in the top, only tooth in the bottom and it's one.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's bad.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  That's fricking bad.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Yeah. I love that your mum's got huge veneers.

• 20:11Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 20:11Speaker 00

  That's fantastic.

• 20:12James Acaster?

  Yeah, it's funny.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  Definitely funny, huh?

• 20:14James Acaster?

  It's funny.

• 20:15Speaker 04

  At least.

• 20:15James Acaster?

  They keep pulling out.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:17James Acaster?

  New Year's Eve and stuff.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  The last time that they fell off was July last year, so it's not, it's been a while.

• 20:22James Acaster?

  Do you want then?

• 20:23Speaker 04

  I think so.

• 20:24James Acaster?

  But also, would she tell you about all of them? I mean.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  Definitely. It's fun for the whole family.

• 20:29James Acaster?

  So you always get told if one of her teeth falls out?

• 20:31Speaker 04

  One time it was just an olive, did it?

• 20:35Speaker 04

  We were in New York City, we went to Broadway, she only had one missing.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Does she only, does her teeth only fall out on special occasions?

• 20:41Speaker 04

  Actually, I mean, I do think that there might be something around the fact that like, it really shouldn't now.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:48James Acaster?

  She's having too much of a good time, I think as well. Maybe she's enjoying herself, she's a bit more like, just shaking her head around, loosening everything up.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  You shouldn't, not when you've got veneers.

• 20:59Speaker 00

  Does having veneers mean that like sparkling water won't affect them in the same way as it affects natural teeth?

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Very good return to the sparkling water.

• 21:08Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 21:08Speaker 04

  And I would say probably yes, they're probably made of different stuff than teeth are.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, you'd hope so.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  God, man.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:17Speaker 04

  I would.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  So would you consider getting veneers so you can drink as much sparkling water as you like?

• 21:22Speaker 04

  No, I can't get veneers, I can't, please, please.

• 21:26James Acaster?

  Because of what's happened to your mum.

• 21:27Speaker 04

  I just think it's not right to get different teeth than the ones you have unless you have, oh my god, I have two fake teeth.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  I was just remembering that while I said it, these two of mine are fake.

• 21:38Speaker 00

  Really?

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 21:39James Acaster?

  Why are they fake, what happened?

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Because my family said to me that I should get, this is actually the reason.

• 21:45James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  Oh, because I grew up in Miami, Florida, and I had two teeth that were too small.

• 21:51Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  They were like rice, but not cooked, okay?

• 21:55James Acaster?

  No, you didn't.

• 21:56Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 21:56James Acaster?

  They weren't like rice.

• 21:58Speaker 04

  They weren't like rice, they were my teeth, man, I know what they were like.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  That's so small.

• 22:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, they were like rice but not cooked.

• 22:05Speaker 00

  Were there gaps?

• 22:06James Acaster?

  I mean, remember if they were cooked or not?

• 22:08Speaker 04

  No, because cooked gets a little puff.

• 22:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:11James Acaster?

  Sure, okay, yeah, yeah, but even then, I would say.

• 22:15Speaker 00

  Were there gaps in between them and the teeth next to them? So it was like a bit of rice and then just like air and then?

• 22:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:21Speaker 04

  Don't do that face about my teeth before, please, and also, and, and then the option was either squish everything together or leave the gaps. My mom said to me, the gaps give you personality, so I don't think that that's true, I think my personality comes from somewhere else. And truth be told, I think I still have it, and I've got them covered, I just got them covered, those were my options, make them all sort of gaps everywhere.

• 22:49James Acaster?

  Uh huh.

• 22:50Speaker 04

  Or just.

• 22:51Speaker 00

  That's not an option though.

• 22:52James Acaster?

  No.

• 22:52Speaker 00

  Making all of the teeth have gaps.

• 22:54James Acaster?

  Make them all like rice?

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  No, no, not all like rice, all regular how they are, to our rice.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  Then the rest of them are sort of spread out a bit, so that there's not just two big gaps around the rice.

• 23:06Speaker 00

  So the option was make gap, make more gaps?

• 23:08Speaker 04

  Make more gaps so then it's just like regular.

• 23:10James Acaster?

  Hmm, I don't know if it would be regular.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  It wouldn't be regular.

• 23:13Speaker 04

  Just like even.

• 23:15James Acaster?

  So there's a gap between every single one of your teeth?

• 23:17Speaker 04

  Yes, in an even sort of way.

• 23:19James Acaster?

  I've never seen anyone look like.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  That's what they offered me.

• 23:21James Acaster?

  Unless they've got like seven teeth, but like.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  No, no, this was just even, you put, you put some sort of thing in your mouth so that all of them get a little bit separate from each other.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Right.

• 23:30Speaker 04

  Or you cover the two that are too separate from each other with some other teeth.

• 23:36James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  And then you just go on business as usual.

• 23:40James Acaster?

  Which is obviously what you decided to do.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  I think you chose the best option.

• 23:43James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, because I think if you spread them out, the way you're talking about, those two would still look like rice.

• 23:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, the rice.

• 23:50James Acaster?

  It wouldn't be like no one would notice that you have two rice teeth.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it can be fine to have rice teeth.

• 23:55James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, sure.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  I think that the issue is just like everything pointing at, these teeth are my rice teeth, you know, like the big gap.

• 24:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  That's like, sort of like, rice teeth here, you know what I'm saying?

• 24:05James Acaster?

  Yeah, I, I definitely know what you're saying, I still don't know if I believe.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  The rice.

• 24:09James Acaster?

  That you had rice teeth, but like, yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 04

  I can show you a photo.

• 24:12James Acaster?

  Okay.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Later.

• 24:14James Acaster?

  Pop noms or bread, pop noms or bread, Laura Cote, pop noms or bread?

• 24:18Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Oh, pop noms or bread?

• 24:23James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 04

  Oh my god, I didn't know what that was, what you just did.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  Well, you've worked it out now.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, it took me a second, um, bread, definitely for me.

• 24:33James Acaster?

  Definitely.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Pop noms, come on, too thin.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  Too thin, that's your issue with it?

• 24:40Speaker 04

  I'm not at church.

• 24:43Speaker 04

  I don't know, I just said that, not something I really stand by, I'm not at church.

• 24:47James Acaster?

  I mean.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  I guess it does have.

• 24:48James Acaster?

  You're not at church.

• 24:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're not at church.

• 24:50James Acaster?

  I'm not gonna fact check you there, you're definitely not at church, unless you see the podcast studio as your church.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  Uh uh, but I was saying, I'm not at church as in, it's not a wafer, I don't want a wafer, you know what I was talking about the whole time.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  But then you started talking about the podcast studio being a church, so that's why it got confusing.

• 25:06James Acaster?

  This is Benito's church.

• 25:07Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 25:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, the church of Benito.

• 25:09James Acaster?

  He sees this as his church.

• 25:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:11James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 25:11Speaker 00

  And his dojo, he calls it his dojo as well.

• 25:13James Acaster?

  He does call it his dojo.

• 25:14Speaker 04

  I don't know what that means.

• 25:15Speaker 00

  Uh, it's, it's where you train if you're doing judo, but he calls it his dojo, because this is where he like trains all his producer skills.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Hey, that's awesome.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  And dojo is also what David Harbour told, told Lily Allen, his, he was going to his dojo, but that's where he was having all of his affairs and that's where she found the big bag of butt plugs.

• 25:34Speaker 04

  Big bag of butt plugs he found?

• 25:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 04

  How big?

• 25:38Speaker 00

  Well, what was the, it was, there was a shop, wasn't it, it was, I can't remember what, it was a Dwayne Reid bag full of butt plugs is what she found. It's in, it's in the songs, it's a matter of record.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  Right, famously didn't hear that.

• 25:51Speaker 00

  Of course, sorry, I'm so sorry to reference music again.

• 25:53James Acaster?

  Josie Long hasn't got around to sending you the butt plug song yet.

• 25:58James Acaster?

  That's usually after Ella Fitzgerald, is she gets said Lily Allen's song about butt plugs.

• 26:03Speaker 00

  You might quite like it because it's all lyrics, that album, really.

• 26:06Speaker 04

  I'm interested for sure.

• 26:08Speaker 00

  It's very clear what she's talking about and it's, it's all lyrics.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  I don't think you'd think to be very clear, Ed Gamble.

• 26:13Speaker 00

  Hmm, I just feel like you're so new to music because of the Fiesta Day that you, you maybe don't need any subtext.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  I read poetry.

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 26:22Speaker 04

  Okay?

• 26:23James Acaster?

  Name one poem.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Wild geese.

• 26:28Speaker 00

  Hmm, that, see, this is a problem because me and James don't know any poems.

• 26:31Speaker 04

  I actually named a really regular one.

• 26:33James Acaster?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 26:35Speaker 04

  Mary Oliver, I can, I can quote one line.

• 26:38Speaker 00

  Please.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  You do not have to be good, you do not have to walk on your knees repenting, you only have, twenty miles or something like that. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  I was pretty convinced at the beginning there that you were making that up.

• 26:58Speaker 04

  Was it?

• 26:59Speaker 00

  And then at the end, I thought, if you've just made that up, that's crazy.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Beautiful, huh, soft animal of your body, love what it loves.

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:05Speaker 04

  She has another line that says, joy is not made to be a crumb, I love that one. That one's special because they assumes that somebody made joy and they didn't make it to be a crumb.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying?

• 27:19James Acaster?

  Yeah, that's good, it's, I just find it hard to interpret poems sometimes, but I think you've done very well there.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  I can, I can do a thing called welcome to poetry for you, you're not interested.

• 27:29James Acaster?

  I'm interested.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  No, that's nice.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  It's very nice to read some poems and sometimes you don't have to understand everything.

• 27:34James Acaster?

  Mm hmm.

• 27:34Speaker 04

  If you, if you let yourself not understand some stuff, then you can be really, maybe this is good advice for myself around the music stuff.

• 27:41James Acaster?

  Hmm, just let yourself not understand it.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:43James Acaster?

  You'll be.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  And I'm always frustrated, I'm like, what's saying?

• 27:47Speaker 00

  Just let, you can like what you like, this is what Mary Oliver tells us in that poem, right?

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Actually.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  So yeah, just relax, just enjoy what you enjoy.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  I think my issue with poetry is being made to study it at school.

• 27:59Speaker 04

  You did?

• 27:59Speaker 00

  And yeah, and then like, having to go through it and work out the meaning of it, and then you're like, maybe it's this, and they go, no, no, no, this, this is what the meaning of it is.

• 28:06Speaker 04

  They should have never said that to you.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  And it just, it sort of destroys any love for it, really.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  Who did that?

• 28:10Speaker 00

  My English teachers.

• 28:12Speaker 04

  Who?

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Oh, Mr. Cake.

• 28:14Speaker 04

  Really, Mr. Cake?

• 28:16James Acaster?

  What, what?

• 28:17Speaker 00

  Mr. Cake.

• 28:17James Acaster?

  Mr. Cake?

• 28:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:18James Acaster?

  You're joking?

• 28:19Speaker 00

  No.

• 28:19James Acaster?

  Was your English teacher?

• 28:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, one of them, yeah.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Mr. Cake, if you're listening, you shouldn't have done that, man.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  I have no issue with your name personally, I think it's fun, I think it's fun.

• 28:30Speaker 00

  Well, get this.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:32Speaker 00

  We had a teacher at our school and his, he was like, I think he was a maths teacher, but also his other title was master of discipline, guess what his name was?

• 28:40Speaker 04

  No.

• 28:40Speaker 00

  Mr. Horny.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  How did it get spelled?

• 28:43James Acaster?

  Went to school in a Mister Men book.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  It was, it was H A W N E Y.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  H A W.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  But it was, it was definitely Mr. Horny.

• 28:51James Acaster?

  Are you kidding? Imagine just like treat these things like they're normal.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  There's probably a joke there somewhere, huh?

• 28:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  Around that type of stuff?

• 29:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think we probably did them all at school, really.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  That's interesting.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 04

  Mr. Cake is pretty cool.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  That's a cool name, isn't it?

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, and he was a nice man.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  He should become Doctor Cake, that's even more fun.

• 29:12Speaker 00

  Or Professor Cake.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Professor Cake.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:15James Acaster?

  Yeah, Doctor Cake sounds evil.

• 29:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, but that's just because doctor sounds evil, but that's just because of the way that things are going in the earth, huh?

• 29:23James Acaster?

  What kind of bread we talking?

• 29:25Speaker 04

  I would like some focaccia, please.

• 29:27Speaker 00

  And?

• 29:27Speaker 04

  And I'd like it to be warm.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:30James Acaster?

  Crumb of that focaccia, do you think that would be joy, bring you joy?

• 29:34Speaker 04

  Excuse me?

• 29:35James Acaster?

  I'm trying to remember, trying to remember what the poem was about crumbs and joy.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Joy is not made to be a crumb.

• 29:41James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, but what about a crumb of that focaccia, who go dream bread?

• 29:45Speaker 04

  Uh, that's good, actually.

• 29:46James Acaster?

  That's joy, so the.

• 29:47Speaker 00

  But that's not enough, is it?

• 29:48Speaker 04

  It's not enough, it's not enough because actually with a crumb of anything, I think only if you, if you were really hungry and hadn't eaten in a long time and then you were just given, you were only allowed to take your tongue out and put one crumb of focaccia on it, then maybe you could feel joy, but.

• 30:03Speaker 00

  Hmm, I think maybe if you've eaten all of the focaccia, so you're like full, you don't really want anymore, but you notice there's some crumbs.

• 30:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  Then you're like.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  But I'm talking one crumb.

• 30:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't want one crumb.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  One crumb too small, absolutely.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  One, one crumb far too small, smaller than your teeth.

• 30:20Speaker 04

  My teeth aren't even that small.

• 30:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:22Speaker 04

  My sister's teeth are smaller and those are like the ones that my mom used to have.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  Think Mr. Cake caught his kids crumbs?

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Oh, that's awesome. I love that you said that.

• 30:34Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Your dream starter.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  Uh huh. Okay, so I had the good thing about this. Originally, what I thought was I was gonna pick one really good samosa, like a really good sort of like, you can't even believe how much crisp there is on it, but it's not oily at all.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  It's kind of fancy, like real delicious, and it's got that tamarind sauce and a little gazpacho. I'm mixing. Then I thought, then I thought a pear and gorgonzola ravioli. And I thought, that's what I want. Scratch that other stuff I said.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  And the ravioli I want is I want it to be this sort of, you know, when the top is sort of like a lint sort of chocolate?

• 31:17Speaker 00

  When there's like a twist?

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Like a twist.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Like a little parcel.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  I would like them to be the shape of the chocolate with the top being sort of um crinkled like this, and then there's a bit of pasta at the top, inside pear, inside ravioli. The cream is sort of white.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Hmm. So it's almost like the shape of like a dumpling, like a soup dumpling sort of shape.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  But I want some more pasta up at the top.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  Hmm. But that's as in the crinkle is pasta?

• 31:46Speaker 04

  The crinkle is pasta and the top is more pasta.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  But where does it, where is the, where is the other pasta?

• 31:52Speaker 04

  Bottom.

• 31:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, but there was stuff on the top. How is that more? Where is that?

• 31:57Speaker 04

  Cause it's sort of like a little flower at the top.

• 31:59Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah. I think we're saying the same thing. So like the crinkle and then it's like, it goes up and out, bit more pasta, yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then when you cut it, you cut it from the top.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  And you've got pear and you got ravioli. I mean, and you got gorgonzola.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Is this something even?

• 32:15Speaker 04

  You can.

• 32:16James Acaster?

  That's like your mum having a two for the two. Yeah, that's where it gets confusing.

• 32:20Speaker 00

  Is this a dish you've invented?

• 32:22Speaker 04

  No, I've had it.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  Where did you have it?

• 32:24Speaker 04

  I had it in a place that's closed down, but it's called Romeo's and it's in Miami, Florida. And it used to be on Coral Way and the guy who, his name is Romeo, he has a wife called Gloria. They were incredible chefs. They would have a really nice sort of little tiny restaurant. And now you can only find him walking on the bridge.

• 32:47Speaker 04

  He's, he's doing fine.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  He's doing fine. Can we just, he's doing it for exercise. He doesn't live on the bridge.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  Uh uh. He lives in a home and he's got perfume on when you meet him on the bridge. So don't worry about him.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  He's really special from Ecuador.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  How often do you see him on the bridge?

• 33:05Speaker 04

  Well, I don't go to Miami that often anymore, but when I would go, pretty much at least one time on the bridge. I'm walking that bridge.

• 33:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  With my dad.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  So he probably thinks that you can be mainly found on the bridge.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 33:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:17James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I'm not wearing perfume, so he doesn't have a sense of how um luscious my life is. It's not that luscious anyways, probably.

• 33:24James Acaster?

  Your teeth are probably better than when he last saw you.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, but actually, no, he's seen me throughout. I would go to him every year on my birthday.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  So there was a birthday that you went back and he was like, where's, where's the rice teeth gone?

• 33:36Speaker 04

  I don't know that he would have even been looking that far into my mouth.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  How far were your teeth into your mouth?

• 33:40Speaker 04

  I mean, just in general, in the mouth. I don't think he was catching like, this guy's busy. He's cooking at his restaurant. He brings out the plates. He says some stuff about them. He's not checking about how, what size my teeth are.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  If I'm running a restaurant, first thing I'm doing is looking in my customers' mouths.

• 33:55Speaker 04

  Even the truth.

• 33:57James Acaster?

  You're watching the food all the way.

• 33:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  I don't think you are looking and then remembering. Next time that you come around, you go, these teeth got bigger. I'm sure of it.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  That's how you run a successful business. He probably had a picture of all of his customers' mouths up in the kitchen.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  I don't even think that many people, well, maybe this is true, that not that many people went to this restaurant. It was very small. So he could have had some sort of sense of who was coming in and what their

• 34:20Speaker 00

  Mouth looked like.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  Mouth looks like.

• 34:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:23James Acaster?

  And would you get the pear and gorgonzola ravioli every time?

• 34:26Speaker 04

  Honestly, he would change it up, but I did have this thing there and it got seared into my brain. I do think I can make it, maybe.

• 34:34James Acaster?

  How many bits of ravioli did you get just as starter?

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Four.

• 34:38James Acaster?

  Four, in a little line?

• 34:39Speaker 04

  In a sort of square.

• 34:41Speaker 00

  Was there a sauce with it?

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Hmm, cream, maybe a bit of truffle on it, but not aggressive. Really kind of little, a little bit of it.

• 34:52James Acaster?

  You don't like aggressive truffle?

• 34:53Speaker 04

  Don't think it's necessary. The dogs are doing all that work and all you really need is just a bit.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  So this is fresh truffle found by a dog?

• 35:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:01James Acaster?

  Any particular dog?

• 35:03Speaker 04

  Hmm, probably the long ones.

• 35:06James Acaster?

  One of the long ones.

• 35:07Speaker 00

  I don't think they traditionally find truffles the long ones, but I'd like to see it.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  Sort of one, I'm talking the long one, but like, long and big, not long and small. Uh, with sort of uh ears like that, you know, I don't know the name of it, obviously, but it's something like they bark a lot and they look for truffles.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  So not a sausage dog?

• 35:26James Acaster?

  Narrowing it down when it comes to dog descriptions. It's got ears and it barks a lot.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  I never thought that I would be asked about what dog was gonna be looking. And I answered as soon as I, my friend has one of them. He gets scared of its own shadow.

• 35:38Speaker 00

  Right.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  And my friend lives in an apartment that's lit like a dentist office because the dog is scared.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 35:52James Acaster?

  Oh man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 35:58Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofas, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast. But you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 36:17James Acaster?

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe. And Cozy's modular customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful cozy table. Linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James. You're a mucky pup.

• 36:50James Acaster?

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 36:53Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere. Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 37:05James Acaster?

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Absolutely. That's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 37:25James Acaster?

  And because it's cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the cozy way.

• 37:43James Acaster?

  Visit Cozy today. That's C O Z E Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 37:55James Acaster?

  Your dream main course.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  So this one was difficult as well.

• 37:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  So first I thought, maybe I would like to have brisket and cornbread, but then I thought, I'm not gonna say that I would like to have beef. Cause I don't actually want to have beef all like in my restaurant if I'm having to serve something to the people.

• 38:13James Acaster?

  Hold on, whoa.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  No, this is good. This is a new angle.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  Why?

• 38:17James Acaster?

  So normally.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  What?

• 38:20James Acaster?

  Normally, people see it as their dream meal. So they're just eating the food and that's it. And they could be in a restaurant, there could be no one else there. You see it as.

• 38:29Speaker 00

  You're running this restaurant.

• 38:30James Acaster?

  This is your restaurant that you're opening and you're gonna be serving everyone this food.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Yes, and actually, my whole family's cooking in it.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  Oh, well, we should have, this is fantastic.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Well, this is my family's restaurant. My family, each individually has their own dream. They want to do something else, but they know that this is actually something we're gonna be all doing together. Everybody has sacrificed their own time to be at this restaurant. And we're all cooking together and a different family member brings out the meal.

• 38:56James Acaster?

  Oh, make a request?

• 38:59James Acaster?

  You know, in kitchens where like people wear hairnets and stuff?

• 39:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:03James Acaster?

  Can your mum wear one of those round her mouth so that the teeth don't fall in the food?

• 39:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 39:08James Acaster?

  Thank you.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Last thing you want, breaking open a pear and gorgonzola ravioli and there's a veneer in there.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  She would be honestly on the lookout if it fell down. She would need it back. So I don't think she would serve it up. So you don't actually have to worry about that.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  If my mom's tooth falls, she's gonna be able to tell quickly. She has a tongue.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  But I think sometimes in the heat of service in a kitchen, things get pretty hectic, right?

• 39:29Speaker 04

  There's only 12 people allowed in this restaurant at a time. So nothing is going too intense.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  Who's head chef?

• 39:36Speaker 04

  My dad.

• 39:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  But actually, maybe my mom. They maybe switch it up.

• 39:41James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  Maybe we all are head chef for a bit.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  I don't think that'll work.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  I think it works.

• 39:47James Acaster?

  Yeah, but we don't know your family dynamics, I guess.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  You don't know my family dynamics.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  You know how a kitchen should be structured, so.

• 39:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it switches around. So every week, new head chef.

• 39:56Speaker 00

  No, that won't work.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  It's a new family member.

• 39:58Speaker 00

  Is it a new menu? Is it the, whoever is the head chef?

• 40:01Speaker 04

  Same menu.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Same menu. Okay, so you come up with a menu?

• 40:04Speaker 04

  No, the whole family has come up with this together.

• 40:06James Acaster?

  Well, it feels like you're coming up with it. Is it?

• 40:08Speaker 04

  Well, this is all stuff my family loves.

• 40:10Speaker 00

  Okay. Okay, so this is, so the ravioli is a big hit with your whole family.

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Fine, my dad doesn't want to eat that.

• 40:18James Acaster?

  We've got you.

• 40:19Speaker 04

  Yes, fine. My dad is gluten free, dairy free. My dad pretty much eats seeds and nuts. But he also eats beef.

• 40:28James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 40:29Speaker 04

  And maybe also he eats fish.

• 40:31James Acaster?

  But you don't wanna serve beef in the restaurant?

• 40:33Speaker 04

  No.

• 40:33James Acaster?

  You're very clear about that.

• 40:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm not gonna serve that.

• 40:36Speaker 00

  What's the name of the restaurant that your family are running?

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Ricote.

• 40:40James Acaster?

  Nice. How'd you come up with that?

• 40:43Speaker 04

  It's Ricote Rivera. It's both my mom and my dad's last name. My mom kept her last name.

• 40:48James Acaster?

  And it translates as?

• 40:49Speaker 04

  Ricote actually means really delicious.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Does it?

• 40:52Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 40:53James Acaster?

  I wanted it to mean rice, something like rice teeth.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  That would have been lovely, but people wouldn't understand that unless they listen to this specific episode. That's not a story I'm telling.

• 41:02James Acaster?

  Yeah, that's fair enough.

• 41:03Speaker 04

  I kinda did drop it quite early in this, but that's not something I'm telling people very often.

• 41:07James Acaster?

  Really delicious is great, though. That's your surname is really delicious?

• 41:11Speaker 04

  My surname is that Rico is delicious. Ricote is like real.

• 41:16James Acaster?

  Great.

• 41:17Speaker 00

  Perfect name for a restaurant.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, but then we also have to add my mom's last name in there. And so now it's just kinda confused, like Ricote and then Rivera is just nothing.

• 41:23Speaker 00

  What does your mum's surname mean?

• 41:25Speaker 04

  It doesn't actually mean something, I don't think.

• 41:27James Acaster?

  You know who else's surname means really delicious?

• 41:29Speaker 04

  Who?

• 41:30James Acaster?

  Mr. Cake.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  In a way, absolutely. And you know who else's surname means really delicious? Mr. Horny.

• 41:40James Acaster?

  Yeah. My surname means near a castle.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  Really? A caster?

• 41:45James Acaster?

  Near a castle.

• 41:46Speaker 04

  In what language?

• 41:48James Acaster?

  Anglo Saxons. I don't know.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  The old language.

• 41:52James Acaster?

  Pretty boring.

• 41:53Speaker 04

  What about yours? I think we know.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  I don't actually, I mean, if, I think the derivation of it is it's actually from Campbell and they changed it to gamble.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Hmm, why?

• 42:02Speaker 00

  So I don't think it's like some guy loves poker. It's like.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  You know that I actually on my way over here was thinking about gambling, cause I saw a guy come out of a gambling little place like paddy, whatever the hell, one of those. And then he came out and then he vaped. And I was like, this guy, he has to be grabbing a grip on his life. Doing a lot of bad stuff one at a time.

• 42:20Speaker 00

  Pick one.

• 42:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can't come out the gambling place and vape. And then I thought, my grandma gambled like crazy.

• 42:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  She loved to gamble. She would do the slot machine for hours and hours, my grandma. And she would smoke Marlboro Reds and she would drink big liters of Coke. I was like, that's so crazy that I come from that. Like, that's like, sort of like aggressive, addictive, like blatant sort of, hey ladies, something's up, you know? Obviously, if everything's like that in your life, you've got no problem spending many hours in front of the slot machine.

• 42:54Speaker 00

  That's not a temptation you ever have to hit the hit the slots?

• 42:56Speaker 04

  The slot machine. I'm not feeling anything about that. I think boring, strange, and not interesting.

• 43:06Speaker 00

  What about the slot machines with like video on them and like they're all themed and you have to hit the different buttons?

• 43:13Speaker 04

  While you were talking, I zoned out.

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Well, that happens a lot.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  No, not yet. That was my first time in this podcast.

• 43:20James Acaster?

  Congratulations, bad luck, Ed.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 04

  I don't care about gambling in that regard.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  No.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Maybe I would care about gambling if it were like, you come up with a scenario and like, you put some money down and see if like that will happen. And then you try, you wait and see if it happens or like.

• 43:35James Acaster?

  Like in Guys and Dolls?

• 43:37Speaker 04

  Like in Guys and Dolls.

• 43:38Speaker 00

  It's a musical, James. That's a musical.

• 43:40James Acaster?

  But like Guys and Dolls, they like bet that like he can get this date with that lady.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  Right. But is it weird and like misogynist?

• 43:48James Acaster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  Right. So maybe not that specific way, but maybe something more like, like, um, maybe something more like, if, uh, you, yeah, yeah, something like that, but not specifically about like getting a girl.

• 44:02James Acaster?

  Or like in, uh, what's it, Never Been Kissed, where like he, he bets that he can like get this girl look fit for the prom.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 44:09James Acaster?

  Like that.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Why are all your bets misogynist?

• 44:12Speaker 04

  No, they're not. They're just about the girl, getting the girl fit. That's what you're interested in. And that's okay.

• 44:17James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:17Speaker 04

  I think it's good if you're, um, if you're straight up about it.

• 44:22James Acaster?

  But it's betting on life. It's gambling on life.

• 44:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's gambling on life. It's sort of like, do you think that the dog can run faster than the other one? But that's not their job. It's not the dog's job.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  So you like the idea of dog racing, but, but it's like accident, it's sort of organic.

• 44:36Speaker 04

  Don't make it their job.

• 44:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, so it's not their job.

• 44:39Speaker 04

  It's not their job.

• 44:40Speaker 00

  But they don't know it's their job.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  They do know it's their job.

• 44:42Speaker 00

  The dog track? No, they don't know it's their job. They're just chasing that rabbit.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  But they have to, that's the only thing they do.

• 44:47James Acaster?

  Still don't know your main course, actually.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  Right. My main course is, um, I actually think this is very nice, what I'm about to say.

• 44:56James Acaster?

  Yeah, I would hope so.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  It's fennel. Okay, you got, no, no. You haven't actually even tried this. I have an idea for this podcast as well, which is that you send in the thing before. And then you have volunteer chefs from all the universities and they are cooking the whole time. And then while, while we do the podcast and then we all get to eat together. The chef from the university as well.

• 45:21James Acaster?

  Okay.

• 45:22Speaker 00

  I mean, obviously, people in the past have suggested that we actually eat the food.

• 45:25Speaker 04

  Well, it happened chef from the university.

• 45:27Speaker 00

  No one suggested chefs from university.

• 45:29Speaker 04

  This is making it cheap and also it gives the chef from the university a potential chance to be able to move forward with their dream.

• 45:38James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  So it visualizes them and also their food. And maybe they have to, they have to put a little sign with their name on it, on every meal. And so we, we keep saying their name while we eat. This one that I'm eating from Giancarlo and very nice Giancarlo. The type of stuff.

• 45:55Speaker 00

  Where, where would they cook?

• 45:57Speaker 04

  In the, in the kitchen.

• 45:59Speaker 00

  I'm not sure we've got the setup for university chefs.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  Very small here, by the way, you guys.

• 46:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's a small room.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, but maybe you could have a kitchen somewhere.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  The problem is you've said a word there that really triggered James.

• 46:11Speaker 04

  Really?

• 46:11Speaker 00

  And that was fennel.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you don't understand about how I want this.

• 46:15James Acaster?

  I'm coming around to fennel more. I.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  Whoa, this is big news.

• 46:18James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah. Like, if, if it's done well and it's like quite thin and just like adding a little something to the dish, I quite like it. If it's the main thing in the dish.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Hold on then. Because it's not the main thing, but it is like, it, it's slight, it's not that thin. It's maybe, what's this in me, minute, millimeters?

• 46:39James Acaster?

  From this distance, it looks like nearly a centimeter. I can't really tell.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, something like a centimeter. And, and then you slice them up, you're caramelizing this, okay? You're, you're letting it sort of sweat in there in butter. You're leaving it after. So you're leaving it kinda like a bed of it. You're putting sea bass on top. Hold on, hold on. You're putting some more butter, salt, pepper, some spices. All right. We're talking this spice mix that's in my family, but, um, thyme.

• 47:08Speaker 00

  This is your family spice mix?

• 47:11Speaker 04

  Mary. Sage. It's all sort of mixed up.

• 47:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, good.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  And then you just put a little bit of that and then you put pepper. And then you cover it and you let it steam in there.

• 47:25James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  Then the bottom of the fennel is actually getting quite like almost grilledy. Really nice.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  Really caramelized.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  Really caramelized. And then also like it's almost brown. It's almost brown.

• 47:38James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  But not in a bad way. And then you turn it, flop.

• 47:44Speaker 00

  The whole thing?

• 47:45Speaker 04

  Flop the whole thing.

• 47:46James Acaster?

  So fennel's on top now?

• 47:47Speaker 04

  Fennel is on top now. What's left on there is some juice stuff. In there, you're putting butter. You're putting what, a white wine. You're putting capers. You're putting a little bit of flour and you're making a little sauce with that. That goes on top with some lemon. My God, this is delicious.

• 48:08Speaker 00

  Is this something you cook at home?

• 48:09Speaker 04

  I'm cooking that.

• 48:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:10James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 00

  I mean, do you genuinely cook it? I know you're cooking it in the restaurant.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  Cooking it in the restaurant.

• 48:15James Acaster?

  But also like in, in your life, have you, have you cooked this?

• 48:19Speaker 04

  Personally, I have not cooked it.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  Has someone else cooked it for you?

• 48:23Speaker 04

  My father has cooked it many times.

• 48:25Speaker 00

  Okay, fantastic.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  My sister has also cooked it. I've been in the kitchen. I wouldn't say that I was doing the cooking at that moment, but I know what's going on and I, I can do this quite simply as well.

• 48:35James Acaster?

  Older sister, younger sister?

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Younger. She's a clown.

• 48:39James Acaster?

  So she's doing like clowning?

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 48:41James Acaster?

  Like a clown course?

• 48:43Speaker 04

  Like a cheese like.

• 48:44James Acaster?

  Did you do that as well?

• 48:45Speaker 04

  Why?

• 48:49James Acaster?

  I thought, I thought, I thought you came from that background.

• 48:52Speaker 04

  I didn't, no.

• 48:53James Acaster?

  No?

• 48:53Speaker 04

  No, I didn't. But I did, I did.

• 48:55James Acaster?

  Improv?

• 48:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I did do some courses in clowning, yeah, for sure, I have done, but I didn't do the school, I didn't do the school.

• 49:00James Acaster?

  No, but you, you, you've done clowning.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  I've done, I've done workshops.

• 49:03James Acaster?

  It's part of your skill set.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 49:05James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  I've done workshops, for sure. I believe in them.

• 49:09James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  I believe in the clowns, for sure.

• 49:11James Acaster?

  For sure.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  I think they're sensitive, open, willing to change. For me, two thumbs up.

• 49:17James Acaster?

  All of them?

• 49:18Speaker 04

  Well, the good ones.

• 49:19James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 49:19Speaker 04

  The other ones, evil.

• 49:21James Acaster?

  Yeah, there's always, every industry has them. You know, clowning's no different, it's not immune to it.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  I know, but it's sometimes the most sinister of all, when you use something so lovely to do something quite nasty. For me, um, sinister, insidious, nasty, depraved.

• 49:37James Acaster?

  Is the big, for me, the bigger, kind of like, red flag with clowns are the?

• 49:43Speaker 00

  Nob out.

• 49:44James Acaster?

  Yeah, the male, male clowns get their knob out.

• 49:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, if, if like.

• 49:48James Acaster?

  And the, and the earlier that happens in their acts, the more it's a red flag for me.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that, that makes sense. I think there's like, when it feels like not, like it wasn't at all aggressive, it's amazing, that's an incredible feat. Like, the way the society is and you're able to do that and none of us are feeling freaked out, I'm going slow applause, absolutely. But if you're doing it in a way you're not even checking.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Slow applause is the last thing I'd want, if I did that.

• 50:13James Acaster?

  Yeah, if I'm standing on stage.

• 50:14Speaker 04

  But.

• 50:14James Acaster?

  All from the ball.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  I don't want slow, I don't want slow applause if I get my knob out on stage.

• 50:18Speaker 04

  You don't want slow applause, everyone going, my god!

• 50:22Speaker 00

  No, but also, slow clap sounds like.

• 50:24Speaker 04

  Really special.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  Everyone.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Really?

• 50:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  To me, I mean it entirely like, hey, an incredible feat, which is what I said earlier. So that's what I think about the clown stuff. My sister's clown, she's a real funny clown.

• 50:38James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, and she's a really good cook. She'll spend maybe six hours on making meatballs or something.

• 50:43James Acaster?

  Wow.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  I can't be bothered that long. But she'll make them very small. Every time you bite, you have a meatball in your mouth. That's funny. That's a way to make a funny meal.

• 50:54Speaker 00

  Does she make them small because everyone in your family's got quite small teeth?

• 50:58Speaker 04

  Thank you for asking that. Um, no. You know that my older sister and my dad do not have small teeth.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  Ah, okay. So it's just?

• 51:06Speaker 04

  Me, my mom and my sister.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, you're not your mom anymore, of course.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Your mom's now like, give me those big meatballs.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Yeah. She actually shouldn't have them too big because everything gets quite dangerous.

• 51:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  She does have them small. But my sister makes them small for me. It's just like a, a way to have, um, a bit of like an intentional relationship to the meatball. It's my meatball, not anyone's meatball. This is my meatball, I mean, I'm a tiny meatball.

• 51:30Speaker 00

  Oh, so she makes them specifically small for you?

• 51:33Speaker 04

  For fun.

• 51:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  But, sort of like this.

• 51:36James Acaster?

  I don't get how that's.

• 51:36Speaker 04

  Three centimeters. What do you say?

• 51:38James Acaster?

  I don't get how it's fun.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  It's fun, obviously, if you have to have something that's different, it's a little bit fun. If it's different, it's a little bit fun.

• 51:47Speaker 00

  I see. That is fun.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  It's fun because it's not like always. You're going, wait a minute, is meatball small? Then you're cracking up. Potentially, potentially.

• 51:58Speaker 00

  I also think small meatballs, if there's, there's more, you get more surface area across all the meatballs, and then you get all the nice sort of like, brownie crusty caramelized bits. I think small meatballs all day long.

• 52:08James Acaster?

  That sounds nice.

• 52:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  Me as well, actually.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Better than big, one big meatball.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Never one big meatball.

• 52:14Speaker 00

  That's meatloaf.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, or, um, what that thing where they wrap the meatloaf?

• 52:19James Acaster?

  What, what in?

• 52:21Speaker 04

  Pastry.

• 52:22James Acaster?

  Oh, beef Wellington.

• 52:23Speaker 00

  Beef Wellington. But that's not meatloaf, that's just beef.

• 52:25Speaker 04

  That is just beef, huh?

• 52:27James Acaster?

  Cut of beef. And you lived in Amsterdam for a while, right?

• 52:30Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 52:30James Acaster?

  That's the best beef Wellington I've ever had.

• 52:32Speaker 04

  In Amsterdam?

• 52:33James Acaster?

  Ron Gastrabar, in Amsterdam.

• 52:35Speaker 04

  I went there.

• 52:36James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 52:36Speaker 00

  Did you have the beef Wellington?

• 52:37Speaker 04

  Uh-uh.

• 52:38Speaker 00

  You missed out. Get this, James loves Ron Gastrabar and loves the beef Wellington. He talks about it on this podcast a lot. Then we had a discussion with one of our guests about, imagine if they did a wagyu beef, beef Wellington.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 52:50Speaker 00

  And then I went to Amsterdam, I went to Ron Gastrabar, and they made me my own wagyu beef Wellington. And I'd never even been there before, I'd never talked about it, and James didn't get that.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 53:00James Acaster?

  And he went with his tour manager, Paul, and they definitely, they definitely thought Paul was me.

• 53:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:06James Acaster?

  And Paul got loads of freebies. They're like, thank you so much for mentioning us so many times on your podcast.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  Wow, Paul, that's a nice day for Paul.

• 53:15Speaker 00

  Paul deserves it. Paul deserves the world.

• 53:17James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Oh, well, that's, uh, really special. I sort of, I meant to say special and some noise came out, but. That's nice. Thank you, Ron Gastrabar. Thank you so much.

• 53:33James Acaster?

  Your dream side dish.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  Okay, so I'm going, they're potatoes and they're small. They've been boiled. They are now going in a sort of air fryer or broil.

• 53:42James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  And they've had butter on them after they've been boiled, and so they're quite crispy on the outside. They got salt, they also have some of my family's spices, but they go next to this fennel dish, and they are.

• 53:54James Acaster?

  Can you run us through the spices again?

• 53:55Speaker 00

  Your family's spices?

• 54:00Speaker 04

  Garlic, but, garlic, but it's like a small.

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Rosemary.

• 54:07James Acaster?

  This is an ASMR episode.

• 54:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:10James Acaster?

  Which I love.

• 54:10Speaker 00

  James loves ASMR.

• 54:11Speaker 04

  Do you? You get that? I mean, you're a highly, highly sensitive individual.

• 54:16James Acaster?

  Love it so much. I was watching one this morning.

• 54:18Speaker 00

  Were you?

• 54:19James Acaster?

  Yeah, I got up, and I was like, I'm not ready to get out of bed yet, so I listened to this guy, Dimitri.

• 54:24Speaker 04

  What's he up to?

• 54:26James Acaster?

  He does a lot of hand movements, but a lot of like, hush talking.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  You have to watch it.

• 54:31James Acaster?

  You do have, well, you don't have to watch it. I was just listening to it, but you can just watch it.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  Without listening? It still gives you ASMR.

• 54:38James Acaster?

  Yeah, because the way he's talking is all the 360 stuff, it's very relaxing.

• 54:42Speaker 04

  But you have to listen. You can't just watch.

• 54:44James Acaster?

  You can just watch. Actually, the top comment on his video today was someone saying.

• 54:49Speaker 00

  Reads the comments.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  I always read the comments.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  The only guy reading the ASMR comments.

• 54:55Speaker 04

  Not, me as well.

• 54:57James Acaster?

  Someone said, Dimitri.

• 54:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:59James Acaster?

  They said, Dimitri, I want you to know, you are so loved in the deaf community. Because we love, your hand movements still give us ASMR tingles.

• 55:08Speaker 00

  Wow!

• 55:09James Acaster?

  Which not a lot of ASMR artists achieve. That was number one comment today.

• 55:14Speaker 04

  That's incredibly interesting.

• 55:15James Acaster?

  And he's been going a long time, this guy.

• 55:17Speaker 04

  The deaf community can have ASMR as well.

• 55:20James Acaster?

  Yeah, from the hand movements.

• 55:22Speaker 04

  I don't understand that at all. Wow, imagine.

• 55:25Speaker 00

  Have you ever seen Dimitri, though?

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Uh-uh.

• 55:27Speaker 00

  The guy's clearly a magician.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  I will maybe check that out, though, because I'm hard of hearing and I can't even for one second understand the ASMR stuff at all.

• 55:35James Acaster?

  There you go, apparently, just the, the hand movements on their own. And it's like, you know, there's loads of different like, things that are just visual in ASMR.

• 55:43Speaker 00

  James likes ASMR because it gives him the horn.

• 55:46James Acaster?

  I do not get the horn, I'm not Mr. Horny.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  It's all right to get the horn.

• 55:49Speaker 00

  It's all fine to get the horn, it's natural.

• 55:51James Acaster?

  I'm getting the horn, but I'm not tired of ASMR videos.

• 55:55Speaker 00

  And it's a bit weird that you watch it before, before you come and record.

• 55:58James Acaster?

  I wasn't prepping for this. I didn't want to get out of bed straight, I wanted to relax in the morning.

• 56:02Speaker 00

  I'm off to go and do off-menu, I better get the horn.

• 56:05James Acaster?

  No, I'm not trying to get the horn before coming here.

• 56:07Speaker 04

  He has the horn.

• 56:09James Acaster?

  Okay. Okay, that's it.

• 56:14James Acaster?

  Everyone's scared because they've got the horn. No one's safe.

• 56:20Speaker 00

  What did you, when you brought up ASMR, what did you think was gonna happen?

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, what did you think was gonna happen when you brought up ASMR?

• 56:26James Acaster?

  Yeah, so it's my fault.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  I do read the comments always. It feels like a really good opportunity to connect with the global community.

• 56:33James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  And everybody is so funny in the comments. I love the comments on Instagram. Kind of enjoy it more than the videos themselves sometimes.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  The top ones are always good.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  God, they're fun. People are cracking me up.

• 56:46Speaker 00

  If you scroll down too far, it's just.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Nasty stuff.

• 56:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He scrolls down.

• 56:52James Acaster?

  No, not at all.

• 56:53Speaker 00

  Gives him the horn.

• 56:54James Acaster?

  Some, now I can get the horn from the comments.

• 56:56Speaker 04

  You can get the horn from the comments.

• 56:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:02James Acaster?

  You get the horn from these crispy potatoes? Let's go back to that.

• 57:04Speaker 04

  Wow, they're nice, these crispy potatoes.

• 57:06Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  It's not even something I'm eternally interested in, but I do think they pair really well with my sea bass.

• 57:13James Acaster?

  Yeah. Just sounds like a nice, nice combo.

• 57:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I'd have made a sort of Italian style, sort of, because I do think of that as well. I thought, if I put this beef brisket and cornbread, or my other option was confit canard.

• 57:29James Acaster?

  Oui. Is that a duck?

• 57:30Speaker 04

  Uh-huh.

• 57:31James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  With some mashed potatoes.

• 57:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, that would have been a good choice as well.

• 57:34Speaker 04

  I know, don't I know it?

• 57:36Speaker 00

  Hmm. But this sea bass sounds lovely. The only thing I'm worried about is it crispy skin on the sea bass?

• 57:43Speaker 04

  I would want that.

• 57:44Speaker 00

  But then you're flo, then the flop.

• 57:46Speaker 04

  There's no crispy skin.

• 57:47Speaker 00

  Then there's crispy skin's gone, hasn't it?

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Not gonna be there.

• 57:50Speaker 00

  Because of the flop.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  Maybe? I can put the, so this, my family's been workshopping this, and for, for restaurant. Maybe, when we don't do the flop, we take it off, we do the flop.

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:04Speaker 04

  But we take off the, the fish. We do the flop of the fennel.

• 58:07James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 58:08Speaker 04

  So that the top is brown. We make that sauce. Then we add the sea bream really fast after we take the sauce off.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  More butter. Bream on top.

• 58:18Speaker 00

  She got crispy.

• 58:19Speaker 04

  Sorry, I keep saying bream, I mean ba-bass.

• 58:22James Acaster?

  What's the difference between a bass and a bream?

• 58:23Speaker 04

  Can't tell.

• 58:25Speaker 00

  Bass is a classic.

• 58:27Speaker 04

  Bass is good stuff.

• 58:28Speaker 00

  I love bass.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  We get it from the Costco.

• 58:30Speaker 00

  Hmm. Is it called something different in America?

• 58:33Speaker 04

  Costco.

• 58:34Speaker 00

  No, sea bass.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Sea bass.

• 58:36Speaker 00

  Is it Branzino in America? Or am I getting mixed up?

• 58:39Speaker 04

  No, I have no idea about that.

• 58:41Speaker 00

  Look it up, Ben.

• 58:42Speaker 04

  Hey, Ben, could you please?

• 58:43James Acaster?

  You are right, yeah, I think.

• 58:45Speaker 04

  Branzino?

• 58:46James Acaster?

  That's right, yeah.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, the Italian name for European sea bass.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Maybe we'd call it that, so that we can sort of put a twist on our restaurant.

• 58:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so. It's, where is this restaurant, by the way, in the world?

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Virtual. I mean, not virtual.

• 58:58James Acaster?

  Huh?

• 58:59Speaker 04

  Didn't say that. Difficult, actually. My family lives everywhere. We'd all have to, somebody would have to give up. Maybe it's in London.

• 59:07James Acaster?

  Is there a place where all your family just like, really feels extra bonded, extra like, this is our place?

• 59:14Speaker 04

  I guess it's Miami.

• 59:15James Acaster?

  Miami. Welcome to Miami. Do you, do you like that song? Do you like listening to the Will Smith song, Miami?

• 59:20Speaker 04

  People are definitely singing that to me.

• 59:22James Acaster?

  All the time?

• 59:23Speaker 04

  I don't know if I've ever listened to it.

• 59:24Speaker 00

  Do those lyrics make you cry?

• 59:26Speaker 04

  Welcome to Miami, that's all I know.

• 59:28Speaker 00

  Bienvenida.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  Bienvenida Miami.

• 59:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  I haven't listened, I haven't listened. I don't think it would ever make me cry, that song.

• 59:35Speaker 00

  What if you missed Miami and someone sung it at karaoke?

• 59:38Speaker 04

  Don't miss it.

• 59:38Speaker 00

  Don't miss it.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  It's hard for me to want to relate to that place with loving eyes. I'm trying. It's difficult, because it's like that. But there are a lot of Latin American people, there are like that part.

• 59:50James Acaster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:50Speaker 04

  But then everything else.

• 59:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Stink.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. I think this restaurant can be outside of space and time, so it doesn't need to be a, it doesn't need to be a fixed location.

• 1:00:03Speaker 04

  I think it does have to travel. I think maybe every week when we have a new chef, we go to a new location.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  My family is on the run.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  Oh, wow.

• 1:00:12Speaker 04

  For the restaurant.

• 1:00:13Speaker 00

  Oh, just for the, they're not literally on the run now.

• 1:00:15James Acaster?

  Didn't do a crime.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  Uh-uh.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  That's why your mum's changed her teeth, because she's on the run.

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  So if you change your teeth, you can't get caught.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  I guess there's like, you, it's like a bit of a disguise, isn't it?

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is a bit of a disguise.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  Because the witnesses would be like, I'm pretty sure when they commit the crime, they could shut their mouth.

• 1:00:32James Acaster?

  Yeah, it's first thing they said. You describe the assailant, they had a closed mouth.

• 1:00:36Speaker 00

  They had a closed mouth, yeah.

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, you can definitely tell it was shiny. These teeth, they, they glisten. Is that a word?

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone eighteen Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series twelve or iPad on them.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Everybody listen up.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone eighteen Pro now. No trade in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series twelve or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  Your dream drink.

• 1:01:22Speaker 04

  Okay, honestly, everybody's gonna say no about this, but I think that it should be gazpacho.

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  I don't care. I don't care. I think it's right.

• 1:01:30James Acaster?

  It's one of those sneezes where I have to, I have to hold in my nose and it, my, my brain imploded.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  You shouldn't, you shouldn't do that.

• 1:01:37Speaker 00

  Why? Hold it in.

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  Because it can give you, uh, neuroses.

• 1:01:42James Acaster?

  Too late.

• 1:01:44James Acaster?

  Oh, feels good. I love it though.

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  I love to sneeze also.

• 1:01:47Speaker 00

  I love sneezing.

• 1:01:47James Acaster?

  But I love doing it when you hold it in.

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  Sneeze or yawn? Which one?

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  I can do both.

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  No, you can only do one in this scenario.

• 1:01:56Speaker 00

  Oh, at the same time?

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:01:58James Acaster?

  No. You can only do one forever. So you're gonna either not yawn or not, I'd rather sneeze.

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  Sneeze.

• 1:02:04Speaker 00

  I think I'd rather sneeze.

• 1:02:05Speaker 04

  But yawning is so nice.

• 1:02:07Speaker 00

  It is good, but.

• 1:02:08James Acaster?

  I enjoy, enjoy it as much as sneezing. No, I don't really get much out of it.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  So good. You can, you can develop a style with sneezing. If you've, if you've got like loads in a row, you can like change up how you do it.

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  Thing about my grandma, she would sneeze upward to fourteen times.

• 1:02:22James Acaster?

  In a row?

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  I mean, not in her life.

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  You don't mean she'd sneeze upward?

• 1:02:28Speaker 04

  Oh, no, I think she'd need normal style.

• 1:02:30James Acaster?

  She's out the top of her head like a whale.

• 1:02:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  No, but just a lot, like back and back and back.

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:36Speaker 04

  We couldn't even believe it was still going on. This is cracking my family up, of course.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  It's rare to hear even more than three in a row.

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:02:46Speaker 00

  So fourteen.

• 1:02:47Speaker 04

  My mom will go seven or so.

• 1:02:48Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it does, it's kind of gotten less and less. I'm doing three.

• 1:02:52Speaker 00

  I'm worried about your mum sneezing and you know why.

• 1:02:54James Acaster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously.

• 1:02:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  But actually, what you're not considering is that they're not loose in there. They are only responding to being kind of smacked around by something that she put in her mouth. Shouldn't be putting in anything hard. She already knows that.

• 1:03:08James Acaster?

  All, they're all gonna leave that alone.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  Got to.

• 1:03:12Speaker 00

  Drink, so your drink drink is gazpacho.

• 1:03:14Speaker 04

  About my mom.

• 1:03:16James Acaster?

  We're not the ones who said, it's not our fault you said that.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  Yes, it is your fault. Cut it out. Cut this out of the video.

• 1:03:24Speaker 00

  So sorry.

• 1:03:25Speaker 04

  Make sure this gets cut.

• 1:03:28James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Speaker 04

  Cut this out. Cut this part as well.

• 1:03:31James Acaster?

  Is your mum likely to listen to this?

• 1:03:32Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:03:33James Acaster?

  That's, who cares?

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

  Why not?

• 1:03:35Speaker 04

  Hmm, don't think she's interested.

• 1:03:38Speaker 00

  She doesn't wanna listen to you on a podcast?

• 1:03:40Speaker 04

  Right. Not really. Not really. They'll watch my show.

• 1:03:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  They'll watch my shows and they'll watch my shows live for sure. But podcasts, my mom kind of thinks she doesn't speak English. She does. But she has a relationship to herself that she doesn't, so.

• 1:03:55Speaker 00

  Okay, interesting.

• 1:03:56Speaker 04

  She wouldn't listen to a podcast in English.

• 1:03:58James Acaster?

  Okay.

• 1:03:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59James Acaster?

  Because she's convinced you, she wouldn't understand.

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, she just thinks like, ah, I can't, no subtitles. I don't know what they're saying.

• 1:04:04James Acaster?

  Okay.

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  But then if you ask her to speak with a British accent, she'll say a word like, this is exceptional. You can't even believe she said exceptional.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:04:12Speaker 04

  She can't even believe she said it, but it's only because she's doing British. Isn't that sweet?

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  It's really nice.

• 1:04:16Speaker 04

  We only found out about that recently.

• 1:04:18Speaker 00

  Her British character knows loads of, loads of vocabulary.

• 1:04:21Speaker 04

  Vocabulary, verbose.

• 1:04:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:23Speaker 04

  Eloquent.

• 1:04:25James Acaster?

  So gazpacho is like, seen as food, I think, more than drink. So this is interesting.

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you didn't ask for soup and I think gazpacho should be part of it for sure in my restaurant.

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  You considered it for your starters.

• 1:04:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:37Speaker 00

  But you're gonna put it in the drink.

• 1:04:38Speaker 04

  I'm gonna put it in the drink.

• 1:04:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  I only serve one drink. It's gazpacho and water sparkling.

• 1:04:43James Acaster?

  So what kind of gazpacho are we talking?

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Delicious kind.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Hmm, yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Definitely with tomatoes. It probably has a garlic in there. Olive oil, really good kind.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, drizzled on top after.

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  It's in a cup.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  Are you putting ice in it?

• 1:04:58Speaker 04

  It's in a glass.

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  What sort of glass?

• 1:05:00Speaker 04

  Square and sort of, um, just as long as it is, a little bit longer than it is wide.

• 1:05:08James Acaster?

  Hmm, yeah.

• 1:05:10Speaker 00

  You can imagine that?

• 1:05:11James Acaster?

  Yep.

• 1:05:11Speaker 04

  A bit more than you are imagining now. Longer.

• 1:05:14Speaker 00

  It's getting longer, yeah.

• 1:05:16James Acaster?

  Okay, yeah, great.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  So it's actually quite a lot longer than it is wide.

• 1:05:20Speaker 04

  A little bit longer than I said earlier.

• 1:05:25Speaker 04

  So.

• 1:05:26Speaker 00

  How wide is it?

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:05:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  So it's probably wide regular, like you think.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  Like that?

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  Like a glass usually. Probably, it is like five inches long.

• 1:05:40Speaker 04

  And three inches wide.

• 1:05:44Speaker 00

  It's a normal glass.

• 1:05:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:46James Acaster?

  Very normal glass.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  In that, I will be serving my gazpacho.

• 1:05:51James Acaster?

  Yes. And it's tomato, garlic, got some olive oil on there.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  I never made this before, but I have had some delicious ones.

• 1:05:58Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Gazpacho is great.

• 1:05:59Speaker 04

  Wow, it's delicious. I always thought that nasty soup should be warm. Then I thought, oh my God, can I be less rigid in this life?

• 1:06:06James Acaster?

  Yep.

• 1:06:07Speaker 00

  Whenever I have gazpacho, I do think, why am I not having this every day?

• 1:06:10Speaker 04

  Me too. I actually have one unopened in my fridge right now.

• 1:06:13Speaker 00

  I love that they sell it in cartons, like orange juice cartons.

• 1:06:16Speaker 04

  I only found out about that recently because I found out that gazpacho is delicious.

• 1:06:19Speaker 00

  So you're on a real gazpacho sort of obsession at the moment?

• 1:06:21James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Speaker 04

  I haven't opened that one. It's been in my fridge for a month. So I have a dream to be on this sort of kick, but I haven't been home a lot.

• 1:06:30James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 1:06:31Speaker 04

  So not yet, but I'm about to be, I'm supposing.

• 1:06:36Speaker 00

  Why are you supposing?

• 1:06:37Speaker 04

  Because I have one in my fridge and I'm really excited about it.

• 1:06:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. So that's why you're going home?

• 1:06:42Speaker 04

  Quite sure.

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  You just spend more time at home because there's gazpacho there?

• 1:06:45Speaker 04

  I'm actually going on vacation right now, so I'm not gonna eat it. Maybe I'll take it now that we're talking about it.

• 1:06:51James Acaster?

  I think if you don't eat it before you go away.

• 1:06:53Speaker 00

  I wouldn't eat it when you get back.

• 1:06:54James Acaster?

  It sounds like.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  It's closed.

• 1:06:55James Acaster?

  It's been there for a month already.

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  But it's closed. It's like completely closed in a, in a package, like kind of like an oat milk thing.

• 1:07:01James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, but yeah, I wouldn't eat oat milk after two months in a package.

• 1:07:05Speaker 04

  If it's closed.

• 1:07:06Speaker 00

  Well, there's, do you read the dates on things?

• 1:07:08Speaker 04

  Yes, sometimes. If it's something like gazpacho, I'm not freaked out.

• 1:07:12James Acaster?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:13Speaker 04

  That not even has a little bit of egg.

• 1:07:15James Acaster?

  No, it's not egg in it, I guess. I don't know, I'd still would.

• 1:07:19Speaker 04

  Okay, I'll give it a check, guys. Don't worry about it.

• 1:07:21James Acaster?

  What kind is it? What, what kind of a?

• 1:07:23Speaker 04

  It's in a carton.

• 1:07:24James Acaster?

  Yeah, I mean, what flavor?

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  I can imagine the one it is.

• 1:07:27Speaker 04

  It had tomato, for sure.

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  They normally have maybe celery in them as well?

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  Pepino, what's it called? Cucumber.

• 1:07:33Speaker 00

  Pepino.

• 1:07:34James Acaster?

  Lovely.

• 1:07:35Speaker 04

  It had cucumber in it. I checked that. Cause I was interested. I'm like, how is this so delicious, this stuff? It's just tomato. But tomato is quite delicious.

• 1:07:42Speaker 00

  It is good.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  With olive oil and salt.

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. Are you putting ice in your gazpacho? Some people put ice in their gazpacho.

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  No, I don't think so. Cause then it makes it watery. I'm not interested.

• 1:07:52Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 1:07:53Speaker 04

  Unless you drink it really fast, but also I don't think you should be pressured with food.

• 1:07:57James Acaster?

  Where are you going on holiday?

• 1:07:58Speaker 04

  To the woods.

• 1:07:59James Acaster?

  The woods? So in, in the UK?

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:08:02James Acaster?

  Uh, I'm just going to the woods?

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  I'm going to a cabin that I found on Airbnb.

• 1:08:06James Acaster?

  Okay.

• 1:08:06Speaker 00

  The new forest?

• 1:08:07Speaker 04

  Could be, yeah. I looked at the forest area that wasn't too far away and I clicked on one and I picked one and I think it looked good.

• 1:08:13James Acaster?

  Just, just you?

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  No, with the guy who I think is my husband.

• 1:08:16James Acaster?

  You think?

• 1:08:18Speaker 00

  You think he's your husband?

• 1:08:20James Acaster?

  You think you're gonna end up getting married to this man?

• 1:08:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:23James Acaster?

  You in a relationship now?

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:08:24James Acaster?

  That's a good start.

• 1:08:25Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:08:27James Acaster?

  Wanna speak about it for a bit? Tell people about it?

• 1:08:29Speaker 04

  He's nice. He's a clown.

• 1:08:31James Acaster?

  Oh.

• 1:08:32Speaker 04

  Stop it.

• 1:08:33Speaker 00

  Is he a pants on clown?

• 1:08:34Speaker 04

  He's pants on.

• 1:08:35Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  He's also, he's got a sensitive heart, this guy.

• 1:08:38James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Speaker 04

  Got a good heart. I trust his heart.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's good. You gotta trust his heart.

• 1:08:42Speaker 04

  You literally do have to. That is very important. This is my private life, by the way, so maybe I'm not saying any more stuff.

• 1:08:49Speaker 00

  That's fine.

• 1:08:50Speaker 04

  Guys, you're, you're nosey, you're nosey, you're creeping into my privacy.

• 1:08:58James Acaster?

  We arrive at your dream dessert.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  Finally. First thing I thought, tartar ton. Then I thought, well, yes, that's delicious, sure. And I can probably make a delicious one. But what about if I make something so thick, you can't even want more than too much of it?

• 1:09:15James Acaster?

  What?

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  I didn't know where I was going with that. I didn't know.

• 1:09:20Speaker 00

  I would like that on a tea towel. I want T-shirts of that.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  You can't even remember what exactly it was.

• 1:09:25James Acaster?

  You know, if you know those live, laugh, love signs. You can't even want too much of it.

• 1:09:29Speaker 00

  Yeah. You know the live, laugh, love things that people have up in their house? I want that. I would just want that.

• 1:09:34Speaker 04

  Well, this is what I said, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to say. I wanted to say more like, it's thick. And you want a couple of bites. You're sharing it with your loved one. You only get one of these.

• 1:09:46Speaker 00

  So you're saying that you, something so thick that you can't even want too much of it is what you mean?

• 1:09:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what I mean, actually. I guess it was what I meant.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:56Speaker 04

  It's a, it's a, a cake that my aunt makes. I guess it's not cake. It's made like torta. I don't know what that's like. My aunt makes it. She's real good cook. She's so good. But also she served it. She goes, this is shit. Everybody's gonna hate this shit. And then it's like the most delicious thing you ever had.

• 1:10:11Speaker 00

  Is she good working, working in the restaurant, by the way?

• 1:10:13Speaker 04

  Honestly, she works at the restaurant as well. And she can be head chef for two weeks at a time.

• 1:10:18Speaker 00

  I would love.

• 1:10:19Speaker 04

  We love her.

• 1:10:20Speaker 00

  I would love to go to a restaurant and the head chef comes out and goes, this is shit. I would really, I'd really connect with that.

• 1:10:25Speaker 04

  I don't think that we should let her talk to the people because she's gonna be saying that too much.

• 1:10:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:30Speaker 04

  She's always saying like it's dry and probably crunchy in a way you won't want it to be.

• 1:10:36Speaker 04

  It's obviously crunchy in a really good way.

• 1:10:39Speaker 00

  But I do that for, to people when I cook for them.

• 1:10:41Speaker 04

  What's that about?

• 1:10:43Speaker 00

  Cause I'm always worried it's bad. I've cooked for you before.

• 1:10:45James Acaster?

  Yeah, says it's gonna be, he, he made polenta for the first time. He never made it. It was absolutely brilliant. He says they're going, sorry about that fucking stupid.

• 1:10:56Speaker 04

  What was it about it that you made bad?

• 1:10:58James Acaster?

  Just cause it was the first time.

• 1:10:59Speaker 00

  I think it was the first time, so I didn't know if I'd done it right.

• 1:11:02James Acaster?

  Believe it could have been good. He was like that.

• 1:11:03Speaker 04

  Did you make it crispy on the sides?

• 1:11:04Speaker 00

  No, no, no. It was wet. It was wet polenta.

• 1:11:07Speaker 04

  I like that. I had that yesterday.

• 1:11:08Speaker 00

  You just put a load of butter and cheese in. It's pretty good, isn't it?

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  Delicious. God, it's one of the most incredible sides, actually.

• 1:11:15Speaker 00

  I like it crispy too. I like it crispy too.

• 1:11:18Speaker 04

  Crispy is really good.

• 1:11:19Speaker 00

  It's really good. I like polenta chips.

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  Simple. It's simple to make that crispy. Simple to make it anyway. It says cook it 30 minutes. You don't need that. You only need to cook at five.

• 1:11:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:28Speaker 04

  Cause that's not even raw. It's just corn.

• 1:11:31Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's quite crunchy at five, isn't it?

• 1:11:33Speaker 04

  But with five minutes.

• 1:11:35James Acaster?

  Still don't understand what this dessert is.

• 1:11:37Speaker 04

  Right. Cause I didn't say anything about it yet.

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:11:39Speaker 04

  So it, it's.

• 1:11:40Speaker 00

  It's so thick.

• 1:11:41Speaker 04

  It's so thick. It's, the bottom is Maria cookies. You know those like, they're kind of a biscuit.

• 1:11:49James Acaster?

  No.

• 1:11:49Speaker 04

  They're like a milk biscuit, I guess.

• 1:11:51Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  That Maria. That, that you put it inside almond milk or oat milk. Don't care, but I don't, or dairy milk. Honestly, up to you. You make it, you wet it.

• 1:12:01James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Speaker 04

  And then you put a bunch of them in the bottom of a pan of sorts. The one that you would like to have your cake inside of.

• 1:12:08James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  Then you, you put that all down. And then in, on top of that, you're gonna put four egg yolks. Not on top of that directly. You're doing that on the side. Four egg yolks. And then you're gonna put butter in the egg yolks. And then you're gonna zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Then you are going to grab chocolate, banyo Maria. What is that called? Maria bath? Yeah. So you, you melt a bunch of really dark chocolate. You put condensed milk inside that chocolate. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. You put the egg inside the chocolate.

• 1:12:38Speaker 00

  Can I check the zoom, the zoom zoom?

• 1:12:40Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:12:40Speaker 00

  Is that just a manual whisk or is that an electric whisk?

• 1:12:44Speaker 04

  I'm thinking it's electric because of the way I'm.

• 1:12:46Speaker 00

  The zoom zoom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:48James Acaster?

  I heard that as like a man's name called Emmanuel Whisk.

• 1:12:51Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 1:12:51Speaker 00

  Emmanuel Whisk.

• 1:12:52James Acaster?

  Yeah, like you, like you heard Fiesta Day when I said it. I thought you genuinely said, is that Emmanuel Whisk?

• 1:12:58Speaker 00

  Emmanuel Whisk. Emmanuel Whisk arrived on Fiesta Day.

• 1:13:01James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:02Speaker 04

  Wouldn't he? That's his favorite day. Emmanuel Whisk? No.

• 1:13:08Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:13:08Speaker 04

  Electric whisk.

• 1:13:09Speaker 00

  Zoom zoom.

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. It could be manual though. It doesn't, but you do want this to be quite put to, you don't want to feel any sort of egg yolk stuff in there. So I'm going electric. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. It gets really nice. Then you're toasting some almonds on the side. Okay? Not too much. You want them toasted. You don't want them burnt. Then you're putting the, on top of the little cookies, you're putting a layer of this stuff. You're putting in the almond on top. You're putting a layer of the cookies again, a layer of the chocolate, a layer of the almond. You're putting upwards of four layers of this type of stuff. And then you put it in the fridge and then you serve it.

• 1:13:48Speaker 00

  It sounds delicious.

• 1:13:49James Acaster?

  Does sound very nice.

• 1:13:50Speaker 04

  Is very nice.

• 1:13:51James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 04

  It's intense.

• 1:13:53Speaker 00

  Very rich.

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  Very rich. Thick. Delicious. And you maybe don't, you feel like all my, all my dishes were a bit elegant. You might be thinking, man, this isn't really elegant. But I think that you have to remember, this is a restaurant by a family.

• 1:14:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:11Speaker 04

  We love the chocolate cake. It's been in our family for at least 10, 15 years.

• 1:14:16James Acaster?

  What's it called? Do you just call it chocolate cake?

• 1:14:18Speaker 04

  It's actually torta de gala, which is my older sister would get this on her birthday all the time. And now we asked for it cause it's like, this is really good. Why only reserve for her?

• 1:14:27James Acaster?

  You're not speaking about her with the same affection you spoke about your younger sister.

• 1:14:30Speaker 04

  I love her.

• 1:14:31James Acaster?

  Hmm. Okay.

• 1:14:32Speaker 04

  I love her. She's really special to me. But she does live far away and I, I have a lot of affection for her. She lives in Los Angeles. We're close.

• 1:14:41James Acaster?

  Not a clown?

• 1:14:42Speaker 04

  Photographer. Find me, girl.

• 1:14:45James Acaster?

  Creative family.

• 1:14:46Speaker 00

  Very creative family.

• 1:14:47Speaker 04

  Thank you for saying. I think all families are probably creative, but no, they're not even allowed. That's the truth.

• 1:14:55Speaker 00

  What do you, what do your parents do?

• 1:14:56Speaker 04

  Creative stuff.

• 1:14:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  My mom's actress. My dad's photographer. So then that's.

• 1:15:04Speaker 00

  That was an electric camera, right?

• 1:15:05Speaker 04

  That's electric.

• 1:15:06James Acaster?

  And there's the three of you?

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  Then there's the three of us.

• 1:15:09Speaker 00

  Well, so everyone's doing creative stuff.

• 1:15:11James Acaster?

  Wow.

• 1:15:12Speaker 00

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:15:13Speaker 04

  I mean, we were allowed.

• 1:15:15Speaker 00

  You were encouraged.

• 1:15:16Speaker 04

  We were encouraged.

• 1:15:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:17Speaker 04

  My dad said, you could go to university. That's a bad idea. I said, I'm gonna study and I'm gonna be a political scientist. And then I did do that, but then I ended up doing stand up anyways.

• 1:15:27Speaker 00

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:15:28James Acaster?

  Did you feel a bit gutted when you started doing stand up? Ah.

• 1:15:31Speaker 00

  You're like, oh no, turns out I'm creative.

• 1:15:34Speaker 04

  Well, everybody's creative.

• 1:15:36Speaker 00

  That's not true.

• 1:15:36Speaker 04

  Yes, it is. Of course it's true.

• 1:15:38Speaker 00

  No way.

• 1:15:39Speaker 04

  Oh my God, when people.

• 1:15:39James Acaster?

  Ben's not.

• 1:15:40Speaker 04

  Ben, of course you're creative. Of course you're creative. Ben, I bet you're creative. You shouldn't have been allowed. You make them sit over there.

• 1:15:52James Acaster?

  Can I read your menu back to you now, see what you're thinking about it? You were like sparkling water?

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 1:15:56James Acaster?

  You're like warm for ketchup bread. You want a pear and gorgonzola ravioli from Romeo's in Miami?

• 1:16:02Speaker 04

  Could be.

• 1:16:03James Acaster?

  Mancor steamed sea bass with family spice mix, caramelized fennel, capers and lemon.

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:08James Acaster?

  Side dish, small crispy potatoes with the family spice mix again.

• 1:16:11Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:16:12James Acaster?

  Drink, gazpacho. Dessert, your aunt's chocolate Maria cookie and almond torte. How do you feel about that?

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  I think this could be really interesting. I do think my family will probably change it month per month.

• 1:16:24James Acaster?

  I would, I would eat that. I, I would.

• 1:16:25Speaker 00

  Delicious.

• 1:16:26James Acaster?

  Especially eat that dessert.

• 1:16:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:28James Acaster?

  But all of it, I would eat.

• 1:16:29Speaker 00

  I'd be worried.

• 1:16:30Speaker 04

  The fennel stuff.

• 1:16:30Speaker 00

  The only thing I'd be worried about is eating dessert, really enjoying it, then reaching for my drink and it's gazpacho.

• 1:16:36Speaker 04

  Right. Because I'm not gonna give you alcohol, Ed Campbell.

• 1:16:39Speaker 00

  I don't want alcohol. I just.

• 1:16:40Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna give you it. I'm not interested in making everybody drunk at my restaurant.

• 1:16:47Speaker 00

  That's not why I was saying it. I was worried about.

• 1:16:49Speaker 04

  You don't want gazpacho cause you want alcohol.

• 1:16:51Speaker 00

  No, I don't.

• 1:16:55Speaker 00

  I don't want gazpacho with torte.

• 1:16:58Speaker 04

  You would have it already. You know it's coming. You know you're getting dessert. You know you've had gazpacho there. You get, you do have a bit of a clue about the relationship you're gonna be having in the next meal. Between your drink and the new sort of dessert which you're ordering. You go, I think that my family would say, okay, dessert's coming. Probably time to finish your gazpacho.

• 1:17:20Speaker 04

  I think that would be kind of mandatory.

• 1:17:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:22Speaker 04

  And then people could say, hey, I'll finish my gazpacho on my own time. You say, hey, I'm sorry. We shouldn't have said that. That could happen as well.

• 1:17:31James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:32Speaker 00

  And I, I wasn't saying because I wanted alcohol.

• 1:17:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 1:17:38Speaker 04

  Well, prove that to the court.

• 1:17:40James Acaster?

  Didn't sound like you were saying you didn't want alcohol.

• 1:17:42Speaker 00

  I'd be going out after this meal.

• 1:17:44Speaker 04

  It's too thick. You probably need to go home.

• 1:17:47Speaker 00

  Because of the dessert was too thick.

• 1:17:49James Acaster?

  It was too thick.

• 1:17:49Speaker 00

  And I didn't want too much of it.

• 1:17:51Speaker 04

  Hmm. You might've had a lot cause it's so delicious.

• 1:17:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's the problem with some things that are too thick.

• 1:17:55Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:17:56James Acaster?

  I think you're gonna be disappointed with how few people like comment on the thickness of the dessert. I think they'll all be loving it, but I don't think a lot of them are gonna be going, this is.

• 1:18:05Speaker 00

  They'll say it's rich.

• 1:18:06James Acaster?

  They say rich. But I, I don't think, I've never really.

• 1:18:10Speaker 04

  Maybe we.

• 1:18:11James Acaster?

  Seen somebody eat a dessert and say, this is thick.

• 1:18:14Speaker 04

  Maybe that's just in the description to make sure it gets out there.

• 1:18:17James Acaster?

  Thick cake.

• 1:18:18Speaker 00

  Thick cake.

• 1:18:19Speaker 04

  Thick.

• 1:18:20Speaker 00

  He wasn't actually. Fantastic teacher.

• 1:18:22Speaker 04

  Very nice.

• 1:18:23James Acaster?

  Thick with two Cs.

• 1:18:24Speaker 04

  But didn't you say he forced you to?

• 1:18:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, but this, this is on the curriculum, isn't it?

• 1:18:29Speaker 04

  Right. Oh, isn't that tough?

• 1:18:31Speaker 00

  You know, I'm just studying the same John Donne poem over and over again.

• 1:18:34Speaker 04

  Who?

• 1:18:35Speaker 00

  John Donne.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  I don't know that person.

• 1:18:38Speaker 00

  Look him up. Look up the flea by John Donne.

• 1:18:39Speaker 04

  The flea?

• 1:18:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:41Speaker 04

  Okay, I'm interested.

• 1:18:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:43Speaker 04

  For me, that's a perfect name for a poem.

• 1:18:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:46Speaker 04

  The flea is a good name for a dog as well. With the the.

• 1:18:51Speaker 00

  With what you find out about the flea is you think it's a poem about a flea, but it turns out it's about different stuff.

• 1:18:56Speaker 04

  What type of stuff?

• 1:18:58Speaker 00

  So there's sort of a sexual element to it, I think.

• 1:19:01James Acaster?

  Oh damn.

• 1:19:01Speaker 00

  The flea has two people.

• 1:19:03Speaker 04

  Don't get horned up.

• 1:19:05James Acaster?

  I need to be whispering it and move his hands in a certain way.

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  I seem to remember there was a sexual element to it, but I was young. There was a sexual element to everything, you know?

• 1:19:14Speaker 04

  And not anymore, huh?

• 1:19:15Speaker 00

  Not anymore. Now it's just fleas.

• 1:19:17James Acaster?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:18Speaker 04

  Isn't it?

• 1:19:21Speaker 04

  That's a new thing, a British thing I'm putting in now.

• 1:19:23Speaker 00

  Isn't it?

• 1:19:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:25James Acaster?

  Started saying that.

• 1:19:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. Isn't it?

• 1:19:28James Acaster?

  Well, it's been nice seeing you.

• 1:19:30Speaker 04

  It has been.

• 1:19:31James Acaster?

  Nice having a chat.

• 1:19:32Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:19:32Speaker 00

  Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant.

• 1:19:34Speaker 04

  Thank you very much for having me in every which way.

• 1:19:45Speaker 00

  Well, there we are, James. What a wonderful episode.

• 1:19:47James Acaster?

  Wow.

• 1:19:47Speaker 00

  Loved that.

• 1:19:48James Acaster?

  What a journey.

• 1:19:49Speaker 00

  What a journey.

• 1:19:50James Acaster?

  Learned so much.

• 1:19:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51James Acaster?

  About Lara, her taste in food, her family.

• 1:19:54Speaker 00

  Yeah. Her mum's teeth.

• 1:19:57James Acaster?

  Mum's teeth. Didn't say ricotta.

• 1:20:01Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:20:02James Acaster?

  Could have been in the drink in the end.

• 1:20:04Speaker 00

  Could have been, yeah.

• 1:20:05James Acaster?

  Could have been anywhere.

• 1:20:05Speaker 00

  In the end. Could have been anywhere in the meal, but it wasn't, which I'm very happy about because it was nice to hear Lara's whole meal.

• 1:20:11James Acaster?

  Yes. So everyone should watch Break Clause, which is on Channel 4 now, every episode.

• 1:20:17Speaker 00

  Every episode's available on Channel 4, stream it on Channel 4. Great cast, great show. Go watch it.

• 1:20:23James Acaster?

  Absolutely.

• 1:20:24Speaker 00

  I'm on tour next year, Fresh Hell, edgamble.co.uk for tickets, especially these four shows at the London Playroom. If you're London-based or fancy a trip to London, edgamble.co.uk.

• 1:20:32James Acaster?

  Subscribe to at Craig Simons Live on YouTube for free.

• 1:20:37Speaker 00

  Exciting stuff coming on at Craig Simons Live.

• 1:20:39James Acaster?

  Craig Simons at the minute has two videos on there. One is him backstage warming up with a Luther Vandross tribute act called Dayton Gray, and one is him introducing a Diana Ross tribute act called Gloria Miller onto the stage. Both of those videos not have any views really to speak of. They've been up there for a while, but there's not many views of them because no one knows about the channel. He's not been able to promote it.

• 1:21:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, Paul Craig Simons. I'll be subscribing as soon as I finish this. It sounds absolutely amazables.

• 1:21:10James Acaster?

  Yeah, great stuff coming to at Craig Simons Live.

• 1:21:13Speaker 00

  Thank you very much for listening to Off Menu. We will see you next time with another fantastic guest and more cheeky chat from the boys.

• 1:21:20James Acaster?

  Yum yum yum.

• 1:21:36Speaker 01

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• 1:21:50Speaker 03

  Everybody listen up.

• 1:21:51Speaker 01

  Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 1:22:06Speaker 05

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