Laura Smyth

This week’s dream diner is stand-up, Live at the Apollo star and Radio 4 regular, Laura Smyth! And James remembers his shopping list… Laura Smyth is on tour across the UK and Ireland with ‘Born Aggy’, including a date at London’s Eventim Apollo. For dates and tickets go to laurasmyth.com Listen to Laura’s podcast ‘Shouldn’t Laugh But…’ here https://www.globalplayer.com/podcasts/42L528/ or whenever you get your podcasts. Follow Laura on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thatlaurasmyth/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@thatlaurasmyth @thatlaurasmyth Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the marzipan of conversation, crafting into the imitation fruits of humour and presenting in a wonderful box with some tissue paper around it. Marzipan fruits, imagine that.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  That is a gamble. My name is James Eggkassel. Together, we own a dream restaurant and every single week, we invite a guest, ask them their favourite ever start, a main course, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is?

• 0:38Speaker 00

  Laura Smyth. Laura Smyth, a wonderful comedian, James.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Fantastic comic, so funny. Laura and I do Glastonbury every year together.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  It's a fallow year this year, so we won't be doing Glastonbury. So therefore Laura's on the podcast.

• 0:53Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  So I get my annual dose of Laura Smyth.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  James can't afford to let his friendships go fallow along with the Glastonbury schedule.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  That's right. I'm very excited that Laura's coming on.

• 1:04Speaker 00

  You miss Glastonbury, don't you? You put a long drop in your garden because you miss it so much.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do. And do a big poo in there. And then I go and I sit in, well, I get my phone and I play my favourite bands, but I make sure that I put my phone as far away from me as possible, like several blocks away.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  And then I watch from really far back in my garden.

• 1:26Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  I don't really have a garden, but yeah, it's fun to actually fantasise about having a long drop in my garden. Actually, I feel quite fancy now.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  Laura is fantastic and she's on tour with her show Born Aggie. That's in the autumn and she's doing the Aventum Apollo, James. Well worth a visit.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Get this though, right? We like Laura, but we will kick her out the dream restaurant if she picks the secret ingredient, ingredient deemed to be unacceptable. And this week, get this, the secret ingredient is?

• 1:55Speaker 00

  Eggie bread.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Eggie bread.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Born Aggie.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Eggie bread.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Born Aggie.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  So eggy sounds like Aggie, so we've done eggy bread.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Eggie bread.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Pretty good.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  Enjoy.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  I wonder what you're saying.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  Enjoy this episode. It's the Off Menu menu of Laura Smyth.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Welcome Laura to the Dream Restaurant.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  Thank you for having me.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Welcome Laura Smyth to the Dream Restaurant, we've been expecting you for some time.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, indeed. Thanks for having me.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  Most welcome, of course.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Thanks for coming, it's very exciting to have you here.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  I feel like you and I only really see each other at Glastonbury each year.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  We do. I am a huge, huge fan of your comedy, but I have to say, when you and Mr Nish Kumar are DJing, it's a next level fandom.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  It might be something to do with my altered state at Glastonbury. But you've never quite noticed me, but I'm usually at the front, I go, guys, you know me.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  As you mix Missy Elliott and Natalie and Brulier, and I can still have flashbacks of your mixes. I love it. I love it. And I said to Nish, I said, it's like when the geeks in the comm room get the aux cord. He went, no, it's not like that. It is that.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love seeing these guys DJ. It's not enough to make me go to Glastonbury.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  Why?

• 3:20Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  This guy hates it. This guy.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Download, download, girlie.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Download's great. It's the right size. It's the right bands.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  It's the right paving.

• 3:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly, exactly. I'm just not interested. Glastonbury's too big and I'm not interested in any of the bands, I'd say. Maybe three, but that's not enough for a weekend, is it? And I don't want to get into an altered state, Laura.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  You don't want to get into an altered state, but there's something else about Glastonbury when you play it as a comedian. You could quite happily have your whole weekend just tucked up behind with Charlotte the Booker and her crew of hippie legends making you tea. And there's that vibe of like, oh, I suppose I'd better go and watch Rod Stewart then.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Going to town. I sometimes think if my whole Glastonbury was just talking nonsense with other comedians and watching Basil Brush and Acasta and Kumar DJing.

• 4:10Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  I'd go home happy.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, Basil Brush sang Purple Rain last year. What do you think about that?

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Bet you'd have liked to have seen that.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Don't get that download, my friend.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go now.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  There you go. My work here is done. I'm all right. I'm all right. I'll just have a water.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  It is funny watching these two DJs because James is so focused on the music. He's got his head down looking at the laptop and Nish is out front dancing and you're like, what is Nish's job here?

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Oh, he's, you know, there's a lot of times last year at Glastonby, I accidentally early on spilled a drink over my, all of my stuff.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  And I was really reliant on Nish to jump in there and take care of it. So he's, he's, he's earned his keep.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  The blue roll.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:52Speaker 00

  He's dancer and cleaner.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  It's like watching, I told you I'm a fan, but when you're watching and it's like, oh, again, and you're like, I want to, I need to know where the line of artifice is here because they're feeling this. They are, they are run, emcey in this place.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's all real. It's all real. It's the most, most real I've ever been.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  But I think James mainly DJs, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, in the same way, why I barbecue? So you've got something to get on with and you don't need to speak to people.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yes.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Thank you for saying this. I host a lot of parties.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Because then I'm in the kit. I'm just bringing more vol Evan. I'm busy.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  It's a social awkwardness.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. It totally is. Stay busy. You don't need to speak to your guests. And then by the time it's finished and everyone's like, oh, we'll all have a chat now. Now I've got to do, got to do the washing up now.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. I'd love to.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  I love the way I went, oh my God, James Acaster might be socially awkward. I'm bringing all the tea today.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  What a revelation. What are your signatures at parties when you're cooking in the kit? When you're making vol Evan's, you said and stuff like, what, what, what, what you got going on?

• 6:03Speaker 00

  That was just a smither link.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was really nice.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  We're into food.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, I love, I, I, I, I love, um, I love anything which is just like, oh, you know, if there's loads of people over, like, give you a good few, like roast chickens or things that they can tell, like a slow roasted lamb. Do you follow that? Malie's Cooks?

• 6:20Speaker 00

  No.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  On Instagram, mate. She's the queen of the slow roasted lamb, the reverse sear meat, you know? Anything that you wanna get into.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  I just, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm an over provider on from a big family, do you know what I mean?

• 6:31Speaker 00

  Slow roasted lamb is the absolute hack for entertaining, I think.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:36Speaker 00

  Get it in at like one in the afternoon if they're coming over in the evening, the house smells of that lamb for hours.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, a lamb smelling house is good.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  I think I wanna can, I wanna light a lamb fat candle, I think that would really, so my house always smells of lamb, I'd be so relaxed.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  That really alienate the misses.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  If you're living in like a wattle and daub house, I think, I think you could do that then.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  No, people don't talk about wattle and daub enough.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  No, you get. I got taught about it in, in school, I remember like, yeah, like in primary school, they were like saying about, I don't know, maybe medieval times or something.

• 7:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  People would build their houses out of wattle and daub, and I thought that's gonna be a.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  It's like hay and mud, basically, right?

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought it was gonna be, you know, something I'd have to remember forever and it would be very important, but I've not only ever encountered wattle or daub.

• 7:29Speaker 00

  I learnt about it at the Wielden Downland Museum, I don't know if you've, if you ever went there.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Is that the festival you go to?

• 7:35Speaker 00

  No.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  It's like a medieval village, you know, like when they build a medieval village and kids walk around, they go, look at how shit people used to live.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  A cast of steel like, I dream of one.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  Love them, wattle and daub.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Same from the sinking sand.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Oh, man, are you a foodie? Do you consider yourself much of a foodie?

• 7:56Speaker 02

  I am, do you know what? I, I was thinking of a bit of a gag the other day because this is leading to Glastonbury, right? I was doing a roast dinner the other day, right, and I realised all my hobbs were being used and I thought, oh, I've got to get the cauliflower on for cauliflower cheese. And then I had this like ding memory of um my husband's best mate Jim telling me about how he does a cauliflower cheese vegetarian, he roasts the cauliflower firsts. So to get all the moisture out, because sometimes you want the cauliflower leaves in, but then you can make it watery. So I texted him, I'm going, bit of a random one, I said, you were telling me about how you roast your cauliflower before cauliflower cheese. And then he went right deep into it and he was like, yeah, you need some cumin, you know, a bit of salt, pepper, garlic powder, olive oil, really slow roast.

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Get all the moisture out and then you want a really strong brew with the strongest extra mature cheddar you can. And then, you know, put that on and then panc, cheese and pancake on top and then it's, you know, you get full on marmy, no wateryness, it's amazing and all that. And I said, oh, thanks, man. And I was thinking, you know how everyone on a Zen pick talks about, I wanna stop the food noise.

• 8:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:59Speaker 02

  I was like, I need that food noise.

• 9:01Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  When I ain't got a hob, I need to remember. And he went, how'd you remember that? I told you that in Glastonbury, two thousand seventeen, we were all fat nuts. And I was like, that's the food noise I need, man. I love, I love it. I love food. I, I, I, I wish I didn't as much. I wish I didn't. I don't know people that don't love it.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  No, cause it's so, it's joyous.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  It's joyous.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I wouldn't try, I wouldn't trade loving food for the world. I think it's.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  It's perfect.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  It's hard, it's hard to love it.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  So, said it before, we, we, we're gonna have to keep eating, so I'd like to love it, please.

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  So, I don't wanna not, I don't wanna not, not like it, but they're like, oh, here we go, I gotta do this three times today.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 00

  I wanna talk more about this cauliflower cheese though, cause that sounds absolutely amazing.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  It sounds great.

• 9:43Speaker 00

  Cause I love roasted cauliflower is like up there for me.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:46Speaker 00

  I absolutely love it. So, you're roasting the cauliflower, you're making the roux separately.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:51Speaker 00

  And then mixing it in.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did it. I did it the other day. And he says cumin seeds, but I knew my kids would be like, meh, about cumin seeds. So I did a little bit of, I, I salt, pepper, olive oil, and just let it really slow roast with the leaves and stalk and everything. And then the cumin seeds, the salt, you have to say salt and pepper, and cumin, cumin, I did cumin powder, a bit of paprika and garlic powder. Not granules, like the powder, which you have to keep in an actual plastic jar, cause that's, I've puffed, like.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:16Speaker 02

  Right. So, you know, so then that is really good. And then when I made a really thick roux with extra mature cheddar. And so when it coated that, and then the topping and breadcrumbs, it, it avoids, eh, cause cauliflower cheese can just be like a bit paltry almost, if you get it. It can just be a bit disappointing. That is how you do it.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, that sounds so good. Cause you've got the char on the cauliflower from the rice thing and.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. I've only just started like filming all this, right?

• 10:42Speaker 02

  I went boss side.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  And so like, I'm really noticing now, like, when you're describing the food, and I was thinking, this sounds delicious. And I got really aware of what my face was doing, because it's like, it's, it's just filming me and I'm just doing that.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  It's like normal, I can get away with that two noobs bits, but now, but he was like popping us all the time.

• 11:02Speaker 00

  So we, sorry to up on about this, when you've mixed the roux and you've put the pancake on the top, how long are you then putting that in the oven? Cause the cauliflower's all cooked already, right?

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, but all well it's cooked anyway. But just slow till it's crispy on the top.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Cause then it's just you've got, I mean, it's an overused word, but it's the best. I mean, it's a marmy. It's a marmy or a rama. That's what we're saying.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  That's not an overused word.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  This is, that's the most he's ever grilled a, a guest.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  You're not grilling it, that would be crazy. You'd just burn the.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  As soon as I said it, I thought I've left myself wide open.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  You'd burn the breadcrumbs.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  You're a maverick, they cast though.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Well, I shouldn't laugh, but.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  It's your podcast. Do you film that one?

• 11:50Speaker 02

  We do film that one. We do film it. It's just the way now.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Pain in the arse, isn't it?

• 11:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can get your short form content.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Make you do that?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  You know, before, before we started doing videos, you know, um, some places started calling audio podcasts, legacy podcasts. How awful is that?

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  When I started doing podcasts, I was the, you know, the forefront.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. You're in the trenches. You built this bad boy.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  I was the young guy out there, making waves. And suddenly I'm legacy.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:18Speaker 00

  So depressing.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Do you know what that's called?

• 12:20Speaker 00

  What?

• 12:20Speaker 02

  A retonym.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  A retonym?

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Is when, so when you didn't need the word analog until you got the, this sort of a digital clock. So it's when something is renamed on account of what comes after it. Retonym is to be an English teacher. There you go. Something like that. Moments like that.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  I do love that.

• 12:35Speaker 02

  You try and, you know, you try and think of more.

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Things become legacy when there's a new media.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  Well, I know legacy's a word in itself, but you only need the word and the.

• 12:49Speaker 00

  The description until something else has happened. I love that. I'm gonna use that word.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  I really do love that.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  What can you tell the listeners?

• 12:57Speaker 02

  About Shouldn't Laugh But? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I went on. Shouldn't Laugh But is with one of my absolute besties that just makes me laugh, which is a good way to do it. And it's just, we try and find little niche corners of the internet that make us laugh. And, you know, I mean, let's face it, it's just every other, it's like every other podcast where, um, it's just being silly and talking nonsense.

• 13:17Speaker 00

  An excuse to have a chat.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  An excuse to have a chat. So it's just us two and we find it really funny. And she just does make me laugh. We just make each other laugh. So it's that kind of arrogance of like, oh my God, we're so funny.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  We should, we should record this.

• 13:28Speaker 02

  For, not, not, not for us, for them. They're missing out on these boys though. So you're mad. So, yeah. It, it, it is so funny. And what makes me laugh is that we never run out of things to say. So, you know, we're, we're finding the woman gets her hands bitten off by a shark, doing a selfie in Turks and Caicos. Now, we like all that. We like, we like finding things like that. We like the Louvre, then find out how good looking the

• 13:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, Fit Robber.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Fit robbers. We're into fit robbers. We, we, we like people.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  Hot Convicts, that was obviously, that was before you guys started doing the podcast.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  That was what is gonna be called, Hot Convicts.

• 14:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, Hot Convicts, yeah.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  And, um, uh, we like people stealing, did you see the woman stealing langoustine outside a restaurant? Crime opportunity. She just did. But then we found out she took loads more. So we're like, oh no, she's a serial

• 14:19Speaker 02

  tea leaf.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  The problem with some of these funny news stories is then you look into the background of it, it gets, gets quite sad. Yeah.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  You know, sometimes we pick things and we go, oh, no, no, no.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  What's Ed's favourite stuff on the internet? He likes top five cabbins.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, top five cabbins, I love.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Tell me more. We've got, we've been accused of being called cabbins.

• 14:38Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Literally all we said, we were talking about the fact that Brooklyn Beckham is estranged from the Beckhams. We went, I said, really, it's just Meghan Markle, the mini. You've got to do your own brand. You've got to get away from the royal family. Someone went, why are they bringing her into it? What pair of old cabbins? We were like, old.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  Karen.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll make it.

• 14:58Speaker 00

  No, I get a lot of top five Karen's videos on my YouTube Shorts. I don't have TikTok, I'm on YouTube Shorts. It means I get everything on TikTok about six months later.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Maybe you're a bit too welcome, yeah, maybe, yeah.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  This is the thing he speaks the most seriously about is top five Karen.

• 15:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Go on, Karen, go on.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  So just be a compilation video of like the top five Karen's according to the person who's put the video together.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  It's not always the same.

• 15:18Speaker 02

  Who's your top Karen?

• 15:20Speaker 00

  I like instant karma Karens.

• 15:22Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Obviously.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, but they'll fall over in their big fat leggings.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  They'll be like bashing on someone's window saying you can't park outside my house even though it's free parking on the street.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 15:35Speaker 00

  And then they're like, yeah, then, yeah, their leggings all, you know, trip over their leggings.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Or they threaten to get their husband and the person with them, they're just laughing, yeah, yeah.

• 15:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  They trip over their leggings or they get hit by a bike or something. It's funny, it's instant karma.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Instant karma.

• 15:50Speaker 00

  Which I don't think is what karma means necessarily. I think it's quite a sort of like spiritual concept, right? You know, karma, no, when people started talking about karma, they weren't just like Karen's gonna trip over her leggings.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  No, that was definitely not the original.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  I was thinking.

• 16:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  But he's, yeah, he's no better Dalai Lama.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  Dalai Lama, suck that kid's tongue.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  That was, that's put me off oysters.

• 16:19Speaker 02

  So weird, hey? Right, that's what I mean.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, fucking hell, my God, he did that shit.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:26Speaker 01

  I was mainly thinking about the time he said that women should cheer up and wear makeup. Do you remember that?

• 16:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, he did say that.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  I'm with him on that.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  There we go, we've got the Dalai in.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  And I'm back.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  You're off on tour as well.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Oh, I am? That's nice. Thanks for mentioning that.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Born Aggy.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Born Aggy.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Which is great, great title. I love the term Aggy. I don't, I don't use it enough.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Oh, I tell you what, some words, they're just great, aren't they? And, and it came from, I did my first tour, living my best life, and then I, I, I'd not been well, I, I've, I'm cancerous, and I bumped into a mate and she had, she'd had this mad brain, I imagine nearly died, and, and then she was talking about. The like that were both on the mend and she said and she had her fiftieth birthday and she danced till sunrise and she said and this Laura, this is how we're gonna live our life. Fighting and dancing, fighting and dancing. I thought, oh, that's in my tour, fighting and dancing, because it sounds like a night out in East London and I thought, oh, wicked fighting and dancing. Anyway, did a work in progress at uh in Southend and this woman on the front row, Deborah, who said, oh, I like my dogs more than my kids.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  And then these two women next to her went, huh, they were her daughters. And then so she was, she was gold all night. And then I went, I said, it's just because I'm Aggie. I said, my life's good, career good, husband good, kids good. So still Aggie. She went, oh, mate. She goes, I was born Aggie. And I went, all right, that's it. It's just born Aggie, because I think sometimes, you know, you do all the work, don't you? You do all the, I've got a cranial osteopath, I I do restorative yoga, I've got a hypnotherapist. I still wanna fucking end someone on the Lizzie line and I think I'm just gonna embrace it.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think you have to. I don't think there's any amount of spiritual practice that can overcome your natural instinct to be Aggie.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  It gets things done.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, those ones are the word. It like, it's really hard to be on the tube or something and not at some point get incredibly angry.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Internally.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  Not me, not me.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 18:27Speaker 00

  I don't.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Literally, you had to get the tube yesterday for the first time in ages and you were texting me and Ben and saying you were in hell.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Yes. It's because the Victoria Line decided to stop all the time and I'm not talking about the normal stops.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Don't get me started on public transport stopping.

• 18:46Speaker 00

  The normal stops, I'm fine with, I can live with that. I would prefer it if it just went from the stop I was at to the stop I wanted to go to.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, cool. Can't just be a car.

• 18:55Speaker 00

  Yeah. That's what I say when I get on, be a car. I think there should be a system where whoever is like an auction, a blind auction.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  You put in how much money you're willing to pay and the person who bids the most goes straight to the stop.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  So the richest person.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Well, no, it's it's who's willing to put the money out there.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  The richest person on the on the train.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  That old lady with her freedom pass, you're getting fuck all, Nan.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that's how you figure shit.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's how it should work.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  Do you know that is how the world works?

• 19:26Speaker 00

  We're not on the tube.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  My favourite Huck Simpson quote of all time is like, I want what everyone wants, preferential treatment.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  But no, he kept stopping in between the stops.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  And I was getting really, I was getting really aggy.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Aggy.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  Really aggy. I was like getting really hyped up about it. And then looking around, and obviously these people are all doing this journey every morning, they're commuting to work, because it was quite early. And they're completely relaxed, because they're so used to it. They're like reading their book, they're having a great time.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  No, they're not having a great time. They are broken.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  They are detached. There's a lot of like, yeah, disassociation.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  But I'm looking around being like, we need to, there needs to be a revolution.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  We need to try these doors open and push the tube.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 00

  Or the bid system.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Or the bid system.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  Yes, the bid system. Um, is there a certain type of etiquette on public transport that when it's not followed, your blood boils and you really can't?

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Well, you know what it's gonna be. It's the, I think that money that Mr. Mr. Privilege is paying should be to be give out free AirPods to everyone. Because I do not want to hear your short form content reels very loud.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Oh, anyone that talks on, just don't talk.

• 20:36Speaker 01

  Don't talk.

• 20:37Speaker 02

  I mean, if you're on like a big train, big train, big train, not a little train, you know, like a mate national rail.

• 20:43Speaker 00

  A grown up train.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  If you're on with like, oh, this is Karen's, but you know, when you're, if you get on a train and people like, if you're returning from a gig in the morning and from some shit hole in the nowhere, I like everywhere I gig, obviously. But then they're going into town, they're going back to London and it's there, they've got the, the long flowy dresses on, the denim jackets and some designer trainers and they're all on the prosecco. Why are you talking?

• 21:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  It's not talking. I don't care. You're not funny. I hate you.

• 21:07Speaker 00

  I also, I would jet in the south, I would ban alcohol on trains because I think it just makes people talk really loudly.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Uh, no.

• 21:14Speaker 00

  They turn it into a picnic and I'm not happy about it.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  Well, you, yes, but you know why? It's because like you might gig in Brighton, jump on the train back to London, wherever.

• 21:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  And you're so stone cold sober because you're just running from your bragging and everyone is off there. And you're like, you see it and you go, it's the ugliest when you're sober.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:31Speaker 02

  I, yeah, yes, or drink, you drink.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  Oh, I agree. Yeah, I get, I get pissed before every train. Yeah, yeah, that's also an option, I suppose.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Cut themselves.

• 21:40Speaker 00

  Cut themselves.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  We always start with still a sparkling water. Do you have a preference?

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, still. Yeah, still. Or tap water, because just keep it like, to me, that is why I spent money on that. Yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  Is there, like, if you're having tap water, where's the best tap water in the country?

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Probably like, um, yeah, Yorkshire Dells. You know, when you go, oh, my husband's from North Yorkshire. You go up to Yorkshire and then you wash your hair and you're like, what are these? Bubbles? What's going on? Because I'm a hard water girlie all my life and you can't believe how nice it is. So, yeah. And once I was in, um, actually, I might change to Scotland for my cousin, married a Scottish girl. And we were in the Berks of Aberfeldy, which, um, Robert Burns wrote about. And I drunk water from a real spring.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  That's well nice.

• 22:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's mad, isn't it? When you do that. Actually, I did that.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  If you want, you drink, you drink water.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Springs from the Berks of Aberfeldy. I'll probably get people writing going, there isn't a spring there. You just, that was a puddle you div. But no, yeah, unreal.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  You drunk out of a puddle, then. You got tricked and drunk out of a puddle. That'd be what a twist to the episode.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  Well, there are real springs in, in.

• 22:47Speaker 00

  In Yorkshire, yeah, I think I, I like literally put my, we were walking in Yorkshire Dells and I put my water bottle under like a waterfall thing.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  And drank the water. It was amazing.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  You did?

• 22:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  You know, you don't think I'd do that?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  No, I don't think you would do that.

• 23:00Speaker 00

  Why not?

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Like a gamble. I think you would go, that's disgusting river water.

• 23:04Speaker 00

  I was younger then.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  I was less neurotic.

• 23:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  But the.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  I wasn't crusted over by life.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  I am like, because I was, um, born and raised in East London, I, I am like a, a dog at a window when I'm in, when countryside, you know? My husband jokes to me that there goes, because I don't know what, like, village, county, all that nonsense, but the, they go, um, he says, there's only two places in the UK for Laura, London and Not London. He has this joke where you're like, oh, it's all right, calm down. Yeah, we get you in Not London.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  I can't, I love it. And like, there's a lot of, um, Robin Hood, Prince of Fez film there. So, you know, the scenes of those, those, those waterfalls as well. It's magic, isn't it?

• 23:45Speaker 01

  That's funny when you know that something's filmed there as well. When you get told such and such was filmed here.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  And like, for some reason, it does change how you kind of like interact with it.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  When you know that Robin Hood was filmed here.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  And that like Costner must have been walking around.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Costner walked on this ground.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  Costner probably took a piss up a tree.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  He drank from the spring.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's why, yeah, that's why the cafe can sell their sausage rolls for the price.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  Curse you Kevin.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Well, that sounds good. And you just want it straight out the spring.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  So we start within the, within the dream restaurant. You've got that spring there in Scotland. And you're going to lap out of that.

• 24:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yes, that sounds wicked.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Popadoms or bread? Popadoms or bread, Laura Smyth? Popadoms or bread?

• 24:27Speaker 02

  Oh, I feel like another answer I'm going to give is going to contradict this, but I'll get to it. I'm going to go popadoms, right?

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Because popadoms for me are firmly in the category of things that just do not have calories. You know what I mean? They're so light. Do you know what I mean? So then I could eat twenty nine. There is not a limit to the number of popadoms I will smash.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  I love it all. I love Thai apps in Whitechapel, you know, and it's just like endless madness. And I was like, I love it. I love it. I, I, yeah.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  So you want unlimited?

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Oh, unlimited popadoms. I, I think if you, you know, when people are like, oh, yeah, unlimited crunchy, crunchy, crunchy. I want everything on it all at once. And if that was going to be another question, I've listened to the pod. But yeah, I love them. I love popadoms. I love bits.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Little bits.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  I love bits.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  I love little bits. Yeah. Just bits.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  But when my, my eldest, she's like, in her twenties now, but she invented the word chups. Cause she just, anything snacks or crunchy or anything was just, she's a little two year old like chups. So we still use it in the family. Like, can I bring anything? You're like, I'll just get some, yeah, just beer and chups. So I'll stop for some beer and chups. And it just means everything. The crunch, the popadom, anything.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Cause Brazilians do that, don't they? Like my friend, like Brazilians love texture contrast, don't they? So anything is like, well, I'll crunch this on to them. They're putting everything to make sure there's that going on and I'm.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Texture's just so important. And I think beer and chups is perfect.

• 25:50Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  I can't have a beer without chups these days.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  No, you can't have a beer without chups. Wow.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. Beer and chups in front of the telly. Hello. What's your favourite chups with beer?

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Bombay mix or, oh no.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Oh, Bombay mix. We haven't really had that come up very much on the pod. The Bombay mix.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  It's a sort of family, I have a family legend about it. My mum was doing a sort of counselling, therapy course and all this. And she said, oh, do you know what we had to do? We had to list things we're grateful for. And my sister Sarah, who's almost like, I know she'd never have, like, if you even go, how are you doing? You happy? She'd go, don't start all that.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  So we always thought, oh, that's nice. Let's do this grateful thing. She went, oh, Sarah went, do you know what? I'm so grateful they don't label the calories on Bombay mix.

• 26:39Speaker 02

  And it's like, yes.

• 26:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  That was the first thing.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  The only thing.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  So you're Bombay Mix family?

• 26:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  You're all addicted to the Bombay Mix.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  But there's all sorts of variations on Bombay Mix, isn't there? Like all different sort of um charts going on. I love it.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  What what are your favourite? I I remember my dad used to really be into it. And the the little crunchy noodles.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  The little.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  That's what I was gonna say.

• 27:04Speaker 01

  Probably my my highlights personally in the Bombay.

• 27:06Speaker 02

  Cause you can get them just the crunchy noodles, can't you?

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Can you?

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Oh, you can go straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 02

  And that would be, but I do, I do love bad ones. Like, I love coated nuts.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  Like a a they call them like.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Like beer nuts and they were they're like that crunchy spicy coat on a nut.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:21Speaker 00

  I mean, for me, ch- beer and nuts is like, that's my go to.

• 27:25Speaker 02

  Ultimate chips.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  Roast the salted nuts is the is the ultimate chips. But yeah, those coated ones are pretty good as well.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Coated ones.

• 27:31Speaker 00

  I tell I tell you what I can fuck off chips wise.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  It's when you buy some nuts and you're like, I've bought some nuts. Then you look and you've bought like a mixed nuts thing.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  And those big weird pieces of corn.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, they, yeah.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  Hate them.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Leave off.

• 27:44Speaker 00

  You know what I mean?

• 27:46Speaker 02

  Like a corn.

• 27:47Speaker 00

  The giant crunchy corn.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  I think I might like those.

• 27:50Speaker 00

  You like, well, come over. I've got loads of them.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  I've bought like packets of just those before.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, greys do then. They are, I get it. No, but.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  You pop you pop one in, you're looking forward to a cashew or an almond or something. And it's a big bit of corn, like a baby's tooth is horrible.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  I spent like, and that's admin for me, cause I have to tip them out on the table and then sort them all out.

• 28:10Speaker 02

  Do you know, you're funny, you mentioned admin because because I'm such a um like a greedy like, you know, person. Sort of, I didn't know what else I was gonna finish it with, like, greed out.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Cause I'm such a greedy fat cat. I kind of like admin sometimes, like pistachios. I sometimes think that admin.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 02

  Is the only thing stopping me like just like, you know what I mean?

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  But have you seen the pistach- they now sell pistachios without the shells on?

• 28:37Speaker 02

  That's decadence.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  Well, it's it's off, it's so dangerous.

• 28:40Speaker 02

  Dangerous.

• 28:41Speaker 00

  Because then I'm done, I've done, I'm like chugging them.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:44Speaker 00

  So you need, you do need the shells there. That is, that is that barrier in the way of eating the whole bag. Like my thumbs hurt.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  I can't be arse having any more of these. It's a workout.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  If you wanna stop eating pistachios, you wanna wanna watch my dad eating a bag of those on a Saturday afternoon, watching Football Focus. He just watches, he eats a bag of pistachios in his bare feet and his his bottom of his feet are absolutely rank, man. And and and they look like the pistachios.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  So just makes you like.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  He's green, he's got green feet.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, it's like.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  Shrek.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  It's like, you know, the skin of a pistachio, that like the red, but but the the different shades of just everything overlapping it. You know, it's like, it's crazy feet, man. Just dried up, horrible feet.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  How old's your dad's? Yeah.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  He's in his sixties, he's about to turn seventy, actually.

• 29:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's it, you you you've you've done some miles in them feet and.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, those feet are rank, man. That'll make you never ever want pistachios again, once you see the combination of that, him eating them with those bare feet out, watching Football Focus.

• 29:45Speaker 02

  That is, that is almost enough to put me off, but I'm gonna go again.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  The thing about the shelled pistachios, that takes away the joy of when you are eating pistachios, you know, when you get one that's not shelled.

• 29:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  I mean, is this what flow state is?

• 29:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  Is this what they're talking about? Do you know, that's a vibe, isn't it?

• 30:03Speaker 00

  But then you come crashing back down to earth when you get one you can't open.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:06Speaker 00

  It's awful.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  So it's a journey.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  That's zen, that is life.

• 30:10Speaker 00

  And I used to, and this probably, you know, this probably is even more like life, when I was younger.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Let's see, how much like like.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  When I was younger, if I got one of those ones you couldn't open, I really tried hard to open.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Oh, I'd be.

• 30:22Speaker 00

  Crunching it with my mouth, smashing it, taking my shoe off, trying to bash it with the sole.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  Try and get it open now, just throw it away.

• 30:29Speaker 02

  I mean, you need, you need Akas, Akas Tassini's feet on the case.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, that's probably why they're, that's probably why they're like that.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  But that's why they look like that.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  He's opening pistachios with his feet like a big chin.

• 30:41Speaker 01

  He's smashing them all, like people stomping grapes and making wine.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  He's just stomping a big old vat of pistachios in his bare feet, cutting them up.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  All the shells just jagging in, just cutting up the soles of his feet, all the salt going in it and he just sits there.

• 30:55Speaker 00

  Screaming his head off.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  Hero, Akas, that's a hero.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  I guess he's quite, quite an inspiration, actually, if you're listening, Dad.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  He doesn't listen, listeners.

• 31:02Speaker 00

  Which is why, which is why you just said all that stuff.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Have fun telling him, man.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  Have fun relaying it to him later on today, try to try to explain this to him in a way that he understands.

• 31:14Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 31:25Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the set in, the vibe. And Cozy's modular, customisable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful, cosy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 32:21Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs, you telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere. Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 32:36Speaker 00

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  And because it's Cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 33:04Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  Visit Cozy today, that's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  Your dream starter.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Prawns in garlic butter.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Let's keep it simple, man.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, lovely. Big prawns.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  Big, yeah, big old, you know, deveined, charred, and then in the sort of super garlicky butter.

• 33:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Maybe a couple of tomatoes that have wilted down, you know, that have really gone down in there. And this is why I say this might contradict the poppadomphic, because then you're gonna get bread with that.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  Okay, nice, because you need, you need the bread with that.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  You need the bread with that, and I love, like, you know, I'm a good cook and I love hosting, I, I, I love. If I take my kids out, I always go to an Italian restaurant. If it's a birthday or a celebration, there's something about them, real old school Italian restaurants that really make you feel like you're going out.

• 34:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  You know, they've not changed the menu in years, tiramisu's not changed, every, you know.

• 34:07Speaker 00

  The candles, the candles in one of those bottles of wine with a straw, a straw around the bottom.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  I don't want modernity in, and they really look after the kids and it feels like you've gone out. I wanna be garlicky up to the eyeballs.

• 34:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  And so that garlic prawns is just a joy and I'll, if, if that's on a, if that's on a starter anywhere, I'm getting that. And then the bread gets involved. And I mean, before I even started the prawns, the bread is in there.

• 34:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Doing its thing for me to get to because, do you know the word tunken?

• 34:35Speaker 00

  No. No. So. I learned so many words. Yeah, is this one of, another one of your family's words?

• 34:40Speaker 02

  No, it's, well, it is in a way because it's a Hungarian phrase. So my brother is married to a Hungarian woman and they live in Budapest. And, I mean, she's an absolute, you know, health freak, like bone broth kind of amazing goddess. But when it comes to bread and tunken, so tunken is just the dunkin tunken, you know, I think, so it's, but it's a big thing, like, it's the stage of the meal.

• 35:05Speaker 00

  In Hungary, is it called tunken donuts?

• 35:07Speaker 02

  Oh, no, no, no, I don't think they'd have such thing. There's shades of communism still there, but the, um.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, sorry.

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Come, get with it. It's the flow.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  But um it's it's such such a stage of the meal that almost as important like almost get that out of the way. So on Christmas Eve, they're all over, but it's like, I did garlic prawns and and and mussels and stuff. And then it's just, the bread is the main stage, actually. That's where we're in it, you know. You know, if I was watching someone not dip bread in some garlic prawns or butter or, you know, wine sauce, I'd be like, I'm like, pass this that here. I have no shame. I'd do it on a first date. So yeah, so it's it's the it's the it's the prawns, but it's also the power of the tuncon that is very, very important.

• 35:52Speaker 00

  You've got to embrace the power of the tuncon.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Oh, we went to, we went to do, we went to a vineyard on Lake Ballaton in, well, not Budweiser's Hungry, it's just outside Budweiser's. But um, honestly, the food that they give there, like, it's it's all just like for the dipping, like the bacon and the meats and the oil. It's like, ah, mate.

• 36:13Speaker 00

  Have you been to, and I've talked about this bread a lot, it's just moved, actually, there's a restaurant called Kudu that was in Peckham.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  No.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  And it's just moved to Marilla, by nothing.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  Go on.

• 36:25Speaker 01

  I can't, I can't believe you're about to tell them all this because like.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  This is the ultimate tuncon, isn't it?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is, this is, yeah, go, go. I'm too excited for you to say.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  The bread, when you order the bread, it's, it's like a brioche, they're baking it, they're baking it fresh. It's incredible. It's not overly sweet either. It's just, it's perfect bread. But then they bring with it and you can choose between the two or you can get both. Just a little pan, yeah, little cast iron pans of just, one is melted butter and so much of it with bacon and something else in there, some herb. And the other one is like, got a little shrimp in it and it's like melted shrimp butter.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:01Speaker 00

  And it's just so much butter. There's, it's all about the tuncon.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  You had chicken butter?

• 37:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Oh, fucking chicken butter.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Chicken butter.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  I've not had chicken butter.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Oh, mate.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  I don't think so.

• 37:11Speaker 00

  The chicken skin on the top as well.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Chicken skin.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Mate, if I had a tail, I would wag it. That is.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Fucking.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  Just what I mean about, I wish I weren't a foodie.

• 37:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, but, but then, where, then where are you gonna get that joy from? There's something so specific.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you know what, like, your husband.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  No, but it's not the same thing, is it? It's not the same thing.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  Like the feeling I got when you said chicken butter.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  Oh, I know.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  It's very different to the feeling I get when I think about my wife. They're two different things, they're two different, they're two different layers of joy.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Try harder, bitch, yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  Not what I was saying, darling.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  Cheers, let's do this.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  James's mum, can you pass on to my wife?

• 37:56Speaker 02

  Tell me, tell me what, tell me how to spell kudu.

• 38:00Speaker 00

  Uh, K U D U.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  I didn't even expect that, that is brilliant. All right, so then kudu in Maryland, I just came for the.

• 38:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think they're still, they are still doing that, I think it's one of their signature.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  I think we went there for, was it our hundredth episode?

• 38:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, we went there to celebrate.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  We went there to celebrate, the three of us.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Lovely.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  Ben hated, Ben hated being around us, he loved the meal, but he was really not happy that he had to spend the evening with us.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  I was smashed before we got there.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Ed was smashed. Uh, I was very much having a mediate because like, I think I was just so annoyed he was having a hangout with us for the evening.

• 38:31Speaker 00

  He doesn't like us as people, but we are.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  As people.

• 38:34Speaker 02

  By God, it's Canine Podcast.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  Your dream main course.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  All right, I've, I've thought a lot about this because I love a lot of food, right? And I love Caribbean, I love, there's a lot of food, but I actually want a whole soy roast chicken.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  Mmm.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  On just boiled rice.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  Lovely, soy roast?

• 39:00Speaker 02

  You know, like a soy roast chicken that you'd see hanging in Chinatown where it's.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:03Speaker 02

  Poached with the ginger, the spring onion spices, then coated and.

• 39:07Speaker 00

  For a second, I thought you meant like a fake chicken.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  No, can you imagine me vegetarian or someone telling you they're vegetarian, right? You've got no skin in the game, I don't care about your opinion on nothing now.

• 39:20Speaker 00

  Ben.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  Oh, bless you.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  There he is, there he is sitting there.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  No, but I like vegetables, but so, you did, you do the fake, do you do fake stuff?

• 39:29Speaker 01

  He loves a corn roast, he loves it, he just raised his eyebrows twice when he said it, he said a lot of corn roast. Yeah, and he said literally no skin in the game, I've been translating, he'll edit himself out otherwise.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  I have got a sister who's a vegetarian and she always says, I miss the crap meat, like I miss hot dog or crap meat. I have seen her eat, uh, the chicken off KFC, like the skin off KFC if she's drunk enough.

• 39:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, that's fine, isn't it?

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Yes, well, just the skin.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  It's not part of the chicken, is it?

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I can eat my skin if you want, I won't, I won't have any problems with that.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  I think, yeah, so that, that, that's, yeah, so it's a soy, you know, when it's, and there's a Vietnamese in Dawson that does it really well. Any place in Chinatown that does it really well, like, I like that simple food, and I think. The reason I'm, I've really thought about this, I've really, really thought about it. I, you know the film Blues Brothers, when they go in and he says, I want two fried, whole fried chickens, I, I remember being really young thinking. Whoa, same with the film Emily, be like, oh, like, there's a whole chicken. And I think it's because they're the youngest of a lot of kids, so there was a phrase my nanny used to say, was like, there's plenty for everyone, but you've got to be quick. Because there was a little bit of like elbows at dawn, like you ate for seconds, do you know what I mean, I mean, it's like. You know, you could get some, so I think that's, and it's not that there was scarce, it is, there was plenty for everyone, but it's like, everyone's an eater.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  So I think that idea of like, a whole roast chicken for little me, Laura Smyth's gonna get a whole roast chicken. This has slightly been tainted, have you watched The Beast in Me?

• 40:52Speaker 00

  No.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Oh, brilliant, watch it. But, um, what's the actor in it, Ma- Matthew, um, is the Welsh actor who plays an absolute psychopath.

• 41:00Speaker 00

  I know who you mean, yeah, Reese, isn't it?

• 41:06Speaker 02

  So Matthew, he, I don't think I'm giving too much away, say he's a psychopath, but he's also, he eats a whole roast chicken.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  While he's very scary attacked, and it's the most intimidating thing, so he kind of, in the same way, watching your daddy eat pistachios. Like, put me off, it almost tainted it, but, um, yeah, so, uh.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Soy, whole soy roast chicken, like the ones that are hanging, hanging the windows.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  Do you want one from the window? I've always thought, I don't want the window meat.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Oh, no, you don't want a window meat.

• 41:33Speaker 00

  I don't want meat, I don't want a chicken that everyone's been looking at. Do you know what I mean?

• 41:38Speaker 01

  That's, Laura made me laugh, saying, don't want the window meat.

• 41:42Speaker 02

  No, and I get it.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't want one that's been out there, you know, yeah, I don't want the one that, like, I, I, it looks nice, it's a good way of getting me in.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:50Speaker 00

  But I don't want the one from the window.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  No, they look like they've been there a while, it's got that glossy sheen, like the old school cake shop in the high street.

• 41:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  But I don't, I'm not a duck fan, you see, I think that's an overrated thing, but they're good, yeah. There you go, controversial.

• 42:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. Crispy duck pancakes, you don't like them?

• 42:08Speaker 01

  No way.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Real, real big, that is taking a big percentage of a Chinese order when you're at home. Squeeze ain't worth the juice sometimes.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  Sure. Sure.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  If I can quote you.

• 42:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. So it's it's it's taken up a lot of like real estate in the bags. Yeah, we get the takeaway home. So much of it is all the.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  And it's expensive as well.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 42:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  If you're, I've got three kids, you're going, what, half, you ain't going half duck, are you?

• 42:34Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  You ain't going half duck.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  You ain't going, and then, yeah, so, yeah, I'm not bothered about that. I'm not bothered about fancy duck. I'm I'm not bothered. Fancy duck. I had a picture of a little bow tie.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  A bow tie fancy duck.

• 42:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I saw roast chicken.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  With a sort of maybe morning glory side, if that was gonna be the next question, you know, like the proper, good, nice.

• 42:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Chinese vegetables, just simply done load of garlic.

• 43:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, sesame oil, so good.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, sesame oil's really nice.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Although although I I've got a whole bottle of sesame oil at home, we just never use it.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  I bought I bought it for a stir fry.

• 43:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Cause Jamie Oliver said to use it in the book. Said get sesame oil for this. So I did it.

• 43:17Speaker 00

  The the book.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  The book, cause in the book.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  A book.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  The good book.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  The bible.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  By Jamie Oliver. And I did the stir fry. And then, uh, I was just, it was very nice, but I've never done it again since. And that sesame oil was just there. And every now and again, actually, this has just reminded me, this is such a useful podcast.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  I I need to buy olive oil.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  I've forgotten.

• 43:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  The other day, I had to grill an aubergine, but using vegetable oil.

• 43:49Speaker 00

  Oh, gosh.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  Cause I I was, I'd already done all the prep.

• 43:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  Cut the aubergine in half, done all that, scored it, went to get my olive oil, the bottle's there, it's empty. And I, you, my first instinct was to be like, oh, let's start to think, my girlfriend's done that. And then I remembered doing it.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  It's always gonna be the first instinct, though.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, first instinct.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Blame others.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Blame someone who never does anything wrong, to be fair to them.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  And then remember it was me, and that when I did it, I just went, I can't be fucked to convince that and then sort it out. I just.

• 44:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  I'll leave it there. And when my girlfriend's cooking something next, she'll have to deal with it.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, but who was cooking something next, James?

• 44:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was cooking something next.

• 44:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  I feel like Davina McCall in Begin Again. Is it all, everyone like, oh, wow.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  Interesting.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  You're a bad guy.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Ah, so. You roasted a night machine in vegetable oil.

• 44:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I'd do that. It tastes very nice.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  So like, I've got to get that olive oil on the way home today.

• 44:47Speaker 00

  I never have to buy olive oil. Never have to buy it.

• 44:49Speaker 02

  You in a deal? You in a brand deal?

• 44:50Speaker 00

  No, not a brand deal. Well, yeah, with my mum, I guess. With my mum.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  What?

• 44:54Speaker 00

  Because every time she goes on holiday.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  She brings back, because it's normally be like Greece or just anywhere, like anywhere seems to make good olive oil in the Mediterranean.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Greece makes great olive oil.

• 45:02Speaker 00

  She'll bring back like a huge tin of it for me.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Oh, that's lovely.

• 45:06Speaker 00

  And then, I don't know if you're doing, you're doing this at your house. I'm decanting it into a squeeze bottle by olive oil. Because it makes you feel like a chef.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  Look at you boy.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  So you squeeze it like that?

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, you just like, it gives you.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  Shoot it out there?

• 45:21Speaker 00

  Then you have more sort of control over how much you're using as well.

• 45:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:24Speaker 00

  When you're putting it in the pan or whatever. And if you're drizzling it on stuff.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:28Speaker 00

  Then just to finish it off. I actually bought it that time you came over and I made pizzas in the pizza oven.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Great day.

• 45:34Speaker 00

  And then you drizzle a bit of olive oil over the top, just gives it that little bite at the end.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  Do, have you, for flavouring as well, you could put decant into another one with like garlic and chili and all that?

• 45:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then where does it end, Laura?

• 45:46Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 45:46Speaker 00

  I'll never leave the house.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Do you know what I've done recently?

• 45:49Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  I've, I've had to ferment my own chilies, garlic and ginger because I go, I, I, because you know chili oil is so nice, like with the proper, whatever, it's got the rayo sort of madness. I mean, that is so calorific, it's wild. So I buy the fermented stuff, but that's about eight, nine pound a pot, like a little one. And I go through it, you know, that's one sandwich. But then, so then I've had to do, I've done it myself.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Because I'm like, I've got to go straight to the sauce here.

• 46:11Speaker 00

  That's brilliant. So you're, you're fermenting, you've got all these jars and you're like fermenting them?

• 46:15Speaker 02

  No, I've, I've gone high risk, high reward. I've gone a kilo, I've done a kilo, kilo in the jar.

• 46:19Speaker 00

  Amazing.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Because I think if I, if I, if I balls it up, I've really ballsed it up. So there's, there is literally a kilo of chilies, ginger and garlic together with a salt brine.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  And I'm just watching it.

• 46:31Speaker 00

  You have to burp it?

• 46:32Speaker 02

  I'm burping it.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  What?

• 46:34Speaker 02

  I'm burping it.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Burping it?

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Because it bubbles, it could pop. So you open it every day, that's all it is.

• 46:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Burp it. You open it every day.

• 46:43Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Sigh it, close it. So I'm only four or five days in, but.

• 46:48Speaker 00

  That's exciting.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Oh, thrilling.

• 46:50Speaker 00

  I'm buzzing for you.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  I am. I can't wait to hear that. Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  What what are you gonna use it all for?

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Anything. That's the thing. Once you've tasted fermented chili, that fermented chili, there's a, I can't remember the brand. But that's going on everything, mate. That's, I'm not, I can't think, I couldn't name something that I wouldn't put that on. You couldn't. Don't even try.

• 47:09Speaker 00

  I'm not even gonna try. What I'm doing is I'm thinking about all the things I would put it on.

• 47:12Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 47:13Speaker 00

  And it's everything.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Everything?

• 47:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Everything. Cheese toastie? Are you mad? Scrambled eggs? Are you insane? Pope Simon? Yes. You know, we're going in.

• 47:21Speaker 00

  I buy, well, actually, I've tried to stop buying it now because I just go through, I'll eat it like a yogurt.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  The Laugan Ma crispy chili oil.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  That's what I'm saying.

• 47:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's the best, it's the best thing in the world.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Oh, mate.

• 47:31Speaker 00

  And that will go on anything. And I saw the other day on Instagram someone putting it on ice cream. I was like, I'm trying that.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's happening.

• 47:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  It's the, but it's the classic crispy chili oil that I like. The the one with peanuts is fine, but it just doesn't, it's not as crispy.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. But have you looked at the calorie count? I hate to be this guy.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  Why would I do that?

• 47:47Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 47:47Speaker 00

  I'm just gonna live in my life.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Let me live. I've already been on the Victoria line today.

• 47:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is oil. And when you're eating it like with a spoon, you do think, probably shouldn't be doing this.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  I I'm going fifteen hundred calories a jar.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:03Speaker 02

  In a small jar.

• 48:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  And we know that.

• 48:06Speaker 00

  My wife put a jar of it in my stocking last year for Christmas.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 48:09Speaker 00

  That's nice. Pretty good.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Did it make you hobble when you walked?

• 48:15Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry.

• 48:22Speaker 00

  So your dream side, is it the morning glory?

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had it once in China. The point is being in China is because, you know, we gig in China, you're sort of there a lot. I feel like I'm there more than I've ever been in my life. Sometimes you have the most amazing thing that you can't remember where you had it or what you did. So, yeah, it would be just, I once had the most perfect morning glory, so it's that one specifically, yeah. It was just so good, so good.

• 48:45Speaker 00

  So you can't remember the place?

• 48:46Speaker 02

  No, not helpful.

• 48:48Speaker 00

  My go to in Chinatown now is Cafe T P T.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  T P T is legendary.

• 48:52Speaker 00

  Love it so much, the hot pots.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  Go in and get the aubergine and pork hot pot. Uh so hot in warming and like, it's just like, yeah, I could get every now and again. I'll think about it and then I was like, I have to have that soon. Cause it's like, and I know, I know just been for days being like, when are we going to Chinatown and have that hot pot?

• 49:12Speaker 02

  It is, it's like, you know, Goblin Market or something like, yeah, I've got to go like there's sometimes you. You hit on a hot pot and then you're like, that's, that's what I need. When they're like. When they're there at home, hand pulled noodles, when you're going, that's what you're checking out in Chinatown. Who's making their own noodles and who's making their own dim sum?

• 49:28Speaker 00

  Have you been to Heidi Lau?

• 49:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, yeah.

• 49:30Speaker 00

  Which is on like Piccadilly Circus, basically, that's the square, it's mad.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  It's mad, but we go to the one, um, cause my kids love it. We go, that's another birthday celebration. We go to the one, uh, O two.

• 49:40Speaker 00

  Oh, right, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. I mean, it looks, it like you go in, it's open till like three in the morning, I think as well.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  Oh, is it?

• 49:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, the one, certainly the one in Central is and, um, they give you like, while you're waiting, they'll, you can get your nails done, I think, while you're waiting.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Have you had a birthday there?

• 49:55Speaker 00

  No.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Cause I'll take my kids out when they come and sing with the radio. It is proper like, uh, uh, what is going on here? It feels American, like they do this big song. And they're singing canteens then in, in England and then they're giving freebies. You go with kids, like they're getting all toys and freebies. It's all the fun of the fair. We're ordering more. It's hot pot. It goes mental.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  The hot pot's amazing though, just like, I'm just, I go to absolute town on that. Making the little sauce up at the sauce station. And then the guy come over and do the noodle dance while he's stretching it. But then you want more noodles and he comes back over and now we just go, you don't have to do the dance again, man. We've seen the dance. And he's like, thank you.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:33Speaker 00

  I want it every time.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  Every single time when I'm getting the receipt, everything.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:43Speaker 00

  Dream drink.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Do you know what? I, I, I've listened to this and not, you know, like, to me, I love a wine, right? I do love a wine. To me, if it's a dream restaurant, dream drink, give me the most expensive.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  Um.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Drop one of them. Give me the most expensive red on the menu. I want.

• 51:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  A few hundred quid, fifteen hundred. You know, and I would love to know what a two thousand pound.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Taste like. I want to know what that tastes like. Cause when I have gone really bougie with wine, you know, uh. Uh, you, I didn't know red wine could be creamy, that positively creamy, you know, and it's so good. So I would want the most.

• 51:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Expensive wine you could possibly give me, and I don't even know what that is.

• 51:25Speaker 00

  But I think that's, I think that's great because not very few people will come in and say that that on this podcast and just bring me the most expensive thing on the menu. But I love it, but what I wanna do is we'll give you that, but also do you want a drink that you definitely know you like? Because what if we bring the most expensive bottle of wine on the menu and like tastes like shit, it's so old. Cause it doesn't mean it's good if it's like.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  I think it does.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it does.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  I mean, you know, when people go, oh, I wish we could get wine reviews next to choices on. I'll tell you what the review is. You know that ascending scale of cash money, that one.

• 51:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  Cause even at home, you know, you start going like, I'd, I'd, I'd do a five, six, seven pound bottle, then you like a ten pound, but then you. Uh, uh, uh, like, you know, like, uh, I'd say I'm now in the thirty pound bucket. Uh, I want a thirty pound bottle of Pinot Noir. Do you know what I mean? I like it like. And then, and then I'm like, oh, I wonder what a sixty pound one. It is getting better. Let's not get silly.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  Once you start getting up to those prices, like thousands of pounds, what you're paying for is the age, which I guess would have an impact on the taste. But then you're paying for the place where it's made and the name.

• 52:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, go on.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  Place, which doesn't necessarily make it better.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  It's a dream restaurant. I ain't paying enough.

• 52:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, but I'm saying that it doesn't necessarily make the wine better.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Well, do you know what? Um, a friend of ours, Boggle, he's, he's Mrs. Alex.

• 52:42Speaker 00

  Boggle.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  Boggle.

• 52:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:43Speaker 02

  He, I, I, all my, my husband's from Yorkshire, everyone's got a nickname.

• 52:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  Nightmare trying to do wedding invites.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  Do you know why he's called Boggle?

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Oh, you're just talking, that. He almost talks like anyone, brother. But he's in my dad, he's in my brother's band. He can barely talk, Boggle. He's the funniest person you'll ever meet. And he sings. They do like Crosby, Stills and Nash Harmonies, the most beautiful singer. Bring a tear to your eye. When he left, when he left to drive back to Northumberland, I'm all waiting. I went, oh, I, I went, have a safe trip, you went, I won't.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  What's wrong with you? Anyway, legends, I've all got a nickname, but they're all called James.

• 53:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:25Speaker 02

  So, uh, here's Mrs Alex, her dad, farmer, French, he, he passed away suddenly a few years ago, but what he used to do, and he, I don't know why, he bought an old sort of meat wagon, police transport thing where prisoners would be sort of transported. And he would drive to vineyards in France that were sort of too small, didn't have the sort of, um, you know, like whatever the license to like export license, whatever. So they would be really niche. And he would fill up this van with wine. So even though he's passed away, you know, and not been here for a while. It, it's almost like a little bit of a lottery. We've been up there, stayed at their place in, um, well, they're in, um, yeah, anyway, up, up, up north somewhere.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  You know, and they'll decant a lovely bottle of red and sometimes it is a, is a potluck. So you go, oh. And it's like, oh no, it's no good. The best wine I've ever drunk in my life is there. And then we have a little Google and it is hundreds of pounds worth. You know, and cause it's been there years, you're and it's just a joy that this gift is still given and it's phenomenal and they know the one. So that was my first day, it's like, oh, this is what a few hundred pounds is. And it is unreal, but you know, and so that's quite a fun thing. So I think that, yeah, that's the.

• 54:37Speaker 00

  We're just bringing you an outstandingly expensive bottle of red wine.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, lucky accuracy.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Can you Google the most expensive bottle of wine in the world?

• 54:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you'll just get something that's been sold at an auction that's.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  That belonged to Picasso.

• 54:49Speaker 00

  It's like a Petrus, I mean, like it's something like.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  A Chateau, a Chateau Lafitte Rothschild or something.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  He's so over it already. He's, he's absolutely over it. He's like.

• 54:58Speaker 00

  The thing is, how you know is it's just, it just ends up being like, you know, trainers or watches, you know, it's, it's supply and demand. Like burgundy prices have shot up in the last five years. Doesn't mean that it's any better than it was five years ago.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  I look, he ain't changed. He's still an average guy. He's that guy. Um, I, I, I, I sometimes wonder about, you know, that kind of youth is wasted on the young, these wonderful things. Imagine finding that, imagine getting to the point where it's commonplace, you know, like, or, you know, sometimes you think the people that should really appreciate it. Like the should, the people that would really appreciate it could never afford it sometimes. Do you know what I mean? I I hope, you know, because obviously I'm gonna be like a podcast millionaire and all that, so isn't it? So when I'm a podcasting, I hope I always appreciate.

• 55:46Speaker 00

  I've started watching this um guy on YouTube called Vegas Wine. He's a sommelier in Las Vegas. He's

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 55:52Speaker 00

  Amazing guy, like really so enthusiastic about wine, like genuinely passionate about it as his hobby. And he wears like meta glasses when he goes to work. So you just see him opening these like wildly expensive old bottles of wine. It takes him ages to get the cork out. So it's really funny. He talks about the wine, but his customers are obviously the richest people in Las Vegas.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's Vegas.

• 56:12Speaker 00

  They couldn't give a shit.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  No, of course.

• 56:14Speaker 00

  So he's like describing this wine to them, being like, this is from nineteen sixty two. It's the best vintage for this

• 56:18Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 56:19Speaker 00

  For this area, for this grape. And he's like pouring it for them. He's like, wow, look at that color. And they're like, uh, thank you. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. They don't give a shit. It's awful.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Then he pushes a cannon into the road.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:31Speaker 00

  It's your type of kind of YouTube.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Have you ever been to Tillingham Wines?

• 56:35Speaker 00

  Rings a bell, actually.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  It's great. Tillingham's great. I mean, they've got their own vineyard, but that was where we we went. We did a taste menu there and with my husband for our anniversary. It's it's really lovely, really off grid.

• 56:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  And I loved it. It was like poetic. This girl like we'd had wine match of rich calls and the way she was describing it and you know, and there was some real sort of nice sort of curveballs in there of like, like there was a a really lovely white that had been sort of produced in the same way sherry sort of produced.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, nice.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Like letting them almost become currently on the on the vine, but then and and it was just like, oh, I I I'd love, it's something that I would love to be more educated on and I'd love to know more, just so I could like patronize people, do you know what I mean?

• 57:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  No, but it is nice to know what and why. And when you do take something, you can really go, oh, wow, you know, I do like, I like luxury. I like it, you know, when you're like, you know, I went to the Versace exhibition the other day and you are just like, oh, it's breathtakingly brilliant, the clothes. They are, when you up close, you're like, this is, you get, I love couture for that, you know, when you go, no, this is something, this is different gravy, you know, and so are we any closer on that Google in the wine or was was he right?

• 57:41Speaker 00

  Well, this is what I'm talking about. This is not.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  What? What's the matter?

• 57:46Speaker 00

  It probably tastes like shit, doesn't matter.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  You let him say, what's the best one you've ever had then, Gamble?

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Five hundred and fifty eight thousand dollars.

• 57:52Speaker 02

  That one.

• 57:52Speaker 00

  I mean, Roman comes in.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  But that's delicious.

• 57:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, Patricia said that.

• 57:55Speaker 02

  I love that one.

• 57:56Speaker 00

  You love that one?

• 57:56Speaker 02

  I love a bit of Fortnum.

• 57:57Speaker 00

  At least you know it's been stored properly and it's like, you know, new from a shop, it's not just.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Six and a half grand, thank you very much. Just that curiosity. But in answer to your question, if I didn't like that, I would have a vodka martini with a twist.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  Beautiful.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  That's my favourite, like, starting off drink.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  Well, we'll give you one of those when you arrive, we can put it at the top of the menu.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  What's it called?

• 58:18Speaker 00

  A pair of teeth?

• 58:19Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  That's a pair of teeth.

• 58:24Speaker 03

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• 58:34Speaker 03

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• 58:57Speaker 01

  Your dream dessert?

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Well, I love an affogato with like something else chucked in. And that's all fun and games, because it's all sorts of shots.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  Bonito, make sure you write on.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not a super dessert person, but you know what I love? But I love a sheer delight, a steamed jam sponge, custard and ice cream.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:18Speaker 00

  Custard and ice cream.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Tank team.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  You must, you must respect that.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  Much, much, much respect that.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  I think if there was a family crest that my maiden name's Taylor, it'd be both. That's the, that's the, that's the motto, family both.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Both.

• 59:32Speaker 00

  Would they have custard and ice cream on the crest or would it just be, because both just applies to everything, right?

• 59:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, just both, oh, everything.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  You said that earlier about the, the butter at Cudi before you heard what the butters were.

• 59:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  And said.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  There's two different types, you can have both. You can have both, yeah. I described them.

• 59:51Speaker 00

  Not waiting, could have said one of them's got shit in it.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, no, both. Yeah, I love it both.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't wanna choose, but yeah, I um, I love a steam sponge pudding, man, and ah, yes, and. Yes, it's good.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  It's nostalgia as well, that that sort of thing, isn't it?

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, I think that's because I'm not a dessert person, but I think actually when I was a dessert person, that's nostalgia of childhood and, you know, my mum can do a steam sponge, I love an old school dessert, you know, and um, I love steaming a sponge at home.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Do you want the dream one to be made by your mum?

• 1:00:26Speaker 02

  Um, oh, no, no, she's in that weird, I'm in my seventies, I'll just eat tuna kind of vibe now. She's gone off, she'll shoot, she knows, she cooks for the dog, you know, you know what I mean, my mum's well off the ball. When she throws it down, she really throws it down, but you ain't getting a steam sponge out of Jenny now, she's, she's busy. She's so busy doing fuck all, do you know what I mean?

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure, sure. Do you want, it was maybe your homemade one? Is that, is that, yeah, is yours good?

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  No, no, I, I, yeah, no, I'd, I'd love to trust someone, whoever's, yeah, no, I, I love things, I love elevated things. You know, like, it's such a joy when they get it right on um, like um, the Great British Menu, you know, when you really see someone elevate an old school thing.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  And they get it right, there's nothing better in the world.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  I want it this big, you know.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Did you ever see Eddie eating stuff on Great British Menu and, and, and wish that you could eat it?

• 1:01:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just wish I could sit next to Andy Oliver and everything, I love her.

• 1:01:24Speaker 00

  She's the best.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  She's the best, I saw her once and, you know, at M and S, and I went, oh my god, I love you, and you know, she had that face like, not today, like, as in, I'm not there. But she had a cookery show young ago with Nana Cherry, do you remember?

• 1:01:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  And there was this bit, and this is when I fell in love with Andy Oliver, I'm gonna do these deep cuts, is when she went. They saw um Nigel Slater and they went and they ran after him to tell him they love him and then they were like and I was like, yeah, that like that level of fandom of Nigel Slater of toast.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Cause they chose to call it, I thought, oh, I love Andy Oliver.

• 1:01:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, she's great.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I do, I do.

• 1:02:02Speaker 01

  She can come to your dream meal if you want. Do you want her, do you know, do you want her in there?

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  Well, she did a lovely, um, what's the show she did on BBC where they went, I think she went to Morocco and went, you know, there's that these kind of hype that that I was interested in that. Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't think I'd like someone that I'd wanna impress at dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'd be like, oh, I've got custard everywhere. I'll leave off. Do you know what I mean? Like.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  Sure. Yeah. If you take, maybe we could get you someone you don't wanna impress or don't respect.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  I, when you said don't wanna impress, I was gonna say my husband and then you went in with don't respect. Oh, no, I always just wanna be a bit, like, I love, I love a rare chance that we get to have a dinner together. And he is someone that really appreciates stuff. I, like we said about loving food, I can't bear cynicism. I love people that appreciate things and I love cooking for people that appreciate things. I wanna, oh my god, you know, like, I love you going on a deep dive of what the cauliflower cheese is saying. I like, I like interested people, I like appreciative people. Uh, my husband is such a fun person to cook for and do anything for, cause he's a joy, do you know what I mean?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  And would he like this menu as much as you did?

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, yeah, he would, he would. He might go for a steak or something, but yeah, dessert, I mean, his mum, I love his mum. His mum is the most phenomenal baker you've ever known in your life. And she's very funny, France. And she says, I say, and I say, and anything she cooks, like, she goes, oh, it's easy. And that's my Northern Irish accent. And I say, you always neglect to mention the fifty years you've been doing it as part of the recipes. You know, it's just in their bones. So I like, I love that sort of cooking where people have just got it in their bones.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  How'd you meet this guy?

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  Funny enough, I met him just before the apps. I met him on Guardian Soulmates.

• 1:03:47Speaker 00

  Wowee.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  Way back about thirteen years and he was so lovely, yeah, and and um we just hit it off straight away. It was just easy work. He's just easy work and he's lo- He's, yeah, he's lovely.

• 1:03:59Speaker 00

  How did Guardian Soulmates work again?

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  Well, it used to be a proper Lonely Hearts.

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  I think it was in the guide, in the, one of the inserts, in the thing. And then it just became, I don't know if it ever became an app, but it was just like an online website. And it was just like each other, like each other, then message each other and blah, blah, blah.

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  On the understanding that you both read the Guardian, so there won't be any political clashes on the first day.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  I think there's a bit of that, but I think everyone, everything has its own flavour, doesn't it? Like plenty of fishes are hooked up or even back then or like, you know, Grindr, Tinder, you know, I think people, there's, but Guardian Soulmates for me, there wasn't a, a, a phase in the sort of mid to, what were we saying? I reckon, yeah, when did I meet him? Two thousand eleven, two thousand twelve, do you know what I think? But like, probably around two thousand nine to two thousand eleven, there wasn't a marriage that didn't happen because of Guardian Soulmates. Yeah, when everyone's divorced now, but it was like, oh, I'm married, you know, it was like when people got to their mid thirties, went, oh, fuck, I need to do this. So, yeah, it was, I think it was for people that were a little bit more kind of like, I mean this.

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  But I, I did hate dating and like I always say, I always missed, I almost missed him because um we just got along. So I'll be like still dating, I'm talking to people going, no, at least I can go and meet him, you know what I mean?

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  It's funny anyway, when you meet the right person and it's just like, it, it's just easy.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  Feels too easy.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  And you're going, what was I doing all day?

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  All those other people were really nice people. Why did I put them through that?

• 1:05:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Why did I put them through all that palaver of trying to make it work?

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  But you don't know till you know, do you? You don't know that your person should feel like home, shouldn't they?

• 1:05:34Speaker 00

  Just so telling in your personality. Why did I put them through all that? Meaning yourself, why did I put them through me?

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, all that.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  All that, all that.

• 1:05:44Speaker 00

  All that, all that stuff I do.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Come on, let's try and make our relationship work.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you do try, don't you?

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:51Speaker 00

  Still got to try.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  You do. Well, but you could, but you don't know until you find your person, do you?

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  And it's actual peace and home and then still looking forward to seeing them sort of thing.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  I'll read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Uh, you would like, uh, the Burks of Aberfeldy spring water.

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  Unlimited poppadoms of all the dips, prawns in garlic butter with bread. Which we were calling what again?

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  Tuncon.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Tuncon.

• 1:06:18Speaker 02

  Main stage of the meal.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  Whole soy roast chicken on rice for your main course. Side dish, morning glory in sesame oil with garlic. Drink, the most expensive bottle of red wine on the menu, and also a vodka martini with a twist to start as an aperitif.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Dessert, steamed jam sponge with custard and ice cream, brackets both. And you would like an affogato with a little.

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  In there as well.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Little huh?

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  How's he written that?

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  He's not, he's not written it. I, I, I, I had to do it from memory.

• 1:06:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  So I remember the, the, the, the sound. He's not really, he, he, he, he doesn't like us.

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  Um, thank you for letting me have the affogato as well.

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  It was both, wasn't it? It's all of it, all of them.

• 1:06:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's a fantastic menu.

• 1:07:01Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love that. I absolutely love that. Yeah.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Well, I, I, I felt like, you know, I didn't want to say at the times, I didn't want to get in your head, but I really felt you connected with Laura.

• 1:07:09Speaker 00

  We're on the same page.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  On so many things.

• 1:07:11Speaker 00

  We're on the same page.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  More, more than you have. Most of the time.

• 1:07:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Ed doesn't approve of a lot of our guests and, uh.

• 1:07:17Speaker 00

  Morons.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Thinks they're morons.

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  I didn't want to put it like that. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't, doesn't.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  It was a wild ride.

• 1:07:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, he doesn't respect Greg.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  Don't respect that guy.

• 1:07:28Speaker 02

  I do. I want to do Taskmaster.

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:07:30Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, sorry. Laura, Laura really respects Greg.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  Oh, that was spot on.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  It was a delicious menu. Really respects Greg. And looks forward to doing Taskmaster.

• 1:07:37Speaker 00

  Well, you don't need to do Taskmaster now because you've done the off-menu podcast.

• 1:07:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  Is that how it works?

• 1:07:42Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Tick, tick, go. I'm done. I'm like, done. I'm, I'm happy. Goals, met, no other.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  No other worlds conquered.

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  That's nice. This is the ideal world people need to come.

• 1:07:54Speaker 00

  Thank you for coming to the dream restaurant, Laura.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Thank you, Mr. Campbell.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Thank you, Laura.

• 1:08:05Speaker 00

  There we are, James, a lovely episode with Laura Smyth.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  Lovely to hear so many stories about Laura's family.

• 1:08:11Speaker 00

  She wasn't that eggy or aggy. I thought she was extremely fun and pleasant.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, she wasn't eggy, she wasn't aggy. She was Laura Smyth, a fantastic comic. You can go and see her live now with her show Born Aggy.

• 1:08:21Speaker 00

  laurasmyth.com for tickets. That's S M Y T H because I got her.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  It's so fun to say because I got her after that. Ed, I hope you're doing well.

• 1:08:34Speaker 00

  I'm right here.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Huh? Oh, sorry, man. I thought I was doing like a little shout out to you.

• 1:08:41Speaker 00

  James can't handle this being on video to the extent that he doesn't know if I'm here or in the camera.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  I guess as to your future, you watching.

• 1:08:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  I assume at some point you're just gonna be sat in your home, an old man, in your old smoking jacket.

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  Watching this.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, just watching this, watching all of your glory days, your salad days, and being like, oh. And I'll say, I hope you're doing well, and you'll be like, thank you, James. You're thank you, James. And then I'll pat a jar and it pans out and your brain in a jar. Oh, it's my brain in the jar. I thought it was gonna be like an urn with my ashes.

• 1:09:16Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no. It's the future, man.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, like Futurama.

• 1:09:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Hello, Laura, as well, if you're listening.

• 1:09:23Speaker 00

  Oh, hi, Laura. You didn't say eggy bread, so thanks for that.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  Thanks for not saying eggy bread, although it would have been fun because Born Aggy and eggy sound the same. Have a great tour. It's gonna be so funny. Say hi to all the off-menu fans for us.

• 1:09:35Speaker 00

  Enjoy the event in Apollo. It's a big gig.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  The Apollo, huge gig. And I guess hello to Benito, if you're listening, watching.

• 1:09:44Speaker 00

  Oh, no, then you see I've got another jar on the side and it's Benito's Winky in a jar.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the one big jar.

• 1:09:54Speaker 00

  I'm on tour next year. That's 2027, depending on when you're watching this. My show, Fresh Hell, starts in January 2027. Edgamble.co.uk for tickets.

• 1:10:05Speaker 01

  Great. My tour's finished. Everyone leave me alone, I guess.

• 1:10:12Speaker 00

  Is that to us?

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  I wish.

• 1:10:16Speaker 00

  Bye.