Aisling Bea (Tasting Menu – Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

We’re back with a b-b-b-b-bonus episode, the first live show from our (recording-breaking) run at the Royal Albert Hall. We did 6 live ‘Tasting Menu’ episodes at the iconic London venue, where we got fan favourite guests back on the podcast to be served the menu of other fan favourite guests. And our first diner to return to the Dream Restaurant is stand-up superstar, actor and friend of the podcast (way back from episode 10), Aisling Bea! Follow Aisling on Instagram @weemissbea https://www.instagram.com/weemissbea Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Recorded by Matt Mountford-Lister for Storm Productions Group live at the Royal Albert Hall. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Watch Ed and James's YouTube series 'Just Puddings'. Watch here https://youtu.be/ug7YEj14yFQ. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market.

• 0:06Speaker 01

  Love the crown moulding.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fibre internet.

• 0:16Speaker 00

  No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen.

• 0:19Speaker 01

  No FiOS? Yeah... no thank you.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  Don't you want to see the rest? Okay, bye-bye.

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Get Verizon FiOS, because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.

• 0:46Speaker 03

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. It's a bonus, eh?

• 0:49Speaker 04

  Bonus!

• 0:51Speaker 03

  Wowee, so loud. Yes, this is a bonus live episode of the Off Menu Podcast. James, do you remember this? It was all the way back on the 13th of March 2026.

• 1:01Speaker 04

  In the Royal Albert Hall, no less.

• 1:03Speaker 03

  No less than the Royal Albert Hall. We will only perform in the Royal Albert Hall now.

• 1:07Speaker 04

  Yes, we did six shows at the Royal Albert Hall.

• 1:10Speaker 03

  Mad.

• 1:12Speaker 04

  Which should have been illegal, but they let us do it.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:14Speaker 04

  And they were all tasting menus where we get an old guest back.

• 1:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:18Speaker 04

  A fan favourite, and we give them the menu of another fan favourite.

• 1:21Speaker 03

  Yes. Very exciting for us to trawl through our multiple episodes and go, "We'd like to speak to this person again."

• 1:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, we listened to every single episode we've ever done again in order to choose the best guests for the Royal Albert Hall.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  But no offence if you're listening to this and you weren't one of the ones selected. Your time will come, next time we do the Royal Albert Hall.

• 1:42Speaker 04

  Of course, we actually liked all the episodes that we listened back to and we listened back to all of them.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, all of them.

• 1:47Speaker 04

  Every single one of them was great.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  Apart from one.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  We, we decided to go alphabetical. So.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  Alphabetical?

• 1:56Speaker 03

  Alphabetical. We went in alphabetical order and the first guest on these tasting menu shows is. Aisling B. The wonderful Aisling B came back to be given the menu of a previous guest. All will be revealed in the show.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  Some stuff we talk about to Aisling won't make total sense because there was a first half and we went on and talked in the first half. Just for context, Ed and I had just watched the Louis Ferru Manosphere documentary and in the first half did a lot of references to the manosphere.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  Saying people have been cooked.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  Talking about HS Tiki Taki and stuff. So like, you know, that might come up again in the second half.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  A little bit.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. So if you're like, I don't understand that joke.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  It's probably because you've not heard the first half. And a lot of, a lot of comedians would make sure that didn't happen, but not us.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Not us, not us. We were in the moment in the Royal Albert Hall. We were caught up in the present, really. We weren't thinking about the future when people would have to listen to it. And I guess, you know, sometimes people would say like, oh, why bother going to see a live podcast? They'll just release it as audio anyway. Well, that's why.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  This is proof.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  This is proof that actually, you know, as much as you're going to enjoy listening to it now, there will be moments where you might feel a bit lost.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  It's going to be nonsense to you.

• 3:11Speaker 04

  And that that won't happen in the future if you, if you come.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  But this is a fun episode. Enjoy. This is the off menu tasting menu of. Aisling B. Live at the Royal Albert Hall.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Ed Gamble, kick us off like only you can.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Okay, we're kicking off straight away. James, good. God, there was an energy there in the interval. James was a bit ashamed of what he did in the first half. He's released an apology on the notes app. So everything's sorted now and thank you.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  I was spiralling, I was spiralling.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  He was spiralling and thank you. And now you're going to go and get your mental health addressed. You're going to go into therapy.

• 3:51Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  Yes. Good boy. Welcome to the off menu podcast, taking the, taking the J two O of conversation.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  Pouring it onto the Cocoa Pops of humour. And then eating a load of fucking disgusting stinky eggs as well, you horrible man.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  That is a gamble. My name is James Akatsa. Together we own a drink restaurant and every single week we're inviting a guest. We're asking their favourite ever start, a main course, dessert, side dish, undrinked, not in that order. And this is the Tasting Menu!

• 4:26Speaker 03

  Where we invite back an old guest, a fan favourite.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  A fan favourite.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  This episode's fan favourite from a previous episode, we will be giving the menu of another previous guest, fan favourite. And this, this guest, James, did the podcast ages ago.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  The first series, the first ever series.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  The first ever series, one, truly one of our favourites, one of our favourite people in the world. I think we should just get on with it, James.

• 4:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's bring out Ashley and give her another guest menu. So here we go. This is not the off-menu menu of Ashley B!

• 5:10Speaker 05

  Well, well, well, well. Well, well, well. Ashley, we're starting a new podcast. Will you come on now? Alright lads, I'll lend my celebrity jazz to your little podcast once in a while. It's about menus. Oh, okay. Well, that'll never work, but I'll do it anyways, boys. Oh, oh, oh, oh. What's for starters? Me, eating my words, James.

• 5:38Speaker 04

  Hmm. You were very nice coming on our podcast when no-one listened to it and it was early days. You gave us a chance, Ashley, and we appreciated it.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  I did, boys. I saw something in you. I thought, look, these guys, I've got no personality. They're both the same height. That's not gonna work.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  Don't lead with no personality, though.

• 5:59Speaker 05

  You know what I mean, eh? You're stretching it at this stage. Diabetes is diabetes. You can't live a life just talking about your diabetes, eh?

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Doing pretty well out of it, gotta say.

• 6:08Speaker 05

  That's true.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Some diabetics, they only get to sit in the audience.

• 6:11Speaker 05

  That's true. They have to sit down because they're so tired from having diabetes. I understand that wasn't the best opening, of course. Welcome everyone with diabetes. Type 1 and 2.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Here's what I... One of the many things I remember from your episode, Aisling, is that James was 45 minutes late.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was the only episode I've been late for. Still to this day, I slept in.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  And I woke up and a lot of messages from Benito going, "Where the hell are you?" Aisling's here, you've been here for ages. And I had to turn up really, really late and say, "I was so, so sorry." And it's never happened again, so...

• 6:48Speaker 05

  Because you cared more about the people who came after me? Or why... Why was it... Was that why? You just didn't really... It's fine. This has turned into like a group therapy chat between three friends that you guys have to watch. Thanks for having me on, guys.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  You're most welcome. We are delighted to have you on for the opening night at the Albert Hall.

• 7:08Speaker 05

  Woo-hoo!

• 7:10Speaker 03

  James, we do need to kick it off properly, though, because at the moment you are a mere man and we need you to be a genie.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  Oh, yes, you're doing something sexist now, James, for a change.

• 7:20Speaker 05

  It's a character, okay?

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Aisling, how would one traditionally get a genie out of a lamp, would you say?

• 7:27Speaker 05

  Like I'd get many things out of things with a spout, eh? And give it a good rub.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Would you care to give the spout a rub?

• 7:35Speaker 05

  Oh, God.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Hang on, you set that up. You can't...

• 7:38Speaker 05

  I know, yeah. Oh, you're not gonna turn this into a meme or something now, are you?

• 7:44Speaker 05

  I suppose I'd like...

• 7:44Speaker 03

  You don't have to rub that. You don't...

• 7:47Speaker 05

  You said, "Give it a rub!"

• 7:54Speaker 05

  Oh god.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  Welcome back to the team.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  Back to the team.

• 7:57Speaker 05

  Look at my face. Look at my clothes.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  Lot in the face.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  Am I pregnant now? Oh no.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  That was a real shame.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  I really like, I really.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  It's in my eye.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  You didn't have to rub the spout, mate. Honestly, in Aladdin, he doesn't wank off the spout, does he? You can, you can rub the main body of the lamp.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  See now, hindsight's, you know, a fine thing when you're on the other side of it. Yeah, I suppose I didn't have to wank off the spout. Yes, now I understand.

• 8:33Speaker 03

  You just rub, rub the tummy of the lamp, because I know that works for me.

• 8:39Speaker 03

  All you need to do is rub my tummy.

• 8:43Speaker 05

  A little look into how Ed Gamble gets an erection there, like just rub his tummy.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Rub my tummy, big old boner.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  The new catchphrase.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  I really enjoyed that, James.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 8:58Speaker 05

  I really, I really enjoyed that, James.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  Sorry, James is 41.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  Whose menu are you hoping for, Ash? We're gonna give you an old guest's menu.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  Is there anything in particular that you're?

• 9:10Speaker 05

  Do you know, in terms of the first series, so we were on the first series of this, or maybe he came on the second one, in my episode, I talked about my birthday, which is on Monday, oh my god, if they bring out a cake.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Yeah. To be fair, you said this to us.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  Don't.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  You said this to us backstage, just before we came on for the second half, you were like,

• 9:33Speaker 03

  is there gonna be a cake? We're like, I didn't fucking know it was your birthday on Monday.

• 9:37Speaker 05

  It's a food podcast, so like.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  Oh, I'll leave it as a surprise, I'll leave it as a surprise.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's, let's leave it as a surprise forever.

• 9:46Speaker 05

  So yeah, so I, I was talking about how my birthday's the day before St Patrick's Day, and I won a, eww, there was my people. And we're all like little rats coming in now.

• 9:59Speaker 05

  Yes. We're the immigrants, people are like, we can't, because that invisible border, we can't get them back. So, yes, I was talking about St Patrick's Day and I got really hammered and I had to do the St Patrick's Day gig in Leicester Square and I was like, hello there, happy St Patrick's Day. And then I went to Burger and Lobster with Dara O'Brien and I think Ardola Hanlon. And in the podcast, I do remember saying what was so lovely about going to this place was I was covered in butter, but I didn't fancy anyone at the table. So it was fine. I could just be at one, finally eating food after vomiting up from St Patrick's

• 10:37Speaker 05

  Day so long. And Dara got really offended that I didn't fancy him. He said, so yeah, listen to the old podcast and didn't know you didn't fancy me. And I was like, what? Didn't give it away. The bib, me covered in butter going, I'm your miss. If you don't eat them at the end, Dara. So, yeah, so maybe Dara's.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:06Speaker 05

  Because I would love to go for dinner with him sometime and I mean, I can't.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  It's such an insight into Dara's break. Do you think he just walks around assuming that everyone fancies him?

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Ah, yeah. Tall men have a bit of that, though, don't they?

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:19Speaker 05

  If you could see things up here.

• 11:22Speaker 04

  Well, we haven't given you a tall man's menu.

• 11:24Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  No, a weedy, a weedy little boy.

• 11:27Speaker 04

  He's a little, little man.

• 11:29Speaker 05

  Oh, no. Okay.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  Tonight, Ashton B.

• 11:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 04

  You will be given the off-menu menu of Josh Whittaker.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. It's Josh Whittaker. Oh, Jossie. The photo was a last-minute decision. And we literally, what we said to Benito was, just find quite a bad photo of Josh. That would be perfect. Can we just have another look at that? I absolutely love that photo. There he is.

• 12:01Speaker 04

  Look at that absolute asshole.

• 12:03Speaker 05

  He looks like someone's a family pony.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 05

  Hello nibbles! Shall I get a sugar lump?

• 12:14Speaker 04

  What do you think about that? Josh Whittaker's menu? Do you think you'll like it or not like it before you've even heard it?

• 12:20Speaker 05

  I think he's maybe surprisingly spicy, old Joshie. Maybe?

• 12:25Speaker 04

  Surprisingly spicy?

• 12:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I just think he'd surprise us by enjoying heat. Would he? I don't know.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Have you had a meal with Josh before? Have you ever...

• 12:33Speaker 05

  Oh god, I've definitely had loads of... I like to go around... I'm not technically a doctor, but then who is? Do you know what I mean? But I have often diagnosed Josh as having the upside-down stomach disease. You know, what's that called?

• 12:52Speaker 05

  What is it? Colic! Not colic, more serious. Something upside-down, like your tummy's upside-down.

• 12:59Speaker 04

  Upside-down stomach disease?

• 13:01Speaker 05

  Boy, you turn on me!

• 13:07Speaker 05

  Inside-out, around-and-round. It's a type of tummy issue where your digestive goes... Have to go down to go up.

• 13:15Speaker 04

  So do they have to eat through their butt and shit through their mouth?

• 13:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, Josh Whittaker. I've had dinner with him, I just told you. No, I think he's got an upside-down tummy, which is a real thing. It's not exactly colic. Because I've seen him at events when... I one time watched him vomit on a plug. And we were like, "Oh, is this gonna burn down?" But it didn't, in fairness, the place didn't burn down. But he often would... Has a bit of a dicky tum from...

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. He used to yak all the time.

• 13:45Speaker 05

  Oh, he yacked everywhere.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Benito, if you've Googled upside-down tummy disease, you can put it on the monitors so we can solve this. That would be great.

• 13:53Speaker 05

  It is a thing.

• 13:54Speaker 04

  The minute we just got heckled by the word "colic", it wasn't the most cheery thing when it happened on a Friday night at the Albert Hall. Colic!

• 14:05Speaker 04

  Colic! You're thinking of colic. No, okay, I'm just trying to help.

• 14:10Speaker 03

  Have you got it? Have you suddenly remembered it?

• 14:12Speaker 05

  Could it be hiatusus hernia? Is it hiatusus hernia? Oh, yes, in part the C's and then I like run to you like Patrick Swayze and jump into your arms. Parisophagal hernia. That's Josh's dragon name.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  Yes, so I have diagnosed him with that. He's never gone to a doctor, I haven't really Googled it much, I just think that's what he has.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  It doesn't sound like his menu's gonna be spicy then, does it, to be fair? I wouldn't risk spice if I had upside down tummy disease.

• 14:43Speaker 05

  But see, he doesn't think he does.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  He, no, he doesn't.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  So he might be risking it again.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  He thinks everyone else's tummies are upside down.

• 14:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 05

  He has an Australian inside, but very much an English outside.

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  So racist both times.

• 15:00Speaker 05

  Lovely work there, James.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 15:01Speaker 05

  Lovely work, beautiful.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Now, your dream meal for your water course, you chose still water. So I guess you're hoping for that from Josh's menu as well?

• 15:11Speaker 05

  Yes, I would. Well, again, speaking as a doctor, I wouldn't want someone with an upside down stomach having bubbles, you know? So I would want him to have still water to just get that H2O into him, you know? Hydration is really important when you have something wrong with your stomach. I'm trying to embrace the sort of doctor character.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  This'll be a good opportunity as well, because we'll run through your menu alongside to remind you of what you picked.

• 15:31Speaker 05

  Good.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  And you can, if you wanna make changes as we go through this, to your dream menu, you can absolutely do that.

• 15:37Speaker 05

  Ooh, I get to do a live edit. Also, can I just say, which is very nice, and again, I don't know if it's like teeing up to the birthday cake, but the lads did leave me bread and Kerrygold butter, which was my only, yes. Do you know that I mentioned Kerrygold on this podcast at the start? This podcast has turned into this and I have yet to be sent, I know it's hard to post, but a free thing of butter.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  That's disgraceful.

• 16:01Speaker 05

  In all the years.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  That is bad.

• 16:02Speaker 05

  And that's disgrace.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  They should send you the cow.

• 16:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:06Speaker 04

  It has become a running thing on the podcast, Kerrygold.

• 16:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:09Speaker 04

  And you started it.

• 16:10Speaker 05

  Thank you very much.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Every Irish guest has picked Kerrygold butter.

• 16:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  And if they haven't, I think they've had their passport taken away.

• 16:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do, they get sent back to the moon.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  The moon. The moon, the moon. Oh! Um, yes, the, uh...

• 16:29Speaker 03

  Josh Whittaker's tummy would go crazy on the moon.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, he'd be like, "Oh, God, oh, no! This is a small step for people with parasitical hyoid."

• 16:40Speaker 05

  Um, yes, and, and you also left me my dessert backstage as well, or a version of it, my pecan tarts.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  This is really nice that you think me and James had anything to do with this.

• 16:49Speaker 04

  This is the first I'm hearing of it.

• 16:51Speaker 03

  The lads left me bread and Kerrygold butter, and me and James look at each other going, "No, I didn't fucking do that. Did you do that?"

• 16:56Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, it was Benito.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  It was Benito.

• 16:59Speaker 04

  It was Benito.

• 17:03Speaker 05

  Guys, do you think Benito's in love with me?

• 17:08Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, yes.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  Here's the question: if you went for dinner with Benito, would you, would you put any of that butter around your face, and would you wear a bib?

• 17:17Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, I, I'd definitely put the butter on my face, hoping that maybe he'd reach across and put a piece of bread on my face to get it off.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, I don't know if I can continue this show. I'm too horny.

• 17:33Speaker 04

  Well, we got you just how we want you. Let's start the menu, Ashna.

• 17:39Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 17:39Speaker 04

  This is Josh Whittaker's water course! You like still water, and he's going for sparkling water, and a cup of tea.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  See, now, back in my day, when I did this podcast, you weren't allowed a cup of tea, because that is delicious to me. I would, of course, have a cup of tea if I started. Delicious. What type of tea, though? You can't just say a cup of tea.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  I think he did just say a cup of tea, you know.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  So I guess you could have whatever cup of tea you would like.

• 18:02Speaker 05

  Didn't even specify how much milk. Does he put the bag in first, or does he put the milk in first? Because, obviously, nobody with a good brain does that. Uh, for a sign of psychopathy. Not in the Jon Ronson book about psychopaths, but if you put the milk in first, then, I don't know.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  So is it mil- so the milk in first, and then the neck?

• 18:17Speaker 05

  As I say, milk in first, murder second.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 05

  Again, I'm no psychologist, but then who is?

• 18:29Speaker 05

  But that's a surefire way to work it out. Yes, and then you have to specify, do you want sugar in there? Sugar in your tea after 35? Are you a baby? Pull yourself together.

• 18:40Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  I mean it. Misses over there with your baby fruit juice on your... Come on. We need to get ourselves together now, okay?

• 18:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 03

  Did you used to put sugar in your tea and then there was a conscious decision, "I've grown out of this now"?

• 18:56Speaker 05

  Yes, the government got in touch. They send a letter to your house. "You're no longer a wizard, Ari", and you just have to sort of...

• 19:03Speaker 03

  We don't mention that.

• 19:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  They told you you weren't a wizard anymore.

• 19:07Speaker 05

  You're no longer a wizard. We're taking it back. Because of your belief of human rights.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Could you take us through Aisling?

• 19:17Speaker 05

  Just something for the woke people, not you, James.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  I hate it. I love Harry Potter.

• 19:25Speaker 05

  You're playing Hagrid in the new movie, aren't you?

• 19:27Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, I'm gonna be Hagrid. Me and Nick Frost are playing it together. I'm on his back like Banjo Kazooie.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Could you take us through Aisling B's Perfect Cup of Tea, please?

• 19:37Speaker 05

  Yes, I will. Thank you.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Aisling Tea?

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Cup of B.

• 19:43Speaker 05

  Aisling Tea is a Barry's Tea Bag. Yes. So, Irish people, do you know that there's now... And again, they'll never send me any free stuff when I mention on this podcast. There's... So it's a gold label. Barry's Tea is the Irish tea bags. They're in a red box, but they've just done a black box. And it is so delicious, especially if you have hard water in your area. It mixes very well with hard water. Boil that kettle. It must be boiled, James. Don't ever put cold water on a tea bag.

• 20:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, he knows it.

• 20:16Speaker 05

  James. And leave it in for about a minute, then out she pops. Come over, a full fat milk. Don't be semi-skimmed. Again, that's too far into adulthood. You can baby yourself a little bit by going full fat, creamy, nice milk. In we go, good old drop. You want it to be the right level of brown. And then we give it a twirl. And then we put a twirl into it.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  Because you can't be putting sugar in it, because that's for babies, but you can put a full twirl.

• 20:44Speaker 04

  Great.

• 20:45Speaker 05

  That's the hack. You can put a full twirl into it, let it dip, but be very careful. You have to do it in, be brave, be brave, out. And then, pop. Delicious, sexy cup of tea.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  I mean, does actually sound nice, the twirl.

• 21:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  I think there's enough people in here that someone will try that.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 05

  Because within the twirl, you've got the thing so it can act as a straw as well. So the second time you go in with the twirl, you bite off the head of it like a prawn. Very much the prawns of the chocolate world, the twirls. And then you put it in and you suck the tea up then through the twirl. So again, don't have sugar, don't be a baby, but you'll get some of that sweet sugar on the way up as it comes in through the twirl.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I really don't mind it.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  But don't be a baby.

• 21:30Speaker 05

  But don't be a baby.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  Don't be a baby.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  People do that with Tim Tams, right? You know, Tim Tams?

• 21:34Speaker 05

  I do know Tim Tams because my boyfriend does Australia, so yes.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Yes, of course. I remember my friend went on a gap year to Australia and he came back, he was like, wait, wait till you see this. And he pulled out a bag of Tim Tams, bit the end off both ends and then sucked his cup of tea. And it's the hardest I've ever seen anyone suck at anything. So watch this, it's so cool.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  So glad I didn't take a gap year.

• 21:56Speaker 05

  Isn't, because they don't do, they don't really do gap years in Ireland. Isn't a gap year supposed to like, and no offence to Australians, including the one who got me pregnant, but... Isn't a gap year supposed to broaden your horizons and understanding of the world?

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, he wasn't sucking tea through a bourbon before he went.

• 22:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's true.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  He discovered something new.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Just, it's not exactly a magical carpet ride to go to Australia and come back with, "Tim Tams, man, yeah, I'm glad he took the year."

• 22:23Speaker 04

  I've got a magic carpet though, I could take them there.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, I've heard about it.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  It's official now, I've got one.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  What are you gonna...

• 22:29Speaker 04

  Pop it up, stop it, pop it up, stop it, Ashton B. Pop it up, stop it, but not pop it up, stop it, Ashton B.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  God, you actually scared the shit out of me there.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  It felt great. Fellas, you're gonna scare them.

• 22:45Speaker 05

  Ladies.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  James.

• 22:46Speaker 05

  Spot the red flags early. Call the police.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  James, do you remember when you do callbacks to that, that when the podcast is put out, they won't include the first half?

• 23:04Speaker 04

  I trust Benito will be on my side in the edit.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Remove anything that doesn't make any sense, eh, Benito? I'm sorry I bullied you off, off, off mic.

• 23:19Speaker 04

  Pop a Dom to bread Josh Widdecombe, of course, is the question. And Josh Widdecombe said, "A pile of 90s popadoms with mainly the yogurt dip, mango chutney and lime pickle." Now, it was Josh Widdecombe, so of course the 90s was gonna come up. But what does 90s popadoms mean to you, Ash Limby?

• 23:34Speaker 05

  I don't know, because I only really had, like, I didn't even have pasta until about the 2000s, because there just didn't, the first time I had spaghetti, I think I was 16, and it was my neighbour's French friend who said-

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Irish laws are weird, aren't they? You have to wait.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  It was just a different time, it's like, "You can have spaghetti." And I was like, "Oh, what? I don't know, we're not, you know, a bit much for us now, I didn't know about that." And she put ketchup and grated cheese over it, and she's like, "That's Italian food." And I was like, "Jesus, it's lovely."

• 24:11Speaker 05

  That was the first time I ever had spaghetti, so I didn't have a popadom. I'd say I didn't have any, definitely didn't have, I don't think I'd had Indian food until I moved to London. I didn't have Italian food until I was about 16, I didn't, yeah, so 90s popadom is, is, is, it doesn't have a reference-

• 24:29Speaker 04

  Non-existent, mate, yeah. Well, it's talking of pasta, Leah over here has a question for you, Leah? Do you want to ask a question? Leah went home in the interval.

• 24:39Speaker 05

  Oh, Leah, and he was like, "I've seen enough."

• 24:41Speaker 04

  What a way to find that out.

• 24:42Speaker 05

  Oh, Leah, were you, is she still over there?

• 24:46Speaker 04

  Lauren.

• 24:47Speaker 05

  Wow, that was a real feminine- James, James, man. Remember her name! James. She had a name, James! She has a name.

• 24:58Speaker 04

  I cannot believe this shit, man.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  I just say the first girl's name that comes to my head.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  I call all- Because I like to leer at them.

• 25:14Speaker 05

  Is it Lauren? I'm so sorry about that Lauren, if you wouldn't come to school. You are seen, you are heard, and you have a name.

• 25:25Speaker 05

  Though I will say Lauren, in terms of like, where's the girl who was talking about the pasta? You probably should have worked out it was you.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  That's a woman saying that, that's fine.

• 25:35Speaker 04

  An ally.

• 25:36Speaker 05

  Ally?

• 25:39Speaker 05

  Ally on the streets, hates you in the sheets, I don't know.

• 25:45Speaker 05

  Oh yes, the pasta thing. Well, I would like to think my favourite one to eat is the one that looks like an aeroplane neck pillow. What's that one? You know, the one it looks like a-

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Macaroni?

• 25:52Speaker 05

  No, no, no, it's got stuff inside in it.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  Are you thinking of an aeroplane neck pillow?

• 25:57Speaker 05

  I am, yes. You know, when you put pasta inside an aeroplane neck pillow.

• 26:02Speaker 05

  And back to sleep we go.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  Lauren's question is, and she asks this to everyone, would you like to ask it to Aisling?

• 26:13Speaker 03

  If you were a pasta shape, what pasta shape would you be?

• 26:15Speaker 05

  If you were a pasta shape, what pasta shape would you be? I repeat my answer, the aeroplane neck pillow one. What is that? But also Lauren, did you not say, are you second generation Italian? Yes, oh, so you speak Italian. Oh, why don't you ask me in Italian Lauren?

• 26:33Speaker 05

  You can't just say tir masu tir masu tir masu. Oh, do you not have any Italian? That's totally fine if you don't. Oh, you don't have any Italian? Oh, okay, well. For me, a nicuspi loes, a alini. The one with the filling in it, and it's all rolled up.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Cataloni?

• 26:54Speaker 05

  Tortellini, tortellini.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  Tortellini's smaller though, isn't it?

• 26:58Speaker 05

  Than a neck pillow, yes it is.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  I was thinking the size of a neck pillow here.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  We're not coming across great.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Don't say "we".

• 27:09Speaker 03

  Try to drag me into your fucking cesspit of sexism.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  Well, you got your ratios off with the pastor. I thought that's good enough. Come over here with me.

• 27:21Speaker 05

  I'm going to get the video of you forcing me to do that to the spout of that thing and then just leave that without comment and get you cancelled.

• 27:28Speaker 04

  I am behind the thing, so you could just dub it over with anything. Get AI to do my voice and be like, "That's it, wank off the spout."

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Well, no need to get AI to do it now.

• 27:39Speaker 05

  Just do that bit.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  Said it completely clean with no background as well. Chop that up and use it anywhere.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Guaranteed Benito's done that already and we can play it at the end of the show.

• 27:59Speaker 04

  Straight in there. God damn it, Benito.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  So you'd be the Tortellini?

• 28:05Speaker 05

  Yes, but then being Irish, maybe the one with potato in it is Nocky... Oh, I wish, do you know what? If I thought about that for longer, I'd be like, "Nocky Nocky, who's there?"

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Aisling tea. Aisling tea, who?

• 28:26Speaker 05

  Birthday cake!

• 28:30Speaker 04

  That's my favourite pasta.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Birthday cake.

• 28:33Speaker 05

  Birthday cake.

• 28:33Speaker 04

  HS Nocky Nocky.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  That was a good Nocky Nocky joke.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like your Nocky Nocky joke.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was a good Nocky Nocky joke where you just said some things you remember from 10 minutes ago.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  So you wanted bread when you came on the podcast, with Kerrygold butter, of course, sourdough bread. So this is not really the kind of vibe you would go for for your drink meal, but...

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Would you have Papa Doms now? Are you a Papa Dom fan now?

• 28:59Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. I have a big Indian family now. My brother-in-law's Indian, so we eat loads of Indian food now. Woo, yes, so a big shout out to the Carolins in the audience. Is there any Carolins? So we eat a lot of Carolyn food as well in particular. So yes, I would have a lot of Papa Doms. They do take the piss out of me because sometimes they're like, "Is that Papa Dom too spicy for you?" And I'm like, "No, I can just about manage it." Because I'm still not great with heat. I'm good with spice, but I'm still not great with heat.

• 29:25Speaker 04

  Josh would have come if you're... Would you want to eat this meal with Josh?

• 29:29Speaker 05

  See, I'm now starting to think that man, that man, that man...

• 29:34Speaker 04

  Get the picture of Josh up again, please.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  Yes, please. The sad pony.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  I love this. He's not even here. Every time a picture of him appears, everyone laughs.

• 29:47Speaker 05

  My Little Pony, I think, might not be able to surprise, and I'll tell you why. It's because he really focused on the yoghurt part of the dip.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  He really does, yeah. He wanted mostly, mostly yoghurt dip with it, yeah.

• 29:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, I put yoghurt on everything.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Do you?

• 30:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, I put yoghurt on absolutely everything. I would, but I'd put yoghurt on you, Acaster, if I had the chance.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  Clip that up.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  Give me something to fight back with.

• 30:14Speaker 05

  Yes, I love you. So I think he might be a bit of me needing.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Okay, so you would eat this meal with Josh?

• 30:21Speaker 05

  So far, yes, yes, yes.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  What's your favourite thing to put yoghurt on before we move on?

• 30:24Speaker 05

  Oh, do you know what I don't mind? A bit of poached salmon on a piece of toast, a bit of kimchi on top of that, and a bit of yoghurt on top of that.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  Sounds very fancy and very nice.

• 30:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, layers top. That's another one you can't be eating with someone you fancy. Just it's yoghurt and kimchi. It's not a...

• 30:40Speaker 03

  Plain yoghurt.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  No bueno, as Lauren wouldn't say, because she's not Italian.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Ed's just checking if it's a plain yoghurt.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Plain yoghurt.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Not a crunch corner, is it?

• 30:53Speaker 05

  No, it's a petty fluke. I'm a baby sometimes. A Greek, a big, thick Greek yoghurt, or a labanah. Don't mind a labanah. Oh, God, I should have eaten before I did the podcast and I realised.

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 31:11Speaker 04

  Oh, man, Ed. Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 31:16Speaker 03

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And, James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Sure, yeah. I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the set in, the vibe. And Cozy's modular, customisable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 31:47Speaker 03

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room, and I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful, cosy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the cosy furniture?

• 32:12Speaker 03

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere, don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  And because it's cosy, the furniture isn't just good-looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  Visit Cozy today, that's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com, and make yourself at home.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  Let's get into Josh's menu proper then. Your dreams, well, this is Josh Whittaker's dream starter. You will be eating two slices of toast.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  One with marmite and one with marmalade.

• 33:20Speaker 05

  Is he Paddington Bear? Oh my gosh.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Well, let's, let's check the picture of him quickly.

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Is he Paddington Bear? Let's see the picture, please.

• 33:28Speaker 05

  Yes, he is. Straight in from Peru, Josh Whittaker.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  You'd lose a marmalade sandwich in that hair.

• 33:35Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  He is the most Paddington of all the comedians, I think.

• 33:40Speaker 05

  Yes, he is.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  I can imagine him escorting the Queen to the afterlife.

• 33:48Speaker 05

  No, it's this way. No, no, no, it's definitely this way. No, over here. Afterlife, this way.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  Come this way, ma'am. What's that? When did that happen?

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Sorry, James is an online, we need to explain quite a lot of these things to him.

• 34:03Speaker 04

  When the Queen died?

• 34:06Speaker 05

  Did you not know? I'm so sorry.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  The only woman I liked.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's when the Queen died.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  A picture went around the internet. Someone had done, seriously, like a drawing of... It's like their backs, but it was Paddington, like, leading the Queen off. I can't remember exactly what the caption was written under it. It was something like, "That's enough for you now," or something like that. It wasn't that.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  It wasn't that.

• 34:47Speaker 05

  That's enough for you now.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  Something like, "Now, now, all finished."

• 34:53Speaker 05

  That'll do, pig. That'll do.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Benito, find that picture and put it up on the big screen.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  He's taken it to hell.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  I think the person who drew it was probably pro-Queen and was insinuating heaven, really. It would be good if the next picture is Paddington taking his face off and it's the devil.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  You have lived an awful life.

• 35:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. A toasted marmalade sandwich on his horns.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  I said, "I'm not in charge of the screen," is what Benito's written there.

• 35:30Speaker 05

  Thank you, Benito.

• 35:32Speaker 04

  Bad luck, Benito. I didn't know there'd been a mutiny backstage. And he's lost all of his...

• 35:37Speaker 05

  Lost all of his power.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  I'm not in charge of the screen. Get help. It's me, Benito. Stop laughing. I've got her ice cream. Benito, can you find out what the caption was on the Paddington and Queen picture and put it up on the little screen for us, please? I'm just curious now.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  Are you gonna prefer the marmite or the marmalade toast?

• 36:00Speaker 05

  Again, I'm going out with an Australian who recently presented a piece of toast to my Irish mother, who'd never had marmite before, and she thought it was Nutella.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  She like had been hit by the devil or an exorcist. She's going, "Ah!" against the wall, just going, "No! I've never eaten something so disgraceful in my life." So marmite isn't the house, not for me. But I don't find marmite that marmite.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:29Speaker 05

  Like, I'm like, it's, it's, it's fine.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Sorry to interrupt. It was, "Thank you, ma'am, for everything."

• 36:36Speaker 05

  What did you say it was?

• 36:37Speaker 03

  "Thank you, ma'am, for everything." "Thank you, ma'am, for everything."

• 36:39Speaker 05

  But what did you think it was?

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Oh, come on now, all done.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  It's the same sort of, same meaning in a way.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  Is, is marmite not a thing in, in Ireland?

• 36:57Speaker 05

  No, not really. Wouldn't you say Irish people in, we don't really? No. No. No! We'll move here, but we won't accept your ways.

• 37:09Speaker 05

  We'll make love to your men, we'll pay the odd bit of tax, but we won't take your spreads.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Is there, is there an equivalently noxious spread in Ireland?

• 37:19Speaker 05

  Again, the only spice is salt, so, um, just butter, really. It probably is butter is the equivalent. I don't think we do have an equivalent spread. Marmalade is really big. It's a real big, like, grandad's breakfast. Apparently it came from, um, Queen Marie of somewhere, or Mary, no, Queen Mary of probably England. I probably should have researched this at some point, was, was sick. And vitamin C is obviously in oranges. And her chef, who was French, was basically like, "Marie est malade." Mary is sick. And he made her like an orange concoction. And that was where marmalade came from.

• 38:00Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 38:01Speaker 05

  So is this QI or is this off menu? And that's actually how it came to be.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  And may I be the first to say to Queen Mary, "Thank you, ma'am, for everything."

• 38:11Speaker 03

  In the words of Winnie the Pooh.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Eat that sandwich.

• 38:20Speaker 03

  So you don't, sorry, I interrupted before because I got the caption. You don't find marmite that marmite?

• 38:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, you know, there's like, oh, it's a bit marmite for me. Like, you either hate it or you love it. I'm sort of like, oh, I don't, it's not going to, it's, it's, it's a, the metaphor doesn't work with me.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, so you can, you can retool that phrase now. You can use, that's a bit marmite.

• 38:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, how was your day? Marmite.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  Fine.

• 38:44Speaker 04

  Fine, I'm not bothered either way.

• 38:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  They can't market that, I guess.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  No, it's hard, it is a harder push. It's fine, you could get something else if you wanted to, but if it's there, why not? Marmite.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  Marmite, some of you will like it just fine.

• 39:00Speaker 05

  And also, because I have to mention it for Jack, it's Vegemite is the Australian one. Are there Australians in? Of course, there always are, Irish and Australians, us cheeky lads. And, and yes, they are very passionate about being Vegemite. I don't totally see the difference.

• 39:20Speaker 05

  Just don't, really.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  Is that, I mean, Australians who are in, what is the difference?

• 39:27Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, I heard someone over there go, sorry much. Sorry much. I can't even explain.

• 39:37Speaker 05

  Who said sorry much over there?

• 39:42Speaker 04

  This would sound like, it sounds like just so every time.

• 39:45Speaker 05

  So. So. What is it made out of?

• 39:49Speaker 04

  A car going past.

• 39:50Speaker 05

  Sort of salt and petrol or something, what's in it?

• 39:52Speaker 03

  Yeast, it's yeast extract. It's the thing, thing that's left over from brewing, I believe.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Didn't, was it on your series that you had to make marmite of Taskmaster?

• 40:02Speaker 05

  Oh, God, it was.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:06Speaker 05

  I don't remember anything.

• 40:10Speaker 05

  Truly, I have to try and remember what I said in his podcast today. Yes, I did in Taskmaster have to make marmite. You don't remember what I did, well, because you did a podcast and I did that podcast with you.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 40:22Speaker 05

  On for Taskmaster, yes.

• 40:24Speaker 04

  Hold on a second, I think I've done a podcast with you as well.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Oh, I know where I know you're from.

• 40:31Speaker 05

  Is this heaven?

• 40:32Speaker 04

  It's been bugging me, who's this handsome guy?

• 40:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did have to make Taskmaster to marmite. I suppose I can't, well, it's not gonna be a great anecdote because I can't remember what I did. Or, there were a lot of things I did on that show that I don't totally remember. But, oh, do the memes remind me that I took my trousers off.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Well, let's say that for this course, the marmite you've got in the toast is made by one of the Taskmaster contestants from your series.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  This is a great question, by the way, before you ask it.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Thank you, Ed.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Which one?

• 41:05Speaker 05

  I love your guys' relationship. You guys are clearly fucking, I'm so into it. I adore this. Okay.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  Aisling, and before you answer, I'm happy to remind you of who you're on Taskmaster with.

• 41:16Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Yes, Nish, thank you.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  Nish, Bob Mortimer, Sally Phillips, and Mark Watson.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  Well done.

• 41:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, which one of them do you want to make the marmite for you?

• 41:28Speaker 05

  I would trust the most, I don't think Nish can cook at all.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 41:33Speaker 05

  We know this. Bob, I wouldn't trust him to put together something I would eat at all. He'd sort of get lost in the clouds or something like that in some way. Sally would make something I'd have to eat because I love her so much, but it wouldn't be delicious. But Mark Watson would try to do it exactly right. He would over-research. He would try to get, he would lose his mind in the process of trying to put together a marmite, and it would be probably delicious.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  I think that's the correct answer.

• 42:03Speaker 05

  Yes, but I think he'd just really commit. He'd learn how to cook for the task.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  I think it is the good answer, yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  You chose calamari when you came on the podcast as the starter. And you might have even been the first person to choose that very popular starter. Again, a trendsetter. Would that still be your dream starter now?

• 42:20Speaker 05

  Very interesting. Would it still be my dream starter? Maybe not. Maybe I've grown. Maybe I'm a big girl now and I can cha- Yeah, no, I probably would probably pick it. I love it. It's really quite chewy and tasty. You can dip it in things, little rings. It's kind of like a fancy hula hoop. You know?

• 42:41Speaker 04

  That thing there. Has anyone seen the new trailer for the Spielberg film where Emily Blunt starts speaking in alien language? Language. It was exactly like that. You should see the trailer. Emily Blunt is reading the news or something and then she starts going.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  And you're made to be like, whoa, this is an incredible alien film. You're like, why is Emily Blunt beatboxing on the news?

• 43:06Speaker 04

  But when you did all the calamari stuff, it was like that. You were like.

• 43:11Speaker 05

  So here's the thing about acting that's very hard. On the day, you're like, I might win an Oscar. And then when they edit it together and it's such pants, you're so shooketh that you didn't sort of like, in your head, you thought you were the best actor. And then they, yeah, they do you dirty in the edit. But I bet she was like, they were like, Emily, we love it, so we need more. It's gonna, people are like, oh no, she's an alien, but that's probably what happens. It's really, you put your trust in so many people when you do something.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  I'm never doubting Blunt for a second.

• 43:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. James or Emily?

• 43:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, James Blunt.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm never doubting James.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  Sorry, I didn't know we were talking about Emily Blunt.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  As we've already covered, your main course was lobster.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Now, Josh Whitticombe, famously a vegetarian, so it's unlikely that it's gonna be lobster. But you can still have this main course with Dara and with Ardel if you want it. This is Josh Whitticombe's dream main course.

• 44:06Speaker 05

  Franco Manka Pizza Number Five. Wasn't that a song in the 90s?

• 44:14Speaker 05

  I like, I like a plain starter, I like a plain main, I even like a tea weather book.

• 44:21Speaker 05

  Franco Manka Pizza Number Five.

• 44:29Speaker 05

  No anchovies, added chili. Oh, and yet the sad pony has just kicked his back leg.

• 44:38Speaker 05

  And a side salad. It's like he's all men, everywhere. He is all of us, Joshua.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  By the way, I think that's-

• 44:46Speaker 05

  That's what's so beautiful about him.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  I think it's Franco Manci- Franco Mancapizza, number five, no anchovies. It looked like it could be Franco Manci- Franco Mancapizza, no five, no anchovies. It's not, the five is the number, I think.

• 45:02Speaker 05

  The five is, it's not. Franco Mancapizza, no five, no.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  The boy band five. The band five come in and try and eat his pizza.

• 45:11Speaker 04

  He is very obsessed with the 90s, so that probably is a legitimate Joshua Widdicombe concern, is that five might come in and eat his pizza.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  No five!

• 45:19Speaker 04

  Oh no, they slammed down to the funk.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  I'll have a pizza.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  But yes, A1, you know.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  Is that a, is that a famous type of pizza? Franco Manci-

• 45:29Speaker 03

  You don't remember A1?

• 45:29Speaker 05

  Number five.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  Huh? You don't remember A1?

• 45:32Speaker 05

  What?

• 45:32Speaker 03

  A1. Do you remember A1, Ashton?

• 45:35Speaker 05

  Do I remember which?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  A1, apparently.

• 45:36Speaker 05

  A1.

• 45:37Speaker 03

  Apparently, that's the thing. It's a road, isn't it?

• 45:40Speaker 05

  Oh no, I was thinking of the boy band.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Yes, so was I. You sent Aha at me just now, I'm going nuts.

• 45:44Speaker 05

  They did a cover of Aha.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  What the fuck has happened to this episode? You started talking about paper or roads, and I didn't know what you were on about. What? What's A1?

• 45:55Speaker 05

  A1 were a boy band in the 90s who did a cover of the Aha song, Take Me On.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 46:00Speaker 05

  You were talking about British Road?

• 46:06Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  My, my joke, A1, was related to five, no five, but yes, A1. And it didn't get a great reaction from the room, because I think my reference was too specific and I didn't drive it home enough. But I thought, at least my friend James would back me up on it.

• 46:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Absolute sheer fucking confusion from this guy.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  This is like if the movie A Beautiful Mind had no budget.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  Could I just ask, Franco Manco, Franco Manco, Franco...

• 46:37Speaker 03

  It's hard to say, isn't it? I've just realised that myself.

• 46:39Speaker 05

  Easy to do, hard to say. Franco Manco Pizza, number five. Does anyone here ever work there? Or is that number five a pizza? A type of, a special type of pizza? Yeah, it's like, all the pizzas are number one, two, three, four, five. And it's always the same. I did assume that much, to be fair. So number five is always...

• 46:57Speaker 05

  What? Before five, there's four other pizzas, James?

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Tell me more, you're big fans.

• 47:07Speaker 05

  I'm having a fucking nightmare. I'm having a nightmare. Oh, wait now, Benito has a message for us, boys. Come on, Skip, let's go.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Franco Manca Pizza number five is Cantabria... Cantabrian anchovies, 100% Italian tomato, or as you call it, tomato, Lauren.

• 47:29Speaker 05

  Mozzarella, Calmatte, black olives, capers, garlic and oregano. Or oregano, I'm so Hollywood.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  What I would say is Josh doesn't want the anchovies on that. And if you remove the anchovies, it's a fucking margarita. So he wants a margarita pizza, but with chilies on it. More chilies.

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Yes. Maybe he wants to order a pizza, so then he can ask for things removed, because that's kind of a status thing, isn't it?

• 47:53Speaker 03

  It's very LA, isn't it?

• 47:54Speaker 05

  Very LA, very showbiz. You know, I'd like a pizza, no cheese, no bread, just the essence.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  Just let me smell the oven.

• 48:03Speaker 05

  Yeah. Just let me smell the baker's hands, and then I'll leave. I'll leave my tip.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  Yes, okay, okay, I can see. I think what Josh is looking for from this menu is a sense of safety and comfort and a hug. That's what it feels like is going on with Joshie. Doesn't it, a sense of, like, who hurt you?

• 48:24Speaker 05

  I'll hug, I'll hug Josh. He's, he's our friend, isn't he?

• 48:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's our friend. I wanna give him a little cuddle.

• 48:29Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  See who hurt him.

• 48:31Speaker 05

  Let's go see him now. Bye, guys.

• 48:35Speaker 05

  Come on, guys.

• 48:35Speaker 04

  When you said about the LA thing there, you were also the first person on the pod to ever mention Cafe Gratitude.

• 48:40Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 48:41Speaker 05

  Oh, yes.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  Which is the place in LA where you have to order stuff by saying, you know, it's all called, what is it?

• 48:46Speaker 03

  It's all the, all the dishes are called things like, uh, like fortitude and strength and inner peace. And you have to order by saying, I-

• 48:54Speaker 05

  I would like strength.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Or I, I, well, I am strength, I think it is.

• 48:58Speaker 05

  Yes. I, I am gratitude, I am strength. And that means like a Franco man's pizza number five.

• 49:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  With no anchovies.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  I told you what happened to me at Cafe Gratitude. They came and asked me what I wanted to drink and I said, I am coffee.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Cause there's no, but I was having fun with it. I was like, there's no name for the coffee. And then they said, how do you want, how do you want the coffee? And I, without thinking, said, I am black.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  Someone else say something now?

• 49:35Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm Aisling B, the new host of Off Menu Podcast with James Acaster.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  We're done.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  We're done, man.

• 49:49Speaker 04

  There's a man here tonight who punched a deaf man in the ears.

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, Griff. Do you know what, Griff? If you're laughing right now, you can talk.

• 49:58Speaker 05

  Um, yes, no, uh, let's, let's move on from, uh, from that if we can, if we can in any way. That's great.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  We had the, cause it's, it's a vegan cafe. When we went to Cafe Gratitude in LA together with Benito, we had the most vegan experience ever. So we walked in, it's already a vegan experience being in Cafe Gratitude. And guess who was sat in the cafe?

• 50:18Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  Moby.

• 50:20Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  The OG vegan.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  The OG vegan.

• 50:24Speaker 05

  Moby, I always get mixed up between Moby, there's two songs, is Moby-

• 50:34Speaker 05

  Is that Moby?

• 50:35Speaker 03

  I don't think so.

• 50:40Speaker 05

  Who is that? Massive Attack?

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Massive Attack.

• 50:44Speaker 05

  Very good. Do you know what? More people should have said that, my girls down the front. Thank you, ladies. Then Moby is...

• 50:54Speaker 03

  For the listener.

• 50:55Speaker 05

  But it's that same like, hmm, isn't it? Moby, Moby is...

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Moby is...

• 51:01Speaker 05

  Sing to me, Edward.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  I am Moby.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  What is, there's a famous Moby?

• 51:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  No, that's The Lion Sleeps Tonight.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  A good try.

• 51:19Speaker 05

  I am Moby, I'm really Moby. I'm a vegan, so I'll sleep tonight.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  A lovely vegan. I won't eat you, Mr. Lion. Thanks for everything, ma'am.

• 51:36Speaker 05

  What is the Moby song? Does anyone know? If we're talking about...

• 51:44Speaker 03

  A Wimberway, a Wimberway. You have to do it. Someone does it, you gotta do it.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, you gotta start going A Wimberway.

• 51:50Speaker 05

  It's like, come on, Eileen.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  What?

• 51:56Speaker 03

  From Jason Bourne?

• 51:57Speaker 05

  You know the one. Oh, yeah, wait now, let me think of the Jason Bourne soundtrack. Does that always help me remember a Moby song?

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Ironic that we can't remember something from Jason Bourne. Yeah.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  Just, just someone sing the tune. We're in the Royal Albert Hall. The acoustics will make you sound amazing.

• 52:15Speaker 03

  All I remember about Moby is he released his entire album for available for adverts. So he's been on, that music's been on loads of adverts, but I couldn't remember one song.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  The album's still playing.

• 52:27Speaker 05

  These two girls are the only people who are really here tonight. Do you know what? I'm, no, I'm not gonna ask my boyfriend to sing it. Like, he's like a musical encyclopedia.

• 52:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  Sing the song.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  We don't know the fucking song!

• 52:41Speaker 05

  You sing the song! Why is everything on us tonight? He has like, just so much pressure on us to do the work.

• 52:47Speaker 03

  Benito, if you can wriggle...

• 52:48Speaker 05

  I haven't even had my birthday cake yet.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Benito, if you can wriggle out of your shackles, can you play a Moby song?

• 52:55Speaker 04

  A little bit of Monica, my love.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  Man, number five is the opposite of what we like in the manosphere.

• 53:04Speaker 05

  I'm going to go over here and I hope someone over here will be able to sing.

• 53:13Speaker 05

  Oh, so what he thinks a Moby song is, James, is

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Trust me.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  Kettering Town FC.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 53:21Speaker 05

  I knew I knew the Moby song. Does anyone here know the Moby tune?

• 53:27Speaker 05

  What? Get the phone. We'll move on, but you get the phones out.

• 53:32Speaker 04

  Do you know who I hope listens to this podcast? Moby.

• 53:38Speaker 03

  He will be gutted.

• 53:38Speaker 04

  What a day of a for him. That's all of the role I've got. Oh, no one knows my song.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, he'll be crying into a

• 53:43Speaker 04

  Whee!

• 53:47Speaker 03

  End of Moby's day, just weeping into a bacon sandwich.

• 53:51Speaker 04

  They don't know my song, they're little lies like that.

• 53:53Speaker 05

  I feel terrible because

• 53:58Speaker 04

  Yes!

• 53:59Speaker 05

  What is it?

• 54:00Speaker 04

  Yes!

• 54:02Speaker 05

  Hush! Let the people sing! What?

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Oh, Lordy, my troubles with God, don't nobody know my

• 54:13Speaker 05

  Oh, daddy, trouble be gone, ain't nobody

• 54:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  Ain't nobody

• 54:21Speaker 05

  That's what you were trying to do!

• 54:25Speaker 05

  That's what you were trying to do!

• 54:26Speaker 04

  You sang a worse version of it.

• 54:29Speaker 05

  I've just found That's what you were trying to do. And we all said you were foolish. We all said you were crazy. He knew. He knew. We didn't believe. The guy at the start was like, "They're building a fort, there's a big wave coming." And we're like, "That crazy scientist."

• 54:46Speaker 05

  Well, that was a long walk for a ham sandwich.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Welcome to 215 Maple Drive. We just put this property on the market.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Love the crown molding.

• 55:01Speaker 00

  Oh, wait until you see the walk-in closets and the bathroom tile.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Does it have Verizon FiOS? You know, 100% fiber internet.

• 55:09Speaker 00

  No FiOS, but it looks like it's got cable. Let's check out the kitchen.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  No FiOS? Yeah, no thank you.

• 55:15Speaker 00

  Don't you want to see the rest? Okay, bye-bye.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Dip Verizon FiOS, because when you're moving, it's 100% or nothing.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  The question is, what is the side dish for this pizza? This is the true side dish. I've just waited, come. Sag paner.

• 55:34Speaker 03

  Sag paner.

• 55:35Speaker 05

  Lovely, very nice, but again, isn't too hot, I would feel. Sag paner.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  It's, I'd say, one of the mildest things in the world.

• 55:43Speaker 05

  I love a bit of paner. It's just like a lovely little, chunky little texture. When you get in there and you're like, whoa, another bit. And it's hard not to just eat it all immediately. And then there's a sauce left, but I do like a cheeky little bit of paner. It's kind of like eating a pillow.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  That's the second time you've talked about eating a pillow.

• 56:01Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Yes, you had a neck pillow that you were gonna eat earlier.

• 56:03Speaker 03

  Neck pillow, full of pasta.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  And now you're eating a pillow pillow.

• 56:05Speaker 03

  Amazing that you'd forgotten you'd said that.

• 56:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  I did?

• 56:11Speaker 05

  I got so thrown by the Moby tangent, to be honest, and the people singing there. And I thought it was a really beautiful moment. I'll never, I'll never forget what, what did happen there? Yes, paner, sag paner, delicious choice, I would say.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Here's the question, are you getting a slice of the pizza?

• 56:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  And dipping it into the sag paner and scooping up a big bit?

• 56:29Speaker 05

  Yes, yes, yes. I'm a big, take the bits and make the little bits, using little boats for, using carbohydrates to make little breads and little alternative open sandwiches from the dinner that you have. Potato waffles, stick it under things, yum yum yum, into the, yes. Little tiny boats, all filled with different products into your mouth each time, a new experience. A whole new world, don't you dare close your eyes, as you'd say on your magic carpet.

• 56:56Speaker 04

  Is it my culture?

• 57:02Speaker 04

  You chose lobster as the main and then mashed potato as the side. So are you scooping the lobster into the mashed potato?

• 57:08Speaker 05

  No, because the lobster has its own shell. I would use the lobster, which is a harder texture, James, to put the mash on to. So then the lobster technically is acting as your bread and the potato is acting as your lobster.

• 57:22Speaker 03

  How's it all going for you, Aisling, at the moment?

• 57:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I feel like, I feel like Moby probably will feel after he... Moonlighting, cover sofa. Isn't that, that is a song.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  That is it.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  That is it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 05

  I thought I sang the massive attack one again.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  If you'd lost it again. Hold on, I don't know what the song was. Try and find it. Sets him up again.

• 57:50Speaker 04

  Domino, whoo-hoo.

• 57:55Speaker 04

  Those adverts, man.

• 57:56Speaker 03

  Don't like those adverts?

• 57:57Speaker 04

  I absolutely hated them for a while and then one of them got me.

• 58:02Speaker 03

  Which one got you?

• 58:04Speaker 04

  The one when she's running for the train and she's got to tell them something. He's like, "What is it?", she goes, "Domino." I was like, "Oh, no, that must suck for that guy." She got him with that.

• 58:15Speaker 05

  I don't think I've ever genuinely seen you laugh.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  For people just listening, James is the most joyous any of us have ever seen him. Remembering Domino Who Who.

• 58:27Speaker 05

  The top, it's still going.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  Domino Who Who is so funny in that one advert. And it works, but it's bad for all the rest of them and annoying and I hate it. And then it gets me on that one.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 58:39Speaker 04

  That lady, the lady who delivers it to that guy. Domino.

• 58:42Speaker 05

  James Acaster, talk to me about some of your inspirations and what comedy drives you to do what you do. The Domino Who Who advert.

• 58:51Speaker 04

  Absolutely Domino Who Who.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  Let's come up with another Domino Who Who advert.

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 58:57Speaker 04

  Let's write it together and maybe Domino's will be listed in this.

• 59:00Speaker 03

  What are the hallmarks of the Domino Who Who adverts that we definitely need to include? Domino Who Who, obviously.

• 59:05Speaker 04

  They need to say, I think the main rule of it is that they just need to say Domino Who Who at the end and there needs to be some sort of build-up. To them saying that, where you wouldn't expect them to say it. And it doesn't need to make any sense why they're saying it.

• 59:19Speaker 05

  Permission to pitch?

• 59:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:21Speaker 05

  So, I'm doing a tune and I'm like, "Moonlight and stars are..." And I'm like, "Domino, hoo hoo." They're like, "Moby."

• 59:36Speaker 04

  That would be good.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  If the advert is like this.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:42Speaker 04

  Live, off main you live.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Trying to remember.

• 59:44Speaker 04

  Ashton going, "What's the Moby song?"

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:46Speaker 04

  And then someone puts their hand up and he stands up and it's Moby himself.

• 59:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  They go, "What was the song, Moby?" And he goes, "Domino, hoo hoo." That's good.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  That is good.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  "Domino, hoo hoo" is funny, though.

• 1:00:05Speaker 05

  I can see, if you were up close, to see the actual joy in this man, in the real James Acaster's eyes, from remembering the Domino's advert. Beautiful thing to watch.

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  It's so shit.

• 1:00:16Speaker 05

  Yeah. I knew you were in there, really, James.

• 1:00:19Speaker 04

  Yeah. "Oh, there you are, Peter."

• 1:00:22Speaker 05

  It's you, Peter.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  That would be that. If I was in Hook, if I was Robin Williams in Hook.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  That would be like, that with my face. I would go, "Oh, there you are, Peter." And I'm like, "Domino, hoo hoo."

• 1:00:41Speaker 05

  James as a lost boy.

• 1:00:43Speaker 04

  Then I'd fly up in the air, "I found my happy force." "Domino, hoo hoo."

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  That would be a good caption for the Queen and Paddington picture.

• 1:00:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  What, "Domino, hoo hoo's"?

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  Oh, that would be a great advert. It's Paddington and the Queen. And they're walking through all the clouds and they get to the pearly gates. And she looks at him and he goes, "Domino, hoo hoo." And then he pushes her into hell.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  Waaay Paddington! Burned in hell, ma'am.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  May you burn forever in hell, ma'am.

• 1:01:20Speaker 05

  Dominoo hoo hoo!

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Three adverts pitched there, that's perfect.

• 1:01:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know. They're gonna be delighted with all the free press.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  No. It's dream drink time.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  Your dream drink was a Love Me Good cocktail.

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  Which has never come back on the podcast. You're the only one who's ordered a Love Me Good Vermouth, cherry liqueur and whisky. You still love a Love Me Good?

• 1:01:45Speaker 05

  It was from, and I went back to the cocktail bar. It was from a cocktail bar in New York. Oh my god, it was so delicious. And I keep on, what a surprise, forgetting the name of the cocktail bar. Because it was something like Airport Lounge, but it wasn't Airport Lounge. And I made a point to try and tell you guys and track it down afterwards, and I have forgotten it again. So yeah, it was a real delicious cocktail.

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  Does anyone remember? Does anyone know what the name of the bar was? Thank you.

• 1:02:13Speaker 05

  Very good. Dominoo hoo hoo's.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  But since then, I have changed to, is it a whisky sour? Which is the one with the egg whites on top?

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  Whisky sour, it's gonna have egg whites in it, yeah.

• 1:02:25Speaker 05

  And I was working with Jameson Whisky for a while, and they made me my own cocktail, guys, my own version of it with Jameson Whisky, and they made it green for St Patrick's Day because my birthday's the day before, as if you guys didn't know.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  But Nigga, you go and get a fucking cake right now, man. We're in so much shit. Get out of those shackles and go and get us a cake. Untie yourself, you little weed. Go and get a cake.

• 1:02:52Speaker 05

  I keep on looking behind because I don't know what direction it's gonna come in. Anyways, you guys pick.

• 1:02:57Speaker 04

  Love it if at the end he just runs full pelt on stage with a cake, trips over and smashes his face into it.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  They'll be able to go home.

• 1:03:04Speaker 05

  Benito going, "Oh, a meal, I made a cake." So, yes, and it was dyed green with something and had like an apple liqueur in it as well. Oh my god, it was absolutely fantastic, delicious.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  I gotta say, Ashley, that sounds absolutely foul.

• 1:03:20Speaker 05

  I know, now that I describe it. But you would have drank one, because I had them at my birthday party, and I remember, because I had a load of them being handed out at the start of my birthday party, and everyone had a great time, and then the next day, everyone had very bad days afterwards, very, very bad loads.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, we called it the day of the green shits.

• 1:03:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:41Speaker 03

  Happy Saint Patrick's Day. I've gone all out this year.

• 1:03:44Speaker 05

  And made the road rides to meet you on your travels.

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  So, yes, that's now my current favourite, that was.

• 1:03:50Speaker 03

  The green drink.

• 1:03:51Speaker 05

  The green drink with the egg whites on top, because you can trick yourself into thinking it's like a protein shake.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  Well, do you want to have a quick guess at what Josh has picked?

• 1:04:00Speaker 05

  Another tea?

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  There's a cup of tea, yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 05

  Tea.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:08Speaker 05

  When I said a cocktail, look how much detail I went into to just describe a cocktail. That's what I mean, wouldn't, would there be no more, because for me, I, everyone, doesn't everyone just describe their cup of tea in case, like, a terrible disappointment is en route? You can't just say that and expect someone to bring you the drink you want, there's such a vast array of the ways you can make your tea.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  To be fair, when Josh came on the podcast, he was promoting his tour, which is called Not My Cup Of Tea, so I think he just kept saying tea to.

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  Interesting, interesting, okay, so this is a brand name. So, eh, tea, yes, tea, I understand, yes.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:04:43Speaker 04

  I once did room 101 with Heston Blumenthal, and he said, "You have, you should put the milk in first, or a cup of tea," and that's the right way to make a cup of tea.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  I mean, look at the sort of food he cooks, do you know what I mean? Wild and wacky. Of course, a man puts his milk into his tea first, but is that how a person should behave during the normal day? But then what, to get, okay, so this isn't funny at all, this is just the, the science. I'm not a scientist, but then, who is?

• 1:05:12Speaker 05

  Putting the tea bag in and then allowing boiling water infuses and allows the tea to escape.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 05

  If you put a tea bag into cold milk, what you want is milk. What, I don't understand why anyone would ever put a milk into the tea, because then the tea can't be used and there's no point, you're not really using the bag.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  But I think it all tastes the fucking same, personally.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  Oh, it's marmite to you.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  It's all marmite.

• 1:05:38Speaker 05

  It's all marmite to you.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  What I used to like to do, I don't really drink tea, I drank a lot of squash when I was a kid, blew my mind the first day, I filled up the glass of water and then poured the squash in after the water, watch it all move around.

• 1:05:54Speaker 05

  You have to understand, children, the 90s were a different time.

• 1:05:59Speaker 05

  We didn't have the internet.

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  We didn't have pornography addictions, we had to...

• 1:06:04Speaker 05

  We had to wank over squash.

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  Put our squash in last if you wanted a thrill.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Pour your squash in last, rub your tummy, that's what I did.

• 1:06:16Speaker 05

  In Ireland, the squash isn't called Robinson's, it's called my wadi. And...

• 1:06:22Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:06:22Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:06:23Speaker 03

  What's it called?

• 1:06:24Speaker 05

  My wadi, James.

• 1:06:25Speaker 03

  My wadi?

• 1:06:26Speaker 05

  My wadi, my wadi, shout out to my wadi drinkers.

• 1:06:29Speaker 03

  My, my wadi?

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  My wadi. We can, it's called my wadi.

• 1:06:33Speaker 03

  I'm so sorry, but it is a funny country sometimes, isn't it?

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  It's called my wadi.

• 1:06:36Speaker 03

  My wadi?

• 1:06:37Speaker 05

  My wadi, and, um...

• 1:06:39Speaker 03

  Is that one word?

• 1:06:40Speaker 05

  It's M.I.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  W.A.D.I. My wadi.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  My wadi.

• 1:06:44Speaker 05

  And, uh, we, and I used to drink as a teenager vodka my wadi. And that was my drink, was vodka my wadi, like that was a great cocktail in my town. And I remember coming to London for the first time and being at the bar and being like, "Hi, can I get a vodka my wadi?" And they were like, "Oh, sorry, what, babes?" And I was like, "Yeah, just a vodka, um, what, in my wadi."

• 1:07:08Speaker 05

  And they're like, "Oh, I'm sorry." And to sit there and have to explain to that excited man...

• 1:07:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:13Speaker 05

  What I meant, and he was like, "Do you mean Robinson's?" I was like, "I don't, I don't know who they are." I just didn't know what, but squa-, you call it squash or Robinson's here?

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:07:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  Not my wadi. Fuck it all. Sipping my wadi.

• 1:07:27Speaker 05

  Sipping on my wadi.

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  We're not just anybody. Um, okay, so now...

• 1:07:32Speaker 04

  I'm singing a Sam Campbell song, that's not helping anyone. You've seen that song? All of you do yourself a favour after this.

• 1:07:39Speaker 05

  Oh, is this-

• 1:07:40Speaker 04

  And put in Sam Campbell's Ricky Gervais song and watch that.

• 1:07:42Speaker 05

  Yes, I have, it's incredible.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, that is funny, man.

• 1:07:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:45Speaker 04

  And then you'll think back to me singing Sippin' My Waddy, and you'll go, "Yeah, that was good."

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  So he wants to have a cup of tea, I mean, are you happy to have two cups of tea in this meal?

• 1:07:57Speaker 05

  I have tea all day long, at all points, it's left all over the house. I go collecting in the evenings, I literally have a little basket, and I go collecting the teas from around the house. Kind of like, again, my memory probably isn't the best, I'm like, "Oh, look at, cheeky old me, like little Easter eggs around the house."

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  Like at the end of Signs, but with tea.

• 1:08:20Speaker 04

  Have you seen Signs?

• 1:08:21Speaker 05

  No, I haven't actually, James, I laughed along to Yes And You, but I, to be honest, was frankly lost.

• 1:08:27Speaker 04

  Throughout the whole film, a little girl is like, she drinks these glasses of water, but she just doesn't finish them.

• 1:08:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:32Speaker 04

  And she just leaves them around the house. And spoiler alert here, if you haven't seen Signs, but you know, it's been, it's been a long time.

• 1:08:40Speaker 04

  But at the end, the aliens turn up, and Joaquin Phoenix, well, Mel Gibson realises, this is how long ago this film was. Mel Gibson realises that the way to defeat the aliens is like they're allergic to water, so he gets Joaquin Phoenix to go around and swing a baseball bat and smash all the glasses, so all the water goes on the aliens. And then the aliens run away from the planet, because, I guess, one person hit some water on one of them.

• 1:09:06Speaker 04

  So I'm saying it's like Signs, but with tea.

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. Do something, go home, watch Signs, and then you'll think, "Oh yeah, that was good."

• 1:09:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 05

  Because she, so she left loads of glasses of half-drunk water everywhere, like I drink tea. Because with me, they said it was ADHD, but maybe it'll be the aliens.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, it could be that there's an alien invasion gonna happen.

• 1:09:27Speaker 03

  ADHD, no one gonna say that, I've just gotta say it really quickly, ADHD.

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  Fantastic work, I'd gamble one clap, but that person really is important.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  ADHD.

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  That is actually a Hollywood casting director that cracked it.

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:09:42Speaker 05

  And she liked your work.

• 1:09:43Speaker 04

  Let's get on to the dream dessert here. Now, you chose hazelnut and pecan tart, which you said was in your dressing room tonight. Very nice of Benito to do that.

• 1:09:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, very nice touch. Again, no birthday cake, it's not like there was a candle in it. They were just a little thing that you guys did for me, but listen.

• 1:09:57Speaker 04

  I genuinely hope he's sorted it out now. This half has been an hour and 10 minutes. I'm pretty sure he's had enough time to do it. If he hasn't done it, he's fired.

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  He will definitely be sat back there going, "They don't think I do anything to do this show. They think I've got time to go and get a birthday cake. They don't value me at all."

• 1:10:20Speaker 05

  Poor Benito. Poor Benito.

• 1:10:21Speaker 04

  That's what he sounds like. Here's what's gonna happen, right, at the end. We're gonna stick it by, and then all the lights are gonna go down, and then the candles will come in, and everyone will sing "Happy Birthday", and then you'll blow the candles out, and the lights will come on, and there'll be no cake. I'll be Benito going, "Domino, hoo hoo." It was just a plate of candles.

• 1:10:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  And I'll be all Moby again.

• 1:10:49Speaker 04

  Well.

• 1:10:49Speaker 05

  Yes, I will change my dessert, and I'll tell you what I'm gonna change my dessert to, and this is for my mother. My mother makes, do we call it a dish? It's literally served in a dish, so I'd say we can call it a dish. My mother makes a thing called a lemon bomb, and it is notorious with anyone who's come to ever visit my mother's house, because the lemon bomb can give you a bit of a lemon bum. It is made of basically cream, sugar, and shaved lemon, and it's been my mother's go-to dessert to make for people since the 1980s, which is the same probably lemon bomb she keeps in the freezer. She defrosts it, gets out a slice for a guest, puts it back in the freezer. One time, my cousin Lorraine found an earwig in her slice.

• 1:11:34Speaker 05

  I was going out with someone who had all sorts of colitis, which is a very serious disease. Luckily, he'd been in remission for a while, until he had my mother's lemon bomb, and then it set off a period of ill health, and she said that was down to weakness, but it was...

• 1:11:50Speaker 05

  Absolutely, because that lemon balm had been in that freezer for as long as freezers have been invented, I'd say.

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  It's an earwig.

• 1:11:56Speaker 05

  An earwig. Well, I'm like, "I don't mind that, that's natural." And clearly, at one point, it had been, because you make it in a bowl and then freeze it, and then you turn it up and go "Tada!", and then you take it off and it's just a helmet of cream.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Oh, no.

• 1:12:12Speaker 05

  And take out the sort of slices. And then at some point, while it was sitting on the table defrosting, in the earwig...

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

  Sorry, I haven't heard a thing you've said since "helmet of cream".

• 1:12:22Speaker 05

  An earwig got in there. It's very much like a sort of Irish Jurassic Park. You know in Jurassic Park where they show the montage of how the little mosquito got stuck in the tree sap?

• 1:12:34Speaker 04

  The amber, yeah.

• 1:12:35Speaker 05

  It was like this earwig got stuck in this lemon balm. And then in future times, scientists are going to be like, "Do do do do do do do do", and there'll be DNA there to recreate Irish people.

• 1:12:50Speaker 04

  Well...

• 1:12:54Speaker 05

  That's my new dessert choice.

• 1:12:56Speaker 04

  Okay, well, let's see if Josh Whittaker's chosen earwig and a lemon balm. Josh Whittaker's dream dessert is Christmas chocolates and a cup of tea.

• 1:13:07Speaker 03

  Another cup of tea for you, Ashley?

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  Yes, again, I just would, at least this time, he's said he wants it in a cup, which is just a bit of branching out, I suppose.

• 1:13:15Speaker 04

  Rather than just tea.

• 1:13:16Speaker 05

  Yes. What was the bit before the tea?

• 1:13:18Speaker 03

  Christmas chocolates.

• 1:13:19Speaker 05

  Christmas chocolates?

• 1:13:21Speaker 03

  The sorts of chocolates you might get at Christmas. I believe that lint balls were talked about quite a lot, matchmakers.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  What chocolates are the Bee House sold for Christmas?

• 1:13:29Speaker 05

  Well, I worked in retail for many Christmases, and I used to work in the Tommy Hilfinger shop, as my mother called it. And there was a woman who went around passing out Lindor balls, and there weren't many people coming into the shop, so every time I'd be like, "Huh, huh", with the Lindor balls. And now I can't even, they are technically delicious, but as the buttery little balls go down my neck... Please, Benito, don't do me a dirty and clip that bit, match with some of Jane's absolute terrors this evening.

• 1:14:04Speaker 05

  I just still, I taste retail, bad lighting, and 17 versions of "And I don't wanna..." And I'm like, "Ooh, uh", that's what I taste when I taste Lindor balls.

• 1:14:18Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:14:23Speaker 05

  So I cannae do it no more, James. I cannae. And I willnae. Um, with Lindor balls.

• 1:14:29Speaker 03

  So what would you, what would you have for your Christmas chocolates then?

• 1:14:33Speaker 05

  Well, a Christmas chocolate, does he mean roses, like tins of roses and stuff like that?

• 1:14:36Speaker 03

  We didn't speak about roses. We spoke about celebrations. We spoke about matchmakers and we spoke about, uh...

• 1:14:42Speaker 05

  Matchmakers?

• 1:14:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:44Speaker 05

  Choc- are there, is that a chocolate?

• 1:14:46Speaker 03

  That's a chocolate. They're sort of like thin, uh, they're thin sticks of chocolate. There's some, there's mint ones and there's orange ones you can get as well. No, don't like them?

• 1:14:54Speaker 05

  Just don't like the, the thought of a thin mint stick. It's Christmas, live a little, do you know what I mean? I'm brushing your teeth now, who's watching you, do you know what I mean?

• 1:15:04Speaker 03

  Well, what I used to do-

• 1:15:05Speaker 05

  Santa's been and gone. You've got 364 days to be good. To make up for, just be bad for a second. I don't have a mint stick on Christmas.

• 1:15:14Speaker 03

  You can eat them stick by stick, sure. And that's not fun. But what I used to do as fat little boy, would I, I'd grab a whole bushel.

• 1:15:23Speaker 05

  A bushel of sticks.

• 1:15:24Speaker 03

  And I'd just fucking go to town on it, you know?

• 1:15:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lovely.

• 1:15:28Speaker 03

  So you can do that?

• 1:15:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, you can do that. Still don't like the idea of a mint stick. It just feels like teeth brush in disguise. Teeth brush.

• 1:15:35Speaker 03

  Teeth brush.

• 1:15:35Speaker 05

  That is the plural.

• 1:15:38Speaker 05

  Of one, one toothbrush, Manny, teeth brush.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  Do you want to, before we go, do you want to quickly rank the roses? Rank the roses.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  It's time to play. Rank the roses. Um, a Praline one, obviously number one.

• 1:15:52Speaker 03

  What? Obviously?

• 1:15:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, obviously.

• 1:15:54Speaker 03

  Is that the green triangle?

• 1:15:55Speaker 05

  Did I stutter?

• 1:15:58Speaker 05

  Praline, obviously number one.

• 1:16:00Speaker 03

  Obviously.

• 1:16:01Speaker 05

  Green triangle, is that it not in the, I was gonna say the Coronation Streets?

• 1:16:06Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, am I getting my, I'm getting my chocolates mixed up?

• 1:16:08Speaker 05

  Yes, I think so.

• 1:16:09Speaker 03

  Green triangles, Coronation Street.

• 1:16:11Speaker 05

  Green triangle or Coronation Street sweets. Um, yeah, Praline ones, orange ones, as I've grown older, I'll accept. Um, and then I do like orange chocolate, I just don't like that fake sugary syrup that's in a-

• 1:16:23Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:16:24Speaker 05

  That's in a chocolate, which I think is fair enough, actually. Um, and, uh, I, I don't like fake friends and I don't like fake oranges.

• 1:16:36Speaker 05

  What's that for? No, do you know what? I'm boring myself. I'm not going to continue.

• 1:16:41Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:16:43Speaker 03

  Ashley, one more thing we do have to talk about from your episode. Your episode set off a chain of events in the world of Hollywood. You, you revealed a specific bit of celeb gossip, big celeb gossip on art. Sorry, James just tried to drink some water and it went all over the floor.

• 1:16:59Speaker 03

  What are you looking for, brother?

• 1:17:00Speaker 04

  Just looking to see where it went on me. I'm fine. Just got the side of my leg a little bit.

• 1:17:04Speaker 05

  We need to sell those t-shirts. So it's like a wet t-shirt competition. Sell that merch, baby. Did somebody say water? Go on, James.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  You revealed on the podcast that Paul Rudd doesn't like sauces.

• 1:17:18Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:17:19Speaker 03

  How's that impacted your life since you revealed that piece of information?

• 1:17:22Speaker 05

  Thank you for asking, James.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  We've got a real person in tonight who doesn't like sauces, by the way.

• 1:17:25Speaker 05

  A real person? Oh, is that the person who liked hard gravy?

• 1:17:28Speaker 04

  I don't remember that name.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  I like my gravy like I like my men.

• 1:17:33Speaker 05

  And so you don't like sauces either?

• 1:17:35Speaker 03

  Lucy Clark.

• 1:17:36Speaker 05

  What's your name there? Lucy, Lucy. So would you admit to that? Because here's what happened with me. I worked with Paul Rudd. We had a great old time. The man does not eat sauces. I'm talking all sauces or condiments. I sat with him. I ate with him. I looked into that man's eyes as he went, ah, every time I had ketchup. Then James and him, James goes full Hollywood, does the Ghostbusters movie with him. Don't worry about it. James is so relaxed. He invites him on the podcast. Paul comes on and does me an, he does the, he goes on and goes, "Yeah, I know, Ashley said that, but I don't know. I kind of don't mind him sometimes." And he, he marmited it. Like he didn't mind either way. And I was so annoyed and hurt.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  Putting your bams in for you.

• 1:18:18Speaker 05

  And then I tricked him into coming over to my house to see my baby.

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  Clever.

• 1:18:22Speaker 05

  The new baby. But he barely got any time with the baby.

• 1:18:25Speaker 03

  Paul, come over to the house and see the baby!

• 1:18:27Speaker 05

  Come over to the house. What do you want to see a baby? Get a little cuddle? Sure! And then I forced him into a confession.

• 1:18:33Speaker 03

  And you've brought the confession with you, haven't you?

• 1:18:35Speaker 05

  I did bring the confession with me.

• 1:18:36Speaker 03

  We can play the confession to the Royal Albert Hall.

• 1:18:38Speaker 05

  Good. And rightly so.

• 1:18:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. Shall we ever watch?

• 1:18:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:44Speaker 05

  Hi, everyone.

• 1:18:46Speaker 04

  I feel like I should probably

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  explain more of what we're making this video. I'm over at Ashen's house right now. And she's not pleased with me.

• 1:18:56Speaker 05

  No. I just feel like you threw me under the bus and off my new podcast.

• 1:19:01Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:19:01Speaker 05

  Because I went on there and I told my truth, which is that I know that you don't like condiments. And that created a whole thing. And then they invited you on loud show. And when you were on there, I feel like you underplayed it. Like you're like, what? Is that a damn do I? I suppose I like some of them.

• 1:19:18Speaker 04

  If I remember correctly, and I, by the way, there's a good chance I don't remember correctly because, let's face it.

• 1:19:23Speaker 05

  You drink it.

• 1:19:24Speaker 04

  I was plastered.

• 1:19:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:19:26Speaker 04

  I think I said something about barbecue sauce, which I, I could handle. Um, because I do like barbecue. But you were right. And I apologize.

• 1:19:35Speaker 05

  Would you eat that?

• 1:19:36Speaker 04

  No, I don't want to touch it.

• 1:19:37Speaker 05

  Would you eat this? It's a relish.

• 1:19:39Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 1:19:40Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:19:41Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:19:41Speaker 05

  No. Would you eat this? Mayonnaise?

• 1:19:43Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  Even the vegan one?

• 1:19:44Speaker 04

  The fact that there's two different kinds of mayonnaise makes me hate them twice as much.

• 1:19:48Speaker 05

  Would you eat this? Look at it?

• 1:19:49Speaker 04

  I wouldn't even, I don't want to look at it.

• 1:19:50Speaker 05

  What about a mustard pole? You see? You don't like condiments!

• 1:19:54Speaker 04

  I don't like any of those. I'm sorry. I didn't even throw you under the bus.

• 1:20:01Speaker 05

  So, Ed Gamble and James Acaster, please just right the wrong, this will run against my name. Please, for the sake of the child. I forgot that was in it.

• 1:20:13Speaker 04

  I forgot the baby was in it!

• 1:20:15Speaker 03

  Amazing.

• 1:20:18Speaker 03

  Perfect.

• 1:20:19Speaker 05

  Good.

• 1:20:20Speaker 04

  Appreciate that a lot. So what's your final verdict of Josh Woodickham's menu?

• 1:20:25Speaker 05

  I think that I, we should be nicer to Josh. And I think that menu is a cry for help.

• 1:20:34Speaker 03

  When you say we should be nicer to Josh, do you think it's a bit late, bearing in mind every time we put a picture of him up? You, you said he looked like a pony.

• 1:20:40Speaker 05

  You said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:43Speaker 05

  I mean, you said, find the worst photo. I called him a tiny pony.

• 1:20:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:20:46Speaker 05

  I'll take it back. Sure. Yep. Uh, I think he, he, we should all love him for the beautiful man that he is. He's got hair like Fuzely, or as you would call it, Lauren, pasta.

• 1:20:59Speaker 05

  Beautiful gentleman, great friend, good man, lover of tea. And yeah, I think his menu says that he craves safety in many ways, actually, you know?

• 1:21:11Speaker 04

  Comfort.

• 1:21:12Speaker 05

  Comfort, don't you think?

• 1:21:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:15Speaker 05

  Oh, there he is, Josh!

• 1:21:18Speaker 05

  He was here the whole time!

• 1:21:20Speaker 03

  Imagine if we'd sorted out for Josh to be just lowered from the ceiling.

• 1:21:23Speaker 05

  With a birthday cake.

• 1:21:26Speaker 03

  Stop talking about the birthday cake.

• 1:21:28Speaker 05

  I know, I ruin my own surprises, I do to myself.

• 1:21:32Speaker 04

  It'd be great if we had sorted that out and then we forgot, and then at the end of our residency, on the fourth night, he just drops down dead.

• 1:21:43Speaker 03

  Skeleton.

• 1:21:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:45Speaker 03

  Been up there for so long, still got his full head of hair.

• 1:21:50Speaker 05

  Paddington comes along.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Domino.

• 1:21:58Speaker 04

  Oh, that'd be great, Paddington said Domino.

• 1:22:02Speaker 04

  Well, thank you so much, Ashlyn, for coming on and eating Josh's dream meal.

• 1:22:06Speaker 05

  Mmm, let me wipe the Franco Manka number five off my lips. This is how deep it... See, you're doing what the editor did to Emily Blunt in the Alien film. You're leaving me hanging, I was just committing to the bit.

• 1:22:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:19Speaker 04

  Sorry, I just remembered, when you were doing that, I just remembered again when you said the buttery balls going down.

• 1:22:28Speaker 05

  You incels are all the same.

• 1:22:33Speaker 05

  Do you see, when this podcast started, they barely even got a photograph. And now it's all film and everything, and people can see us, but it used to be there'd be some nuance in just the spoken word alone, James, but no more. It's all tits and teeth with you guys.

• 1:22:48Speaker 04

  I'm on your side.

• 1:22:48Speaker 05

  Look at me, I'm having to wear the merch and everything, bloody hell, which is nice, actually, because I do call my boobs Gamble and Acasters, so...

• 1:22:56Speaker 05

  Together they are, tits come on!

• 1:23:01Speaker 05

  You said sell the merch! Just trying to be a good friend.

• 1:23:05Speaker 04

  You said sell the merch.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  You said sell the merch, tits come on!

• 1:23:08Speaker 05

  Push the merch!

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  Happy birthday to you.

• 1:23:15Speaker 05

  What a surprise!

• 1:23:17Speaker 03

  Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

• 1:23:26Speaker 05

  Where's my candles?

• 1:23:28Speaker 03

  Happy birthday to you.

• 1:23:35Speaker 05

  Thanks guys.

• 1:23:37Speaker 03

  I'd imagine, Aisling, we couldn't clear candles with the health and safety. And I'll be honest, whenever I see Colin the Caterpillar with candles, it looks like a beast from hell. Eat the face. Eat the face. Eat the face. Eat the face.

• 1:23:53Speaker 05

  You people are mean.

• 1:23:54Speaker 03

  Eat the face.

• 1:23:55Speaker 05

  You people are cruel. Oh no, why are you eating my face?

• 1:24:01Speaker 05

  Oh my god, no one's ever put a microphone up to his face while he's been eaten.

• 1:24:08Speaker 05

  I'm so sorry.

• 1:24:12Speaker 03

  Oh, you're leaving the eyes so he can see everything until the last minute.

• 1:24:16Speaker 05

  Look, you were famous once, Colin. Oh, thanks guys, that was such a shock.

• 1:24:22Speaker 04

  He's crying as a single tear, where he can see it, he was just going, "Thank you for everything, ma." I think it was being eaten.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  And Aisling, thank you for everything, ma, you've been absolutely fantastic. Aisling B, everybody!

• 1:24:37Speaker 05

  James and Ed, everybody. Can I just say, these two boys, I always believed in them, I knew they was gonna go far. No one else did, everyone to their face and behind their backs, like, those are a piece of shit. No one likes them in the comedy circuit, you'll never do anything, no one listened, but look at them now.

• 1:24:57Speaker 03

  What's more for Aisling B?

• 1:24:59Speaker 04

  Aisling B, everyone.

• 1:25:00Speaker 03

  Thank you so much, everyone, you're a brilliant audience, thank you. We'll see you in the next year, nice if you're coming tomorrow, but thank you very much, bye bye!

• 1:25:15Speaker 03

  There we go, everybody.

• 1:25:17Speaker 04

  There we go. That was Ashen B at the Royal Albert Hall.

• 1:25:19Speaker 03

  Pretty good.

• 1:25:19Speaker 04

  Talking to us. Immediately afterwards, her partner came into the dressing room, opened the fridge and a bottle of wine fell out the fridge and smashed

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:25:26Speaker 04

  on the floor. It was brilliant.

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  It was good.

• 1:25:29Speaker 04

  First night at the Royal Albert Hall, bottle of white wine.

• 1:25:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:32Speaker 04

  Absolutely KO'd.

• 1:25:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:33Speaker 04

  And then they had to sweep it up. It was carpet as well, so it was like bits of glass in the carpet. All that. It was brilliant. He felt really bad.

• 1:25:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, let me tell you, I've seen-

• 1:25:41Speaker 04

  He didn't need to.

• 1:25:42Speaker 03

  I've seen him a couple of times since then and he's still apologising.

• 1:25:44Speaker 04

  He's still absolutely mortified.

• 1:25:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:46Speaker 04

  So we're bringing it up now.

• 1:25:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:49Speaker 04

  To make him feel better.

• 1:25:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:51Speaker 04

  But he's a great guy.

• 1:25:52Speaker 03

  Great guy.

• 1:25:53Speaker 04

  So he didn't feel bad. And I'll tell you who else doesn't need to feel bad is Ashen B for-

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Great episode.

• 1:25:59Speaker 04

  -being so fantastic.

• 1:26:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:26:00Speaker 04

  Once again, fantastic guest. And it was our first show at the Royal Albert Hall of Sex, so there's more of these to come.

• 1:26:06Speaker 03

  Crazy.

• 1:26:07Speaker 04

  Absolutely crazy. It really is. It's disgraceful, but, um- You know.

• 1:26:17Speaker 04

  We've got some bonus episodes out of it.

• 1:26:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, and there'll be more just around the corner. Bye bye.

• 1:26:21Speaker 04

  Bye bye.