Phil Wang (Tasting Menu)

Fan favourite from the very first series of Off Menu, Phil Wang returns to the Dream Restaurant for a Tasting Menu booking. We hope he likes buttery cabbage. Phil Wang is on tour with his new show ‘Uh Oh’. For dates and tickets go to philwang.co.uk https://www.philwang.co.uk/ Follow Phil on Instagram @wangpix https://www.instagram.com/wangpix/ Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 14 May. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the off-menu tasting menu.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  La di da.

• 0:18Speaker 00

  A new concept from the off-menu industries.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Our minds are an endless well of ideas.

• 0:24Speaker 00

  Yes, this is our second one.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  In six years.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  This is basically our way of getting in some great guests that we've had in the past.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 0:35Speaker 00

  Fan favourites. We always worried we put too solid a line under guests and said, "You've done it once, you're not coming back in."

• 0:43Speaker 01

  So many podcasts.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  Oh, third idea, redemption dinner party.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  We did a redemption dinner party. So just so you know, we've had three ideas.

• 0:50Speaker 00

  Yes, in six years.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  And one of them was during Covid, just doing it on streaming, the redemption dinner party.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  Then we did it sort of live for Christmas.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  We kind of did it live, yeah. But now this is the third idea.

• 1:00Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Is that we get a menu, a dream menu, from one of the guests that we've had on before, and we present it to a different guest who we've had on before.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  As a tasting menu.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  And get their thoughts on it and whether they'd like it.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  And, you know, you know us, it'll spin off into some wacky chats.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  We probably won't stay on topic. We go all over the place in crazy ways. It's like we're on drugs.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, bad ones. Well, our guest this week in the tasting menu restaurant, the dream restaurant.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Dream restaurant.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  Is the wonderful Phil Wang. Phil Wang. You all know Phil Wang. Do we even need to introduce Phil Wang as a concept to people?

• 1:42Speaker 01

  No, everyone knows he's a fantastic comedian. He's an actor as well.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  He's been doing some great acting and stuff.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  Since we had him on the podcast, which was the first series.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  He's been in Wonka.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  Wonka.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  He did a dance in Wonka.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  That's that, that's like, obviously, I would, you know, that's my, that's my guy.

• 2:01Speaker 00

  Three Body Problem?

• 2:03Speaker 01

  There's one in that.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  I haven't watched it yet.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  He's in it very, you know, he's got one scene in it, but it's a very good scene.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  I'd love to see that. It's been, he's worked on, worked with Amy Schumer and Amy Schumer sketches and.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Look, the guy's doing well. What can I say? But we've managed to get him back into the Dream Restaurant for a tasting menu.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Yes. So we're going to present him the tasting menu of Jay Rayner.

• 2:24Speaker 00

  Jay Rayner, notorious and brilliant food critic Jay Rayner.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  Who also came on very early in the life of the podcast.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  He did. We interviewed him in a room that I don't think we've recorded in before since. It was like some.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  We went to him.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Place. We went to him and, you know.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Was it, is it publishers? Yeah, I think it was at his publishers offices.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, because he had a book coming out.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:44Speaker 01

  And, look, we're thinking like, who do we pair with Phil? Like, whose meals should we give him?

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  And we started thinking like comedians that are friends with Phil and like, we can throw their meals at him and he can like, you have fun picking them apart or getting annoyed that, oh no, I've been given this.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  But actually, we're like, he's a sophisticated guy.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  He is.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Phil, you, you know, we're going to get more out of him. We're going to learn more about Phil Wang by presenting him with a food critic's menu.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  Yes, absolutely.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  So like, I, I think we've made the right decision.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  I believe so. Um, I mean, I think we should just get stuck into it. No, there's no secret ingredients on this?

• 3:19Speaker 01

  No, we're not going to kick him out. Uh, it was hairy crackling when we had Jay Rayner on, but it's not, you know, if Wang says, by the way.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Could I sprinkle some hairy crackling on that?

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, go, yeah, fine, fine.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  I mean, maybe if he does do that.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'd be so good. Then we should cook him out.

• 3:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Phil is also on tour with his new show, Uh Oh, and you can go to philwang.co.uk for tickets.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  I saw some stuff from it recently. It's brilliant. You're going to love it. He's amazing.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  Uh oh.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  But this is the off-menu tasting menu of Phil Wang.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  Welcome back Phil Wang to the Dream Restaurant.

• 4:01Speaker 02

  All my days, it's so nice to be back. It's been six years.

• 4:06Speaker 00

  That's mad.

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Has it actually?

• 4:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, where did that voice come from?

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Sorry, I can't remember if, because we write this as the second.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  Put an echo on this.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  The second tasted, I'm still in the lamp?

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Welcome back, how you doing buddy?

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I thought I recognised that voice, yeah. It's good man, good to see you James. I was just saying that.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  My heel just kicked the lowering mechanism on this chair. It actually made the sound of the genie.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Phil's got back into the lamp. We swapped places.

• 4:39Speaker 00

  Oh, that'd be a cheap trick on a genie, wouldn't it?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Rub him to get him out the lamp and then sneak in there when he's not looking.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Sneak in there, bad luck.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a hermit crab, just eating his shell. Yeah, last time I was here, there was no office, there was no cameras.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  There was, it was no mics. We were just shouting off from a roof. And wow, this is, yeah, I mean, this is amazing.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  It's pretty fancy. Look, look how far young Benito has come.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Incredible.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a man now, he's a man.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  He's built an empire, Tony Soprano of podcasts.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  That was, that was the first series I think you did, maybe even like.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Episode like 16 or 12 or something.

• 5:18Speaker 00

  Earlier.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  Thirteen.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  Episode thirteen, unlucky for some, lucky for us.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Lucky for us because we got Phil Wang.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Well, lucky in Chinese numbers.

• 5:27Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 5:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, one and three is like life basically, because three sounds like life.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  Whereas four sounds like death, so four is the.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Four is a bad word.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Four is a bad word.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  So one and three together, so lucky, double lucky.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  One life.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  One life.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  One life. Do you, do you subscribe to that?

• 5:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it probably is just one life.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  When I was a very round 10 year old boy, I had bought a black Nike vest that I wore all the time because I thought it made me look tough. And, and I worked to a non-uniform day at my school in Borneo once, and I'm a massive guy, you know, guy, boy. And I had a one, I took it as an opportunity to look really cool for non-uniform day.

• 6:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  And I had on my left hand a fingerless leather glove.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  I had the small sunglasses from The Matrix.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  I had shorts because it's hot.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  A t-shirt and then this Nike sort of fleece vest.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Fleece?

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember that was a fleece vest. And on the back it said, one life, live it.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 02

  I was so excited about debuting my true self.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  The one life, live it guy.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  The one life, live it.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  So one life is something I've always lived by.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Did it go well? Do you remember the reception for the?

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Um, the, I arrived at school and the first kid that saw me had to collapse to his knees from laughing so much.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  He just thrust his finger out at me and collapsed to his knees.

• 7:05Speaker 00

  Oh, my God. Poor little Phil.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  He remembers that still.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  He's still laughing.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course. He's still laughing. He's still on his knees at the school.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Grows up.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  And just sweeping up around him and stuff.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Gets into watching Taskmaster as an adult.

• 7:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  Episode one sees a series seven, he's on his knees again.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. He's just recovering. He's finally stopping and laughing and it turns on season seven.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  This guy.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  They could have won it if it got that show.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Oh, speaking of Borneo and one life, James, it was your birthday recently.

• 7:41Speaker 01

  It was.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  I brought you a late gift.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Look, it's in a.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  It's a little bag.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Pop a little bag. Thank you, Phil.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  A couple of bottles.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  And look, the, the gold paper coming out the top looks like a genie exploding out the lap.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Thank you for that. Very thoughtful.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  My girlfriend's touch.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Have a look here. Oh, there's some Sabasco.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Sabasco. It's a hot sauce.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Chili sauce from Borneo, where I'm from. My, my home state is called Sabah.

• 8:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  And they, there's a, there's a chili there that only grows in Borneo called, I think, the Kunak chili. And it's a taste of my childhood. And they started bottling it, mass, mass producing it. And they called it Sabasco.

• 8:17Speaker 00

  That's cool.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  And then recently they had to change because obviously.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was gonna say, they've.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  They, they.

• 8:22Speaker 00

  Because it sounds like Sarah Pasca.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Big ask, go, call wind of it.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  She's so litigious, we know that.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Oh, I love this.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Ed, I brought you a bottle as well. There's no, no bow, because it's not your birthday.

• 8:34Speaker 00

  No, no, fair enough.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got the bow.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  Thank you so much.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  I'm gonna try it. It's, it's very unique for a chili sauce.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  I'll try some right now.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  It's quite fruity.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Trying to sauce.

• 8:42Speaker 00

  How spicy is it? Are you punking me?

• 8:43Speaker 02

  It's pretty spicy. It's pretty spicy. Yeah, the, James, the yellow bottle is like a sweet version.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, because you know me.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course. It's the ice cream of chili sauce.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, I'll try the same one that Ed's trying.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  I'm gonna try. Now, we've been punked before by Lad Bible, so.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Oh, no, this is none of that hot wings kind of thingy. I don't think, I don't think this is that bad. It's, it's very fragrant, very floral for you.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Is there a spoon for me?

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  No, just, I put it there for you.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Oh, thank you. Sorry, it was under my mic arm. I couldn't see it.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Mmm, Ed.

• 9:11Speaker 00

  You definitely got a kick to it, but you, there's still loads of flavour in it.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Will you say it's unique?

• 9:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  I would say it's unique. That's a Bonyo chili.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Smoky and fruity.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  I like that a lot. I'd say more than a kick.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  No, I've Lad Bible. I'm such a lad.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  I've been Wang Bible.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I'm so sorry about being a lad.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  The Wang Bible.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Thank you. That's so nice of you. Thank you.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  That's really nice. Yeah, I like that a lot.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Any, like, an Asian dish, a little stir fry with some rice, whatever, anything with rice. Put a little on the side and just a little dip, a little dance.

• 9:40Speaker 00

  I'm putting that bad boy on eggs.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'd be good on eggs. That spreads across the tongue at quite a nice pace.

• 9:49Speaker 00

  Now, we should probably tell you what this new format is.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, we've got a new format. It's not, it's not us eating hot sauce.

• 9:55Speaker 00

  No, it's low. It is nice to have an excuse just to get friends back in and fan favourites.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's you. You're both, buddy.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Which one am I? Oh, nice.

• 10:03Speaker 00

  You're both.

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:04Speaker 00

  You're the twofer. And this is the off-menu tasting menu.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  That's so good.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Where we take a previous guest's dream meal.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  That's not you.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:15Speaker 00

  And this is what you're getting in the dream restaurant today.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Great. I have no choice. This is the Omikase.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  This is the Omikase.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  And you can just be honest about how you feel about it and, you know, you don't have to. You can just be honest about how you feel about the menu, because, you know, we're bringing it out here. It's a tasting menu.

• 10:30Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Great. Well, I'm very open-minded.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Who do you think we might have chosen for you? What guest?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  I was thinking, because, you know, what I said, I guess the most controversial thing I said on my episode was that I'm not really a bread guy.

• 10:42Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  I don't love bread. And so I thought, they're going to pelt me with bread. They're gonna, this is gonna be such a bread-y menu. And then who I thought, who do I know that likes bread? I thought Fern, Fern, Fern loves a loaf.

• 10:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Fern loves a loaf. And I thought maybe you'd get Fern's menu up for me.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  You were trying to guess who it was based on the idea, the preconception that we would want you to have a horrible time.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Yes, we're naughty boys.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  We're not gonna lad Bible, are we?

• 11:12Speaker 00

  No.

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sorry. My lad brain was going over time.

• 11:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  You can reveal, it's that piece of paper nearest you there that we've put.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  It says guest.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Oh, I see. I gotcha.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  So this is who's menu you'll be eating this evening, sir.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  I'm reading this now.

• 11:29Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Okay. Tonight I'll be eating the menu of Jay Rayner.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Jay Rayner, legendary food critic Jay Rayner.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  I think I've done very well here, to be honest.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  I think you might have done.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, not everyone would say that, because some people might be like, oh, fucking food critic.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  But we were thinking Wang would probably be quite excited to get a Jay Rayner meal.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  I'm a big fan of Jay Rayner. I've got Rayner mania.

• 11:54Speaker 01

  Have you got Rayner mania?

• 11:56Speaker 02

  I like, I've read one of his books. I think his reviews are very good. I think he, I think he very adroitly balances himself between the domains of high taste and, and no pretension.

• 12:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  He's got good taste, but he doesn't have much time for pretension. I think that makes the ideal food critic.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  There you go. We've actually done really well here.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, big time.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  I can't wait. Although he does love bread.

• 12:23Speaker 00

  He does love bread.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  So, so it's, um.

• 12:26Speaker 00

  I, look.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  This is your fear coming into this.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, already. I'm trying to think, how have they, how have they lad babbled me? How have the boys lad babbled me?

• 12:34Speaker 00

  In the intervening six years between the last time you were in the dream restaurant, we've shared a lot of meals together.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  Yes, we have.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  And I, I think there must have been bread at those. I don't remember you sort of knocking a basket out of some poor waiter's hand.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Swerving it.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  But those were very nice breads.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Those are very, very high quality breads. A lot of time they were baked on site.

• 12:54Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 12:55Speaker 02

  I mean, and when they come, when they turn up warm and there's like, there's butter, there's butter. I'm talking about like you're gonna butter on bread as well.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  But when it turns out warm and there's love in their eyes, that's beautiful. But I'm not like, I don't, I don't default to bread all the time. And I don't try not to eat bread at the start of a meal because it just kind of takes up value, valuable space. I have very much the mind of like, an Asian guy at a buffet is like, you need to be piling on as much value protein onto the plate and bread is taking up.

• 13:28Speaker 00

  Turns out, I'm an Asian guy at a buffet.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  I always say this.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I always say this about you.

• 13:35Speaker 00

  I'm an Asian guy at a buffet. So is my wife. My wife's an Asian guy at a buffet.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Your wife is the biggest Asian guy I've ever met.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:43Speaker 00

  No, we went to Vegas and went to like some big buffets, like the big expensive buffets.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Awesome.

• 13:49Speaker 00

  And our catchphrase when we were going up to the buffet every time was be Asian.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  I'm Asian. That was the catchphrase on their way there.

• 13:57Speaker 00

  Hello, we'd say to everyone, I'm Asian.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  And they say right this way.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  That's your catchphrase, I suppose.

• 14:05Speaker 02

  No, it's a casino.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  We would shout, I'd say near the tops of our voices, quite drunk, high quality protein.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  High quality protein.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  High quality proteins. It's like a battle cry.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, high value.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  High value.

• 14:20Speaker 02

  High value, that's important thing.

• 14:22Speaker 00

  Does quality equal value?

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Not always.

• 14:24Speaker 00

  No.

• 14:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, not, not always. Sometimes things are expensive, worth a lot, not really worth that much. I mean, lobster was fed to prisoners in Maine. There was a protest in Maine prisons because they can't keep feeding us these bugs. Then it became fancy food and then became expensive.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  And they don't get it in prison anymore, I guess.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  No, now they're protesting, let us see some goddamn lobster.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, he said the lobster. We take it back. We take it back.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  It's all about perception.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Did they give the prisoners like the bib and the little lobster fork?

• 14:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, the little crunching pliers thing.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  They got the butter.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Cartoon lobster on the bib.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Can you stop feeding us these bugs?

• 15:07Speaker 00

  But the cartoon lobster on the bib is in handcuffs, around the claws.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  Looking sad.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  They caught me.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Do you think they fed the prisoners lobsters that had done crimes?

• 15:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  They pinch things.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  It was there. It's not good, but it's there.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  It was right there. It was good.

• 15:28Speaker 00

  That's all you can hope for as a comedian.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  That it just works on a technical level.

• 15:32Speaker 00

  It's quick and it's there.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  It's quick and it's there.

• 15:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed that pitch.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  That was actually the slogan for lobster.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  On the shores of Maine. It was quick and it's there.

• 15:41Speaker 00

  It's quick and it's there. What is your, so what is your buffet technique? So first plate at a buffet.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 15:47Speaker 00

  Say this is like a fancy buffet.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Oh, like at a Singaporean hotel.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  I would, well, avoid the, avoid the starches.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  I do find it hard to avoid any rice noodles, but seafood. So you want, you want your prawns, you want lobster, crab. Good Japanese area.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  High value, not very filling.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  That's the Japanese way.

• 16:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  Sashimi.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  Uh, uh, uh, Mackies, um, tuna, um, miso soup.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  Not filling. Not, but miso soup's not particularly available, but, and then you get into your red meats.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  That's very high value, very expensive. So a bit of steak, a bit of, uh, um, a burger.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Bit burger.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  And then the silver, then you start on the silverware. Cause there's the real deal.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  You gotta start filling up on the silverware. We're talking teaspoons. We're talking little forks. We're talking the little, the little snail forks. Those tiny little snail.

• 16:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta get as many of those as possible.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  You can pack in fucking loads of those into a pocket.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  Then you're in prison.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Then you're in prison. And you're being fed lobster.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  At least you got the cut before it.

• 17:10Speaker 02

  I don't go to, I don't go to buffets not much anymore. Are there fancy buffets here? I feel like.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  Not as fancy as that, I think. The fanciest ones I've been to, like in Vegas or.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  It's like Vegas, Dubai, Singapore.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  Went to a couple, yeah.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Though I, I have very fond memories of going to the, the all you can eat buffet in Kettering when I was growing up. I always used to look forward to, I've shouted out Lee Gardens on the podcast before. But I'd be excited every single time we're going to Lee Gardens.

• 17:36Speaker 02

  A Chinese buffet?

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  It can go either way.

• 17:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, but it was one of the only places.

• 17:41Speaker 00

  Sounds like a guy from Kettering who runs a gardening company.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  Actually, shout out to him as well.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  I don't want him to think I've forgotten about him. Lee Gardens, you keep on doing your thing, brother. We all appreciate your work. But I'm talking about the all you can eat buffet right now.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, delicious. And I just get, because nowhere else did that near us.

• 18:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  So like going there for like, you know, it's like one of our birthdays.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Oh, amazing.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Going crazy.

• 18:06Speaker 00

  But that's like Chinese buffets, all you can eat Chinese buffets are where people really fuck up with the starches, I think.

• 18:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:12Speaker 00

  They're going straight in with a pile of noodles and rice.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  And that's it. They're not going back.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the smart thing. The Chinese make an event out of the starches.

• 18:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  And people think, oh, I'm getting value here.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  You're not.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no.

• 18:24Speaker 00

  If you pay like a tenner or you can eat, and then you've eaten less than, way less than a tenner's worth, and you can't fit any more in.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  You've got to go with proteins. Avoid the chicken balls is mostly better.

• 18:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Mostly better. That's how they're getting you there.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 02

  You need to be able to see the meat.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  You need to see the meat. Crab, crab legs, crab claws, all that kind of thing.

• 18:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  You have to see them all.

• 18:42Speaker 02

  Silverware.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. Chopsticks, every chopstick you can grab.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  We'll do water and popoms or bread together.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  He's quite brief on them.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  We're talking sparkling water and popadoms.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Now, you've got to be happy with that.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  You were all scared about bread. I mean, look, please take this well. I've never had a guest get in their head so much about the bread before we've even started. You were panicking so much.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  He kept it like, no, no bread on this, is that guys?

• 19:14Speaker 00

  I was like, he's so scared there's gonna be bread here. And we know there's poppadoms.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I'm happy about the poppadoms. Again, not filling up too much at all there.

• 19:21Speaker 00

  No.

• 19:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. Throw on some relishes. Did he pick out any relishes?

• 19:24Speaker 00

  Well, I'm guessing you're having whatever you want on those poppadoms, Phil.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  Oh, great. Nutella.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like, I like that onion salad that comes with that.

• 19:34Speaker 00

  So do I.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  I love it. I never used to like it. I'd be like, why am I eating that? Raw onion? Are you kidding me?

• 19:40Speaker 02

  I started off as a mango chutney guy.

• 19:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  And then you realise, you're eating dessert.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  You need to start with some salad, a little onion, something zesty, a little lime. I guess the only problem with poppadoms is I've never had it with a non-Indian meal. So this is potentially incoherent start to a meal unless the rest is Indian.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  Does coherence worry you meal-wise?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  It does, yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I think if a meal isn't sort of thematically or culturally tied together, I feel a bit odd. All rules are out the window at a buffet.

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 20:15Speaker 02

  At a buffet, I'll have sushi.

• 20:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  Next to a lasagna. And I'll be like, I'm getting my money's worth.

• 20:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Take the rice out of sushi.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:25Speaker 02

  Don't know if you're loading up on that, but.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  Did you change what hat you're wearing for each, each dish?

• 20:32Speaker 02

  A little hat?

• 20:32Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, like a hat that represents the country. Because we all know you're wearing a hat when you go into the buffet. But will you change that hat?

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have to bring that.

• 20:39Speaker 00

  Just to make you feel like thematically, you're still kind of like, you're connected to everything in some way.

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:44Speaker 00

  So it's not that random. And maybe what you're listening on your headphones, you change that as well?

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have a playlist.

• 20:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Buffet, it says buffet, buffet 25, because it's the new year now.

• 20:57Speaker 00

  So you're tucking into a lasagna?

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:59Speaker 00

  What hat are you wearing?

• 21:00Speaker 02

  What do they have? It's not, no, Beret is French, isn't it? There's like an Italian one, isn't there? What's the, what's the guy wearing on those pizza boxes you get in London?

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Chef's hat?

• 21:10Speaker 02

  Chef's, oh, either white, the white kind of chef's hat.

• 21:13Speaker 00

  Wear a big poofy white chef's hat?

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Um, the gondola driver guys have a little beret.

• 21:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, but then if you go with the beret for Italy, Phil, think it through. Cause later on, there's gonna be, there's gonna be a French, a French dish.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I've already got the hat.

• 21:28Speaker 01

  What are you doing? You can't just go back and put the same beret on.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  A smaller beret, right?

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, just gonna need to squish it.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  When I, when I.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  Oh, you're gonna use the same beret?

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, just squish it up.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  Squish the Italian one, yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Squish it up.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Well, there are certain ways of wearing berets in different regions that are like, that means you're from there.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  And you wear it differently, it means you're from a different place. I got shown it when I was in San Sebastian with Joe Lycett for Travelman.

• 21:49Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  And we got to try some berets on and the guy was telling us like, if you wear it like this, you're from San Sebastian. If you wear it from this, you're from Bilbao. And he was like, doing it all differently. So it must be, the gondola guys must have their own way.

• 22:01Speaker 00

  But that's in Italy. So you're talking about Spain now.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Yes, I'm talking about Spain just now.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. So that, so you need a different.

• 22:06Speaker 02

  They have, they have berets too.

• 22:07Speaker 00

  You need a different beret for Spain.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  Well, I've got a lot of cuisines covered by one hat, it sounds like.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  As long as you know where to put the hat each time, you've got to move it.

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Otherwise someone will come up to you and go, what are you doing?

• 22:17Speaker 00

  Chinese food, are you gonna wear the hat or are you just gonna be like?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Oh, Chinese food, yeah, I can have either that sort of tight cap.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Then I'm just pulling the beret down a bit, aren't I? I'm just taking it.

• 22:29Speaker 00

  Is that gonna look like?

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 22:33Speaker 00

  I don't know why you refuse to take more than one hat to the buffet.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Well, I'm just trying to think how much, it just feels unwieldy when we're putting all these hats.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  I think if you've got one and you keep just moving it around, it's gonna feel like some like Edinburgh one man show thing. Do you know what I mean? Where they just use as little props as possible and everyone goes, oh, it's amazing what they did just with that beret.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Completely transforms between starter and mains.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Or you're gonna look like you got knits.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, people are gonna think you got knits at the buffet.

• 22:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, that's not good.

• 23:01Speaker 00

  Like.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Okay, well, the beret covers a lot. Other, uh, yeah, other hats, the sombrero, that's gonna take up a lot of space. I could probably fit in some of the hats into the sombrero.

• 23:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  The beret could go into the sombrero.

• 23:14Speaker 00

  And then there's often a string on the sombrero, isn't there? So you can carry that in. So it's like a hat bag. It's a hat bag, it's a hat.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then when on the way out, that's why I put all the cutlery.

• 23:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 23:24Speaker 00

  In the brim, you put the sombrero on, just line all the forks and knives around the sombrero and then go, adios.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  We've been walking out so carefully.

• 23:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Really slowly, one step at a time.

• 23:36Speaker 00

  Sorry, I'm very fast.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  Turning your neck really slowly to look at the provider as you go out.

• 23:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:40Speaker 01

  Thank you, my good man.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  Gently jangly.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Yeah. Just putting your hand up, just wearing that fingerless glove.

• 23:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  See you later.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Everyone in the restaurant having to use their hands.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 02

  What happened to all the...

• 23:52Speaker 01

  The hell happened to the company? Where's that jangly man going?

• 23:58Speaker 00

  Well, hopefully this menu will be coherent for you.

• 24:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  From Papa Dom's book.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Look, I trust, I trust Big Jay.

• 24:04Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Your starter, this is Jay Rayner's starter, it's coming to your table now, we're putting it in front of you. Oysters.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Marvelous.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  From Rooney Fish, Castleford Lock, NI. What's NI?

• 24:18Speaker 00

  Northern Ireland, I'd imagine, James.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Not for eating. Not for eating. Is that what it means?

• 24:26Speaker 00

  Not for eating.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Oh, take them away, take them away again. Bad luck.

• 24:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, very funny from Phil there, but I don't want to get off track that you didn't know what NI stands for.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  I thought it was like an American, like, state or something.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  Michigan.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  Michigan, yeah. Where Nish is from.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Michigan, where everyone speaks in a loud, squawky voice.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  All the time.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  Detroit, Michigan.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. A blue state, I imagine.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  Castleford Lock is in Northern Ireland, so.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Oh, apologies. Apologies to everyone in Northern Ireland. I've exposed myself there. Ignorant.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  Well, these sound delicious, these Northern Irish... I love an oyster and actually Jay Rayner informed my oyster eating technique.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  It's in his book that he says there's all sorts of nonsense about not chewing an oyster, two chews, three chews. He says, "It's food, chew it. Chew, chew, chew until you've had enough chewing in as well." This is what he does, he peels away the nonsense, old Jay.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  He peels away the nonsense. Yeah, so I think about Jerry and every time I slurp down a Northern Irish.

• 25:33Speaker 00

  And what do you now like choo choo, do you choo choo choo choo choo?

• 25:36Speaker 02

  I choo choo, I choo choo choo. I've got two, three, four, maybe four, if there's a real good one.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Sometimes you get a bit scared, even I get scared.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 02

  Even fans of oysters get a bit scared sometimes. You're like, no, actually, maybe I'm not into this, actually. Every single time, there's a little moment, I'm like, oh, what am I doing? And then I swallow and I go.

• 25:53Speaker 00

  That was great. So good.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  So good, I take another, I'm like, fuck, what am I doing?

• 25:59Speaker 00

  They are scary. I love oysters, but every time I have them, I think, I've never had a bad one. That's done bad, bad business to me.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  No, that's right, yeah.

• 26:06Speaker 00

  One day, I'm sure, I'm sure it'll happen.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 00

  So when could it be? I'm spinning the roulette wheel every time I have oysters.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  The oyster farmers, fishers, fisherman, oyster men, they, they know from, they, they eat raw oysters straight off the boat. When they're fishing and they slurp it and they know straight away if it's a bad one.

• 26:24Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 26:24Speaker 02

  After they swallow it and they, um, they swallow a bit, bit of saltwater and they throw it up over the side and they keep going.

• 26:30Speaker 00

  So instantly puke?

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Instantly puke it out, yeah. They can just tell from the taste it's a bad one.

• 26:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. I went to the oyster farm in Wistable, filmed it for a little, uh, travel show. Uh, for a video game and the guy.

• 26:44Speaker 00

  Hold on a second. You might have to explain that film. A travel show for a video game? What are you talking about? An oyster farm. An oyster farm?

• 26:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  It sounds like you were filming a Marvel film and you've had to suddenly make up what you were doing.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:57Speaker 00

  What are you talking about?

• 26:58Speaker 02

  It was for a project called Metal Guy.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  Uh, it was for Total Ro- uh, Rome Total War, which is a video game, a real strategy game I've always been a big fan of. And they were re- remastering the original Rome Total War. And to coincide with it, they wanted to do like a funny travel around, uh, travel documentary about the Romans. But it was Covid, so you can go to Rome. So we did Roman Britain.

• 27:22Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  And for one episode about Roman British food and they ate loads of oysters.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  Did they?

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Roman, um, Romans sites, archaeological, archaeological sites are full of oyster shells. And their walls are full of oyster shells because they reused and put in their, that's the cement. And so we went down to the Wistable Oyster Company, which is the oldest company in company house in the UK. The Wistable Oyster Company is the oldest company in company's house that survived.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  I can't wait to tell that to John Robbins.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  He'll know that.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  He loves company's house so much. I can't, I can't wait to tell him that I know a detail. I go, he loves trivia.

• 28:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  So I can't wait to say to him, do you know what the oldest company in company's house is? And he'll go, no, what is it? And then at that point, I will have forgotten.

• 28:08Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  It would be far enough away from this.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  That I would have forgotten. The only bit I would have retained is that I want to tell John. And then I will realise that I don't know. And I'll say, Phil Wang. And that will be it.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  We've had oysters a lot together.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry.

• 28:24Speaker 00

  Quite recently.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  They grow and keep growing as well. Sorry, this has become always.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  They keep going.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. On the, on the, on the beach where the oyster farm is, there was an oyster that just dropped off under the racks years ago. And it was like the size of this table. It was massive.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Because no one, no one picked it up. It just fell off one of the racks and they went, ah, leave it there, fuck it.

• 28:39Speaker 00

  See what happens.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  I can't be bothered. We'll get it tomorrow. Every day we get it tomorrow. Eventually. How fucking big is that? Try and lift it up. It's impossible.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  I bet that oyster, you couldn't eat that though.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  No.

• 28:52Speaker 00

  I bet it's disgusting.

• 28:53Speaker 02

  It'd be horrible.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  It'd eat you. To chew or not to chew?

• 28:58Speaker 02

  And he goes.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. What am I doing?

• 29:01Speaker 00

  Picks you back up again.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. It's salt water. It's not a good one. Yeah. Phil just like naked, just slides across the floor.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  The guy who showed us around the, the oyster racks was a very experienced oyster fisherman. And he was, I was, he was trying to get me to shuck them, which I couldn't do because those oysters are so sharp and my soft, soft city hands were just breaking against the crust of these oysters. And he said, um, now you're a, you're a city, you're a city man. Luke pointed at my hands. And he, and he went, you know what we call those here? And I thought, oh God. And he just goes, lady.

• 29:44Speaker 02

  Well, that's not making the edit.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Lady hands.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. That'll teach us to go to Kent.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  You could have just said, take your breath, mate. Whatever you're about to say.

• 29:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're not gonna say nice, soft hands.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, with all those lovely hands. And you're very welcome here.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  Lady hands.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Lady hands, looks at the camera.

• 30:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've shucked oysters at home before, a couple of times.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  So hard.

• 30:14Speaker 02

  So hard. You have to go in the opposite way to the opposite end that you think.

• 30:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, you go in like the joint bit and then get it in there, twist to unlock it. Then get the knife in and try and cut all the muscle off the top. All while trying to not get shell into the shell.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  Forget it.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  And then, yeah, it's a nightmare. It makes me really angry when I've done it.

• 30:35Speaker 01

  I bet it does.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really stressed out.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Not worth it.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  And then the product at the end of it is like lasts 0.5 seconds.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, absolutely, yeah. And I've probably fucked it up. I've accidentally chopped it up into mince in the middle of the shell because I'm digging the knife around in there.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  I'd do that. I'd chop it all up. I'd get shell all in it.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  And from like two seconds in and it being hard, I'd think to myself, it's not even like marshmallows in here.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  It'd be worth it.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Not even doing this for a marshmallow.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  I'm doing it for something that I'm gonna get halfway through and go, what?

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna freak out while I'm eating it. If this was a lovely gooey marshmallow, this would be worth it.

• 31:11Speaker 00

  Do you remember when we went to Rick Stein's restaurant in Paddstow?

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:15Speaker 00

  My starter, yeah, my starter was four oysters, but it came with some spicy sausages.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 31:22Speaker 02

  Such a nice touch.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I didn't know this was a thing, but apparently it's quite a sort of French thing to do. You neck an oyster, have that, you know, what the fuck? And then take a bite of the spicy sausage straight afterwards. Or take a bite with an oyster in your mouth and it's perfect. It's so good.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Little sausage chaser.

• 31:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, sausage chaser.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Mix them in your mouth, haven't you? That's good.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  That's my favorite part of eating is when you eat two animals that would never have met.

• 31:48Speaker 00

  Fucking hell.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Isn't the best?

• 31:52Speaker 00

  The most wang thing you've ever said. Loads of people, we have Roshan Conity on the podcast once and she said she loves watching YouTube videos of animals that wouldn't normally hang out with each other. You know, who make friends in captivity and how sweet it is. I love eating them both and they never would have met.

• 32:06Speaker 02

  They wouldn't have. If you told an oyster about a pig, it would have lost its shit. You wouldn't know what you were talking about. I love that. You feel like God. You eat an oyster and you eat a bit of pig. They would never have met each other.

• 32:19Speaker 00

  You're in control of the whole world.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Having maple syrup on bacon, you're pouring a tree on a pig.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  You're pouring a tree on a pig. If you tried to tell this pig when it was alive, I'm gonna kill you and I'm gonna pour a tree on you.

• 32:34Speaker 02

  It feels so good. It feels amazing.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  You like about it.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Yeah. That is one of those sentences that's gonna change people's lives.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Pouring a tree on a pig.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Pouring a tree on a pig.

• 32:46Speaker 00

  Every time they put maple syrup on bacon, they'll think, I'm pouring a tree on a pig.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  Pouring a tree on a pig, look at me.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Damn right. Damn right. Every time you salt something, I'm crushing rocks onto, I don't know, a snail.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  It's awesome. It just, it just never gets old.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Snails probably matter a lot.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  It's, it's, it's, it's lives in a rock.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Poor guy.

• 33:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, poor guy.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  Would you ever say like, you know, for breakfast, would you say like to your partner or whoever, like, wanna go and pour a tree on a pig?

• 33:15Speaker 00

  Right, that sounds, say that to your partner. Sounds like you're up for some fun.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  I, you wouldn't wanna do that, so I'm maddened man here. Wouldn't wanna give us.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it's a, it's an awful way of suggesting it, isn't it? Wanna go and pour a tree on a pig? You gotta think, what's the tree and who's the pig?

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Which tree, which pig?

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, true.

• 33:35Speaker 00

  You sound like a socialite, like one of those old school socialites who has dinner parties and invites people from different walks of life.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  But in this case, you're eating the guests.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right. I'm, I'm doing, I'm doing a placing map, a seating map for, for animals, for dead animals to meet each other.

• 33:53Speaker 00

  You guys are really gonna get on.

• 33:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why I love a serpent. Cow, you have to meet lobster. I think you two would get on very well.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  If the cow was in prison, it'd meet a lobster.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  But it quickly does one bad cow.

• 34:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  You two are gonna have a riot together.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  Is that a prison joke? Is that a prison pun?

• 34:14Speaker 00

  No, it wasn't supposed to be actually. I was just enjoying, enjoying being one of those annoying hosts who has dinner parties. And sits people next to each other who don't know each other. You're like, fucking hell, mate, that's not why I'm here.

• 34:24Speaker 02

  When you have people over for dinner, do you, do you give them a seating plan? Do you tell them where to sit? Or just let them sit with people who they know?

• 34:30Speaker 00

  Probably haven't had anyone over for dinner for about three years.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  But I wouldn't do that.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  No.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  But also like the worst is obviously weddings. Where people go, we thought we'd just mix up all the friendship gooks. Like, why the, how long do you think, this wedding is one fucking day?

• 34:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  We're not, I don't need to get into those. I, I want to sit with my fucking mates and slag the wedding off together.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  And, and do, and, and like all, you know, have a sweepstake on the speeches, do fun shit.

• 34:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 01

  And now you're sat next to someone and now I've got to be on my best behaviour.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  Yeah. I wanna, I wanna sit at the table and everyone else there is a comedian and their partner.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 00

  And all I wanna do is talk about comedy while all of our partners look increasingly annoyed.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Surely you must hate that, you know, like sitting next to strangers at weddings?

• 35:17Speaker 02

  I, I, I like being sat next to someone I, I don't know.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 35:20Speaker 02

  I like meeting new people in my thirties. People will say, oh, making new friends in your thirties is hard. I find making new friends is easy. Keeping friends, that's hard.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  For me, that's hard.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  That's really hard.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  I make friends, I lose them. That's how, that's how my work, I've always worked.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Why do you think you lose them? What happens?

• 35:44Speaker 02

  I think it's because growing up, I moved around. So like, you know, and moved a lot, schools a lot. And I moved like, I went to boarding school in Borneo and then, and then moved here. And then I was only at school here for two years and went to university. So in my mind, I think my mind goes, oh, you have friends for two years.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:00Speaker 02

  And then you, and then you leave. Yeah, that was just my conditioning, I think.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  So they just are like, where's Phil? So they don't know, they don't know what's happened.

• 36:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  They're messaging you going, I thought we were supposed to meet up and you're going, check the calendar, mate.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  It's two years. I told you.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  Happy New Year, goodbye forever.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  I remember reading something once about a guy who had a thing, you know, a very rigid thing of like how long his relationships lasted, like romantic. So if he got in a relationship, it was, well, say 10 years and that was how long it was going. So every year, every relationship was the same amount of time to the point where he would say to partners, like, this is what it is with me. No matter how it's going, after 10 years, we're done.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  And I think at the beginning, a lot of them would think like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  And then it would get to 10 years on the day, you go, goodbye.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  And they'll be like, are you fucking kidding me?

• 36:52Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  How young did this guy start? 10 years is a long time.

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably, I probably shouldn't have chosen 10 years.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  Maybe three years.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 37:01Speaker 00

  All right, yeah, it's obviously not 10 years.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  Sorry, baby, this is just something I do.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  I've done it once.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  I'm now my 50s.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Every single person must think, I'm going to change his mind.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  We are so right for each other. This is a good relationship. They're approaching the three year mark, whatever it is, and they're going, there's no way we are, this is the best relationship I have ever been in. It is great.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  Did he just decide that or did his first relationship end after three years? Maybe the second one is a coincidence and he was like, I guess that's how it has to be.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Maybe, yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  And then it just became my conditioning.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like you with your, you go, well, I'm off to uni now.

• 37:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  So Phil, you're 45.

• 37:44Speaker 00

  Guess I'm moving.

• 37:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm moving again. Put your little bindle over your shoulder.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Go to the next town.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  With all your hats in it.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  All your hats in there, your cut, the way that you're stalling.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 38:07Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe. And Cozy's modular, customisable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful, cozy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 39:03Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs, you telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere. Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  And because it's Cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 39:46Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Visit Cozy today, that's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com and make yourself at home.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Your main course film?

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  That Jay Rayner has chose for you. Some spare ribs from Louis in Harrow.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. I don't know Louis in Harrow. What's so special about these spare ribs?

• 40:16Speaker 01

  I, I, I seem to remember Jay Rayner saying that he likes the ritual of like eating with something with your hands.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, fun.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  Getting stuck in.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Especially once I've been, you've got no choice.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Sure. Cause I've, I've got the silver.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  You've got the silverware.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  My hat, so. Yeah, I love ribs. One, I never understood what makes a rib a spare rib. What's a spare?

• 40:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, especially since those are the ribs you see the most.

• 40:40Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 40:40Speaker 00

  So they're not left over.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're, they're the full rib.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  If those are spare ribs, what are the spares like? What are the spares of the spares like? What are the spare ribs? What? Yeah. Do we know?

• 40:53Speaker 00

  No, I guess maybe traditionally.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  It's not just the ribs left over.

• 40:56Speaker 00

  When it was, when a pig was being butchered, maybe, maybe they were the cheapest bits that no one wanted. So they were the spare ribs.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  They were going spare.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  And then they were like, became the most desired bit and they're just still called spare ribs.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Why wouldn't you call them just ribs though? It's not like you butcher a pig and go, well, that's a spare anus. No one wanted it.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  No one wanted the anus.

• 41:16Speaker 00

  Just spare anus.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  It does make it more appealing.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  This is going begging.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  This anus is going begging now.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Do you remember that urban myth a few years back where the people were saying that calamari was a deep fried pig anus?

• 41:31Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  This was a thing I read.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  I'll be honest, no.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  I read a thing and it said, be careful, the calamari.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Be careful.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  It starts with be careful.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Hi guys, be careful.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  All the calamari out there, some of it might be a pig anus.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Some of it might be, not all of it.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  All of it. Some of it just to sort of, you know, beef up portions.

• 41:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  But you would love it. You'd be like, a squid and a pig would never meet. Shoveling it in. Yum, yum, yum.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Well, I thought surely a pig's anus is more expensive than a squid. There's the many rings of squid in a squid. There's only one anus on a pig.

• 42:08Speaker 00

  Not anyone.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  You think that's what that makes it more expensive? You think if someone's butchered a pig, they got all the like, all the choice cuts that people usually eat?

• 42:18Speaker 02

  So many chops, only one anus.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  They're like, I've only got one anus here. So you better, you better pony up some pretty big bucks for this.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Start the bidding at 50 pounds for the anus. You can take the chops, I don't give a shit about the chops. The thing's full of chops.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  There's anus.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  It's quite difficult for these chefs who are just like, I need a whole bowl of what looks like calamari. How am I going to get enough pig anuses for this?

• 42:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  Well, maybe just some of them will be pig's anuses.

• 42:45Speaker 00

  I love that it's only some of them. Like, why just, why not just give one less calamari? I don't think anyone's gonna notice.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  No.

• 42:51Speaker 00

  They're going, oh no, they're expecting seven calamari out of this. I can't start, I can't start a whole new squid.

• 42:57Speaker 02

  Well, they've printed the menu, the menu says seven calamari.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, as it always does, yeah.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. Seven exact calamaries. Don't look at one of them too hard.

• 43:05Speaker 02

  Is one calamari a calamaro? That makes me feel sick.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Cause you know, it's like with the Italian food, like the I is always the plural.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  So is one calamari a calamaro?

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Maybe it is a calamaro.

• 43:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, cause I guess ravioli, raviolo.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 43:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Spaghetti?

• 43:20Speaker 00

  Raviolo's like a big raviolo, yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Is that true?

• 43:24Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Raviolo's definitely true. I've not heard spaghetti before.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought spaghetti was just like.

• 43:29Speaker 00

  Spaghettios.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I thought, I think you're thinking of spaghettios, Phil. Like a tin of spaghetti hoops.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. Which, by the way, are sparrow anuses.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  They are. Little birdie anuses that they put in.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  It's just cheaper.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  In blood.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  It's just cheaper.

• 43:44Speaker 00

  Not all of them.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Not all of them, that'd be nuts. That'd be beyond the pale, but some of them are.

• 43:50Speaker 00

  I feel like I'd noticed if there was a pig anus in my calamari.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  I would have thought so, yeah.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Surely it would look different to the rest of them.

• 43:57Speaker 00

  None of us are saying we know what pig anuses look like.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  No, I, I'm not saying that.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  No, but calamari are like, you can see through the middle of it, right?

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:06Speaker 00

  Surely the pig anus.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  To act as an anus.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  It's very tight.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  Has to be quite puckered.

• 44:11Speaker 02

  Right, right, but, but sort of liberated from the sphincter. No, sphincter's the inside bin. Liberated from the anal muscles, does it loosen?

• 44:20Speaker 00

  Maybe that, maybe when it's heated.

• 44:22Speaker 02

  Ah, it expands.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  It expands.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Could expand.

• 44:25Speaker 00

  Maybe they give the, let the pigs sniff some poppers before they.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Sniff these.

• 44:32Speaker 00

  Kill it, kill it.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Even with a popper budget, it's still cheaper.

• 44:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  And then people get suspicious at that point, surely. Why are you wanting to sniff these pops? You're not gonna pour a tree on me, are you?

• 44:46Speaker 01

  I'll sniff it, but stay away from my anus.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  Ribs, yeah, I like, I like a rib.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  When someone says ribs, I assume they're gonna be spare ribs.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Well, that's always what they call the Chinese takeaway ribs, it's always called spare ribs.

• 45:03Speaker 00

  Spare ribs, yeah.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  But then a rack of ribs, it's never called a rack of spare ribs, that's just a rack of ribs.

• 45:07Speaker 00

  Yes, some places it is, I think, but that's, but they are the spare ribs, they're the long ones, right?

• 45:12Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 45:14Speaker 00

  Compared to baby back, baby back, baby back ribs.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  And what are baby back ribs?

• 45:18Speaker 00

  The smaller ones.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Oh, so the spare ones are the long ones at the end?

• 45:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so, yeah.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Okay, well, that might be it then. Yeah, I love, I love ribs, I love all the sauces that come with the ribs, the barbecue, the Sichuan. And any others?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  I was Phil making that noise with his mouth.

• 45:34Speaker 00

  I, I can't remember what Jade Raina wanted, but I guess they're more in the sort of American style of barbecue. Barbecue sauce, smothered ribs.

• 45:42Speaker 02

  I love, I love pulling meat off a bone, it makes me feel like God.

• 45:47Speaker 01

  That's the second time you said that.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  I just like.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  The second time you said it makes you feel like God.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Food that makes me feel like God, and this can only end one way.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  Sort of medieval, right? Pulling meat off a bone and eating it with your hands, you wanna throw the bone away like God.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  So sick. I wanna feel like the corrupt king at the end of Return of the King, you know, Lord of the Rings. He just eats, he bites the tomato and it goes and like tearing meat off like a leg. So, so sick, we don't, we don't pull enough meat off bone in this country. In, in Malaysia, everything is on, on, on the bone. I didn't really come across like, like breast, like just chicken breasts on its own until I moved to the UK. That is the part that people don't want in Asia.

• 46:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Because it's not so flavorful and it doesn't, you know, and it gets dry.

• 46:36Speaker 00

  Welcome to England.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  My father is a Chinese, as a Chinese guy, and they all have the skill of just shoving a piece of animal in their mouth. And they go, and the mouth just moves around.

• 46:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  And then, and then he'll, he'll lean over and he'll spit out, perfect, shining little bones.

• 46:54Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  It's awesome.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  Like God.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Like, yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 00

  Exactly like God, yeah.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  You know how, like, on the TV show, sometimes a sexy, a sexy lady will flirt with a man by putting a cherry stem in her mouth and, and then she puts it out.

• 47:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  Puts it out and it's tied in a knot.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  I eat a little bird.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  And I, and I say madam and I, I'm on to a little napkin.

• 47:20Speaker 00

  Madam, spit a beacon into a napkin. Just the beacon, it's the whole skeleton, I guess.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, the whole skeleton.

• 47:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, all of it. But I'll, and then you say Phil Wang, pleased to meet you.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  It spells out Phil Wang, pleased to meet you. The bones.

• 47:34Speaker 00

  Sometimes if like chickens like char grilled or anything like that, the small bones, if they've been like char grilled and they're like a bit carbonated. I'm crunching those down.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:45Speaker 01

  This guy, I learn something new about him every episode.

• 47:48Speaker 00

  I love it. I love like being able to crack through a crunchy bone.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  What would you say makes you feel like when you do that?

• 47:55Speaker 00

  Makes me feel like a god.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  Ah, I think I know this feeling.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  If you were a god, Phil.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 01

  What would be the first thing you say? If you, if you woke up, if you were Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty, what, what would you do?

• 48:12Speaker 00

  Sorry, Phil just put a small bird in his mouth.

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's, he's just showing me.

• 48:16Speaker 02

  Trying to flirt.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Rather than telling me what you would do. This is what I would do.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Um, I'm, I, I'm pretty, I'm pretty satisfied with how the world is. It's not a responsible thing to say.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  Outstanding answer.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  I think the world is great in 2025.

• 48:32Speaker 00

  Didn't even need to talk about the state of the world. Could have just come up with something mad that you do if you were a god, but you went with, I'm pretty satisfied with the state of the world.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  I think the world is good. I can't think of anything that people are complaining about at the moment.

• 48:46Speaker 00

  All seems pretty good to me.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  I don't know, man, it's just, it's too big an, an ask. I, I don't know, I wouldn't know where to, where to start. Every, you know, you, you, you wanna say, well, I'd get rid of all war and injustice, but

• 48:59Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  It'll arise. We're built to fight and to be unfair to one another. It's how we're built.

• 49:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  And every time we try and affect.

• 49:09Speaker 00

  What the hell are you on about?

• 49:12Speaker 02

  Every time we try and affect something from the top down that changes this nature of ours, it ends.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, but being a god is not top down. I think.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  How, well, there's nothing more top down than being a god.

• 49:20Speaker 00

  No, because you can literally control everything that happens. It's not like you need to worry about the consequences.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  That sounds like a lot of work. I'm checking in every day to see how it's going.

• 49:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're a god, man. Yeah.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  I just wanted to put tree on a pig and now I've got to control every conflict in the world.

• 49:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Um, I, I, I think I wouldn't want to be like a, a monotheistic, Abrahamic god. I, because that's too much of a broad scope. You've got too, I want to be one of the Pantheon gods.

• 49:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Like an Egyptian or a Greek or they had some fucking good times.

• 49:53Speaker 00

  A god of something.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  A god of something.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  What would you be the god of?

• 50:00Speaker 02

  I'd be the god of when you need to buy something with cash and you have just enough change that rounds. You, you, that is like, the thing is, um, thirteen pound, uh, fifteen pence.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:15Speaker 02

  And you have a tenner and, and a five pound note.

• 50:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  But you also have fifteen pence.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:20Speaker 02

  So you give ten pounds, five pounds, fifteen pence, and you get two pounds.

• 50:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Back.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  I once did that at a supermarket in London and the, the checkout lady very confusingly gave me two pounds back. And after, even though the price had some pence at the end of it. And she honestly said to me, how have you done that?

• 50:44Speaker 02

  So I'd be the god of that.

• 50:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:47Speaker 00

  Like you're Darren Brown or something. She's looking for hidden cameras.

• 50:51Speaker 01

  I mean, I've got to assume you're getting bullied at God's school. If that's what you're the god of. The rest of them would do the proper.

• 50:57Speaker 00

  We know what the gods wearing.

• 50:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  Everyone else wearing robes and stuff. You're turning up wearing your fleece.

• 51:04Speaker 01

  One life, live it, which is absolutely redundant if you're a god.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, one life is forever though.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm living it. I'm loving it.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  With your fleece on, your glove. Okay, well, you know, I think you'll be a good god of that.

• 51:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  Thanks, man.

• 51:20Speaker 01

  People, so will people pray to you to make sure that that happens for them?

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Well, these gods, these Pantheon gods, you know, when you dig into it, some of them are really specific what their gods are. And that's a pretty good one. That's a pretty cushy one. You'd have to do very much work and you'd be a god. Yeah, they pray for me. They'd offer up loose change at the altar.

• 51:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  And.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  If they were.

• 51:38Speaker 00

  But you don't want that as a god, though. They'd have to offer up.

• 51:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:42Speaker 00

  Proper coins and notes, right?

• 51:44Speaker 02

  No, but I guess, no, I want loose change so that I can keep having the feeling.

• 51:47Speaker 00

  The experience.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 00

  But isn't the experience only good because you don't receive any loose change back? And get rid of the loose change initially?

• 51:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you're right, actually. Yeah.

• 51:57Speaker 00

  You're gonna have to put some more work in if you want to be the god of this, so.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Sorry, god damn it. Being a god is hard. This is what I was saying earlier.

• 52:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, you just want to feel like a god.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, by putting a tree on a pig or eating cheese on a fish.

• 52:12Speaker 00

  That's a good one.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, putting cheese on a fish, you're pouring a cow onto a fish.

• 52:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  They had no idea about each other.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, no one's ever milked a cow over a river. No one's ever been milking a cow and just at the point where they squeeze the teat, the bucket gets washed away and a fish was happened to be going past.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  Never.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  And it goes, what was that?

• 52:32Speaker 02

  What was that? Never you mind what that was. You're a cow. You'll find out in the afterlife. Also, their eyes are pointing on the side. I don't think they can actually look down at the water. That most of cows looked at the, seen the sea, but the cows never met a fish.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Most cows have seen the sea.

• 52:47Speaker 02

  I would say most cows have seen the sea.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:50Speaker 02

  That's definitely not true.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Some cows have seen.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  I thought that Phil said most.

• 52:54Speaker 02

  No, no, you thought you had me there.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  You really thought you had me there when you thought I said, oh, most cows have seen the sea.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  I've got him. Yeah.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Your side dish, we're bringing a side dish now.

• 53:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  It's buttery cabbage made by

• 53:13Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Jay Rayner.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  This is mad because I do his, I'm starting to sound Jay Rayner obsessed.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:20Speaker 02

  I do his buttery cabbage recipe from his book.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Oh, this is hu- this is such a coincidence.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  It's, it's lots of butter, lots of cabbage and then just loads of chicken stock and just keep going and going and going.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  That's it. That's what you put on his dream meal. So you've actually had it before?

• 53:33Speaker 02

  I, I, I make it. Yeah. I've made it. I haven't made it in a while, actually, but I got to get back on that. It's fantastic.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  This is fantastic.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  Wow. It's full of butter and stock.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  See, we just had a feeling. We were like, let's choose Jay Rayner for Phil. We think that'd be good. We think, because we're not trying to, we weren't trying to do what you thought we were going to do and like punk you.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  We're trying to give you something that, well, you think he would, he would vibe with this a little bit. We were so on the money because you're eating this anyway.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  Absolutely. I love it.

• 53:59Speaker 01

  How often do you make Jay's buttery cabbage?

• 54:01Speaker 02

  I haven't for a bit, but I went through a period of like having it in basically every other meal. I would make this buttery cabbage.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 54:06Speaker 02

  It's so good, man. It goes with so much. I love cabbage.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Shout out to cabbage. I mean, cabbage is, you know, it's, it's got so many societies through so much across the world, you know?

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:18Speaker 02

  Europe to Asia, the cabbage has, has, has been the foundation of civilization.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  And it's frowned, it's still like, people think badly of cabbage quite a lot.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  I think.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. People think it's like lame and farting.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Farty. Yeah, farting is something that gets leveled at it a lot. Charlie Bucket's family have cabbage soup.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  Delicious.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  In Charlie.

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Not so bad.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  After all, being a bucket.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  They've got cabbage soup. It's better for you than fucking chocolate.

• 54:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  I mean, any sort of buttered greens, big, big fan.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  I think this does sound good. I've still not had it, the buttered cabbage à la Jay Rayner.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  But are you literally just cooking the cabbage in stock? Are you cooking it in the stock or?

• 55:02Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, you, lots of butter, the, the stuff to fry it up and then, and then kind of like a risotto, you keep adding.

• 55:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 55:09Speaker 02

  It evaporates. Yeah.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Amazing. Sounds really good.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  It's really nice. It's delicious.

• 55:13Speaker 01

  You can just make this, you've just got it in your head now. You know how to do it.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  It's very easy.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  You, you, you, you've got your own feel, how much to add at each point.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  Sometimes some crushed fennel seeds in there. It's really nice.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Hmm. Well, Phil.

• 55:25Speaker 02

  Lots of pepper, obviously.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, man. It's the best. It's really good.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  You must think of Jay Rayner when you're eating oysters and when you're eating cabbage.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think about Jay Rayner a lot, actually.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  He's a lucky guy.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  To get to live inside this.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  To live rent free in this.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  You know, he plays jazz piano as well.

• 55:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  He plays the piano.

• 55:48Speaker 00

  Have you been to one of his gigs?

• 55:49Speaker 02

  I'm too busy eating cabbage.

• 55:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:51Speaker 01

  I imagine you're like learning his songs to play like Jay Rayner.

• 55:55Speaker 00

  You could eat a load of cabbage, then go to his gigs, hop on stage and play the butt trumpet.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  The buttery trumpet?

• 56:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  I was not expecting butt trumpet. It would come, place it on my calamari and get going.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  A super fan. Someone goes, oh no, this always happens.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Ripping out a solo from your ass.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Someone's read my fucking hell there.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Call it the brown blues.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  I think of you all the time, Jay. I think of you all the time. We saw in the new year, I can't remember if it, it was New Year's Eve, Ed and I watched Jay Rayner on Pointless.

• 56:35Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Win Pointless, to be fair to him.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  With Thomas Ina Myers.

• 56:40Speaker 00

  Yes, another guest.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Another guest on the pod. So, you know, we're rooting for them because we're like.

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, invested interest.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  They've both been on this podcast. We want them to win because then we've won.

• 56:48Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Even though Ed.

• 56:49Speaker 02

  Have you guys done it? Pointless celebs?

• 56:52Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  How do you do?

• 56:52Speaker 00

  I've done it a couple of times. Both times I did it with Nish.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 56:56Speaker 00

  From Michigan.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  From Michigan.

• 56:57Speaker 00

  First time, we crashed out after two rounds. Second time, we won.

• 57:01Speaker 02

  Nice one. Oh, you won the jackpot?

• 57:03Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  Won the jackpot. Absolutely thrashed Peston into middle of next week.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  Peston's gone. See you later.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  That also felt good.

• 57:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was really good. The round that got us through to the final was towns. It was like pictures of town halls and the name and like just some letters missing.

• 57:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  And obviously miniature all over, small places with town halls.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:28Speaker 00

  From gigging. I got Altringham because I cancelled a gig there the week after. Well, that's Altringham. Wrote that in an email recently. I know how those letters go. I shall not be coming to Altringham. And then we lucked out because the final round was actors in Marvel films.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 57:43Speaker 00

  And superhero films. Yeah, there was.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  Wow. I mean, those two categories are Nisha's life.

• 57:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I was throwing ones out there that Nisha's like, yeah, whatever. But they were also pointless. But we got a pointless answer on Michael Gough.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Whoa, who's Michael Gough?

• 57:59Speaker 00

  Alfred in the original Batman films, the Michael Keaton Batman films.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  One of the great Alfreds.

• 58:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Really good Alfred.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  My first time I did pointless, did it with Sindhu V.

• 58:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  And we got the jackpot, baby.

• 58:13Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Sindhu said Eritrea and bang, bang, bang. We were champions.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  What was the category?

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Places where Phil would.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  It was state, American states or African countries with seven letters in the name of war.

• 58:30Speaker 00

  My God.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Jesus, that's a more.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  She knocked out. I've never seen someone say Eritrea so fast.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  It's a lot more specific.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  And then I did it again with Pierre Naveley.

• 58:38Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  And we got to the final. We won, but then we were asked to name some Idris Elba movies.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  And I said Thor two.

• 58:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  And we didn't win.

• 58:49Speaker 00

  Too high.

• 58:50Speaker 02

  Too high.

• 58:51Speaker 00

  Too.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Not as high as you think.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  A lot of people knew that film or he was in it.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  He was in it. A lot of people. I think the, the qualifier, yeah, the, the fact of there is a lot of people knew Idris Elba was in Thor two. But my thinking was, well, everyone's gonna say Thor.

• 59:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:05Speaker 02

  But I was gonna say Thor two.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:06Speaker 02

  Dark World. It turned out people did.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  A lot of people said it.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Phil, we all thought you were about to say something there.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  No.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  You said, um, you said, um, there you froze. And then you said.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  100% the most, the most Benito's ever laughed on the podcast.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he absolutely lost. His head spun round.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  Over and over again.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  That's the clip. This is my life, man. People always think I'm gonna say something and I'm not. All the time.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Well, you should stop then, um, you went.

• 59:39Speaker 00

  Buy tickets for Phil's next tour.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  Um.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  I, I, you were still looking at the table. You weren't even looking at any of us. It's like, where's Phil gone? It's not even in the room anymore.

• 59:54Speaker 00

  That's how you should open your next show, man.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Here's a drink coming for you.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  Oh yum.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  It's a vodka and lime.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  This is an odd choice. He's knocking back a vodka with, with ribs.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Ribs, buttery cabbage. He's had some oysters and now he's gonna have a vodka and lime.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  I mean vodka and cabbage thematically culturally consistent.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  No problem with that. And the ribs?

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  I think you were hoping for some wine, weren't you Phil?

• 1:00:26Speaker 00

  I was, I was a little bit.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  In the intervening six years.

• 1:00:28Speaker 00

  You know I was hoping for some wine and.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Phil's a wine boy now. You are such a wine boy that I think it's something that a lot of people know about you. And you did choose wine on the podcast, I believe, when you came on off menu, but, but you were kind of going, I'm just getting into wine and I think wine's nice.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I took, I took Ed's suggestion of a riesling.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that was where you were at that point.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  I was still open minded.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Is that Ed could say something to you and you'd be like, yeah, I'll try that.

• 1:00:53Speaker 00

  What did I recommend six years ago? So I don't think I knew anything about riesling really.

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  But you were right.

• 1:00:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Or just generally riesling. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  And that's, it's still, it's still, it's still a cool, the cool wide line.

• 1:01:02Speaker 00

  It is, especially for us. We're in, we're, we're a little club.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you two are in a wine club.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  We're a gang, we're a gang of, just a gang of chaps who drink wine.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  Ed goes out on those, Ed'll be like, well, we, you know, we've just finished recording an episode and I was like, what are you up to tomorrow? He's like, oh, I'm going, uh, going away with the, the wine guys, Ollie and, uh, and Phil and Pierre and we're just gonna go.

• 1:01:28Speaker 02

  And Freddie.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  And Freddie and we're just going for a wine weekend. I'm like, oh yeah, and you're always like, yeah, yeah, should be nice, should be nice. It'd be, be good to see the guys and, um, just get together.

• 1:01:40Speaker 00

  I've never said this, this is an awful.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Just get together, have some wines. Uh, it should be, you know, it's been, do you know what? It should be a quiet one. I've, you know, I've, I've, uh, I've been out a few times recently. I just, I just fancy a quiet weekend, pace ourselves. The next day, send me a selfie of all of you looking like cartoon characters whose eyes are going all over the place. You're, you're all trying to look like upstanding gentlemen. And you're absolutely like, your, your, your heads are disappearing into your fucking necks. And you're sitting there all like, eh, mouths open, just hanging open.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Bright red, red mouths.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Just like half, half open eyes.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  But, but always like, hold it, hold it up your glasses and like, and gathered around some like incredible looking food that hasn't been touched yet. So like a base, it's just like, like a, like a pig's head.

• 1:02:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  It's like, it's like shining. And they all like, eh. It's like it's day one.

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  The bottle picks at the end, so you take a picture of all the bottles we've had.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  The lineup.

• 1:02:40Speaker 00

  There's a lot, there's always a lot in the lineup.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:42Speaker 02

  It's, it's so fun, man.

• 1:02:44Speaker 00

  But yeah.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Mate, I'll say Phil, you're, you're usually the one who looks the most sober in the picks.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:02:47Speaker 00

  Well, I'll tell you why that is.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  Oh no.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  You've already mentioned, you've mentioned this.

• 1:02:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, on the podcast before, yeah.

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  It's always good to recap it though.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  Yeah. So when you've got a few bottles going around, you're enjoying tasting them and like, you might have like four or five glasses in front of you.

• 1:03:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Speaker 00

  You know, you're tasting them, but then you're drinking.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:07Speaker 00

  And Phil is very slow when he drinks.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  I don't think I am.

• 1:03:11Speaker 00

  Well, we've all finished our glasses and Phil always has more, like even when we want to open another bottle.

• 1:03:16Speaker 01

  He's slower than you guys.

• 1:03:16Speaker 00

  Some of every wine left. And we were in a restaurant called Otto's and Otto came over and he looked at the situation and he turned to Phil and he said, ah, you are the baby of the group.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  He's German by the way.

• 1:03:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  That wasn't just a bowl.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  I don't even care where he's from. I enjoyed the voice. I get where.

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  I am the baby.

• 1:03:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  And then he, and then at the end of the night, he, after everyone had finished their wines and I had a few left over, he patted me on the shoulder and said, come back when you've grown up.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Worth telling it again, because it was longer this time.

• 1:03:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  Come back when you've grown up. It's such a horrible thing to say to someone else that's leaving your restaurant.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  And we've not been back.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Obviously my favourite wine memory with Phil is going to do Masterminds together.

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  In Belfast.

• 1:04:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  So I know where that is.

• 1:04:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  And.

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  In Michigan.

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, in Michigan, of course. And I probably talked about it on the podcast before, but I like talking about it because I like that, first of all, my main reason was food related for, for doing Mastermind in Belfast because I wanted some seafood chowder. So that was my main thing I'd said to the production. Could you let me know where that's good seafood chowder for the night before? I was bunched into Phil at the airport, didn't even know that we were both going to be on it. We're on different episodes. I was like, Phil, you've got to come out tonight, get some seafood chowder. Uh, I'll be revising tonight. I, I, I was like, for what?

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  You're talking about Mastermind tomorrow. New Zealand wines is my, is my specialist subject I need to revise. I was like, Phil, come out for this. You've got to eat at some point, is what I said to him. Okay.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Comes out, has a seafood. I'm thinking in my head, he's gonna stay out. We're gonna go to the Crown.

• 1:05:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  We're gonna have a pint of Guinness, like, he's gonna stay out. Have the seafood, Charlie. It's like, pub, you're like, no, I'm going back to my room. I was like, come on, Phil. It's like, no, no. And he went, he just went to his room. But I was still like, I can't fucking believe this shit. I, I went back to my hotel. I'm just sitting there fucking bored out of my mind. I'm like, I can't believe this. Eight o'clock or something.

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  Why don't you go to the Crown?

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  I'm going on my own. I, I wanted to go with Phil Wang. I thought my buddy's here. This is great.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  Alcohol on a school night though. I couldn't believe it.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  Well, that's the thing.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  It's Mastermind the next morning.

• 1:05:30Speaker 01

  You would call it a school night and you would talk about the whole thing in school term. Cause the next morning we have the briefing and there's all the celebs there. Uh, including the, the guy from the, the pottery throw down show who cries all the time.

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  And, uh, Michelle Gale, of course. And Michelle Gale was on my episode and, uh, after we'd all been briefed, which is very, very serious. She said, I'm gonna circulate. I'm gonna meet some people. She said to me, I'm gonna go around, I'll be back in a minute. I'm gonna speak to some people I haven't met before who are on the other episode. She goes away. I talk to someone else. She comes back. She's not as chipper as she was when she left me. And she goes, do you know that man?

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  I look over and Phil is sat apart from everyone else, just on his own with his, on a seat, but with his legs together. Cause he's balancing a, a, a folder on them, like a full, like lever arch folder. Going through these laminated pages one by one, very seriously. And she went, do you know that man? I went, yes, that's Phil Wang. And she went, I said, I said to him, do I have a chat? And he said, no, it's exam day.

• 1:06:36Speaker 01

  This Toby knows, it's Alexander. Well, he's very serious about this, Michelle. I've known him for a while and he wouldn't go for a pipe with me last night because he had to revise. And then he went on and he got all of them right, but one.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Not all, I got all my specialist subject.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  All your specialist subject right.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  10 out of 10.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  And then I think you only got one wrong on your, on the, on the other one. Absolutely like destroyed it.

• 1:06:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course, because he revised.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  I've got a photo on my phone of Phil doing his specialist subject that I took in the green room of the, of the TV. And it's just him looking the happiest I've ever seen anyone on a TV. Everyone else in Mastermind just looking shit scared, panicking. Phil just smiling because he's done, he's done the work.

• 1:07:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:15Speaker 01

  And he's loving getting them all right.

• 1:07:16Speaker 02

  It was so fun, man. It was so fun just nailing those questions.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  You felt like, what did you feel like?

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  I guess I felt like a cop.

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  That's actually how our wine gang came about.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  Because you wanted to revise for it and you'd met Freddie.

• 1:07:33Speaker 01

  Wow, I didn't know this.

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  Who works for the Wine Society and he suggested a meal.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Well, because Freddie was the, the buyer there for New Zealand.

• 1:07:39Speaker 00

  For New Zealand, yeah. And he brought you a folder of stuff to.

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  Notes, I brought his notes to Belfast.

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 02

  Then the very notes that infuriated Michelle Gale.

• 1:07:48Speaker 00

  Little did Freddie know.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Speaker 00

  One day, these notes will piss off Michelle Gale.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  So when Michelle Gale came up to me, I went, do you know that man? Before I looked over, I thought in my head, please be Phil.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Do you know that man?

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  Oh, this is Phil Wagons, this'll be great. Yep, there he is.

• 1:08:05Speaker 02

  I was the only one who brought notes to the morning meeting. I couldn't believe it.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  I was the only one who brought notes to breakfast.

• 1:08:10Speaker 00

  You couldn't believe that?

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Well, guess what? The rest of us couldn't believe it either, Phil. You're not the only one who couldn't believe it. We were like, does this guy know this? Laugh.

• 1:08:19Speaker 00

  Celebrity Mastermind.

• 1:08:20Speaker 02

  Meanwhile, James is asking me, do you think they'll let me bring a real ice cream on to set? That was the thing that he was really worrying about. I was like, I don't know if I can bring a real ice cream on to set.

• 1:08:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:30Speaker 00

  Because you wanted to, because you were doing history of ice cream.

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  I thought it'd be funny to sit down while eating an ice cream.

• 1:08:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  I thought it'd be really funny, especially because on Mastermind, they, they zoom in slowly on the guy who's being questioned.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Or gal.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:40Speaker 02

  And it'd be so funny if us, it's getting closer to James. An ice cream just comes, it just rises from the bottom of the screen. It just takes a like, never answering a question. Like he needs it to understand the question.

• 1:08:54Speaker 00

  You were terrified though.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was terrified.

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  The amount of texts I got from the dressing room, being like, why have I said yes to this? I've not revised. Why didn't I do any revision?

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  You did pretty well considering you got four, four of.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  I did quite well on it. Yeah, but I was in the dressing room. I was completely like, I, I should have been more like Phil Wang. Like I would have lost a lot of friends. I wouldn't have been popular here, but I would not be panicking as much as I'm panicking now because I have not revised this whatsoever. So yeah, just to clarify, the vodka lime is just vodka and lime cordial and it's like a gin gimlet.

• 1:09:26Speaker 02

  I do like, I like a gimlet very much. So I'm open to that. Really cold and in one of those small coupe glasses.

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  Wow. And the, the level of the liquid is right flush with the top of the lip of the glass.

• 1:09:39Speaker 00

  Cocktails like that are when it helps to be the baby of the group.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  It's just small, just small amount of baby.

• 1:09:45Speaker 00

  And little sips, little sips. You're one of those people who I look around, we're having a cocktail, 15 minutes into the cocktail, I look and you're still halfway through the cocktail. Me?

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  I've got both my hands around it like, like when a kid is drinking juice. He's like.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  It's a school night.

• 1:10:01Speaker 00

  Me, I'm getting that. That's gone. Martini, anything in a small coupe, two sips, gone.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:10:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, big time.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Speaker 00

  Then I'm in space.

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's, he's in space. Around Christmas, Ed was going to space quite a lot. I was getting texts from him pretty much every day.

• 1:10:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  Cause you went somewhere nice, I think. And, and every day you were like texting me, I've just had a hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream in it. And then in a separate text, I'm in space. The next day, I've just had an Irish coffee. Next text, I'm in space.

• 1:10:31Speaker 00

  It was so good.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  To the point where it got to be that he was texting me what he'd had and then going, guess where I am.

• 1:10:38Speaker 01

  Are you in space again? Houston, we have a problem. Like, they're just busting out all that stuff.

• 1:10:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I love, turns out I love a boozy hot chocolate and an Irish coffee. And I very rarely have Irish coffee, but it's so good.

• 1:10:50Speaker 02

  It is, yeah, it turns out like sweet boozy chocolatey things are just.

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  Mad, isn't it?

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  Nice, it's really nice.

• 1:10:55Speaker 00

  But it was cold and like there was a fire in the place we were in.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  It's all about the ambiance, isn't it?

• 1:11:00Speaker 00

  Off to space.

• 1:11:01Speaker 02

  Did I go to space this Christmas? Yeah, I think so. I had some really nice.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  Because we're laughing because you've instantly adopted the phrase, I'm in space from eating something. And it's, but you've just thought about it very seriously of going, did I go to space this Christmas?

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. I must have. We love people adopting phrases and parroting phrases anyway, but especially when you adopted it in a way that it's like you've been saying it all your life.

• 1:11:31Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:11:32Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:11:33Speaker 00

  What took you?

• 1:11:34Speaker 02

  It makes sense.

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Instantly became completely normal to you.

• 1:11:36Speaker 00

  What took you to space this Christmas?

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  What took me to space this Christmas is I, I try, I try and do the wine pairings for family Christmas.

• 1:11:42Speaker 00

  Beautiful.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  And before I always bring like a red for the turkey, for the main, like a light red. But this year I thought, I'm gonna do Chardonnay all the way.

• 1:11:52Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  So we started with a blanc de blanc champagne, which means only white grapes in the champagne. Prime, which is primarily, if not all, Chardonnay.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  I think it is all.

• 1:12:01Speaker 01

  I think Bradley Walsh is hosting that now. Who's hosting that now?

• 1:12:07Speaker 00

  Blanc de blanc. I think, I'm just chipping in, so I think blanc de blanc has to be 100% Chardonnay.

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  I think it is.

• 1:12:14Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  Because the other grapes are Petit Mignot, I think, and Peninot. But Peninot, Peninot, Petit Noir. And then, and then for mains, I had two Burgundy style Chardonnays. One from New Zealand, from Camer River, which is meant to be the great Burgundian sort of white wine of the new world. And then to compare that with the classic white Burgundy from Puligny Montreche.

• 1:12:42Speaker 00

  Do your, do your family enjoy this?

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  Because. Yeah.

• 1:12:45Speaker 00

  Because you are, I, I've tried things like this with just my wife.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:49Speaker 00

  And my family sometimes.

• 1:12:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:50Speaker 00

  It's not my dad. My dad would do this.

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:12:53Speaker 00

  If I tried this shit with anyone, they'd be like, you're the most boring man in the world. Stop ruining Christmas.

• 1:12:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. And Phil, just for the record, this was also gonna be my question.

• 1:13:02Speaker 00

  I was, I was about to ask.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  It's astonishing, it's astonishing how little people care about this.

• 1:13:08Speaker 00

  Well, it reminds me of like when I used to make mixtapes for people when I was growing up. A very, you know, I still am obsessed with music, but I would be like, I want them to like every single thing and know every single thing. And here's the tape and then they'll go, thank you. I've never listened to this. And that'd be it. And I have to accept that as I get older.

• 1:13:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:24Speaker 00

  So I admire that you're, you're like.

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  You want them to know the connections between all the songs and.

• 1:13:28Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  Why you put this one after this one.

• 1:13:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 02

  And this, that's, that's.

• 1:13:31Speaker 00

  What, so in that situation where you're, you're telling everyone about the wine.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 00

  How they all relate to each other. We're comparing these two. What are you doing if, which is definitely happening, they're ignoring you and just talking and getting on with their Christmas. Do you get angry or do you just accept it's happening?

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  I just sort of quiet, I just slowly get quieter. I just get quiet, slowly quieter, quieter. And then I just stop talking. And then I pour.

• 1:13:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 02

  I pour the wine. But I also do think when I'm talking while I'm pouring the wine to people so that there's this implication, that if you don't listen to me, you don't get any wine.

• 1:14:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  That's the implication. I'm not saying it.

• 1:14:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:04Speaker 02

  Out loud, but that's the implication.

• 1:14:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:06Speaker 02

  You have to be in a position of power for the brief period where you want people to listen to you. This applies throughout life.

• 1:14:12Speaker 00

  If they talk to someone else about something else, do you stop pouring?

• 1:14:15Speaker 02

  I just stop pouring.

• 1:14:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  I take their glass and I pour it back into their glass.

• 1:14:18Speaker 00

  Get the fuddle out. I did that to you once, because I know it annoys Charlie. So I will do things like, I had two bottles. I accidentally, across the period of five years, bought two different bottles of Barolo.

• 1:14:30Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:14:31Speaker 00

  Which are the same, but different vintages, five years apart.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Fascinating.

• 1:14:34Speaker 00

  And I said, well, we'll do a vertical tasting.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:14:38Speaker 00

  Let's compare these vintages.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  Lucky lady.

• 1:14:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:41Speaker 02

  Did.

• 1:14:42Speaker 00

  She starts packing her bags. Yeah. It's awkward to be there for it.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:48Speaker 00

  Finally left.

• 1:14:52Speaker 00

  Dessert time.

• 1:14:53Speaker 02

  Yum.

• 1:14:54Speaker 00

  And there's a, there's a bit of a story behind this, but it's quite simply a chocolate éclair.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I don't like choux pastry.

• 1:15:04Speaker 00

  This is what I said to Jay Rayner and he was not happy about it.

• 1:15:07Speaker 02

  Interesting. Yeah. I, I find choux pastry like, even when it's done right, it's kind of dry and papery and weird.

• 1:15:13Speaker 00

  Totally agree.

• 1:15:14Speaker 02

  I don't dig it.

• 1:15:15Speaker 00

  Totally agree. Don't like choux pastry. He said, you need to go to Matrix Choux.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Best place.

• 1:15:20Speaker 00

  Not there anymore. And not there anymore.

• 1:15:22Speaker 02

  I always think though, when you say to someone, I don't like this type of food. And they go, well, you gotta go to this one place in the world.

• 1:15:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  It's probably not good food.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  If there's one place in the world where the food is nice, then it is not good.

• 1:15:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't like, I don't like shoe pastry. I don't like eclairs.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  Cause you, cause you did go. He told you go to make a shoe.

• 1:15:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was better than, cause it was like quite thin shoe pastry. So the cream was really nice.

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:46Speaker 00

  It's like sweetened cream, but I, I don't like eclairs. When, when they're all the round ones where you buy them from like the supermarket and they got that shit cream in them. I hate that.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  The, um, patisserie, what are they called?

• 1:15:59Speaker 00

  Profiteroles, yeah. That's, that's what I meant. I didn't say the name, but it's the same thing. It's the same thing, right? Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  I, I loved the profiteroles that we, we sold at the, the second pub that I worked at, the profiteroles there. I was just going into the walk-in fridge pretty regularly and popping them in my mouth.

• 1:16:15Speaker 02

  Were they making their own profiteroles?

• 1:16:17Speaker 01

  No, they got them in, but they were just full. They were proper packed. Um, and I would just like pop one in while I'm doing something. I'll be like, I gotta go round back and sweep up the, the walk-in fridge again.

• 1:16:29Speaker 00

  Profiteroles.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Don't come in.

• 1:16:32Speaker 02

  If you hear chewing, that's me cleaning. I make a strange chewy sound.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  There we go. I, I enjoyed that a lot.

• 1:16:38Speaker 02

  I don't, I, I, I don't dig eclairs as, as a dessert. I think it's too in, in substantial really. And it's kind of too light and airy, kind of like airy. And I think you can start something, start the meal with something cold and like airy and light. But to finish, a dessert is there to fill you up if the rest of the meal hasn't done. So is there to just fucking like beat you, like to, like just to knock you out to like fucking fill a space.

• 1:17:07Speaker 00

  Don't want to feel like a god is when you get to dessert.

• 1:17:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Speaker 02

  You want to be defeated by the dessert. You meant to.

• 1:17:12Speaker 00

  You want the dessert to be god.

• 1:17:13Speaker 02

  Then that's why I love British desserts. I think like you, Britain gets a lot of flack for its food, the desserts are so nice.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  What we're talking.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  Uh, Benoffi pie, the, the goat, sticky toffee pudding. You're not hungry after sticking.

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  You're not hungry at all. Bread and butter pudding.

• 1:17:31Speaker 00

  Spotted dick.

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  Spotted dick. A spotted, a spotted dick. Um, apple crumble if you're feeling healthy. It's so, it's so good.

• 1:17:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:41Speaker 02

  It's so filling and those are, those are always the desserts I want at the end.

• 1:17:45Speaker 01

  Well, his reason for the chocolate eclat was because his dad would bring back a load of stuff from the bakery.

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 1:17:52Speaker 01

  For the family to eat on a whatever on Saturday. And he would have, won't you want a clair? The dad would buy one a clair and it's for himself. So no, and little Jay Ray would be like, daddy, can I have the eclairs? No, that's my eclat. So now it's a thing that he's always coveted.

• 1:18:08Speaker 02

  Well, now that there's a traumatic story behind it, how could I not?

• 1:18:14Speaker 02

  Gosh, that's kind of a dark reason to want eclairs.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess originally when he told it, it didn't sound dark. I've made it sound.

• 1:18:21Speaker 00

  I think he did make it sound dark when he told you that.

• 1:18:24Speaker 01

  Did I?

• 1:18:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think, I think he found it really funny.

• 1:18:27Speaker 01

  Well, I found it funny, but I was like, fuck that guy, who I guess is your dad, but like, you know, what, what's he doing not getting two eclairs?

• 1:18:34Speaker 00

  But also that's clearly maybe one of the things that's driven Jay Ray into becoming a food critic, that he can have whatever he wants, whenever he wants it. So if anything, thank you daddy.

• 1:18:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you can say, I mean, this is, this is, this is everyone, isn't it?

• 1:18:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:46Speaker 01

  You, anybody can spoil off. Thank your, thank whatever parent it is for the trauma that's led to you doing this job.

• 1:18:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:54Speaker 00

  It's eclat based trauma though, which is one of the lowest forms of trauma.

• 1:18:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, at least for him, it's like, I just wasn't allowed an eclat.

• 1:19:00Speaker 00

  Cause it's.

• 1:19:00Speaker 01

  My dad would eat one.

• 1:19:01Speaker 00

  There was still other stuff from the bakery as well.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's still got some baked goods, but he doesn't care about those anymore. He just wants an eclat so he can.

• 1:19:08Speaker 02

  So do you think you can make your kids do the job you want them to do by giving them the appropriate traumatic experience about them?

• 1:19:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:19:15Speaker 02

  Like just not letting your kids have paracetamol and being a doctor.

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you've got access to.

• 1:19:19Speaker 02

  Not all the paracetamol, paracetamol I want.

• 1:19:22Speaker 01

  You can take the back of the computer out and fiddle around them and off their heads, you know?

• 1:19:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:27Speaker 00

  All right. So you can go right. I thought you were trying to make someone like a computer scientist. Yeah.

• 1:19:31Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, no.

• 1:19:32Speaker 00

  You fuck the computer, you go in and fuck the computer up and go, go on, fix that.

• 1:19:37Speaker 01

  Fix that. Otherwise you can't, you can't play your video games.

• 1:19:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  You can't play Roman world or whatever you were.

• 1:19:44Speaker 00

  Roman world.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  Promoted.

• 1:19:47Speaker 02

  Roman world. Yeah. If you played as much Rome Total War as I did, you would laugh so much at Roman world. The idea of it being called Roman world is hilarious.

• 1:19:56Speaker 01

  Was there anything in your house growing up that was like daddy has that and you can't have it?

• 1:20:12Speaker 02

  I like a car. I was like, I wish I always wished as a kid I could drive places because in where I grew up, there's no public transport.

• 1:20:20Speaker 01

  You have your gloves.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  I have the gloves already.

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  Dad, why do you forget about this glove? Let me drive the car.

• 1:20:29Speaker 02

  You can have the other glove when you're 18.

• 1:20:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think like just having a car and money. I was like, it feels very hard to do anything without a car and money. That's why I was.

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  How old are you when you're saying this?

• 1:20:44Speaker 02

  Like six. I was like.

• 1:20:45Speaker 01

  Little Phil Wang walking around. It's so hard to do anything without cars and money. I want cars and money.

• 1:20:50Speaker 02

  And do you drive now? Yeah. Yeah. I got a little car, got a couple of quid. Yeah. It worked out.

• 1:20:55Speaker 01

  What you think when you're driving along, you're like, I did it on my dad.

• 1:20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:59Speaker 01

  Who's the daddy now?

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  In your face daddy.

• 1:21:01Speaker 01

  In your face daddy. I'm behind the wheel. You couldn't stop me.

• 1:21:05Speaker 02

  I can go wherever I want.

• 1:21:07Speaker 01

  So cruel that he stopped you driving when you were six. Yeah. This is exactly the same as Jay Rayner's dad not buying a second McLaren. Dad, you could just buy another car. This is the problem here. What kind of car you got?

• 1:21:19Speaker 02

  I've got a hybrid Toyota Yaris. Good for the environment, good for the wallet.

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  Phil Pat's wallet, that's beautiful.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  Well Phil, did you enjoy Jay's tasting menu?

• 1:21:35Speaker 02

  I really enjoyed Jay's tasting menu. He's a man of fine taste, obviously. And it's nice to have the cabbage dish that I know so well, but I haven't had in a while. Oysters, big old fan. A little, a little tiny cold vodka cocktail in the middle of it. Delish.

• 1:21:50Speaker 01

  Spare ribs?

• 1:21:51Speaker 02

  Spare ribs. Forget about the main ribs. I'll take this. Yeah, I just.

• 1:21:55Speaker 01

  And you're getting messy with those as well.

• 1:21:56Speaker 02

  My mouth is pulling the bone out like, I mean like Flintstones or something. And what, was there a starch to go with the ribs?

• 1:22:04Speaker 01

  He didn't, he didn't shout it out. No. Do you want to add one?

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  I feel, I feel, yeah, I feel foolish after my whole rant about bread. I'm now asking for starch.

• 1:22:14Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  Um, with the, with the ribs, just some, just some chips, I think with ribs, just some chips.

• 1:22:21Speaker 00

  Love it. I, I don't think we've, we've only done one other tasting menu before, and I don't think we gave them a chance to add anything.

• 1:22:26Speaker 01

  We didn't, no.

• 1:22:27Speaker 00

  But it's a new, that's a new thing. I think you can upgrade one dish.

• 1:22:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, it should be an upgraded dish, but Phil's a god.

• 1:22:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, that's true. Phil's a god in this.

• 1:22:35Speaker 01

  So you've got to let Phil do what he wants to some degree.

• 1:22:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:22:38Speaker 01

  The other person we had on was John Kearns, who, barely a man.

• 1:22:43Speaker 01

  So, and the secret ingredient for Jay, which would have gotten kicked out of the restaurant, was hairy crackling, which I don't know if you think that's fair.

• 1:22:52Speaker 02

  Do, do people specify hairy crackling?

• 1:22:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, in terms of like what they don't like, yeah.

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  It's a huge genre in the don't like.

• 1:23:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, massive.

• 1:23:03Speaker 02

  Very popular in don't likes. I made some chicken crackling once. You ever made the chicken crackling?

• 1:23:08Speaker 00

  I see it on Instagram quite a lot.

• 1:23:10Speaker 02

  So nice.

• 1:23:10Speaker 00

  Do you have to scrape the chicken skin? That seems to be what people do.

• 1:23:13Speaker 02

  Realise I do, because I, I, I put a picture of this chicken crackling up on Instagram and people were just like, ah! Because there's all the little like bits of.

• 1:23:22Speaker 00

  The gelatinous bit, oh right.

• 1:23:23Speaker 02

  The like hairs and the feathers and stuff were still on it.

• 1:23:26Speaker 00

  The feathers?

• 1:23:27Speaker 02

  Not the feathers, but like, I don't know what the smallest bit of the feather stem is, like the.

• 1:23:31Speaker 00

  Like the pimples, like the, they look like goose.

• 1:23:33Speaker 02

  There's some little, little sort of chicken hair coming out the pimples there.

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  So you took that photo?

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  You looked at it, I guess, before you posted it?

• 1:23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:39Speaker 01

  And did you think delicious?

• 1:23:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:42Speaker 01

  Posted it, and then you were surprised at the comments that were like, that's disgusting.

• 1:23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just expected people to be more open minded than clearly they are.

• 1:23:51Speaker 00

  So you wouldn't mind hairy crackling, I'm guessing?

• 1:23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:53Speaker 02

  Right on, give it to me.

• 1:23:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. I've had crackling where the, the, the, the brand is still on the skin.

• 1:24:00Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:24:01Speaker 02

  You know, the brand on the pig that they got.

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  Oh god.

• 1:24:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:06Speaker 01

  Are you?

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  Why am I upsetting you so much today?

• 1:24:08Speaker 00

  If you eat hairy crackling, are you chewing around in your mouth and then splitting, spitting all the hairs out?

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  Making a little toupee out of it. Wearing it to the buffet?

• 1:24:21Speaker 00

  Phil, thank you so much for coming back to the Dream Restaurant. We hope you enjoyed your tasting menu.

• 1:24:24Speaker 02

  It's been so nice to return after all this time. So happy to see the restaurant doing so well. And thank you both for having me so much.

• 1:24:31Speaker 01

  Oh, and Phil, that's, that's will be £212.

• 1:24:35Speaker 02

  What? You've started charging?

• 1:24:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, £212, please, Phil.

• 1:24:39Speaker 02

  For Jay's meal?

• 1:24:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Cough up.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:24:44Speaker 00

  Cash, cash only.

• 1:24:46Speaker 01

  Cash only.

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

  Well.

• 1:24:48Speaker 01

  We are really trying to lead you to this callback.

• 1:24:51Speaker 01

  All you have to do is say that you're going to pay with exact money.

• 1:24:55Speaker 02

  Well, I have £200.

• 1:24:56Speaker 01

  Instead, you're such a thrifty bastard. You think you have to pay. You can't break out of the fantasy. You're like, what the, I wasn't told how to pay. I've been looking at Ben desperately. Ben, this isn't fair. They want me to pay £212.

• 1:25:12Speaker 00

  Phil can't improv when even fake money's involved.

• 1:25:14Speaker 01

  We can give it in more detail to try and lead him to the callback. An exact change, Phil. Ben, please.

• 1:25:22Speaker 00

  Did you know Phil wanted to buy a wine fridge and it took him three years to make the decision?

• 1:25:25Speaker 02

  It wasn't three, it was two. It was two years.

• 1:25:30Speaker 00

  Was it?

• 1:25:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was about that.

• 1:25:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:25:33Speaker 01

  The B boy.

• 1:25:34Speaker 02

  I got it eventually, yeah.

• 1:25:35Speaker 00

  And are you happy with it?

• 1:25:37Speaker 02

  It's thrilled. I should have got it ages ago.

• 1:25:38Speaker 00

  There you go.

• 1:25:40Speaker 00

  Thank you so much, Phil.

• 1:25:41Speaker 02

  Thanks, guys.

• 1:25:47Speaker 00

  Thank you so much to Phil for coming back to the Dream Restaurant to have Jay Rayner's tasting menu.

• 1:25:52Speaker 01

  How much he's grown over the years, Phil.

• 1:25:54Speaker 00

  Hasn't he just?

• 1:25:55Speaker 01

  He loves, he loves feeling like a god now. That wasn't when he first came on.

• 1:25:59Speaker 00

  Never said he liked to feel like a god.

• 1:26:01Speaker 01

  Never said it.

• 1:26:02Speaker 00

  He loves wine now.

• 1:26:03Speaker 01

  Loves wine, knows all about wine, knows everything about wine. The fact that, the fact that not only, when he relived that wine tasting menu that he put on for Christmas, not only did he know that for Christmas, but he recited it to us like word perfect.

• 1:26:16Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:26:17Speaker 01

  Here's the history of them all. Here's what order they were in. Here's where they're from. I was like, I don't think I know that much about anything anymore.

• 1:26:22Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. It's too late for me to start learning about stuff.

• 1:26:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:26:26Speaker 00

  All I'm doing now is shedding knowledge that I've built.

• 1:26:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get rid of it. Maybe let something, you know, live in the head for a little bit.

• 1:26:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, but not useful stuff.

• 1:26:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:26:37Speaker 00

  No, never useful stuff.

• 1:26:38Speaker 01

  Never anything useful.

• 1:26:39Speaker 00

  Yeah. The new thing in the head, of course, is pouring tree over pig.

• 1:26:43Speaker 01

  Which you have a pet named Pig.

• 1:26:45Speaker 00

  I do have a pet named Pig. I don't want to pour a tree on that guy. He doesn't go outside. He'd be so shocked.

• 1:26:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he really hasn't met a tree.

• 1:26:50Speaker 00

  No, no. And also I'm not putting maple syrup on that guy. He's so hairy.

• 1:26:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that would be a huge mistake.

• 1:26:55Speaker 00

  It would take years to get that out.

• 1:26:56Speaker 01

  Then you'd end up with a cat that looks like mine.

• 1:26:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:27:00Speaker 00

  But so fun to talk to Phil. Well, that was a great episode.

• 1:27:03Speaker 01

  It was lovely. Thank you so much, Phil, for coming on. And Jay Rayner, if you're listening, I hope that you're happy.

• 1:27:10Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:27:11Speaker 01

  With Phil's response. I mean, you've got to be happy.

• 1:27:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:27:13Speaker 01

  He says that he thinks about you. When he ever eats an oyster, he makes your cabbage at home. He is a fan. You know, he was a little bit harsh on the eclair, but you could take some criticism, Jay.

• 1:27:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, so if, stop dishing it out if you can't take it, mate.

• 1:27:27Speaker 01

  Don't dish it out if you can't take it, mate.

• 1:27:29Speaker 00

  Wow. And don't forget, Phil is on tour with his brand new show, Uh Oh. Go to philwang.co.uk for tickets. It's going to be fantastic. We will see you again soon for either a traditional off-menu or another off-menu tasting menu.

• 1:27:42Speaker 01

  Or maybe we'll have a fourth idea.

• 1:27:45Speaker 00

  Uh oh, two years' time.

• 1:27:48Speaker 01

  Uh oh, Spaghettos.

• 1:27:50Speaker 00

  Bye bye.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Bye.