Montaigne

Australian musician, ARIA Award-winner and former Eurovision contestant Montaigne – aka Jessica Alyssa Cerro – is this week’s dream diner. Will James bring up 2016? Montaigne is touring Australia in August for the 10th anniversary of their Glorious Heights album. For dates and tickets go to montaignemusic.com.au https://montaignemusic.com.au/ Listen and buy Montaigne’s latest album ‘it’s hard to be a fish’ here https://ffm.to/ihtbaf. Follow Montaigne on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/actualmontaigne/?hl=en and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@actualmontaigne @actualmontaigne Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 7 May. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast. Peeling the tab of conversation off the Toblerone of friendship and really try an hour to break off a chunk of humour is the Toblerone Podcast, James. I was just thinking about Toblerone, I'm so tired. That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite a guest, ask them their favourite ever start of makeovers, dessert, side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week our guest is... Montaigne! Montaigne, James, is a musician, of course. Fantastic musician, one of my faves. I discovered their music as part of my 2016 project when I went absolutely nuts. Oh, no way. And bought loads of albums in 2016.

• 0:56Speaker 00

  Now we've interviewed everyone from Strictly, are we going through everyone you discovered in 2016? Yes, and it's gonna be a long road, my friend. That's a lot of people. That is a lot of people. And every one of their albums, I'd say, has got better and better. Bear in mind... Started well. I loved the debut album. Yeah. Each album I've loved more and more. Loved the direction that their music has gone in. And I absolutely love their new album, It's Hard to Be a Fish. I listened to it on the way over. I loved it as well. It's fantastic. Very excited to talk to Jess. Yes. Which is Montaigne's actual name. Yes. About the album. And also, I don't know what kind of food they like, even though we've worked together. We've made food together? No. We've made music together. Yeah, but that's not food. Food of life.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  Food of love. Is it the food of love? If music be the food of love, play on, James! One of us went to Durham, the other of us doesn't know the difference between love and life. She didn't learn that in Durham. Did she not? No, at school. That's basic Shakespeare. That's nursery. That's nursery level Shakespeare. Yeah, that's nursery level Shakespeare, that. That was on our blocks at nursery, on our letter block. We spelt it out. In Catman, you get told it when you get a job. Yeah. When you eventually like leave school, graduate, then they tell you your first bit of Shakespeare. I go, okay, I always couldn't remember if it's love or life.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Music is a food of love play on.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  Well, there you go.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  And if food is the music of love, make me dinner.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  That's the new tagline for the podcast, but you've got to put that out there so the world can hear it. Cause that's a good tagline.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Tell you what, now and again, I really tickle myself.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  Well, when we're trying to come up with, there's a, there's a secret ingredient in this podcast, by the way, where if the, if the guest says it, then we kick him out. And we're trying to come up with what, uh, the Monta, what Montaigne's one could be. And Ed was like, it's Montaigne, uh, is it, is it like a mountain in some language?

• 2:53Speaker 01

  It's not.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  And, uh, but it was like, oh, Montaigne is like in French, it's like, oh, we could pick a Toblerone.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  If it's that, and then we decided against it. And then immediately Ed starts talking and it's putting the tab off the Toblerone of his eyes. He's, he's.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  It's on the brain.

• 3:09Speaker 00

  He's still thinking about Toblerone.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Bleep, it was in the queue, gotta get it out there.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Uh, but the secret ingredient is not Toblerone. The secret ingredient is?

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Fish.

• 3:18Speaker 00

  Fish, it's fish. Cause the album's got the word fish in it, it's there, it's on the plate. Although I don't know Jess's eating habits. I think that Jess doesn't eat meat, but I'm not sure.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Okay. So there might be a vegan, so there, there might be no way we can kick them out.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  There might be, this might be, yeah, just like pointless.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  We might as well have just said a chair. You know, but like, um.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Vegans could eat a chair?

• 3:44Speaker 00

  To be fair, it depends what the chair is, not a leather chair.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  No, good point.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. So if there are only vegans in who have just tucked a napkin in their collar and about to eat a leather chair.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:54Speaker 00

  You want me to Google what's in that?

• 3:55Speaker 01

  You might want to have a look, you fucking idiot.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Yeah. Montaigne is touring Australia in August for the 10th anniversary of their Glorious Heights album 2016. For dates and tickets, go to montane music.com.au. This is the off menu menu of Montaigne.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Welcome Montaigne to the Dream Restaurant.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Ah, thank you for having me.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  Welcome Montaigne to the Dream Restaurant. We've been expecting you for some time.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Whoa, uh, thank, yeah, thank you.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Those are getting louder.

• 4:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, it has to get louder because if people have listened to the podcast before, they're going to expect them to invite, I've got to surprise them.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 00

  So you've got to go up in volume every time.

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Did you feel surprised, Jess?

• 4:42Speaker 02

  I was surprised. I was scared.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how we like our guests, right at the beginning.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  To be very on edge.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Really scared, like it's a horror film.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  And I love feeling this way, I've got to say. It feels good.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  Australians do very good horror films, but at the minute everyone's scared of that film.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  I can't really report on any of them because I don't watch horror films, but I do hear that they're quite good.

• 5:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  This new one, everyone's saying it's so scary.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Which one was it? Together or the other one?

• 5:10Speaker 00

  Uh, the, um.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Bring Her Back.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Bring Her Back, yeah, yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  It's the Filippou Twins.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Who, I've heard interviewed and seemed like really lovely, just sort of puppy dog energy Australian boys.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  They seem cool.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  And then they make the most horrible films I've ever seen in my life.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  It's like that sometimes, isn't it? Sometimes people with the greatest levity produce the darkest things. It's like, uh, Hayao Miyazaki is like the most depressed man, but he makes these beautiful Ghibli films, you know? Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  Maybe that's why, because Ed makes very happy comedy.

• 5:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  Makes everyone feel good, but he's a darks.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  And Junji Ito, you are of Junji Ito's work?

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Really happy man, loves his cats and then writes absolutely horrific horror manga.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  It's crazy.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Why is it that Australian films, so there's, it's either very funny, character-led comedy, or horrible, depressing, like gritty dramas where everyone gets hurt and it's just like so dark and everyone's in the bush and it's all horrible.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  That's a good question. I think, I don't know, we're a pretty isolated country, right? Like, I feel like there's, there's a lot, there's a lot of isolated, sort of desolate parts of the land, right? Like, we only populate, yeah, Perth, namely Perth. Uh, only really populate the coastline and then when you get a bit more inland, it gets very sparse, gets very small populations. I feel like that's good fodder for that sort of like, what's gonna happen kind of situation. Like, the roads at night, pretty scary out back that way because it's not very bright, like, not a lot of lights and stuff, so it's a lot of. It's rich, there's rich fertile soil, literally and figuratively for that kind of fiction, I think.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:52Speaker 00

  Who's that? What's that? Was it Wolf Creek?

• 6:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, again, not one I've seen, but yeah, that's

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Not seen it?

• 6:57Speaker 02

  That's one of, that's one of those, yeah.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  Just horrible country.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Disgusting.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  It's terrible.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, so scary country.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's, yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 00

  I hope I never go.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Scary to live there as well, yeah.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  We also with our guests, we like to immediately say that their, uh, their home is horrible.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  And scary, that's all, let's say.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  We do that with everyone and it never makes the edit. Let's see if this does.

• 7:19Speaker 02

  You're beautiful hosts, beautiful, yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  And, uh, and the minute you're on tour in the UK, how are you finding that? You can say anything you like at this point.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can, go for it.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  Australia.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, it's been good. Um, I've enjoyed it. Audience is good. They're excited for live music, which is like something that Australia is struggling with a little bit at the moment. So it's nice to come to a place where people are like, they're buying tickets and they're loving it. Um.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  I bet they can't relax, the Australian audience, just thinking about all the horrors outside.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Wolf Creek type stuff, yeah.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  There's some backwards man from the bush is gonna come in with a big axe.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  Exactly. Um, no, none of that here. It's always great, like coming to a place that just like, it looks totally different. I mean, actually not totally different, it's interesting because like obviously the British colonized Australia, so we got some architectural similarities and stuff. Uh, yeah, thank you, I appreciate it. Um, I don't, I don't know. I've been here before, so some of it feels more novel and some less. I went to Bristol yesterday. I really liked Bristol.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Bristol's cool.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  Did also find out that that was like the hub of slavery.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  And so there's, there is, you know.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  But they push them in the drink.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Swings and roundabouts. Yeah, no, no, exactly. I went to, I went to the M, uh, shed yesterday, which is like the Bristol museum kind of thing, is all about Bristol.

• 8:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  And, and they have, they have the statue like lying on its side with the graffiti on it in a glass case and they tell you all about it. I was like, I was cheering. I was like, this is great.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Trying to push that in the, in the river again.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, just trying to smash in the gods, trying to lift it on my own, rolling it again down the hill.

• 8:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this is probably quite controversial for me to say, but I'm not afraid. I'm sure there's some Colston heads out there who are like, I love the guys where um.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  There was at the time, it was crazy.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:08Speaker 00

  They pushed him in the drink. Actually, no one said, I don't think anyone dared say at the time that they loved him. But they tried to make the arguments about, well.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:16Speaker 00

  It's history.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 9:18Speaker 00

  And what are we doing? And it's like, well, we put like, there's the same bit of history, but the good guys will make a statue of them.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 00

  And then they had no answer for that. They were like, don't push him in the drink.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  Stop pushing him in the drink.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  No one used the phrase the drink around that time.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 9:36Speaker 00

  Everyone was saying it got pushed in the drink.

• 9:40Speaker 00

  For what I remember.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 00

  Well, that's good that they, I didn't know that they had it in the glass case.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's funny.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Can you remember any of the graffiti?

• 9:47Speaker 02

  No, I was just red. It was just like, I think maybe, I don't, I don't know if there was a placard saying what the, the red symbolized. I feel like maybe just like blood or just like, I don't like this guy's face, so I'm gonna cover it with red.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  Well, that's the only paint they could find on the day.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, it could be, yeah. Rushing down to the, the drink. Got to grab some graffiti paint on the way.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  No, it was genuinely a very good exhibit. Well, not just exhibit, it was like, it was a whole, it was a whole thing. There was lots of information there.

• 10:16Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go and see it.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Quite informative. Yeah, it's good.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  I'm in Bristol in a couple of weeks.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:20Speaker 00

  I'm gonna go to that immediately.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Have a look, it's free.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  I've got to go and see Stu Goldsmith.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  And get all the gossip about Edinburgh from him. And then I'm gonna go and see, and see the statue.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Edinburgh gossip. I have a lot of friends who went to Edinburgh and I can't wait to go back to Australia and get the gossip from them.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Who are your friends who went to Edinburgh and what gossip do you think they're gonna have?

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Uh, I have a friend named Robin Reynolds, who's really amazing new stand up. Um, she's like a Brit, but she's based in Melbourne and Australian. I made friends with her. I just moved to Melbourne.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  Great city, loving it. And she's great. Um, uh, do you know Zach Zucker?

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, he, I don't live near him, but he's a friend and I should probably probe him.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  So Zach Zucker and Robin Reynolds so far?

• 10:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 11:00Speaker 02

  Um.

• 11:00Speaker 01

  We're with the pattern. James is very excited about the fact they both have illustrative names.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  Oh, that's so true.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  I didn't even think about that.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  I know, his brain works.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  He can't wait, he's gonna.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Let me think, let me see if I can rustle up another one.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  You try and rustle up some and James will definitely make up some.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 00

  Oh, no, no, no, no. I won't make it up anyway. Did you drink?

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Did you drink?

• 11:22Speaker 00

  Drink for everything.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Drink themed episode.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  I can't wait till we get to dream drink.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  It'll be so exciting.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, those are my friends. I've got two friends.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Two friends is good. That's all you need. I've got two friends.

• 11:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  Ed.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  And did you drink?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Oh, did you drink? Yeah.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Not myself.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 11:42Speaker 00

  Myself.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  You can be friends with yourself.

• 11:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. James can't. James can't. Famously.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  Friend of self?

• 11:47Speaker 00

  Not my cup of tea.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  No, okay.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  He'd never write any shows if he was friends with himself.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Oh, so true.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  Just sit around at home being happy.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  No, I get that. Yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 00

  Instead, all my material is just from, I hate this guy.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 00

  Yeah. Sometimes it's me that I'm talking about. Sometimes it's Benito.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  And I make out like it's me, but it's really something Benito's done.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:05Speaker 00

  Tell us about your album.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  My album? It's called It's Hard To Be A Fish.

• 12:09Speaker 00

  This is perfect.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. Why is it perfect?

• 12:14Speaker 00

  Because we've been talking about the drink.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  And then we're talking about another thing that people eat.

• 12:18Speaker 00

  And now we're going to talk about the fish which is in the water.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 00

  And before we even started recording, we talked about my octopus teacher.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  We're talking about that.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  And we went to the Bristol Aquarium.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  I love, I love all things marine.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I, the reason why it's called It's Hard To Be A Fish, many reasons, but partly because when I started making the album, I lived by the sea in Coogee in Australia. And my partner at the time was like a full ocean swimmer, did like the two Ks out into the ocean and like would also go snorkeling stuff a lot. So that was very much part of like my world at the time of making or starting to make the album. And was like truly trying to tap into that when I was producing it as well with the sounds and stuff with, there's just like lots of ocean and water samples and seagull samples and stuff like that. And then, and then broke up with that person and moved out and my whole life changed completely. And then I had this like reckoning with like, I guess my family life. I don't talk to my parents anymore.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Loved them. God bless them. It's, it's very complex. And I do not wish any ill upon my parents whatsoever. I love them, but they just, I can't have a relationship with them anymore. And the album is kind of about that, is about how, just like my feelings swirling around that, the grief of sort of having to like, disconnect yourself from your parents while you're still, like they're still alive. The sort of like resentment as well, which like I have to acknowledge, like there's a lot of anger there, a lot of resentment. But then also sort of the feeling of, I guess, relief as well. Uh, I guess after the fact, there's a lot of analogies in there about like being on a shipwreck

• 13:58Speaker 02

  and then floating in the ocean, deciding where you're gonna go next. Like, are you gonna swim back to that person? Are you gonna like find some new island and see what happens, even though it's unknown and scary? So that's sort of, it's all, it's all trying to incorporate this notion of like fish, ocean, ships, like drifting in and out, the oscillation of things. Um, and, and I guess like family life and just encompassing all these like experiences of my life. So, yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 00

  Crazy, that's how you can start to like, I think we get this with shows and stuff as well, with comedy shows, where you start to do it about one thing.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  And then it becomes about something else, but the initial thing still kind of bleeds into it, still, still carries on.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 00

  Even though they're not necessarily connected. Ed's about to say that that's never happened to him.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  I have no subtext.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Something happens in my life and I directly talk about that thing and then it's the end of the show. Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  The next routine is a different thing.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  And then it's the next thing that happened.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  Chronologically, Jess.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  I'm not fucking around by going back in time, all right?

• 15:01Speaker 02

  No, like memories, you just leave them behind. No place, no place in your life.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  If Ed was doing it, your album, it would be a very stark, talking about being next to the sea. And his partner swimming out in the sea. And then it would be, I'm not talking to my parents anymore.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then it would be, I saw a fish and I thought, it's hard to be a fish.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  So.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  That they wouldn't be connected.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, I see. Well, yeah, the extra layer for me with that is like, um, part, part of the way I started conceiving of like my relationship with my mom initially, this is me when I'm like at my most like petulant, like I'm a victim is like, she's a cat and I'm a fish and I'm getting hunted, man. I'm getting hunted. But then like when I started to think about it some more, I was like, no, we're like all fish, man.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  We're like all being hunted by someone or something. We've all got our own thing. We have to remember that. And we have to try and, you know, be a bit more compassionate towards each other. And I'm again, try to be that with my mum on the album. Try not to be just like, you're a bitch. You know, like try to also be like, no, you're a human being. A lot of stuff has happened to you and you're a fish.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  You're a bigger fish than me.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. You know, like, yeah. And also like as a metaphor for queerness, like I am queer. I'm non-binary and I'm bisexual as well. And like fish is a term that is like slang that gets used among trans people sometimes as well. And I just thought it was like, I, I, I liked it as an idea, like as a representation for queerness as well. Because there's also a lot of like interesting stuff happening in the ocean, like seahorses.

• 16:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  The males get pregnant. That's cool. I like that. You know, I think the ocean, there's a lot of things in there that reveal to us that the world is not very clear cut. Right? Like these ideas of like gender and biology and stuff are not just like male and female. And the genitals happen this way and the mind happens this way. It's like, there's a lot of different stuff that happens down there and also within human beings. But I think human beings find it harder to accept difference among themselves sometimes. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I thought, you know, the fish metaphor and analogy, yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Let's get into your dream menu. We'll start with still a sparkling water.

• 17:19Speaker 02

  I was talking to my partner about this. I was like, in the dream restaurant, can it be both like high end and lowbrow? You know, like what kind of experience am I going for? And I think I'm going to go for both. And in this, but on this course, it's, it's highbrow, so it's going to be sparkling.

• 17:35Speaker 00

  So you see the sparkling as the fantasy?

• 17:37Speaker 02

  I think so. It's like when you go to like a fine dining restaurant, like, I mean, they offer you both, but you go for sparkling.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  You gotta go for sparkling.

• 17:45Speaker 02

  You go, you gotta do it, I think.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Even if you don't like it. I think it's, that's just. You've got to get the full experience.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Oh, even that's immediately you're like on the train to like Highfalutin.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  On the train to Highfalutin.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  If you're paying, if you're paying that much money, you're getting the sparkling water. And I don't know, this is something I don't know about these restaurants is like, how do they source the sparkling? Are they doing it themselves? Are they getting just like a San Pellegrino? Are they like, what, what is it? I don't know, but I have to assume that it's like the good stuff, whatever the good, it's like the best carbonated water, you know?

• 18:23Speaker 00

  Cause they're not bringing out San Pellegrino at that place. They're bringing out a plain bottle.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Unmarked bottle.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  No, exactly.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  Bottle that is sparkling.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:31Speaker 00

  And I've never actually thought about that.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:32Speaker 00

  Of like, where's that?

• 18:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  What have you decanted into there?

• 18:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Or have you made it yourself?

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

• 18:38Speaker 00

  But usually those places, they'll describe every course in detail. So you'd think while they were pouring the water, they'd be like, and we made this ourselves.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  I know. Well, maybe that's the thing. It's like, maybe the lack of mention means it's actually quite cheaply sourced.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Would that disappoint you if you sort of, the door to the kitchen swung open, you saw it was like the cheapest sparkling water was available?

• 18:55Speaker 02

  It would.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  I'd feel like annoyed at myself as well that I'd been convinced by the surroundings.

• 19:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  That everything was fancy.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. There's a TV show that ages ago, the Penn and Teller did. So Benito, Benito will know about.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  Called Bullshit. Do you remember Benito? Called Bullshit.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  And one episode, they opened a fake restaurant that was like fancy fine dining restaurant, but in the kitchen, they were just making everything with like cheese whiz and cheap things from the supermarket.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  Going out, explaining to the customers how fancy it was and how they're made. And the customers were like, oh yes, this is incredible.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:35Speaker 00

  And they're obviously filming with secret cameras and being like, these people are morons.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  I think about that a lot when I'm in those, whenever I've gone to a fancy restaurant and I'm eating, and they've explained how great it is to me. I went, this might, I might be on Penn and Teller's bullshit.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  And I've got to not.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  They might have recommissioned Penn and Teller's bullshit.

• 19:53Speaker 00

  Commissioned Penn and Teller's bullshit and said, only if you make it episode for episode the same.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:57Speaker 00

  As the, as the first time you made bullshit. And I'm here eating cheese whiz on a Ritz cracker.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Your ego is wild sometimes.

• 20:04Speaker 00

  Huh?

• 20:04Speaker 01

  You're just out in public going, they might be filming.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Truman Show, man.

• 20:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:11Speaker 00

  Truman Show and bullshit. I think I might be on both at the same time.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Like, this is like, I'm on the Truman Show.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  It's bullshit to show within the Truman Show.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:20Speaker 02

  They're doing, yeah.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, they've done, yeah, they've done a hidden camera.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  How many shows are in the Truman Show, do you reckon?

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, good, well, because it's supposed to be like a sort of squeaky clean 1950s style America, really, isn't it? It's like the idyllic American dream.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  So like, how many channels do you reckon?

• 20:35Speaker 01

  So it's probably not many channels, yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, you can't be watching that.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  How much extra TV were they making for this one man?

• 20:41Speaker 01

  If maybe he hadn't got out, maybe they would have done a Truman Show within the Truman Show.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  So he was like watching someone else have the Truman Show done to them.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  That's crazy. That's a good sequel.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  That's a good, that's a good sequel.

• 20:54Speaker 00

  It might have been a good way to convince him that he wasn't in the Truman Show.

• 20:57Speaker 02

  What about a Truman Show sequel? It's kind of like, like Squid Game. Have you guys seen Squid Game?

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  You know, he goes back to Squid Game.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  What if, what if there's a sequel to the Truman Show?

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Try and bring it down.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  He made another Truman Show. He was the director.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  He did the Truman Show.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  But then when he's the director up in the moon, he finds out they're making a Truman Show of him.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  Or.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  You're gonna have to delete this, Bonito.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, Bonito, they're gonna try and get this from us.

• 21:21Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 21:23Speaker 00

  They're gonna try and get this from us, Hollywood. That would be good. I mean, he would at least be, even if they weren't making a Truman Show of him, surely he's always gonna be paranoid.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  So sure, when he escapes the Truman Show.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  It's a happy end in that film, but surely the rest of his life, he's like.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  I actually don't see it as a happy ending.

• 21:40Speaker 00

  How do I know this isn't, what, you don't see it as a happy ending?

• 21:43Speaker 01

  No, I find it really depressing. It's just like looking at the door.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  You're like, what's his life gonna be like now?

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, I guess.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  I didn't think of it like that. I thought good on him.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Does he get like a pension for the rest of his life or something? Like some sort of compensation, like, does he?

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Good point.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Is he put up for the rest of his life? Surely, because he doesn't have a real job.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  I mean, he's writing, he's writing a book.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  I guess he's got qualifications, though.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  He's writing a book, though, isn't he?

• 22:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh yeah, no, totally.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  That book is.

• 22:07Speaker 02

  He's an influencer now.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  That's a bestseller.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right. He's just doing the talk shows for the rest of his life, the circuit.

• 22:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, he's gotta be talking, but he'd always be thinking, I'm still in it.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  He'd always, he'd hate it.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  He'd be thinking, how do I know this is real life?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  He could remake Dumb and Dumber.

• 22:22Speaker 00

  What?

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Because he looks exactly like that guy.

• 22:25Speaker 00

  He comes out, sees Dumb and Dumber and goes, hey. I could be Lloyd Christmas.

• 22:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, we bake all those films. Schmoking.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  The mask.

• 22:36Speaker 00

  The mask.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  But what if he was a bad actor?

• 22:41Speaker 01

  That would be gutting annoying.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  Very annoying for him to be a bad actor.

• 22:47Speaker 00

  Do people say schmoking in Australia?

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Australia, um, I don't know, I've probably heard it once or twice, but it's not common. Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 00

  It's a shame. Popadums or bread? Popadums or bread, Montaigne? Popadums or bread?

• 22:59Speaker 02

  What did you say?

• 22:59Speaker 00

  Popadums or bread?

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, this is funny. I was talking with my partners. I was doing, I was doing my homework with my partner. I was floating all this to him.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  It's good. We like to hear that.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  And we were saying, like, this is not a question you would ask in Australia, cause it's just.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  To be fair.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, okay, I see.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Only on the podcast.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Oh, only in the podcast. Oh, I see. I thought maybe because Indian food is quite common here.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  That it was, that was a good, like a British thing.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, definitely like popadums is very popular here, but you wouldn't ever ask the question, popadums or bread?

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. Uh, for me, bread. For me, bread. I eat popadums very rarely. I like them when I have them, but like, when I go to India, I don't get them every time. Um, it's a sometimes thing for me. And but bread is, as a vegan especially, an all the time thing.

• 23:41Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah?

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  What sort of bread are you, what sort of bread are you eating all the time? And then what's your dream bread for the dream restaurant?

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Um, sort of bread I'm eating all the time is a sourdough. Australia's got, we've got access to quite good, just like supermarket sourdough.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  It's quite good. A brand called Sonoma. I don't know if you've heard about this, but it's like quite good stuff. It's not like the best at the supermarket, but it's amazing when you get it at like the market or something. It's really good. But anyway, I get that a bunch, cause I do a lot of like heavy toasts, you know, like quite liquid, heavy toasts. And then you pop it on and like just the simple white bread is not gonna carry all that.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Talk me through the concept of a heavy toast.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  So like, uh.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Liquid, liquid, liquid heavy toast.

• 24:21Speaker 00

  Liquid heavy toast.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I'll do like.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Never call an album that.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  Disgusting title.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Hey, you can call an album anything and I stand by that.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  You could come up with an analogy for liquid heavy toast, I reckon.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, actually, the more we say it, the more I would buy an album called Liquid Heavy Toast.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Like, I make a lot of like bean type things that I plop onto toast. So like, you know, like kind of a baked beans kind of situation, but there'll be cherry tomatoes in there, maybe some kale. And then on top will be like some pickled red onions and like a lot of herbs and like some lemon juice, salt, pepper, chili flakes. And maybe like some avocado or hummus or garlic sauce or something on the toast.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Sounds good.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  All of that on the toast is very heavy.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Very heavy toast.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  That's a liquid heavy toast.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I don't put it on the side. I put it on the toast and then you just go, ah, just try to fit it all in.

• 25:09Speaker 00

  And this is a thick slice of toast.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  Well, relative, you can, because I'm slicing it myself at home, like it's got the loaf. So sometimes it's thinish. But sourdough, you can never get it that thin, you know?

• 25:20Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Have you ever tried like a really thin sourdough?

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Well, because obviously it has holes in it as well, right? So if you get a holey bit and then you try to cut it thin, there's no bread.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  No, exactly.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 00

  I had some, well, what was it? Last week, went to a restaurant and their bread was, they'd crossed, cross pollinated sourdough and a croissant. So it was like the outside was crispy like sourdough, but the inside was this like croissant kind of thing. So there wasn't any holes, but it was like very fluffy and stuff on the inside and that was.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  That sounds good.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  That's interesting.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Trying to shout out where that was?

• 25:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can't remember what it was called. It was in Valencia.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Oh, in Spain. Oh, lovely.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  Shout out to all my Spanish friends.

• 26:03Speaker 02

  Huge, huge ups to Spain.

• 26:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, but Benito's trying to Google it now and see where.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's probably quite good at this.

• 26:10Speaker 00

  I could have just looked at my phone and been like, oh, it was called this because it'd be in my calendar.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 00

  Because we reserved, but I've left it in the other room.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 00

  So I'm trying to do that more now.

• 26:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 00

  But then you realise there's never any time in your life you don't need your phone. And I should have, I should, I'm just gonna have to surrender myself to it forever and just accept that I'm addicted to it.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:30Speaker 00

  That'd be that, but.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Sucks, I hate it.

• 26:32Speaker 00

  You know, if Ben can figure it out, we'll all be quite impressed with him. Ricardo, I think the name Ricardo was in there somewhere.

• 26:37Speaker 02

  Ricardo.

• 26:39Speaker 00

  Well, I'm guessing.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  You sure that wasn't the name of the waiter?

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Could have been the waiter. I've gone with the waiter quite a lot. Bar Ricardo, could have been. Wasn't a bar.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  I do think they should list the waiters' names on the websites of restaurants with a little picture like a cast for a play.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  That would be good.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  Wouldn't you think?

• 26:56Speaker 00

  You can look forward to seeing them on your way.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  Oh, we got the understudy.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Know all the big names, yeah. Think I win.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Ricardo's not gonna be here today. Fuck's sake, it's the reason we came.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Oh, man.

• 27:08Speaker 00

  Do you have a favourite waiter that you've ever had? Anybody who sticks in the head.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  I had a pretty good one last night. Went to just like a ramen place in Bristol and the guy was, he was really friendly. He was just really nice, a lot of energy and good service. You know, one of us went to the bathroom right at the beginning and he sort of came up and he was like, does anyone have allergies? And we were like, oh, we don't, but we don't know if the other guy is. And he's like, I'll ask when he comes back. And then he came back and he asked and he remembered and did his due diligence.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  And I was like, that's good waiting. That's good wait staffing.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  I thought you were gonna say you went in after.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  To the bathroom, followed him in.

• 27:44Speaker 00

  But the other guy, well.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Anyone have any allergies in here?

• 27:47Speaker 00

  Yeah. You're in the cubicle, your friends say, I know you're well enough.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Smells like you got allergies, buddy.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  If you don't mind me saying.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  My wife is allergic to pineapple.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  So whenever we go to a restaurant and they say, does anyone have any allergies? She always says, I'm allergic to pineapple. And I'd say every other time, the waiter would be like, okay.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Well, that'll be all right.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  We don't have pineapple. She's like, yeah, but I don't know you don't have pineapple.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  No, exactly, yeah.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  If I don't say it, then it's gonna, it's gonna come up.

• 28:17Speaker 00

  The pineapple comes out and they're like, well, why didn't you say? Because most of the time, people roll their eyes and say I'm stupid.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 28:23Speaker 00

  We go, all right, SpongeBob. And that's it.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  SpongeBob's not allergic to pineapple.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  Last person you wanna be allergic to pineapple. Absolute idiot if he's allergic to pineapples.

• 28:33Speaker 02

  Built his house out of pineapple, fucking idiot.

• 28:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, especially under the sea.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:37Speaker 00

  Could have avoided it. Do you want your liquid heavy toast, like as your bread course, do you want it to be with all the stuff you'd usually put on it?

• 28:47Speaker 02

  Um, not what, again, at like a, if it was a fine dining place, I would just want the really good focaccia with the salt, the sea salt and the oil and the. Maybe the balsamic vinegar. I think that's the best. I think that's the best part of the fine dining. Is the fresh, warm, made bread. Like, that's really good.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, yeah, we'll absolutely hook you up with that. But I'm a bit sad to see the liquid heavy toast going.

• 29:11Speaker 02

  I do. Well, I can have that. I'll have that at home, you know. I mean, yeah, I guess for the dream restaurant, it is sad. But we'll always remember it in our hearts, you know, at home.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  Maybe never a guest will pick it. We've had guests pick things that they've heard other guests say, that they've not had before.

• 29:28Speaker 02

  Oh, interesting.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  So maybe there'll be a guest in the future who will have listened to this.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Liquid heavy toast.

• 29:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  It's really nice.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Liquid heavy toast could be coming back.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  It's out there in the world now.

• 29:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:39Speaker 01

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• 30:21Speaker 01

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• 31:05Speaker 01

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• 31:18Speaker 00

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• 31:30Speaker 01

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• 31:36Speaker 00

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• 31:44Speaker 00

  Your dream starter, your menu proper.

• 31:46Speaker 02

  No, I love vegetables. I really love vegetables. Like a really well done vegetable is like the best thing ever, I think. So I think for me, my like starter, and again, this is like kind of a lot of, a lot of my menu is in the fine dining sort of realm, it seems. But like leek, like a really nice leek, a really nice fennel and a really nice celeriac. Just like a, a threefer of those.

• 32:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Like just done really well with like a little sauce and a jus, I reckon. Fennel, I've had, um, how do they do it? Like a roasted fennel, that's good. And then the celeriac, sometimes they do celeriac like it's a kebab kind of thing. Have you ever seen that?

• 32:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  And a lot of purees as well.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot of purees.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Puree to fuck.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that poor guy, the celeriac must be like, fucking hell.

• 32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  How did we get here?

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  I'm going.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  Is that again?

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, every night. Uh, that, that is to me lovely.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  You're like the kebab version.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, just really freshly done, nice vegetables with the jus.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  I think that's.

• 32:54Speaker 00

  How, how the leeks being done?

• 32:55Speaker 02

  The leeks, I never know with leeks really, just like whatever's the tastiest and the most lemony. I like it when a leek is lemony.

• 33:04Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  How do you feel about it being charred to fuck?

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I like that.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  A leek chars very well.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  I like that. I like that.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  Didn't even need to say it.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  I like it a lot.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 00

  There he is again.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  I like it. That's true. Sounds quite Scottish, actually.

• 33:25Speaker 00

  Truman it is, who's playing Lloyd Christmas. No, Truman, listen, we said, you've got to say, I like it a lot. I like it a lot. I like it a lot. You're fired, Truman. You're so bad at this. You're the worst actor ever. You look exactly like him, but this is not. You can't keep saying, I like it a lot. These are three things that I think we haven't had shouted out on the podcast very often. No, true.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  They don't, they don't get shouted out. People generally, I find myself often the odd one out in any situation where we're talking about eating. Cause not many people love vegetables. It's not a comment, it's not coming. I really like, I love, I love them.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  And I love them more than like, when I have a vegan burger, for example, I always want there to be like more lettuce on it. I have a thing, do you know, do you guys know Subway takes?

• 34:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, I love Subway takes so much.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  I have.

• 34:14Speaker 00

  Oh, fucking hell. You have no idea how you just tapped into something that is currently my entire world. So I left my phone in the other room. All I'm doing is watching Subway takes all the fucking time, man. It's so funny. Have you seen Nisha's impression of the Subway takes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nisha's puts on, often Nisha puts on shades and pretends to be Subway takes. He looks a bit like him. He looks a bit like him, but it's funny. He puts on the shades and says I'm Subway takes.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's all you have to do, put on the shades.

• 34:39Speaker 00

  So your Subway take is to do with, yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  My Subway take would be, I think that all burgers, everyone who has said this to you disagrees with me. All burgers should come with a pile of shredded lettuce on the side, just like extra lettuce. So that when you're eating a burger, if you want to top up, you can. And also, because often the burger will like leak some sauce on the plate, you can just like mop it up with the lettuce and you can just have a nice sauce.

• 35:08Speaker 00

  100% disagree. Yeah. That's what Subway takes can say to you.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  I think, I think this is a good idea, partly for people like me who. Uh, really into lettuce. I love lettuce. I think it's really good. Yeah, not plain is fine, but with a sauce, it's just the best.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 35:25Speaker 02

  I think like lettuce on a taco and you get all the sauces. Oh, it's the best. But yeah, I always want more lettuce on a burger than there ever is. And then I feel like, I don't know what the like, the rate of going through lettuces at restaurants, but because it is just like a, I don't know, I feel like you can get a lot of it out of a single head of lettuce, right?

• 35:45Speaker 00

  If you're shredding it thin as well.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  Precisely. Surely they have so much leftover and that does not stay fresh for like, you know, more than 12, 24 hours or whatever shortly. Like I, I can't imagine a, a good restaurant is using the same lettuce as yesterday's lettuce, you know? So you gotta get rid of the lettuce. So like, why not instead of wasting it, just put all the extra on the whole plate? For everyone, you know?

• 36:08Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, I, I think most restaurants may as well shred that lettuce straight in the bin. It's, no one's getting it. No, they're using it as a garnish or something, but they're doing so much chopping it up.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:19Speaker 00

  When I worked in little, you know, just pubs and stuff in the kitchens, I was chopping lettuce most of the day. And then I would just watch it 10 minutes later, come back through the door, be put in the bin, before it goes in the pot, but the plate goes in the pot, watching, what is the point of my job?

• 36:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  Like, so definitely, I think if you are a fan of lettuce,

• 36:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  you should be able to say at the start of the meal, just so you know, I love lettuce so much that I would request that instead of scraping it into the bin, you put it on my plate.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Maybe that's the modification, maybe this might take you should, it should be socially acceptable and free to ask for extra lettuce.

• 36:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  At the beginning of your burger.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  Well, for your dream meal.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  For every course, we can happily bring you an extra bowl of lettuce.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  Excellent. Fantastic. Yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 00

  You've got loads.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  I'm excited.

• 37:02Speaker 00

  How do you feel about grilled lettuce? Have you had that before? Oh, yeah. Grilled baby gem lettuce?

• 37:06Speaker 02

  Um, oh, you know what? I think I've, I think I've had that. I think it was okay.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:11Speaker 00

  But does that ruin something about the lettuce for you? Do you like the, do you like the fresh sort of?

• 37:15Speaker 02

  No, I like it. I like it all. I like it done all, all of the ways.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, except for soggy. Soggy's gross. Soggy's nasty.

• 37:21Speaker 00

  What about with a burger when the bun is lettuce? When they do that?

• 37:25Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I think that's stupid.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  Really?

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  I thought that would be so up your street.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  No, you have to have bread. You've got to have the bun.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  I'm a bun guy as well.

• 37:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  There's got to be bun too.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, okay.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  I think. Every time I see it on a menu, I'm like, I know this is for someone who's got some sort of dietary thing, but it is not for me.

• 37:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  It's not for me.

• 37:45Speaker 00

  Oh man, I thought it was gonna be so up your street.

• 37:46Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. Just in, in the burger's fine, or on the side.

• 37:50Speaker 00

  Fair enough.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  You fucked up, man. Fucked up big time.

• 37:54Speaker 02

  You don't even know me.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  Your dream make course.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Um, I've struggled with this and I actually don't know if I can like pick the definitive one. Like, uh, that's really hard for me, I think, cause

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  It just, it really just does depend on the day, right? Like for me. But I've, what I've gone with is something I make at home quite a lot, actually, which I think is just the most delicious thing. And I love having it. And my partner as well, who isn't vegan, but will eat, just eats vegan with me at home. It's like his favorite thing and he loves it. And it's a lentil bolognese. Just, it's really good. There's this one recipe that I found on Pinterest that like, he put like a cup of red wine, maybe two cups of red wine in there.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  Uh, just like really nice, um, uh, is it, is it brown lentils? I actually can't even remember if it's just like your brown or if it's your red. I don't think it's red. It's, it's almost certainly brown lentils.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:59Speaker 02

  Um, I don't know. It's just really tasty. It's like really rich. It makes up, I think it's honestly better than like a regular like beef bolognese or mince bolognese or whatever.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  Words.

• 39:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do think so.

• 39:11Speaker 00

  People.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  And it's less, like you can eat a lot of it and you don't feel gross in your, in your tummy.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Which is really nice, but I can, I can eat so much of it and it's so delicious and it's so cheap. Just make it at home and it's the best.

• 39:26Speaker 00

  Is it just, it can't just be brown lentils and red wine?

• 39:30Speaker 02

  No, there's other, there's other, there's other stuff in there. This is onion. There's tomato. Actually, is there even onion? There must be onion. I think there's onion. I think there's onion. There's gotta be onion in there. Onion, garlic. There's gotta be tomato. Yeah, dash tomatoes or crushed tomatoes or whatever it is. And, uh, you know, you put like whatever you want parsley on there or basil or whatever you, whatever you like. Spaghetti? Spaghetti, yeah. Or you can do, uh, uh, fettuccine as well if you want. No one's gonna stop you? No, no one's gonna stop you. Although I always, uh, I rarely cook with fettuccine because I find it always sticks together and I don't know what the solve for that is. There's probably a solve. There's probably someone on YouTube. He's like, here's how to do your fettuccine without.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  A lot of people say olive oil in the water.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Oh, interesting.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  I was about to say, I bet Ed knows the solve.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Olive oil, I thought everyone knew olive oil in the water.

• 40:14Speaker 00

  No, no, everyone knows.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  To stop the pasta sticking together.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  Ed, you think that everyone knows your little life hacks, but they don't. You got, you got a.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  It feels like a nineties thing, olive oil in the water.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  It's not a nineties, well, what?

• 40:24Speaker 01

  It's a nineties mum thing, olive oil in the water.

• 40:26Speaker 00

  The rest of us are watching Friends.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  No, but like my mum, my mum was cooking pasta. Yeah, busy getting born.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  Someone screaming at you as soon, as soon as you were born, olive oil in the water.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, my mum played that on a tape recorder like while I was in the womb, just so I'd know.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Make sure it was internalized from, from the get-go.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  You actually had fettuccine one day.

• 40:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Obviously not good enough because I didn't remember.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's a shame. But, but Ed's mum.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 00

  Made it very clear.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  Olive oil in the water and then throw it against the wall, see if it's.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Would you do that?

• 40:58Speaker 01

  No, I don't need, no, she wouldn't do that. I would do that because I think I read about that and I just wanted to throw stuff at the wall.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  Are you throwing it like against just a normal wall or like a?

• 41:07Speaker 01

  On the ceiling sometimes.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Clean wall.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  A wipe clean.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Not the whole, but sorry, not the whole portion.

• 41:12Speaker 02

  Oh, just like.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  We're aware of taking one strand and throwing it at the wall and if it sticks, it's cooked, right?

• 41:16Speaker 02

  No, I'm not aware.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Are you not aware of that?

• 41:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  That's another nineties thing, sorry. Um. You're not, you're not throwing, you're not throwing the whole portion of spaghetti against the wall and then scraping it back into the bowl.

• 41:27Speaker 02

  That's what I thought you were doing and I was scared, honestly. I'm already, I've started the podcast scared and continuing to be scared.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  And you thought he was the scary one.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  Um, no, you take one strand and throw it against the wall. I mean, I don't do it anymore, but it was fun when I was a kid.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  On the ceiling and just leave it there, see how long it stays.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:42Speaker 00

  Well, the ceiling?

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, for a laugh.

• 41:43Speaker 00

  Crazy kid.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Oh, cheeky.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  Ever get stuck? Ever get stuck up there?

• 41:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Can you reach it?

• 41:50Speaker 01

  No, just wait for it to.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  To sort of peel itself off throughout, throughout the day. Hope it drops on my mum's head.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  And I'm in the corner giggling.

• 42:01Speaker 00

  One of my favourite things is, um, just Ed as a little kid hanging out with his mum. I find very funny. I can't really, like, describe why. But every time it's Ed hanging out with his mum. And just the idea of him waiting for the fettuccine to drop on his mum's head at some point is just funny.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  I like that that's, that's your relationship.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  I was a prankster.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I put itching powder in my mum's bed.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Got it free with the Beano.

• 42:26Speaker 00

  I was gonna say, it's so Dennis the Menace.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 00

  He's gotta be involved somehow.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think she went out and there was a babysitter and I put itching powder in the bed. And then the next morning, my mum was like, I could barely sleep last night, I was so itchy. I was like, yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 00

  Itching powder will do that, mum.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  She was not happy.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, bet.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  She did not think it was a laugh.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  I mean, I don't, I don't wanna like, you know, be one of those people, you, you wouldn't get away with that now. You couldn't give away your itching powder in the Beano. Surely.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Itching powder's been cancelled.

• 42:57Speaker 00

  Surely, surely, surely comics aren't allowed to like, just give away stuff that like, a bag of itching powder to kids now that they can use on people.

• 43:08Speaker 02

  Did you get your bag from a comic?

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, from the Beano, from the front of the Beano.

• 43:12Speaker 02

  Oh, what's the Beano? I don't know what the Beano is.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  The Beano is like a, um, like a kid's comic that's been around for like decades.

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, right.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  And all of these sort of legendary. No, so the, the Beano's the name of the publication and then there's like Dennis the Menace.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Oh, you're saying comics like.

• 43:28Speaker 00

  Okay, so not a comedian.

• 43:30Speaker 01

  Like comedians.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not a comedian.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  You thought Beano was a comedian, a stand-up comedian.

• 43:34Speaker 01

  It was just really weird, actually.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Just gave away itching powder.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  When I was a kid, this, this guy came around and he was like, I'm a comic called Beano. Have some itching powder, stick it in your mum's bed.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Thanks, Beano.

• 43:46Speaker 00

  Thank you, Beano. Beano's so funny. Any other kids live round here?

• 43:52Speaker 00

  I've got more itching powder than I know what to do with. It has a comic book.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:56Speaker 00

  Dennis the Menace is like the main character.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  I see.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  Who's like a kid.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  But they never really specified his age.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  That's the Beano.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  But that's what Dennis the Menace looks like in England.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  So he's from the Beano.

• 44:09Speaker 00

  In other countries, Dennis the Menace is like a blonde little kid. But like, yeah, black spiky hair and a stripy red and black jumper.

• 44:16Speaker 01

  And a dog called Nasha.

• 44:17Speaker 00

  And nobly knees and a dog called Nasha.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Guess, guess he's, guess he's been in the Beano more recently.

• 44:23Speaker 02

  The Beano's still going.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Guess he's been, guess, guess who's been in it? Us.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  Really?

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  That's really cool.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Probably the highlight of my career.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:34Speaker 02

  Like as little characters?

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, just in the sort of foreground of the first panel of a mini The Minx cartoon. We're in, we're in, we're in a restaurant.

• 44:41Speaker 02

  That's cool. Oh, that's awesome.

• 44:43Speaker 00

  I've been given a cheese board and I'm angry about it.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:46Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 44:46Speaker 00

  I'm very, very happy about that.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:48Speaker 00

  Very exciting.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  So fettuccine or spaghetti with your lentil bolognese?

• 44:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  How are we feeling about vegan cheese, vegan Parmesan situations?

• 44:58Speaker 02

  There's actually some good ones nowadays. They're hard to like find. You can't really get them at the supermarket, but there's ones that are like, um, well, they're not the same as the sort of like shaved Parmesan. Like you can't get the shaved stuff, which that's the nice stuff. But like stuff that's just like a kind of grated one that they're doing a pretty good job of that nowadays.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  So would you add that to your?

• 45:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would, I would, I would add that. Yeah, definitely.

• 45:19Speaker 00

  And for your dream meal, do you want to make it? This is made by you?

• 45:23Speaker 02

  No, someone else has to make it, but someone has to use this recipe.

• 45:26Speaker 00

  Who would you like? Anyone in the world can make it.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 45:30Speaker 00

  Beano?

• 45:31Speaker 02

  My partner, but he has to get better at cooking.

• 45:33Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 01

  Well, this is the dream restaurant.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  This is the thing is that my dream is that my partner cooks for me more. No, it's not, it's not probably a problem. If I say, hey, can you cook? He cooks.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  But like he.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  He's not good, he's not good.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  He's not, he's, he like, when he, when we were not together and he was living alone, he would just like, he would just do packet soup or noodles or whatever. He does not cook for even himself.

• 45:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  He's not one of those people. He doesn't enjoy it, doesn't look forward to it. So I, I do most of the cooking. Yeah, I do enjoy it. Sometimes I'm like, oh, can't be bothered. And we just order takeaway. We actually, we order a lot of takeaway.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  What, what was your go to takeaway?

• 46:11Speaker 02

  Ah.

• 46:11Speaker 00

  Is that place in Melbourne?

• 46:12Speaker 02

  I'm pretty fresh to Melbourne, so it's like, um, we're still developing the, the repertoire.

• 46:17Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 46:18Speaker 02

  But, um, if I lived closer to it, I would probably order from, um, I don't know, like veggie bar bit more. It's like this place in Fitzroy in Melbourne that's like, uh, vegan, vegetarian, mostly vegan. They have just like a range of different stuff, like they've got a burrito and they've got pizzas and they've got like some Asian dishes, like a pad thai or like, uh, they just do a range, but it's all vegan. It's pretty good. It's big portions.

• 46:44Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  It's back when I, it's been so long since I've been to Melbourne, but when I was there, really the main option for vegans that everyone was talking about was Lord of the Fries and that was it.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. It's not as big anymore.

• 46:55Speaker 00

  No.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  It's sort of, it's still around, but like.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  That name grosses me out though.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Lord of the Fries.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  Crazy, crazy thing to name yourself after. It's a pun on flies. Yes, but. I don't want to eat anywhere.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  And on children who, who kill each other.

• 47:08Speaker 00

  Sure, but it's mainly the flies thing that puts me off. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that book is like, that's just like light reading in Australia.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's, that's not everyday life. That's a very school excursion.

• 47:20Speaker 00

  Good on them. Good on the kids.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  Is that your Australian accent? No, it wasn't, but like. God, good on those kids. Well done for killing each other on the island. Good, good on you.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  We've been testing a lot of Australian accents on the tour bus cause we got, we got some Scots, we got a couple of Icelandic fellows, we got, uh, just range. I'm the Australian and the, they're really bad.

• 47:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  I think the only person who's good at it is this, is one Scot. And occasionally he'll say something like, oh, it's quite good, but not four sentences, just one word. They're, they're really struggling.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  It's funny. I like it.

• 47:51Speaker 00

  Everyone thinks they can do a good Australian accent.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so too, yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Until you speak to an Australian and you do it to their face.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:57Speaker 00

  And then you're like, oh, it's just not.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  No, it's a, it's, I think it's quite hard actually.

• 48:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  I think it's just very, it's not, it's not very intuitive, you know?

• 48:05Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 48:06Speaker 02

  I almost feel like, um, like a classic Californian accent. It's like, I think it's quite easy because, well, maybe I'll do it and it'll be fucking shit. But like, because you just like, you like roll, roll your, roll your Rs, like you, you just like stay in this kind of like rounded place and stuff and like.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  That is quite good. That's good. Yeah, yeah.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  But, but cause Australia, it's like, I'm trying to think of. Any word that like is hard to say like, I guess it's just anything that's like ah, like hard or like, although you guys have the ah a little bit. Ah, oh, you're ah.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  Ah.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  Are you ah?

• 48:43Speaker 00

  That was my Australian.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  Oh, that was yours.

• 48:46Speaker 02

  Had. Yes, sort of.

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Sort of, maybe, yeah.

• 48:52Speaker 00

  You can, you can be honest with that, that was.

• 48:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, it wasn't good.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  No, thank you.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  It wasn't good.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  Your dream side dish.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, side dish is hard. Uh, I think, cause I, cause I think it would just be like more vegetables, really.

• 49:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  It would just be like, I recently had, um, there's a place in Melbourne called Smith and Daughters, which is amazing.

• 49:16Speaker 00

  I've got the cookbook, actually. Yeah, really good cookbook. Yeah.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:19Speaker 00

  There's no surprises. I still get surprised by him. All these episodes in, he's just, a guest mentions a. It's a good cookbook. Where they're from.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, why?

• 49:28Speaker 00

  And he just, he's got the cookbook.

• 49:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go. Well, they're, they're like, serious business, like the vegan food they do, it is like kind of fine dining-y. They also have a deli that's like just sandwiches or again, all vegan, it's so delicious, it's so good. But they have this like fine dining-y restaurant, um, and I recently went there and had this like roasted carrots, like blackened carrots thing, just had the most delicious sauce on it. I wish I could remember what any of the other ingredients were on it. I think maybe hazelnut might have been in the mix or something like that. But fuck, it tasted so good. Like I couldn't believe it. And I was so upset. I had to share them with the other two people at the table. I was like, I want to eat all of this. I was like that guy, uh, uh, I think you should leave. And he's like, I'm gonna eat the whole thing.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  That I wanted to be that guy.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  When he houses his bird.

• 50:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  So you're gonna kill, you're gonna kill the president. Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  I wanna watch that.

• 50:27Speaker 02

  I almost turned into that. Yeah. In, in that moment, I was like, these carrots are so fucking delicious. Yeah, yeah, precisely. Yeah. But no, I thought I'll be, I'll be civil. I'll be civil. I don't wanna alienate these people that I've been releasing my album with.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  I don't know if they know me that well. They know me.

• 50:44Speaker 00

  You could order enough more though.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  You know, that is so true. I really could have. And I didn't, and I don't know why.

• 50:50Speaker 00

  That's the move to be like, more carrots. This is classic Ed Gamble life hack, because definitely.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  Ordering more.

• 50:57Speaker 00

  Yes, because so few people would do that. But in the early days, I think Ed did not like it if it had to share.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 00

  And the thing was particularly good.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:07Speaker 00

  We'd be keeping tabs and said how many carrots everyone's had. But now it's just like, just orders more.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  But you do that as well. I see that as an Acast move.

• 51:15Speaker 00

  Oh, interesting.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  To be like, we should get more of this, or for the table.

• 51:18Speaker 00

  For the table.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  That's really nice. Yeah, this has never occurred to me. I don't know why. I'm like, that happened, it's done now.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  Forever.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Forever. I can never go back. Never go back, always forward like a fish.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Exactly. Well, no, I think the other consideration for me is actually, I have quite a tiny stomach is the other thing.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 51:36Speaker 02

  Is like, I really have to meet out my, I have to pick and choose how much of any given thing I'm gonna have. Because I'm like, well, the next course is coming and I don't know how big that's gonna be. And like, if I like that, I'm gonna, you know, that's, that is the thing that I juggle sometimes. But I do think like vegetables, very, they don't take up much space. So I definitely could have ordered more of the carrots.

• 51:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, most of them, all right. There's some vegetables gonna be, a marrow, for example.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  Marrow?

• 52:01Speaker 00

  That's gonna take up a lot of space.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  A whole marrow?

• 52:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, if you eat a marrow.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, right. I don't know if we get those in Australia.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  You have a marrow in Australia.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  It feels very British, though, the marrow.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  A marrow, yes.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  What, is there another word for it?

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Look it up, Benito.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 52:16Speaker 00

  There you go. That's a marrow. We're showing you right now.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  For the listener, Benito is showing Jess a picture of a marrow.

• 52:23Speaker 02

  We don't get this. We just get the, like, zucchini. We just get the zucchini.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  Are they big courgettes?

• 52:30Speaker 02

  They're like more, it says there that the zucchini slash the courgette is like an immature version.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  Of the marrow.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  So immature.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Put itching powder in his mum's bed.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  Yes. Got for Benito.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  Now I'm a marrow, of course. I would never do that.

• 52:47Speaker 00

  That's a little zucchini.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  You're doing that quite frequently.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  I've just got marrows in my head because my partner and I stayed in a hotel and we, and there was only one channel on the TV. We basically, we booked in it and nice hotel we're looking forward to. And we got there and the receptionist said, welcome to the hotel, it's flooded. And we're like, okay, they went, we couldn't get hold of you. Um, so, uh, we just booked you into another hotel down the street.

• 53:13Speaker 02

  Oh, whoa.

• 53:14Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. And they went, it's, um, just fair warning, it's not like this hotel.

• 53:21Speaker 00

  Okay, went down the street, yeah, this isn't very nice. Um, we were looking forward to that nice hotel, this isn't a nice one. I guess there's gonna be a few emails after this, they're trying to sort out. Did they give you your money back? Yeah, yeah.

• 53:33Speaker 02

  It's so crazy that they booked for you instead of just being like, hey, well, when you get here, we'll let you know that, like, you have options. Whoa.

• 53:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's just like, cause we got there quite late. It was like 10 in the evening when we got there. And they were like, we, we couldn't, you know, contact you. And I, we were thinking, well, sure, we, when we booked this. Put contact details into all the bookings. Yeah, sure, you could have, but whatever. Got in this other place, fucking dump. And then, uh, sent us up to our room. TV's got one channel, never seen that before. Like, everything else was coming up.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  What was the channel?

• 54:07Speaker 00

  Was this in Valencia, by the way? No, this is in Glasgow, on the way to somewhere else. We had one night there, on the, we were going to the Isle of Mull, which is a little island off of Scotland.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:16Speaker 00

  So to break up the trip, go to Glasgow, go to this other place, go to the room, one channel, it's Dave. Which, uh, you won't know Dave, it's called You and Dave now, which is. Yeah. But like, basically repeats of stuff.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 54:30Speaker 00

  Mainly that you're in. Yeah, so we turned it, turned it on, me and Ed actually. I turned, turned it on, it's a book of the week compilation.

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Right.

• 54:39Speaker 00

  From years ago, from like, like 2014, 2015. So like 10 years ago.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:45Speaker 00

  So I turned it on and it's a compilation as well. So it's like loads of different clips of all of us and our friends when we were just starting to be on TV. So it was shit.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Right.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Absolute. I would have liked it. Shit, we were so unfunny and our hair looked nuts. That was, that, that was the main thing I took from it. I was like, whoa.

• 55:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:03Speaker 00

  We were, we all, we all did not know what to do with our hair.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 55:06Speaker 00

  At that point.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  You don't, you don't when you're, I mean, how, how old are you guys?

• 55:10Speaker 00

  Forty.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, when you're at that age, like, you don't, you don't.

• 55:14Speaker 00

  My head's the same as it was then. No, it's not.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Is it?

• 55:17Speaker 00

  Go and watch it, Ed. You think it's the same.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  Did I have the fade, the proper fade in it?

• 55:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, but also it's just like, it's like, it's like an AI version of us now.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 00

  Cause it's like someone's putting, and so AI can't quite do our hair right. So it's like, that's kind of Ed's hair, but not really. It's not right.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  It doesn't work.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  So it's really weird watching it and seeing all of our hair. Apart from Hugh, who looks the same as the old man who's on it. But like, but yeah, I turned it on and it was us. And there's a picture of the week they always do. It's really weird having explained Mock the Week to someone who's not seen it. It's a really weird show, actually. And they go, it's a picture from the news this week and what's happening in this picture? And they put it up and it was Jeremy Corbyn, who at the time was leader of the opposition, the Labour Party. And he's holding a massive marrow. And that was the picture we had to be funny about. So I've got marrows in my head now and that's why I bought up a marrow. That's a long way of saying.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:10Speaker 00

  That's why I said marrow earlier.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  The marrow feels like a very British vegetable because I imagine they have like marrow growing competitions in small villages and stuff. At village fates.

• 56:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  Which old lady can grow the biggest marrow?

• 56:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a lot of that.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  It's a wonderful, it's a wonderful country.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're very proud of it.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  I feel that. I'm getting that sense.

• 56:28Speaker 00

  But these carrots sound nicer.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were pretty, they were pretty fucking good, honestly.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, what else?

• 56:34Speaker 00

  Oh, here we go. This is what else on the carrots?

• 56:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Oh my God, yes. Black carrot, herb yogurt, aleppo pine nut butter, not hazelnuts, crispy shallots. I think that was, that was it.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  That is great.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Delicious. A vegan yogurt, a vegan pine nut butter.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:50Speaker 02

  It was wonderful. Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 00

  That sounds great.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  I've got to get back into that cookbook.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:55Speaker 00

  Much if they're in there.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  They're probably, they're very new menu. But there'll probably be something else to do with carrots in there.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  There might be a carrot in there.

• 57:02Speaker 00

  You'd hope so.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  Find another way of doing a carrot.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:04Speaker 00

  Throw the carrots at the wall, see if they stick.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 00

  Now we come to the moment I've been most excited about. Dream drink.

• 57:16Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:17Speaker 00

  Did you drink? Shout out, did you drink?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Did you drink? My, uh, my dream drink's like pretty, um, basic, I think. It's just a Bloody Mary. I love Bloody Mary. I love tomato. Honestly, like, close second tomato juice.

• 57:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 02

  I love tomato, anything.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  I think a Bloody Mary and this lentil bolognese, I hope you're tucking a napkin in.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  And don't wear white.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. No, definitely not.

• 57:44Speaker 00

  Statues that got pushed in the drink.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  You'd be happy to be pushed in the drink, quite frankly.

• 57:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Have a bloody wash.

• 57:51Speaker 02

  No, exactly. No, I, yeah, honestly, countless times I've gotten some of that lentil bolognese on the couch. The couch is just, it's not in a good way. And it's not in a good way because I do get the stain remover out. I put it on and I don't, we got a new couch because it's like a sofa bed couch so we can have people stay on it. And for some reason, this couch, like, you put the stain remover on and then the stain remover patch leaves a, a mark.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Like, it gets out the shit that it was meant to get out, but then, like, the wet mark is there still.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  That's the trade off.

• 58:25Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 58:26Speaker 01

  It lets, it lets people know that, look, it looks clean, but that was the stain.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  It's fucked up. I hate it.

• 58:33Speaker 00

  Guess what you're sleeping on?

• 58:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, literally.

• 58:36Speaker 01

  I saw a tweet the other day that's really stuck in my head. Not, I mean, I'm not on Twitter anymore, but just people post things on Instagram.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Screenshots.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, and it was, it seemed to have done really well. They got like thousands of retweets. It was a, uh, very old headshot of Tom Hardy.

• 58:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Um, when he was really young and someone had said, uh, I bet, I bet when he was a kid, he went crazy on that spaghetti. And someone went, what do you mean? He went, it just looks like a messy spaghetti kid.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  If you look at the picture, he really does look like, cause he's so clean and clean cut and wearing a white t-shirt, he really looks like he's a massive spaghetti kid.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  Tempting, tempting, tempting face.

• 59:10Speaker 00

  Like he used to eat loads of spaghetti.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's really in my head and I don't know why.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:14Speaker 00

  Bloody Mary is an excellent choice.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  Spicy? You having it spicy?

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do. I love spice and it kills me every time. So funny, like it's like I eat a lot of banh mi as well. Honestly, banh mi close second on as well on the dream menu. Eat a lot of it. I get chili every single time. Cause I just don't think it's the same without the chili, but every single time I'm like snot down here, tears, like everything. And my partner's like, why do you do it to yourself? I'm like, I have to.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  It's a high.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  It is.

• 59:45Speaker 00

  When you have it without, it is like, this is boring.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, what, what's the point?

• 59:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  What's the point?

• 59:50Speaker 00

  You do need that.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. And especially like, especially if they don't put enough vegetables in.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  You gotta have enough cucumber, enough herbs, enough of the, what is it? Is it daikon? The pickled daikon or something? They put that in, the carrot. Love all that stuff. That to me is the best part of the banh mi is the vegetables.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  Of course.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then like, you obviously you need, well, honestly, I've had a lot of salad banh mi's and they're good on their own, I think. Even without a protein. I'm happy with that.

• 1:00:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  But.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  Plenty of chili.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you gotta have chili.

• 1:00:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  And where's the best place you've had a Bloody Mary? On one, on one tour that I went on, a particularly long tour, it was part of it to just keep it interesting was can we find the best Bloody Mary?

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Speaker 00

  And where to get it, which is eventually in a hotel in Birmingham that I've forgotten the name of, so that was a waste of time. But like, uh, it was, it was really nice. But like, where have you found the best one? And what is the criteria for you of a good Bloody Mary?

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  I actually did have a really good one recently, but I also can't remember where it was. Oh man. I, I think for me, yeah, a lot of tomato, like heavy on the tomato juice. I think, cause vegan ones are different as well. It's like you don't have, it's like, what's this sauce or something? Like, I don't know what they put in instead generally. I'm not sure. I think maybe they just skip that and then put maybe like some olive brine and some other stuff in and stuff like that.

• 1:01:11Speaker 00

  You don't go heavy on the accoutrement?

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  I like a celery. I like a big stick of celery.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  People fuck around with Bloody Marys too much, though.

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think sometimes they do. I think, because it's already so powerfully flavoured. That's why I like the celery, because it's a nice, clean palate cleanser type thing.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  It works. It's a classic.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  Exactly. But anything else, like a little-

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  People put bacon in it.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  Bacon?

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. But I mean, this obviously doesn't cross your path anyway, because you're vegan, but people put bacon in it. Little burgers? Have you seen that before?

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  Oh, this is just becoming a meal.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  Just have a pasta. Just have like a spicy brownie pasta. They have a pollo nescafe at that point, you know?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Pollo nescafe in it?

• 1:01:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Speaker 01

  It's like, it's like the savoury version of freak shakes.

• 1:01:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Freak shakes, what's that?

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  They do like milkshake, but then they'll put like whole cakes on the top and like brownies and shit. And they'll put so much sauce, but on the outside of the glass, so you can't even pick it up.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  It's just a gimmicky thing, isn't it?

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  It's an Instagram, it's an Instagram thing.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, God.

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  Although, as soon as you said about putting pasta in the Bloody Mary, I thought, I'd love that.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that is a good idea, actually.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  The burger and stuff sounds disgusting, but if someone was like, do you want a full load of pasta in this? I'd be like, yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Well, that's just like cut pasta, isn't it? Like, you could just do that at any time.

• 1:02:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  You could just put pasta in a glass and just have a sauce in there, and that's what that is.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  But that would be fun. Hear me out.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  It would be fun.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Spaghetti in the bottom of a Bloody Mary, and then you suck it up with one of those boba straws.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I would choke instantly.

• 1:02:34Speaker 01

  Oh, come on, you know, you know it was coming.

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  I choke on the boba. This fucking spaghetti is just gonna shoot straight up. It's gonna go so far down. And then I just, it's like fishing it out. It's gonna be crazy.

• 1:02:48Speaker 00

  We arrive at your dream dessert.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 00

  Exciting. Do you have much of a- What?

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Deirdre Desserts!

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Do you have much of a sweet tooth?

• 1:02:56Speaker 02

  I have a pretty sweet tooth, but like I can't hoof it like I used to. Like when I was in my twenties, I love, I would, I would eat so many sweets. Like, I loved it. And now, I don't know, the older I get, the less, I can have like three bites of a thing. I'm like, okay, that's good.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  Like, I enjoyed that and that's enough, you know? And any more, I start to feel sick nowadays. But, but there have been some things I've eaten where I'm like, I could, I could eat the whole thing. And one of those was, again, Smith and Daughter's tiramisu that they did, vegan tiramisu. It was the most, one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten in my whole life. It was so.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  Wow. Was it very creamy? Did they get a really like thick cream on it?

• 1:03:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And they actually do this, like you can just buy it from the fridge and you take it home. And I did that as well and it was as good from the fridge. It was really good.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  It's crazy to me what you can do with vegan food.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's cra- it's.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Especially in the area of like desserts and, and sort of impressions of dairy.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  It's incredible.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  It is incredible. It's nuts. It was very not available even probably like five years ago. Like it's crazy. Yeah, I feel very glad, especially, I do like the thing, I, I really like covet when I like walk past a bakery. Like a lot of the very nice like tarts and uh just like the very fine looking, well-made ones. That look quite tough to make and like you don't get a lot of that with vegan. When you do, it's like, I don't know, just like so stodgy and like shit, you know, I hate, I hate it and like, but I feel like we're inching towards possibly a future where I could have something like that again. Like a little dome, little chocolate dome with a little crust on the bottom.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, like a mousse sort of cake, yeah.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  That would be nice. Yeah, I watch Bake Off a lot, like Australian and my friend, do you know Tom Walker?

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's hosting Bake Off now. It's so fun.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Is he?

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, in Australia.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, do you not know that?

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really funny.

• 1:04:51Speaker 01

  How's that work? For the listener, Tom Walker is an alternative comedy clown.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a real freak, yeah.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  Crazy guy.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've seen him make himself vomit on stage before by shoving his hand so far down his throat that, that it just happened. Uh, and so that's his typical shtick.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:09Speaker 02

  And then.

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  He's hosting Bake Off with Rachel Koo.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  Do you know Natalie Tran?

• 1:05:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, community channel. Have you ever heard of YouTube like community channel?

• 1:05:19Speaker 01

  No, I've not.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're co-hosting. It's really fun. Yeah, they've dressed him real preppy. He's got like these nice cardigans on.

• 1:05:29Speaker 00

  That's insane.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  It's very bizarre.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  Makes no sense whatsoever.

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  It does, because Noel Fielding is on our Bake Off, which is basically the same situation.

• 1:05:36Speaker 00

  Yes, I guess so, actually. When you say that, yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:40Speaker 00

  I once went to Sydney and it was when Tom Walker, Sam Campbell and Aaron Chen were hanging out constantly. Like you'd see the three of them. They were never separate. It was always the three of them. And now they live in three different countries, I believe.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:55Speaker 00

  But it was all three of them.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  Difficult conversation to penetrate as well.

• 1:05:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Hey guys, how's it going? Okay, we're not normal. Bye.

• 1:06:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. All three were wacky guys.

• 1:06:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:04Speaker 00

  And Sam Campbell, because I was like, I was there for a couple of weeks. And Sam had got, said to me, you like music, right? And I was like, yeah. He went, can you make me a mixed CD before you go home? I was like, I don't think I have the, I mean, I could make you a playlist and you can figure out and get it onto a CD. Does it need to be a CD, Sam? Yeah, it does. Did it. Gets the CD by then. Thank you. A few years later, sends me a video of him, Aaron and Tom laying on the floor, listening to the CD in full.

• 1:06:31Speaker 02

  That's sweet.

• 1:06:32Speaker 00

  And every now and again, Aaron would say something like, Sam, does James like music?

• 1:06:38Speaker 00

  And he'd go, yeah. And then they'd all carry on listening to it really honestly. It was nice, but it was weird.

• 1:06:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:46Speaker 00

  So, you were saying?

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  Oh, what was I saying?

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, you said, watch a lot of Bake Off?

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. I watch a lot of Bake Off. And I'm always like, God, I wish I could eat that.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Like always, I'm just like, fuck, it looks really good.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  They do Vegan Week now and again, don't they?

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  They do. And they did on the Australian one, Have a Vegan Baker. And they were quite good. I don't bake at all. Like I'm never touched it. I've, I don't know, I've baked cookies a couple of times and every time I'm like, God, this is a lot of effort, isn't it? And it's also very messy. It's like just cleaning afterwards and then.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  And there's people who can do it and you just buy one thing from them.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:19Speaker 01

  Bakers.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, literally.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:22Speaker 00

  And how are you meant to resist eating the mixture?

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  If you're making it.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  That's unreasonable.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  Especially for Chuck Ship Cookie Dough, like that's delicious.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  No way that all of that's making that on its way onto the tray.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:07:34Speaker 00

  And also, I'm pretty sure it tastes even better. As the mixture.

• 1:07:38Speaker 02

  Just raw.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Definitely.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  It definitely does, yeah.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, so like.

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, though that is honestly, well, yeah, tiramisu, I like it a lot when I have a really good one. But Chuck Ship Cookies are like, that was the thing that when I went vegan, I was like, oh man. Because like, I would do, when I was like, I went vegan when I was like eighteen. And when I was like sixteen, I would, when I went to the movies, I'd go to Kmart, which is, do you guys have Kmart?

• 1:08:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know where that is.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  We're aware of Kmart.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's not, it's, you know, much bigger thing in Australia, but we went to Kmart and you get.

• 1:08:10Speaker 00

  Man gets his trousers from.

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  Ironically said, that's exactly how Rain Man would bring it up as well.

• 1:08:21Speaker 00

  So he gets his underwear, so not his trousers. From Kmart.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  But you could, at the time, get like a box of Chuck Ship Cookies, really good ones. I think the brand was called like Decadent or something like that for five dollars, big box. I'd just take that into the cinema, just house the whole thing.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  That's the way to do it.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Eat the whole thing. It was the best.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, those days.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Definitely couldn't eat like twenty four cookies in one sitting anymore, but.

• 1:08:45Speaker 00

  Do you reckon?

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't know.

• 1:08:47Speaker 01

  It's easier in the cinema though.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  Maybe. How was that? Easy in the cinema?

• 1:08:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, because it's dark.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Get it down. It's like, it's not you doing it.

• 1:08:54Speaker 02

  No, yeah.

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not you doing it.

• 1:08:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. It's the.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  I'm in the film. And I'm taking these cookies and I'm posting them into this hole.

• 1:09:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Organised to me in any way, it's in the dark.

• 1:09:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, you didn't know what was going on.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  Then the lights come up and then it's bad.

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, then you look at the crumbs.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  Down like a comedy girl. That was me all along.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:15Speaker 00

  My favourite part of the Drake and Kendrick beef, were you following that last year?

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  A little, a little, not closely, but I was hearing, I was, there was hearsay.

• 1:09:23Speaker 00

  It was brilliant.

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  Sometimes I let themselves down, but it was, it was mainly brilliant. And the best thing about what Kendrick was doing was bringing up stories and not a lot of people knew about, about Drake. And the best one was that once when Drake was in the cinema, in the dark, a member of T I's crew was in there and pissed on his leg. And Drake didn't do anything about it. And he just put that in the songs that he just got his leg pissed on in a, in the cinema. Just like you're in the film.

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  A guy just went over to him and peed on his leg.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  That's the thing, when it's in the cinema though, this is my point, it doesn't feel like you're, you're completely, you're dissociated from your own being, I think. Cause you're in the film, so if someone takes a pee on my leg, I wouldn't notice.

• 1:10:06Speaker 00

  You're not dealing with that until the lights are up.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't have a body as far as you could say in the cinema, yeah.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  Crumbs and piss again.

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Uh, which one of you did it this time?

• 1:10:17Speaker 00

  Member of the.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  T I?

• 1:10:19Speaker 00

  T I, I'm looking at you and your crew. Cause this piss on my leg again. All the way down. I know it was one of you, T I and your crew.

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  Why do I keep coming to the same screenings as you?

• 1:10:31Speaker 00

  Cookies are so decadent.

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  Uh, they were, and they were.

• 1:10:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:36Speaker 00

  Well, that's if anyone ever got in a beef with you, they could say that. Say you used to go to the cinema and eat a whole thing of decadent cookies.

• 1:10:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:44Speaker 00

  And really like shame you publicly.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I'd own it. I'd be like, and I'd do it again if I could.

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  Who would you like to get in a beef with?

• 1:10:52Speaker 02

  In a beef with?

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  And that's a V good, I know that's.

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:55Speaker 00

  Difficult.

• 1:10:55Speaker 02

  In a tofu with.

• 1:10:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  I want someone that made that joke at me. They were like, oh no, it was my tour manager at the time. He was like, oh, it's not a meat and grease, it's tofu and grease. I was like, ah.

• 1:11:07Speaker 02

  That's funny.

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, uh, who'd I like to get in a beef with? There's many things to consider.

• 1:11:16Speaker 00

  You've got to write songs about him. You've got to have enough.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the thing.

• 1:11:18Speaker 00

  Stuff on them, enough dirt that you can write decent tracks where you can bury them.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's going to be someone also that like, um, can't, uh, like I could, I would say like Elon Musk, but then also I feel like he could actually change my life for the worse. If I did pick, pick, pick on him, you know what I mean? Like.

• 1:11:35Speaker 01

  You almost want someone who you'd be friendly with afterwards, after the beef's done.

• 1:11:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, no, exactly.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  And then you can sort of raise each other's profiles by being in the beef.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, precisely, exactly. It can't be someone too, yeah, it's, um, I don't know, like, uh, like, uh, feist.

• 1:11:50Speaker 00

  Oh, perfect, yeah.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  Like feist.

• 1:11:52Speaker 00

  Feist is due revival.

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  If only just cause I want her to acknowledge me and recognize me and know who I am and, uh, and then we can be friends afterwards.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  Funny if the beef turned into that, your songs were just really about how you wanna be.

• 1:12:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a funny beef.

• 1:12:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  It's a funny beef to be like, you suck. Hello, I'm here.

• 1:12:10Speaker 00

  Really like you.

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Surefire way to get someone's attention is to start a beef with them and then to see what happens. See, maybe, maybe they won't mind too much that you were ragging on them and then you become friends.

• 1:12:23Speaker 00

  Maybe that was what Kendrick was doing.

• 1:12:26Speaker 00

  Afterwards contacted him, so are we friends now? You fucking, you could be a pedophile. You couldn't, you're kidding me? I can't be your friend after that? But it was like a beef and I was wanting you to notice me. Well, yeah, oh, mission accomplished. I noticed you. My whole life is in fucking tatters now. You kept like, I just said you were short in a couple of the wraps. You come back at me with that?

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  Legs are covered in piss.

• 1:12:50Speaker 00

  People pissing up in the cinema now? That first story didn't even happen. Um, I mean, you're back to you now. See how you feel about it? You would like sparkling water. You would like focaccia with olive oil and balsamic and sea salt. Starter, leeks, fennel, slurryac with a jus, all cooked perfectly.

• 1:13:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  Main course, lentil bolognese cooked by your partner.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 1:13:14Speaker 00

  Side dish.

• 1:13:15Speaker 01

  But he can, he can cook it well.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  He can in this scenario.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  Not in real life.

• 1:13:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:20Speaker 00

  Not in real life.

• 1:13:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:22Speaker 00

  Maybe one day.

• 1:13:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe one day.

• 1:13:24Speaker 02

  I'll get him there.

• 1:13:25Speaker 00

  Blackened carrots from Smith and daughters is your side. Drink, Bloody Mary. And dessert, tiramisu also from Smith and daughters. They've done very, very well out of this podcast. That does sound good. How do you feel hearing it back?

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  I feel good. They, I like all those foods very much.

• 1:13:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why I picked them.

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  I also think it builds nicely as a menu because you were saying you have a, a small stomach and can't manage that much food. I think you've got such a nice light starter.

• 1:13:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  Then a more, a heavier pasta dish.

• 1:13:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  And then it's the big sort of rich blowout at the end on the tiramisu.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Exactly. Just, because yeah, I am, I am a person who's like, there's always room for dessert. Like even if I am really full, I'm like, no, I can force it. I, I will. And so, yeah, like the bolognese will be a bit heavy, but like, I will eat the tiramisu.

• 1:14:09Speaker 01

  Sounds so good.

• 1:14:10Speaker 00

  Well, I love that. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  My pleasure. It's been fun.

• 1:14:14Speaker 00

  Any other business?

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  Business, aha, I'm on tour. And then, um, God, what else have I got going on? Oh yeah, I got my album, my album's out, you could go listen to it. I'm an independent artist, so I'm relying on like Bandcamp and Patreon and stuff now. Like, you know, you can stream the songs, but what does that do? No one makes any money from streaming.

• 1:14:31Speaker 00

  Absolutely no money.

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  No, zero money. I don't think I've ever made any money from streaming, like in the, well, I've left my label now. So I've not made any money from my time with my label despite having really big songs.

• 1:14:44Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:14:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, um, yeah, that's my stuff. And then I know Twitch stream, play video games once a week on Twitch.

• 1:14:51Speaker 00

  Oh, do you?

• 1:14:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fun.

• 1:14:53Speaker 00

  What's your favourite game to play on the Twitch stream?

• 1:14:55Speaker 02

  Uh, well, honestly, I usually like do music production, like I make songs on Twitch.

• 1:15:00Speaker 00

  That's cool.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's fun, but like I'll change up games cause I don't, it's hard to like just stay on one game on Twitch. Cause like I love playing games and if I'm like starting a game that's quite long, I'm like, well, I don't want to just play it when I'm logged on to Twitch. You know, like I want to play it all the time. So I'll never do anything that's like crazy or anything. Uh, yeah, I don't know, just like you want puzzle games.

• 1:15:22Speaker 01

  I did it with Charlie for a bit in lockdown.

• 1:15:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:25Speaker 01

  Charlie did Twitch streaming and we played, uh, we played Hitman on Twitch.

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  Cool.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  I was really bad at it, so that was what it became about.

• 1:15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, nice.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  Running around.

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  Fucking up, fucking up the hit.

• 1:15:36Speaker 00

  Hmm, I don't know, that would be fun viewing. I've seen Ed not be good at stuff. He doesn't take it gracefully.

• 1:15:42Speaker 01

  I don't like it, Jess.

• 1:15:45Speaker 00

  Not sure that would be a fun Twitch stream.

• 1:15:46Speaker 01

  It's not a nice feeling for me when I'm not.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, got you. I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  But luckily I'm brilliant at podcasts and what an episode this has been.

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  Thank you very much, Jess.

• 1:15:58Speaker 02

  Oh, my pleasure.

• 1:16:06Speaker 01

  Thank you so much to Jess, AKA Montaigne, for coming on the show, James.

• 1:16:11Speaker 00

  A lovely menu.

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:16:13Speaker 00

  Um, nice to get some shout outs for especially those vegetables in the starter that we don't often get shouted out on the pod.

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  Well, I, I didn't bring it up at the time because it didn't feel right. One of the vegetables, James, was fennel.

• 1:16:23Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  You fucking hate fennel.

• 1:16:24Speaker 00

  I do.

• 1:16:25Speaker 01

  And any other guests that said that, you would have gone mental about fennel being on there, but you respect Jess's music too much.

• 1:16:31Speaker 00

  Yep, I left it. It was too early in the.

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  James tries to play it really cool when musicians come in.

• 1:16:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, I do.

• 1:16:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:38Speaker 00

  I do. They've got to think I'm cool, man.

• 1:16:40Speaker 01

  I had nothing to add to the conversation outside before the podcast.

• 1:16:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  They were talking about Beats and stuff.

• 1:16:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, we were talking about Beats.

• 1:16:48Speaker 00

  Not Beat Shrewd, Benito. Benito doesn't know what we're talking about. He heard Beats.

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, Beat Shrewd's by Dre.

• 1:16:54Speaker 00

  Might as well be speaking to Dwight Shrewd over here. Not talking about Beats, mate.

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  Benito is our Dwight Shrewd.

• 1:17:01Speaker 00

  He's very much our Dwight Shrewd, but instead of like talking about martial arts, he's talking about roller coasters.

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  It's good. You could sort of copy and paste.

• 1:17:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  Roller coasters into all of the dialogue about Beat Shrewd.

• 1:17:13Speaker 00

  Instead of talking about beat farming, he's talking about magicians.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. I've just realised, that's why we take a photo after the episode, because it's like a roller coaster.

• 1:17:21Speaker 00

  That's why he likes it.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:24Speaker 00

  We should put our arms in the air next time.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  He keeps telling him, you put your, yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  Put your arms in the air, he keeps saying.

• 1:17:31Speaker 00

  Please put your arms in the air.

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:32Speaker 00

  The guests always, I'm not doing that. Who's this guy? Um, Montaigne, Jess did not pick the secret ingredient, which was fish, which obviously wasn't going to happen because very early on, we learned that they were vegan.

• 1:17:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:44Speaker 00

  So.

• 1:17:44Speaker 01

  They're vegans.

• 1:17:45Speaker 00

  Why was that going to happen?

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:47Speaker 00

  But, you know, it's good to, we've got a lot of secret ingredients over the years. We'll have to choose loads more. It's good to just be able to use fish.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:57Speaker 00

  Because like the broad ones, it'd be good to start using them. They're dangerous. And I don't want to chuck a musician out because I want to be called around them.

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  Yes. Talk about Beats.

• 1:18:07Speaker 00

  And talk about Beats. And they won't let me do that if I just kicked them out the restaurant.

• 1:18:11Speaker 01

  Thank you very much to Montaigne for coming on the pod. Go and have a listen to It's Hard To Be A Fish.

• 1:18:16Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 1:18:16Speaker 01

  And don't forget, Montaigne is touring Australia in August for the 10th anniversary of their Glorious Heights album.

• 1:18:21Speaker 00

  2016. Came out in 2016.

• 1:18:24Speaker 01

  For dates and tickets, go to montane music dot com dot au.

• 1:18:27Speaker 00

  Check out their tour dates. Make sure you can see them live if you can.

• 1:18:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

• 1:18:32Speaker 00

  Goodbye.