Graham Norton

We’re back in National Treasure territory, as king of the chat show Graham Norton turns interviewee in the Dream Restaurant. But don’t give him a blue cheese olive. Graham Norton hosts ‘The Neighbourhood’ which starts Friday 24 April, 9pm on ITV1 and ITVX. The series debuts with a three-night launch across Friday, Saturday and Sunday. For the remaining four weeks, The Neighbourhood continues in its regular slot every Thursday and Friday night. Graham’s podcast ‘Wanging On’ is available wherever you get your podcasts and on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@WangingOn. Follow Graham on Instagram @grahnort https://www.instagram.com/grahnort/ Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 23 Apr. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu podcast, taking the dough of conversation, forming it into the balls of humour, baking it in the oven of chat and covering it in the garlic butter of friendship, James. Doughballs, garlic doughballs.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  That is a gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we only drink restaurant every single week. We're inviting a guest and asking their favourite ever start a main course or side dish and drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is?

• 0:38Speaker 00

  Graham Norton. The King.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  National treasure.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  International treasure.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  International treasure. Absolutely love Graham Norton. I mean, you know, growing up watching him do stand up.

• 0:51Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 0:53Speaker 01

  Papa being father Ted.

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Father Ted.

• 0:54Speaker 01

  Obviously, his iconic chat show.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  What's that? How are you speaking?

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Father Ted.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Yep. Love Graham Norton.

• 1:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's amazing.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  I'm a bit intimidated to talk to someone who's so good at interviewing.

• 1:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  And we're interviewing him.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  I would normally, but I just think he's so friendly, isn't he? Hopefully.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 00

  He brings, hopefully he doesn't tear us apart for our interviewing skills, James.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  Actually, it'd be a privilege.

• 1:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  If he tore us apart.

• 1:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  I'd love, love it.

• 1:21Speaker 00

  We deserve it.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  We deserve it. It's been a long time coming. I'm sure there are people who listen to this podcast for many years because they love the guests and like, when is someone going to pick these guys up on their interviewing technique is awful? And it might finally happen. You might finally get your wish.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:35Speaker 01

  We love Graham Norton, but we will kick him out of the dream restaurant if he picks an ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, the secret ingredient. And this week, the secret ingredient is?

• 1:43Speaker 00

  Golden Graeme's. His name's Graham.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  And he's golden.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's the golden boy.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  The golden boy of television.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  Yes. It'd be funny if we kicked Graham Norton out.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  It'd be really funny.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  It'd be really funny.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  Says, hey, I know it's my name, but I would like Golden Graeme's. Get out.

• 2:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, get out, mate. Because that's not something he has on his show. That's a format point he's not used to. As far as I'm aware, they don't have anything in place on his chat show where a guest could be kicked out if they say something.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Was that red chair tipped backwards and?

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's true.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Dunk him into some flames or something?

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Just realised we've ripped off Graham Norton. We're just doing a linguistic red chair.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  We've, we've ripped it off.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Yeah. And we're chatting to people.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  And we're chatting to people which he owns.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Well, you know, fair enough. We weren't to know when we started it out and it's gone well now. It's too late to turn back now.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Yeah. So if Graham does get kicked out, he won't have a chance to talk about his brand new show for ITV.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  The neighbourhood.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  The neighbourhood. It's a brand new reality competition format. Different families, different groups of people move to a neighbourhood. And it's like an elimination thing. I think, I mean, we're going to find out more about it from Graham, but it seems very interesting. I've not heard about anything.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  Starts on the 24th of April and it's on at 9pm on ITV1. I think that's the, that's the take home. That's the takeaway.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  And ITVX.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, of course. Let's not forget ITVX. And what about his podcast, Wanging On?

• 3:07Speaker 00

  Wanging On with Maria McElane, his friend, Maria McElane. They do a show together called Wanging On. It's a podcast. We do that. He's ripped us, he's ripped us off.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. And they've been friends for 30 years.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. So they've got something to say to each other, I'm sure.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Which we're like, you know, I guess we've ripped that off in a way.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're heading there.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  By being friends.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Yes, we are friends.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  Friends for 18 years, maybe 17.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Maybe.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  I don't know how, I don't know when our, exactly what year our friendship started. It's weird if we knew that.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  We're gone. We're officially.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  This is it.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  It's weird to do that at the beginning, isn't it?

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 00

  Be like, remember this.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Starting now.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  If you do that.

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Like, starting now.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Yeah. But Nito, can we be friends? Yeah? All right, starting now.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  We're not starting yet.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  This is the off-menu menu of Graham Norton.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  Welcome Graham to the dream restaurant.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Thank you very much. Welcome Graham Norton to the dream restaurant.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  High energy.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  For some time.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  Thank you, thank you, thank you. Very high energy, but you're very high energy on your show.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  I am kind of, yeah.

• 4:21Speaker 00

  You're high energy when, when you need to be and then you can sit, you can sit back and you, you, you switch up the energies.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  I think people think I'm very busy. They'd be amazed how much time I sit, you know, sit staring at walls. Picking my nose in a low energy way. It's very exciting for us. I think like, I mean, we're not, we've never claimed to be the best in the biz when it comes to interviewing anyway.

• 4:43Speaker 00

  We would never do that.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  But we rare, every now and again, we get to interview people who themselves interview people.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  Which is weird, right?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  It is.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  It is. It's a bit meta that, you know.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:53Speaker 02

  Pot will eat itself.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like, it's like if we stick to food, a chef cooking for a chef.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  But this is like two trainee chefs cooking for the master.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  I don't know about that, but it's very nice to really say, but I've been doing it a long time, but I still, you know, but the thing that keeps you interested, I think, in this thing, this, whatever this dynamic is, is that you never quite know what you're gonna get. You never, you know, you could be all prepared, you can see them on other shows, you can listen to them on podcasts, but once they're in the chair opposite you, it's still kind of an unknown quantity.

• 5:27Speaker 00

  Do you remember who, who surprised you the most that you've interviewed?

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Loads of people have surprised me, particularly back in the day when I was really clueless, like some of the big Hollywood actors, you kind of think, oh, they're gonna be so boring and serious. And then, and you know, Dustin Hoffman came on, he was like a clown.

• 5:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  He just told like dick jokes and he was just brilliant.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  Was that back in the day with the Channel Four show when you were doing all of, that was like in our house, that was, we had to watch that because it was when Big Brother was on and you were doing like the monologues at the top about Big Brother.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:58Speaker 00

  And he came on and did a sketch where he was pretending to be someone from Big Brother, right?

• 6:02Speaker 02

  He dressed up as various characters from Big Brother and like, and it was either season one or season two of Big Brother was when it was like, you know, people were blowing everyone's minds. And for those kids to get out of that house.

• 6:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  And find out that Dustin Hoffman had been playing them.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  And I remember the specific one because it was such a big, I was like, it blew me away when it was the, it was, I think he was called Johnny, he was a fireman.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  He was a fireman, definitely.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  From County Durham. And he came out, I remember this moment very well. And he came out and he came on your show and you showed him a video of Dustin Hoffman pretending to be him in the diary room. It's like, what does that do to your brain?

• 6:39Speaker 02

  It is, I mean, when you think back to, you know, Big Brother then, I mean, it was so huge. Yeah. I remember once, it was during that time, and rarely, you'd, you'd, you'd, you rarely know kind of when, when you're having a moment that you could look back on, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. It, normally it's, it's, it's over by the time that happens. But I remember we were having dinner after doing the show and we were in the Oxo Tower. And it was a beautiful night and we were sat on that little terrace looking out over London. And it really, and London's studios are right next door. And it really felt like we were at the heart of everything that was going on. It was like, it was exciting at the time. That's nice.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Well, I think we have a new show that is gonna do that, The Neighborhood.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Oh, this old dog is learning some new tricks.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Yes, there is a new show called The Neighborhood. Yeah, who knows, maybe it will become, it's a, yeah, it's a big ITV format show. They're taking a really big swing on this thing. It's huge, it's absolutely massive. It wasn't Durham, it was somewhere else, Derbyshire is where we went. And, and they took over, it's kind of a holiday village and they took over the whole thing. And it's these real, pre-existing households. So some of them are kind of families, some of them are like blended modern families. Some of them are housemates, like uni friends. And they, six of them come in and they compete for a quarter of a million. Wow.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Which, and what's interesting is, like, for the minute they get there, you're only six households away from a quarter of a million. Yeah. You know, it's not like you're twenty-two people away from the prize. Yeah. It's, it's very close. So it's competitive straight away? Well, it's, it's an odd thing, it's kind of half competitive and then half lovely. Because they all get on, it's a. I'm probably not selling the show if I say it's wholesome, but it genuinely felt wholesome. Because the sun is out, like we're doing these, uh, the, the way they vote each other out is quite cute. They do these things called the removals where each household puts a for sale sign outside the house they want to leave.

• 8:52Speaker 02

  And we're doing them and the sun is setting and there are literally a duck with her ducklings walking across the set. It was, it was about like a heron flying overhead.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  I think people want a bit of wholesome sometimes though, right? Especially, I think there's always like a reflective thing of how the world is versus what the TV you want is. And it's always the opposite, I think.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  I mean, I think this, you watch it and one, there's a site kind of Truman Show. The art department has done an amazing job of kind of, it is, it's all real, it's all there, but it's kind of heightened. And even when you were on set, you'd, you'd kind of see flowers and you're kind of, are those real? Is that fake? And you'd have to touch them and you know, you'd see people watering fake flowers.

• 9:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Um, so there's, there's that element, but then, you know, and I don't think this was meant to be a part of the show. But what's kind of lovely is some of these households in real life would either never meet or certainly would not spend time getting to know each other. And that I found really kind of cheery and optimistic and lovely.

• 9:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  That the households did not behave in a way that I, uh, you know, cynically thought they would.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  Uh, they didn't turn on the people they thought they would.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Do you live in the neighbourhood as well?

• 10:10Speaker 02

  I'm there most of the time.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  You don't have like a house right on the top of the hill or something?

• 10:15Speaker 02

  I did have a little cottage at the top of the hill.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  But because there was nothing to do.

• 10:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  I did kind of just hang out there, uh, because I was in a, I had my own little house by the lake. And it had a big bank of monitors where I could kind of watch everything that was going on. Because the, the, these poor people are being filmed 24/7.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Yeah. Now that I'm doing the voiceover and watching it, I'm seeing all this stuff that I didn't know had happened.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  That's that's good. Behind all the wholesomeness, there's a big house by the lake where someone's watching them on loads of monitors 24/7. That is like, yeah, that's good.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  But it was interesting, though. The people who came in with that mindset, thinking, right, this is all a TV show and a game. And they came in with like a game plan. They didn't do very well. It was the people who just came in and jogged long and got on with people.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Uh, they made it kind of further in the show.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Sold, sold, yeah.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Let's get into your dream menu. We all start with still.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  Well, we should do a bit more.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry. Yes.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  James, we should do a bit more wanging on.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Oh, God, this old dog learning is.

• 11:20Speaker 01

  It's gonna get me. See, I I I thought we're gonna get rid of the bit of me fucking up, but now we've got to keep it in because I did that.

• 11:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Fair enough.

• 11:29Speaker 00

  I'm a pro at making you look shit.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  People want to hear it all.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Authentic voices.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Your podcast, Wanging On.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  Yes. I I too, I'm so sorry. I've joined. I mean, mind you, I kind of thought we must be the last possible podcast. No, people are still still climbing on board the podcast train, destination nowhere. But, uh, yeah, I it it basically it's a it's a thing. I I did it on Radio Two with my friend Maria. Uh, it's problems. You know, they people write in. So we did it for 10 years on Radio Two. Then I went to Verge for three years. Then I quit that. People said, oh, you should do a podcast. And we think, you don't mean that. And, uh, but anyway, we did. And it turns out people do quite like it.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  They just do it.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  They do like them.

• 12:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. So, yeah, no, that is, yeah. And I, yeah, I like I listen to way more podcasts than I used to.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you guys listen to podcasts?

• 12:24Speaker 00

  I listen to, I listen to a few. James doesn't listen to any of them. He'll never listen to this back. He'll never.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  What do you, what do you, do you just live in silence?

• 12:32Speaker 01

  I listen to music all the time.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  That you play or is on the radio?

• 12:37Speaker 01

  No, that's like, uh, that I've bought online. I I'm buying it online. I'm downloading.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Well done, you.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm doing that and then listening to it quite quite obsessively, listening to music. Um, but then like, oh, well, every now and again, maybe every five years. I'll discover a podcast I like.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  That recommends some music.

• 12:54Speaker 01

  Normally, yeah, normally it's a limi- it's a limited series. It's not one that runs and runs like I did, I did Dead Eyes. But that's because it's like, that is thirty episodes or whatever.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  What was Dead Eyes? Sounds good.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  Dead Eyes was, uh, was, is by an improviser and actor who was cast in the fir- in Band of Brothers.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  I have heard that, yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  I've actually listened to it.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 00

  You've got to consume a lot of content, guys.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  It's fantastic. And at the end of it, I felt properly like, like I would feel at the end of a TV show when it's finished or something like, you know, satisfied, but also a little bit sad that it's over.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's, that's a lovely feeling, yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's a nice feeling.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  They'll never get this with, that with us.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  No.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  No.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Well, I fucking hope so.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  I hope one day I'll feel the relief and sadness that it's over.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Well, still a sparkling water, I guess.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  Do you have a preference?

• 13:50Speaker 00

  Back to the format.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  I, it's, sadly, I do have a preference. Also, can I just say, I don't, I'm totally invested in this. I'm playing the game. I listen to this podcast. I enjoy this podcast.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  It's going.

• 14:06Speaker 02

  But I don't want anyone listening to this to think that I think my choices are interesting.

• 14:13Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  You know, I worked in restaurants for years and those customers who kind of do all the kind of, if you were me, what would you have? All that, like, like their dinner's interesting to anyone else apart from them. Yeah, so I, yeah, so I'm playing the game, but I'm in, I'm in.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  You're in.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  But I just don't want anyone to think I'm that guy.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  No, and we want, we want truth from you, Graham. We, you don't need to suddenly start picking wild things.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm making choices.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  Also, I was gonna say, you don't need to worry because it's a podcast, we're asking, but you did, because, you know, you've probably had this when you've interviewed people. And then afterwards, someone says to you, I heard such and such on your show the other day. They love the sound of their own voice. And you're like.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Was interviewing him.

• 14:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:54Speaker 02

  I remember I wrote an autobiography and one of the reviews said it was all about him.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  The book Graham Norton. That's right. Yes, it was. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That is correct. Yeah.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  We love it when someone loves the sound of their own voice on our podcast. Please talk.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  I love the sound of my own voice. I'm not, I don't.

• 15:14Speaker 00

  You don't believe your choices.

• 15:15Speaker 02

  I don't believe my food choices are interesting.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  They're just your genuine choices, which is good. So it's still a sparkling water.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  I'm going sparkling.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Oh, boring.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  Still at home.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  I'm out. I'm in a restaurant. It's so sparkling.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  But surely you can't, when you do do, like when you're interviewing people, you can't have sparkling water on the table, can you?

• 15:37Speaker 02

  I don't have any water on the table.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  You have wine.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  You don't have any water on the table for your shows.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  The guests can have it. I don't have any water.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  What the hell?

• 15:44Speaker 00

  You have a little wine, right?

• 15:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, a big wine.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  Big wine.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  People think, it's so big, people think it is water. Because it's got ice in it and it's in a huge glass.

• 15:54Speaker 01

  I assumed you would have some water nearby, something like that.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  No, just wine. Don't wine.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Respect.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  How are you pacing yourself through that wine during the record?

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Honestly, I really do just sip it.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  It, it, it came about because years ago, when I started doing stand up, or just doing like solo shows and stuff, like friends would go, oh, you seemed nervous.

• 16:19Speaker 00

  Right.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  And I could feel it in myself. I could feel that I was nervous. And then I was doing a terrible gig for the Australian Tourist Commission.

• 16:30Speaker 00

  That's an immediate note, immediate note from him.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  A nine brainer of a bucket.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Honestly, I was so early, like I was so green. It was because somebody I knew worked there. So, you know, one of those things. They should never have booked me. But anyway, I was a surprise. So I was supposed to be like a pretend guest at the thing. But so I had to stand with my glass of Australian wine. And I was sipping it and because you're in that kind of adrenaline heightened thing, I could feel the wine like going through, I could feel it in me and it and just those couple of sips just took the edge off.

• 17:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  And so after that, I went, right, I'm gonna do this. If I I'm gonna monitor it, if it goes into suddenly, oh, you need two glasses of wine before you go on, then I'll I'll knock it on the head. But for now, it's doing a job and, uh, you know, I don't really get nervous anymore. But so now it's just habit. But that's where it came from was just that it was like almost like science that I could dose myself with a little bit of wine and just take the edge off.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  How did the gig for the Australian tourists?

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Really good.

• 17:43Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, killed, killed. They talk about it still.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  You've heard of Australia, then?

• 17:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, good point. I've been, I've been a tourist.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  See?

• 17:50Speaker 00

  There's a reason for that.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  So you want sparkling water or do you want a humongous glass of wine?

• 17:56Speaker 02

  I will have a humongous glass of wine, yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  I might start with something else, though, like drinks wise.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  So that isn't even in your choices, is it?

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, but we let people hack it.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  We let people like have different drinks throughout the meal.

• 18:10Speaker 00

  And a parrot.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Oh, well, I would have then I'd start with, ideally, but you can't ask for this because no one has to make it, no, no, how, no one knows how to make it, is a dirty, wet martini.

• 18:21Speaker 00

  A dirty, wet martini?

• 18:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, because all martinis are dry now.

• 18:26Speaker 00

  Yes, so you want like half vermouth, half?

• 18:28Speaker 02

  A little bit of vermouth, then well done, I'm going to your restaurant.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the guy.

• 18:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know my martinis a bit.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would have just looked at you and gone, they're all wet.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  That would have not, that would have not gone well. So, yeah, he knows his stuff.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  Gin or gin or vodka?

• 18:44Speaker 02

  A dirty, so far.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  Oh, yes, yeah, you can't dirty the gin.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Well, can you dirty gin?

• 18:49Speaker 00

  You can give it a go, it wouldn't, I don't think it tastes very nice.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  I'm just not mad, I like gin.

• 18:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  You know, but not as a, not as a martini.

• 18:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  Too much gin.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  How many olives?

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't care.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  I don't ask, as it comes.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  You know, so long as there's a bit of, you know, the brine in there.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, you need the brine. Have you experienced the blue cheese olive martini?

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck off.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  That's so rank.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  I love it.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Really?

• 19:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, big time.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  Oh, no, that's, it's just, no, it's working way too hard. It's doing way too much. There shouldn't, you should have cheese in your drink.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, and you can see the cheese, it's sort of, there's a scum on the top, it's a cheese scum.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Only if you leave it in there. I, I, I ordered it once and I was like, I've heard so much, mainly from Ed asking this question on the podcast about these blue cheese olive martinis. So the only time I've ever been offered it, said yes, they arrive, I'd say within five seconds I'd eaten all the olives.

• 19:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:45Speaker 01

  So I did nothing. So I was like, oh, these, these are good. I had all the blue cheese stuffed olives. So then we're just sat there like, oh, I guess that doesn't really.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  With a martini.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got a martini now.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  I've had that.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I should have had it. I'd have taken that off you. I was just in Chicago and I went to a steakhouse. I was alone and started with a martini. I'd say it was a pint and a half of martini. With, with blue cheese olives. Best night of my life.

• 20:07Speaker 02

  America, they like, here, you order a martini and like, there's little kind of doll's house glasses arrive. With America, oh, lovely, huge, big.

• 20:18Speaker 00

  And you've got to drink it quickly.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  Dita Von Tees could be in your glass. I love it. Popadoms or bread? Popadoms or bread, Graham Norton? Popadoms or bread? I'm going bread.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  Properly shouted over in that.

• 20:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Didn't know you were going to talk.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  That's the rules.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  Because I've listened to a lot of this podcast, but I haven't listened to all of it. How is popadoms a choice?

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Well, we say it's the sort of thing that would come at the start of a meal.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  In, in an Indian restaurant?

• 20:40Speaker 00

  Yes. I'm trying to back James up here, but he, he did it on the first episode without asking and now, now we have to do it.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Basically, I think the day before the first episode or something like that, I, I'd been to a curry house, they've bought the popadoms out. I thought, I fucking love popadoms. I, I love them so much. Um, I want to get it into our podcast somehow. They're so good.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  And I was like, do you know what? I actually think I prefer it when they bring out popadoms to when you go to a restaurant and they bring bread out at the, at the beginning. So I, I'm, I'm gonna do that tomorrow.

• 21:10Speaker 02

  No, no, I like popadoms. It just never crossed my mind in, in a non-Indian restaurant to.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  Well, no, you're right.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Where are the popadoms?

• 21:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, you are correct.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  But this, this restaurant is kind of like. Yeah, it's your bread.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Any particular type of bread?

• 21:25Speaker 02

  Oh, now, now you're giving me the bread choices. I mean, I go, I mean, to be honest, I could do without the bread.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  I don't care about the bread.

• 21:33Speaker 00

  Do you replace it with a drink?

• 21:34Speaker 02

  I'll take it. Well, I may still enjoy my martini.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  I'll have another one if you're offering it, since you're here.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 02

  If it took a long time, if it took a long time, I will often then order my drink when they bring the first one.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Because you kind of think, I'll need that.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  I need that lag. Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  See, normally with our Irish guests, there's a little bit of pressure on this course to, to, to hit some certain points.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  Soda bread.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Hit soda bread, hit a certain type of butter.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Oh, Kerrygold.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, that, that, those things come up. People are quite delighted when those things, not, not Graham Norton.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  No, I couldn't care less. Uh, I, I, I occasionally would have a, a bit of toast or something.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  But I rarely eat bread. Like, it wouldn't cross my mind to buy bread in a shop.

• 22:18Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 22:18Speaker 00

  I rarely buy bread. I love bread, but that's why I don't buy bread.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Oh, because you eat it?

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, because I eat it. I eat it all. And the other day I did buy a, a gales loaf and then I was like, I can't, I can't touch that again. So I, I put it in the, on the draining board because I wouldn't, I wouldn't look at it.

• 22:34Speaker 02

  What? What, so they do get wet?

• 22:35Speaker 00

  Well, so when I go into the kitchen, I'm just like, looking around the kitchen. I'm not going, oh, I want some bread and go straight to the draining board.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Sorry, you put it on the draining board so that you wouldn't look at it? What are you talking about?

• 22:46Speaker 02

  It says a lot about how many dishes you do.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  What are you talking about?

• 22:49Speaker 02

  No, someone in your house does not do drying up. I'll put this somewhere I'm never going to see it.

• 22:55Speaker 00

  I don't go near the draining board.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  I go nowhere near the draining board. You could have hid it in the oven.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  If I put it in the dishwasher, I'd see it every day.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Put it on the draining board?

• 23:06Speaker 00

  I put it in weird places, so I'm not, it's not a go-to. I'm not putting it on the side where the rest of the food goes, you know?

• 23:11Speaker 01

  I'll tell you where you should put it, where, where in our house, uh, if it goes and then everyone forgets about it and doesn't see it. The bread bin.

• 23:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  That's where we've got a bread bin, but we absolutely have got, have had to stop using it. Because every time you put bread in there, we can, then it's out of sight, we completely forget about it. Next time, you know, a few weeks later, buy a loaf of bread, have some toast, gotta put it in the bread bin. Big mouldy loaf in there staring back at you disgusted.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Bread.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  You don't have to have bread if you don't wanna have bread.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  If you don't want bread, Graeme, you don't have to have bread.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  Well, then I'm not having it.

• 23:41Speaker 00

  This is your dream meal.

• 23:42Speaker 02

  Take it back, take it back. Yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 00

  Put your tongs down. Yeah, so as a restaurant, we're nervous now because we're excited to have, we're excited to have Graeme Norton and then, and then we go back to the kitchen and go, Graeme didn't want the bread.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  He didn't want it.

• 23:55Speaker 00

  And now the chef's worried.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  No, I don't think waiters ever care if you turn down the bread. I think the key thing to remember is waiters don't care at all.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, so long as you pay.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  They, that's all they care about.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, some, some waiters only start to care or show they care at that point.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  When it's time to pay. The whole, the whole meal, just looking at you like you're a piece of shit. You're trying to get them to like you, they're not, they're not interested. Then they come along and hand you the card machine and then as you're about to pay, they go, anything fun planned tonight?

• 24:30Speaker 01

  What are you up to tonight? Oh, that sounds good. I like that. That sounds like my kind of evening. You're cool.

• 24:36Speaker 00

  And the tip, you just do the tip.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Then you look at the screen. Add a tip.

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, when I did it, the thing that I think, like I never worked in very good restaurants. So when waiters come up now at the beginning of a meal and go, you know, is everything okay with your food? Like, I would never have done that.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Cause I knew the answer.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  Well, like in places, there's some places where coming up and checking if everything is all right is built into the routine of how you work there, right?

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, no, it's the, you have to.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  But in your job. But in Nando's, it's very obvious because they have to come and take the cockerel away from the table.

• 25:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:11Speaker 00

  So in Nando's, there's a little.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  Graeme doesn't know this.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  I've never been there.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  So there's a little wooden cockerel at your table when you sit down.

• 25:18Speaker 02

  It might go now. It's not life size, it's tiny.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, it's very small. It's within the, uh, the table number. And, uh, they come over when you've started eating the food and they go, is everything all right? And you go, yeah. And before you finish saying, yeah, they've taken the wooden cockerel away and fucked off.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  What's that about?

• 25:34Speaker 00

  Well, I think it's just, it, it's so they know that they've asked. So you look at the tables and you go.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Too late to complain now, the cock's gone.

• 25:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan, do you know what I mean?

• 25:56Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company, it makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofas, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 26:16Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important, it changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe, and Cozy's modular, customisable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room, and I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful, cosy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James, you're a mucky pup.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere, is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 26:52Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs, you telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere, don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well, and that's where Cozy comes in.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  And because it's Cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers and free design consultations if you want help making the whole room work.

• 27:35Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship and assemble and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Visit Cozy today, that's C-O-Z-E-Y dot com, and make yourself at home.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  Let's get into your menu proper, your dream starter.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Okay. Now, starters I found difficult, because starters are normally the nicest bit of the meal.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  Correct, great, thank you.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  Well, no, not correct, but I like you, so we'll carry on.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  It's a fantasy, isn't it? It's a dream thing. So there's a place in New York and they this these sound like they're not good, but they're delicious. And they do these lettuce cups, right? And it's a little, you know, like the lettuce is like a little, you know, burrito thing.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  And and inside it's really, I think it's this kind of avocado chopped up with some herbs and seeds and stuff like it does sound awful, but it's genuinely the most delicious thing.

• 28:37Speaker 00

  Is there a dressing in there or something?

• 28:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, there'll be something in there, a bit of soya or, you know, rice wine or something. I don't know what's in there, but it's delicious.

• 28:47Speaker 00

  Whereabouts is this restaurant?

• 28:48Speaker 02

  It's a place called ABCV.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:50Speaker 02

  It's a Jean Georges and and oh, in fact, I think you can get them here now. I think he opened a restaurant in some new hotel because I can't remember any of it. But yeah, so that recommendation's got you. Google it, kids. But these lettuce cups are just delicious. Really, really good.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  I love that so far you've had two martinis and then some lettuce. You're gonna be all over the place, Graham.

• 29:14Speaker 02

  They're very filling, though.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  Send back the bread.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  Get your most out of the martinis.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  Two olives and some lettuce.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  You spend a lot of time in America. It's like you're back and forth quite a bit, quite regularly.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, less so now.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  That's why you're starting new civilizations in the UK and making a TV show.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, so I I must say, yeah, I go a lot less now. But so but I and I miss it, you know, it's kind of heartbreaking. Because I do, but you know, especially New York. I love New York.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's my favorite place to go a lot of the time in America is New York. You find, especially for food, you find just great stuff everywhere.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's amazing. It really is. And and, you know, and you kind of think, oh, is London catching up? And in ways London is catching up. You know, there's amazing food in London, but somehow it seems more accessible in New York or just easier to find in New York.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  It does. And it feels it feels so fancy and authentic. Do you know what I mean? I go to New York. First time I went to New York, I was looking around and even places that were probably terrible, I was looking at them going, I bet that's amazing.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  Because we're in New York.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  And also, the other thing is, like, here, if you hear about a great restaurant, you go, oh, that sounds fabulous. Where, oh. That will take me an hour and forty five minutes to get to.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  I'll need to eat again by the time I get home.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  So, yeah, whereas, you know, New York is, you're there.

• 30:40Speaker 01

  Hop in a cab.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, do it. Come on.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  Do you, have you had, uh, meals with big celebs in New York? The big Hollywood celebs?

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Dish the goss, Greg.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  Dish the goss.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Uh, have I eaten with fame? Oh, do you know, I have, I have. I did, um, uh, an animated film, animated voice.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  Soul.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Soul, yeah.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  Brilliant in Soul.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Yes, thank you very much. Well, Soul, uh, Tina Fey was the lead, Jamie Foxx also. Um, but Jamie Foxx wasn't there, but, uh, Pete Doctor, is that his name?

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  The director? Director, yeah. And he had a dinner, you're very good at this.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  He loves films, this guy.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  Okay. He had a dinner and so it was, um, me, uh, the co-writer and co-director who worked with him. And, uh, and Tina, her husband Jeff, and Amy Poehler came because she's in Inside Out.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 02

  Which, uh, he also does.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  It's another Doctor joint.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  Another Doctor joint. This is my rap name.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it felt kind of, you know, he felt like a competition winner. You know, I felt like I should have bid for this at a charity auction.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  But here I am.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  That's what I felt like did a film and I was like, Ghostbusters, I was like, exactly the.

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Frozen Empire.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Frozen, Ghostbusters, Frozen Empire, yeah, I wasn't in.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  The original Ghostbusters.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  The original Ghostbusters.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Could have been, we don't know.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. But that's actually the phrase I used was competition winner. I think when you're like a comedian and then you suddenly end up there with a bunch of people who have, um, their whole life has been aiming towards doing exactly that.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  And you're, and you just like accidentally sidestepped into it. It does feel very competition winner, and in the best way.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Oh, no, it's lovely. And, and also they talk to you as if you have a right to be there, which is so kind of them.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Like they did, they take.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Do you tell them that at the time as well?

• 32:33Speaker 02

  They take you kind of seriously.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  This is so kind of you, by the way.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  Thank you for doing it.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  You know my name.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  You actually smashed that film, man. You're you're you're great.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Oh, that's.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  You smashed it out of the park.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, wow.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  The energy in that character is very, you know, it's very important, like brilliant character.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you. I I have to say, I really enjoyed doing because they did.

• 32:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Direct me.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Which was, you know, because I trained as an actor, uh, but, you know, anyway, that ended badly and, uh.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Did it?

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Did it? Yeah, well, hello.

• 33:04Speaker 01

  Father Ted, hello.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Father Ted's soul.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  That's a pretty good C P, isn't it? I mean, there's been some lean years in between.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, what have you been doing with yourself?

• 33:13Speaker 02

  A lot of rap. Thirty years of regional rap.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Dinner theatre.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, dinner theatre, that.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Faulty Towers, the dinner show. Oh, yeah, you're very good in that.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  It's still going, isn't it?

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Somebody must go to it.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  I mean, they're not doing it for no one.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  It would be fun, though, if you did, like, imagine if, like, for a little while you just did Manuel in in that. And and people went to that and they go, is that crime?

• 33:37Speaker 02

  That's so deep in character.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:39Speaker 02

  So, so deep, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  Have we talked about this before, that what if you find out you just love the food at Faulty Towers? The dinner experience?

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Well, there's the Mamma Mia dinner experience.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, what if that's your favourite food, though, and you're like, I've got, but you hate the show? Yeah, tastes delicious. You're having a go.

• 33:55Speaker 02

  That is some sort of definition of hell.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. Have to put up with that.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, or you get or you get somebody get offers you like free food for life, but you've got.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  A Faulty Towers, the dining experience, black card.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Don't tell him where you got this. Have they taken it? They've stopped the Nando's one, haven't they?

• 34:13Speaker 01

  I don't know. Well, actually, I think originally it was this thing where they didn't want people to confirm that they existed. So it was this whole thing that you can't say that you've got one. So now I'm not sure. Now I think, uh, had they really stopped them? Or is this like?

• 34:29Speaker 02

  They're even more exclusive now, yeah.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  We've got to go, let's create a fake rumor that it's stopped.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  I don't know who to trust.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  It's been so far underground now. Yeah, I feel like it had, well, also, it's in their discretion. You don't need a card. If the manager knows you and thinks you're amazing, they'll just comp your meal, won't they?

• 34:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, look, I mean, hands up, I had a black card for a bit.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  Did I use it very often? Absolutely not. Um, because when are you really going into a branch of Nando's? Very rarely. And also guilt.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  You feel ridiculous. Why am I getting?

• 35:02Speaker 01

  You can afford one.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  It's just quite cheap.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  But also, I've finally had a point in my life where I could afford it.

• 35:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  And now you're telling me I don't have to pay.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  It's disgusting. They should, it should be that a Nando's is just a random, like a golden ticket thing.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  Hmm. That's a really good idea.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  People just get the, you could go along, everything fine with me, yeah, take the cock away, put a black card there.

• 35:23Speaker 00

  Man, I hope I win a black card.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  No, not, not you.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  Not you.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  You'd have one, you could afford your meals.

• 35:28Speaker 00

  But winning it would feel good. Um, yeah, they're a year. Yeah.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. Just in case your career tanks.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, exactly. Just in case you get cancelled.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Oh no, he doesn't got any here anymore.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Your dream main course, Graham.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Well, now, because you're obviously a big fan of main courses, I'm like, it's all a fish.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  Oh no, I'm, I'm starter and main course. He's all dessert.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Oh, you're all dessert?

• 35:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  Bread, poppadoms and dessert.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:00Speaker 02

  You're happy.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  If, if I could survive on that and not die within a year, that'd be what I'd be eating all the time.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think you could.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  You could.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  It wouldn't be a nice life, would it?

• 36:09Speaker 02

  I'm not sure your gut health would be great, but you'd live.

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Oh, well, that's, that's giving me something to think about. I didn't know I'd live.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Pop, I would say poppadoms are probably your breakfast go to.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Poppadoms for breakfast and then dessert for a day.

• 36:22Speaker 02

  Dessert for lunch and dinner.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, dream main course then?

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm going with, uh, salmon. Uh, I'm going to have just a darn of salmon.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  A what?

• 36:31Speaker 00

  A darn.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  A darn.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  Is that?

• 36:33Speaker 02

  It's a new, well, I, I don't know if it's a new word. Uh, do you remember, you, you used to get salmon steak? You never see a salmon steak anymore.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  I've not seen that. Tuna steaks, I'm familiar with.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Swordfish, well, mind you, there's something bad about swordfish in there.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  Is there?

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably. Even tuna, I think it's just like, yeah, like people shouldn't be.

• 36:53Speaker 00

  Oh, is it sustainability?

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think, yeah, there is stuff.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  Well, also there's the mercury poisoning in tuna as well.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Right, okay.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  So salmon, uh, darn, a darn is that funny little, you know, it's just a.

• 37:04Speaker 00

  Long, a long bit?

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, a slice of it. It's got some skin on one side. Yeah.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah, yeah. Like a fillet, is like a fillet?

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Is it a fillet? I don't know.

• 37:13Speaker 00

  I've never heard darn before.

• 37:14Speaker 02

  Have you never heard darn?

• 37:14Speaker 00

  I've never heard darn.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  Is that an Irish thing?

• 37:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, it must be.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  I don't know. I mean, I never see it on a menu, but I see it in a supermarket. Darns of salmon. A supermarket in Ireland. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Darn salmon.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  That could be your next animated feature, that darn salmon.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  That darn salmon, darn salmon, swimming upstream, yeah, desperate to spawn. I'm surprised they haven't made that. Yeah, you'd think, because that, that. I find Nemo did so well. Yeah. So, yeah.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  Salmon swimming upstream to achieve a.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  Achieve a goal.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  Bears along the way. Yeah. A kind of, you could be Daniel Boone, all sorts.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  A fisherman, like Fisherman Bad Guy.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh yeah, some industrial people, people are trying to farm salmon. Yeah, yeah. You could meet all the zombie-farmed salmon. Oh, yes. We're living in a big thing. Yeah. This writes itself. Yeah. Yeah. God, what are we doing here?

• 38:09Speaker 00

  This writes itself. Graeme's done a lot of that.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no. You had the, you were the bad fisherman.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  We're fine.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  I love, I love the idea of sitting in a writing room, letting everyone else do the work and go, this writes itself.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  This is incredible. Good job, guys. It writes itself.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Keep, keep on writing.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  What do you want with your salmon? How do you want it done? Eh, just like pan fried. I don't really care. Okay. Yeah, I'll eat it. Pan fried, say. Pan fried. Oh, sometimes it comes with a kind of little, eh, one of those yellow sauces. Uh huh. Like a hollandaise or a bernaise or something A's.

• 38:48Speaker 00

  Do you have an A's preference?

• 38:51Speaker 02

  What's, what's the one with tarragon in it?

• 38:53Speaker 00

  That's bernaise, I think. Or is it hollandaise? I think it's bernaise.

• 38:57Speaker 02

  I hear the sound of typing.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, I believe it's, I believe it's bernaise. I'm, I'm putting, I'm putting everything on bernaise.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  But then, what, what's the one, because two of them have green things in them.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Right.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  There's hollandaise, there's nothing in it.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  No, no green.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  Just, just yellow. Then there's two green ones. One is tarragon and one is, is it coriander or something?

• 39:17Speaker 00

  Bayonaise is tarragon.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  There is another one. Five points for a gamble. Thank you. Yeah, well done. No, I've made it up.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, like darn of salmon.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah. It's my fantasy meat.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  I've got some knitted salmon. We believe in all of it. No, Irish people will leave comments saying Darn exists.

• 39:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  Good. Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 00

  So, Darn of salmon with Bernays are we going with?

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bernays. So the yellow one with the green things in it. And I'm not to go to sides yet, though. That's a, that's a whole different feature.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'll get to that.

• 39:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  That's a.

• 39:48Speaker 00

  Please, don't, don't tread on the format, Graham.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  I respect the format. The format is king.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  When you, when we asked you how you wanted it, you said you didn't care. I had flashbacks to when we, we had Robert De Niro on the pod and, and he just said, um, he'll just have whatever's good. For every course. Does that surprise you having interviewed him?

• 40:06Speaker 02

  No, it does not.

• 40:08Speaker 00

  We, we loved having him on and it was amazing to be in, in the presence of Robert De Niro, but he was not invested in the format.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  No, I, what I would say about Robert De Niro is he's a very benign presence.

• 40:19Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 40:19Speaker 02

  Like, his silence isn't, uh, an indicator of him hating the experience.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  That's what I, no?

• 40:26Speaker 00

  Apart from when Tom Hiddleston did an impression of him on your show.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  Well, even that, even that, he kind of went, because Tom Hiddleston did an impression of him in, uh, it was him and Al Pacino.

• 40:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  Whatever movie they did.

• 40:38Speaker 00

  Heat, yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  And, uh, and I remember after he finished, Robert De Niro went, oh, that's actually one of my favorite scenes. And I went, is it still?

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yes. Because I think Hiddleston had maybe, it was the same episode, literally just done a very good impression of you.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I mean, I think those clips of Tom Hiddleston doing impressions through the rounds, I think it was all from one episode.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  I think he's only done impressions on the show once.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Uh, but he did a lot of them. So they've done, they have done rounds.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  But I think the one of you is so good that he clearly got a bit of wind in his sails. And, uh, maybe, uh, didn't judge where he should go next as well as he could have. Because he absolutely nailed an impression of yours. Like, that is fucking good. And then he goes into a De Niro.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  In front of, I mean, it's a, you know, look, uh, it's, it's a positive thing to do.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  It is.

• 41:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Um, and, uh, you know, and it, it, you know, Robert De Niro was talking, so, uh. We needed to hear that voice.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  Good on him.

• 41:45Speaker 02

  But was he nice on here? He was nice.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  He was very nice.

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Oh, he's lovely. He's an ordinary man, isn't he?

• 41:49Speaker 01

  We'd be delighted that we had De Niro on the pod. And to be honest, I think we were doubly delighted that he just said he'll have whatever's good.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  Your dream side dish.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Uh, now, see, you talked about soda bread and Kerrygold earlier. I am going full potato.

• 42:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 02

  Um, really, I've ordered this because it comes with mash.

• 42:13Speaker 00

  Great, fantastic. So really, the mash is the main and the salmon is the side.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Often, I will order whatever comes with the mash.

• 42:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Whatever, whatever is, I'll often order a main course based on what's with it.

• 42:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Uh, because those are the, like, just, you, it's delicious. It's very hard to make bad mash.

• 42:33Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  I'm sure you can, don't.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  You really can.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, some people can.

• 42:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, you really can.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  And what, in a restaurant?

• 42:39Speaker 00

  Oh, in a restaurant, no, probably not. Home mash is bad stuff.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Oh, yes, but you can, if you don't cook your potatoes properly or something.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, or the way you mash it, if you're, you know, overmashing, it can go gluey.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  That's why in restaurants now, they use the big riser, don't they, a lot of the time?

• 42:55Speaker 02

  Yes, they do.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  They'll put, and that stops it becoming gluey, and then you can just sort of mix in all of the butter.

• 42:59Speaker 02

  I feel my home mash is often a bit gluey.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  And it's because I, because I got really bored of trying to wash, uh, the small, like, the, the mashes, the small mashes.

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  So I've just got one of those, you know, remember you used to have that, that game where you had to,

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  you know, not, not make, not make the electric noise.

• 43:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:18Speaker 02

  As in, put it, I've got a masher that looks like that.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  So it's just like one squiggle.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  It's just one squiggle.

• 43:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, you ain't mashing anything with that, really.

• 43:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, so, yeah, but washing up's really easy.

• 43:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  So he's a roundabout.

• 43:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're laughing when it comes to the washing up.

• 43:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I really am.

• 43:31Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't wash anything up because it's full of bread on the draining board, so.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, of course, yeah, if you can't wash anything up, yeah.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  When we were talking about your show earlier, here's one of my favorite parts about watching your show, is we get to see massive Hollywood stars sitting on a sofa with one of our friends.

• 43:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  And my favorite two moments of that.

• 43:52Speaker 00

  I know what you're gonna say.

• 43:53Speaker 01

  Do you know that he's apt to?

• 43:54Speaker 00

  Well, I know, uh, Ruffalo and Josh Weddercombe.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Ruffalo calling Josh Weddercombe a paedophile.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  How was that, how was that broadcast? How was that ever okay? But it was funny.

• 44:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, really funny.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Absolutely great. We bring it up at least once a year to Josh. Remember when the Hulk called you a pedo?

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Really good. Just absolutely goes for him two footed out of nowhere. Than anything to deserve it.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  And I feel like that wasn't the only thing. Like he really, he went for him for the whole show. It was like, it was, it was like a kind of a roast.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  I wonder, did Ruffalo mistake, did, did they think they'd had an encounter before?

• 44:34Speaker 00

  Maybe. Well, I think it's just something about Josh. It was just like, it was just like, it seems, seems like he's weak. I can go after him.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. Renner's there as well. Renner's a bit Larry. Jeremy Renner's there. I think, I think Ruffalo's just showing off to Renner.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  You're probably right.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  You know, he wants to be a tough guy.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Lads.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  And the other one, and we, we used to watch this quite a lot. Every now and again, we'd watch it like, Nish would put this on to watch it with people.

• 44:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  Cause he, he brings him so much joy. Is Greg Davis telling his school story while Ryan Gosling laughs.

• 45:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  Like uncontrollably for the whole thing.

• 45:08Speaker 00

  And it's June Brown there as well. Is that that one?

• 45:11Speaker 02

  She's been.

• 45:12Speaker 00

  She's been on with Greg, definitely.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  Has she?

• 45:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so. Or maybe that's just.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  June Brown was on with Lady Gaga. That, but I do know.

• 45:20Speaker 00

  It's one of the other like real motley crew lineups.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was very motley crew.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  And tha- that one, I think Greg doing that story for Ryan is amazing. And there's another one where Lee Mack tells a story. And John Cleese, who I think it's quite hard to make him laugh. And he really, really, really laughs.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  It's a, it's a really funny story.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  The, the one.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  That, yeah, that, that, it's a very good story.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  It's a very good story. And I do believe it.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's true. Yeah.

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, and if it's not true, then it's like, I like the fact that he's.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  This is a great lead.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  He's absolutely taken us in.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  Was there any ever sort of questions over the thing of getting everyone out at the same time? When the show started, did anyone say maybe we shouldn't do that?

• 46:09Speaker 02

  I'm sure people resisted it. I'm sure people resisted it, like publicists and things. And so I don't quite know how we got around it. We just stuck to our guns, I think.

• 46:18Speaker 00

  It's just worked so well straight away.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you're out there for quite a long time. Like, you haven't done the show, but you've done the show.

• 46:25Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  I thought you'd done the show.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  No, I've not.

• 46:28Speaker 00

  Hey, hey, Graham, I've not done the show.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  No, I know you've not done the show.

• 46:31Speaker 00

  But.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  You have done the show.

• 46:33Speaker 00

  No, I have not done the show. But this is weird. So I've only met you very briefly once before.

• 46:37Speaker 02

  Oh, here we go.

• 46:37Speaker 00

  So I, I did a show, this is probably about 10 years ago, I did a show called Almost Royal for BBC America.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Was that you?

• 46:43Speaker 00

  That was me.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  You have done the show.

• 46:47Speaker 00

  So I have technically done the show, but we did it in the day before anyone else came in.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 46:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then it was spliced into the American broadcast.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  You pranked Graham?

• 46:56Speaker 00

  No, no, no, Graham was in on it.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:58Speaker 00

  Graham was in on it.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Was there an audience? No, there wasn't an audience.

• 47:01Speaker 00

  No, there was no, it was, it was literally on the day. And I remember it was like a very chaotic day for everyone. So I think everyone was annoyed that we were doing it that day because I think a guest had cancelled. So there was like this mad rush of trying to sort things out.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  That's hilarious. That was you.

• 47:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was me. That was me and Amy Hoggart.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  So we had people, we also had people pretending to be William and Kate.

• 47:20Speaker 00

  That was.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  You're now getting, you're now thinking that was it.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  No, no. No, because I was saying it to you, I was thinking, he wouldn't have cast you as William, yeah. And then we also did one with Nicholas Galatzin.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  And for a movie he did with Anne Hathaway.

• 47:38Speaker 00

  Oh, yes.

• 47:38Speaker 02

  And the end, he's on the show. And, and it's fake, but we did do it in front of an audience. And you could see the audience thinking, oh, but this is indistinguishable from the thing we just watched.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 02

  It's as if Graham didn't mean any of it.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  Well, I think we let too much light in on the matter.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's all bullshit.

• 48:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, that was a very, that was a mad experience for us to come in and like pretend like we were on the show.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  That's so funny.

• 48:11Speaker 00

  But then it actually went into the American broadcast of the show because it's BBC America.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  Oh, cool. Yeah.

• 48:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, you are out there for quite a long time. You're out there for about like an hour and a half.

• 48:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 02

  But, you know, but then there's music and often the music's twice. So, you know, you're not talking for an hour and a half.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  But for those Americans who are used to coming out and doing their eight minute segment or an 11 minute segment, you know, they're like, really? Well, I'm still here. And again, you were saying about being briefed. You know, you feel like people are fully briefed and then, sorry, I thought.

• 48:42Speaker 00

  Do I go now?

• 48:42Speaker 02

  No, no, you stay quite a long time.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Your dream drink, Graham. Oh, I, well, I've been drinking it.

• 48:55Speaker 00

  So we've had a couple of martinis, but do you have another dream drink that you'd like?

• 48:58Speaker 02

  I'll have some white wine.

• 49:00Speaker 00

  Lovely.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  I'll have some, uh, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is my white wine of choice.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  Fantastic.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:04Speaker 00

  How long's that been the case for?

• 49:06Speaker 02

  Quite a long time now. Um, like when I got to London first in the eighties, you do, but that was when the Australian Chardonnay was king. And then, isn't it weird how we just all decided we didn't like them anymore?

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Like, as, on mass.

• 49:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  It's, it's like, it's like, remember, like, it was like when gin became really popular.

• 49:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  We'd all been drinking vodka and then we were talking, no gin, you're drinking gin now.

• 49:32Speaker 00

  There's a thousand gin distilleries everywhere.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  I like gin now. And it's, it's weird how marketing can change what's going on in your mouth.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  Totally. And it's all, it's all marketing as well, isn't it?

• 49:45Speaker 02

  Well, it is weird. Like, you know, I, I didn't like that. And, or I did like that. Now, now you've told me my taste buds were very wrong all along. And I shouldn't like it anymore.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Do you think that will ever happen to New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc?

• 49:57Speaker 02

  I mean, that, it's been going for a long time, uh, that whole New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc thing. But it could do, you know, fashions, uh, change. And it's weird now how things are happening. There's a, have you come across the jalapeno? Uh, white wine.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  No. Oh, apparently, uh, what do I know? It's it started on TikTok. Uh, people putting jalapenos into their uh, white wine.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  And I had some last night and it is a very weird experience. Cause it's not hot, hot, it doesn't burn, but it there's a definite kind of a zing at the end. And the aftertaste is very, yeah, you know, something hot's been in there.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause a few days ago, I had a jalapeno martini. Um, and that was nice. And like you say, it wasn't, I I I thought, is this gonna be a mistake? It's gonna be really hot and spicy, but it's actually just like, just a nice different flavor to having a martini.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  It was quite good. Have a little kind of a little buzz at the end.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, there was a little something.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Uh, I imagine that could work in a white wine. I'm not against that.

• 51:09Speaker 02

  I, for me.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 51:11Speaker 02

  Just personally, I don't, I'm not drinking white wine, thinking if only this tasted of jalapenos.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  I, I feel, I don't, I don't quite get it. Uh, but I had it last night with my husband and he loved it. He really, he thought it was really nice.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  Oh, there you go. That means it's, there's gonna be jalapenos in the house all the time now. He's regularly eating jalapenos, thinking if only this tasted like white wine. So like, it works for him. The perfect match. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so, so this New Zealand white wine is your dream drink. You've already got the martinis coming throughout the meal when you want them.

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, only, I'll only do two.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  Two martinis, I think, is enough, right?

• 51:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:49Speaker 01

  We've had some bad nights on martinis where we've gone over the two.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Well, you get, you get giddy, don't you?

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 02

  You think I can drink these.

• 51:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  And turns out you can't.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're clear. They must be all right.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  And also because you feel okay after two.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  You, you kind of think, wow, yeah, it's okay. Yeah, I could cut wood at a sawmill. I'm fine. Um. But yeah, after three, you're losing a hand.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  It's when you, it's if you have two or three and then you've not gone to the toilet in wherever you are yet, and then you stand up and your legs go and you're like, oh, I should have thought about this. This has gone badly wrong.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I may be leaving my bike here.

• 52:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  We've talked about trying to get into Dukes quite a lot on this podcast to have their martinis, where they only let you have one and all this.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Do they only let you have one?

• 52:33Speaker 00

  Two, I think it's two.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Yes, I think I've had two in there.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Well, see, we've never been.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  How come?

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Well, we aspire to, but it's never really worked out. We've had a few guests say, oh, I'll go with you. No, obviously they never, I'm sure you would.

• 52:45Speaker 00

  We've been let down by a couple of previous guests.

• 52:48Speaker 02

  Can I just say, this is, this is me now committing to never going to Dukes again.

• 52:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  I'd leave it that way.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  I feel like the dream, the dream of what's going on in there.

• 53:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Really, it's a bit like just a provincial hotel. It's just some overstuffed sofas and some tourists.

• 53:08Speaker 00

  But it's a good, it's a good martini.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  It's a perfectly nice martini, but I feel like they're, they're riding high on when you couldn't get a good martini.

• 53:16Speaker 00

  Right, okay.

• 53:17Speaker 02

  I think now you can get a good martini in most places.

• 53:20Speaker 00

  Well, shout out to the Connoisseur, which is my favourite martini.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  Well, now you've just pulled any pants and shat all over. Poor old Dukes. We're over here with some brocade curtains.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. We did a live show recently and there were two gentlemen in the audience wearing suits and Ed completely went for them. It was like, you two suit motherfuckers, who, why are you wearing suits for? And.

• 53:41Speaker 00

  James went for them.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  I ain't go for them, you started on them.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  Well, the problem is one of them said that they, they don't normally wear suits. They tried to go to Dukes for a martini. So they're like, we don't normally wear suits. And one of the guys went, I'm, you know, I'm a creative. And then James found out he worked for Apple and then that was the whole show absolutely over.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  It's still food based.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should have, that would have been a nicer direction to lean in.

• 54:05Speaker 00

  What do you mean, we should have? I didn't, I stood back and watched you absolutely decimate a whole man's life.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  And also bless them, they were obviously proper fans.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, they were fans.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  He's making it out like I said anything.

• 54:14Speaker 00

  Second row of the Albert Hall. You said, you said, if he, if he was, as a kid, met himself now and found out what he did, he would spit on him, is what you said.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  Oh, that's, that's nice.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  I'm sure he found that funny.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  It's mate loved it.

• 54:32Speaker 02

  Imagine him telling friends after, and then James said this thing to me.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  James said.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  So funny.

• 54:37Speaker 00

  And I was wearing a suit and we didn't get into the place we wanted to go to.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  James says that he believes that when I was a child, I was creative and do drawings. But if that younger self met me now, he'd spit on me. He told me I wasn't a creative.

• 54:47Speaker 00

  Funny comedy show, Graham.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we didn't get into jokes.

• 54:57Speaker 01

  Your dream dessert.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  See, I, yeah, we, we could never hang out because you're just eating poppadoms and dessert.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Like, why? I'm not that fun. I mean, if I'm on a plane, I'll have dessert.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  Well, just because I paid for it and I might crash. So.

• 55:16Speaker 00

  Are you, so when you're on a plane, are you constantly in?

• 55:18Speaker 02

  I'm having it all. I'm having it all.

• 55:21Speaker 00

  But are you always thinking, we might crash?

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Yes. I mean, well, you know, you're kind of think, well, I'll regret, you know, if we're plummeting from the sky, I'll regret not having the tiramisu.

• 55:31Speaker 00

  If you, if you started plummeting as.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  I would lounge, lounge for the dessert trolley.

• 55:37Speaker 00

  But if it was in front of you, would you eat the tiramisu as you were plummeting?

• 55:40Speaker 02

  I mean, I'd try.

• 55:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  I'd go, yeah. I mean, you would, wouldn't you? It's, it's, it's better to die with a mouthful of tiramisu than not.

• 55:49Speaker 00

  The old phrase.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  I think you'll be fine.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Put that in a teatowel.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  There'll be people doing much worse things.

• 55:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. You'll be eating the tiramisu, but.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  And also I'll probably finish my tiramisu by the time we crash.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Actually, I probably would go tiramisu if I'm doing dessert.

• 56:06Speaker 00

  But from a plane? The plane tiramisu?

• 56:09Speaker 02

  I prefer not to plummet through the skies and die in a fiery ball.

• 56:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, while, while people around you are whacking it.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  What? Whoa, Ed. Ed, no need to go there. What the hell?

• 56:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, apologies.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  We've got a national treasure on the podcast. And also I think it's very hard to focus your mind if you're plummeting to your death.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. You'd have to be turned on by death, by death.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, what a way to discover that's your cake.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Finally.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  I found my thing.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  My life back to friends.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  Okay, so we're going to Mousu. I'm a bit disappointed that it's not from an airplane, because I would look quite like it if you had like an airplane kind of.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Oh, I see. So, oh, it could be just a catering company could deliver it to the restaurant.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't have to be die at the end, but I could give you an airplane to Mousu.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  Honestly, if the whole meal came from airplane, I'd be happy.

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  I love airplane food.

• 57:09Speaker 00

  What cabin are we talking?

• 57:11Speaker 02

  Now, I do throw money at the problem some of the time, but you get the little cutlery wherever you are. And that's, that's the pleasure.

• 57:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:18Speaker 02

  It's the tiny little, I mean, I don't know, like, if you've got a flying nice, but if you fly nice, I would think there's, there's a a napkin and in there, there seems to be an inordinate amount of knives and forks. I mean, so many of them. And like, I'm pretty sure I just ordered one. I don't know why all this cutlery is in here.

• 57:41Speaker 00

  Everywhere goes everywhere.

• 57:43Speaker 02

  If I feel like whoever wraps those things has never eaten.

• 57:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  They don't know what cutlery is.

• 57:49Speaker 00

  How many hands do humans have?

• 57:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. What are they for? I don't know. Have some.

• 57:55Speaker 00

  I love the, I think about all the time, the, if you fly on Virgin, the salt and pepper pots that are like little planes.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're adorable.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  I love those.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  Really?

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  I've never seen these.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  Have you not? No. Have you flown on Virgin before?

• 58:06Speaker 01

  I think so, yeah.

• 58:07Speaker 02

  The salt and pepper pots. Do they still do them? Because I know that.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  Oh, maybe I'm thinking in the past.

• 58:11Speaker 02

  Everyone stole them, I think.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  Yeah. But no, I think they were, they're made of plastic. I think you can still.

• 58:14Speaker 02

  Oh, because before they used to be nice, they used to be like metal. And everyone stole those. They just wiped the whole car line off them.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  So people who have got those are pretty pleased with themselves.

• 58:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  They're putting them out on the dining table.

• 58:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  Yes, I have flown on a.

• 58:32Speaker 00

  My friend stole an EasyJet jacket once.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  How?

• 58:35Speaker 00

  We were flying, we were flying back from somewhere and in the, in the overhead bin, there was obviously like a jacket that, you know, a crew member.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  That is proper kleptom.

• 58:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, and literally just took the jacket and then wore it to the pub the next night. It was pretty cool, actually.

• 58:50Speaker 02

  Was it?

• 58:51Speaker 00

  We were like sixteen or something.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  It was cool.

• 58:54Speaker 00

  It was pretty cool to wear an EasyJet jacket to the to the weather spoons.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  God, I remember doing another corporate, some travel awards, something. And they were talking about, and EasyJet donate their old uniforms to to Africa. Which seems like a ma- like, because they're they're nylon, I mean, like, you think it's cruel to make me walk around in orange nylon.

• 59:21Speaker 00

  But I've I've got to go to that village.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  I think you'll know when you're there. Is this it? Yes, it is. This is it.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  I'd love to get lost in that village and ask someone for directions, they tell me where the exits are.

• 59:36Speaker 01

  Yes, please. What's the best thing you've ever stolen, Graham?

• 59:40Speaker 02

  Oh, good question.

• 59:43Speaker 02

  I mean, when I was a kid, I I remember shoplifting a kind of, I don't know what it was, whether it was a glove puppet or something. It was ma- it was made of kind of fun fur.

• 59:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  Googly eyes.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  I was delighted with myself. And and then, but I had to then reveal it, you know, at some point.

• 1:00:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  At home. And my story of I found it did not fly.

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Very long.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  And so I was frogmarched back to the shop.

• 1:00:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  And had to give it back.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds embarrassing.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  Our friends.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  Oh, humiliating.

• 1:00:15Speaker 00

  Our friend's daughter recently, like, little little kids, asked for a badge in a shop. And he said, no, you can't have the badge, I'm not buying you the badge. And then the next day, she's walking around wearing the badge. And he went, where'd you get that badge from? She said, oh, my friend gave it to me. He said, what friend? And she went, I don't remember.

• 1:00:35Speaker 02

  I thought you were gonna say, you bought it for me.

• 1:00:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  You're losing your mind.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  But I love the not thinking two steps ahead and going, my friend, and then going, I don't remember what friend it was.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  I don't know their name.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  So good.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  Did she get to keep it?

• 1:00:50Speaker 00

  Uh, no, they he took it back to the shop, I think. You've got, you can't then let the kid keep it, I I don't think. You've got to show them that stealing's wrong and it goes back to the shop, right?

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  Are you so old fashioned?

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  I guess so, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:03Speaker 00

  Get with the program.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Well, I I'd like, my dad was really, uh, see, I I never would have stolen anything. But like, um, he he said to me once when I was gonna go and buy Christmas presents for the first time. Make sure you buy, people don't buy anything for yourself, it's Christmas. So I went out, I was buying stuff for people, I'm about seven. I saw there was a No Oasis single out, who were, an an Oasis tribute.

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  No Oasis, yeah.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  No Oasis, I really wanted it.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  So I bought it for myself. Uh, I had to, uh, snuck it in, made sure you couldn't see it. And then this sneaky fucker looked at the receipt, which was like in one of the bags.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  He knew what you were gonna do.

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  He calls me in, what's this? I was like, huh? I think he got me first with the whole, you didn't buy anything for yourself, did you? Oh. No. Oh, you walked, you walked right in.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  I'm like, everyone, what are you talking about, it's Christmas.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  What's this then? And then apparently, I I don't remember this, but my reaction was, I just went, oh, what have I done?

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Like, really remorseful in front of him, oh, what have I done? Oh, what have I done? And I told him, I told him, I would give anything to take it back.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  Oh. So dramatic.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  And and so he went, all right, well, if you want, you just give it to me and you don't have it anymore. I handed it over.

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, did he bring it back to the shop or anything?

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  No, it was, it's my birthday in January. Oh. I unwrapped it, it was like, there you go, I was like, hmm. Doesn't feel great, doesn't feel like a treat. Yeah, what did you think, because you bought it? I bought this, yeah, I've paid for this, man. Yeah. You stopped me from listening to it for a month, that's all.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Kind of over No Oasis now.

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, they were a bit of a flash in the pan, No Oasis.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  They really were, I'm amazed they actually had a single.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm amazed they didn't try and capitalize on the.

• 1:02:57Speaker 00

  On the reunion.

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  Of a union.

• 1:02:59Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:02:59Speaker 01

  You'd think that Oasis would go. Still No Oasis. Yeah, yeah. We gotta do it. I'm gonna read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  Graham looks really worried about this part.

• 1:03:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I'm looking forward to it, yeah.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  You want sparkling water and you're like a dirty wet martini at the same time. Pop of onions or bread, another dirty wet martini. Starter, avocado lettuce cups from A B C B in New York. Main course, a pan fried darn of salmon with Bernay's sauce. Side dish, mashed potato. Drink, New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. And dessert, a tiramisu.

• 1:03:32Speaker 00

  Delicious, yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  That does sound very nice.

• 1:03:34Speaker 00

  And feels classic as well.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  It's not try hard.

• 1:03:38Speaker 00

  No, no, not at all. And it feels like, it feels like you'd eat it in like a classic looking New York restaurant. Apart from the dessert, which you'd eat on a plane.

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, I'll eat it in the restaurant. It can be on, it can be on one of the little trays though.

• 1:03:50Speaker 00

  Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  And if the waiter could go back and change into a uniform, I'd be delighted.

• 1:03:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:56Speaker 00

  An easy day, a uniform?

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  No, good, because he'd be taking that away from an African family.

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  I'm gonna try the lettuce cups the most.

• 1:04:05Speaker 00

  Yes, they sound delicious.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  So I can't really imagine what they would be, yeah, like you were saying, like there's so much better than they even sound, so I wanna.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  And I've kind of cracked them, I can kind of make them now.

• 1:04:15Speaker 00

  So what do you, what do you put in them to make them?

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  It's toasted cumin seeds.

• 1:04:19Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  Is the, is the bit that is, because you know when you're eating something, you're like, what is that lovely taste? What is that lovely taste? And I finally figured out that's what it is.

• 1:04:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  It's been years of eating them.

• 1:04:29Speaker 00

  I love that you've left that until the end as a little reveal, just right at the end. You didn't give us the secret when you were talking about it.

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  You didn't ask.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  If people listen to it in a podcast, there's always a secret gets revealed.

• 1:04:42Speaker 00

  We didn't ask, James, this is the thing, it's good to pick up little tips from Graham. We forgot to ask.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  We should ask, the questions we want the answers to.

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  So delicious.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, if we want to find out something.

• 1:04:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we, we never learn that if we want an answer to something, we forget to ask it.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  And there are two of us.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  Well, that, I have to say, that is goo- I think it's good doing this with two people.

• 1:05:03Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  Because then it's never your fault.

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  It's always Benito's fault.

• 1:05:09Speaker 00

  It's always Benito's fault. Yeah, it's no one's fault. Well, this has been No One's Fault, Graham. Thank you so much.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  We can only apologise. No one's to blame.

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  Next episode, by the way, we're gonna start just getting all the guests in at the same time. So we're gonna have three or four people on the sofa together.

• 1:05:27Speaker 02

  Good luck in this room.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Massive whining.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  You may have to knock through.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  Thank you so much for coming to the dream restaurant, Graham.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  It was a pleasure. Thank you very much.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  Thank you, Graham.

• 1:05:41Speaker 00

  Well, there we are, James. Graham Norton. What a joy it was to have him on the show.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Such a pleasure to have Graham Norton on the show. There are some moments, I mean, we love all our guests.

• 1:05:49Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  But there are some moments where you go, wow, what a, what another name to add to the, the old CV.

• 1:05:58Speaker 00

  You nearly said notch on the bedpost there, didn't you?

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Graham Norton is not a notch on the bedpost.

• 1:06:04Speaker 00

  A notch on the mic stand.

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  Let me be clear.

• 1:06:06Speaker 00

  A notch on the mic stand.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  Put a little notch.

• 1:06:09Speaker 00

  But that's good night, that's a good phrase for us.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  Notch on the bedpost, is that because when someone, they've slept with someone, they, they put a notch on the bedpost? Or is it because the bed is hitting the wall?

• 1:06:21Speaker 00

  I don't think it's that. Because that would suggest it hits the wall once.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  No, a few times to eventually make a notch.

• 1:06:28Speaker 00

  Hmm. Depends how I, personally, I like to go one big, enough to make a notch, done.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  See, you fuss so hard that the bed hits, that makes a notch and they orgasm all at once.

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  No, I do.

• 1:06:43Speaker 01

  You, you do.

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  Sure. You can only control.

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  It's over when I'm over.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you, there's only so much is in your control, I guess. You can't be, can't be held to account for it.

• 1:06:56Speaker 00

  No, and don't, don't help, help me to account on that.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Graham did not say Golden Graims.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  Surprise, surprise.

• 1:07:03Speaker 00

  Yeah. No, that's not him.

• 1:07:05Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry. We should get her on the pod.

• 1:07:10Speaker 01

  No, no longer with us.

• 1:07:13Speaker 00

  The Neighbourhood starts Friday 24th of April 9pm on ITV1 and ITVX and the series debuts with a three-episode launch on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so make sure you watch that.

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  And listen to Wanging On.

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  Listen to Wanging On.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  Fantastic podcast.

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  A delight to have Graham in the studio and I'm going on tour. I've got a new show called Fresh Hell touring from the end of January next year. Tickets on sale now at edgamble.co.uk.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  I'm currently on tour with my show James Acaster.

• 1:07:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  And there are some shows that have tickets available, so please jamesacaster.co.uk or dot com. I don't know my own website.

• 1:07:49Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Well, I'm not going on it.

• 1:07:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:52Speaker 01

  And why would I do that? But jamesacaster.com is actually where you should go for tickets.

• 1:07:57Speaker 00

  He got the dot com. He bagged the dot com, guys.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm pretty pleased with that, actually.

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. Well, James, thank you for being my friend for another week.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  Thank you for being my friend, Ed. Who knows when we started, but you've got a new friendship now with Benito.

• 1:08:12Speaker 00

  Benito's starting now.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  So that's good, starting now.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  It's been about six minutes so far.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's going pretty well so far, I think, for the two of you.

• 1:08:19Speaker 00

  See you later, guys.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  See you later, guys.