John Mulaney

US stand-up superstar, ‘Saturday Night Live’ alumnus and ‘The Bear’ star John Mulaney has a table booked this week. But does he remember John the Mouse? John Mulaney is on tour in the UK and Ireland with his show ‘Mister Whatever’. For dates and tickets go to johnmulaney.com https://www.johnmulaney.com/ Follow John on Instagram @johnmulaney https://www.instagram.com/johnmulaney/ Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 9 Apr. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Ben Williams and Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the white bread of conversation, layering in between the slices the ham of fun, the cheese of chat, grilling it in a pan of cheeky butter and then sprinkling with the icing sugar of friendship, James.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Back at it, Campbell. My name is James A. Caster. Together we own a dream restaurant and every single week we invite a guest and ask them their favourite starter, main course, dessert, side dish, drink, not in that order. And this week, our guest is John Mulaney.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  John Mulaney. I was doing a Monte Cristo sandwich there. Do you know of these sandwiches?

• 0:50Speaker 01

  I love a Monte. If a Monte Cristo is on the menu, I have to order it. It's one of those things that, that's the rule.

• 0:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Always get a Monte Cristo when it's on there. Triple Deckardiner in Greenpoint, the best Monte Cristo I've ever had.

• 1:02Speaker 00

  And that is just basically icing sugar on like a fried bread sandwich essentially, isn't it?

• 1:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like French toast.

• 1:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  With the Monte Cristo at Triple Deckardiner is loads of ham and turkey and just, I think there's a third meat in there with this French toast. And when I had it, I was not having a good time that week. I went in.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  No one is eating one of those things if they're having a good time.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Oh, well, I'm having one, whatever. That's the rule.

• 1:24Speaker 00

  Sure, you're having it when you're eating it, but no one goes, I'm gonna have that because I'm in a good mental place.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  I think I might do it. But yes, I take your point.

• 1:34Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  But it was delicious. It was so good. And that is the best Monte Cristo I've had anywhere.

• 1:39Speaker 00

  This is the first time we've had to do the intros on camera, by the way. If you're just listening, we're doing a intro on camera for the YouTube.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Don't like it.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  I think we're fine now. I think me doing that down the barrel felt uncomfortable.

• 1:50Speaker 01

  I didn't know what camera to look down when I was doing my bit. I think I got the food out of order. I'd set it in a different order than I've ever set it in because I was so in my own head.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Yeah. You never know what camera to look down. That's why Ghostbusters Frozen Empire.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  You're always looking at the wrong guy.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  They're like, Penfield, what are you doing? I insisted on getting referred to by my character.

• 2:08Speaker 00

  Well, because you're like Daniel Day-Lewis.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're in character all the time.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Don't you mean Daniel Plainfield?

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah, yeah. I've just seen that film. Yeah.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  A good coincidence.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  Great film.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Real good film.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Great film. I honestly wish someone had told me because this film, there'll be blood, by the way. What a movie.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  What a movie, man. It is good.

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Oh, I watched it on the plane.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  If we had him on the podcast.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  Plane, it was my, literally my plane view.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  That is good. That is good, Ed.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  Good, isn't it?

• 2:41Speaker 01

  We can have him on the podcast, have secret ingredient milkshake. Think he'd be like that, Daniel Day-Lewis? He'd love it.

• 2:47Speaker 00

  Well, I drink it up.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  I love that bit.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  One of the best, probably my favourite closing scene of any film.

• 2:54Speaker 00

  A lot of my references are out of date now because I've only just started watching popular films.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Sure, you're only just getting into films.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  So I'm coming off the plane going, I drink it up.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  I'm a long straw.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Imagine people, everyone else is saying a few small beers.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Ed's like, I'll drink your milkshake.

• 3:12Speaker 00

  Don't spoil anything for him.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Sorry, Ed. I know that'll be in a few years' time.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  Two decades' time, you'll watch that.

• 3:17Speaker 00

  Yeah. Anyway, John Mulaney's brilliant.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  John Mulaney's fantastic. Um, I mean, we're very excited to have him on the podcast. We're huge fans of his work.

• 3:25Speaker 00

  Great comedian, may I say.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  I, of course, have benefited before, we've talked about it on the podcast many times.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  Um, John had to.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  I can't wait.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Had to pull out. So I do want to hear, I've never spoke to John Mulaney about Cinderella.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  No.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  And when I got to play John the Mouse, named after him, of course. So I would like to see if John is aware.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  That I've replaced him at all, like, I don't, I don't, I don't know.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  Maybe he's angry about it.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  He might be, have accepted our invitation in order to settle a score with me.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, like Stephen Graham.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Like Stephen Graham did, and we saw how that worked out for him.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  So we'll see what happens to John.

• 3:59Speaker 00

  Well, it'll work out well for him as well, I guess.

• 4:02Speaker 01

  Subjective.

• 4:04Speaker 00

  John is touring the UK and he's doing a show in Dublin as well. Mr. Whatever is the name of the show in April.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  April, the 17th to the 27th, UK tour.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  Go and have a look. I mean, he's brilliant. Be quick because it'll, it'll sell out very quickly, I think.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Now, we love John Mulaney, but if John Mulaney says a secret ingredient which we deem to be unacceptable, we will be forced to kick him out of the Dream Restaurant.

• 4:26Speaker 00

  Yes, and the secret ingredient is?

• 4:29Speaker 01

  One black coffee. It's a very funny John Mulaney. I really love the John Mulaney routines about his dad.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  And there's a routine about when he was a kid and his dad is driving them down the highway in the car. They're seeing McDonald's, all the kids start chanting McDonald's. So his dad pulls into the McDonald's drive-through and then orders one black coffee for himself and drives away.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's on the Comeback Kid.

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  A great special.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  A great special. So like, yeah, one black coffee. And if he does order that, then you know, he's become his dad.

• 4:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, so that would be a big moment for him.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  We're all doomed to.

• 5:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  So, yeah.

• 5:02Speaker 00

  We're all doomed to become John Mulaney's dad.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, we are. At some point, we'll all be Papa Mulaney.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  And if you're watching this on YouTube, that's tomorrow.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, and if you're listening to this not on YouTube, this will be on YouTube tomorrow.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Unless you're listening to it not on the day it went out, in which case it's on YouTube right now.

• 5:19Speaker 00

  Unless you're on YouTube, doing stuff and listening to YouTube and not watching it.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Which a lot of people do.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, and in that case, it's tomorrow now.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's already tomorrow. Just relax. In fact, you might want to know, there's just an audio version of this and that might be better for you.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  No, do both.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Are you on tour?

• 5:39Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I'm on tour as well. I'm doing my new show, Fresh Hell, all across the UK and some of Ireland, starting at the end of January 2027.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  I think this is my favourite show title.

• 5:51Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Of a gamble show.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Fresh Hell is a great, great show title.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  Thank you very much, and it's going to be a great show. This is the off-menu menu of John Mulaney. Welcome, John, to the Dream Restaurant.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Thank you. Welcome John Mulaney to the Dream Restaurant, but it's been a while for some time.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Thank you, sir.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  You're the first guest who's found Ben's clap that he does before a record as funny as we find you.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Well, he's not doing it in front of the camera.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  No, yeah.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  Like, some people do the fake clapboard, but he was just clapping behind at us.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  We've questioned this with Ben before, and I, because I always thought the clap was to sync audio and visual, and he gets really annoyed when, when we mention it.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  At this point in the show, has there been a preamble before we got to this part?

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'll do it in the intro.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  That's great, that's great.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  That's really fun.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, we'll big you up big time.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's context to what's happening.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, and also the listeners understand the context of the show in general.

• 6:52Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 6:54Speaker 01

  Some people will be there first time, to be fair.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  It's always gonna be someone's first time.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  Well, you're gonna bring in a lot of the Mulaney heads, of course.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah.

• 7:01Speaker 00

  Do you have a name for your fans, actually?

• 7:03Speaker 02

  Mulaneyacs? I just came up with that.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:05Speaker 02

  It should work, yeah. They're good people. They're good people in extraordinary circumstances.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  They're just ordinary people thrust into this fandom that they really, they didn't know they were signing up for it.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, and they can't help it either.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  They can't help it, yeah, and, uh, they have notes.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  What do you think your fans will think of myself and Ed Gamble?

• 7:25Speaker 02

  I bet they're already way into this.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  This is a very big podcast, I know that.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 02

  And I, I think we have a lot of similar, uh, we, uh, in a, in a Venn diagram, I think we kept, grabbed some of the same people.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think so.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Very much so.

• 7:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I hope so.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 7:42Speaker 00

  I'd love a, I'd love a slice, slice of your crowd.

• 7:45Speaker 01

  I'd love them in a Mulaneyacs.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Same. It'd be great to have as many audience members as possible.

• 7:51Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  From all different walks of life, paying a common price.

• 7:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  You don't destruct, you don't destructure, uh, audience prices?

• 7:59Speaker 02

  No.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  No.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  No, it's one agreed upon price.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, by you, though.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  A lot of haggling with the whole audience back and forth outside the venue, and then we agree.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  A lot of them are saying free, though, aren't they? They, they wouldn't.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  There's some of that 60s crap.

• 8:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  Woodstock crap.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're all climbing over the fences.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  They're all climbing over the fences and tearing them down.

• 8:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  Um, but no, most people can agree, you know, on, sometimes they will agree on regular pricing and then platinum pricing.

• 8:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  It's odd when they suggest that.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  What about platinum pricing? I go, that's kind of, that's kind of gross. I don't even like to think about that, though. I know it happens. They go, we'd like it.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. VIP meet and greets.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  VIP meet and greets, all of that stuff. It's really nice to meet someone right after a show.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  They're in a really good space.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  Or immediately before. Some people do the.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Very good time to meet people. Yeah. Yeah.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's weird, but we've had people win like raffles for like off menu stuff and then come to the live show. And then come to see us either before or after. And I mean, I don't know if we really give them what they want.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  No.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  I think, I bet they love it. I bet you do.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  Well, we, I mean, a lot of the time when they've come for like a charity raffle or something, they'll come and meet us on the stage before the show. And it's just before like our food's arrived.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Oh, that's good.

• 9:13Speaker 00

  So we're a bit like, we're a bit antsy.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Like you're in socks.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  With a clothing steamer going.

• 9:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  And food's just arrived.

• 9:20Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. They're hungry. You've got a UK tour coming up.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  I'm going to be doing some dates here in April.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  April 17th to the 27th.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. But not just in London, all over.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  All over.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  The United Kingdom.

• 9:32Speaker 00

  Is this the first time you've done all over the United Kingdom or have you done that?

• 9:35Speaker 02

  No, I've done Manchester, a few other spots before. Um, but it's the first time I'm doing Glasgow.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 9:42Speaker 02

  It'd be very fun.

• 9:42Speaker 01

  It's good. Glasgow's brilliant.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is brilliant.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  You'll have a real, really nice time there.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  I should.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  What do you enjoy about being in the UK that's different to the US? Cause I always look forward to when I go to the US. I'm like, I'm gonna go Trader Joe's so fast.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Why do you like Trader Joe's so fast?

• 9:57Speaker 00

  This is what Americans always do. Cause I love Trader Joe's.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Really?

• 10:00Speaker 00

  Whenever I tell an American I love Trader Joe's, they're like, why? What are you talking about?

• 10:03Speaker 02

  Now, you know, Trader Joe's is owned by the same parent company as Aldi, which I believe is a German company.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:09Speaker 02

  So do you have a Trader Joe cousin over here?

• 10:12Speaker 00

  We have Aldi.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Aldi, but like, it's not, I guess now you've said that.

• 10:16Speaker 02

  It might be the same stuff.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  The layout is similar, but it's not the same stuff.

• 10:19Speaker 00

  It's not the same stuff.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  I know it's not called the same, but it might be the same product.

• 10:22Speaker 01

  No, if it was.

• 10:24Speaker 00

  We'd know.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  If it was, I'd be in there all the time. Trust me, John. Trust me.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Okay. Okay. I mean, I'm saying not packaged as well.

• 10:31Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  And maybe truly, truly different product names, but I've, I've heard it's the same stuff.

• 10:37Speaker 00

  Look, they did not have.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  I've never investigated it my entire life.

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Aldi, as far as I'm aware, do not have roasted salted almonds covered in dark chocolate and turbinado sugar.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 10:45Speaker 00

  Which is the thing I go to straight away in Trader Joe's.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  In Trader Joe's.

• 10:48Speaker 00

  I'd straight away get a box of those for my for my rucksack for when I'm.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  Have you ever had a Uber, a taxi stop at Trader Joe's before getting to whatever hotel or apartment you're staying?

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Yes, I have.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I said, you've got to go there via Trader Joe's. I can't wait a second longer.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  I can't wait a second longer. I'm dying to be there.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  I go in there and then you rush out because I feel bad for the taxi driver. I'm carrying all these different kinds of gummies and like chocolates and stuff. I'm so excited.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  What's your favorite Trader Joe's thing?

• 11:15Speaker 01

  I'll go for the Scandinavian swimmers, which are basically their version of the Swedish fish, but they taste better than Swedish fish.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  They have a jarred something garlic crunch that I encourage anyone to stock up on. It is, you can put it on anything. It's a real, is it like a crispy onion garlic crunch?

• 11:33Speaker 00

  Oh, is it like the sort of, yeah, like crispy onion sort of?

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it real oily.

• 11:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:37Speaker 02

  And you could put it on anything and you'd be home free. And do they have an English, you know how they have different ethnicities at Trader Joe's? Do they have an English one?

• 11:46Speaker 01

  There's an English toffee that I see there. There's a box of English toffee.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  And do they try to brand it with like a?

• 11:52Speaker 01

  No, there's no like football hooligans on it.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  No, it just says English toffee.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  And you think, yeah, we'll see about that.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Trader Jose's English toffee. Deal with it.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Deal with it. We couldn't figure one out. Yeah. First thing I do when I come to London, it's really, you know, people think New York is very diverse, but it's not. It's, yeah, it's people pretty priced out of it. London is a very diverse city. It's very nice to just walk around.

• 12:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  And be among diversity.

• 12:22Speaker 00

  You introduce yourself to everyone.

• 12:23Speaker 02

  I didn't know how to do that. The sentiment started out really nice, but then I didn't know how to end it. It's nice to just be among it.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  And add my own, add my own self to it.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Certainly, yeah.

• 12:35Speaker 00

  Pop yourself in there.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Even more diverse now, John Mulaney.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  A little bit, yeah, or maybe less, but depending on how you see things, yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  You, you were meant to come to London once and you didn't, and I benefited from it.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  When was that?

• 12:47Speaker 00

  Well, we're going straight in.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I'd never be able to talk to John about this.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  It's really nice to meet the both of you.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was lovely to meet you.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  We've never met, not even like, not even in like Kill Kenny in two thousand nine or some shit.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  I saw you once in a corridor.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  In a corridor?

• 13:02Speaker 01

  In a corridor.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Where?

• 13:03Speaker 01

  It was a.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  What if we didn't even explain where? We both had an understanding.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. You didn't see me. The corridor. Yeah. You didn't see me. I was, I was at right angles to you. You didn't see. I, I, I was in a waiting area and you went down the corridor. You, you were just done. Sounds like a hospital. We were, we were doing back to back.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  We were in hospital.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  Episodes of James Corden's late, late show.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Oh, so that time, yeah.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  A while ago. And you'd just done.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  The one before me.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  And I just happily glance over.

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Zoe Deschanel?

• 13:35Speaker 01

  I can't, yeah, I, I, I was on with like.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  I was only on once.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  I think Diane Keaton was on my one, uh, Andy Garcia.

• 13:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's great.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Me doing some stand up.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Do you still talk to Andy?

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. All the time. We know what these talk shows are like. You make friends for life, right?

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Well, on a, on a group one like that, so what James did was he made it a group.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  And those do get pretty tight.

• 13:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  Sometimes when it's one guest after the other.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  There's not really a lasting friendship.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  There's no WhatsApp group.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Panel ones are super tight.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We didn't invite like Corden or Reggie Watts onto the groups. We know that they, they can't be on all the groups.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  Exactly. I bet they get added sometimes and like, guys, this is a job for us, you know, but yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. We glad you had a good time.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Don't real life me.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, we can't be on this. But yeah, yeah, me, me, Diane and Andy.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Okay. I was coming to London. Wait, what did, how did you say it?

• 14:21Speaker 01

  So you were meant to come to, this was in, uh, during Covid. We've talked about this on the podcast a lot, by the way. So this is a huge moment for our listeners that you're finding on the podcast. A huge part of the off menu lore is that I benefited from you having to pull out of something. So it was a film.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  And I, I replaced you two days before.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  And it was the role of a lifetime.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  And my character, uh, well, James Corden's in it again. This is another anecdote James Corden's in. Me, James Corden and Ramesh Ranganathan were the mice.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  And in the script, I get there and there's a character of James and, but that's James Corden, the mouse. James the mouse, yeah. Ramesh the mouse and I was John the mouse.

• 15:07Speaker 02

  Great.

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. And in the credits, I'm John the mouse, even though I requested. Please could we change that? Cause I'm not called John at any point during the film. They don't say my name is John.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  They could have gotten out of it. Now they had some wiggle room. They could have said, you, we wanted you to be James, but James is already James.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  But I said, I was like, look, no one says. I don't think that even crossed their mind. No one says the names of the mice.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  They just went right to look.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  John the mouse. I said, if it's just in the credits and no one's actually saying our names, can you just call? I mean, I guess this is a hard sell, but I said, could you call my mouse? Mickey. Acasta.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, why not?

• 15:39Speaker 01

  I said, well, call Acasta.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  And they were like.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  And credits, by the way, is just typing.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  Who cares?

• 15:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  They can change that.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  There's almost no one, yeah, truly.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Whereas like, I may as well be called John Mulaney, the mouse.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  It's like, that wasn't, that wasn't meant to be me. You're leaving out my favorite detail. What's that? The hair. Oh, yeah.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  I get there and they go, we've got to get you in the hair and makeup. I'm like, fine. And, uh, Ramesh and Corden were in and out of hair and makeup. But I'm there for a long, I'm doing my hair for ages. I'm like, why are they doing my? Ramesh and James were just like, yeah, there you go, you're done. Why are we spending ages on my hair?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  And what are they doing to it?

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Making me look like your hair.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  They're darkening it?

• 16:24Speaker 01

  It's your hair. It was how your hair was at the time.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  So by the end, I'm like, what the, and I'm looking and he's got a piece of paper and I look at it. It's just a photo of you.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  And just directions of what, on how your hair's meant to look. And cause it, cause I was such a last minute.

• 16:41Speaker 02

  Nobody pivoted. Nobody pivoted even a little.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  No one thought to tell the hair guy, by the way, it's a different guy now.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  So was he quite stumped? Cause he kept going like, look, I can, I can't make mirrors.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  Just doesn't know.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  If this is what he looked like before.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  That's what, how was it brought to you though? Did you know that someone had dropped out a couple of days before?

• 17:02Speaker 01

  No details, just like, John, John Mulaney can't make it now. I want you to know there was no details. No one was blapping, John.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  Okay. He can't make it.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  He can't make it. It's COVID, he's coming from America.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  He did three fittings?

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  And that was it.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  What a fitting. Did you get the full fitting? Like groin inseam, all this stuff.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  No, he was wearing your groin.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  They just gave you.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  Literally like, you better have the same body type as John Mulaney, because otherwise.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  Are we this?

• 17:32Speaker 01

  There's nothing we can do about this. Yeah, we're kind of like. It doesn't feel like it would be like a crazy.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  A crazy stretch, yeah.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it was just like the guy playing the prince.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Do we have the same heel to groin, though? Because that was big with the mouse costume.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  We can find out now. We can try and sort it out.

• 17:47Speaker 02

  You know how you do it? You lay on the floor.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:49Speaker 02

  Like, like brothers do, yeah.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Like brothers do.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Oh, that's wild.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  So that was, that was my first film role. Never been in a film before, huge.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  That was gonna be my first film role, too.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Really?

• 18:02Speaker 02

  That live action film, yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Well, you've done much cooler ones since.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  I've only done one.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  Really?

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm thinking, oh, live action. I'm thinking of the Spider-verse.

• 18:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was animated, yeah.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Fantastic.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  That was animated the whole time.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  But they still did your heel to groin, right?

• 18:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, they did, um, heel to groin and then they do once around the skull, under the armpit.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  To waist, and they ask you to really stick it out.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  For Spider Ham.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  For Spider Ham, yeah, yeah.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  Peter Porker.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  Did it fit? The mouse costume, the footman costume?

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. You look great, you look great. It fit, to be fair, I was pretty happy with the hair.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  That was out at Pinewood Studios.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  The Pinewood Studios.

• 18:41Speaker 02

  I was looking forward to that.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, there's a lot of stories.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  Really excited, yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  What, the stories that made you excited about Pinewood? You strike me as the kind of, I've seen a few interviews with you. And you really like the history of places, like especially showbiz, places like showbiz stories.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  You know some stories that I don't think I would have heard, were it not for you talking about it on a podcast or in an interview. You've got a good nose for the kind of stuff that maybe.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, like a little boy who lived with an old aunt and rode away to movie magazines.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  Kind of sad little life.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  I think you would like James Cameron telling them all to go fuck themselves at the end of whatever film he did there. You know, there was a film that he did there, I think the Alien, maybe Aliens. Yeah. But at the end he was like, I don't want to work with any of you ever again.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  That's really funny at the end.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  That was, that was an end.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  When he's rapping out of your chat.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  His end speech.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Hold on, quiet everyone.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. It was basically that.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  That's a production rap on Linda Hamilton, I don't want it.

• 19:36Speaker 00

  All the other actors you haven't wrapped yet being like, God.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 00

  What's he gonna say?

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Mine's Thursday. Pinewood, now I'm blanking, but was it some Alec Guinness stuff? Was it some David Lean stuff? I was very excited for whatever it was, yeah.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, there would be, I mean, obviously all the Bonds that were filmed there as well.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Oh, were they?

• 19:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, loads of Bonds.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great British Bake Off. Pull over, I'm James Bond, you know? Or what is it? That's the guy. Yeah, that's.

• 20:03Speaker 00

  I think it's basically.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Get out of the car, freak.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 02

  Right? Shall I read, shall I read James Cameron's? I like that you're reading it.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Here we go, it's Jim Cameron. This has been a long and difficult shoot fraught by many problems, but the one thing that kept me going through it all was a certain knowledge that one day I would drive out the gate of Pinewood and never come back and that you sorry bastards would all still be here.

• 20:23Speaker 02

  That's great. But he definitely would have had to have worked with some of them in the future at some point, right?

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 02

  Maybe even like the next project. I, by the way, I did a segment on this Netflix show with stunt doubles specifically that had worked for James Cameron. And it is a pretty tight family. They've done most of the films. Yeah. So it's kind of the same folks over and over. Yeah, yeah. And he says that to them every time. Yeah. Drove out of Pinewood.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  You sorry bastards.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  That day he brought a car, they're like, why is he bringing, why is his car pointed to the outside of the studio? What's he got going on? I was excited for that.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, Pinewood, and that was gonna be like right when, they wanted to film it right when Covid started, right? That was the script, that this should take place at the beginning of a pandemic.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  They wanted it to be like that.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, they wanted a lot of people to be sick outside the movie, but the people working on it to not be sick. Yeah, yeah. Which was, yeah. The bubble. Did you learn the song for it? No. No. Um, I think the official reason was I didn't have a passport.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  Right, okay.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Right, which is, you know, they're.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  They're impossible to get.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  If you don't get one early, you're never gonna get one, right?

• 21:38Speaker 02

  There's no way to expedite it.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Like, um, like, there's no such thing as an expedited passport. There's no official thing called expedited.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  I've never had that word before.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I go, look, this, it's just not gonna happen.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  Well, it's in six weeks, right?

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  You can get one in two, I know, but it's too late. Look, you really don't want me to show up at Pinewood. I guarantee you in 2020, you did not want me showing up at Pinewood.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Get James Acaster.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, get James, uh, yeah, I did. And I put in a ton of names.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. I appreciate that, James.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Milton Jones, everyone.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  I said, get Milton.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  Well, obviously, the last name.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  He'll open with, before I go, and...

• 22:19Speaker 01

  How do you know Milton?

• 22:20Speaker 02

  You know, uh, Melbourne, maybe?

• 22:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:23Speaker 02

  I love Milton Jones.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Oh, he's amazing.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  He was, uh, when I started, I was a stand-up. That was my first year being a professional comedian was because, um, Josie Long and then Milton Jones took me on tour with them.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Josie Long, yeah.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  So, like, yeah, Milton took me on, literally, there was a, in the January, I was gonna have to go back to my day job if Milton didn't take me on tour.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  That's fantastic.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  And he did take me on tour.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  And he'd do an hour, because I always saw him do shorter sets throughout that.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  He'd do an hour and I'd do like 20 at the top and like, and, and the, because he kept on, he was just starting to get on TV here. So, the tour kept getting extended and it was just absolutely saved, saved my life.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  That's fantastic.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  I would have had to go back and work at the school and I wasn't very good at that.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  It is amazing how much you owe Milton and you still took away his part in Cinderella.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  I know, yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  Don't care.

• 23:05Speaker 02

  No, I think it was a costume thing.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  All right.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  We're actually, a lot of people don't, yeah, we are different body types, Milton Jones.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Yes, yeah, yeah.

• 23:11Speaker 02

  So, how was the experience?

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Oh, great for me.

• 23:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, obviously, everyone had to kept being reminded what my name was.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  Because everyone else's characters were just their name and people would look, point at me and go, um, we just need you to move, can you move? Because like, we can't remember this guy now.

• 23:28Speaker 02

  That's not even an issue with it being a different actor.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  That's really just bad four-month set.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was, I was last minute, but like, you know, I loved it, I loved doing it, I loved, we got to do green screen, I got to do a song.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, the song, I remember reading that and not having to rehearse it.

• 23:43Speaker 01

  Court, Court and had to really carry the song.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Me and Rom.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  I'd imagine he was fine with that, though.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was fine with that. It was, it was, uh, Rom says that when he went in to record his part, the guy at the piano just had his head in his hands and was hammering the key and asking Rom, in a very annoyed tone, can you hear that?

• 24:02Speaker 01

  So.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Very rough.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  So, everyone behind the camera was quite unreasonable.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was the opposite of a gym camera for the crew were just like, you sorry bastards.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Get out of here.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Ah, that's fantastic. Do you like being on set?

• 24:17Speaker 00

  I don't do much acting at all, so whenever I've done it, yeah.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't get to do much, but when I am, so it's always a novelty.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:25Speaker 01

  I think as a, as a stand up, you kind of feel like that, right? You feel like I shouldn't really.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  I keep commenting and I was early in the day, but all the things that are different. Yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  I go, no, I'm good. I'm good. It's, you know, it's 10, you know, it's 10 a.m.

• 24:38Speaker 00

  So many snacks.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, so many snacks.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're the only ones at the snack table, all the actors.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  We don't have any, yeah, we haven't, we've never, it's so clear. We've never gotten into a rhythm on set.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  We're just constantly wandering around, following different crew and eating snacks.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Eating it like, like it's last day.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  Really thinking we should be standing there in case a setup suddenly changes and we're in it.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  As opposed to waiting, which they're begging us to do.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's very obvious on camera. We're the ones who just ate a bag of Skittles and everyone else is fine.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  We always start with still a sparkling water, John. Do you have a preference for your dream?

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Would have been sparkling for years, but I'm still now.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  What happened?

• 25:17Speaker 00

  Yeah. What was the change?

• 25:18Speaker 02

  I started getting frustrated with how at a meal, I'm going to the restroom three times minimum.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  And they had a long meal, a sprawling meal, right? And some folks are just not getting up once.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:32Speaker 02

  We would have these dinners at Saturday Night Live and they'd two and a half hours and just from the Pellegrino, I'd be like, I'm, I'm going to the bathroom. Nothing's been served yet. So there's a first bathroom just to kind of stretch your legs. Then I'd have to pee again halfway through and then before we'd leave, if we were walking back to Rockefeller Center, I go, I have to pee again, like fully. Not a little, like a full urine, not like a sickness where like there's a muscle weakness or something.

• 26:00Speaker 00

  It's not like a drizz, you're not drizzling.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  It wasn't that. It wasn't, oh, you know, there was some hesitation and lack of completion, which is fine also.

• 26:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  This was just like full bloated belly of piss.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Needed to get it out again. And folks in their sixties and seventies weren't getting up.

• 26:16Speaker 00

  But to me, that's, I'd be more worried about the people who are not urinating at all.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  It is really weird.

• 26:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  Two and a half hours of drinking water and wine.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's a blockage.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Also, if it's SNL, I'm guessing when you're saying sixties and seventies, we're talking about specifically Lorne Michaels. And I imagine he never urinates.

• 26:36Speaker 02

  That's it. I think it might be that. I think he did. If you had to learn it, he learned it, or he's naturally had this gift of just like, it's quite, it's quite a thing to be with your boss and get up three times.

• 26:47Speaker 00

  It'll be some old school entertainment thing where he's like, I never piss.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  You go under the table and that's it.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  And you call ahead and yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 00

  I don't have time to be getting up.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Everyone knows how to do it. All the greats know how to, David Geffen, everyone knows how to not get up to pee.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, they all get up in the restaurant, it just pools underneath the table.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  And you call ahead and put a card down for it and they cover it. Uh, but I, I started to think like this Pellegrino stuff, this is just inflating me like a balloon, but not have air of you.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:18Speaker 00

  But that's interesting. I've never heard anyone say that sparkling water makes them piss more.

• 27:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  No one's ever said that.

• 27:23Speaker 00

  Cause you would have thought there's so many bubbles in there that there's actually less water.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  I think I have a bad body, not sick, not sick or, you know, anything major, but just kind of like doesn't, just like, oh, what's this? So we're just really not equipped to handle anything.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  It panics.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Like a bad maintenance crew.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  What this, we should get this out. Like, no, it's okay. It's okay. It's gonna stay in there. Like, no, the last time we got it out, just like, yeah, just leave it in there. It can get bigger.

• 27:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, no.

• 27:51Speaker 00

  And you're saying this in the bathroom as well, out loud, aren't you?

• 27:54Speaker 02

  I say it out loud.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Cause I don't want to get up, right? So I'm still.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  You were at SNL, you overlapped with Will Forte?

• 28:02Speaker 02

  I did, yeah.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Did he ever do the prank that I've heard about that he does to people in the bathroom where he just puts his hand in front of the stream of piss?

• 28:08Speaker 02

  No, but I've, I've been in and near and around it. Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So I just wanted to verify that that's true.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  It's a prank to other people because he's.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  He's covered in piss on his hand.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's covered in piss.

• 28:18Speaker 01

  So someone's pissing and then he just puts his hand in front of it.

• 28:20Speaker 02

  Both hands in front and going, hi, hi, John Solomon, whoever it is. Yeah.

• 28:24Speaker 00

  He has not pranked on, on that person?

• 28:27Speaker 02

  It's more of a, yeah, it's just, it's, it's like a, it's an action.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  It's a good, so I've heard a few things about him.

• 28:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Those kind of pranks. And they're all stuff that I think if I did them, I would not uh execute them very well at all. It would go badly. He seems to have this thing where he just fully commits to the point where it is so funny. And I've never heard about him doing something like that.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  And then everyone goes, oh, Will.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Or that was weird.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  So I was in Colin Jost's office and we were working on a sketch for a long, we were taking way too long. And we were eating Teddy grams out of a box slowly individually. I remember he was taking them out one at a time. So I was self-conscious to dump. So I kept also opening the box and taking one up. And we were taking a long time to write this piece and Forte's waiting on Jost to be done. And so it's, uh, Colin, are you done yet? Waiting on you. Like, uh, we just need a few more minutes. And we're gonna, a few more minutes. And then it's lasting like two hours. And he comes in, he goes, are you done yet? He goes, Will, I need a little more time. And then we'll be done. He goes, oh, a little more time. And there's a baseball bat. And he picks it up and he goes, who makes

• 29:36Speaker 02

  this bat? Easton smashes it through the wall so loud. And it uh hit the, Eric Kenwood was in the next office and all this stuff flew off his shelf. And people came in and were like, what, Will? You know, people were really mad.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  It was very upsetting to people.

• 29:52Speaker 01

  So is that, would he consider that a prank then?

• 29:55Speaker 02

  So I don't know. So when, it's interesting, we're getting into the word prank. It's the first time I've really thought about it. These acts of like destruction.

• 30:02Speaker 01

  That's not a prank.

• 30:03Speaker 02

  Like Will once threw someone's dinner out the window.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  Good prank.

• 30:06Speaker 02

  I guess that's a prank, but there's no tension released yet. It was just one big thing.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  You think pranks should, after the prank is done, everything is the same as it was before the prank started?

• 30:17Speaker 02

  That's a good question. Does a prank involve planning and misdirect?

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Cause there was no misdirect.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Cause just throwing someone's dinner out the window.

• 30:24Speaker 02

  Pretending to be upset at the name of the bat brand, I guess. Who makes this bat? Easton. That's what made it. Yeah. That was a bit of a misdirect.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Pop noms or bread? Pop noms or bread, John Mulaney? Pop noms or bread? I go pop noms.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 02

  Crisp, crack them up little bits. You know, I told you the Teddy Graham story.

• 30:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  I

• 30:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Have so many butter issues.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  That bread would be.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Like, just talk us through the butter issue. Is your bad body again?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  No, this is just cold butter, overly salted butter. I have lots of uh cold butter mainly. And I just feel like I just keep getting uh rolls with cold butter

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  in the United States.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 31:07Speaker 02

  Not to put it on the states, they're going through enough, obviously. Um but I I even at a great restaurant, you go like, how can you fucking do this?

• 31:15Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  This little coin of this cold coin on paper.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Is really bad. We got a butter bell at home, which I enjoy a great deal.

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Sorry?

• 31:24Speaker 02

  A butter bell is, I'll just describe it because I don't know why it's shaped this way. Like a jar and then you take it and the and upside down is this bell where you've stuffed butter. Right? It sits out on the counter, it's not in the fridge.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  You know, so you could do stick on dish with lid.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Right.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  Or you you could do butter bell. It it's a new thing in our life, anyway.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Has it changed your life for the better?

• 31:47Speaker 02

  It really is a good thing.

• 31:48Speaker 01

  By what percentage has it made your life better, the butter bell?

• 31:51Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm gonna give it because of the current uh raisin toast craze with my kids.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  I'd say this is thirty percent life better.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Wow.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Cause there's no.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Fast slices.

• 32:03Speaker 01

  Huge. And how many sort of slices of raisin toast are your kids getting through a day, would you say?

• 32:08Speaker 02

  Mei Mei can do two and a half.

• 32:10Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  So you need that production line of just.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  The production line's great.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  I mean, smearing cold butter on and and messing up the toast.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Scraping off the cra- it was really, it was really lousy and my kids knew it was lousy.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Is breakfast your your forte forte?

• 32:30Speaker 02

  We're back to Will, isn't that interesting?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Is that your specialty as a dad? Is are you the breakfast guy?

• 32:36Speaker 02

  No, I'd say breakfast is uh. We're sort of in between. Our kids really like like savory soy sauce and rice and cucumbers with salt. Breakfast is a, we're not quite nailing it with them. It's a lot of, you know, we like the idea of making pancakes and French toast for them and, you know, for the visual more. And, you know, there's music playing and I go, this looks like a home.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  You're a family and a thing.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  We're a family and a thing, yeah. And we're the family stone. But they're much more like, let's skip to lunch food. Let's have seaweed paper, rice, let's have diced peaches, let's just have the stuff we like, yeah. I'm trying to get them into the traditional breakfast and it's not quite working. The toast, you might, you're probably about to ask, what about the toast? Are you just talking about it? That's like an afternoon thing. And also, May really likes to hold a whole thing and rip bites off of it.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So when they're older, I mean, that's so much to look forward to. A burger?

• 33:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think a slice of pizza will be May's real thing.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  That's the ultimate.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  And you learn a shape with it, which is rounded triangle.

• 33:47Speaker 00

  Today's episode of the Off Menu Podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 33:58Speaker 00

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofers, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Sure, yeah, I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal, the setting, the vibe. And Cozy's modular customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 34:29Speaker 00

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa, maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful cozy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James. You're a mucky pup.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  I'm gonna spill stuff everywhere. Is that gonna ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 34:54Speaker 00

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere. Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 35:09Speaker 00

  Absolutely, that's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles, and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 35:25Speaker 01

  And because it's cozy, the furniture isn't just good looking, but actually practical. Modular pieces, easy assembly, washable and interchangeable covers, and free design consultations, if you want help making the whole room work.

• 35:37Speaker 00

  And it's easy to order, ship, and assemble, and maintain, James. The only way is the Cozy way.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  Visit Cozy today, that's C O Z E Y dot com, and make yourself at home.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Let's get into your dream menu proper, your dream starter.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  So I, uh, I was thinking a lot about it, and it's French onion soup.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Mmm, lovely.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  And yet I'm mad at French onion soup every time.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  You're mad at it?

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Because it's wonderful French pizza, and then underneath, was there a flood? Like, one of the least fun things underneath the most fun top.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  You've just made it so American somehow. You're just like, you just want the pizza topping.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, but not just the pizza. I want, and it's a brown bowl. It's a special bowl. They don't put anything else in.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:29Speaker 02

  And it's colored, it's painted brown. It's like a glazed fired in a kiln thing. And there's the cheese on this rim. I don't need to tell you this. I assume other people have picked this in. But scrape that, break through, cutting through pizza with a spoon. All of it's super fun. And then you go, like, as if you're renovating a beautiful house. Fucking water damage on you? What is this? Hot water?

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  So the soup is what surprises you when you get French onions?

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 36:57Speaker 00

  So you're enjoying the French pizza.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  I'm not raised by wet bread. That's almost like the insulation under the pizza.

• 37:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  But then at the bottom, I'm like, get this out of you. This is onion water.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  So you don't want the, well, it's the onion soup, right? So you don't actually want the onion soup at all in the dream meal? Or you just want the topping?

• 37:14Speaker 02

  It's got to, I mean, the topping is part of the soup.

• 37:16Speaker 00

  Sure, but you only like the topping.

• 37:18Speaker 02

  I don't want onion broth. That's fair.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  But that, I'd say that's mainly the soup.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Well, that's a good question. Would French onion soup exist without the top? Do you think people would order onion broth?

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's onion soup.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  There is?

• 37:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's onion soup. That's what it is.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  I don't know what he's talking about.

• 37:34Speaker 02

  Is there onion soup without the cheesy top? With the bread? With the pizza? The French pizza?

• 37:38Speaker 00

  I reckon, I'm, I'm, surely there is.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  I've never seen it.

• 37:40Speaker 00

  But why would you, why would you have it? Why would you have it by itself?

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  So I think it is all one thing.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  I'm the opposite of you. I forget about the top every time. Every time I order a French onion soup.

• 37:52Speaker 02

  You pop it off without looking.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  I, I'm like, oh, yeah.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  What's it, oh shit.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  Oh, that's funny.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  They've done this. They've, they've put this on and I can't get straight to the soup because I've got to deal with this first.

• 38:02Speaker 02

  Really?

• 38:02Speaker 01

  I always forget about the top. Yeah, yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  I think because my mum did make French onion soup when we were kids, but it was just the soup.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  No bread?

• 38:10Speaker 01

  No. So that's my memory of French onion soup.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  It was onion broth?

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's at home. We were, you know, and we loved it.

• 38:16Speaker 00

  So a minute ago, you were challenging me and saying that you've never seen the soup without the top.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  I've never seen it.

• 38:20Speaker 02

  She'd ladle onion water, brown wa, brown onion water. So you'd all be there?

• 38:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but not like you're making it sound, you're making it sound like Charlie Bucket and stuff. It wasn't like Charlie Bucket.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  I'm not, not picturing that.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it wasn't like Charlie Bucket. I was in bed with my grandparents.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Nineteen thirty-eight, thirty-nine?

• 38:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whole family in a bed together.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:38Speaker 00

  I agree with you. The best bit is the cheese, but I think it goes with the.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  I think everyone would agree with that.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  And I think people like the soup underneath it.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  I like the soup underneath it. My issue with it is, it's so hot all of the time.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  It's so hot also.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  That I'm hungry.

• 38:51Speaker 02

  Soup is so hot.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  But that soup especially, the hot brown water.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  It is because I think there's like in other stews, I feel like potato carrot absorb heat.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Does anyone bite into a potato in a stew? You're like, this is criminally hot. But the onion can't, it's just, you're just dealing with hot water.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's just boiling water. And then you're, I'm so hungry that I end up eating all the cheese off the top because the soup's not ready. To be eaten because it's so hot.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  I'm always doing extra scrape around the bowl.

• 39:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 39:19Speaker 00

  Are you scraping the outside rim as well and eating that cheese?

• 39:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  It's bubbling over, yeah.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  To me, that feels like illegal cheese that I shouldn't be having.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Why illegal?

• 39:30Speaker 00

  Because in my mind, they might not have washed that bowl properly and some of that cheese might be left over from the last time they did.

• 39:35Speaker 02

  It's really weird. I have total trust in the sanitation of restaurants. I've never been like, you know, people that have all the apocryphal like, oh, they rub their body parts on these things. I've just, I've never bought into that.

• 39:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  You can't be phoned in terms like illegal amount of our American guests.

• 39:53Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  They don't. It doesn't mean the same thing over there.

• 39:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  It's a lot more flexible.

• 39:58Speaker 00

  Apologies, John.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  It's much more flexible.

• 40:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we have a pretty strict.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  As you know, we follow pretty strict rules.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Your dream main course.

• 40:14Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  You know what? I forgot.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  Let's go, let's do it.

• 40:18Speaker 00

  Come on.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  No, but I was gonna do it before the start. I thought it'd be fun because we've never done it with a guest before. We could do it with John and get him to say grace before the, uh, the meal because of, uh, when you're in the bear and you, and when you say grace in the bear, it's a very, a very good moment.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's fun. Yeah.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  And I thought, oh, great. We've got a guest on who's, who said grace in a very iconic episode of television.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  We could get John to do that, but now I've just remembered it as we got to the main course and that's annoyed me.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Do you ever edit the podcast?

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Never.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  I mean, what I'd like to throw out is the chance to maybe do something and then put it in earlier.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  Ben will never edit it to make us sound better. So he would, he will leave this in here.

• 40:55Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right. You're quite serious. You wouldn't, yeah.

• 40:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  Here's a question for you. Why couldn't you drop out of that two days before?

• 41:03Speaker 00

  That would have been nice. That episode's crazy.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  Twenty twenty-three.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:07Speaker 02

  Things were a lot.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  You had a passport.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  I had a passport back then.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  You could get over.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  I had over two years of passports.

• 41:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  You could get up to Chicago. Oh, man.

• 41:16Speaker 00

  That episode's so funny, man.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  What an episode of TV. We were all around that table on the stage in Chicago. There were, there were a few interiors at a house in the suburbs and then we were around that table on the stage for two days. It was great.

• 41:31Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  I bet.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Oliver Platt kept ordering milkshakes. Abby Elliott was pregnant, so she wanted one, but he would, he would kept drinking her milkshake by accident. And he was nodding off from them and everyone was yelling at him. And then John Bernthal, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jeremy Allen White, Sarah Paulson, these people know how to act.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  And I mean, there were times when I thought, I think they think they're the characters. And they were really yelling.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 02

  And I felt unsafe.

• 42:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 00

  It turns out James was a great replacement for you in Cinderella, because you're like that around actors when you're watching them going.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  Can't believe it.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  It's like they're pretending to be this person, but really well.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  I can't believe it.

• 42:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  And like, I, I just.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  I can't believe it either.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  I know I'd never be able to properly become an actor, because like, I just can't.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  I could convince myself I'm one person if I had a ton of time. But the idea of like, getting a note from the, recalibrating on set, first time you've ever done it.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  And being like, I'm, I'm this, you know.

• 42:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. So you're pretending to be this person slightly wrong. Can you change how you're pretending to be this person?

• 42:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, I'll do it a whole other way and it'll also seem like I think I'm that person.

• 42:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Why don't I change the type of person I am and I'll fully believe it also. Okay. Yeah.

• 42:43Speaker 00

  That episode, every time another person popped up, I would just laugh out loud because the cast was so amazing. It's so, it's so funny.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  He saw it before me and I was like, I'm watching this season of The Bear. He went, let me know when you get to.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  Fishes, it was called.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, let me, I haven't even told me what the episode is. There's, there's an episode and when you get to it, you'll know which one it is. They just tell me how much you're laughing all the way through. When people keep popping up.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:08Speaker 00

  Because it was second season, right?

• 43:10Speaker 02

  Second season and then later Olivia Colman and yeah, that, that, that people started to really appear in there.

• 43:15Speaker 00

  It's because I think that first season did so well. It was like the writers had got all of these voicemails from everyone's agent and just gone. Absolutely.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Great.

• 43:23Speaker 00

  We're gonna, we're gonna make it work. So that episode just made me, yeah.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  The thing about that episode that's, yeah, I'm sure loads of people told you how good this episode is, but one of the things is at the top of it, when, because there's like a bunch of, I think. You and a bunch of other people all suddenly walk across the camera.

• 43:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  And you're like, ah. I'm gonna do loads of cameos in this show now, I don't know if this is gonna work.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  And then by the end of that episode, that's one of the best episodes of TV I've ever seen. So the fact that it kind of, there's that experience as a viewer where at the beginning you go, oh, I'm not sure about it.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  That's cool. I like that you had that experience too. Because yeah, it's nice to go, okay, one of these shows.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  And then they really did, yeah, they really did write the shit out of everybody in that.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  At one point, I'll tell you about the acting thing, you know, where you really are in it. There was one moment where I wasn't thinking about, you know, uh, something else. I was really in it. And Jamie Lee Curtis is yelling at Sarah Paulson. And Sarah, uh, Sarah Paulson interjected something unscripted when she's fighting with Jon Bernthal. And Jamie Lee said something like, why don't you shut your mouth, you little bitch? And I went, hey, hey, hey. I went, hey, and she went, don't you, hey, hey, hey.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm out.

• 44:35Speaker 02

  I walked in the kitchen once and she was yelling at Abby's character. She was yelling at Sugar and I just turned, I was so scared. I just turned right away.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Luckily, that is your character in the.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  In the episode. So you're okay. Yeah. The only people you don't respect are the facts and that's it. You're laughing at them, which is also great. We could talk about that episode for ages. It's brilliant.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's good stuff.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  And food related. So absolutely perfect.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  I've never been to one of those seven fishes dinners, have you?

• 45:02Speaker 01

  No. Didn't even know about it.

• 45:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, didn't even know about it either. But I'm not Italian at all. I don't have any of that crap. Yeah. No, I mean, really.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  I've never been my whole life.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  And I've met him.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  But I've never been a part of that. Italian American stuff, mafia stuff. I've always been like, truly no judgment. That's definitely not.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. You like the food, though?

• 45:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially the fishes.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  Talking about the main course.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  Chicken parmigiana.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Yes, lovely.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  Can't shake a stick at it ever. Now, you're like, what's with you and hardened cheese? Right? Uh, for sure. I don't know if, and I thought about it, I go, would you order them one after the other? And I went, John, embrace the spirit of the paragraph you were sent.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  That, these are, you know, each item is the dream.

• 45:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  And I could also see having French onion soup and then chicken parm.

• 45:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, yeah, I love this. I mean, if, if there's something with melted cheese on it, I'm more than likely gonna go for it.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  Cause it also might have a scrape. Now, you're wondering, do you like the spaghetti on the side? A little. Uh, it's really not, I always think I'll need that too. Right? Cause it's gonna be such a pure protein meal.

• 46:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  Chicken pizza. And then I get to it and I go, the crusted bready cheese on the chicken is enough starch.

• 46:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:24Speaker 02

  I'm good. And also, it's such a savory thing, chicken parm, that whatever marinara they have, and I'm talking at a quality, again, Italian American place.

• 46:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  And I've never been interested in that at all. Um, that sauce is just not gonna measure up to

• 46:41Speaker 00

  Uh huh.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  A chicken parm.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 46:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. So, so I'm, I'll order it. Hundred percent.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Not gonna say no, but I rarely do I go, I'm really gonna dig into this with the whole fork and the swirl.

• 46:52Speaker 00

  The spaghetti, I kind of, I've just had, I was just in New York and had chicken parm with the spaghetti.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, where'd you go? Do you remember?

• 46:58Speaker 00

  Frank.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Oh, great.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  It was fantastic.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Fantastic.

• 47:01Speaker 00

  Um, they have another restaurant called Lil Frankies that we've been to.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 00

  Um, and we speak about the aubergine quite a lot.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  Lovely aubergine. Tried to recreate it many times.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  What is aubergine?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  They just, I mean,

• 47:13Speaker 00

  Eggplant.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  I guess.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, sorry.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Oh, fantastic.

• 47:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I just grilled the hell out of it and then just mix it all up in the middle. Obviously, they put salt and pepper and garlic and all sorts in it and just like, for a dish that on paper just sounded quite boring.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  It, it rocked my world.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  I really don't always, I don't mess with eggplant parmigiana.

• 47:33Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  And I really don't mess with chicken Milanese. So, I'm not. You know, yeah, it's it's interesting. I've wondered, you really love chicken parm so much and it has these, you know, cousins. Do you wanna mess with them?

• 47:46Speaker 00

  Is it mainly the cheese that you're invested in in this course as well?

• 47:50Speaker 02

  Wouldn't eggplant parm have it as well?

• 47:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, it would.

• 47:52Speaker 02

  I just can't imagine getting through that cheese and seeing eggplant, not chicken. It's just expectations management.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  I'd wanna see chicken.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Milanaise is crazy. That's like a crazy. I think it's like just chicken soaked in white wine or something.

• 48:06Speaker 00

  Right, yeah, you don't want to be in the, come on.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Do you know what I was given recently? I went, I, so there's a comedian called Phil Dunin in the UK who eats from Middlesbrough and a local delicacy in Middlesbrough.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  Now, what does that mean?

• 48:16Speaker 01

  It's in the north east.

• 48:17Speaker 02

  And what connotations would it have?

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Um, I don't know. What, what would the connotations be from Middlesbrough? It's in the north east.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  Really get into Newcastle.

• 48:25Speaker 00

  Near Newcastle.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  Okay, what does that mean?

• 48:27Speaker 01

  I guess Phil Dunin really likes the, I, I think Phil Dunin really likes the working class element of Middlesbrough.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  He, he like, he likes a dish, like the, the parm that they do there.

• 48:40Speaker 00

  Chicken palmo.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Chicken palmo that has bechamel sauce in it, but so much bechamel sauce on top. It was insane. I had me eat it on a show that he was doing. And it was a tough, I mean, also, obviously it was on TV, so it got cold by the time they got it to me.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  It's covered in bechamel sauce and then cheese on the top.

• 48:59Speaker 00

  And they serve it in, they'll do like late night places. So you go out drinking and then go to like, what would normally be like a kebab shop or a chip shop?

• 49:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:06Speaker 00

  And serve your massive chicken palmo in a pizza box. So it's like a huge bit of chicken bashed out, breaded, covered in bechamel sauce, cheese, pepperoni sometimes as well.

• 49:15Speaker 02

  That's that northeast stuff.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't think you're making it up to the northeast of England on your tour, but it's worth the stop on the way to Glasgow.

• 49:24Speaker 02

  I'm not sure. Where would one go if they were going there?

• 49:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're, you're not going close there really. You're passing through it's got a Glasgow. So like maybe on your way to Glasgow, you can stop off at Middlesbrough.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  And see Phil's chicken palmo.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I feel.

• 49:38Speaker 02

  I served late night at a kebab place.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:41Speaker 00

  And you have to ask for Phil's as well, no matter where you go. They'll, they'll know what you mean. Phil Dunin's, yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  The one he eats.

• 49:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Phil Dunin.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  Dunin.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Not Phil Dunham like Jeff Dunham.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Who you love.

• 49:52Speaker 02

  I could have, we could have glanced by. I did the thing of I didn't hear the name clearly.

• 49:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. He wanted to get it right.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  And he, I appreciate that. Yeah. Jeff Dunham, when I started, it's one of those things where we had no idea what the real problems were in America. I remember 2005, people were just, Jake, can you believe Jeff Dunham is doing, he's a racist puppet, you know? And I was like, I was like, yeah, this is one of the biggest races we're facing. It's a bit like Scientology. If you asked me in 2014, what's the biggest problem facing America? I would have been like, I think we're good, but we got this Scientology, this Leah Remini stuff. Like, if we could get rid of this, I think we'd be fine. Yeah. Um, we had no idea. But Jeff Dunham, I remember I was at Go Bananas in Cincinnati, I was featuring. Jeff Dunham is 2005, he's like the biggest comic at the moment.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Just that we laughed there because every time we hear the name of an American comedy club, it makes us laugh.

• 50:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, and that's like-

• 50:48Speaker 00

  Cause Go Bananas-

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Go Bananas is pretty crazy, but it's not even anywhere near. Rooster Teeth Feathers, I think, is, because nothing about Rooster Teeth Feathers is a comedy pun. And it's not even a pun, it's not a play on words.

• 51:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he like a mascot, is there a mascot, the Rooster Teeth Feathers?

• 51:04Speaker 02

  He would be it.

• 51:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  Sounds like a guy.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  It has a separate mascot. It's called Rooster Teeth Feathers. It's the home of Rodney Rooster.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Did the Rooster like come out to greet people at the club or anything, or is he just on the logo?

• 51:19Speaker 02

  It was a pretty good club in California that you could do on that sweep, you know?

• 51:23Speaker 00

  But we're at Go Bananas in Cincinnati.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  I'm at Go Bananas and on the wall-

• 51:26Speaker 00

  Monkey mascot? Is there a monkey mascot?

• 51:29Speaker 02

  No, almost nothing. A really solid club with like a great, I mean Cincinnati had a really good homegrown comedy scene, really good comics, and want, you know, a sign that says Go Bananas, but not leaning into it, just a nice, low ceiling, good acoustics club. It just happened to be called Go Bananas.

• 51:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  And on the wall, you know, people would sign the wall, and Jeff Dunham was so popular and someone wrote, um, "I fucked the old man puppet while Peanut watched." I just remember thinking, that they didn't, they didn't look up the name of the old man puppet. Yeah, they didn't look up his name. They knew Peanut, but they didn't look up the other one. Jeff Dunham, that came from Phil Dunham.

• 52:10Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  Who has a chicken parm.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Chicken parm.

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Covered in.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  Chicken parm.

• 52:14Speaker 00

  Which is your sauce.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  And chicken, chicken parm is your main.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Which is not even technically recommended. You just said you had it.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  I had it. It wasn't very nice when I got given it. I was given it cold, though. I'm sure it's nice when it's hot.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  Where's Yorkshire? Is that up there? That Red Riding.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  It's not far.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  It's before that.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Riding, what would Red Riding?

• 52:31Speaker 02

  Remember those events?

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Remember those true.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, familiar with Red Riding, with the TV series Red Riding.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  You pulled that.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Really lively place from what I saw on the show.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 52:40Speaker 00

  It's a beautiful.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Get over it, you know, really like, guys, everyone relax at once.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  I think there would be a lot of people in the UK who have no idea what you're talking about, even though it's a, it's an English TV show.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a three part massively sad and disturbing.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Horrible, yeah.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  I watched it in all one sitting.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  I don't think you're doing any shows in Yorkshire either.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  No, you're not.

• 53:02Speaker 00

  Is that because of Red Riding?

• 53:04Speaker 02

  Probably. If I got booked in Yorkshire, I'd go like, you know, they're very violent and there's, I'll probably be in some underground network passed around. But honestly, don't believe what you see in Red Riding. I've never been there, but like, I think Yorkshire's super bounced back from that time. Like doing really, really well since then, yeah.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  Your dream side dish?

• 53:33Speaker 02

  Hen of the woods mushrooms doesn't go with chicken parm, but that's not how I'm viewing this podcast.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  You don't have to. I think it doesn't go with it.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  It doesn't not go with it. I don't, actually, I'm saying that because I'm trying to, I'm trying to beat some audience member to the ick thing. I don't care.

• 53:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, don't, and you shouldn't care.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  I eat whatever, you don't at home go like, this will bounce you, I eat whatever I want, yeah.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Some people will attack you online for this menu.

• 53:57Speaker 02

  I bet.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  That is just gonna happen.

• 53:59Speaker 02

  But that's really good because you have a very activated audience, like activated cells.

• 54:02Speaker 00

  A lot of it's me as well, though. I'll go on and attack you.

• 54:04Speaker 02

  You have a variety of accounts?

• 54:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's really, that's cool. I mean, that's one way to get, stoke it even if you have a slow episode even, you're like, I'm gonna drum up some stuff.

• 54:16Speaker 00

  But you can tell it's me because I always end every message with who's with me.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  You know, I love a decent roast chicken, too.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  So Hen of the Woods is probably coming from that.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  Cause often at your, often at your very good steak place, I'll also get um the roasted chicken.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 02

  Hen of the Woods, I'm just always happy to see. It's a vegetable? No? No.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  A mushroom?

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Is a mushroom a vegetable?

• 54:40Speaker 01

  No.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 54:42Speaker 01

  Yes?

• 54:43Speaker 00

  Fungus?

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think fungus is not vegetable, is it?

• 54:47Speaker 00

  Wow. We've, we've got a food podcast, man. We should know this straight away.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, we should, we should be on this.

• 54:52Speaker 00

  It's a fungi.

• 54:53Speaker 02

  So that's not a vegetable.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  When was the first time you heard about Hen of the Woods mushrooms? Cause I think they've only come into my life maybe in the last couple of years.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fair. I, I, I feel like I became this sort of like, I'm gonna have the roast chicken. Tw- 2011?

• 55:06Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 55:07Speaker 02

  2012? I got sick of salmon. Everyone in the United States at that time, and this was Obama years, was eating salmon.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 55:15Speaker 02

  And I thought, this is fine, but I, I, I didn't like the ordering of, the ordering of fish, save that of Dover sole. I just, it's not fun. And people would also give the temperature of the salmon. I like it pink. It's like, it's all pink.

• 55:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  It's very pink. You're gonna be, don't worry.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 02

  And so it was a bit like, I'm done with salmon. Uh, wasn't anything I announced, wasn't anything I like, you know, no publicist, no agent, just like me, just like me in my own. Me on my own. Um, was started to be like roast chicken, maybe mashed potato.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:48Speaker 02

  Hen of the Woods mushrooms.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  I think they are the best mushrooms.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Portobello is a different kind of mushroom.

• 55:55Speaker 00

  It is.

• 55:56Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 55:56Speaker 00

  But that's old, like I'd, I'd heard about that ages ago, I think.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 56:00Speaker 00

  Yeah. Portobello, button, they're the classics.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  Red with white dots.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Uh, large red, a large red with large white dots.

• 56:08Speaker 00

  So big you could sit on it, maybe.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 56:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  And maybe it's candy.

• 56:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, like the Wonka thing.

• 56:15Speaker 02

  The Wonka thing, yeah.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  The Wonka.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  One of those big, uh, Augustus Gloop, is that it?

• 56:19Speaker 00

  Mm hmm.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:20Speaker 00

  Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland.

• 56:22Speaker 02

  He's, he died, yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  He died in that movie.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  All of the other kids don't die. If you read the original Roald Dahl book, but they say at the end. Augustus Gloop did die.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  He did die.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:32Speaker 01

  In the chocolate river.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  But Blueberry Girl and Miss Thing.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Mike TV as well.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  Mike TV, all fine.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Mike TV, the best.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Mike TV, the best and always doesn't get remembered. Everyone remembers Augustus Gloop. No one really ever remembers Mike TV.

• 56:47Speaker 00

  That's a big, that's a big moment, isn't it?

• 56:49Speaker 02

  I think because.

• 56:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, Gloop's the headliner. I'm aware of that.

• 56:52Speaker 00

  That's like the final destination.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  You're basically punishing gluttony with, I mean, gluttony and greed, sort of, with the first three. And then his is just, he wants to be on TV and likes TV. It's not that bad of a problem.

• 57:07Speaker 01

  Was to watch TV.

• 57:08Speaker 02

  Nor the other kids, sorry. I think he's hard on the other kids.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's hard on all the kids.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  He's hard on all the kids.

• 57:12Speaker 02

  Was he a Yorkshire guy? Cause he hated, he had hate in him, right?

• 57:15Speaker 00

  I think he was quite a bad guy, actually.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  I've got, I've got Stoke in my head, but was he from?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  All the new book. What? Stop writing this stuff, man. It's too mean.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  He was quite bad.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a pretty bad dude, actually.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  And his thing with larger kids, he really didn't like.

• 57:30Speaker 00

  Really didn't like big kids.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  He really hated him. Was that a war thing, I wonder? Because it was a large kid in the 40s, you'd go, you're not saving margarine for bombs or whatever was supposed to be happening. What was happening over here?

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what he was supposed to be doing.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  Saving butter.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  But, yeah.

• 57:47Speaker 02

  Saving butter to make bombs.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. That was just in general for ages, though. Every, like, there's a whole run of Spielberg films where there's just an overweight kid in every film who just gets absolutely punked out because, like, Spielberg's like, just.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  And he's normally a little wealthy, too. Like, there's this feeling of like, you're only big because you have too much. You could never be below the poverty line and.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  And he's always like dragging the gang down if he's in a gang, right? Cause they're having to run around and stuff and they're all like, keep up fat kid and stuff.

• 58:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've got Chunk and Goonies, obviously, which is Spielberg produced. Um, and then we'll go through all the films and then we'll edit it in later.

• 58:24Speaker 00

  Yeah. I was a fat kid and I think I watched those films being like, at least he's got like friends. He's got people to hang out with, you know.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  I guess the group seemed to have friends back home.

• 58:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:33Speaker 02

  You have to understand, he's a German, he's a German in England and the, oh, Chunk had friends.

• 58:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  I watched a documentary about the Goonies recently on, just on YouTube, it's a YouTube one. But the guy, Chunk, now grown up, he works.

• 58:46Speaker 02

  He's an entertainment lawyer.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a lawyer.

• 58:48Speaker 02

  Quite successful.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  And he was saying, like, pretty dark, because like during the Goonies, they just wanted him to like, maintain the weight.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Hmm. And it's not that much weight. When you look back at it, he's just kind of a round-headed kid.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. So he, he turns up at his trailer one day.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  And there's just, just donuts, just muffins. It was muffins, just filled with, and these muffins that no kid, like, just so much like good stuff in these muffins and just trays of them. And he's eating them and then, but then later on was like, discovered no one else had those trays of muffins in their trailer.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  Well, I guess, you know, I don't wanna, I don't wanna advocate for what they did. But kids lean out so fast that I don't think it was, like, I don't think this was like, we permanently wanna keep you in an unhealthy state just to get the shot. But it's like 11, 12, you're just growing every year.

• 59:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  And I can understand what they were doing.

• 59:40Speaker 00

  And also, what I will say is it's the opposite of what you hear about the entertainment industry most of the time.

• 59:45Speaker 02

  That's fair.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  It's quite, you know.

• 59:48Speaker 02

  Right?

• 59:48Speaker 00

  It's not, you know, making actors eat cotton wool or whatever, you know, you're giving your kids some muffins. It's fantastic.

• 59:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:54Speaker 00

  Chunk, help, baby.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  He doesn't seem to like it these days.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  No.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  He's an adult and he's a, he's a lawyer and he's like, that was weird when they gave me all their muffins.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That got him into law.

• 1:00:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  He goes, this has to be wrong.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. He sued them, he sued the muffin company.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, people be muffin.

• 1:00:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  We're gonna move on to your dream drink now. Um, a- as we leave the savoury courses, I am sad that we haven't had a plain plate of noodles with a little bit of butter on it.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  Uh, I love, I love that special.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  You do? Thank you.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  It's what I'm, uh, I've got the vinyl.

• 1:01:06Speaker 02

  You do?

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  I've got the sack lunch bunch vinyl.

• 1:01:09Speaker 02

  James, that means a lot. I very much, that's my favorite thing I've ever done.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  And was, people really loved it, but it is not the most widely seen thing I've ever done. I'm very, very happy you like it.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  It's, it's my favorite thing you've done, actually. I li- I love it and I'm a fan anyway, but like, uh, Grandma's Got a Boyfriend.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Grandma's Got a Boyfriend.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  Sing it all the time.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  And her boyfriend's name is Paul.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  What a song.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Based on my Nana and her boyfriend David.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Yes, I didn't know how much, I knew that you had to take to social media to clear some things up afterwards, but I didn't know how much of it was real and yeah.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  That was 2020.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  The story with the brooch and stuff like that, but like, I don't, so I didn't know how much was genuine.

• 1:01:49Speaker 02

  There's been a lotta.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, uh, what happened was David, uh, David took my Nana to a, a formal of some kind. And she wore the dress she'd worn the last time she went out with my grandfather had passed away. And they lit into her. I mean, they went after her. My aunts were not happy. And one time David, you know, and they would clown on David a little. David had not served in World War II, but I'm sure he had a good reason. David was a really nice guy. Uh, David had written the first SAT test, uh, which is a big thing in America. Um, so that was interesting. And, um, David loved crosswords and he, he'd have a martini and he'd call my Nana at night and he,

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  my aunt picked up one time and he didn't realize it was her and he went, bonsoir, ma chérie. And they went, oh my God, it's David. They're all screaming, laughing at him. Poor David, man. Yeah, I really was like, guys, David's a good guy. Yeah. You know, he's not the reason Grampy isn't here, like, relax.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  That's why the song is funny, is how much the kid likes Paul.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a decent guy.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Despite the fact that his aunt and his mum hates Paul.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  They really don't like him.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Um, and just the fact that he's so fond of him.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  Sorry, David did once intervene, that we were on a trip.

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  No, I was not on this trip. They were in Ireland. And there was just a regular ass fight between daughters and mother. And David was like, now ladies, ladies. I was like, oh my god. Yeah, that's a big move. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, really bad move.

• 1:03:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Speaker 02

  Really bad move.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  I mean, another shout out for this here, but uh, the, I, I, a line from the song that we will text each other sometimes is, uh, Paul, this is not your fight.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Really makes me laugh. These women would love a reason to destroy you.

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  It's a, it's a great verse.

• 1:03:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  It's, it, it, it's, it really is a verse where every line is funny.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  That was, we worked, I was really happy, I just, I've never had a thing that I, in the pitching and in, and even in, you know, Marika Sawyer and I were really on the same page, but it was kind of hard to describe it.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  In total. Um, and yet we just, we just knew what it was. And when it came out, it was exactly what we wanted. Yeah.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  That kid is a great singer.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  Uh, Jacob did, playing, Jake, Ryan, who did, uh, Paul, he's a great singer.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  And that had a kind of Midnight Train to Georgia feel, which was fun.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  Plain Plate of Noodles.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Um, was very Carole King Chicken Soup with Rice, that song. So we were really excited about that one. Plain Plate of Noodles, I think a lot of kids had that. My little sister Claire was very plain pasta.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:29Speaker 02

  At every restaurant. My mom would order for her and explain it. It'd be like, just noodles, you know, so. Um, and my dad used to have these ridiculous steaks of like, are you gonna order, he'd often go, are you gonna order that when you're invited to Buckingham Palace?

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  The ultimate test.

• 1:04:49Speaker 00

  Yeah. Also, I don't think you you would order if you were in Buckingham Palace.

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  And from what I've seen, I don't think it's a sit down dinner. It looks like you all line up in one room.

• 1:04:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 02

  Pretty quick.

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  But even if they were having.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  We're having pasta.

• 1:05:01Speaker 00

  If someone had you over for dinner, would you be like, what, would you order something when you arrived?

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Oh, that's funny.

• 1:05:06Speaker 00

  They just bring you, they bring you stuff.

• 1:05:07Speaker 02

  I think it was getting to that stage where we'd be at like a wedding and my mom would be like, she can't have this. Can she have noodles?

• 1:05:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 02

  What's gonna happen when the Buckingham invitation?

• 1:05:17Speaker 02

  And when I would cut my spaghetti, he would say that. What are you gonna do? Yeah. What are you gonna do on a date or at your wedding or at Buckingham Palace? He was always adding wedding. At your wedding, you're gonna look like a fool if you don't learn how to eat better.

• 1:05:30Speaker 00

  Well, just.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  Cause you know a groom, just.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  So you meant eating in gen- in general, rather than there's gonna be spaghetti at all these places?

• 1:05:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, not like, hey, I could show you how to eat your spaghetti.

• 1:05:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  It was like, in the next 20 years, an invitation's gonna come in that you can't pass up.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Your dad is such a great character when he crops up in your stand up. What's his opinion on how he's portrayed?

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  I think he really likes it. I I found most everyone's happy to be mentioned. The only times I've had any static are when the people who are not mentioned.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  Yeah. I he likes it a lot. I think it's added to this vibe he was very happy to put out of like cold and unapproachable. He liked that at work a lot. He had no family photos in his office at his law firm. Uh, he had one photo of a federal judge named Ed Weinfeld that he had clerked for, who was like a, looked, man looked like a bird. He had bald head with a big bow tie. And that was the only photo he had. And I asked him, I go, why don't you have any pictures of us? He goes, I don't, I don't want anyone who walks in here to know anything about me.

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Yeah. And the seats in his office were too narrow so that people wouldn't stay for long.

• 1:06:37Speaker 00

  Well, I love that.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  It's what we're trying to do with the studio, actually.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  So your dream drink, John?

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  Pretty arbitrary. I'll go cherry Coke.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Lovely.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. So so carbonated, right?

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  So obviously, at that point in the meal, I'm okay with it.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  You're gonna be up and down to the toilet quite a lot.

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Do you drink wine with dinner?

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  Sometimes.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  If I'm out, I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking wine at home.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Funny, when I drank, I never did. So when I see people doing it, I'm like, I wonder, does that taste good going back and forth like that?

• 1:07:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:07:13Speaker 00

  That's why it's.

• 1:07:15Speaker 02

  But is it, does it, uh, when food makes your mouth dry, is it like refreshing wine?

• 1:07:21Speaker 00

  Depends. If you're having like a cold white wine, it might be refreshing if it's a hot day.

• 1:07:25Speaker 02

  Right, but a hot red on a hot day.

• 1:07:27Speaker 00

  A hot red on a hot day does not work.

• 1:07:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Speaker 00

  I'd say, now you're getting it.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  It always looked to me like, is that helping the, the fundamental reason you have a drink is to help with how dry food can be?

• 1:07:37Speaker 00

  I wouldn't say food necessarily makes my mouth dry when I'm eating it.

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  Then you're not doing it right.

• 1:07:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  Cause my saliva is like in there and stuff as well. So I'm not like, fuck, I need a drink. I've made my mouth dry with all this food.

• 1:07:50Speaker 02

  Uh, what do I not, so I'm, help me with what I'm saying then. I don't mean dry, but.

• 1:07:54Speaker 00

  You just mean like.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  What is the condition that food leaves our mouths in where we need to drink something?

• 1:07:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's really.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  It's wiped out. It just feels like.

• 1:08:02Speaker 00

  You need to refresh it with something.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  You need to refresh it, yeah.

• 1:08:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, I think wine does do that. And also you can pair wine to food and, you know, it can.

• 1:08:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause they'll have a whole luge, right? And they'll talk a lot about it.

• 1:08:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  And they have people that serve wine.

• 1:08:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  Uh, exclusively.

• 1:08:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, the wine guys.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, wine guys.

• 1:08:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  And they'll, they'll tell you all about it. Cherry Coke is just, in fact, I'm gonna have one as soon as I can. I haven't had one in a while.

• 1:08:25Speaker 00

  We've got, we've got some cherry Pepsi Max in the fridge.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I'll have that.

• 1:08:29Speaker 00

  Is that good enough?

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, a hundred percent. Cherry Pepsi's really fun. I don't drink a regular Pepsi, but cherry Pepsi's really.

• 1:08:35Speaker 00

  Cherry, cherry Pepsi Max is up there for my favorite drinks, I think.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  What's the max? Is that more caffeine or something?

• 1:08:41Speaker 00

  Less, I think.

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  Less?

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  No sugar. It's basically.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  Oh, it's like a Coke Zero.

• 1:08:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:47Speaker 00

  But I don't know why it's called Pepsi.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  Zero on the flight today and it was a real thing.

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were like Diet Coke. It was just, everybody was ordering Coke Zero and they didn't have any. And so is a lot of, we have diet, we have regular, oh, no Coke Zero. It's like the same conversation happening, as if no one could overhear what had just happened at the

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  What did you watch on the flight?

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  Nothing, 50 minute flight from Dublin.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  Oh, of course, it's from Dublin. I thought it's from America. What did you watch on the flight from America to Dublin?

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  I watched a documentary about the Move group in Philadelphia. They were, they were kind of a back to nature and also semi-revolutionary, not, not quite Black Panthers, but they were, you know, an African-American group in Philadelphia in the 70s that the police just destroyed. There's an HBO documentary about some of them who are still in prison 40 years later. I watched some of that and then fell asleep. Yeah.

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  Fair enough.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. And then woke up with just about the nicest Coke Zero you've ever had.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  When I was in Philadelphia, I really wanted to go around and see the, there's lots of famous graffiti there, because there's a whole thing in the past of like, like

• 1:09:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, like graffiti and got like, kind of, uh, was illegal and then like, all, all these people got punished for graffiti and, and then now those same people are basically the people designing the murals and stuff around Philadelphia.

• 1:10:07Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  And I wanted to go out and see these like historical bits of graffiti, but, um, I forgot. And then I was really gutted on the play home because like, I, I understand that one of them, it probably still isn't there, but they graffiti the side of an elephant at the zoo.

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  Oh, that's wild.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  And he stood still the whole time.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're supposed to tag it, just tag this elephant.

• 1:10:26Speaker 02

  Wow. Did you ever graffiti?

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  No way.

• 1:10:29Speaker 00

  Not in any serious way.

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did a couple, I tagged up a couple garages.

• 1:10:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  That's pretty

• 1:10:35Speaker 02

  A couple.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  That's good. That's pretty big.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  What was the marker? No, not with a spray can.

• 1:10:39Speaker 00

  What was your tag?

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  I've never known how to operate, I'll tell you a second, I've never known how to operate a spray can.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Like, I've never done it where it's always just gets all over my hand.

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  I just really spray and make letters, that's an art.

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  You're pointing it the wrong way, so the hole needs to be facing towards the wall.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  It does?

• 1:10:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  No, shake and then get a little, oh, you're right. I, with a marker, I wrote, we are the fuckers.

• 1:11:06Speaker 00

  We are the fuckers.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  We are the fuckers.

• 1:11:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:08Speaker 02

  Kind of like, and we've been here and we might come back.

• 1:11:10Speaker 00

  And this is pre Meet the Fuckers?

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  Can't be.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  We are the fuckers was before Meet the Fuckers, yeah. We had the word before Meet the Fuckers.

• 1:11:21Speaker 02

  We are the fuckers.

• 1:11:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  Kind of like, we fuck, we're, you know, we're 12, we fuck, we've been here and we might come back.

• 1:11:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:28Speaker 02

  You didn't even know we were here.

• 1:11:30Speaker 00

  Yeah. I found some liquid chalk pens once on the street.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  Wonderful.

• 1:11:34Speaker 00

  And I was like, I'm gonna do some graffiti, but I didn't want to do it on any public property, so I went and did it to my own bedroom. And wrote Slipknot lyrics on my chest of drawers.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  Oh, cool.

• 1:11:43Speaker 00

  And then wrote Anton Sandor Levey on the inside of my wardrobe, who was the-

• 1:11:48Speaker 02

  The Satanist?

• 1:11:48Speaker 00

  The head of the Satanist church, yeah.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know what's funny about Anton Levey is, there was a Manson girl who rolled with him for a little bit.

• 1:11:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Speaker 02

  And she was so intense, he went, you get- Like, it was during some orgy and Sammy, he went, you gotta get out of here. This is, we're not actually doing this. Come on. Yeah. And he kicked her out, being too intense.

• 1:12:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:09Speaker 02

  He was the same the whole time. That guy balled and loved the devil. Like, it wasn't like, yeah, I have a new wave. It was just always the same. Like, welcome. It was just all the same.

• 1:12:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:18Speaker 02

  Same every day. Every day got up.

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  I'll wear dark clothes again and do that.

• 1:12:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  Devil.

• 1:12:24Speaker 00

  Goths are consistent, is what you find about them.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just, I wondered, was he like, year four, you're like, are you bored of this? Because it feels like it was just like to escalate nasty behavior.

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  And now you're just in it. And like, you know, having people send self-addressed stamped envelopes and stuff.

• 1:12:41Speaker 00

  Your dream dessert.

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  You were into him, huh?

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, fair enough. I was, I was like a metalhead and like, loved all of those bands and stuff. And then, you know, read up on Satanism and stuff. I was never into it in a sort of real way, more like a-

• 1:12:53Speaker 01

  He more liked the music and wanted the bands to think he was cool if they ever met him.

• 1:12:56Speaker 02

  Yeah. Scary Satan, yeah.

• 1:12:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:58Speaker 02

  I remember that, you know, that time, yeah, you'd see like, at a head shop with sold bongs, there'd be the pentagrams, you go, no. I'm not even, I don't even know if I believe, but no, I'm not gonna mess with that.

• 1:13:09Speaker 00

  I still like, I've got a little devil on my, on my chain today.

• 1:13:12Speaker 02

  Let me see.

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, there is. You've got a little tri devil.

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  There he is, you're right.

• 1:13:15Speaker 00

  I love that guy.

• 1:13:17Speaker 02

  Well, that's the devil.

• 1:13:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  And Satan feels like a different kettle of fish.

• 1:13:21Speaker 01

  Sure, that's serious.

• 1:13:23Speaker 00

  Well, but I think they're the two sides of the same coin, aren't they?

• 1:13:25Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. But devil feels like, you know, like-

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 02

  Satan is like, you know, I'm the father of all lies.

• 1:13:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  Things like that. Devil's like, you know. But, ooh.

• 1:13:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's like prodding people in the butt.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, steal that.

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's the guy on the shoulder, the devil, right?

• 1:13:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, Satan's not on the shoulder, Jesus. Yeah, Satan's on the, Satan's a big like.

• 1:13:48Speaker 01

  Satan's on the back.

• 1:13:48Speaker 02

  He's a big goaded beast, you know?

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  You think dessert?

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Speaking of missing, what was the movie? Cinderella.

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:58Speaker 02

  While in rehab. A bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette outside in the cold Pennsylvania snow.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  See, now I'm gonna come across as an absolute super fan, but again, this is a, a line that Nish particularly likes while here all the time is eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip.

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  That I really appreciate. That's from an SNL monologue. I've never heard anyone mention that story.

• 1:14:23Speaker 01

  It's, uh.

• 1:14:23Speaker 02

  I like it. Thank you very much.

• 1:14:25Speaker 01

  If you don't know Nish Kumar.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  I know of.

• 1:14:26Speaker 01

  That is one of his favorite SNL monologues.

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  Oh, fantastic.

• 1:14:30Speaker 01

  He talks about it a lot and he references that line specifically.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  Uh, cause it's about bringing your kids to work, is it?

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  No, it was, it was, uh, make a wish. We have, yeah. Uh, and this young woman, Elizabeth, wanted to meet me as her wish, which I was already thought was like, I was like, oh, man, she doesn't have to make a wish, you know? You can make a plan to meet me. Like, you can just ask to meet me. It doesn't have to be a wish. And then she said, I wanna see how you spend a day. And I said, I wouldn't wish that on a healthy adult. I wanna have her just watch me eating Sour Patch Kids and repeating gossip.

• 1:15:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Repeating gossip is lovely.

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:05Speaker 01

  Just so good.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  Really fun. Yeah.

• 1:15:08Speaker 01

  Um, so for your dessert, are you repeating gossip? Are you having Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette?

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  Kids and a cigarette, yeah.

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  And a cigarette.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  Just a very nice candy memory.

• 1:15:16Speaker 01

  Mmm.

• 1:15:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. Um, if I were to give another answer, banana cream pie at this restaurant, Joe Allen, and I like sticky toffee pudding a lot.

• 1:15:24Speaker 01

  What, what's the cigarette? Oh, yeah, we gotta be specific.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  It would have been a, a camel light or camel blue, I guess, or maybe a parliament, whatever we had.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  And there's different types of Sour Patch Kids, right?

• 1:15:37Speaker 02

  This was a regular bag, definitely not the watermelon kind. I don't like the watermelon kind. I'm really surprised they make it.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:44Speaker 02

  It's really like, nah, I can't believe this is enough people's jam.

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, enough people must love it that they still make it.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  I guess. I mean, look, they obviously know what they're doing.

• 1:15:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  This is a big company.

• 1:15:56Speaker 01

  I had a, back to last bugger Sour Patch Kids I had was last month in, I had a very, very bad hangover in San Francisco and I just, my body just wanted some Sour Patch Kids for some reason. And I only ever had Sour Patch Kids in the UK before. So I got them from the hotel lobby, there was some Sour Patch Kids, opened it up, they're so much smaller here, the kids.

• 1:16:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, and in fact, we sell, oh wait, in the UK.

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  Sorry, in, in, in, in, in America.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  They're smaller.

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  Diddy little kids.

• 1:16:22Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:16:23Speaker 01

  You open it up, they're so tiny.

• 1:16:24Speaker 02

  We even sell a thing called a big kid, which is its own pack, its own wrapper, like a prophylactic inside is a little, is a larger Sour Patch Kid, but I totally agree.

• 1:16:33Speaker 01

  Spielberg would hate that guy, the big kid.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:16:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:36Speaker 02

  Roald Dahl would hate him, chase him out of his little hut.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  Sam Neill, give him a lecture and drag a razor across his.

• 1:16:43Speaker 00

  You've got to be like the little kids.

• 1:16:44Speaker 01

  This is how I cut, you might put my lots of.

• 1:16:46Speaker 02

  How tight did Roald Dahl keep it that he could criticize other people's weight?

• 1:16:48Speaker 00

  I don't, yeah, I mean, I've seen pictures of him, it doesn't, he wasn't ripped.

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  Wasn't ripped, yeah.

• 1:16:53Speaker 01

  He's pretty, he's pretty.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Could he have dropped seven pounds though at any, I mean, I bet he could have, yeah.

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. Sour Patch Kids, yeah, uh, they're getting smaller. We also have Tate's Cookies.

• 1:17:04Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:17:04Speaker 02

  Uh, and that is a wonder, was a wonderful, large, salty, crispy cookie, you know, sold in stores, but you'd get it at like a Dean and DeLuca. Now they're everywhere. They're getting tinier, less crispy. It's a real shame. I think they got a co-packer and that's what businesses have to do to survive, but it certainly isn't great for those that knew how big the Cookies once were.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  Look, when you're hungover and you don't expect the Sour Patch Kids to be that small, it is.

• 1:17:30Speaker 02

  Were you doing a show in San Francisco?

• 1:17:31Speaker 01

  Oh, it was the night before, yeah. This was just, this was a travel day, so it was even worse.

• 1:17:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 01

  And the whole day, I'm just in the lobby. I was gonna go out and do a bunch of stuff in San Francisco and now I can't.

• 1:17:41Speaker 02

  Stayed in the lobby the whole time.

• 1:17:42Speaker 01

  Fucking move, it's Valentine's Day. I was just sitting in the lobby and they were having a Valentine's Day mixer. And I was sitting there eating Sour Patch Kids and hungover and everyone else is in their 50s and they're, and they got like love heart cardigans on and they're sitting around and like, like mingling.

• 1:17:57Speaker 02

  You're at the club quarters? Where are you staying?

• 1:17:59Speaker 01

  I can't remember what the hotel was called now. I mean, it was near the Masonic.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  Oh, you're near the Masonic.

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  So I was near there. And at one point, like a man and a woman just sat next to me, basically on a first date, and they. For some reason, whoever's running the Valentine's mix was giving everyone the biggest sandwiches I've ever seen, and so dry. Like, there's no mayo or anything in them.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  Like a ciabatta bread?

• 1:18:21Speaker 01

  It's just the driest bread, crustiest, driest bread. It's so wider than anyone's mouth, taller than anyone's mouth.

• 1:18:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:29Speaker 01

  And full of just, like, dried cheese. And both these people are trying to be on a date together while eating these free sandwiches that they've been given that are awful. And obviously, I just hear everything they're talking, so they might as well be sitting on top of me. And first of all, it's just trying to break the ice with, these sandwiches are so big.

• 1:18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:48Speaker 01

  And then they're so dry, and the guy said, like, to her, we're in it together. And then she did a really big laugh, way more than it deserved, because it's like a date thing.

• 1:18:56Speaker 02

  I'm not glad she gave him a laugh.

• 1:18:57Speaker 01

  And then eventually, like, they've run out of things to say, and she just went, I'm scared of AI.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:03Speaker 01

  And then I was in the middle of that. And that was out of nowhere, I'm scared of AI. And that wasn't, like, teed up or anything.

• 1:19:08Speaker 00

  It was good to be open on the first day.

• 1:19:09Speaker 01

  But he wasn't scared of AI.

• 1:19:11Speaker 02

  What did he think?

• 1:19:12Speaker 01

  He said, I think it's basically gonna be fine. I don't think you need to worry about this sort of stuff. There's no point worrying. You can't control it. You're like, too, too much for a first date.

• 1:19:21Speaker 00

  It's the end, there's no relationship forming out of that.

• 1:19:23Speaker 01

  No relationship forming.

• 1:19:24Speaker 02

  I thought it was gonna be, we'll find responsible ways to harness it, we just need to get ahead of it.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  He was just telling her.

• 1:19:28Speaker 02

  Don't be worried, don't be worried, because we can't control it.

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  You're stupid for worrying about it. You can't control anything. There's no point worrying about stuff you can't control. You're like, well, this is bad.

• 1:19:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:19:36Speaker 01

  You're not meeting up again.

• 1:19:37Speaker 02

  No, not at all.

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  And I'm there, my tiny Sour Patch Kids.

• 1:19:40Speaker 02

  Did they acknowledge you at all, talk to you?

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  The no point.

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  A no point. I think they could tell I was, I was having a rough time.

• 1:19:45Speaker 00

  Maybe she said, I'm scared of that guy.

• 1:19:47Speaker 01

  He said, you can't do anything about it.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  Scared of, yeah, you got it, yeah. Sounded like AI, yeah.

• 1:19:53Speaker 01

  I'm gonna read your menu back to you now, see how you feel about it.

• 1:19:56Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:19:56Speaker 01

  You would like still water? You would like poppadoms? Do you want a French onion soup as your starter? You want chicken parm as your main? Side dish, Hen of the Woods mushrooms. Drink a cherry Coke? And dessert, a bag of Sour Patch Kids and a cigarette.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 1:20:09Speaker 01

  How do you feel about that, John?

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  You know, looking back, I went with Hen of the Woods, and that's what it is.

• 1:20:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  It sticks out as maybe there could be work on that, you know, on that part of the menu. But we open in two days, and that's gonna be what we go with.

• 1:20:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be good.

• 1:20:26Speaker 02

  It's gonna be good.

• 1:20:27Speaker 01

  Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

• 1:20:28Speaker 02

  It's really fun.

• 1:20:29Speaker 01

  Thank you, John.

• 1:20:30Speaker 02

  Thanks very much for having me.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Thank you, John Mulaney.

• 1:20:32Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:20:38Speaker 00

  Well, there we are, Jimmy.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  A lovely menu.

• 1:20:41Speaker 00

  Lovely menu.

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  I think we got to talk about all of my favourite John Mulaney things.

• 1:20:46Speaker 00

  Yes, I always remember, just, we've not been recording for a while, I always remember that someone's gonna come in, you're gonna pitch all your memories, everything you know about their work, everything you enjoy about their work. I've seen all of it.

• 1:20:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:59Speaker 00

  I don't know, I ain't remembering stuff.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I'm just gonna tell them what I remember, I've got no follow-up, got no questions about it, or... I was very lucky that John used those as springboards for anecdotes.

• 1:21:09Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, and also he was delighted that you were, you know, there were very specific things that you liked, and he liked those things as well. And occasionally you'd look at me for reassurance, and I'd go... I'd just sort of nod at him.

• 1:21:21Speaker 01

  That's nice.

• 1:21:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:22Speaker 01

  Good to have a nod, good to have someone nodding at you.

• 1:21:24Speaker 00

  Look, he's great, he doesn't need my reassurance, you know.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  No, I mean, you know, this is obviously on YouTube, so people can watch and see if...

• 1:21:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:31Speaker 01

  If John Mulaney needs your reassurance or not.

• 1:21:33Speaker 00

  I don't think he does, he's an assured guy. Also, a lot of your compliments were via Nish, I would say.

• 1:21:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:21:40Speaker 00

  There wasn't, there was a lot of like, "I like that", but then a few of them, you went, "Nish likes this".

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, A, it's true.

• 1:21:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Nish loves them.

• 1:21:49Speaker 00

  Is that more comfortable for you than giving a direct compliment, would you say?

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  No, I think that, like, I, do you know what, if I was on a podcast, if I went on an American podcast, and one of the American comedians was saying, like, "I love your stuff", and there's another American comedian, and he loves this bit you did, it would make me feel even better.

• 1:22:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, but if you go on an American podcast, there's no way they're saying they like your stuff.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  No, none of them know what I've done at all. But, you know, so I guess I'm just, like, living, I'm gonna give John Mulaney the experience I wish I had.

• 1:22:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, telling him, "Look, it's not just me who likes your stuff, this other comedian likes it, he quotes it all the time."

• 1:22:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:27Speaker 01

  Must feel pretty good to be John Mulaney right now going home.

• 1:22:30Speaker 00

  Oh, I bet.

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  Especially because he didn't say one black coffee.

• 1:22:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, he stayed in the restaurant for the whole meal.

• 1:22:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, didn't say one black coffee.

• 1:22:37Speaker 00

  Which is a dangerous one because it could have come at the end of the meal.

• 1:22:40Speaker 01

  Could have. He said, by the way, to round off the meal, one black coffee, please, get out.

• 1:22:44Speaker 00

  Get out.

• 1:22:44Speaker 01

  Get out.

• 1:22:45Speaker 00

  All right, I was going anyway.

• 1:22:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and we would have said, we're not going to promote your tour, Mr. Whatever.

• 1:22:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  Which is happening from April 17th to the 27th around the UK and in Dublin. But as it is, we can promote that now.

• 1:22:55Speaker 00

  And I would have been like, I'm my tour instead, John Mulaney.

• 1:22:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:59Speaker 00

  Fresh hell.

• 1:22:59Speaker 01

  Fresh hell.

• 1:23:00Speaker 00

  Brand new stand-up comedy show.

• 1:23:01Speaker 01

  By a gamble.

• 1:23:02Speaker 00

  2027, end of January 2027, through to god knows when, probably 2030 or something.

• 1:23:07Speaker 01

  Sounds pretty happy about it.

• 1:23:08Speaker 00

  I'll be happy about it for the first year.

• 1:23:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  So see him in the first year. And then if you like seeing a comedian, you know, regretting being on stage, which can be fun.

• 1:23:18Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:23:19Speaker 01

  Then see him after the first year.

• 1:23:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, although normally then I'm fresh again because it'll be like international shows, so it'd be exciting.

• 1:23:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, and if you like that sort of stuff, you like seeing a comedian regretting their decisions, see me anytime in my, in my, in my show cycle. Where I'm like, oh.

• 1:23:34Speaker 00

  From show one to show 300.

• 1:23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, on stage going, why did I do this again? I mean, I love it.

• 1:23:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:41Speaker 01

  In theory.

• 1:23:42Speaker 00

  Hmm. I do think you should just write the shows and then never perform them.

• 1:23:45Speaker 01

  I should find someone else to do them.

• 1:23:47Speaker 00

  It's a good idea.

• 1:23:48Speaker 01

  Should get someone else. That could be, you know, after this show.

• 1:23:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  Moving forward, I just find someone who will.

• 1:23:54Speaker 00

  Franchise it.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  Who will, yeah, I'm going to franchise it.

• 1:23:56Speaker 00

  Like Tape Face.

• 1:23:57Speaker 01

  Exactly like Tape Face. Maybe I'll get Tape Face to do it because he's not doing his own shows anymore.

• 1:24:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  He's franchised it.

• 1:24:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:02Speaker 01

  So I'm going to get Tape Face to perform my shows.

• 1:24:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  Take the tape off.

• 1:24:05Speaker 00

  Take the tape off.

• 1:24:06Speaker 01

  Try, see how some words suit him.

• 1:24:08Speaker 00

  Yeah. Thank you for listening slash watching. We'll be back next week with another great episode of our very funny podcast.

• 1:24:15Speaker 01

  See you later.

• 1:24:31Speaker 03

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone. And I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.