Guz Khan

After many years of trying to make a date work, ‘Man Like Mobeen’ and ‘Taskmaster’ star Guz Khan is finally in the Dream Restaurant. But has he remembered his second phone? ‘Guz Khan’s Custom Cars’ is on Mondays at 9pm on QUEST. Watch it here https://www.discoveryplus.com/gb/en/shows/guz-khans-custom-cars/515d1e5e-a63d-439f-a693-3fcf5cebe57f. Follow Guz on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/guzkhanofficial/ and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@guzkhanofficial @guzkhanofficial Watch the video version of this episode on the Off Menu YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast on Thu 29 Jan. Off Menu is now on YouTube: @offmenupodcast https://www.youtube.com/@offmenupodcast Follow Off Menu on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/offmenuofficial and TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@offmenuofficial: @offmenuofficial. And go to our website www.offmenupodcast.co.uk https://www.offmenupodcast.co.uk/ for a list of restaurants recommended on the show. Off Menu is a comedy podcast hosted by Ed Gamble and James Acaster. Produced, recorded and edited by Ben Williams for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Video production by Megan McCarthy for Plosive https://www.plosive.co.uk/. Artwork by Paul Gilbey https://www.instagram.com/pushgilbey/ (photography and design). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 1:13Speaker 02

  Welcome to the Off Menu Podcast, taking the peanut butter of conversation, enrobing in the milk chocolate of humour, letting it set in the fridge of podcasting. You got yourself Peanut Butter Cups Podcast, James.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  Enrobing.

• 1:31Speaker 02

  Enrobing, come on.

• 1:33Speaker 03

  That is Ed Gamble. My name is James Acaster. Together we own a dream restaurant every single week.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  I love peanut butter.

• 1:38Speaker 03

  Every single week we invite a guest and we ask them their favourite ever start.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  They're gonna kill me, I think.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Side dish and drink. No, in that order. And this week our guest is Gus Khan.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Gus Khan is a wonderful comedian, writer, actor.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Presenter, he's everything.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  I mean, goodness, we're gonna talk to him about something he's presenting. The guy does everything.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  He's absolutely everything.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  He presented a show with you about what happens if Home Alone was real?

• 2:02Speaker 03

  How would you survive the traps?

• 2:03Speaker 02

  And did they? Spoiler warning, they're both on this episode.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Oh, but hey, I know some people who watch that every Christmas, Science of Home Alone.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Look, I'm not having a go at it.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Classic show.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Do you mean they watch Home Alone, though?

• 2:17Speaker 03

  No, they watch.

• 2:17Speaker 02

  All right.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  The Science of Home Alone.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  With me and Gus.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Who's doing that?

• 2:22Speaker 03

  My nephews.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  James, Gus is presenting a new show.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  Called Gus Khan's Custom Cars.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  On Quest.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  On Quest, Mondays at nine.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  He's a petrol head.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  He's a total petrol head. He loves cars and you and I are both petrol heads, of course, as well. So we'll probably talk to.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  We probably won't even get to the food today. We'll be talking to Gus too much about petrol.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  How much we're driving and popping wheelies.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about, oh, what do you like better BMW or Mercedes?

• 2:56Speaker 03

  For all Ford. But we might not even get on to talking about cars. If Gus says the secret ingredient, we've got to kick him out the restaurant.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Gone. He's gone if he says the secret ingredient. And the secret ingredient today is.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  Mo beans.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  More beans.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Mo beans.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Gus did a very funny show.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Sitcom that he wrote and starred in called Man Like Mo Bean.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Mo Bean. More mo beans, more beans.

• 3:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. So he can have beans.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  But if he asks for more beans.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  You can't have any mo.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Can't have any mo.

• 3:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:28Speaker 03

  So watch out for that.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Watch out for that. Hey, watch out for me if you live in America.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, you better watch out for Ed Gamble. He's coming your way.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  I'm coming your way. I am doing an American tour. From sort of middle of February through till the beginning of March, going all over the place. A lot of shows are sold out or are selling out. We've gone to Ed Gamble and the Coda UK for details. I'm hitting up a lot of the big cities.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  Funniest show ever.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Oh, thanks.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Um, Benita's feeling ill.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  I'm feeling ill.

• 4:00Speaker 03

  I'm on top of the world. Let's do this.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  This is the off-menu menu of Gus Khan.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Welcome, Gus, to the dream restaurant.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  Yes, thank you for having me.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  Welcome Gus Khan to the dream restaurant, but it's been a year for some time.

• 4:20Speaker 04

  This is a very nice place, cosy.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  You like it?

• 4:24Speaker 02

  It is cosy, isn't it? It used to be the setup was there was a table and stuff, but we got rid of the table and you're like, no.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  A lot of wood. It's a lot of wood.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Scandish.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:33Speaker 03

  It's a bit Scandi.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  Scandi vibes.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  And Benita looks quite Scandi.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Scandi.

• 4:39Speaker 04

  You shoot the space is, I think is what we're trying to say.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, very much, very much. I don't, I'm unsure what that is behind Benito's. It sort of looks like it should be shelves, but there's nothing on them.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  I would have an appropriate use for that.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  It is a, a Pokemon PSA card holder.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Taking Pokemon cards off.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Are you, are you into the Pokemon cards?

• 4:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  Big time.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. Do you know that?

• 5:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  People say that. It's disappointing. I don't know why the perception is that I wouldn't be into Pokemon cards.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  You're a pretty cool guy. Pokemon's not seen this.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Pokemon cards are cool now, I think.

• 5:10Speaker 04

  I think so. And there's also large amounts of monetary value involved in the world of Pokemon and Pokemon cards.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Money laundering.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  What's your most expensive?

• 5:20Speaker 04

  No, no, swear on. I'm not, I'm not even lying, bro. I'm not even lying. You turn up, right? So I've been to a few of these shows.

• 5:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 04

  And you turn up at a table and I was expecting like, I don't know the name, Philip, yeah?

• 5:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 04

  And you've got, I always imagine that maybe he's doing like some Pokemon cosplay.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:37Speaker 04

  Bro, there were mandem behind these tables like, yeah, so what, what are you looking for then, guys? And I was like, first of all, where you come from? Is that why you're asking me where I'm from? Where the fuck you come from? So, and it's all cash transactions.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 5:51Speaker 04

  There's no card transactions. And some of these, um, individual slabs, which could be very easily placed in there, like six, seven grand a slab.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 5:59Speaker 04

  I didn't have the money, but I'm just looking at mandem. They're big guys, bro.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 04

  Just like, yeah, no, I'll shake your hand at eighteen K. Pokemon.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  But I know you say Pokemon.

• 6:09Speaker 04

  You have to say Pokemon when you shake your hand. They did.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Yeah. What's your most expensive card you got?

• 6:15Speaker 04

  The individual card?

• 6:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:16Speaker 04

  About two and a half grand.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  And what's, or what is it? Charmander?

• 6:20Speaker 04

  Good guess. It's, it's, it's not a charmander. Um, it's a poncho Pikachu.

• 6:27Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 6:27Speaker 04

  Yeah. He's just wearing a poncho and there's a bad Japanese writing on it. But so I've got that. I think it's two and a half grand. It might be a bit more now. And there's another one called the Van Gogh Pikachu.

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  And it's just, he's been painted like a Van Gogh style. A Van Gogh or Van Goff?

• 6:40Speaker 02

  I think I've said both in my life.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  I don't know which one's right. Yeah, yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  What I'm saying is, like, if you missed the boat on this Pokemon theme.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's too late now, isn't it?

• 6:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, we've missed the boat.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  You missed the boat.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  If you, if you're hearing about an investment opportunity from someone, it's too late to get involved, I think.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  Do you think so?

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  No, that's definitely you.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, one hundred percent.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  I, I believe it's me, but to be fair to me.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  Uh, it's, it sounded like it's from a phone that I forgot was in my pocket.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, no.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  So I have two phones.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  That's your Pokemon burner.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  This is the Pokemon burner?

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:11Speaker 04

  This, this is the one that I put on silent.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:13Speaker 04

  So what the, my mom calls me on this one. And this one is, I don't know really who this is for.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  You don't know who that phone is for?

• 7:21Speaker 04

  Not, no, not really, but it's on silent now.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Hmm. So what was the, did someone message you there?

• 7:25Speaker 04

  They did.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  So someone knows what that phone's for.

• 7:27Speaker 04

  Somebody knows, but I didn't.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  Incredibly guilty right now. Because this is like.

• 7:33Speaker 04

  It's like I overshare a lot. I shouldn't have overshared about the Mandem. If that's how they clean their drug money, just enjoy yourselves, boys. Through Pokemon. If that's how they do it.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  Why am I, why am I telling their stories?

• 7:42Speaker 03

  So now your burner phone's gone up. Suddenly you're not, you're not judging people for what nefarious stuff they might be doing. You know what? Let's, let's just live and let live, guys.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  I agree.

• 7:50Speaker 02

  I don't, what if they're not using Pokemon to clean their drug money? What if they're in drugs to afford the Pokemon? They might just love Pokemon.

• 7:58Speaker 04

  That's a documentary.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:00Speaker 04

  Isn't it?

• 8:02Speaker 04

  I, I would like to know, like, that's the depth that you have to go to.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  And by the way, on a serious note, there are a lot of kids, just, just kids, who wanna open a packet.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  And now that pack, R R P, is two pound ninety five.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  But then the Mandem swoop in, sixty quid a pack.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Hmm. Because you might find something rare in there, so, yeah, yeah.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  It's like, like everyone's, have you noticed, everybody that like is doing well at the moment, there's always like a gambling sponsor behind them. I find out with my kids. You know, the kids, the kids be watching the streamers and the twitters and the kicks. And then like even a good one, I'm like, oh, it's just fun. I get why you're watching this guy doing this crazy backflips. And at the end he's like, steak dot com.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  Really?

• 8:46Speaker 04

  And my kids are like, let's download that. I'm like, better not download that.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  They're all promoting gambling.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, isn't that sad though?

• 8:52Speaker 03

  That is sad.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  Like, if you're gonna sell a T-shirt, I'll be like, you know what, you lot, buy his T-shirts. I like that. You're supporting the guy.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  But at the end, he's always turning the phone, I always turn the phone around, like, press these buttons and it's like a little fun kids game.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  So all of my kids are like, no, it's just fun. I'm like, no, you're gonna lose your dad's house. Let's not do this.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're gonna end up in big trouble.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be in big trouble. Sad, innit?

• 9:14Speaker 02

  So do you buy the packets of Pokemon or do you just buy the individual cards?

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Well, I tend to purchase booster boxes. Booster boxes have thirty-six individual packs inside.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  Gotcha.

• 9:25Speaker 04

  And when they're sealed and unmolested, they increase in value exponentially.

• 9:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  Um, but you can get burnt. I bought a load recently.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 9:34Speaker 04

  Went down in price. My son keeps an eye on this, four percent down.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 9:38Speaker 04

  But some of the boxes, bro, I bought for like a hundred and forty quid in lockdown.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 04

  Three and a half grand now.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  What, you've still got them? You've not, you've not touched them? You've not opened them?

• 9:46Speaker 04

  And it's weird, cause I'm like, sometimes I say to the kids, I'm just rip these boxes up and they're like, I used to be, bro.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  But then, but you.

• 9:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's good, it's good, they know.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Why don't you just sell those ones that are like three and a half grand now? Cause they might go down again.

• 9:57Speaker 04

  Nah, thank you. Now we are in the realm of greed. And this is another, this is, it's another important thing.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 04

  This is a point that I find teaching the kids about this is good because I'm learning they're little greedy fucks like their dad as well.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:11Speaker 04

  Because they're like, dad, there's loads of profit in this. Look, this is a key word to teach a kid about business profit. Loads of profit. I'm like, shall we sell it? And they're like, no, let's wait till it goes to fifty grand. It's never gonna go to fifty grand, greedy little fucks. You know that, and I know that. But we're in this together. And it's really, it's really interesting because like, you wanna teach kids about like, when we were at school, they never taught you about, um, limited company.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  Uh huh, no.

• 10:34Speaker 04

  What's HMRC doing? It only takes ten minutes to set. And see in the fuckhole there, they're teaching you algebra and all this shit. No one's ever used it. No one's ever used it.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  But with the kids, it's like a really good way of like, that Pokemon card you bought. It's going up.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  Now it's going down. You see this worry in them. I don't know, I think it's a key skill.

• 10:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, that is a key.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  It's also a good lesson to teach them as well. I think if you sold it, then you get the profit.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  But if they wanna hold on to it, they'll be like, well, it's definitely gonna go up. It's gonna go up forever. And then watch that crash out.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  Crashes down.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:03Speaker 04

  It's kinda fun to see sometimes.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:05Speaker 04

  They be crying on that. Something like, yeah, I told you.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  You love the Pokemon cards. I I've also heard uh that you're a big fan of cars and automobiles.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. I think this comes from poverty. You know, you're grown up. There's things that your mom's spending money on, bread, milk, things like this. Cars are very far away from like what you might be able to enjoy. Now, what you, what did you drive?

• 11:29Speaker 02

  I do drive, but I've just got rid of my car, actually.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  What was your first week?

• 11:32Speaker 03

  Tell them, tell them about why you got rid of it.

• 11:33Speaker 04

  Why you get rid of it?

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Oh, cuz I never uh drove it. So the battery kept going flat and um and then I checked one day it was full of mould.

• 11:39Speaker 04

  Oh, you really don't drive it?

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cuz the seal on the front door had gone. So every time it rained, it got more and more humid in there. And then it was full of, the seats were covered in mould.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  It just so. He laughing at your mouldy ass car, bro.

• 11:54Speaker 02

  He loves that.

• 11:54Speaker 04

  It's not nice. This is weird.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Makes me laugh.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  And luckily it was parked a little bit down the road.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  It sounds a bit classic-y. What is it? Was it classic?

• 12:01Speaker 02

  A Ford Focus.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  Oh, that's not classic. That's just a car.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:06Speaker 04

  You let the focus get mould. How does that get mould? It's got rubber seals and all kinds of stuff.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, but the seals came off. I've noticed it quite a lot on that model of uh Ford Focus. Cuz there's a couple down that further down the road.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  They're mouldy as fuck as well.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  Well, no, no, no, cuz people are driving them and stuff and cleaning them. But I've noticed that the the seal around the the same door actually has has come off on theirs as well. So I was driving around for a bit and I heard like and that's a worrying noise for a car.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  Yeah. That kind of fun noise.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  And then I got out and realised that the seal was had come all the way out and it was flapping behind me like a big tail and like beating on the back of my car.

• 12:39Speaker 04

  It's magic. It's sad that obviously your car went mouldy and you thought, where did you sell it? Like, we buy any car? Where where did you take it?

• 12:45Speaker 02

  To a scrapyard.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  Oh, you didn't even get any money for it?

• 12:48Speaker 02

  No, no, no. No, I got two hundred and fifty quid.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Beetle. Beetle will give you that.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  It turns out it's easier to, cause I filled in the online form of the scrapper. And they called me back straight away. They were like, we'll come and pick it up. Are you in tomorrow? I was like, no, I'm not in tomorrow. They were like, it's all right. We do the single contactless pickup. Just leave the key on the wheel.

• 13:10Speaker 04

  And they'll get it for you.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  So I just left the key on the wheel and no one's gonna nick it because the battery was flat. And then I went to open it to get stuff out of the car that I'd left in there. Turns out it was open anyway.

• 13:20Speaker 04

  You didn't take very good care of this car.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  So I love cars as well and I'm looking forward to your new show about cars on Quest. Good Cars Killer Cars.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  I feel like I should have called it Good Cars, Moldy Cars. Can we just stick to the focus for a second?

• 13:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 13:34Speaker 04

  So.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  For the focus.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, the battery was dead now.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had it replaced multiple times.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Okay, and but see they've gone, what year was this car?

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Two thousand and thirteen.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  So not an old car, by the way.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  That's old, man.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  No, bro, like not by the standards of some of the shit cars I saw when I made this show, like it was 250 years old, some of them, like finished, bro. Just in someone's garage, bro, in Corley.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Twelve years.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  And you scrapped it due to a seal and a faulty battery. No, I know it's mouldy, but the people you could just, like somebody came and scrapped your car.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  You could have called someone to steam clean it.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. Two thousand and thirteen. How many miles was on the car?

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I can tell you.

• 14:20Speaker 04

  How many people are gonna be upset, bro, you just scrapped it.

• 14:24Speaker 04

  An economically viable car because you couldn't be arsed who's mouldy. How would you pay for the bloody car?

• 14:30Speaker 02

  Eight grand.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  You should.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  That was back in the day, though.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  I'm shocked. If my kids was here, they'd be saying, fuck this man.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:41Speaker 04

  Where profit and loss, my kids would be disgraced with you again, bro.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, but also.

• 14:45Speaker 04

  You've fucking, you've scrapped the fucking eight grand car for 250. You left the key on the wheel.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  I left my wellies in it as well, so add that on top.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  You've, well, for people who do like cars who may be listening, that is sinful, bro. Because that's cash money you've just thrown in.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  But also, can we all take into account it was causing me a lot of stress. I'm very busy at the moment and also my time is money. So I made, I profited quite a lot of time.

• 15:12Speaker 04

  Okay, no, I get it.

• 15:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I was losing a lot of face on the street because I think people had started to realise it was my car.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  Don't ever let people shame you into this kind of.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  No, but it was disgusting because it, it looked like a big bit of Stilton sat on the side of the road. So I'm gonna get a new one now.

• 15:26Speaker 04

  Can I do something specific?

• 15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:28Speaker 04

  Two thousand and fifteen, we're gonna find out about how much these go for right now.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I already looked.

• 15:33Speaker 04

  How, how much?

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Well, I don't know, if, if you want more information, the parcel shelf wasn't in there.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, okay.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  So that takes, that takes a couple of grand off.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  If this makes you feel better, yes, yes, if this makes you feel better. It's a huge, you made me very upset, bro.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. What should I get for my next car?

• 15:53Speaker 04

  Doesn't matter because wherever you're gonna buy it, you're gonna scrap it when the window gets steamy. There's another kind of stupid reason to scrap a car.

• 16:02Speaker 04

  Just scrap it. How much you paid for it, Ed? Forty grand. It's got steamy windows. Scrap it.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  It's really a little sitting, bro.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, and it's all fair enough.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  Did anyone tell you, the, the only thing is about this car, my wife would have told me off, right? Even if I made a decision, did anybody tell you off?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  My father-in-law told me to get it cleaned and get a new battery and then sell it.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  What a wonderful man your father was.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  And I thought about all of that.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  But you're right, time is money. People don't understand that concept.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Money's money as well, though, isn't it? Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 04

  It really is. Money's also money. Well, that's, well, yeah, well, you might enjoy the, the new show.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, because I met, honestly.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  It's not called Gus Khan's Killer Cars though, and James said it was called Your Killer Cars.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  It's, you know, most of it was.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Why did he say if he'd let me get away with it, he did?

• 16:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, most of you was right.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  It's because he doesn't know the name of the show because he looked over at Ben after he said it to check this out, that's what it was called.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  But sometimes they be changing names.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Quality Cars. Custom Cars.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Gus Khan's Quality Cars.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Is it called Gus Khan's Custom Cars? Custom Cars. Yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  Well, and now, unfortunately, I like killers better, right?

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  So maybe we can speak to somebody. It's just a graphic.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's just a graphic.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  It's like clip art, they'll just change it quickly and.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  You know what Ed would do? Ed realised he didn't like the title, he'd scrap the whole show.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  That'd be it.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  Straight to the bed.

• 17:26Speaker 04

  So this is so bro, honestly, like I, I'm trying to hold it down, but I'm.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  Stop reminding him, stop reminding.

• 17:30Speaker 04

  Really sad that you did, like, I can't, cause my perception of you is you're intelligent, you're funny, you're something.

• 17:35Speaker 02

  This is all true.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  No. You're a disgrace, brother.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  Right, well, you, you've totaled lots of cars.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 17:45Speaker 04

  Have you, have you smashed a billion of cars, have you?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:48Speaker 04

  How many?

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Three.

• 17:49Speaker 04

  Think. What? What do you mean?

• 17:53Speaker 03

  Between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five, I wrote off three cars.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  What were you, this is, I like to hear these things, eh, Casti? What kind of drug fuel bender were you on smashing cars in Kettering?

• 18:06Speaker 03

  So I was a judge.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 03

  I haven't driven a car in fifteen years.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  You're a menace.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  I was, I was meant to drive a van.

• 18:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's something menace here about you, bro. I feel like a, a track day. I went to Northampton to do a drifting track day on this show.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  That's not far from us, is it?

• 18:19Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  I feel like you, it would bring something out in you, dangerous.

• 18:24Speaker 03

  I wouldn't be, I, I, I wouldn't be able to, I wouldn't like it.

• 18:27Speaker 04

  I thought that as well. I couldn't fit in the car. I was really fat at the time and like the man was like, I'll just get in, mate. And I was like, does it fuck it? Does it look like I can, I'm not doing this on purpose, mate. While the cameras have been waiting for six, six minutes, I was being like. Six minutes. And I was like, I'm too fat to get in the roll cage, man. It doesn't matter if it's twenty-six minutes, bro, I can't do it. So I did it when I get in the car eventually strapped in.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 18:47Speaker 04

  Was really exhilarating stuff, you know?

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 18:49Speaker 04

  Drifting.

• 18:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  They're very talented, cause like, they're all doing it in tandem. It's like a ballet.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  So this guy's drifting now, shh, and the other guy, like pitches his drift based on his back bumper, shh, like this. And then before you know it, four or five cars going.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Were you actually doing, did you drive it and did the drifting?

• 19:11Speaker 04

  I did, I didn't do the, like the ballet bit. They let me on my own, but I did. It was quite a good day.

• 19:19Speaker 02

  Would you like still or sparkling water?

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Still please. Do you guys, can I make an assumption?

• 19:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  Sparkling?

• 19:28Speaker 02

  I do have sparkling quite a lot, yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 04

  I was with Morgana Robinson last night.

• 19:32Speaker 03

  Oh yeah. About me? We know each other well enough. What do you think I would have sparkling for?

• 19:39Speaker 03

  I know what he's implying.

• 19:41Speaker 04

  No, I would, I would hope you was drinking still, but you're, like you experiment. Experiment with music, experiment with comedy, you experiment with water. That's my.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  That's my.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  You see what I'm saying?

• 19:55Speaker 03

  It's bad mental.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  It's a compliment.

• 19:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  Little bit.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 04

  Little bit of compliment, little bit of that.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  Not a compliment for me. I know what he's, I know what he's getting, I'm not gonna say it.

• 20:03Speaker 02

  I'm trying to smear that over.

• 20:04Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Say it a mile off.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  It's judgmental.

• 20:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  No, I just, sparkling, it ta, it just tastes funny.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  So was Morgana drinking sparkling?

• 20:13Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. Classy lady.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, you say that, but like.

• 20:19Speaker 04

  No, I mean like, you know, it just, it feels to, sparkling water feels to me like trying to show off.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Right.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  Cause how does water come out?

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Come out?

• 20:30Speaker 04

  How does water come out? It comes from the mountain, wherever it comes from. Where does this, it don't come out all fizzy and that.

• 20:35Speaker 02

  I think there are some places where you get naturally.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Carbonated water.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Naturally carbonated water.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  But it, but it tastes like the one in the posh bottle that Morgana got last night with the blue lid and the guys all acting like it's wine like. This is for you.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Maybe not that actually.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  Isn't it?

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  I think most things, the way they come out.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  Fluids.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  Just crack on.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  That's interesting. So I'm gonna remember this for the rest of the meal, that you only like fluids that are the same as when they come out.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I mean, what, I, what, I mean, yeah, this is stupid thing to say. I mean, water.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  You mean water.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  I mean water, I just want me water.

• 21:11Speaker 02

  It's a natural product, if you feel like you don't, you don't want anyone messing with your water.

• 21:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, like I don't like, I don't like um the aspartame um sugary water pisses me off.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  What one's that?

• 21:23Speaker 04

  Volvic and all that.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  The ones where it's like all this fruit flavour to it and stuff.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I completely agree with that.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, those are the worst waters.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Really bad waters, touch of lemon, whatever.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  The strawberry one's the most disgusting.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, fuck that.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Who is drinking, we had a guy once come to our house and he was working on um our house, I think he was doing, actually I'm not gonna say in case he's listening to this.

• 21:44Speaker 04

  He's builder.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  But he'll know, yeah, he'll know who he is, he's drinking liter bottles of strawberry flavoured Volvic just constantly, just, just, just racking them up and I was like, it stunk as well.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  It stinks that stuff, that's that fake strawberry thing, I was like, that's right, how have you not put that on silent?

• 22:05Speaker 02

  You'd switched the pocket, you took it out of your pocket, you put it in the pocket with your other phone and you didn't put it on silent.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  What did you think was gonna happen?

• 22:11Speaker 04

  No, well, this is, to be fair to me, look, I'm trying to, oh look, and the screen's not even going on, can you see?

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Right, I can see the screen's on, it's just the brightness is very low.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  You're right.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  And you've got sunglasses on.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  For, for the listener. So that made me why it looks like it's off.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go, the screen's on now.

• 22:33Speaker 04

  You know, I feel like, I feel, it's not a message, it, it's a notification, what a stupid phone.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  Well, well, well, can you put it on silent though?

• 22:42Speaker 04

  I don't know, bro, I really like to operate.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  The, the issue wasn't if it was a message or not.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  His confirmation is now on aeroplane mode.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:49Speaker 04

  So any two twos that come through now, two twos not my fault then. Aeroplane mode should dictate no more two twos come through.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  So if it's, I want, just to remind you as well, I've got two phones. Have you heard anything from the other phone? No, peep from the other phone.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's still your phone, the other one is still your phone.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  No, but I'm saying, no.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  You can't go fifty percent of my phones aren't making noise, so I win.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  How does that help your case?

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Because.

• 23:12Speaker 02

  What, why was it going to two then?

• 23:14Speaker 04

  Do do, I don't, I don't even know, bro, it looks like it's got a Nescafe logo at the top right, I don't even drink coffee, bro. It's a doo doo to tell me Nescafe's in the area, what a shit notification is that?

• 23:25Speaker 03

  And those on a food podcast?

• 23:27Speaker 04

  Wow, maybe.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  Because it heard just so your light fluids the way they, they come out, straight in there.

• 23:32Speaker 04

  Okay, we're on aeroplane mode, if it does any more noises then.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  How is this my fault?

• 23:38Speaker 04

  Sorry for your listeners to have the hiss.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no problem. I don't know.

• 23:46Speaker 03

  Absolutely awful.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Papa doms on bread, cause can, papa doms on bread.

• 23:54Speaker 04

  Pa- papa doms.

• 23:56Speaker 03

  Thumbs up mate.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  James normally does that bit, but he lost his voice recently, so it was my job to do it today.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Why, why?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  My voice, yeah, I just, I just wore it out.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  It's a virus.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, but doing too many, too many pods, too many gigs, lost my voice, so Ed, Ed's doing it for this week.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  Well, you're doing very well.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  Every time he does it, he asks me, he says to me, I'll do it now. And then he does it, gives me a thumbs up afterwards.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  You what, it make you feel away when you hear him say?

• 24:23Speaker 03

  No, I'm glad that he's saying it. It's supposed to be a surprise. He shouldn't say I'm gonna do it now to me. He leaves a massive pause and then he says I'll do it now, and then he does it.

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Well, I also lied. It's not papa doms.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  It's not papa doms.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't even know why I said papa doms.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 24:37Speaker 04

  I think I said it because I'm Asian and there was no need for it.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm just being honest with you.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 04

  I papa doms, oh yeah, maybe I would say that.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  It was a test, it was a test.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  Yes, I think bread, what kind of bread?

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  Brioche.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Brioche.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Brioche.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  I thought you said blush.

• 24:52Speaker 04

  No, not blush bread, but there's all kind of bread, bro. Now, can I, can I say something before you start talking about what kind of bread? First of all, bread is not good.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Bread's not good, bro. Bread got a lot of sugar.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  A lot of sugar. Let me tell you something, I tell you personally, because you're my boys, I have to tell you personally. So, over the last three months, I've lost three stone in weight, which means I was broke.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  You've been trying to?

• 25:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had to, because I was taking a piss. So, I, I filmed this thing, I watched it back and I was like, fuck you fucking big bastard, yeah? Said it by myself.

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:23Speaker 04

  Not acceptable, right? And I'm not really bothered about the way I look, to be honest with you. Like, like in a sense that I like to make sure I'm dressed properly for you guys and I look smart for you guys, this is important. But like, fat and all tits, I don't mind. I'm all right with it, yeah? Got five kids, I've got a wife, she seems to love me, I'm all right back on. But it was bad because the health situation was bad. I couldn't really realise because I don't drink, I don't smoke. But I do eat like a bastard, yeah. So when you start breaking down bread, I'm like, it's a bread, bro. How much sugar is in bread? Love sugar in bread, yeah. Now we're talking rotis.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  Now we're talking naan. We're not just talking normal naan, we're talking Bhishwari naan. You know what Bhishwari naan is?

• 26:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, big time.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  We chop it in half, we put in, is it desiccated coconut? Is that what they call it?

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Is that what they call it?

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:11Speaker 04

  In there. Gishmish. Gishmish is, what's the English word for gishmish? Uh, sultanas, sultanas. Honey, close it, put it back in the tandoor, put extra honey on. Cut it, butter like it, pan chut, pow. Now you're eat, now you're eating it every night.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  And you don't rea, cause no one in the re, you know when you go to the restaurant now, I'm like, oh, let me just have a look at how calories that's got in it.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  Blueberry muffin, three hundred and twenty calories. Like, fuck me, mate, that's a lot of calories. Do you think the uncles give a shit? About what calorific intake is? They don't give a shit. There's more and more gishmish, more and more coconut, honey. How much sugar is in honey? I didn't even realize. You know, people say honey's good. Not when you're fucking doing half a bottle of a naan, mate.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Well, it is sugar, isn't it?

• 27:04Speaker 04

  It's just. Lot of sugar, bro. So bread is bad, but I do love it. Bread is bad, but I love it.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  You want brioche?

• 27:10Speaker 04

  No, because naan is a bread, so let me choose Bhishwari naan.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  You've got to choose Bhishwari naan. If you described it like that, you've got to choose it for your dream.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  But don't have it. This is what I'm saying to you. I'm saying this is what it is, but or maybe have it if you're a sensible consumer of food.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  But I've, I found this very, this is a very serious thing. I was actually okay. I was athletic. I used to box all the time. And in the pursuit of this stupid thing called success.

• 27:36Speaker 04

  I I just started eating like an idiot, bro, you understand? Cause I never stay in London. I don't like staying in London. I don't stand like staying away from my house and my friends and my family and my kids.

• 27:45Speaker 02

  Well, well, that you asked us to do this podcast in Coventry in a fucking pub.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  I did, and you and you refused. No, no, I understand. No, no, you know, I appreciate the fact that you said no.

• 27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 04

  Cause most people be saying, yeah.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, no.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  And but for perspective, have a great time.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 04

  Cause it's owned by my mates and you're having a laugh and you know, but anyway, whatever you said for coffee is what it is. So we're here now in this Scandi studio with the Pokemon card holder. So see, this is the thing people don't understand about. We all do stand up comedy, right? And people are like, aren't you lucky? They say just like that. The people who say that, aren't you lucky? I'm like, yeah, but no, sacrifice has come. What sacrifice? Driving home from London, Manchester, you get into carve now. Now you got a choice. Do you go sleep on a hungry belly? Or do you call your friends at the restaurant I invited you to, but you said fuck off, I'm not doing a podcast there? Do you call your friends? Do they keep the restaurant open at one A M. for you?

• 28:41Speaker 04

  Two A M. for you and put on a spread.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  Wagyu steak, potatoes. This didn't give you the sensible things and then Russ Malloy comes out. Have you ever had Russ Malloy French toast? I don't think you have.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  I've not.

• 28:56Speaker 04

  This is the problem we got into. So now we're finishing gigs two A M. and we're having food like this every day.

• 29:02Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  Then this is why.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  It's bad. It's bad eating late as well. It's bad like.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  You see, and people are gonna be like, you know, you fucking idiot, Gus Khan. My name is Gus Khan, but they they say, Gus Khan, how the fuck can you complain? But I have to complain because it's part of the game, isn't it? It's part of the thing that I fall into, this bad habit of eating all this luscious food. Cause your adrenaline's up, you all know what that's like, isn't it? We're supposed to fucking finish a gig, go home, just lie in bed, watch, what's watch, what channel is brother, is my TV show on? Quest, you don't go and watch Quest.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  What's quest? You know you can't, you're on high, now you're with your friends and the food is coming, but why you not coming? How many calories? Shut the fuck up Gus, not about calories, eat the naan. This is what I found myself in. So, so yeah, this is, I thought I would just make that point, cause I don't know if you two have experienced anything similar. You know, after you coming home late, what oyster?

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, every night, every night.

• 29:57Speaker 04

  It's just rubbish, isn't it? Even if you're trying to be sensible, your brain like, why am I punishing? Look all these nice people that came out, they had a good time, we did a good thing, we made people laugh tonight, how nice. Let me treat myself.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  What, with a rivaeta? No mate, what a shit treat, you want something? You know what I mean? This is what I found myself in the sticky situation.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  I get bad food hangovers now though.

• 30:21Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 30:22Speaker 02

  I will get the equivalent of an alcohol hangover from eating loads of food really late. When I wake up the next day, I feel shit.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  Do you think that's age?

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  My uncle was telling me about this. So he's like, if he eats certain foods past like ten o'clock.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 30:35Speaker 04

  He just lies in bed sweating all night. He's probably got the health issue, I don't know. I'm gonna get checked out if you listen, you're not gonna listen. But like, you know, I think food does affect you at different ages.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  We're all the same age, isn't it?

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Forty.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, forty next month.

• 30:51Speaker 02

  Thirty nine.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, when you, when you forty?

• 30:53Speaker 02

  March.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, we all the same, we all year eleven, we all been year eleven same time, year eleven same time.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  We're all year eleven.

• 31:00Speaker 04

  We're all year eleven. We're all year eleven.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're all year eleven, yeah.

• 31:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I think it's like, also, you know what else I worry when it comes to food? And like people who have really good control over it, they're quite boring.

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  Do you understand what I mean by this? They don't live life on the edge. They're not interested.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Do you live life on the edge? Gus, do you think, is that?

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, I said to my, like, not like, I mean, what's that? Hold on, hold on a minute, what's the edge?

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Well, I think you're defining the edge, right?

• 31:32Speaker 04

  Well, I'm very, yeah, I'm very impulsive.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:35Speaker 04

  And my wife, she's like, it's very impulsive. So like.

• 31:41Speaker 04

  I'm just, we're gonna live in Tokyo, I think, next year.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 31:44Speaker 04

  This is impulsive, isn't it?

• 31:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yes.

• 31:46Speaker 04

  So I think that's living on the edge.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  Because we've got five kids and you know, like, she's like, for goodness sake, mate.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  Have you thought this through, though? Yeah. I reckon the value of those Pokemon cards is gonna go down in Tokyo.

• 32:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. They got way more there, it's not as rare there.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know if it's racism, but you have to remember something about Pokemon cards as well. Japanese Pokemon cards, where the whole thing began.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  Are worth less than.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 32:13Speaker 04

  English cards, yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  What?

• 32:14Speaker 04

  So, I don't know. Imagine that, bro, imagine, imagine you two come up with Bushwali Naan, yeah? And, and, and in, in the streets of Kettering, and I take it over to Pakistan and I say, look at this, bro, sick. And people are like, oh, it's great, cause it's from Pakistan, it's much better. You lot made the Naan in the first place, sad, innit? Feel bad for the Japanese.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Naan was invented in Kettering.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I took it Pakistan, and just cause I took it Pakistan, and the perception is like, ooh, ooh. Isn't this fucking better? Why? Same card, same pictures, same everything, just one's got Japanese, one's got English, the one, English one. Triple the amount of money.

• 32:48Speaker 02

  Appalling, especially in Japan, I guess, as well, if you sold the English ones in Japan.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's just rubbing it in, I would never do it.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  But the quality of the Japanese collector's cards are gonna be better because they keep everything perfectly there.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Thank you, and even, and on that note, even the card, the cardboard quality that they use in Japan, far superior to the American stuff.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  So why are you moving to Tokyo? Cause all, all I heard was we're moving to Tokyo because we've got five kids, which is, I've never heard that as a bit of logic before.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  You know how it is, bro.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Hmm. We, we're gonna get into some stuff now.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, no, you know how it is, life is short, isn't it?

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 04

  Bro, we, and I say this, we were all in year eleven one minute ago, don't lie, it feel like one minute ago.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  I thought we were still in year eleven.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  No, no, we are in our hearts, but we're not, it's all middle aged men now, bro, we're finished, bro. I'm saying, like, it, it's gone so quick. But I've been, me and my wife been together a long time, and I was just like, yo, before it's game over, tap out, go on, ICU. Let's do as much fun stuff as possible. And she's like, what about school? And I said, it's a thing, school is a thing, but are the kids gonna have more fun balling around Tokyo with us on the circular loop system? I don't even know if it's a real thing, but it's like trains and that, we're all going in circles and that.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 04

  And they're gonna have more fun doing that, or learning King Hundred Eight?

• 34:08Speaker 04

  I think they're gonna have more fun in Japan.

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I think probably will.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  So, uh, this is what I'm planning to do. So when you say living life on the edge, I think that's pretty edgy.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  Bro, I don't know Japanese. Look at me.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  Just saying, you ever turn up in Japan, I'm assuming there's not much people who even look like me and that in Japan. And I think that's a fair assumption.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  I think you're, I think you're right. I think it's, you know, largely Japanese people there.

• 34:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  I'd say.

• 34:35Speaker 04

  I think, I think so. That's a fair assumption to me.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  I mean, we've both been and I certainly saw.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  A lot, a lot of Japanese people.

• 34:41Speaker 02

  My fair share of Japanese people.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  Good.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 04

  Good. I wanna see what it's like. I heard the air quality is really good. I've seen TikTok videos about how goldfish live in the. Um, like to just a puddle.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 34:56Speaker 04

  And there's goldfish in it and they live, they live very happily. I wanna see, I wanna live in a place like that.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:02Speaker 04

  They've got a fucking goldfish in the puddles in Koff, mate.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Three D Mario Kart.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Three D Mario? There's lots to it. Do you understand what I mean?

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  So like, if I'm saying. If every few years we go and get this new experience.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  That's quite dramatic, isn't it?

• 35:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 04

  With the added thing, if it was just me and I'm really indifferent, but five kids, it's a woof.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  I mean, I'd say having five kids is life on the edge. Yeah. Regardless of where you live.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  You say that. I was on the one show yesterday.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  There was a man from Hartlepool, his white brother. And Alex Jones said, you're one of fourteen. And we were like, fourteen what?

• 35:41Speaker 04

  He's got fourteen brothers and sisters. On one show, I said, from the same woman that blood you got fourteen. And he said, yeah, and he was a bit like, you could tell probably he's had that reaction many times.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 35:51Speaker 04

  But I was really, I couldn't believe it. Now, you say five's a lot.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  I'm sitting next to my man there, bro.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  Fourteen brothers, sisters.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Catholics, probably. They absolutely, my, my grandma was one of eight.

• 36:04Speaker 04

  See?

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. Irish Catholics.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Maybe it's a guy, I don't know. Maybe the moment I just on it, I don't know, like, it could be any number of.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's beyond on it though, isn't it?

• 36:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:13Speaker 02

  Fourteen. You've, there's almost gotta be overlap.

• 36:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. Maybe some people, some people, I've seen, no, you always see them documentaries, bro. They're all Catholic.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  Well, maybe not.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  In America, we've just got like.

• 36:27Speaker 02

  It's a very Catholic thing though, isn't it? Like it's an Irish Catholic thing to.

• 36:31Speaker 04

  Because you can't.

• 36:31Speaker 02

  Absolutely pump them out. You have to, it's either nothing or the pullout method.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  What's your dream start, August?

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Today's episode of the Off Menu podcast is sponsored by Cozy, the home of possibilities, James.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  Ah, man, Ed, Cozy has everything you need to make your home feel like it has a plan. Do you know what I mean?

• 36:55Speaker 02

  I know what you mean. Cozy is a wonderful furniture company. It makes furnishing your whole home easy. Sofas, dining, storage, rugs, bedroom, even outdoor, all designed to make your space feel put together without the usual furniture stress. And James, we talk about dream meals on this podcast, but you know what? We very rarely talk about where we want to eat this dream meal.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Sure. Yeah. I like it when it does come up. It is very important. It changes the whole meal to set in the vibe. And Cozy's modular customizable furniture for the whole home does just that.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  And the meal, James, doesn't necessarily end at dessert. We've often talked about wanting to take our maybe final course through to a comfy room. And I think this is where Cozy can really come in handy. Go and relax on the sofa. Maybe even eat your meal at a lovely, beautiful cozy table, linger a little bit, move through with coffees and dessert to a lovely couch. But I know what you're like, James. You're a mucky pup.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  I almost spill stuff everywhere. Is that going to ruin the Cozy furniture?

• 37:51Speaker 02

  No, don't worry about that, James, because it's highly washable, James. It's sauce, wine, sparkling water, dessert crumbs. You telling one of your big stories and sloshing a coffee everywhere. Don't worry, you can pop it in the wash.

• 38:03Speaker 03

  Oh, so you're saying Cozy makes every day at home feel like my best day?

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Absolutely. That's exactly what I'm saying. And with Cozy, your home can grow with you, adapting to new spaces, new styles and every era of your life, James. I think it's so hard, especially when you move somewhere new, to immediately make that place feel like yours, that it's been put together well. And that's where Cozy comes in.

• 38:22Speaker 03

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• 38:34Speaker 02

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• 38:41Speaker 03

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• 38:49Speaker 01

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• 39:22Speaker 04

  We just done, we just done with the kitchen, finishing, okay, I'll start us. Um, it depends, it depends on the mood I'm in really, to be honest with you.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  What kind of mood am I in today?

• 39:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  Even though I won't eat them because I'm trying to stay healthy.

• 39:33Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Um, hot honey tenders. So, deep fried tenders, drizzled in hot honey. Some of the best ones I've had are in the Middle East. Don't ask me why, the Lebanese brothers just be wham, bring them out tasty bro, like next level tasty. Um, and they're usually accompanied with some kind of like masala fries.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Sounds a bit manzy, doesn't it?

• 39:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, but with, you know.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  But you're sharing it around. I didn't, you know what, I don't really eat on my own.

• 40:02Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  Like now I feel weird, I come down here, I'm eating on my own, find it very strange. I don't really even know what to order. So usually, no problem bro, when I am eating. Sneezing, sneezing, sorry for sneezing, brother, sneeze. Alhamdulillah, you're okay. So like, when I eat, I'm never eating on my own. Minimum, minimums, I'm eating with me, Amreen, five other people.

• 40:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  So when we.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Your kids.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Usually them up, yeah. And you know, it's a big, everyone's like ordering, so. But they, they love the honey tenders, they love the um, masala fries. In the Middle East, I had Tanzanian masala fries.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  Had a different kind of flavors on there, very interesting stuff, bro. Very tasty. Have you ever had Tanzanian?

• 40:43Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  Inspired fries?

• 40:45Speaker 02

  No.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  They're like, they're not fries, bro. They call them like Mogo chips. Have you heard of them?

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Oh, so it's not actual potato?

• 40:53Speaker 04

  No, it's a different thing, bro.

• 40:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I've had that before.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Is it called cassava?

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Maybe. Okay. Yeah. Is it the same thing that Mogo is the cassava?

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cassava is what it was like.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  Um. We did a TV show together once and uh when it was time to eat, he'd always knock on my door and sit in my dressing room, have your food.

• 41:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I thought it was nice. It makes sense, don't it?

• 41:14Speaker 03

  Social while you're eating. Yeah, yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  You guys, you guys like?

• 41:16Speaker 02

  I completely agree with you. It's nice to eat with other people. How was James every time you knocked on his door?

• 41:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, not big. He wasn't very happy.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  It was nice to see you.

• 41:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  It was nice to see you, but I could, like, you perched on the edge of the sofa and I was like, oh, he's not comfortable. Cause if you've got a big leather sofa there.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:35Speaker 04

  And he's sitting on the edge of it like.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  Waiting for me to finish.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  Like a little bird.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I could tell you he's uncomfortable. Did that make me return to my room? No.

• 41:45Speaker 03

  No, you don't.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  But I wanted the, I wanted the company to win.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 04

  Not this reclusive.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 04

  Dinner eating, brother. This is shit, bro. What's that, bro?

• 41:56Speaker 02

  When we used to eat together, we'd eat, eat dinner together, didn't we?

• 41:59Speaker 04

  That's nice.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  Sometimes, yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Sometimes.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  When I won, when I got my way.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll be like, I've got to work on my material.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  Why would you say that? So you just like eating, you're eating a lunge of finger yours then?

• 42:11Speaker 03

  I can, I can, I can eat on my own. I like eating with other people as well.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Not by the sound of it. I don't know what I felt like when you were perched to the edge of your sofa.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  It's not true.

• 42:19Speaker 04

  In lockdown and when we were all there together. I don't know. Like, I just, I think food tastes better when you're chatting and, and it?

• 42:27Speaker 02

  I agree, I agree with that. And what I love about it as well is when you're all sharing stuff and you can all taste a bit of everything. And you can come out and be like, I'm not even that full, but I tasted so many different things today.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. This is good. And also, like, I don't know, I don't know if it's a cultural thing, but like, some of my, some of my friends, growing up, they're really, they've got a plate of food. And there's a chip there. And you go and pass it. Yes. And then you just have a chip.

• 42:56Speaker 02

  You do that, you just.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, but I don't mind when people do that. If I'm sitting and eating and you two walk past and you're just like, wow. Take a handful of uh Mogo Chips and you just eat it. I'm not gonna get angry. I'm gonna be like, yeah, eat, bro, eat. But some people get really annoyed by that, don't they? Don't ever do that again.

• 43:12Speaker 02

  So you would walk past and just like grab a chip off someone's plate?

• 43:16Speaker 04

  Not a stranger.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  When you say it's a cultural thing, do you mean it's a it's a good thing? Or do you feel like it is a cultural?

• 43:22Speaker 04

  I mean, a culture's like, the area we grew up in.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Right, okay.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  I don't can't remember anybody get offended about like, let me of of eating your peri peri chips, bro. Like, I I let me ask permission, can I eat some of your peri peri chips? You'd be sitting down, everyone's having a laugh and stuff, and someone would go. Or wing, or like they'll they'll break a chunk of your chicken off and just eat it.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  I'm used to that.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  I would go insane.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, you wouldn't be happy, yeah, yeah.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  But you know, you know that, you know, I'd go mad. You could, I I would.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  What is it? Because of fingers?

• 43:54Speaker 02

  I'd love to see it, but I'd hate to see it.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Because it's my food. Yeah, I don't get that.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  My food that I ordered and then in my head, I've planned out everything I'm eating and I can't wait to have all of it. And I've done all the planning in my head of how I'm gonna eat it. And then people come along and mess up the plan. Right, get on tour, right, we're at the airport, asking my tour manager what what he wanted. I was on the Nando's app. And he said, oh, I'll have this burger. I went, do you want anything in it? And he went, yeah, can I get halloumi? So I was like, yeah, halloumi in it. Ordered my food, which is the half chicken hot halloumi, uh, the new creamy corn and broccoli. I go to the toilet, come back, my halloumi's arrived. He's fucking tucking into that.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  You were not happy.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  I was like, that's my halloumi.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  You're not happy.

• 44:38Speaker 02

  That's my halloumi. He went, no, it's my halloumi. I went, it's fucking not. I I ordered it. He said, I wanted a halloumi. I went, that's in your burger. That's not even here yet, mate. When this burger arrives, are you gonna take some halloumi out and give it to me?

• 44:50Speaker 04

  No, you you're still bit angry about it.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Then his burger arrives, they've put my pot of gravy on the on the plate. Before I can do anything, he's dipping a chip in the gravy. I'm like, I wouldn't have thought so, mate. Because he he said, oh, I wanted the Christmas one, but they didn't have it. And that comes with gravy. So it still had gravy in my head. A likely story. You're fired.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  I was gonna ask this, but now you're talking to me anymore.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  No, kicked him out the airport. But it's difficult to leave an airport after you've gone through security.

• 45:16Speaker 04

  You what? I wanted, this is why I wanted to mention this.

• 45:19Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 45:20Speaker 04

  This is what I mean. I just wouldn't be, I would clearly be a nightmare of yours.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  No, because I think you do it in a cheeky way and I think you could pull it off. I think if you just went whoop and took a chip, I'd be like, oh, you.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Oh, that's not fair, though.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  No, it's not.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  So that's a skill-based thing.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  Life's not fair.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  He wasn't skillful.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Charmed. You got charmed.

• 45:38Speaker 04

  It's true.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  You're a charming man.

• 45:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. But I like, I wouldn't, when we got one day to eat, I would just, I'll order something and if you just start cracking off the plate, I don't, I think it's nice. I think it's good.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Sharing plates, fine. Individual meals, you can't crack off the plate unless someone offers you a crack off the plate. And even then, if you're going, oh, do you want to taste some of this? That's a lovely thing to do. But then the other person has to go, oh, do you want a bit of mine? Like, no, that's why I didn't order it. I don't want it.

• 46:04Speaker 04

  You see, you see, look, look, this is a very stringent set of rules.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  I feel like the thing that we're gonna, we're just gonna miss each other on here.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:14Speaker 04

  It's the permission element.

• 46:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  When you start bringing permit, like consent into it.

• 46:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  Food.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, clip it up.

• 46:22Speaker 04

  Food.

• 46:23Speaker 02

  Clip it up.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  Just food. I think like, ah, you know what I truly think? I think in my heart, I'd be like, we're not really friends. Ha, if we're really friends.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Because you'd be able to take food off my plate.

• 46:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, actually, yeah.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Without permission.

• 46:36Speaker 04

  A hundred percent. But it works vice versa.

• 46:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  I would feel like, oh, he's, he's not gonna put his, you, you can, you can put your hand on my plate.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Because this is what I've remembered. He's saying it goes vice versa in the friendship, anyway. He, he's coming into my dressing room to eat his food.

• 46:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  Because he wants to be around each other when we're eating food. I tried to invite myself to his house once because he was gonna have a big, big, big meal. He said no.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  What?

• 47:01Speaker 02

  It was Eid and he wouldn't let me. Okay.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  I was like, I can come. He said, no. Do you remember that?

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Hmm, I don't.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Got a few. Just thought I felt sad in my heart.

• 47:11Speaker 02

  Also, why are you inviting yourself to people's family occasions?

• 47:15Speaker 03

  I wanted to meet his family. You've heard so much about him.

• 47:17Speaker 04

  Eid is in March.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:21Speaker 04

  I will not be in the country. I won't be talking about him in the country. You two are welcome. Come on the plane. I'mma put the plat- the food I put on for you. You'll never forget it. I'll be my kids to be eating out your plates and stuff, but.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  That's a separation.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, you've got to deal with that.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  I'd have to deal with that in your house because that's what you're doing, right?

• 47:41Speaker 04

  But I've given you pretty warning in it, like.

• 47:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  I just pulled up to the house and my kids is like, yeah, fuck you. Like, it's not, they're not gonna do that. It's gonna be a loving, caring way.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  No, because knowing you, you'll get all your kids to say fuck you and, and take stuff off my plate. They'll all come up to me one by one and go, fuck you.

• 47:57Speaker 03

  You trade them to do that exact thing.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  And then I'll, you'll be in the window just laughing.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  Do you see bad that kids swear?

• 48:03Speaker 02

  No, I think it's hilarious.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  It's funny when you can swear, yeah.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Ah, cause I look like, they do.

• 48:08Speaker 03

  Can, can you work your dream main course into this answer?

• 48:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can actually.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  I like main courses. They're good. So kids swearing.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  No, ma- what's my main course? It's a very interesting question because it depends on how I feel.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  I love my Pakistani heritage. I love Pakistani food. Now, if it's being prepared at home by an expert, like auntie, uncle, whatever. I will have, like, salin. Salin is basically curry. Salin, depending on dialect, larven, right? And there's so many different types of salins and curries that can be cooked, right? But I don't really get to enjoy that much anymore because I'm always on a move and always on a, so I like for mains, chicken, shish kebab, mutton chops.

• 49:06Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Lamb chops, right? But they have to be cooked in a tandoor style. When you cook them in this tandoor style, you maintain all of the. Juiciness, yeah, and you can have several different types of flavouring that go. But even this guy was telling me, depending on where they put it in the tandoor, the more chargrilled it is, gives it's obviously like different flavour. But when you keep it further up the tandoor, you re- you maintain all the moisture in the meat. So my mains would be either Pakistani. Mm hmm. Or I really like Iranian, like Khubideh, I think it's called Khubideh. Where they get the um the kima, the minced meat, and you have a chicken and a meat and with a rice. So like, that's my kind of vibe.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  It has to be, like the Iranians do like more saffrony rice, you know, it's got different tints to it. If it's Pakistani or Afghani, it's more like bila. Like, I wouldn't do a biryani with that, I think that's a bit too much, biryani is its own art form, yeah. But that those clean juicy meats in a shish tandoor style with with like a clean rice. Mm hmm. That's my mains. Mm, delicious. And you know what's mad, like we spend a lot of time in the Middle East, right? And in the Middle East, there's a lot of people uh from South Asia regionally, different villages, different. Bro, you boil up to a restaurant and the taste of a kebab at one restaurant versus the other one down the road. There's such a difference, bro.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  There's such a difference in the, it it obviously you've got the spices that go into the the kima, the minced meat when they're when they're putting it together. But it's even like length of times and cooking stars and like the kind of coal and the wood that's at the bottom of the tandoor. It's mad, bro, I've been enjoying that. Yeah, delicious.

• 50:53Speaker 02

  I think, yeah, it's it's just my favourite sort of food.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Juicy and.

• 50:56Speaker 02

  Grilled meat with the spices and mutton and lamb.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Mm hmm.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  So you get to do a little comparison.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  On that fla- on that flavour difference.

• 51:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, and the thing is, there's loads of different ways you can enjoy it, it is just nice with rice. But like, if you're really going for it. Like a hulking cheesy garlic naan that when you get your fingernails and you rub it over the top of it, it's going

• 51:25Speaker 04

  crispy and firm on top, but then inside is all juicy and you're taking that now you're getting the kebab. You're eating hands by the way.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  This is a big problem for Mom Dany. Mom Dany was eating with his hands on the internet and everyone said, you fucking heathen. You bastard, eating with your hands. Do you eat pizza with your hands? Yes, I do. Chill out then. Just chill the fuck out, chill the fuck out, lads. Like, there's a, there's so, I don't, it's, it's so much tastier to eat that kind of food with your hands. You get what I'm saying, bro? Don't usually, I don't, I wouldn't be dipping on your, you know, if it's like that, I wouldn't dip on your plate. Cause I've been licking my fingers. You could keep your plate. You can maintain what's in your plate. I've got respect to the boundaries, you know what I'm saying?

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  But like eating, eating that kind of food with your hands, I, there's nothing like it, bro. On the floor.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  On the floor.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, floor setting.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  You're gonna love Tokyo.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  You're on the floor, aren't you?

• 52:18Speaker 02

  They love sitting on the floor.

• 52:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, don't they?

• 52:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, traditional Japanese restaurants.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  You're sitting like in the tatami room?

• 52:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  I mean, I, I don't know, I might be, I don't think there's gone much, they don't, they don't look like a kebab-y country.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  I don't think so. I mean, there's yakitori, which is like grilled meat.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  Like a hot pot?

• 52:36Speaker 02

  No, no, no, like grilled meat. The, so you just go to these restaurants and they've got like, some of them have got live fire, some of them have just got little.

• 52:43Speaker 04

  Grille then, you just do it yourself?

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Oh, that's nice.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, they do, yeah, I had a guy do me a real nice lobster on there once.

• 52:51Speaker 04

  Where do you, where are you going?

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Huh?

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Lobster?

• 52:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, in Japan.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  In Japan?

• 52:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did lobster on the Yakitori Grill.

• 52:58Speaker 04

  Crazy. I think I'm a bit allergic to lobster. Have you ever done allergy tests, you two?

• 53:02Speaker 02

  No, never had allergy tests. I'm only, that I know of, I'm allergic to horses and oxytetracycline.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  Is that an antibiotic?

• 53:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  Got bad acne when I was a teenager, really bad acne, I was really down about it. And my mum was like, we'll go to the doctor and took me out via acne. So, thanks mum. The doctor gave me this oxytetracycline. I took it. Horrible rash on top of my acne.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  Shit, that's not good, man.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  No, no, I wasn't, wasn't a happy guy.

• 53:34Speaker 04

  Man, did you ever, bro?

• 53:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  Oxytetracycline?

• 53:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Man, forget that. What a shit anti-what.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:39Speaker 04

  What, you, you done allergic this?

• 53:41Speaker 02

  No, I haven't done the test. I'm not allergic to anything as far as I know.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  That's what you think.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  Socializing, am I right?

• 53:49Speaker 04

  Bro, you're a hundred percent right.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 04

  You're a hundred percent right. Fucking absolute wanker. Like. So, the reason I mention this, because it's related to food, is I would say for years, ooh, I had that pineapple, bro, that is funny, bro. I was with Alan Davies in a field and he's cutting up pineapple and we're all eating pineapple and I've, I've bit it now. And I've gone, oof, my tongue, bro, doing a mad one, because I've been eating pineapple for years. He went, I think you might be allergic to pineapple. And I was like, shit, Alan Davies. So I just carried on eating pineapple and I also noticed that when I have, um, ginger, something funny. I also noticed when I eat Ferrero Rochers, something funny. Right?

• 54:36Speaker 02

  So, well, that might be hazelnuts then.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, not Ferrero Rochers.

• 54:42Speaker 04

  Well, this is the only time I'm eating hazelnut.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 04

  Ferrero Rocher.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. So, when my allergy, when, when my, when my allergy test came back, guess what? In red, pineapple?

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:55Speaker 04

  Not Ferrero Rocher, hazelnut.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:57Speaker 04

  And what's the other one I said?

• 54:58Speaker 02

  Ginger.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  Ginger.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  You've got, you've got to remember this, because this is your job to remember. Your daughter's allergic.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're right. All, all them, guess what else I'm allergic to? And my, I walked to my mom's house, I said, mom, you bullied. You bullied me, said for all these years. I am allergic to dal.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Dal?

• 55:17Speaker 04

  Lentils.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Said it on the dal.

• 55:19Speaker 04

  Said it red. I took the sheet to my mom, I said, mom, you said I didn't want to eat your dal all them years because my body was repulsed by it. It wasn't me, my body was rejecting your dal, because it's a big thing in my house.

• 55:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  Everyone's like, idiot doesn't eat dal. Everyone loves kind of dal, like, and you know, the way mom's cooking it is lame, but every time I eat, I'll be like. I'm more be incensed by this. It's the stupid face you're doing. I'm like.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  Darling allergic, ginger allergic, Ferrero Rocher allergic, pineapple allergic.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Why were you in a field with Alan, was it for Taskmaster?

• 55:49Speaker 04

  No, I saw another show. But it was, yeah, like, and he, but I'm glad he said it, because that's the first time it ever even occurred to me. I might be allergic to food. Because he's like, ah, that's not, that's not normal, that your tongue swollen. I said, look at my tongue. It's, it's gone bigger.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  You showed him your tongue?

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I showed him my tongue, yeah, I showed him my tongue, he, he, like, he really tried to guide me through it.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  I think you're allergic, and I, I wanted to reject it, because I was like, allergic to food. Kind of behaviour is that?

• 56:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Kind of.

• 56:16Speaker 02

  What effect did, did the lentil, did the lentils have on you?

• 56:20Speaker 04

  Uh, li- like vindication.

• 56:23Speaker 02

  I meant, physical effects.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Not finding out you're allergic.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  Um, a bloating.

• 56:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:30Speaker 04

  Which is mad, ain't it? Because, ain't, like, obviously being Pakistani, being Saudi, everyone's like, dal is the healthiest dal. Oh, you not, you don't wanna be healthy because you don't eat dal. Every time I eat dal.

• 56:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 04

  I would feel it. That's mad, ain't it?

• 56:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:45Speaker 04

  Allergic to milk as well. But not camel milk.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Remember that one, just right at the end, the most common one.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:52Speaker 02

  Allergic to.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  But why is this mad?

• 56:54Speaker 02

  Not camel milk?

• 56:55Speaker 04

  Not camel milk.

• 56:55Speaker 02

  So how have you found that out?

• 56:56Speaker 04

  It was green. Camel milk was green.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  What, they put all that on the form?

• 56:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, so camel milk is green, all the other milks is coming up, orange red, there's another, and I tested it. I drank one litre of camel milk. No, far good, no bloating, nothing. That's crazy, ain't it?

• 57:12Speaker 02

  So you've got to have camel milk and everything.

• 57:14Speaker 04

  I still have, m- milk's hard to avoid. But like, back in, you know, before this diagnosis. Some ice cream smashing it, this, that, milkshake smashing it. I've reduced that, and I, I swear that it's made a difference.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it will do.

• 57:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:29Speaker 04

  She's mad, ain't it?

• 57:30Speaker 03

  You're allergic to milk.

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  But, uh, why is this stu- why is stupid? Why, my body's stupid, that's stupid. Why am I allergic to milk? That is a ridiculous thing.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  You're lactose intolerant?

• 57:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, but that's ridiculous.

• 57:41Speaker 02

  But whether it's ridiculous or not, it's true.

• 57:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know, and you're right.

• 57:45Speaker 02

  Of course it's gonna help if you don't eat.

• 57:48Speaker 04

  You're right, but I'm just disappointed, like, what's my body, what is it doing that for?

• 57:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  You're not lactose intolerant?

• 57:52Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  It's taking a piss, bro. Like, I was really annoyed at my, my body.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:58Speaker 04

  Yeah. The, the gen- like, the genetic makeup of it, why is this shit? Fucking allergic to milk, bro.

• 58:07Speaker 01

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• 58:43Speaker 03

  Dream side dish.

• 58:46Speaker 04

  Does it have to be sweet?

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Sweet.

• 58:49Speaker 04

  Sweet side dish.

• 58:50Speaker 03

  No, it's not sweet side dish.

• 58:52Speaker 04

  Do I have a sweet side dishes, bro? All the time?

• 58:54Speaker 03

  It doesn't have to be anything, whatever you want it to be, your side dish. But normally, I guess side dish is the savoury, so I'm surprised here, does it have to be sweet?

• 59:05Speaker 03

  Because whatever you like.

• 59:06Speaker 04

  Is a side dish usually savoury? In my world, I'm not talking about your world, in my world. Do you think I've ever had a... Do you think I've ever had a... Like a... No. Do you think I've ever had a side dish? What's that now?

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Would it be like, people pick chips a lot, people pick, you know?

• 59:24Speaker 04

  Because you, based on how I've been explaining this stuff, for the start, there was already chips in there.

• 59:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  So, I would assume what you're asking me is how I'm, like, composing the meal.

• 59:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:36Speaker 04

  I'm having the sides all over the place.

• 59:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to resume like, oh yeah, let me have a look at the sides, mate. I'm saying, let me see that menu and let me decide when it's all coming up. You understand? Maybe I have my dessert at the top and I have my sides at the end, maybe that's how we be feeling, you know what I'm saying? Sides? Well, let me just talk about childhood, if you're talking about that, like, you will have a chicken filet burger.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:04Speaker 04

  Double filet. Not with cheese, can't have that anymore.

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Where from?

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  Uh Dixie Chicken, Chicken Cottage. Um these kind of places, these are like Midlands places. I know in London they got Morley's and all this kind of stuff, but we didn't really mess.

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  No, your favourite chicken.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  Favourite chicken?

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah, favourite chicken is a bit of a banger. So Dixie Chicken Cottage. So with the filet burger, uh you could have like barbecue wings. Or you could have like peri peri wings, but like, I like my, if you're gonna term them as sides, I don't really agree with this statement, but. If you're gonna, if you're gonna turn this stuff as sides, it's gotta be like, it's gotta complement the main meal, do you understand?

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:43Speaker 04

  Like, I'm not trying to eat a chicken filet burger and then a lot of mashed potato. Ah shit. If, if I'm having double chicken filet burger, it has to be like wings, thigh, this kind of, do you understand what I'm saying?

• 1:00:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, more chicken.

• 1:00:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, more chicken.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, basically. More chicken.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, fries as well with a chicken burger.

• 1:01:03Speaker 04

  I don't really define that as side. How are you gonna have a filet burger without the fries anyway? That is ridiculous. That's like my lactose intolerance. It's so stupid.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure. I would do that. I think, I don't think I'd have fries.

• 1:01:13Speaker 04

  Right?

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  I know, I'd just get like the big fillet burger, the one with the onion ring in it.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  Well, that's a good option.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  And that would be, that would be it.

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  Just that. You wouldn't, so you're going into boss man's shop.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  He's putting the burger together for you and on the rack, there's wings and legs and, and you are not, you're not.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  Ribs, ribs are favourite.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  Ribs, ribs are.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  They're not good though.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  Not from them place.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  So solid.

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  Well, so yeah, side, side is, side is, is a good way to define it.

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:41Speaker 04

  More fried chicken in this sense.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  But you've got, got the stuff in the tandoor, so for the, the side for that is gonna be the fried chicken.

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Speaker 02

  Okay, just checking.

• 1:01:52Speaker 04

  What's wrong with that?

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  Well, just because you did a long speech about how the side has to complement the main, so if you're having a chicken burger, you would have fried chicken. More fried, and then even when you said my side dish is more fried chicken, but you can't say it's more fried chicken because the main is not fried chicken, right?

• 1:02:08Speaker 04

  Well, I've just changed my mind.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  What are you talking about?

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  Let's just call it more fried chicken. That's what I'm going for. I know I previously, I said a statement previously.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 1:02:16Speaker 04

  Which is it has to complement the main.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  I'd like to retract that statement.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  I would like to say. A half, half of, whole, half a chicken fried.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  Half a chicken fried.

• 1:02:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:27Speaker 02

  Can I just check as well?

• 1:02:29Speaker 04

  I remember, I just want to say, I'm sharing this meal.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  You know, I know.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  It's not mine.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  That was judging you how much there is.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  The start is fried chicken as well, right?

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  It was.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, chicken tenders, yeah.

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:39Speaker 03

  So it is more fried.

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  Hot honey, it is more fried chicken. It is more fried chicken, yeah.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:42Speaker 04

  So why is the meal so far?

• 1:02:44Speaker 03

  You've got the, well, you've got your.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  Hot honey, hot honey tenders with fries.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  Uh, but not just any fries, it was the Mogo Chico.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  The Mogo, the Mogo, yeah, yeah. Then the tandoor stuff.

• 1:02:54Speaker 04

  Where did the Pichuari naan come from then?

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  You said it in the bread at the start of the call.

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  Then you got all the tandoor stuff.

• 1:03:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  The mutton and the lamb and, uh, the chicken, uh, more chicken. Then you've got on the side.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  Chicken thigh, chicken wings.

• 1:03:10Speaker 04

  Fried chicken, yeah.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  Deep fried from the chicken shop.

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  With, with like a selection of spices.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, like chicken.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, like spices.

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:19Speaker 04

  Next you can never really do the spice, but you can bring it for your house.

• 1:03:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 1:03:22Speaker 02

  What spices are you putting on it?

• 1:03:25Speaker 04

  Like you've got them shakers, they've just got the peri peri stuff in it, right?

• 1:03:28Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:03:29Speaker 04

  But I'm telling you, like this, that flavoring they put, that Tanzanian spice blend that they put on the, you put that on the chicken out of bang as well.

• 1:03:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, that'll bring it all together, that'll bring it all together.

• 1:03:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Your dream drink.

• 1:03:46Speaker 04

  Water.

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  Sticking with the water.

• 1:03:48Speaker 04

  Just plain water.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:49Speaker 04

  Cause now I remember I said that statement as well, just I'm happy with.

• 1:03:52Speaker 03

  So is it, is this just cause you're doubling down on the statement that?

• 1:03:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  All fluid should be as it comes out.

• 1:03:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  I am.

• 1:03:58Speaker 02

  So you just don't wanna move away from that, but there must be another drink that you like, that you'd be like absolutely.

• 1:04:03Speaker 04

  Maybe orange juice, that's how it comes out, orange juice.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, with no more additives, maybe, maybe, maybe a fruit juice of some sort.

• 1:04:10Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna pick you up on it, if you wanna pick.

• 1:04:12Speaker 04

  I feel like this is turning into a investigation.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Soft drink or something.

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  No soft, no soft drink, plain water.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:19Speaker 04

  As intended, not sparkling, and a, oh, potentially a fruit juice, or fresh, but not a, mango juice.

• 1:04:25Speaker 02

  Mango juice.

• 1:04:27Speaker 04

  Mango lassi.

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  Mango lassi?

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  Now we're getting into it, can I just take, step away from the whole double down thing?

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:34Speaker 04

  Mango lassi is bad, bro.

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:04:36Speaker 04

  Sick, innit? Have to have camel milk, but like mango lassi.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Camel milk.

• 1:04:40Speaker 04

  Camel milk.

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  But this is the dream restaurant, and you know, you said you don't mind a bit of milk now and again.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, fine.

• 1:04:44Speaker 02

  So.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Fluda. Know what fluda is?

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Oh my god, bro. It's a drink, but it's a dessert.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  Right? And falooda is ice cream, cream, rose water. It is an unbelievable drink. Simya, what's the, what's the English translation for the word simya? I don't know what it is, bro, but very thin. It's not pasta, bro. It's very, very thin. Vermicelli?

• 1:05:14Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:15Speaker 04

  Okay, they put vermicelli in there. You've got ice cream, like gulfi like ice cream, not freaking, you know, gulfi like ice cream. And it's slightly melted, so you can drink it through a straw, but you are invited to eat it with a spoon. So it is a bit like fifty fifty. You get, you get straw in it, but you get a spoon as well. Then, depending on which region of Pakistan you're in, they'll put like Pakistani sweets over the top.

• 1:05:38Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:05:38Speaker 04

  Um, and falooda with the rose water, with the vermicelli, with the gulfi ice cream and the creamy milk and that. That is a dangerous drink.

• 1:05:48Speaker 02

  I have had one of these.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  You had falooda?

• 1:05:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. Who, did someone else pick this? Moan?

• 1:05:52Speaker 04

  There you go.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  Moan had this. Yeah.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  Moan knows what's going on.

• 1:05:56Speaker 02

  How would you feel if I walked over with my own straw, straight into your falooda and I took a sip of it? No permission.

• 1:06:03Speaker 04

  I wouldn't sack you as my tour manager.

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Like, I wouldn't do that.

• 1:06:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:10Speaker 04

  I might be like, yo, but like, you know, I know, I would just be like, I have it, cuz.

• 1:06:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wouldn't. Fuck, someone to make them cry in airport, whatever you did.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  I'm just trying to find your line with the food sharing thing.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  No, no, no, I didn't know. I told you already, I'm good with it. So falooda, you had falooda? What kind of falooda you have? Can you remember?

• 1:06:30Speaker 02

  I think it might have been rose water, because that's one of the things you said that made me go, oh, you know, I think I've had that.

• 1:06:35Speaker 04

  You can have mango variants.

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  About the vermicelli stuff, I was like, oh yeah, I have had this.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  Very good.

• 1:06:40Speaker 04

  It's, I mean, it's mad rich.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  But it's a, it's a, it's a fun, it's a fun drink, you know? If I want someone to come into my world, I'd be like, I tried this nine times before they leave, like, oh, yeah. Where Coke, why do you want to pick Coke? Oh boy, I'll have a can of Coke. How boring is that?

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  A lot of people have chose Coke on this.

• 1:06:59Speaker 04

  How boring. They did no prior thought of this.

• 1:07:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:03Speaker 04

  What's that, neither did I, but the point is on the spot, I came up with falooda.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  I was about to call you out on that, because.

• 1:07:08Speaker 04

  But I'm, I'm admitting I'm truthful, but.

• 1:07:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:10Speaker 04

  But would, would you, would you, would you rather falooda or a can of cokes here? This is ridiculous.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 04

  In the picture that we're trying to paint here.

• 1:07:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, any drink that's basically dessert, that gets my.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course, it's part of your drink.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  Why is, would you say a mi- a milkshake is the same kind of thing?

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:28Speaker 04

  A drink dessert?

• 1:07:29Speaker 03

  Yesterday, so we, we, we got a new fridge freezer yesterday.

• 1:07:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  But we're out in the day, out in the evening, and what the people had done, who were like sorting out, I got all the stuff from our freezer. Put it in these freezer bags, you know, there's what we, and, but they just left them outside the house. When we got home, they were there and I was like, I've got like three tubs of ice cream that were in that freezer. I looked in, they'd all melted to milkshakes. I, I drank one of them.

• 1:07:56Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:07:57Speaker 03

  Right there on the doorstep.

• 1:07:58Speaker 04

  On the doorstep, huh?

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  A Ben and Jerry's strawberry cheesecake, just drank it out.

• 1:08:02Speaker 04

  Oh, in a cup, bro.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  Just drank it out the cup.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  That's what people do when they're trying to put on weight for films.

• 1:08:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Speaker 04

  That's fun.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  I'm doing the opposite of what you're doing.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  Why don't you go indoors? Why don't you go indoors?

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  Tis the season.

• 1:08:18Speaker 02

  That's a delicious drink though, Gus. That sounds amazing.

• 1:08:20Speaker 04

  Right?

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:21Speaker 04

  I feel, like, I feel like I want to take immediate.

• 1:08:23Speaker 03

  Is that why you're choosing the falooda over the mango lassi?

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  I mean, that's good.

• 1:08:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, I feel like a lot of people have had mango lassi, but falooda might be a little.

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  We've had a few lassies on the pod.

• 1:08:33Speaker 03

  But yeah, this is, it's nice to have a falooda back.

• 1:08:35Speaker 04

  You need to take, bro, you need to come for a falooda, bro, one day.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:38Speaker 04

  Ain't it?

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  I will.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  Your drink dessert.

• 1:08:47Speaker 04

  It, it's interesting because I told you over the track of things, I like to put things at different parts in a menu. Some would say the paswari naan, kishmish, honey, that's the dessert. And that's usually how I enjoy it, but I would like to go to a specific meal at one of my best mate's restaurants in the city of Coventry. And he came up with the idea of a French toast, and it's not a slice, mate. It's a loaf of it.

• 1:09:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, fucking wedge on it.

• 1:09:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  Thick ju- and you know, like, outside's so crispy and then you squeeze it, you're like, and the steam comes out. And on top, he puts. Four ras malai, these are homemade ras malai, not from the box, bro. It's a different experience, right?

• 1:09:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:30Speaker 04

  Have you, you have a ras malai?

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  No, I don't think I have.

• 1:09:33Speaker 04

  Ras malai is like a pillow of sweet heaven, okay?

• 1:09:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  It's milky, sweet condensed milk with a little bit of almonds in it.

• 1:09:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:46Speaker 04

  But it's like a, a ras malai is a pillow of beauty. And when you buy it, it's, of course it's milky, we like ras malai, of course it's milky, but it's got like a certain texture to it where it feels like your butt, you know, if you were like, oh, I wish a cloud tasted like this. That's what ras malai tastes like, ras malai tastes like, like the cloud in my head, yeah? So he puts the ras malai on top of the loaf of French toast. And as the milk drizzles over and you cut into it, ah, bro, that is the baddest boy dessert I've tried in many, many years.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  And it's on the menu at this place?

• 1:10:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:23Speaker 03

  What's the place called?

• 1:10:24Speaker 04

  Oh, the farmhouse in Coventry.

• 1:10:25Speaker 03

  Farmhouse?

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  Big up, big up Sunny and Vic, big up the farmhouse and like, that's a dessert you can't get anywhere else.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:32Speaker 04

  Hmm. Because you're gonna go, you're gonna get a ras malai, you're gonna get, but no, in that whole world of fusion, bro. Uh, for anyone listening to this who has had ras malai before, they're gonna back me up on it. I should have bought ras malai, this is what I should have done and we could have just tried it here right now. But I assumed you two would have had ras malai before.

• 1:10:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, I am ashamed, but hey, next year, I've got some tour dates, I'm in Birmingham for a few days. I like can, in the daytime, I can say to my tour manager, let's go to Coventry before the show tonight. Don't trust those guys. What? You, you won't get even one bite of that French toast. That, that's true.

• 1:11:09Speaker 04

  You know.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  You'll go to the toilet, you come back, you're like, where the fuck's my ras malai French toast? I'd fire them, I'm stranded in Coventry, can't get to the gig.

• 1:11:17Speaker 04

  And I won't give you a lift.

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  No. Oh, thanks. And you shouldn't.

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  No, but I still remember how you tried playing me on this podcast. Tried playing me on this podcast, bro. Cuz. You're, you're welcome to my house to eat, forget outside, eat anytime, both of you.

• 1:11:31Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:11:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Such a terrible reputation you tried to give me, I don't even like that as a person.

• 1:11:35Speaker 03

  I'm gonna come see you in Tokyo.

• 1:11:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I might not be, you know, it's impulsive, I might not even be there, but like.

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 04

  If I get there, I'll tell you.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  Ras malai.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  If you go to Tokyo, I'm gonna come and visit you there.

• 1:11:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, just come Middle East first, I'm spending a lot of time there at the moment and I would love to take you on a foot. By the way, can I just both thank you for coming to Walthamstow?

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yes.

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  To do those gigs.

• 1:11:56Speaker 02

  Well, it was Gus Khan and Friends.

• 1:11:58Speaker 04

  It was, and I just wanna say.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  You didn't show up to James's?

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  I got it.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  He showed up in the end. He had his own car problems that night. He was stuck behind a biscuit lorry. He'd blown up.

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  Didn't you have to?

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  It's true, man.

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  Climb over the barrier on the motorway and like run to the gig?

• 1:12:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I did. And you know, I was sitting in the back of the car calm. I was like, and then I was like, this is life. You're gonna miss a gig. You're gonna miss a gig. What's all the fuss? And then I made a call to see what I'd be financially reliable for.

• 1:12:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:25Speaker 04

  I was out the car, bro. I was jumping fences, walking through cow shit, and we made it in the end. But I really liked it, cause like, this is, this is, this is the beauty of this industry, innit? Bringing people together, new people meeting each other. Lot of guys, all some Walthamstow, Batman were in the audience. They were both very impressed by you two. I love that. I love the fact that Walthamstow Batman's mind is open. He's like, yeah, man, that man is sick, you know?

• 1:12:51Speaker 04

  They were like, right, swear to you, that man, that man looking like lawyers and that, but he's sick, you know?

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Okay, guys, we're gonna read you your menu back now, see how you feel about it. You want still water. You want Peshwari naan. Start a hot honey tenders with masala fries. Main course, tandoor style, chicken shish kebab, mutton chops, lamb chops with rice. Side dish, more fried chicken. Drink, falooda. Dessert, loaf of French toast with four ras malai from the farmhouse in Coventry.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  That's a good meal.

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  That's a good meal.

• 1:13:20Speaker 03

  I really want that French toast.

• 1:13:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:23Speaker 03

  I really, really want it.

• 1:13:25Speaker 04

  My, my genuine offer is any, I really, anytime. Just pull up. It's not even far.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  Car's not even that far, is it? So just pull up, bro. Anytime day or the night, we'll go. It's better when you just do it like, Gus, we're on our way. Let's do it.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  I mean, the main course as well. That, that kind of meat is just.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  It's the best.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  Exceptional.

• 1:13:42Speaker 04

  But anything else? How, how's life?

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  Pretty good in general, you know, uh, uh, just getting over losing my voice, but it's pretty much back now.

• 1:13:51Speaker 04

  You gotta have operations doing, or?

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  No, I don't think so.

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  Nodules or?

• 1:13:55Speaker 03

  I don't think it's nodules.

• 1:13:56Speaker 04

  Have you had that checked?

• 1:13:57Speaker 03

  No. I didn't have it checked. I just lay in bed for a few days or, you know, watch Westworld with my mum.

• 1:14:04Speaker 04

  It's quite rude.

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:14:06Speaker 04

  Westworld's quite rude.

• 1:14:07Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, it's a few sex scenes in it, actually.

• 1:14:09Speaker 02

  You were in bed?

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  Wasn't in bed, I'm up.

• 1:14:11Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:14:12Speaker 04

  It's rude, but he, wetting your bed like it's Westworld, rude to watch with your mum, but his tits are like, bro. All digs out, everywhere. Don't watch that with your mum.

• 1:14:20Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for going to the dream restaurant, Gus.

• 1:14:22Speaker 04

  Thanks, mate.

• 1:14:22Speaker 03

  Thanks, Gus.

• 1:14:28Speaker 02

  Well, there we are, James. What a nap, what a nap with Gus.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  Brilliant. That could have gone on for hours and hours and hours.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, you, you really tried to, like, rain on our parade.

• 1:14:38Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:14:39Speaker 02

  We were having great chats and you were always like, oh, what do you want for your main course?

• 1:14:42Speaker 03

  But he was flashing up his fingers at me.

• 1:14:44Speaker 02

  Come on, grandad.

• 1:14:45Speaker 03

  How many minutes we had left?

• 1:14:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've got, I've got to split a lot of plates.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:50Speaker 03

  You know, every time you've got a responsibility, like, shout poppdoms or bread for the first time, you absolutely.

• 1:14:56Speaker 02

  It wasn't the first time, that was like the fifth time.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, so you're constantly messing that up.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  I didn't mess it up today.

• 1:15:01Speaker 03

  On top of my responsibilities, my duties. You did, you did the whole, I'm gonna do it, and then you did it again.

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  That's not messing it up, I still did it.

• 1:15:07Speaker 03

  Doing it properly.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  I didn't say plopdoms or head, did I?

• 1:15:11Speaker 03

  No, well done. Well, Joe, sorry, Ed. Well done for not saying plopdoms or head.

• 1:15:19Speaker 03

  Apologies.

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Are there gonna be any more that I have to do?

• 1:15:22Speaker 03

  I don't think so.

• 1:15:22Speaker 02

  That's a shame.

• 1:15:23Speaker 03

  I think we've got enough time off now before our next one that I should be able to start screaming again.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:28Speaker 03

  But it's nice that we've done about five.

• 1:15:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably five.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  Where you've, you've said poppdoms or bread.

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, the first two, you gave me a lot of leeway because you were like, you told the guest Ed's gonna do this now, I normally do this. So it was a bit more, but these three were like my proper go at it.

• 1:15:45Speaker 03

  I actually think the first time the guest did it for themselves.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  But it's about five episodes, so, and they're gonna go out at different times.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:52Speaker 03

  So tell us the five.

• 1:15:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:55Speaker 03

  Tweet the off-menu official.

• 1:15:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:57Speaker 03

  Or Instagram, whatever you want.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:00Speaker 03

  And Benito will send you a signed chopping board if you're one of the first. And you've got to be quick.

• 1:16:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  Fifty people.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  And same with James's trousers. All the episodes where James has got breakfast wrap on his trousers.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  Yes, that's three episodes where I've got breakfast wrap poured down the left leg and a little bit on my right leg of my trousers. So you've got to watch the YouTube.

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  Only the first hundred and fifty people who get that right, get a chopping board.

• 1:16:23Speaker 03

  Only, only the first hundred and fifty, so you've got to be quick.

• 1:16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  But like, you'll be, and it's very tricky, that one.

• 1:16:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:29Speaker 03

  Because Ed is wearing a different top for each episode. Cause he's, he's changing it up, but same trousers and socks. So you, and, and trainers.

• 1:16:37Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:16:37Speaker 03

  So we're going to figure it out. I've got the same outfit on.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:40Speaker 03

  And the breakfast wrapper's down my leg.

• 1:16:42Speaker 02

  I don't know why I change outfit for multiple records in a day when you don't.

• 1:16:46Speaker 03

  Well.

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  Cause there's no point. So I sort of do it to be like, maybe we could pretend this is a different day.

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:16:52Speaker 02

  But you're in the same thing.

• 1:16:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it means you look nice in every single one.

• 1:16:56Speaker 02

  But you look nice in every single one.

• 1:16:57Speaker 03

  I've got breakfast wrap all down me.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, but they don't, they don't really film. It's sort of waist up, so I think you're sort of fine on the trousers. Now that jumper is a real peach.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  Nice jumper.

• 1:17:10Speaker 02

  It's a really nice jumper.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11Speaker 02

  So I think you're going to look nice in all of them and I'm going to look like a.

• 1:17:15Speaker 03

  But you're like three different types of nice, that's great.

• 1:17:18Speaker 02

  I look desperate.

• 1:17:22Speaker 02

  Also, I've got a cold for all of them today.

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:24Speaker 02

  So, yeah, I might have a different top on, but there's probably a big fucking bit of snot hanging out of my nose.

• 1:17:29Speaker 03

  Probably why you're getting told off for your car.

• 1:17:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, getting told off for my car. I look like a bog body.

• 1:17:36Speaker 03

  Gus did not say, mo beans.

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, he did not say, he didn't even say beans.

• 1:17:40Speaker 03

  No, so completely, if anything, we should give Gus another episode.

• 1:17:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:45Speaker 03

  As a result.

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  He's getting another episode.

• 1:17:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's so much more to say.

• 1:17:50Speaker 02

  It only took us, what, seven years to set this one up, so.

• 1:17:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, and literally, yeah, some guests go, it took a long time to get them like, at a point where they were promoting something and we could do it. We have consistently tried to put this man on our podcast. And it just hasn't worked out. So this is like, he was meant to be one of the first ten guests.

• 1:18:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably. Yeah.

• 1:18:11Speaker 03

  Uh, but finally we've done it.

• 1:18:12Speaker 02

  We did it. We did it, everyone.

• 1:18:14Speaker 03

  We did it. We all feel very proud of ourselves. Ed's touring America next year.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:18:19Speaker 03

  Uh, watch Gus Khan's custom cars on Quest. I mean, I wish you and Benito a speedy recovery. You're both very poorly.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  You're touring America next year.

• 1:18:28Speaker 03

  I'm touring America, January to Feb. Ed and I are ships in the night.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  No, I think we might be in Vancouver at the same time.

• 1:18:34Speaker 03

  It might even be one day when we're both in Vancouver.

• 1:18:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  And we get to see each other.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Speaker 03

  That'll be nice.

• 1:18:40Speaker 02

  Pretty cool.

• 1:18:40Speaker 03

  And when we do, if, if that happens, Ed, I'm gonna take you to Rain or Shine and we're gonna get Blueberry Balsamic Ice Cream. That ice cream is one of the top five maybe in the world.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:51Speaker 03

  It's good. It's so good.

• 1:18:54Speaker 02

  Okay, bye everyone. Okay, bye. Sorry, we forgot you were there.