Axe Clout and Blade Lore with Danielle Hewitt and Alex Barasch

Danielle Hewitt http://daniellesknits/ and Alex Barasch https://www.instagram.com/alex_barasch/ came on to explore what happens when a boy tries to get between a girl and her axe. We are now on YouTube. Be sure to follow us on there at @DefectorMedia https://www.youtube.com/@DefectorMedia where you can watch today’s episode. Subscribe to our newsletter for writing from Rachelle, Se'era, Jae, Alex, and Kelsey, plus blog recommendations and secrets! https://defector.com/normal-gossip-podcast You can support Normal Gossip directly by buying merch https://defectorstore.com/collections/normal-gossip or becoming a Friend or a Friend-of-Friend at supportnormalgossip.com https://defector.com/products/normalgossip. You can also find all kinds of info about us and how to submit gossip on our Komi page:https://normalgossip.komi.io/ Episode transcript here https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jsb90ESRZh9MUtfiawLDkhCgpELqW1Lr3WG2fB8QvWA/edit?usp=sharing. Follow the show on Instagram @normalgossip https://www.instagram.com/normalgossip/, and if you have gossip, email us at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 26-79-GOSSIP. Normal Gossip is hosted by Rachelle Hampton (@heyydnae https://www.instagram.com/heyydnae/?hl=en) and produced by Se'era Spragley Ricks (@seera_sharae https://www.instagram.com/seera_sharae/?hl=en) and Jae Towle Vieira (@jaetowlevieira https://instagram.com/jaetowlevieira?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==). Our audio engineer is Samantha Gattsek. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Theme music composed by Hrishikesh Hirway. Normal Gossip is a proud member ofRadiotopia https://www.radiotopia.fm/. Learn about your ad choices: dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices https://dovetail.prx.org/ad-choices

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hey there. It's Robyn from PRX. If you're a longtime listener of Radiotopia, you may know that we had a podcast that ran from 2016 to 2020 discussing every episode of the show The West Wing. Well, I'm excited to tell you The West Wing Weekly is back. Joshua Molina, who starred on The West Wing as Will Bailey, and Rishikesh Hirway, creator and host of Song Exploder, have reunited to discuss the hit Netflix political thriller, The Diplomat. Just as they did in their original run, they're discussing each episode of the series in sequence, joined by special guests from the show and from the real world of diplomacy. Rishi and Josh will be wrapping up the first season with a special live taping at Union Chapel in London on November 14th. Subscribe now to The West Wing Weekly wherever you get your podcasts.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my gosh. What?

• 1:00Speaker 02

  Hello and welcome to season 10 of Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this podcast, we are going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. We have been bringing back a lot of old friends to celebrate the 10th season of this show with us, and I thought I would keep those vibes going by introducing y'all to two of my oldest and dearest friends. If you've listened to the past few seasons closely, you have definitely heard me reference these two a handful of times. In season nine, episode eight, when I referenced that video that's like, "You're freaking African Americans and Mark, and I'm rocking with Mark because Mark is rocking with us." Yes, one of today's guests is my Mark.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  Okay. Hey, we all have a mark in our lives. And, and we, we share a mark, Rachel. We share a mark. I won't say too much on that, but I love that meme. And I actually sent that to our Mark recently, and I said, "This is you."

• 2:02Speaker 02

  This is you.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  And then there's the moment in episode eight of season eight where I described having a friend that's so competitive that it doesn't matter if she wins, the other person also has to be sad about losing.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. The other amazing thing about this person, our friend, is that the moment she sees somebody do something impressive, she says out loud, "I could do that."

• 2:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 2:23Speaker 04

  "I think I could do that."

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:24Speaker 04

  She says it with a tenacity and a violence that's like, sort of unsettling.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Yes, that beautifully unsettling tenacity is also in the studio with us today. These two are truly some of my ride or dies, and I thought it'd be so fun to have them come embarrass me on mic. So please welcome Danielle Hewitt and Alex Berish to the show. Danielle Hewitt is a producer of Vox's daily news podcast and radio show Today Explained. She has produced podcasts for Slate, Wired, Audible, The New Yorker, and Vanity Fair. Alex Berish is a culture editor at The New Yorker, where he writes about film, television, and the entertainment industry. Danielle, Alex, hello.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Thank you so much for joining me.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  Happy to be here.

• 3:08Speaker 06

  So excited.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  This is maybe the first interaction we've had that's being recorded.

• 3:13Speaker 05

  That can't be true.

• 3:14Speaker 06

  Statistically.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  In this format?

• 3:18Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:19Speaker 02

  Where we're all dressed up?

• 3:22Speaker 02

  In a room.

• 3:23Speaker 05

  I look like this all the time, so.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Oh, you're right. I forget. I've seen you just wake up with makeup on your face. Well, this is a first for me, having some real, actual best friends in the studio. I'm actually kind of scared, which is so funny because normally other people are scared, but I'm scared of what you guys are going to reveal about me over the course of the next hour.

• 3:43Speaker 06

  I think this is healthy.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Of course you do.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  The people need to know.

• 3:46Speaker 02

  Do they?

• 3:47Speaker 06

  They've waited long enough.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Okay, well, the first question I have for you guys is usually I ask, "What is your personal relationship to gossip?" But I thought it would be funny to ask, "What do you think our group relationship is to gossip as a unit?"

• 4:01Speaker 06

  I feel this is sort of foundational to our friendship. I mean, obviously, there were other factors, including the Twilight novels, but whether I wanted that to be part of the origin story or not.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  You signed up for Midnight Sun Reading Club in 2020.

• 4:15Speaker 05

  And here you are.

• 4:15Speaker 06

  I did. That was a self-inflicted wound. We all started in the same workplace, and I think a significant component about getting to know each other was about getting to know the dynamics there and figuring out, like, having jobs and being in the world at the same time. So I think it's a crucial facet of our social bond.

• 4:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, totally. And I think there are times in the group chat where it's like, "Red alert. We all need to be, I need to see your face when I tell you this piece of information. It cannot be over the phone. It cannot be via text. This is like the highest of high pieces of gossip."

• 4:50Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 4:50Speaker 05

  And so that happens a lot.

• 4:51Speaker 06

  People getting summoned, yeah.

• 4:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:53Speaker 06

  But also, there will be a five-minute voice memo that drops.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 4:56Speaker 06

  And then I'll be in the office, and I can't listen to it yet. And you guys are sending like 50 texts in reply to this information. And I'm like, well, I guess I'll find out in three to four hours. What's going on?

• 5:10Speaker 02

  No, that's so real. Our group chat is either kind of quiet, and we're just texting random news links and/or jokes back and forth, or it's, "Can I see you in exactly two hours? I have something to tell you." Or it's, "Here's a five-minute voice memo. Listen to this right now, immediately."

• 5:30Speaker 06

  Leave the premises. Do what you need to do.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  "Call me on FaceTime. We have things to say."

• 5:34Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  As two of the people who arguably know me the best in the world at this point, what is something that you think Normal Gossip listeners would be surprised to know about me? And please, do not embarrass me.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 5:52Speaker 05

  I'm trying to think what they don't know already.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  I'm actually quite private here.

• 5:58Speaker 05

  Do they know how much you love fanfiction?

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Actually, maybe not.

• 6:01Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. Rachel's a huge fanfiction girlie. I've only ever read one fanfiction, and it is a fanfiction the length of War and Peace, and it took me a week to read. She's, she's excellent at picking things that other people will be, like, like lowbrow things that other people will just be obsessed with, namely me. Like, she's my reality TV show concierge, and like, she really got me. It's called All the Young Dudes. Everyone read it.

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Miss Kingbean89, I love you.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  That is good lore. I think I've maybe hinted at my fandom roots on this podcast.

• 6:31Speaker 05

  They run deep.

• 6:31Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  They're perhaps the thing that run the deepest about me is my fanfiction love, fandom love. Well, a little birdie told me you have some gossip for me.

• 6:42Speaker 06

  The rumors are true. Our gossip, I would say, is a sort of fanfiction-esque scenario of the type that you tend to appreciate. Danielle and I have a friend.

• 6:51Speaker 05

  Friend of a friend, if you will.

• 6:53Speaker 06

  She's, she's beautiful. She's professionally successful. She's absolutely a catch. You would love her, you know?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  I'm sure I would.

• 7:03Speaker 06

  And she has been locked in a year-long, slow-burn, will-they-won't-they situation.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:12Speaker 06

  With the owner of a local wine bar in her neighborhood.

• 7:17Speaker 05

  She likes to go there and read, you know, and he'll come over, ask her what she's reading. It was, it started out slow, just like small smiles, glances, waves.

• 7:26Speaker 06

  Meaningful glances.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  Yes, very, very meaningful glances.

• 7:29Speaker 06

  With meaning. He's very complimentary.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 7:34Speaker 06

  There've been hugs.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 7:36Speaker 06

  The bartenders seem to be aware of the situation.

• 7:39Speaker 05

  And maybe into the situation.

• 7:41Speaker 06

  Into the situation, yes. I would say.

• 7:43Speaker 05

  Rooting for the situation.

• 7:44Speaker 06

  There are allies everywhere.

• 7:46Speaker 05

  Perhaps.

• 7:47Speaker 06

  It's not just us. I have attempted to sort of lovingly encourage the situation. I recently, for this friend's birthday, gave her a gift card to this wine bar. The gift card has been spent. A lot of time has been spent.

• 8:02Speaker 05

  And yet, no one has gone on a date.

• 8:04Speaker 06

  They are circling. The vibes are undeniable.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  This friend, these, the friends of this friend of a friend have heard a lot about this over the past months.

• 8:13Speaker 06

  And some would say the evidence is overwhelming, and we're really just waiting

• 8:18Speaker 05

  Begging, perhaps.

• 8:19Speaker 06

  For the plot to be advanced. So we just thought we might borrow a kelseyism and ask, totally hypothetically, of course, what would you do here?

• 8:28Speaker 02

  I would say that wise men say fools rush in.

• 8:33Speaker 06

  That's so true.

• 8:34Speaker 05

  I think we're past rushing.

• 8:35Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  And wise men also say.

• 8:37Speaker 05

  Again, 12 months. Rushing was six months ago.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  The seasons move by so quickly. I would say that your friend should probably make a move soon, but only at her own pace, and to not let the people in her life stress her out.

• 8:52Speaker 05

  And they would never.

• 8:53Speaker 06

  They would never.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  And I'm sure that you two, who are famously so patient, and who love to wait for a long, drawn-out plot, would be patiently waiting for your friend to make her move.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  And I would.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  And you would, and you wouldn't.

• 9:07Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  I will say, you know, a man asking out a woman, love feminism, it's so great, it's scary. I feel bad for the men, unfortunately.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Some men listen to this show. I've heard. Your girlfriends make you.

• 9:22Speaker 06

  Some men appear on this show.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Your friend sounds phenomenal. Thank you for breaking my show and turning it into an advice column. Um, you know, maybe pour some more money back into your friend, and she'll finally make a move. Um, if any of you people in the comments also have advice for your friend, who owns a bar and is like, "How would my customer ask me out?" Sound off in the comments. I'm curious. Now that you guys have told me some gossip, are you ready for some gossip?

• 9:52Speaker 06

  I've been training a whole friendship.

• 9:53Speaker 05

  Truly, yes.

• 9:59Speaker 02

  I'm gonna admit something embarrassing. I know, shocker. I have not had a bedside lamp for an undisclosed amount of months, long enough that I basically haven't read before bed for a really long time. And I only realized this because I'm hosting a friend and I was like, wow, they deserve to have a light by their bed at night. I don't. But this finally inspired me to find the perfect bedside lamp. And I had a vision in mind. Wayfair, they had exactly what I need, which is one of those library style lights with like the green lampshade and little pull cord. I have been having this image in my mind of having one. And now I have one because of course Wayfair had it.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without distress. When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 11:04Speaker 02

  We've been cooking up a fun, special holiday project for y'all over here at Normal Gossip. And usually when work gets crazy, I kind of just try to continue my life like nothing's happening. But recently, thanks to therapy, this time around, I was like, what if I did not try to pour from an empty cup? And that is what growing feels like. If you've been thinking about starting therapy, then I think you should check out today's sponsor, Growth Therapy. Growth Therapy is built for therapy that actually feels like care. You can find therapy based on what matters most to you, like insurance taken, mental health specialties, identity, or night and weekend availability if you're working a lot.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Book your first session in minutes and you can start in as little as two days. Sessions average $21 with insurance and some pay as little as $0, depending on your insurance plan. Prepare for holiday glimmers instead of holiday stress. Visit growtherapy.com/gossip to get started today. That is growtherapy.com/gossip. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  This show is supported by Odoo. When you buy business software from lots of vendors, the costs add up and it gets complicated and confusing. Odoo solves this. It's a single company that sells a suite of enterprise apps that handles everything from accounting to inventory to sales. Odoo is all connected on a single platform in a simple and affordable way. You can save money without missing out on the features you need. Check out Odoo at O D O O dot com. That's O D O O dot com.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Our story today begins in 2008. Think Barack Obama Hope posters, think I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry, think Twilight, think Great Recession.

• 13:02Speaker 05

  I'm always thinking Twilight.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Um, what were y'all doing in LA? I'm assuming not getting involved in the subprime mortgage crisis.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  No, I was, what, 12? Playing Guitar Hero, fighting for my life at my conservative school over Barack Obama.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, our friend of a friend, Nessa, was in the final few weeks of her senior year of high school. So she's taking exams, she's signing yearbooks, she's preparing to move out of the state for college in a few months. And in between all of that, she is searching for a dealer.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  Of? Yeah, what kind of dealer?

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Well, not just any dealer. Thank you for asking. Nessa had no interest in weed or any other kind of drug. She's looking for a different kind of edge. What Nessa wanted, what she needed, and what she is so close to finding is an axe dealer. What is important to know about Nessa is that she is not like a lumberjack. She doesn't want to chop wood or even commit a crime. Honestly, she thinks axes are just really, really cool, like way cooler than swords, because everyone knows a sword guy, but like what bitch has an axe? And not just like an axe from Home Depot. Like, our girl wants a real weapon that you can bring into battle.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 14:13Speaker 02

  Are you into weapons at all?

• 14:15Speaker 05

  I feel like I'm more of a rapier guy, but I respect the axe. I'm listening. I'm excited for Nessa to go on this journey.

• 14:24Speaker 05

  I don't think I'm a weapons girl. I'm a producer by trade. I'm not out front. I'm directing people. I'm letting, you know, other people use the weapons. I'm the brains of the operation.

• 14:33Speaker 02

  Do y'all know any sword guys?

• 14:35Speaker 05

  My boyfriend.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  He did fence in high school.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, in the final weeks of Nessa's senior year, one of her classmates had finally introduced her to his older cousin's boyfriend's weed guy, who was also super into LARPing, and thus knew how to procure an axe. So Nessa's sitting in the back of a Pontiac Aztec, haggling over how much axe $250 in cold, hard graduation cash can buy her. Like, she wanted a Viking axe, but she settled for a Finnish one. I don't know what the difference is. I looked it up and I couldn't tell. I'm sure you'll find out after this.

• 15:10Speaker 05

  I'll be investigating later, yes.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  So Nessa is sitting and haggling when she asks what she thinks is a totally fair question. Can you bedazzle an axe? And this is how Nessa's kicked out of the Pontiac Aztec. Because there are only two things that Nessa's classmates, older cousin's boyfriend's weed guy takes seriously. His weed and his weapons. Axes are for serious quests only, no girly bedazzling. So Nessa's dreams of an axe are once again deferred, and we all know what happens to a dream deferred.

• 15:40Speaker 05

  Bye. Get out of here.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Um, I know the answer to this question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway. Do y'all have siblings and would you buy them a weapon?

• 15:50Speaker 05

  Yes and no. I have siblings. I think I would buy my younger sister a weapon. She's the, like, everyone is equally responsible. One is clumsier than the other.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Well, as you two know, I have two brothers and I would not buy either of them any weapon. Though I do feel like if I asked them, they would buy me a weapon.

• 16:08Speaker 05

  Yes. I think so, yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  I think it's a sister thing.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  I was gonna say. It's like a sister vibe. Brothers will do most things for their sisters. Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Yeah. So when Nessa tells her older sister, Ariana, about her most recent failure to procure an axe, Ariana laughs and laughs and laughs for half an hour, which is also a sister thing.

• 16:25Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Uh, but Ariana also starts to plot. So a week or so passes, the day of Nessa's graduation party comes. When the lights go out, Nessa assumes that someone's gonna bring out a cake. But then the fog starts to roll in.

• 16:40Speaker 05

  The fog. Not fog.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  The strobe lights kick on. Nessa's parents, Gwen and Carl, come out wearing leather and full faces of makeup as if they're in like a Kiss cover band. And it turns out they're making way for Ariana, who comes out fully embodying Gene Simmons, all the way down to the axe in her arm, which is not a bass guitar, but an actual axe.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  Wow. I, I love this family-wide commitment to the bit. I feel that I'm learning a lot about our protagonist and her circumstances from this, this moment.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Nessa has been waiting for this moment her entire life. She kneels immediately.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  All of her high school friends are like, what the fuck is going on? As Ariana bestows the axe upon Nessa. The axe has a dark wood handle as long as a baseball bat. The steel head is shaped like a crescent moon and it's shining just as brightly. The head is only about the size of Nessa's palm, but the edge is extremely sharp, as are the points, and it's engraved with intricate Norse runes. It's not sharp enough to take down a tree, but it would definitely send someone to urgent care if you used it incorrectly. Do you want one?

• 17:53Speaker 05

  No. What is she doing? What is she training for? What does she need that for? I kind of want one. I don't not want one.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  This is exactly the divide that I thought was gonna happen.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Nessa like raises the axe above her head and everyone cheers. Then her dad, Carl, goes and gets the cake and everyone watches as Nessa cuts the cake with the axe.

• 18:18Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  After the party, Nessa asks Ariana if she can bedazzle the axe and Ariana's like, obviously. She busts out a whole kit she's assembled with leather cords, embroidery floss, beads, sequins, hot glue, glitter, mod podge. The sisters spend Nessa's last summer at home just like bedazzling the shit out of this axe. By the time Nessa sets off for college in the fall, her axe is ready. It's got a tassel, there's charms, there's beads. So Nessa's going to a liberal arts college in the Pacific Northwest, which gotta say does fit the axe vibes.

• 18:50Speaker 05

  For sure.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Nessa's parents, Gwen and Carl, help her mount the axe on her dorm room wall. They're all a little worried that Nessa's RA wouldn't allow this, but the RA actually doesn't give a shit. Maybe because of all the bedazzling that makes the RA think that it's just like a prop toy, or maybe it's that rules are just different at a liberal arts college in the Pacific Northwest. Probably it's that the RA wasn't being paid enough, which I can say as a former RA myself. Whatever it is, Nessa starts her new life in college with a sick-ass axe. It does not take long for Nessa and her axe to become legends on campus. She is greeted like a hero when she and the axe show up. When people want a shotgun, a beer, they come to Nessa to get their cans punctured. Big wins on game days are celebrated with champagne, mostly so it can be encorked by the axe, obviously.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Nessa and her axe make it through her first few years of college. It's bringing her all kinds of luck. She's excelling in her engineering courses. And she also gets lucky and love. How would you describe like college-level attempts at flirting?

• 19:48Speaker 05

  Terrible.

• 19:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean,

• 19:53Speaker 06

  what is flirting really?

• 19:54Speaker 02

  Oh, we're gonna go Merriam-Webster dictionary right now.

• 19:58Speaker 06

  What if you just like hung out and yearned for a year and a half? And then you were in the club?

• 20:06Speaker 05

  This is surprising to me because you're a prodigious flirt. So I'm a little like,

• 20:09Speaker 06

  Oh, I love flirting.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  Yes, you do. Because I'm like, where did you hone your skills? If not in college.

• 20:15Speaker 06

  It was an evolving situation. I figured it out eventually.

• 20:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, clearly.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  You've got to start somewhere.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  It's true. It's true. It's true. Well, at a Halloween party in the fall of her sophomore year, Nessa dresses up in a costume she has used several times by now, Pauline Bunyan, complete with her trusty axe by her side. I have recently been informed that the children don't know who Paul Bunyan is.

• 20:37Speaker 06

  Open the schools.

• 20:39Speaker 05

  I'll say, I kind of barely know who Paul Bunyan is. He's some sort of lumberjack. And then,

• 20:46Speaker 02

  That's basically it.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  And then what else? Is there anything else?

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Well, he's a large man.

• 20:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 02

  One of the largest men to ever do it. And he's got an axe and he has a buddy that is a giant blue ox named Babe.

• 20:59Speaker 05

  Okay. Yeah, I didn't know any of that.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 21:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  So, you know, now that you know, keep that in mind. Nessa's in her full Pauline Bunyan regalia with her little axe when she is approached by a boy in a cow onesie, who is clearly already several beers in, which is probably how he gets the courage to ask Nessa, Babe, you looking for a blue ox?

• 21:20Speaker 05

  That's pretty good.

• 21:21Speaker 06

  Well.

• 21:21Speaker 05

  I'll go to him.

• 21:22Speaker 06

  I'm into it. Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Nessa looks this cow up and down before reminding him that he is not in fact, blue. Without a word, the boy in the cow onesie turns and disappears into the party, only to come back a couple of minutes later with a bowl of Sour Patch Kids. And he asks Nessa, how many of the blue ones would I have to eat to change color?

• 21:40Speaker 05

  He's cute. He's got, he's got the riz. Is that what the kids say? He's got riz aura? Perhaps.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  It was such a dumb pick up line, but also so cute. So dumb and so cute. And at this point, Nessa has had more than her fair share of like axe related pick up lines. So she makes the boy in the cow onesie, who Nessa learns his name Parker. She makes him eat like a near toxic level of Sour Patch Kids to the point that his tongue is nearly raw. And this was how the beginning of their relationship started.

• 22:09Speaker 06

  Wow, that's dedication.

• 22:11Speaker 05

  That's beautiful.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  From the beginning, though, Nessa and Parker's relationship is disconcertingly axe centric.

• 22:18Speaker 05

  In what way?

• 22:19Speaker 06

  Please elaborate.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  There was always a reason the axe needed to be part of the couple activities.

• 22:25Speaker 06

  Bro, what?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  They use it to like chop kindling on camping trips. They bring it to the Ren Faire. They would lay it across their table in the library while they studied for morale. Like, there's just a lot of axe play.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  I don't think that's what axe play means. Look, I'll give it to him. Chopping wood, likely place for an axe to be. Ren Faire, likely place for an axe to be. The library is the only one where I'm like, what?

• 22:51Speaker 06

  Yes, I'm trying to decide how much this is causation versus correlation. I feel like it's a self selecting kind of person who both has an axe and dates someone whose whole personality is their axe. Both likely to be at Ren Faire. But I'm monitoring the situation.

• 23:08Speaker 02

  Well, then there's the incident that comes to be known as the accident.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  Shut up.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Nessa and Parker decide to throw a watch party for the series finale of Lost. They make a big bowl of punch, but at the last second, Parker decides that they should all be drinking out of coconuts because they're all stranded on an island. The coconut should obviously be opened with the axe. So Parker's got a coconut in one hand and the axe

• 23:34Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  in the other hand.

• 23:35Speaker 06

  Oh, no.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  And I don't know if you've ever tried to open a coconut, just like with a regular tool and not a weapons grade, you know, item. It takes some skill.

• 23:44Speaker 06

  Right.

• 23:44Speaker 02

  Skills that Parker doesn't have. So Parker manages to chop off a finger. Just the tip though.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Specifically, the tip of his middle finger.

• 23:54Speaker 05

  Oh, God.

• 23:55Speaker 06

  And can this be surgically remedied?

• 23:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:58Speaker 06

  Where are we?

• 23:58Speaker 05

  Is it on ice?

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Nessa drives Parker to the emergency room. They miss the lost finale. From what I've heard, they didn't miss much. And the doctors are able to reattach the fingertip. No problem. And Parker doesn't hold any grudges about the accident. In fact, he loves to show off his battle scars.

• 24:14Speaker 06

  I mean, it wasn't, he did his.

• 24:16Speaker 05

  It was his fault.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Would you be impressed at all by the story if someone told you, I got my finger chopped off?

• 24:24Speaker 05

  Not at all. You're bad at opening coconuts? Okay.

• 24:28Speaker 06

  Skill issue. I'm sorry.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  Well, by junior year, Nessa and Parker have moved in together. The axe has a special ceremonial place of honor in their living room, hanging above the TV. And the axe continues to bring Nessa good luck. The summer before her senior year, she gets a high profile internship at a food sciences company in Chicago. It is unpaid. It's like 2012.

• 24:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  But luckily, Nessa has an aunt in Chicago that she can stay with. There is just one little problem. Nessa's aunt has three kids under five. And by this point, everyone in her family knows about Nessa's most prized possession. So in no uncertain terms, Nessa's aunt lets her know there is no room for the axe in her home.

• 25:10Speaker 06

  Devastating.

• 25:11Speaker 05

  But yeah, no.

• 25:14Speaker 05

  Get the axe out of here.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  This will be the longest stretch Nessa has ever spent without her axe. But Parker has graciously offered to axe it. He and the axe are always particularly close during backyard barbecue season. No bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade is safe in their sights. So you're Nessa. Would you let Parker watch your axe over the summer?

• 25:36Speaker 05

  I think so. I think, look, maybe the coconut was a fluke. You teach him axe safety before you hand it off to him. But he seems to love the axe just as much as she does. So it can't be in the home with children. So yes.

• 25:48Speaker 06

  How long have they been together at this point?

• 25:50Speaker 05

  That's a great point.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Uh, about a year and a half.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  Okay. I'd allow it.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Incredible. You and Nessa are on the same page. And Parker and Nessa talk on the phone all the time that summer. Parker makes sure to email Nessa photos of the axe to let her know that it's safe.

• 26:04Speaker 06

  She's FaceTiming the axe.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Well, Nessa can't help noticing as the summer progresses, the pictures are increasingly of Parker and the axe out having adventures. Like Parker and the axe playing beer pong. Parker and the axe being turned away from an outdoor Lumineers concert. Parker and the axe by the side of the river with a cooler preparing for a tubing trip. The axe is a floaty around its handle.

• 26:29Speaker 06

  Very specific and elaborately composed.

• 26:34Speaker 06

  I was initially concerned that he was dating her for axe clout.

• 26:39Speaker 05

  You know.

• 26:39Speaker 06

  And as, as one does.

• 26:41Speaker 05

  Axe clout.

• 26:45Speaker 06

  That well-known phenomenon.

• 26:48Speaker 06

  And now I'm beginning to worry that he's going to leave her for the axe.

• 26:56Speaker 02

  By the time Nessa returns in the fall for senior year, she is positive that the vibe between her, Parker and the axe are a little off. Like, it doesn't take long for Nessa to notice that the axe no longer like hangs above the TV, but instead leans on a bookcase on Parker's side of the bedroom. And Parker used to ask her for permission to take the axe out on excursions. But now Nessa will just wake up to an apartment empty of both her boyfriend and her axe. But the real kicker comes at Halloween. Nessa keeps her streak alive with Pauline Bunyan and Parker comes dressed as Gimli from Lord of the Rings. Usually they're able to like pass the axe back and forth throughout a party with no problem. But this night, it's like they've both completely forgotten how to share.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Until two hours and four drinks in, they're fully fighting about the axe. Thankfully, not with the axe.

• 27:47Speaker 05

  That's good.

• 27:47Speaker 06

  He doesn't need to see that.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  Innocent. Axe.

• 27:51Speaker 05

  Axe innocent. I don't know. Maybe the axe is calling to him like the one right.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Well, Parker says Nessa doesn't treat the axe the way it deserves. Nessa says Parker cares more about the axe than her. It is like a screaming drunken meltdown, but their friends separate them. One of them takes the axe outside and

• 28:16Speaker 02

  while the rest of the friends like talk them down, Parker ends up going home to their apartment while Nessa decides to crash at a buddy's house that night. And in the morning, Nessa and Parker decide to take a break. Do you think taking a break as a couple is just soft launching a breakup?

• 28:31Speaker 05

  A thousand percent, yes.

• 28:32Speaker 06

  Yes, very often. Actually, almost always. Let's be real.

• 28:36Speaker 05

  You're just too scared to kind of, you know, seal the deal.

• 28:38Speaker 06

  Cut the cord.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  Just look, if you don't want to be around the person for extended period of time, that's kind of, that's, that's the ballgame, unfortunately.

• 28:44Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  I mean, break, break up.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  It's right there. It's in the name.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  It's in the name.

• 28:48Speaker 06

  So close. And yet so far.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, after a few days, Nessa's like, I never want to see Parker ever again. She asks one of her friends to go get some of her things, some clothes, her laptop, her books, and most importantly, the axe. Her friend returns with everything she asked for. Everything except the axe.

• 29:12Speaker 00

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• 29:51Speaker 02

  Apparently Parker feels like he's earned sole custody of the axe.

• 29:56Speaker 06

  We cannot have an axe custody battle.

• 29:57Speaker 05

  I will lawyer up right now.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  He says that Nessa abandoned it over the summer and he had refused to give the axe to Nessa's friend. Needless to say, obviously, Nessa is pissed. She makes plans moving with a friend, two of Parker's buddies move into his place, and the lease is updated by the end of the week, which leaves us one issue to settle. Except the problem is neither Nessa or Parker want to see each other. So this kicks off several weeks of what are basically custody hearings of the axe. Each side has representatives, each side sends emissaries, Nessa provides pictures of herself and the axe dating all the way back to her high school graduation. Her argument is, it's literally mine.

• 30:37Speaker 06

  Irrefutable.

• 30:37Speaker 05

  I am glad.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Well, Parker's rejoinder is that in Blade lore, a weapon isn't yours until the metal has tasted your blood. He says that the accident was a turning point that made the axe rightfully his. Are you buying this?

• 30:54Speaker 05

  No.

• 30:55Speaker 06

  This is insulting.

• 30:58Speaker 06

  Also, what lore? What is he citing?

• 31:01Speaker 05

  Show me the text.

• 31:03Speaker 02

  Blade lore.

• 31:06Speaker 06

  From what culture? What century?

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Blade lore.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Nessa's like, are you kidding me? The accident shows that the axe rejected you.

• 31:19Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Then axe has never harmed me because it's mine. But the negotiations reach a stalemate and at this point, our girl does make a somewhat rash decision. One night when Nessa knows Parker's throwing a party, she sends in one of her friends, one that Parker's never met before, and she instructs her friends to wait until everyone's too drunk and falling asleep to steal the axe. But the axe isn't hanging above the TV in the living room anymore, nor is it leaning against the bookcase in the bedroom. No, Parker's fully passed out drunk, sleeping with the axe with like a pool noodle taped around the blade for like, to keep not hurt himself in the middle of the night.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  I was wondering this.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, yeah, no, we're safe here.

• 32:00Speaker 06

  Another argument that he is not equipped to own.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Nessa's friend tries to like sneak the axe out of the bed anyway, but Parker wakes up and makes him leave. And this only further fuels Parker's self righteousness. He's like, if you truly believe the axe is rightfully yours, why are you sending people to steal it in the middle of the night?

• 32:18Speaker 05

  Because you stole it from me.

• 32:20Speaker 02

  You aren't approaching this fairly. Is it because you know you're wrong? And then he announces that he's changing his locks and then he just stops responding. So our girl Nessa's off the lease. She has no legal way to enter Parker's apartment and she has been following Occupy Wall Street. So she has no desire to involve the police. What options do you think Nessa has?

• 32:40Speaker 05

  Take it to the school? I'm getting this axe back one way or another.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  You think the school is gonna be like, yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  He stole my property.

• 32:48Speaker 06

  Do they have any mutual friends? Is there anyone that she has retained in the breakup who could still be an emissary or an ally in some sort of scheme?

• 32:56Speaker 02

  They've seemingly run out of all of their intermediaries at this point.

• 33:00Speaker 05

  I guess the axe is his now.

• 33:02Speaker 06

  You're giving up?

• 33:04Speaker 05

  What else are we supposed to do? Break it, we can break it when he's not there. He's in class.

• 33:09Speaker 06

  I just feel she must have enough information about this boy after years of dating. She must know his routines. There must be a vulnerability we can exploit. I'm not above stealing at this point. It's hers and she should get it back.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  She has to pull a heist.

• 33:23Speaker 06

  She has to.

• 33:24Speaker 05

  Is what needs to happen.

• 33:25Speaker 06

  A better heist than the original heist. Drunken pool noodle incident.

• 33:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  You said, let's revise, let's review.

• 33:33Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 33:33Speaker 02

  Go back to the bases.

• 33:34Speaker 05

  Back to the drawing board.

• 33:35Speaker 02

  Yes. Well, Nessa spends months trying to find a way to rescue the axe. She keeps asking various friends to negotiate on her behalf, as you guys suggested. She bribes friends to sneak into Parker's house, but they either fail at stealing it back or they get too drunk at the party. So they give Nessa back her money in the morning.

• 33:53Speaker 06

  Lock him.

• 33:54Speaker 05

  No, literally.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Spring rolls around and Nessa's family makes plans for yet another graduation. Nessa's been keeping her parents and her sister updated about the axe. So when they land in town for graduation, they're like, making all the typical graduation plans. They're like, let's walk through the campus one last time. We're gonna throw a big party. We're gonna pack you up because you're coming back home because it's 2012 and you don't have a job yet. Obviously, everyone's very happy and proud of Nessa, but there's one detail they're all still stuck on, the axe. They're driving the U-Haul store to buy more boxes when Nessa finally just has the quiet part out loud. She's like, I wish I could just steal the axe back myself. And this is all the motivation that Nessa's sister, Ariana, and Nessa's dad, Carl, need to start plotting.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  They're like, conflict mediation got nowhere. It is time for direct action.

• 34:45Speaker 06

  Absolutely.

• 34:46Speaker 05

  I love this. Yes.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  So now you have allies, blood ties. What's your plan?

• 34:52Speaker 06

  Well, we know from the kiss situation, they're good at costumes.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  We pretend to be the movers. To move him out of his place.

• 35:01Speaker 06

  I like this.

• 35:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 35:04Speaker 06

  Rachel's not impressed by this one. I just think we now have, we have resources, we have bodies that we can deploy.

• 35:12Speaker 05

  Minds.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  Minds, crucially. We can be leveraging all of these things in whatever heist is arranged. But I think it was not enough to have one person in there. We could have a distraction. He's good at distractions. She knows the terrain. She can get in there, get out, extraction mission. I feel like we're close.

• 35:32Speaker 05

  Dad's on explosives.

• 35:34Speaker 06

  The fog machine from her last graduation.

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Use the fog machine for an escape.

• 35:41Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Wow. Y'all are ready. Y'all are locked in.

• 35:45Speaker 06

  Greatest minds of our generation.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Well, Ariana's like, Nessa needs plausible deniability, just in case the cops show up. So someone else has to steal the axe. And Carl's like, you're right. You're right. And then he's like, okay, what if I pretended to be a cable repairman?

• 36:03Speaker 06

  There we go. Costumes, infiltration.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  Nessa's like, isn't that illegal to pose as a cable repairman?

• 36:13Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 36:15Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 36:15Speaker 05

  Is it fraud?

• 36:16Speaker 02

  It's fraud.

• 36:18Speaker 05

  Don't look into my history.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  But Carl is ready to do whatever he needs to do for his baby girl. And Nessa's like, okay, what if we hired someone, like a big, huge man? We dress him up like a Viking. We send him to Parker's door to demand the axe be returned unless Park was to be responsible for the Viking apocalypse, also known as Ragnarok.

• 36:40Speaker 06

  He does know Blade lore.

• 36:43Speaker 05

  He knows balls.

• 36:44Speaker 06

  He may be receptive.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  And this is the point where Nessa's mom, Gwen, intervenes. She's like, I don't want anyone to get arrested this weekend. But all this does is send the plans for a potential heist underground. Nessa, Ariana, and their dad move the conversation to a group chat.

• 37:01Speaker 06

  Their own signal.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  But when graduation day arrives, they are no closer to a concrete plan. The ceremony's on a Saturday morning. It's a lovely day. As Nessa crosses the stage, she gave her a diploma. She can hear her family like hooting and hollering. But when it's Parker's turn, her family loudly boozed him.

• 37:21Speaker 06

  Hell, yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 02

  To the confusion of the crowd around them who are like, what?

• 37:26Speaker 05

  As they should.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  The next day, the family's preparing for the graduation party. Gwen makes her run to the store for like paper plates and whatever, which leaves Nessa, Ariana, and their dad with an opportunity. And since they're pretty much out of time, they decide to go with the cable repairman plan with Ariana acting as lookout. So would you like to make any predictions as to how this is gonna go?

• 37:47Speaker 06

  I mean, not well.

• 37:51Speaker 06

  Something's going awry. There's enough time left in this taping.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  All right, don't get met up.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  You said, I'm looking at the clock and I know there's no way we're wrapping up anytime soon.

• 38:04Speaker 05

  I mean, it could work.

• 38:05Speaker 06

  It could. I mean, I will say, I feel we don't know a ton about Parker as an individual.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 38:12Speaker 06

  Is he intelligent? Is he discerning? The coconut incident says no.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  I think he seems pretty stupid. So I'm actually pretty like up on this plan. Like, I think like, you know, I'm sure he's like seen pictures. If he hasn't met the parents, he's at least seen pictures of the dad, but like.

• 38:27Speaker 06

  That's a good question.

• 38:28Speaker 05

  But like, he seems dumb enough to not remember, to be honest.

• 38:31Speaker 06

  I think it could be okay.

• 38:32Speaker 02

  Okay. Nice. Well.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  When they arrive at Parker's house, they immediately see this is not gonna be as straightforward as they had hoped. There's just like a steady stream of bros coming in and out of the apartment, carrying garbage bags, laundry hampers, boxes. After observing the scene for a while, Ariana's like, okay, it does look like Parker isn't home right now. And Carl is determined to do right by Nessa. So he walks up to the apartment. He's wearing like a tucked in golf shirt, his tool belt and a borrowed clipboard. Carl knocks on the door, announces himself to the cable guy, to no one in particular, because these are college boys and they are stupid. No one blinks when he lets himself in, despite this low rent costume.

• 39:20Speaker 02

  He tries his best to look official. He asks a bro to let him know where the cable box is. And the only response he gets is like a nod toward the living room. But when Carl goes in there, there's no furniture, no TV, and the hooks where the axe is supposed to be are gone. At this point, the place is mostly empty and only the smell of college boy remains.

• 39:43Speaker 05

  They're too late.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  Do you want to describe that smell for me?

• 39:46Speaker 05

  No, ew.

• 39:48Speaker 05

  Like sweat, beer.

• 39:52Speaker 02

  Axe, body spray.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Not the weapon.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  Well, Carl texts Ariana and Nessa, and he's like, the axe isn't here. And also, the hair is being burned out of my nostrils. I'm gonna leave now. And they're like, okay, just get out of here. And Carl announces loudly, forgot something in the truck before like run walking to the family minivan. Again, no one cares because these are college boys. They make it home in time for Nessa's graduation party, but no one really feels like celebrating. There are no strobe lights and no fog machines this time because it feels like the saga of the axe is coming to a terrible end. Any plans for revenge on Parker would have to cross interstate lines, which would require too much surveillance. We're almost at the end of our story. How are you feeling?

• 40:35Speaker 05

  I feel bad for our girl. Give her her axe back.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  I don't want to accept this. I'm like, was the mother secretly plotting her own bet emission?

• 40:46Speaker 05

  She don't care about the axe.

• 40:47Speaker 06

  We have to pull something out here.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Ariana promises her sister that she will find a way to curse the axe in Parker. Her dad says, don't worry, honey. There are bigger and better axes out there. Nessa's mom, Gwen, says that opening gifts will make Nessa feel better. Gwen hands Nessa a paper grocery bag and sticking out the top of it is a long wooden handle.

• 41:09Speaker 05

  Queen.

• 41:10Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 41:11Speaker 05

  I knew you called it.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Covered in bedazzlement and embroidery and a tassel.

• 41:18Speaker 06

  Thank God.

• 41:20Speaker 02

  Ariana and Carl are shocked and impressed. And Nessa is overjoyed. She's like, Mom, how did you pull this off? Carl's like, honey, did you do a heist without me?

• 41:34Speaker 05

  She was like, I need to, don't send in people when you just need to do it alone.

• 41:39Speaker 02

  And Gwen shrugs and says, I just walked in and took it. Apparently, while everyone else was making elaborate plans, Gwen took the simpler route. Early that morning, when she was on her trip to the grocery store, she stopped by Parker's. She rang the doorbell and one of Parker's roommates answered. And all she said was, I'm Nessa's mother. I'm here for her things. And the roommate said, let me just text Parker. Parker texted back right away and said, don't give it to her. But Gwen was relying on one of the oldest laws in the universe, one stronger than physics or organized religion. No one can stop a mom on a mission.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  It's true.

• 42:16Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  So Gwen just said, I'm coming in. She walked in, grabbed the axe, and Parker called his roommate while Gwen was still there. And as she was walking out the door with the axe, Gwen heard the roommate say, it's her mom, dude. We had to give it to her.

• 42:32Speaker 05

  And he was right.

• 42:33Speaker 06

  And he was.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  And that is the end of our story. Do you think getting the axe back is enough? Or would you pursue further revenge?

• 42:41Speaker 06

  The breach is so profound, but I also would just want this boy out of my life at that juncture. I think, I think we're good. How do you feel?

• 42:50Speaker 05

  I think I would want further revenge, but like at some, it's, you have to leave it in the past. He was, he was, you know, reheating your nachos for like a year and a half with the axe. Like, that's embarrassing and, you know, just, yeah, I would want further revenge. I don't know what revenge I would take, but no, no, honestly, I'm trying not to be petty. I'd want further revenge. And you get my look back? Absolutely not.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  You said, I'm lying right now.

• 43:13Speaker 06

  Straight to camera.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Well, Nessa does not pursue revenge, but I do have two little updates for you. Um, the first update is that after the axe was returned, Nessa and her family decide to take a triumphant photo together, which I unfortunately cannot show the audience, but which I can show you guys. And so I'm going to show this to you and I want you to describe the vibes of this photo. Keep in mind, this show is anonymized.

• 43:43Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, it's incredible.

• 43:45Speaker 06

  This is all I hoped and more.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  They seem so fun. I'm obsessed with this family.

• 43:51Speaker 06

  Ariana has the coolest look, like chin lifted, looking into the middle distance, like, yeah, we got it.

• 43:58Speaker 05

  Job done.

• 43:59Speaker 06

  The axe is large.

• 44:00Speaker 05

  Mission accomplished. That's so good.

• 44:02Speaker 06

  The action poses.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Is the axe giving everything you wanted it to?

• 44:08Speaker 06

  It's all I hoped.

• 44:08Speaker 05

  She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. That's so good.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry that we cannot show this to the rest of you guys. Um, the last update is that last year, Nessa got married with the axe by her side. They did cut the cake with the axe at the wedding. And Ariana got to explain the whole drama with Parker to some of the groom's best friends who didn't know about this saga. And as she's telling the story, Ariana is like, whatever happened to that guy? And so she decides to look Parker up on Instagram. And turns out Parker has a new axe in his life, though his bedazzle job is much shittier than Nessa's.

• 44:48Speaker 05

  It's probably an ugly axe. The man has no taste.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  And that's our story.

• 44:55Speaker 06

  What a journey. I'm thrilled. I was stressed.

• 45:00Speaker 05

  The highs, the lows.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  The weapons.

• 45:03Speaker 05

  We went through it all.

• 45:05Speaker 06

  It's all there.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  The axe puns.

• 45:08Speaker 05

  That was my least favorite part.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  I knew it would be.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at [email protected]. Or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 gossip. If you love this podcast and want to support us, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Normal Gossip. You can follow me on all social media at HeyDanae. Subscribe to our YouTube channel at Defector Media to watch today's episode. Normal Gossip is written by me, Rachel Hampton, and Jay Tolbierra. This podcast was produced by Sierra Spragley-Ritz and Jay Tolbierra. Our audio engineer is Samantha Gatzit. Emily Cherish is our video editor. Theme music composed by Rishi Kesh Hirway.

• 46:01Speaker 02

  The co-creators and Dowager Queens in Normal Gossip are Kelsey McKinney and Defector's supervising producer Alex SuJong Loughlin. Justin Ellis is Defector's projects editor. Jasper Wang is Defector's business guy. Tom Lay is our editor in chief. This season was made in memory of Dan McQuaid, who ran our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank you to Brandy Jensen, David Roth, Catherine Shue, Sabrina Embler, Chris Thompson, Dave McKenna, Patrick Redford, and Ray Rado for your help with this season. Thank you to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I am your host, Rachel Hampton, and remember, you didn't hear this from me.