Pod Insights Normal Gossip The Most Ominous Bird with Alanna Bennett About this episode Alanna Bennett joins us to explore what happens to you—physically and metaphysically—when you get into a fight with a magician.
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Transcript 0:06 Speaker 00 Hello and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and in each episode of this podcast, we're gonna bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. Welcome to episode four, y'all. Today, I am so, so excited to be joined by Alanna Bennett. Alana is a screenwriter and culture writer who has written for film and television, including shows like Exo Kitty and Roswell. Alana's writing has appeared in The New York Times, Teen Vogue, The Cut, and every other important publication. Her first novel, The Education of Kia Greer, comes out May 13th. Alana, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me.
0:45 Speaker 01 I am so, so happy to be here. Hello.
0:48 Speaker 00 I'm so excited you're here. My first question is, do you consider yourself a gossip?
0:55 Speaker 01 I do consider myself a gossip. The main negative thing that I feel about gossip, it's actually a negative feeling I have about shit talk, which I believe is a subsidiary of gossip, so.
1:08 Speaker 00 I agree.
1:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I think it can be different. It's like a square versus a rectangle situation. I think shit talking can be necessary to blow off steam when somebody is harming you. I've also seen it used way too many times as like a weapon in friend groups, and I've also done that. At least I did it a bunch in college. And I think that shit talk can be a check yourself before you wreck yourself type of situation.
1:32 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:32 Speaker 01 Where if you're doing it to too many people, the problem is probably actually you.
1:38 Speaker 00 Yes, I agree.
1:40 Speaker 01 So be selective with the shit talk, but sometimes it's important. In certain workplaces, in certain friend situations, roommate situations, sometimes you need that valve to let the steam out. But with gossip, like good, fun gossip, or also gossip that can protect others from harm, I think that is tried and true and eternal, and I respect it, and I indulge in it, and I seek it out at every opportunity.
2:05 Speaker 00 I could honestly talk about this forever.
2:08 Speaker 01 Me too. Stop me whenever.
2:12 Speaker 00 But a little birdie told me you have some gossip for me.
2:15 Speaker 01 Oh, I do. This is one of my favorite pieces of gossip. So this was a friend of a friend's old roommate, the setting, a major city. This girl, let's call her Daisy, is in her senior year of college. At the time, she matches with this cute guy on a dating app. And I heard the story from the roommate's perspective. So roommate is like, huh, Daisy usually comes home after dates or hookups. She likes to be back in her own space. But Daisy strolls in around 11 a.m. And the roommate pounces. She's like, tell me everything. And Daisy has got this look in her eyes. And Daisy says, date was great. The guy was funny and
2:58 Speaker 01 cute. So when he invited her back to his place, she said yes. And then he gave her this heads up. It's not actually his place. He's house-sitting for his half-brother. So he's basically like, just know, none of the stuff in this apartment is mine. It's not a reflection of my personality.
3:21 Speaker 00 That's one hell of a disclaimer.
3:24 Speaker 01 So she's like, okay. And I think she's expecting like a sword guy. You know, the kind of guy with swords all over the walls. She's like, don't be alarmed.
3:35 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:35 Speaker 01 So they go to this half-brother's apartment, which is in this high-rise. They ride the elevator all the way to the penthouse. Doors open directly into the apartment. Floor-to-ceiling glass windows, gorgeous views.
3:48 Speaker 00 Oh.
3:49 Speaker 01 She's looking around and she's got to ask, what does your half-brother do for a living? And the guy plays coy. All he says at first is that his brother works in entertainment. He's a little famous, so he doesn't want to blow up his spot. She's like, okay, whatever.
4:03 Speaker 00 Okay.
4:04 Speaker 01 Let's get to why we came here. So takes her to the master bedroom, which is where he's staying while he house sits. They have sex, perfectly normal, first date sex. Then it's over. She's like, okay, what now? This is a cool place. There's a hot tub on the deck. Let's enjoy some of this apartment's many amenities. Have champagne and said hot tub. So naturally, they slide into round two. During this round of the hookup, however, she ends up on top. And in the process, she grips the headboard and seems to press some sort of button or something.
4:40 Speaker 01 And the entire bed jolts and it shifts. And a hidden compartment opens up beneath them. Like it's big enough to fit human bodies into it.
4:52 Speaker 00 No, no, no immediate exit. I've seen Lana or SVU. It's time to go.
4:58 Speaker 01 So they're obviously frozen in shock and it's now that this guy is like, um, I guess the time has come to tell you who my brother is. And she's like, yeah, I think you need to now. I think it's necessary. So the guy explains his brother is a famous magician.
5:18 Speaker 01 I won't say his name here, but you have definitely heard his name before. And the guy's best guess for this bed is that his brother was either building out a magic trick with it for his stage show, or that he had some magic tricks that he liked to perform as part of sex. So the date really, really wants this woman to know that he himself did not know this was a trick bed.
5:41 Speaker 00 Oh Lana.
5:43 Speaker 01 I know. I think about this all the time.
5:47 Speaker 00 I don't know how I would react.
5:49 Speaker 01 I know. When my friend told me the story, it's one of those stories that now when we're with other groups of friends, I turn to her and I'm like, you have to tell them the story.
5:59 Speaker 00 Yes, yes, yes, immediately.
6:02 Speaker 01 So obviously this was enough of an explanation for her in the moment because she did spend the night, though I don't know whether they slept in the trick bed or not. What I do know is she liked him enough to go out with him twice more after that. Eventually they each pulled the very common dating magic trick of mutual ghosting, at which point she expressed relief to her roommate that it was over because after he told her about his family, every time she looked at him, she couldn't unsee the resemblance to his magician brother. And it would bring that moment back over and over again.
6:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, that seems hard to shake as a story.
6:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:42 Speaker 00 Also, if the relationship progressed, at some point, you would have to meet the magician brother.
6:48 Speaker 01 Oh.
6:49 Speaker 00 I'm not an actress.
6:50 Speaker 01 Oh, you'd have to look him in the eye? You can't tell me that was for a stage show.
6:56 Speaker 00 No, exactly. Why is it still in your bedroom? It was not for a stage show.
6:59 Speaker 01 That's for magician sex.
7:02 Speaker 00 Yes. If you're a famous magician, there's no way that when you pull, that they're not expecting some kind of like magic involved. It just, it goes along with it. But I just don't want to be close to that.
7:17 Speaker 01 Thanksgiving with that person across the table.
7:20 Speaker 00 Making the turkey disappear?
7:24 Speaker 01 Oh.
7:25 Speaker 00 Alana, that was a beautiful story. Thank you so much. I'm gonna be telling that story as soon as I leave this recording.
7:32 Speaker 01 I am so glad to share it with the world.
7:34 Speaker 00 Um, are you ready for some gossip?
7:37 Speaker 01 I am so ready. I'm so excited.
7:39 Speaker 00 I think you're gonna like this story. Some might say it's a bit of a magical match.
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8:46 Speaker 00 I'm gonna admit something embarrassing. I know, shocker. I have not had a bedside lamp for an undisclosed amount of months, long enough that I basically haven't read before bed for a really long time. And I only realized this because I'm hosting a friend and I was like, wow. They deserve to have a light by their bed at night. I don't. But this finally inspired me to find the perfect bedside lamp. And I had a vision in mind, Wayfair. They had exactly what I need, which is one of those library style lights with like the green lampshade and little pull cord. I have been having this image in my mind of having one. And now I have one because of course Wayfair had it.
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9:58 Speaker 00 Our story today takes place in a desert town in southwestern America. It's the kind of place that attracts artistic hippie types, the kind of place that probably identifies as weird. Everything is sun bleached and there's a lot of turquoise. If you need a music cue, think Wide Open Spaces by The Chicks. Does this vibe appeal to you? Are you a fan of the desert?
10:22 Speaker 01 I am not a fan of hiking in the desert. I'm not a fan of the outdoors in the desert because I don't trust it. But I will say I wrote for a show called Roswell, New Mexico and spent some time in Santa Fe filming that. It's like the most beautiful when I don't have to be traversing through the cacti. And we had a snake wrangler. I don't want to be anywhere where there has to be a snake wrangler, but I can do it in small doses.
10:47 Speaker 00 Not a professional snake wrangler.
10:50 Speaker 01 So I don't want to be there in the desert, but a desert town with desert hippies? Delightful.
10:55 Speaker 00 Yes, I want to be in a car. I don't want to be out in the desert. Correct? Yes, okay. Today, we have two friends of a friend. Their names are Madeline and Nicole, and they've been best friends since the sixth grade. When they bonded over being the first in their grade to get braces. Traumatic experience, I get it. They've been inseparable ever since. They call each other Nick and Mads. It's very cute. Nicole's grandmother recently moved into an assisted living facility. And as her grandma's favorite grandchild, Nicole has been tasked with taking a first pass at cleaning out her grandma's house. Nicole's happy to do it because her grandma has immaculate taste. And Nicole gets first dibs on anything her grandma wants to get rid of.
11:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
11:41 Speaker 00 She's even happier to do it because as soon as she told Madeline about it, Madeline had begged to come along with her. Madeline's been obsessed with this desert town since the first time Nicole came back from a visit to her grandmother's house with a tarot deck, an incredible vintage denim jacket, and a story about how her grandma used to be called Two Gin Jean.
12:03 Speaker 01 Oh.
12:04 Speaker 00 Because two gins is all it took to get her going.
12:10 Speaker 01 Yes.
12:11 Speaker 00 Nicole and Madeline have been traveling together since they had enough money to do so. So the idea of a two-day road trip is thrilling to them and not daunting. The road trip becomes even more thrilling the closer they get to town, which I will now be referring to as Tumbleweed Springs.
12:26 Speaker 01 Okay, perfect.
12:28 Speaker 00 About 40 miles out, Madeline spots a billboard for something other than Jesus and personal injury lawyers. Alana, how do you feel about magic shows?
12:37 Speaker 01 I've seen a magician perform. I've never been to like a place that's that just does magic shows, but I would be into it, I think. I would be scared of being called for audience participation. I would be into watching from afar.
12:49 Speaker 00 You don't want to be sawed in half?
12:51 Speaker 01 No, but I want to see what they would come up with.
12:54 Speaker 00 Real. So Madeline's not necessarily obsessed with magic. She just saw David Copperfield at a formative age. So as soon as she sees this sign, which advertises an adult magic show right in Tumbleweed Springs starring The Mysterious Steve.
13:14 Speaker 01 Okay.
13:15 Speaker 00 She turns to Nicole and is like, "The mysterious Steve?"
13:21 Speaker 00 The billboard doesn't have anything else on it except a silhouette graphic of a crow. Nicole laughs and is like, I forgot about that billboard. And she tells Madeline that she had actually never been to the show because it was 21 plus and she hadn't visited Tumbleweed Springs since college. And then Nicole admits that she's low key always wanted to see it, especially because everyone in Tumbleweed Springs is so weird about it.
13:46 Speaker 01 Oh, weird in what way? Also, the adult part is starting to raise flags.
13:54 Speaker 00 Well, like, if you ask anyone in town about the show, they'll say they can't talk about it with anyone who hasn't seen it.
14:01 Speaker 01 Oh.
14:02 Speaker 00 It's kind of a main attraction in Tumbleweed Springs. Like, people have bumper stickers on their cars that say, "I've seen the mysterious Steve." The bumper stickers also have the silhouette of a crow.
14:13 Speaker 01 Okay.
14:15 Speaker 00 Would you want to check out the mysterious Steve? This is all the information you have.
14:20 Speaker 01 I would unfortunately want to check out the mysterious Steve. I'm concerned, but I am curious enough. I'm concerned about the over 21 aspect. I, but I am intrigued by the fact that it's been so long running and that Steve, in this place that is not probably a bustling metropolis, has had such success. I think the fact that it is the middle of the desert means Steve's probably a little weird because that's just what these places attract.
14:53 Speaker 00 Yeah. Madeline immediately finds the Facebook business page for the mysterious Steve and buys two tickets for the following evening.
15:02 Speaker 01 Of course, it's not like a website. It's not a proper website.
15:06 Speaker 00 Oh, has to be a Facebook page. A couple of minutes later, Madeline receives confirmation along with a list of rules. So, the rules are as follows. No outside water bottles slash drinks or food are allowed in the domicile of mysterious Steve. There will be a cash theater bar, serving themed cocktails and snacks. Be there 15 minutes before the show starts because the doors close at 9:00 PM. Patrons are not allowed to wear hats or sneakers as the mysterious Steve finds this disrespectful.
15:38 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:40 Speaker 00 And then the final rule is please confirm by way of response that you have read and understood everything.
15:46 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:46 Speaker 00 What do you think of these rules?
15:48 Speaker 01 I I'm fascinated by the the having to respond as if you're in the exit row of a plane. Yeah, most of them seem fine to me. The first one, no outside water bottles. I understand no outside food in general, just to make you buy the stuff there, but that just makes me feel like, why is he afraid of water?
16:06 Speaker 00 These are all great questions. Madeline also thinks the last part is a little weird about confirming, but she responds as she confirms as she sees and everything, and she asks, can we bring empty reusable water bottles to fill up? The account responds back, no need, we sell bottles of water. Madeline and Nicole are like, fine, sure, whatever. The next day comes and it is the first time our ladies start to get a sense of the task ahead of them. Grandma Jean does have immaculate taste, but she, like most older people, has some hoarding tendencies. So the next day is spent tossing out cans of soup that expired in the early aughts.
16:44 Speaker 01 Oh, yes.
16:46 Speaker 00 And sorting through decades of old Life magazines. By the time the evening rolls around, Madeline and Nicole are more than ready for a magical experience.
16:55 Speaker 01 Yes, yes, yes.
16:57 Speaker 00 When they arrive at the theater, it's about the size of a single screen movie theater, and it is immediately clear that it hasn't been updated since the late eighties, at least.
17:08 Speaker 01 Just adds to the vibe.
17:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, there's no security. The shag carpet has been mowed down by generations of feet.
17:15 Speaker 01 Not a shag carpet.
17:18 Speaker 00 There's a lot of royal red and dark purple velvet. The chandeliers are plentiful and also very dusty. There are a bunch of signed pictures up at the theater, like at Benihana.
17:32 Speaker 01 Okay.
17:33 Speaker 00 Instead of celebrities who have been to see Mysterious Steve, it's just a bunch of photos of the mysterious Steve with his mentor, the fabulous Matt.
17:42 Speaker 01 Okay.
17:44 Speaker 00 At the door, our ladies are greeted by mysterious Steve's assistant, Indigo. Indigo is draped from head to foot in flowy linen, and her silver hair is braided into a butt-length braid. Indigo looks at Nicole very solemnly as she checks their tickets, and then says that as the town's resident quantum healer, she would recommend Nicole work on her vibrations.
18:12 Speaker 01 Quantum healer?
18:15 Speaker 01 Okay.
18:18 Speaker 00 Nicole and Madeline give each other that look that says, "Let's buckle the fuck in," as they go to find their seats. You know that sound that metal reusable water bottles make when they hit something?
18:29 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
18:30 Speaker 00 I once dropped one in a museum, and it was traumatic.
18:33 Speaker 01 Oh, gosh. Everybody, everybody just like whipping towards you.
18:38 Speaker 00 Nicole is very familiar with that sound, since she carries a reusable water bottle everywhere. She meant to leave hers in the car and only remembers that she hadn't when her water bottle hits an armrest.
18:48 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
18:49 Speaker 00 It doesn't make the loudest sound, but it is definitely audible over the low atmospheric music that's playing. Indigo's head whips around.
18:59 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
18:59 Speaker 00 And the sort of dreamy expression on her face evaporates into anger. She makes her way over to Nicole and Madeline and is like, "Did you not read the rules? They explicitly say no water bottles." Nicole is instantly apologetic. She's like, "I'm so sorry. I meant to leave it in the car. I can drop it off outside really quick, or just finish the water that's left in here. It's only a little bit." Indigo's eyes get really big, and she's like, "No, you cannot drink that water." She's like, "Water has memory. It holds special frequencies."
19:31 Speaker 01 What?
19:33 Speaker 00 Our water bottles, which cost $8, by the way, have been pre-doused, so they won't interfere with the dousing portion of this event.
19:41 Speaker 01 What's the dousing?
19:44 Speaker 00 What do you think of this explanation?
19:46 Speaker 01 I don't like it. And I, my fight or flight has been activated.
19:55 Speaker 01 I have follow up questions for Indigo about what the dousing portion means. What did you put in the water? Is it just vibes? Or is it something else that you put in the water?
20:07 Speaker 00 Yeah, Nicole and Madeline are like, what the fuck have we gotten ourselves into? But Nicole's been wanting to see this show since she was a teen. So she kind of swallows her questions and she's like, you're right. I'm so sorry, water does have memory. Can I just run out and put this in my car? And Indigo sort of huffs and is like, fine, but hurry up. The show is starting soon. So Madeline's waiting in the theater for Nicole to get back. The theater is like half full. Only a few seconds have passed before Madeline hears angry whispers floating from behind the tattered velvet curtain on stage.
20:41 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
20:42 Speaker 00 She can't quite make out what the whispers were saying, but she can tell that one of the voices is definitely Indigo's and the other is definitely male. Madeline's no psychic, but she's fairly certain that Indigo and the mysterious Steve are discussing Nicole.
20:58 Speaker 01 Okay. Oh, no.
21:00 Speaker 00 She's preparing to tell Nicole when she gets back, except as soon as Nicole re-enters the theater, sands water bottle, Indigo and the mysterious Steve exit from behind the curtain and go to confront Nicole.
21:13 Speaker 01 It was just an innocent mistake.
21:18 Speaker 00 What would you expect a man named the mysterious Steve to look like?
21:22 Speaker 01 Oh, no. Um, I'm picturing like a wiry little rat man with a, with a, with a weird little mustache, long, dark hair, either in a braid or just like in a weird little ponytail. Like, uh, that's the, the vibe I'm getting.
21:45 Speaker 00 Alana, it's like you're psychic.
21:49 Speaker 00 The mysterious Steve is wearing a bolo tie
21:51 Speaker 01 Of course.
21:52 Speaker 00 And a vintage tuxedo shirt with a velvet blazer over the top. All of these items have clearly seen better days, as has this little ponytail, which is much longer than it is thick. The mysterious Steve meets Nicole at the door and starts angrily talking at her about how rude she is.
22:11 Speaker 01 Okay.
22:12 Speaker 00 He goes on about how the venue is a cherished local theater, and how no theater in the world would allow someone to bring a water bottle. Madeline has known Nicole long enough to know what she looks like when she gets angry. And she also knows that Nicole tends to get sarcastic when she's angry. So she sort of winces when she sees Nicole smirk, and then just fully cringes when Nicole's like, "Well, actually, I've been to Broadway, and that's not true."
22:40 Speaker 01 Ooh. Yes.
22:43 Speaker 00 Do you think the mysterious Steve will take kindly to this?
22:45 Speaker 01 I think he will not at all take kindly to this, but I think she makes a good point. Are you better than Broadway, Steve?
22:53 Speaker 00 Well, Steve doesn't even really have a chance to, because before he can respond, Nicole continues. Nicole's like, "And if you're such a great magician, why didn't you just make my water bottle disappear?"
23:07 Speaker 01 She said, "I will not be taken down by this man."
23:11 Speaker 00 Not this ponytail.
23:12 Speaker 01 No.
23:14 Speaker 00 Indigo lets out a dramatic gasp. Madeline stands up because she can sense what's about to happen next, as can everyone else in the Haffle Theater, who had fully dropped with the polite pretense of not paying attention to this interaction. The mysterious Steve draws himself up imperiously. But then he says to Nicole, "I'm making you disappear. Get the fuck out."
23:39 Speaker 01 Oh.
23:39 Speaker 00 For a moment, Nicole looks shocked, and then she's like, "Fuck your magic show", and storms out. Um, this is gonna sound like a non sequitur, but I swear it's gonna make sense. Um, I recently lit a kitchen towel on fire while I was cooking dinner for a friend, and she had to help me put it out because I just fully froze. I was just like, "Oh, my God, this towel's on fire."
24:02 Speaker 01 What did I do?
24:03 Speaker 00 I also was a little bit high.
24:05 Speaker 01 Yeah. You're like, "The fire looks cool, but also I need it to go away."
24:13 Speaker 00 Anyway, as soon as the fire was out, I knew this was gonna be something we would reference forever. And now every so often, we text each other, like, remember when that kitchen towel was on fire? It was so on fire, right? Have you had a moment like this with a friend before where something happens and you're immediately like, this is lore now?
24:32 Speaker 01 Oh, absolutely. Oh, yes.
24:34 Speaker 00 Madeline and Nicole know they're gonna be dining out on this experience with Mysterious Steve for at least two years minimum. This is the funniest thing that's happened to them in months. Getting kicked out of the Mysterious Steve show is almost even better than seeing the Mysterious Steve show. Our two ladies immediately drive to a bar and order a pitcher of margaritas and a plate of wings, and they spend two hours picking over the experience, which lasted about 15 minutes, to be clear. They're like, did you see his ponytail? And what about all the turquoise? And who the fuck is Fabulous Matt? Somewhere between their second and third round of margaritas, Madeline and Nicole decide to leave a review for the show on Facebook. Are you someone who leaves online reviews?
25:20 Speaker 01 I am not. Uh, I am not usually. I feel like I will age into it. I feel like more, I'll leave one more review every year of my life.
25:33 Speaker 00 So, Mysterious Steve's show has about 150 reviews, and most of them are five stars. The reviews read like, the part with the cactus, just wow. And I still don't understand what Mysterious Steve did with those handcuffs. And the crow section was crazy? And a few that were like, incredible to still have abs at Steve's age, dropped the workout routine.
25:57 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
25:59 Speaker 00 It's an adult magic show. The ones that are three or four stars all have responses from the Mysterious Steve Facebook page that alleges the reviewer never actually saw the show.
26:11 Speaker 01 Oh.
26:12 Speaker 00 All to say, Nicole and Madeline get a real sense of joy from writing their one-star review. They write, "We were kicked out before the show even started for bringing a reusable metal bottle, which was nothing but an honest mistake." They write that as soon as they were made aware of this honest mistake, they tried to rectify it by putting the water bottle in their car. But upon returning to the theater, a member of their party was accosted by the mysterious thief. And then they end their review with this. "We came for a night of fun, and instead, we were treated horribly by everyone involved." Who kicks people out of a magic show? What do you think of this review?
26:47 Speaker 01 I think it's honest and good. And people should know how seriously he takes the water bottles, because otherwise, you're gonna have the same experience.
26:57 Speaker 00 It's true. Nicole and Madeline are both just mostly impressed with their ability to properly punctuate after two rounds of margaritas. So they order another and then grab a cab back to Grandma Jean's place. It's once they've gotten back to Grandma Jean's place that Madeline realizes she has received a bunch of calls over Facebook from the mysterious thief.
27:17 Speaker 01 No, a Facebook call?
27:21 Speaker 00 Literally just the words "Facebook call" sent a chill down my spine.
27:27 Speaker 01 No. Don't call me on Facebook. Don't call me on Instagram. Don't call me in general if I do not know you.
27:36 Speaker 00 The mysterious thief has called Madeline so many times and then finally sent her a block of texts over Facebook Messenger. Would you like to hear what the mysterious thief had to say?
27:47 Speaker 01 Yes, I guess.
27:50 Speaker 00 He wrote, "Dear Madeline, how surprising that you've chosen to write a review for a theatrical experience you've yet to see. We here at Mysterious Thief's Mystery Palace treasure all perspectives. Still, I think we can both agree that it's only fair to evaluate something after experiencing it firsthand. I too find it regrettable that our interactions weren't as cordial as they should have been. However, we locate the blame in different places.
28:17 Speaker 01 Okay.
28:18 Speaker 00 You did not apologize and were very rude. We hope that you will reflect on the incident and choose to communicate more politely in the future. No one likes to feel left out. I understand this may be difficult for you. I don't sense that you're the type of person who wants to ruin lives, but the review you wrote isn't justified because you haven't seen the show. Additionally, it's hurting my business, the thing that provides food for my family. I kindly ask you to remove it."
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30:20 Speaker 00 So after receiving this text from the mysterious Steve, Madeline and Nicole don't only decide not to remove their review, they decide to engage in a flame war over Facebook Messenger with the mysterious Steve.
30:32 Speaker 01 Yes.
30:34 Speaker 00 And it gets pretty heated.
30:36 Speaker 01 He does seem like the type to get very heated over Facebook.
30:41 Speaker 00 At one point, the mysterious Steve informs Madeline Nicole that he is 1/18 Cherokee and accuses them of being racist.
30:50 Speaker 01 Oh my God.
30:54 Speaker 00 Madeline's like, I didn't even speak a single word the whole time I was in the theater. Eventually, Madeline and Nicole start feeling the three pitchers of margaritas and they get sleepy and they decide they're done fighting with this guy and they're like, time to go to bed. When they wake up, there are yet more Facebook messages and calls from the mysterious Steve. One of the messages even says that the police are looking for them.
31:18 Speaker 01 What?
31:19 Speaker 00 At this point, Madeline and Nicole are both sober and hungover and no longer feel like engaging.
31:27 Speaker 01 Like, we can't do this anymore.
31:31 Speaker 00 So Madeline blocks mysterious Steve's Facebook page and the two go about their day, which includes visiting Grandma Jean at her extremely bougie senior living facility. Nicole and Madeline are regaling Grandma Jean with the story of their previous night. Grandma Jean is laughing until Madeline's like, yeah, and then you said the police are looking for us. Isn't that so funny? Grandma Jean's like, oh, girls, I have to tell you something.
31:55 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
31:56 Speaker 00 And Grandma Jean tells them that mysterious Steve isn't just a magician. He's also a reserve deputy sheriff.
32:03 Speaker 01 What?
32:04 Speaker 00 Which basically means he's a volunteer cop.
32:08 Speaker 01 Who's a volunteer cop?
32:11 Speaker 00 People with too much time on their hands.
32:14 Speaker 01 Also, can you imagine like being pulled over by that ponytail? In the middle of the night in the desert?
32:21 Speaker 00 Yeah, so now Madeline and Nicole are like, are the police actually looking for us? Grandma Jean also informs them that mysterious Steve didn't simply learn magic and an unusual approach to stage names from the fabulous Matt. He was invited to become a reserve deputy sheriff since Matt was the town sheriff for decades.
32:43 Speaker 01 Oh, what is going on with the, with the, with the police force?
32:49 Speaker 00 Tumbleweed Springs has a lot going on.
32:52 Speaker 01 They're all, if they're cops, are magicians?
32:58 Speaker 01 Yes.
32:59 Speaker 00 How do you react to this news? Do you feel like you've broken any laws?
33:02 Speaker 01 No. Don't feel like I've done anything wrong. I am concerned for the structure of Tumbleweed Springs, the societal structure and that there could be cops after you. But having a cop after you and knowing that you have done nothing and knowing that there are no laws that you broke, one of the worst feelings in the world, I have to think. Because they could still come after you.
33:32 Speaker 00 Yeah. Madeline and Nicole only have like 48 more hours in town. And neither of them are lawyers, but they're both like, there's no way we broke a law by leaving a one star review. On the way home from Grandma Jean's, Nicole gets a call from an unknown number with a local area code. It's one of those numbers that says spam likely. And they call Nicole three times in a row. She does not answer, but she's like, what if he has access to like a police database or something and got my number? Madeline's like, okay, just block the number. Both of them are starting to get freaked out and are trying not to show it. When they get back to Grandma Jean's house, they see that Nicole has received friend requests from the personal accounts of both the mysterious Steve and Indigo.
34:17 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
34:18 Speaker 00 She gets messages from them both, which reiterate that the police are looking for her and that she should go to the police station.
34:25 Speaker 01 Expand on that thought, both of you. Because what is happening? Why are you thinking so hard about this one star review? Okay, Steven.
34:38 Speaker 00 Indigo even found Nicole's crafting Instagram called Nick Snacks and left a comment on one of the public posts there. Also, at some point, Instagram sends Nicole a message that she requested her own password, which she did not. So now Nicole is assuming that they're trying to break into her Instagram account. None of this is helped by the fact that while Nicole and Madeline are going through Grandma Jean's clothes and pretending not to be worried, they hear a loud crash and run out to the front room to see that a crow has fallen dead from the sky right onto the porch.
35:13 Speaker 01 No. Not the most ominous bird.
35:18 Speaker 00 The only more ominous one being a raven.
35:22 Speaker 00 So Alana, you're in a desert town in the middle of nowhere, and a magician slash volunteer cop is seemingly out to get you. What do you do?
35:32 Speaker 01 I leave and then I write a novel or a long narrative podcast or sell it as a TV show, but then I never return to this place.
35:45 Speaker 00 You're like, I exploit my fear for gain?
35:48 Speaker 01 Yes. And I tell everybody, and then I never return to any desert town, not even just that one.
35:55 Speaker 00 No desert town, not even in America. I will not be going to the desert on any continent.
36:00 Speaker 01 No, and I distrust all crows.
36:02 Speaker 00 So neither one of our ladies wants to admit to being scared enough to leave. They're like, this is ridiculous. But they're both like, what if we just stayed in tonight? We're tired. They dig through Grandma Jean's fridge and pantry only to realize pretty much everything is expired.
36:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:20 Speaker 00 They consider delivery, but they don't feel great about giving out their address.
36:24 Speaker 01 Right.
36:24 Speaker 00 And the grocery store in town is right next to the mysterious Steve's Theater.
36:29 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
36:30 Speaker 00 So they end up going to a diner on the other side of town. But things seem weird there, too. They kind of feel like everyone's staring at them. It's not until the waitress asks them how long they're in town that they're both like, oh, yes, this town is very small. They know we're not from here. That's probably what's happening.
36:47 Speaker 01 Right.
36:48 Speaker 00 And so they tell the waitress that they're only in town for another day and a half. And then the waitress is like, well, you have to see the mysterious Steve while you're here. He's unforgettable. As soon as the waitress leaves, Madeline and Nicole were like, what do you think she meant by unforgettable? Does she know? They eat as fast as possible and scurry home, but weird things keep happening. Do you think our friend should be worried? Would you be like burning sage at this point?
37:13 Speaker 01 I, I might be burning sage all day, definitely looking over my shoulder, definitely distrusting the general vibe, but I'm ready to go home.
37:24 Speaker 00 Yeah. Our girls are in the same place, especially once Nicole finds mold in her reusable water bottle, even though she just washed it before heading out on the road. Unknown numbers continue to call. The next day, Nicole and Madeline are just like rushing to finish cleaning out the house so that they can leave bright and early the next morning. While they're wrapping dishes with newspaper, an unforecasted storm passes through town, and it drops more rainfall on the town than Tumbleweed Springs has seen in a decade. Is this climate change or the mysterious Steve?
37:57 Speaker 01 It's mysterious Steve.
38:01 Speaker 00 Nicole and Madeline don't want to stick around to find out. Finally, the morning comes with their schedule to leave. Nicole and Madeline are usually the type of road trippers who are always like two hours behind schedule. Same, I can't get up in the morning.
38:13 Speaker 01 Yes.
38:14 Speaker 00 This time, they're both up and alert at four in the morning.
38:19 Speaker 01 We gotta go.
38:21 Speaker 00 They drop by Grandma Jean's before leaving town. They're both rich in vintage clothing and would like to never see another can of corned beef hash ever again. We're almost at the end of our story. How are you feeling?
38:34 Speaker 01 I am feeling good for them that they are on the precipice of leaving. I'm feeling nervous for them. I'm also feeling a strange sense of regret that I don't get to know all of the details of what happens in this mysterious Steve show, because that is just a hole that I would like to know all the details, even though I'm not sure I would want to see the abs.
38:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, someone needs to like illegally livestream the show.
39:00 Speaker 01 But I think he might have them imprisoned for life.
39:06 Speaker 00 It's true. Madeline and Nicole breathe a sigh of relief as soon as they're past the city limits of Tumbleweed Springs. About 40 minutes out, they even relax enough to put on rumors, even though Indigo low-key have strong wannabe Stevie Nicks vibes. They're about two hours out of town when a police car appears behind them. And it just stays behind them, not passing them. They're on an empty little two-lane highway, no buildings or houses around for miles. They left early enough that the sun is just now peeking over the horizon, so it's still a little dark. Nicole, who's driving, instinctively puts her hands at 10 and 2. Madeline turns down "Go your own way."
39:50 Speaker 00 After a few miles of this, the cop car turns its lights on and signals for them to pull over. Nicole and Madeline look at each other, panic on both of their faces. They are both absolutely bricking it because they're absolutely certain that this is mysterious Steve's doing.
40:05 Speaker 01 This is insane.
40:07 Speaker 00 They pull over and the officer approaches the car. Madeline and Nicole can't tell what the officer looks like because they're wearing like a ten gallon hat and aviator shades. It could be a man or a woman. It could be Indigo or Steve or Matt. What do you do?
40:22 Speaker 01 Oh, oh, gosh. I don't know. I don't know.
40:30 Speaker 01 I think I just freeze and do whatever they tell me for the next ten minutes. And then maybe, and then I would definitely pull out my phone to record.
40:42 Speaker 00 Smart.
40:42 Speaker 01 For a thousand reasons. One, if it's this magician, great story. Also, sense of fear and danger.
40:50 Speaker 00 So the officer approaches their car, motions for them to roll their window down. Before she can even ask for license and registration, Nicole and Madeline just break. They're like, we're innocent. We swear. They're like, don't believe the magician. The officer takes off her sunglasses, which is when Nicole and Madeline finally realize that this is a complete stranger.
41:15 Speaker 01 Okay.
41:16 Speaker 00 Who? It doesn't make them feel much less panicked, though. Who knows how many allies Mysterious Steve has? The officer's like, I'm gonna need both of you to step out the car.
41:27 Speaker 01 You've just raised some red flags for me.
41:31 Speaker 00 Madeline briefly wonders if it's a crime to shit your pants in the presence of an officer.
41:38 Speaker 00 Once both Nicole and Madeline are out of the car, the officer's like, do you know why I pulled you over? And they both shake their heads. And the officer's like, well, your brake lights have been on for the past four miles. But now I need both of you to take a breathalyzer.
41:53 Speaker 00 Nicole and Madeline look at each other and they're like, brake light? The officer makes them do a bunch of sobriety tests, like walking in a straight line and standing on one leg. Because this officer's like, a magician? Nicole almost fails the sobriety test because she has a comically bad sense of balance.
42:13 Speaker 01 I feel that.
42:17 Speaker 00 But the officer ends up letting them go with a warning to get their brake lights checked. And that's pretty much the end of our story. How are you feeling? Will you ever leave a one star review ever again?
42:28 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
42:32 Speaker 01 He has bullied me out of it, even though he didn't bully me. I am scared for Tombland Springs. I am enraptured by what might be in this magic show. Also, I just can't help think, I feel like deserts come with a big cult vibe.
42:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, real.
42:51 Speaker 01 Like, so I'm just like, I just, who knows how deep this goes?
42:57 Speaker 00 All the stickers are actually signs of being a member of the cult. We do have two post scripts.
43:03 Speaker 01 Oh, yes.
43:04 Speaker 00 So, a few days after Madeline and Nicole get home, Grandma Jean calls Nicole and she's like, "Sweetie, is something up with your phone? The movers I hired to bring my love seat over said that they couldn't get in contact with you. They kept calling you while you were here, but you just weren't picking up."
43:21 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
43:25 Speaker 00 And then our second postscript is that every so often when Madeline and Nicole get together, they check on Mysterious Steve's Facebook page to see if anyone had a similar experience, which is how they notice that Mysterious Steve keeps editing his public response to their one star review. The most recent change began with, "We have never once kicked anyone out for bringing their own water bottles. We love the environment."
43:47 Speaker 01 Okay. Blatant lie, but okay.
43:51 Speaker 00 And it ended with, "Maybe unlearn your bias towards Indigenous people. It's very racist."
43:58 Speaker 01 For the 118th Cherokee?
44:08 Speaker 00 That's our story, Alana.
44:09 Speaker 01 Oh, my god. Oh, gonna be thinking about Mysterious Steve.
44:17 Speaker 00 And his long ponytail.
44:18 Speaker 01 And his long, probably greasy and dry ponytail.
44:22 Speaker 00 Somehow at the same time.
44:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:24 Speaker 00 Yeah. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me.
44:28 Speaker 01 I had the time of my life and also was genuinely scared at moments.
44:35 Speaker 00 That's the normal gossip promise.
44:40 Speaker 00 Thank you for listening to Normal Gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at [email protected] , or you can leave us a voicemail at 2679 Gossip. If you love this podcast and want to support us, become a friend or friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip.com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok at Normal Gossip. You can follow me on all social media at HeyDnA, H-E-Y-Y-D-N-A-E. This podcast was produced by Ciara Spragly-Ricks and Jay Tolvier. The co-creators and Dowager queens of Normal Gossip are Alex SuJong-Lowfflin and Kelsey McKinney. Justin Ellis is Defector's
45:21 Speaker 00 projects editor. Jasper Wang and Sean Kuhn are Defector's business guys. Alex SuJong-Lowfflin is Defector's supervising producer. Tom Lay is our editor in chief. Dan McQuade runs our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip.store. Tara Jacoby designed our show art. Thank you to Catherine Xu, Brandy Jensen, Louise Pays-Puymar, Chris Thompson, Jasper Wang, Sabrina Imbler, Dave McKenna, Patrick Redford, and Ray Rado for your help on this season. Thanks to the rest of the Defector staff. Defector Media is a collectively owned subscriber-based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. I'm your host, Rachel Hampton, and remember, you didn't hear this from me.
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